1:59

of my life doing tricks on the wheels

2:02

of a BMX bike with a

2:04

checkerboard frame and handlebar grips.

2:07

I had a bike too, but I never tried the

2:09

tricks that El did. I was

2:11

not that kind of boy. I was more

2:13

inclined to read my mother's romance novels

2:16

or spend all day watching soap operas. I was the

2:20

kind of boy more likely to fall in love

2:22

than to fall off of a bike.

2:25

I was sitting on the porch reading a romance

2:27

novel when El turned the corner. He

2:30

rode his bike over to me standing on

2:32

the bike's pedals, towering over

2:34

me as I read. You want

2:37

to ride with me? He asked. I

2:40

said, okay, let

2:42

me put this in the house as I stumbled

2:44

to my feet. Minutes later,

2:47

we were riding our bikes side by side.

2:50

For boys like us, black boys,

2:53

the world could seem large and daunting. And

2:56

at the same time feel small and constrict

2:58

me mounting our bikes and going

3:00

beyond our immediate neighborhood was a freedom

3:03

ride. That first ride

3:05

turned into dozens of rides. And

3:07

we began to spend time together outside

3:09

of bike riding too. We

3:13

pulled our allowances and went to the bodega

3:16

to fill up brown paper bags with now and

3:18

later's lemon heads and Boston

3:20

baked beans to share as we played with my

3:22

Ninja Turtles action figures.

3:25

But as summer ended and the first

3:27

day of school got closer and closer, I felt

3:30

a real sadness. I

3:32

would start fifth grade and El would start

3:34

sixth. Suddenly, my stomach

3:36

was upset. I thought, did

3:39

I eat too many sweets? But

3:41

then I remembered other people felt this way, the

3:44

characters in those romance novels and soaps.

3:48

Almost immediately, my stomach was set right

3:50

because I realized the answer was simple. I

3:53

liked El every bit as much

3:55

as my favorite soap heroine, Erica

3:57

Kane loved each and every one of her husbands.

4:00

I like you," I told El. I

4:03

like you too, he replied. No,

4:06

I like you like you, I said. Okay

4:09

fool, I know, he said. We

4:12

stared at each other for a second before

4:14

going back to playing with our action figures,

4:17

until my aunt said it was time for dinner.

4:22

During the last days of summer, he and

4:24

I hung out as always. The night

4:26

before the first day of school, he said,

4:28

I want to give you something. He

4:31

reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring,

4:34

his mother's ring. It

4:37

was gold with a medium-sized amber

4:39

stone and an oval basket setting.

4:42

The ring was so tiny that even as

4:44

a child, although a chubby one, I

4:46

could fit it only on my pinky. The

4:49

next day, he and I walked to school together.

4:52

Once we were at school, we went to our different classes,

4:55

but I was still wearing the ring. That

4:58

whole morning, I played with it, waiting

5:00

for lunch and recess. That

5:03

would be the next time we'd see each other. I

5:07

got my lunch tray and sat down to eat, spotting

5:09

El in the sixth grade section. I waved

5:12

at him from across the room. He smiled

5:14

widely, just enough to expose a chip

5:16

left incisor, and he gave me

5:18

a soldier salute and sat down. I

5:21

smiled and turned to my lunch. As

5:23

I picked up my sport to eat, I looked

5:25

at the ring on my left pinky and began to daydream

5:28

of our beautiful summer together. My

5:30

daydream was interrupted by the voice of a

5:33

classmate, the school gossip. She

5:35

was an adolescent black barber-walter,

5:38

full of questions. Once

5:40

she set her sights on you, there was no escape.

5:44

Ooh, that's so nice,

5:46

she said, pointing to the ring. Is

5:49

that your mom's ring? No,

5:51

I said. With her, it was best

5:53

to keep it short. Who's is it? Where

5:56

did you get it from? She asked. I

5:59

told her. who had given it to me. Oh,

6:02

in sixth grade? That's why

6:04

you waved at him. Is he your

6:06

boyfriend? Yes,

6:09

I said. Oh, that's

6:12

so sweet. Boys liking

6:14

boys, she said, rolling

6:16

her eyes and walking away. I

6:19

smirked triumphantly, thinking that she

6:21

must be jealous. It never occurred

6:23

to me that she might roll her eyes for any

6:26

other reason.

6:32

We'll be right back. Matt

6:34

Bomer and Jonathan Bailey bring explosive

6:36

chemistry to fellow travelers, a new

6:39

Showtime original limited series from the writer

6:41

of Philadelphia. Bomer and Bailey play

6:43

two political staffers who fall in love at

6:45

the height of the lavender scare of the 1950s. Their

6:48

fiery and forbidden affair intensifies

6:51

through the decades despite the constant

6:53

threat of being exposed and losing everything,

6:56

including each other. The Can't Miss

6:58

limited series also stars Jelani Aladdin,

7:00

Noah J. Ricketts and Allison Williams.

7:03

New episodes streaming

7:04

now with the Paramount Plus with Showtime

7:06

plan. Hi, it's Melissa Clark

7:09

from New York Times Cooking and I'm in the kitchen with

7:11

some of our team. I want to know what everyone's making

7:13

for Thanksgiving this year from our recipes. Nikita

7:15

Richardson, what are you going to make? So I'm going to make the

7:17

fluffy mashed potatoes. Steaming

7:20

the potatoes makes them airy and

7:22

light and the most

7:23

delicious version of a mashed potato you've

7:25

ever had. Like super fluffy. Yes. Like

7:28

a

7:28

cloud. Genevieve Coe, what about you? Well, for my main

7:30

dish, I'm actually doing a mushroom welling tin. It

7:33

is so beautiful, the puff pastry wrapped

7:35

around this delicious savory mushroom filling,

7:38

arguably as stunning, if not

7:40

more so than a turkey. Von Vreeland,

7:42

what are you going to make?

7:43

I was actually here in the kitchen studio

7:45

when we filmed all of Genevieve's amazing pies.

7:48

They are incredible and it's going to be hard to narrow

7:50

it down to just one, but I think I'm going with the apple

7:52

blackberry this year. Like the filling is just

7:54

so jammy and delicious. It's

7:57

tart, sweet. I'm all about it.

7:59

Well, there you have it, folks. No matter what kind of Thanksgiving

8:02

you're cooking, you can find the recipes you need at

8:04

nytcooking.com slash Thanksgiving.

8:12

After school, I waited to walk home

8:14

with El, but he never showed.

8:18

And he wasn't on the stoop of his house when

8:20

I reached our street. I

8:22

ran into my house, did my homework lightning

8:24

fast, and changed into my play clothes. I

8:27

ran to El's house and knocked on the door. No

8:29

answer. I sat on the steps

8:32

and waited. About 15 minutes

8:34

passed before I heard footsteps from inside

8:36

the house. I jumped up. It

8:39

was him. I smiled and said,

8:41

"'Wanna ride?" But he did not

8:43

smile back. Before

8:46

I could ask what was wrong, he

8:48

punched me in the eye. My

8:51

head was spinning, but I managed

8:53

to steady myself and say, "'Why'd you?'

8:56

As he ran toward me. I thought

8:58

for a moment that he was coming to help me, but

9:01

instead he hit me again. At

9:03

that point, I did the only thing that made

9:05

sense to me. I hit him back. Suddenly

9:09

we were in the street fighting like strangers.

9:12

"'Aunt Lori,' my cousin screamed. "'They're

9:15

out here fighting!' Within seconds,

9:17

my aunt ran toward us to pull us apart.

9:21

"'What happened? "'I thought y'all were friends,'

9:23

she said to me as she brought me into the

9:26

house. I couldn't even speak. "'Eric,

9:29

what happened?' she said. Still

9:31

nothing. Then finally, looking

9:34

at the ground, I said, "'I

9:36

thought he liked me. "'He

9:38

said he liked me.' I

9:40

burst into tears, a full-on ugly

9:42

cry. "'Oh, Eric,' Aunt

9:45

Lori said as she hugged me and

9:47

let me sob into her chest. Elle

9:50

and I didn't see each other for a few days. Then

9:53

another one of my cousins, also in our school's

9:55

sixth grade, told us that she had a new

9:57

boyfriend. "'Who is it?'

10:00

Someone asked, she said Elle's

10:02

name, you know, from across

10:04

the street. I walked

10:06

off quietly. Heartbreak

10:11

combined with confusion and anger, create

10:14

a very specific pain. Add

10:16

in guilt and my despair was all

10:19

consuming. I remembered

10:21

my gossipy classmates, I roll and

10:24

her toothless grin as she walked away

10:26

from our lunchroom conversation. I'd

10:29

seen that same grin in other instances.

10:32

It was not a nice grin at all. It

10:34

was nice nasty, as my model would

10:36

say. I'd given people

10:38

a way to be nice nasty to Elle, and

10:41

this must have hurt him.

10:46

I sat in my room the rest of the day, staring

10:48

at the ring. That evening,

10:51

I walked across the street to his house. I

10:53

dropped the ring through the door's mail slot. I

10:56

immediately heard footsteps inside, so I ran

10:58

back to my house. I

11:00

was closing my door, just as I saw

11:02

Elle's mother open her door and look around,

11:05

holding the ring in her hand.

11:07

Two

11:10

months later, in November, I

11:13

sat on the steps reading a book when

11:15

a van pulled up in front of Elle's house. Within

11:18

minutes, his mother was putting boxes in the

11:20

trunk of the van. It

11:22

took a minute to register that Elle and his

11:24

mother were moving. By

11:26

the time it was clear to me, Elle was walking

11:29

down the stairs. As

11:32

he went to get into the van, we

11:34

made eye contact for the first time in

11:36

what felt like a lifetime. He

11:39

smiled, wide enough to expose

11:41

that chipped left incisor, saluted

11:43

me like a soldier again, got

11:46

in the van, and drove away.

11:50

After everything, Elle exited my life

11:53

as abruptly as he'd entered it. I

11:56

never saw or spoke with him again.

12:05

If

12:07

you want to hear my conversation with Eric

12:10

Darnell Pritchard, you can find it in

12:12

the Modern Love Podcast.

12:18

Modern Love is produced by Julia Botero,

12:20

Christina Joseph, and Riva Goldberg

12:23

with help from Emily Lang. It's

12:25

edited by our executive producer, Jen

12:28

Pojanen. This episode was mixed

12:30

by Sophia Landman. Our show is

12:32

recorded by Maddie Maciello, original

12:35

music by Dan Powell, Marion Lozano,

12:38

Pat McCusker, and Carol Saburo. Digital

12:41

production by Mahima Chablani and Nell

12:43

Gologli. The Modern

12:45

Love column is edited by Daniel Jones. Mia

12:48

Lee is the editor of Modern Love Projects.

12:50

I'm Anna Martin. Thanks for listening. Thank

12:58

you.