0:00

Every great love story begins with a

0:02

Harry Winston diamond. For nearly a century,

0:04

Harry Winston has been the name behind

0:06

some of the world's most exceptional diamonds.

0:09

That's because every Harry Winston diamond ring

0:11

is as one of a kind as

0:13

the love story it represents. The ultimate

0:16

symbol of romance, devotion, and elegance. From

0:18

emerald cut and cushion cut to oval

0:20

and pear shaped, every diamond

0:22

is hand selected for maximum beauty and

0:24

brilliance and placed in a timeless platinum

0:27

setting. Say I do to

0:29

a Harry Winston engagement ring and

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you're happily ever after at harrywinston.com.

0:49

From the New York Times, I'm Anna

0:51

Martin. This is Modern Love and we're

0:53

continuing on with our anniversary series celebrating

0:56

20 years of modern love

0:58

with our favorite artists. Today,

1:00

I'm talking to an artist I've followed

1:03

for years. Five-time Grammy

1:05

Award-winning musician Brittany Howard.

1:17

I was first introduced to Brittany's music right as I

1:20

was graduating high school. I

1:22

was driving around with my friends and someone

1:24

put on an Alabama shake song and I

1:26

remember grabbing their phone. I had to see

1:28

who was singing. I couldn't

1:30

believe the voice I was hearing. The

1:42

angst and the power and the

1:44

grit and the range of her

1:46

belt. It makes you

1:48

feel something. And

1:50

now, nearly 10 years later, Brittany has

1:53

put out two solo albums. Her

1:55

first was dedicated to her older sister, who passed

1:57

away at a young age. It's called

1:59

Jamie... It came out in 2019 and

2:01

it's absolutely gorgeous. And her

2:03

new album, What Now, came out earlier this

2:06

year. I'm living in

2:08

the future, I'm trying to avoid

2:10

you. When

2:13

I listen to What Now, I get that same feeling

2:15

I got in the car almost a decade ago, awe

2:18

at her voice, her presence, and

2:20

her ability to tell stories about

2:22

heartbreak and healing. Today,

2:24

Britney reads a modern love essay about

2:26

that journey, from fear and

2:28

pain to love and real connection.

2:44

Britney Howard, welcome to Modern Love. Thank

2:46

you so much. I'm so excited to be here. So

2:49

I have seen quite a few interviews where

2:52

you mentioned fishing. There

2:54

are some interviews where you even go

2:57

fishing. So I have to say, straight off the bat,

2:59

I apologize we're not doing this interview in a boat. I

3:01

feel like it would have been much more fun for you. I

3:04

would have been distracted. This is perfect. Yeah,

3:07

you couldn't have focused on the question, just on the fish.

3:09

Can you tell me a little bit about how long

3:11

you've been fishing for? Oh, yeah.

3:13

So I've been fishing since I was three years old.

3:16

My family, that's what we used to go

3:18

and do, like as a family activity. It's

3:21

pretty much free, low cost. And

3:24

we go catfishing. Do

3:26

you remember the first time you caught a fish? Can

3:28

you describe that feeling, if you remember it? Yeah,

3:31

the first fish I caught, I don't

3:33

know. I was little, maybe five. And

3:35

we were just fishing off the Tennessee River. I

3:37

remember I caught a brim. This is like a

3:40

little fish. And

3:42

I was terrified, absolutely terrified. I

3:44

didn't like the worms. I had got

3:46

a hook in my finger. So what did

3:49

you do? Did you throw it back in,

3:51

or was that dinner? Oh, I was screaming.

3:53

I was crying. I gave it to my dad. And I was

3:55

like, get rid of it. I don't

3:57

want to see. that.

4:00

I'm very proud but I do not

4:02

want to look at it. I

4:04

get that. It sounds like though

4:07

that you've moved on from that fear you're

4:09

no longer afraid when you catch a fish.

4:12

It depends on the fish but mostly no.

4:16

Can I ask you do you see any connections

4:18

between fishing and making

4:21

music? Are those present for you? Oh for

4:23

sure. I mean I feel like an

4:25

idea is a lot like a fish you know you got

4:27

to show up to the water

4:30

like you got to show up to your instruments to

4:32

show up to the table just

4:34

like writing anything you just gotta show

4:36

up first things first then you gotta

4:39

stay with it you know you can't just throw your

4:41

line in water and you don't catch anything for hours

4:43

so you leave. You gotta sit there and stay

4:45

with it and then sometimes you

4:47

catch a good idea and then you gotta

4:49

work on that idea and reel

4:51

it in so to speak. Okay I

4:54

love that. The

4:56

Modern Love Essay You're About to Read is not

4:59

about fishing but now that I think about

5:01

it there are some resonances between what we've

5:03

been talking about and the

5:06

author's story. You spoke about overcoming

5:08

a fear of catching a big

5:10

fish and the author of the

5:12

essay also overcomes a fear but

5:14

a very different one. The essay

5:17

is called Was She Just

5:19

Another Nicely Packaged Pain Delivery

5:21

System and it's by Judith

5:23

Federley. Brittany what stuck out to

5:25

you about this essay? With

5:27

this essay I think the

5:30

thing that I could relate to

5:32

the most is that feeling of

5:34

having a crush and

5:38

falling in love again and

5:40

saying to yourself oh no

5:43

this is wonderful. Saying

5:47

to yourself oh no this is

5:49

wonderful that's perfect because it's kind

5:52

of dread but it's also like

5:54

joy it's a combo oh no

5:56

this is wonderful. Exactly yeah and

5:58

that got me. I can relate

6:00

to that. Mmm. Let's have you read

6:02

it whenever you're ready. This

6:06

is, was she just another

6:09

nicely packaged pain delivery system by

6:12

Judith Federly? I

6:15

was 67. She

6:17

was 67. Knowing

6:20

as much as she did about white wine, she

6:22

had not joined the class until the talk turned

6:24

to reds. I had

6:26

been there through the talk about whites and the

6:29

sessions on bubbles while I was ready

6:31

for red. I had joined

6:33

the class to help an ailing and mostly

6:35

housebound friend who needed stimulation, thinking

6:37

the outings would be good for her. But

6:40

on this night, my friend was sick, so

6:43

I went alone. After

6:48

entering the school building where the class was held,

6:50

I became lost within seconds. I

6:53

wandered, becoming more and more distressed at

6:55

every false turn, looking for her, but

6:58

not finding the room where the wine class was held. And

7:01

then I saw her, this gorgeous

7:04

woman, beautifully dressed in a stylish

7:06

raincoat and elegant boots, striding down

7:08

the hallway, purposeful, sure of herself.

7:12

Her short white hair spiky purple. I

7:15

felt certain she was headed to the wine class, so I stopped

7:17

her to get directions. She

7:19

told me which right, then left, then

7:22

right to take. She

7:24

said, you don't remember me, do you? Sarah,

7:27

I said, suddenly recognizing her as someone I

7:29

had met years before at a party. She

7:33

ducked into the restroom and I followed her perfect

7:35

directions to the classroom. After

7:39

the teachers talked, the class dispersed to

7:41

a local wine shop for pallets on

7:43

instruction. Sarah

7:45

and I connected as we tasted, discovering

7:48

our mutual love of red wine, of opera,

7:50

of late night movies and

7:52

gardens. The

7:54

class ended, but Sarah and I continued to

7:57

meet for the occasional dinner or coffee. talked

8:00

about seeing an opera in New York when the Met opened

8:02

in the season and fall. One

8:05

afternoon, when we had agreed to meet, Sarah

8:08

was late. I was in a coffee

8:10

house looking out the window easily. I thought

8:12

I saw her coming and my heart rose. I

8:15

realized it was not her and my heart

8:17

sank. Such excitement

8:19

followed by such disappointment. What

8:22

could it mean? Only

8:24

one thing. I woke up to

8:26

the fact that I was falling in love. I

8:29

was terrified. I

8:32

did not consider myself to be a candidate for love. I

8:35

was damaged goods discarded some years earlier by

8:38

my partner of 17 years

8:40

who left me for a younger woman. Judy

8:43

cried my friend when we heard of

8:45

the betrayal. It's as bad as a man.

8:47

I had

8:50

gotten a message. I was unlovable and didn't

8:52

deserve to be treated well. From

8:55

the carnage, I had also deciphered another

8:57

message. I had trusted

8:59

her completely and been utterly mistaken. I

9:02

thought I knew who would be faithful and true. Wrong.

9:05

I thought I knew who would be good for me and to me. Wrong

9:08

again. I thought I was a

9:10

person capable of keeping a long term relationship

9:12

going. Again, wrong. In

9:16

a matter of intimate relationships, it was obvious

9:18

that I couldn't be trusted to choose wisely

9:20

or well. My

9:23

forays into the world of match.com and

9:25

Lesbian Love Finder had only reinforced my

9:28

sense that intimate relationships were no longer

9:30

possible for me. If

9:33

I felt even the slightest stirring of

9:35

attraction, I flinched, convinced I had encountered

9:37

yet another nicely packaged pain delivery system.

9:41

I couldn't trust others and I couldn't trust myself.

9:47

Since my first summer camp, I had been

9:50

in love with someone. Now in my seventh

9:52

decade, I look on love as a

9:54

danger zone and felt safe for being alone, prepared

9:56

to live in a land of lost loves for

9:58

the rest of my life. life. I

10:02

had glimpsed this land some years before in

10:04

a painting hanging in the dining room of

10:06

a bed and breakfast in Stratford, Ontario. As

10:11

I sat in breakfast, I looked up

10:13

to see a painting of a large and gloomy

10:15

scene of the Alberta Prairie, field

10:17

brown and sky gray. In

10:20

the middle of the field was a tree stump with an

10:22

axe embedded in it. At the edge

10:24

of the painting stood a rooster gazing at the stump.

10:28

Does this painting have a title I asked our

10:30

host? Lost

10:34

loves, he said. The

10:37

land of lost loves, no hands left,

10:39

stretched before me as well. But

10:45

then I met Sarah. Sarah was different.

10:48

I never met a person of such integrity. This

10:50

attracted me, as did the

10:52

way she scrunched up her face when she laughed

10:55

in a slight southern accent I could hear when

10:57

she talked about outer reds, the only

10:59

apples she would use for making applesauce. I

11:05

wanted to propose that we move into a

11:07

more intimate connection, but

11:09

I feared acceptance almost as much as rejection.

11:11

Shooter, my brittle body would break into hundreds

11:13

of tiny pieces if I ever touched someone

11:15

again as a lover. Besides,

11:18

what if I were to propose a more

11:21

intimate connection as she wasn't interested? Would

11:23

I lose her as a friend? I did not

11:25

want to offend her. I

11:29

began to identify with a good man in

11:31

Jane Austen's novels, the one who

11:34

would never put a lady in an awkward position of

11:36

having to reject him if she did not want to

11:38

return his affection. So he never approached

11:40

anyone until he was certain his affection would be

11:42

returned. Since ladies, however, were

11:44

trained never to show their affections until

11:47

the approach by a man, courtship

11:49

proved to be a difficult dance indeed. My

11:52

own dance was equally difficult. I

11:54

searched for signs that Sarah might share my feelings

11:58

so that I might speak of my growing affection. for

12:00

her. We

12:04

spent a delicious afternoon visiting a garden

12:06

and beacon New York. Halfway through

12:08

our tour we found a tree house and climbed

12:10

into it then laid down on

12:12

the benches to rest. In

12:15

that intimate and somewhat romantic setting I

12:17

made a stab at relationship talk. Sarah

12:23

who would you say has been the love of your life?

12:26

Why she said in a slight draw I

12:30

guess I would have to say my cat bow.

12:32

She scrunched up her eyes this time to stifle

12:34

a laugh. I wanted to say

12:36

try me but I didn't dare. Inwardly

12:39

I turned outwardly I obsessed.

12:42

I asked friends with whom we socialized they thought

12:44

Sarah might have a romantic interest in me. No

12:47

one could find any sign of her feelings

12:50

towards me positive or negative of

12:52

course. Sarah was also

12:54

channeling Mr. Knightley. We

12:56

were at an impasse sharing

12:59

my frustration with my very best friend who

13:01

had heard it all before many times I

13:03

provoked her intervention. One

13:05

of you she announced is gonna have to do

13:07

something. It's getting boring. Butch

13:10

up baby and tell her how you feel. I

13:13

began to write a letter to Sarah. I

13:15

told her my admiration for her my

13:17

attraction to her of my interest and

13:20

exploring a romantic relationship with her. I

13:23

asked if she might share that interest. I

13:25

wrote and rewrote and friends

13:27

read and reread and then I wrote some more.

13:29

I wanted to be clear about

13:31

my feelings but I had to give her

13:34

a graceful way to refuse my invitation. Finally

13:37

more than a year and a half after that

13:40

evening in the red wine class I put the

13:42

letter in the mail drove to the

13:44

airport and flew to Milwaukee to visit my

13:46

brother. Jangle

13:49

did not begin to describe the state

13:51

of my nerves as I contemplated the

13:54

possible consequences of having spoken. Doing

13:57

some simple yoga stretches the first morning of my

13:59

visit. and an effort to manage my stress, I

14:02

heard a pop in my lower back. I

14:05

was flooded with pain and then realized I couldn't

14:07

get up without help. The local

14:09

urgent care center provided oxycodone and the advice

14:11

to get an MRI as soon as I

14:13

got home. When

14:17

Sarah called that evening to say yes, I

14:19

was delirious in more ways than one. I

14:23

did not expect to find love again and certainly

14:25

not so late in life. Experts

14:29

on aging trumpet falling is our greatest danger,

14:32

but what about the danger of not falling? Of

14:35

course, my skin will go to bumps and scabs

14:37

and brown spots, and of course, my hands will

14:40

cramp with arthritis. But

14:42

if they are collapsed by Sarah's own, I can

14:45

face whatever comes. Mmm, cutie.

14:52

Such a cutie. Isn't Judith such

14:54

a cutie? Yeah, I love her. I don't

14:56

know who this is, but I love her. Even

15:00

more love from Brittany Howard after

15:02

the break. Every

15:09

great love story begins with a Harry Winston

15:11

diamond. For nearly a century, Harry Winston has

15:14

been the name behind some of the world's

15:16

most exceptional diamonds. That's because every Harry Winston

15:18

diamond ring is as one of a kind

15:21

as the love story it represents.

15:23

It's the ultimate symbol of

15:25

romance, devotion, and elegance. From

15:27

emerald cut and cushion cut to oval

15:29

and pear shaped, every diamond

15:32

is hand-selected for maximum beauty and

15:34

brilliance and placed in a timeless

15:36

platinum setting. Say I do

15:38

to a Harry Winston engagement ring, and

15:40

you're happily ever after at harrywinston.com.

15:43

Hey there, it's Ira Glass from Miss American Life. If

15:46

you don't know our show, it's true stories that unfold

15:48

like little movies for radio. Lots of

15:50

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We've been on the radio for years. And

15:55

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that's nytimes.com/audio app.

16:55

So Brittany, you just read Judith

16:57

Federley's very cute Modern Love

16:59

essay. Did anything about Judith's

17:01

story resonate with you personally? Well,

17:04

like for me personally, I don't

17:08

know enough stories about

17:12

older lesbian couples. Growing

17:14

up, that wasn't in the media. We

17:16

didn't have access to it. And

17:18

so immediately hearing a 67 year old

17:20

woman experiencing the same

17:22

feelings that we feel as young women, I

17:26

was just like, wow. I

17:28

guess I always imagined somebody who

17:32

is 67 would have

17:34

more wisdom than me about love.

17:37

But at the end of the day, we're all

17:39

having like the same experience. I

17:42

love what you're saying. It's like you never

17:44

figure it out. I truly believe that no

17:46

matter if you're nine years

17:49

old with your first crush or 67 looking to

17:51

fall in love again with the cute woman in your

17:54

wine class, we just don't know

17:56

how to do it. It's

17:58

beautiful and it's frustrating. Right

18:00

and that really makes me want

18:02

to root for Judith. I am rooting for

18:04

them wherever they are right now I

18:07

hope you're so happy. Oh We

18:09

hope you're still happy and we hope you still together, but if

18:11

not, I hope you've made peace and feel great in

18:13

your life Yeah, both is fine Both

18:18

is totally fine Judith wherever you are

18:21

So Brittany this essay opens

18:23

up with the intense energy

18:25

of a new crush and

18:28

on your new album What now I feel

18:30

like you kind of have the perfect song to

18:32

match that Phrenetic chaotic

18:34

do they like me? I don't know

18:37

kind of energy. It's a track called

18:39

patience. Let's listen to it I

19:14

Bernice it's weird to play yourself back to

19:16

you. Like is that strange?

19:18

I just realized I'm loving it, but

19:21

is it strange for you? No, I'm over

19:23

here jamming really so am

19:25

I my god It's so good

19:27

this track in particular Stuck

19:30

out because I feel like what you're saying

19:32

in the lyrics is this sort of more

19:34

mature Version of

19:36

the new crush feeling I hear the lyrics

19:38

as like I want to tell you I

19:40

like you But I've been through so

19:43

much. I have so much history and that

19:45

experience makes me feel very scared Is

19:48

that what you were trying to convey in this song? Yeah,

19:51

it's definitely Fear

19:53

based and it's like oh my god.

19:55

I'm feeling these feelings again. Doom. Doom.

19:58

Doom. Doom. Doom Terror.

20:02

Terror. Okay, wait, that is such a

20:04

strong word that we don't normally associate

20:06

with a new crush. Tell me why

20:08

you wanted to dig into that fear

20:10

in this song. Yeah, I

20:12

think it's something about being older,

20:15

being more experienced in love, and

20:19

finding yourself having this crush and

20:22

falling in love with someone again.

20:24

Idealizing someone and then fantasizing about

20:27

what it will be like and

20:29

all of these emotions in your heart. And

20:32

then there's also this fear. It can be

20:34

a little scary because you're like, well, I've

20:36

been here before. What's going to be different

20:38

this time? And so you're trying

20:40

to hang on to your

20:42

senses, but then the

20:45

dopamine floods your brain and you're just down

20:47

the river. And

20:49

that's actually exactly where we find

20:51

Judith, the author of this essay.

20:53

She is so far down the

20:55

river. She's crushing hard on the

20:57

woman in her wine class. And

21:00

then at the end of the essay, I

21:02

love this. She actually sends that letter to

21:05

her crush, telling her exactly how she

21:07

feels. And it's such a brave move, but

21:09

it's also so risky, right? Absolutely.

21:12

In fact, I

21:14

think she flew to, what was it, Milwaukee?

21:17

She did. Exactly. To another state. It

21:22

was so risky that she was like, I got to get out of town.

21:25

Yeah. So it

21:27

was the ultimate risk. Yeah. She had

21:29

to get out of there. Have

21:31

you done that kind of like

21:33

risky declaration of affection before, either

21:35

in text form and letter form

21:37

and song form? Have you done

21:39

this kind of thing? Absolutely.

21:43

Yeah. So

21:45

I, okay. So I don't know if you

21:47

believe in astrology or whatever. I don't know.

21:49

Maybe some of your life. I'm a cancer.

21:51

I just, you know, putting that out there,

21:54

I'm a cancer in case that has anything

21:56

to do with budget. Okay. So I'm a

21:58

Libra sun Aries rising cancer moon. So

22:00

I'm over here just absolutely just

22:02

dying if I don't send it Totally

22:06

totally and also the

22:09

feeling of sending that text and

22:12

then running through your house like I

22:17

mean, it's such it's such a fun feeling and

22:19

it's also kind of like the scariest feeling in

22:21

the world You know,

22:23

I'm curious you have mentioned in other interviews

22:25

that you started working on what

22:27

now after a big breakup How

22:30

long did it take for you to get to

22:32

the point of being able to say like okay

22:34

I can do this again like I can send

22:36

a text to a new person I can

22:39

run around my house and get excited. How

22:41

long did it take you? I mean

22:45

For me it took a year It

22:49

took a it took a year being by myself and hanging

22:52

out with me and kind of

22:54

growing and changing myself because I just

22:57

knew I just didn't want to be in the same

22:59

predicaments over and over again and and

23:01

I could take responsibility for who

23:04

I was now how I felt now and What

23:09

what kind of Partnership I was ready

23:11

for it It took

23:13

it took a while to wrap my head around

23:15

things and to understand how to move forward I

23:18

had got to a point where it's like well, I think

23:20

I'm okay not being in a relationship. Actually, this is kind

23:22

of nice it's nice just Getting

23:24

to know people and meet new people and do whatever

23:26

I want And I think that's when it came knocking

23:28

on my door again, and I

23:31

feel like your album what now?

23:34

Actually kind of traces the journey of getting

23:36

to that point of being ready for

23:39

love again There's this one song

23:41

that I especially love it's called

23:43

red flags and it's about that

23:45

crucial stage of Healing

23:47

and moving on where you're looking back at

23:50

a previous relationship and you're seeing all of

23:52

the things that you were blinded to Because

23:54

you were so into someone. Let's

23:56

listen to that track I

24:00

gave my soul to you,

24:02

I've been through this I've

24:12

been through this,

24:15

I've been through

24:17

this I thought

24:19

you gave me the

24:21

game, I've been on all of your

24:23

days I've

24:25

been right through them with friends

24:35

I feel like the lyrics are so

24:37

frustrated. You're seeing I ran right through

24:39

those red flags but there's also

24:41

a kind of playfulness.

24:43

There are a lot of feelings in

24:45

this one song and I

24:47

want to know how did you go about

24:50

fitting all of those different emotions into a single

24:52

track? Well sometimes

24:54

that's how my heart feels, it's like so

24:56

many things in there and

24:59

that's just like personally, we're

25:01

not even talking about the rest of the

25:03

world and how the rest of the world

25:05

makes me feel. It's just inside

25:09

really wanting to labor over

25:12

having a long term relationship and

25:14

really wanting that and so

25:17

revisiting something that didn't work out

25:20

and revisiting why

25:22

was I choosing this type of relationship

25:25

Red flags is also like

25:27

taking accountability for a

25:30

place that I stayed in What was

25:32

comfortable about being surrounded by these

25:34

red flags, what was comfortable about

25:37

this chaos? And

25:39

yeah, there is a meditative aspect to red

25:41

flags and there's also a silliness in it

25:44

too I'm

25:46

bringing in elements in that song that

25:49

are channeling this 50's doo-wop group

25:53

and I thought of this song

25:55

as having this small

26:00

background vocal gang of cherubs and they're just hanging

26:02

with you and it's like yeah you didn't get

26:04

it right this time you know and you know

26:06

we're on your side you're gonna get there yeah

26:10

and and and to me that

26:12

was like part of the inspiration is like this

26:14

kind of cartoony feeling of running through these flags

26:16

and having a cherub gang and

26:19

you're trying to get there each you're trying to get to

26:21

the true love you know the top of the hill to

26:23

top of the mountain hmm and

26:26

you know one thing you've talked about that

26:28

helped you get to the top of the

26:31

mountain is meditation there are

26:33

actually a lot of moments in your

26:35

album that feel very meditative because you

26:37

play singing bowls in between each track

26:39

it's really lovely can you

26:42

speak about why spirituality has

26:44

become so important to you as an

26:46

artist and also just as a person oh

26:48

absolutely I mean I'll

26:51

just speak on my behalf from

26:53

where I'm coming from the world

26:55

feels like it's moving faster and faster and faster

26:57

so our brains

27:00

kind of get used to running on that speed but

27:02

then like to have

27:04

the self-awareness to

27:06

want to grow into the

27:10

type of person that wants to be in

27:12

the type of relationship that you want how

27:14

are we creating any space for that movement

27:16

and I think that's where meditation

27:19

enters the picture just slowing down right

27:21

slow down be present because once you're

27:23

in that relationship or whatever thing it

27:25

is that you want a person it

27:27

is that you want to be with

27:30

what then are you still gonna move a thousand

27:32

miles per hour and blow it you

27:35

know you gotta slow down and you got to be present

27:37

in it and you have to enjoy it for what it

27:39

is is

27:41

there anything you say to yourself like

27:43

a daily mantra that you

27:45

could share I'm curious what it sounds like you

27:48

are so practiced in this kind of slowing down

27:50

now I wonder if there's a phrase that you carry with

27:52

you you know there

27:55

is something that that

27:57

I say that deeply resonates with me

28:00

which is just being grateful that I

28:02

get to love in peace. And

28:05

what I mean by that is I'm not

28:07

living in a war zone. Things

28:10

aren't falling apart around me. Like things

28:13

aren't on fire. I'm not crossing a

28:15

border. I'm not being ripped away from the person I

28:17

love. And to me, just saying,

28:19

I'm so grateful, I get to love in

28:22

peace always brings me back

28:25

just this deep gratefulness. I'm

28:28

so grateful I get to love in peace.

28:31

Yeah, it feels very apt, especially

28:33

for now. You

28:35

know, my final question is actually

28:37

about the title of your album, What

28:40

Now? It's such a big open-ended

28:43

kind of query. And interestingly, I feel

28:45

like it's also the question that I'm

28:47

left with at the end of the

28:49

essay because the author, Judith, gets

28:51

the girl, as it were, you know, like her crush

28:53

reciprocates her feelings. And then as readers, we're kind of

28:56

left with the question of

28:58

like, what's next? What now? So

29:00

I'm hoping I can end

29:03

on the question of this essay and really the

29:05

question of your album and ask you, what

29:08

now for you, Brittany? What

29:11

now for me? I'm going to

29:13

live into that answer. Tell

29:17

me what that means for you. I'm that

29:20

person. I like a plan. Because

29:22

I know that if I can make a plan

29:24

and have an end goal, then I can get

29:27

there. But also that

29:29

approach means that I

29:31

think I'm in control. And

29:35

I got to release that control and

29:38

go with the flow of life.

29:40

Things change. I

29:43

need to be adaptable. I

29:45

need to trust everything that I have ever

29:47

been up until this point until now to

29:49

make correct decisions. And I do trust myself.

29:52

And so when I say live into the answer, sure,

29:54

we can make a plan. That's fine. We could put

29:56

a goalpost. But realistically, you

29:58

kind of got to... that go a

30:00

little bit and just be aware of

30:02

what's around you. Things

30:04

come in and out of our lives,

30:07

I believe, in perfect timing. And

30:09

if you just have a little awareness of

30:12

the things you've been asking for, they're gonna enter

30:14

in a way that you probably

30:16

never expected, so you just gotta be

30:18

aware and be ready to go

30:21

with that. Brittany, I'm

30:23

picturing you saying this to me

30:25

as we're slowly bobbing on the

30:27

surface of a lake with our

30:29

fishing poles pointed into... I'm

30:34

so calmed and actually given a lot of

30:36

hope by what you're saying, and I just feel like it

30:38

would be even better if

30:40

we were fishing, so again, I'm sorry that we're not.

30:44

You're saying you wanna go fishing. That's what I'm

30:46

hearing. I think I need to go fishing. You're

30:48

right. I mean, have you ever fished before?

30:51

No, I haven't. I've crabbed. Does

30:53

that count? I feel like it's a little

30:55

bit more hectic than fishing. Listen, I've never

30:57

crabbed. I don't know. I'm

31:00

saying that you should. Well, maybe I can teach you

31:02

something, Brittany. Maybe I can teach you a little something

31:04

about crabbing. I don't know if I like crabs. I

31:06

don't know. Brittany, thank

31:08

you so much for this conversation. I so

31:10

appreciate it. Hey, thank you so

31:12

much. It's been so great to have this combo

31:14

with you. Next

31:20

week, our anniversary series continues

31:23

with everyone's favorite chef and I thank

31:25

the person with the best laugh in the world,

31:28

Sameen Nosrat. The

31:30

only thing we can't get more of

31:32

is time. And so there was just

31:34

almost this like overnight change in me.

31:37

You know, I always joke. I'm like, oh, now I'm fully YOLO. Like.

31:40

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Modern

31:43

Love is produced by Julia Botero,

31:46

Christina Joseph, Reva Goldberg, Davis

31:48

Land, and Emily Lang with help

31:50

from Kate Lopresti. It's edited

31:52

by our executive producer, Jen Poitant and

31:55

Paula Schumann. The Modern Love theme

31:57

music is by Dan Powell. Original music by

31:59

Dan Powell. Pat McCusker and Marion

32:01

Lozano. This episode was

32:03

mixed by Dangil Ramirez. Our show is

32:06

recorded by Maddie Masiello. Digital

32:08

production by Mahima Jablani and Nell

32:10

Gologli. The

32:12

Modern Love column is edited by Dangil Jones.

32:14

Mia Lee is the editor of Modern Love

32:17

Projects. I'm Anna Merton. Thanks

32:19

for listening. you