0:01

Hey. What's going on? It's Bill Burns time for

0:04

their they have to do as well Friday but

0:06

about a bug as that alberta that it a

0:08

little do. I'm just checking. In on Yeah!

0:11

Sit near a parking lot.

0:14

Oh My. God. Look at that. Is there anything

0:16

sadder than an old as you V. Like.

0:19

To how quickly they're out of style.

0:23

Jesus Christ to thing is had some curbs.

0:25

It has red paint on the side

0:27

of it's front tire. God

0:31

he fucking hit somebody pain a curb

0:33

about that course. Been sitting there for

0:35

months. Involved in a

0:37

crime. Today

0:40

Alien with Empire Man painting

0:42

curb hit by ugly out

0:44

of date as you the.

0:48

Bomb! Anyway,

0:50

Anyway, Daughter

0:52

lost a tooth last night, right? or couple

0:55

nights ago. So my wife

0:57

she forgot to do the tooth fairy

0:59

thing. So.

1:02

Yet out she had early days. So she goes. Can you

1:04

do me a favor? Can you do the tooth fairy thing

1:06

tonight? And I fucking hate the one that. I

1:09

hate all of this shit. I hate all of these. Stupid fucking

1:11

lies you start your your your

1:13

relationship with your kids with right?

1:15

I especially hate the tooth fairy

1:17

thing because I have to like

1:19

fucking sneak into their goddamn room.

1:22

Like a fucking predator. So.

1:25

I always tell her I go listen just to me for it.

1:27

There's like a table out. The whole I go just. Put.

1:30

The tooth in a plastic bag out the

1:32

whole my doors I go. How can the tooth

1:34

fairy flying through the fog and window a little

1:36

gems? Curse. But you know how can you fly to the window with

1:38

think it's gonna find it? Just you know. I'm

1:43

surprised they still let it be. Still like

1:45

are allowed to say tooth fairy. You

1:48

know cause call and somebody a

1:50

ferry is like considered homophobic. The

1:52

Tooth fairy. You

1:57

know to be conscious with the queer. Community

2:00

where now going to call it

2:02

the The To. The

2:05

fuck with the courts? It was a synonym for

2:07

ferry. I'm

2:11

not into those norms and all of that shit on

2:13

or know what you would call and police. they said

2:16

ferry they didn't say the other one of they called

2:18

it the other thing jesus christ. There

2:22

any other words like that? Woods

2:24

got something else attached to the front seat.

2:27

Oh really notices. You

2:29

can still call seeking also me a ferry

2:31

you got Galvan Mary Any the Eyrie words

2:33

you can still do that. you know. I

2:37

think he could still damage you. Basically do whatever the

2:39

fuck you want is just what the elected job or

2:41

not. They do you like you fucking job. Delighted!

2:44

Your that would be great of if

2:46

the gay community get upset with to

2:48

the series and then like listening to

2:51

fucking. Idiots. Arguing

2:53

about it online. Still

2:56

get to see him. He was

2:58

Will Rob long before the quake

3:00

is clear. People are actually people.

3:03

hello like were a ferry isn't.

3:06

Saying much. Less.

3:11

Ah rest in peace. O J.

3:13

Simpson. I

3:15

hope God is of forgiving Gus.

3:17

They couldn't catch him on the

3:20

field or off. You

3:23

know, say what you want about his

3:25

relationships. The guy ran for like two

3:27

thousand and three yards and of fourteen

3:29

game season for the Buffalo Bills. By

3:31

the way, For the Buffalo Bills.

3:34

And a Fl team that won one

3:36

a of Cel championship has never want

3:39

to fuck and Superbowl ran behind the

3:41

Hall of famer Joe Delay, a Mueller,

3:44

I. Was never knew how to say his name. And

3:48

I think God show Ferguson you stay in and

3:50

above. And

3:52

or know who did it the beginning of his career. As

3:55

like one of those fucking old like a

3:57

of so like why quarterbacks them. Retired

4:00

when he was thirty four and

4:02

they became a state senator. I'm

4:04

of that. They all had spotted

4:06

jobs so they all had fuck

4:09

and jobs. Anyway,

4:17

My goes another one from my childhood. I

4:21

weird relationship with O J.

4:23

Simpson. Has a

4:25

lot of people like you know if you didn't watch

4:27

sports he just knew him as a guy that you

4:29

know probably killed two people. But

4:36

if you watched him play football and

4:38

then you saw I'm. In the

4:40

Naked Gun and then he also made

4:42

a great movie. About

4:46

these astronauts. They were going out on

4:48

some fucking mission. And

4:51

they were supposed to find something in it

4:53

didn't work out and it was an embarrassment

4:55

to the government. So they were just going

4:57

to say the astronauts get killed so the

5:00

beard their own government went out to kill

5:02

them. So course Oj died for us can

5:04

seize the black astronauts the blast are not

5:06

and then ah then the other two one

5:09

one of the white guys get away. Probably

5:11

the better looking of the to how it

5:13

that's how it used to work back then.

5:15

if you had wavy black or brown hair

5:18

and the fuckin ah the dimple in your

5:20

chin. That meant you were gonna make

5:22

it to the end credits. Bomb.

5:26

Feel redheaded mail? You weren't. In

5:30

the movie maybe you played a

5:32

cop march Everybody Keep back, Everybody

5:34

Gets Back. Not

5:36

going to die again, lady. Aren't

5:39

you? just stick to the scripts.

5:41

Sorry. Sides: Gallo

5:43

Heatstroke out here in the seventies? This

5:46

no such thing as sunscreen yet. I

5:50

just saw this cool guy walking by

5:52

without a walking stick. That's

5:55

almost as tall as him or fuck is he

5:57

blind. You

6:01

don't need like one foot. A

6:03

different is one for the difference

6:05

between a cane and being legally

6:07

blind anyway. and he's got a

6:10

yeah, he's got a bulldog that

6:12

he's walking with some alone. One

6:14

of those, so bet on so.

6:16

anyway, Jesus

6:19

Christ, Look at this guy's fuck and ride.

6:23

Sky is ready for the fuck and

6:25

apocalypse. He has to Goddamn. Extra

6:29

gas things. You

6:31

know what's funny about this truck? The struck looks

6:33

like it. You know if go off road and

6:35

destroy but like it it doesn't it never does.

6:37

it's to pretty. Good

6:40

I need sector hot chicks. the go to the gym and

6:42

a tie off the tee shirt and a just you

6:44

know they have on soul make up. It's like a network

6:46

in up a sweat. That

6:49

truck is the fuckin' truck

6:51

version of that fucking lazy

6:53

horror at the gym. Ssssss.

7:02

Are you want me to

7:04

this gravity or right? it's

7:06

all black and then it

7:08

has giant black tires, giant

7:10

black rims with red accents

7:12

on it that match the

7:14

red riding said say he,

7:17

what does it say. I

7:20

can't read? Isn't that cool enough? I

7:24

don't know what is our he something I

7:26

t it's like written on the side. Is

7:29

probably just like promoting a fuckin' Real

7:33

Housewives. Seasons says

7:35

Time These Ladies

7:37

room. I

7:40

may. Be stupid, But when I need to

7:42

be smart, I am. Is

7:45

six of dumb shit that they say the

7:47

beginning it was fuckin' Real Housewives stuff. says

7:52

because my pussy states doesn't

7:54

mean my ideas do i'm

7:57

a mana My

8:09

toes are crooked but my heart is straight.

8:11

Does that make sense? Yeah, I

8:14

was trying to say that I was honest. Alright, let's rework

8:16

that. My

8:21

toes are pointing at everyone in the room but

8:24

I'm centered. Alright, we can go with

8:26

that. Alright. Let's do one more

8:28

time with feeling. My toes are

8:30

pointing at everyone in the room but my

8:32

heart is centered. Bitch. Oh,

8:35

I love the bitch. I love the bitch.

8:37

You like it? I loved it. I loved

8:39

it. It really

8:42

added to it. Dude,

8:44

Sam Ash is going out of business.

8:47

Sammy! Go

8:50

down there and get yourself a double pedal

8:52

for the price of a single. Everything

8:54

must go. If it doesn't, it ends

8:57

up in the ocean. I've

9:00

seen so much shit that I want to buy

9:02

lately and I know what that means now. It

9:04

means I'm sad. There's something

9:06

going on with me because whenever I buy something

9:08

like a week later, I'm like, this is not

9:11

making me happier and now I have to fucking

9:13

dust this thing and move it around. And if

9:16

I ever move again, I have to move it with me. Oh,

9:19

look at the guy with the fucking Taurus. Not

9:21

the Taurus, the Tesla backing it in.

9:25

Guys, we need to normalize backing

9:28

into a parking spot. I love

9:30

all these people that suck at driving that try

9:32

to fucking give people shit because they back into

9:34

a parking spot.

9:37

Just pull in. No, back in so

9:39

you can get the fuck out of there. You

9:43

know what backing in means? That means you showed up

9:45

on time. You

9:48

showed up on time to something you didn't want

9:50

to go to. Isn't that enough? Can't

9:53

you just let us back into the thing? Um,

9:58

oh my God, he uses the fuck. The on. Nobody.

10:02

Uses all as fuck an electric cars. They talk

10:04

about the extra trunk in the front and nobody

10:06

fucking uses of. By the way, I don't think

10:09

I've ever seen. A

10:11

fucking vehicle get more shit than electric cars.

10:13

These always is a little blurry ways. A

10:15

flowers and clouds and a good love. The

10:18

booths like gas combustion cars aren't for Wicklow.

10:20

Here is how much it weighs. Who

10:24

gives a fuck what assumed the environment.

10:26

Guess combustion carcillo be buoyed. Bankrupted the

10:28

country. Get an oil in in Iraq.

10:30

I'm sorry liberating them. I

10:32

was thinking about that shit today. Just

10:37

like. I was actually laying in bed,

10:39

right? I couldn't go to sleep. My son woke me

10:41

up and he just kept coming into the room. So

10:43

finally I just went in and I slept in his

10:45

bed with them. and

10:48

then he just fucking cross all over me the

10:50

entire night and my to get off of me

10:52

get offer me go to sleep is like okay

10:55

death okay debt. That he

10:57

just starts like like. Pushing.

10:59

His his fucking adorable seats into my back

11:01

on like when you stop we stop it.

11:04

but in part of me going like someday

11:06

he's not going to want to do this.

11:10

So. Many was,

11:12

what the fuck does that have to do with

11:14

electric cars? Oh yeah, I couldn't go to sleep.

11:19

I couldn't go to sleep. I just started thinking

11:22

about Nine Eleven. like of. I just wish we

11:24

knew what the fuck they were doing. All the

11:26

passengers couldn't beat the fuck out of those people.

11:28

Nobody would have died and then the country wouldn't

11:30

be bankrupt. Get.

11:32

Else and all of these politicians wouldn't

11:35

be fucking insider trading trading, just making

11:37

sure that they were going to be

11:39

okay and suck. Everybody else. Anywhere

11:43

biggest concern or. I

11:45

think you're going to turn around this stupid no bail

11:47

loss. No

11:49

bail like a who'd have thought came up

11:52

with that. and why and when you gonna

11:54

come on tv and apologize for that is

11:56

a dumb as shit. I

11:58

think I've ever heard by. Target

12:01

a buddy mine he's like super conservative. use

12:03

it you fucking stupid liberal was like alright.

12:06

Mocha. Yet it's liberals came up with that. It's

12:08

fucking stupid. But why do you only just see

12:10

that side? Why can't you see the people behind

12:12

of. Dressing.

12:16

Up the fuck and wolf. Conservatives

12:18

get rid of everything. Everything

12:21

from music in schools all away to

12:23

not houses. where is which is where

12:26

we used to put crazy people that

12:28

would push you want to the fuck

12:30

and train tracks the adam and not

12:32

houses but conservatives and what a fucking

12:34

pay for an exact point the same

12:36

game or. Or. Was.

12:39

It the people behind the conservatives

12:41

and liberals. Squeezing

12:44

every drop a profit. out to the

12:46

point taxes was so high you couldn't

12:48

afford a thing and something had to

12:51

fuck and gulf what really needed to

12:53

go with these pieces of fucking shit

12:55

robber barons who are now these tech

12:58

guys. These tech fuck a nerd. stop

13:00

calling him test bros. This tech nerds.

13:04

These fucking greedy mother fuckers. To

13:07

someone was telling me people at Amazon

13:10

work in adult diapers cause they're not

13:12

allowed to take bathroom breaks. I refuse

13:14

to believe that that's true, but I

13:16

definitely believe. That

13:19

they don't let him have bathroom breaks.

13:24

You. Know it's just like what? What is happening

13:26

to The Flux and Quality Allies. You work forty

13:28

four hours a week and you still can't make

13:30

your bills Sums Gotta give this some gotta give.

13:34

You. Know it's going to take. it's gonna

13:37

take honest politicians. That.

13:39

Actually, stand up to these guys. Oh

13:41

no wait wait wait. those guys are

13:43

all socialists and communists and anti semites.

13:45

That's right, let's get to a career

13:48

politicians who just blames the other side.

13:51

Ah, hands. To

13:54

oppress sayings. Why?

13:57

Can't you all be smart like

13:59

me? I. Figured it out

14:01

without reading a saying i

14:03

don't watch tv. As

14:06

an old school guys fuck and hot

14:08

as balls, he has on genes, a

14:10

t shirt and a flannel shirt tucked

14:12

in in a jean jacket. over as

14:14

fuck. and shoulda you know what that

14:16

guy's gonna go do people? He's gonna

14:18

go to work. Actual.

14:21

Works Lebanon sitting in a parking

14:23

lot during a podcast. Self.

14:29

Anyway, Ah, I'm. I'm

14:32

fuckin' home for the and for the

14:34

entire rest. Of the months

14:37

but I'm going to be you know gone around to in

14:39

some spots. Wherever the

14:41

fuck I can. Cause I

14:43

gotta make sure Ross! To

14:47

i'm sorry that shrugged his you know

14:49

it's really fucking stupid is when you

14:51

have a four wheel drive trucks and

14:53

then they make the headlights look like

14:55

the truck is angry. Ah

15:00

of these guys ready. He's got gas

15:02

tanks he's gonna fuck and ramp you've

15:04

got a bunch is. oh it's called

15:06

the Reunite are. Reunited

15:09

and. It feels so good.

15:11

Is actually cool. So far is a

15:14

four door and see pick up. By.

15:19

Actually have some sad Sam we

15:21

knew. See you guys. Brace yourselves.

15:24

Is rumors that I might have to get rid of

15:26

my f to fifty? It's

15:29

just a giant boss sitting in

15:31

my driveway and are moving it

15:33

around like a valet. And

15:36

I was like alright, well you know I owned

15:38

one. I always wanted to own one. I

15:42

special lord it it. It had everything that

15:44

I wanted. You

15:47

know, I

15:50

can let it go. I want to be

15:52

like those people. you know, those fucking guys

15:54

like like fuckin' Richard Rawlings on on. our

15:56

fast and loud guy had like nine cars

15:58

by the time you. They can you get

16:01

some now on Some mouth many get

16:03

rid of this someone. some mouse gonna

16:05

get this can hang on to ship.

16:09

I do feel at some point that

16:11

that truck with a six point seven

16:13

turbo diesel is gonna be worth some

16:16

money some day, especially because it would

16:18

have hold nothing other than a fucking

16:20

flat top grill once a year over

16:23

to the Rose Bowl. However, Next

16:26

season the Michigan Wolverines have

16:28

any be playing us see

16:30

out here at the L

16:33

A Memorial Coliseum. home of

16:35

the first two and only

16:37

Nfl A. I felt. Championship

16:39

games that were later

16:41

renamed like the Dotson.

16:44

With. Dots and became nice on

16:46

the A Felon Fl Fl Championship

16:49

Game was renamed the Superbowl One

16:51

and Superbowl to. And

16:53

I finally understand why they don't count

16:56

Nfl championships. Because the Nfl in the

16:58

A I felt the Nfl did not

17:00

absorb the A. I felt they merged.

17:03

That's how much the A I felt

17:05

was kicking ass. They didn't have to

17:07

bow down. Like. The

17:09

A be a. Fit. Enough to

17:12

bow down. Like. Dell fuckin'

17:16

Who else be a F self?

17:19

They. Didn't fold. They.

17:22

Did not fault I'm.

17:25

I do like how the Nfl is so big

17:27

now that they just don't they they won't absorb

17:29

anything aft after the fuck in a have felt

17:31

they had the World Football League. Oh my God.

17:34

I love this guy that just pulled up. Get

17:38

a fuckin' tracksuit on. He's about seventy

17:40

years old, full had a Silver Fox,

17:42

a little little thin and in the

17:44

back he's got the call upon. I'm

17:46

sorry, it's a vest. even better. it's

17:48

a solid black. best. With.

17:51

Fuck in stride. Button down shirt is get

17:53

known I got my window opens. I gotta

17:55

stop talking here. So anyway honey I'm really

17:57

looking forward to get back. Oh

18:00

My. God. that's amazing And a vast i'm

18:02

sorry. It's like an olive green and it

18:04

has like, you know, that mattress padding. As

18:09

fuck and Amazing. I

18:12

love all people that are trying to stay warm even when

18:15

it's hot out. You know, They're

18:18

dead. They're like the the most adorable people and

18:20

I love fucking old people. I love shoot the

18:22

shit with the my like a grouchy old person

18:24

and then when and I'm over. The

18:27

and diners by yourself like I do for

18:30

the try to shut up the locals. Eleven

18:38

when they have those dark fucking glasses

18:40

like Father Grito Squid oh sod duty,

18:42

you know? The just

18:44

sit and over in the corner. Every

18:48

once in a while though you meet

18:50

a truly happy spirited old guy and

18:53

he just like that step guide fuckin

18:55

gets it. He gets

18:57

it or see my grandmother. My mother's side was like

18:59

that. See. Fucking got it.

19:02

Like Mm for seen her when she

19:05

was in her nineties was volunteering at

19:07

a hospital. Her energy was crazy, she

19:09

was smiling, she was like she had

19:11

a Pepin or step. I didn't understand

19:13

it when I was younger, but not

19:15

now again And inside she was like

19:17

life is meant to be lived or

19:19

right. Keep fucking take that all of

19:21

mattress pad a goddamn best out of

19:23

the closet you put that on. Status:

19:26

Hair combed. Skies,

19:30

Going out to Egg Did you see this? Fucking.

19:33

A back on Instagram People: I I

19:35

fucking had a relapse. You know? Met

19:38

them another intervention last night. I was like Deaths

19:40

scrolling. I'm I'm I'm Off It, I'm off it.

19:43

I don't. I'm

19:45

high on like some. So

19:49

I fuckin' ah yes!

19:52

As watching this thing and this guy was

19:54

like ninety nine in his wife was ninety

19:56

seven. and he

19:58

found these letters from one She had an affair

20:01

in the 1940s and he fucking

20:03

divorced her That's

20:06

one of the strongest fucking moves

20:09

I've ever seen in my life. I Mean

20:13

he can't even be like alright, it was like 80 years

20:15

ago You

20:18

fuck what am I gonna do walk away and die

20:20

alone he's like yeah, I am Take

20:24

a walk you retroactive fucking

20:26

whore Ah

20:30

shit If

20:38

I was him I would have just been like

20:40

you fucking asshole All right,

20:43

I get it. I was a dick when I was younger

20:45

Maybe he wanted somebody that fucking listened to you. I I

20:47

don't I honestly if it was that far away I

20:51

Wouldn't have given a fuck and I would have been like

20:53

alright. Well you just got to know this every Saturday I'm

20:55

bringing me and my old dick to a massage parlor and

20:57

you're not asking any questions for the rest of my life

21:00

Cool. All right, and you know

21:02

what a pie once a month would be. All right. How

21:04

about that? Is that all right? You

21:07

know what's funny about that like a fucking woman

21:09

would ask for a yellow diamond I'm a guy

21:11

can I get fucking rubbed and talk once a

21:13

week and get 12 pies a

21:16

year I

21:21

Mean you can't get mad at somebody you're not even

21:23

fucking anymore. Can you? I But

21:26

it's got to be mind-blowing Somebody said in

21:28

the comments he goes he didn't divorce her

21:30

because she fucking fucked around on him It's

21:32

cuz she kept the letters and that is

21:34

the thing That's just

21:36

what I would haunt my fucking 99

21:38

year old mind. I would be like

21:42

did she like actually

21:44

love this guy and not me but like

21:47

I Provided

21:49

I gave her something else. I gave her stability

21:51

was this other guy like a bum I

21:57

Tell you one of the hardest movies to watch is

22:00

Casino. And

22:03

watching De Niro keep taking like, there's not a

22:05

lot of movies like that, where

22:07

there's like a fucking guy, he's

22:10

just with some chick for whatever reason, he loves her,

22:13

he feels she's out of his league, he doesn't have any

22:15

fucking self-esteem and

22:17

just stays there. I mean, you're

22:20

not honest with yourself as a man, if you don't

22:22

watch Casino and don't see a little bit of yourself

22:24

in Robert De Niro, we've all been that fucking guy.

22:27

You just, I'm not literally, she cheats on you

22:30

with some fucking James Wood degenerate, I don't mean

22:32

that, but like, we've all, you know, you've

22:36

been weak, you've made concessions, you look the other

22:38

way and it took you years to get out

22:40

of something and then you just look back on

22:42

it going like, I knew,

22:44

I fucking knew, I knew from the

22:46

first fucking thing, but everybody's gotta have

22:49

that Sharon Stone relationship before

22:51

you get married. Unless

22:53

you're just one of those people who just fucking, you know,

22:55

you're first at bat in the league, you hit a dinger.

22:59

Yeah, we met, you know, I feel like that's

23:01

some old school shit. I

23:05

met her in high school and I just, it was love

23:07

at first sight. Wasn't love at

23:09

first sight, it was love without social media.

23:11

There was no horse to look at. They

23:14

weren't allowed to dress hoary, you lived

23:16

in this little fucking log cabin in

23:18

the middle of nowhere, wasn't it? It

23:20

was the only vagina, unless

23:23

you were going beastiality within your fucking, it

23:26

was even an area code or a zip

23:28

code. It

23:32

was an arranged marriage through

23:34

logistics. Anyways,

23:40

shout out to that guy though, man. You

23:42

gotta fuck it, like the level that I respect

23:44

that guy that at 99 he's like, no, no,

23:48

no, I don't give a fuck. I

23:51

will die alone before I die with

23:54

a woman that fucked some guy in

23:56

1946. The

24:00

guys can say that's

24:02

a hands anyway. If

24:07

I was her a my are going

24:09

to be like I thought this guy

24:11

so long ago he wrote me letters.

24:13

I mean Jesus Christ came out a

24:15

typewriter. Ah,

24:21

Anyway, Oh

24:25

nice cool breeze. Nice cool breeze coming

24:28

in off the ocean. Common.

24:31

And Off the water.

24:33

Santa Monica. Off The

24:35

Water. Anyway,

24:40

I'm been a little fly off fuckin week. It's annoying

24:42

the shit out of me I'm going to do with

24:44

tomorrow. And with

24:46

a fucking fly my ass

24:48

some way as I'm. I'm

24:52

not get rid of enough to fifty

24:54

and lucky I'm gonna find someplace I

24:57

can fuck and put it apart. Get

24:59

focusing on the goddamn story before I

25:01

get rid of it. You understand me?

25:03

Who teleported. Guardian

25:10

Rules. You

25:14

know it would be You know be

25:16

amazing is if is if like now

25:18

you found out that what it would

25:20

you do right now if you fucking

25:22

found out your wife your girlfriend was

25:24

cheating on you because you found love

25:26

letters. Did

25:29

fucked and twenty twenty four. What do you do

25:32

with that? I

25:36

would be like what country does this person live in

25:38

that they don't have they on a book, an email.

25:44

Them as been a lot of pressure back in a

25:46

day. right in A love letter is you can't erase.

25:51

That what did I say? Tidies? fuck. Can

25:54

I make it into something else? Would

25:59

have to. titular titular I know what

26:01

that fucking word means Sorry,

26:10

just watching this guy fucking pulling in like 90 miles

26:12

an hour. What does that word mean? Titular

26:15

I do not have say it That

26:18

meant it was gonna be like softcore porn. I think back

26:20

in the day It was

26:22

funny cuz it sounded like titties But it also sort of

26:24

sounded like it described that that first little tingle in your

26:27

dick When you when you start

26:29

getting excited You

26:31

know, it's like that first little breeze before a storm

26:34

comes Bill

26:37

you comparing your dick to a fucking nor'easter.

26:39

I am. All right, I grew

26:41

up in Massachusetts Sure

26:44

in Buffalo they compare a hard-on to lake effect

26:46

snow, I mean it's just it always goes back

26:48

to weather with guys, doesn't it? Anyway

26:53

you found love letters in 2020 fucking four

26:58

You got what are you dating an actor you cheating on me

27:00

with an actor I Could

27:03

tell you right now. He's not gonna be not making any money in

27:05

the business What's

27:07

he doing Shakespeare in the park? This

27:13

relationship is over Anyways

27:22

It's kind of ironic when you're waiting to go to the

27:24

fucking gym and you're looking at a McDonald's

27:27

at the same time Decision

27:31

time When

27:33

you're looking at the gym and you're

27:35

looking at McDonald's That's like when you're a young

27:37

person and it's like should I go with this

27:39

woman that I actually have feelings for? Or

27:42

should I let this whore fuck my brains out? Why

27:44

am I talking about this shit today? I have no

27:46

idea what Why it's all

27:48

coming to this? I

27:51

usually don't talk about that type of stuff in the

27:53

bedroom the stuff that goes on

27:55

in the bedroom I don't talk about it because I was

27:57

raised Catholic and I still feel like it's you know There's

28:00

something lowbrow about it and then I

28:02

also feel that it's easy laughs. You

28:06

know? I came up in

28:08

the fucking 90s in this goddamn business. Back

28:12

when you fired your manager right now, you typed the

28:14

letter so you knew that that way they knew it

28:17

was serious. But

28:23

I first started headlining in

28:25

the fucking late 90s and I always knew

28:28

when the feature rack was wrapping up if

28:31

they were going into their sex

28:34

material. Because even they, even

28:37

they had nothing in their act that could

28:39

follow it. You

28:42

haven't been fucking the whole crowd.

28:45

No joke. We're just

28:47

fucking lose their

28:50

mind on

28:53

the most common thing that there is in the

28:55

world other than breathing is people having sex. That's

28:57

why there's fucking eight billion of us and

29:00

everybody loses their minds like they're fucking

29:02

talking about some

29:06

inside shit. I'll tell

29:08

you this right fucking now and you don't

29:10

have to listen to it. You don't have

29:12

to receive it. All I want you to

29:14

do is hear it. You

29:16

don't got to listen. Just hear. All

29:18

right? There's a difference now. Listening

29:21

means you're taking it in and you're actually

29:23

going to act on what I say. Hearing

29:25

me is just you're nodding politely when

29:28

you're thinking about what you're going to order for dessert. I

29:34

literally forgot what I was going to say. I went to

29:36

that whole fucking room. What was I just talking about?

29:38

I was talking about not talking about sex, 90s and

29:40

da da da da da da. People finishing with their

29:42

fucking sex jokes. There

29:47

was nothing I enjoyed better than

29:50

watching some guy doing his stupid

29:52

going to the proctologist fucking chunk

29:56

or fucking a

29:58

girl with an ass so big. get it

30:00

blah blah blah blah blah. I loved nothing

30:03

more than going up on

30:05

stage. Once I learned how to do it, going

30:08

up on stage totally. I used

30:11

to try to match the energy.

30:13

Like they would end their stan- and the

30:15

doctor's got his fucking finger up my ass

30:17

like way up there and then I

30:19

would come on stage. Hey, how you guys doing? There was

30:21

nowhere to go. It

30:24

was nowhere to go. Eyebrows up screaming at

30:26

full volume and I still had 44 minutes

30:29

to go. So

30:32

somebody along the way gave me the

30:34

advice to do the exact opposite energy. Go

30:36

up there and settle them fucking down and

30:39

actually, you know, it's almost

30:41

like the first round. Feel them out, maybe lose

30:43

the round and then

30:45

just make them gradually just forget that

30:47

fucking hack and then

30:50

you move on from there. That's

30:52

the way it was done. I

30:55

used to love doing that because you know

30:57

those fucking competitive hacks, they

31:00

would fucking, they would stand, you'd see them, they would

31:02

stand in the back. They'd get

31:04

a drink and they'd be drinking, you know, from the straw.

31:06

They'd be in the back with a long glass of the

31:08

straw and they'd have their head down like looking up like

31:10

almost like their eyebrows if they were bushy would be blocking

31:13

part of their vision doing that shit. Acting like they weren't

31:15

looking at you but they were. They had their head down

31:17

because they think you're far enough away that you thought they

31:19

were looking at what they were drinking but I know what

31:21

you're doing. You're looking at me. You're looking at me to

31:23

see if I can follow this shit and I'm going to

31:25

show you not only am I going to follow it, I'm

31:27

going to do it effortlessly. Right?

31:31

And then you're going to go even harder

31:33

the next show and I'm going to do

31:36

it again. And somewhere after the first

31:38

show Friday, you're

31:41

going to start coming around and asking me for advice

31:43

in the business. I used to call that break in

31:45

the middle. Break in

31:47

the feature act like a fucking horse. We

31:50

take you till Friday first show. Wednesday

31:53

night, one Thursday

31:55

and then Friday. Sometimes

31:58

till Saturday if they were stubborn. I

32:00

needed say shit to me All you would say. You

32:03

know Great said. They.

32:06

Were deck you just say good set and he

32:08

could see the good good would heart of. Outside

32:11

the lot of psychology went back and

32:14

now you just go on Facebook can

32:16

be are you chip away with this

32:18

guy gets me or as a go

32:20

on after it's sad shelves. bunch of

32:23

fuck and wine and policies are right

32:25

that sit ups enjoy The music picked

32:27

out by the always wonderful land resemble

32:29

a semi of a bonus episode of

32:32

the Thursday Afternoon Just Before Friday Monday

32:34

Morning podcast and won't. Say

33:24

what's going on a silver Listen

33:26

for the Monday morning was as

33:28

for Monday, April eleventh, Same.

33:31

A lot of. Two

33:33

thousand and sixteen? What's going

33:35

on? A woman. It's

33:37

Sunday night. To.

33:40

Sunday evening I'm in the house all

33:42

by myself. Ah, the lovely near. And

33:45

some business meeting or some shit she had to

33:47

go to. Ah much

33:49

show business Lenawee say you guys all live

33:51

in the normal world you think in like

33:53

my wife's to see, get a business meeting

33:55

on a Sunday nights as fuck and yes

33:57

the past a certain hour that me she's.

34:00

They're paying somebody else. I

34:04

know what would you take it, but I'm in

34:06

show business so it's totally normal. For.

34:09

Them to go out there were with the fuck happened to the

34:11

high head over you. The told

34:13

you that middle of fucking practice set up there with the

34:15

fuck is. Be.

34:18

Clear was playing that when I

34:20

was here. anyways. Anyways, Arms.

34:24

Death. She's out so on and try to

34:26

knock this alcazar. I gotta be at work

34:28

on Monday for something. For some reason I

34:30

still can't say whether what it is a

34:32

what's going on. Hopefully.

34:35

Ah so. We have you know

34:37

if is in our it as maybe don't

34:39

know what is it? maybe to listen every

34:41

week but you know what if is. So

34:43

I gotta be at work on Monday and.org

34:45

Billie Fuckin Ah Clean! Live in. Ever

34:49

since I got back. From. Canada,

34:51

Oh Canada. You.

34:54

Bunch of freeze and cons. I guess

34:56

it's it's of back from there and

34:58

I try to realize that when I

35:01

go on the road with the salads

35:03

we act like we're on some sort

35:05

of bachelor party. I don't know what

35:07

it is, minus the fucking. who is

35:10

everything else We basically you know, we

35:12

booze and we smoked cigars in that

35:14

thing. Insouciance takes a lotta me. And

35:18

I get a bunch of shit I gotta do so iconic

35:20

need to be clear headed. As

35:22

opposed to the usual usually when I got nothing

35:25

going on in my life for me, that conflict

35:27

and you're going to have a few rights. they

35:29

can wake up the next Marley urges. Right?

35:33

I can be in that mindset, but

35:35

as of right now I can't So

35:37

I have not done anything. Am

35:40

such shit I haven't fuckin' to

35:42

haven't drank and smoked. Meat

35:46

pretty good. Meat

35:48

and laying off the internet porn a minutes

35:50

as fuck and over. Actually got this time

35:53

magazine that was about internet porn and how

35:55

my I would say spotted people up. You.

35:57

Know. especially like kids you know

35:59

when they first like just

36:02

the shit, the schmooze kitten hoof, the shit you

36:04

can see on the fucking internet. I

36:07

can't believe nobody stepped in. I'm not saying somebody

36:09

should step in, but

36:13

you know, I gotta tell you, if they knew what

36:15

the fuck the internet was gonna be when it was,

36:18

whenever Al Gore was inventing it back in the

36:20

80s, I

36:25

never said that. I said that

36:27

I was involved in the email chain or

36:30

whatever the fuck he said. That fucking guy. Remember

36:34

when his campaign was over? Remember when he was

36:36

dancing around and all sweaty and all that shit?

36:39

He just looked like he was so fucking relieved

36:41

that it was over. What

36:43

a thing to go through running for president.

36:45

I just saw a clip of Hillary Clinton. I

36:47

have nothing paying attention at all, but Jesus Christ,

36:49

what the fuck happened to her? She

36:52

looks like Earl fucking Weaver. She

36:55

was like Earl Weaver. She was doing something,

36:57

right? She was standing

37:00

in some black church, right? Baptist church, I'm

37:02

gonna assume, you know? I don't think it

37:04

was a Jewish synagogue there, whatever the fuck

37:06

they could temple. She's

37:09

in this green suit. She's just like yelling, ah,

37:11

the shit she was gonna do. That's

37:14

the only time a politician goes near

37:16

the black community is when they're running.

37:19

They fucking, they swing by the church.

37:21

They make a whole bunch of promises

37:24

and then they get in the fucking limo and they

37:26

go, let's get the fuck outta here, right?

37:29

Fuck outta Dutch. Then they go over, they do

37:32

a town meeting, talk to

37:34

all the lunch pail Louise, right? Then

37:37

if there's even those people left in this country

37:39

if you fucking make anything, they get

37:41

over there and they roll up their sleeves.

37:45

That's when they're talking to the working man. They

37:47

take off their sport coat and they roll up

37:49

their sleeves. You know,

37:51

like they're gonna build something rather than just go

37:53

out there and say the exact same bullshit they

37:55

just said in the Baptist church with more of

37:57

a fucking lunch pail. Swing to it, right? Add

38:00

a whole fucking thing is just gross. I don't

38:03

know anybody sits there and watch that shit, but

38:05

I'm. The

38:07

latest thing they become fascinated with as I completely

38:09

leave whatever the fuck I was just talking about.

38:11

I'll come back to the clean live in thing

38:13

cause wasn't about clean Live in it's most boring

38:16

shit ever. You know,

38:19

Anyways, I.

38:21

Become fascinated. With.

38:24

How super rich people. Avoid.

38:27

Paying taxes. She's

38:29

fucking fascinates. It's one of those

38:32

things you know. it's it's like.

38:35

You. Gotta respect it on the certain level,

38:37

which did the brilliance of it. And

38:39

then there's the certain level of balls

38:41

that that takes because you're fucking with

38:43

your freedom any time you fucking with

38:45

taxes. You. Don't mean

38:47

fucking what the government any time you did

38:49

you doin that? I mean. You

38:52

know was a that on what the fuck

38:54

is at a federal thing. I guess if

38:56

you're not paying your federal income tax cfl

38:58

that pry be a federal crime and or

39:00

not I was a get across state borders,

39:02

the at the like not pay taxes and

39:04

then leave your state before it becomes federal.

39:06

I don't know, I don't know these things

39:08

but anyways I'm. Just

39:11

the balls that it takes

39:13

and d. I.

39:17

Don't know. I don't like people physically hurting

39:19

other people. That. Type of

39:21

crime. But when there's something like. Robbing.

39:24

Banks. Are.

39:26

Tax evasion. Or

39:28

even a good old fashioned fucking scam.

39:33

If. There's like. On.

39:35

Like an amazing level of thought behind

39:37

it. On some level, you gotta respect

39:39

it. I think. You.

39:41

Don't a me. Like. I'm over a

39:44

long time ago there was some fucking

39:46

guy he figured out how to. Rob

39:49

parking meters. And

39:52

they were. Allegedly it was impossible to do

39:54

so this guy figured out out of fucking

39:56

Do It. So. Maze

39:58

exceeded this shit. This is bad. like

40:00

the 80s or some shit this guy figured out how

40:02

to do it so it was way way way easier

40:05

to not have everybody breathing down your fucking

40:07

throat you know people be

40:10

having eggs watching you fucking robbing a parking

40:12

meter they didn't have a fucking smartphone

40:15

on them they

40:17

just be sitting they go this fucking guy guy just

40:20

is that guy robbing them parking meter holy

40:24

shit the fucking guy got his fucking

40:26

parking meter did you

40:28

see that everybody see that that was it

40:31

that's all that fucking happened rather than some

40:33

douche shit and they're filming you and you're

40:35

arrested before you even get home right

40:39

and then the fucking local newscasters they always got

40:41

to do some sort of fucking bad

40:43

pun you know what I mean I'll

40:47

tell you this guy's life his freedom

40:49

is now gonna change you

40:51

know they do that somehow they get away with

40:53

that and like fucking newspapers like they can have

40:55

the biggest fucking puns ever and everybody thinks it's

40:58

great you know I

41:00

don't know I can't even

41:02

think of one right now but whatever you

41:04

said at home you think about you said

41:07

you fucking cubicle instead of doing your goddamn

41:09

work you think of one so anyways this

41:11

fucking guy figured out how to do this shit and

41:15

of course the parking meter gods were beside themselves you

41:17

know what I mean it was like one of those

41:20

sci-fi movies were like

41:22

the Titanic movie and not even God can sink

41:24

it that's what they were like not even God

41:26

could get the fucking quarters out of this meter

41:29

this right that's they were talking

41:31

all kinds of shit so this fucking guy figured out

41:33

how to do it and you're thinking

41:36

like I whatever man you do what the fuck you're

41:38

gonna do with that well dude there's fucking meters all

41:40

over the city so this guy

41:42

anytime you wanted a drink if he wanted a fucking

41:44

sandwich to it he this guy he had

41:46

it perfect it

41:49

was like his own ATM machine before

41:51

ATM machines he just walked up bang bang bomb

41:53

he had a sack of fucking quarters you

41:56

go down to the bank you go ahead can I get

41:58

one something rolly fucking things there Right?

42:01

Yeah, sure. They don't give a shit. Nobody

42:03

gave a fuck back then. Nobody was paying attention.

42:05

They were trying to pay attention, but not not

42:07

to that type of shit. This guy would roll

42:09

the fucking quarters. You know,

42:12

rolls enough quarters. Next thing you know, he

42:15

gets himself out of how the fuck would you get all

42:17

those quarters down to a car dealership? I have no fucking

42:19

idea. Although I talked to some

42:21

drug dealers about how they fucking or a guy

42:23

who knew drug dealers. Let's be honest here, Bill.

42:25

Let's not act like that news guy saying that

42:27

you were in the war and then you were

42:29

in a chopper or some shit next to the

42:31

chopper and you didn't really fucking see it. Okay,

42:33

you took a fucking helicopter tour one time. You

42:37

weren't even in Iraq. Whatever the fuck he said. I don't

42:39

pay attention to shit. So anyways, I

42:41

was talking to this guy and basically how back

42:43

in the day when drug dealers were still driving

42:45

around in flashy cars, because from what I heard

42:47

nowadays they didn't even want to

42:50

track that level of attention. How

42:52

it used to be was anything, any

42:55

cash deal that was over 10 grand

42:58

had to be fucking reported. So

43:01

what these drug dealers would do was they would go

43:03

out and they buy a car worth

43:06

9 grand for cash and then they'd drive around for

43:08

like a fucking week and then they'd trade it in

43:10

for a car worth 16 grand. Maybe

43:12

get 7 for theirs and then they'd throw

43:14

another fucking 9 at the other car. Now

43:16

they got a $16,000 car. You drive around

43:18

for a little bit, you fucking trade it

43:20

in on a $23,000 car. They'd

43:23

give you $5,000, whatever, and so on and so

43:25

forth. Until you

43:27

trade your way all the way up to whatever fucking car

43:29

you wanted. I just

43:33

look at that shit. I mean, that's not the deepest

43:35

thing, but that's the

43:38

way my brain would be working. I'd be like, well,

43:40

I guess I got to drive a piece of shit

43:42

there. What's the point of dealing drugs? Right?

43:46

Or I'd just say, fuck it. I'm buying

43:48

a Ferrari and I'm going to drive it

43:50

until they catch me fucking three weeks later.

43:55

By the way, the Ferrari I like is the Ferrari

43:57

California. That's the old man one. It's the fucking G-Class.

44:00

The grand touring one, right? I don't even

44:02

ride around in some batmobile. Just

44:04

give me one that's shaped like a fucking

44:06

jaguar from back in the day, you

44:09

know? Or maybe a Toyota

44:11

Supra. I don't remember those

44:13

fucking things from the 80s. I remember

44:15

this guy loaned me his. Well, he used my truck

44:17

to move. And I ran and I beat the shit

44:19

out of his car and he beat the fuck out

44:22

of my truck. And we both got our cars back

44:24

and he's smelling rubber. And I'm seeing all kinds of

44:26

scratches all over my truck. And we just, eh, it's

44:28

kind of a fair deal, right? And

44:30

then we both got arrested for drinking and driving

44:32

months later. But that's a completely different story. I

44:35

know, I'm all over the map. I'm doing this late night. And I

44:37

don't want to be doing it right now, but I got shit to

44:39

do in the morning. So anyways, this

44:42

fucking guy, you

44:45

know, if

44:47

he had half a fucking brain, what you do

44:49

is you keep your day job, right?

44:52

You keep your fucking day job and then, you

44:54

know, for anything miscellaneous, you just go to the

44:56

parking meters, right? And

44:58

what you do is you start storing up on the quarters.

45:01

And every once in a while, right? You just start,

45:03

you start washing the money with your fucking cat. I

45:06

know what you do. You fucking, you're going to stores

45:08

and stuff. Who gives a fuck, right? You

45:10

just use it to get yourself a better TV.

45:14

But what does this dope do? He gets fucking

45:16

greedy. I remember

45:18

how a fucking story goes. All I know is he

45:20

just started hitting every fucking goddamn parking meter around. The

45:22

next thing you know, he's sitting on like a fucking

45:24

$2 million in quarters. And he

45:26

ended up getting busted. But there was a

45:28

part of it. I liked the guy, you

45:31

know? So anyways,

45:33

this gets me to the super rich on

45:35

how, you know, all that shit about the Panama Papers

45:37

and all that type of stuff. I was talking to

45:39

another friend of mine who's a

45:42

fucking lawyer. And I

45:44

was like, how does that work? Like,

45:47

how do you get your money out of the

45:49

country? And then once it's out

45:51

of the country, how do you make sure nobody steals

45:53

it? Like what happened to

45:55

Johnny Depp's character in Blow? And

45:58

then once you have it out of the country, how do you make sure nobody steals it? How do

46:00

you get it back in without just getting taxed all

46:02

over again or busted? And

46:04

he said basically this is it he broke the

46:06

whole fucking thing down. All right Or

46:09

as far as I know he broke an aspect of it

46:11

down I know all you guys are sitting there right now

46:13

going oh, geez, you can try to explain I'm gonna try

46:16

to explain some shit that was just explained to me and

46:18

I don't really know what the fuck I'm talking about So

46:20

let's get rid of one myth right out of the gate

46:22

I remember a long time ago friend of mine had

46:25

a fucking landscaping business and he already had

46:27

a truck and he went out He bought this giant fucking

46:30

You know one of those things with the dual wheels on

46:32

the back and this fucking giant bed Oh, you put cattle

46:34

in it, right? And I

46:36

was like, holy fuck man. How much does that thing cost?

46:38

And you know, it's like the 80s it costs like 25

46:40

grand which was a lot of fucking money back then right

46:44

For a truck, you know Like

46:46

10 grand more than you pay they 25 30 grand some

46:48

shit, right? I was like, holy shit,

46:50

man You can afford that he was like, yeah, it's

46:52

right off That's what

46:54

a lot of dope say and they think it

46:56

is a write-off But what they think is is

46:59

that they can write thirty thousand dollars off of

47:01

their taxes What you can't

47:03

what you can do is you can write

47:05

off It's

47:07

a write-off as far as that

47:09

thirty grand that you just spent

47:11

and that truck is untaxable Alright,

47:14

it's sitting in whatever you made that money

47:16

You made thirty grand if it's just sitting

47:18

there and you don't put it back into

47:21

play as far as reinvesting into your business

47:23

The government will tax you at the end

47:25

of the year, you know on

47:27

that 30 grand and let's say you're in

47:29

like a fucking Whatever 20% tax

47:32

bracket that you'd you'd have to

47:34

give the government fucking six grand right

47:39

That's it So people morons

47:41

think oh I get to write 30 in the

47:43

end of the year if I owed 40 grand

47:45

in taxes And I bought a thirty thousand dollar

47:47

truck. I get to take $30,000

47:50

off of my taxes you wouldn't you just be able

47:52

to knock off six grand Right,

47:54

you're not even knocking it off. You're

47:56

just not getting taxed on that. Does that make sense?

47:58

Probably doesn't cuz I So

48:01

anyways, when you have your own business, what

48:05

you're trying to do is

48:07

you're trying to come up with as

48:09

many fucking write-offs as you possibly can.

48:13

Many as expenses, everything you possibly

48:15

can to lower your

48:17

basic, whatever, your income as

48:21

far as what is going to be taxable. So say

48:23

you made fucking a hundred grand, alright?

48:26

You grossed a hundred grand. The

48:29

net is what you're left with after

48:31

your expenses. You try to fucking come

48:33

up with as many goddamn expenses as

48:35

you can to get that hundred grand

48:38

as far down as zero as

48:41

possible. Ideally you wouldn't want to pay any

48:43

fucking taxes as far as these people look.

48:45

But the bottom line is you can only

48:47

do it so much and if you write

48:49

off too much, the IRS is going to

48:51

show up and be like, what's this fucking,

48:53

you know, 60 grand for

48:55

fucking cheeseburgers, blah, blah, blah. You tried to write

48:57

off. And you're going to get busted. Alright?

49:02

So what these fucking super rich people do is the

49:04

first thing they do is they get the fucking money

49:06

out of the country because

49:10

the IRS's jurisdiction doesn't go beyond the border.

49:12

So what they do is they just create

49:14

a company that doesn't exist. It's

49:17

just on paper. Right? So

49:19

say you make a hundred million dollars, right?

49:22

What you do is you go to a country that

49:24

doesn't give a shit about America and let you use

49:26

it as a tax shelter. You just come up

49:28

with some incorporated thing like who gives

49:30

a fuck, Inc. Right? And

49:33

then you just have that company bill

49:35

your company a consulting fee

49:37

for a hundred million dollars or whatever

49:40

the whatever of the hundred million 30,

49:42

40, 50, whatever you don't want to

49:44

pay taxes on, whatever you whatever. And

49:47

then you write a check to

49:49

that company that doesn't exist. That's really

49:51

you. And then you send

49:53

it out. So now it's out of the fucking country.

49:57

And then what they do is they open up like

49:59

10 other these. fucking shell companies and they have

50:01

those other companies build the first company and then

50:03

the third one builds the second one, the fourth

50:05

one, and it's just gone. The

50:07

money's fucking gone. Now the IRS can come

50:09

at you and be like, what the fuck did you pay somebody a

50:11

hundred million dollars consulting fee?

50:14

And then you're telling me you

50:17

paid somebody a

50:19

hundred million dollars as a consulting fee? And then

50:21

you just look at him and go, and

50:27

evidently there's nothing they can fucking do about it.

50:30

So then I was there, I go, all right, so now

50:32

it's out of the country and

50:34

then it's in this other country, how the fuck

50:36

do you protect it? And

50:39

he goes, well, those

50:41

countries where these tax shelters are, they're in

50:43

on the scam, so

50:45

you just kick them 10% of

50:48

the hundred million, you get them 10, here's fucking, whatever

50:50

you can negotiate, we'll just make it easy, here's 10

50:52

million bucks. So I'll give

50:54

you 10 million rather than giving the government

50:56

fucking 50, 55, 60 million at a

51:00

hundred million, I'm still fucking

51:02

up 45 million. So

51:04

then I was like, all right, so now, how

51:07

do you get the money back? Because

51:09

if you bring the money back, you stick it into the bank,

51:11

they're going to consider that earned income, like where the fuck did

51:13

you get it? And this

51:15

guy was like, they bring it back

51:17

into the country in the form of a loan. Loans

51:21

aren't taxable, right? Like if you get a fucking loan, because you're already paying interest

51:24

on it and everything, they don't tax you, so they just bring it back in the

51:26

form of a loan, whatever the fuck you want to do, I want to buy a

51:28

10 million dollar house, you have this shell company

51:32

that's 10 times removed from the one that you paid

51:34

from the consulting fee, right? And they can't

51:36

follow the paper trail because it's in a different country, right? You

51:39

just bring it back into the country

51:41

in the form of a loan, and

51:45

then you go buy a fucking house. And I guess, I don't

51:48

know, you pretend to make payments or the loan

51:50

is forgiven by this shell company that's still you.

51:53

I know I just glossed over that. And

51:57

if anybody has more information on it, I find

51:59

it absolutely There's all there's

52:01

other ones. They just pretend that that's

52:03

their main business That

52:06

shell company so they just act like it's doing the

52:09

I don't know That that's that's

52:11

as far as I can remember that what he told me

52:13

and I found that shit Absolutely

52:15

fucking fascinating because at the end of

52:18

the fucking day As

52:21

far as what they're doing I know they're fucking over

52:23

you and me because you know the school systems go

52:25

down the shitter because they don't enough money There's a

52:27

lot of potholes. There's all kinds of stuff. You can't

52:29

take care of homeless people You

52:32

can't build another gleaming structure for a

52:34

fucking sports team. Whatever the fuck it

52:36

is The

52:39

end of the day as fucked up as that is These

52:43

people who are criminals They're

52:45

stealing from other criminals as

52:47

far as my Conspiracy theory

52:50

goes the IRS is just a bunch of fucking

52:52

crooks anyway, so I mean they It's

52:55

kind of fascinating watching these two

52:57

giant powerful entities fuck

52:59

with each other, you know, meanwhile

53:03

You know I'm in

53:06

the crosshairs. You're in the crosshairs and we're all

53:08

paying Elvis taxes And

53:12

there goes Hillary Clinton screaming in some Baptist Church

53:14

Is she talking about that shit? Of course she

53:16

isn't because when you bring the fucking money back

53:19

in you just don't bring it in and go

53:21

out and buy yourself You're fucking Ferrari, California. What

53:23

you do is I mean you do do that

53:25

But what else what you also do is you

53:27

walk around with nice water cash and you go?

53:30

Oh, hey chief of police Oh, look

53:32

at that birdie over there And as he looks

53:34

over your stuff of fucking water cash in his

53:36

pocket, you know, and

53:38

then oh, oh is it an election year? Yeah,

53:40

let me get out take 2 million

53:42

on Trump Give

53:45

me 2.5 on Hillary and fuck

53:47

it. Give me 500 grand on Bernie

53:49

Sanders What do you

53:51

mean he's not taking any money from guys like make I

53:53

was that right well, you know, whatever He

53:56

won't get it. And if he does You

53:59

know give 3 million to silence them.

54:03

That's what the fuck they're doing. And that's how they, you

54:05

know. I

54:07

don't know, I'm convinced of that. I'm convinced as far as

54:10

like standup comedy goes, you know why they're always giving us

54:12

shit? Is because, if standup

54:16

comedians just organized, okay. And

54:19

we donated to the campaigns of

54:21

people running to the Democratic

54:23

and the Republican parties,

54:26

right. And then we bought a

54:28

little ad time on CNN and

54:31

on Fox News and all these major networks. If

54:33

we did that, you'd never see another comedian getting

54:35

in trouble for doing a fucking Caitlyn

54:38

Jenner joke. Anyways,

54:42

if anybody has any more information on that or

54:44

they can talk about it, I don't like if

54:46

it's really dry. I just

54:48

like, I'm fascinated

54:50

with people that do shit like that and then they go

54:52

to bed knowing what the fuck they're doing. And

54:55

they gotta be thinking at some point, well,

54:58

the wolves gotta be coming to the door at some point. Hang

55:01

on one second, I gotta answer this. All

55:04

right, so I'm back. Of course, I completely forget

55:06

what the fuck where I ended off. But

55:10

what I really learned when I was, you

55:12

know, listening to this lawyer telling me all this shit.

55:15

Oh, I know I say the balls that that takes

55:17

to go to bed at night, knowing at any point,

55:20

like all of a sudden the fucking feds are gonna

55:22

kick in your fucking door. But I think that these

55:24

guys are like the smarter ones. And when you watch

55:26

like American Greed, what I noticed when I watched them,

55:29

all of their fuckery was within the

55:31

borders of the United States, which

55:33

you just, I mean, I guess if

55:35

you're too dumb to know, you don't realize you're not gonna

55:37

get away with it forever. But like, once

55:40

I, after talking to this guy,

55:44

it just seems like anybody who just

55:46

tries to have their entire

55:48

illegal entity within the borders of

55:50

one country is you

55:52

just don't borrowed time. So

55:55

I think when you watch American Greed, what

55:57

you're really seeing is the hacks. of,

56:00

you know, you

56:02

always see these fucking idiots. They buy a

56:04

house, they get all these fucking cars and

56:06

they have some strippers come over. Oh, my

56:09

fucking laptop. Oh, that

56:11

was a laptop hitting hardboard floors. Come

56:13

on, come on, baby. Come on,

56:16

come around, you're all right. Hang in there,

56:18

help is on the way. You

56:23

fucking motherfucker. Steve Jobs is laughing

56:26

somewhere right now. He's

56:28

laughing at me because I got to give him money and he also knows

56:30

there's going to be another little kid that's going to put it together. All

56:32

right, it's saved. It's saved. So

56:37

anyways, let's read a

56:39

little bit of fucking ad shit here before my screen

56:42

goes dark. Hang

56:44

on a second. I find that shit, I find it, I

56:47

find all that stuff fucking amazing. It's really, really

56:49

interesting. If you just remove yourself from it, the

56:52

humanity of it or whatever, and

56:56

all the people that it's affecting and kids not

56:58

getting better school books and shit, if you just

57:00

look at the fucking game that's going on, it's

57:02

really fucking interesting. All right, oh

57:04

shit. All right, how many

57:06

more of these fucking things do I have? All

57:09

right, we're going two and two then, all right? You

57:11

already listened to fucking two of these. Let's get

57:13

back to the podcast, shall we? All

57:16

right, oh Jesus, oh

57:18

Jesus, I got to bring it

57:21

up. My Boston Bruins, unfortunately, after

57:26

a big, big win over the Detroit

57:28

Red Wings, got

57:31

beat down by Ottawa six to one, and

57:33

we're out of it. You know what's funny? We

57:36

beat Detroit the game before, and then because

57:38

we lost, Detroit got in. And do you

57:40

know there was actually a certain amount of

57:42

fucking Red Wing fans that

57:45

were actually talking shit? The smart ones were

57:47

going, hey, thanks for losing. And then the

57:49

other ones were like, ah, fucking 26 years

57:51

in a row. We've

57:54

been in the playoffs. Yeah, it's impressive, but this year

57:57

you backed in like a bitch, you went in as

57:59

far as. I don't know what you fuck. I

58:01

mean because the team that you couldn't even

58:04

beat when it count two days before You

58:07

know who fucking man handles you? I don't know

58:09

what you're excited about, you know You

58:12

like the fat chick who got you know fucking

58:14

asked to the prom You

58:16

know, yeah, you're all you just you just wanted to

58:19

be there who's getting who you there for the fucking

58:21

buffet And then you're going home

58:23

crying That's what I'm

58:25

predicting for Detroit your makeup's gonna be running

58:27

by game three Of

58:29

the first series I'm fucking with you. I have

58:31

no hate for anybody that's in the playoffs this

58:33

year I think I'm gonna

58:35

want and I've always liked Detroit Cuz

58:39

when I was growing up, they never won shit the

58:42

big thing is they had won it since 1955 with Gordie

58:44

Howe and They

58:47

were in the middle of a 40 year drought Before

58:51

they got a team around Izerman and man,

58:53

that was a great times watching hockey.

58:55

They fucking avalanche Red

58:58

Wings fucking rivalry that was the best it was the

59:00

first time when I lived in LA and the games

59:02

came on at 5 And

59:04

I totally got back into hockey, you know,

59:06

it's original six. Oh It's

59:09

the best. I'm sorry. Fuckin Yarnick here.

59:12

So So This

59:15

year I think in the East I'm

59:17

gonna I'm gonna root. I'm gonna root for two fucking

59:19

teams this year

59:21

in the East and the West I'm putting rooting for

59:24

the Capitals to push through to get to the finals

59:26

and As much

59:28

as I like the Kings and the Blackhawks just

59:30

to switch it up. I'd love to see the

59:32

Dallas Stars or The

59:34

st. Louis Blues You

59:37

know somebody different, you know St.

59:39

Louis Blues whose kid Nip fans have been waiting

59:41

for fucking ever. They have been in a league

59:43

They're part of the expansion six that came in

59:48

Alright The NHL

59:50

was a six-team league Before

59:55

that right after the depression there was a lot of people

59:57

that I didn't realize this either there was a there was

59:59

a bunch of other teams not a bunch but

1:00:01

there was like at least four other fucking teams

1:00:03

or something that all folded after the the depression

1:00:05

and the six that survived then became known as

1:00:08

the original six so 1967 six

1:00:10

teams came in off the top of my

1:00:17

head let's see there was the flyers

1:00:20

the penguins the

1:00:23

North Stars no

1:00:25

Jesus the

1:00:28

California Golden Seals man

1:00:34

I used to know this off the top of my head wait wait wait

1:00:36

wait wait wait wait capitalists didn't come in

1:00:38

until the early 70s fuck

1:00:41

me st. Louis Blues Jesus Christ just brought him

1:00:43

up one more one

1:00:45

more was it a Seattle team Cleveland

1:00:49

Barons that's what the fucking Golden

1:00:52

Seals became didn't they oh

1:00:55

the fucking LA Kings yeah

1:00:57

and the LA Kings way

1:00:59

the fuck out there and that

1:01:01

was funny when for the Golden Seals

1:01:03

like folded or went to Cleveland they

1:01:07

went to Cleveland just like the dreams of

1:01:10

all the sports fans there they just

1:01:12

fucking died a slow miserable death and

1:01:16

like that franchise just died out nobody

1:01:19

bought it and went nowhere it just

1:01:21

went to Cleveland and fucking died so

1:01:24

for the longest time the

1:01:27

only game in town out fucking West was

1:01:29

the Kings every fucking

1:01:31

road trip they had was like at

1:01:33

least a three four-hour fucking flight Denver

1:01:35

didn't have a team Vancouver didn't have

1:01:37

a team Edmonton Calgary they had nothing

1:01:40

they were just out there by themselves you

1:01:43

know basically fucking

1:01:47

whatever actresses couldn't bang a Los

1:01:49

Angeles Dodger or an LA ramp

1:01:51

that's basically they got sloppy thirds

1:01:54

that's what was going on so anyways yeah we

1:01:56

lost so congratulations to

1:01:58

the fly and the fucking

1:02:00

red wings. There was two spots left and

1:02:02

three teams vying for it and

1:02:05

we didn't get in. And

1:02:07

like clockwork the day after we

1:02:09

don't get in, what

1:02:12

Boston sports writer who doesn't watch

1:02:14

hockey do you think piled on

1:02:16

immediately? And as always calls for

1:02:18

the wrong head to be chopped

1:02:20

off. Good

1:02:22

old Dan Shaughnessy, the noodle-headed

1:02:24

cunt himself who doesn't watch

1:02:26

hockey, doesn't like hockey, chimes

1:02:29

in, something's got

1:02:31

to be done. It's time. Based

1:02:35

on what Dan? All the hockey you never

1:02:37

fucking watch. Claude

1:02:39

Gillian, this was actually one of his

1:02:42

finest coaching performances of the year. I

1:02:44

mean of his career. They traded the

1:02:46

entire fucking team away. Basically

1:02:51

they, it was what they got

1:02:54

rid of over the last

1:02:56

few years. Tyler Sagan, Johnny

1:03:00

Boychuck, Dougie

1:03:02

fucking fresh there, fucking Milan

1:03:04

Lucic. It was just, I

1:03:06

was like, we

1:03:08

got nothing. We got nothing

1:03:10

left. And now look at Marshawn, we got

1:03:12

Bergy, we still had Chara. Chara's older now.

1:03:14

But basically who's kidding who? Anybody who fucking

1:03:16

watches hockey looked at the Bruins who was

1:03:18

like, you know what? This is a rebuilding

1:03:20

year. And all

1:03:23

the way up to like mid March, Claude

1:03:25

Gillian had this, this rebuilding year team

1:03:27

was the third seed. Everybody

1:03:30

was bunched together. We had a bad patch, you

1:03:32

know, went out West, tough fucking run. We lost

1:03:34

some games and next thing you know, we were

1:03:36

fighting for the playoff lives as they say, and

1:03:38

we didn't win. I mean, I

1:03:41

don't know if you get, I would get,

1:03:43

if anybody's head's going to get chopped off,

1:03:46

you chop the head off, whoever made all

1:03:48

those fucking trades. But you know, the

1:03:51

bottom line is the guy who made the first half of

1:03:53

those already got his head chopped off and then you got

1:03:55

was it Michael Connell? You got to give this guy a

1:03:57

chance. Right? He

1:04:00

can't just go one and done Fucked

1:04:02

up with that be they just gave Claude

1:04:04

Julien a fucking watch for having the most

1:04:06

Vic the most wins ever of any Bruins

1:04:08

Coach he got us our first fucking Stanley

1:04:10

Cup in like What

1:04:13

was it almost 40 years? And

1:04:16

then what a couple years later. He doesn't out of

1:04:18

coach hockey anymore Why

1:04:22

is it time Dan Shaughnessy Why

1:04:25

is it time Because it's

1:04:27

too early in the baseball season you got nothing

1:04:29

to write about this guy's forever calling for somebody's

1:04:31

head You know what Dan you know I think

1:04:34

it's time for you to do it's time for

1:04:36

you to stop writing about hockey Or maybe watching

1:04:38

maybe fucking five games in a goddamn season Unfucking

1:04:41

believe that guy I swear to God at the

1:04:43

end of the day I think he's from New

1:04:45

York City the way he just tries to pull

1:04:48

apart fucking teams. It's unbelievable You

1:04:50

know what I mean? He's like

1:04:52

somebody with some mob guys goomar that they end

1:04:54

up having a whack cuz she can't keep her

1:04:56

fucking mouth shut oh Jesus

1:04:59

Bill go easy on the guy. He's just trying to

1:05:01

sell some fucking paper I

1:05:04

don't really hate that show. See I don't know the guy, but I can

1:05:06

tell you right now He's one

1:05:08

of the few people that looks less athletic than me

1:05:14

Anyways Anywho

1:05:17

as I as I was talking about

1:05:19

earlier I've

1:05:22

been doing the whole fucking clean living thing since I

1:05:24

got back from Yet

1:05:26

another lost bachelor party weekend

1:05:29

standup dates run with

1:05:31

with my buddies there Fursy

1:05:35

and Bart nick and so this whole week

1:05:38

No booze no porn No

1:05:41

cigars nothing. I got the cigar thing. I

1:05:44

got that thing on fucking lockdown I

1:05:49

Don't have them in my house. I think

1:05:51

about doing I don't think about doing it as much and I

1:05:54

only had one cigar in March, and I'm gonna try to

1:05:56

just have one this month although

1:06:02

I'm thinking about only having one and then I'm also

1:06:04

thinking about having a fucking cigar night over here. I

1:06:06

might do that because

1:06:08

I have like fucking,

1:06:12

I don't know, about 10 cigar friends.

1:06:15

And unless you smoke cigars, you don't know what that means, but

1:06:17

it's just people that call, hey, I'm going to smoke. You want

1:06:19

to come by, right? So all

1:06:21

of a sudden I have 10 opportunities a month. People call

1:06:23

me, come on, man, come by and smoke. Come by and

1:06:25

smoke. And next thing you know, you smoked in like seven,

1:06:27

eight, nine, 10 of them. So

1:06:29

I'm going to invite all of them over to my house

1:06:32

the same fucking night and I'll

1:06:34

smoke one cigar with all 10 of them

1:06:36

rather than smoking one each with 10 individuals.

1:06:39

How does that math work? Right. Then

1:06:42

I'll create a shell

1:06:44

company. So anyways, so I bought this Time magazine on

1:06:46

watching internet porn and how it's fucking up kids like

1:06:49

they're, you know, the amount of shit that they see

1:06:51

before they even get their first fucking hand job and

1:06:53

turns them into like these fucking sociopaths. And I got

1:06:55

to admit reading some of the articles, like I could

1:06:57

relate to a lot of the shit that was going

1:07:00

on. So I'm really just going to fucking going

1:07:02

to try to stop that cold Turkey.

1:07:05

You know, I got to stop looking

1:07:07

at that shit. Oh, fuck.

1:07:10

I'm sorry. See

1:07:12

this clean list, what clean living does for you. 10

1:07:15

30 at night. I'm fucking yawning. I'm

1:07:17

ready to go bed right now. Get my fucking jam

1:07:19

jams and here, in here I am supposed to be

1:07:21

there for you. You guys are sitting there

1:07:24

at work. The last fucking thing you need. You probably already

1:07:26

had a donut. You're going to sugar,

1:07:28

sugar crash here in a minute. And

1:07:31

here I am yawning on you. So

1:07:37

what else can I talk about here? Oh yeah,

1:07:39

clean living. If you're trying to have some clean

1:07:41

living, do not watch the Lemmy documentary, which I

1:07:43

just watched for the second time. Makes

1:07:47

you want to have a couple of drinks because you're like, look

1:07:49

how long that guy fucking lift all the shit that he did,

1:07:52

you know, because

1:07:55

you're on it again. All right. 39

1:07:58

minutes in. I can do. the last 21 minutes

1:08:00

here without yawning. Here we go. Here we go.

1:08:04

All right. By

1:08:06

the way, I don't for people out

1:08:08

there, you know, I mentioned some

1:08:10

of the helicopter shit I did, I did I tell

1:08:13

you, I finally did that that solo flight that

1:08:15

I wanted to do from Long Beach. And

1:08:18

I went through the Bravo airspace

1:08:20

with the planes taken off over you,

1:08:22

you know, LAX came right

1:08:24

around looked at the house, flew

1:08:26

over the fucking house that they the horses

1:08:30

head from Godfather right

1:08:32

down sunset over to El Monte and then back

1:08:34

to or I did tell

1:08:37

you that because that's when I saw the

1:08:39

old guy fall off the fucking scooter. I'm

1:08:41

sorry, I thought I did think that I

1:08:43

told you that one. I was just thinking about that

1:08:46

shit the other day and of course my fucking headphones go

1:08:48

out with the fucking I knew it. I fucking knew it.

1:08:51

I knew that was going to happen. So

1:08:55

anyways, I was at the Comedy Store on

1:08:58

Saturday night and I was trying out this, this

1:09:00

new chunk that I've been fucking with for the

1:09:02

last couple of months and I finally got it

1:09:04

down. I said it as

1:09:07

perfect as I could say it of course I didn't. I

1:09:10

didn't fucking I didn't tape of course I didn't tape.

1:09:12

Why would I take that would have been the smart thing to do but whatever

1:09:15

I said it so I'll get it I'll get it back and

1:09:18

I felt

1:09:21

fucking great about it and then today I

1:09:23

got text messages from two different comedians telling

1:09:25

me that they love the

1:09:27

new shit that I was doing. I just

1:09:29

I just made my fucking day. So I'm

1:09:31

really excited about getting that shit

1:09:34

together because I want to do another special this year

1:09:37

and I got some stuff in my act that's

1:09:39

funny but I just feel like the topics have

1:09:42

been done before. So I'm

1:09:44

gonna try to like you know you

1:09:46

know push that shit to the wayside. Maybe that'll

1:09:48

just be on the some

1:09:50

of those topics will just be on like the when

1:09:54

I released the vinyl of the Madison

1:09:56

Square Garden show. I'll just keep

1:09:58

them on that one. There'll be some extra

1:10:00

jokes. I won't be the same material. I don't know. I'm

1:10:03

just excited about the, uh, the

1:10:05

next few months, how that shit's

1:10:08

going to turn out, but, uh, before I get

1:10:10

into the questions this week, everybody, I have to

1:10:12

give a shout out to rogue fitness. Who

1:10:15

evidently was listening to the podcast. I was breaking their balls.

1:10:17

You know, I'm, I'm making a gym. I'm

1:10:19

paying somebody to build a gym for me out in my

1:10:21

garage, a little gym there in the back and

1:10:24

I got all my shit through rogue fitness. They just had

1:10:26

the best shit out there. And I was just joking with

1:10:28

them that, uh, you know, how

1:10:30

dare you not send me free shit. I didn't

1:10:32

even ask him for it. He just immediately killed

1:10:35

the podcast, breaking their fucking balls. And

1:10:37

they listened to the one where there was me and Nia, Nia

1:10:40

told me to get the regular looking

1:10:42

weights, just the ones that look like iron or whatever.

1:10:44

And I wanted the, uh, I wanted the colorful

1:10:47

ones and she thought that they were corny. So

1:10:49

all of a sudden I just got this shipment

1:10:51

of these colorful weights and I

1:10:53

was laughing going, Oh man, I must've fucked it up.

1:10:55

I got the colorful ones. So I wrote them trying

1:10:57

to ask how to send it back. And they said,

1:10:59

no, we listened to the podcast and they sent me

1:11:01

some free weight and they sent me

1:11:03

a t-shirt. So I, you know, rogue fitness. I

1:11:06

was fucking around. You didn't have to do that.

1:11:08

You guys are solid, man. And I'm, I

1:11:10

can't wait to, uh, you know, Use

1:11:13

your, your equipment. Cause it's, you know, it's

1:11:15

great made in the USA. All good stuff.

1:11:18

Oh, look who's here. The busy body, the

1:11:20

lovely Nia. Did you get some Thai

1:11:22

food? Did you grab

1:11:24

a mic? Or do you want to

1:11:26

eat? Do you want

1:11:28

to eat? I got another, uh, 17 minutes here.

1:11:34

17 minutes. The mics are in the closet. Oh,

1:11:37

why don't you, why don't you sit down and help me through with the

1:11:39

questions? Why

1:11:42

don't I hook it up? Cause I am, I'm,

1:11:44

uh, I'm actively doing the podcast right now actively.

1:11:48

Huh? Oh Jesus. You know, he's going to be

1:11:50

in a mood like that. Oh

1:11:53

Jesus. What's that? He

1:11:56

just walked out on me. Anyways,

1:12:01

alright, well I'm going to start reading the first one then.

1:12:04

Okay. You don't care? I

1:12:07

do care. Alright. Oh, by the way,

1:12:10

you know something, I was taking my dog out for a

1:12:12

walk today. You know, we were walking up into

1:12:15

the park there and this was before

1:12:17

she puked and I decided to turn around and come

1:12:19

home. Just out of nowhere she

1:12:21

started yakking. It made me

1:12:23

feel bad. I was like, Jesus, I hope

1:12:25

it wasn't something I did. It wasn't hot out or

1:12:27

anything. They don't

1:12:30

have a very sensitive stomach. Well another fucking group

1:12:32

of people come up. The second they get into the

1:12:35

park they just fucking don't say what park. They get

1:12:37

into the fucking park and they fucking take the leashes

1:12:39

off. The fucking dogs come right

1:12:41

up to my dog. They're like, yeah, yeah, don't

1:12:43

worry, don't worry, she's friendly, she's friendly. It's like,

1:12:46

my dog isn't. My

1:12:48

dog, my dog ignores other

1:12:50

dogs, it chills and

1:12:53

then like when you are bugging my dog

1:12:55

it doesn't go, it never has the, hey,

1:12:57

can you do me a favor, can you

1:12:59

knock it off? It immediately just grabs you.

1:13:01

Like remember Friday the 13th when Jason was

1:13:03

under the cot and grabbed that dude's head

1:13:05

and reached out? I guess it was the chick

1:13:07

in the first part. I met a dog tonight

1:13:09

who just didn't like anybody and I, but

1:13:11

I realized quickly what it was. His

1:13:14

owner was holding him and anytime

1:13:16

anyone came towards the owner like, oh hey,

1:13:18

oh what a cute dog. The dog would

1:13:20

start growling and I, and it's so funny

1:13:22

because he said to one of the people,

1:13:24

pet him and I'm like, no, your dog

1:13:26

isn't, doesn't want to be pet. It growls

1:13:29

at everybody and I

1:13:31

think the dog was protecting the owner.

1:13:33

So anytime, you know, like I said, anyone came

1:13:35

towards him, he started growling, but he was so

1:13:38

clueless that he was like, oh, he's fine,

1:13:40

just pet him. I'm like, no, no,

1:13:42

you can't pet the dog if it's growling at

1:13:45

people. I can't judge him. Our dog's a psycho.

1:13:47

The dog went to bite me. Like

1:13:49

it actually kind of like put its, its, its

1:13:51

teeth around my finger. It went by you,

1:13:53

like it walked across the fucking room. No,

1:13:55

I went over and it put my finger

1:13:58

in between its teeth and didn't. chomped

1:14:00

down. Little dog? Yes, but it

1:14:02

was a biting behavior. So, basically, that man.

1:14:07

If little dogs were people, they'd be riding around

1:14:09

in convertibles, you know, like

1:14:11

a Corvette or some shit. All right, let's read it. I have to

1:14:13

leave in 11 minutes. All

1:14:16

right, so you want to do one question? Yeah, let's

1:14:18

do it. All right,

1:14:20

job. Hey, Billy Buray. I'm

1:14:23

working part-time job and I have a problem. Let

1:14:25

me see if there's a relationship on here. Why

1:14:28

can't? Oh, boyfriend. All right, can I not

1:14:30

be involved in the job one? Well,

1:14:33

I just feel like I always give the guy advice.

1:14:38

Well, maybe it's time to shake it up a little bit. That's what

1:14:41

I was trying to do. Have you give some lady

1:14:43

advice on some relationship? Huh?

1:14:47

Oh, God, are you going on a feminist rant here? You

1:14:49

know, women can answer other fucking questions too,

1:14:51

you know. Yeah. All right. Ask another question

1:14:53

that doesn't have to do with relationships. Hey, you know,

1:14:56

I'm trying to give you a nice softball here. Try to

1:14:58

lob it over the fucking plate. You don't use a

1:15:00

fucking softball anything for me, personally. Oh, Jesus.

1:15:02

Rolling your head. Here we go. When

1:15:04

all reality's showing me there. All right. I'm

1:15:07

working a part-time job and I have a

1:15:09

problem related to it. All right. The job

1:15:12

is I work at a fucking ice cream.

1:15:16

It's at an ice cream place in my town.

1:15:19

And the second time I worked there, a

1:15:21

while back, I had a God awful shift.

1:15:24

I didn't have all the kinks of the

1:15:26

job worked yet. And I was working with

1:15:28

someone I didn't know, which made me more

1:15:30

nervous. The night quickly became a,

1:15:32

you know, this

1:15:34

word Kafkaesque parade. Who's

1:15:37

who's that? Oh,

1:15:41

no, is it writer? Is he a

1:15:44

philosopher? I have a particular

1:15:46

political view. I think he died in

1:15:48

a boating accident, whatever it was. Yes.

1:15:52

Kafkaesque. Joseph

1:15:54

Kafka. I think he's one of

1:15:56

those. It's like a philosopher. JLo.

1:15:59

No. Before she goes on

1:16:01

tour. I'm not going to let him say I

1:16:03

know exactly who. Can

1:16:06

we Google it though? I really feel like it's Joseph

1:16:08

Kafka. Can we just read the fucking question? Okay.

1:16:11

The night quickly became a Kafka-esque parade of

1:16:14

horrific errors. I screwed up orders,

1:16:16

stalked things wrong, etc. And

1:16:19

by the end of the night, my coworker

1:16:21

was audibly and visibly disgusted with me and

1:16:24

she should have been. Franz Kafka.

1:16:27

Okay. Sorry. German

1:16:29

language writer of novels and short

1:16:32

stories who is,

1:16:34

oh my God, he died the day after

1:16:36

my birthday. And therein

1:16:38

lies the tragedy. All right. Here

1:16:41

we go. Fuck you. All

1:16:43

right. Put down your phone. Let me finish it.

1:16:45

I'm trying to learn what... I

1:16:47

was going to say surreal. I was right.

1:16:49

Yes. Um, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

1:16:52

This is not entertaining. Sorry. This

1:16:55

is entertaining for people. I think

1:16:57

I ask elements often appear in

1:16:59

existential works, but the term has

1:17:01

transcended the literary realms to apply

1:17:04

to real life occurrences in situations

1:17:06

that are incomprehensibly complex, bizarre, or

1:17:08

illogical. There we go. Franz

1:17:10

Kafka. All right. Okay.

1:17:14

Okay. All right. So the lady is,

1:17:16

was upset with him and he's saying, you

1:17:18

know, audibly and visibly disgusted with me and

1:17:20

she should have been. Okay. She's

1:17:22

in college and I'm in high school. So

1:17:24

luckily I never had to work with her again

1:17:26

after the summer was over and she went back

1:17:28

to her classes. But even

1:17:31

as recently as spring break, I've

1:17:33

heard she's still talking shit about

1:17:35

me. You

1:17:37

heard this? All the way back. She's

1:17:39

at some college. Yeah. How did you

1:17:41

hear that? Yeah. They're all on

1:17:43

the Facebook. Um. Oh,

1:17:46

grumpy. I love saying the... The

1:17:48

Facebook. Huh? You guys taking

1:17:50

the Molly? The... No. I

1:17:53

didn't... you wouldn't know Molly if you were the

1:17:55

grumpy. You'd be like... The

1:17:57

Molly. The ecstasy. Whatever. my

1:18:00

dad when he used to get mad at

1:18:02

my sister. Christ, is she on that internet?

1:18:04

Is she on that internet? Um, it's almost

1:18:06

summer again and I'm almost definitely going to

1:18:09

have to face her if

1:18:11

I work regularly. If I do,

1:18:13

I know for a fact I'll fuck

1:18:15

things up immediately purely from anxiety.

1:18:17

Dude, you should be like the fucking

1:18:19

older, wiser guy crushing it and then

1:18:21

you fucking bang her. Confidence

1:18:24

my friend. Wait, what? What do you mean bang

1:18:26

her? It's all there. Why

1:18:28

do you, what is that? It's all there. You make her

1:18:30

a mall, she gets too strong. You

1:18:32

know what? Because she's the older woman.

1:18:34

Right, and she has to be tamed by

1:18:36

getting that dick. Is that what it is? I

1:18:39

didn't say that. Yeah, you basically

1:18:41

did. No, you were like going in

1:18:43

with the confidence and then you bang her.

1:18:45

Yeah. Because your life is like a

1:18:47

fucking movie from the 1920s Bill where

1:18:50

the guy is slapping the woman around like,

1:18:52

get it together, see? And she's hysterical. No,

1:18:54

no. He's completely fucked up. Postmates

1:18:57

here. It's like one of those coming of

1:18:59

age movies where in the beginning, the nerds

1:19:01

were like, you'll walk away from me. The

1:19:04

nerd is looking at the cheerleader and she's

1:19:06

dating the impossible dick with the

1:19:08

flawed wavy hair, right? And

1:19:10

somebody does a fucking triple Lindy. Jesus

1:19:15

Christ, that went sideways. Huh? The

1:19:17

fuck just happened there? Listen,

1:19:20

because I'm not going to be able to get a word in

1:19:22

defense of what I was saying. Right. He's

1:19:25

putting an ass out himself in front of this, you

1:19:27

know, this older fucking broad, right? See,

1:19:30

this isn't sexist. Now

1:19:32

you come back, you're a little old, a little wider,

1:19:34

right? You're a year older, you're still growing, you filled

1:19:36

out a little bit, right? All

1:19:38

of a sudden you're crushing it. You're making

1:19:40

a fucking couple of banana splits and

1:19:42

a smoothie all at the same time. And

1:19:46

she's just like, wow, this

1:19:48

isn't the man that I left the year, you

1:19:50

know, the year before all of a sudden. You

1:19:52

guys are working closely. You

1:19:55

know, ice cream is always romantic. What

1:19:57

kind of fucked up advice are you giving? I'm not giving anything in front of

1:19:59

you. I'm telling this kid to fucking

1:20:01

shake it off. He goes, if I don't work

1:20:04

often, I could lose my job as we've got

1:20:06

more employees than we need, and I really have

1:20:08

a great setup. Now that I've learned that the

1:20:11

work is easy, I basically pick my own hours

1:20:13

and my boss is by far

1:20:15

the sweetest racist homophobic I've ever met

1:20:17

in my life. Any ideas

1:20:19

besides the obvious murder,

1:20:22

he said, your stand up is killer, I hope

1:20:24

I can see you perform sometimes. Yeah, dude, you

1:20:26

gotta grow a dick here, man. You're

1:20:28

the fucking man. You've been there for a year, you

1:20:30

know what's going on. Just

1:20:33

be like, I don't know, just, I don't know. What

1:20:35

do you, is this, do you have a crush on

1:20:37

this woman? If she's not gonna fuck you, then why

1:20:39

do you care what she thinks? Is

1:20:42

that bad, Neil? Yes. What

1:20:45

does fucking have to do with it? Just have confidence

1:20:47

in yourself and do the job. Also,

1:20:49

this is a high school person that's

1:20:51

writing in. This is somebody who's making

1:20:53

ice cream cones and he's scared out of his mind

1:20:56

about some woman who's not even fucking, he

1:20:59

doesn't wanna ask her out, what is the

1:21:01

problem? She's gonna yell at you about the way you put

1:21:03

the fucking cherry on something? Yeah, because it's a job and

1:21:05

he's worried about how he's gonna

1:21:07

perceive. You remember what it was like to be

1:21:09

at that age where every

1:21:11

little thing means disaster in

1:21:15

the bigger picture. Oh, so is he catastrophizing?

1:21:19

A little bit, yeah. I think you're worried

1:21:21

a little too much about nothing. Just do

1:21:23

your job, do your thing, don't even worry

1:21:25

about it. And there's plenty of other jobs

1:21:28

out there, by the way. He

1:21:30

should just be totally cocky when she comes in. What

1:21:33

up, bitch? Yeah, I'm

1:21:36

not sure that'll go real well. Coopier

1:21:41

float, how I do? Kiss

1:21:44

with a little peace side? No. No,

1:21:48

honey. Yeah, ice cream hat to the side. All

1:21:51

right, weed, pussy or nothing? Jesus

1:21:54

Christ pushing all the chips and

1:21:56

this is the World Series of poker. All

1:21:59

right, hey, Billy, Billy. I'm a

1:22:01

new listener to your podcast, but a long time

1:22:03

fan of your stand-up. I was wondering if

1:22:06

you could help me out with a dilemma I'm

1:22:08

facing. So my weed dealer put

1:22:10

the moves on me my last time I was

1:22:13

at her place. Nothing

1:22:15

came of it, but I could tell she was trying to get me

1:22:17

to fuck her. Until now, I thought

1:22:19

it was weird that she began to sell me

1:22:22

pot for practically nothing. Wow. She's

1:22:25

cool and I've hung out with her at

1:22:28

her place many times to just smoke weed. Just

1:22:32

as well, I'm single so I have no problem

1:22:34

getting some strange pussy that falls into my lap.

1:22:37

The problem is that she's

1:22:39

a very heavy, broad, and

1:22:41

completely unattractive. Oh

1:22:43

gee gosh. But she

1:22:45

sells the best weed in the area.

1:22:48

Dude, this is fucking, this has all the makings of

1:22:50

the great first ten pages of

1:22:52

a script. You've established who the

1:22:54

characters are. Oh yeah, I'm sure the story

1:22:56

of her goes super far with this premise.

1:23:00

You know what? You

1:23:02

know what I love? I just wanted to do that. I'm sorry.

1:23:05

I couldn't help it. You know that guys just want

1:23:07

to fuck you. Women know that

1:23:09

you use it to your advantage to get

1:23:12

shit and then when we admit that that's

1:23:14

what we want to do you're like, oh

1:23:16

my god I really wish someone would tell a

1:23:18

story about a guy who's getting thrown pussy left and

1:23:21

right and doesn't know what to do with it. And

1:23:23

it's like a coming of age and I'm sure he's

1:23:25

also fighting with his friends a little bit about like,

1:23:27

what door we're going to stay in in college. Dude,

1:23:29

this is hilarious. He's

1:23:32

got this heavy broad that he's not attracted to

1:23:34

who's this fucking weed dealer. She's

1:23:36

got the best weed. He knows she wants

1:23:38

to fuck him. What was the

1:23:40

rest of the story? Does he want to? Yeah, this

1:23:43

is a fuck. Come on. Seth Rogen would crush

1:23:45

this. Oh,

1:23:48

you are right. You know what? You're hungry. You

1:23:51

like him in that Snickers commercial. I don't know

1:23:53

who you are right now. I think Rogen would

1:23:55

write a phenomenal transcended script that Jonah Hill would

1:23:57

act out and it would just be like, wow.

1:24:00

Is this what it's like? What

1:24:04

is wrong with you? I

1:24:07

like all of those people and I like those movies

1:24:09

you don't like hot tub time machine What if it

1:24:11

likes to be chubby and awkward and not know what

1:24:13

to do with your life? Oh, why

1:24:16

are you being a jerk? I don't

1:24:18

know. You're being a jerk. Yeah, you're hungry. I'm being a little

1:24:20

bit of a jerk. I apologize to Seth Rovick. I'm also a

1:24:22

little bit of a jerk. I'm also a little bit of a

1:24:24

jerk. Okay, yeah, you are

1:24:26

you're a little out of sorts here. Okay. All right,

1:24:29

you leave you burning bridges into this town, sweetie Let

1:24:31

me tell you something those bridges don't come back But

1:24:34

she sells the best weed in the area. I don't

1:24:36

want all right I don't want

1:24:38

to not fuck her and then

1:24:41

ever cut me off. But at the same time

1:24:43

I feel that I if

1:24:45

I do fuck her Then

1:24:48

I'm no better than an addicted crack

1:24:50

or doing a line off some fat

1:24:52

guy's dick Maybe so

1:24:54

guess what when it comes down to what do

1:24:56

I fuck my ugly drug dealer for good? We

1:24:59

we go. Do I just question or do

1:25:01

I just find a new dealer with

1:25:03

super herb and pay more money? Thanks.

1:25:06

Hope all is well with you Ginger

1:25:09

fuck Have

1:25:14

you ever heard the expression don't shit where you eat Yeah,

1:25:18

don't fuck your weed dealer. Yeah, don't just don't fuck her.

1:25:20

This is a business relationship Keep

1:25:22

it business. Should he

1:25:24

like lie and start talking about how he has

1:25:26

a girlfriend? No, just buy weed from her and

1:25:28

like just let it be business. Yes, stop smoking

1:25:30

with her And

1:25:32

also like I I mean, maybe she's

1:25:34

desperate for your cock, but maybe you're like reading into it

1:25:36

She might be trying to fuck you and the next dude

1:25:40

She's a drug dealer. She's hustling. She's hustling

1:25:42

for like customers. She's hustling for dick

1:25:44

like don't get excited You

1:25:48

know, you're not the only one breath. So you think Yeah,

1:25:52

but she's giving it away for next to nothing if

1:25:54

she does that she's not gonna make any money True.

1:26:01

She's making it in other ways. I don't

1:26:04

know, I feel like just don't fuck your

1:26:06

weed dealer. That just sounds like a disaster

1:26:08

written all over it. Or get yourself a

1:26:11

really good connect now, have

1:26:13

that in your back pocket so if you

1:26:15

do decide, the only reason why you would

1:26:17

fuck your weed dealer is if you actually

1:26:19

want to fuck her. Not because you're so

1:26:21

desperate for the best weed ever. Have you

1:26:23

really had the best weed in like your

1:26:25

entire city? Probably not. So

1:26:28

calm down. Don't bang her. He's got

1:26:30

a dealer. Uh-huh. I mean, you

1:26:32

know, you're kind of into the habit. You're not just

1:26:34

going, hey, can I get a hit off that? When

1:26:36

you fucking go in there, week after week to the

1:26:38

point that the... Weed dealers are a dime a

1:26:40

dozen though. It's not like a special thing.

1:26:42

Mia, but I'm just saying, this fucking chick

1:26:45

is the... He's buying so much weed off

1:26:47

of her she's developing feelings for. She's

1:26:49

not. He

1:26:51

might be cute. Jesus. And she might have a little

1:26:53

crush, but like, it's not that... My

1:26:56

point is it's not that serious. Don't fuck

1:26:58

your weed dealer unless you want to have a

1:27:00

problem with your weed dealer and you don't

1:27:03

want to have a problem with your drug dealer.

1:27:06

Weed dealer wants to fuck one of her customers. Of course.

1:27:08

I completely believe it. I'm just

1:27:10

saying just don't go there. It's not

1:27:13

worth it. That's my bottom

1:27:15

line. She's usually not this grumpy, you

1:27:17

guys. It's not grumpy. Old

1:27:20

boyfriend Tex White. Old

1:27:24

Billy Cheese Ball. Where'd that

1:27:26

come from? I don't know. I'll just fucking

1:27:28

make up names for me. Oh, okay. All

1:27:30

right. Very happily married for 25 years to

1:27:32

the hottest wife and mother of our three

1:27:35

sons. She's in spectacular shape and beautiful while

1:27:37

on vacation in Palm Springs. Right?

1:27:40

Just keep yourself in shape. Yeah.

1:27:47

We're visual animals. We're visual animals. I know. There's

1:27:49

a reason why all those gay guys are walking

1:27:51

around with six packs because they know what they're

1:27:54

trying to attract. Don't

1:27:57

bring the gays into the... Do you think all those gay guys

1:27:59

want to... to the gym that much, they have to.

1:28:03

If they don't, that's the end of the dick train and they

1:28:05

know it. They know

1:28:07

it. Oh, they know it. All

1:28:10

right. So anyways, while on

1:28:13

vacation in Palm Springs, I caught a glimpse

1:28:15

of her phone screen and saw a text

1:28:17

from PB. PB was

1:28:21

asking how's the weather. So

1:28:23

I asked her who PB is. After

1:28:26

a little persuasion, she replied,

1:28:28

Dave. Dave is a boyfriend

1:28:30

from her high school years and

1:28:33

he is a former fiance. This

1:28:36

is awful. She

1:28:38

promised it was nothing. I

1:28:42

asked if they'd seen each other.

1:28:44

Underneath a different name, though. Yeah,

1:28:46

that's free suspect. When

1:28:48

you have the person's name saved under an

1:28:52

alias. PB was PB

1:28:54

mean. Wait, is

1:28:56

that penis? Brilliant. Brilliant

1:28:58

penis. She's dyslexic. Penis,

1:29:03

babe. Pussy banger. Maybe.

1:29:13

I'm sure it's something between the two. It was a

1:29:16

capital P and then a lowercase B. I don't know

1:29:18

why he did it. If you guys have any suggestions,

1:29:20

what PB would stand for. Come on. What

1:29:23

social media is all about.

1:29:26

She promised it was nothing. I asked

1:29:29

if they had seen each other or

1:29:31

slept together. She said no. I

1:29:34

believe her. Okay.

1:29:39

It's a former fiance. Does

1:29:41

he mean now? I guess now. Or

1:29:43

maybe I just want to believe her.

1:29:46

She's otherwise a very honest person. Well,

1:29:48

I sent Dave a text and here's

1:29:50

what I said. Oh, beautiful. I'm

1:29:52

only going to say this once. You're

1:29:54

nothing but a sleazy cocksucker. You've

1:29:57

crossed the line of decency. Go fuck.

1:30:00

yourself or better yet go

1:30:02

choke to death on some poor somebody's

1:30:05

dick wait what it's

1:30:08

a it's a homophobic he

1:30:10

was upset never communicate

1:30:12

with my wife capital letters ever if

1:30:14

you pursue her in any way I'll

1:30:16

cut your dick off with a rusty

1:30:18

saw blade and shove it down your

1:30:20

throat I hope you're getting

1:30:23

the message here his reply understood

1:30:25

this is the last text name

1:30:28

and number deleted my

1:30:31

question to you is was I

1:30:34

harsh enough with and

1:30:37

I'm not sure what to do with about

1:30:39

my wife she deleted him from her contacts

1:30:41

and she said she has no

1:30:43

need to ever communicate with him again

1:30:45

what are your thoughts well

1:30:50

I think you need to let it be then I mean

1:30:54

I that was I have to say

1:30:56

that was masterful that text that he

1:30:58

sent to PB aka Dave I

1:31:01

think he got the message with that

1:31:03

one now what do you think so

1:31:08

do you think she banged him no

1:31:10

she's probably sending flirting borderline

1:31:13

inappropriate text messages

1:31:16

maybe yours is beautiful the

1:31:18

day I took you to prom like that

1:31:20

type of shit why

1:31:23

you I don't fucking know I think if

1:31:25

it were

1:31:29

you bilber you

1:31:32

probably would have said like that's what you know

1:31:34

how you are

1:31:37

you probably would have said some inappropriate should

1:31:39

overtax I mean that's what

1:31:41

yeah is that what that

1:31:43

thing is it's what is what is how

1:31:45

do I how do I

1:31:48

get to the text thing to us we just want

1:31:50

how texting works all right advice

1:31:53

from us for a fellow ginger Oh

1:31:56

moving right moving right along I'm running

1:31:58

right along a fellow ginger From

1:32:00

Finland here. I have a

1:32:02

decision to take and would

1:32:04

appreciate some advice from a wise and

1:32:07

experienced man like you Ever

1:32:09

since I was a kid. Oh, you've just

1:32:11

every fucking thing ever since I was a

1:32:13

kid. I've wanted to be an airline pilot

1:32:16

I'm 19 years old and I'm graduating from

1:32:18

high school in December. Yes here.

1:32:21

We finish high school later I

1:32:23

was just gonna say is that when they

1:32:25

graduate from high school in Finland? Yeah later

1:32:27

than you guys in America. All

1:32:30

right. I have till the end of the year

1:32:32

to decide what I want to study. I've always

1:32:35

Had a plan after high school. I would

1:32:37

want to Go to a flight academy

1:32:40

and become a pilot But now I started

1:32:42

to question if that's what I really want

1:32:44

to do for a living living I mean

1:32:46

an airline pilot is an incredible job Absolutely

1:32:48

love flying and we get to travel a

1:32:50

bunch and see all kinds of amazing places,

1:32:52

etc. Plus I would get to

1:32:55

the Sun every day without burning my

1:32:58

Nordic ultra pasty pasty skin

1:33:02

Captain makes six figures which

1:33:04

is plenty enough for me since I'm not into

1:33:06

money My only problem with being a pilot is

1:33:09

that I would never be completely free Meaning that

1:33:11

for the rest of my life working for some

1:33:13

other douchebag Would

1:33:17

Would decide for me when I can come to

1:33:19

work and where I can fly the idea of

1:33:21

being tied up to a company and having some

1:33:23

cunt Making all the decisions

1:33:26

for me scares the shit out of me when

1:33:28

I'm older I want to be

1:33:30

able to do things on an impulse without asking

1:33:32

permission from Some

1:33:34

capital letters other man. Also pilots, but

1:33:37

you're just over there taking pictures of

1:33:39

shit in you Also

1:33:42

pilots spend a lot of time away from home and

1:33:44

someday when I start a family and have kids I

1:33:46

want to spend as much time as possible with them

1:33:48

So that could be a problem as well flying planes

1:33:50

for a living would be a dream job But it

1:33:52

would get in the way of my other dream of

1:33:54

being completely my own man and free What do you

1:33:56

think should I go study something else? No, what you

1:33:58

should do is still be into the aviation thing, you

1:34:00

just figure out a way to do what you

1:34:03

want to do within aviation. Okay?

1:34:06

I will equate it to the job that I have. I

1:34:09

am a stand-up comedian which opens up all

1:34:11

these doors into the entertainment world, which

1:34:13

a lot of them you think you want to run

1:34:16

through until you get to the other side and then

1:34:18

you realize what you're talking about is like, holy fuck,

1:34:21

I thought I had the world by the balls if I

1:34:23

got this, I thought I would be the pimp and

1:34:25

then you realize that you're actually the whore. So

1:34:28

you have to, what I

1:34:31

would do if I was you is I

1:34:33

would still go to

1:34:35

flight school, I would learn how to fly and

1:34:38

then what I would do is rather than going

1:34:40

flying for some commercial airline, there's

1:34:43

got to be some other cool shit that

1:34:45

you can do like flying for sightseeing tours.

1:34:48

You're not into money, right? Maybe

1:34:51

you do that, maybe you end up having that business

1:34:53

and other people fly for you and you get to

1:34:55

fly around. What

1:34:57

other jobs are they? There's fighting forest fires, you

1:35:00

know you do that like helicopters and planes and

1:35:02

that type of shit. Sure.

1:35:06

Yeah. Listen, just

1:35:08

by being a pilot already, you

1:35:10

got some sort of renegade spirit

1:35:13

in you. So I'm sure

1:35:15

there's plenty of fucking jobs that you can

1:35:17

get in aviation. I

1:35:20

think in pretty much any job, there's

1:35:23

a way to be in the matrix and then

1:35:25

there's a way to be outside like, he's

1:35:27

a renegade that one, don't get tied

1:35:29

down with that guy. You can definitely do it, right? What

1:35:31

do you think? Yeah. Yeah.

1:35:34

So he should still be a pilot, dude, you love to fly,

1:35:36

it's what you want to do. But

1:35:39

there's all kinds of shit. You can fly

1:35:41

for fucking airline, make your money and then

1:35:43

leave and then go do something

1:35:45

else like start your own business. I

1:35:48

don't know. You're laughing at me right now. No,

1:35:50

no, no, no. He's 19, he's got the whole war. He's

1:35:53

got the world by the fucking short-hit. It

1:35:55

all sounds good. I was

1:35:57

listening to a podcast from a while back then, you were

1:35:59

shitting on. The NFL having games in London.

1:36:01

He said those games are huge things for us

1:36:03

European football fans. And believe it or not, there

1:36:05

are tons of football fans here in Europe. The

1:36:09

games always sell. NFL football sells out

1:36:11

out there. Who knows? All right. Here's

1:36:13

new who's the last one stuttering here.

1:36:16

Okay. The last question that actually did with

1:36:18

the lovely Nia and now we're fucking wage

1:36:22

gap myth. Oh,

1:36:24

did this spark a debate? Deal.

1:36:27

Dear Billy Barrou. I was one

1:36:29

of the fortunate audience members of your epic

1:36:31

terrorist performance. You crushed it. My opinion. Thank

1:36:33

you very much. He said the wage gap

1:36:35

statistic. He

1:36:38

said I wanted to bunk a myth for you the

1:36:40

wage gap statistic. You know, this is thing right now

1:36:42

that they say that a woman gets paid less

1:36:45

79 cents less to do the exact same job is

1:36:47

a guy which you know, my opinion is fucked up.

1:36:50

The job should pay what should pay right? So

1:36:52

this guy says the wage gap statistic that you

1:36:54

hear about all the time is simply the average

1:36:56

earnings of men and women

1:36:58

working full time. It

1:37:00

does not take into account different job positions

1:37:03

hours worked for different jobs. It has nothing

1:37:05

to do with the same work. It

1:37:07

has nothing to do with discrimination in 1963. The

1:37:11

Supreme Court passed the equal pay Act

1:37:13

which makes it illegal to pay different

1:37:15

wages for the same job. If you

1:37:17

still don't buy that then consider this

1:37:19

if a company could legally play pay

1:37:21

women less money. Do you think

1:37:23

those greedy cunts would ever hire a man? Some

1:37:26

decent points there. Once I pulled

1:37:29

this wage gap threat thread a whole

1:37:31

bunch of other feminist myths started to unravel

1:37:33

but I just wanted to shine a light

1:37:35

on this topic. Well, okay. Let's

1:37:37

you know, I'll have

1:37:39

to look all of that up. I never looked

1:37:41

up the equal pay Act, but if

1:37:44

they're still able to make the

1:37:47

numbers work then wouldn't that say that

1:37:49

guys get the better high paying jobs.

1:37:53

Then does it become that I'm just asking. All

1:37:56

right. That's what

1:37:58

I would guess. So I don't know evidently. I have

1:38:00

some reading to do and I think a lot of feminists

1:38:02

do too that just jump on the bandwagon. I'll look up

1:38:04

the equal pay act. I

1:38:07

don't know, who the fuck knows? I

1:38:09

mean, one of the dumbest fucking ways to get somebody to

1:38:11

listen to your goddamn opinion is to

1:38:13

just sit there and be like, you got it better

1:38:15

than us. Your life is fucking easy. That immediately puts

1:38:17

the other side going like, you know what? Fuck you.

1:38:20

Fuck you when you're a brassiere, you know? My

1:38:23

fucking life's easy. I just dealt with this, this, this,

1:38:25

and this. You know, it just puts people into that

1:38:27

mindset. Um, I

1:38:31

don't know that whole fucking yelling and screaming and

1:38:33

shit, you know, believe me as a yeller and

1:38:35

a screamer, I know it doesn't make people listen

1:38:37

to you. It just makes you people

1:38:39

just go, Oh my God, I want to

1:38:41

get away from this person or that person's a fucking lunatic.

1:38:44

That's been my experience trying

1:38:46

to convey ideas since I

1:38:48

was a little orange

1:38:51

headed child. Um, I

1:38:54

don't know what's going on. Okay. So the

1:38:56

other day people, the job should

1:38:58

pay what the job pays and the best person

1:39:00

should get it. But sadly that

1:39:02

is never going to happen because there's always

1:39:05

going to be the boss's son. There's always

1:39:07

going to be the hot chick. There's always

1:39:09

going to be the racist, the homophobe, the

1:39:11

person who comes in with the Southern accent,

1:39:14

you're up North or vice versa. And somebody's

1:39:16

mentally still fighting the war. I think Southern

1:39:18

people are stupid. You can, the only

1:39:20

way to take the human element out of it is

1:39:23

to gradually slowly, but surely

1:39:25

dumb down human beings, make

1:39:27

everything automated and you slowly replace

1:39:29

them with free thinking robots,

1:39:31

which is basically what's going to happen by

1:39:33

free thinking. I mean, they agree with the

1:39:36

upper 1% and

1:39:38

not even the upper 1%, the upper 1% of the 1% that

1:39:41

doesn't even show up. You know, there's

1:39:45

a lot of, you remember all the blue blood money and everybody

1:39:47

kind of knew how much money they had. And now they all

1:39:49

say that, Oh, they gave away a lot. You

1:39:52

know, the Rockefeller's are, you know,

1:39:54

they, their fortune isn't what it's worth. They

1:39:56

used to be the Vanderbilt's they're only worth

1:39:58

like 75 million. dollars now. I

1:40:00

mean that's, I don't know, there's

1:40:02

all these stories out there that there's families that

1:40:04

are so fucking big and powerful they're above any

1:40:06

sort of borders and they fucking,

1:40:08

you know, when they travel by yacht it's only

1:40:11

like, it's like their little Navy and

1:40:13

they just, I love conspiracy theory and

1:40:16

they just float around, they

1:40:18

pull up to the dock and the countries just

1:40:20

come out and give them bags of gold and

1:40:22

then they just disappear. It's like water world except

1:40:24

you know without the, you know,

1:40:27

I don't know, except they still have all the

1:40:29

amenities because the world hasn't flooded over yet. Does

1:40:31

that make any sense? You

1:40:34

know I think that's as

1:40:36

good a spot to stop

1:40:39

as any. My apologies for

1:40:41

fucking up the podcast this week. You

1:40:44

guys have a nice couple of fucking days and

1:40:47

can I end on some more drum nerd

1:40:49

shit? I told you my drum

1:40:52

teacher's taking me through that

1:40:55

Sting album, Ten Summer's Tales or

1:40:57

whatever that has the great Vinny Carl Yuta on it

1:40:59

and how they played in all

1:41:01

these odd times but they wanted to imply

1:41:03

four-four time and he finally taught me on

1:41:05

that Seven Days which is in five which

1:41:07

I love. He

1:41:09

finally wrote out what he was doing on the hi-hat

1:41:11

which is basically he's playing that it's four, four

1:41:14

against five. He's playing five underneath but he's

1:41:16

implying four in the hi-hat and

1:41:19

after all these fucking years of trying to figure out how

1:41:21

to do it he finally he just wrote out one line

1:41:23

of it and now it makes sense to

1:41:26

me and it's basically on

1:41:28

the hi-hat. I just still

1:41:31

count in five but

1:41:33

you just count you

1:41:36

know underneath if you listen to it you

1:41:38

count one two three four five one

1:41:40

two three four five that

1:41:44

fucking shit but on top how

1:41:47

it works for me is

1:41:49

you just you just I still

1:41:51

count in five I just you thrown in

1:41:54

he counted is like eighth notes so one

1:41:56

and two and three and four and five

1:41:58

and one and two and three and four

1:42:00

and five and the first time

1:42:02

through you accent one three and

1:42:04

five and the second time through

1:42:06

you accent two and four try

1:42:09

that that's the way

1:42:11

I've been doing it now granted this is

1:42:13

massively filtered down from

1:42:18

a professional drummer to a

1:42:20

stand-up comedian who cannot read out loud all

1:42:23

right that's it go fuck yourselves I'll

1:42:25

talk to you on Thursday I'll check

1:42:28

it on your side you