2:00

when this whole Pony and Dog show

2:02

of another fucking presidential election and people

2:05

will get all excited or all sad By

2:09

whichever candidate wins or loses like what

2:11

none of them are gonna talk about

2:13

this shit None

2:15

of them are gonna talk about how

2:18

few people own so much

2:20

and if they do they'll immediately be

2:22

called a fringe candidate

2:25

Okay, you know, it's a company

2:27

pretty how you know a politician Corporate

2:30

owned is all he's gonna do is

2:32

blame the other party. That's

2:34

all they're gonna do and I Don't

2:38

know I don't want to bring up any names or

2:40

in this type of shit people Okay

2:44

Blue tide and red tack. We got to get on the same page

2:46

here. We got to look out for each other All

2:49

right You got to stop

2:51

watching CNN and fucking Fox News Their

2:54

job how they make money is

2:57

to infuriate you and

2:59

make it seem like the like this There's

3:02

people that live in this country that

3:04

want to destroy it right

3:06

there are They're the

3:08

people that own those networks But

3:12

it's not your neighbor it's not your

3:14

co-worker and When

3:17

you look I don't give a fuck one industry you're

3:19

looking at you should be rooting for the workers at

3:21

this point because everybody is getting fucked

3:25

and I

3:28

don't know. I don't know.

3:30

I wish I'm

3:32

telling you I was thinking that shit

3:34

the other day like the amount of power that we

3:36

would have if we were all fucking Aligned but

3:39

how can you possibly do that? I

3:41

mean 24-hour news networks. Oh,

3:44

I'm going in deep fast Like

3:47

not deep like smart, but just

3:49

big subjects here social media. I

3:51

mean they literally have fucking robots

3:55

Someone was trying to tell me that like 40% of

3:57

the commenting on

4:00

Instagram is just bots. And

4:03

they're deliberately saying contrarian shit

4:05

just to get people going. Cause then somebody

4:07

says something else and then somebody else that

4:10

agreed with the robot. And then it's just

4:12

often, it's

4:14

like robot trolls. I

4:19

don't know. And all of this

4:22

AI technology is to phase all of us out.

4:24

This is for the fucking people at the top

4:26

because they're still

4:29

not happy with all of the money that

4:31

they have. They still wanna make more money. And

4:34

they wanna be the modern day slave owners.

4:36

And the slaves are not gonna be human

4:38

beings anymore. It's gonna be robots, the

4:42

ultimate slave, because they're just

4:44

gonna design them, I guess not

4:46

to rebel. But you

4:49

know what it is? They're gonna miss fucking

4:51

human beings, literally

4:53

and figuratively. So they're gonna try to

4:55

make these things as human as possible.

4:57

And that's what's gonna do them in.

5:00

And it wouldn't

5:03

be wild if it was just like

5:05

that. If all of the human race

5:07

ended like a B horror movie from

5:11

the 1930s, it's just

5:13

Frankenstein all over again. Anyway,

5:17

I hope you guys had a good weekend. Hope

5:19

you got along with people. I hope you let people

5:21

in. Somebody driving

5:23

like a fucking asshole, maybe they're having a bad

5:26

day. Who gives a fuck? Let

5:28

him go in. Don't be bad, I'm

5:30

making him even more mad. He's probably got

5:32

alimony out his fucking ass. Just who

5:35

gives a shit? I

5:38

had a fucking, whoa, I'll tell you that

5:40

weekend. My

5:45

lovely daughter, we just decorated her Christmas tree.

5:47

I got a little Christmas tree for her

5:49

room. And

5:51

it was awesome, was in the middle of it.

5:53

I was like, someday when I'm older and she's

5:56

moving out or getting married, I'm gonna think about

5:58

what she was doing. six

6:00

years old and we were just sitting there decorating the

6:02

Christmas tree and how excited she was. And I made

6:04

sure I was in the moment. Something I

6:06

don't do a lot of. And

6:08

something I then, if I, you know,

6:10

just because I did that, now does that

6:12

mean I go on social media and then give you guys

6:16

a unasked for lecture about how you

6:18

need to live in the moment and then I

6:20

become an influencer? Is that how it works? Um,

6:26

uh, anyways, so she was sick and

6:29

then my wife got it and

6:32

I thought I was in the clear. It had gone

6:35

away for a few days. Everybody was fine. And

6:38

then, oh dude, Friday night, oh

6:40

my God, Friday

6:42

night I was sitting on the couch about seven

6:44

o'clock at night and I had an apple or

6:47

something. Maybe it

6:49

was like six or something. And all of a sudden

6:51

I started feeling a little queasy. I'm

6:54

like, what the fuck? I go, maybe, I don't know, maybe

6:56

I didn't eat too much today and maybe I'm a little

6:58

nauseous. So

7:00

I go down to sit down for dinner and

7:04

the walk over to the table, I got

7:06

way more nauseous. And then I look and

7:09

it was like this fish in

7:11

like a fucking broth or something. Which

7:16

who's kidding? I mean, that's enough to make you puke even

7:18

if you're feeling fine. So I was like, all right, I

7:20

pushed that away. I ate

7:22

a couple pieces of garlic bread there. And

7:25

then I was like, oh

7:27

no. And I just said,

7:29

Nia, I need to go upstairs and lay down.

7:31

She goes, oh no. And I said, oh yeah.

7:34

So I went upstairs and

7:38

you know, rather than just giving to it,

7:40

I'm fucking German Irish. I sat there trying

7:42

to fight it for like

7:44

90 minutes. And

7:48

then finally I couldn't

7:51

anymore. And I just said to myself like, all

7:53

right, this is gonna suck. Cause

7:56

this took my kid out for three days. It took

7:58

my wife out for two days. There's

8:04

nothing you can do. Just

8:06

fucking ride this out, right? Just

8:09

give into it. So right around seven,

8:12

I went into the bathroom for the first time and I'm

8:14

gonna tell you something right now from 7pm

8:16

to 2am, you could have fucking

8:19

rebooted that movie Poltergeist. This

8:22

stuff was coming out of me, both fucking

8:24

ends. I didn't even know

8:26

I had that much in me. I

8:31

was puking up gum that I fucking swallowed in

8:33

the fifth grade, like 50 fucking

8:35

years ago. It

8:38

just fucking...

8:41

When it got to the end, I was retching

8:45

so bad, I was actually laughing at how stupid

8:47

I sounded because I knew my wife could hear

8:49

it. I've never laughed while puking, but it was

8:51

towards the end. When it

8:53

was puking and before I could even flush

8:56

the toilet, I'd have to spin around and

8:58

sit down. I

9:00

just was going... I

9:02

tried to remove myself from it and just

9:05

being like, this is fascinating how the body

9:07

works when there's something in it. It's

9:09

just like, get it

9:11

out either fucking way. Every

9:17

time I was just like, that is

9:19

the last. If I puke again, an

9:21

organ's gonna come out. I don't have

9:23

anything fucking... And then I would just go

9:25

and... Dude, I was doing like those

9:27

fucking... Like

9:30

these fucking... And

9:33

you know, like when you want to relax,

9:35

you just hang it under the fucking bowl,

9:37

but your whole fucking core is just squeezing.

9:40

It's like a fucking python around you. Oh

9:44

my God. And

9:46

then just the fucking fire hose coming out your ass.

9:49

I mean, I'm sorry to be so graphic, but dude,

9:52

what is that? Seven to 12

9:54

is five plus two. Seven hours

9:56

of that. Can I do that right? Eight, nine, 10,

9:58

11, 12, one. into, yes,

10:00

seven hours, seven

10:02

fucking hours of that. And then finally,

10:07

at 2am, you

10:10

know, I was

10:12

getting the chills, just fucking everything was

10:14

fucking horrible, right? So at 2am, I

10:17

could kind of feel like there

10:20

was something a little different on

10:22

the last fucking, you know,

10:24

puke fire hose moment that

10:26

I was just done, there

10:28

was just nothing left. And

10:31

I was so fucking dehydrated. I was

10:34

like, I'm drinking a glass of water

10:37

and I don't give a shit if

10:39

it makes me puke. So I drank

10:41

a glass of water and then like,

10:44

five minutes later, I puked it up

10:46

so quick, it was still cold. And

10:48

then that was it. And

10:51

then I went

10:54

to bed. I finally

10:56

fell asleep and I woke up at about eight

10:59

in the morning. And

11:03

my lovely wife was getting our kids ready for

11:05

school. I mean, I usually get up, I

11:07

make the breakfast. Oh, no, I did. I went downstairs and I

11:09

made a breakfast. She goes, What the fuck are you doing out

11:12

of bed? And I'm like, I don't

11:14

know, I feel great. Because

11:16

I woke up and I had a glass of water, it was just

11:18

gone. Like my body

11:20

did its fucking job. And

11:22

that was just it. I

11:24

didn't have it for two days. I didn't have it

11:27

for three days. I just had it for like seven

11:29

hours. And my body so aggressively

11:31

got it the fuck out of me. But

11:35

then what I didn't realize was, you

11:37

know, I needed to eat

11:39

like some Greek yogurt or something like that. I think

11:41

I just puked everything of shit, everything fucking out of

11:43

me either. So on

11:46

or something, I don't know. I

11:49

know this is disgusting. I was retching so

11:51

bad. Like two days later, the side

11:54

of my neck near my throat was killing me.

11:56

And I was thinking like, was I

11:58

screaming in traffic that I fucked my voice up

12:00

and I was like, no, that was for fucking puking.

12:08

Oh my God, dude. There

12:11

was a point in the bathroom. Like if

12:14

I started like levitating and floating upside

12:16

down above the toilet, like Trent Reznor

12:18

and that nine inch nails fucking video,

12:20

it wouldn't have surprised me. Like that's,

12:22

like, that's what, like I had

12:24

no control, you

12:26

know, over the body and I, and

12:28

I just fucking wrote it out. But then the

12:30

next day I was like fine. And

12:33

you know, you know, the next day

12:36

after you go, I'll tell you after you go through one of those,

12:38

you know, you gotta be real

12:40

careful what you pick. So

12:44

my wife was going, you want some like, uh,

12:46

that, what are they called? Some electrolytes and blah,

12:48

blah. I was like, I don't want to drink

12:50

that shit. That sugary fucking horrible shit. I don't,

12:52

I don't want that. She

12:55

goes, what do you want? I go, I want

12:57

a cantaloupe and I don't want the one that's

12:59

pre sliced. I want you to buy one. Okay.

13:03

From that bullshit health food fucking store down

13:05

the street. And,

13:07

and, and she's like, we don't have one in

13:10

the fridge. I go, no, we don't. I felt like

13:12

I was pregnant. I was like specifically, I want

13:14

that. So she ended up getting me the thing

13:16

and, uh, I

13:20

just slowly worked my way back. I

13:23

forget. It took me like two days to get back to

13:25

me and just able to eat. But I

13:27

gotta tell you this, this is how fucked up this

13:29

business is that I'm in is

13:32

at one point when I was

13:34

puking and just like in the

13:37

middle of that, I actually had

13:39

the thought of my stomach's going to

13:41

look great tomorrow. My

13:46

stomach's gonna look flat. It did. I lost.

13:49

Yeah. I didn't really lose weight. It's fine. Some

13:51

dude she'll say, actually it's just waterway. You know,

13:53

you can put it right there. No, we drink

13:55

less. What fuck off. Can I just look good

13:57

for half a morning? So

14:01

that was my weekend and then I just kind

14:03

of like laid around

14:05

all day Saturday like the whole fucking

14:07

day something I know oh no no

14:09

I didn't wait

14:12

a minute no I didn't I had to fucking finish

14:14

all of that shit because

14:19

some friends of mine were

14:21

in town oh god

14:23

I almost I how do I tell this

14:25

fucking story this is another make-a-wish

14:28

Bill Burr fucking story how do I tell

14:30

this one so long story short you guys

14:32

know I'm a big fan of Skid Row

14:35

right I'm always talking about like

14:38

how much I love that that second album that

14:40

I love the first one you know

14:44

and I went and I was going to see

14:46

Aerosmith you know

14:48

Boston guy I grew up on

14:50

fucking Aerosmith right so I'd already

14:52

seen Aerosmith on the permanent vacation

14:54

tour who opened form on that when

14:57

I saw it Reynolds Coliseum in Raleigh

14:59

North Carolina with Tesla opened up

15:02

and then the next album that was a

15:04

big comeback album and

15:06

then I saw Aerosmith on the pump tour

15:09

in 1989 December 31st 1989

15:13

the end of the

15:15

80s I had

15:17

been arrested for drinking and driving I did not

15:19

have a license I had yet to be arraigned

15:21

unbeknownst to me you know the

15:23

two weeks that I waited to

15:25

actually go in front of a judge and

15:28

all of that fucking shit would

15:30

not be those those 14 days would not

15:32

be applied to the 45 days

15:34

I got suspended license this is the 80s

15:36

you didn't get that many days right so

15:41

anyway I went there without a license and Skid

15:43

Row was opening up and then this is when

15:45

that that album 18 in life you've

15:47

gone wild and this

15:49

amazing new frontman Sebastian Bach came

15:52

out you know new

15:55

fucking guitar hero and Dave snakes

15:57

you know Sabo you know Jersey

15:59

crazy guys and all of this stuff, right? I

16:01

think Sebastian was from Canada or whatever. So

16:04

they went out and they fucking killed it. And

16:07

this is when I was still trying to figure out what

16:09

I wanted to do, and I knew I loved playing drums.

16:11

I was thinking like, am I a musician? I

16:13

actually thought that at some point in my life. Am

16:15

I a musician, am I gonna join a band? That's

16:19

all I did, was I listened to comedy and

16:21

I watched all these metal bands. That's all I

16:23

fucking did. And I

16:25

watched fucking Rambo and Schwarzenegger movies.

16:29

And I got shitfaced and drove drunk. That's what I did.

16:31

There wasn't a lot. They fucked

16:34

up in school. And I

16:36

worked in a warehouse. This is what, that was my fucking

16:38

life. And you know what, it was awesome. It was fucking

16:40

awesome. I fucking loved the

16:42

80s. I had a fucking great time. I had

16:44

such a fucking great time. And

16:47

one of the greatest things about it was

16:49

the fucking music, right? So over

16:51

the years, I was talking about how, you

16:55

know, I missed a boat when Grunge first came in. I

16:57

was just too fucking old for it. Really

16:59

kind of came in. I was 23. And

17:01

23 is really old to catch on to a new

17:03

style of fuck. It just is. You're

17:06

supposed to be coming out of college. I wasn't, I

17:08

was working my way. I had to pay my way through college. So

17:10

I was working my way through. I missed the

17:13

boat. Their second album came out.

17:16

Fucking monkey business. Slaves

17:18

to the grind, all that. I fucking loved it.

17:21

It was even heavier than their first one. And

17:24

I'm like, yeah, these fucking guys, these guys got to

17:26

stay in power. I saw these

17:28

guys, this is fucking cool. They're gonna have a big headline and

17:30

tour. I saw them when they opened and all that shit, blah,

17:32

blah, blah, blah. And then, you know, all of those fucking Seattle

17:35

bands came and then it was just like, what

17:37

the fuck happened? And also

17:40

like around that time, I started doing standup

17:42

comedy. And then I just stopped going to

17:44

shows on Friday and Saturday night

17:46

because I was doing shows. Well, fast

17:49

forward all these years later, you

17:52

know, I don't know what

17:54

I'm talking about.

18:00

I don't know where the fuck I was. I was

18:02

hanging out and I get a text message from

18:07

this dude Billy Rowe, who plays

18:10

with Buck Cherry and also has these great

18:12

guitars he makes. Rock

18:14

and Roll Relics, just a badass.

18:16

A guy that I did, I do the Dean

18:18

Delray Bond Scott thing with him,

18:21

he texts me a few months back, said,

18:23

hey, you know, it's Snake's birthday. He

18:26

loves your comedy. You know, we're

18:28

out here grinding up, you know, you want to FaceTime

18:30

and say, happy birthday to him, right? So I say,

18:32

you know, I'm like, holy shit, I can't fucking believe

18:34

I'm gonna talk to this guy. So I FaceTime him,

18:37

you know, totally fucking cool guy. I

18:40

can tell by his vibe that he's legit into my comedy

18:42

because I wasn't, you know, sometimes people say that and then

18:44

you just meet him, they're like, who the fuck are you?

18:46

And the other person

18:48

just set you up for just this weird thing

18:50

and it wasn't. He was totally fucking cool, you

18:52

know, Jersey guy or whatever, right? East Coast guy,

18:54

right? So we hit it off and

18:57

I said, yeah, man, I gotta see you guys, man. I

18:59

haven't seen you guys in forever since I started doing

19:01

comedy. So whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah, long story short,

19:04

they're playing the Fonda Theater and

19:08

Billy texts me again and said, hey, you want to come down

19:10

and sit in and

19:13

play drums during their sound check.

19:16

And I was just like, are

19:19

you shitting me? Fuck yeah. Like I didn't

19:22

even look at my calendar. It's like whatever's

19:24

on my calendar is getting moved, canceled or

19:26

blown off, right? So

19:31

I go down there and I

19:33

got to meet Scotty Hill, the

19:37

two last original guys,

19:39

Scotty Hill and

19:41

Snake and

19:44

they were fucking cool as shit. And

19:46

then all his other band mates that were

19:48

there, there's another guy named Rob that plays

19:51

drums. He was cool, fucking great drummer too,

19:53

really smooth. Anyway, I get

19:55

to sit in and we

19:58

did highway to hell. It's

20:01

funny, people ask me like, did you play Youth Gone

20:03

Wild? Did you play, I was like, dude,

20:05

you realize they've been playing that song for 36 fucking years,

20:07

like they don't want to fucking, they

20:11

got to give that song, they're all once a

20:13

fucking night and they ain't going to

20:15

do it with some fucking shit joke comedian. So we just

20:17

did a highway to health thing. I

20:20

played on these Pearl drums and

20:22

the tension on the, the, the,

20:26

the pedals, which were also Pearl was,

20:29

was like, like perfect. It took a second to

20:31

get adjusted to it because it wasn't like my kid, but

20:34

unfortunately I just, you know,

20:36

taken a lesson with Dave Eilish and he was

20:39

fixed some stuff that was going on with me that I didn't

20:41

like. And we

20:43

sat down, we ran through it and I can't even tell

20:45

you how many times I did the whole time we were

20:47

playing the song, you know, I'm listening to everything. It

20:50

sounds great and everything, but like I kept drifting

20:52

off, thinking about

20:54

me back in

20:56

89 being in the crowd without

20:59

a driver's license. And

21:02

if you told me back then that, all

21:04

right, years later

21:07

you're going to get the jam and

21:09

play highway to health, your favorite band

21:11

of all time, ACDC, right? With

21:14

two of the guys, both guitar players, some fucking

21:16

skid row, they're going to be cool as shit

21:19

and you're going to be a standup comedian. I

21:22

probably would have fainted. So

21:24

it was an unbelievably cool moment. Everybody

21:27

in the band, fuck Cherry too, they were like

21:29

the coolest fucking guys. And

21:32

as fun as jamming with them

21:35

was talking to them was just

21:39

as big a fucking thrill. And

21:43

you know, they made me feel right at home. They

21:45

made me feel like I did a good job or whatever,

21:48

man. It was just fucking, it was

21:50

fucking awesome. So that

21:54

all happened in like

21:56

fucking... What

22:00

is that like maybe 16 hours?

22:03

I got sick at 6 o'clock on

22:05

Friday and at noon on Saturday after

22:09

poltergeist Coming out of both ends

22:11

of me Around

22:13

probably I guess 1 o'clock the next day I

22:15

played fucking highway to health. I Think

22:22

it was really what brought me out of it. I was

22:24

so fucking giddy I Still

22:29

can't believe that happened. Anyway, let's

22:31

talk some NFL football. I didn't see too much today because

22:34

uh My daughter had

22:36

a birthday party It seemed like there

22:38

were a lot of upsets and I might have gone home

22:40

and for this week Like I don't know what I

22:42

just watched the first half of the fucking Eagles and

22:45

the Cowboys man I mean as a football

22:47

fan It's exciting if the Cowboys win because

22:49

then they're tied with the Eagles, but Jesus

22:51

Christ you know

22:55

Well, wait if the Eagles lose this fucking game to

22:57

what you guys already know what happens, right? Just

23:00

put the fucking game on now. I hate when I do that.

23:02

I get too distracted on the podcast Sports

23:04

fans like it if you're into football whatever,

23:06

but I just feel like they

23:09

can't lose this fucking game, man I mean, it's just Obviously,

23:12

no, it's a stupid statement. This is why

23:14

I would never fucking Get

23:16

into sports hell analogy. Whatever the fuck it is

23:19

I mean you just say obvious shit I was

23:21

trying to say is that like a couple of

23:23

fucking weeks ago if you were gonna

23:25

say the fucking Eagles will give me in This situation.

23:27

It's not only that they lose back-to-back

23:29

fucking game It's who

23:31

they lose until what you're basically who they lost

23:34

to which is basically through the top

23:36

fucking team I

23:39

mean the Cowboys aren't you know, I

23:41

don't know what the fuck they are But they're

23:43

coming on the Eagles seem like they're starting a

23:45

nose dive a little bit and then they got

23:47

fucking raped by the goddamn 49ers Like

23:50

I did a stand-up show a few weeks ago There

23:52

was an Eagles fan in the crowd and he was

23:54

just convinced like dude We have going to the fucking

23:56

Super Bowl and I wasn't arguing with them. I'm like,

23:58

man. I mean you got the Order back, you

24:00

got the offensive line, you got the weapons, your

24:02

defense looks great, your fucking coach

24:04

is killing it, and the guy's, that

24:06

guy's hilarious. Fucking

24:09

Nicky. Did

24:13

he yell at anybody this week? I mean,

24:15

I'm not gonna get mad at a guy that

24:18

goes around and has unnecessary arguments with

24:20

people. I mean, that's been 30% of

24:22

my fucking adult life. I

24:25

mean, how fucking hilarious is that? Watching him go

24:27

out of the chief stadium and just yelling at

24:29

the fans that he gives, he like gives a fuck

24:31

like a fan. Oh,

24:36

by the way, underrated Italians

24:39

in the NFL. Tommy

24:41

Cutlets, this guy, we

24:43

need more, fucking Tommy's

24:46

and Nicky's, and bring those fucking guys

24:48

back. Last

24:52

great Italian I'm thinking in the NFL was

24:54

Franco Harris. Remember

24:56

Franco's Italian army they used to

24:59

have, right? Anyway,

25:03

we shall see, we shall see what happens as

25:07

the weeks go on, but, and how about my

25:09

fucking Patriots? I didn't even know they were playing

25:11

Thursday night. I've been so goddamn busy, fucking

25:14

pitching another idea out here, right?

25:18

And we fucking beat

25:20

the Steelers again in Pittsburgh

25:24

with the weakest fucking team we've

25:26

had in forever. I will say

25:28

this, death taxes and the Patriots

25:30

beating the Steelers and

25:32

death taxes and the Patriots losing

25:35

to the Giants. We

25:37

lose to the Giants, not only in the Super

25:39

Bowl, preseason, regular

25:43

season, if they're fucking, you

25:45

know, we're both fucking two and 10, you

25:48

know, we still fucking lose to them. I don't

25:50

know what it is. Tom Coughlin there, Tom Coughlin

25:53

not fucking there. I don't know what it is.

25:57

It's weird. Giants have our number

25:59

the way the. fucking

26:02

we had the Steelers number. Everybody's

26:04

got that one fucking team, you know, the

26:07

dolphins, dolphins, honorable mention during the Tom

26:09

Brady years, always good for one, one

26:11

fucking win a year, always

26:13

good for one year, when a year, now they got that thing

26:15

where the, you know, the way they built the stadium, you

26:19

know, they use global warming. They knew what was

26:21

coming. So they built the stadium where they have

26:23

fucking their team would

26:25

be in the shade, the whole game. And the other

26:27

team would just be baking in the fucking sun. You

26:31

know, it's the little things. It's

26:33

the little things. Now, here's the thing. If

26:36

the dolphins had actually won a fucking Superbowl,

26:38

you know,

26:42

remember that undefeated season they have? Yeah, nobody

26:44

does. If you do, you're

26:48

about dead. I mean, that was like fucking, forget

26:51

about how many years ago that was. It was 51

26:54

years ago, I believe. Let's how many presidents ago was

26:56

that? Sleepy Joe,

26:59

Dom Donald, fucking

27:04

Obi-Wan, could, Dronie. The

27:10

boss's son. Uh, the

27:14

guy used somebody's pussy as a

27:16

humidor. That's five. Uh,

27:21

the aviator before him, the

27:24

actor, the

27:27

humanitarian, uh,

27:31

the fucking, uh, all American fullback. And

27:37

then sweaty lips, right? That's 10 fucking

27:40

presidents, 10

27:42

presidents ago. That

27:44

doesn't make any sense. Oh,

27:46

that's because he got impeached. Ford was only

27:48

in there two years. Carter did one term. Bush

27:51

did one term. Trump did one term term.

27:55

And then, uh, what's this forgetful Freddie here. is

28:00

probably gonna be a one in doubt,

28:02

right? Tell

28:04

me this shit isn't fixed. I

28:07

don't get how Biden beats Trump

28:10

four years ago and then somehow more Trump

28:12

people are gonna come out. Like someone who

28:15

voted for Joe Biden is now gonna vote for

28:17

Trump. That doesn't fucking happen. Nobody

28:19

does that. Everybody's so fucking on their one side.

28:21

That's it, right? I

28:24

don't know. I'm calling Vegas

28:26

on this one. I have no idea, but I

28:28

definitely think they

28:32

should have left him alone. They should have left

28:34

him alone. Let

28:39

sleeping narcissists lie.

28:42

Didn't they fucking learn anything the first time? If

28:44

they didn't make fun of him, I

28:47

believe when he was at that roast and

28:49

they stuck him in the middle of that

28:51

fucking room and they humiliated him, they had

28:53

no fucking idea. That

28:55

was one of the worst moments in

28:58

US history because he didn't even wanna be president

29:00

until they fucking did that to him. And then

29:02

he was like, oh yeah, watch this. And then

29:05

he fucking did it, right?

29:09

And then he didn't know what the fuck

29:11

he was doing. And then his crowding achievement

29:13

is he led fucking 200 of

29:15

the dumbest fucking people I've ever seen in my

29:17

life to attack the wrong building in DC.

29:21

But then he felt good. The narcissists

29:23

felt good. People died. People

29:26

went to jail all in the name

29:28

of him and all of that shit.

29:31

And then he just would have gone off into the

29:33

fucking, he pouted when he lost, you know, he

29:35

fucking cheated and he just went away like some fucking

29:37

two-year-old. And that would have been it. But

29:40

instead, they decided for whatever

29:42

fucking stupid reason to prosecute

29:44

this guy for

29:47

something that all rich people do all the fucking

29:49

time. It's like, yeah, it's like the sign stealing

29:51

shit. All right, we don't got anything on him.

29:53

We gotta get him for sign stealing. And

29:56

now he's back, right? a

30:00

sequel to a movie that like you almost

30:02

forgot. It's like

30:04

they're remaking that. Who the fuck needs

30:07

to see that? Howard the

30:09

Duck Part 2, you know? You

30:12

guys old enough to remember that? Lettered Part 6, which

30:14

was the first one. I actually watched

30:17

that because I was such a fan of

30:19

Cosby and I sat there when I first

30:21

got cable and I watched that whole movie

30:23

expecting at some point for it to get

30:25

funny. And I want to say the movie

30:27

ends with Bill Cosby riding in

30:29

ostrich down the street like

30:32

off into the sunset or something like that. Like I

30:34

have no I

30:37

have no fucking idea

30:39

how you fuck a movie up that bad.

30:42

I will say that like it was like what was

30:44

on the fucking page versus what the fuck you shot

30:46

and then what the fuck you ended up with. Look

30:48

at me. Oh I'd direct a couple things. I was

30:50

like yeah yeah you know what no no it

30:55

shouldn't make he rides a fucking ostrich over the thing

30:57

and yell yeah let's make this. But

31:02

it was the 80s I mean there was a lot of coke they had done. Somebody

31:08

probably questioned it like why would you do that

31:10

because it's never been done. Anyway

31:16

I am still

31:20

getting over a little bit of this cold. It's funny I'm like

31:22

living a beyond straight edge

31:24

life right now. Like

31:27

I don't know what happened to me with coffee. Like

31:30

the idea of drinking coffee now just like absolutely

31:33

disgust me because I didn't drink it for two

31:35

weeks and then I had a cup and it

31:37

was like okay. And then

31:39

I had one the next day at like one of

31:41

the places I always go to and it was like

31:43

gross. Like I didn't like I just think I fucking

31:45

OD'd on it like I do with every fucking thing

31:47

in my life. Can't

31:50

just have one Bill right. You got to eat the

31:53

whole fucking sleeve of cookies right. Can't just have one

31:55

fucking drink. You got to drink the

31:57

whole fucking 12 pack you

31:59

know. You can't sit in

32:01

a bar like a fucking normal person, you have to

32:03

drink them out in the woods. Round a fucking bonfire,

32:06

right? That's what you gotta

32:08

do. Sorry, gotta blow

32:10

my fucking nose. Um,

32:12

I don't

32:16

know. So I'm

32:19

kinda done with cigars. I'm

32:22

gonna try to do like this thing where I'm,

32:24

for the nine millionth time, but I just don't

32:26

think I can do it. Be that guy that

32:28

has like discipline. You

32:31

know, I've been able to do it with like, desserts.

32:33

I just said this year, I don't fucking

32:35

eat desserts. You

32:38

know? It's not my birthday.

32:40

I, yeah, I don't need a fucking slice of

32:42

cake. I don't need pie, I

32:44

don't need donuts, I don't need candy. Candy?

32:47

What am I, fucking, six years

32:49

old? This is stupid. I

32:52

fucking hate going to the gym. I

32:54

hate when I take my shirt off and I look

32:56

like you pulled me out of

32:58

a fucking lake. I'm sick

33:00

of looking waterlogged. How

33:03

many fucking M&Ms you gonna eat, Bill? You

33:05

fucking fat freckled cunt. This

33:08

is how I talk to myself. I look in the mirror and

33:10

I'm like, my wife's laying in bed. She

33:14

just hears me in there like, yelling at myself. There

33:18

you go, stupid. Look

33:20

at that big white fucking belly, right?

33:25

Hey, I'm hearing myself here. Oh, am I fucking talking to

33:27

love? I think I'm going up to the green here. Um,

33:31

no, I mean up to the yellow, almost into the

33:33

red here. Um... I

33:38

forget how to turn that shit down. I'll figure it

33:40

out. Not next week. Next week I'll do that. So,

33:43

anyway, um... I

33:46

just decided, because my tour does not start

33:48

back up again until February and I am

33:51

gonna lose this last little

33:53

bit. And I've been doing great. I've been

33:55

going to holiday... I went to a fucking

33:57

amazing, amazing fucking holiday party the other day.

34:00

night last night to

34:02

pursue I don't want to say who the fucks it was or

34:04

anything like that I don't get it all I don't like name

34:06

and names okay it's not my style I

34:11

fucking I went

34:13

there the dude that hosted it

34:15

I mean the guy had like a fucking hundred piece orchestra

34:18

I swear to God I mean what was now is like

34:20

I don't know how many people was I mean

34:23

to me that was the party just watching

34:25

that human beings can still do that like

34:29

how unbelievable these

34:31

musicians were and how they could

34:33

all play together and it

34:38

didn't even sound real it

34:41

sounded like a recording they were that good and

34:43

they're just playing all this unbelievable Christmas

34:45

music it was like there was a

34:47

big band surrounded by an entire string

34:50

section French horns fucking kettle

34:52

drums somebody on a harp

34:57

I mean it was basically they went into a

34:59

music store they bought all the instruments and then

35:01

had a fucking the Wayne

35:04

Gretzky of whatever on each

35:06

one of them they were

35:08

un-fucking believable so

35:11

we hung out there for a couple of hours

35:13

great food fucking awesome people man was just an

35:15

all-great time and then I had a

35:17

spot up the up the comedy

35:19

store and I went up there and you

35:23

know tried out some new shit that I'm working on

35:26

and for whatever

35:29

reason I was trying to work like cleaner

35:33

you know because I thought for a second I was gonna be

35:35

doing this TV show you

35:37

know so I was like well why

35:39

don't I I'm working on this new material and it just seems

35:42

like it's a quick it's gonna

35:44

have a quick shelf life so

35:46

I'm like all right why don't

35:48

you just write it clean like you

35:50

did 30 years ago and just see how that goes

35:54

right I started doing that I'm gonna

35:56

try doing that like the next like

35:58

10 minutes I have I'm just gonna write it clean

36:01

just so I have that. So

36:03

if I get this gig, I

36:05

don't have to fucking worry about, you know, cause

36:09

to me, always taking out the curse words, everybody

36:12

acts like it's harder. What it is, it's,

36:14

it's, it fucks with the rhythm. Unless

36:18

what you're saying isn't funny, then you're screwed. But if

36:20

what you're saying is funny, when you take out the

36:22

curse word, it fucks with the rhythm. So all you

36:25

have to do is, you know, just

36:29

look at it like music. You can't

36:31

lop off an eighth note, then it becomes like

36:33

odd time and odd time, it's

36:36

not gonna be funny. You

36:38

know what I mean? You know what, you're shitting four

36:41

four for comedy. So what you

36:43

have to do is just replace the curse word

36:45

with the same

36:48

amount of syllable like word, like if

36:51

it's like asshole, you need a two

36:53

symbol, two syllable, clean word, Bill,

36:55

we get it, all right. Or there's

36:58

also a way you just pause

37:00

or hit harder on a different

37:03

word, which creates a pause

37:05

and the line is still delivered in the same amount

37:07

of time. You know what I mean? Almost

37:11

like simplifying a fill, but

37:13

it's still over four beats, if

37:15

that makes sense. So yeah,

37:19

that sounds like a fucking math problem, right? I don't

37:21

wanna have to deal with that shit. So, and

37:23

I also

37:26

gotta admit, I kinda liked it. I kinda liked, you

37:29

know, it was just like a different thing. I do like just

37:31

going up there and just saying whatever I'm thinking, but that was

37:34

the first time now I was like, I haven't done this in

37:36

a while, like trying

37:38

to craft this in a way that is

37:40

different from the way I just usually do

37:42

shit, which is good to go up and

37:44

talk. Because sometimes I watch people's process, but

37:48

that is

37:50

fascinating to me how

37:52

different people put their shit together. My

37:57

process is no process. My process is...

38:00

just to go, I'm talking about that, and then go up and talk

38:02

about it, and then see how it goes, and

38:05

then not learn anything from it,

38:08

and then do it again the next day. That's

38:14

almost how I handle all my relationships. I'm just

38:16

babbling. I'm just goofing. All

38:20

right, let me, let

38:23

me, what am I doing here?

38:27

I gotta read, uh, I

38:31

gotta, okay, here we go. We gotta do some advertising here.

38:33

Oh, look who it is, everybody. It's a old Z. Talk

38:39

about that one person on your holiday list

38:41

who's really hard to find the perfect gift

38:43

for. Examples, my

38:45

best friend, because they already have

38:47

so many things. My husband,

38:50

my wife, because we've been together for so

38:52

long. My dad, because he's

38:54

really picky. Um,

38:59

no, it would be probably my wife, because

39:02

I've, I've, I've bought her a lot of shit. We

39:04

have been together for a long time. I don't know

39:06

what else to get her, but you know, she's

39:09

a woman, so there's always something else. I've

39:15

been Jimmy the gent for Christmas and birthdays

39:17

now for 10 years. Don't fucking

39:20

buy me anything. Take it, take it back,

39:22

take it back. I don't fucking want anything.

39:24

I would like, take me to the movies. There's

39:29

a great Christmas gift. Take me to the

39:31

fucking movies. Take

39:34

me, take me, take me to

39:36

a fucking thing. Um,

39:40

something. Take me, just

39:43

fucking leave me alone. I mean, I don't know. I

39:46

don't need anything enough.

39:50

Like how much shit do you want to have to throw out

39:52

when I die? I mean, this is stupid already. All

39:55

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hire. I was in my head

41:18

on that one. I tried too hard. Oh, oh,

41:20

Zempik. Oh, somebody's going to write. Write it. Oh,

41:23

oh, oh, oh, Zempik. Losing that fucking

41:25

weight. No,

41:31

that's not the, what is, what is, what is the real

41:34

song that they did? Oh,

41:38

oh, oh, oh, Zempik. You

41:41

know. Now that's supposed to

41:43

be for diabetics, I believe. And people are using

41:45

it to lose weight. I'll tell

41:48

you right now, if you want an all natural way, you

41:50

want an all natural way to fucking lose some weight,

41:53

get the stomach flu. All

41:55

right? No one

41:57

in your family has it? Well, fucking go out and go

41:59

get it. Bill,

42:05

I'm just waiting for the

42:07

class action against Ozempic. My

42:10

wife was on it for three, four

42:12

months before she had to have her

42:14

gallbladder removed. Never

42:17

had a problem with her gallbladder in the

42:19

past. Oh

42:22

my God, that's terrifying.

42:24

Yeah, I can tell you something right

42:26

now. There's going to be nobody in this election

42:28

next year, blue or red

42:30

tide, that is going to call out the

42:32

pharmaceutical industry and the shit that they've done

42:34

to people, the shit that they continue to

42:37

do, how they've infiltrated the FDA to fucking

42:39

pass all this shit through. None of them

42:41

are going to talk about it. There's a

42:43

thousand points of life, check them out, fucking

42:45

text the rich, fucking fuck the poor, get

42:47

the foreigners out of here, build a fucking

42:49

wall, education, we need to pay

42:51

people in. They're going to dance all around and

42:54

they're not going to bring any of that shit up. Okay.

42:57

But the candidate that they say is

42:59

a fringe candidate, a personal do it.

43:02

Um, it's unreal. It's

43:05

something they just, they don't fucking go to

43:08

jail. They literally kill people. They, they affect

43:10

people's fucking lives and just nothing fucking

43:12

happens to them. Um,

43:16

if I've learned anything, you know,

43:19

from my world travel, uh, you're,

43:22

you're on your own and it's

43:24

stupid. I

43:27

think once we became just so many fucking people

43:29

that was, maybe that was inevitable. I

43:32

don't know. Do

43:34

you think back when there was just little tribes, people

43:37

with, there was still probably, you know, the

43:39

Steve Jobs caveman. Um,

43:44

anyway, coming out with a new club

43:46

every year. Oh,

43:51

sorry. All right. Jimmy

43:54

Kimmel. Oh yeah. I had a great, I

43:56

love that guy. I had such a great time on a show the

43:58

other night. Uh, dear Bill. Great job

44:00

on Kimmel. Yes, we have a great time

44:02

busting each other's chops. I

44:05

see you get a lot of shit for a

44:07

lot of stuff you say, but if you dig

44:09

beneath the ginger-laden rage, you've made some great calls.

44:12

Ah, look at me every once in a while.

44:14

I don't think I made some great calls this

44:16

Sunday on these football games. As

44:18

you have said on Kimmel, they should have shut

44:20

the hell up and let that guy go away.

44:22

Yeah, they should have. Neutral energy

44:24

people. Listen, this is a great time of

44:26

year to learn how to deal with the

44:28

narcissist. Okay, you're going to go home for

44:30

Christmas, you know, maybe I

44:32

don't know. Hopefully you don't have one in your

44:35

family. If you do,

44:37

if you do, there's

44:41

only one solution man. You just you got to

44:43

you got to cut them out of your life.

44:45

It's fucking unreal. It's hard, but you know, I'll

44:48

tell you what the weirdest thing is. This

44:51

is that you know, it's actually getting a narcissist

44:54

out of your life is really easy because what

44:56

you do is you just call

44:59

them and

45:02

return their text, you know, or

45:05

initiate texting at the same

45:07

level that they do. Which

45:09

is not a narcissist. The phone works

45:11

one way unless they want something. All

45:14

right, but generally speaking as far as like hey man, just

45:16

call them to say what's up. They never do that. You

45:19

have to come to them. So the bottom line is

45:21

if you fucking just start doing

45:23

that to they're like, I'm going to wait for them to call

45:26

me. Your relationship with them will be

45:28

over within a two to three month period and

45:30

I don't care how long you've known them and

45:33

they will feel slighted and they will feel like

45:35

victims and all that but who gives a fuck?

45:40

They're out of your life. But

45:42

anyways person says if we have to endure

45:44

another four years another four years, he might

45:46

be back for another eight years. If

45:50

we have to endure another four years, it won't be

45:52

your fault. But somehow you'll probably

45:54

get a little blame. Haha.

45:56

Love you and love the podcast. Oh, yeah, it was

45:58

because the first time. When

46:01

everyone was like freaking out, I was on Conan going

46:03

like, it's, you know, it's not going to affect your

46:05

life. I was talking to like, you know,

46:07

the average white guy out there, it's not going to affect your life.

46:11

And it didn't. Um,

46:15

it didn't. I mean, you know, and

46:18

the guy fucking burned himself out and fucked

46:21

the whole thing up and he was done. And then

46:23

they just had to go knock on his fucking door

46:25

again. I don't know why they did that. Especially

46:30

when the guy that's sticking in the ring, I don't

46:32

even know if he's going to make it to next

46:34

fucking November. Um,

46:38

how are these are only two fucking

46:41

choices? Jesus

46:44

fucking Christ. And then the other

46:46

guys, they're just fucking weirdos. It's

46:51

just getting weirder and weird. You know what it is?

46:53

I really think it is because now like there's just

46:55

so many fucking assholes to on the internet that are

46:57

just, did you see that one where

47:00

they make in front of that guy from Florida

47:03

where the guy's doing the voiceover of the

47:05

dudes in her thoughts going, my name is

47:07

so and so I am a human

47:09

person. I have on a big

47:11

boy suits with my man shoes or something

47:13

like that. And it's just doing

47:15

that. You could basically do this to fucking

47:17

anybody, but like no one as

47:20

you're standing out there, they're like, this is like footage that

47:22

wasn't even going to be on TV and they just fucking

47:24

had it. And

47:26

then somebody makes that video and if everyone's just,

47:28

you just sitting on a fucking dunking stool. I

47:30

just think anybody with a brain is like, I

47:32

don't want that fucking job. I

47:35

don't want that job. I

47:37

also do love the people that dumb enough to think that

47:39

a guy that makes 400 grand a year is somehow going

47:41

to turn around this fucking country. Just

47:43

fucking blows my mind. You

47:45

know what I mean? You can, you can make more

47:48

money a year showing you a clam on Instagram than

47:50

you can run in this country. You

47:54

get paid more, I should say. I'm not talking about

47:57

kickbacks. All right. That's where the

47:59

president beat. out the average whore on

48:02

Instagram and that's how you get the house on

48:05

fucking Epstein Island. Alright,

48:08

dear Billum the Bashful, this

48:11

year's Thanksgiving food was terrible. That's

48:13

the worst. I've had one of

48:15

those. I'm sorry, did I

48:18

ever tell you the time like me and Nia did it? We

48:20

fucking had, we decided to have a vegetarian

48:24

Thanksgiving. I know, I know,

48:27

I know. Listen, we all have stuff that we're shamed

48:29

of in our past. That was the dumbest fucking idea.

48:33

Like, oh my god,

48:35

we beat ourselves up about that. I

48:37

can't even remember what the fuck we had, but it

48:39

all sucked. Now, in defense of

48:41

vegetarians, we didn't know how to cook it properly, but

48:44

like, if you don't know how to fucking cook it properly,

48:46

the first time you do it, you don't fucking do it

48:48

on Thanksgiving and that's what the fuck we did and

48:51

it sucked so fucking bad

48:55

that I went

48:57

down to the lab factory to feed homeless

48:59

people, not because I cared about

49:01

them. It was because they used to have this

49:03

deli green box next door and you could buy

49:06

Thanksgiving dinner and I went there and I ate

49:08

one and I was felt so guilty.

49:10

I had turkey and gravy and mashed

49:12

potatoes and a piece of

49:14

pie and I came home and

49:18

I just had to confess to my wife that I didn't

49:20

have. And she

49:23

went, she like laughed, acted

49:25

like she was all betrayed and then the next night I

49:27

took her out for

49:29

something like that. It was the worst fucking... That

49:33

was my worst year of Thanksgiving

49:35

and then one year I had a great

49:37

time, I had a great fucking Thanksgiving with

49:39

no great food. I

49:42

was fucking, this

49:44

chick had dumped me and

49:47

I was single and I didn't give a fuck and

49:50

I remember just thinking like, you know what, I'm

49:54

staying single. Fuck

49:56

this shit. Like,

50:00

what am I doing? I

50:02

just gone from one relationship to another. I'm

50:04

not fucking doing this. I'm just gonna be

50:06

fucking single. And there was another

50:08

buddy of mine. He was a comedian. And

50:11

him and his chick had just

50:13

broken up. And we just decided

50:15

that we were gonna sit in my apartment and

50:17

drink fucking beers and

50:20

watch football and get fucked up. And

50:23

we were not gonna have any Thanksgiving and

50:25

we weren't gonna eat any differently. We

50:28

were just, we were going to embrace the fact

50:31

that we had no one in our lives except

50:33

for us. And we had the best fucking time.

50:36

And we were just laughing, talking about like,

50:39

I guess we're supposed to be missing people

50:41

right now and we didn't, we didn't miss

50:43

anybody. And

50:46

it was fucking amazing. So

50:48

I've had two Thanksgivings with a food,

50:52

one where it sucked and then the other one where we didn't

50:54

even have any and I didn't give a fuck. So anyway, so

50:56

here's this person's story. I'm

50:59

a 29 year old single guy with

51:02

three older sisters who are all married

51:04

with kids. So I have one Thanksgiving

51:06

to go to. This year my sister

51:08

decided our mother is too old to

51:10

cook. Oh, and they

51:12

all wanted to take care of

51:14

the food. Huge mistake, all in

51:17

capital letters. No cranberry sauce.

51:20

I mean, you can just buy that.

51:23

No green bean casserole. All right, this is

51:25

a white dude. All right, I'm feeling seen

51:27

here. No fucking

51:29

pumpkin pie, another white staple.

51:33

And to top it all off, no

51:35

turkey. Bill,

51:37

they bought barbecue turkey legs. Like

51:41

at a goddamn Renaissance festival. Oh,

51:43

they didn't, they just fucking, they

51:45

postmated it. Yeah,

51:48

that's your modern woman. They

51:50

can't fucking cook. They

51:52

feel like they're above it. And

51:55

if elected, I tell all these broads to

51:58

get back in the kitchen. I'm

52:01

not saying that you should fucking

52:04

like have

52:06

to cook all the time, but you should know how to,

52:08

as an adult, you should know how to fucking cook. That's

52:12

a big one. Man or woman, you gotta like, you

52:15

gotta man the fucking grill. You gotta know how to

52:18

throw down to an acceptable level. You

52:20

gotta have a couple of go-tos that

52:22

you just know, this is a family

52:24

recipe. I can do this and I

52:26

will not embarrass myself. I

52:29

will not be a cancer in this fucking locker

52:31

room. So anyways, they

52:33

bought like they were Renaissance Festival. What

52:36

the fuck was that shit? Also

52:38

they tried to make this crunchy mac

52:40

and cheese, but it was all breadcrumbs

52:42

where if I ate

52:45

it, it would hurt the roof of my mouth. Yeah,

52:47

they don't know how to cook. How

52:51

the fuck did these women get married? Are they making

52:53

money? Are they hot? Are

52:55

your sisters hot? What is going on here? All

52:59

right, on top of all that, beforehand

53:01

I asked if I could bring any

53:04

food and they just told me to

53:06

bring wine and beer. So

53:08

they were just like, don't worry, we got this. One

53:12

of my brother-in-laws only drinks sours, so

53:14

I was told to make sure I

53:17

brought that. A $20

53:19

four-pack for fuck's sake. If I

53:22

invested all of this, the least

53:24

they could do is make semi-normal

53:26

Thanksgiving food. I know there's a

53:28

lot of women going, well, why didn't you fucking cook? You know why?

53:31

Because they said they were going to. All right, so

53:33

shut your face. This guy

53:35

has every right to bitch. He said, should I bring food?

53:37

They said, no, we got it. You just bring the booze,

53:39

which he did. He held up

53:42

his side of the fucking bargain.

53:44

All right, despite our mother's declining

53:46

health, she was insistent on making

53:49

food for Christmas and next year's

53:51

Thanksgiving. Bill, how do I tell

53:53

them to just keep

53:56

it simple? Why do we have all

53:58

these alternatives? Were they trying to? too

54:00

hard to show they can cook. No.

54:04

No. I don't know. But first of all, don't

54:06

ever try to think why a woman did something.

54:08

Okay. That doesn't make any sense. Okay. You'd be

54:10

lucky if you can guess what

54:13

the average guy is thinking. It's another human being.

54:15

And then when you're talking about a woman as

54:18

a man, it's a different fucking species. All right.

54:20

You have no fucking idea what they're thinking. All

54:23

they did was show you that they cannot cook

54:25

on any fucking level and they are years away

54:27

from getting good at it. Years

54:30

away from being the captain of the

54:32

ship on a Thanksgiving. All

54:34

right. So what you need to do is,

54:36

uh, I just

54:38

wouldn't go. Or what

54:40

I would do next year is

54:43

like, I would

54:45

have a backup Thanksgiving. I

54:48

would have a Thanksgiving that I go to before

54:50

their Thanksgiving. And what I would do is show

54:52

up, you know,

54:55

to their Thanksgiving and just drink beer. And

54:57

when they ask why you're not eating, just

55:00

say you get in a colonoscopy the next day. And

55:03

they're gonna be like, aren't you not supposed to be drinking

55:05

booze and now it's just food. Or

55:08

you just be like, well, I mean, I gotta do something on

55:10

Thanksgiving, right? I'm only having a couple. I would just do that.

55:12

Or you could just, you

55:15

could just do the easiest thing. Just tell the truth. Just be

55:17

like, listen, that was some of

55:19

the worst food I've ever had in my life. I love you guys.

55:22

You're my sister. But you know, if

55:26

you cook for me every night, like I wouldn't love

55:28

you anymore. All

55:30

right. Happy holidays. This

55:33

really isn't a hard one, dude. I

55:36

get it. You want to see your mother or whatever, but

55:39

she said that she's cooking next Thanksgiving. Um,

55:43

what, what a thing to do. Your mother, she must be

55:45

thinking like, where did I go wrong that I didn't teach

55:48

these broads out of fucking cook. You

55:50

know, you gotta, you gotta be a little, I know your mom's sick,

55:52

but you know, you

55:55

know, it starts at the top, right? The

55:57

head coach is the first one that gets fired. No. Anyway,

56:00

car ownership. Dear

56:03

Billy the Wise ass. Oh,

56:05

dear Billy the Wise, parentheses, ass.

56:08

A small group of people bash

56:11

electric vehicles and the stupid videos

56:13

they make work because they annoy

56:15

easy targets like you. All

56:20

right. Sales

56:22

are up and charging stations are popping

56:24

up everywhere. They're not going away. A

56:27

couple people trust the internet when it

56:29

came around. Were you one

56:31

of them? L-O-L? Well,

56:33

yeah, but part of me is also to

56:35

tell jokes and fucking

56:37

laugh at shit. All

56:41

right. I mean, what am I supposed to do?

56:43

I'm supposed to be like, I mean, you think

56:45

I don't know that electric cars are coming and

56:47

that they're here to stay? I think once Porsche

56:49

has thrown their fucking hat in the ring, I

56:51

really don't think you're giving me any new information.

56:54

All right. This smarmy cunt. Okay.

56:58

The real problem isn't the cars. You know

57:01

what? I heard this person

57:03

here is fucking more annoying probably

57:05

than the food that those women made. All right.

57:08

The real problem isn't the cars. It's

57:10

laws enforcing people to switch

57:12

to them, which

57:14

states are now planning for all

57:16

new car sales. This bothers

57:19

people because it makes us, it makes

57:21

it us versus them. The

57:23

wave of effects it's going to

57:26

have in California on the lowest

57:28

income is going to be catastrophic

57:30

as opposed to what? As

57:34

opposed to what? Everything

57:37

is going to be catastrophic to the lowest

57:39

income. Everything is catastrophic to the middle class

57:41

at this point. Everything

57:45

is. So like, I don't know what, like, this

57:47

is the thing that's going to take out poor people. They're

57:51

already fucked. I could argue

57:53

the other side. Remember flat screens first came out. They

57:56

were like fucking $13,000. can

58:00

get one for a couple hundred bucks. New

58:03

technology is always way overpriced

58:05

because the fucking, you know,

58:08

I gotta have it first guys. That's

58:11

why I saw that fucking, what is that

58:13

stupid fucking car? The,

58:17

oh what is it called? The fucking

58:19

Lucid. It's a four door sedan.

58:21

They want 250 grand for it. It's

58:23

fucking ridiculous. It's as

58:25

ridiculous as it is a $13,000 flat

58:27

screen TV. Are they going to come

58:29

down? Just like rollerblades

58:31

did. Rollerblades were a hundred something bucks

58:34

and then everybody fucking had one and all of a sudden

58:36

they were $30. Anyway,

58:40

and completely tighten their ability to

58:42

work and travel. No

58:46

considerations have or likely will be

58:48

made for this. All

58:50

right. So let's just out of curiosity, what are the

58:52

gas companies do to fucking help these people? Oil

58:55

companies have given a shit about low income people.

58:58

Um, there's,

59:01

there's just going to be rich people and poor people.

59:03

That's where it's going to go. And you can't just

59:06

blame electric cars. I think it's going to be a

59:08

whole bunch of things and it all

59:10

goes in the same fucking direction now. Um,

59:14

also there's lots of videos of unelected

59:17

officials saying private car ownership

59:20

is going to be obsolete in 15

59:22

years. You can watch

59:24

their videos where they brag about it. And

59:28

these are the people who put money

59:30

behind politicians so you know they

59:32

can pull it off. Not saying they will, but

59:34

the state clear, uh,

59:36

but they state clearly that they're trying.

59:39

So don't call me crazy. Happy

59:42

holidays to you and your family back east.

59:44

Dude, I'm not saying you're crazy. You're fucking

59:46

talking about what I'm talking about. And

59:49

then saying it to me like it's, it's the new, if you

59:51

just started off bad, dude, you just started off bad. Like

59:54

you don't watch anything and get triggered on

59:56

online. All right. Anyway,

1:00:03

I had a meltdown today. It's just like,

1:00:06

at what point are they gonna feel like they're

1:00:08

in control of us? And what are they planning?

1:00:11

I think it all goes to the AI shit. I

1:00:13

think all of this AI stuff, they know what

1:00:15

they're working towards. And they

1:00:18

know that once we realize what it

1:00:20

is they're actually up to, they want

1:00:22

to have our ability. You

1:00:24

know, they're gonna like, like,

1:00:27

I don't know what it is. They're just attacking

1:00:29

every fucking freedom that is out

1:00:31

there. And then you have these mouth breathing morons

1:00:34

that are into politics and all they do

1:00:36

is blame the other party. And,

1:00:41

you know, and these newspapers that go

1:00:43

after standup comedians and actors or whatever

1:00:45

the latest person fucking said. And

1:00:48

they're just completely ignoring, like, why

1:00:50

isn't the fact that that insider

1:00:52

trading shit that senators and

1:00:54

Congress people do, why isn't that like

1:00:58

something that is just talked about every day like they

1:01:00

did with fucking COVID? Why aren't they doing that? How

1:01:04

come these people are allowed to do that and

1:01:07

be worth $20 million? Just doing something that,

1:01:09

why they decided that what is illegal for

1:01:11

us is not illegal for them. It's

1:01:14

one of the most corrupt, overtly corrupt things that

1:01:18

is just sort of known. People are like, yeah, I

1:01:20

know, it's crazy. It's crazy.

1:01:22

But then like, you

1:01:24

know, like

1:01:27

if there's some sort of celebrity scandal with

1:01:29

like an athlete or whatever, like that's like,

1:01:32

you know, or like, are these baseball

1:01:34

players doing steroids? Did

1:01:37

Lance Armstrong cheat in a bicycle race?

1:01:39

Like the fucking government is like, we're

1:01:41

gonna get down to the fucking brass

1:01:43

packs on this. I

1:01:50

just, my question, I just don't understand why

1:01:54

are they so upset with people being able to kind of

1:01:57

drive around and kind

1:01:59

of do it? what they want to do. Why

1:02:04

are they like, like these people

1:02:06

are sick unless

1:02:09

they know something that we don't. Hey,

1:02:14

you know, speaking of Thanksgiving, I mean, maybe where

1:02:16

the fucking Turkey is about to get slaughtered. I

1:02:18

have no fucking idea. I didn't want to end

1:02:20

the podcast like that, but I can

1:02:22

tell you right now that shit is going to fucking happen.

1:02:25

If we continue to just look at each

1:02:27

other, is you're either a liberal or you're

1:02:29

a fucking conservative. I feel like

1:02:31

we're playing like right into their

1:02:33

hands and we're going to lose. Um,

1:02:36

I don't know, but I don't have

1:02:38

any solutions. How do you get fucking 6.9 billion

1:02:42

people all on the same

1:02:44

page? How the fuck do you do that?

1:02:50

I just take solace in the fact that you

1:02:52

know, this fucking AI robots eventually are going to

1:02:54

fucking kill him. Oh,

1:02:59

the weather outside is frightful. All right. That was

1:03:02

a fucking dark way. And people listen, there's enough

1:03:04

darkness in the world. Please don't send me shit

1:03:06

like this because I just bummed you out and

1:03:08

now I have to go to fucking bed with

1:03:10

this shit on my fucking mind. Um,

1:03:16

you know, I don't

1:03:19

know. This is like the type of thing where it's just like,

1:03:21

Oh yeah, I get why people buy guns. When you, when you

1:03:23

start going down that thing is like, I get it. I get

1:03:26

it. I mean, you're not going to win, but at least you could take a few

1:03:28

out with you. But who are you going to kill? You're

1:03:31

not going to, you're not going to

1:03:33

kill the right guys. You're just going

1:03:35

to tell the killer fucking guys that

1:03:37

are sent out by the guys you

1:03:39

want to kill to come up and

1:03:41

get you. That's what kills me. It's

1:03:43

a bunch of suits and fucking

1:03:45

pussies. Um, anyway, I don't know. I

1:03:48

don't know. I had this. Let's

1:03:51

try to live in the

1:03:53

moment. I'm sorry. I have

1:03:56

no, well, this is like when I can't find a last

1:03:58

to get off stage. It's just like, all That's my

1:04:00

time, good night everybody. Have

1:04:02

a great couple of days and I'll check in

1:04:04

on you in a couple of days. Go fuck

1:04:06

yourselves, see ya.