0:00

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. It's time

0:02

for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday,

0:04

Monday morning podcast. And you know

0:06

whenever I'm videoing, that means I have

0:08

a special guest. A very

0:10

special guest, to the point I wore a sweater.

0:13

Huh? The importance of this man. He's

0:16

done everything, movies, television,

0:19

Broadway, he's been nominated for like

0:21

everything. You know him from Star

0:24

Wars and God knows everything. I saw

0:26

him in this amazing Broadway play called

0:28

Burn This. He's

0:30

got a movie coming

0:33

out called, got it, Ferrari with Michael

0:35

Mann, Christmas Day. Please welcome Adam Driver. Jesus

0:37

Christ. Thank you. How are you? I'm good.

0:39

I'm good. How are you? Sorry, we had

0:41

a little confusion before this started. I was

0:43

like, when is the movie coming out? When

0:45

is this podcast coming out? So first

0:48

off, great to see you. And

0:51

I am very excited

0:53

about this movie because, you know,

0:56

there has been movies about F1 and

0:58

that type of stuff. But this seems like

1:00

it's going to dig further. You're playing Enzo

1:02

Ferrari? Okay. And

1:04

this isn't just going to be, it's not

1:06

like Days of Thunder meets Italian

1:09

supercars. No, no, no. If people are

1:11

expecting it to just be nonstop

1:13

racing, it's not that. There

1:15

is racing for sure in it. It's shot

1:17

really well because it's a Michael Mann movie,

1:19

but it's also because... You have a competition,

1:21

you're fighting for the same girl. Robert

1:24

Duvall's in it. Yeah, exactly. I

1:28

raced Robert Duvall in 1957. Yeah,

1:30

there we go. But

1:33

it's a very character driven movie,

1:35

just like Michael Mann's movies are.

1:37

Right. So hopefully by

1:39

the time that somebody actually crashes,

1:41

you care that they live or

1:43

die. Well, one of the few

1:46

books I've read in my life,

1:48

I was saying, I read this,

1:50

that wasn't a sports autobiography. I

1:52

read this book called The Limit. And

1:55

it was this amazing story.

1:58

Basically, it was a history of F1. And I'm

2:00

kind of like how dangerous it was in

2:02

the 1950s. And

2:05

I looked up some of the

2:07

worst of these crashes. And

2:10

it would be literally like on straightaways. They would

2:12

just have spectators standing behind like a yellow rope.

2:15

And it's a straightaway, so they weren't expecting centrifugal force

2:17

to affect it. But then they would hit each other

2:19

and they would go into the crowd. And so many

2:21

people would die, and nobody got sued back then. But

2:23

this book was called The Limit. It was about the

2:26

first American to win

2:28

the F1 championship. And as

2:31

much as it was about the race

2:33

and the danger and everything, there was

2:35

this one story that kind of gave

2:37

me a hint into the

2:39

complexities and the drama of

2:42

Enzo Ferrari. The guy that you're playing was

2:44

when Phil Hill was the name of the

2:46

guy, the American driver. When he got his

2:49

first car, the

2:51

last driver had just died. And

2:54

so then the guy, oh, they're calling you up. And he

2:56

couldn't believe he got the call. And when he got the

2:58

call in the floor pan, there was a hole like the

3:00

size of a quarter in the floor

3:02

pan of it. And all right, it's a car.

3:04

And he asked why the floor pan, why it

3:06

had the hole in it. The last driver got

3:08

decapitated and bled out in the car. So

3:11

they just drilled a hole and they hosed it

3:13

out. And I love where aerodynamics

3:15

was that they didn't weld it shut. And then he

3:17

just was like, all right, dude, you're up next. And

3:20

it was just like, I mean, I feel

3:22

like when I

3:24

watched those World War II movies, when you were in

3:26

one of those giant bombers and

3:30

you were in that little bubble at the bottom, I

3:32

feel like that job, this

3:34

is the racing version of

3:36

that. So what I got excited about

3:38

when I heard this movie, that it wasn't just going to

3:41

be like, I'm just

3:43

going around a track and some weak story to

3:45

surround that, is that they're actually going to

3:47

get into this guy. And then

3:49

it's Michael Mann. Am

3:52

I on the right track as far as like? Yeah,

3:55

completely. The death rates

3:57

of the Ferrari team in

3:59

the late 50s. movies both from 1955 to when

4:01

our movie starts 1957 with something like 50%. The

4:03

goal was to

4:07

kind of get thrown from

4:09

a car as opposed to get stuck

4:11

in a car and burned to death. And

4:13

they didn't have seat belts or it

4:16

wasn't because of them being absent minded,

4:18

it just wasn't part of the racing

4:20

culture at the time. Aerodynamics was kind

4:22

of new, mid-engine vehicles were something that

4:26

Enzo was very adverse to. He was very much

4:28

of the philosophy that the Ox pulls the

4:30

cart. TV was entering F1 for the first

4:32

time so that was a completely new transition.

4:34

And also in our

4:37

movie, Enzo, he has

4:39

this woman that he had

4:41

a child with named Lena

4:43

Lardi who he

4:46

had a kid with. The son was about to be confirmed.

4:48

He didn't know if he was going to be confirmed as

4:51

a Lardi or a Ferrari. Everybody in

4:53

the town knew who he was except

4:55

his wife, Laura, who he ran the

4:58

business with. His son who was on his way

5:01

to be an engineer died when he

5:03

was about 21. So it's very much

5:05

a... He named the Denali after him?

5:07

Oh, he named Enzo after her. The

5:10

Enzo after him? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh,

5:12

okay. The Dino, sorry.

5:14

The Dino, okay. You know, I just saw one

5:16

of those recently and it's episode one of

5:18

season five of CoJack. So

5:22

I watch, I live in the past. I can't

5:24

deal with today. CoJack, like the CoJack? CoJack. CoJack.

5:28

Yeah, yeah, right. Oh,

5:30

really? Yeah, he just did something about it.

5:32

There's cars, there's shooting, there's good looking women

5:34

and there's this gorgeous woman. She just keeps

5:36

walking out of the elevator. She walks by

5:38

two Porsches and then gets in the, whatever,

5:40

the Denali. I thought it was called Denali.

5:42

I have no idea. That early 70s one

5:45

and it's gray too which is a really unique color and

5:47

then of course somebody gets shot next

5:49

to a yellow pacer which I thought

5:51

was interesting to have all of those

5:53

cars and then just have that in

5:55

there. But anyway, what

5:59

I love about your car, other than that you

6:01

know you're amazing what you do is like you

6:03

just seem to be working with

6:05

like you work with directors that are Also, like

6:07

I think have the same approach you do or

6:09

so you just seem like you like it's

6:12

it's you want to do You're always going

6:14

for something great So I

6:16

always know that if you know if I'm scrolling on

6:18

Netflix or whatever and if I see your face Whatever

6:21

it is like fuck no, I know I

6:23

know this guy is this guy doesn't just

6:26

you know This isn't gonna be fucking police Academy

6:28

six Find a house

6:31

in Malibu like that that thing like hey, you

6:33

know, it's about time I get paid I'm doing

6:35

con air part 9 which I

6:37

don't fucking I don't judge anybody anymore the

6:39

way they're not fucking paying anybody Everybody's doing

6:41

commercials now You're

6:44

one of those guys so you get to work

6:46

with Michael Mann who it's amazing I've been watching me

6:48

basically been watching his movies my entire life and

6:51

I thought he had way more So before I came

6:53

in here and I looked at the ones that he

6:55

did it He doesn't have

6:57

nearly as many movies as I thought it's just that

6:59

he just hit so many home runs, right? Yeah, you

7:01

know like I actually like last year I went back

7:04

and I watched like thief which I think was his

7:06

first one and Obviously, I

7:08

saw like the heats it, you

7:10

know, yeah and all of that

7:12

which you know the insider last

7:14

moheekin insider I love collateral Ali,

7:16

you know that they they have

7:18

staying power and they're timeless because

7:20

they make he's so Specific

7:23

so every time you watch them that

7:25

even heat I've seen probably 200

7:28

times and every time I watch it always see

7:31

something different about okay I like that. It's such

7:33

a great detail that I never picked up on

7:35

before. Yeah, it's the same with this I don't

7:37

think it's that kind of impossible to watch this

7:39

once. I mean, it's very

7:41

possible But so what's that

7:43

like when you get in with you with the guy?

7:45

Okay, you're working with somebody who's a legend like that

7:48

It's director. They obviously know what they're doing Yeah,

7:51

and then he gives you a direction and you think I'd go in in

7:53

a different direction Is there anything in your head

7:55

going like well that was Michael man. I can't I

7:57

can't say You

7:59

You have to try it, I would say, because it

8:01

might be a good idea. But then at the same time,

8:04

he is also trying to figure

8:06

out how to communicate with you just like you're

8:08

trying to figure out how to communicate with him

8:10

and you can't keep each other from each other.

8:13

Like, you can't

8:15

keep it like, oh, I'm secretly going to do something

8:17

else. If you disagree, then you kind

8:19

of have to talk about it. Have you ever tried that? Yeah.

8:23

Yeah. Or someone like gives me a direction

8:26

and I'm like, okay, maybe I'll just – and in the moment

8:28

I don't want to do it, so I'll just do something else

8:30

just because – because it's film. So

8:32

if we don't – if it doesn't work, we'll just go back and do

8:34

it again, right? You know? I don't want to get too in my head

8:36

if it – the minute somebody –

8:38

you start trying to think of it externally

8:40

from myself, then I get totally lost. And

8:43

it's kind of like a benign rebellion, if

8:45

that makes sense. It's not like I'm rebelling

8:47

against – I like

8:49

watching things where I get the sense that maybe

8:51

the actor will leave the frame. You know, I

8:53

don't know what – they just – so long

8:55

as they feel like they're, you know, breathing and

8:57

the minute they get in their head, I feel

8:59

like I can sense it. So – and if

9:01

I do something and someone doesn't like it, then we'll

9:03

just do it again. You know? That's

9:06

the luxury of film. Not all directors that work

9:08

that way, but with Michael, I know

9:10

that, you know, if he doesn't get what he wants, then

9:12

we'll just keep doing it until we get it. Just

9:15

grind you down. In perpetuity. All right.

9:18

Well, how come people don't seem to understand that a person

9:20

wouldn't want to watch themselves? Because

9:22

when I saw that Hope Bull shit, it's just like why

9:24

would you want to sit there? Because

9:27

I have a theory that if you look at

9:29

the side of your head while you're

9:31

talking, it's like that Native American thing where

9:33

they didn't want to get a picture, it

9:36

takes a piece of your soul. It's like

9:38

something that you should never do that. Yeah.

9:41

Yeah. I mean, some people watch

9:43

themselves and they benefit from it. And I've started

9:45

to do that now too, where I've – now

9:47

I've started to watch things that I'm in just

9:49

because I realized that even when

9:51

I watch it in retrospect, I don't like it.

9:54

And I feel like I could have had the time when we were putting

9:56

it together to fight for the part a little bit. Like

9:59

protect your performance. performance. Usually

10:01

before I'm like, okay, I did it, I absolve

10:03

all responsibility, it's your movie, I'm going to go

10:05

away now. I like that. That's like denial. Yeah,

10:07

yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a way of coping, I

10:09

think, when it doesn't work, then it's

10:11

not my responsibility. Is that

10:14

trauma inspired? Because that's how I

10:16

go through life. I just

10:18

keep marching forward to stay, because

10:20

if I slow down, the fog

10:22

of what has happened in the

10:24

past catches up to me. So

10:26

I just keep going, like, all

10:29

right, you know, I don't need to

10:31

look at it. You know, I'm sure it's fine.

10:33

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No matter what it is, it's

10:35

going to make me cringe. I wish I was

10:37

that way, but I'm not. I get all obsessed

10:39

about the detail and go over and over again,

10:41

and I'll drive myself crazy and everybody else around

10:44

me crazy, asking them to explain what the thing

10:46

was as opposed to just fucking watching it. But

10:48

at the same time, I also came from theater

10:50

where you don't get to see what

10:52

it looks like. You're only, you

10:54

know, you're on a stage and you do

10:56

it and always at the

10:58

last performances that I'm sure you feel this

11:00

will stand up. I mean, maybe not. You do it

11:03

for so long and every time you do it, it's

11:05

something new and then it just gets better and better

11:07

and you become more relaxed. There's a part where you're

11:09

like, oh, I need to be over here at this

11:11

part of the stage when I say that, as opposed

11:13

to over there. I was tense in this part and

11:15

now I found a way to relax. And

11:17

that's what I feel about the film. It's

11:19

permanent. You can't go back and do it

11:22

again. You're at the same

11:24

time improvisational, but permanent. It's a document

11:26

that lives forever. Then you

11:28

make it and you made a mistake or you thought

11:30

you were going to do something that wasn't operating. It's

11:32

fucking, it is traumatic when you watch

11:34

it and are like, oh, and I can't go

11:36

back and redo it. That's it. That's what it

11:38

is. Now it lives forever. But in the same,

11:40

but in this also the other end, it's not

11:43

about you and how you feel about it. It's

11:45

about how an audience responds to it. So I,

11:47

you know, I try to absolve responsibility, but

11:49

now I think that's healthy. I

11:52

think so too. Suddenly it turns into this thing where

11:54

people ask me about it all the time as if

11:56

it's very odd, but to me it makes

11:58

sense to not watch things if you don't want to. Yeah,

12:00

not wanting to see yourself retiring, like figuring

12:03

a way out of this business, and just

12:05

being able to sit and be quiet. Like

12:08

stuff like that makes sense. One thing that

12:10

does as far as like stand up

12:13

and

12:15

you doing when I watched you on Burn This

12:19

on Broadway, it's the same thing

12:21

where it's live, okay,

12:24

and there's like no do-overs. But me,

12:27

I can adjust to a

12:29

screw-up. I can call it out.

12:31

I'm breaking the fourth wall the entire time.

12:33

The entire time I'm talking to the crowd.

12:35

I'm not creating this world that you guys

12:38

are doing. So if there's like a mistake,

12:40

it's very easily handled once you're seasoned and

12:43

you're relaxed. So

12:45

when you were doing that play, because this is

12:47

what's, oh, I've always wanted to ask someone that's

12:49

acting on Broadway, what happens, what do you do?

12:51

Like if the other actor forgets their line and

12:53

you see them in a panic looking at you,

12:56

or you can like right before you're going out, you're like, what the fuck

12:58

do I say? And there's this

13:00

crowd there and go, there's your cue. Like

13:02

how do you, like what

13:04

is that night, like that first night, no matter how

13:06

many times you've rehearsed it, there has to

13:09

be that thought of like what if I forget my

13:11

lines? Yeah, not so much. When I

13:13

first did a play on Broadway, that

13:15

was that terror that I was not

13:18

going to memorize, you know, know

13:20

my lines. But now I don't feel that

13:22

way. Like I feel like I know my lines and all. But

13:24

that happens all the time. What about the terrorists? Okay. What

13:27

was that like? How did, did it happen? Did

13:30

it where I lost my line? Yeah. No,

13:32

no, no, no. I remember the first play

13:34

I ever did was a play called Mrs. Warren's

13:37

Profession. It's a Robert Shaw play. And I was

13:39

sitting backstage and it was with Cherry Jones and

13:41

Sally Hawkins. And they were acting and

13:43

I had, there's the mic in my dressing room or the

13:45

speaker in my dressing room. And somebody

13:47

said something that was funny. And for the first

13:49

time I heard a crowd that that size laugh

13:52

and I was fucking terrified. Because it was, because

13:54

it's immense, you know, and very deep. And

13:57

I just was, I blacked out. Some

14:00

of us really blacked out but I was

14:02

terrified and then I had to

14:04

go out and I stumbled through it and that was

14:06

it. It was not a good job. Did you, have

14:08

you ever gotten mad at yourself for choosing this profession?

14:11

All the time. In those moments.

14:13

I do that all the time. Yeah, it's all

14:15

self-induced. No one asked me and

14:17

no one is asking for it. That's what I was

14:19

always saying. I would always be sitting there like I

14:22

was getting called on stage, horrible crowd or

14:24

like you know you're gonna do Letterman and

14:26

it's freezing cold and he doesn't look like

14:28

he did a good mood and I'm just

14:31

like, well I'm a fucking shy person. Why

14:33

did I decide to do this? This is

14:35

stupid. Yeah, yeah, all the time. But

14:38

then when it's over then you're like you feel amazing

14:40

for like 20 minutes. Yeah, then that's it.

14:43

I always said the best part of getting of

14:46

jobs is the first 20 minutes when I realize I'm

14:48

gonna do the job but then after that it's just

14:50

misery until it's over. Yeah, you're like oh fuck now

14:52

I have to go do it. Yeah, yeah. It

14:54

has to be great and it has to be something

14:56

that was worth all the effort to get there. Well,

14:58

I gotta tell you when I saw you on

15:01

that like, dude you came out on

15:03

that play Burn This. It

15:05

was like, you know, it was already a good play. You

15:07

didn't come on I felt for like the first 10 minutes

15:10

and when your character comes in I think it was hammered

15:12

or whatever. It was just an erratic crazy

15:14

fucking person and you came

15:16

in and it was just like electrify, the

15:18

whole thing just it just was flying after

15:21

that and I'm not, you know, I'm

15:23

a comedian. So like I'm going to Broadway

15:25

and we have like I think we confuse,

15:28

you know, cats with

15:30

everything else on Broadway. So we just think it's

15:33

gonna be like, oh my god, I had a

15:35

dream. Oh no. How

15:37

am I gonna lie to this guy afterwards?

15:40

That was so fantastic. I

15:42

got my little cats doll here and now

15:46

I want to be on the great white way. I

15:49

was so like psyched

15:51

like two that's only happened two times. Oh

15:53

really? Your play

15:55

and then when I first moved

15:58

to LA my neighbor across the street. wrote a

16:00

play and put it out up here in LA.

16:03

LA theater is not known. It's

16:05

not out of reputation. And

16:08

I was in a fucking panic

16:10

because it wasn't not only what I got to say

16:12

that I liked it after the show. The guy lived

16:14

across the street from me. How long

16:16

could I keep the lie on my face?

16:18

And fortunately, I went there and I loved

16:21

it. And it was really hilarious. And it

16:23

was really smart, really funny. And

16:25

I was gushing afterwards. And most of

16:27

it was my relief. That

16:30

oh my god, thank god, not

16:32

only did I like it, I actually loved it. And so

16:35

I've gone to, that kind

16:38

of opened me up. Because up until then, I'd

16:41

only seen like, I'd

16:44

just seen like off, off, off Broadway plays.

16:47

I mean, I remember seeing something my

16:49

wife was in and there was somebody

16:51

on stage and their job was acting

16:53

out the machinery of like the industrial

16:55

agents. Exactly. And we're

16:57

in this little black box theater. And

17:00

I was just sitting there being like, how

17:03

is this fucking, what is this? How

17:05

the fuck does this lead

17:07

to that? This seems like you're walking

17:09

in the other direction. And I was

17:12

getting frustrated. Oh man, I got some stories.

17:14

My wife did a lot of acting. I

17:17

mean, one time she did, she'll get mad at me if

17:19

I tell this story, but it's too good not to tell

17:21

it. So she was doing this play. And

17:24

I was so excited. My wife's better actor than

17:27

me. And she's just fucking amazing. She's beautiful, right?

17:29

And I just want to see her up there. And I want to see her working. And

17:32

they had her up there. In New York? I

17:34

got to protect this story. Okay. I

17:37

can't give up too many details. So they

17:39

had her, all she was doing was just

17:41

reading like the narration. That's what

17:43

they had her doing. And then it'd be like, and then

17:45

12 days later, but blah, blah, blah, blah. She's really young

17:47

or whatever. So I was getting frustrated with

17:49

that. And then the fucking play, I can't, the

17:53

fucking play was driving me up the wall. And

17:55

I was drinking back then. So

17:58

there was a break. So

18:00

I went out and I had a beer And

18:03

then I had another beer and then the stupid little ding-dong thing

18:05

goes off and I'm just thinking like there's no fucking way I

18:08

go this is bullshit like what am I supporting

18:10

here supporting her them not using her talents Oh,

18:12

I actually did it as a fan. You're watching

18:15

this Nia. I did it as a fan I'm

18:17

not fucking gonna sit here and watch her be

18:19

underused watching that other bullshit that's happening. So

18:21

I I I'll

18:24

tell you after what it was about anyway, so I

18:26

just decided I'm gonna stay out

18:28

there and she's not gonna know so

18:32

I don't go out there and I get you know,

18:34

I kind of get half half blitzed and She

18:36

I didn't know she could tell that I didn't come back

18:39

and she was so fucking upset. You didn't come back

18:41

I didn't come back for the second half. Wow. No,

18:43

I well, I just walked in in the end when

18:46

it was over and then I went oh You

18:50

know a couple of Sam Adams in

18:52

and then I was going like great job and

18:54

I could tell that her energy I was like

18:57

either she didn't like to play or she could

18:59

tell I wasn't and I found out that You

19:01

know she could tell that I wasn't there and

19:04

oh my god, dude. She held that over my

19:06

head Yeah, she held that over my head until

19:08

she didn't watch me on reservation dogs for like

19:10

nine years Whenever the fuck that came out what

19:12

like four years ago. She's still yet to watch

19:14

me. I go. Alright, we're even I

19:17

know I just haven't got around to it. I go. I think

19:19

it was a really cool episode It's a great show and she

19:21

didn't watch it and I go. Hey, I go. Alright, we're

19:24

even now Right when I sat out there and I got

19:26

drunk because I didn't want to watch you just fucking Reading

19:29

what a lip seat not ellipses. What's the

19:31

stage directions stage directions? Yeah, right. Let's

19:33

see said How

19:37

did you get the acting bug like it didn't

19:39

get your whole your root is really odd Yes,

19:42

I was interested in it. Oh, no, you know what? I should

19:44

say I would say it was old school Because

19:47

you know many old school actors Lee Marvin and

19:49

all them literally fought in wars. Yeah. Yeah gene

19:51

Hackman Yeah, yeah, it's a lot of action back

19:53

then, you know, yeah to

20:01

avoid it. Well I think that that's

20:03

why those guys are so compelling

20:06

because they're little guys they're like they

20:08

all weigh like 140 pounds but they

20:11

actually you know they saw action they killed people so

20:13

like when Lee Marvin was like delivering lines I think

20:15

he was involved in something where like his whole platoon

20:17

except for him and like a couple other guys got

20:20

like wiped out there's

20:22

just something about that like those guys when they

20:25

were on screen so because I

20:27

you as much as you're

20:29

way younger than me and everything you have

20:31

like a throwback vibe you don't

20:33

have like like when

20:35

I talked to you I don't feel like that

20:37

uh like I don't know what happened along the

20:39

way but there was I don't know if it's

20:41

just me being older but there's just different kinds

20:44

of people now like people are just

20:46

like I just lived I guess long enough that

20:49

uh like I don't

20:51

know what the fuck was I watching the other night I

20:53

was watching Magnum

20:56

PI because a friend of mine was on

20:58

it and the guys like

21:00

Magnum's like stuck in this relationship and

21:02

his girlfriend's giving him shit and then

21:04

that's spending enough time and I'm just

21:06

like they never had storylines like this

21:08

guy was just driving around her Ferrari

21:10

banging chicks you know and then even

21:12

like the helicopter pilot like the first

21:14

guy was jacked and this guy was

21:17

more like you know he had

21:19

the dad bod going on no offense to that

21:22

guy but I'm just saying like this is it

21:24

like who Tom Selleck or no no no the

21:26

guy played TC the original TC guy was fucking

21:28

jacked and that the next guy like

21:30

it was just everything was just sort of like softened

21:34

a little everybody's like all right there you

21:36

know like the new Magnum is a lot

21:38

more understanding like examining

21:41

it there was no examination

21:44

yeah it

21:46

was like the first you know

21:48

he had the dad bod

21:50

going on no offense to that guy but I'm

21:52

just saying like this is it like who Tom

21:55

Selleck or no no no the guy played TC

21:57

the original TC guy was fucking jacked and

21:59

that the next next guy, everything

22:01

was just sort of like softened

22:04

a little. Everybody's like, all right,

22:06

the new Magnum is a lot

22:08

more understanding. He's like examining himself.

22:12

There was no examination. If

22:14

you watch the

22:16

first Magnum, it's weird. Now

22:22

when you go back and watch it, it's

22:24

just like all these guys are straight, right?

22:26

They're all just kind of hanging out doing

22:28

all this manly stuff, flying helicopters and surfing

22:30

and shit. Yeah,

22:33

it was just sort of something like, it's

22:35

weird, it's like super manly and then maybe

22:37

like really gay at the same time where

22:39

now I felt like the

22:41

new Magnum is just way more,

22:44

they're just like regular. It's

22:47

like, oh, you solve crimes too, do you?

22:49

I thought you were in fucking, you

22:51

know, fucking, I don't know, HR or something. I

22:55

guess I'll never be on that

22:58

show. I haven't seen the

23:00

new one, but I know what you're talking about. Even

23:04

the Ferrari, our movie, it's all pre-psychology. They're

23:07

not so analytical

23:10

about, Enzo Ferrari wasn't someone who was

23:12

like, oh, let me think about how

23:14

I feel about it. He's

23:16

instinctual and moving forward. Wasn't his thing

23:18

like when a driver died, he'd say,

23:20

that's terrible, my condolences to the family,

23:22

how's the car? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

23:25

He was very like- Yeah, well, in

23:27

the movie, he talks about it a

23:29

little bit, he had two

23:31

good friends, Campari and Bortzakini, who were killed by

23:33

cars that he made and so he just, he

23:35

came up with this system of dealing with it,

23:37

his own psychology of just building a wall. So

23:40

if anything, and being unemotional about

23:43

it and manipulating

23:45

personalities to get what it is

23:47

that he wanted the best out of them,

23:49

but not getting so close that he would

23:51

betray any kind of emotion or anything

23:53

like that when they would die. I

23:56

cannot wait to see this. Did you shoot

23:58

this in Italy? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Modena. The

24:00

town, everything, I, I, it's like a, well,

24:03

it'll make more sense when you see the

24:05

film, but the, like, the, the haircut, the

24:07

barber where he gets a haircut is the,

24:09

the barber where he gets his haircut. The

24:11

guy who's cutting his hair is the grandson

24:14

of the guy who cut his hair. The,

24:16

the, the opera house is the opera house.

24:18

Everything is where the crashes at the end

24:21

is the actual crash. I would

24:23

say more about it, but. How long, how long

24:25

were you shooting over there? Four months. Four months

24:27

is like a month of pre-production. Is

24:29

it annoying to have to be working that hard

24:31

in a place that gorgeous with that good of food

24:33

and stuff and be like, like

24:35

you did have weekends off, right? Yeah, we

24:38

had, but it's, it's, it was like prosthetics

24:40

and it's the middle of August in, in,

24:42

in Italy and Modena, which is the hottest

24:44

fucking time of the year. So you're, you're

24:47

all you're doing recovering on the weekends. And

24:49

my family was there. So you're, you're

24:52

just recovering because it wound up being like 17 hour days, 18

24:54

hour days, sometimes 20 hour

24:56

days. Where do you go? Very

24:58

long. Do you have to go somewhere mentally when

25:01

you go on? Do you have like a, a, I

25:03

don't know if this

25:05

is a standup comedian thing. Cause like I can do

25:07

my shit in real time in an hour

25:09

and 15 minutes, I am done. And I can

25:11

just go chill out where like, yeah, movie, like

25:13

you have to be there. Like I always leave

25:15

my phone in the trailer cause I don't want,

25:17

I just look at like I'm going into a

25:19

casino. Like I don't know what time it

25:21

is. I don't know what it is. I'm just here.

25:23

I'm doing whatever they tell me to do. And then

25:26

somebody just goes, Hey, it's lunchtime. You're like, Oh, okay.

25:28

Yeah, I guess it's new. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Wait, when

25:30

you do, when you travel on standup,

25:32

you have a, you're, you're saying that when you're

25:34

done, you just, you're, you're, you're done. You're shut

25:36

it off. Is that what you mean? No, I'm

25:39

saying that the difference between acting like the

25:41

mental strength you need as an actor versus

25:43

a comedian is like, like standup

25:46

is a joke. Like there's nobody

25:48

fucking telling you what to do. You can do

25:50

whatever you want to do. And if it doesn't

25:52

work, you can blame the crowd. It's like this

25:54

fucking amazing. That's why so many of us are

25:57

assholes. Fuck

26:00

this state, you know, and just fucking move

26:02

on, right? There's really, you know, if you're

26:04

not careful, there's no self-examination, like learning about

26:07

yourself. But I felt like then with acting

26:09

is that you have to be on like

26:11

this team and like you can't be like,

26:13

you know, fuck this shit, I'm out of

26:15

here. Fucking people suck. You can't do that.

26:17

I mean, you can, yeah. Yeah, so you

26:19

have to like go there and just know

26:22

that like, all right, I guess we're doing

26:24

17-hour days on this thing. And then it's almost

26:26

like doing cardio. You have to get like used

26:28

to doing that. And

26:31

like- To me, it's very similar to the

26:33

military, actually. I mean, the stakes

26:35

are completely different, but it's all about working within

26:37

a group of people and you have a role

26:39

and you have to do your role really well

26:42

and you have to support all the personalities that

26:44

come in because for the

26:46

sake of the movie, not necessarily

26:48

you, you know, the crossovers are

26:51

obvious to me. How did you come

26:54

in from like the

26:56

military, like you fit in with Marines and

26:58

then you also fit in with actors. That's

27:00

pretty wild to me. Yeah,

27:03

I didn't initially with

27:05

actors. I do now. I

27:07

mean, it's all about fine. I'm sure with the same

27:09

thing with comedy, it's finding the right group of people.

27:11

I don't fit in with all actors. You

27:14

can tell right away if an actor comes on set and

27:16

it's very much about them and their performance and what it

27:19

is that they're trying to versus an

27:21

actor who comes on and they're- because it's

27:23

stressful as you know. You're

27:25

fighting technology, you're fighting time, you're racing the

27:27

clock and someone's videotaping the whole thing and you're

27:30

never going to come back there and do it

27:32

again. And if in the midst

27:34

of all of that stress and stakes, they're

27:37

there to kind of serve the film and the

27:39

bigger picture and you as a scene partner, like

27:41

those are people that you try to hold on

27:43

to and other people that

27:45

are there for their own thing or they're

27:47

fucking checked out when that's your coverage or

27:49

they're taking up time and

27:51

wasting energy, then you try to get rid

27:54

of those people as soon as possible. People

27:56

on their phones. Yeah. Fucking

27:59

kidding. Yeah, I can't stand it. I'm

28:04

going to rage about phones. I thought that was

28:06

just me. Phones on a

28:08

set? Yeah. Oh, I fucking can't

28:10

stand phones on a set. Like, we are doing this now.

28:14

We're here doing it now. We're never

28:16

going to come back here and do this thing again. And this

28:18

is going to live on forever. And you've

28:20

left your family and your kids and

28:22

your house. To come here

28:24

and do this, and you have

28:27

to go back and explain that this is what I was

28:29

doing. You know, your wife is picking

28:31

up the kids at school and like, you know,

28:33

dealing with sickness and your college. It's

28:36

like, it has to be very fucking worth it, you know. Right.

28:39

I think. You know, it's worth what you guys

28:41

did is actually going to be at the movies. You

28:43

know, which is something that

28:46

I'm hoping like guys like you keep

28:48

having, you know, you got to

28:50

root for every movie at this

28:52

point. It's just that shared experience thing. I

28:54

know I sound like an old guy, but

28:56

like, you know,

28:59

I just had a small part in

29:01

this Sandler thing called Leo. And

29:03

we went for the premiere and it was

29:06

a packed house. And it was

29:08

a bunch of kids there and parents there. And

29:10

the writing was just amazing. And Adam, of course,

29:12

was hysterical. And just

29:14

like hearing everybody laughing and then feeling

29:17

like legitimate because it was legitimately funny.

29:19

Once again, nobody had to like fake

29:21

it. I was like I was walking

29:23

out like, man, I fucking miss that as opposed

29:25

to just sitting there, you know, you know, laying

29:27

in bed, scrolling and like, and

29:30

I watched the first 40 minutes of

29:32

this or like I

29:34

was streaming services to like when there was like

29:36

a TV series. If

29:38

they would just sort of like put it out like,

29:41

you know, one episode a week like they did, then they

29:43

I feel like they

29:45

could relax and not have to be like this

29:47

fucking, you know, whale eaten plankton, you know, coming

29:49

up and just a big mouthful of content every

29:51

month. It's

29:54

like, why don't you fucking stretch it out and then

29:56

give the writing staff a chance to catch up because

29:58

I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, Everybody did

30:00

this fucking animated show. It'd take us a year to do

30:02

it. It'd be eight episodes, half hour

30:04

episodes. You could watch the whole thing in

30:06

four hours and it would come out and

30:09

people would binge it. And people, that was

30:11

great. What's next, what's going on? What's this

30:13

like? Yeah, it's gonna take me like a

30:15

year to

30:18

with all kinds of help to try to do

30:21

this again. So I just feel like there's so

30:23

many great things being made and

30:25

that seeing them on

30:27

a big screen with the public, I still think that

30:29

that's cool. And I don't like that whole, it's a

30:32

great TV series. It's like a

30:34

fine wine and you're like shotgunning it. Right.

30:37

And just to grab like another bottle. So what

30:39

do you think about it? Do you think movies,

30:41

like cinema's gonna just go away? Like

30:43

nobody's gonna go to the movies? Yeah,

30:45

I don't know. I'm pessimistic about most

30:47

things, but to me that's

30:49

why I like this one so much because this

30:52

is the kind of movie when I was like

30:54

first discovering films as a teenager that I always

30:57

imagined that I get to do. It

30:59

was like a very character driven

31:01

cinematic thing that has

31:04

high stakes, it's accessible by everybody,

31:06

but not so dumbed down that

31:08

like, every plot

31:10

point has to be spelled out. I

31:14

like the movies telling me what I'm supposed to be

31:16

thinking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, this does not do that. All

31:20

right, I gotta ask you, one time we were in

31:23

New York, we grabbed a beer and you

31:25

were telling me that you were getting ready to do this

31:28

really cool movie with this French director, I

31:30

believe. Yeah, Lewis Carrick. Yeah, it was called

31:32

Annette. And you were gonna be playing a

31:34

standup comedian. That's the first time I met you. And

31:37

you wanted to pick my brain. And

31:40

I went and saw you at this Patrice

31:42

O'Neill benefit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You went on

31:44

last and it was like, I

31:47

hate levels of flat line. No, no, no, no, no.

31:50

Shit the bed. Energy just sank. Yeah,

31:52

no, no, you, it was

31:54

really impressive. Why is this guy on stage? No,

31:57

no, the place just get erupted.

32:00

I appreciate that. I

32:03

want to see that movie. Where can I, because I never

32:05

ended up seeing it. I am lost

32:07

in the world of stand-up and watching

32:09

sports. I'm a big bread and circus guy.

32:11

You know, whatever they want me to watch

32:14

to distract me from what's going on. I'm

32:16

there. Macy's Day Parade, football

32:19

on Sunday. So did

32:21

you ever end up doing stand-up? Trying

32:23

it? Going on stage? No, no,

32:25

no. It didn't stand up and

32:27

you see the movie is very

32:29

choreographed. It's not like we talked

32:31

about like

32:34

Andy Kaufman and things like that.

32:37

The comedian in this movie was

32:39

very experimental and not so,

32:44

not joke punchline kind

32:46

of thing. There's like singing to the

32:48

audience and they sing back. It's a very, you know,

32:51

you should check out if you have time when you're

32:54

out here. You got to go see this guy, Brian

32:56

Holtzman. Brian Holtzman? Brian Holtzman.

32:58

That fucking guy is

33:01

in his own way is

33:03

doing his own Andy Kaufman thing where it's like

33:05

what he's doing is like,

33:08

it's like he's beyond

33:11

a comedian's comedian. Like he's

33:13

like his own like entity. And

33:15

what I love about what he does is

33:17

he knows, he has to have known that like, you

33:21

know, what he's doing is not going to make somebody

33:23

like back in the day at must-see TV. Like,

33:26

oh, this could go on after Alan,

33:28

right? Like he just, everybody else, you

33:30

know, myself included, we're playing that game.

33:32

I'm like, all right, industry's here. Try

33:34

to work clean. Talk about your family.

33:36

He never did that shit. And he's

33:41

just one of the greatest comedians I've ever seen. I

33:43

had a friend of mine, Greg Fitzsimmons recently saw him

33:45

and was telling me the stuff that he was talking

33:47

about. You have to see

33:49

that guy because what's great about

33:51

him is you still get to see him.

33:53

You know, he

33:55

has like his fans that see him, but like

33:57

the best thing is seeing somebody discover him. for

34:00

the first time and be like what the fuck is

34:03

this guy saying like I'm trying to give

34:06

you an example without doing one

34:09

of his jokes like

34:12

kind of a Sam Kinison

34:15

yeah I you know what I would see when I look

34:17

at him you know I see on stage I see George

34:19

C Scott like George C

34:21

Scott Wow doing Stan no and he and

34:24

he looks like and he kind of

34:26

in a way almost looks like Jack Nicholson

34:28

when he played Jimmy

34:31

Hoffa and when he had like a flat

34:34

top in the mustache the guy he's a

34:36

retired dog catcher and he used to work

34:38

it was an airplane mechanic and he is

34:40

just he is on his own fucking

34:43

thing that is so beyond

34:45

anything I'm doing or anybody else I'm telling you this

34:47

fucking guy is you know I know you've already done

34:49

the role or whatever but if you just want to

34:52

go in late night at

34:54

the comedy store and just watch a

34:56

guy fucking blow people's minds no

34:58

I love love stuff like that even on

35:00

Broadway plays where someone's reading stage directions for

35:04

I love the uncomfortableness of how

35:06

long can we keep this going

35:08

yeah I've always had a like

35:10

you know watching

35:14

people like that there's that fascination like the

35:16

balls that it takes to do

35:18

it and it's not done

35:20

in like a self-sabotage because there's a difference

35:22

between self-sabotage and just deliberately fucking something up

35:24

because you have a fear of success and

35:27

actually being like no like this is who

35:29

I am and I don't fit in with

35:31

whatever the fuck that is but guess what

35:33

I don't give a shit I'm not performing

35:35

because I have to do it so I

35:37

would highly recommend him so

35:40

Ferrari comes out Christmas

35:42

Day Michael man I mean I see

35:45

his name my wife wanted to go to the Lakers

35:48

Celtics game I'm like I'm not gonna want fucking basketball

35:50

game or Christmas Day now the

35:52

movies might

35:55

be a different thing so I don't know if you supposed

35:57

to promote anything else what do you how long does this

35:59

media a tour go for how long

36:02

have you been doing is it like the old

36:04

days where they fly to the Canary Islands? No,

36:06

no, no. I went to London and now I'm

36:08

here. We did something in New York. I'm here

36:10

for four days. I go back to New York

36:12

for a week where I live and then I'm

36:15

done. You're doing a lot of his Zoom interviews

36:17

or not? I'm doing one later but not only

36:19

really one. This one I'm doing a lot for

36:21

because I mean honestly this sounds like

36:24

a promotion bullshit but I love this

36:26

and I do film and I think

36:28

it's rare and his films in particular

36:30

I think are so rare and you know

36:32

what you were saying up top it's not just

36:35

a weak plot with a bunch of cars. It's

36:39

Penelope Cruz and Shailene Woodley and

36:41

Jack O'Connell and Patrick Dempsey. It's

36:43

really great actors giving great performances

36:45

and the backdrop is

36:48

this really specific well-told

36:50

story that I think has legs.

36:53

So I'm really proud

36:56

of it actually. For

36:58

this one I would do kind of anything for people

37:00

to see it because I think it's really great. All right. Well

37:03

I can't wait to see it. Go

37:05

see Ferrari, Michael Mann,

37:07

Adam Driver. It's coming out

37:10

Christmas Day. Go out to the

37:12

movies. Get out of the

37:14

house. You're going to be sick of seeing your family members

37:16

and everything. It was such a thrill to have you come

37:19

in here and oh you know what I didn't ask

37:21

our common denominator here. The Star Wars thing. Oh yeah.

37:23

Were you a fan before you got in it? Yeah.

37:26

You watched this stuff? Yeah when I met you you

37:28

were about to go in to do something with it.

37:30

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I got a lot of shit

37:32

because I you know I used to make fun of

37:35

it. No but the

37:37

reason why I did was because everybody loved it.

37:39

You know what I mean? It was just that

37:41

comedian saying it was like oh they're loving this

37:43

thing. I'm going to shit all over this. It's

37:45

like doing stand up in Green Bay. You got

37:48

to go there and make fun of the

37:50

Packers and you got to make fun of the cheese heads and

37:52

if you go to Red State you have to trash Trump

37:54

and if I'm out here I got to make fun

37:56

of Joe Biden. I mean you just have other than that

37:59

like. Where is the fun? So

38:02

anyway, dude, I'm such a huge fan. You're such a

38:04

great guy, and I'm really happy for you. And

38:07

I mean, to have you with Michael

38:09

Mann and doing the Enzo Ferrari

38:11

story, like I can't even tell you how like, I

38:13

mean, I went to the F1 when it was in

38:15

Vegas. I went to

38:17

the one in Austin, Montreal, and then I've seen

38:20

a MotoGP one time. So I'm sort of a

38:22

closet gear head that can only

38:24

change the oil in a car, but I'm gonna be

38:26

very excited to see this. So thank you so much

38:28

for coming in. Adam Driver, everybody. This

38:30

has been the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday Morning

38:33

Podcast. Have a great weekend, and I'll talk to you

38:35

soon. Hey,

38:42

what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for

38:44

the Monday Morning Podcast from Monday, December 14th, 2015.

38:50

What's going on? How? I'm

38:54

in New York City. It's Sunday night. 8.24

38:58

left in the third quarter. New

39:01

England Patriots versus Houston, fucking Texans.

39:04

I am in New York City to promote,

39:07

finally, the fucking,

39:10

we're finally putting out efforts for family. I know

39:12

I've been talking about this shit, but I gotta

39:14

do it. Tomorrow I gotta, I'm doing fucking

39:17

media boy, monkey

39:19

boy. Gonna be fucking going all

39:21

over town and all over on the fucking phone

39:23

and all that shit, talking about this wonderful new show

39:25

that we have coming out. So if you guys can

39:28

do something for me, I would really appreciate it

39:30

by watching it December 18th on Netflix. There, I

39:32

got it out of the way. All

39:35

right, and anyways, and

39:37

also thank you for everybody who watched the

39:39

pie crust video, huh? Oh,

39:41

Billy Baker got over 600,000 hits,

39:43

you know? And

39:46

I learned some shit. Some people like, don't use

39:48

Crisco. You should use fucking LOD. And

39:50

you know what's funny? When somebody bought me, got me a

39:52

thing of LOD, and I keep forgetting to use it. So

39:54

I'm gonna try that next time. And then also people said

39:57

a better way to pick up the pie crust is you

39:59

fucking slowly roll it. over with the rolling pin. I

40:01

didn't know either one of those. But the guy who

40:03

told me, I've read it on some fucking

40:05

website, he just

40:07

goes, oh, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill,

40:10

like 20 bills. He was doing

40:12

so well. It's like, dude, well, you're fucked.

40:14

You know, so you know how to pick

40:16

up a fucking pie crust better than I

40:18

do. Why don't you just fucking tell me

40:20

how to do it? Why do you got

40:22

to act like the fucking sky just fell?

40:24

It didn't. My pie crust came out fine.

40:27

Everybody is such a fucking cunt.

40:30

You know what amazes me about adults is

40:33

that whole fucking thing that he just

40:35

did. Oh, Bill, Bill, Bill, you know

40:37

what that really is? That is literally

40:39

his fucking inner child. Literally

40:42

going mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, look at me.

40:44

I know how to do it better. It's

40:46

like just fucking grow up. I might

40:51

be in a cunt right now. I don't think I am.

40:53

Oh Jesus. They're showing the fucking highlights of the Patriots special

40:55

teams. They fumbled another fucking

40:57

punt gave these jerk off Texans another

40:59

another chance here. I'll tell you right

41:02

now. I don't buy JJ Watts intensity.

41:04

I just don't buy it. I think

41:06

he's just hamming it up for

41:09

the fucking cameras. He's got

41:11

a fucking scowl on his face before the

41:13

game even starts. You know what I mean?

41:15

What are you mad at? Jumping jacks touching

41:17

your toes. That's

41:19

a stupid fucking commercial where that bluegrass band

41:21

starts spraying water in his face and then

41:23

he yells at his locker and then there's

41:25

nobody there. I get it. He gets up

41:27

for games. You

41:29

know, give

41:32

me Ray Lewis. Anytime I would rather have Ray

41:35

Lewis screaming and yelling. You don't

41:37

know what I mean? Didn't that fucking oversized

41:40

astronaut looking guy. I'm

41:45

just fucking with you. He's a great player and I'm

41:47

so psyched half his hand is fucking one of his

41:49

hands is wrapped up. Thank God. We would have been

41:51

in fucking trouble this game. Hopefully you're

41:54

not sitting there with some fucking cat ate the Canary smile

41:56

on your face knowing that I'm going to do the rest

41:58

of this podcast. the Patriots

42:00

somehow blow a 14-point lead. I know that's

42:03

not gonna happen, right? Get

42:05

him! Ah, you fucking

42:07

cunts. Over

42:09

the middle. So

42:12

anyways, I got here on Thursday. I've

42:14

been doing some stand-up, getting

42:16

ready for these talk shows and shit. I got to

42:18

do them doing tonight's show, doing

42:21

Jimmy Fallon on Tuesday

42:23

and then Wednesday. I'm in LA doing

42:25

Conan and then I'm on fucking, I'm

42:27

officially on goddamn vacation.

42:30

But I had

42:32

a great week, dude. I had a great time being back here in

42:35

New York. It is unsettlingly

42:38

warm. The only thing more scary about

42:40

how fucking warm it is back here

42:43

is people's reaction to it. They

42:46

fucking love it. These East Coast people have to

42:48

take it in the face. Old

42:51

man winter every fucking year. They,

42:53

you know, the overwhelming response to

42:56

global warming up to this point

42:58

is like, yeah, bring

43:00

it on. I'm loving this. I

43:02

literally, I saw a woman in a fucking half

43:04

shirt. Not a half shirt. She

43:06

had her belly showing like she was gonna be

43:09

dancing behind one of them fucking chicks that can't really

43:11

sing, you know, and they use the auto-tune. So they

43:14

got to show their tits a little bit, you

43:16

know, showed the little naughty little bits, a little bit

43:18

of the naughty bit, right? She's walking down the street

43:20

and I was like, oh my god, my

43:23

star, she was gorgeous. Then I was just thinking like, dude,

43:25

it's one of the fucking half. I was like, this is

43:27

December 10th. She's walking down

43:29

the street like it's April.

43:33

I'll possibly even make and I

43:37

was kind of, you know, so that I went on distance.

43:39

They don't give a fuck. In that moment, the

43:42

hand in the face is gonna fucking be more

43:44

soothing. That's what the fuck they're gonna look at.

43:47

And who's kidding? No, I don't have any solutions and I'm

43:49

part of the problem, but at least, at least this

43:53

is the only thing I could say.

43:55

At least I have the decency to

43:57

be afraid. I'm not doing anything about

43:59

it. trying to eat less fish I

44:02

feel bad for the base but what am I

44:04

gonna do just me walking around being alive I'm

44:06

contributing to this shit not a mention I'm flying

44:08

halfway across the fucking flow all the way across

44:10

the country to promote a fucking cartoon get on

44:13

the ball that's a live ball fuck you that's

44:15

not a incomplete pass fuck

44:18

you ah

44:21

you fucking bastards anyways

44:25

um now they're saying

44:27

now they're having a discussion now they're having a

44:29

discussion what happened he

44:31

went back out clearly an incomplete I don't

44:34

know this is gonna be one of the ones

44:36

little you stop his hand motion

44:38

going forward he stopped the throwing motion and

44:40

gripped the fucking ball these

44:45

stupid fucking replays in the NFL you know

44:48

go into the the video booth this is

44:50

like it turned

44:52

all of these moments like this

44:54

this is why I hate NBA basketball is

44:58

the timeout the timeout the timeout how fucking

45:01

long it takes by the way congratulations

45:03

to the Golden State Warriors

45:05

winning 28 fucking games in

45:07

a row I don't

45:10

think that the I'm trying to think with that could

45:12

ever be broken I mean that's that is insane and

45:14

as much as they didn't break the Lakers their

45:19

record that was still amazing and I wish I

45:22

could actually have watched the fucking double overtime game

45:24

against the Celtics that look like an instant classic

45:26

of course I was out you

45:30

know telling jokes and that

45:33

type of shit I'm

45:35

sorry I guess I mean you guys some people always ask me

45:37

I talk about hoop I just can't fucking watch it I try

45:40

I like college hoops you know

45:42

I actually was gonna watch North Carolina cuz once

45:44

again they got a great team the fucking ranks

45:46

second fucking tie heels right in

45:48

the eye came in there but we you know my

45:51

wife always sits down and

45:53

she wants she wants to watch a dumb TV she

45:55

goes and just sit down and watch dumb TV is

45:57

that fucking Kardashian shit which has been on a goddamn

45:59

loop that shit the other day, okay?

46:02

And it was on, you

46:05

know, they got enough episodes now. It's like the fucking

46:07

Simpsons, whether you just do a whole weekend of nothing

46:09

but the Simpsons, you can do that with the Kardashians

46:11

now. So she just kept watching them and watching them.

46:13

And I literally, I had to get up and

46:16

walk into the bedroom and close the door. The

46:18

show, it literally puts me in a fucking bad

46:20

mood. I know that

46:23

there's a clip I just saw on Facebook. Of

46:26

course I'm on Facebook. I'm a white guy in my 40s. I

46:28

love Facebook. As much

46:30

as the youngsters hate it, everything that they hate

46:33

about it, I fucking love about it. But anyways,

46:35

there's some local news

46:37

show or whatever. And this guy just,

46:39

he just fucking sums up. He

46:41

snaps. He completely loses his composure and

46:44

just goes like, nobody gives a fuck

46:46

about this stupid fucking family. And then

46:48

these two chicks laughing, one of them

46:50

agrees. And then the other like, just

46:52

breathe, just breathe. Like that makes it

46:54

better. It's

46:56

like just enough

46:58

already. My

47:02

wife has it on so much. I'm actually

47:04

starting to understand like the dude, you

47:07

know, who looks like a fucking mannequin. He's

47:10

got perfect hair, perfect white teeth. He's

47:12

always walking around in a suit, but he's never at

47:14

work. And I finally just sit there and go, what

47:16

the fuck does that guy do for a living? And

47:18

they're like, ah, you know, nobody really knows. Nobody

47:22

knows what he does. You know, he's always walking

47:24

around like, dressed like Bud Fuck. And

47:26

then I'm like, oh my God, I'm getting sucked into this thing. So

47:28

I just went into the other room. It's

47:31

just an endless fucking pursuit.

47:34

They're just constantly traveling. I

47:37

love like when they go to the Dominican Republic and do

47:39

they interact with the people? They go right to the

47:41

fucking resort and they're sitting next

47:44

to a fucking infinity pool. You

47:47

know what I mean? It's just, it's like, why did

47:49

you, why did you just stay home? You already live

47:51

in that climate, you dumb fucks. Let

47:54

me tell you about the time I went to the Dominican Republic.

47:57

I went there and they took us. Nice. Oh,

48:00

fuck, fuck, fuck, get that motherfucker, you fat fuck,

48:02

that's not yours. God

48:04

damn, that fat fuck, he landed right on it. Probably

48:08

thought it was a pork shoulder. Oh,

48:11

great. And we get hurt. Wonderful. Ah,

48:15

for fuck's sakes. Anyways, so I

48:17

go to Dominican Republic. With

48:20

the wonderful lady I was dating at the time,

48:23

fuck that relationship up as I did everyone until

48:25

I met my lovely wife. Um,

48:28

and we stayed at a resort, right?

48:32

We show up and I got there

48:34

and within two, five, like you see what, how

48:36

people are living as you're driving there. And

48:38

you're like, holy fuck, what's my first

48:40

time in a so-called third world country? I

48:44

didn't know what the fuck that means. It just always means

48:46

there's a bunch of broke people. I don't know. So I

48:48

fucking like, I'm staggering.

48:51

You know, I saw a couple of nice houses and

48:53

everything else was like a fucking 10 Shaq and

48:56

we're fucking blowing by all this poverty. And

49:00

you're taking it all in. It's an absolute

49:02

shock when you're spoiled ass fucking American.

49:06

All right. Now give a fuck what

49:08

your situation is in this country. For the most

49:10

part, you're living like a fucking king compared to

49:12

this stuff. Right? So like, we

49:15

end up getting to the resort and then all of

49:17

a sudden everybody has only these fucking Hawaiian shirts saying

49:20

hello, asking to take your bags. And it's like, am

49:22

I supposed to forget what the fuck I just saw?

49:25

So the entire time I'm on this, uh,

49:27

vacation, what's

49:29

funny about the resort is there's like literally like

49:31

a prison wall all the way around the whole

49:34

fucking thing. And you just feel it. You just

49:36

felt it. Like late at night, if I get

49:38

too close to that wall, somebody is going to

49:40

reach over it, yank me over it. And no

49:42

one's ever going to see me again because that's

49:44

the level of desperation down here. And,

49:47

um, my

49:50

favorite part slash the scariest part of the trip

49:52

was, uh, we actually went horseback

49:54

riding and we went to a cave

49:57

where there was water. He went to the water and he had to go

49:59

underwater. and then come up to the other side of

50:01

the different cave. I know this sounds like a fucking Hardy

50:03

Boys episode, but we actually did it. And

50:06

I remember the

50:09

tour guide, the tour

50:11

guide who took us, I

50:13

had to stop in his fucking house. So

50:16

I am sitting there in the front passenger seat

50:22

of his car as everybody is

50:24

looking at me, basically the whitest motherfucker

50:26

on the planet. And

50:28

I had to sit there like, are they looking

50:30

at me like Jesus Christ? How

50:33

often do you see a redheaded white dude down

50:35

here? Were they looking at me like a white

50:37

elephant? Or were they looking at me

50:39

like, God knows what our foreign

50:41

policy did and now they're in that situation.

50:43

I had no fucking idea, but it was

50:45

definitely, I

50:49

don't know, but I was glad, still glad I

50:51

did it. I still went out, I interacted, I actually gave

50:54

the horseback thing and the cave shit. I actually

50:56

was giving money to people outside

50:59

of that fucking resort. It just didn't feel

51:01

right. Does that make any

51:03

sense? I don't fucking know, I'm watching the fucking game here.

51:06

But anyways, I'm

51:09

talking about the Kardashians. How

51:12

late they go to all these impoverished places and they

51:14

just still end up next to an infinity pool, which

51:18

to me is like, why the fuck would you leave? You're

51:21

not interested because you're starving and you got food, right?

51:24

Okay, she just went, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Like

51:26

20 fucking times. She

51:30

asked me when this game was gonna be over because she

51:32

wanted to watch dumb TV and I wanted to be

51:34

like, you know what? This is my dumb TV. This

51:36

is my keeping up with the Kardashians. I

51:38

watched The Patriots. Come

51:42

on, Neil, look at Tom Brady. Isn't he dreamy? He

51:45

looks like that guy with no job

51:47

on the Kardashians, doesn't he? Except

51:50

he's a man. Um,

51:53

anyway, so today in New York,

51:55

I actually went to the premiere

51:57

of a movie called Daddy's Home.

52:00

starring Mark Wahlberg and

52:04

Will Ferrell. And that

52:06

comes out, I think on Christmas day. And

52:09

if you blink, you'll miss me. I have a small partner

52:11

and I got to go there. And

52:14

oh, fuck, are you on my way through this

52:16

whole fucking thing? I imagine I am. Oh,

52:20

Verzi's on his way. Verzi's on his way.

52:23

I think this is gonna be a two-parter. This is

52:25

gonna be the first part I do today. You

52:28

know what, who's kidding who? You know what, this podcast

52:30

just became late. I was hoping I

52:32

could finish this thing before Verzi got here. I got media all day

52:34

tomorrow and I told Paul I was gonna go out and go get

52:36

a beer with him. I'm gonna do that so

52:38

Nia can watch damn TV. I'm gonna go out to a bar.

52:40

I'm gonna watch the rest of the game. There, I confess. But

52:42

you know what, I did make the pie crust video. I

52:45

hope it helped you guys out. And it's got over

52:47

600,000 hits. This

52:50

fucking pie crust video's got more hits than most

52:52

of my specials. And

52:56

this week, I actually finally was able, those ribs

52:58

that I was smoking I was telling you about,

53:00

they came out fucking delicious. And

53:03

what I learned was it doesn't matter, at

53:05

least on the green egg, the

53:08

big green egg. Like as long as you got

53:10

smoked that first hour and a half, something like

53:12

ribs. Now

53:14

I'm a total fucking novice. This is the second

53:16

time I ever tried it. This is the first

53:18

time I ever did it successfully. The

53:22

other time I had to finish them off in the

53:24

oven, which isn't necessarily bad. Oh,

53:28

good. Nia just

53:30

got fucking two-ply toilet paper, three-ply. You got

53:32

the most-ply toilet paper, right? Oh

53:35

my God. I can't tell

53:37

you who stayed here. I'm

53:40

not gonna tell you who stayed here, but he stayed

53:42

here and he fucking loaded this place up. It's

53:45

not even one-ply toilet paper. It's like literally

53:47

almost see-through. I

53:53

don't know what he was trying to do, but all I

53:55

know is I would rather wipe my ass with sandpaper. There,

53:58

I said it. All right, look. I

54:00

understand if you're in a financially rough place,

54:02

but you know, can you put a price?

54:05

You know what I mean? I might as well take a

54:07

belt sander to the

54:11

crack of my ass. It's like, what are we

54:13

doing here? You

54:15

know, it's very easy to go steal some Kleenex

54:17

out of these fucking stores, give your ass a

54:19

fighting chance. Anyways,

54:25

so I found with the big green egg,

54:27

what I did was I followed

54:29

all the videos basically of how to start the

54:32

fire. One of these guys, they always make these

54:34

fucking videos on how to smoke something

54:36

and all they talk about is the rubs and how

54:38

long they leave it in there. And the most important

54:40

fucking thing on the big green egg is,

54:42

dude, what does your fire look like? What's the

54:44

percentage? You know, those

54:47

burned up fucking coals versus your wood. So

54:51

I did

54:53

like half of that, not

54:56

the shit that's got the chemical on it before

54:58

everybody gives me a rough time. It's the shit

55:00

that looks like how a tree looks when it's

55:02

in the middle after a forest fire is put

55:04

out. I use that natural shit. And then I

55:06

had these big blocks of hickory

55:08

that I'm told it doesn't make a difference if you

55:10

soak them or not. So

55:12

I didn't soak those, but then I had

55:15

a bunch of those, just the

55:17

chips that you soak overnight. I soaked those things

55:19

overnight. And I had an insane amount of smoke

55:21

for the first about hour and a half of

55:23

the cook. And

55:27

I kept it roughly at about 250 the

55:30

entire time. And

55:32

some people might think that's a little high. I don't know what they

55:34

came up. So rather than doing it for four hours, I took it

55:36

out at about 340, 345. They

55:38

came up great. I'll post a couple of

55:41

pictures of it. But

55:44

one of the most exciting parts

55:46

of my week was Nia

55:49

tried them and

55:52

came out to the kitchen and fucking high-fived me and

55:54

did a little dance. If the fuck was the... You

55:56

know what? That was the highlight. You

55:58

know? Because I know... the ribs and you actually

56:01

enjoy them. No,

56:05

no, but I was trying something new. All right,

56:08

thank you. Do you know what? There's one of the new,

56:10

sometimes you just know when you're not supposed to talk to

56:12

you. I probably now she's focused on something else. Or maybe

56:14

I know the shit out of her earlier. I have no

56:16

fucking idea, but let's get all the budget. Been like fucking

56:19

running my yap here. Let's uh, what

56:22

do we got? Now I got to type in the fucking password

56:24

go. Jesus

56:28

Christ. What? You know what? I love how fucking

56:30

difficult you have to make these fucking these uh,

56:34

passwords. You know what I mean? Like you have like governmental

56:36

secrets in here. Um,

56:38

oh, Friday night, no Saturday night. Do

56:40

you guys watch the fucking UFC? How

56:42

insane were those fights? I

56:45

don't know anybody's fucking name. I don't think God, I'm

56:47

a grig. Did you

56:49

see that one fight? That dude was, he was like this. I

56:52

didn't know what the fuck to call the guy. He's got to have

56:54

some sort of nickname. He

56:56

just got on this guy's back and he wouldn't get

56:59

off him. Every time he'd like go to shake him

57:01

off, he'd get back on to me. It's like,

57:03

you know, you ever have like a fucking, I don't

57:06

know, your fingers are wet and you pick up a hair and you're

57:08

trying to get it off. You got to wipe it on something else

57:11

and then somehow it just comes back to you. You know

57:14

what it was like when you take out cellophane

57:16

or whatever that, that saran wrap shit, it just

57:18

starts sticking to itself and you try to fucking,

57:20

now I can undo it. I can save it.

57:23

I can save it. Fuck this piece, right? That's

57:25

what he was. He was like the human version of that's

57:28

not a good nickname for fucking a fighter. Is

57:30

it human

57:34

cellophane? I don't think that's

57:36

too intimidating. He was just on this fucking guy

57:38

and the dude could not get him off and

57:40

he was named after the, he was Gunnar

57:43

Nelson. For

57:46

half a second, I thought he was the son of

57:48

the Nelson who were the son of Ricky Nelson who

57:50

went to that garden party, right?

57:52

To reminisce with his old friends. Remember

57:55

that? I went to a garden party

57:57

to reminisce with my old friends. You

58:02

like Ricky Nelson, do you? You

58:06

like the simplicity of those old songs? The

58:09

sound, the sound of thunder in the background? That's

58:12

one of my gloves. Come over here and talk to me

58:14

for two seconds. Let me sing you some Ricky Nelson. Maybe

58:18

this will ring a bell. Hang on one

58:20

second. Hey, Burzy, where

58:22

you at? I'm

58:25

on 47th and 7th. All right, dude.

58:27

I'll be downstairs in like 10 minutes. I'm wrapping up my

58:29

podcast with the first half of it, all right? Okay.

58:33

All right, buddy. I'll see you in a minute. All

58:35

right. Bye. All right. Let

58:38

me sing you a little bit of Ricky Nelson. Maybe this will... I

58:40

know Ricky Nelson is. I know who his sons are. They had long

58:42

blonde hair. Do you know the song?

58:45

No. It was probably like, That's

58:48

not them. I'm

58:51

talking about his dad. Oh,

58:54

yeah. He was some like,

58:57

I'm walking. He

58:59

had a very simple song. Listen to

59:02

the rhythm of the falling rain. Telling

59:05

me what a fool I've been. Yeah,

59:07

it was very... And something and something

59:09

got away again. And something

59:12

and something and something. Okay. Ray,

59:14

please tell me does she love

59:16

me so? Why are you torturing

59:18

me? You know what? Because

59:20

this is my odd way of showing that I

59:22

love you. Well, I love you too, but you're torturing me. I

59:24

want to eat my Thai food and watch my dumb TV. I

59:27

love you very much. You want me to get out of here?

59:29

What are you going to watch? You're going to watch the Kardashian?

59:31

Get the fuck out. It's Sunday night. It's

59:33

a big night in reality television. I need you to leave. That's

59:36

your question. Why do I always have to get the

59:38

fuck out? Football is my dumb TV. How

59:40

come I always have to fucking leave? You

59:43

know what? That's a great point. And

59:46

that's why I love you. You know, a few women, you know,

59:48

a few fuck that. A few human beings can actually be like,

59:50

You know what? That's a good goddamn point.

59:53

Yes. I do.

59:55

You just like get out. Oh,

1:00:01

all right beat it. Yeah,

1:00:04

you beat it. I'm gonna wrap this up

1:00:06

right now, and I'm Paul Verzi waiting for you. Oh

1:00:10

Yeah, you know what you know you're a terrible

1:00:12

person actually you're actually concerned about Paul Verzi your

1:00:14

first concern is me getting the fuck out Of

1:00:16

you so you can watch your fucking chalk teeth

1:00:18

there pretend like he has a job I love

1:00:20

Paul Verzi, and I don't want to be

1:00:23

waiting around for you Listen

1:00:25

to the rhythm of your fucking bullshit

1:00:28

Acting like you care about my friends you

1:00:31

just want me to fucking leave this

1:00:33

place so you can watch those stupid

1:00:36

twats Something

1:00:42

something something with the mistletoe I

1:00:44

get it you have a big round

1:00:46

ass stop greasing it up And

1:00:49

putting it on the I'm sorry all

1:00:51

right. I'll be back maybe

1:00:54

tomorrow finish this fucking thing up Jesus Christ

1:00:56

Can you fucking block we don't have anybody

1:00:58

left? All right I'm

1:01:02

gonna say that we are we're gonna fuck this game

1:01:04

up. This is what's gonna happen. They're gonna come back

1:01:06

They're gonna make it what's it 20 to

1:01:08

6? Yeah, it's gonna be 20 to 20, and

1:01:10

we're gonna have to drive down the fucking field and

1:01:12

hopefully Kick another long

1:01:14

field go Jesus Christ the

1:01:17

old spin move Good

1:01:20

Lord. He didn't even touch him All

1:01:23

right, I'll talk to you guys

1:01:25

in a minute. Well. You know it'll be two seconds all

1:01:27

right, okay? All

1:01:31

right anyway, so as I was saying as I was saying

1:01:35

It's still Sunday night. I just saw the Patriots

1:01:38

fucking win end up being 27 to

1:01:40

6 okay, so I overreacted You

1:01:42

know what do you want for me? So what

1:01:44

did I leave off? I left off with

1:01:46

the human cellophane Right I

1:01:49

was talking about those fights. I saw The

1:01:53

fucking guy let me go back

1:01:55

pedal where the hell was a gunner Nelson

1:01:58

couldn't get the human cellophane off him. And

1:02:01

then there was the guy who fought the guy who

1:02:04

comes in like a spider. He stuck his face out

1:02:06

and got knocked out and then he kicked him in

1:02:08

the leg and broke his leg. That fucking guy fought.

1:02:11

Jesus Christ. I don't think I've ever seen a guy

1:02:13

get hit that many times in the head. I

1:02:16

thought the fight, I thought the fight was over. I

1:02:18

didn't know. I didn't realize that the referee jumped in

1:02:20

because the round ended. I mean,

1:02:23

he took the, there was like a fucking, watching like

1:02:25

a Rocky fight. You know, when you watch a Rocky

1:02:27

fight, don't do, there's no way anybody could take that

1:02:29

many shots to the head. You'd be dead. You'd

1:02:32

be on your ass. The fight would be

1:02:34

over. This fucking guy took it.

1:02:38

I don't know what I'm talking. I don't ever know the names. And

1:02:40

then the Burger King guy, that fucking, uh, Conor

1:02:42

McGregor was fighting this Brazilian

1:02:45

dude. He's got this crazy scar on

1:02:47

this. He's already Brazilian. So you already know he's,

1:02:49

he's a fucking nightmare. He's going to take it

1:02:51

to the ground. You're fucked, right?

1:02:54

Wasn't he not kicking people in the face to this

1:02:57

guy? He could kick your ass. No

1:02:59

matter how, I don't give a shit. You're sitting in a chair

1:03:01

or fucking running down the sidewalk. He's one of those

1:03:03

guys. The guy can kick the shit out of you.

1:03:06

So I'm thinking, wow, man, this is going to be

1:03:08

a fucking unbelievable test for him. He

1:03:10

fucking, he just ran right at him. He

1:03:14

bullrusted and,

1:03:16

uh, Connor did the old right there. Fred, bam

1:03:18

guys. There's a face plant. He took

1:03:20

to, uh, judge's decisions to the face after

1:03:22

that, whatever the hammer fist. So what, what,

1:03:25

what they call it took the

1:03:27

old gavel, two

1:03:29

hits to the gavel. And that was it. It was

1:03:31

fucking over. And, um, I

1:03:34

like other guys said afterwards, he goes, you know, we got

1:03:36

a fight again. That wasn't really a fight. It's like, no,

1:03:38

it was a fight. You got knocked out, dude. You

1:03:41

know, that usually indicates there was some sort

1:03:43

of a fight. It's not you, you fucking

1:03:45

slipped and fell and hit your head on a desk. There

1:03:48

was no desk in that octagon. That was a, uh, that was

1:03:51

his left hand. Um, but

1:03:53

Jesus Christ, man, that

1:03:56

was fucking amazing. I was actually talking to some of the guys

1:03:58

I was watching the fight with. I go. How

1:04:01

much tension is going to be

1:04:03

in Dana White's house over Christmas

1:04:05

if Conor McGregor loses too? After

1:04:08

fucking what's-her-face lost, female

1:04:12

Tyson, right? Then you're gonna have Irish Tyson.

1:04:14

If they both go down then who's

1:04:18

gonna fucking sell a fight? You need them the

1:04:20

way they talk shit. Do you

1:04:23

know how much fucking money is sitting in

1:04:26

fucking Dana of mine that's sitting in Dana

1:04:28

White's sock drawer right now because you got

1:04:30

two fucking amazing athletes like that who also

1:04:32

know how to sell a fight? You

1:04:34

know what I mean? The

1:04:36

deaf other guy won. Now you got

1:04:38

a guy who needs a fucking interpreter

1:04:40

for me to understand it to sell

1:04:42

the goddamn fight. It's over. I

1:04:46

don't even like fucking watching movies with subtitles.

1:04:48

I gotta fucking deal with

1:04:51

the guy that he's got to have a, you

1:04:54

know, he's hyping a fight. It's like I'm

1:04:57

watching a senator testifying. Fucking

1:04:59

lawyer keeps coming over whispering in his ear. I don't want

1:05:01

to see that. Right? I don't

1:05:04

know what I'm saying here. Anyways, I forgot

1:05:06

to tell you guys this shit. I almost forgot this fucking

1:05:09

story. So I've been trying to work out when

1:05:11

I've been here. Two out of three days I've

1:05:13

worked out. Right? So I go to

1:05:15

the gym the first day. It's right down the street from

1:05:17

my apartment. There's no fucking problems. I walk in, the guy

1:05:19

behind the counter is cool. There's nobody

1:05:21

else there. No manager, just some cool guy. He goes, hey

1:05:24

Who can do this? I come to meet up with his Note

1:05:26

on Nine grew up. I always said, you

1:05:29

ain't looking for a physiological suck

1:06:00

at the internet. Okay, just generally speaking,

1:06:02

I'm not good at it. He goes, I'm just saying, you

1:06:04

know, it's money. I was like, I'm and I'll try to

1:06:06

find the fucking page and I'll come back the next day.

1:06:08

I only pay five bucks. So he goes, cool. No problems.

1:06:11

No fucking problems. I have

1:06:13

a great workout. I fucking throw the weights

1:06:16

around. Classic shit. Comedian. I go

1:06:18

to the gym in the middle of the day. It's great.

1:06:20

There's nobody fucking there. Okay,

1:06:22

couple of trophy wives on treadmills,

1:06:25

you know, fucking looking at

1:06:27

their Instagram as they walk fucking half a mile an

1:06:29

hour. And then you come walking

1:06:31

in and I don't give a fuck what time

1:06:33

of day you walk into a gym. If

1:06:36

you have to do chess that day, this is

1:06:38

all the benches are going to be taken up.

1:06:40

You know what I mean? Nobody's ever doing

1:06:42

squats. You can walk into

1:06:44

a gym Saturday. fucking

1:06:48

Saturday like what's what's it busy like early in

1:06:50

the morning when people come in, whatever 90 when

1:06:52

it was fucking the busiest time right after work.

1:06:56

Six o'clock at night. Okay,

1:06:59

you can go walk into a gym and you

1:07:01

can just immediately just start doing squats. Nobody's ever

1:07:03

doing nobody does fucking legs. Everybody

1:07:05

does the bench. So I walk into

1:07:07

this five people. They have

1:07:10

three benches. There's like five people working on

1:07:12

three of our guys fucking

1:07:14

bench pressing goddamn cunt.

1:07:16

So I got to sit there and pretend like I'm

1:07:18

fucking really stretching. I'm not really stretching. I'm waiting for

1:07:20

you to finish. So

1:07:25

anyways, that was the first day. So

1:07:27

the second day I go to go back and I'm like, God, here we

1:07:29

go. You know, I'm

1:07:31

gonna run to this guy again. He's gonna say, we didn't get

1:07:33

the fucking thing that only makes you pay five bucks. I mean,

1:07:35

because I suck at the internet. Remember? I'll

1:07:38

pay 15. I don't give a fuck right now come showing

1:07:40

up. He's not there. There's some lady there. And

1:07:42

then this fucking manager buzzing around. Hey, how long you're in

1:07:44

town for? Does he get a membership? Well, I said no,

1:07:46

dude, I just want to work out today. He goes, All

1:07:48

right, fill out this form. So

1:07:50

it's name, address, phone number,

1:07:53

email, all of this

1:07:55

shit. So I write down a fake name and I

1:07:57

say I'm from Alaska. And that's it right. So

1:07:59

he goes No, I'm sorry, sir. You got to fill out the rest

1:08:02

of this where all the addresses now all I had to do Was

1:08:05

just fill out a fucking fake address, but yeah,

1:08:08

it's not how I'm wired. I gotta make a point I

1:08:10

go, dude I'm I'm I have to

1:08:12

give you my home address. He goes. Yes, I

1:08:15

go, dude I'm not trying to be a jerk,

1:08:17

but I'm not gonna give you my home address I'm

1:08:20

not gonna tell you where I live So

1:08:22

I can work out one day at a gym And

1:08:25

he goes well, you know, you have to fill out

1:08:27

those I go why Do

1:08:30

you need to know where I live? Any

1:08:33

hems and haws and I just keep going why do you need to know

1:08:35

where I live? Okay,

1:08:38

it's $15 to work out. I have the $15 I'm

1:08:41

going to give it to you and I'm going to work out

1:08:43

at the gym Why do you need to know where I live

1:08:46

so finally goes well, sir, you know God

1:08:48

forbid if you have some sort of incident

1:08:50

happens and we need to get in contact

1:08:52

with somebody I Said

1:08:54

so you're telling me That

1:08:57

God forbid To use

1:08:59

your expression God forbid I keel over

1:09:02

on the elliptical You're

1:09:05

gonna you're not gonna dial 911. You're gonna

1:09:07

go drive to my house and knock on

1:09:09

the door and hope somebody's there That's

1:09:13

what you're gonna do You're

1:09:16

not gonna do that you're gonna call

1:09:18

911 like everybody else And

1:09:22

he just keeps going. Oh, you know, what are we

1:09:25

gonna contact? They say what the fuck do you care?

1:09:28

Who to contact? You

1:09:32

know, I just said look if you can

1:09:34

tell me why I need to put down my

1:09:37

home address I'll

1:09:39

write it down. Other than that, I'll give you a phone

1:09:42

number somebody to call If

1:09:44

something happens to me, but don't

1:09:46

call them. They're not a doctor call 911 Tell

1:09:50

you what? Yeah, that's the deal call 911 and here's a number You

1:09:52

know if you want to let the my wife

1:09:54

know where the hell I'm going That's it.

1:09:56

You don't need to know where I live See

1:09:59

the guy And he goes, well, you have to fill it out.

1:10:01

And I go, why? And he goes, it's protocol. And

1:10:04

I go, exactly. You

1:10:06

cannot logically defend why you

1:10:08

want my home address. You

1:10:12

get my home address so the people in corporate

1:10:14

will have that information. They can sell it to

1:10:16

other people. Right? So

1:10:18

I go, I'm not working out here. Right? So

1:10:21

I go to walk away. And then the lady behind the

1:10:23

desk, she goes, have a nice day, sir. I

1:10:25

don't say anything. Keep walking to the other. She goes,

1:10:27

have a nice day, sir. And I turn around and

1:10:30

go, I understand sarcasm. You're

1:10:32

not telling me to have a nice day. You're telling me

1:10:34

to go F myself. I

1:10:36

got in the elevator. I

1:10:39

know a lot of you guys, like, oh, why don't you just

1:10:41

fucking, you write a fake address. That's what I fuck. You

1:10:43

know why? Because at some point, there's got to be

1:10:45

some sort of pushback. Somebody has to fucking complain about this

1:10:47

shit. When you walk into those places and they go,

1:10:49

do you have an ID? Don't ever

1:10:52

hand them your ID. You

1:10:55

hold it. And

1:10:57

just say, hey, I'll hold the ramp your fucking face. You want

1:10:59

to read it? Then read

1:11:02

it. You're not typing in shit from my ID

1:11:04

onto my onto your fucking computer. Every

1:11:06

time you put down my name and

1:11:09

my address, you've added another layer where

1:11:11

I am vulnerable to identity theft. And

1:11:13

I'm not going to do that just

1:11:16

to go work out of the fucking gym. I'm

1:11:19

not having a kidney transplant. You can't. I'm

1:11:21

going to go do some fucking pull

1:11:24

ups. Give you all my fucking information. I don't know.

1:11:26

You guys probably think I'm a psycho, right? I'm not.

1:11:28

I'm right. I'm right on this one. I'm

1:11:30

wrong about a lot of other shit. Whatever.

1:11:33

This is stupid. Me just sitting here

1:11:35

telling you that I'm right. Oh, really, Bill? Do you

1:11:37

agree with yourself? That's amazing. Anyways, what else

1:11:40

do I want to say? I have

1:11:42

the fucking worst goddamn stupid cab

1:11:44

driver today. I'm

1:11:47

fucking jumping this fucking thing, right?

1:11:49

You're coming from the premiere, right?

1:11:52

So Nia's got her fucking high heels on it.

1:11:54

She's not a quitter. She's keeping those on. And I'm not

1:11:56

going to make her walk with heels on. I'm going to

1:11:58

be a fucking animal, right? cab

1:12:00

and we fucking drive down and the son of a bitch drives

1:12:03

right down Fifth Avenue. Fifth

1:12:06

Avenue during Christmas where every mouth-breathing fucking

1:12:08

moron wants to stand there look at

1:12:10

the Christmas tree and the people skating.

1:12:14

Okay, and he drives down then all of a sudden you

1:12:16

can't make him right this guy's acting like he's dumbfounded he

1:12:18

can't fucking believe it and then he ends

1:12:20

up cutting over through fucking Times Square. He

1:12:23

did everything but try to go through the Lincoln

1:12:25

Tunnel to drive like fucking 10 blocks over. When

1:12:29

I was sitting there I

1:12:33

get aggressively exhaling. It's

1:12:35

the only way I could put it. And

1:12:39

my wife, she just fell asleep. She just

1:12:42

thought nothing I could do about it. She just took

1:12:44

a nice nap. You know, I

1:12:47

wish I could be more like that. All

1:12:49

right, anyways, let

1:12:52

me let's start reading. Oh, you know, I haven't done any

1:12:54

advertising for this week, have I? I

1:12:57

read some of these stupid fucking things. But who's kidding me?

1:12:59

Why don't I make an attempt? All

1:13:01

right. Oh, Jesus Christ. Boop, boop, boop.

1:13:05

By the way, did I mention how much frigging

1:13:08

money we raised for all those people? We raised

1:13:10

like over 10 grand. All right. Now I'm

1:13:12

going to throw a nice fucking chunk of

1:13:14

change in on top of that. You guys

1:13:16

did a wonderful thing and it amazes me,

1:13:18

man, that I did this podcast this long

1:13:20

and I didn't realize that you could make

1:13:23

an impact like that. So you guys were all part

1:13:25

of a great thing and I really appreciate how

1:13:27

much you guys all stepped up. You

1:13:30

were very, very generous, extremely generous. You

1:13:34

know, it's not even Christmas yet. You already did your

1:13:36

good deeds. So now you know you can spike the

1:13:38

eggnog. You can get hammered, you

1:13:41

know, and treat the people in a family like

1:13:43

shit, right? Take them for granted. Fuck

1:13:45

them, right? That's what they get for showing up. They

1:13:49

knew what they were in for. How many Christmases do they got

1:13:51

to spend with you before they realize what you're going to be

1:13:53

doing? All right. Let's

1:13:56

read some letters. I guess one might be a little short because

1:13:58

it's already one in the morning. I gotta be on the

1:14:01

fucking radio at 7 a.m. Oh, Jesus. Oh,

1:14:04

Jesus. All right. Tool for the

1:14:06

egg. Hey, Bill, I've been running an egg for

1:14:08

several years now. Your podcast

1:14:10

about no smoke on

1:14:12

ribs had me captivated. I

1:14:15

would suggest my tool to stir up

1:14:17

the cold and bring

1:14:20

into contact-slash-smoking hardwood

1:14:23

chips-slash-chunks. What kind

1:14:25

of fucking sentence is that? I would

1:14:27

suggest my tool to

1:14:30

stir up the coals and

1:14:33

bring into contact-slash-smoke

1:14:36

and hardwood chips-slash-chunks.

1:14:40

That's a fucking sentence. You know, something I would

1:14:42

suggest getting a sentence tool. How about that? They

1:14:46

still make that hooked on phonics, and way

1:14:48

back in the day, there was a classic

1:14:50

stand-up reference. Simply purchase a piece of

1:14:55

3x16x36 pieces steel from Home

1:14:58

Depot. Home Depot. Place

1:15:00

and bend 90 degrees, 2 inches from

1:15:02

the end. Use this

1:15:04

to unplug slash stir the coals

1:15:06

from the inward vent on the bottom

1:15:08

of the egg. Oh,

1:15:10

okay. I will utilize this tool during

1:15:13

long smoking to invigorate the smoke. This

1:15:16

also works to bring air oxygen to

1:15:18

the fire to increase the temperature. Simply

1:15:20

poke through several of the

1:15:22

fire-grade holes at the

1:15:24

bottom of the egg to increase the air flow. Ah, okay. If

1:15:27

you have any issues or just need a

1:15:29

pic, just ask the least I

1:15:32

can do for your podcast. Why don't you fucking send

1:15:34

a picture? I got to

1:15:36

sift through a thousand fucking emails? No,

1:15:38

you know what I did was I layered in some

1:15:40

charcoal. Then I had the chips

1:15:42

with the chunks of hickory, and

1:15:44

then I did another layer on top of that. And

1:15:47

then I just put in one

1:15:49

little fire starter square, and I did

1:15:51

it from the side. So it just

1:15:53

slowly burned across and down. It

1:15:55

was plenty for ribs, but

1:15:58

like if I was ever going to do a pork shoulder, you know,

1:16:01

you're talking, I don't know how long, it depends

1:16:03

on how big it is, but it seems on

1:16:05

average people, that's like six

1:16:07

to 10 hours to God knows what. So that,

1:16:09

I don't know how I would continue to do

1:16:12

that, but I think I would just take

1:16:14

it off and I'd lift the grate, the plate

1:16:16

setter, and I would just throw the shit in there and then

1:16:18

put it back on. I think it would be fine. That's

1:16:23

what I would do. You know what the reality is, why don't I just

1:16:25

buy a fucking smoker and be done with it? All

1:16:27

right, traveling with girlfriend slash fiance.

1:16:31

Hey, Billy Bourdain, I have to disagree with

1:16:33

your advice from last week for

1:16:36

the guy with the sound engineering job.

1:16:38

He said he was a sound engineer in

1:16:41

the letter you read out loud, then later

1:16:43

in your response, she mentioned something about building

1:16:45

bridges and then again on Twitter, just a

1:16:47

heads up. Dude, this guy is fucking relentless.

1:16:51

Some of you guys, you're fucking relentless. Like

1:16:54

reprimanding me, all right, so I fucked this fucking

1:16:56

thing up, so let me guess, okay, I

1:16:58

think if he's planning on, I like how you think

1:17:01

that being a sound engineer, even though I fucked it

1:17:03

up, like that's not a quality job. You

1:17:08

know what I mean? What do you know, you'd

1:17:10

be working in films, right? Isn't that what that job is?

1:17:13

Recording bands, that's a fucking great job and it's a

1:17:16

hard, you know what, I'm gonna look it

1:17:18

up right now before I get into the fucking 20 goddamn

1:17:21

tweets and emails from you. Sound

1:17:24

engineer. An

1:17:28

audio engineer working with technical aspects of

1:17:31

sound during the process of recording, mixing

1:17:33

and reproduction. Audio engineers often assist with

1:17:35

record producers and musicians to help give

1:17:37

their work to sound they are hoping

1:17:39

to achieve. Yeah, that's a fucking badass

1:17:41

job that people wanna do. All

1:17:43

right, let

1:17:46

me get back here. So here we go. I

1:17:48

think if he's planning on spending his life

1:17:51

with this girl, traveling and having a great

1:17:53

time would be a make

1:17:55

or break deal for marriage. She

1:17:57

said she wanted to travel a year. Suppose it's

1:17:59

only. seven months and they go to seven

1:18:01

continents, even go to fucking anarcho, okay, over the

1:18:05

course of a year. They get to bang

1:18:07

in seven continents in a year, eat amazing

1:18:10

food, see amazing things and pretty much live

1:18:12

their lives like it's a movie.

1:18:14

You looked at the negative side, which is

1:18:16

fair, but also how often do these things

1:18:18

happen? I hate to be the guy

1:18:20

that didn't take that chance if it were presented. God

1:18:23

knows I would. Of course, it all depends on

1:18:25

their attitudes and if they're fun people

1:18:27

with positive outlooks and good

1:18:29

communication, food for thought. Hey,

1:18:33

dude, just because I don't agree with you doesn't

1:18:35

mean I want the negative root. I

1:18:38

was giving him advice from my

1:18:40

hat, which is fucking positive. I'm

1:18:43

saying he's got a great job that

1:18:46

he was nervous about fucking leaving.

1:18:49

Those are his words, not mine. And

1:18:52

this is another thing too, dude. You're a

1:18:55

fucking man. Okay?

1:18:58

If you're not making money, it's

1:19:01

not like you can make a baby other than

1:19:03

dump your jizz in somebody. Women

1:19:06

can literally create life, okay?

1:19:10

You like the butter in the fucking pan. I

1:19:15

don't know. Maybe I'm old school. I

1:19:17

feel like the man should make a fucking

1:19:19

living. You got to come home and you

1:19:21

got to make enough money that your woman

1:19:23

and your family is fucking comfortable. If you're

1:19:26

doing that, you're a fucking man. All

1:19:28

right? If you

1:19:30

want to go travel around the

1:19:32

world on some woman's fucking dime

1:19:34

and leave your career behind for

1:19:36

a fucking year, a critical goddamn

1:19:38

year and have to start all

1:19:40

over again, I

1:19:43

think that's nuts. I

1:19:47

think that's fucking nuts. All

1:19:50

right? Agree to disagree. I

1:19:52

can tell you this, dude. When I started

1:19:54

out doing standup, I was doing this shit

1:19:56

every single fucking night. Every

1:19:59

night I had a singular focus what I

1:20:01

was trying to do was a job that

1:20:03

a lot of people would like to do

1:20:05

so it took a ridiculous level of commitment

1:20:07

and I watched people who didn't fucking traveled

1:20:10

the world didn't even

1:20:12

have that fucking option but I watched people

1:20:16

not work at it as hard as they could have and

1:20:19

20 years later I see the results of that

1:20:21

so that's all I'm saying with this guy to

1:20:26

you know to put play before work it's

1:20:28

just not how I'm wired you

1:20:31

know what I mean you're

1:20:33

making it seem like this guy if he

1:20:35

takes the sound engineering job will never have

1:20:38

the money or never have the option to

1:20:40

do to go around and

1:20:42

travel the world I don't

1:20:45

know I just feel like as me

1:20:48

personally if I was gonna travel the world

1:20:50

it's got to be on my fucking dime

1:20:53

okay in my life has to be

1:20:55

in a place where I can leave it for a

1:20:57

fucking year if I'm

1:21:00

just getting started in a career and I'm

1:21:02

just starting to push that fucking rock up

1:21:04

the hill and I'm gonna go fucking leave

1:21:06

and play footsie with some chick even she's

1:21:08

gonna be the chick I'm gonna fucking marry

1:21:10

for an entire goddamn year then I'm

1:21:12

gonna come back and start all over again I would

1:21:16

be going out of my fucking mind I have

1:21:20

to be honest with you too as

1:21:23

much as I've traveled there's

1:21:25

always a point and it's usually anywhere between seven

1:21:27

to ten days into the trip where I just

1:21:29

want to go home I

1:21:32

want to sleep in my own bed I want to

1:21:34

be fucking you know hanging out with my dog and

1:21:38

not to mention that I love being a comedian I want to do

1:21:40

some shows it's fun so

1:21:43

agree to disagree sir agree

1:21:46

to disagree all right food

1:21:48

for thought did

1:21:51

you type that wearing a sweater with candles on in

1:21:54

the background candles on candles

1:21:56

lit okay he said and go

1:21:58

to Cape Carp yourself carpe How do I

1:22:00

know what it is? Go seize yourself

1:22:02

like Carpe Diem. Okay, go Carpe, okay?

1:22:04

I just can't bear to have you

1:22:06

not get the reference and

1:22:08

hope someone writes in about it next

1:22:10

week. Sorry, thanks. Oh,

1:22:14

go Carpe yourself. Oh, I thought I

1:22:16

said go to Carpe. Go Carpe yourself,

1:22:18

Carpe Diem. Yeah,

1:22:20

see, I love how seize the day is just fuck

1:22:23

off to your life and go travel around the world.

1:22:25

And like seize the day isn't like, you know what?

1:22:28

I've made inroads in this really difficult line

1:22:31

of work and

1:22:33

I'm gonna stick with this. Dude, I fucking, you

1:22:35

know something? I started out with comics who did

1:22:37

that and stayed home

1:22:39

with their family and watched the fucking Patriots game instead

1:22:41

of going out and going doing a hell gig. I'm

1:22:43

telling you, it all fucking matters. It

1:22:46

all matters. Hey, what would I know? What the fuck do I

1:22:48

know? You know, I did it

1:22:50

the way I did it. I'm not,

1:22:52

I yeah. Let's

1:22:55

fucking travel in the world on somebody else's

1:22:57

inheritance. Kind of a fucking bum of my.

1:23:02

I'm not fucking doing that. What

1:23:05

am I? You know what? I'll do that.

1:23:07

If you give me a pair of fucking gold digging

1:23:10

pumps and I'll fucking walk the rock around in those

1:23:12

all goddamn year. I'm gonna travel the world. I'm fucking

1:23:14

paying for it. I

1:23:16

think that said something about you too. If you feel like,

1:23:18

you know, you don't have any problem going around the fucking

1:23:20

world on somebody else's dime. I

1:23:22

wanna earn it. All

1:23:25

right. Sponsorship, Billy Butterworth.

1:23:28

Would you ever do a major sponsorship for

1:23:30

a big brand? What

1:23:33

are your thoughts on the following? Coke,

1:23:35

Pepsi, Chili, Sizzla, Wilson Tennis

1:23:37

Rackets, or I guess I'm doing

1:23:39

it right now. What

1:23:44

I, I mean, it's more

1:23:46

would they? I mean, how long would

1:23:48

it last? I mean, I can't even get these fucking

1:23:50

jerk off podcast advertisers to stick with

1:23:52

me. They're so fucking dumb. They don't

1:23:55

realize that if I fucking around and I curse and

1:23:57

I be a fucking idiot, you guys actually will listen

1:23:59

to it. My philosophy is just because I'm

1:24:01

reading advertising doesn't mean the show stops.

1:24:04

If the show stops, then you just pass, you just fast

1:24:06

forward through it. It's so fucking

1:24:08

simple. There's

1:24:10

such idiots. Don't say that about our

1:24:12

product. People can start believing it. Like you guys actually

1:24:15

take anything that I say seriously. Anyways,

1:24:18

plowing ahead here. Girl quit

1:24:20

job. Lady,

1:24:23

this lady quit her

1:24:25

job. And

1:24:27

traveled the world. All

1:24:29

right, here we go. My girl quit. Wait,

1:24:33

my girl comes home. Why

1:24:37

did they feel like there was something else in here? Did I miss

1:24:40

one of these things? Maybe

1:24:42

not. All right. My girl

1:24:45

comes home early the other day and tells me she

1:24:47

quit her job. I work full-time in a metal shop.

1:24:49

Jesus Christ, what are you, a blacksmith? And

1:24:51

I go to school full-time for engineering.

1:24:54

We also have two beautiful kids. They

1:24:56

cannot afford our houses, our

1:24:58

house, cars, etc. without her working. And she

1:25:00

acts like I'm a bad guy when I

1:25:02

say, when I get on her about it.

1:25:06

Oh, Jesus. I don't

1:25:08

know what I should do. I'm thinking of leaving her

1:25:10

because this is not the first time she's done this.

1:25:13

And in the total seven years

1:25:15

we've been together, she's worked about

1:25:18

two and a half years of

1:25:20

around ten jobs. Whoa.

1:25:23

She's worked about two and a half years of

1:25:25

around ten jobs. I'm

1:25:28

guessing you're saying she's had ten jobs and collectively worked

1:25:30

two and a half years. Can't take

1:25:32

the financial stress anymore. What's

1:25:35

your advice? First

1:25:39

thing I would do, I would downsize your life. Just

1:25:43

be like, all right, well, look, if you're not going to work, then

1:25:46

we've got to do something here. That's

1:25:48

incredibly selfish. And

1:25:52

look, she obviously doesn't want to work. She

1:25:54

wants to be at home. She

1:25:57

wants to be with the kids. So you need to make

1:25:59

enough money. to basically, you

1:26:02

know, treat her like a third kid. So

1:26:07

your lifestyle is going to have to go down then if that's

1:26:09

what she I would just sit down and see like guys your

1:26:11

question. Do you want to just

1:26:13

stay home and be with the kids? You

1:26:17

know, and let her fucking flip out and scream and

1:26:19

yell and all that and just don't lose your cool.

1:26:22

Just say to her, is that what you want? Okay,

1:26:26

because I need to know that. Okay,

1:26:30

so I don't keep thinking that

1:26:32

we're going to be dual income and

1:26:34

making financial decisions that way. I can

1:26:36

already tell you right now, dude, that

1:26:40

the fact that you're working full time and she's

1:26:42

working full time and

1:26:45

if the second she fucking quits, you're

1:26:48

fucked. You guys are

1:26:50

living beyond your lifestyle beyond your means.

1:26:52

You shouldn't be living like that. So

1:26:55

you're basically the two of you guys are

1:26:57

spending all the money that you're making. That's

1:27:00

that's no way to live. Alright,

1:27:03

you need to be. You

1:27:07

need you need to downsize your life is basically

1:27:09

it I would drive. You

1:27:11

know, use Toyota or Honda those fucking things never

1:27:14

die. I'd get one of those. I

1:27:16

downsize and then you know, I

1:27:20

mean, I don't think you just quit on a relationship

1:27:22

and walk out on two kids. But the stress has

1:27:24

to be fucking brutal. And if she's

1:27:26

being a fucking baby about it, you know,

1:27:30

that's a, you know, this is one of these

1:27:32

fucking things that, you know, be a nice change in

1:27:35

one of those chick shows, you know, a four broad

1:27:37

sit around fucking talking about women stuff. They never talk

1:27:39

about this type of shit because this is probably

1:27:41

considered sexist if you brought it up. That's a hell

1:27:43

of a fucking thing for her to be doing to

1:27:45

you. I

1:27:49

would just you just got to lay it on the line, just sit her

1:27:51

down and just said, Listen, is this what you want to do? Um,

1:27:58

I need to know that because. I'm

1:28:00

not going through this again. All

1:28:03

right, and I would just say you've

1:28:05

had 10 jobs in the

1:28:07

last seven years and you've worked collectively

1:28:11

about two and a half of those

1:28:13

seven years. Okay,

1:28:15

when you quit a job like that, just

1:28:18

quit a job and have no other job,

1:28:20

it puts unbelievable stress on me and it's

1:28:22

not fair to me. Okay,

1:28:26

so I need to know, do you not want to

1:28:28

work? Do you just want to stay home with the

1:28:30

kids? Because if you do, we're going

1:28:33

to have to downsize our lives dramatically. If

1:28:36

you want to keep living like this, you need to

1:28:38

get a job. All

1:28:40

right, and if she flips

1:28:43

out about that type of thing, I mean,

1:28:48

that's a tough one. I guess I would be

1:28:50

like, when

1:28:53

she flipped out, be like, all right, you know

1:28:55

something? Scream and yell and get it out of

1:28:57

your system. But you have 48 hours to sit

1:28:59

down with me and discuss this like an adult

1:29:02

and cut a plan. Okay.

1:29:07

Or I need to make a decision because

1:29:11

I'm not going to live my life

1:29:13

with this level of financial stress. Something

1:29:19

along those lines, because that's how you

1:29:21

do what she's doing to you is

1:29:23

unbelievably immature and selfish. When

1:29:25

you need dual income and you got two kids at home,

1:29:27

you just don't quit a job. All

1:29:30

right. Jesus

1:29:33

Christ, what if you did that? You

1:29:37

know what I mean? I'm telling you, this right here, when

1:29:39

that guy was sitting there talking, that

1:29:42

guy's saying like, oh, you should fucking leave your job and

1:29:44

go travel around the fucking planet. This

1:29:47

is why you don't do that. What you're

1:29:49

doing, sir, busting your ass, trying to get

1:29:51

ahead. That's what

1:29:53

you do when you're fucking young. Okay. It

1:29:57

makes your life a hell of a lot of fucking easier as you get older. Okay,

1:30:00

cuz the older you fucking get you got to be

1:30:02

somewhere. You know what I mean? Like

1:30:07

the only they want to hire young people Generally

1:30:09

fucking speaking you have to be at a certain

1:30:11

place by a certain fucking age generally speaking or

1:30:13

they're not gonna give you a shot Okay,

1:30:16

it's like that old fucking thing about the

1:30:19

fucking was it What

1:30:21

was it those two animals one of them was storing

1:30:23

away food? The other one was running around like a

1:30:25

fucking jerk off and then the storm finally hits and

1:30:27

the ants fucking eating and then the turtles Beat

1:30:30

the hair however the fucking story goes I

1:30:36

Got to tell you this, you know I sacrificed a

1:30:38

lot to get where I'm at and I missed out

1:30:40

on a lot of shit But the shit that I

1:30:43

on the back end that I ended up getting to

1:30:45

do Okay You

1:30:48

know, there was a whole bunch of

1:30:50

stuff that I missed socially

1:30:53

just fun stuff So

1:30:55

called regular shit that I missed because and I slept

1:30:58

on a futon Like I've told you a zillion times

1:31:00

till I was about 36 37 years old alright

1:31:07

The outside of that was I got to perform

1:31:09

at Madison Square Garden I Got

1:31:12

to fucking play drums with slash and Duff and

1:31:14

Guns N' Roses. You know what I mean? That's

1:31:17

fucking insane But

1:31:21

you got to be willing to stay on the

1:31:23

fucking phone time till you're pushing 40 and Laying

1:31:27

there in the loneliness of that with the

1:31:30

fucking voices creeping in your head of doubt

1:31:32

and you have to beat those things down

1:31:34

Is that telling you that I

1:31:36

did I make a horrible fucking mistake? So

1:31:43

what you're doing sir, you're working

1:31:45

full-time and you're going to

1:31:47

school Full-time for engineering.

1:31:50

Okay, if you fucking wife

1:31:53

no offense Could

1:31:55

just fucking ride it out For

1:31:59

a couple of fucking years, all

1:32:01

right, until you get your engineering degree,

1:32:04

you get on your fucking feet. This

1:32:06

is what old school couples used to

1:32:08

do. Okay, they worked more as

1:32:10

a fucking team, because generally speaking, divorce

1:32:13

was looked down upon. And they always try to

1:32:15

make it look like and

1:32:18

there was all these women getting beaten and they

1:32:20

just stayed in there like every fucking woman was

1:32:22

getting the shit slapped out of her. All right.

1:32:24

I'm not saying there wasn't women getting fucking, you

1:32:27

know, the shit kicked out of them. All right.

1:32:29

But there's a lot of fucking people to just

1:32:31

throw in the fucking towel, because

1:32:34

it's hard. And then you're going to

1:32:36

get with somebody else and what it's gonna be fucking easy. It

1:32:38

is hard. But this is this

1:32:40

is like some shit, you need to iron this out. And

1:32:43

she needs to get her fucking head screwed on

1:32:45

straight and realize that she's got to fucking support

1:32:47

you by keeping up her end of the bullshit

1:32:49

while you become an engineer. And then you move

1:32:51

up the fucking ladder. And at some point, she's

1:32:53

gonna get what I think she wants, which is

1:32:55

what she's going to get to stay home alone.

1:33:00

Yeah, can you come over? Just help me finish up

1:33:02

this podcast? I know you don't want to your shoulders

1:33:05

will just slump. I'll

1:33:07

read this really quickly. I know

1:33:09

you're tired. Yeah, we're all tired. Are

1:33:12

you gonna sit there like I'm gonna scold you like

1:33:14

a little kid? No, I'm

1:33:17

just tired. I

1:33:19

know it's 150 in the morning. All

1:33:21

right, this guy, his

1:33:24

girl comes home, he's not even your

1:33:26

wife. No, but you got two kids. Girl

1:33:28

comes home early the other day, and she tells me

1:33:30

she quit a job. I work full time in a

1:33:33

metal shop. And I'm going to engineering school. I'm

1:33:36

going to school full time for engineering. We also have

1:33:38

two beautiful kids, we cannot afford our houses and our

1:33:40

cars, etc. without her working. And she acts like I'm

1:33:42

a bad guy. And I say when I get on

1:33:44

her about it, I don't know why she should do.

1:33:46

I'm thinking of leaving her because this is not the first

1:33:48

time she's done this in the total seven years we've been

1:33:51

together. She's worked about two and a half of those years

1:33:53

and had about 10 different jobs. I can't

1:33:55

take the financial stress anymore. What's your advice?

1:33:58

Nia Renee Hill. Yeah,

1:34:00

I mean, I think you should definitely talk to her

1:34:02

about it. And if you feel like she's

1:34:04

not pulling her weight in your situation,

1:34:07

then that's a problem. So

1:34:10

yeah, it's stressful.

1:34:13

If he's carrying the burden, they have like

1:34:15

two kids and whatever. I mean,

1:34:17

is she just lying around the house all day? I mean,

1:34:19

is she at least, you know, taking

1:34:21

care of the kids and make sure they have lunches

1:34:24

and all that stuff? Or is it just all falling

1:34:26

on him? You know, that's really. Yeah,

1:34:28

well, they need the money. Yeah. All right.

1:34:30

So I'm all right. So I'm okay. So

1:34:32

I know if

1:34:34

that's what their financial situation is where they

1:34:37

both need to be working, then they both

1:34:39

need to be working. But I don't know

1:34:41

how leaving her is going to alleviate the

1:34:43

financial strain. But no, he's

1:34:45

got kids he's fucked and then she's going to

1:34:48

bleed him dry because she'd be pissed. I think.

1:34:51

Yeah, I don't know. But yeah, she needs

1:34:53

to get it together. I'm

1:34:56

sorry. Yeah. All right. I'm not going

1:34:58

to be good if you ask you to do it. All

1:35:02

right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Jesus

1:35:04

Christ. All right. Sorry.

1:35:07

Why should I know better when I asked

1:35:09

her? She just came out of the bedroom

1:35:12

and grabbed something. She's going back to going to sleep.

1:35:14

I'm like, do you want to answer a fucking podcast

1:35:16

question? You see the instincts I have people. All

1:35:18

right. Listen, F is for family comes out this Friday,

1:35:21

December 18th for the love of God. Please sit down

1:35:23

and binge watch it. I know all you Star Wars

1:35:25

fans want to go see that fucking movie. When

1:35:28

you're done seeing that movie, can you please watch my

1:35:30

show? I really appreciate it. Um,

1:35:33

all right. That's the podcast

1:35:35

for Monday. Go fuck yourselves. Don't

1:35:37

take any shit and I'll talk. I'll check it out.

1:35:40

On Thursday. What's

1:35:44

up everybody. Welcome back to the

1:35:46

anything better podcast NFL edition

1:35:48

going into week number 15. Before

1:35:50

we get into this week's picks, we got a shout

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That's right, guys. Let's get those

1:36:29

in, bet responsibly, have a good time, and

1:36:33

calm yourself down. Don't be like Draymond Green punching people

1:36:35

in the face. I mean, I just got to talk

1:36:37

about this at the beginning of the show, dude, okay?

1:36:40

Because I have no patience for this. These Bobby Knights,

1:36:42

these Draymond Green, I used to like Draymond Green. And

1:36:45

I used to say Draymond Green, hey, you know, he's the type of guy,

1:36:47

you love him on your team. Dude, the

1:36:49

guy- I hate when people fucking say that. That

1:36:51

means somebody's a dirty piece of shit going, you

1:36:53

know, you fucking hate the guy, but

1:36:55

if he's on your team, you'd love him. No, I wouldn't. No,

1:36:58

I wouldn't. I mean, there's so many guys

1:37:00

that go out and deliberately try, and then he did that

1:37:02

passive-aggressive thing like he was like, whoa, like I didn't do

1:37:04

anything. I cannot believe that he got suspended indefinitely. The

1:37:08

amount of people in, I would say,

1:37:10

three of the four major sports, never baseball, what's

1:37:12

baseball? Paul, you're out there, you're fucking throwing the

1:37:14

ball around, nobody gives a fuck. But of the

1:37:16

three other three major sports, like

1:37:18

there's so many guys that should have

1:37:20

got suspended indefinitely and just didn't. Fucking

1:37:23

lunatics out there. Dude,

1:37:25

at what point is it assault when

1:37:27

you're that size and you turn around and you throw a

1:37:30

haymaker at a guy's head during a professional game? It's

1:37:33

like, you can't do that, man. You

1:37:35

can't do that. I just never respected those

1:37:37

teams where it's just like, you're better than

1:37:40

we are, so we're just going to deliberately

1:37:42

injure you until you're down. We're going to

1:37:44

beat you down to our talent level. And

1:37:46

dude, that right there is

1:37:48

a microcosm of the mindset that a corporation

1:37:51

has. Win

1:37:53

at all fucking costs, no honor, no

1:37:55

nothing. Like there's no honor in that

1:37:57

way of fucking winning. And

1:38:00

it's not sports at that point. That's just that

1:38:02

you're just teaching people. Like I remember a long

1:38:04

time ago, I went to this comedy festival. There

1:38:07

was this stupid sleazy manager there going like, you know,

1:38:09

you know, fake it till you make it, you know,

1:38:11

and on the way up, if you got to take

1:38:13

a joke here or there, hey, you

1:38:15

know what I'm saying? Wow. He said

1:38:17

that. Wow. Right

1:38:19

after 9-11 to Paul insult to injury. If

1:38:23

you got to steal to get there, I

1:38:25

mean, geez, that's like, oh,

1:38:27

oh, speaking of stealing jokes, some things are happening

1:38:29

out there in our world that are going to

1:38:31

come out. Oh, Billy. Uh,

1:38:33

let's get to each his

1:38:35

own. Okay.

1:38:38

Um, all right, man. Well, we got

1:38:40

a lot of weird injuries this week. This

1:38:42

is a weird week. TJ Stroud is out.

1:38:44

Right. By the way, before we get going,

1:38:46

when does Draymond come back from his suspended

1:38:48

indefinitely? Dude,

1:38:51

after the season, after seeing what I saw,

1:38:53

dude, that's got to be like, I

1:38:56

don't know, man. I don't even know if you would you let

1:38:58

the guy play in the playoffs. After that, dude,

1:39:00

that was like, you can't stand is Golden

1:39:02

State Warrior fans. Love the guy. And

1:39:05

that's to me, which is why I can't

1:39:08

stand most fucking people. I

1:39:10

can't stand most fucking people because they only give

1:39:12

a fuck if shit is happening to them. And

1:39:15

then if shit isn't happening to them, they don't give

1:39:17

a fuck. You know what I mean? No,

1:39:20

that that was to me over the line. That

1:39:23

was like, when I saw that, I'm just like, all

1:39:25

right, dude, this dude clearly has a dude, Mike Epps.

1:39:27

Shout out to Mike Epps, comedian Mike Epps. He

1:39:29

had the Golden State Warriors in the

1:39:31

audience of a show. And he

1:39:34

was making fun of Curry. And he's dude,

1:39:36

and he did impressions of Curry. He goes,

1:39:38

yeah, motherfucker, like a little kid chewing on

1:39:40

his mouth. And he started skipping. Dude, it

1:39:42

was hilarious. And then he saw Draymond Green.

1:39:45

And he just goes, man, that motherfucker wants

1:39:47

to fight, dude. And he did his body

1:39:49

and how he is. And it was so

1:39:51

fucking funny and perfect. But Draymond Green wants

1:39:54

that shit. And I'm glad that it caught up to

1:39:56

him because it's bullshit. And you know what? Step

1:39:59

Curry and all them. get is why doesn't somebody

1:40:01

else just kick him in the balls when they're

1:40:03

taking a shot? Why doesn't somebody

1:40:05

else just go after their knee? Like these

1:40:07

dirty guys go around, hey, these dirty guys,

1:40:09

see? Like in hockey, it's just like all

1:40:11

those years of fucking guys like also in

1:40:13

all of them, it's just like, Ty

1:40:16

Domey finally punched him in the face.

1:40:18

But it's just like, somebody should have

1:40:20

just blown out his knee and ended his fucking

1:40:23

career. Gone out there

1:40:25

and just swung a stick at his fucking head. Somebody

1:40:27

else go, oh, you know, it'll catch up

1:40:29

to him. It'll catch up to him. His guys' careers or

1:40:31

seasons are short. How about Steve Kerr? How about Steve Kerr

1:40:33

and Steph Curry calling the cycle and do it? What the

1:40:35

fuck are you doing? We're trying to go on a run

1:40:37

here, you fucking lunatic. Go to

1:40:40

anger management, you fucking asshole. Oh, where the fuck

1:40:42

was that for 10 years, dude? They don't give

1:40:44

a shit. I know. Dial

1:40:46

it down 20%. Still punch him in

1:40:48

the head. Draymond,

1:40:51

Jake just said Draymond also

1:40:53

had just returned from a five game suspension

1:40:56

after strangling another player a few weeks ago.

1:40:58

Yeah, man, this guy was like... Yeah, I think he's coming

1:41:00

to the end of his career and he's going with his

1:41:03

strengths. Strangling? Yeah.

1:41:06

Yeah. The

1:41:08

guy is psychotic. Jake, who do we got on? We got

1:41:10

big interviews this week, don't we? We

1:41:13

got TJ Stroud. We got a bunch of people

1:41:15

hurt. All

1:41:18

right, Bill, you have first pick because it is week...

1:41:21

I like how you got your Yankees hat on because it's

1:41:23

that time of year where you guys go shopping. Up, up,

1:41:25

up, up, up, up. I

1:41:27

got my Yankee hat on because I grabbed it

1:41:29

because I'm fucking freezing down here. I'm

1:41:32

fucking with you, dude. Oh, TJ Stroud has a concussion

1:41:34

on... You guys haven't gone shopping in years, Paul. You

1:41:37

guys were laying low for the better part of

1:41:39

a fucking decade and doing great until this past

1:41:41

season. That's what I said, Bill.

1:41:43

All right, our first pick of the week,

1:41:45

I'm going with the Cincinnati Bengals

1:41:47

minus three on the road

1:41:50

against the Vikings. They just have an embarrassment of

1:41:52

riches at the quarterback position. I just think they

1:41:54

keep rolling and I think the Vikings do what

1:41:56

they do this time of year. They

1:41:58

just sort of... I'll

1:42:01

be home for January, just

1:42:03

like the previous 60 years.

1:42:08

That's a good pick. Oh,

1:42:10

Super Bowl in Minnesota.

1:42:12

Thank God for college hockey.

1:42:15

Oh, Paulie, all Thursday Paulie was going to go

1:42:18

Thursday tonight, but I'm not touching that game. There's

1:42:20

injuries in that. And you know what? It's the

1:42:23

Chargers without Herbert. It's the Raiders. I'm not touching

1:42:25

tonight, but I will tell you what I'm going

1:42:27

to touch. Oh, I'm going to touch this one.

1:42:30

Um, I'm going to take. I'm

1:42:34

not going to take Tommy Cutlets. I know that's what you were thinking.

1:42:37

These fucking giant fans need to relax with this kid. Um,

1:42:42

dude, I'm going to take, I can't believe I'm doing this. I

1:42:44

can't believe I'm doing this. I'm

1:42:46

going to take the Chicago Bears as

1:42:49

road dogs getting through. They've

1:42:51

got a great defense. They've let up very

1:42:53

few points this year. They're on the last

1:42:55

place teams. Yeah. Something has clicked with Justin

1:42:57

Fields. I just want to see them make

1:42:59

this run. I think that they're going to

1:43:01

make, I'm going to take them getting three

1:43:03

on the, on the road in Cleveland. I

1:43:06

like it. I'm going to take

1:43:08

the Cowboys getting two in Buffalo. Ooh,

1:43:12