0:02

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne, it's time

0:04

for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday.

0:06

Monday Morning podcast. and

0:10

I'm just checking. yeah

0:12

on you What's

0:15

going on? How are you?

0:17

I

0:19

have a story a you.

0:24

How

0:24

do I have a to tell you? hang

0:26

on second you leaving

0:28

Oh,

0:30

right by the

0:35

right well , i saw

0:38

saw gone on the road on

0:40

the road again to the boom boom boom

0:43

the going up to fuck and said

0:45

the town again we're just

0:47

friends

0:48

the pod over the underwent part yes

0:51

i , want to give the pad it as as

0:53

he died and yeah but you but you

0:57

by by ,

0:59

apart as a

1:02

good name is how

1:04

right ah so

1:09

oh freckles what does he do what does

1:11

he do i fuckin

1:12

okay

1:15

what happened a few weeks

1:17

ago and then your guess when about rates a

1:19

so i fucking finally got my car

1:21

sex or

1:26

cause my beautiful son close the

1:28

friggin gate on that was

1:30

back in out

1:33

you know of sunday's her the gate hit my comics

1:35

had held that he had the good of never had the gate my life

1:37

i looked it wasn't there and then i looked up and

1:39

my son was just pressing down

1:41

on role control would like every fiber

1:44

of is being it's hilarious with this crazy

1:46

look on his face as toddlers

1:48

do when they're trying to enough do

1:51

some their requires a little bit effort right

1:54

so right the

1:57

folks at my door my side view mirror whatever

1:59

now shooting movie so

2:01

, cause fucked up the entire time of doing

2:04

movie and i'm one of those guys some people get a

2:06

dent nick carr they don't ever get it fixed

2:08

i'm not one of the people i got out i get fucking

2:10

fixed right around

2:12

in goddamn jalopy i never understood

2:15

why parents just let

2:17

their cars go to shit

2:20

you know look

2:22

you live in fucking money to fix that i get

2:24

that only have the money to succeed as content

2:26

to drive around with a big fuck

2:29

indent the saudi cos saudi just think

2:31

it says something about you

2:33

know that you know you're

2:35

there to do the job you

2:37

know quite do a great you're all right with it

2:41

the kind of gets done

2:45

like i mean it's like some

2:47

the was short sleeved dress shirts

2:49

underneath a sport and

2:52

look at the terrorists you know when

2:54

they go to reach for something instead of this sure this

2:56

just as sloppy the store the

2:59

right and think reflects on how people

3:02

people see if the way you present yourself so

3:04

anyway get my father get my car fixed a

3:06

fuck insights the gotta pack

3:08

two weeks ago last night i

3:11

go down the avalon

3:14

dr all the way over their right to

3:16

premier for the george carlin documentary

3:19

done by the incredible might

3:21

bonfiglio and

3:24

they , a premier fort soul

3:26

freckles you know

3:28

ran as yapping that talk for a

3:30

little bit

3:31

they ask me come down the premier and said absolutely

3:34

it's george carlin know him no

3:37

no no me

3:39

these on the mount rushmore course i'm gonna go down

3:41

there so i go down there my

3:44

beautiful car with no dad's

3:47

nice clear rap on it save

3:50

the paid

3:51

fucking goal

3:53

by do the red carpet

3:57

you know answer all the questions said

3:59

a man the for can step and repeat

4:01

all thing and also

4:03

this guy comes up to me gazelle you drive the blah

4:05

blah and i said yes said are

4:07

many good i go why

4:10

because somebody just backed into would i go

4:12

you gotta be fucking kidding me

4:16

you've gotta be fucking kidding me i just that the fuck

4:18

it thinks six i'm going

4:20

over there you that you fucking that of the i

4:22

walk over a look at the doors everything spartacus

4:24

know it's on the front

4:27

go run the front is all his white shit

4:31

st mark on the front and get the fucking

4:34

the cover to the front light fuck

4:36

that up to right

4:40

that guy gets out nice enough person

4:43

right that's like fucking clark

4:45

kent sports

4:47

ordinary goes ah sorry the

4:51

i'm a got any ideas as back

4:53

in in want to be like hot of footage

4:55

you hit it how

4:57

the fuck did you hit my course this

4:59

backup cameras in cars

5:01

and they get the fuck can censor that

5:04

beats

5:06

a paper bag stop

5:08

the fucking moron

5:10

the any still bad see the my fucking

5:12

car

5:17

walking talking what the fuck were you

5:19

don't i'm so like

5:21

don't want pocket do so i just like i wouldn't

5:23

we you want exchange papers it's like i don't

5:25

want to continue this relationship i've known

5:27

your pocket a second see a back seat

5:29

of my car why do i want know who you are

5:32

mike don't forget it news a goes going to serve

5:35

big food you comedy

5:40

sure is nice enough guy but that fucking guys

5:42

he listened you fucking suck driving in

5:44

there is no excuse for that

5:46

you're a fucking backup camera

5:48

and it's so like he just saying that he fucking

5:50

bag then do it

5:54

i'd is at a at fucking don't i

5:57

don't i don't like i

5:59

have to take

6:00

it is better because back in day when i first

6:02

moved out here and had my prius couldn't

6:05

keep the bumpers looking

6:08

nice every time get i'm sixty like

6:10

fucking within week somebody would would

6:12

bump into him you know parking

6:14

whatever but since then since the backup

6:16

camera is like that shit not supposed

6:18

to happen it's supposed to be fail

6:21

safe

6:24

whatever whatever

6:27

he did say like to change papers but i'd

6:29

never do that that

6:31

i don't want to get involved in all of that in

6:34

my person has to call your person and

6:36

then your person says this is my person

6:38

says that an antibody has to circle back

6:40

and then talked to see such as talking

6:44

about out there

6:46

editor's so sons of bitches that fix my

6:48

fucking car and you know

6:50

and they tell me what it's gonna be and then i go

6:52

down there with the credit card and they say

6:54

no my friend said was gonna be cash

6:57

and said no i didn't and they said

6:59

my friend this is what we have done it for spell we're

7:01

not friends that

7:03

france your web of friends could you fix

7:05

my car

7:07

know this isn't mad max you

7:09

know when middle of the deserts and then we do

7:11

that fucking bro handshakes was

7:13

that have shaken hands we fucking grab

7:15

each other's forums right but

7:17

his lungs society is still working and

7:19

people still believe in the dollar you just provided

7:22

a service so we're not friends okay

7:25

my friend

7:28

anyway i love and you to those places nearly wiped

7:30

cash don't you always immediately just feel like you're

7:32

looking over your shoulder like zombies gonna come

7:34

run in here and try rob this place in

7:37

a lucky other day we'll

7:39

call it last night we

7:42

stopped off at the weed store you

7:44

know i'm not big we guy did you know occasionally

7:46

i partake i don't like smoking

7:49

sweet smoke cigar bar like taken

7:51

it into my lungs coffin my fucking brains

7:53

out some gummy you know from five

7:57

fucking girl take one i could

7:59

sit there the deal with detail the

8:02

real housewives but don't like doing it a

8:06

lot because when i do it then i'd start

8:08

doing it every night in that exists in

8:10

gets outta control so i just you

8:12

know have knows every once in awhile

8:14

so last night was in every once in awhile

8:16

right damn

8:21

we go into the fucking we'd store

8:24

and it's a it's a blows my fucking

8:26

mind you can walk in there this

8:28

is all of this weed out in the open

8:30

to shit was illegal the

8:32

first fifty years of my life or whatever by

8:35

just it's insane to me and

8:37

by

8:38

i've noticed when you go to those weeds stores it's

8:40

just like a liquor store where there's

8:42

always that ceiling whenever i'm

8:44

in liquor store back in a day when i drank whenever

8:46

i go to liquor stores they would always be this

8:48

feeling

8:50

specially at night than any other

8:52

i had do the transaction and get

8:54

the fuck out the president any second

8:56

several was coming in at a ski mask

8:59

and was gonna rob and i don't like gone into businesses

9:01

that a just cash

9:04

you know and i like the weeds store to cause

9:06

a date fucking scan your driver's

9:08

license it's like what the fuck we doing here

9:11

they're going to scam like southland

9:13

like i'm not buying anything he was cool those a

9:15

guy

9:16

the usual i go to vote he saw

9:19

those i know everything about you

9:22

it's like why you have to scan my driver's

9:24

license like

9:27

what what is that what

9:30

is that for

9:33

you don't mean who you what is that that what

9:35

they had robbed revenue stream where

9:37

you sell that to who tf the fuck and report

9:39

to the shit legal it's

9:41

fucking legal but added federal level

9:44

what going come back in prosecutors

9:48

after texas makes we'd illegal

9:51

after they role that back all

9:53

no fun texas you know the can't

9:55

go down there in some

9:57

checking your goddamn cowboy boots

9:59

and what did not know and then

10:01

get a do over can't do that texas

10:04

anymore no fun in texas

10:06

a

10:08

tell you right now if

10:11

you're not paying say taxes you going to

10:13

keep your baby a habit that the

10:15

fuck a woman from the waffle house

10:19

one the dumbest things in the history the fuck and

10:21

world is there going to roll back roe v wade

10:24

it when there's over seven billion people

10:26

on the fucking planet

10:29

in a whole ocean is full of plastic to

10:31

the point i don't even eat fish anymore everybody's

10:33

testing positive for plastic your fucking

10:36

literally the

10:37

eating the shit that you didn't

10:39

need any ended up throw it out

10:43

mean that should be a story on the news every fucking

10:45

night of how we're gonna clean that up

10:48

me a story in news every night about how

10:51

a select group of fucking greedy concerned

10:53

our entire food supply into poison

10:55

another trying to force it on the rest of the

10:57

world that should be stores

10:59

snob that's not falcon story that's

11:03

not story they'd rather focus on fuckin stand

11:05

up comedy pop

11:07

pop pop pop

11:11

you know or or talk about the russians

11:13

and act like you know

11:16

when they invade country they don't do with

11:18

the right way but when others wink wink

11:20

nudge nudge to invade a country we do

11:22

with the right way and know innocent people die

11:24

fuck outta here ah

11:27

, why doctors

11:29

you care about society or because some

11:31

fucked and for i contacted your fucking

11:33

far despite having every piece

11:35

technology to not make that

11:37

happen

11:40

you know thing that your parents used to say it's can have

11:42

anything nice you

11:44

just can't have anything nice that's

11:47

what i feel like right now the

11:51

i'll get the car fixed then forget

11:53

about the

11:56

i just wanna go back to my friends my friend

11:58

my friend they're going to think that i did it

12:00

get i didn't do it in a of yeah okay my

12:02

friend my friend it's okay did

12:05

you not have these sensors turned on

12:07

the

12:07

you know i can put on a better

12:10

sense of my said nice

12:12

or is it ok for use my credit card to force

12:15

myself the days

12:17

later when it's done okay you said cash

12:19

no my friend we said get all you know for

12:21

the card is going to be more money that's

12:24

right i

12:28

love my friend cause nobody says that

12:32

the you know is that like you were

12:34

know

12:37

you've got friend's bones your they actually say that

12:40

just love how are a group people

12:42

comes over here and they latch on to shit

12:44

that is english and they and

12:46

they create these expressions that nobody fucking

12:48

uses like poverty create the

12:52

it day going to find out what the dog has his

12:55

be was it got suit that dog has

12:57

it and and it's fucking mouth and

12:59

i'm determined to turn that into an expression

13:02

my friend what do

13:04

i go me a red sox hit grand slam

13:08

couple nights back right

13:11

rafi davis hit a grand

13:13

slam we got the bats god

13:16

everything

13:17

everything's looking great fucking

13:19

last night watch red

13:21

sox travers

13:24

store the trauma finally

13:27

gets his first fucking all run the

13:30

rod fucking sure do

13:33

the we had single of the it's to run shot

13:35

to fuck in left field the less cetera something

13:38

like that that we get doubled

13:41

ah we

13:43

get single go

13:45

run the guy in the throat of play goes

13:47

to second base hey andy any

13:49

were up three to nothing the

13:51

barbie sparkling kill it basically

13:55

drone a perfect game through

13:58

like you know three any then

14:02

what any less up a single on a quick

14:04

pitch and then the very next one to

14:07

to run fuckin shot the

14:10

letter back to back doubles then

14:12

it's fuckin three to treat here we are again

14:15

the

14:15

year we are again years of loses the same

14:17

six to three i can't remember

14:19

the last time we want to games and

14:21

or up that was really hoping

14:23

that all the sudden we were gonna turn it around

14:26

we can still win the series but jesus christ

14:30

what is our record were like ten and nineteen

14:33

something

14:36

see what we get in the standings here

14:38

they are i'm enjoying the standings

14:40

despite the fact that we are in

14:42

last place with two games

14:44

behind the baltimore orioles were

14:46

play and three fifty

14:48

five ball were eleven and twenty

14:51

all right

14:54

and as much as i it stand

14:58

can't stand that the yankees are first place

15:01

twenty two and eight just

15:03

tear and through the league what

15:05

i do enjoy

15:07

most about looking at the american

15:10

league east the toronto

15:12

blue jays

15:15

look at the eyeball barefooted yep

15:18

last year was the trailer this year's

15:20

the movie and they came out like

15:22

gangbusters but they were play in the red

15:24

sox so we set so far

15:27

this year the play

15:29

any orioles

15:31

of a sudden they came started playing some

15:33

teams that gonna compete the were they

15:35

now seventeen and fifteen

15:37

five thirty one when three and seven

15:39

on their last ten a ago right

15:42

the middle of the pack right

15:44

where you belong i don't root for the toronto

15:46

blue jays michael

15:48

idea didn't enjoy that were talking shit

15:51

it did make it fun but

15:53

i actually yeah i'm

15:55

a police said see

15:58

how they're doing in this series last they saw

16:01

they

16:01

were up two games to on come on a police

16:03

when a series syrup three games to to

16:06

against the defending back to back stanley

16:08

cup champions the ones who stole

16:11

their colors the tampa

16:13

bay lightning

16:16

to the toronto maple leafs what pittsburgh

16:18

penguins are to the boston bruins there

16:20

are teams that came after that

16:22

same in and just took colors

16:24

that were already taken they didn't even like

16:27

change the blue it's almost like

16:29

the same blue save the with the penguins

16:31

with this dumb black and gold you

16:34

know

16:35

in an era give it was like whoa we

16:37

originally had black and gold with

16:39

our first spotted t the

16:42

that yeah but it'd make through the depression

16:44

and then bruins came along

16:46

they had those colors for like fuckin forty

16:48

years yet sense

16:51

ah anyway

16:53

i'm rooting for the toronto maple leafs my boston

16:56

celtics last and

16:58

we're in the situation i didn't wanna be

17:02

okay to they knew at some point

17:04

we going to have to beat the milwaukee bucks two

17:06

games in row and said my body

17:08

i says to the guy says if

17:11

we're gonna do what we have did we have to

17:13

win

17:13

game five so we would one game

17:16

for game five and then split sixth

17:18

and seventh i don't see the milwaukee

17:20

bucks losing game

17:23

six and game seven i

17:25

see us winning games sex but

17:27

we got to do with their fucking building amen

17:32

don't know but celtics have lotta had

17:35

so i think that we can do but we

17:38

had that game we just sorta let it slip away

17:40

in the fourth quarter agatha you either

17:43

way man i knew you know yeah

17:48

this yannis on take a sample

17:50

was fucking amazing but something about this

17:52

series just watching play with when other guys

17:54

are hurts when he puts the team on

17:56

his back whenever mean guy's got his first

17:58

step is fast as is as this

18:00

is lot the point guards in the league in the guys

18:02

fuck unbelievable ah

18:06

not gonna lie the actually like that team and

18:09

i love that city so and

18:11

then then also lose a

18:14

broad that go down oh two came

18:18

back when the next to in boston and

18:20

then lose

18:23

pretty soundly down in carolina

18:26

i will say the thing that's been like depressing

18:29

is that you know the games the carolina

18:33

has one they just look like just hadn't

18:35

shoulders a better team and we are self

18:37

but i'm not given them up given up on him

18:40

because because

18:42

we have to perfection lynette

18:44

and i've seen them come back in time

18:47

and time again so all

18:49

, gotta do win the next one and then it's anybody's

18:51

fucking game and that's what this the

18:53

situation the celtics are so i'm

18:55

gonna age like four hundred years years

18:58

the next like four days as i watched the

19:00

second game six and seven mana four

19:02

days of and be a puppy drag it out to seven

19:04

days ah but

19:06

other than that

19:09

oh billy fuckin red face is gonna

19:11

be

19:13

the up in sacramento oakland and

19:15

fresno know

19:18

that means that means quit flights

19:21

gonna be good time

19:24

i felt i haven't been up there since the pandemic

19:26

some kind of excited to go out there is always

19:28

do the punchline sacramento it

19:30

was never gig and oakland i used always

19:32

do on the

19:34

for wider these

19:36

to do the

19:39

punchline in san francisco and

19:41

in fresno

19:44

and and fresno a couple years fresno

19:46

is always fun the

19:50

though i'm looking forward to that end with that let's

19:52

read little bit of the yeah advertising

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hear people by the way if you have a backup camera

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and had the sensor just oh

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you're going you tube and learn how to use it

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isn't me when beach though the

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so anyway

25:36

barry blows my mind that they gonna roll the

25:38

i understand people that that

25:40

you know think that abortion is killing

25:43

baby a me yeah

25:47

that totally makes sense to me but you know

25:49

you gotta kill surprise we

25:51

, too many fucking people and

25:54

cheese is clearly isn't coming

25:56

back

26:00

come back together techniques with

26:02

sydney a like a bunch of fucking

26:05

ladies on a widow walk every night looking

26:07

out to sea wait for this guy to combat

26:09

season either the you want come back

26:14

like this that this visits theory with

26:16

religious people that when we finally

26:18

just do that final awful thing one

26:20

another that he's gonna show up

26:22

and is just like okay the

26:26

been slavery holocaust

26:28

human trafficking the

26:30

basis of country getting

26:33

killed schools bob and all that

26:36

yet for make an appearance though

26:39

my question

26:41

is what the fuck the waiting for i

26:45

don't think is come back you

26:47

know

26:48

any more than i think he was actually

26:51

the son of god or a white

26:53

person self fucker with of

26:57

the at some point guess at what what what do

26:59

we don't have matter of the solutions

27:04

that

27:04

going to stop me from talking about don't race

27:07

sorry i just realized that think that think my son's

27:09

cold that

27:11

game at my before this hillbilly nasal

27:14

knows the

27:17

wide awake one of places i'm playing

27:19

i think on this one is cow

27:21

palace the cow

27:23

palace is like whenever

27:26

you see here about van halen starting

27:28

out and all bands i liked at some point

27:30

they all played the cow palace so

27:33

, got the del rey on the show which is cool

27:35

because he went to zillion concerts there

27:37

was never fucking great time i

27:40

have edited together some the

27:42

on video clips of when i was

27:44

playing in the form for the

27:46

show just to here he

27:49

got the how good that for the drums yoga to sound

27:51

as i know i suck at only the fucking

27:54

listen to it i know my foot was sloppy

27:56

i hadn't played couple months because had the acting

27:58

cake or right and that only i'm not

28:00

programmer and a fucking dead so you

28:02

know take with grain salt but

28:04

i a fucking blast

28:06

on it and

28:10

you know if i had the time the bullshit nala

28:12

that i would that something i would i would

28:14

do it , one of these

28:16

fucking arenas because it was that much fun maybe

28:19

not on this one may be on next what the sooner sooner

28:21

sooner to ever get to do this shit again

28:23

had enough enough a as you've

28:26

been if i don't i can say you know what i got

28:28

all bit he got all that all

28:31

all right well that's the podcast here for thursday

28:33

thank you guys so much for listening much

28:36

, that putin collected best

28:38

for back and into my car try

28:41

to and he went on my intermittent

28:44

fasting seems to be working i

28:48

still have a nice fucking pooch coby poach

28:51

the see puts his economic crime a delta

28:54

or delta covert nineteen poots nineteen know kind

28:56

of all three an amalgam

28:59

the book a smorgasbord

29:01

of ice cream sandwiches late night wondering

29:04

if the world was ever going combat ah

29:07

right noble

29:11

abortions oh boy

29:13

abortion no vaccines

29:15

breathe on the babysat salvo kill

29:17

him polygon don't

29:19

vaccinate me

29:20

i'll breed on the baby that way nobody killed

29:22

baby that's more like the bathtub

29:25

the right get it

29:27

now

29:29

you know what i want to apologize to texas

29:31

i think you guys actually understand what's

29:33

going on i'm

29:36

okay right now

29:38

that's implemented or when it's implemented

29:40

i guarantee you there's gonna be a lot of shiny

29:42

for do pickup trucks driving

29:44

, the border into arkansas am

29:47

aware of flux abortions are legal

29:49

legal that said everybody ah

29:52

enjoy music the bonus episode of

29:54

the thursday afternoon just before friday monday

29:56

morning podcast from year ago for hovered

29:58

near his family circus

30:21

that

30:56

they were going on his or in

30:58

it's morning podcast from one day

31:00

may thirteenth two thousand and

31:02

thirteen how why you

31:05

how's it going

31:07

on may thirteenth two thousand

31:09

and thirteen

31:11

auditor tz superstitious you

31:13

think thirteenth and unlucky number

31:16

let me ask you this why why

31:19

you think it's unlucky because you

31:21

were told that the

31:23

day you aboard you

31:25

know they whip not thirty the

31:28

pocket bad egg really yeah

31:31

it's a it's a number you

31:33

know that thirteen to kick it to forty

31:35

you

31:38

really help fucking childish that is like

31:41

all these hotels with a

31:43

day they called thirteenth

31:45

floor the fourteenth floor

31:46

know

31:49

like you were on the thirteenth floor i don't give shit

31:51

what you call

31:54

they're calling an apple an orange i bite into that

31:56

still a fuck apple no

32:00

i don't understand the

32:02

thing that i will never get past is

32:04

how fucking childish adults or

32:07

that you know these hot these fucking

32:09

hotels had to

32:11

not have a thirteenth floor because

32:14

there's so many fucking people that believe

32:16

that horse shit that they literally built

32:18

they won't i don't want stay on thirteenth

32:20

floor why cause you're worried the fourteenth

32:23

floor gonna collapse on to it stupid

32:25

fox you

32:28

know your kills me

32:30

nobel what kills yeah well i'll tell you goddamn

32:33

and what kills me is how

32:35

because

32:37

of the dollar these fucking people

32:39

think they they hand

32:41

to

32:45

yeah i want to get roman the hotel okay we

32:47

got thirteen oh six like

32:49

his say on thirteenth floor i

32:51

i i kissed the i need another floor

32:53

thirteen unlucky why

32:55

do they do they give another floor you

32:58

know

33:00

i get it should be like will listen why

33:02

don't you fucking grow up

33:03

we

33:06

use a less great of

33:08

of of concrete movie made that

33:10

floor you asshole

33:12

know

33:14

what what do we don't want you stayed at this

33:16

hotel

33:19

i enter you know it's like that

33:21

guy up and serrano right

33:23

maple leafs fan who

33:26

made the toronto stronger side

33:30

the take the amount of outrage on that

33:32

it's like how old of people

33:34

yeah

33:37

you're gonna get upset by that they'll

33:40

make fun of our side

33:44

you know and they look at the guy like what

33:46

you think he actually supports the terrorists

33:48

like how fucking all the people

33:52

drives me up the fucking wall ice

33:55

i saw that i actually i didn't see the sign some

33:57

he tweeted to me that the know

33:59

that that made made that side and i made me laugh

34:03

that i knew what he meant i

34:05

know he doesn't support the fucking

34:08

terrorists you

34:10

know what i was

34:13

the boston strong

34:15

came about because those attacks and

34:17

then the bruins started wearing that

34:20

be seen enough pictures

34:21

like marshawn those guys was his boss

34:23

and strong it can also more since it was

34:26

saying that our teams rather than your team's

34:28

that's all it is amanda i'm not lady

34:30

of the ribbon was a little far

34:32

right what then

34:36

just three adults

34:37

stockton just stop fucking

34:40

outraged i'm saying we

34:42

i gotta stop doing that this most annoying thing ever

34:44

number of you become

34:46

adults okay

34:50

and stop having outrage over

34:52

absolute fucking bullshit and

34:55

maybe habitable subset of sex your fucking

34:57

life like

34:59

these banker cause know

35:03

once you get it checked to everyone every week

35:05

we're robbing you fucking blind to the

35:07

outrage about that the about

35:09

that that of fucking

35:11

sign or pigs socks

35:15

you know where page the don't support

35:18

our just go fuck yourself the

35:22

this is what i'll do that all come from you

35:25

know why does this may thirty that

35:28

seven seven lucky can somebody

35:30

from onto love of fuck and got

35:32

tell me why sevens lucky dani

35:35

to tell me cause it wins on first rolling crops

35:37

because after that if you don't roll it said

35:40

if you give fucking crap out on more

35:42

time than the not why

35:45

is seven lucky because of bird jones

35:50

the fuck never was joe ties there wasn't number

35:52

seven got his legs

35:54

fucking she added do that

35:56

fucking shit had it joe

36:00

theismann with that fucking that

36:04

one goddamn bar across

36:06

you i don't

36:09

it's not an unlucky day and a free

36:11

friday the thirteenth

36:13

that things come

36:15

in threes the

36:18

older you when you

36:20

gonna fucking grow up grab

36:23

the steering wheel you know

36:26

the just stop the car float around

36:30

the live in your whole life to fake you're

36:33

fucking hate when people

36:35

people going for something and don't get

36:37

it and then they just all you know i guess it wasn't

36:39

meant to be

36:40

was

36:43

it meant to be he just fuckin

36:46

the know it is fucking

36:49

throw it up or the air like bunch of fucking

36:51

confetti that's your life how

36:54

about in fuck it

36:56

up it wouldn't would

36:58

been meant to be know

37:04

iowa fucking talking about here anyways

37:07

i'm in boston massachusetts right now

37:09

and i'm and i'm to go to the gates i

37:12

gained seven really happy thing about

37:14

it it's gone seven games but

37:17

i've i've learned to be

37:19

i've learned this is how the bruins do it

37:21

this year they take the first

37:23

two periods off and then they decide start

37:25

playing on on on

37:27

a earlier this year they play the first two

37:30

periods they scored two goals at

37:32

that the

37:34

other team would gradually tied up with them we blues

37:36

and overtime than one the most frustrating

37:39

years is years fan

37:41

i still love him i still supportive but

37:44

know

37:46

and

37:49

i fucking knew uptown

37:51

like worthy but i called the f the game for

37:55

i know yesterday i tweeted that thing you know

37:57

as trying to help give the bruins some positive

37:59

where i said toronto sun gonna

38:01

say blue jays sore least

38:03

all what you really look my

38:05

tweet

38:07

after games warm air for

38:09

we went up three games to one or said the

38:11

series is and over i don't want go back

38:13

to toronto

38:14

the ronald doesn't deserve to be down three games

38:16

to one and i got all that shit from fucked

38:19

and bruins fans did you know what i'm talking

38:21

about now

38:23

why were you ignoring that that series couldn't

38:25

have easily been to to if not three

38:27

one the other way

38:28

you

38:31

know and not to take anything away from toronto

38:33

but when you don't fucking show up ready to play

38:37

up in playoff play offs know

38:39

what do think's gonna happen

38:42

you don't walk in turn it up notch

38:44

until final ten minutes of the game

38:47

what fucking kills me whenever they do that and then

38:49

they go up score goal

38:52

i don't know what it is i love the bruins

38:54

too much to ever say that don't think that

38:56

they have what it takes this year right

39:00

that's

39:02

what keep know

39:03

you

39:05

know i feel like toronto is played

39:07

more consistently this

39:10

shit the bed game one that

39:12

down the

39:14

other

39:17

than that they play great game too

39:21

three we kind of data but they didn't play bad and

39:23

games for was fucking classic

39:27

that i don't know what we've been there when the last

39:29

two games to skate around like were out there the

39:31

ice capades like a maybe this is game

39:33

we can close the mouth so

39:36

ah but i think

39:38

i think we're going to do with can i think they're actually get

39:40

fucking maybe come out with the same intensity

39:42

that they hadn't final ten minutes last two

39:44

days i hope they do or else we're going lose

39:47

and you know what we're gonna we're going one hundred percent

39:49

deserve i

39:52

don't a toronto weather fans

39:54

there's

39:54

always a couple of county people on

39:56

twitter but in general i like of

39:58

and actually went to abroad

40:00

the wrong game few years ago i liked up there

40:02

and dad congratulations

40:04

of thank you to the ottawa senators the

40:06

knocking out the hated habs

40:08

the actually watched the replay the game wanting

40:10

to totally enjoy watching all the canadian

40:13

fans filing out of the building and you

40:15

know what they didn't some of

40:17

that but there's always fair weather fans but i

40:19

gotta say i would actually yeah i was

40:21

impressed like eighty to eighty five percent

40:23

the have said stay there and in the

40:25

and even other losing like six to one they

40:27

all got up gave the team standing ovation

40:30

saying that stupid ole ole ole

40:32

saud and i was like you know what

40:34

those are awesome feds yeah

40:37

the toronto if you lose tonight i

40:40

wanna tell you have

40:43

to blame the canadians the

40:45

canadian fast right

40:49

you guys were already in bad way until

40:52

they put that fucking patrick was

40:54

hex on all of canada what

40:56

they did arguably the greatest

40:59

goaltender who ever played the game

41:01

the way they fucking humiliated

41:05

they

41:05

ever learned a thing they ever learned the things

41:08

they still do that sarcastic cheer

41:10

when they're fucking goaltenders getting shelves

41:12

the just always

41:15

gonna be these

41:17

fucking for sought eaten chance spoiled

41:21

fucking brats

41:23

the most spoiled fans i've ever seen and

41:25

my fucking life that's the way that they

41:27

treat their own players it

41:30

is horrific right

41:33

what they did the patrick what not only

41:35

fuck them for

41:37

god knows how long put a hex on their

41:39

team what they did was so disrespectful

41:41

to the game of hockey that was created a

41:43

canada not only have montreal

41:46

canadians never one another cup since

41:48

that moment no other team

41:50

in canada has one the

41:53

vancouver canucks they were up two games to

41:55

none

41:56

the bruins right where they wanted

41:58

of and then what heroes

42:01

got fucking possess decides to buy

42:03

to the fuck did bite on the bruins

42:06

they woke up the bear they

42:08

proceeded to lose four

42:11

of the next five games and

42:14

lord stanley's stayed down

42:16

and a lower forty eight sorry sorry

42:19

for a lock it up though ladies

42:21

out there and for all guys out there

42:23

who don't watch fox and hockey because you'd rather

42:25

watch what baseball is that which rather watch

42:29

they gave her bog a bit sad zero

42:31

zero here the for theory

42:33

lovely mother's

42:35

day after they will there's ball outside

42:38

and seventy

42:40

i fit to this to this out the a the

42:42

letter to the bed there's

42:45

ground ball the selected base

42:48

look that over of first to else

42:51

hero for that

42:53

okay will you look at the bought the skyline

42:56

the analysis the

42:58

just really wonderful i like the

43:01

the my favorite buildings to stare

43:03

at while i watch this game that

43:05

called sport

43:08

i'm sorry i just can't i cannot

43:10

get into fuck and baseball

43:13

i tried watching replay more red sox and so

43:15

long like i didn't either

43:17

hobbies the only guy left in the team that i have enough

43:20

there's been so fucking long since i watch

43:26

just everybody was tested positive for steroids

43:28

analysis like looky the legalize i'm a

43:30

good amount of the goddamn game

43:32

stop telling me

43:35

we all excited about shit and then four years

43:37

later telomere didn't really care

43:40

i mean i still love baseball bladder

43:44

how do i watch that one playoff hockey going on don't

43:47

me about those l a kings

43:50

right there that's that's as sportswear

43:53

that's what i like to see they

43:55

go down to games to none and then they just can't

43:57

look around like our we can stop fucking around here

44:00

then they just immediately turn it on that's very

44:02

impressive considering they won the cup last year and

44:04

usually have little hang over there so

44:07

while i'm done fucking yapping about

44:09

hockey let's let's get on with the podcast here

44:12

the drama go to the damien like

44:14

snow still talking about hockey and

44:16

got a good feeling there

44:18

were actually gonna try and now

44:20

we're actually going to try tonight that's

44:22

what i would just like at this point we could just maybe

44:24

try fuckin

44:27

three periods

44:29

actually play up to our potential we

44:31

still might not win what can

44:33

we go down swinging we

44:36

just walk and do that anyway

44:39

is something that somebody sent somebody

44:43

they're working on this microchip

44:46

that will save your memory

44:48

scientists said the implant device

44:51

to preserve experiences in the

44:53

braves

44:54

a group of us researchers believe

44:56

that a microchip that will help

44:58

create memories in

45:00

damaged brains to be implemented

45:02

into human volunteers

45:05

and the next two years

45:07

like this will the university southern

45:09

california wake forest university

45:12

and others have been looking into the

45:14

was that the hippocampus the part of the

45:16

brain that is vital

45:18

informing long term memories

45:21

for around decade okay

45:24

they've been doing this so this is this is their

45:26

way

45:29

so these wonderful researchers at us see

45:31

wake forest

45:33

as always their hearts

45:35

are in the right place what

45:38

kills me is it's like as

45:40

they're creating this thing i always wanted

45:42

to they sit around when

45:45

they create something like this do

45:49

they ever go good

45:51

lord what of this falls into the wrong

45:53

hands

45:54

what if somebody

45:56

like dick cheney or donald rumsfeld

45:59

the

46:01

or any one of those other guys that looks like they don't

46:03

even have a fuckin heartbeat what

46:05

is it falls into their hands what they

46:07

going to do with this shit i'm

46:09

telling you

46:12

we're all going to be up where i might not

46:14

be micro chipped in my lifetime but

46:16

i will tell you this at some point

46:18

in my lifetime then

46:20

i figure they're gonna do there

46:22

is some sort of like they

46:25

gonna scare the fuck outta people that

46:28

their babies gonna get kidnapped right

46:33

that what they gonna do is eventually

46:36

they gonna pass a law they're

46:39

all babies born from this

46:41

day on or their

46:43

own safety and their own

46:45

protection will be microchipped right

46:48

it's gonna creep out a guy like me

46:50

to the wages of microchips but i'm gonna

46:52

die off then what's gonna

46:55

happen is just people from day one

46:57

are going have microchip in of and they're not going

46:59

question and occasionally

47:01

somebody will pick question that and

47:03

other just beer will you have fucking conspiracy

47:09

you realize that if every human being was microchip

47:11

do you realize the ability

47:13

to revolt how

47:16

limited it is have you ever will

47:18

be suddenly under an oppressive power

47:21

everybody was microchipped you

47:23

know and is what kills me is i know you the

47:26

most the rolling your eyes going to sounds

47:28

like crazy talk you

47:30

know why because you would never do something

47:32

like that yeah

47:36

i don't fucking know any way to get into some

47:38

with advertisements and set up the

47:41

nice set of from advertising all right everybody

47:43

right out of game

47:45

all right been telling you this for years you

47:47

dont have to go to the post office anymore

47:49

theres nothing okay stamps dot com here

47:51

we go theres nothing instant about getting

47:53

postage from the post office

47:56

driving there parking their it's

47:58

a waste of time so you

48:00

their stock armistead instantly

48:02

get posters for any letter package right

48:04

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you are right though

51:00

anyways back to the damn podcast here

51:03

as mentioned before i'm

51:05

here in boston and you

51:08

don't didn't realize that i missed i

51:11

miss the chinese food in boston right

51:15

night so much that shit i left

51:17

boston massachusetts and ninety ninety five

51:22

the ninety nine five the

51:25

at that point

51:27

i'd gotten drunk so many times

51:29

and ended up a chinese food restaurant

51:31

that even smell chinese food

51:35

made me i almost got sick right

51:39

the now every time i've come back to boston

51:42

i've always avoided

51:44

and i remember one night been at the laugh

51:46

factory talking a dane cook and

51:48

told me it just come back from boston the

51:50

first thing he did was went out

51:52

gotta poop poop

51:56

and eight all this fucking chinese food

51:58

and i almost got sick as ours listening

52:02

chicken fingers crab rangoon

52:04

all this east coast chinese i was

52:06

so fucking sick of it that

52:08

our and i was actually laughed at myself

52:10

as was telling me the story like thinking to myself

52:13

that this guy must really love chinese

52:15

you know

52:16

then i realized that he doesn't drink like make so

52:19

he probably didn't have the on it like an asshole

52:21

at three in the morning for twenty years straight like

52:23

i did told me it's more like

52:25

eight but it was but it felt like twenty

52:27

so anyway the other

52:29

night

52:31

amazing

52:34

night went to my alma

52:36

mater tao

52:38

billy red face got himself an award the

52:45

the very overwhelming night actually

52:47

couldn't even get to my friggin speech either

52:49

like cut short puddles getting all emotional

52:52

like lil little fucking school

52:54

girl there

52:56

what meant to say that night by the way for anybody was

52:58

there was that emerson project really change my

53:00

life cause i was absolutely

53:03

flailing in

53:06

my life at that point

53:08

and was twenty two year old i

53:11

just finished my freshman year the

53:15

college that's

53:17

why he to and i did take

53:19

any time off i was going

53:21

to college

53:24

from the time i graduated until

53:26

the time i was twenty two

53:28

right basically three to have four

53:31

years that point and

53:34

i just finished my

53:37

freshman year was convicted

53:39

drunk driver i had giant

53:41

orange afro i didn't ever did

53:43

i had enough of daughter that

53:46

die i transferred to emerson

53:48

college and then immediately i don't

53:50

know i i i those

53:53

kids were the same kind weird that

53:55

was some more with

53:57

some lose weight that agenda and

54:00

i got there with

54:02

the sole purpose of getting

54:04

over the fear standing

54:06

in front of a crowd

54:08

the ivory class basically that school

54:11

you could somehow ham and up a gap in front

54:13

the class that's

54:15

what i didn't i got involved in radio

54:17

because i felt like if i could just i could talk

54:19

on mike to people that couldn't

54:21

see the

54:24

within a year there was a talent contest the next

54:26

thing know on don't stand up comedy so

54:29

well that's what i wanted to say so

54:31

thank you to emerson college to thank for gimme

54:33

war the real

54:35

unreal night steven wright former emerson

54:39

student actually presented the award said

54:42

bunch of nice things and it was i was doing

54:44

too much too

54:46

much i gotta tell that so anyway

54:48

so later on that night the

54:51

i

54:54

was literally i gotta go back to that i was literally blown

54:56

away you know is

54:58

a guy that i saw make

55:00

johnny carson like

55:02

laugh like i'd never seen him laugh like

55:04

you could tell that he knew that he is

55:07

just wasn't another comic that this was one

55:09

of those guys that comes along once

55:11

every fifteen twenty twenty

55:14

five years had to

55:17

have and present the war was just it was amazing

55:19

so definitely big thanks

55:21

to him

55:22

the when was later on that night i woke

55:24

up with some my family i'm having couple

55:27

of beers and i

55:29

ain't own it's like onyx he notes to in the morning

55:33

i'm in the outskirts of boston everybody's

55:35

getting hungry there's only one fuck

55:37

and thing left to go let's go get some

55:39

chinese food and up think and how i get chinese

55:41

as i did they really think one way the other

55:44

we sat down this place

55:46

the fuck tahini the

55:49

data massachusetts sat

55:52

down crab

55:54

rangoon we get that does

55:56

gelatinous fuckin ribs i

56:00

get some egg rolls some fried rice

56:02

and i have tell you it was fucking

56:05

delicious the

56:07

greatest things i've has great meals

56:09

i've had since i can remember and

56:12

i know it all went straight to my arteries

56:14

and it's still sitting still sitting and i'm amazed

56:16

that i don't have chest pains right now ah

56:24

i i i'm

56:26

smart enough to not go get it again that's

56:29

how good was casino oh dion and

56:31

again but i'm i'm fucking pissed that i can get

56:33

checked chicken fingers a fucking gross

56:36

basically it

56:39

looks like like

56:41

you can be mutton boasts finger except

56:44

lighter but just

56:46

as lock the bible in living color when they

56:48

used make fun of arsenio put

56:50

net one finger the air and made like extra

56:52

lot that's the shape of

56:54

don't know what part of chicken is shaped like

56:56

that was a big joke chickens don't have fingers

56:58

what the fuck is this

57:00

it's basically like nine million chickens they

57:02

are mashed together then they just start chopping

57:04

him up the shape of giant fucking index

57:06

finger than the bread the shit and

57:09

they deep fry it they they give you some

57:11

duck sauce and then you eat it at two thirty

57:13

in the morning and it goes right the fuck

57:15

in a high so

57:19

anyway don't

57:21

know the pointed that stories was a comic might

57:23

literally giving a shoutout to food this

57:26

point why not anyway

57:29

oh by the way

57:30

i'm joanna i'm going be in las vegas this

57:33

this weekend coming up

57:35

at the mirage casino i think there

57:37

are couple of tickets left this

57:39

is my big you

57:41

know the first time i've ever headlined

57:43

las vegas the

57:48

one the major casinos

57:50

i've done some the smaller ones with the first

57:52

times i feel like this is my first official one

57:54

so we're

57:57

basically gonna become it out on stage

57:59

where the when you play in the final ten

58:01

minutes of a playoff game seven

58:05

going to do it from the beginning to the

58:07

and hopefully hopefully don't have letdown

58:11

so anyways out were was going be out there hope to see

58:13

guys and with that

58:15

with that let's get to were

58:18

let's get to so miles due to some emails

58:20

for this week

58:22

that's some phenomenal emails over

58:24

the last couple of weeks and think this week's

58:26

gonna be no different so let's delve and

58:28

shall we

58:31

oh before i do that shit by the way somebody told

58:33

me about at the was on the bob and tom shown

58:35

told me about this daily mail website

58:37

and

58:39

one the most depressing website i've

58:41

ever been to in my life

58:45

error at the mother's day parade this

58:47

is this the headlights horrific moments three

58:50

gunman opened fire in broad daylight

58:52

during street festival leaving

58:54

nineteen people including two young

58:56

children injured

59:00

the judge bands girl

59:02

fourteen from every school

59:04

in county after she films

59:06

herself mercilessly beating another

59:08

students the gang of thirty

59:11

classmates watch there

59:14

are depressing

59:16

and then they try to fucking liked it up by little

59:18

bit by saying a brawl is jennifer

59:20

anniston is steered around by justin

59:22

i don't who just in his i guess that that's

59:24

her boyfriend but even at is kind negative

59:28

steer and her around like what jennifer can't

59:30

go as she i want to go into abercrombie get

59:32

all of a bitch

59:37

you're a couple are these the worse passengers

59:40

of all time bloggers expose the

59:42

rudest most disgusting commuters

59:44

in new york what am just

59:46

girl eating food the

59:48

that's bad

59:50

what the fuck outta shape transvestite

59:52

mark cross dresser with his fucking

59:55

sports bra and his big belly hang

59:57

it up

59:57

we

1:00:00

do want to split

1:00:01

look

1:00:05

richard nixon's fucking grandson

1:00:08

and eris

1:00:12

jesus christ for the second gigantic

1:00:14

rack and her you know it's funny though the church

1:00:16

of scientology get busted for photo

1:00:19

shop and and more people that it at

1:00:21

an event important the

1:00:22

make it seem like huge crowd when reality

1:00:24

only seven hundred fifty people were there or

1:00:27

the catholic church that's

1:00:30

fucking tried to to to ruin

1:00:32

scientology and claiming that

1:00:34

they photo shop people in

1:00:36

when they didn't you know

1:00:38

kind of like how the nfl tried to stop the

1:00:40

i felt who

1:00:42

knows the

1:00:44

i can tell you what you can take both those religions

1:00:47

toss of in the fucking trash you

1:00:50

know how old you people

1:00:53

nobody knows what's out there after that right

1:00:57

stop getting up early on sunday this really no

1:00:59

point to sleep in real

1:01:02

age what's that bill this is

1:01:05

does so and so in such

1:01:07

and such city me and my

1:01:09

fiance are getting married soon

1:01:11

and her fucking what the of mother

1:01:15

for the rest of her family still don't know how

1:01:17

old i am that's

1:01:20

great sure that's a great way to start a relationship

1:01:22

for the rest your life she's

1:01:24

twenty three and i'm thirty seven we've

1:01:27

been making each other come for three years

1:01:29

now any advice on how to

1:01:31

break this info to these cars yeah

1:01:34

i have some advice why you call off the

1:01:36

fucking marriage why

1:01:39

don't you do that right

1:01:43

considering this is the woman that you love

1:01:45

the way you describe your relationship

1:01:47

is that they make each other comes to the last

1:01:49

three years he describing the

1:01:51

mother of this woman you allegedly

1:01:53

love as a fuckin working the

1:01:58

yeah

1:02:02

considering she's probably going to age like her

1:02:04

i guess she's eventually going to turn into a wookiee

1:02:06

to i'm gonna do you don't

1:02:08

sound like you're mature enough i got it but

1:02:10

you could also just the

1:02:12

trying to make me laugh the

1:02:15

i have no idea

1:02:21

wow it's little late for sir

1:02:26

this is as she wrote his i went to a wedding this is why

1:02:28

back your boss and actually want to wedding one

1:02:30

of great white example give isn't isn't

1:02:32

anything fucking better than

1:02:34

going to a wedding

1:02:36

where the two people look like they should be

1:02:38

get married you just see

1:02:40

the field a spot between the two of of

1:02:43

there's nothing better

1:02:45

the by that with great food

1:02:47

and an open bar and great live there that

1:02:49

tell you you got yourself a hell of an evening

1:02:51

want to an awesome wedding this

1:02:54

weekend mean the lovely nia we had great time

1:02:57

and now gotta read this shit any

1:03:02

advice on how to break this info to these gods

1:03:06

yeah i'd write a poem i

1:03:09

figure out what rhymes with thirty seven

1:03:13

maybe you could sing too

1:03:14

i

1:03:17

love your daughter when

1:03:19

i went there it's heaven

1:03:21

oh by the way i got great views

1:03:24

cause , thirty seven yeah

1:03:27

sorry about that you're fucking rookie about

1:03:29

that

1:03:33

why don't you do something like that i don't ah

1:03:35

to do that sir i've never been involved

1:03:37

a lie that deep that's that's

1:03:39

big shit there sir and

1:03:43

you you get out of pocket sell them soon

1:03:45

or the only way out of this is this gonna

1:03:48

be couple of body bags right

1:03:51

what's wrong with you why

1:03:54

didn't you tell amount of the game

1:03:58

you know like is you feel the creeped out you

1:04:00

sir feel like

1:04:04

the know when you

1:04:06

make references to britney spears and she

1:04:08

doesn't even know who that is that's actually

1:04:10

me or the other night i use that reference

1:04:13

to the what i needed reference for a floozy

1:04:15

and threw up britney spears and like this

1:04:17

younger crowd just sat there staring at me and

1:04:19

i actually did the math and my head to head

1:04:21

to be like wait a minute britney spears is

1:04:23

now

1:04:24

thirty one thirty two year old divorced

1:04:27

mother of two

1:04:29

that is like jesus christ and fuck it all

1:04:33

who is the floozy reference the mom

1:04:34

you

1:04:36

know you can even say lady gaga at this point

1:04:39

she so fucking old now see how to get a hip

1:04:41

replacement yeah like

1:04:43

your grandmother taylor

1:04:45

swift right maybe it's her

1:04:50

taylor swift looks like one of those cats that

1:04:52

just fucking creepy out

1:04:55

that bullshit like they sit on your

1:04:57

chest they suck the sole idea

1:05:00

the is that like he could never snuggle

1:05:02

with her that feel that she was

1:05:04

slowly killing you know

1:05:06

you think she sleeps in pot

1:05:10

she have like that the

1:05:12

web toll look about of that's really mean

1:05:14

but attorney

1:05:16

i saw this thing on sixty minutes one time

1:05:18

in the crowd was cheering she looked up in the

1:05:20

upper deck and she just did the creepiest

1:05:22

look to the upper deck upper

1:05:24

deck just went

1:05:27

like really like

1:05:31

totally falling like i can't believe

1:05:33

you guys are cheering at me like

1:05:35

that

1:05:38

christ or maybe the want to say it anymore past

1:05:41

his prime crime

1:05:43

question mark hello

1:05:45

william i need some advice by

1:05:48

way you guys your realize i'm a moron right

1:05:50

i thought everything in high school okay

1:05:54

this

1:05:54

is on you see take my advice is it

1:05:56

doesn't work you know

1:05:59

you should go talk to somebody who actually

1:06:01

perpetually guess out of my

1:06:03

pony apparently secession should be waiting

1:06:06

advice from somebody doesn't what the fuck is talking about

1:06:10

bill shut up and just read it okay all

1:06:12

right i feel i need some

1:06:14

advice my fiance and i used

1:06:16

have it's and in same sex

1:06:18

life two to three times a day

1:06:21

crazy marathon sex sessions

1:06:23

we used to sell celebrate

1:06:26

that's today

1:06:29

that me

1:06:31

that when you reminisce about how much you fuck

1:06:33

yesterday the

1:06:35

you kids are you talking about

1:06:37

the next day boo boo

1:06:40

all my fuckin save so far

1:06:42

away

1:06:45

i put it in your ass and not cause

1:06:47

i'm gay i just bought your

1:06:50

badge and have spoken

1:06:52

times who

1:06:55

your father is as

1:06:57

get out with slight i woke up with the live says

1:06:59

came to me to the point thought is

1:07:01

someone else talk about this somebody

1:07:03

else or right to sell are

1:07:05

not for lack of trying on my part i love

1:07:08

giving him blow jobs ah what ah champ

1:07:11

he says she loves given blow jobs

1:07:14

the now he always says not

1:07:17

right now when i try we

1:07:20

welcomed our first baby six months ago

1:07:23

i am now in better shape than i was before

1:07:25

i got pregnant

1:07:26

i do yoga and run every day and

1:07:28

feel sexier than out

1:07:30

i am twenty two and he's forty

1:07:34

the past his prime he's

1:07:36

been stressed out lately does that keep

1:07:38

men from getting it out the

1:07:40

he was my first so the only thing

1:07:43

i know about male sexuality

1:07:45

is what know about him usually

1:07:47

he can't keep his hands off me

1:07:49

that bill it's hard not to take this personally

1:07:53

thank you what you a sweetheart

1:07:57

you like given blow jobs and you're very polite

1:07:59

and write a letter

1:08:01

goddamn your cheaper then

1:08:03

you a virgin twenty two you saved yourself

1:08:06

in a this guy comes along the grizzled vet

1:08:08

the final year of three year contract

1:08:11

you know once you

1:08:13

sign the contract he stops producing

1:08:16

well i for one i feel for you ah

1:08:21

did he watch you give birth

1:08:24

you know that that that the new thing that

1:08:27

they do over the last twenty thirty years

1:08:29

back to the days to stand out the way

1:08:31

grow with the big stove the

1:08:34

stand up as she go and it

1:08:36

is your blood pressure's dropping

1:08:39

oh she passed away on the table as

1:08:42

fuck , hundred twenty thousand cigars out the window

1:08:45

used to stand out there in there waiting room

1:08:48

the know and you let the doctors be doctors

1:08:51

i don't understand why the guy has to be

1:08:53

in there i don't this is a big

1:08:56

fucking the bait

1:08:58

between me and lovely near like i don't

1:09:00

understand why this why you have to

1:09:02

fucking be in there you know when go down

1:09:04

midas mufflers do i fuckin stand

1:09:07

on in he said as sit there and the sparks fly

1:09:11

don't out a well you

1:09:14

know you got busted aspirin to

1:09:16

been unaware that is and or what it is why

1:09:19

am i there the

1:09:24

they should be out the fucking way to grow so

1:09:27

anyway what did he stand there stand then just

1:09:29

watch something alive the

1:09:31

mahdi vagina maybe it's it's kind of because

1:09:33

i know that guys have like maybe performance

1:09:36

issues after that know

1:09:40

there's a whole bunch of things that could be going on

1:09:42

here so i don't put too many how

1:09:45

you guys doing financially how's

1:09:47

his job security

1:09:50

you know does he spend lot of money

1:09:52

is this the other shoe about regular drop

1:09:54

u one of those one of

1:09:56

those couples that i see

1:09:58

on those reality shows

1:10:02

you know does he wear like a lot of t

1:10:04

shirts are like button down shirts that have

1:10:06

lot of designs on them the

1:10:08

drawing you

1:10:11

know the fake tan is he

1:10:13

one of those guys

1:10:15

that is one of those guys that i would guess that

1:10:17

you're actually broke and have been

1:10:19

broke for eight months and he does not italian

1:10:22

but if he's a regular guy i'm

1:10:26

i'm joking around too much about this is actually serious

1:10:28

sick or help me dots harder to take this

1:10:30

personally i would

1:10:32

bring it up to you

1:10:35

gotta sit down and die

1:10:38

hopefully he's not a walled

1:10:40

off emotional psycho like most guys

1:10:43

you bring it up

1:10:46

hopefully you can bring it up to him without getting

1:10:48

mad i

1:10:51

that's what i would do i

1:10:54

bring it up and just be like hey you

1:10:56

know you haven't been banging me lately

1:10:58

and die know looking pretty good dad

1:11:00

used to it all time what's what's the deal know

1:11:05

that's the essence of it just stretch that

1:11:07

out and about eight minutes and say

1:11:09

lot of loving thanks the

1:11:14

that thing where you put your hand on that you know that women

1:11:16

they put they had on your therefore i'm on

1:11:18

a dude for our money and they move

1:11:20

evil get some side side

1:11:22

just

1:11:24

be like hey how

1:11:28

can we not i don't i

1:11:30

do it that's

1:11:32

what would do i think you need to talk to him rather than

1:11:34

me i would not take it personally

1:11:36

know you're

1:11:38

fucking champ you'll love given

1:11:40

blow jobs you're in the prime

1:11:42

your life you're not kid or

1:11:44

did you do you got yourself right back in shape

1:11:46

during the best shape your life it's not

1:11:48

on you so i wouldn't take it personally so there's obviously

1:11:51

some gone all with him and you love

1:11:53

the guy so try to help them bring

1:11:55

it out yeah now

1:11:59

jesus' birth oliver

1:12:02

i hope that helps oh

1:12:05

fuck it let's let's take break from my ignorance

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my ignorant fuck it advice the

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talking about this everybody the

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boy

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the voices raising your going to make

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okay you know

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when i bring this stuff up you

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know you know that father

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speaking of which yes they took my mother

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out for an ice cream for mother's day

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then got up to the window then

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i realized didn't have any money and then she

1:13:55

had pay for ssssss

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that i did it in a tm the

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way all but really kind killed a

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lot the vibe the

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anyway was happy be hope for mother's day so

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after mother's day what comes next everybody

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memorial day

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what comes after that flag day what

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it and father's days before flag

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we

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find that we go this

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one's titled obese

1:16:31

dear billy goat fuck this as

1:16:33

in that one the know what i'm

1:16:36

twenty three twenty three old man from the

1:16:39

duca kentucky why

1:16:42

would you tell me that i don't want to read that robbie

1:16:45

eighteen people and the town

1:16:47

right needless to say there isn't

1:16:49

much to do about five months ago

1:16:52

met a girl whose two years younger than me

1:16:55

and moved into town from fuckin

1:16:57

a strong among us ah

1:16:59

we hit we hit almost instantly it

1:17:01

was

1:17:04

know what would have somebody bleep out the city

1:17:07

right i got em bleep out the city and

1:17:09

state he goes we had enough

1:17:11

almost instantly it was great she is

1:17:13

beautiful educated and as and great

1:17:16

ass the

1:17:19

well but she know for your ah we took

1:17:21

things slow then i found

1:17:23

that to be something unique in today's

1:17:25

time most girls give it

1:17:27

up within day or two what she

1:17:29

wanted to take things slow and i

1:17:31

appreciated that i found myself

1:17:33

falling head over heels for this girl i

1:17:35

and bed with anyone and over two years

1:17:38

and i felt that it she was

1:17:41

and i felt as if she was a sign that

1:17:43

maybe there was a bit of hope in this

1:17:45

world to be happy and

1:17:47

she communicated with me that she felt the same

1:17:49

way okay

1:17:52

so about two weeks ago

1:17:54

we went out to a bar we

1:17:56

had some drinks played some pool and had great

1:17:58

time and ended getting a little

1:18:00

the with each other i drove around slowly

1:18:02

expecting a tonight will be the night i

1:18:04

was going bang this beautiful woman

1:18:06

reach your driveway we started making out the car

1:18:10

and if she

1:18:12

wanted to comment you got real quiet

1:18:15

that under a breath yes but

1:18:17

and of course i said but what that's

1:18:20

when she told me he's

1:18:22

transsexual

1:18:28

i literally yelled i

1:18:30

was so shocked by what i heard

1:18:32

i could hardly keep myself together and

1:18:34

i told her him whatever that

1:18:36

i wasn't going to go upstairs with her and

1:18:38

i would call tomorrow

1:18:40

then she got out the car crying and said

1:18:43

i was born this way

1:18:46

like some lady gaga shit

1:18:51

in a trance modest modest what it is

1:18:53

transsexual the hermaphrodite

1:18:59

oh jesus wtf to fuck and that

1:19:01

why you guys why do you guys right

1:19:03

me this is just fun

1:19:05

the just a fun part of finding

1:19:08

out how fucking dumb i am

1:19:12

then sexual this is hilarious now i have

1:19:14

this on my search and and transsexual

1:19:18

neil use my computer and look up like

1:19:20

trans continental and transsexuals

1:19:22

of of

1:19:24

there always or something we need talk about

1:19:27

the transsexual here

1:19:29

we go a person

1:19:32

who's undergone sex change operation

1:19:36

person who's sexual identification

1:19:40

the entirely with the opposite sex well

1:19:44

that just maybe even more confused though

1:19:47

he had an operation how you born this way was

1:19:50

used or it depresses saying just identified

1:19:53

with being female

1:19:56

oh i see president certain has so the

1:19:59

dude had section the operation

1:20:02

okay it goes i haven't spoke

1:20:04

to her sense

1:20:07

it's if i can see that se

1:20:09

and si se that

1:20:12

night besides few

1:20:14

text messages

1:20:16

he's going on about how much she

1:20:18

loves me and she is sorry she didn't tell me

1:20:20

sooner it's even gone as far

1:20:22

as me having to turn off my phone because

1:20:24

you won't stop calling i never

1:20:26

been pursued like this before what

1:20:29

do i do

1:20:31

me actually feels bad but can't see

1:20:33

myself bang and an ass every night well

1:20:35

my sweaty ball slap against are sweaty

1:20:38

both a weight of i thought the person

1:20:40

that the operational their remove that

1:20:44

you know i'll fucking regardless of how

1:20:46

gay this may sound i still think

1:20:48

she's incredibly hot i

1:20:51

knew it was too good to be true the

1:20:53

right color that i'm just not interested

1:20:56

anymore and completely cut her off or should

1:20:58

i be your friend or

1:21:00

should i go bang arrest it

1:21:03

wouldn't hurt the thought of banger

1:21:05

as excites me

1:21:07

the thought of her just swing around makes

1:21:09

me wanna throw up just thinking of the office

1:21:13

that's still income do a show and such

1:21:15

such state some time you're fucked the

1:21:19

what

1:21:22

should you do

1:21:27

i don't know

1:21:30

i honestly don't know what's

1:21:33

funny is you

1:21:35

are literally

1:21:36

just

1:21:39

what you're mentally where see is sexually

1:21:42

yeah

1:21:46

i don't know that i you

1:21:48

gotta you gotta yeah it's like you're standing

1:21:51

on the state line he to get foot neither

1:21:53

state just like her

1:21:56

you know i

1:21:58

beg your your the emotions

1:22:01

are normal and

1:22:03

i went fucking people get offended by

1:22:06

this shit and they go dead

1:22:08

dead fluffy you know they get all offended

1:22:10

like that dude is now a woman it's

1:22:14

like know that is a dude that

1:22:17

fuckin

1:22:20

it a different kind don't know

1:22:26

a fact that unit

1:22:30

it still do

1:22:32

it's just a different kind of do you know

1:22:34

it's like you ever see when someone does

1:22:37

bite an old car they take

1:22:39

all the chrome os that they want that nice

1:22:41

clean look yeah that's what they

1:22:43

do their their their their their crotch

1:22:47

the you know let's do the took

1:22:49

the chrome os you

1:22:51

know

1:22:53

but i don't know what to type other

1:22:57

than ah

1:23:01

i don't i don't know do do do like

1:23:04

that that fucking

1:23:08

anna i don't have to do do whatever the fuck you want

1:23:10

do what i

1:23:12

would say the go back and

1:23:14

we were such i tell him and say more kara

1:23:20

white parnaby actually feels bad cause

1:23:22

can see myself

1:23:24

they can't see myself bang and and as

1:23:26

every night while my swayed ball slept against

1:23:28

us white ball the

1:23:31

make you feel better i don't think the balls are there anymore

1:23:34

although they might captain michael

1:23:36

hood ornament i have no idea

1:23:41

i really am a moron

1:23:43

that recurrent regardless of how gay this may

1:23:45

sound i still think she's incredibly

1:23:47

hot

1:23:47

you

1:23:51

know why you just split the difference get blow job

1:23:53

i don't know what to tell you

1:23:57

that's so funny i knew was too good to be

1:23:59

triples is bastard

1:24:01

the

1:24:02

i

1:24:05

would say this i'd say you'd want to

1:24:07

sit on that decision don't be like the baltimore

1:24:09

colts

1:24:11

the nineteen eighty three drafted you guys just

1:24:13

what's that thirty for thirty where they immediately walked

1:24:15

up to second sin and they selected john elway

1:24:18

you know rather than flock and wait the full two

1:24:20

minutes or whatever to see if anybody gave him an offer

1:24:22

then he ended up with nothing i

1:24:24

would say i'd sit on this one for me the

1:24:28

i think that this person's actually pursuing you

1:24:33

the way that they are because they're in desperate

1:24:36

situation

1:24:37

which is that whole thing is it when reality

1:24:39

the whole thing is unfortunate you

1:24:41

know people should be able to be who they

1:24:43

are you should be able to like to you like

1:24:45

and that person should be able to from

1:24:48

they

1:24:48

won say that they're transsexual without

1:24:50

getting judges reason why they didn't say it was

1:24:53

because they were worried about this fucking moment

1:24:55

here which once again is another sad

1:24:57

depressing thing about

1:25:00

humanity i

1:25:02

would say follow your heart sir yeah

1:25:05

know

1:25:06

the

1:25:08

not your balls

1:25:09

if

1:25:11

you really want find love there

1:25:13

you go balls in your court

1:25:15

no

1:25:17

pun intended right advice

1:25:20

for a young way

1:25:24

a billing to very

1:25:27

very original was this this this week we've

1:25:30

come up a different ways to put your my name of

1:25:32

i'm joining

1:25:33

i'm in need of some advice for

1:25:35

young lady i let i love that some women are

1:25:37

actually pipe in in despite the fact how much

1:25:39

i talk about hockey on his podcast

1:25:42

when you say whether the like hockey yes

1:25:45

says what i'm saying ah

1:25:47

i'm an eighteen year old high school senior

1:25:49

entering my freshman year of college i

1:25:52

got into my dream school with the scholarship

1:25:55

ah now bad i wish that i did that

1:25:58

which i studied in high school anyways and i'm

1:26:00

moving out of my shit whole town and everything

1:26:03

finally finally seems to be making

1:26:05

up for all the shit that went through in high school one

1:26:07

of my really good friends there's

1:26:10

going to the same university as i am

1:26:12

they were renting an apartment together however

1:26:16

my friend is an eighteen year old straight guy

1:26:18

and i am a straight girl wow

1:26:21

the

1:26:24

gender thing could add a whole the

1:26:26

level of difficulty on top of adjusting

1:26:29

to living with new person in new city

1:26:33

away from everything i grew up around with then

1:26:35

friends practically since we were in diapers

1:26:37

we

1:26:38

can talk jam up the seventies rock

1:26:41

and watch that chappelle show for hours

1:26:43

and we've never had issues with weirdness

1:26:45

before i do understand

1:26:47

that college introduces a lot

1:26:50

firsts and i'm not gonna lie

1:26:52

i'm little nervous there a few

1:26:54

to may

1:26:56

the seven issue too many drinks during

1:26:58

welcome weekend could lead to some inappropriateness

1:27:01

weird things where things

1:27:04

have happened the

1:27:07

i don't want to do anything jeopardize our nearly

1:27:09

two decades long friendship

1:27:11

this kind of sounds like you're a little attracted

1:27:13

to the sky this your this worried that something's

1:27:15

gonna happen or maybe you are you're

1:27:17

eighteen gone from me parents' house to of

1:27:19

son living with the guy

1:27:22

maybe that's what it is i'm

1:27:24

going to guess that's what it so anyway so my question

1:27:28

what can see have to stop anyone

1:27:30

from stepping over line the

1:27:32

male slash female roommate also

1:27:35

in general what tips to yeah for living with

1:27:37

roommate needs opinion on this would

1:27:39

be epic

1:27:40

thanks and five yo that

1:27:43

, that was nice great fuck you last week

1:27:46

of you know what maybe this wednesday this will do

1:27:48

another nia lot and while read this one but

1:27:50

right now just give you my own

1:27:53

ignorant that

1:27:55

on and oh wait wait by the way this does a

1:27:57

pretty us to this everybody there's

1:27:59

an epilogue the like streets

1:28:01

of san francisco ps money

1:28:04

and that we've both been in various

1:28:06

relationships while friends

1:28:08

the often ask me for girl advice and

1:28:10

i ask him for guy advice he currently has

1:28:12

a girlfriend who i really like and i'm friends

1:28:15

with but they are breaking up in june when

1:28:17

she leaves to study abroad i

1:28:19

am currently single oh yeah you guys are

1:28:21

gonna bang within forty eight

1:28:23

minutes

1:28:25

within eight my minutes subject of your your

1:28:27

college career

1:28:30

so

1:28:33

basically what you want to do you

1:28:35

don't ask him he should you are should you not move

1:28:37

him with this guy you're gonna move him with this guy

1:28:41

though

1:28:45

would you really saying is basically had why not

1:28:47

fuck this guy

1:28:50

well i can only do it from the male

1:28:52

perspective

1:28:55

which is what i would there was every morning

1:28:57

before i ever even walk out to the living

1:28:59

room was i would rub one out

1:29:06

the try to get the fuck it you

1:29:09

know the urge adam

1:29:13

i think what you need to do is sit down and talk

1:29:15

with the guy

1:29:18

and just say listen we a great friendship but

1:29:20

i don't wanna ruin this i know a moving

1:29:23

in together and everything

1:29:25

it

1:29:26

you

1:29:28

know obviously we're going be in close

1:29:31

quarters you know sharing

1:29:33

bathroom and blah blah blah you

1:29:36

know what you have to do you have to lay down the

1:29:38

law if that's what you really wanted

1:29:40

the

1:29:41

have

1:29:43

you actually liked this guy like

1:29:45

i think you might if

1:29:49

you actually like him like him and think you could

1:29:51

actually died say that you like why i

1:29:53

mean like like him like i'm like

1:29:55

i'm the i mean you

1:29:57

are you god you guys chromium

1:30:00

while

1:30:04

if you actually like this dude like

1:30:06

that then you should not move in with the

1:30:10

should be a separate apartment and

1:30:16

that way to start dating you

1:30:19

don't immediately start by living with one

1:30:21

another you know

1:30:23

that's

1:30:25

is too far down the road the

1:30:28

when i would do if i was you that would sit down talk

1:30:30

to

1:30:31

okay if you don't like this guy like this and you really

1:30:33

want preserve your friendship i would sit down

1:30:35

have a talk to a talk with them into say listen

1:30:37

we cannot get drunk

1:30:39

make out and and fuckin brown

1:30:41

second base slide into third

1:30:44

can't we can't do the ship right okay

1:30:47

china right now it's

1:30:49

not app whatever

1:30:51

gotta say or the actual real like this guy

1:30:55

the the

1:30:58

found that they're

1:31:00

the guy maybe i like yo little

1:31:02

more the just friends

1:31:05

i don't know or office is just little phase

1:31:07

i have no idea but if that's the case i

1:31:09

don't want to move in with know

1:31:13

that makes sense you know what you're right there's

1:31:15

gonna be in the a lot this week everybody's fuck

1:31:17

this

1:31:19

i'm too dumb to answer this one this one involves our

1:31:21

feelings that i don't understand

1:31:23

alright so basically that's the podcast

1:31:26

with this week everybody

1:31:29

once again i want to thank emerson college given

1:31:32

me that award and

1:31:34

i wanna thank steven wright for bringing me up and santa

1:31:37

was nice things that he did and

1:31:40

lastly but not

1:31:42

legally i'm gonna pee i'm

1:31:45

gonna be at mirage leno

1:31:48

and las vegas this

1:31:50

friday and saturday night then

1:31:52

i have week off then

1:31:54

i want to do nice torso jersey maryland

1:31:59

and baltimore i'll be at the count basie

1:32:01

theater on may twenty nine the

1:32:04

teen idol sensation fresh off his hit

1:32:06

half hour special on comedy central

1:32:09

i'm going with count basie theater and red

1:32:11

bank new jersey on

1:32:13

june thirtieth

1:32:15

i will be in baltimore maryland sorry don't

1:32:17

have my the name of the theater in front me the

1:32:21

thirty first of june of

1:32:23

made also known

1:32:25

as june first

1:32:28

or is or thirty for there is thirty first may thirty first

1:32:30

i will be an eastern pennsylvania

1:32:32

and then on june first

1:32:34

i'll be in atlantic city for two

1:32:36

shows the will be in around

1:32:39

that area are you why

1:32:41

don't you come on out the know come

1:32:43

up some shows

1:32:46

hopefully i'll make you laugh your a show of

1:32:48

their

1:32:49

oh a i got to think that crowd the came

1:32:52

out to bottle rocket ah

1:32:54

bottle rockets bomb music festival

1:32:56

i did show up for the afternoon

1:32:59

while band was playing right next door

1:33:01

and

1:33:03

i thought pseudo that baseline that was

1:33:05

crushing all of my jokes and the

1:33:07

level of patience with that crowd show was

1:33:09

was phenomenal the

1:33:12

right to here we go that's the podcast

1:33:14

with this week go fuck yourselves don't take any

1:33:16

shit from anybody the

1:33:18

guy the last little bit of advertising

1:33:20

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1:33:23

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1:33:25

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1:33:34

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1:33:42

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1:33:44

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1:33:48

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1:33:58

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1:34:00

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1:34:02

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1:34:04

right now right and have wonderful

1:34:07

week i'll

1:34:09

talk to about vegas next week or write

1:34:11

go bruins i

1:34:14

have no hate towards toronto or

1:34:17

okay so i don't care when you semi

1:34:19

obnoxiousness i know you guys

1:34:21

just excited because you haven't won anything since

1:34:24

nineteen sixty you

1:34:26

know which is rough does anybody deserve

1:34:28

that have

1:34:30

for montreal canadian fence night

1:34:33

please

1:34:36

hi i'm nigel and creator of uncle

1:34:38

roger and welcome to the high

1:34:40

a podcast a comedy podcast

1:34:42

about disappointment you know the times in life

1:34:44

where just go high a and you hate yourself

1:34:46

little bit we going try to find the

1:34:48

funny that i'll talk about stuff that went

1:34:50

wrong in my life and will hear from our

1:34:52

listeners about their crazy disappointment

1:34:55

stories like this guy was opposed

1:34:57

to go to disneyland to disneyland this happened

1:35:00

and then as soon as i've let me have actually been her

1:35:02

car the much you can learn to draw your

1:35:04

gun to orange county prison well

1:35:07

a from disneyland orange county prison

1:35:09

that is a yeah a

1:35:12

little bit of disappointment if i have to say

1:35:14

to find out how he got there makes you listen to episode

1:35:16

one when it drops so hit the subscribe now

1:35:18

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1:35:21

the subscribe button wherever you getting this podcast

1:35:23

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1:35:26

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1:35:28

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1:35:31

hit the bright colored subscribe

1:35:33

button and i'll see you in next