0:00

Hey there, it's Hunter and welcome to Throwback

0:02

Thursday. Most Thursdays we are going

0:04

to re-release one of my favorite episodes from the

0:06

archives. So unless you're a long time listener

0:08

of the show, there's a good chance you

0:10

haven't heard this one yet. And even if

0:12

you had, chances are that you are going

0:14

to get something new listening to it this

0:16

time around. So I was 19

0:19

and very confused, very confused.

0:22

And a dear friend who

0:24

was a clinician introduced me

0:27

to techniques on how to

0:29

manage my emotions. The word mindfulness never

0:31

was spoken of. The word meditation never

0:33

was spoken of. This was

0:35

new stuff for me. And I realized

0:37

pretty quickly that it's magic. You're

0:45

listening to the Mindful Mama podcast, episode

0:47

122. Today

0:49

we're talking about how to be present

0:51

and share mindfulness with kids with Angie

0:54

Harris. Welcome

0:58

to the Mindful Parenting podcast. Here

1:00

it's about becoming a less irritable,

1:02

more joyful parent. At Mindful

1:04

Parenting, we know that you cannot give what

1:06

you do not have, and when you have

1:08

calm and peace within, then you can give

1:10

it to your children. I'm your

1:13

host, Hunter Clark Fields. I help smart,

1:15

thoughtful parents stay calm so they can

1:17

have strong, connected relationships with their children.

1:20

I've been practicing mindfulness for over 25 years. I'm

1:23

the creator of the Mindful Parenting course,

1:25

and I'm the author of the international

1:27

bestseller, Raising Good Humans, and now

1:30

Raising Good Humans Every Day. 50

1:33

Simple Ways to Press Pause, Stay Present, and

1:35

Connect with Your Kids. Welcome

1:38

back. Dear listener, I'm so

1:40

glad you are here. If

1:43

you're new, welcome, welcome. This

1:45

is an interview today with Angie

1:47

Harris. She's amazing.

1:50

I can't wait for you to hear

1:52

more about Angie Harris. Angie

1:55

is the owner of Mindfulness Aromatherapy

1:57

LLC in Northern New Jersey, and

1:59

she's up. children's mindfulness instructor and

2:01

author of the book Mad to

2:03

Glad for Children Between the Ages

2:06

of Three and Seven to provide

2:08

mindfulness lessons to help children cope

2:11

with their changing emotions. But I

2:14

mean, honestly, talking to Angie is

2:16

like talking to this amazingly wise

2:18

older sister who just gets

2:21

it. And, you know, her story is

2:23

really powerful and will keep you riveted.

2:25

And some of my takeaways, some things

2:28

to look for in this conversation are

2:31

about making

2:33

the intentional choice about

2:35

feeling life's discomfort. This is a pretty

2:38

interesting part of her story and what

2:40

comes in. And the mindfulness magic that

2:42

really comes down to pretty simple neuroscience.

2:44

She's going to break it down for

2:46

you. And you're also

2:48

going to hear easy tips to

2:50

teach kids how to practice mindfulness and how

2:53

to introduce it to your own children. So

2:55

I can't wait for you to listen to

2:57

this conversation with Angie.

3:00

It's summertime here. We're just

3:02

diving into the summer season.

3:04

It's all kind of,

3:07

you know, the world is going wobby savvy

3:10

and life has gone a little topsy turvy.

3:12

And I am going to be fitting in

3:14

time to be working on my book. As

3:16

you may or may not know, I'm working

3:18

in a book that will go along with

3:20

the Mindful Parenting Course published by New Harbinger

3:22

next year. And without any

3:24

further ado, I just want

3:26

to let you dive right into this

3:29

amazing conversation with Angie. I

3:36

am hosting a retreat in

3:38

Tulum, Mexico in paradise this October

3:40

called Bloom and Tulum. It's a

3:43

five day all inclusive personal and

3:45

professional growth retreat for ambitious big

3:47

hearted women who are ready to

3:49

step into their power with grace,

3:51

support and confidence. So my two

3:54

biz besties and I dreamed up

3:56

this magical retreat over sushi a

3:58

few months back. And

4:00

after lots of planning, it's actually

4:02

happening. We have mapped out a

4:04

thoughtful itinerary with lots of downtime

4:06

to make the most of this

4:08

beautiful paradise beachside location and also

4:10

set you up for a powerful

4:12

and memorable experience of growth. There's

4:14

only 20 spots available and all

4:17

three of us are promoting it to our full community.

4:19

So that's like over 50,000 people. So

4:21

I imagine the spots will

4:23

fill very quickly. If you are interested

4:25

in joining us in Bloom into Loom,

4:27

go to bloomintolume.com for all the details

4:30

and to complete your application. Also know

4:32

that early bird pricing ends on June

4:34

30th. So it's a really

4:37

good time to secure your spot and

4:39

save some money. I mean, honestly, like

4:41

how fun would it be to hang

4:43

out in person at a gorgeous luxurious

4:45

all inclusive in October? So head to

4:47

bloomintolume.com. That's

4:50

B-L-O-O-M. In.

4:53

Tulum. T-U-L-U-M. bloomintolume.com for

4:55

all the details and

4:58

complete your application. Angie,

5:02

thank you so much for coming on the Mindful

5:04

Llamal podcast today. I'm so glad you're here. Thank

5:06

you for having me Hunter. I'm very excited. So

5:09

we got to meet in person

5:11

and I got to see what

5:14

a dynamic speaker you are and

5:16

what a great explainer of mindfulness.

5:18

It's so clear and so beautiful.

5:20

And so I'm wondering how you

5:22

got involved in learning about

5:24

mindfulness yourself. Yeah, it's funny because I

5:26

don't feel like I speak with any

5:29

type of thank you for

5:31

your kindness. When I was 19,

5:33

I actually lost my mom pretty

5:36

suddenly and tragically we were on

5:38

vacation and she wasn't

5:40

feeling well and decided to cut the

5:42

vacation short and started to drive back

5:44

from Florida. And she became very ill

5:46

on the drive back and

5:49

went into the hospital and didn't come out.

5:52

So I was 19 and

5:54

very confused, very confused. And

5:56

a dear friend who

5:59

was a clinician. introduced me to

6:01

techniques on how to manage my

6:03

emotions. The word mindfulness never was

6:05

spoken of. The word meditation never

6:07

was spoken of. I

6:09

had heard of yoga, and I had

6:12

done some yoga classes for exercise. I

6:14

was certainly familiar with getting in touch

6:16

with my breath, but not to manage

6:18

emotion. It was more about managing breath

6:20

as a runner, managing breath as a

6:23

soccer player, very big gross motor type

6:25

managing breath things, not having anything to

6:27

do with mental state. This

6:30

was new stuff for me, and I

6:32

realized pretty quickly that it's magic, and

6:35

I kept doing it. I

6:37

started a practice that turned into something

6:39

I was doing secretly and privately because

6:41

it felt a little strange. I don't

6:43

know when you came into the practice,

6:45

but it certainly wasn't mainstream 20 years

6:47

ago. I was doing

6:49

it in the closet meditator. I

6:52

was still just a normal 19-year-old kid

6:54

partying, going to college, abusing

6:56

my body with Budweiser's on Friday

6:59

nights and things like that. I

7:01

always came back to the practice. I

7:03

always came back, and then I just revisited

7:06

it any time there was any type of

7:08

big event in my life. I'd

7:10

like to say it's the single most important thing

7:12

that I've learned to do. I

7:15

don't know what life would be like without it,

7:17

and I'm sure you could speak on this too.

7:19

I actually don't know how I would manage being

7:22

a mom and just daily life reading the newspaper.

7:24

I don't know how I would manage any of

7:26

that without having this practice to ground me again.

7:29

It's been a game changer for me for sure. Wow,

7:32

Angie, I'm so sorry for your loss.

7:35

That's to lose your mom so young. There's

7:37

no words. I

7:39

appreciate it. There is no words. Now that there's been

7:41

some time, I can't believe it, but it's been 20

7:43

years. I've

7:46

had conversations with my mom, especially letting her

7:48

know that that event has

7:50

changed the trajectory in my life

7:52

in such a positive way. I

7:55

hope that's not coming across as callous. I would

7:57

take my mom back in a second. However,

8:00

I have to say, without that

8:02

major event, my son is a hockey player,

8:04

so I used the word check. I got

8:06

checked. That event checked me

8:08

hard, and it humbled me, and it made me

8:11

realize all the people that are in my life,

8:13

how important they are. I have no problem telling

8:15

people, hey, you look good today. I

8:17

appreciate you, you know, because now I have

8:19

this event that took someone away. So I

8:22

certainly appreciate life in a different way

8:24

through tragedy, absolutely. Yeah,

8:26

that presence of death, it's funny

8:29

because I'm really kind of

8:31

fascinated by death in some ways, like my

8:33

mom is a hospice nurse, and I don't

8:35

know, I have little skull collection. I'm

8:38

fascinated by it because, as

8:40

someone who's studied art history, the

8:43

idea of the memento mori, the reminder

8:45

of death in the painting. And I

8:47

really think it's a thing that is

8:49

so valuable to appreciating life. Like when

8:51

your death is present in your mind

8:54

and your heart, that this is fleeting,

8:56

then you don't futz around

8:58

and waste your time, and

9:00

you appreciate everything so much more. I

9:02

mean, it enhances the way you

9:04

live your life when a presence of death is

9:06

in your mind and your heart. It's

9:09

so true, and you know, I admire your bravery in even

9:11

saying it because I think there's

9:13

such a fear, and we

9:16

see that in our culture, right? I mean,

9:18

we cling to youth like no one that

9:20

I've ever seen through aesthetic beauty, clinging to

9:22

youth, through just constantly interventions,

9:24

medical interventions, trying to keep us

9:26

young and trying to keep life here.

9:30

And I'm quite comfortable with death, and

9:32

I'm not afraid of it. I certainly

9:35

don't want it to come to me now, right? I really

9:37

like my life. I

9:39

really like my life. I like my children.

9:41

I love waking up every day. And

9:44

I don't know if I would have that

9:46

same type of appreciation if I didn't have

9:48

the experience of losing loved

9:50

ones. And I'm very fortunate that

9:53

I am a peer specialist at

9:55

a grief center named after my sister who

9:58

passed away in 2004. to

10:00

eat a place called Steffi's place. And I

10:02

was just there last night teaching mindfulness hunter

10:04

and you know, it was

10:06

the Eva Valentine's day. So I certainly

10:08

knew there was an elephant in the

10:11

room. I'm in a room full of

10:13

acute grievers, chronic grievers. And it's the

10:15

night before everyone celebrates love and it's,

10:17

they're being inundated with love messages. And

10:19

just to your credit, what you just said

10:22

is just so beautiful because death is really

10:24

a symbol of how much you love something

10:26

or someone, right? It's the loss that we

10:29

feel is really equal to

10:31

the love that we felt. And

10:34

I was there last night and I

10:36

said, I'm just going to talk about it. And

10:38

I know strong emotion is going to come up,

10:40

but I would be

10:42

remiss if I didn't take this

10:44

opportunity to talk about how love has

10:47

so many different nuances and in our

10:49

culture, love has become an erotic, romantic

10:51

love. And that's it. There's nothing

10:53

else to it, but it just

10:55

was a really great class. And we

10:58

talked about how in ancient Greece, there

11:00

was about six different words for love,

11:02

and there wasn't just one word. There

11:04

were six different words to explain the

11:06

nuances of love between friends, like you

11:08

and I, and appreciation of someone else

11:10

on a professional level and love from

11:12

parent to child, love in

11:14

a forgiveness kind of a way, right? And

11:16

that you're able to forgive atrocities really because

11:19

of the love in your heart. And

11:21

we spoke about how deceased doesn't mean

11:23

that the love is gone. There was

11:25

love in that room last night. And

11:27

if you're able to tap into the

11:29

internal love, you will attract more of

11:31

it around you, even when feeling such

11:33

terrible pain and suffering of losing a

11:35

child or losing a spouse, losing

11:38

a parent, it was such a powerful class. It was only

11:40

45 minutes, but afterwards one of

11:42

the women came up to me and said,

11:44

you know, I, I felt like this was a

11:46

weekend retreat. It felt so

11:48

powerful to look at Valentine's day

11:51

and not the commercial side of it, which

11:53

is what we tend to focus on, you

11:56

know, the, uh, the cards and the chocolate

11:58

and the, have to get flowers. things, but

12:00

to look at the appreciation of going and

12:02

buying a cup of coffee from the same

12:04

person every day and understanding that there is

12:07

love there. There is,

12:09

uh, your skull collection is a symbol of

12:11

that. I just saw the movie Coco. I

12:14

don't know how I love that. Oh,

12:16

beautiful Hunter. I was taken away

12:18

by it. It was so good.

12:20

It, I was so happy that

12:22

they're introducing that topic to children.

12:26

Right. Did you see your kids? Yeah. I

12:28

chucked into the theater. Yeah. Yeah. I took

12:30

them to the theater. I was so glad

12:32

I got to see it in the theater

12:34

because visually it's astounding. Yes. And yeah, that's

12:37

how I felt too. Like I was so

12:39

happy. Like we're just talking about death. Like

12:41

that's cool. I mean, for the listener, this

12:43

is not like, okay, I cried. Yeah, I

12:46

cried, but it's definitely a kid friendly movie.

12:48

It's funny. It's silly. It's adventurous. All those

12:50

stuff, you know, that you expect from like

12:52

a kid friendly movie. Stay

12:58

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15:32

Go on, Angie. Well, just taking the fear

15:34

out of it, I think, is so important because

15:36

all of us had... This is part of life,

15:38

right? People say everything is... There's no guarantees except

15:40

for death and taxes. And

15:42

you know, that's... It's just so true. We

15:44

have life and we have death, and life

15:46

goes on after, and I think they really

15:48

did a beautiful job in explaining that our

15:51

loved ones never really go away. And if

15:53

we're open to those messages, they're

15:55

constantly communicating with us. And

15:58

I don't think that's weird. shouldn't be a

16:00

weirdness to that, you know? And they

16:02

called it the La Frenda in Coco and having

16:04

all of your loved ones pictures

16:07

up on what would be an altar or

16:09

a mantle. And I have that. And I

16:11

don't know if you do, do you have

16:13

that? Do you have loved ones pictures up

16:15

in your house? I do. I do. I

16:17

have, yeah. Yeah. My grandparents particularly. Let's

16:20

keep them in our minds and our hearts. And I

16:22

think about that too. Like, you know,

16:24

no matter what you believe, you

16:26

could be Christian, Muslim, or you can

16:28

be whatever. But what's really interesting

16:30

for me to think about, you know, you

16:33

could be atheist. And what's really interesting for

16:35

me to think about is that like, when

16:37

you look at your pure science, like there's,

16:39

there's conservation of matter and energy, like matter

16:42

and energy can't disappear. Literally

16:45

can't like just disappear.

16:48

So I think of it in the

16:51

way like my teacher teaches it. Like, you

16:53

know, when a cloud turns to rain and

16:55

comes down and becomes a river, the cloud

16:57

isn't disappeared. It has it died. You know,

16:59

the cloud is just here in a different

17:01

form. I think for me, that's a really

17:03

comforting message. And concrete

17:06

that gives something, right. It gives that

17:08

visual to it, which I think serves

17:10

and having the loved ones pictures still

17:12

up gives something else concrete when

17:14

you can't see them anymore to make you realize the

17:16

loved ones are still here. So although

17:18

the last 20 years have brought a

17:21

fair amount of very immediate family death

17:24

into my life, I even

17:26

just saying the word all of a sudden people

17:28

think ghouls and it's a very sad thing. And

17:30

I think you can tell by my voice, I'm

17:32

smiling as I'm saying it because I've cried a

17:35

ton and through the tears I've

17:37

learned and healed a lot. And now, as

17:39

I said, I'm able to help others through

17:41

that process. I like to say that I'm

17:43

a, like an AA, everyone gets an advocate.

17:45

I'm like a deaf advocate. I

17:48

see as you lose someone, you'll have someone

17:50

like me and the other awesome folks over

17:52

at a place like Steffi's to help you

17:55

through the process. And through that, back to

17:57

the original question of how

17:59

mindfulness fits in. into my life, when

18:01

my sister was diagnosed with terminal cancer,

18:03

she had three very young children. And

18:07

I took that opportunity to teach them

18:09

these lessons that I was taught when

18:11

my mom had passed. And it started

18:13

out as me just sitting on my

18:16

living room floor, chatting with

18:18

my niece and my nephews, and it turned

18:20

into them going into school and using the

18:22

techniques. And their teacher called me and said,

18:24

you know, I know what's going on, and

18:27

I just want to say that they're taking,

18:29

they're asking for calm outs. They're asking to

18:31

set up a nice, quiet space in the

18:33

classroom where they can retreat when they need

18:35

to. And we're accommodating them, but can

18:38

you come into the class and can you teach the

18:40

rest of the students, whatever you're teaching them? And

18:42

that's where this started. This was 2000 and I want to say

18:44

2012, 2011, I'm sorry. And

18:49

I started to go to a local Montessori

18:51

school right here in New Jersey and teach

18:53

the students based upon what my nephew was

18:55

going into school and doing. And

18:58

then I thought, if I'm going to do this with

19:00

other people's kids, I should

19:02

learn professionally how to do it. So

19:04

I started taking training and

19:06

I went through mindful schools, every program

19:08

they have to offer I've taken at

19:11

this point. They're year long, they're difficult

19:13

emotions course, they're mindfulness educators, fundamentals, everything.

19:15

And then that led me to mindfulness-based

19:17

stress reduction. So right now I'm an

19:20

MBSR candidate. And I

19:22

take trainings, right? I read your stuff, I

19:24

listen to your stuff. Anyone that I meet

19:27

that strikes me and has walked this walk,

19:29

I just start to listen and learn. And

19:31

I do that every day. I make a

19:33

dedicated effort to learn from someone every day.

19:35

And I think that that's impactful for all

19:37

of us. Wow,

19:40

your story is amazing. My dearest

19:43

hope is that for the listener,

19:45

that you can look at some of these things and you

19:47

know, you may be you're here for the first time or

19:50

maybe you've been listening a lot and heard me talk about

19:52

mindfulness a lot. But you can take this

19:54

and also say, you know, I don't have to

19:56

wait for a really, I don't need

19:58

to wait for a check. in my life. I

20:01

know that because you're alive, you

20:03

suffer. They're suffering in every person's

20:05

life and we can lessen

20:08

that suffering. You can lessen that suffering starting

20:10

tomorrow, starting

20:14

today. What do you say to people

20:16

who are to help them get them

20:18

started in some kind of mindfulness practice?

20:21

First, we're adults. What do you say

20:23

to them? Start

20:25

with the breath. Start with just recognizing

20:27

that so many of us don't actually

20:30

know how to breathe efficiently for our

20:32

body. What you

20:34

just said is so profound. It shouldn't take

20:36

a check. It shouldn't take this big monstrous

20:38

event for us to care for ourselves in

20:41

this way, but our culture really doesn't support

20:43

self-care in the way that

20:45

it should. We seek care from the

20:47

outside. Even right now with our environmental

20:50

crisis, so many are looking at our

20:52

lawmakers and our policymakers to change. Really,

20:54

our households are what need to change.

20:56

The laws can come secondary, so with

20:59

healthcare being the way it is, if

21:02

the healthcare system allows for preventative

21:04

care to be covered financially, that's

21:06

awesome. But if it doesn't,

21:08

we still need to take care of ourselves

21:10

because we pay the ultimate price if we

21:12

don't, right? Blue Cross Blue Shield does it.

21:14

I do. I start with the

21:17

breath and I say that all of the time.

21:19

Notice when you breathe, how you breathe. Notice is

21:21

it shallow without too much judgment into what it

21:23

is. Just notice. When you place

21:25

your hands on your heart, notice. Are you

21:27

feeling any oxygen entering or is the oxygen going

21:30

through the nose and just kind of stopping somewhere

21:32

up there and it's not actually entering your

21:34

body and nourishing you? I

21:36

think that that's one of the most profound things that I've

21:38

learned to do is breathe. Breathe

21:41

efficiently and yoga training certainly has helped me

21:43

with that. I know some folks are afraid

21:46

of yoga. I know your yogi as well.

21:49

I think you and I can both speak to the

21:51

testament that yoga doesn't have to be standing on your

21:54

head. It could be just sitting in a chair and

21:56

breathing and raising your arms up together. Right. And I

21:59

feel like I'm I'm on this earth to really

22:01

kind of spread the message that you don't have

22:03

to be on a mountaintop in Tibet and you

22:05

don't need to be able to do inversions to

22:08

do yoga and breathwork. And those

22:10

are two of the most important things that I

22:12

do each day. Yeah.

22:14

Yeah. It's true. I

22:17

mean, if that's what yoga we're about, like

22:19

the Chinese acrobats would be like the most

22:21

accomplished. You don't need some glorals. You know,

22:23

it's not what it's about. Wow.

22:26

Angie. That's what you're dedicating

22:28

your life to. So what

22:30

does your practice look like? What is your

22:33

mindfulness practice? What did it look like when

22:35

you started, when you started learning

22:37

these techniques to deal with your grief when

22:39

you're 19? And then what does it look like

22:41

now? It's a great

22:43

question. I've actually reflected upon it so much

22:45

because I definitely was the stereotypical American teenage

22:48

girl, right? So I went to college in

22:50

Florida and my mindfulness practice, what it looked

22:52

like then was skipping class and going to

22:54

the beach. And instead of surfing right away,

22:56

I would sit on the beach for 10

22:59

minutes and just stare out at the waves.

23:02

I like to tell that story because

23:04

I am certainly not a goody two

23:07

shoes type of class. Right.

23:10

Right. I definitely was running

23:12

a life that was fast and loose in

23:14

those days. And the breathwork

23:16

still helps. I still went back to it.

23:18

So where it came from was really just

23:20

finding moments, finding pockets where I

23:22

would notice something of beauty like the ocean that's

23:25

always been powerful growing up on the Jersey shore

23:27

and then going to college down in Florida, right?

23:29

And the honor of being near the ocean my whole life. But

23:32

even just looking out at the snow as it's

23:34

falling or watching raindrops hit the window, there was

23:37

always something so striking about those natural

23:39

occurrences where I would take a natural

23:41

pause and that's where

23:44

I would find my mindfulness practice.

23:46

That evolved pretty quickly into

23:49

an intentional sit, waking

23:51

up earlier, hiding somewhere where

23:53

that was quiet and sitting.

23:56

And now it's evolved to I have

23:58

a formal practice of. two sits a

24:00

day. Sometimes I can get

24:02

in five minutes. I'm the mom of two

24:04

and a very proud, busy aunt

24:07

to six and working obviously. So

24:09

I try to get in two

24:11

sits every day, anywhere from five

24:13

minutes to 30 minutes where I'm

24:15

practicing formal mindfulness, where I'm sitting

24:17

and just focusing on my breath.

24:20

And then I practice yoga. I do bikram

24:22

actually. I do 26 pose about

24:24

four times a week. So I'm pretty dedicated.

24:26

And I know that when I call out those stats,

24:28

some people might say, well, I'm not doing it, right?

24:30

Or I can't do it. But

24:33

I'm 20 years, I'm 20 years doing this. And

24:35

I can speak to you about your practice too,

24:37

right? Hunter, in the beginning, you don't

24:39

expect people to do 26 poses for an hour

24:42

and a half each time, four times a week,

24:44

and then sit two times a day. It's finding

24:46

those pockets, brushing your teeth, looking in the mirror

24:48

and just saying, you're doing a good job as

24:50

I look in the mirror, you know, just finding

24:52

those little pockets to give myself some kindness. Yeah.

24:55

Yeah. Well, it's interesting because one

24:58

years ago when you started practicing or

25:00

I guess 12 years ago when

25:02

I started practicing, we had these pockets

25:05

where like you might sit on the beach and

25:07

look at the water. Whereas I wonder now would

25:09

we sit on the beach and look at our

25:11

phone? You know, I would we sit

25:13

on the beach and immediately take a picture? Just

25:16

a self, but like, I mean, honestly, I

25:18

mean, this is just kind of, I want

25:20

to point this out to kind of call

25:22

out to us like that. I

25:24

know it's addictive and we have this, you

25:27

know, there's that dopamine hit, you know, checking and

25:29

things like that, but maybe we can invite

25:32

that awareness into ourselves of, you

25:34

know, am I filling up these pockets

25:36

of time that could potentially be pockets

25:39

of time that could be a mindful

25:41

pause? That could be a moment for

25:43

me to sort of take time to

25:45

just slow down the pace of

25:47

life just for this, you know,

25:49

for at least three minutes when I'm sitting here, you know,

25:51

while the kids are at the playground or whatever, you know,

25:54

can we, can we do that? Can

25:56

we invite these moments into our lives? And

25:59

I think it has to be an interesting moment.

26:01

intentional choice, right? I mean, my grandmother was 98

26:04

when she passed away and I was very close with

26:06

her. She lived with us and I was very close

26:08

with her. And she was

26:10

stronger than me. And I like to say

26:13

this and it's not a put down to

26:15

me. She absolutely was because her whole life

26:18

was about visceral organic

26:21

experience. There was no electronic

26:23

anything. There was no fake.

26:26

If she wanted to call a friend,

26:28

she had to actually have the cojones

26:30

to call the friend. She couldn't text,

26:32

right? And I think about her so

26:34

frequently when I'm feeling like, I

26:37

don't want to call this person, but I

26:39

know that socially I have to call this

26:41

person. Oh, I'll just send a text and

26:43

how quick and easy it is to get

26:46

away from having a natural human connection in that

26:48

way, just because I don't want to feel uncomfortable.

26:51

And so much to what you just said, these pockets

26:53

of quiet time, if

26:56

we're left to our own thoughts, we

26:58

feel uncomfortable and we so quickly don't

27:00

want to. So when I

27:02

say that my grandmother's generation was stronger,

27:04

if they actually were on a biological

27:06

level, they were stronger. Their neurology

27:08

had to deal with discomfort. It had

27:10

to deal with unpleasant emotion. And

27:13

through that adversity, you get a

27:15

certain strength, right? So it has

27:17

to be an intentional choice that our generation makes and

27:19

that we pass along to the kids or even have

27:21

a tougher goal of it. We

27:24

have to at some point say to them,

27:26

you have to put the device down and

27:28

feel what life is like even when it's

27:30

hard, even when you don't want to go

27:32

to your coach and ask him, how come

27:34

you were benched? You have to do that.

27:36

You have to actually have those hard conversations

27:38

because otherwise when, I don't

27:41

know if I could curse on here, and the poop hits the fan, you're

27:43

going to have to have all of it. Yeah.

27:46

Thank you. And

27:48

you're not going to know what to do because you can't text

27:50

your way out of some suffering. You just can't. Yeah.

27:53

I heard somewhere someone say, your

27:55

comfort zone is your prison. And

27:57

I thought, Oh, yeah, you know.

27:59

that's what all of these things do

28:02

is keep us comfortable, keep us

28:04

distracted and keep us comfortable. But it's

28:06

funny because like social

28:08

interactions, face-to-face interactions with our friends and

28:10

our loved ones can be

28:13

uncomfortable, but they are the things that

28:15

bring us the most satisfaction and joy

28:17

and well-being, all these things in our

28:19

life. It's really fascinating to think about

28:21

that. You know, Yes, and

28:23

to get so comfortable with that spectrum of emotion.

28:25

And I see it with the children I teach.

28:28

I teach right now, I'm in mostly preschools. I

28:30

do teach all the way up to 18 in

28:32

high schools, but right now the contract that

28:34

I've been hired for as an outside

28:36

provider is in a very large district

28:38

in New Jersey called Asbury Park. And

28:40

they have 36 preschool classes

28:44

spread among seven schools. It's a

28:46

very large district, serves a very

28:48

diverse, very, very

28:50

large population. And the thing

28:52

is kids are comfortable with

28:54

being uncomfortable. Kids are,

28:57

which is so much hunter and you're a mom, so you'll

28:59

be able to attest to this. When

29:01

a child is having a tantrum in the classroom,

29:04

every adult in the room tries to pull

29:06

out every technique we've ever read about to

29:08

get the tantrum to stop. And

29:11

there's something really beautiful about allowing in

29:13

a safe environment, absolutely please for the

29:15

listeners, I'm certainly not letting someone tantrum

29:18

and go grab scissors, but allowing

29:20

that safe climax and safe decline

29:22

because then it's not stored on

29:24

a cellular level. It's gone. It's

29:26

out of you now. It's like

29:28

journaling for an hour, but we

29:31

don't allow that because it's uncomfortable

29:33

to watch. And we're always

29:35

so quick to grab a tissue when we see

29:37

our best friends crying and pat them on the

29:39

back and oh, it's going to be okay. It's

29:41

going to be okay. And sometimes hunter, it's not

29:44

going to be okay. And I've found so much

29:46

really empowerment in being able to say, I don't

29:48

have words the same way you offered me that

29:51

consolation at the beginning of our conversation today.

29:53

There are no words to make up for

29:55

the pain that I just explained, but there's

29:57

something really beautiful that you're able to. listen

30:00

and hold it with me. And

30:03

that's where we rush for our phone to

30:05

fill in that gap when really we just

30:07

need to hold the weight of

30:09

discomfort and hold the weight of suffering

30:12

with someone and know that in that

30:14

our suffering will also be held by

30:16

them. And it's

30:18

got it's got to be an intentional choice

30:20

though. It has to be an intentional choice

30:22

of closing the phone maybe even leaving it

30:25

home. I know this sounds so crazy but

30:27

not even taking it with you. Gasp! Risking

30:31

that if your car does break down that you

30:33

might have to walk to an establishment which I

30:36

you know I live in a pretty populated area

30:38

but I don't know how many people have to

30:40

walk that far to get to another human being

30:42

anymore. And we're so quick to say oh well

30:44

I have to take my phone just in case

30:47

something happens with my car. Well chances are your

30:49

car is not gonna have anything happen and if

30:51

it does happen chances are the other person has

30:53

a cell phone or you can

30:55

walk to somewhere else. That has one right

30:57

so it has to be an intentional choice

30:59

and I think the world will change if

31:02

we make that choice. You

31:04

know I think through mindfulness practice we're

31:06

doing some when I say we I'm

31:08

including you and our whole community in

31:10

it we're doing some really beautiful work

31:12

to plant seeds to see these generations

31:14

change and go back to not looking

31:17

outward for answers and realizing that we have

31:20

all of the divine wisdom right within us.

31:22

I know that it sounds very flowery in

31:24

the language sounds really flowery but if

31:27

any of the listeners who have never

31:29

practiced mindfulness just sit and focus on

31:31

their breath for even I'd say a

31:33

minute I think those flowery words would

31:35

become a reality really quickly. Yeah yeah

31:37

I really appreciate everything you're saying because

31:39

really that's what that's what I teach

31:41

in mindful parenting is that deeper work

31:43

I mean the deepest work we do

31:45

is that deeper work of being

31:48

able to sit with your own discomfort

31:51

getting yourself grounded enough so that you

31:53

can sit with your own discomfort so

31:55

when your kids are having their feelings

31:58

you don't feel like you have to stop. it

32:00

or fix it and change it immediately. Like you

32:02

can actually sit, go to

32:04

that ideal of being able to sit

32:06

with your kid who's maybe losing it

32:08

and just be with them and through

32:10

that, give this incredible lesson that,

32:12

Hey, it's okay for you to have these

32:14

feelings and it doesn't mean I don't love

32:16

you. I'm still here for you. You know, it

32:18

sends all these messages and you don't even

32:20

have to say them. You know, you just

32:22

have to be there,

32:24

but it's funny because it's such, it

32:27

so goes against the grain of our culture.

32:29

It's so funny because I've been reading the

32:31

little house on the prairie series with my

32:33

seven year old daughter, which is great in

32:35

so many ways, except it's so funny, they

32:37

describe everything in detail, but how do they

32:39

go to the bathroom? I have no idea.

32:42

Anyway, but one

32:44

of the things and like Ma just suddenly has

32:46

a new baby in the new book, but so

32:49

many of them, right? So many, so many

32:51

babies, but they always like, there's

32:53

this message like that, you know, from then

32:55

that is like, don't cry.

32:58

And you know, the Ma says to Laura,

33:00

like it's shameful to cry about that, you

33:03

know? And I'm just like, Oh, and I

33:05

have to stop and say to my daughter,

33:08

you know, honey, it's not shameful. They had

33:10

weird ideas that and just all

33:12

of those things, but it's just, these

33:14

are the messages that we inherit. And

33:17

so it is, it's a difficult, it's a

33:19

hardship to turn, right? Don't you think? It

33:22

is. And, you know, my, my husband was

33:24

a professional hockey player and he's now an

33:26

elite hockey coach. His athletes are very, very

33:28

skilled and talented and you know, the best

33:30

of the best type kids, they're 17 to

33:32

21. And I

33:35

struggle with, he has a quote,

33:37

and this is going to make so many of your listeners

33:39

and probably you shudder a little, but he has a

33:41

quote, second place is first loser, and

33:44

I, right, right, right

33:46

within our own households. We have this

33:48

very big polar opposite thing going on,

33:51

but I have to say as a

33:53

father, he is

33:55

so present and so willing to

33:57

let my sons cry and give

33:59

them a kiss. on the cheek

34:01

and his delicate side absolutely is

34:03

exposed. And it's an interesting, it's

34:06

just an interesting dichotomy. Where do

34:08

we have that balance? Right Hunter?

34:10

Because we don't want to have

34:12

the inequality of the Laura Ingalls

34:15

era at all. Two

34:17

professional women speaking to each other. You're

34:19

raising women, right? I'm raised women. However,

34:22

to bring that strength in and

34:24

have that delicate, yes, you can

34:26

cry. You can't, there's no such

34:28

thing as shame. Shame is a

34:30

useless emotion that really doesn't need

34:33

to even be in our vocabulary

34:35

as parents, but also instill that

34:37

strength of when adversity comes to

34:39

you. Not everybody deserves to win

34:41

first place. Not everybody comes

34:43

in first. There, there is a winner in

34:45

a race. If there's two people next to

34:47

each other, the Olympics are on right now.

34:49

I mean, it's in our face everywhere we

34:51

go. There is a gold and the person

34:53

that wins gold does deserve to say that

34:55

he or she had

34:58

a quicker time than the other one.

35:00

Right? So I struggle with

35:02

that in my own parenting. And actually

35:04

you taught me a bit about that.

35:06

You told a beautiful story when you

35:08

and I were on the panel together

35:10

back in October. A beautiful story about

35:12

taking the best parts of the parenting

35:14

that you received and implementing new strategies

35:16

with those recognizing that your parents were

35:18

just human. You know,

35:20

they were just human, just trying to figure

35:22

it out the same way. You're trying to

35:24

figure it out. And I'm trying to figure

35:26

it out as well. It's a funny thing.

35:28

It's a funny little balancing act that I'm

35:31

trying to do. Have my boys be competitors

35:33

in that they want to be their best

35:35

selves, but also know that

35:37

there's going to be days where you don't

35:39

come in first. And if you

35:42

feel bad about that, be okay

35:44

with feeling uncomfortable. That

35:47

you cried in the locker room after the

35:49

game, you know, you wanted something that you

35:51

didn't get and you worked really hard and

35:53

you still didn't get it. Sometimes your best

35:56

is still not good enough for

35:58

someone else. You know, I mean, that's that. that's part

36:00

of being an athlete. It's an

36:02

interesting thing. I

36:05

love that, I love that Angie. So

36:07

you teach mindfulness to schools, you taught

36:09

it to your nieces and

36:12

nephews, and you spoke

36:14

really beautifully about how mindfulness affects

36:16

the brain. And I wonder if

36:18

you could speak a

36:20

little bit to how mindfulness

36:22

practices affect the brain here.

36:25

Sure, sure, yeah. I am a

36:28

student of mindful schools and I like to give

36:30

credit where credit is due. They do a beautiful

36:32

job of teaching us, their

36:35

train the trainer type programs, how

36:37

to speak about neurology to children in

36:39

a very simple way. And what I've

36:42

learned from all of the neurology workshops

36:44

that I've taken is no matter who

36:46

I'm speaking to, if I can simplify

36:48

it as much as possible, it just

36:51

helps to resonate when we

36:53

have this scientific backing. And you mentioned it

36:55

earlier when we were speaking about death,

36:57

that matter just doesn't go away. It's

37:00

still here, it just transforms shape and its

37:02

form, but it's certainly not gone. So when

37:05

I speak about the neurology of the brain

37:07

and how mindfulness affects it, I think that

37:09

it's really good because it takes the flowery

37:12

mysticism out of this stuff and it makes

37:14

it more concrete and scientific. So when I

37:16

have created some characters and as

37:18

I've gone online, you can find these

37:20

characters anywhere, but to describe the amygdala,

37:23

we call the amygdala the jumpy superhero,

37:25

the well-intentioned superhero. And I cite Captain Underpants,

37:28

if anyone has ever read that series to

37:30

their children, you know that Captain

37:32

Underpants really tries to do his best and

37:34

tries to help out, but usually winds up

37:36

making things worse. And I refer to the

37:39

amygdala in that way as well. For

37:41

a long time, the amygdala of the brain has this really

37:44

terrible reputation, like it needs to be

37:46

eliminated. It's the evil troll of the

37:48

brain, but really it's our

37:50

threat center and it's what

37:52

keeps us safe and it's what

37:54

will have me turn my steering

37:56

wheel very quickly to avoid a

37:58

car accident or avoid hitting another.

38:00

living creature like a deer. So

38:03

the amygdala is certainly useful in

38:05

every aspect. However, in modern society,

38:07

our amygdala is activated a lot.

38:10

The amygdala gets activated anytime our fight

38:12

or flight is activated.

38:14

And you know, we spoke

38:16

about social media earlier, if I'm

38:19

16 and I'm reading a post

38:21

about myself or I'm viewing

38:23

pictures of a party that I wasn't invited

38:25

to, my amygdala is going

38:27

to have a reaction the same way. As

38:30

what I just spoke about an

38:32

actual physical threat, the brain

38:34

cannot decipher and that's for

38:36

a reason, right? The brain cannot decipher for

38:39

a good reason. It's not that it hasn't

38:41

evolved quick enough. It's that our technology has

38:43

evolved too fast, too advanced. And

38:46

the jumpy superhero sometimes hijacks the process

38:48

from the other important parts of the

38:50

brain that will bring logic and rationale

38:52

into play. The hippocampus, I like to

38:54

call the hippocampus, the librarian. That's where

38:56

most of our memories are stored. Certainly

38:58

other parts of the brain store memory,

39:01

but just for the sake of a

39:03

simple conversation, the hippocampus is where our

39:05

memories are stored and the prefrontal cortex.

39:07

I call that the smart one. And

39:10

the smart one is the one that will come

39:12

in with the rational, logical, non-emotional decision. And

39:15

the hippocampus and the prefrontal cortex,

39:17

when practice, when mindfulness practice is

39:19

a daily practice. And I think

39:22

the stat right now, Hunter, you might be able

39:24

to clarify with any recent studies, though stat, I

39:27

think is it takes about eight weeks of about

39:29

10 minutes a day to

39:31

see the gray matter development in

39:33

the hippocampus and the prefrontal cortex

39:35

strengthen, meaning more gray matter there

39:38

and to see the amygdala have less

39:40

gray matter and the amygdala development quiets

39:42

down. It actually gets smaller. Stay

39:49

tuned for more Mindful Mama podcasts right

39:51

after this break. Maybe

39:56

you're like me curious about sheep

39:58

wear, but no. I'm not interested

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41:24

Hey there, I'm Debbie

41:26

Reber, the founder of Tilt Parenting and the

41:28

author of the book Differently Wired. The

41:31

mission of Tilt is to change

41:33

the way neurodivergence, whether that's having

41:35

a learning disability, having ADHD, being

41:37

gifted, autistic, or some combination of

41:39

all of the above, is perceived

41:41

and experienced so Differently Wired kids

41:44

and the parents like us raising

41:46

them can truly thrive. On

41:48

the Tilt Parenting podcast, I get to

41:50

talk with authors, therapists, educators, and parenting

41:53

experts who are committed to this mission.

41:55

I ask the questions my listeners are most curious

41:58

about when it comes to supporting our kids. And

42:00

in turn, my guests share strategies for

42:03

challenges, out of the box ideas for

42:05

navigating school, best practices for therapies, tips

42:07

for advocating, and so many thoughtful insights

42:10

on what it really takes to help

42:12

our kids grow up feeling seen and

42:14

respected so they can create awesome lives

42:17

for themselves. I know that

42:19

raising a differently wired kid can feel

42:21

overwhelming and isolating, but I promise you,

42:23

you are not alone and it can

42:25

feel so much better. If you're on

42:28

this parenting journey, come listen to Tilt

42:30

Parenting. Together, we can shift this paradigm

42:32

and show up for our exceptional kids

42:34

with hope, possibility, and joy. So

42:38

what that translates to is, I

42:40

can have a big event happen right in

42:42

front of me, and I can have

42:44

a survival response,

42:47

but also bring in logic,

42:50

reasoning, memories, and

42:52

rationale. And when you combine left

42:55

brain and right brain, when I speak to my little

42:57

kids, I tell them I want my left

42:59

brain and my right brain to be best friends. I

43:01

want them to hold hands. I

43:03

know this is a podcast, but I put

43:05

up my left hand for left brain, right

43:07

hand for right brain, and then I bring

43:09

them together and really interlock my fingers and

43:11

say mindfulness practice allows for left brain and

43:14

right brain to be integrated and

43:16

to be best friends. And when that happens, I

43:18

can be creative, I can be emotional, but

43:21

I could also maintain my feet on

43:23

the ground and a present moment awareness. And

43:27

if you and I could just really

43:29

picture what that looks like in a world, it means

43:31

that if I go into my boss and I ask

43:33

for a raise and I'm

43:35

greeted with any type of assaulting

43:37

language or any type of abusive

43:39

language that might make me feel

43:41

really, really bad, I can

43:44

listen to that language and

43:46

still maintain rationale and logic

43:48

and respond. And

43:50

if we can picture Thanksgiving dinner,

43:53

what that looks like to actually have

43:55

emotionally sharded language, right? Coming at

43:57

you and be able to maintain.

44:00

present moment awareness and not let the amygdala

44:02

take us on that wild carpet ride, not

44:04

let the jumpy superhero come in, tra la

44:06

la la, and write you into a big

44:08

fight with aunt whoever at the

44:10

dinner table and still maintain logic and reasoning.

44:12

Oh my god, your whole

44:14

world opens up and you're

44:17

not afraid of conversation and texting

44:19

doesn't become an option because now

44:21

I know no matter what conversation

44:23

comes at me I can communicate

44:26

with compassion and empathy and

44:28

not let my own emotion of something being done

44:31

to me take me away. I like

44:33

to say it's magical although science and

44:35

magic kind of contradict each other right

44:37

so it's scientific and there's a real

44:39

basis behind it yeah the jumpy superhero

44:42

the librarian and the smart one. I

44:45

love that and that idea

44:47

you know that when we're reactive

44:49

we're just at the mercy of

44:51

everything around us you know on

44:53

the so and so just pushes

44:55

our button and there it goes

44:58

let's start that jumpy superhero you

45:00

know and but when with that practice you

45:02

don't say I love that you gave the

45:04

stack because that's what that is what I've

45:06

heard like a 10 minutes a day is

45:08

getting to be that magic number and

45:11

with that simple practice you know we

45:13

can transform our lives it's pretty wild

45:15

it's pretty amazing it was for me

45:18

as well an incredibly transformative

45:21

experience and it's it's amazing to see the science behind

45:23

it and and I love that you're teaching that to

45:26

kids I love that you're teaching that to kids what

45:28

do you what do you teach kids to do how

45:30

do you teach them to practice yeah

45:32

it's the number one question that I

45:34

received yeah yeah I absolutely love answering

45:36

it we do really getting them

45:38

in touch with their senses we give them the

45:40

language of emotion absolutely and so many of the

45:43

students in the district that I just left her

45:45

English is second language and I

45:47

like to explain to the teachers this

45:49

is emotion as second language this is

45:51

ESL right this is emotion a second

45:53

language because so many of us are

45:56

not in tune to the emotion and

45:58

we also hear the term mind, body, spirit, we

46:01

hear it everywhere. And I explain

46:03

to the teachers and to the students as

46:05

well, every thought has

46:07

an associated emotion and every

46:09

emotion has an associated physical

46:11

sensation. It might be

46:13

neutral and you're not noticing it,

46:15

but every thought that's the mind

46:17

has an associated physical sensation and

46:20

an associated emotion, mind, body, spirit.

46:23

And for children who are so in

46:26

the moment, they're not mindful, right Hunter? But they

46:28

are in the moment. They live their lives in

46:30

the moment, not in the past, not in the

46:32

future. It doesn't mean they're kind and they're not

46:35

judging, but they're absolutely in the moment. For

46:38

them really just to give them the language of,

46:40

okay, what is it? What is the emotion that

46:42

you feel? I feel sad. They

46:44

have that language. There's been so many

46:46

social, emotional learning programs throughout our school

46:49

systems over the last 20 years that

46:51

the language is there, but that's where

46:53

the education stops. The

46:55

education didn't take it a step further

46:57

to say, okay, now what? When

47:00

your child says, I'm sad, okay, great, they've named

47:02

it, but now what do I do with it

47:04

is really the most common question I receive. So

47:07

I asked the children, where does that emotion

47:09

live in your body? How do you know

47:12

you're sad? And they might say, because

47:14

I'm crying. And then I'll point

47:16

out, well, crying is like a cough when

47:18

you have a cold. The crying is secondary.

47:21

The crying came after. There

47:23

was something that told you that you

47:25

were sad. What was it? They

47:27

may start to tell me the story of little Angie that

47:30

took their ball. And

47:32

I usually don't cut them off. I let them process.

47:34

Processing is an important part of development for the

47:37

child. So I let them process and tell the

47:39

story. And then I don't

47:41

ask any other questions about the story or

47:43

what happened. You'll never hear me say what

47:45

happened. I will go right back

47:47

to how did you know? What did your body

47:49

tell you? When Angie took your

47:51

ball? How did you know you were frustrated? Was

47:53

it in your belly? And I'll point. I

47:56

do a lot of pointing and a lot of gesturing and

47:58

total physical response. really to communicate. Was

48:00

it in your belly? Was it in

48:02

your heart? Where was it? And

48:05

once they practice this, number one, they

48:07

can answer you very quickly. You'd be

48:09

amazed how quickly a child knows where

48:12

emotion lives in their body. Adults,

48:15

we just don't give them the credit that they

48:17

deserve. They are absolutely in tune

48:19

with what's happening. Once we shed a light

48:22

on it, they get it. So once we

48:24

have it, okay, when I'm sad, I feel

48:26

this feeling in my belly, I then ask

48:28

them to put their hand on their belly

48:30

and now breathe in through your nose like

48:33

you're smelling a flower. Actually smell the air.

48:36

Notice when your inhale needs to transition

48:38

to exhale and then blow

48:40

all the air out through your mouth like

48:42

you're the big bad wolf blowing a piggy's

48:45

house down, like you're blowing out a candle,

48:47

like you're blowing up a balloon. Those are

48:49

three really popular visual cues for kids. And

48:52

that's where we start. Then we go into

48:54

mindfulness of sound. Usually I

48:56

bring a vibrotone or a bell, but you can use

48:58

a pot or a pan, anything from

49:01

your kitchen for anyone that's listening to this podcast and

49:03

you want to do this as soon as you stop

49:05

listening. Just go into your kitchen and get something. It

49:07

could even be the clapping of your hands. And

49:10

ask them to listen to the sound

49:12

without speaking about what they hear. Ask

49:15

them to listen to the entirety of the

49:17

sound and then do it again and ask

49:20

them to breathe in through their nose like they're

49:22

smelling the flower, blow all the air out like

49:24

they're blowing out a candle while listening to the

49:26

sound. And if you model this

49:28

with them, that will turn quickly into,

49:30

okay, now close your eyes. If

49:32

closed eyes doesn't feel so good, open them,

49:35

take your hands and cover your eyes and

49:37

now listen to the sound. And when you

49:39

don't hear the sound anymore, raise your hand

49:41

to let me know that you don't hear

49:44

it. So that's really two of

49:46

the fundamental lessons with

49:48

kids. And honestly, I would need about

49:50

seven more podcasts. I could talk even

49:52

ever and give all of your listeners

49:55

a million practices and exercises for kids,

49:57

but really getting them in touch with.

50:00

What they're seeing what they're hearing what they're

50:02

smelling without asking them to tell you about

50:04

it, right? That's where parents right away every

50:06

parent that picks up their kids at the

50:08

end of the day. How was your day?

50:11

Tell me about it. What did you do? Right?

50:13

We want we want to hear the story. We want to know

50:15

that they were safe We want to know that we're getting our

50:17

money's worth if you're paying tuition We

50:19

want to know all these things but allowing

50:22

them to tell their own

50:24

story Through dancing singing through

50:26

drawing in the sand maybe through speaking

50:28

You don't know allowing them to tell

50:31

their own story and then adding in

50:33

comments of when that happens. How did

50:35

you feel? I felt

50:38

sad When you

50:40

felt sad, how did you know you were sad?

50:42

Where did you feel it in your body as

50:44

parents we so quickly right we want to go

50:46

back to well who did it? Who

50:50

took your ball did the teacher know, you

50:52

know, we want vindication and we're seeking revenge

50:54

on six-year-olds To have to have

50:56

the almost non doing and parenting and this

50:59

is something that you speak about so well

51:01

under Just let the child

51:03

go through the uncomfortable experience without trying

51:05

to fix the discomfort, but with shining

51:07

light on How did you know you

51:09

were uncomfortable in that moment? They're

51:12

getting back into their physical body They're

51:14

out of story in their head to a

51:16

certain degree and they're mindful in that moment

51:18

and that's how we arrive

51:21

at the Non-judgment of emotion

51:23

part that emotion is part of being

51:25

a human No emotion is

51:27

to be judged. It's part of being

51:29

a human some service some don't I

51:32

called Shane useless earlier. I believe that

51:35

That's one of the ones that I try to

51:37

eliminate as much as possible But you know teaching

51:39

children has been one of the greatest gifts in

51:41

my life And I am honored that I get

51:44

to go into schools to do it I'm

51:46

getting kids like we said earlier before

51:48

something happens or maybe while something is

51:51

happening I'm teaching kids that are

51:53

three to six years old and they're

51:55

getting it two to three times a week from me and

51:57

then most of the teachers I

52:00

have dealt with what i say most i

52:02

can i can't even think of one that's

52:05

coming to the top of my head that

52:07

has not implemented the strategies after i have

52:09

left their classroom, because they themselves are getting

52:12

so much relief in their classroom and throughout

52:14

the school day that now mindfulness just like

52:16

p right just like art. I'm

52:19

you in a world where mindfulness is

52:21

a special is that one

52:23

of the extra curriculars that just gets delivered

52:25

through the public announcement each morning like the

52:27

pledge of allegiance, like the morning announcements like

52:30

the word of the day there's now going

52:32

to be mindfulness practice and you know there

52:34

as you know they're doing it in other

52:36

places dominican republic has been practicing mindfulness for

52:39

years in their school system, really

52:41

had yeah yeah the dominican

52:43

republic is really progressive when it comes

52:45

to mindfulness it's in every day. Just

52:48

part of their life amazing right how well

52:51

this is amazing and for the listener i

52:53

was seriously taking notes what she said that's

52:55

how about this in the show notes, and

52:58

mindful mom a mentor.com but we would probably i

53:00

can speak for the listeners i would love to

53:02

have you back on to talk more about some

53:04

of these ideas how to share it with. I

53:07

love it i'd love it thanks for having

53:09

me hunter the sense but that would be

53:11

wonderful angie you know thank you thank you

53:13

so much for sharing your

53:15

voice and i really appreciate i just

53:17

want to thank that. I

53:20

want to thank that 19 year

53:22

old angie who is like you know partying

53:24

it up in high school and grieving your

53:26

mother. For taking this and saying

53:28

i'm going to turn inward and i'm going

53:30

to learn about myself and i'm going to

53:33

take this brief step and I. I

53:35

really appreciate that because the way this is blossomed

53:37

in your life and the way you created

53:40

these ripple effects in the world. It's

53:42

really powerful I mean all these kids

53:44

that you're reaching in this parents of

53:46

these teachers, it makes an incredible difference

53:49

and i'm I feel really

53:51

honored to have you on and to have been able

53:53

to spend time with you. Thank you

53:55

hunter I feel the same way about

53:57

you and it feels humbling to be

54:00

honest because i've healed so. much through

54:02

helping others and through planting these seeds.

54:04

And I think that's something that the

54:06

mindfulness practice has allowed me to view

54:08

that through helping another, I'm being helped.

54:11

And I think being in service as

54:14

you are, you're a person of service,

54:16

being in service really has been magical

54:18

for my life. It's been

54:20

really transformative. And I like to thank the 19 year

54:22

old self too. There was a

54:24

time when I was a little bit ashamed of her

54:26

behavior and now I think without those behaviors I wouldn't

54:29

be able to come with you and laugh about my

54:31

antics and then practicing mindfulness while I was cutting school.

54:34

Yes, exactly. Thank

54:36

you for giving me a good story. Thanks

54:39

so much. Wait, before you go, where can

54:41

people find out about having you come into

54:43

their school if they're maybe in New Jersey

54:45

or find out where about the work you've

54:47

done? Thank you. Yes,

54:49

I'm a published author. My book is

54:51

Mads a Glad, Simple Lessons to Help

54:53

Children Cope with Changing Emotions. And that's

54:56

available on Amazon by Angie Harris. Illustrations

54:58

are by Stacy Heller Budneck who was

55:00

Wayne Dyer, one of my favorites. And

55:02

I know you appreciate his work as

55:04

well. Wayne Dyer's illustrator for all of

55:06

his children's books. And I was really

55:08

honored that Stacy worked with me as

55:10

well. And you can find Mads

55:12

a Glad on Amazon. And

55:15

my website is mindfularomatherapy.com.

55:19

And I'm very excited that I'm

55:21

bringing my teachings, my children's teachings

55:24

to online course that will launch

55:26

in the late spring, early summer. So

55:29

when I do that, I'll absolutely forward

55:31

the information over to you. And

55:33

that's when you can learn more about the jumpy superhero

55:36

and the smart one. It'll be right there online

55:38

to bring on your phone. And

55:40

then I'll tell you that you should bring your

55:42

phone places and that you'll be able to take

55:44

those courses. Yeah, I'm excited about that. That'll be

55:46

fun. Awesome. Thank

55:48

you. Thank you so much, Angie.

55:51

Thanks, Hunter. Isn't

55:58

Angie amazing? love her

56:00

presence and her

56:03

depth of being and the way

56:05

she makes things so simple and

56:07

beautiful. So,

56:09

I'm wishing you a beautiful week. I'm

56:11

wishing you well. If you liked

56:14

this interview, please support it. Please let

56:16

me know. Please share it with your

56:18

friends. Please leave a review

56:20

and a reading that helps enormously. And

56:23

I'm sending you for a really peaceful, grounded

56:27

week where you can really be

56:29

present for this crazy-ass life. Oh

56:31

my gosh. Yes. Wishing

56:33

you well. Namaste, my friend.

56:44

I'd say definitely do it. It's really helpful.

56:46

It will change your relationship with your kids

56:48

for the better. It will help you communicate

56:50

better. And just, I'd say

56:52

communicate better as a person, as a wife,

56:54

as a spouse. It's been really a

56:56

positive influence in our lives. So, definitely

56:58

do it. I'd say

57:01

definitely do it. It's so worth

57:03

it. The money really is inconsequential

57:05

when you get so much benefit

57:07

from being a better

57:09

parent to your children and

57:11

feeling like you're connecting more with them

57:13

and not feeling like you're galing all

57:15

the time or you're like, why isn't

57:17

things working? I would say definitely do

57:19

it. It's so, so worth it. It

57:21

will change you. No matter what

57:24

age someone's child is, it's

57:26

a great opportunity for personal growth and

57:28

it's great investment in someone's family. I'm

57:30

very thankful I have this. You

57:32

can continue in your old

57:35

habits that aren't working or

57:37

you can learn some new

57:39

tools and gain some perspective

57:41

to shift everything in your

57:44

parenting. Are

57:48

you frustrated by parenting? Do you

57:51

listen to the experts and try all

57:53

the tips and strategies, but you're just

57:55

not seeing the results that you want?

57:57

Or are you lost as to where to start? Does

58:00

it all seem so overwhelming with too

58:02

much to learn? Are

58:04

you yearning for community people who get it,

58:06

who also don't want to

58:09

threaten and punish to create cooperation?

58:12

Hi, I'm Hunter Clark-Fields, and if you answered yes

58:14

to any of these questions, I want

58:17

you to seriously consider the Mindful Parenting

58:19

membership. You will be joining

58:21

hundreds of members who have discovered the path

58:23

of mindful parenting and now have

58:26

confidence and clarity in their parenting. This

58:29

isn't just another parenting class. This

58:31

is an opportunity to really discover

58:34

your unique, lasting relationship not only

58:36

with your children, but with

58:38

yourself. It will

58:41

translate into lasting, connected relationships

58:44

not only with your children, but your partner too.

58:46

Let me change your life. Go

58:49

to mindfulparentingcourse.com to add your name to

58:52

the waitlist, so you will be the

58:54

first to be notified when I open

58:56

the membership for enrollment. I

58:58

look forward to seeing you on the inside.

59:01

mindfulparentingcourse.com If

59:29

you answered yes to any of these questions, I

59:31

invite you to check out Edit Your Life, a

59:33

podcast to help you edit the unnecessary from your

59:35

life so you have more room to enjoy the

59:37

awesome. You'll

59:43

come away with big picture insights and

59:45

practical ways to declutter your home schedule

59:48

and mental space without getting bogged down

59:50

by profession. I have always

59:52

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59:54

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59:56

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1:00:03

out Edit Your Life wherever you enjoy your podcasts.