0:00

Every great love story begins with

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a Harry Winston diamond. For nearly

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a century, Harry Winston has been

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the name behind some of the

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world's most exceptional diamonds. That's because

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every Harry Winston diamond ring is

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as one-of-a-kind as the love story

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it represents. The ultimate symbol of

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romance, devotion, and elegance. From emerald

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cut and cushion cut, to oval

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and pear-shaped, every diamond is

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hand-selected for maximum beauty and brilliance

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and placed in a timeless platinum

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setting. Say I do, to a

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Harry Winston engagement ring and you're

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happily ever after at harrywinston.com. From

0:51

the New York Times, I'm Anna Martin. This

0:53

is Modern Love. And

0:55

we're still celebrating our 20th

0:57

anniversary, spotlighting our favorite love stories

1:00

with our favorite writers, musicians,

1:02

artists, and today, a chef.

1:05

Cooking for someone is kind of the

1:08

original way to say, I love you.

1:10

The labor, the time, the care,

1:12

all that chopping and kneading and

1:15

careful seasoning. So

1:17

if food is love, then chef

1:19

and writer Samin Nasrat just might

1:21

be the most romantic person in

1:24

the world. It's sweet,

1:27

it's rich in flavor. It's

1:29

so good. It's so good. It's bringing

1:31

tears to my eyes. It's so good.

1:34

That's Samin on her Netflix show Salt,

1:36

Fat, Acid, Heat, freaking out in the

1:38

best way over some parmesan cheese in

1:41

Italy with the people who spent years

1:43

making it. This is

1:45

Samin and her element, sharing meals and

1:47

laughs and sometimes tears with other people.

1:51

From the vibrant, delicious dinner she hosts for her friends, I'm

1:53

going to put you straight to work. So do you want

1:55

a glass of wine first? Yeah. To making traditional Iranian dishes

1:57

with her mom. with

2:01

some trial and error. Apparently I've been

2:03

doing this wrong my whole life. You're

2:05

not frying it. It was just making

2:07

good, cross-state patty. Okay. To her instructional

2:10

videos showing us how home cooks can

2:12

make cheesy, molten lasagna from scratch.

2:14

Hot, oh my God. It's

2:16

like a piece of lava going

2:18

down my throat. Ha

2:22

ha ha ha! Okay, I hope

2:24

that you get to share this lasagna

2:26

with a bunch of people. I hope it brings a

2:28

little joy and comfort and deliciousness. When we asked

2:30

Samin to pick a Modern Love essay, she knew

2:32

exactly which one she wanted to read. It's

2:35

an essay that involves food, of course, but

2:38

it's also an essay about time, how

2:40

precious it is, and how, just

2:42

like a piece of piping hot lasagna, we

2:45

have to savor it with the people we love.

2:51

Samin Nasrat, welcome to Modern Love.

2:53

Thanks so much for having me, Anna. Okay,

2:56

I worry this is gonna sound creepy, but I'm

2:58

just gonna tell you, we've actually met before. We

3:00

have a friend in common, and one

3:02

time, I tagged along

3:04

on an errand with her. She was

3:06

dropping off a pot she borrowed from

3:08

you at your house. Oh,

3:10

for her chili. Exactly, yes, and I met you

3:12

then. Well, did I still live in my

3:15

little apartment, or did I live here? No,

3:17

it was like a house with a garden

3:19

in the middle. Yeah, yeah, that's where I

3:21

lived now. And you gave me a LaCroix, and

3:23

I fangirled very quietly. Ha

3:26

ha ha ha! That's funny. Okay,

3:28

now that that's over, before we

3:30

get to the essay, I wanna ask

3:32

you a personal question. You are

3:35

so openly emotional on

3:38

salt, fat, acid heat, your TV show,

3:40

and throughout all your other work. You

3:43

have these moments where you laugh

3:45

out loud, or you burst into tears

3:47

because something tastes so good. Have

3:50

you always been that way, with your emotions so

3:53

close to the surface? Hmm,

3:57

I think yes and no. I

4:00

think the feelings have always been there. My family's

4:02

from Iran, and my

4:04

particular family has its own story

4:06

of loss and grief and being

4:08

affected by culture. And

4:11

so in my family, I was not necessarily

4:14

encouraged to express

4:16

my feelings. And so it's taken a

4:19

lot of work,

4:21

a lot of therapy, a lot of sitting

4:23

with it, and also just connecting back to

4:25

who I am. And

4:28

I think part of that's just growing up and

4:30

getting outside of constantly worrying what

4:32

other people think, which I only do it 98% of

4:35

the time now, not 100%. But

4:40

I think instead of being embarrassed about the

4:42

things that rise inside of me and want

4:44

to come out, now I understand that's all

4:46

I can do, and that's who I am. And in a

4:48

way, that's what draws certain

4:51

people toward me, is

4:54

I maybe give permission. Because the

4:56

thing tastes so good. How

4:59

can I contain myself? I just,

5:01

yeah, I have to let it out. It's

5:04

so good. And don't you want to share that

5:06

with someone? Totally. This tastes so good. I want you

5:09

to have some. I mean,

5:11

your emotion invites us in. It

5:13

invites us to feel

5:15

deeply alongside you. So,

5:19

I mean, when we asked you to come

5:21

on the show, you knew immediately which essay

5:23

you wanted to read. It's called, You May

5:25

Want to Marry My Husband by

5:28

Amy Kraus Rosenthal. And

5:30

you said it was because you were obsessed

5:32

with Amy, that you were an ardent fan,

5:35

that you'd followed her intensely for years.

5:38

Without giving away too much

5:40

of the story before listeners hear it, can you

5:42

tell me why you're so drawn to her? I

5:46

probably first encountered her work maybe

5:49

like 2005, which was a time

5:51

in my life when I was reading

5:53

a lot of blogs by artists and

5:56

creative people. I was really

5:58

deeply unhappy in my own. pass

6:01

as a restaurant cook and I wanted to become a writer

6:03

so I would sort of spend all of my time filling

6:06

my spare time with like creative

6:09

juju and I saw

6:11

her book. I think it's called encyclopedia

6:14

of an ordinary life It

6:16

was a memoir written in this amazing format

6:18

of encyclopedic entries But I'm just

6:20

ordinary things in her life And

6:23

I just thought it was so clever and

6:25

smart and so I started following her online

6:27

and she was always doing projects that invited

6:30

strangers in and so she

6:32

had an event that she documented and turned into a

6:34

short film called the beckoning of

6:36

lovely and The internet was already

6:38

starting to turn dark, you know and

6:41

it was this thing where it was

6:43

like in time of so much darkness and Disconnection

6:46

like she was offering a beautiful

6:48

way to connect. Mm-hmm. I

6:51

know that video. I've watched it several times

6:54

Amy Krauss Rosenthal called this project the

6:56

beckoning of lovely as you said because

6:58

her whole sort of ethos was Beckoning

7:02

in calling in light and

7:04

joy and connection So

7:06

she had all these strangers show up to make art together

7:08

at 8 8 so October 8th

7:12

2008 at 8 0 8 p.m. Oh, I forgot to 808 Mm-hmm.

7:18

It was just this beautiful thing to

7:20

witness This movie was so joyful and

7:22

special and magical and innocent and like

7:25

I wanted to do things like that I wanted to be

7:27

part of something like that. It was so inspiring Absolutely

7:31

inspiring her work was

7:33

so playful and the modern

7:35

love essay. She wrote also has that quality

7:38

But at the same time it is a total

7:42

Teardroker like this essay makes me cry

7:46

Before you read I want to pose

7:48

a theory to you I feel like there

7:50

are two types of people in the world There are

7:53

the people who like a story

7:55

that makes you cry and there

7:57

are people who avoid it like the

7:59

plague And you, in Peking

8:01

this essay, you just went right for

8:04

it. You went directly into the

8:06

emotion. So I want to

8:08

know, like, why do you think you're not afraid

8:10

of the sad when a lot of people

8:13

are? Hmm. I

8:17

think sadness has

8:19

always just been a part of my life. And

8:21

yet, like, you know,

8:23

in my work and in the world, like, I'm so

8:25

deeply associated with joy, and

8:28

you can't have one without the other. I

8:30

think my orientation toward joy is because

8:33

I have so much

8:36

sadness inside. I

8:38

mean, this essay has both. It has the joy

8:40

and it has the sadness. I

8:42

completely see why you were so drawn to

8:44

it, and I can't wait to hear you read it.

8:47

Okay, great. You may

8:49

want to marry my husband by Amy

8:51

Krauss Rosenthal. I've

8:54

been trying to write this for a while, but the

8:57

morphine and lack of juicy cheeseburgers —

8:59

what has it been, five weeks without real food? —

9:02

have drained my energy and interfered with

9:04

whatever prose prowess remains. Additionally,

9:08

the intermittent micro naps that

9:10

keep whisking me away mid-sentence are

9:12

clearly not propelling my work forward as quickly as

9:14

I would like. But they

9:17

are, admittedly, a bit of trippy fun. Still,

9:20

I have to stick with it, because I'm facing

9:23

a deadline. In this case, a

9:25

pressing one. I need to say

9:27

this and say it right while I have,

9:29

A, your attention, and B, a

9:31

pulse. I've

9:33

been married to the most extraordinary man for 26

9:35

years. I

9:38

was planning on at least another 26 together. Wanna

9:43

hear a sick joke? A

9:45

husband and wife walk into the emergency room in

9:48

the late evening on September 5, 2015. A

9:52

few hours and tests later, the doctor

9:55

clarifies that the unusual pain the wife

9:57

is feeling on her right side isn't

9:59

the no-biggy appendage. in the site as they suspected,

10:02

but rather ovarian cancer. As

10:06

the couple head home in the early morning of September

10:08

6th, somehow through the foggy

10:10

shock of it all, they make the

10:12

connection that today, the day they learned

10:14

what had been festering is also

10:16

the day they would have officially kicked

10:19

off their empty nestering. The

10:21

youngest of their three children had just lived

10:23

for college. So

10:25

many plans instantly went poof.

10:29

No trip with my husband and parents to South

10:31

Africa. No reason now

10:34

to apply for the Harvard-Lobe Fellowship.

10:37

No dream tour of Asia with my mother. No

10:40

writers' residencies at those wonderful

10:42

schools in India, Vancouver, Jakarta.

10:46

No wonder the word cancer and cancel look

10:48

so similar. This

10:51

is when we entered what I came to think

10:54

of as plan B. That's B-E. Existing

10:57

only in the present. As

11:02

for the future, allow me to introduce

11:04

you to the gentlemen of this article, Jason

11:08

Brian Rosenthal. He's

11:10

an easy man to fall in love with. I

11:13

did it in one day. Let me explain. My

11:16

father's best friend since summer camp, Uncle

11:18

John, had known Jason and me separately our

11:20

whole lives, but Jason and I had never met.

11:24

I went to college out East and took my

11:26

first job in California. When I

11:28

moved back home to Chicago, John, who thought Jason

11:30

and I were perfect for each other, set

11:32

us up on a blind date. It

11:35

was 1989. We were only 24. I

11:38

had precisely zero expectations about this going

11:41

anywhere. But when he knocked on

11:43

the door of my little frame house, I

11:45

thought, uh-oh, there's something highly likable about this

11:47

person. By the

11:49

end of dinner, I knew I wanted to marry him. Jason?

11:53

He knew a year later. I've

11:57

never been on Tinder, Bumble, or eHarmony, but I'm

11:59

gonna create a- general profile of Jason right

12:01

here based on my experience of coexisting in

12:03

the same house with him for like 9,490

12:05

days. First,

12:09

the basics. He's

12:11

5'10", 160 pounds with salt and pepper

12:13

hair and hazel eyes. The

12:16

following list of attributes is in no particular

12:18

order because everything feels important to me in

12:20

the same way. He's

12:22

a sharp dresser. Our young adult

12:24

sons, Justin and Miles, often borrow his

12:26

clothes. Those who know

12:28

him or just happen to glance down at the

12:31

gap between his dress slacks and dress shoes know

12:33

that he has a flair for fabulous socks. He's

12:36

fit and enjoys keeping in shape. If

12:40

our home could speak, it would add

12:42

that Jason is uncannily handy. On

12:45

the subject of food, man can he

12:47

cook. After a long

12:49

day, there's no sweeter joy than seeing him walk

12:51

in the door, plop a grocery back down on

12:53

the counter, and woo me with olives and some

12:55

yummy cheese he has procured before he gets to

12:58

work on the evening's meal. Jason

13:01

loves listening to live music. It's our favorite

13:04

thing to do together. I

13:06

should also add that our 19-year-old daughter, Paris,

13:08

would rather go to a concert with him

13:10

than anyone else. When

13:12

I was working on my first memoir, I

13:14

kept circling sections my editor wanted me to

13:17

expand upon. She

13:19

would say, I'd like to see more of this

13:21

character. Of course, I would agree.

13:24

He was indeed a captivating character. But

13:27

it was funny because she could have just said, let's

13:29

add more about Jason. He's

13:33

an absolutely wonderful father. Ask

13:35

anyone. See that guy on the

13:37

corner? He'll tell you. Jason is

13:39

compassionate and he can flip a pancake.

13:43

Jason paints. I love his artwork.

13:46

I would call him an artist, except for

13:48

the law degree that keeps him at his downtown

13:50

office most days from 9 to 5, or

13:53

at least it did before I got sick. If

13:56

You're looking for a dreamy, let's go for

13:58

it, Travel Companion. Is man.

14:01

Also has an affinity for tiny things

14:03

taste or spoons. little jars of many

14:06

sculpture of a couple sitting. On a

14:08

bench which she presented to me as a

14:10

reminder. of our family began. Here's

14:13

the train. A man Jason is. She.

14:16

Showed up at our first pregnancy ultrasound.

14:18

With flowers. This is

14:20

a man who because he is always

14:22

up early, surprises me every Sunday morning.

14:24

By making some train of oddball smiley face

14:26

out of items near the coffee pot. A

14:30

spoon a mode of banana. This.

14:33

Is a man who emerges from the mini mart

14:35

or gas station and says give me your palm.

14:38

And well off a colorful Dumbo

14:40

appears. She knows I love all

14:42

the flavors. Polite. My.

14:49

Guess is you. Know enough about him now. So.

14:52

Let's swipe right. Wait,

14:55

Did I mention that he's incredibly handsome?

14:57

I'm gonna miss looking at. That face

14:59

of his. If he

15:01

sounds like a prince and our relationship seems

15:03

like a fairytale, It's not too

15:06

far off. Except for all the

15:08

regular stuff that comes from two and a half

15:10

decades of playing house together. And.

15:12

The part about me getting cancer. Bless.

15:16

In my most recent memoir. Written entirely

15:18

before my diagnosis, I invited readers

15:20

to send in suggestions for matching

15:22

tattoos, the idea being that author

15:24

and reader would be bonded by

15:26

inc. I. Was totally

15:29

serious about this and encourage submitters

15:31

to be serious as well. Hundred

15:33

Sport in. A

15:35

few weeks after publication in August, I heard

15:37

from a sixty two year old library and

15:39

in Milwaukee named Paulette. She

15:42

suggested the word more. This

15:44

was based on an essay in the book where

15:47

I mention that More was my first spoken word.

15:49

True. And now it may

15:52

very well be my last. Time

15:54

she'll tell. In.

15:56

September Paulette drove down and meet me at

15:58

a Chicago tattoo parlor. She

16:00

got hers her very first on her

16:02

left wrist. I. Got mine

16:04

on the underside of my left forearm in

16:06

my daughter's handwriting. This. Was

16:09

my second tattoo. The. First is

16:11

a small lowercase j that has been on

16:13

my ankle for twenty five years. You can

16:15

probably guess what it stands for. Jason.

16:18

Has one too but with more letters.

16:21

Ha are. I

16:25

want more time with Jason. I

16:27

want more time with my children. I

16:30

want more time sitting martinis at the

16:32

Green Mill Jazz Club on Thursday nights,

16:35

but that is not gonna happen. I

16:37

probably only have a few days left

16:39

being a person on this planet, so.

16:41

Why am I doing this? I'm

16:44

rapping was up on Valentine's Day and the

16:46

most genuine non vase oriented gift I can

16:48

hope for is of the right person reads:

16:50

this finds. Jason's and another love.

16:52

Story begins. All

16:56

leave this intentional empty space below as

16:58

a way of giving you to the

17:00

fresh start you deserve. With.

17:04

All my love. Amy.

17:11

I. She was just herself. Me:

17:14

Entire time she was alive since

17:16

just always and fully a me

17:18

crossroads know. I. Think that's what

17:20

struck me on around us and the strikes me

17:22

No. More

17:25

from some mean. After the break. Every

17:38

great love story begins with the Harry. Winston

17:40

Diamond for nearly a century. Harry Winston has

17:42

been the name behind some of the world's

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17:47

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the ultimate symbol of romance

17:53

devotion and elegance from emerald

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kite in pushing cut to

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oval and pear shaped every

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is hand-selected for maximum beauty and

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brilliance and placed in a timeless

18:04

platinum setting. Say I do

18:07

to a Harry Winston engagement ring

18:09

and you're happily ever after at

18:11

harrywinston.com. Hey there, it's Ira Glass

18:13

from This American Life. If you don't know our

18:15

show, it's true stories that unfold like one of

18:17

movies for radio. Lots of them

18:19

funny with surprising moments and pot twists. We've

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been on the radio for years. And we

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teamed up with the New York Times to bring

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you new episodes of This American Life a full

18:28

day and a half where you can

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find them anywhere else online. And the place you

18:33

can do that is the New

18:35

York Times audio app every Saturday

18:37

morning. In the app you also find

18:39

the best of our archive. Hundreds of episodes plus

18:41

This American Life shorts which are handpicked stories when you're

18:44

in the mood to hear something good but you don't

18:46

have time for a whole episode. In the

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New York Times audio app can I say it's

18:50

chock full of tons of other stories and podcasts

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curated every day for those moments that you want

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to listen to something and you don't know what you want to listen to.

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You can download it at

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nytimes.com/audio app and subscribe to

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start listening. And if you're

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not already a New York

19:06

Times subscriber, well this is

19:08

another reason to become one.

19:10

Again that's nytimes.com/audio app. Cimin,

19:17

thank you so much for reading

19:19

Amy Krauss Rosenthal's essay. You did

19:21

an incredibly beautiful job. What

19:24

did it bring up for you? I

19:26

remember when I first read this in the paper I

19:29

was surprised I had not seen anything

19:31

from her in a while

19:33

and I actually think she died shortly

19:35

after just a few days after it

19:37

was published. And so

19:40

it came with that note and

19:43

it was just such a shock because she was

19:46

so young and so alive like aliveness was

19:48

at the core of what I associated with

19:50

her. And yet

19:53

still in this story

19:56

she's still so fully herself and

19:59

everything that that I had been drawn to

20:01

from the beginning about finding beauty

20:03

in the ordinary and

20:05

finding ways to bring people together comes out here.

20:11

She's doing it here. She's

20:14

inviting people into her life and

20:16

her husband's life. She tells the

20:18

story of connecting with her readers

20:20

and getting a tattoo. And

20:22

there's just this way where it's

20:24

so deeply moving and so beautiful

20:26

and so sad. And I think

20:29

you just can't have one without the other. You

20:33

know, you mentioned that in your work

20:35

and your sort of public persona, you are

20:38

known for your joy, which

20:40

is, I mean, your laugh is like

20:42

a golden beam of light to me,

20:44

like invigorate me. And I know so

20:47

many others, and you're talking about the sadness too

20:49

that you carry. And I guess, I

20:51

wonder how you approach holding both of those. You

20:53

say you can't have one without the other. I

20:56

wonder how you carry both at the same time.

20:59

I mean, I am a

21:01

depressive person. I've been like deeply overwhelmed

21:03

by loss and sadness throughout

21:05

my life. And even as I

21:08

sit here talking, like I can just feel the like

21:10

core of sadness in my heart. And

21:12

also sometimes I have to wallow in it. And

21:14

at other times, I think it's

21:16

just been a conscious decision for me. It's almost

21:18

like a survival mechanism that I

21:21

can't stay there. I can't live

21:23

there. So I can feel it and I can

21:25

acknowledge it and I can let it be there.

21:28

And also the way I

21:30

have to exist in the world is

21:32

by looking for beauty and looking

21:34

for joy and looking for connection. And

21:37

I'm not an actor. I wish,

21:39

sometimes I really wish I could

21:42

act. But the joy that I

21:44

emit and I represent is also

21:46

like very genuine. It's not

21:48

an act, but also I have to

21:50

leave room for the other part

21:53

of it. Because

21:56

genuine joy and genuine

21:58

sadness coexist together. It

22:00

sounds like you've come to a

22:02

place in your life where you really

22:04

deeply acknowledge that. And

22:06

in its own way, I think the essay

22:08

does too. You

22:11

know, there are so many beautiful things

22:13

that Amy writes about her husband,

22:15

Jason. And one of those things

22:17

is that he cooks for her. She writes, after

22:20

a long day, there is no sweeter joy

22:22

than seeing him walk in the door, plop

22:25

a grocery bag down on the counter and

22:27

woo me with olives and some yummy cheese.

22:30

And I feel like you are the queen

22:32

of this. I mean, sort of indisputably

22:34

the queen of expressing love for cooking,

22:37

of wooing people through food. What

22:40

is the last thing you made someone to show

22:42

them your love? Oh,

22:46

I know. Caesar salad dressing. With

22:49

the real anchovies. Yeah, with the real anchovies. Like, tell me

22:51

the ingredients. I just want to hear you say it. It's

22:53

like ASMR. Literally,

22:55

I'm going to bed to this tonight. I

22:59

think that time I used eggs. Sometimes I make

23:01

the mayonnaise with aquafaba with the chickpea water. But I

23:03

think I made it with egg and olive oil, a

23:06

ton of lemon juice and lemon zest,

23:08

ton of Parmesan cheese, ton of anchovies

23:10

and garlic. I always add a

23:12

little Worcestershire sauce. And then I also

23:14

add usually some vinegar too, like

23:17

white wine vinegar, salt and

23:19

pepper. I think that's everything. Worcestershire

23:21

is that like a secret ingredient? I never put that

23:23

in my own. You know, Worcestershire sauce is

23:25

just like white people fish sauce, basically. Say

23:27

that. You can

23:30

say that again. So sometimes I'll add a little

23:32

bit of fish sauce. But

23:34

either one is just sort of a little secret kick. But

23:37

I think it does sort of go back to like

23:39

maybe the 50s or maybe I don't

23:41

think it was in the original Caesar salad from

23:43

Tijuana, but it is a classic ingredient. That's

23:45

a love letter, isn't it? That's a love letter.

23:49

How does food as

23:51

love show up in your day to day

23:53

life? I mean, to me,

23:55

I think a lot about

23:58

it as time. You know,

24:00

in some ways, actually, this relates back to

24:02

this story and like, and also

24:04

my own sadness and loss, which is, I think,

24:07

a thing I've been thinking a lot about in

24:09

the last few years. My dad died

24:11

and like, that was sort of just horrible

24:13

to watch for a million reasons. But a big

24:15

part of what sort of washed over me when

24:17

I was watching him die was

24:20

how sad and horrible the circumstances

24:22

of his death were. And

24:25

I kind of was left

24:27

with this feeling of this

24:30

is not what I want to look back

24:32

on when I'm dying. And it

24:34

sort of helped me really focus

24:36

on what I

24:39

want to think about at the end

24:41

of my life, which is like, I want to

24:43

look back and see a life that was full of friendship and

24:45

joy and laughter and beauty and

24:48

nature and puppies and,

24:50

you know, art and

24:52

connection. And so there has been a

24:55

sense I've always had in my life

24:57

of I think this has a lot to

24:59

do with being like an immigrant kid and having sort of save,

25:02

save, save and work, sort of the work

25:04

ethic drilled into me. But like, there's

25:06

just been a sense I've always

25:08

had of like saving things

25:11

for later. And you know,

25:13

I'll work really hard now so that one day I won't

25:15

have to or I'll save up

25:17

all my money so that one day I'll be okay.

25:20

Or I'll say no to all of

25:22

these sort of things that I could

25:24

be doing because I should be home

25:26

working or doing something, you know, productive.

25:29

And I think as I watched my

25:31

dad die, it

25:33

finally sink in like you only get

25:35

one life. And there's only the time

25:37

that there is. And actually, the

25:39

very most precious thing that we have is

25:42

time. The only thing like we can't get

25:44

more of the only thing I can't buy

25:46

the only thing I can't, you

25:48

know, is time. And so there was

25:50

just almost this like overnight change in

25:52

me of, you know, I always joke.

25:54

I'm like, oh, now I'm fully YOLO. But

26:01

it is true. Like I say yes to,

26:04

you know, when people are like, oh, do you want to

26:06

come to this thing across the country next week to be

26:08

with your friends? I'll say yes now. And

26:10

so to go back to your question, like when

26:14

that even has shown up for me in

26:16

my cooking, and

26:18

a lot of sort of what I'm conscious of as

26:20

a person who writes recipes and wants to encourage people

26:22

to cook is that time is really precious

26:24

and that a lot of people don't have the time

26:26

to cook. And to me

26:28

I'm like, oh, if we can shift something

26:31

in the way that we look at this thing

26:33

that we do every day to nourish

26:36

ourselves and to nourish the people around us

26:38

who we care about and

26:41

understand that this time is a

26:43

gift, right? Like I'm pouring my

26:45

time into making you something. And

26:49

that is me sharing like my

26:51

most precious currency with you. So

26:55

it's not about making the most

26:58

like fanciest things. Sometimes

27:00

you know, I'll make like I make chili crisp and

27:02

that's a project that takes a day or a day

27:04

or two and I make it once a year. And

27:06

then I give that away. But then the gift is

27:08

more than just that jar. Like I'm giving you all

27:10

of the time and energy and thoughtfulness that I put

27:13

into that. I mean, my most

27:15

tangible thing that I do is that

27:17

for now, like I think three or

27:19

four years, a small group of my friends and I

27:22

have dinner together every week. It's

27:25

truly our Sabbath. Like it's our thing that

27:27

we all look forward to every week. Sometimes

27:30

I'm testing recipes, but sometimes like we

27:32

order empanadas. Sometimes we just have a

27:34

pot of beans and cointotos. It's

27:38

not like necessarily some sort of

27:40

a culinary thing, but it's about

27:42

creating this ritual for ourselves and

27:44

the kids and investing

27:46

that time with each other. Now

27:49

I just talked longer than the essay. Sorry.

27:53

And by the way, you just gave us the

27:56

title of the episode, which is Now I'm

27:58

Fully YOLO. A

28:00

conversation with some people's drugs.

28:05

Which is just like perfect. But

28:10

what you're saying is so spot

28:12

on and in a way it's

28:15

so directly aligns with I

28:17

think one of the takeaways from the essay

28:19

is when she's talking about the idea of

28:21

more. She wants more time with her

28:24

husband. She wants more time with her kid. She

28:26

wants more time sipping martinis. I mean it's

28:29

this idea as you're articulating of

28:31

our most precious resource being

28:33

time. And

28:35

it almost seems too simple, right? But it's so

28:37

true. Amy

28:40

Krauss Rosenthal died 10

28:43

days after this essay was published.

28:46

And her husband Jason later

28:49

published his own modern love essay as a kind

28:51

of response piece

28:54

to honor her. And in it

28:56

he wrote, Amy continues to

28:58

open doors for me to affect my choices

29:00

to send me off into the world to make

29:03

the most of it. And

29:05

I have to say, you know what I mean, I feel like

29:07

Amy has done this for you too. What

29:09

about this essay do you carry

29:12

with you? I

29:15

think the main thing that I carry

29:17

with me is the kindness and love

29:19

and generosity with which it

29:21

was written and the idea of I

29:25

love this person so much and

29:27

I want to give them permission

29:29

to go have a full life. And I

29:32

want to sing the praises of them so

29:35

that everyone else can understand. You

29:37

know, in some ways she's not

29:39

the main character of her own story.

29:42

He is. That sort

29:44

of sense of generosity and kindness

29:48

is what I think of when I

29:50

think of this, that even in like,

29:52

as she suffered this like sad, horrible

29:55

illness, she was able

29:57

to look outward. I

30:02

think that's, to

30:05

me, like my loneliness

30:07

and sadness often

30:09

threatens to sort of pull me inward and

30:13

make me close myself off from the world. And

30:17

this is a nice reminder that ultimately the

30:19

best way to be and the most fruitful

30:21

way to be is to

30:24

open up and connect. I

30:30

mean, thank you so much. Oh,

30:33

thanks for having me. And we

30:36

should say thank you to Amy Cross Rosenthal

30:38

for these words. Yes. Thank

30:40

you so much to Amy Cross

30:42

Rosenthal. Next

30:55

week, I talk with the star of the Netflix

30:57

show You. And of course,

30:59

everyone's favorite brooding writer from Gossip Girl, Penn

31:03

Badgley. We say parents

31:05

while I was unconditional. That's actually

31:07

not true. It's not true. It's

31:10

not. It's just not like it is

31:12

conditioned. Quite often. Modern

31:15

Love is produced by Julia Botero, Christina

31:17

Joseph, Reba Goldberg, Davis Land,

31:19

and Emily Lang with help

31:21

from Caitlin Presti. It's

31:24

edited by our executive producer, Jen Poiant

31:26

and Paula Schumann. The

31:28

Modern Love theme music is by Dan

31:30

Powell, original music by Dan Powell, Corey

31:32

Schrepple, and Rowan Neimistel. This

31:35

episode was mixed by Daniel Ramirez. Our

31:37

show is recorded by Maddie Masiello. Also

31:40

production by Mihima Czablani and Mel

31:42

Gologli. The

31:44

Modern Love column is edited by Daniel Jones. Mia

31:47

Lee is the editor of Modern Love Projects.

31:50

I'm Anna Martin. Thanks for listening. you