1:59

And on the nights where there's no moon, it's

2:03

dark and heavy and quiet.

2:05

If

2:07

something happened out here, it might

2:10

never be discovered. One

2:13

night, in the late 1970s,

2:16

something did happen. Two men

2:18

met out here in the darkness. Their

2:21

chance encounter felt like fate,

2:23

because they had met before, but

2:26

under very different circumstances. One

2:29

of those men

2:30

was my dad.

2:32

He was a police officer in rural Saskatchewan.

2:36

My dad was driving alone in his patrol

2:38

car, when he spotted a set of taillights

2:41

swerving ahead of him in the darkness. He

2:44

flicked on his lights, and the car pulled

2:46

over on the side of the road.

2:49

My dad got out of his cruiser and walked

2:51

up to the driver's side window. He

2:54

motioned for the man inside to roll it

2:57

down,

2:57

and as he raised his flashlight, he

3:00

realized he recognized the man behind

3:02

the wheel.

3:04

He knew that face, those eyes,

3:07

the white collar under his chin. And

3:10

he saw the man recognized him too. For

3:14

a moment, neither of them moved. Then

3:17

my dad opened the door, grabbed

3:20

the man by his collar, and dragged him out

3:22

of the car. He hit him again

3:25

and again, until he was tired

3:27

and out of breath.

3:29

My dad walked back to his patrol car

3:32

and drove off into the night, leaving

3:35

the man crumpled on the side of the road.

3:39

There were no witnesses. The

3:42

only people who knew what really happened

3:45

were the two men who were there. But

3:48

this is how I imagine this story.

3:50

It's a story that my father told that

3:53

was later told to me. Hearing

3:55

it has changed the way I think about my life.

3:58

Because the The man

4:00

who my dad beat up that night was

4:02

a priest. A priest

4:05

who abused him in residential school.

4:10

I'm Connie Walker. From Gimlet

4:12

Media in Spotify, this is

4:14

Stolen, Surviving St. Michael's. I'm

4:30

Connie Walker. I'm

4:35

Connie Walker. One,

4:44

two, three, four, five, six, seven,

4:46

eight, nine. OK, I am just

4:48

arriving in Duck Lake. And

4:53

I'm on my way to meet my brother Hal at

4:57

his house, which actually

4:59

used to be my dad's house, if

5:02

I can find it. Because

5:05

I think I've actually only been there like

5:07

a couple of times. It's

5:12

kind of weird, I guess, maybe to not know where your dad

5:14

lived. It's around four

5:16

o'clock in the afternoon on a warm summer

5:18

day in August. I've just pulled onto

5:21

a small highway in central Saskatchewan.

5:24

As I drive, there are fields of wheat on either

5:26

side and big stretches of open sky.

5:29

I know this place. I used to live

5:31

here, but I haven't been back in a long

5:34

time. The road

5:36

I'm on connects the small town of Duck Lake

5:38

to the Beardy's and Okamasa's Cree Nation.

5:42

This is my dad's home, and my brother

5:44

Hal lives here now. He's the

5:46

one who first told me the story of my dad

5:48

and the priest, so that's why I'm here,

5:51

to ask him about it. OK, this is a

5:53

road called Constable Cameron Road. My

5:56

dad would have been Constable Cameron,

5:58

but this road is actually named after my sister,

6:01

who was also Constable Cameron. She

6:03

followed in my dad's footsteps. And I'm

6:05

pretty sure they live down this road. He lives down

6:07

this

6:08

road. It's a pretty big hint.

6:11

My dad's name is Howard Cameron. He's

6:14

my father,

6:15

but I didn't know him very well. My

6:18

mom and I used to live here with him, but

6:20

they split up when I was seven, and we left. I

6:23

didn't see or hear from my dad until I

6:25

was a teenager and came back to the reserve

6:27

to visit. But whenever I

6:30

would come here, I wouldn't stay with my dad. I

6:32

would stay with my godparents, my

6:34

Auntie Lois and my Uncle Ernie. The

6:37

first time I came back to Beardy's, I was 14,

6:40

old enough to ride the bus alone.

6:42

My Auntie Lois and Uncle Ernie picked me

6:44

up from the bus depot, and I stayed with them.

6:47

When they asked me if I wanted to see my dad, I

6:50

kind of felt like I had to say yes. And

6:53

then while I was here

6:55

visiting them, I would have a visit with

6:57

my dad and my brothers and sisters,

7:00

including Hal. By then, my

7:02

dad had a new life with a new wife

7:05

and four more children.

7:07

I remember walking into his kitchen and

7:09

immediately being surrounded by little kids

7:11

and having them all hug me and call me sister.

7:15

Hal was one of them.

7:16

OK.

7:17

That,

7:21

this has to be it.

7:23

As I pull up, I see Hal waiting outside

7:25

for me.

7:26

What

7:30

are you doing? Just golfing? I don't

7:32

know. I was visiting by the fire and... Like

7:35

most cameras, he's obsessed with golf, and

7:37

he's holding a club, practicing his swing.

7:39

Oh, nice. OK. Hold on. Let me grab

7:41

my bag. Is your dog friendly? Oh, yeah.

7:44

She's a gentle giant. She's

7:47

a little bit like skittish of new people, but

7:52

once she warms up, she sneaks. How

7:54

are you doing? Good. Went,

7:57

well, for the past

7:59

like...

7:59

Last week, it's like medicine

8:02

picking season. Yeah. So like

8:04

I went all last week picking.

8:06

What kind of medicines are you picking? Today,

8:09

I went off for sweet grass. Oh my god, it smells

8:11

so good already. Wow. So

8:14

we picked probably with this, it'll be

8:17

over 20 braid so far. We

8:19

walk over to a cluster of birch trees.

8:22

Inside is a small fire pit.

8:25

Hal says our dad built this setup, including

8:27

the wooden benches surrounding the fire.

8:29

He lights a pipe as we sit down. This

8:32

is so nice out here.

8:32

It's

8:35

nice to be able to just be in a nice

8:37

little secluded spot. Fire's

8:39

not really going to go anywhere here. And

8:42

it's nice and quiet.

8:44

Hal is 32. His full

8:47

name is Howard Cameron Jr., which

8:49

is fitting because Hal really takes after my

8:51

dad.

8:52

They look alike with their jet black hair and

8:54

brown skin.

8:56

But Hal's very different than my dad was at

8:58

his age.

8:59

He's easygoing and gentle.

9:01

A few months ago, Hal shared that story

9:04

about my dad beating up the priest on Facebook.

9:07

And as soon as I read the post, I couldn't stop

9:09

thinking about it. I called Hal

9:11

on the phone. And then I decided

9:13

to come home with a microphone. But

9:16

interviewing your brother is kind of weird.

9:18

What is your job? Cultural resource

9:22

support worker that is basically

9:24

just What kind of tobacco do you smoke? It's a blend.

9:26

Are you going to quit?

9:28

Do you think you'll stay here? I don't

9:31

know. Like, I think... The

9:34

truth is, I haven't spent that

9:36

much time with Hal.

9:38

I'm 12 years older than him.

9:40

We didn't grow up together because we have different

9:42

moms. And it feels like we had

9:44

different dads, too. My dad and I

9:46

were pretty close. So

9:49

like, I was always kind

9:51

of by his hip. And we spent

9:53

so much time together. So I

9:55

remember lots of doing things with

9:57

him and him taking it.

9:59

making me go sweet grass picking and

10:03

things like that. Like I remember just

10:06

having heart to heart

10:08

with like dad. The

10:10

way Hal talks about our dad feels

10:13

foreign to me.

10:14

I sometimes feel a little uncomfortable even

10:16

calling him dad.

10:18

Not just because I didn't spend much time with

10:20

him, but because the man

10:22

I remember didn't feel like a dad.

10:26

I only have a few memories

10:28

of him from when I was a kid, and

10:30

I don't think any of them are good. Some

10:33

are hazy impressions of his presence,

10:36

of what it felt like to be near him. Like

10:39

I can picture him sitting in a velour armchair,

10:41

one that swivels or rocks. He's

10:44

watching TV and eating radishes

10:46

out of the bag, his jaw muscles

10:49

clenching with every bite.

10:52

I remember how tense I felt, how

10:55

small and quiet I tried to make myself

10:58

when he was around, how I tried to avoid

11:00

whatever it was that would set him off.

11:03

There are also memories that are very clear.

11:07

Most of them are at night,

11:08

when I'd be woken up by his bursts of

11:11

anger, the sounds of his violence

11:13

filling the house, filling my head.

11:18

I remember flashes, running away from

11:20

him, me and my mom

11:22

dipping into alleys, hiding from

11:24

him, trying to get to the safety of a relative's

11:26

house.

11:28

So when he and my mom split up when I was

11:30

seven, it was a relief.

11:33

It was like we escaped.

11:36

And as an adult, I didn't see my dad

11:38

very often.

11:39

When I did, I could see that he had changed,

11:42

he was a different father to my younger brothers

11:44

and sisters, but I was cautious.

11:47

Whenever I saw my dad, he would tell me that

11:49

he loved me, but we never talked on the

11:51

phone, and we only saw each other

11:54

once every few years.

11:56

My memories of him from my childhood were enough

11:58

to

11:59

make me want to.

11:59

to keep my distance.

12:01

And I've kept that distance from my dad. But

12:04

there's something about the story of him pulling

12:06

over the priest that feels like a clue,

12:10

one that could help me figure out why he was

12:12

the way he was. Yeah, I don't know, actually,

12:14

I don't know how the conversation came about, but I remember

12:17

we were driving

12:19

and then he started talking about how

12:23

he saw a vehicle driving

12:25

on the highway and it's kind of swerving, so

12:27

he figured that they're impaired.

12:29

Hal says it was about 10 years ago that

12:31

my dad told him the story. So

12:33

he went,

12:36

he pulled him over and

12:38

when he walked up to the window, asked

12:41

for their identification or driver's

12:44

license, he recognized

12:46

him as being one of the priests that,

12:49

and he said, one of the priests that abused

12:51

me in residential school, he

12:55

ended up like taking them out of the vehicle

12:57

and beating the shit out of him

13:00

in that moment. I guess he just

13:02

didn't care what the consequences

13:04

were. And what did he

13:06

say happened? He thought for

13:08

sure there would

13:09

be a call to his commanding officer and that would

13:11

be the end of his career, but

13:13

there's no call or

13:15

anything came in. What

13:18

was his move when he was telling you that? Like

13:22

no regrets,

13:25

no remorse for what he had

13:27

done. And

13:29

this was an instance where

13:31

justice

13:34

was taken into

13:36

our own hands. I

13:39

felt this like pride, I almost

13:41

wanted to like warrior cry, I could

13:43

feel like that pride.

13:48

I can understand why Hal feels pride

13:51

when he thinks of that story, but that's

13:53

not what I felt. I felt sick

13:56

because immediately I thought

13:58

of my dad as the boy

13:59

he was at residential school. Did

14:02

you get a sense of what kind of abuse

14:04

he endured? He

14:07

shared about, like, he did, like, experience,

14:10

like, sexual abuse.

14:14

That was my fear when I read House Post.

14:16

When I first heard it was a priest, my dad

14:19

pulled over. I knew my dad

14:21

went to a residential school, but

14:23

I never thought about what it was like for him, which

14:26

is surprising,

14:27

given the amount of time I've spent reporting

14:29

on what happened to children there.

14:32

They

14:32

were called schools, but the focus wasn't

14:34

really education.

14:36

They were funded by the federal government, and

14:38

most were run by the Catholic Church. It

14:40

was a perfect union.

14:44

The government wanted to quell Indigenous

14:46

resistance and continue its colonization

14:48

of Canada, and the Church was eager

14:51

to indoctrinate as many Indigenous children

14:53

as it could. Residential

14:55

schools became machines of assimilation.

14:58

They separated Indigenous kids as

15:00

young as four years old from their families

15:03

and communities to get rid of the

15:05

Indian problem, to strip away

15:07

our culture, our language, our

15:10

very identities.

15:12

There were more than 100 schools that

15:15

operated for over 100 years.

15:18

Generations and generations of kids

15:20

were forced to go. There

15:22

were at least 20 residential schools in

15:24

Saskatchewan alone. One

15:26

of them was the St. Michael's

15:29

Indian Residential School in Duck Lake.

15:32

I think that's where my dad first crossed

15:34

paths with the priest who abused him.

15:37

I drove past it on my way to House House. It

15:39

was a big red brick building,

15:41

three or four stories high. It

15:43

always looked to me like an abandoned hospital,

15:46

like something out of a horror movie. St.

15:49

Michael's was one of the last schools to close

15:51

in 1996. And

15:54

then the truth about residential schools began

15:56

trickling out, about the rampant

15:59

neglect and abuse.

15:59

that happened inside school walls.

16:03

Abuse often inflicted by

16:05

the priests and nuns who ran them. Very

16:08

few were ever held responsible. In 2008,

16:12

Canada established a Truth and Reconciliation

16:15

Commission. Thousands of residential

16:17

school survivors testified about

16:19

the physical and sexual abuse they endured,

16:22

and other horrific discoveries came

16:24

to light. At some schools,

16:27

nutritional experiments were carried out on

16:29

children One school used a homemade

16:31

electric chair as a form of punishment. The

16:35

Truth and Reconciliation Commission found

16:37

that what happened in residential school was

16:39

cultural genocide. And

16:41

last spring, ground-penetrating

16:44

radar found what are believed to be the remains

16:47

of 215 children on the

16:49

grounds of the Kamloops Indian Residential

16:51

School in British Columbia. It

16:53

made international news, and

16:56

it seemed like people were finally starting to pay

16:58

attention to what survivors have been

17:00

saying for decades.

17:05

It's been said that there's not a single

17:08

Indigenous person in Canada who's

17:10

not been touched by the legacy of residential

17:13

schools. And I know that's true.

17:15

I felt it the moment I heard it. But

17:18

I've never connected the dots in my own

17:20

family. I've done this reporting

17:22

for years. But when it comes to individual

17:25

schools like St. Michael's and individual

17:28

stories like my dad's, there's

17:30

still so much that's unknown.

17:32

It's like the biggest open secret that

17:34

we just don't talk about. But

17:37

my brother Hal saw how residential school

17:40

haunted our dad throughout his life.

17:42

He told me it came up in unexpected

17:44

ways, that

17:45

even the most mundane things would

17:48

remind him. I remember

17:51

we started walking up steps, and

17:53

there was that black metal

17:55

or cage kind of step. And

17:58

a fire escape.

17:59

of like echoes when he stepped on it.

18:02

I got to the top and I was going to open the door and

18:05

I looked back and he was like at this top

18:07

step and he was like he had the

18:09

railing and he was like kind of like

18:11

hunched over and like looking down like focusing

18:14

on something and

18:16

he kind of gathered himself and he went in but then

18:18

on the way home he told me that that was a

18:20

trigger for him because that was the same

18:22

stairs that they had at the residential school. So

18:26

when he heard it he brought him back because it reminded

18:28

him that he was going back in there and

18:31

I was like holy fuck just a man with

18:32

us up stairs.

18:37

What that did to him. Learning

18:42

that what happened to my dad at residential school

18:44

followed him his whole life learning

18:47

that he was sexually abused by a priest.

18:50

I can't unhear it. I can't

18:52

ignore it. I tried.

18:55

But now I'm here sitting with my brother

18:58

Hal at my dad's old house feeling

19:01

like I need to understand how the father

19:03

I remember was impacted by the

19:05

priest who abused him. Did

19:07

he tell you who the priest was or anything about him?

19:09

No he didn't. No. Or

19:12

maybe he did I just didn't like remember

19:15

the name but no.

19:19

I yeah

19:20

I've only just created this image in

19:23

my head of what this person looks like. What

19:25

do you imagine he looks like? He's

19:27

in black and white. Like

19:30

I don't even see a complexion. It's just like this

19:33

black and white film but he just has this like

19:35

dark rimmed glasses and

19:38

very pale white hair

19:41

and

19:43

there's like really

19:48

big

19:48

intense eyes like you

19:51

see people who have like just hate

19:54

in their eyes like that.

19:59

Now that's how I imagine the priest

20:02

too.

20:14

Traditionally Toys for Tots has been

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year, during their 75th anniversary,

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the program distributed over 24 million toys to

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nearly 10 million less fortunate

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children and provided over 6.3 million

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books to children in need through their literacy

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program. Visit toysfortots.org

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to support their mission.

20:44

I am going to tell you

20:47

a story that a powerful state doesn't

20:49

want you to know about tens of thousands

20:51

who have disappeared. Once they get

20:54

into the hands of the military and be tortured

20:56

brutally. It's a story so dangerous

20:59

to tell that for some it's meant

21:01

ending up on

21:02

a kill list. He was seen as a dangerous

21:04

political actor and a threat to Pakistan security

21:07

but he was a local hero.

21:08

The Kill List, a six-part

21:11

investigative podcast available

21:13

now. Get early access to episodes

21:15

at cbc.ca slash listen

21:18

or by subscribing to the CBC true

21:20

crime premium channel on Apple podcasts.

21:26

One of the last times I visited my dad

21:29

was when I brought my six-week-old daughter

21:31

home to meet my family.

21:33

There's a photograph from that visit that I love.

21:36

My dad's smiling with his mouth open

21:39

and looking up at me

21:40

while cradling my daughter in his arms,

21:43

gray on the sides.

21:44

He looks strong and healthy.

21:47

Eight months later,

21:49

he was diagnosed with incurable lung

21:51

cancer

21:52

and we came home to see him again.

21:55

By then, he'd

21:56

already lost a lot of weight.

21:58

I remember he was very strong. sick, but he

22:00

sat up with us at the kitchen table and

22:03

held my girl in his lap.

22:05

By February he was in the hospital

22:08

and we were called in to say goodbye. He

22:10

was only 58 when he died. I

22:14

saw him three times that year. It

22:16

was the most I had seen him since I was a kid.

22:18

I

22:20

had always imagined that at some point in

22:22

my life I would take the time to get

22:24

to know my dad, to talk to

22:26

him, to reconnect. When

22:28

he died, I thought I lost

22:30

that chance and I came to

22:32

accept that my understanding of him

22:35

and our relationship

22:36

was going to stay the way we left it. But

22:39

now it feels like a door has been cracked open,

22:43

like there might be a chance to write a new story for

22:45

me and my dad.

22:46

I feel like the answers are here for me if

22:48

I want them.

22:50

But I know unearthing this story will

22:52

also unearth a lot of painful memories,

22:55

not just for me, but for my family.

22:58

I need their help to find out more about

23:00

what happened to my dad and I kind

23:02

of feel like I need their permission.

23:10

Is that your garden? How

23:13

nice. What are you growing? In the

23:16

box here I have beets.

23:20

Oh wow.

23:21

What are you going to do with your beets? I want a condom.

23:25

I love candy. After

23:28

leaving Hells,

23:29

I drive over to my Auntie Ivy's house in

23:31

the reserve.

23:32

My dad was one of 15 Cameron

23:34

kids. My Auntie Ivy is one

23:36

of the younger siblings, but she's become

23:39

sort of a family caretaker.

23:41

The one everyone turns to when they need help.

23:44

She takes me over to her gazebo where there's a

23:46

table and chairs set up. Can

23:48

I have some of this too? Yeah. Awesome. There's tea,

23:51

the coffee and the thermos there. The tea and

23:53

the teapot.

23:55

A few minutes later my Auntie Leona arrives

23:57

with her grandkids. My

24:05

Auntie Leona lives just across the road

24:07

and must have heard we were having a visit. My

24:09

aunties look alike. They both have big smiles

24:12

and long, long dark hair. My

24:15

Auntie Ivy keeps hers in a braid, but

24:17

my Auntie Leona's is held up by a barrette

24:20

and flows down her back.

24:21

Yeah, our hair is in the limits. I

24:23

can't have my hair down. No? It

24:26

drives me insane. And I can't have my hair up

24:28

like

24:28

that. In a braid, you know? Oh,

24:31

it just drives me nuts. That's

24:33

the only way people can tell us apart. My

24:36

Auntie Ivy's house was built behind another

24:38

house that I remember well.

24:40

My Kookum Mary's house. My dad's mom.

24:43

We lived with my Kookum Mary for a while when I was

24:45

little.

24:46

The yard where the grandkids are playing now is the

24:48

same one that I played in

24:50

and the same one that my dad played in when he

24:52

was a kid.

24:53

I remember the one time, I don't know what

24:55

the heck was going on, but anyway, there was

24:57

an argument. Somebody was standing on the porch.

25:01

Go get it.

25:02

Or on the steps. Right here at this house. At this

25:04

house. My Auntie Ivy tells me about a time

25:06

when my dad and my Uncle Ernie got

25:09

into an argument. And

25:11

Ernie grabbed the mop that was sitting

25:13

in water to slap this person

25:15

with the mop. Your

25:18

dad grabbed the gun and Ernie was running

25:20

zig zag down the road. So you wouldn't get shot.

25:26

Even her and Ivan. The ability to laugh about

25:28

things that are dark is a gift that all

25:30

Cree people seem to have, especially

25:32

in my family.

25:34

We're talking about my dad as a boy taking

25:36

a gun and shooting at his brother, my Uncle

25:38

Ernie.

25:40

He's the uncle I used to stay with when I came

25:42

home.

25:43

He's my godfather and

25:44

in some ways I was closer to him than to my dad.

25:48

My Uncle Ernie died last year, also

25:50

of lung cancer.

25:52

My aunties say that he and my dad were

25:54

a lot alike.

25:55

They were a few years apart in residential school

25:58

and after school.

25:59

They both joined the Royal Canadian Mounted

26:02

Police.

26:03

I don't know much about that period in my dad's

26:05

life,

26:06

other than it was around the time I was born. Do

26:09

you know why my dad joined the RCMP? No,

26:12

I think he just

26:13

said they were doing a recruiting

26:15

thing. A few years ago,

26:18

the RCMP tweeted out a photo from its archives.

26:21

It was of my dad. It

26:23

was jarring to scroll past a picture of

26:25

him in my Twitter feed, but I instantly

26:28

recognized him.

26:29

In the photo, he looks just like my little brother.

26:32

He's standing next to an old police car in

26:34

his uniform.

26:36

He has one hand on his hip, and

26:38

he's looking very serious. His

26:40

eyes are narrowed, and his jaw muscles

26:42

are clenched.

26:44

I retweeted the picture, and a bunch of people

26:46

responded with questions.

26:48

Like, when was the photo taken? Where was

26:50

he stationed? Which division was he in?

26:53

I couldn't answer any of them. And

26:56

now when I look at it, I have my own

26:58

questions. Like, was this taken

27:01

before or after he beat up the priest?

27:03

Did you guys see Howell's status about

27:06

my dad when he was an officer? And he

27:08

pulled over

27:08

a priest from

27:10

residential school? He told

27:12

me the story, but not at the time.

27:15

Yeah. What did he say about it? Well,

27:18

he just was kind of

27:19

proud of himself because of

27:21

what he did. Good to see him.

27:23

He kind of laughed at me. I

27:26

don't really remember the total story, though. I

27:29

just... Telling that story

27:31

is a big smile. Did

27:34

he ever say who it was, which priest?

27:37

No.

27:37

I don't remember the priest. My

27:40

brothers, they didn't really talk about

27:43

things that happened. Like, even to this day, they

27:46

don't talk about what happened

27:48

to them at residential school. They just

27:50

don't want to talk about it.

27:58

I can understand that feeling.

27:59

of not wanting to talk about painful memories

28:02

from your childhood, because

28:03

for a long time, I didn't want

28:05

to talk about the memories I have of my dad.

28:07

I think in part

28:10

because I'm still dealing with them. I

28:12

still sometimes have dreams of being chased,

28:15

of trying to get away from some imminent

28:17

danger. I wake up with

28:19

my heart racing and fear and

28:22

adrenaline coursing through my body. Despite

28:25

the lingering effects of his anger

28:28

on my life, I've never

28:30

fully understood where that came from in him.

28:33

But it

28:33

seems like having a microphone is giving

28:36

us all permission to talk about things we've

28:38

never talked about before.

28:41

I remember my dad drinking when I was a kid,

28:44

and that he was very... he was mean. Abusive.

28:48

Yeah. Yeah. He had

28:51

a very short temper. Yeah. You

28:54

had to be very careful of what you

28:56

said or did, because yeah, he would fly

28:58

off the handle like that, you

29:01

know?

29:01

Yeah, even when he was sober, I think.

29:04

Yeah. Yeah. Like, my

29:06

kids don't know what we went through, and

29:10

they need to be educated. I don't know how

29:12

they're going to get it. I don't know how, what's

29:15

going to be the outcome of this story. But I think

29:17

that's our error

29:19

as parents, because that's

29:21

what we were taught. I

29:25

never told

29:27

them anything about residential school.

29:29

All of my dad's brothers and sisters

29:32

went to the St. Michael's Indian Residential

29:34

School.

29:35

This is the first time I've heard any

29:37

of them talk about it.

29:38

And I think that's where we went from.

29:43

Man. What we suffered, they don't

29:45

know about. Yeah. And what we

29:47

had to endure that

29:49

wasn't ours, they

29:52

don't know about. So,

29:55

stuff like that you just try and do.

29:58

Just to not think about it. don't

30:01

like to affect your life. Yeah. But

30:03

the thing about trauma is that it doesn't

30:06

often stay buried. It keeps

30:08

popping up. And one of the ways

30:11

to heal is to talk about it.

30:13

It's the trauma that caused

30:16

a lot of heartache. Yeah. And

30:19

they always wonder why. Well,

30:22

now you know.

30:24

Bye, so nice to see you. Good

30:27

night. I should let you guys go inside.

30:29

It's getting cold out. No,

30:31

I'm fine. OK. Are you

30:33

cold? No, I'm OK. I'm all right.

30:35

The kids all go inside. And

30:37

I know I should let my aunties go in too. But

30:40

I don't want to leave.

30:42

Learning the story from Hal and hearing my

30:44

aunties talk about my dad is helping

30:46

me realize that his life went beyond

30:48

my bad memories, that

30:50

there's more to his story. He

30:52

had to find that. And he had to work on

30:54

it to become who he was. Because

30:57

he was very humble

30:58

at the end. Like,

31:01

not the mean Howard that I

31:03

knew growing up. He was very

31:07

gentle, especially with the kids. Like,

31:10

I couldn't believe the amount of patience

31:12

he had with the kids. And I said, what?

31:15

That's not the Howard that I grew up

31:17

with.

31:21

I'm soaking

31:21

up every story, every

31:24

insight my aunties are giving me, talking

31:26

and laughing and crying with them as the

31:29

light fades to black. I'm

31:31

starting to see what I've been missing.

31:33

My dad, my family, this

31:36

place. And I'm going

31:38

to find out that what happened to us is

31:41

part of a far bigger story than I realized.

31:48

It's pitch black when I finally leave

31:50

my auntie's house and get into my

31:53

car to drive the hour back to my hotel

31:55

in Saskatoon. Oh my god.

31:57

OK, it is 10.41.

32:01

I got to my anti-ivies

32:03

at 6.45, I think, so

32:05

I was there for like four hours.

32:08

It was just so

32:10

hard to describe how I'm feeling because it's

32:13

such a mixture of emotions. And

32:16

that I feel amazing

32:19

on one hand because I feel

32:21

like I'm remembering a part

32:23

of myself with every conversation. In

32:26

talking with them, it

32:28

feels familiar. And

32:31

then also, obviously, the people that we're talking

32:33

about, like my dad, my cook a Mary,

32:38

you know, like those

32:45

were people that I spent a lot of time with

32:47

and I was closer to. But

32:51

that who I then really kind of lost

32:53

when I was seven and we left here. And

32:57

so it feels so good to

32:59

kind of be reminded of them and reconnect

33:01

with them all in a way. But

33:06

then it's also just so sad

33:09

because my dad

33:11

passed away. And

33:17

the only way I can get to know him now is through

33:19

these interviews and these

33:21

conversations with people who knew him better

33:24

than I did.

33:32

My dad was stolen from me because

33:35

his childhood was stolen from him by

33:38

residential school, but

33:40

also by a man in a black robe.

33:44

Their lives first intersected at residential

33:47

school when my dad was a boy and

33:49

the priest a grown man. And

33:52

then they collided again years later,

33:54

one night on the side of a dark road in

33:56

Saskatchewan.

33:58

My dad's life was cut.

33:59

cut short when he passed away in 2013. But

34:04

what happened to this priest?

34:06

Who was he? And can I find

34:09

him? This

34:13

season on Stolen, Surviving

34:16

St. Michael's.

34:18

I was

34:18

so used to getting up in the morning, running

34:20

outside, playing with my dog, going

34:23

to visit my grandparents, and

34:26

all that was taken away.

34:27

Did you understand any English? Nothing

34:31

at all, Connie.

34:33

Nothing. He's

34:38

the one that said he was sexually

34:40

abused by a priest. Did he say

34:42

which priest? No. I

34:45

said, you know what, Father? I'm going to tell you something. I

34:48

tracked you down. What is

34:50

this? It looks like there are

34:52

photos of boys and dressing.

34:56

You sometimes lie? Are you lying

34:58

to me now?

35:08

Stolen, Surviving St. Michael's is a gimlet

35:10

media and Spotify original production.

35:13

The show is hosted and reported by me, Connie

35:15

Walker. Additional reporting by

35:18

Betty Ann Adam. Reporting and

35:20

producing by Chantel Bel Richard, Max

35:22

Green and Anya Schultz. Our

35:24

supervising producer is Ellen Frankman.

35:27

Our editor is Devon Taylor. Our

35:29

consulting editor is Heather Evans. Additional

35:33

editorial support from Lydia Polgreen,

35:35

Rehan Hermansi, Jonathan Goldstein

35:38

and Saeed Tijan Thomas. Fact

35:40

checking by Naomi Barr. Original

35:43

music by Emma Munger, Chris Dirksen

35:46

and Raymond Cameron. Scoring,

35:48

sound design and mixing by Emma Munger.

35:51

Music supervision by Liz Fulton. Legal

35:54

support from Iris Fisher, Natalie

35:56

Russell, Whitney Potter and Rachel Strong.

35:59

If you have information that you'd like to share

36:02

about St. Michael's Indian Residential

36:04

School in Duck Lake, Saskatchewan, you

36:06

can write to us at stolen at Spotify.com.

36:09

If

36:11

you're a survivor or intergenerational

36:13

survivor of Canada's residential

36:15

school system, and you need help,

36:18

there's a 24-hour support line you can

36:20

call. 1-866-925-4419. And

36:26

if you or someone you know is dealing with physical

36:28

or sexual violence, you can find

36:30

resources in your area by going to Spotify.com

36:34

slash stolen. Thank

36:36

you for listening.

36:44

Thanks

36:44

for listening to the first episode of Stolen

36:47

Surviving St. Michael's. If you want

36:49

to hear more, you can find the full season

36:51

by searching stolen wherever you get

36:53

your podcasts. For

36:55

more CBC Podcasts, go to

36:58

cbc.ca slash podcasts.