0:00

Before we begin this podcast , I want to let you know

0:02

that this is a podcast for neurodivergent individuals

0:04

. Okay , if you think in a straight line , if

0:06

you need things to be organized and logical

0:08

, then this podcast is not for you . Okay

0:11

, we're going to rapidly switch subjects , we're going

0:13

to go from one thing to the next . It's going to be all

0:15

over the place and it's going to be extremely helpful

0:17

for you to listen to while you do that thing

0:19

that you need to be doing , okay , the

0:21

thing that doesn't require you to be

0:23

a hundred percent paying attention to it , but it is

0:25

like some busy work you need to get done , you know , like cleaning

0:28

your house , maybe cooking a meal , or

0:30

maybe if you just need to sit and focus

0:32

on something else right now because something

0:35

just happened in your life and you were triggered . This is a

0:37

great way to use this audio

0:40

, okay , so sit back , grab

0:42

whatever it is you need to do , start cooking

0:44

, start listening , and I hope

0:46

you enjoy this wonderful , wonderful

0:48

ride into what's

0:51

it like to have 20,000 followers dealing

0:53

with people's first impressions of you , talking

0:56

about first impressions in general , and then maybe

0:58

a little bit about gaming . We'll get there . It's all

1:00

connected Like a ton of them . Welcome to

1:02

the Mindful Gaming Podcast . I am your

1:04

host , derek , and I'm not going to talk

1:06

in this podcast voice the entire time . I'm

1:08

just not going to do it . It's just not me . I can't stand

1:11

it Like that takes me out of the experience

1:13

. I know people don't talk that way and

1:15

I have to be careful how I talk because if I talk

1:17

too crazy then I'm a manic black

1:19

man . I'm not allowed to have no joy in my life

1:21

ever because of the system

1:24

that we live under . Anyway , this is the

1:26

Mindful Gaming Podcast , where it's

1:28

supposed to be about video games and stuff , but really

1:31

it's just a front . It is , it's

1:33

just a front . It's just a front for me

1:35

to talk to all the other influencers

1:37

of the family . Everybody

1:40

got one or two . Usually

1:43

it's the person that complains about stuff in the family

1:46

, that's . You know . Most people think it's just chill

1:48

, but it's really messed up . You know I

1:51

influence my family about spanking kids

1:53

and going to college

1:56

a white college

1:58

. Anyway , I made

2:00

a tick tock today where I

2:02

was talking about the

2:04

scary thing about being an influencer . I

2:07

was , I made a whole TikTok about it and

2:10

during the TikTok I didn't say anything

2:12

about the genocides going on in the world

2:14

, which is not the main point of the TikTok

2:17

. The main point of the TikTok was , like what's scary about

2:19

being an influencer ? Because it's a lot of people trying

2:21

to get to 10,000 . And I just feel like ain't no other influencer out there telling them what it's

2:23

. A lot of people trying to get to 10,000 . And I just feel like ain't no other influencer out there

2:25

telling them what it's like to live in a constant

2:28

state of worry , anxiety and

2:30

fear of being embarrassed or making

2:32

a mistake and having someone record it or

2:35

I don't know someone finding out how cringe you

2:37

can be . It may have been something as simple

2:39

as not turning in a library book

2:41

, but we've all done worse things

2:44

than that , and that helped me get

2:46

to the place of discussing the difference between those

2:48

kind of people people that can

2:50

let go of a first impression

2:52

and people that can't . And

2:55

we have so many different ways of describing

2:57

them , you know neurodivergent

3:00

, neurotypical , autistic and holistic

3:03

, like we have these two camps that

3:05

we put people in , when

3:08

the truth of the matter is , it's more

3:10

like a spectrum , and

3:12

I already hear people getting mad

3:14

, bro , Like that's the thing about being self-aware

3:17

is , and a little bit

3:19

anxious and paranoid , is that you can conceptualize

3:21

how people are going to take what you're saying

3:23

. The wrong way is that you can conceptualize how people are going to take

3:26

what you're saying the wrong way and

3:30

you can spend the rest of the time trying to explain to them what you mean and lose your mind

3:32

. Or you can focus on the people whose mind can be changed , which

3:34

is really hard nowadays because it seemed like can't

3:36

nobody mind be changed ? We

3:40

also will talk about video games , though , like

3:42

I'm currently on the Last Boss and Elden Ring and

3:45

it's just , I

3:47

feel like it's cheating . I do , I know

3:49

he's not , but I feel like it is

3:51

. Oh , my video on TikTok messed up . But if

3:53

you , if you watch the TikTok and then came straight

3:56

to the podcast , you are in for a treat

3:58

, because this is , this is , this is in session

4:00

conversation . I don't like to do no edits

4:02

on my podcast because I realize

4:04

that some people appreciate some

4:06

people appreciate the yapping , but

4:09

anyway , let's one

4:11

story at a time . So if you were just now

4:13

joining me on my adventure

4:16

and you just kind of heard this , your friend said

4:18

listen to it . My name is Derek , I

4:20

am a lot of things

4:24

, and I'm

4:26

sure they already told you , so I don't really go through

4:28

it again , but one of the

4:30

most important things that I am is

4:32

tired of the bullshit , and , just

4:35

to be honest with you anyway , today's topic

4:37

is going to be on managing

4:39

first impressions as a neurodivergent

4:41

individual . Now

4:45

, I know that the title of the podcast says the scariest things about being an influencer

4:48

, but that was just simply not to get

4:50

everybody's attention . You know what I'm saying

4:52

. It's not an attention seeking thing , but it is

4:54

like , first and foremost , I know that all

4:56

of us are caught up in whatever algorithm

4:59

you have , like overall in your life

5:01

, like you're following the algorithm . It listens , it

5:03

really does , it listens . I'm not

5:05

trying to say that AI is sentient and you need

5:07

to be concerned about it , and we should all fight against

5:09

it in some small way by taking

5:12

moments and time for ourselves to experience

5:14

what it's like to just be in a situation . I'm

5:16

not saying that . What

5:23

I am saying , though , is that all of us are caught up in an algorithm of something , something

5:25

designed to keep our attention , and I know that , in order to get your attention , I'm going to have to title

5:27

stuff , I'm going to have to be consistent , but I'm

5:29

also have to title things such that

5:31

it piques your interest . And

5:34

what is more interesting than an

5:36

influencer talking about ? What's

5:38

the scariest thing about being an influencer

5:41

? Like ? It's just , it's a provocative title . It

5:44

provokes , it grabs your attention

5:46

and makes you look and pay

5:48

attention , and then you feel something

5:50

and then you decide to do something because

5:52

of it . I just described

5:54

what being an influencer was anyway , so

5:57

get in where you fit in . I am a gamer , though , and

5:59

that is the most important thing about me , and

6:01

sometimes I look at life like it's a video game , and

6:03

it can very well feel like one if you are anywhere

6:05

on the spectrum , anywhere

6:09

of self-awareness , I mean when

6:11

you're on the higher ends . That's when things get a little

6:13

terrifying . But you know , whatever insert , whatever

6:15

label that validates the experience that

6:17

sometimes first

6:19

impression is people make of you , um

6:22

, or just how you was feeling on that day

6:24

, and that was not

6:26

a guarantee that you were going to continue

6:28

to show up that way all the time

6:30

. But now they have this impression of me and

6:33

I can't change it , because when

6:35

I try to change it , they look at me and

6:38

they think I've gone . I've gone again

6:41

that word that I don't like to use but they feel

6:43

like something's amiss . They start throwing diagnoses

6:45

at me like you ever been at work and

6:48

you like your job . You just maybe don't even like your job

6:50

, but what you do doesn't

6:53

cause you significant mental

6:55

fatigue . You can almost do it on

6:57

autopilot and you get paid

7:00

, you're good at it and , honestly , it's just really easy

7:02

work . Maybe you know you're working

7:04

for a small business or something like that

7:06

, and it's a small group of and

7:08

like , really the work is not that hard , right

7:10

, especially for the stuff that you can do , like

7:13

it's not that difficult . Hang on , let me make sure that

7:15

my audio is recording properly . I ain't even checked

7:17

. I hope so . There's some of that award winning

7:19

authenticity , or at least that's what they're going to say in the future

7:21

. Anyway , so

7:27

you do stuff and then you know

7:29

you start doing a little bit more stuff . It's not that big

7:31

of a deal . Then somebody asks you for help and you say yeah

7:33

, sure , and then by the end of it you were like the bookkeeper

7:36

, the accountant

7:38

. You are taking calls like

7:40

you're doing everything but still

7:42

being paid what you would be paid

7:44

if you only knew 10 percent

7:47

of this Right . What

7:49

happens is , again , some

7:52

people get an impression

7:54

of you . They get that first impression and

7:57

they just I mean , I want to explain

8:00

why that happens . Like I could really get

8:02

into it . I really could

8:04

, I could , but

8:06

it would get me in trouble . Like I

8:09

mean , I know adults don't get in trouble , but

8:11

like , if I explained it , it would kind

8:14

of mess up a lot of people's heads

8:16

. It would , I

8:18

mean , it also makes some new friends , but mostly

8:21

it would mess with your head . It

8:23

really would , because it comes from a simple inability

8:26

to see the , to

8:31

see the multifacetedness of humans , and

8:33

there's just a specific way that

8:36

you grow up that makes that happen . And

8:39

I'm just afraid , if I talk about it , I

8:41

mean I know what's going to happen . I've already been punished

8:44

for this once , honestly . Honestly

8:47

, I have . I've

8:52

been punished for

8:55

trying to bridge the gap . There's

8:57

definitely some gaps out there , yeah , but

9:00

it comes from an inability to see

9:02

people as a multitude

9:04

. In

9:10

fact , you see them in whatever way you need to

9:12

see them in so that you feel the most safe . Yeah , and sometimes people feel safe

9:14

around the devil . You know , they

9:17

really do . They feel very comfortable because

9:20

they feel like they can defeat him with prayer

9:22

and the blood of Jesus all

9:25

over them . That stuff was strange

9:27

anyway . All

9:30

over them . That

9:34

stuff was strange anyway

9:36

. No-transcript

9:55

. First

10:02

impressions can be terrifying , especially if someone has a first impression of you that you now

10:05

feel like you have to live up to . Like , for example , when Cyberpunk

10:07

2077 came out , I didn't think

10:09

I was going to get to video games . I did . When Cyberpunk

10:11

2077 first came

10:13

out , I remember

10:15

that game because

10:18

it was back whenever I had zest and motivation

10:20

about my whole platform in general and

10:32

I was talking about well , I think I was still doing mostly therapy speak stuff and I was just really excited

10:34

about this game because the setting looked really cool and , honestly , I just liked the clothes . I did . I thought the clothes in Cyberpunk looked amazing

10:37

and I remember live streaming for

10:39

this game when it came out and like something

10:42

was wrong with my download speed . It was taking too long

10:44

and it just kept extending . But

10:47

eventually I got to download it and

10:49

I got it installed and

10:52

before I even had a chance to play it , I

10:55

started seeing these things on the Internet that

10:57

were talking about all the glitches

11:00

in the game , like hamburgers

11:03

were falling out of people's mouths . Characters

11:05

were T-posing everywhere . I

11:08

might be making this up , but I feel like it's true

11:10

. There were missions

11:12

that were glitched . It just wasn't polished good looking

11:15

game , it just it wasn't . It

11:17

seemed like it was something that they

11:20

got out of the oven like 10

11:24

minutes before they needed

11:26

to and like , if you scale it up like 10

11:28

months , like you could tell

11:30

that it was . It was going to be something Unless you

11:32

had like a super strong , massive , ultra

11:35

mega PC , the

11:37

kind of PC you can only purchase with privilege

11:39

. No , no , not . No

11:41

, that was really funny , and I should let that stay . If

11:46

you didn't , though especially if you had an

11:48

Xbox one or a PlayStation 4 , which is

11:50

where the majority of the problems were like

11:54

it looked bad , like Sony

11:56

took it off the PlayStation store , bad , and

12:00

this isn't necessarily relevant

12:02

to the story I'm trying to tell about first impressions

12:04

, but I do think it's important . There

12:06

were a lot of people that were coming in saying , like that's

12:09

why you should have got a PlayStation 5

12:11

or Xbox the new

12:13

one I'm confused by all the letters or

12:15

you should upgrade your PC , and I

12:17

never will forget . Someone wrote a

12:20

post and they said if I buy a PlayStation

12:22

4 game . It should work

12:24

on PlayStation 4 , period

12:26

. And I'm like that's a very reasonable

12:28

thing to expect If you buy

12:30

a game for PlayStation 4 , it should work , and

12:32

so that expect if you buy a game for PlayStation 4 . And so that game just

12:34

left a horrible taste in my mouth . It really did

12:36

. The first impression I had

12:38

of that game wasn't

12:41

great . Now it's a wonderful game . Now

12:43

it is , especially when I

12:45

take the time to sit down and allow myself

12:47

to enjoy the experience . It's a great

12:49

game . Now I use Cyberpunk

12:52

as a metaphor . I

12:57

could have just as easily used Mass Effect Andromeda , because when Mass Effect

13:00

Andromeda first came out , I was so excited . I was because

13:02

I had just really beaten Mass

13:04

Effect one through three , but like paying attention

13:06

not paying attention to the way I do as an adult , but

13:08

like I was on the next level . It was one of the fifth

13:11

times I've beaten that game and

13:14

I was hyped . I was hyped

13:16

for the next story . I really

13:18

was . I could not wait to get more characters

13:20

like I fell in love with in Mass

13:22

Effect . Please give

13:24

me another Liara , give me

13:26

another Edie . You

13:29

know , if you don't know , playing

13:31

the mass effect series one through three and then

13:33

you can be here with the rest of us anyway

13:36

. And when

13:38

andromeda came out , the

13:40

way that those character models

13:42

, mouths , were the running animations

13:45

my face is tired

13:47

from everything like , oh my goodness

13:50

, look at how they massacred

13:52

my boy . It

13:54

was rough , it was rough , it

13:56

hurt . I was upset because

13:59

that's not the mass effect , I know , and I didn't even talk about

14:01

the character , dialogue or conversation anyway , that's

14:03

not the mass effect that . I know who made this and

14:06

there's some stories behind the development . You know , give understanding

14:09

and context , but

14:11

so many people have never even given andromeda

14:13

a second chance . And I

14:15

did and I really I had

14:19

a time , you know

14:21

. Anyway

14:23

, first impressions are hard to break when

14:25

you don't have the ability to see people as

14:28

a multiplicity , and

14:31

I think about it a

14:33

lot . I also realized I didn't finish

14:35

that story about if you

14:37

worked at a restaurant . So yeah , if you worked at

14:39

a restaurant and you did

14:42

everything , and then , let's just say , one day

14:44

you just had a week of depression , bro

14:46

, sometimes depression will come

14:48

up on you and even though it's not due to

14:50

a chemical imbalance , sometimes depression will come up on you and even though it's

14:52

not due to a chemical imbalance . That does not mean that it's not due to

14:55

something imbalanced in your environment , and sometimes

14:57

you're just there's just some things . It's

14:59

just . The reasonable

15:02

human empathic response

15:04

is to become depressed

15:06

, even if momentarily , on

15:08

some level of it , there's some information

15:11

that you can hear . Hopefully

15:13

that

15:21

gives you pause for a moment . You know it should

15:23

, it should . You should pause

15:25

for just a second , just a moment . And sometimes that pause

15:27

, you know , becomes extended , you know , into

15:29

the week , but like you still doing it , like you

15:31

still go to work , you

15:33

just don't do all the extra stuff

15:36

that they now expect you to do because

15:40

you were doing it for so long . And

15:43

then they want to say you have mental problems and all that

15:45

stuff because their first impression of you

15:47

, or as it changed

15:49

over time , is that you love

15:51

this , you love

15:53

doing all these things . No

15:56

, I just like helping people and

15:59

I don't know how to ask for what

16:01

I'm worth . To be fair , anyway

16:03

, first impressions

16:05

and I think about

16:07

this a lot , especially with like

16:09

social media , like y'all

16:12

I think about this a lot . Some

16:14

people's first impression of me is me

16:16

yelling at them about hitting kids

16:18

. Seriously , some

16:21

people's first impression of me is me yelling at them about hitting kids . Seriously

16:26

, some people's first impression of me is video I made about a specific

16:28

topic . I mean that could be the blueprint . Some

16:31

people's first impression of me is a video I made

16:33

about a specific topic that

16:35

really affected them emotionally and

16:40

, whether it was good or bad , they

16:43

have that impression . Why am I on first

16:45

impression so much today ? Oh

16:47

, oh , I

16:49

remember why . Yeah

16:52

, no , I'll save that for the situational

16:54

practice and the

16:56

supporters of mine on Patreon . Thank

16:58

you so much for y'all being

17:00

there . Y'all don't know how much you have come in clutch

17:02

and I hope , by sharing this

17:05

story with you , why I'm on

17:07

first impressions , got

17:10

that queued up . That'll be a little something

17:12

extra for y'all to listen to , because

17:14

I want to be honest and truthful . But I ain't trying

17:16

to be honest and truthful with people . I'm

17:19

just not trying to be that honest anyway . But

17:22

it can be super stressful and tough to deal

17:24

with and that's what I thought of whenever

17:26

I was . What

17:29

was I doing to where I thought of this ? Oh

17:33

, I was watching the movie . I didn't tell you all that part of the story

17:35

. That's why I didn't remember I was watching a movie

17:37

with someone who happened to smack

17:40

like loudly when they eat

17:42

and like there should be nothing wrong with

17:44

that . But I definitely have been

17:46

conditioned into believing that

17:48

making noise when you're eating is the most

17:50

disrespectful , gross thing that you could

17:52

do . And while I don't like it

17:54

when people smack , that's mostly because

17:57

you know of my conditioning . I don't

17:59

like it when people smack . That's mostly because you

18:01

know of my conditioning . I

18:08

think that you know , if there wasn't any etiquette around that , we'd probably eat in

18:10

a variety of different ways and probably make quite a bit of noise . But thankfully

18:12

my cell phone exists if I'm in a super professional place and I need to let

18:14

somebody know that if you do not stop

18:16

chewing that ice , you

18:21

in that ice . Anyway , speaking of stop , we have reached the portion of the podcast where I'm

18:23

going to slip in a skill that will probably help you in video games and in real

18:25

life . Today's skill is stop

18:27

. It is Stop

18:30

. It's a DBT skill . Stop

18:32

, we're going to go through it . It's a mnemonic device . You

18:34

know what a mnemonic device is Stop . This

18:36

is when we get to the place where you feel like your

18:38

emotions are taking over you or you are

18:40

losing control , which often happens

18:43

whenever you realize , from

18:45

talking to someone , having a conversation with

18:47

them . They either ask you something , say

18:49

something to you or treat you in such a way

18:51

that you can realize they have a

18:53

perception of you . And the reason

18:56

they have that perception of you is because of

18:58

something that you did , and you know that

19:00

what you did was enough

19:03

to give someone that perception of you . But

19:05

that's not who you really are , and

19:08

it's very difficult to communicate

19:10

that to someone else , unless

19:12

when you get in situations where they expect you

19:14

to behave one way you do differently

19:16

, which is extremely difficult

19:18

to do . When you are in a situation

19:21

where you realize I really wish that you didn't

19:23

have this perception of me , because if you didn't

19:25

, you would take this entire thing differently

19:27

. All right , I explained

19:30

that . I intellectualized the hell out of that . So we're

19:32

going to talk about stop , because that's what you need to do

19:34

in those moments , so you don't end up doing and

19:36

or saying something that

19:38

you either regret , have to take

19:40

back or feel like this is

19:42

why no one will ever want to be with me , because every

19:44

time I come to this situation with a person

19:46

, I do this . This will

19:48

take care of all of those things . First thing is stop . When

19:51

you feel like your emotions are in control , stop

19:54

, and that means literally

19:56

stop , just stop

19:59

. It don't matter who around you , it don't

20:01

matter what's going on Before

20:05

you respond , just stop , don't move , freeze

20:08

, pause

20:11

the game , seriously pause the game . Just

20:17

say pause and be in that moment

20:19

. The

20:24

next thing that you need to do is

20:27

name whatever emotion it

20:29

is that you're feeling , whatever

20:34

it might be . Right now

20:36

, I'm feeling annoyed that

20:41

there's a cop alarm going

20:43

off , and I'm just annoyed by it

20:46

, because

20:49

I don't want to have to re-record this , and

20:51

I just feel like the cop is just showing off . It doesn't

20:53

sound like a consistent pattern

20:55

, like

21:04

if you're going somewhere , you're going to leave them on and it's just

21:06

going to go . But no , he's like they're

21:08

just children playing cops and robbers as adults . And let me just stop

21:10

before I say something that I cannot take back . The

21:14

next thing we're going to do is

21:16

take a step back . The next thing

21:19

we're going to do is take a step back . Give yourself some time

21:21

, calm down , separate

21:40

yourself from whatever it is that is going on . The moment that I just realized that you

21:42

think I'm a Insert whatever word would be the last thing that you would want someone

21:44

to think about you Right . Insert that there , and

21:48

that terrifies me , that

21:50

scares me , that makes

21:52

me feel ashamed , and

21:56

I hate saying makes me feel , because like're

21:58

responsible for our emotions . So it's , I feel . However

22:01

, I feel ashamed

22:04

. You don't want to say makes me

22:06

. That gives way too much power , I

22:09

feel . The

22:11

next thing you're going to do is you are going to

22:13

observe what's happening

22:16

in you , around you , who

22:18

doing it , what other people

22:20

saying anything , what's going

22:23

on around you . And you

22:25

have to remember that , like your thoughts

22:27

are not always reliable , they're

22:29

valid , but that doesn't mean that they're

22:31

reliable Not

22:33

all the time . And when you're in a situation

22:35

where you're triggered , frustrated , angry

22:37

, upset , tired , whatever , you're

22:40

going to have some automatic thoughts . I'll never be enough

22:42

. I knew

22:44

I could never beat this boss . I'll

22:47

never be able to finish grad school

22:50

. I knew

22:52

that they didn't love me . You

22:55

have to not jump to conclusions

22:57

. Jump

22:59

into conclusions oh , my goodness , oh

23:02

boy , that has gotten me in some trouble . Jump

23:05

into conclusions and

23:08

, after you're done with your little time of observation , you're

23:11

going to proceed S-T-O-P

23:13

. Stop . What do I want to

23:15

get out of the situation I'm in ? What

23:17

are the goals that I have and what can

23:19

I do to make the situation better or worse ? What's

23:23

going to lead to success ? Start

23:25

asking yourself those questions before

23:28

you make an action . Now . A lot of us

23:31

come from situations where we ain't really

23:33

have time to do all that , especially if you're talking about

23:35

video games . I'm fighting Malekith

23:37

right now . I can't pause the game . But

23:42

as you practice this more and more , number

23:44

one it's very few little bit

23:46

of times that we are in situations where we're

23:48

going to need split-second decision-making

23:50

, like it's life or death , and when that happens

23:52

, instinct gonna take over . There

23:54

are situations where you can ask for some time

23:57

. There

24:01

are . We don't feel like it's okay

24:03

. We don't feel like it's something we should do

24:05

, but it's okay . It's

24:09

okay to take a moment and

24:12

think before you make a decision , like

24:16

deciding that you want to become an influencer and

24:19

get 10,000 followers so

24:22

that you can pay off your bills . Y'all

24:26

didn't think I was going to wrap that all around . I did in

24:29

a pretty little bow . I

24:34

should have probably talked about the worst things , about

24:36

the scariest things about being an influencer , though because

24:38

I only named one . You know what I'll save that

24:40

for , because I got to do right by my people . I'll

24:42

save that for the situational practice

24:44

, mindful gamers and everybody

24:47

on my Patreon . I'll talk about

24:49

that . So , to everyone else , thank

24:51

you for joining . I hope that you enjoyed

24:53

today's episode

24:55

. If you like what you heard , please

24:58

join the discord . Uh , come

25:00

find me on patreon or at the situational

25:02

practice and uh , yeah , I'll give

25:04

you more exciting

25:07

informational tips that I just slip in when

25:09

you're not expecting it and it kind of changes your

25:11

whole life . Just stop , you

25:14

know , just stop sometimes . Stop

25:17

, because it's either that again

25:20

send a message that you feel

25:22

like really encapsulates how you're feeling

25:24

, but at

25:26

the same time , if people not used to communicating

25:29

that openly , it would probably freak them out a little

25:31

bit , which is the topic of

25:33

today's extra bonus

25:36

free time at the

25:38

end of this podcast . That is the most

25:40

authentic in the world .