0:01

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's

0:03

time for the Monday Morning Podcast for

0:05

Monday, November

0:09

13th, 2023.

0:10

What's

0:12

going on? How are you?

0:16

How's it going? You like the new microphone? Crystal

0:19

clear ignorance

0:21

coming at you to start the work

0:23

week. Sorry I'm late. I

0:26

had to fly back. I'm

0:28

finally back home. My last long

0:31

run of the year. That's

0:34

it. All I got is Vegas next weekend.

0:37

One fucking quick,

0:41

one quick gig and that's it. That's

0:44

it. And then I'm done for the whole year and I got nothing

0:46

else. I got nothing lined up. I ain't doing

0:48

shit. Okay. I

0:50

ain't doing fucking

0:53

shit. That's

0:55

my game plan. My game

0:57

plan is I'm

0:59

not doing shit. First of all, I can talk

1:02

about old dads now. The strike is over.

1:06

Strike is over. You know, we didn't lose too

1:08

bad, right? It's

1:10

only for three years. Each, every three

1:12

years now, they're going to do more and more AI

1:16

until they lose, until they just get rid of fucking

1:18

everybody. That's, that's what I think. They're going to start

1:20

with extras and then they're going to move

1:23

to character actors and then leads

1:26

and then directors.

1:28

I think they're just going to gradually do that. But

1:30

what's great is they're going to act like

1:33

AI is for everybody. And

1:36

how are they going to do that? Is it going to give regular

1:39

people robots that they can fuck

1:42

any way that they want? Right. And then

1:44

everybody's like, oh, you know, I don't think it's all

1:46

bad. It's convenient. It helps you with

1:48

my groceries. Fucking

1:51

blows me. I like

1:53

it. And then meanwhile, there's going

1:55

to be like a fucking switch in there.

1:58

And

2:00

they're just going to take all of us out. You're going to have

2:02

it in you. You're going to invite the fucking devil into

2:05

your fucking house. Oh Jesus,

2:07

Bill, what happened? I thought you were all excited that your

2:09

goddamn week was your

2:11

travel was done.

2:18

Yes, very happy about that. I had an amazing,

2:21

amazing, amazing weekend. And the rest of

2:23

the week. I'm trying to think. I know you did the Thursday

2:25

podcast. I don't know if I talked to you about

2:27

the Atlanta show. I

2:29

did the Atlanta show. I had a great fucking

2:32

time. I hung out with this great cigar bar

2:34

right next to the tabernacle. And

2:37

then I went and I did the show.

2:41

And I was just killing. Just having a great time.

2:44

My buddy Todd Parker came down.

2:46

Billionaire boogeyman, right? He came in.

2:48

He did some time. Dean Del Rey fucking killed

2:51

it. And I went up. I

2:54

was just fucking perfect. I was killing everything.

2:57

It's going great. And then I got to my

3:00

last bit, you know, getting ready to smile and wave and get

3:02

out of there. And all of a sudden everybody starts yelling up

3:04

to that point at this person. And

3:08

I'm thinking like, what am I talking about that has to do

3:10

with this person? I guess somebody in the crowd had some sort

3:12

of medical episode.

3:16

I think it was a seizure or something, but

3:20

they said they, when they got to him, they ended

3:22

up like walking him out, her

3:24

out. I think it was a woman under her own power. She

3:27

kind of had her head down and was embarrassed, which

3:29

as much as it sucks to be embarrassed,

3:32

it's also a good thing that you're feeling

3:34

the emotion of embarrassed. So that sounds like

3:36

the person was all right, which was a relief. I'm

3:40

not going to lie to you. It was definitely, you

3:43

know, had to figure out how to get out of that, like

3:46

keep the show going as everybody's rubbernecking,

3:49

looking at this person. So from

3:51

what I heard, they were okay. So that's

3:54

a good thing. And then the next

3:56

night I went down to Hollywood.

4:00

Florida and did the casino

4:02

down there, the one that looks like a Les Paul guitar,

4:06

and just had this

4:08

incredible fucking view. I

4:11

could see all the way down to Miami, Fort Lauderdale,

4:14

and all of that. I could see

4:17

some of the really, I love the architecture

4:19

in Miami. I

4:23

don't know what it is, that art deco and then the lines,

4:25

a lot of them had that S sort

4:29

of shape to them. Very unique.

4:32

I don't know enough about it to talk intelligently about

4:35

it, but that is this podcast. That

4:40

show ended up being great too,

4:42

and then me, Dean and Kenny

4:45

flew up to New York City. I

4:49

did Madison Square Garden, and

4:51

it was funny. Like people were going,

4:54

are you nervous? Are you nervous? And I was like,

4:56

no, I'm not. I'm not. What

4:58

I find out to do is be thinking, I was kind

5:00

of thinking like, you know what? I do an hour and 15 minutes,

5:03

I say fucking good night, and then

5:06

I am on vacation. That's

5:08

what I was looking at. That's what's

5:10

going in there. I'm like, that's not the right attitude

5:12

to have, Bill. You need to give these people

5:14

a show. But of course, once you go into the venue,

5:16

your fucking, your nerves get going

5:19

and everything. I

5:21

had this

5:23

one comedian open up that I saw on Instagram that

5:25

thought was funny. Julia

5:28

Sampson, she went up, she killed it, then she

5:30

brought up Josh Adam Myers, and then

5:32

Dean Del Rey. I brought the two rock and roll comedians,

5:36

made sense. And then the special surprise

5:38

guest, if you follow me on Instagram, you know who

5:40

it was? The one and only Andrew Dice

5:42

Clay. And he went

5:44

up there and was just fucking murdering

5:47

to the point I was backstage going like, why

5:49

the fuck did I do that? You know,

5:51

I should

5:53

be on stage right now, and he's just going to wear

5:56

this fucking crowd out, you

5:58

know, even though he's only doing 10 minutes. he's fucking

6:00

dice, right? And this is his house,

6:03

basically. So, and

6:06

then Segura was hanging side stage,

6:08

you know, Segura's a fucking beast. I'm like, ah,

6:10

fuck, he's gonna see my

6:12

new shit. I hope I'm funny, you know, blah,

6:14

blah, blah, right? A little bit of pressure

6:17

there. And then dice

6:19

just gave me the greatest intro and

6:22

gave me a big bear hug. It

6:25

was unbelievable. It was

6:27

unbelievable. I got to play Madison

6:29

Square Garden with Andrew Dice Clay. If you

6:31

told 21 year old me way

6:34

back in 1989, when

6:36

I was watching the Dice Man that I would ever

6:39

even become a comedian, forget about work

6:41

with him and do it at Madison

6:43

Square Garden. And he was going to say all these nice

6:46

things about my comedy. It was fucking amazing.

6:48

So thank you to him. Thank you to everybody

6:51

that came out.

6:54

It was such a great crowd.

6:59

And you know, I've been doing these bigger

7:02

venues, so I didn't have to adjust. I just felt

7:04

totally ready for it. And it just, it

7:06

was perfect. I came down there earlier, played

7:08

drums. They had the drums mic'd

7:11

up and shit. It was fucking ridiculous. My life

7:13

is this weekend has just been, this whole

7:15

week has been ridiculous. And then the next

7:17

night, you know, oh,

7:19

then we had the after party at Gotham Comedy

7:22

Club. You know, Steve

7:24

Mazzilli, thanks to everybody down there and

7:26

everybody came down. They had the cake boss make

7:28

a cake and all of that shit.

7:30

And I, all of my friends were down there. Like

7:33

everyone from people I've known

7:35

for like a year to like people that I started

7:38

out with like 31 years ago. So that

7:41

was amazing. And then

7:44

the next night I went back to Madison Square

7:46

Garden with the lovely Nia.

7:50

And we got

7:52

to fucking go

7:55

to the UFC sitting right down

7:58

fucking low. Like front

8:01

basically fits one row, you know

8:03

the Joe Rogan row I'll call it that the announcers

8:05

row and then there's a space and

8:07

then The first

8:10

row so we were like right there.

8:12

I'll be honest with you. I was fucking nervous I was

8:14

like, you know, I watched this violence like

8:16

on On

8:18

TV, you know, it was a separation. This is gonna be

8:20

like right in front of me Watching

8:22

some of the greatest athletes in the world just beating

8:25

the shit out of each other. Am I gonna be able to handle this? You

8:29

know, you never know so I ended up going

8:32

down there and we sitting

8:34

down there and I

8:36

don't know why but for some reason being

8:39

there You can see the

8:41

adjustments fighters are making a lot

8:44

easier than on TV I don't know. It's because

8:46

you're just sitting there watching it and you're not sort

8:48

of like dealing with the

8:50

director editing and sort of you can kind

8:52

of just And what I kind of

8:55

like, I don't know any of the fighters names. So

8:57

don't even fucking start with me I'm

8:59

too busy to follow the sport the

9:01

way I need to I do love it. I

9:03

just don't have time. So I Kind

9:06

of noticed with like fights it was like they

9:08

were all everybody was so fucking good that

9:11

night that it was like whoever

9:14

figured the other person out first won

9:17

the fight and Like and I

9:19

felt like all of them did it like a half

9:21

a second before the other person figured them

9:23

out

9:26

Especially on like that last fight because

9:28

I was just looking at those two fighters It was a dude in the

9:30

yellow and then the dude in the red, right? And

9:32

I was watching it and I'm looking at the dude in the yellow

9:35

Mike that guy looks like he means business The

9:37

other guy looked like he wasn't in quite a good shape

9:39

So I said I think that maybe the guy in the yellow is gonna win

9:41

this right then the guy in the red

9:43

comes out and He's got

9:45

this weird little fucking like faint

9:48

that he would do He

9:50

just didn't know what was gonna happen He like led with

9:52

an uppercut and it landed and I was like,

9:55

oh, he's one of these guys the weird angle guys

9:58

Alright, let's see what fucking happens and the yellow

10:00

guy started coming back and ah yellow guy's gonna win

10:03

and the fucking red guy comes back and then all of a sudden

10:05

the guy in the yellow get me all right there fed with a couple

10:07

of fucking elbows caught him that

10:10

was to end the night but like

10:12

I can't

10:16

even tell you what a different experience

10:18

is watching it that

10:20

close it was fucking amazing it

10:23

was amazing the only thing was annoying me was in between

10:25

fights all the fucking walking around and people

10:27

talking and glad-handed no

10:30

one was talking about the fights was

10:34

a lot of that pointing and fall at Hollywood

10:36

shit hey fucking you there you are

10:39

and you know you know it's fucking hilarious is

10:41

when two straight guys go to hug there's

10:43

always that pause before

10:45

the the tense up and then the fucking literally

10:49

hard slaps on the back type

10:53

of shit all of that shit that was going on in between

10:58

it was weird I mean yeah we just sort

11:00

of was sitting there talking about the fights and

11:05

and then it was also cool watching when Joe

11:08

gets up Rogan gets up to go in

11:11

you know to interview the fighters and stuff

11:13

because I was like watching him calling the fights too and

11:18

like that is not I knew it wasn't an

11:20

easy job but watching all the movement that that

11:22

guy has to do and come back sit down and then get

11:24

going and start talking about the next one that

11:27

is not a he makes it look easy

11:29

but it was whatever

11:33

I don't know you know it's

11:35

always cool when you see something like a million fucking

11:37

times on TV then you actually go

11:39

to it you're like you can't believe you're there so

11:42

I don't know

11:45

I kind of liked all the decisions except for one

11:47

I thought that baby baby shark I

11:50

thought shit she won that fight and I was looking at the

11:52

other fight I much she's got a big bruise under her

11:55

eye and she's their nose is all messed up and

11:57

the other one looked like other than her brave was A

12:00

little fucked up. That's

12:02

like, that was a split

12:05

decision or whatever. Other than that, I thought everything

12:07

was cool.

12:10

So anyway,

12:12

thanks to Dana and everybody at the UFC

12:14

for hooking us up. We had a fucking, we had

12:18

a great time. And I went there with the Verzies,

12:21

you know, and Club Soda Kenny and,

12:24

you know, it was Paul's birthday. I

12:27

forgot that. We did that beforehand. Then

12:29

we like, do we smoke a cigar before we get like, nah,

12:31

let's get over there, get to the fucking fights. It

12:35

was really, really cool. So whatever. All

12:37

I'm doing is just telling him what I did this fucking week. I'm not even talking.

12:40

I could fucking try and make you laugh at some point,

12:42

right? I guess I did a little bit.

12:45

The fucking bro hugging. I did

12:47

enjoy all that bro hugging and stuff because

12:49

like, you know, they always talk, I can't live out and I

12:52

can't live out in fucking LA, man.

12:55

It's just too fucking phony. I got to be honest

12:57

with the dude. I haven't seen phoniness at

13:00

that level. Those in between fucking

13:02

fights schmoozing. The fucking schmoozing

13:04

that's going on is on at like a

13:07

Hollywood award show fucking level, dude.

13:09

It was like,

13:12

Hey bro.

13:17

It was an embarrassment

13:19

of human behavior, but other than that, other than

13:21

that, the fucking fights were great and all of that,

13:24

all of that shit. It

13:26

was also kind of cool to be, uh,

13:30

come back to the garden. Like the very next night after

13:32

doing a show there and looking around me and like, this looks totally

13:34

fucking different, totally fucking

13:37

different. And I don't have any pressure. I can just fucking

13:39

sit here and fucking enjoy it and

13:41

get fucked up. But I don't get fucked up anymore.

13:43

So that's the only part that sucked. However, what

13:45

I did do is, um,

13:49

I've had like nine coffees today. So don't, don't get

13:51

on me about being all fucking amped up here. I'm also

13:53

excited because I haven't seen my kids yet. They're coming home in

13:55

a second. Um, I

13:58

fucking, uh, I

14:02

hung around Sunday and

14:05

we went out to Brooklyn and they

14:07

wanted to go to that Jay-Z exhibit. It

14:10

was like one of the last days. Went

14:12

out there, you know, really cool. Anytime you see

14:14

like a self-made man, you know, telling

14:16

the story, it's always good. That's like I heard Stallone's

14:18

documentary is fucking amazing, like

14:20

Schwarzenegger. I put it into that. Schwarzenegger,

14:23

Stallone, Jay-Z, all of that, like, you

14:25

know, they said we couldn't do it and then we

14:28

fucking did it. That whole thing, it's just, you

14:31

know, amped up, like, looking at shit like that

14:33

and really cool

14:36

exhibit if you get a chance. They had like, they

14:39

sort of rebuilt his studio in one

14:41

place that kind of matched the

14:43

photos on the wall. I like that and

14:45

then there was also a great picture of him in like,

14:48

it looked like a late 90s or early 2000s Mercedes. Like

14:53

Jay-Z very, very quietly has really

14:55

great taste in cars. I saw

14:58

him one time, he had a Porsche that was like silver

15:00

and it was really clean. It wasn't, it was

15:03

just, you know, it was like one of the top ones,

15:06

but like, I'm not a big Porsche guy, but he

15:09

didn't have all this, hey, look at me shit on it. It

15:11

was just a, it was like James Bond sort

15:14

of done up, man. It was fucking really

15:17

cool. But anyway,

15:19

little Billy Fat Tits. So

15:22

you know, I got a

15:24

little bit of a break here. So I'm sitting there thinking like,

15:26

all right, I'm going to go, I'm going

15:29

to fucking go, I'm going

15:31

to go to the gym, hit the gym when I get back

15:33

so I can be a little bad here. So we went to

15:36

this famous ice

15:38

cream and candy place on

15:41

the Lower East Side. We

15:43

come walking in and I see this, an

15:46

egg cream. I've always wondered about that because it always sounded

15:48

gross to me. Like there was like a fucking raw egg

15:50

in there or something. I go, I go, what's an egg cream? The

15:52

guys are like, you don't know what an egg cream is? I said, no. Let

15:55

me try one of those. So because

15:57

most people get like a black and white one. So I said, all

15:59

right. I don't know. No egg

16:01

ever went in there. So I don't know what how

16:03

it's called an egg cream Who's

16:06

a couple of shots some syrup and then some

16:08

milk and then they just stirred it up to like a froth

16:10

and I drank

16:13

it and I gotta tell you something matter. It was out of this

16:15

fucking world So

16:18

now I'm just like alright

16:22

I'm gonna try and forget that because that's something

16:24

that I'm gonna Gonna fuck up and

16:26

try and recreate out here, but you can't do

16:29

You know what I mean? It's like this morning. I'm at Newark

16:31

fucking Airport

16:33

and I got a burrito. I'm on my

16:35

way to LA I'm in New Jersey and I order

16:37

a burrito like what the fuck am I thinking?

16:40

You know

16:41

Total heartburn right stupid and

16:44

now I'm out here in LA. I'm all fucked

16:46

up I'm

16:48

out here in LA after I got a burrito in New Jersey

16:50

and I'm out here in Los Angeles thinking about

16:53

an egg cream stupid So

16:55

I gotta get my I gotta get my fucking head right

16:57

here. Anyway, let's talk football The

17:04

only game I had time to watch was I unfortunately,

17:06

you know, I was in New York I didn't have the NFL

17:09

package or whatever the fuck it is the YouTube stupid

17:11

shit and I Watched

17:16

the Giants Cowboys

17:18

game. Oh my god, just the absolute

17:21

drubbing and of course, you know, they're not

17:23

gonna shut the game off It's like fucking 21 nothing

17:26

28 to 6 Before

17:28

the half or something and then just not gonna

17:30

shut it off because it's in the Giants market

17:33

So I just sort of had that

17:35

game on I watched

17:37

the highlights of the Patriots Game

17:40

which was which was my lock of the week.

17:43

I did pick the Browns against

17:45

the Ravens, but I also

17:49

Took Joe Burrow I Had

17:52

the Lions I had the Browns those

17:55

are my wins for the week and

17:57

then I had the Patriots that was my hat

17:59

stupid And then

18:02

Joe Burrow up against those goddamn Texans.

18:04

I'm telling you right now, dude, if you're a gambling person,

18:07

and I'm not gonna say a degenerate, if you're a gambling

18:09

man or a gambling woman, the

18:11

fucking Texans cover. They

18:15

like low-key fucking cover, and

18:17

they're winning games that they shouldn't be winning. So I'm

18:19

sure this week, everybody's gonna jump on

18:21

them, so the fucking lines are gonna come down or whatever.

18:25

Also, Celtics Knicks tonight, I'm gonna

18:28

check that out, because I've just been trying to watch the

18:30

Bruins, and everybody that's, you know, is

18:32

a Celtics fan in my life just keeps telling

18:34

me, you know, how

18:36

fucking amazing the, fucking

18:40

amazing the Celtics are or whatever, but, anyway,

18:45

I'm all over the map here.

18:49

I apologize, I'm trying to think of anything, you

18:51

know, I just did a bunch of work, I'm trying to think if anything

18:54

funny happened to me. A woman had an epileptic

18:56

seizure, that's not funny.

18:59

It was in the middle of me doing a bit, talking

19:02

about rape. How about that, is that

19:04

funny? Because it wasn't. Ha ha

19:06

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

19:08

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

19:10

ha. It wasn't what I was

19:12

doing, and I was like, ah, Jesus Christ. I

19:17

thought it, because I just made fun of somebody fat,

19:20

I thought it was somebody fat in the crowd, I'm like,

19:22

is this the fat person from my story in the crowd?

19:24

Is that why they're yelling? I had no idea what

19:26

the fuck was going on. Anyway,

19:29

I don't know, probably the funniest

19:31

shit I saw was

19:36

the bros around ringside,

19:40

you know, and it's always great when you go to a fight,

19:42

there's always like that local famous guy that

19:44

dresses with really loud clothes, they

19:47

had that going on. It

19:52

was, yeah, it was definitely fun, and there was a few

19:54

people that looked like, have you seen those things my

19:56

daughter watches them sometimes? You know those

19:58

creepy YouTube. They

20:01

either all sing together or

20:03

they all do

20:06

like Ninja Warrior stuff and they're

20:08

just so fucking like perfect

20:12

that you're just sitting there thinking like in 10

20:14

years these kids are going to tell the true story.

20:20

I didn't have a childhood. He was the Joe

20:22

Jackson shit. He was fucking

20:25

overbearing. Shout

20:27

out to the fucking Osman family, Donnie,

20:31

Marie and all of them. There was never

20:34

any sort of overbearing

20:36

parent it seemed making them, at least

20:38

they didn't say anything because it

20:40

always seemed like with those families where

20:44

they were like, we're just a family that likes

20:47

to sing together and they have all these fucking

20:50

albums come out. And 15

20:53

years after then they

20:55

make like the Lifetime movie about like what

20:57

really happened and people getting locked

20:59

into fucking closets and shit with purple

21:01

crayons or whatnot.

21:05

If you want to see something great, watch the Osman's

21:08

with Cher covering

21:13

Stevie Wonder's superstition. It's

21:19

actually in a lot of ways

21:22

the history of this country where

21:24

it's like somebody not white did

21:27

something, then

21:29

white people do it and

21:32

then the

21:34

person that did it kind of fades away

21:37

initially. I know it wasn't like

21:39

that. Everybody knows Stevie Wonder did it, but there's just something

21:42

funny about that.

21:43

Various superstitious.

21:46

It's such a fucking badass song. It actually

21:48

still not that bad when the Osman's and

21:52

Cher do it. It still sounds like the music

21:55

still sounds fucking good. All right, what

21:57

am I doing here? I'm getting into the weeds here. Christ,

21:59

I'm off the phone. fucking road here. Why does

22:01

my fucking screen keep shutting off? Oh,

22:04

I know why. I got it on the save. I got it on save

22:06

mode every two

22:08

goddamn minutes. Um, I

22:12

saw a dog I wanted to adopt when I was

22:14

in New York and Nia said the same thing. This

22:17

is cute little, looks like a bull terrier

22:19

with like pitbull mix or something like that. You

22:22

know, I gotta tell you these fucking pit bulls for as much as they

22:24

try to outlaw them, they're out there banging

22:29

a lot of dogs. Um,

22:32

everything seems to be mixed with like a pitbull,

22:35

at least when it comes to like a rescue and

22:38

the person was walking it and it

22:40

had like a little sweater on and

22:42

it said rescue me. And

22:45

uh, I saw, I was thinking, oh

22:48

man, I would fucking rescue that dog. And then Nia immediately

22:50

said that she goes, if we lived

22:52

in New York, we'd own that dog right now. I was

22:54

like, you felt that too? She goes, yep. She

22:56

goes, that's how I am a dog. So I just look at him and

22:58

I know immediately. I was like, yep. Um,

23:02

I also ran out. I ran out of underwears and

23:04

socks the night I had to go to the UFC.

23:07

So I Google like

23:09

closest underwear. All right,

23:12

Siri. And they lead me to this fucking place

23:15

because he was staying down at Lower East Side. I ended up down

23:17

in Soho and

23:19

you know, those, those shops that have

23:21

like you walk

23:24

in, they have like 10 pieces. It's

23:26

not like walking into the gap where they're trying to close

23:29

half the fucking world. These things just

23:31

have pieces. You know, people walk out and

23:33

they have like, you know, one

23:35

little bag. I was in

23:37

that part of town and

23:39

so I showed to the underwear place, the address,

23:42

and they're not there anymore. So

23:44

now I'm down there with like, this is where like all

23:46

the fucking fashion people are. So

23:49

I'm walking in these places like you sell underwear

23:51

and socks. They're like, no, no,

23:53

we don't. We only sell outfits.

23:57

Right. And oh my God, the fucking

24:00

Tourette's that I had. The

24:02

fucking Tourette's because when I walked in, like

24:04

I had a really small window too to be able to get

24:06

back to the hotel and make

24:08

it for the dinner and then the ride to the

24:11

UFC. And I'm fucking,

24:13

I struck out in like the fourth straight place

24:15

and I'd be like, do you know any place around here

24:18

that sells underwear and socks? They're like,

24:21

if you go all the way back up to house in the Adidas

24:24

store, I'm

24:26

like fuck. So

24:26

I start walking out and I'm fucking cursing

24:29

and my brain's out,

24:31

walking up the street and

24:33

I

24:35

end up seeing this fucking dog

24:39

like coming down the street with its owner and

24:41

it has like shoes on. And

24:44

that actually made me laugh. It's like that dog has

24:46

shoes and I can't find underwears and socks. Underwears,

24:49

underwear and socks. So ended

24:53

up going into, what

24:56

did I go into? Polo, I'm like they'll have

24:58

that there. So I went in

25:01

there and I just, I was like where's your

25:03

underwear? They're like right here. I'm like I'll take those. You

25:05

need some socks? Yes. They're like how

25:07

are these? I'm like good. And

25:10

then I left and then Nia told

25:12

me she didn't like the underwear. She

25:17

goes it's too big. I go no it isn't, it's a large,

25:19

it fits. She goes no, it's

25:21

too like saggy. I go I didn't want the grape

25:24

smuggler ones. She goes eh. She

25:26

goes those are more flattering. like

25:29

a fucking underwear model?

25:33

I like to baggy your underwear. Nia

25:37

fucking putting my nuts

25:39

in a vise. Like why would I wanna do that? I don't know.

25:42

But she gave me shit so now I'm like for half

25:44

a second I was questioning the underwear and I was just like

25:46

no fuck that, I'm keeping these. You

25:49

know? I

25:51

like Ralph Lauren. Poor

25:54

guy. Jewish

25:56

guy trying to fucking be the Marlboro man knowing

25:59

that he wouldn't. be accepted in most states. He

26:02

still went for it, you know, another

26:04

self made man. You ever watch his, his

26:07

documentary? That's what I do

26:09

instead of reading. I

26:11

just fucking watch documentaries and what I loved

26:13

about Ralph Lauren was that he liked

26:16

like Ferraris and stuff and would take stuff

26:18

from that and put it into his clothes. Because

26:21

other than that, and that's just about clothes and then on board

26:23

shitless, but it was a nice one of those overlap ones

26:26

that, you know, you can watch with your class, right?

26:29

All right, dude, I'm done babbling here. Indochino.

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That's I-N-D-O-C-H-I-N-O

29:21

dot com. Alright

29:23

okay there's the reads for the week. Alright

29:27

got those out of the way. Let's

29:29

read the questions

29:32

here. Down Under.

29:35

Hey you bald freckled, hey

29:38

you bald freckled, nothing

29:40

else after it. Are you avoiding

29:43

the Australian Sun because of your condition?

29:46

You know

29:47

ginger, pale, legs too

29:50

thin to fight a kangaroo or what?

29:53

I'm waiting. Perth is waiting. The

29:55

Sun is waiting. We want another sunburned

29:58

ginger on our beach. You

30:00

can never have enough pink balding

30:02

men. Love your podcast,

30:04

mate. Go fuck yourself though.

30:09

I know, I haven't been there a long

30:11

time. You know, during the pandemic, I

30:14

did one of those

30:17

things that all entertainers thought were gonna

30:19

take over, where they basically,

30:22

you know, you

30:24

go to a place in like the valley, that's what

30:26

I did. I went to a place, someone's house in the valley. I

30:28

stood there and

30:31

they're like, dude, like 20,000 people

30:34

are gonna fucking order this thing. And there isn't,

30:36

there's like 400 people just

30:38

order it. Cause like entertainers

30:41

thought like, you know what would be fucking great? Is

30:43

if rather than having to go on tour,

30:46

you know, I

30:48

could just do one show for the whole

30:50

fucking world and then get paid

30:53

like you just toured the world and you only

30:55

had to do one set. That's

30:58

what people were talking about. And I was sitting there

31:00

going like, that ain't gonna fucking work. That's

31:03

not gonna work. It's not the same thing. It's

31:06

not the same thing as going there and

31:08

seeing it. I could tell you that watching

31:10

the UFC on TV is

31:14

fucking amazing. You have your friends

31:16

over and all of that shit. It's fucking great. But

31:19

being there was,

31:22

I can't explain it. It was just fucking, I

31:26

don't even know why it was so much better. Like

31:28

I actually felt I could see

31:31

what was gonna happen in the fight or

31:33

understand it better

31:36

than, you know, I guess when you watch it at home, you got Joe

31:38

to break the whole fucking thing down, but

31:42

just stuff I never noticed. I don't know. It's

31:44

kind of like the same thing. If you go watch, go to a football game live, you

31:47

can actually look at the defense rather

31:50

than just seeing like the lines in the quarterback,

31:52

you know, cause they got that angle where, you

31:55

know, I

31:57

guess if they're up on the line, they're showing you the

31:59

look. You can kind of guess what it is, but

32:01

I'm not good at that stuff and I like you know Looking

32:05

at the different packages or whatever the

32:07

fuck they have and hopefully somebody near you Understands

32:09

the game more than you and you can like watch that

32:11

or like watch like a matchup or something like

32:13

that You know gives you

32:16

like the options or whatever So getting

32:18

back to that like as

32:20

funny as a comedian is gonna be on TV It's

32:23

never gonna be funnier than actually

32:25

seeing the person live and

32:27

I feel like music too You know

32:30

as amazing as all of these musicians

32:32

are and everything There's just nothing like being there in

32:34

the energy of the crowd. That is what sucks about

32:37

the phones though You know people

32:39

on their phones and stuff So I like those ones

32:41

where you go there and they make you put your phone away and

32:43

shit Because

32:47

that fucking sphere thing in

32:50

Vegas Jesus Christ Every

32:53

fucking video was about what was floating

32:55

on the ceiling. Nothing was about the band Oh

32:59

my god, look at that dude.

33:01

What the fuck? Holy shit. Just

33:03

sitting there filming shit. I Kind

33:08

of feel like that's a little too much You

33:11

know if I want to see shit, I'll just take mushrooms.

33:13

I don't need a sphere You know what the fucking spend

33:15

all your money Earn

33:18

the hallucination, you know do some psychedelics

33:22

All right, sorry,

33:23

I probably shouldn't say that okay Grandma

33:26

grandpa doing pull-ups dear

33:28

Billy biceps. I recently heard what you're

33:30

doing

33:31

That you that you're doing pull-ups now I'm

33:35

back to doing pull-ups. I've done pull-ups my entire

33:37

adult life until I messed up my shoulders He

33:39

said what doing push-ups isn't enough for

33:41

you anymore. I know the rotator

33:44

cuff yada-yada Anyway, get this you

33:46

said that you want to be able to do ten pull-ups

33:49

at the age of 70 I think

33:51

you'd manage a little bit more and Here's

33:54

why my grandfather did 30. Yeah,

33:57

but some people I don't know what it is. They just

33:59

built

33:59

So,

34:00

Jim Norton can do a thousand fucking pull-ups.

34:04

I'm not one of those people. I got to fucking work for every

34:06

one of them. My grandfather, like the first time I ever

34:08

tried to do a fucking pull-up was they used

34:10

to have this thing, the President's Physical Fitness

34:13

Test.

34:14

This is before body shaming, you know? And

34:17

you had to be able to do 10 pull-ups. Like when

34:20

I started to do a pull-up, like I felt like I

34:22

was paralyzed. Like I wasn't even born with those muscles.

34:24

And I somehow like willed

34:29

myself to do three. And

34:32

I never forgot that. I just felt

34:34

like such and everybody was watching. I felt like such a fucking

34:37

pussy. Because I could do like 10, 15 pull-ups,

34:39

but I mean chin-ups. But

34:41

the pull-ups, I couldn't even do them.

34:44

So from that moment on, I've had a

34:46

chin-up bar my entire life.

34:48

You know, I had in my parents' basement

34:51

in like two or three different houses. They moved around

34:53

a lot. And then every apartment I ever

34:56

had, I had a pull-up bar

34:59

in the door jam somewhere

35:02

in the apartment. Usually

35:06

the bathroom because I had like studios. So it's not

35:08

like I had like a, I wasn't going to stick it in like

35:10

the fucking, obviously, unless

35:12

the door swung out to go inside. Anyway,

35:16

I'm babbling here. So your

35:19

grandfather did 30. I bet your grandfather was

35:21

always good at them. Clean

35:23

pull-ups, fully extended arms

35:26

to chin above the bar at age of 90.

35:33

That's 90.

35:35

Damn Prussian discipline. Yeah. And

35:38

that person never stopped doing them and had like perfect

35:40

form. That's awesome. I can't even

35:42

do that many pull-ups in my mid-30s

35:45

and I'm quite athletic. So

35:47

he was and is an absolute

35:49

inspiration for me. For a few months

35:51

now, I've started training pull-ups and I started

35:54

out with a maximum of eight. A

35:57

few weeks in, I already was up to 10 and

35:59

now doing between. between 12 and 14. Yeah,

36:01

I got up to seven before I left. They

36:04

weren't good ones though. Depending

36:06

on the day, if I slept all right, eight and

36:08

up, et cetera. I only started this because

36:10

of my grandfather and hope to be able to continue

36:13

training until I'm old. My

36:15

grandfather also started out with jujitsu

36:18

at age, the age of 70. 10 years

36:21

later, he had his black belt and kept progressing

36:23

to third degree, D-A-N. Triple

36:28

black belt basically in his early

36:30

90s. If that isn't an inspiration,

36:33

I don't know what is. Yeah, that's why he's still living.

36:35

He has a reason to get up in the morning. Stay

36:37

disciplined and keep at it, you gentry cunt.

36:41

I don't know why I just, you guys insult me. I

36:48

don't, I just, I always feel the love.

36:52

It just cracks me up. It's

36:54

just something funny that you give somebody

36:56

inspiration and then trash them

36:58

after, you know. Stay disciplined

37:01

and keep at it. And raise your voice and say thank

37:03

you. It's you ginger cunt. Anyway,

37:08

other than that, I love your sense of humor. You

37:10

always bring a smile to my face, even

37:12

during my dark times. Greetings

37:16

from the old world. And

37:18

of course, greeting to your, your

37:21

hwaf. Go fact yourself.

37:23

All right. That's awesome.

37:26

All right, well, I'm gonna get back on it. But

37:28

I'm also like trying not to push myself because

37:30

I don't want to get re-injured again.

37:34

Like I could, I can do seven

37:36

shitty ones or four good ones.

37:38

So I'm like, let's just go back to

37:40

doing good ones. I mean, I got four good

37:42

ones. All right, cashless

37:45

society. Oh, here we go. Here

37:48

we go. Here we go. Into

37:50

the fucking weeds here. Hey,

37:53

Bill, fan from Australia

37:55

here. Have you happened to hear about countries

37:58

going, I never asked, answered that guy.

38:02

What am I going back to Australia? I

38:04

don't know, man. My kids

38:06

have to get older because I got to bring them. There's

38:11

just something about being that far away.

38:14

And

38:16

I don't know, I did do Europe. Europe

38:18

just, you know, it's in the same fucking hemisphere

38:20

though. That's

38:23

like literally like a day ahead, but I fucking

38:25

love Australia. And I also loved Perth

38:28

and I went there on Australia day and

38:31

it was just a bunch of animals and like what looked

38:33

like el camino driving around fucking

38:36

shit face. And I'm like, this reminds me of Massachusetts

38:41

and the most beautiful beaches in

38:43

the world. You

38:46

know, I've never been to South America or

38:50

Africa, but as far as

38:53

what I've seen, I've never

38:55

seen more beautiful beaches than in Australia. And

38:58

I am terrified of the fucking ocean and

39:01

I felt compelled

39:03

to go into the ocean.

39:06

Thank God it was freezing cold out

39:08

so I didn't, but it

39:11

was unbelievable. They're just, where the

39:13

fuck? I think it was in Melbourne and I was

39:15

just sat there just staring at it. It

39:18

was kind of rough seas too. So that was another thing,

39:20

just seeing the fucking power of it. Anyway,

39:25

cashless society. Hey,

39:28

Bill from Australia here. Have you happened

39:30

to hear about countries going cashless? I

39:34

don't remember anyone here voting on the matter

39:36

and yet it seems to be happening anyway.

39:40

Well, that's like AI. Nobody wants that

39:42

shit. That's for the rich people. There

39:45

was recently an outrage with the company

39:48

that controls transfers

39:50

called Optus that

39:52

prevented millions of people from completing transactions,

39:55

even though everyone can see how

39:58

this will cause huge problems. in

40:00

the future to not allow people to

40:02

use cash, experts are saying

40:04

there is no turning back. Yeah,

40:08

you don't have a choice in any of this. Everything

40:11

that you're worried about is going to happen

40:13

until there's some massive revolution.

40:17

But then what's going to happen is just another

40:19

sociopath is going

40:22

to get into power. I

40:27

saw people going nuts the other night for this sociopath.

40:32

Fucking sociopath. And I'm like, this guy is robbing

40:35

literally everybody in here. You

40:38

know, it's just how people

40:40

are. They buy you buy into a fucking ideology

40:43

in this country. It's like, I don't

40:46

know.

40:48

I think they're all in bed together. I

40:51

think at the end of the day when they went Fox

40:54

News and CNN when they shut

40:57

off, I think they all go out drinking together. I

40:59

think it's like wrestling. I think it's just

41:01

a big fucking show. I don't buy

41:04

any of it. I think the politicians

41:06

do the same thing and then they all

41:09

fucking go to some giant fucking

41:11

circle jerk or some shit. I don't know what the fuck

41:13

they do. Anyways, changes

41:15

in history have nothing to

41:18

do with what people want and they just come out

41:20

of nowhere. Here's an article from

41:23

MSN about it. Well,

41:25

it wasn't linked. I

41:28

don't have the link. I didn't want to do it and I honestly don't even

41:30

want to read it. They're

41:34

going to say that the cashflow society is for

41:36

convenience. What it really is, is

41:40

it's an ability if

41:42

they want to get you to limit your

41:45

ability to move and

41:47

run away because they will

41:49

just freeze everything. They'll freeze your credit

41:52

cards and now you can't get to any cash

41:54

and nobody accepts cash

41:57

or believes in it anymore. You're fucked.

42:00

So that can get you on

42:02

an individual level. And more importantly,

42:05

it takes away dramatically takes

42:07

away the ability to

42:10

revolt. Against

42:14

an oppressor. Because

42:16

you need money to buy your illegal guns and

42:18

all of that, because God knows it's going to have to be done

42:20

in a violent way. But the

42:22

thing about it is, is. The

42:26

human fucking brain. OK,

42:29

with determination, we'll always figure

42:32

out a way. We'll always figure

42:34

out a way. I still remember

42:36

this time this guy was in jail and he was

42:38

building a fucking hang glider out

42:40

of dental floss in

42:43

bedsheets and all that. Now, I'm not saying it

42:46

didn't work, but like

42:48

he had the fucking time. And

42:51

he was, you know. I

42:54

mean, when you look at dental floss, what do you

42:56

see? I see dental floss. I don't

42:58

see something too tied to PCP,

43:02

whatever the fuck he had in bedsheets

43:04

and that this could potentially help me fly.

43:09

But when the need is created, so. I

43:13

just don't think that they're going to be able to. They're

43:17

not going to be able to stop us. The big fucking thing

43:20

is if it is if they keep

43:22

us pitted against one another. Which

43:25

is why I try

43:28

to stay out of like.

43:31

You know, all of this, all of that politics

43:34

shit, all of that, all

43:36

of that crap,

43:37

this 24 hour news networks, I

43:39

stay out of that shit and I try to act as an individual

43:42

and I try to act. Just

43:46

try to be nice to people. You

43:49

know, and try to help people out if you can.

43:51

I think if you're just doing that. I

43:55

don't know. That's what I'm hanging on to

43:57

because everything else gets too big and gets too.

44:00

fucking

44:04

overwhelming. Like

44:06

what is amazing is I think the hardest fucking

44:09

human emotion is empathy.

44:15

And it's funny, we'll just, let's

44:17

just act like there really is only two

44:19

ways to look at things, conservative

44:22

and liberal. It's

44:24

funny, conservatives stereotypically

44:28

speaking do not have empathy for

44:31

anything. They

44:34

think they do, but they don't. And then you got

44:36

liberals who think

44:38

that they're empathetic, but they actually,

44:40

they're

44:43

too busy congratulating

44:45

themselves. Like what is that

44:48

douchey thing now? I'm an empath.

44:50

I'm an empath and they literally make

44:52

like having empathy, like

44:55

this thing that you're now supposed to

44:57

help them with. Like, oh my God, there must

44:59

be so hard. God

45:01

you care so much. Like what in the fuck

45:04

is that? I'm an empath.

45:08

That's right up there when they said Donald Trump,

45:10

you don't seem that humble. And then he just went like,

45:13

actually I'm one of the greatest, you

45:15

know, I'm the, one of the most humbles people you ever going

45:17

to meet. I don't think you can even comprehend

45:19

comprehend how humble I am. And you're sitting there looking

45:22

like, dude, you're doing a bit, right? And

45:24

he's dead fucking serious liberals

45:27

with that. I'm an empath.

45:29

You know, like things like that

45:31

are hard for me because I'm an emp.

45:33

You're not an empath. You're completely self-involved.

45:38

You're totally self-involved. You're

45:40

so fucking self-involved. You're actually

45:43

using one of the most beautiful emotions

45:46

a human being can have, empathy, and

45:48

you're turning it in into this, this

45:50

fucking self-congratulatory thing.

45:53

Ah, here's some fucking

45:55

dating advice for you. All

45:59

right.

45:59

somebody

46:02

and they describe themselves as a fucking

46:05

empath run out of the room

46:08

just get out of the fucking room that is a totally

46:11

self-involved fucking cunt that

46:13

is never gonna admit when they're wrong all

46:16

right now

46:19

god I hate everybody all right Led Zeppelin

46:21

for let's

46:23

see if I can still name all the tracks starts with

46:25

black dog then

46:28

it's rock and roll then it's

46:30

going to California then

46:35

it's stairway

46:40

to heaven then

46:44

is it Misty Mountain hop

46:48

then four sticks

46:53

then something else and then when the levee breaks

46:55

I can't remember

46:57

Billy

47:02

music brain 58 year old fat

47:04

fuck from Germany here how's it going

47:06

good and tug I

47:09

recently read a story about Led Zeppelin

47:11

that might interest you a lot of people predicted

47:14

professional suicide for Led Zeppelin

47:17

with the decision that also set alarm

47:19

bells ringing at their record

47:21

company Atlantic Records

47:23

in 1971 the new

47:26

album was not to have a title

47:28

and Led Zeppelin name Led Zeppelin's

47:31

name was not to appear on the cover instead

47:34

there was a strange picture of an old man

47:36

carrying a load of hazelnut rods

47:39

the band wanted to prove to journalists

47:42

who had strongly criticized the previous

47:45

album that their records sold

47:48

even without a reference to

47:50

the authors and they were right

47:54

oh yeah they used to get a ton of shit from critics

47:57

hey guess who else gets

47:59

ton of shit. I always do. They always trash

48:02

me.

48:05

Critics trash. Well, the big publications

48:07

like the old dads, but we got a lot of shit from

48:10

people. But then the

48:12

people liked it.

48:13

You know what's funny is the amount of people that can't even

48:15

remember the name of the movie Old Dads. I

48:18

was in Hollywood,

48:21

Florida, this elderly couple

48:23

go to take a picture with me. And

48:26

the woman goes, she goes, I

48:29

loved your movie, Old Guys.

48:34

When I was in Brooklyn, somebody said,

48:36

I love your movie, Bad Dads. Someone

48:39

else called it Old People. And

48:42

I just fucking and then like, Nia is

48:44

always there. So Nia is just cracking

48:46

up laughing and teasing

48:49

the shit out of me. And I'm like, I don't give a fuck, you

48:51

know, I get why they can't remember it. It's

48:53

like,

48:54

they're like scrolling

48:57

through Netflix, all of those fucking

48:59

movies. It's like, you know, you hit the jackpot if

49:01

they

49:02

select your thing there. So anyway, so

49:07

they got a ton of shit. And they were right. Led

49:09

Zeppelin 4, as the album is

49:13

unofficially called because it is the band's

49:15

fourth record, even became their most

49:17

successful release selling 37 million

49:20

units. Said cover

49:22

of the classic album has become an icon

49:25

of rock music and has a huge fan

49:27

of Led Zeppelin. Of course, you know it. A

49:29

lecturer at the University of West England

49:32

has now managed to unravel the mystery

49:34

of the

49:36

enigmatic,

49:37

enigmatic image while

49:40

preparing an exhibition

49:43

for the Wiltshire Museum. Oh,

49:46

dude, this is like right up my alley. Musical

49:50

trivia.

49:51

I love this shit. He found the original

49:53

picture by chance is in

49:55

an album that presented

49:58

around 100 early photographs,

50:02

mostly houses, street scenes, and

50:04

some portraits of farm workers. He

50:06

investigated further and discovered that the man

50:08

was most likely the roofer,

50:11

Lott Long,

50:13

or Lott Longyear, who

50:15

lived in the village of Meere from 1823

50:18

to 1893. Next year, an exhibition at the Wiltshire

50:26

Museum will commemorate those

50:28

times. The photo that ended up on

50:30

the Led Zeppum cover will also

50:32

be on display. Oh, man,

50:36

I got to see that. Perhaps

50:39

you'll be performing in England again in the future and

50:41

fancy a trip to the southwest

50:44

of England to see a bit of

50:46

rock history. I would 100% do that. There

50:48

are beautiful cities like Bath or

50:51

Bristol, impressive landscapes.

50:54

And last but not least, Stonehenge,

50:57

which is only a few miles away from Wiltshire

51:00

Museum. Plus, the people have

51:02

an incredibly nice, they

51:04

are incredibly nice. I have experienced this

51:06

myself time and time again during numerous

51:09

visits. Of course, I don't know if

51:11

the coffee there meets your standards. I don't

51:13

give a shit because England is obviously

51:15

tea territory. Well, hey, you

51:18

know, I would definitely drink the fucking

51:20

tea then. Keep up the great work.

51:23

All the best to you and your family and go fuck

51:25

yourself. I also really like an English breakfast.

51:28

You know, bangers and mash, whatever the fuck

51:30

they call them. Little

51:33

sausages and the eggs. I like that.

51:35

I like a German breakfast where

51:37

they have the hard boiled egg in that thing like

51:39

it's a fucking trophy.

51:41

I

51:45

actually, you know, it's, I'm

51:47

trying to think of all the different breakfasts I've had

51:51

going throughout the world. Everybody has like a weird

51:53

take on it. I mean, obviously partial to

51:57

the American breakfast, you

51:59

know, which is just all about shoving

52:02

as much fucking shit down your throat as you possibly

52:05

can. You

52:07

know, the Grand Slam breakfast. Who

52:12

would have a problem with that? I

52:15

mean, the Grand Slam breakfast, I mean, around the world,

52:17

okay? We're talking two eggs however you want

52:19

them, two sauces,

52:21

two bacon, and a short stack

52:24

of pancakes, you know? Glass

52:28

of orange juice and some

52:30

water. That's the classic

52:33

Grand Slam fucking breakfast. All

52:35

right, not saying that we, like in this thing,

52:37

nobody does that at home.

52:40

That's something you go out, you go out to fucking Denny's

52:42

or the

52:44

International House of Pancakes or a

52:46

fucking greasy spoon or some shit, you do

52:48

that, but you never do that at home. You

52:50

know what I mean? It's too

52:53

much fucking work. You get the batter

52:55

going, then I got to get the eggs going, and

52:57

as I'm thinking this, I'm like, I'm going to fucking do this.

52:59

I'm going to make a Grand Slam breakfast. I'm going to do it one of these days.

53:03

What do you say? What's a good, is there International

53:06

House of Pancake Day where you just

53:08

go out, who does the Grand Slam? Is it Denny's?

53:12

I always like IHOP better than Denny's,

53:16

and it's just the colors. I just like blue, and that

53:18

blue roof was peaceful to me, and

53:20

for some reason I thought that their sticky tables

53:23

were a cut above Denny's.

53:26

I would say the IHOP is a little sweeter,

53:29

and I would say Denny's is a little more savory.

53:32

I just thought there's a lot more salt coming

53:34

from Denny's side, but that might just be psychological

53:37

because of the colors. But

53:42

anyway, I

53:45

don't know what to do with myself now. I

53:48

got one more fucking gig, and I'm going to go to

53:50

that F1 race. It's going to be fantastic.

53:53

I also have a movie coming out that

53:57

I did a voice on called Leo. that

54:00

stars the one and only Adam Sandler.

54:03

So that's going to be coming out. I know there's a premiere

54:05

this weekend that we're doing. So

54:11

I'm going to get, I got to promote that. The strike

54:13

is, oh, it feels weird. I feel weird talking

54:15

about projects. So can I talk about old dads?

54:18

Do you guys have any questions now about

54:20

old dads, about where we

54:22

shot things, about making it and all that? Because

54:25

I can tell you that is the most work I've

54:27

ever done in my life. And here's another

54:29

thing too. People keep saying, he

54:31

wrote it, directed it, I co-wrote it.

54:35

I co-wrote it with Ben

54:37

Tischler. All right. And Ben

54:39

Tischler is the reason why that

54:42

movie got fucking made because

54:44

it never would have got written without him because I told

54:47

him the idea that I had. It

54:50

just came off for like one day, like I was, I

54:54

was dropping my daughter off at school or

54:56

something like that and they got on the jungle gym. I

54:58

was like, oh, you're on the jungle gym? And she's like,

55:00

dad, it's called the structure. It was just every

55:03

single, every single thing I said

55:06

was like wrong. And then I had to think like, I have

55:08

not been in fucking preschool

55:11

in 50 years. Like all of this shit has changed.

55:14

And it

55:18

just gave me like this little

55:20

bit of an idea and I just mentioned it to

55:22

Ben and he was like, dude, we should write that. And

55:25

he just kept showing up every day to write

55:27

it. So I mean, I didn't have the discipline to

55:30

do it. I've had a bunch of ideas

55:33

for

55:35

movies and stuff and

55:39

I've just never done them.

55:41

And I finally understood that I needed somebody

55:44

with the discipline to do it.

55:46

And I've been working with Ben.

55:50

I've been working with Ben since like 2005, 2006. I

55:54

forget how we came together, but we somehow,

55:57

the NFL wanted some sort of...

55:59

They

56:02

wanted some sort of funny commercial

56:05

to promote the league and

56:08

through that I got hired

56:10

I think at an audition and then they hired Ben

56:12

to direct it and then we got to know

56:15

each other and then that was it. And of course what we

56:17

did we thought was hilarious

56:20

and they were like no, no, no, no, you're making fun

56:22

of the fans. We had two fucking funny

56:24

ideas.

56:26

The first one

56:29

was I get

56:32

why they didn't use it. We

56:35

were kind of making fun of, we

56:38

went to a Raiders game. This is when they were playing

56:40

in Oakland and we went there and

56:43

we would go up to the people that were all dressed crazy

56:46

and we would ask them about going to the Raiders game. They'd

56:49

be all fucking amped up and everything and then gradually I

56:51

would start asking questions about

56:56

politics and global warming and then they

56:58

would just totally change their

57:01

tone and then they had this ridiculous outfit

57:04

on and they would

57:06

dress like Darth Vader or something and just being like,

57:08

you know, well, I think that's more of a federal

57:11

issue and then they would just be talking about that.

57:13

And then the final question was are you currently

57:16

in a relationship? So

57:20

they were like that one's too mean. So that

57:22

one struck up and then

57:24

years later I was at this sports

57:27

bar, Big Wangs on Cowanga.

57:31

Doesn't exist anymore. I don't think, I think

57:33

it moved to downtown LA

57:36

and the Patriots are playing the Ravens and there

57:39

was this Ravens fan that was so

57:41

fucking obnoxious.

57:43

I wanted to fucking kill him and there was, it

57:45

was that playoff game where their first run from scrimmage

57:48

where they just won and this guy was

57:50

going like, like yelling

57:52

in our faces and stuff. To

57:55

this day, I don't know why he wasn't thrown out of the bar, but

57:57

like he was

57:59

very than me and could kick the shit out of me and

58:02

he was upsetting me so much. I

58:04

was thinking like, yeah, but I get that first one

58:06

in. Then I just turtle. He'd

58:09

probably get, you know, two punches

58:11

and a couple kicks and then the bouncers would break it up

58:14

and maybe it'll be worth it or whatever. And I just like, it's

58:16

like, it's not worth it. Okay. I was fucking, I

58:18

was in my forties, but this guy made

58:20

me so fucking mad and

58:22

my team lost. Um,

58:26

and he was a mouth breathing fucking more on that. I

58:28

was like, I have to get something out of this. So

58:31

then we wrote an ad campaign for

58:33

direct TV, the

58:36

NFL package. And

58:38

basically what it was was,

58:42

um, how

58:44

the fuck did it go? It was a guy sitting

58:48

in a sports bar trying to watch his team

58:50

play. This is like, you know, 10 years ago. So

58:52

I know everybody can now watch the game on your phone. You

58:54

couldn't do this back then. So basically the gig,

58:57

the bit was, you know, I was going to dress like,

58:59

you know, fucking nerd, right? Glasses

59:02

and all of this shit. And I was just sitting there trying to watch

59:04

my team and everyone's just screaming,

59:07

yelling all day, you know,

59:09

screaming and spilling drinks on you. And you

59:11

can't see it. You can't hear it. And,

59:14

um, just getting pushed around the room

59:16

and all of that spun around, you know, a lot

59:18

of sight gags. And

59:20

then in the end, it was going to

59:22

be, you know, I just looked totally frazzled, like

59:24

I'm not having a good time. And then

59:27

the end of the commercial, I'm sitting at home

59:31

with direct TV and

59:33

I just turn on the game and I'm just sitting there

59:35

totally relaxed. And it said, uh,

59:39

the NFL package on direct TV.

59:42

And then you, you just think the guy was

59:44

yelling in my face, drives by in the car

59:47

with his head out the window, like Ace Ventura

59:49

on his way to the sports bar just goes,

59:51

yeah. Now that you

59:54

know the psych, we'll go like this.

59:59

Direct TV.

59:59

the NFL package, yeah!

1:00:03

And then it pays for itself, something

1:00:05

like that. And it was him being at home, you

1:00:08

get the point. So anyway, we've

1:00:10

been doing shit like that

1:00:12

forever. I think we ended up doing something for

1:00:14

the NHL. I can't remember. I

1:00:16

just remember shooting these things with

1:00:19

like Billy Gardel before he was

1:00:21

on Mike and Molly. Just

1:00:26

a long fucking time ago. Anyways, the point is I've

1:00:28

known Ben

1:00:30

forever, Ben Tischler.

1:00:35

So

1:00:36

when people say I wrote the thing, say that

1:00:38

I co-wrote it. So anyway, if you guys

1:00:40

do have any questions, I'm so fucking excited

1:00:42

that I can finally fucking talk about

1:00:45

it and all the great actors that were in it and

1:00:48

all the people that helped me with it because I had a ton

1:00:50

of fucking help. But I do want to take the

1:00:53

time to say thank you to all you guys. The

1:00:55

movie was number one, the number

1:00:58

one movie streamed on Netflix

1:01:01

globally for two weekends in a row.

1:01:04

The third week it was still in the top five

1:01:06

and the fourth week was still in the top 10. So

1:01:09

it's been a huge, huge

1:01:11

hit. And if you guys didn't watch

1:01:13

it, it wouldn't be. So thank you very much. I

1:01:16

really appreciate it. All right, so that's it. That

1:01:18

is the Monday Morning Podcast. Go

1:01:23

fuck yourselves and thank you. Thank

1:01:26

you to everybody that came out to my shows.

1:01:28

I had such a great time. I had such a great

1:01:30

time at MSG doing

1:01:33

my show. Thank you to Dana White hooking

1:01:35

us up with the tickets. My

1:01:38

wife and I have always wanted to go to one of those things.

1:01:40

It was fantastic. And

1:01:43

thank you to that person that made me that. Egg

1:01:45

cream, whatever the fuck you call it. I am absolutely

1:01:48

sold on that. And that's something that I will only get

1:01:50

in New York City at that place. I

1:01:53

got something else. That's some other old

1:01:55

man thing to do here. All right, that's it. Enjoy your weekend.

1:01:57

No, I'll check in on you on Thursday.

1:01:59

to

1:02:00

say. All right. The

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