0:01

Hey what's going on is built. Bar is

0:03

time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday

0:06

Monday morning podcast and ah harm, check it

0:08

it on you. Who.

0:14

Has a go and. Billy's

0:16

Fuck It or Billie Sick King

0:18

Oh Billy Bed Bugs. Or.

0:21

Billie Spring time Cold. As

0:24

any scientists figured out why a

0:26

spring or summer cold? is it

0:28

as strong as a wintertime cold?

0:32

Jesus Christ Can. Lovely.

0:34

Wife puts on the he. Had

0:37

some secure she puts the fuck and heat on like

0:39

iag I feel like I get malaria now. Can't

0:43

fucking breathe. Metal walls are close

0:45

in in. Any

0:48

way. Get.

0:51

A fucking cold. It sucks when you do. I

0:53

felt a common on had a big show last

0:55

weekend. I was there little after party. And

0:58

you know I didn't put my shawl on. Your

1:01

on literally get into that age man you know novels

1:03

or guys are just sit around like a blanket on

1:06

their leg. Even in July is get that. they sit

1:08

down the. Like. The legs

1:10

a cold. Think

1:12

we're going to fucking walk around

1:14

and I followed Korea feel ago.

1:16

You could sit there sorry. Just

1:19

trying to help Man, You know, Just

1:22

trying to fuck and help man. that's all internet

1:24

to do whatever the fuck and Bruins I didn't

1:26

see one second to the game. I was so

1:28

a lady with that that. Game.

1:31

One. First.

1:33

Of all. To. Chalk, however you fi

1:35

gay. I gotta remember to say that fuck

1:37

it name every year. Because

1:39

what happens like go to read it

1:41

and then I forget how to say

1:44

it to that guy. That stat first

1:46

goal he got of this series. Just

1:48

an absolute fucking sniper between the legs

1:51

of our defenseman Top Shelf. Just.

1:54

Inside the post I just like

1:56

ah fuck here we go again

1:58

But I'm not. County sports fan.

2:01

Like. I give it up if you got

2:03

a good player. I fuckin love watching that guy

2:06

play and but he did last year. You.

2:09

Know was I Yeah, I just wish they won

2:11

the cup because I feel like that would have

2:13

gone down with like you know, Kirk Gibson coming

2:15

off the bench, saw blood up to the plate

2:17

and hit that home run off that is Sectors

2:20

Li. Over there

2:22

and Chavez Ravine. I

2:27

would have put that up a get you know. What?

2:29

Is that the next guy with the broken legs?

2:32

And again a broken sternum and he was still.

2:34

do You know how to have his brother dress

2:36

so many was still playing. Professional.

2:39

Hockey had the highest level of

2:41

is unreal. So anyway, He

2:43

scores a goal and then all of a sudden

2:45

the Bruins come back. Off.

2:48

Sense explodes and we went up winning. be

2:50

was for the whether they are the empty

2:53

netter. Five to one so I'm like alright

2:55

that was fucking huge and I was texting

2:57

even after the second period they went up

2:59

one nothing and then we came back and

3:01

scored three goals. one with like forty seconds

3:03

left in the period and we have three

3:06

to one. And. Were buddy mine

3:08

who's a range of san who I think they're

3:10

going to the final. The. Rangers

3:12

are just like. They

3:14

got the whole team. They. Can

3:16

score more goals than you and they can also

3:19

beat the fuck outta your. I mean that that's

3:21

that's how it's done as long as I have.

3:24

Been fucking watch hockey. You.

3:26

Know to could score more goals is somebody

3:29

and beat the fuck out of whom. It's

3:31

over because no one stop and your goal

3:33

scorers because if they tried do anything stupid

3:35

to your goal scorers some guys coming off

3:37

the bench and is gonna give you what

3:39

for. Her. Easy

3:42

to sit down to read the paper

3:44

with the of whatever whatever fuckin just

3:46

making up expressions he's got to give

3:48

you the news. Have. These

3:50

get of fuck any. get a feel your wig

3:52

back to get a fucking feel that apple. You.

3:56

Know. He's. Gonna put

3:58

that squash to the other side of the fuck in.

4:01

Sub. Then I'm. Sorry.

4:04

I said i'm as I was at a loss for an analogy

4:07

this or just had to make something up. Ah.

4:10

Anyway, So.

4:13

After two periods I was texts with my body

4:15

was a range of sand and I was just

4:17

going like I'm not going to be comfortable in

4:19

so this like two minutes left in this game

4:22

because last year I watch the Bruins have this

4:24

team be. In. Game Five. In.

4:26

Game Six. He.

4:28

Had him on the ropes. he had a beat

4:30

and then we just started Trauma Law. It.

4:34

Just. I don't know what we did. I

4:37

still remember that Play in the corner with

4:39

him to Bruins Gold for the puck and

4:41

one panther goes in. Lives are stick, takes

4:43

the fuck and Pockets passes it over his

4:45

legacy notes In the back of the next

4:47

I was losing my fucking mind. Alex is

4:49

really sad to see. The.

4:52

Fuck are we. don't worry. I, you know. When.

4:54

You stand up and you're walking back and

4:56

forth and you suggest that you could barely

4:59

skate backwards and he starts screaming a professional

5:01

athletes like, you know what's up I was

5:03

doing that. And I'm.

5:07

Posing in the say ah. So

5:11

I was the psych. I hope is

5:13

enough guys left on this team that

5:15

remember last year and in the Panthers

5:17

they like the Terminator. They're like Charlie

5:19

and platoon like Charlie Aid, Stop it.

5:21

But now that I got a bad

5:23

feeling about this man like you got

5:25

to fuck the like zombies, You gotta

5:27

shoot him twice in the fucking head

5:29

like you can't. Give

5:31

them they are going to play until

5:34

the fuck They like Badgers. A Wolverines?

5:36

yeah no. would get a bill they

5:38

got. no point numb. Yeah, they don't.

5:41

They don't so. Dame.

5:43

To I guess we just got the live

5:45

in shit kicked out of as they took

5:47

the tourists. Ah. So.

5:50

But I feel good. You know that we

5:52

want one. I hate that wholesaler their the

5:55

Bruins take home ice. It's.

5:57

Like they didn't take home ice. This still going to

5:59

be four games. Florida versus three

6:01

games. You're

6:03

not taking home ice.

6:06

That's just some, that's just some

6:08

fucking, they just finagled the numbers to

6:10

make you feel like something just happened.

6:18

I just don't get it. Uh, well,

6:23

Bill, it's simple math. No, no, it is simple

6:26

math. Four games are in the arena. Three games

6:28

are in our arena. And just because we won

6:30

one game in their arena does not mean that

6:32

there's not going to be four games in that

6:34

arena. And that doesn't automatically

6:36

mean that they're not going to win a game in

6:39

our arena. That's

6:41

what's so stupid about that math. Cause now

6:43

it's looking like, well now, you know, the

6:45

next fucking three, you know,

6:47

two out of three are in our building. It's

6:49

like, well, yeah, if you fucking do it like

6:51

that, that's like when people say bad things come

6:53

in three threes, bad things

6:55

could come in fours. If you waited long

6:57

enough, you just call, you

7:00

just call the fourth bad thing. Number one, it's

7:06

life. Bad shit happens. Good shit happens. Right.

7:08

Little list, little that you

7:11

say tomato. I say Basel.

7:13

Um, anyway,

7:18

so, uh, I'll tell you the,

7:20

like those series out West, that

7:23

fucking avalanche, uh, uh, Dallas

7:26

star series. I'm going to watch that. And

7:28

I finally checked in on who

7:30

are these timber wolves with,

7:34

uh, who's that guy? Anthony Anderson. What's the name

7:36

of the guy? I, I, I, I don't know

7:38

anything about fucking hoop. I know Anthony Anderson is

7:40

on, uh, was on blackish. All right. Okay.

7:44

And was, and made his debut in that

7:46

Jim Carrey movie. Remember

7:48

that my fate. Well, one of the funniest scenes

7:51

ever was those kids were

7:53

obviously not his kids, but he just acted like

7:55

they were Jim Carrey has three black kids. And

7:57

like, when they were all sitting on the couch.

8:01

And he's like sitting behind them like their shoulders

8:03

and they're watching like deaf comedy jam and they're

8:05

all dying laughing and Jim's like trying To relate

8:07

and laugh with them was fucking I

8:10

always thought that was such a brilliant joke anyway

8:15

Up two games to none last I checked

8:17

against the Denver Nuggets and Everybody

8:21

you know is talking about the Celtics, you know, we're

8:23

up two games to none and like blah blah blah

8:25

blah blah But dude, look how about the Knicks Knicks

8:27

are up two games to none against the Pacers. How

8:29

about me talking basketball over here? I

8:32

don't think anything's a foregone conclusion, but like I

8:36

Think the The

8:39

Timberwolves that are scaring the shit out of me We

8:44

shall see But they they

8:46

swept the Suns they I think they've yet they haven't

8:48

lost a playoff game yet They're fucking six and oh

8:50

and they're going back to their own building the

8:53

target said Fucking

8:56

target said a dude right up

8:59

the street from the Mall

9:01

of America By

9:04

the way now that all the malls seem to be

9:06

going out of business what the fuck

9:08

are they gonna do with the Mall of America?

9:15

I don't know. What are they gonna do with everything? You

9:18

know once we have to start living inside

9:20

and eating powdered food because

9:22

the sociopaths that run Corporations

9:25

own politicians and none of them

9:27

are stopping them on this fucking

9:29

insane ride that we're on to

9:31

absolute destruction If

9:36

I meet one more fucking person that is criticizing

9:39

Joe Biden or Donald Trump, I don't even know

9:41

what I'm gonna do I Just

9:44

look at the people now like they're dumb. It's just

9:46

like you're a fuck you you you listen to bedtime

9:48

stories You're listening

9:50

to CNN and Fox News once

9:52

upon a time there was another

9:54

political party and everything they did

9:56

was wrong But everything

9:59

we do is right. Anyway,

10:08

plowing ahead here. My

10:12

wife's hilarious. She made me cancel everything today. I

10:14

was actually psyched that she did because

10:17

I was going to German Irish my way through this.

10:19

She goes, you know, you go upstairs, you need to

10:21

get in bed. She doesn't talk like this at all.

10:25

But that's just how I hear her

10:28

voice when she's telling me to take care

10:30

of myself. I mean,

10:34

she has the heat cranked

10:42

up to the point where it's like something they used to

10:44

do back in the day when somebody had tuberculosis and

10:47

they couldn't cure it. So they would either

10:49

cranked up the heat or you moved to the southwest

10:51

part of this country where there was like

10:53

a dry heat because they thought that maybe that like helped

10:56

it out or whatever. So

11:00

anyway, anyway, what

11:03

else is going on? I

11:07

returned to the scene of the crime the other

11:09

night. I went back to the Hollywood Bowl. I

11:11

did a guest spot on Seth Rogen's show

11:16

over there. And I remember

11:19

when I when I was going back, I was like, why

11:21

am I doing this? I just

11:23

had the set of my life here. It couldn't

11:25

it could not go better. Why

11:28

am I coming back here risking fucking all

11:30

of that up? And,

11:36

you know, I was told, okay, you go over there, you're

11:38

gonna do 10 minutes, you're gonna go on after this comedian.

11:41

And the comedian ends up not showing up, was

11:44

a little too banged up, hungover,

11:47

whatever, right? So

11:51

now instead of following your comedian, because it

11:53

was music and comedy. And

11:55

you know, a lot of times those are not good

11:57

gigs. So now instead of going on after comedian, I

11:59

I had to go on in between Post

12:01

Malone and Snoop Dogg. And

12:06

I'm just going, all right, Post Malone

12:08

is a fucking superstar. And then Snoop

12:11

Dogg, like this is his hometown. Like

12:15

who's not gonna go see him at the fucking

12:17

Hollywood Bowl? That's what everybody is here for. So

12:19

I had to like block that out. And I

12:21

went out there and the

12:23

crowd was great. And I went out and they just

12:25

told, well, first of all,

12:28

you know, there was so many people smoking weed

12:30

there. So everybody was just kind of like, hey

12:32

man, like whatever, man, I just appreciate you going

12:34

out on the stage and entertaining me, man. So

12:36

everybody's in this really cool, you

12:39

know, vibe. And

12:42

set that a whole fucking orchestra in

12:44

like the Roger Moore White

12:46

Tuxedos playing yard. It was really cool.

12:50

And I

12:52

went out there and it was like, I just picked up

12:54

where I left off, just had

12:56

like this great time. And I'm like, that

12:59

was unbelievable, right? And

13:01

I get off stage and then Snoop goes

13:04

on and I get to watch fucking Snoop

13:06

Dogg in LA. Fucking

13:11

doing his show in like his hometown,

13:13

man. It was on, it was

13:16

like, you know, Mickey Mantle in Yankee

13:18

Stadium. Like this is what you're watching, right?

13:20

Larry Bird in the Boston Garden. So

13:22

I get to watch him

13:24

killing it. And what's awesome about his show

13:26

is like behind the DJ, he

13:30

had this guy just had a microphone and

13:33

what's was he singing? I

13:36

think he was singing Snoop Doggy. Doggy

13:38

was killing it, right? And then he

13:40

would just sort of vibe out and

13:42

everything and Snoop would be

13:44

wrapping his ass off of blah, blah, blah, blah,

13:46

blah. And then he would come back again and

13:49

the guy would bring the mic up. Snoop Doggy.

13:51

I'm like, that guy is one of the

13:53

coolest jobs in show business. And I was laughing with

13:55

me and like, you just see this guy like walking

13:57

in a mall. You had, if you had any idea

13:59

what he did. living. I got a picture

14:01

with the guy. I was like, that's like the

14:03

fucking coolest thing. And then there

14:05

was another guy too. And his job sometimes was

14:07

to sort of rap along with the chorus. Like,

14:09

you know, I've been to a bunch of rock

14:11

shows. You wouldn't know this, looking

14:14

at me, looking like Howdy Doody. I haven't

14:16

been to a lot of rap shows. So

14:18

I was like, I was enamored with

14:21

the whole fucking, the whole production. Because all

14:23

I know about music is like, okay, you

14:25

have a lead guitarist, a rhythm guitarist, the

14:28

bass player, a drummer, and then the lead

14:30

singer. All right, the

14:32

lead singers out front, and then the lead guitarist,

14:34

he stands over there, and he puts his arm

14:36

around him. And then like the band, the rhythm

14:38

section sort of fucking hangs back. Unless

14:40

it's ACDC, you all walk up and you sing

14:42

the chorus, and then you come back. That's all

14:44

my knowledge of

14:48

music. So to watch like, you

14:51

know, a rap show live, I, you know, I'm trying

14:53

to think, I've

14:57

gone to a disgustingly few

15:00

amount of those shows. Who

15:04

else have I seen? I saw Busta Rhymes

15:07

after Dave Chappelle at the Hollywood Bowl. And

15:09

that was another one. Like he went out

15:11

and just fucking murdered,

15:15

fucking murdered. And

15:19

it was the end of the show too. And it

15:21

was after Dave did a full set, he still went

15:23

out there and somehow made the

15:25

crowd like

15:28

go crazy like they hadn't already been entertained for

15:30

like an hour and a half or whatever. So

15:32

anyway, I got to do that. And

15:35

I hung out and everything. And then

15:39

the cold started coming back. And I'm like, ah,

15:41

it's the springtime. It's not going to get ahold

15:43

of me. Little Zycam. You

15:45

know, I mean, I'll do some

15:47

too. A little fucking fit, fit

15:50

up the nose there thinking I was all right. And

15:52

then the cold last night was like, nah, nah, nah,

15:54

dude, settle in

15:57

buddy. Little three

15:59

day vacation. inside your fucking sinuses.

16:02

Do you guys ever see that YouTube clip

16:04

of that guy? He's got like a fucking

16:06

fat Elvis haircut and

16:09

he's talking to that preacher and the preacher

16:11

has him on specifically to talk about how

16:13

when he found God, accepted

16:17

Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior,

16:21

which I don't get, I thought God was Lord.

16:23

They say Jesus is Lord. No, Jesus is the

16:25

son of the Lord, right? Or

16:28

did God pass that business on? Like who

16:30

right now is running that

16:33

conglomerate? Anybody

16:38

out there that follows Jesus? Can you let me

16:40

know like, how

16:42

does that work? Is he the Tom Brady of

16:45

the team and then God's like the Robert

16:47

Kraft or the GM? Well,

16:50

he's got to be Robert Kraft. He's the owner of the team, right?

16:53

I don't fucking know. Anyway, God

16:56

is a loving God, all right? Is that where he makes

16:58

wild dogs that

17:00

fucking try to scare a mother giraffe away from

17:02

a baby giraffe so they can eat it alive?

17:05

That God, that God's loving? Snoop

17:08

Dogg, dog. Anyway,

17:18

what else? Yeah, so what do we got?

17:20

The Celtics game fucking three, I think is

17:22

tonight. I'm really watching

17:24

a lot of the players, but I'm gonna watch that

17:26

Abs stars game, because

17:29

I'm taking a little time for me. Do

17:32

you know what I mean? I'm tapping

17:34

into my inner white chick right now. I'm

17:37

gonna have a yes day. Just

17:40

give yourself a yes day. Can you imagine doing that as

17:42

an adult? Like

17:45

how fucking self-involved are you? Like if you have,

17:47

I understand if you don't have kids, which

17:50

by the way, I've ever talked about that. I love

17:52

adults that don't have kids. You

17:55

know what I mean? They are

17:57

like fascinating. It's

18:00

as fascinating as watching someone who didn't have

18:02

a kid have a kid and

18:05

watching how it changes them You

18:07

know what I mean? I love watching people who don't

18:10

have kids And

18:14

I just like yeah I don't want to deal with that shit and

18:16

I just want to fucking hang out and have a couple of beers

18:18

and sit on my back porch like

18:21

I find that life fascinating because I don't have

18:23

it anymore and I just like Just

18:26

observe like what is that like? That's

18:28

gotta go. Wait, wait, wait, what cool thing you're

18:31

doing now, man That

18:33

tell me I want to hear

18:35

about really That's awesome

18:37

as long as they're happy, you know what

18:39

I mean? There's nothing worse than meeting somebody

18:41

that had kids and wish they didn't or

18:43

someone that never had kids and wish they

18:45

did but when you meet someone that wanted

18:47

kids and they have kids and they're happy

18:49

as shit is equally as satisfied

18:52

to me to meet somebody who never wanted to

18:54

have kids and Is

18:57

just fucking really enjoying the fact that

18:59

weed is legal, you

19:01

know and You

19:05

know And

19:07

you know and it's not a mess about it. They have

19:09

a couple of puffs, you know what I mean? a little

19:11

glass of red wine Sit

19:14

down there's an art show coming at the

19:16

exhibit. They're gonna go to that Maybe

19:20

they go into Spain or

19:23

something Cuz that

19:25

yeah, I mean By

19:27

all means fucking do

19:29

that shit and then tell the stories

19:31

to people with kids We

19:35

want to hear them I'm happy

19:37

for you But

19:41

unfortunately most people aren't like that there's like actually

19:43

arguments on the internet Where

19:45

there's like people that have kids are like fucking yelling

19:47

at people that don't have kids. It's like well, they

19:49

didn't have kids That's a fucking great thing. They think

19:52

the world is overpopulated How about you

19:54

give them their pound and if you don't

19:56

want to have kids and you have kids

19:59

you don't raise them And then those kids are assholes

20:01

and then your kids have to deal with those kids. So

20:03

we should be like going yeah You

20:06

want to have kids good for you. You don't want to

20:08

have kids good for you do

20:12

What you want to do? That's

20:15

that weird thing that adults do like there's only

20:17

one way to do things the way I'm doing

20:19

them and I need you

20:21

to also do what I'm doing so I can

20:23

so you can reinforce that with a choice. I

20:25

made was right I Call

20:30

those people entourage people You

20:33

know if I can give

20:35

any young people advice out there never Never

20:38

hang out with somebody you

20:40

can hang out with them for the night, but don't get

20:43

involved with somebody that has an entourage You

20:45

do not want to do that Because especially

20:47

if they're in the same business as you because

20:50

once you get into the entourage in my business

20:52

They don't see you as trying to make it

20:54

anymore. They just look at you like

20:57

you know a subset

20:59

of the person they actually want to talk to

21:02

and they don't see you as an individual anymore

21:04

and Then also if

21:06

you get into an entourage that like the group

21:08

thought which is really singular It's

21:10

the person that's at the top and

21:13

everybody's standing around Waiting for

21:15

another adult to be ready to go so

21:17

the three SUVs can go down the fucking

21:19

street You Little

21:23

mere little motorcade you don't want to be

21:25

this might be the loner in me, but you

21:27

don't want to be fucking involved If

21:30

you have any sort of aspirations yourself

21:34

You you can't get you can't get involved in

21:36

that shit It

21:40

always reminded me of that that cartoon with the the

21:42

big dog and the little dog He'd be

21:44

like hey spike. Hey spike you want it. You want to go chase the car

21:46

and be like nah You give them the

21:48

backhand hey spike a spike you want to go chase a

21:50

cat up a tree nah You

21:53

always sitting there. You know like your

21:55

happiness is if the head person is

21:58

happy then you could be happy because

22:00

they're in a good mood and you don't have to worry that

22:02

someone's going to get kicked out of their position. Anyway,

22:09

plowing ahead here. I've run my yap long enough.

22:11

How about those Red Sox coming on? How

22:13

about those Red Sox coming on up

22:15

into third place? One

22:18

again the other day, I fell off a little

22:20

bit like the home life here, watching the Red

22:22

Sox, but I've been checking in on the scores

22:24

and you know, we're behind the Yankees who are

22:26

behind the fucking Orioles. We're

22:29

doing all right. You know, I met

22:31

a Yankee fan the other day and he apologized. He

22:33

goes, sorry, I'm a Yankee fan. Then

22:36

I go, well, why are you apologizing? The

22:40

fuck are you apologizing for? You're a Yankee fan. Good

22:42

for you. You got 27 championships.

22:45

You must be happy. Don't fucking do that

22:47

passive aggressive thing where you're apologizing to me

22:49

as if I've been suffering as a Red

22:51

Sox fan. I haven't. Not

22:53

since 2004. And then we won

22:55

three more. So I'm good, buddy.

22:58

All right. What it is, is

23:01

phantom limb syndrome that

23:03

Yankee fans have. Like they

23:05

want Red Sox fans to

23:08

still resent them. It's

23:10

like, dude, all we wanted

23:12

to do is win the World Series. You

23:15

know, beating you guys in the playoffs was a

23:17

fucking bonus. Like we don't

23:19

put that kind of pressure on ourselves the way you guys

23:21

do every year. We got to win it every fucking year.

23:23

And so all he's right in baseball, we just won the

23:25

winner once, won four times. I mean,

23:27

I'm not speaking about Red Sox fans, but I'm

23:29

fucking to me, that was

23:31

rolling. That's that was the end of the movie. And

23:35

then they won the World Series and the

23:37

curse was over and then fucking

23:40

four months later it starts again. What are we going

23:42

to do? Am I really

23:44

going to watch Jaws 2? That's going

23:46

to be better than the first one. I don't think so. Anywho,

23:50

I got a live read.

23:54

Oh, look who it is, everybody. It was him.

23:56

It wasn't us, it was

23:58

them. It was the Warriors. Hymns,

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whatever face down moaning in the pillow. Ah,

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on over to Habs! Three

27:36

with a go at Hibs. Or

27:41

is that gave? I have this one of the goal

27:43

and hers. Anyway,

27:47

I should have a southern accent. Acting

27:49

like homophobia is only in the south.

27:52

Is. Not only the south, but it's definitely in the

27:54

church. Or

27:57

it so. anyway. What? Am I going

27:59

to do to the hill Billy when on total thumps. I

28:04

guess I could watch a movie. Or.

28:07

Speak in a movie says anybody? since the Fall

28:09

Guy? yet I gotta go Fuck can see that.

28:13

You know, I. Mean that

28:15

that movie. Fantasy.

28:18

Set were everything you want is making fun of

28:20

this eighties but also give his they make. If

28:22

I i I think it would be like making

28:24

fun of it that is a little mice. To.

28:27

Are. Just. As

28:29

to those shows because I suck in miss those kinds

28:32

of shows. You. Know back

28:34

in the day before they they

28:36

just absolutely like eviscerated and ridiculed

28:39

the guys guys. Like.

28:41

All these dirty writers the know they

28:44

couldn't get any puss puss rights. They

28:46

resented the li majors of the world.

28:49

The. Know who could just come walk

28:51

in in in an orange tracksuit with

28:53

no shirt underneath? Its in. its unzipped

28:55

just below their pets. And they had

28:57

the perfect seventies chest hair. And like

29:00

Farrah Fawcett know, these gorgeous women were

29:02

just falling all over themselves. They just

29:04

couldn't fuck and handle it's. so they

29:06

had a the oh, he's got some

29:08

underlying insecurities or whatever, but you know,

29:11

Course. Who does it? But when I was

29:13

a kid. Yeah

29:15

No. It was all

29:17

about. Every fucking show It

29:20

seems there was a cool guy

29:22

in a cool car. Bag.

29:24

In a hot chick like that was

29:26

the formula. And. We

29:29

all like live vicariously through it.

29:31

Just don't' fuckin' it'll. Lead.

29:34

Majors James got James Gordon did

29:36

it the coolest way in the

29:38

Rockford Files because his character was

29:41

actually like. Like.

29:43

As much as he viewed James, James Garner

29:45

was one of you know the classic. Good.

29:48

Looking leads in Hollywood but like his

29:50

character was like just such a fuck

29:52

up. Like living in a

29:55

trailer down on the beach. She was always have

29:57

a women probes he would always lose sites. But

30:02

he was still cool. Burnt Reynolds. All

30:06

of those guys. They were just the fucking

30:08

coolest guys. All of those shows. Hardcastle and

30:11

McCormick. What was the

30:13

one I used to want? Matt Houston? I

30:15

used to drive around that Excalibur. He

30:18

had the perfect fucking, you

30:21

know, hair and

30:23

mustache. And you're just

30:26

like, this guy just walks outside and like just,

30:29

it's just raining women. Like

30:32

how does he have time to solve

30:34

any crime with all of this distraction

30:37

coming out? Like that's what it really was.

30:40

It wasn't the car. It

30:44

wasn't the good looks and it wasn't all the women.

30:46

It was the focus to

30:48

still actually keep the career going was

30:51

incredible. So the fall guy, I feel

30:53

like is going to do

30:55

the perfect, but it was also ridiculous too. Let's

30:57

be honest, you know, I

31:01

watched this this kojak episode

31:04

the other day from like

31:06

season three and telly, telly Savalas out

31:08

of nowhere. And that season comes in

31:10

with the collar all the way out

31:13

to his shoulders, unbuttoned all

31:15

the way down to like almost above

31:17

his navel in a

31:19

police precinct. It's

31:21

just like, did you come straight from the disco?

31:24

What did you do with your coke spoon? You're a cop?

31:27

What am I looking at here? Right? So

31:29

I feel like they got to make fun of that, but there's also

31:31

going to be that awesome truck. It's

31:36

got Ryan Gosling who just threads the

31:38

needle of like tip

31:41

of the cap while making fun of it. I

31:44

got to go. I'm going to see that

31:46

this weekend without a fucking doubt. I

31:48

got to go see that movie. I

31:52

don't know why they don't bring a show like that back,

31:56

you know, and just do it with that sort

31:58

of vibe. doing

32:00

it while you're making fun of it, but you're still

32:02

doing it, you know? I

32:06

don't know. You know why? Because I don't

32:09

know that

32:11

cars are as individually cool as they used to

32:13

be, because this is some of the sickest cars

32:15

of all time that happen, as far as how

32:18

fast they are. Everybody

32:21

talks about those muscle cars and everything. The thing

32:23

about those muscle cars is they look so fucking

32:25

cool. But they're slow

32:27

as shit, unless you put something modern in

32:29

it. They were fast back then. You

32:33

know, if you wanted to go in a straight line, the

32:35

American shit anyways, right? But

32:38

like, the cars like today,

32:40

I don't know, like

32:42

the level of horseback, I saw it cool and the other day this guy, one

32:46

of his had like a mid-90s Volkswagen sedan,

32:48

or maybe might've even been the late 80s.

32:51

I'm not real good with the Volvo, not

32:53

Volkswagen, Volvo stuff. And

32:56

he put like a modern day Corvette engine in

32:58

it and put racing seats, took out the back

33:00

seat and just lightened the whole thing up. And

33:04

he had like the fucking, you know, the five

33:06

point seat belt, like he said, a F16. And

33:10

it was one of the sickest sounding cars

33:12

ever. And it was because you heard that

33:14

American rumble in this,

33:16

was it Swedish? That

33:19

Volvo's from Finland? I don't want

33:21

to piss off the

33:24

fucking, what are you, the Nordics, Scandinavia?

33:31

Anyway, I'm

33:34

just fucking babbling. This is probably

33:36

the day quill. My

33:39

wife gave me a shot at day quill. You

33:41

know, so now I just spend the rest

33:43

of the day just walking around being

33:45

agreeable in this fog. Like,

33:48

yeah, hey man, like whatever you want to do.

33:50

I mean, I'd appreciate if you turned the fucking

33:53

heat, I'm literally sitting podcasting and I'm sweating. Now

33:58

I want all you fucking medical. advisors

34:00

out there whatever the hymns people are to

34:03

now write in and be like, this is sweating,

34:05

it's good for if you have no medical background.

34:07

You know what your medical background is? It's listening

34:09

to other people on Instagram going, you know what's

34:11

good for cancer? Eat this. Anyway.

34:18

Alright, that's it people. I talked to the modus. I

34:20

can talk. Enjoy the music picked up by the... Oh,

34:23

it's wonderful. We have a bonus episode of

34:25

the Thursday afternoon just before Friday. Have

34:30

a great weekend. You're tons. Go Bruins, go

34:32

Celtics. Hey,

35:02

what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time

35:04

for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, May 9th,

35:06

2016. What's

35:09

going on? How you doing

35:12

there fuckos? Oh,

35:15

Freckles laying on his back trying

35:18

to get rid of the sciatica. It's much better. Sciatica,

35:22

sciatica, uh

35:25

oh, uh oh, sciatica.

35:27

A lot of people don't know that

35:29

was the original lyrics to Panama. You

35:31

know, David

35:34

Lee wanted to say, you know,

35:36

sciatica and Eddie wanted this and

35:38

Alex wanted Panama. And Michael

35:40

Anthony's like, come on, guys. You know, except he said in

35:42

a much higher voice, can we fucking just get along here?

35:45

And David ended up giving in to the brothers and that's what

35:47

the next thing you know, he was

35:49

on his own when I'm just... So,

35:53

um, yeah, my back's

35:55

doing, uh, it's doing much better slowly,

35:58

but surely. it's

36:00

gonna sort of work itself out if I just don't have

36:03

to sit on my fucking ass from here to

36:05

Jacksonville every other week but that's the life that

36:07

I live you know

36:11

this is the weirdest injury ever usually if you're

36:13

fucked up sitting down you know and resting is

36:15

a good thing this thing I just got to

36:17

kind of I got a lay

36:20

down I'm

36:23

a mess I'm taking that fucking ibupro

36:25

I don't know what the fuck it

36:28

is some anti-inflammatory thing

36:31

I'm stretching like a fucking NHL goalie

36:33

trying to get everything all fucking undone

36:36

down there but I don't know what's going on

36:39

I don't know but it is uh it

36:41

is getting better but I um I

36:45

flew all the way back today from

36:47

Jacksonville had

36:49

a great time and by the way here's

36:51

here's some here's some advice for

36:54

you when you're out on the road and

36:56

you're gonna get a breakfast all

36:58

right unless you're in some mom-and-pop

37:00

place and you can see over the counter

37:02

you can watch them making your food which

37:05

I don't necessarily really like to do if

37:08

you're gonna order eggs don't ever order

37:10

scrambled eggs I know

37:12

what you're thinking why though why wouldn't you

37:14

do that because they got a giant fucking

37:16

vat that they've made scrambled

37:19

eggs are the fucking oatmeal of eggs

37:21

when you go to restaurants it's just

37:23

it's like the trail lasagna it's just

37:26

that is your fucking you know is

37:29

your fucking eggs especially like this morning the

37:31

place where I went to Jacksonville

37:34

he ate at the Chili's restaurant in Jacksonville

37:36

Florida I know you guys you're jealous right

37:38

oh my god he gets to see everything

37:42

so me and for

37:44

a shaw who murdered it all week we

37:48

ordered the whatever the American breakfast

37:50

or something there and your only

37:52

option on the eggs was

37:55

scrambled okay now

37:57

if that's the fucking case that means they got

37:59

a giant vat that was probably made, I

38:01

don't know how long ago,

38:04

whatever the health code violation is, plus

38:06

five minutes, you know it's been sitting. So

38:08

you got the rubber fucking eggs and then

38:10

bacon, they just make a bunch of fucking

38:12

bacon, they got that sitting to the side,

38:14

you know? And

38:17

then they had their bullshit hash browns which, you

38:19

know, it was already all, the whole fucking thing

38:21

was already made. The only thing that really tasted

38:23

good was the biscuit. So if

38:26

you're ever at the airport, you

38:29

know, or if you're going down to the hotel lobby

38:32

for their continental breakfast, you

38:35

always never order scrambled eggs, order

38:38

eggs over easy, get an omelet, you know?

38:42

Do something like that where they just aren't going to

38:44

just have the shit already made. Or you

38:46

could do the gross shit with the syrup, but that's

38:49

going to fuck your whole day up, I feel. I

38:51

mean, not like I didn't order a big salty breakfast, but

38:54

for some reason a salty breakfast is as bad as it

38:56

is, I can continue to function.

38:58

But if you get a waffle of pancakes,

39:00

a French toast to that shit, you

39:03

know, you might as well just have somebody put you in a

39:05

fucking sleeper hold because you're going down

39:07

and you're going down early. So

39:11

anyway, just a little travel tip for

39:13

you there. So

39:15

anyways, you know, all this

39:18

past week, the lovely Nia,

39:20

my beautiful wife was away and

39:22

I was telling you how immaculate I

39:24

was keeping this place. Fucking immaculate.

39:28

All right. And I

39:32

literally like there was no trash in any of the

39:34

barrels. All the fucking pillars

39:37

were all poofed up. Look like it looked

39:39

like a showroom, the living room,

39:41

right? I made the fucking bed,

39:44

you know, it was spotless.

39:48

I wiped down my side of the fucking sink,

39:50

you know, brushed my teeth and all that shit.

39:53

Spotless. Okay. I

39:55

got a car washed and waxed, filled it

39:57

up with gas, all of that shit. Everything

40:01

was done. Went through all the bills,

40:03

got the junk mail, all the bullshit,

40:05

the recycling, fucking everything. I

40:07

did everything, right? So I'm thinking she's gonna

40:09

come home, you know, because I was

40:12

leaving, and right as I was leaving, she was coming home, so

40:14

we were just missing each other, right? So

40:17

I was thinking when she came home, she

40:19

was gonna be like, like, oh,

40:21

you know what? I might have to bring her in for this

40:23

shit. You know what? I'm gonna have

40:25

to bring her in for this. Hang on one second. Hold on one second.

40:30

All right, all right. So I'm back here. So anyways,

40:32

let me keep setting this up. So my whole thing,

40:35

Nia, was that when

40:38

you came home, this place was gonna

40:41

be absolutely spotless. So you'd be like,

40:43

oh my God, that's so nice. And

40:46

then also, you wouldn't

40:49

feel like I was just hopeless sap

40:51

without you. Because that always bugs me, like,

40:53

when women go like, hey, they fall apart

40:55

without us. I've never

40:57

said that about you, nor have I ever thought that.

40:59

I've never come home after being away, and the place

41:02

has been in shambles because you don't know what to

41:04

do. So I don't know why you keep talking about

41:06

it. So all that effort was for nothing? No, but

41:09

you keep holding on to some idea

41:12

of something that's- Are you quoting an 80s song?

41:14

What? Talking to the mic. Not

41:16

manspreading. Huh? Well,

41:19

I gotta be on the fucking couch here. No,

41:23

I don't know what you're so concerned about that

41:25

for. The place has never been disgusting

41:28

or gross after I've gone away, so I don't

41:30

know why you have this big hang up

41:32

about, you know, I don't get it.

41:34

You know what? No, I don't either.

41:36

Well- I'm trying

41:39

to think, will you fucking relax and let me

41:41

work through my shit? No, okay, sorry. What a

41:43

jerk. You're telling this story. All right. And

41:46

then you're out. Love. Love

41:49

it. So any- I'm told what happened. So I'm

41:52

fucking waiting. I'm on the road,

41:54

on the road again, and I'm

41:56

in fucking Hollywood, Florida, right? Mm-hmm.

41:58

And all I'm thinking is- is, oh, the

42:00

text message I'm going to get, oh,

42:03

it looks so great. It's so wonderful to come

42:05

home to a nice clean house that looks like

42:07

a fucking showroom. And

42:10

what do I get? I get a

42:12

fucking videotape from you. She's

42:14

in the pantry. Now, evidently something

42:17

went bad in the pantry. Okay.

42:20

Something didn't go bad in the pantry. It's just some

42:23

shit that's going down in the pantry. There's some shit

42:25

going down in the pantry. So here's the deal. I'm

42:28

fucking, I'm on me by myself. I'm writing

42:30

on the fucking show every night until seven

42:32

o'clock at night. I come home. My brain

42:34

is fried. I come home. I order a

42:36

pizza. I pour a scotch. I eat and

42:38

then I stare at the wall. I go

42:40

to bed and I get right back up

42:42

and we stare at the next draft and

42:44

the next script. That's been my life. So

42:46

I didn't, in defense of me, the

42:49

one fucking place I didn't go into. So

42:51

it was the pantry. It was the pantry.

42:53

Stop saying. I don't like that word. I

42:55

just realized pantry, pantry stuff. Okay. What should

42:58

we call? It's a, I don't know. It's

43:00

too close to panties in this food. I

43:03

don't like when food and sex are combined. Okay.

43:05

No, I know you don't like that. You think

43:07

that's weird. Oh, that nine and

43:09

a half weeks when he's fucking her with

43:11

all the groceries on her. I just was

43:13

like, look, either eat or

43:16

fuck. Not together. You

43:18

know? So

43:20

anyways, so

43:24

she sends me this video and

43:26

she's like, baby, how

43:28

did you not see this? Right?

43:31

It just starts fucking giving me all this

43:33

shit. I'm like, what the fuck? All

43:35

right. And she

43:37

pans up to the top of the fucking

43:39

ceiling and there was, what was

43:42

it? There's larvae. Larvae. Little,

43:44

yeah. Little moths. Modal.

43:47

What? It's an inside joke.

43:49

Oh, inside with who? But

43:52

the fucking people listening to it when I,

43:54

when I, when I do the advertising. No

43:56

yeah. There's a lot of larvae. There's, there's

43:59

moths and stuff. stuff because if there's

44:02

flour that's been opened and it's not sealed

44:04

up properly or grains or cereal, they'll create

44:06

little moths. Like if you have fruit out

44:08

for too long, it'll make fruit flies. So

44:11

that was what was happening. It doesn't make

44:13

fruit flies. It attracts them. No, it

44:15

creates them from that. I was just talking to the term

44:17

next guy about it. They just say, I don't know.

44:19

Fruit flies come from apples? Listen,

44:22

yeah. Like if you have fruit and stuff out

44:24

too long and it doesn't go that way. So an orange

44:26

f***ing apple and then f***ing nine months later you get a

44:28

fruit fly? No, it's not. There's no

44:30

womb in there that's making an apple. No, Bill. That's

44:32

not what I mean. It's not a fruit having sex.

44:34

That's what I'm saying. That's what you're saying. You're saying

44:36

they come from it. No, I'm not saying that. I'm

44:39

saying they... Listen, I don't know. I'm not a f***ing

44:41

term next person. But he was telling me that when

44:43

it's a fruit... What happens to those guys, dirty moths f***

44:45

on those apples out in the orchard. No. And

44:48

they plant their seed in there and then it comes out like

44:50

alien. Okay, Bill. There's not any fruit in

44:52

the pantry, okay? Stop pointing at me.

44:54

We have grains. I'm just staring at

44:56

your crush right now. It's

44:58

so comfortable. My

45:01

lower back is so comfortable right now. Oh,

45:03

you know what? I figured out a thing to

45:05

get for you for that. But anyway, we'll get

45:08

back to that. But if you have grains and

45:10

cereals out exposed in like this little closed environment

45:12

where it gets warm, it produces

45:14

these larvae and little flies

45:16

and moths and s***. So

45:19

that's what the guy just told me. He's

45:21

not saying it right. Well, how

45:23

are you saying it? Are you saying it better? Please,

45:25

like, tell me how you explain things

45:27

and how clear it is when you explain things.

45:30

Okay. What I would say is,

45:33

like, you know, if you're having a

45:35

cookout and you leave food out, all

45:37

of a sudden flies and ants show up, but

45:40

they don't come from the food. That's what

45:42

he told me. But you keep

45:44

saying they're coming from the apples and it's

45:46

confusing me. You

45:48

said it came from apples. I said nothing about

45:50

apples. You said it comes from apples. I

45:52

did not say it came from apples.

45:55

I'm lying to you. It came from

45:57

apples. I would never say it came from you. throwing

46:00

apples into the mix. I was trying to explain to you

46:02

about grains and shit. I mean, you're right.

46:04

Maybe you're right. No, I was saying it's like fruit flies.

46:06

This is why I stopped in school. I can't even hear

46:09

what you're saying. Because you don't listen. That's why

46:11

you goddamn ADD. You don't listen. You

46:14

don't listen. And then you start saying things and you

46:16

said them and then you attribute them to the other

46:18

person. Like it's so confusing to talk to you sometimes.

46:20

Cause you don't listen. Oh, it's so fucking hard.

46:22

It is hard. How about we were just

46:24

watching The Simpsons and you watched the entire

46:27

episode and midway through it, you were like,

46:29

why is that happening? Where

46:31

did the blue snake come from? Like a major plot point

46:33

that had been explained not even

46:35

five minutes earlier, but you don't pay attention.

46:37

Well, how about this? How about my fucking back

46:40

is out. And I was in Jacksonville, Florida this

46:42

morning. How about that? What does that have to

46:44

do with anything that we're talking about? Well, maybe

46:46

I'm a little fucking, you know, not

46:49

focusing on a fucking cartoon. Okay,

46:53

you're right. You're such a baby when you

46:55

travel too. Whenever you travel, you fucking for

46:57

like one day, like, oh my God, I

46:59

don't know how you do this. And then

47:01

it goes right out your fucking head. And

47:04

then the next time I'm coming back off the road,

47:06

you're like, oh, let's go. You

47:09

know, Susie Frickisee is having a fucking hoo-ha down the

47:11

fucking street. You want to go to that? When I

47:13

say no, you flip out at me. I

47:17

don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, I should do. You

47:19

know exactly why. You know who she is too.

47:21

Susie Frickisee? Oh yeah. She's

47:24

that broad down the next to the thing. All

47:27

right, so whatever. So she comes home and evidently there's some

47:29

sort of bug horror movie.

47:31

And you know how- Infestation. Infestation.

47:34

You know how the ladies react.

47:36

They don't like insects. You

47:39

know what I mean? They don't like insects- The

47:42

way men don't like cats. I

47:45

hate those fucking things. There's

47:47

nothing better than a cool cat. I like

47:49

a cool cat that chills and lays in

47:51

the fucking sun. You

47:53

know, I like their own new- The one where they're not creeping

47:55

up on you? Yeah, I don't like that. When they're practicing killing

47:57

you. I don't like that. You just look over.

48:00

over in there staring at you from the corner? No,

48:02

then they stop and try and play it off.

48:04

I don't like that they stand

48:06

on your chest in the morning,

48:09

waking you up. I don't like they shit in a box and

48:11

then you gotta pick it up. It's just too much. It's

48:14

too much. Cleo shits just outside. We still

48:16

gotta pick it up. I

48:20

know, but it's not in the house. If

48:22

you're gonna shit in the house, go in the toilet. If you don't

48:24

mind. I think

48:27

some people can train their cats to

48:29

shit in the toilet. I don't know how, but.

48:31

Well, I can tell you how. How? They can't

48:33

communicate with other human beings. So

48:36

they put all their energy into. Yeah, like they

48:38

got like that gift. They have like an Asperger

48:40

with cats. I see what you mean. Asperger.

48:43

With cats. Some

48:45

sort of, what's

48:48

that thing they're always talking about nowadays? Autism?

48:52

Autism, yeah, they're like. Autistic with people, but

48:54

okay. Communicate with cats. Let's just stop

48:57

with the mental. They can

48:59

like play an instrument really well. No, no,

49:01

no, just stop with the diagnosis of the

49:04

mental illnesses. Just stop right there, please. What

49:07

are you talking about? You're gonna get angry tweets. I'm

49:10

not mocking any of that. I'm making

49:12

fun of people that put, you can't fucking say

49:14

anything anymore. Everybody gets all worried. I know, I

49:16

know. Nia, I do benefits for all of those

49:18

things. All of those things. I know.

49:20

Give up my free fucking time. You're gonna have your best

49:22

friend. All the black. Oh

49:25

Jesus Christ. I

49:31

remember when things were funny. Oh,

49:34

it was so simple back in the day. Yeah, it

49:36

was. You could just say shit. You could just say

49:38

things and no one would say anything. Yeah, and every

49:40

fucking jerk off didn't have some way they could just

49:42

spout about how fucking annoyed they are. But everything else

49:44

is fine as long as it doesn't come around in

49:46

my world. Can I just ask what the situation

49:48

is here, with the Ziploc bag? What about

49:51

it? You're keeping your equipment

49:53

stored? Yeah. Bill's got this

49:55

cord and the little foamy part that you

49:57

put on a. The windscreen. The windscreen. and

50:00

a couple of batteries and

50:02

old Ziploc bag that's ripped

50:04

and just doesn't even zip

50:07

anymore. Right. So I'm just

50:09

wondering why, basically. Because

50:13

it still holds the things and if I just

50:15

throw that thing out another one's gonna break and

50:17

then that thing right there is probably gonna end

50:19

up on the nose of a porpoise and it's

50:22

not gonna be able to eat it's gonna die

50:24

because everything ends up in

50:26

the ocean. Yeah you know put litter

50:29

in its place it's like the second all this shit

50:31

that you throw out they're saying you don't pollute we

50:33

all pollute. Do you take this on the road with

50:35

you? It's not like I was having an idea

50:37

there. Good. I mean do I

50:39

take that on the road? You're just gonna be

50:41

like battling about something that you don't really know

50:44

about so I mean I don't really feel like

50:46

I'm missing anything.

50:49

So you take this on the road with you? Yes.

50:51

All right well I could maybe get

50:53

you a nice leather satchel.

50:56

Really? You got a skin of fucking cow? Because

50:59

I already have one. It'll last longer than

51:01

putting it in this ridiculous thing. That's

51:03

never gonna biodegrade. What's this?

51:05

That thing won't biodegrade. That thing will

51:08

be here somewhere in

51:11

the dirt somewhere hundreds of fucking

51:13

years after we're gone. All right I'm saying you can have

51:15

a nice way to carry your things. It

51:17

doesn't look like you

51:19

know the bag that we should use

51:22

for sandwiches. What is your fascination with

51:24

just like buying shit? What do you

51:26

mean fascination with buying shit? Obsession? I

51:29

mean look at this look at this that you're carrying this thing

51:31

in. I really wish you guys could see the ziplock bag

51:33

right now. It's a mess. A

51:35

man of your stature should not be carrying

51:38

around your podcast equipment in an old hat.

51:40

What did you just say? A man of

51:42

my stature fucking two seconds I

51:45

was a fucking moron. You can be wrong. Two

51:54

shays from Nene. So

51:57

who do you like tonight? we

52:00

got? St. Louis Blues meet

52:02

me in St. Louis Louis versus

52:05

who? The Dallas Staz, formerly

52:08

the Minnesota North Stars. Are these hockey

52:10

teams? Yes they are. If they're

52:12

not like the Kings or

52:14

the Bruins I don't really know.

52:18

Oh yeah what are your feelings about the Kings and the

52:20

Bruins? Well

52:23

if I came down to it I would be a Bruins fan

52:25

because I'm from Boston. Oh you're just saying who you're gonna root

52:27

for? Yeah but the rest of them I don't know. Those are

52:29

my two. Who do you like? I like

52:31

both teams but I just I started

52:34

pulling for the Blues because the Blues have been in

52:36

the league since 1960. Well for who's getting who? Because

52:38

the Bruins didn't make the playoffs.

52:41

So I was like all right I gotta pick somebody and I'm

52:44

not gonna jump on the Blackhawks and Kings

52:46

bandwagon because they're always in it so I'm

52:48

gonna go for an underdog. I was like

52:50

well the Blues they've been around since 1967.

52:53

So the Minnesota North Stars but the people

52:55

in Dallas haven't been rooting that long but

52:57

I really like the players and shit. I

52:59

like I like Dallas but I've been rooting

53:01

for a Babylon over here. St. Louis.

53:03

Are there gonna be a Kings game that we can

53:06

go to? Because

53:08

I really enjoyed going to those two Kings

53:10

games we went to. Yeah they got bounced

53:13

out. What do you mean bounced out? They

53:15

got beaten by the San Jose Sharks.

53:18

Oh so they're not in it? It's

53:20

over. It's over for them. The Stanley

53:23

Cup. The playoffs. There you go. They got they

53:25

lost in the first round. What about the Brewies?

53:28

We didn't make it. We were... Oh

53:30

well then I don't get shit. Well

53:33

we overachieved throughout the year because at least as far

53:35

as I was concerned of the guy that would do

53:37

fuck am I but I mean with the players that

53:39

we had and everybody that we got rid of I

53:41

thought we were just gonna be trying to figure out

53:43

who the fuck everybody was for half the season and

53:46

then maybe you know I don't know.

53:48

What about the Toronto Blue Jays? What happened was

53:50

we were gonna be making the playoffs and everybody's

53:52

all bunched together. We look at fucking third seed

53:55

then we had a West Coast trip and we

53:57

got a fucking asses kicked and

53:59

all went away. And

54:01

the flyer and red wing fans talk shit

54:04

about you know, haha you didn't make the playoffs and

54:06

they both got the right their friend in the first

54:08

fucking round so I enjoyed that. Okay. Well the Toronto

54:11

Blue Jays is that a is that a hockey

54:13

team? No that's baseball. Oh the

54:15

Toronto Maple Leafs the the Maple Leafs got the first

54:17

pick in the draft. Who are the Raptors? Are

54:20

they a hockey team? No. Who

54:23

were they? They're a basketball team. Oh Jesus. Keep keep

54:25

saying this shit. You know what and then I'll do

54:28

you pick something else that I don't know anything about.

54:30

We'll see who's more right. What

54:32

do you went through that you know about? Did

54:35

I just say that is that a question?

54:37

What do you went through that you know

54:40

about? I don't know fashion.

54:42

Okay go ahead. Um

54:46

oh Jesus. What's

54:49

the name of the guy who makes fun of fat people?

54:51

He used to be fat. Oh.

54:53

Is that that's that's not Alexander Wang

54:56

is it? No. Is that Michael Richards?

54:59

Is it Michael uh Michael Kors?

55:01

No. He's German. Is

55:03

it Paul Mitchell? And he is the head

55:06

of a very very like the most famous

55:08

fashion house in the world. It's not Versace

55:10

because he got shot by that guy. Yes.

55:14

No it's not. It's not Chanel because that was a chick and

55:16

she's dead. Right but.

55:18

She has an apartment in Paris that you

55:20

can go into if you're skinny enough. Right

55:23

but you're you're closed. You're getting there. Chanel

55:25

is right. Chanel is the right fashion house.

55:28

The person who you're talking about is

55:31

the the head creative director for Chanel. He

55:33

looks like a war criminal. Right.

55:35

He's German. Oh there you

55:38

go. And why were they war criminals

55:40

Nia? Because they lost. We

55:47

would have had just as many people go into fucking

55:49

Nuremberg. We really would have. Okay.

55:53

Dresden. Carl Lagerfeld. Ah

55:57

Fuck. Remember when we saw him and the last time we

55:59

were in Paris? And the cab.

56:01

And I so freaking out because I

56:03

saw Called Law that right walking down

56:05

the street and Paris and I thought

56:07

he was cool look at soon manager

56:09

vampire look he's a vampire fire war

56:12

criminal Lula old Queen look and dude

56:14

yeah pretty much have some I. Name.

56:17

A sports team going it's ah I'll name

56:19

when you tell me what it is they.

56:22

Are A Yellow Jackets. Buddies for

56:24

to dismiss that are yellowed circus I

56:26

feel like that with a high school

56:28

a silica was of for confusion of

56:30

an arm or what about when I'm

56:33

alone? No wasn't that's Alec Wake Forest

56:35

or substance or college basketball team. some

56:37

sort of checks. Of

56:40

the grizzlies, there were grizzlies. Surat.

56:43

Know. Miss. It. At.

56:46

Some place. Called that would have grizzly

56:48

bear threat so it's not obvious. Southern

56:50

good Him: good Guess what? they moved

56:52

they were no way to be recently

56:54

in an effort ah time event mid

56:56

western. Kind of. They.

56:58

Were initially Vancouver and then they went

57:00

to another Memphis. Oh. That's for

57:02

some reason they kept the name. Kinda

57:04

like when the New Orleans Jazz move

57:07

to Utah. The white as fuck and

57:09

place and the Utah jazz player. You'll

57:11

never see any jazz or here and

57:13

he's as and you to I, I,

57:15

i I when I saw. This

57:19

or know the jazz clubs and

57:21

use of death like a New

57:23

Orleans Mormons. Nor what's more than

57:26

others had. our. Allies

57:28

that them better. Or

57:30

it will. We enjoyed you. Hear near? Oh,

57:32

I'm done. I don't know Your fans

57:34

are and. All

57:38

of this I know I get a call her back.

57:42

Are you down with Miss. Are you wrap

57:45

it up the park as you answer questions? Now.

57:47

Being come back to that are sick

57:49

and tired so families ah nice reversal

57:51

I sit here are some and like

57:53

now let me come back to me

57:55

to go fuck myself. You know what?

57:57

I enjoy that. Irrespective.

58:00

So I just came on to sell the

58:02

larvae slavery larvae and then leave a. Assess

58:06

Assess. The good

58:08

idea so I could straighten up my legs and for

58:10

give my by showing says be right Are you even

58:13

able to do a podcast in the upright position in

58:15

the more. On.

58:18

This is why a marriage of this is the type

58:20

of compassion. Is

58:24

such a fucking babes I I have

58:26

my way to follow this shit. I

58:28

never, I never see doctors, I don't

58:30

take medicine says because you're done. It

58:32

matter to us it's a hazard da most

58:34

likely more thirty highway. Can I don't go

58:37

to the hospital? They don't go to Dodger.

58:39

They'll take medicines. Now you're dumb. We

58:41

have advances in our society. I'm sorry

58:43

you don't I have it on been a tougher the

58:45

job. You're a baby so. Fine, be tough for

58:47

you want, But like, be smart and tough.

58:50

Go to the doctor if you're so tough.

58:52

Goes along the way they have a poignant

58:54

like an after school special. yeah why I'm

58:56

getting their feet. Saw a sign that a

58:58

doctor in hearing what they had to say

59:00

that's real toughness. As real talk

59:02

as Will thought. Fun or it or

59:05

mad hear me out. Of

59:09

far as as to. You

59:14

leave. Or to

59:16

don't say hi. You heard. Me: Listen.

59:19

I went on in. Or you know I don't

59:21

go to fuck a doctors and all that shit.

59:23

Why? Because doctors they practice medicine, they practice argue

59:26

they don't have shut down and one of the

59:28

one of things that they'd still don't know a

59:30

lot of our. Act. As but it's not like

59:32

they don't mean that, like they're practicing like uses your

59:34

practice and drums. You know that's not the same thing

59:36

they went to medical. School, I understand them.

59:39

So. Why are you like taking that word

59:41

so literally? Have you ever seen Lars Ulrich

59:43

play Life? And practices.

59:45

He fucks up all the time without.

59:49

Fear. Of tell

59:51

us when it meets practice medicine and then you

59:53

learn of other people just look how much better

59:56

hair plugs of got. Become.

59:58

much better they get with the fuck and you know part

1:00:00

of your eye out and then you can see better. You

1:00:02

told me you were going to go to a doctor to

1:00:04

figure out what was happening with your leg. Okay,

1:00:07

so I know what it is. I

1:00:09

know you said it could I know you think

1:00:11

you know what it is, but can you please go

1:00:13

to a doctor and so it doesn't become a chronic

1:00:15

issue? Can I finish so and then when you're you

1:00:17

know 50 which is can

1:00:19

I can I finish? You

1:00:24

can have some sort of handle on it. And one

1:00:26

of the things that they know the least about is

1:00:28

the back. Okay, and I'm

1:00:30

just I'm just not gonna just go to

1:00:32

a fucking chiropractor. I'm gonna find somebody you

1:00:35

know who has a good reputation if not

1:00:37

just fucking opening people up like a it

1:00:39

isn't fine because I wasn't done talking

1:00:42

you always jump in because you're suggesting that

1:00:44

I just want you to go to some random ass

1:00:46

clinic. I was just joking around.

1:00:48

I was joking around. Well, I'm holding you

1:00:50

to this because you said you were going to do it. So

1:00:54

are you gonna do it? I don't know. I'm

1:00:58

feeling pretty good. I

1:01:01

don't like going at this. I don't like going to the doctor way. I don't

1:01:03

like going to the fucking mall. Just the

1:01:05

whole idea going over there and parking and just

1:01:07

the whole fucking thing. I know I know. Can

1:01:09

you feel me? Shall make sure you show up

1:01:12

15 minutes before. Oh yeah, yeah, I'll be there.

1:01:15

See you then. I know

1:01:17

but once it's done, it's done. You know

1:01:19

my first show in Hollywood Florida there was

1:01:21

a couple of ladies in the

1:01:23

front row were

1:01:26

asking if you were there because they needed

1:01:28

relationship advice. Oh yeah? You

1:01:31

know, they were like, how come we don't have boyfriends?

1:01:34

No, they didn't say this. That's what they said.

1:01:37

Someone actually wrote me and asked

1:01:40

me about you proposing

1:01:42

and actually that's what I wanted to do. I

1:01:45

wanted to talk about this email. I got should we do it today or should

1:01:47

we do it? No, what the fuck is writing you and how the fuck

1:01:49

are they writing you? Because they

1:01:51

write Mike because of my website, tenderheadedfilms.com.

1:01:56

So they were writing me because remember I was going

1:01:58

to do a podcast all those years and

1:02:00

they just never did it. No,

1:02:03

they wrote this whole thing about how

1:02:05

did you get a guy who was

1:02:07

so anti-marriage to propose and all

1:02:09

that kind of stuff and how did it

1:02:11

happen and did I propose? No, I did

1:02:13

not propose. Bill proposed to me and

1:02:16

all that stuff. And then what did you

1:02:18

just write? I wore him down. I didn't

1:02:20

write, excuse me? I wore him down. No,

1:02:23

no. See, this is why we have to talk about it

1:02:25

because that's some bullshit. No, we don't. I'm

1:02:27

just making a joke. Will you fucking relax?

1:02:29

I'm going you down. You love me, you

1:02:31

missed me. You told your larvae story. Now,

1:02:34

one thing about show business is you leave

1:02:36

them wanting more. So

1:02:38

get your fucking cute ass out of here. All

1:02:40

right. Goodbye. I want to talk about that story

1:02:42

though. I want to answer that question. Oh, we all want to do

1:02:44

things in life. Beat

1:02:46

it. Goodbye. Hit the road,

1:02:48

Jack. Don't you come back

1:02:50

no more, no more, no more, no more. Hit

1:02:54

the road, Deany. Yeah, so

1:02:56

that's what I came up to. She fucking shows me

1:02:58

this big goddamn thing about all the fucking… As

1:03:01

much as I'm going to bitch it, it wasn't

1:03:03

much of fucking larvae.

1:03:06

I swear to God, she says it comes from apples

1:03:09

and flowers. Not flower, and

1:03:11

flower being left out in grains. Whatever.

1:03:14

You know what? If you agree with her, you can

1:03:16

go fuck yourselves. How about that? All right. Let's read

1:03:18

a little advertising here for this week, shall we? All

1:03:20

right. And with that,

1:03:23

it's over. Come on. Come on now. Delete.

1:03:26

Close the window and

1:03:28

on to the rest of the bullshit. I had the

1:03:31

worst fucking… He was a good guy, but I had

1:03:33

a bad cab driver way back

1:03:35

from the fucking airport. He

1:03:38

was one of those

1:03:40

people that can't keep a consistent speed, you know, so

1:03:42

they make your car sick. And

1:03:44

what was hilarious was he was driving a Prius, and the

1:03:47

way he was driving this thing, I would be surprised if

1:03:49

he was getting eight miles

1:03:51

per gallon. He just kept doing

1:03:53

that. Wahh! Wahh! Just

1:03:57

stomp and glide. I

1:04:00

got just amazed me. Some people like how

1:04:02

they cannot hear you can hear the engine.

1:04:06

Eugenia. The fuck and Rpm gone through

1:04:09

the roof. You don't understand that is wasting

1:04:11

fuel. I know, you know how bad those

1:04:13

cabbies get fucked over. You.

1:04:15

Think that he would be concerned about something. You

1:04:17

think if you drove for a fucking living, you'd

1:04:20

have an understanding of how fuck an engine works.

1:04:25

It. Was so fucking annoying. It actually just kind

1:04:28

of just became funny. And.

1:04:30

He was a really nice guy, but I'm. An.

1:04:32

Hour Some people like. it's almost like

1:04:34

a driving with a six foot. You.

1:04:37

Know or a mechanical foot like the

1:04:39

prototype and that you know it's either

1:04:41

on or off. This Know I'm. Consistency.

1:04:44

A speed this guy. He just kept going up

1:04:46

to like sixty five, seventy miles an hour and

1:04:49

then glide back down to like. The. Know

1:04:51

Fifty Two: Of course I'm looking at

1:04:53

my fucking phone Subset Six: And

1:04:57

absolute. Fucking

1:04:59

shit. So are you know when I went

1:05:01

to Florida? By the way, I landed in

1:05:03

Miami every time I landed somewhat Miami are

1:05:06

you mentally start seeing all these beautiful women

1:05:08

in Every time I go there I just

1:05:10

hear Tony Montana his voice cause the city

1:05:12

is like one big pussy wait to get

1:05:14

soft. And

1:05:17

I was trying to bait near into those two

1:05:19

women that was sitting in the front row to

1:05:22

get into that fucking conversation. Bomb.

1:05:24

But. She by the bait cheated take the

1:05:27

bait. Because

1:05:29

they were like why don't we have boyfriends

1:05:31

you know and should have seen him cause

1:05:33

uke I don't know cause you guys that.

1:05:36

You know, wearing any clothes? That

1:05:39

be the one tagged as beautiful as

1:05:41

you are no guy wants to put

1:05:43

up with does. He

1:05:46

get a walk down the street like

1:05:48

some over protective dog I see but

1:05:50

everybody away, everybody. We

1:05:53

would have was barely wearing a shirt. Granted,

1:05:56

I wasn't complaining for where I was standing from, but

1:05:59

I mean it's just. Kind of obvious you know

1:06:01

to me to get a while yet a cover up the

1:06:03

goods a little bit. I

1:06:06

mean I would say that some A.i don't

1:06:08

know. she's currently dating somebody right now, but

1:06:10

Mcdonalds and fucking unbelievable shape for her age.

1:06:12

And if she would just put on something

1:06:14

elegant. You. Know any means that

1:06:16

a role in around with half a fucking

1:06:18

pussy lips hangouts. I don't know why she

1:06:20

doesn't. She. Said something late you

1:06:22

know as she did yet another sucker

1:06:25

off fucking careers Been like one big

1:06:27

publicity stunt after another. You know I'm

1:06:29

wearing a wedding dress but of fingered

1:06:31

myself with the fuck an awards show

1:06:33

right? You know, Right from there are

1:06:35

that oh which jesus buddies, African american

1:06:37

and now I'm trying to fuck I'm

1:06:39

It's just paint by numbers shock. And

1:06:41

what's funny is I actually liked her

1:06:43

music. I

1:06:50

just keep it all. It's actually I

1:06:52

threw up my back to and that

1:06:54

Molly Ringwald dance of. Anyways,

1:06:58

Yeah. And then she goes on Letterman.

1:07:00

She says fuck fifty thousand times. She

1:07:03

does stand up on the Tonight show was

1:07:05

just one pickpocketing aptness or latest one. Or

1:07:07

she showed up to a movie theater them

1:07:09

about movie premiere or whatever, Fox and on

1:07:12

who the fuck knows what was. Your

1:07:14

cellphone rings, toothbrushes, some for god's

1:07:17

sake of places shows up and

1:07:19

she literally hazard cities and around

1:07:21

so. Like. A seats would

1:07:24

dress and. She.

1:07:26

Course says well what I'm doing is

1:07:28

I'm challenging the boundaries. And

1:07:30

dumb. Of what you know, of

1:07:32

course, women, the dogs of drag, all that bullshit

1:07:34

and then it's like know, you're fifty seven. Okay,

1:07:37

Nobody wants to look at that of cake you like.

1:07:41

It my age I i willing to put

1:07:43

on a for could sport coat. Nobody

1:07:47

wants to see. it's. It's

1:07:49

just dub. Ya you that push any

1:07:52

boundaries to says it's a you know. You.

1:07:54

have it a little bit of a midlife crisis i think

1:07:57

she looks like the great but she'd look way better if

1:07:59

she fucking detail You

1:08:02

know, put on a fucking dress, fucking

1:08:05

you do it. I don't know. But

1:08:07

then again, I saw Iggy pop and

1:08:09

he wasn't wearing his shirt, but I don't find,

1:08:11

guys aren't like attractive. It

1:08:14

was just sort of funny to me. Not funny. I

1:08:17

just was, just him not giving a fuck. So

1:08:19

I guess if she just said, look, I don't give a fuck. I

1:08:23

just felt like having my ass and titties hanging

1:08:25

out. I wouldn't have

1:08:27

a problem with that. But the fact that she's sitting there

1:08:29

trying to say that, no,

1:08:31

no, wait a minute. I think she might be right. Maybe

1:08:36

she is right. Hey,

1:08:39

get it off. You

1:08:42

need to make me a cool shit.

1:08:46

There's a chance I'm going to be a good

1:08:48

thing. There's a thing in the band and what? Until

1:08:53

she comes here, I'll sing. I'll sing some of

1:08:55

my favorite songs by her. Bad

1:08:58

boy, no bad girl, home by

1:09:00

six. Hey,

1:09:03

pick up the mic. I got

1:09:05

a question for you. Now you want me

1:09:07

back. Yep. That's like that street joke

1:09:09

I told you, right? That's the

1:09:11

one I heard Jackie the joke man tell. The

1:09:14

one about the gorilla? No, the

1:09:16

one with the fucking. Because

1:09:19

I like that. The married guy, he's walking out of

1:09:21

the house and his wife's yelling at him. Go

1:09:24

get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck

1:09:26

out. I never want to see you again.

1:09:29

So he's walking away and she goes, I hope you

1:09:31

die a long, slow, miserable death. And he turns around

1:09:33

and he goes, oh, what? Now you want me back?

1:09:37

That's a stupid joke. This

1:09:39

reminded me of that anyway school. I could have

1:09:41

told it better, but I just got off playing Jackie the joke man.

1:09:43

Tell us a way better. All right. So

1:09:46

my daughter recently. Borderline.

1:09:52

She showed up at some fucking, you know,

1:09:54

raise awareness thing. I

1:09:56

don't know what it was. It

1:09:59

was a carpet. She showed up and she

1:10:01

had her butt cheeks out and her titties out. Okay,

1:10:03

this was the Met Ball that

1:10:05

happens every year in New York City. And

1:10:07

that's for the Mets? Yes, it

1:10:09

is. Go Mets. But it's just

1:10:11

for one of them? I

1:10:13

know, it's for the fucking museum. Yes. The

1:10:16

hacky date. Every fucking person in their 20s

1:10:18

goes on in New York. And

1:10:20

Madonna. Let's go to a museum. It's

1:10:23

a big gala. Only the creme, that

1:10:25

a creme darling, I invited. It's

1:10:28

a rough Lauren pretends to fall and he sniffs her butt

1:10:30

on the way down. Is that what happens? What?

1:10:34

You know, super rich people. They're all freaks,

1:10:36

aren't they? I guess. Wasn't that the

1:10:38

point of Eyes Wide Shut? I

1:10:41

don't know what the point of Eyes Wide Shut was. What

1:10:44

happened was Stanley Kubrick died. He died halfway through.

1:10:46

I saw a great fucking movie on the plane

1:10:49

called The Insiders. It's a movie made

1:10:51

by some

1:10:53

Korean director, man. It was fucking phenomenal.

1:10:56

Really enjoyed it. Okay. Had one of

1:10:58

the best fucking fight scenes. I've

1:11:02

seen, because the guy was missing a hand.

1:11:06

You know, so he had to like fucking, you know.

1:11:09

Everybody knew what hand he was throwing, right? And

1:11:13

it was multiple attackers. It was

1:11:15

the shit. I almost gave it a standing ovation on the

1:11:17

plane. If it was pre-9-11,

1:11:19

I could have done it. But I

1:11:22

started to do it and they were like, sir, sir, why are

1:11:24

you being hostile? I had to

1:11:26

sit down. It's

1:11:28

another freedom lost. So

1:11:31

anyways, so

1:11:34

fucking Madonna shows up.

1:11:37

Uh-huh. The eyes are. Okay.

1:11:40

So she says that

1:11:43

she's trying to fucking push the boundaries of whatever,

1:11:45

the fucking sex and that type of thing. Yeah.

1:11:48

Okay. So I was going like,

1:11:50

come on, you're 57. No one wants to see me

1:11:52

without a shirt on. Granted, she's in better shape than

1:11:54

I am. But like, you know, I'm in my sport

1:11:56

coat years. Like, you know, covered up there freckles, right?

1:12:00

saying is

1:12:04

yeah you get to a certain point you

1:12:06

get in your 40s and stuff like that

1:12:08

women dress elegantly and men dress like gentlemen

1:12:10

yeah another word yeah you cover up you

1:12:12

know the fucking battle scars of what you've

1:12:14

been through okay do any fucking wine and

1:12:17

cheese plates no

1:12:20

what I'm saying is so I'm saying the mark

1:12:22

Madonna just put on a nice dress you could

1:12:24

look really elegant yeah I know I

1:12:29

know but you know something it's like look

1:12:31

who's getting up Michael Jackson if

1:12:33

he was still alive the short

1:12:36

pants with the glitter socks like come on dude

1:12:39

some point you got to update the look what is it

1:12:41

what is your point with this whole Madonna thing so

1:12:44

I was saying that but then I was like wait a minute

1:12:46

but when I saw Iggy pop with no

1:12:48

shirt on I thought it

1:12:50

was badass that that he didn't give a

1:12:53

fuck so that's that's bullshit so I should

1:12:55

be actually applauding Madonna Wow look at you

1:12:57

see that that's not that's

1:12:59

nice okay I was gonna say you're gonna like

1:13:01

wow look at you you're really not as dumb

1:13:03

so my apologies to Madonna feels

1:13:09

like I'm showing off my

1:13:11

behind take it look at

1:13:13

my fucking 57 year old titties

1:13:16

she's my age with 10 years 10 years

1:13:18

apart so she's 50 wait what Madonna

1:13:26

57 years wait yes she is she

1:13:28

was born the same year as Prince oh

1:13:31

shit no same year as Michael Jackson

1:13:35

Michael Jackson was 58 Prince was 58 I think Madonna

1:13:39

was 58 and that was like in 19 she's

1:13:41

57 oh my god yeah

1:13:45

she's gonna be 58 right had no idea in

1:13:47

August yeah she'll be 58 yeah so 1958

1:13:52

as far as music goes was kind of like 1943 1943

1:13:54

was Janice Joplin Jimmy And

1:14:01

Jim Morrison, all

1:14:03

born 1943. And

1:14:07

then they all died in 1970. And

1:14:10

then people started to understand drugs and

1:14:13

bringing a jump rope on the road

1:14:15

and maybe becoming a vegan. So now

1:14:18

they live longer. Michael made it to

1:14:20

50. Prince made it to 57. Madonna's

1:14:23

still going. Okay. So

1:14:25

all of them in

1:14:28

their own way kind

1:14:30

of went on stage with their ass hanging out, right?

1:14:35

Okay. Where are you going

1:14:38

with this? No way. I got to fill up an

1:14:40

hour. I got to – okay, do you want to

1:14:42

do some questions here? Okay. So

1:14:44

you brought me in to show

1:14:46

me that you've evolved in seeing your own double standards

1:14:49

when it comes to aging women and showing their bodies?

1:14:53

Yeah. And you know, double

1:14:55

standard also works with women the way they look at

1:14:57

guys in certain situations, too. You guys aren't like perfect.

1:14:59

No one is claiming to be perfect. Okay.

1:15:02

Well, the media just seems to cover your

1:15:04

complaints. And then this just – When

1:15:07

will you ever have a voice?

1:15:10

Thank God you have this podcast. I

1:15:13

know. No one would hear me. Listen,

1:15:17

you don't understand. The world doesn't live with me. They don't have the

1:15:19

privilege of living with me the way you do. So

1:15:22

I need to do this once a week. That's

1:15:27

a fucking beautiful watch. Who got you that? You

1:15:30

did. That's right, asshole. Really? Response

1:15:34

to stinky German from last week. So

1:15:37

this poor bastard – he's German, right?

1:15:41

Yeah. And so

1:15:43

he lives in Germany. He's old school. Okay.

1:15:46

He didn't leave and try to be like, hey, I wasn't

1:15:48

part of that hit-lift thing. Right. I got it. He still

1:15:50

lives in Germany. Yeah. His grandparents said,

1:15:53

you know, I don't know if it's me, but this guy's

1:15:56

making a lot of sense. So – So

1:16:03

because of the

1:16:05

mistakes of his forefathers and mothers, the

1:16:09

gods have cursed him that he

1:16:11

just sort of smells a little musty. And

1:16:14

he tries showering, he does all this shit, he doesn't know

1:16:16

what the fuck to do. So evidently,

1:16:19

this other musty guy, formerly musty guy,

1:16:21

heard about this. Okay.

1:16:24

Does he look into his diet? Yeah,

1:16:27

we talked about that in halitosis, maybe

1:16:29

you have a fucking sinus infection, I

1:16:31

don't know what, but he just... He

1:16:33

just smells bad all the time. No

1:16:35

matter how much he showers. So

1:16:38

this guy says, yeah. Anywhere

1:16:41

deodorant? Yeah. It's

1:16:44

quite a mystery. Boy, I'll

1:16:46

tell you what. So this person's

1:16:48

in response to this. This is a formerly musty person,

1:16:50

so I hope this helps the... The

1:16:53

sauerkraut? Oh,

1:16:55

Jesus. Jesus. Yes!

1:17:00

Yes! Woo!

1:17:04

That is my best fucking pun ever. I'm

1:17:07

sorry, but that shit was great. Alright,

1:17:09

that was pretty good. Wow, that was

1:17:11

good. That was good.

1:17:15

Alright, I'm gonna... I'm

1:17:17

gonna... He said

1:17:19

I'm gonna and keep this simple because we all know

1:17:21

of your reading issues. What

1:17:24

I admittedly have. I've been a

1:17:26

fan for years, but this is the first time

1:17:28

I feel the need to chime in on something.

1:17:30

Last week you read a question from a German

1:17:32

guy that had a musty body odor and did

1:17:34

not know what to do about it. He said

1:17:37

growing up I dealt with the same bullshit that

1:17:39

poor sap is going through. I

1:17:41

always smelled musty. I could not

1:17:43

wash it away no matter how often I showered. This

1:17:46

is brutal. I feel bad for these people. I

1:17:48

tried everything and finally realized it

1:17:51

was antiperspirant. For

1:17:53

some weird reason my body reacted when I

1:17:55

put it on and I smelled musty. I

1:17:59

actually stopped... wearing deodorant for a few weeks

1:18:01

in the winter so I did not smell like

1:18:03

a complete savage. After that

1:18:05

period of time I began wearing

1:18:07

deodorant only, skipping all brands with

1:18:10

antiperspen. Happily the

1:18:12

stinky musty odor went away.

1:18:15

Hope this works you stinky fuck.

1:18:17

Love the podcast, your comedy and F is

1:18:20

for family and go fuck yourself. Yeah so

1:18:22

basically what I got from that is maybe

1:18:24

his body is having reaction to something that

1:18:26

he is using I don't know. It's

1:18:30

the sweat, it's the way to keep you cool right?

1:18:32

That's the whole point of sweating. So

1:18:35

antiperspirant. I know maybe people

1:18:37

who sweat excessively they don't

1:18:39

want to be sweating through their clothes or

1:18:41

something so I don't know but it sounds like

1:18:43

that person should go to a doctor. Well they

1:18:45

haven't been able to figure out what's going

1:18:47

on and he's in Germany too and those

1:18:49

guys don't fuck around over there. They're very

1:18:51

efficient. Yeah cars, the trades,

1:18:56

the rocket science. Everybody

1:18:59

could just forgive them for that one

1:19:02

crazy 10-year period. They got a

1:19:04

little sideways. They'll

1:19:06

never live it down. You can't.

1:19:08

Sorry. You know what? It's on

1:19:10

video. That's why. You know? Other

1:19:14

countries could do shit and it happened before

1:19:16

like a certain something that happened in 1915

1:19:18

that we always see advertised. My

1:19:21

vote, dear Bill on Capitol Hill.

1:19:24

I don't know what you're talking about.

1:19:26

Well you should. You know what? If

1:19:28

there was movie cameras around you would...

1:19:30

Movie cameras? Yep. Motion picture things. Have

1:19:32

you ever heard of Vermin Supreme? He's

1:19:36

been on... I don't believe

1:19:39

that this is somebody's name. I'm going to look this up

1:19:41

before you guys make a fool of me. Which

1:19:44

is not hard to do. Why don't you read it first?

1:19:47

Because then I start commenting and then halfway

1:19:49

through I realize it's a prank phone call. Vermin

1:19:53

Supreme. It's coming up. Vermin

1:19:56

Supreme. Vermin Supreme is an American

1:19:58

performance art. Artist and activist

1:20:01

who has run as a candidate and

1:20:03

very low various local states Okay,

1:20:08

let me see what this what's up with this guy,

1:20:10

okay, I never heard of this guy He's

1:20:12

been on the ballot in New Hampshire and his platform

1:20:14

has a lot to do with dental health He

1:20:17

also has a plan in place for the

1:20:19

zombie apocalypse which involves setting up thousands of

1:20:22

treadmills to put the zombies On

1:20:24

to help power the new world. He wears

1:20:27

a giant boot on his head I've seen

1:20:29

this fucking guy the boot. That's right and

1:20:31

carries around a rubber toothbrush.

1:20:33

Here's an article on him He

1:20:36

also has promised free ponies for

1:20:38

everyone. Oh So

1:20:42

he's a whack job, I

1:20:44

don't know if he's a whack job because that's a really funny joke

1:20:46

though The zombies on the treadmill. Are

1:20:49

you looking them up? Are you texting? I

1:20:52

was looking at Madonna photos Okay,

1:20:55

we were back here. Oh, no, we've moved

1:20:57

on we've moved on but I just was

1:21:00

still looking at photos I'm here Papa don't

1:21:02

preach I'm

1:21:04

in trouble. Do you know what? I don't

1:21:06

you know any new Madonna songs I

1:21:11

just said I'm sorry. I did my fucking I

1:21:13

did Your

1:21:16

your your vocal warm-ups. Yeah,

1:21:18

this was not a good look at them at all.

1:21:20

It was just I yeah Ladies

1:21:24

can we just stick together? First

1:21:27

of all, I just got something up for you Right.

1:21:32

Yeah home, but no, it's not I'm

1:21:35

not being catty She just

1:21:38

It's just so thirsty. It's just I don't And

1:21:43

I love Madonna, but this is just too much Are

1:21:47

you done? Yeah I'm done.

1:21:49

I'm sure kids enjoy Wife's

1:21:52

family is a bunch of dramatic babies.

1:21:54

Oh God, you're

1:21:56

the baby. Here we go. Hey, Bill.

1:21:58

I'm sick of that this election, I hope

1:22:00

Trump wins. I know he's a jerk, but I hate

1:22:03

Hillary. And I think Bernie is a nice guy without

1:22:05

a clue. He says a

1:22:07

lot of great things, but he's going to

1:22:09

raise taxes. He talks about making college free,

1:22:11

but his taxes will make it. Nothing is

1:22:14

free. Yeah. That's never going to happen. But

1:22:16

nothing, you know, free healthcare is not free.

1:22:19

Somebody's got to fucking pay for it. He talks

1:22:21

about making college free, but his taxes will make

1:22:23

it harder for people like me to pay my

1:22:25

student loans. I make 95 grand a year. I

1:22:27

have a kid, a hundred grand in student loans

1:22:30

between me and my wife. We live comfortably. But if you take another

1:22:32

2,500 to $4,000 from me a year, I will feel it. Yeah,

1:22:37

definitely. I am already only netting

1:22:39

60. What is the fuck is all of this?

1:22:41

Yeah. What's the point? The

1:22:44

family has a bunch of dramatic babies. All

1:22:48

right. Blah, blah, blah. Um,

1:22:55

okay. So we're getting to, we're getting to a family here somewhere.

1:22:57

I'm not opposed to giving money to help

1:22:59

people who need it, but when is enough

1:23:01

enough, a trillion dollars on dumb shit every

1:23:04

year and you need more from me. Fuck

1:23:06

off, Bernie. I love how he's blaming Bernie.

1:23:10

You know, Bernie didn't create the

1:23:12

fucking situation. Um, he's

1:23:15

trying to get us out of it. I guess. I don't know if it's

1:23:17

going to work. I don't think, I don't know if people work with the

1:23:20

guy, but, oh

1:23:22

God, what a fucking decision this year. Um,

1:23:24

so I make this point to my wife,

1:23:26

my wife's family. I didn't yell. I didn't

1:23:28

say fuck off, Bernie. I just said, I

1:23:30

don't think we, the people should have to

1:23:32

give more money. If they're

1:23:34

wasting the money they already get. Well,

1:23:36

my wife's family lost their shit.

1:23:39

They said that I'm selfish and that if

1:23:41

I vote for Trump, I'm endorsing hate and

1:23:44

greed and fascism. Uh,

1:23:47

really? Question mark. They endorsed Obama and

1:23:49

I have a problem with him, hatefully

1:23:51

blowing up kids and wedding parties with

1:23:54

drones. Why doesn't that make them hateful?

1:23:58

Uh, they then went on to talk about. for

1:24:00

30 minutes about hate and

1:24:02

how they were scared about

1:24:04

what would happen to the country and they're scared

1:24:06

about how children will grow up in a country

1:24:09

with, and I quote, Hitler

1:24:11

minus the concentration camps. I

1:24:14

told them that comparing an ego maniac

1:24:16

to Hitler is unfair to the victims

1:24:18

of the Holocaust. It trivializes the actual

1:24:21

evil of Hitler and embodied. Her mother

1:24:23

and father were both taken aback and

1:24:25

said that my way of

1:24:27

thinking could potentially be dangerous to their

1:24:29

grandchildren. What period

1:24:32

the fuck period is going period on period?

1:24:34

Well, you dope. Yeah. You fucking opened up

1:24:37

your big fucking mouth about politics. He's so

1:24:39

dumb to talk about politics. No, he is.

1:24:41

And he's young. He doesn't know. That's well,

1:24:44

now you know. Yeah. And how did you

1:24:46

learn? How did you learn? And how did

1:24:48

I learn by bringing it up by doing

1:24:50

that? Yes, this is the deal. Yeah. You

1:24:53

know, you can't talk about politics and religion

1:24:55

and shit like that. I'm going to say

1:24:57

it got, it got really heated right

1:25:00

before they said that shit. Well, you

1:25:02

can't, and also you just,

1:25:06

you can't, I don't know. You gotta be, if you

1:25:08

really are going to vote for Trump, I

1:25:10

just, I think there's only

1:25:13

certain sections of the

1:25:15

United States where you could say that where you'll get a,

1:25:17

yeah, I get it. Oh, well, tell me more about your

1:25:19

opinion. I feel like if you say, you know what? Fuck

1:25:21

this. I'm voting for Trump. Most people are going to be

1:25:23

like, are you fucking kidding me? So I'm not

1:25:25

surprised at that, but no, I got a

1:25:27

lot of shit when I was,

1:25:29

I made fun of him. You

1:25:32

know, I got some shit for it for making fun

1:25:34

of Trump. Yeah. People

1:25:37

who support Trump. Oh, okay.

1:25:40

Yeah. Believe it or not, there's people that I

1:25:42

know, I know. He has a lot more than

1:25:44

I thought. Remember when we was first talking about

1:25:46

running and we were both like, this is never

1:25:49

going to happen. This is a joke. This is

1:25:51

ridiculous. And now here we are. And he's like

1:25:53

the only Republican left standing. So

1:25:55

I mean, I guess I underestimated

1:25:57

him. Yeah. He's like the last part. He's

1:26:00

like the Leicester City of

1:26:02

politicians. But here's the thing

1:26:04

though. I also think, but I think like, you

1:26:07

know, Hillary Clinton is the fucking devil because

1:26:10

she's acting like she gives a fuck. And

1:26:13

she's, you know, she's one of those Bilderberg people. I don't

1:26:15

like her. I like Bernie out of all of them. I

1:26:17

like Bernie Sanders. I just don't think anybody's going to fucking

1:26:19

work with him. Well, the California

1:26:21

primary is coming up, so he's

1:26:23

not throwing in the towel. Bernie.

1:26:26

Bernie. I have to vote for

1:26:28

a guy. I have to vote

1:26:30

for a person that I feel

1:26:33

is actually truly gives a shit

1:26:36

about regular people. And that would be

1:26:38

him. Whether he's going to be successful

1:26:40

or not, and I know what a

1:26:42

lot of people are saying, you're going

1:26:44

to put Trump in office. I've

1:26:46

always voted for the fucking third wheel every fucking

1:26:49

goddamn time. Well, when the primary happens, we got

1:26:51

to vote for him. That's the only way that

1:26:53

he'll stand. Listen, I don't have to do anything

1:26:55

that you say, but I don't

1:26:57

know what I'm going to do. So basically,

1:26:59

this guy's in-laws. You know what we just

1:27:01

did? You know what we just did? We just did

1:27:04

what this guy did. Which is what? We

1:27:06

just fucking talked politics and gave

1:27:08

endorsements to Bernie Sanders. We shouldn't have done that. I still have made

1:27:10

up my mind that I'm going to do that. Why

1:27:12

are we – we're giving endorsements just by talking about

1:27:14

it? By saying that you're going to do it. Well,

1:27:17

it's how I feel. We're like that guy that –

1:27:19

fuck. We're like those people that you see on Facebook,

1:27:21

and they vote. I'm not going to be – Hey,

1:27:24

do you know me? I pretend to be a doctor

1:27:26

on a soap opera, and I think this is who

1:27:28

you should vote for. I apologize for that, people. I

1:27:30

tried not to say that. Eventually it was going to

1:27:32

come up. Yeah, no. We're not endorsing anybody. We're –

1:27:35

well, let's just leave it. I'll tell you what I'm

1:27:37

endorsing, and I – You're fucking cold, but why is

1:27:39

it when I sit down and watch Game 5? That's

1:27:42

what I endorse. What is he want to know?

1:27:45

He's just sort of like, what the hell? Now

1:27:47

my in-laws don't want me to have children

1:27:49

with my wife because they think I'm evil,

1:27:51

and they're going to – I'm going to

1:27:54

raise little evil Trump's grandchildren. My thing about

1:27:56

Trump is his fucking lack of compassion for

1:27:58

fucking people. take his coat,

1:28:01

riling people up. Of course. He

1:28:03

says really, really awful things. But

1:28:07

the thing I like about him is he lets me

1:28:09

know that they actually count the votes because

1:28:11

no super rich people want that fucking guy. And

1:28:13

I always thought for years, my conspiracy theories, they

1:28:16

don't count these fucking things. They just, oh, it's

1:28:18

pretty fucking close. And they put the money on

1:28:20

both horses and then they're fucking fine. But

1:28:23

the fact that he's actually doing well, he's

1:28:26

speaking to a lot of people out there, he's

1:28:28

going to build a wall and he's going to

1:28:30

have the people he's walling in pay for it.

1:28:34

Hell yeah. He's talking mad shit. I don't

1:28:36

know. I feel like all those years

1:28:38

of watching The Apprentice and The Celebrity Apprentice are now

1:28:40

coming back to bite me in the ass. When he

1:28:42

tried to find CEO for a company that doesn't exist?

1:28:44

It's all coming back to bite me in the ass.

1:28:46

I've been supporting him this whole entire time. I'm

1:28:50

partly to blame for this bullshit. So

1:28:54

what is this kid saying? Well look, he can't be a complete moron.

1:28:56

What is this kid saying? What is his point? He

1:28:59

just is... No, he's just saying what the fuck. So

1:29:01

I was, we just... Well, you will not talk about

1:29:03

politics anymore around your in-laws. I'll tell you that much.

1:29:05

But then he said looking forward to seeing you in

1:29:07

Dublin. Myself and some friends

1:29:09

will be coming from Belfast. Well, I'm going to

1:29:11

be doing Belfast too. So

1:29:14

you don't even... You are? Yeah, you

1:29:16

don't even need to do that. Yeah. And

1:29:18

we're putting together the dates. I'm definitely

1:29:20

doing Dublin, definitely doing Belfast. So exciting.

1:29:22

Yeah. I'm doing a little

1:29:24

10 day tour over there because it's not a

1:29:26

good time to go to Scan of Navy at this time of year

1:29:28

because they actually have sunlight and it's warm out. Okay.

1:29:32

So yeah. What is that? Well,

1:29:34

because they're going to want to be outside. Okay.

1:29:36

Yeah. Oh, and not make me hungry.

1:29:39

Yeah, if you go into Samburn, it's already fucking dark. Yeah,

1:29:41

they go to movies and stuff still though, I would imagine,

1:29:43

just because it's sunlight most of the time. It

1:29:45

doesn't mean they don't. All right. Why would I listen

1:29:47

to the promoters over there? I'll listen to them. Oh,

1:29:49

all right. All right. Sorry. When

1:29:52

is this happening? I'm going to go. It's going to

1:29:54

be happening. I think it's going to

1:29:56

start on the 31st and it's going to go into

1:29:58

August. Very excited about that. exciting things

1:30:01

are happening I love Ireland

1:30:03

you know I love the people of Ireland hey

1:30:06

look who you with potato face himself

1:30:08

here emotionally

1:30:11

German almighty Billy I actually don't

1:30:13

even know that because I have never done the

1:30:15

whole but you've always you're

1:30:17

always like a more German than Irish because

1:30:20

I am German

1:30:22

Irish Catholic doesn't

1:30:24

podcast doesn't get any wider

1:30:27

doesn't get any wider almighty

1:30:29

Billy ball bangs alright advice

1:30:31

with neighbors question I

1:30:33

live in an apartment complex here in

1:30:36

the lovely state of Oklahoma and I

1:30:38

have this neighbor who lets her dog

1:30:40

out on her balcony every morning somewhere

1:30:43

between the hours of 4 and 5

1:30:45

a.m. the dog

1:30:47

barks aggressively for hours afterward

1:30:49

of course it wakes me

1:30:51

up poor thing the dog

1:30:54

that is and what

1:30:56

about this poor bad or lady

1:30:58

Oklahoma and Oklahoma

1:31:06

Oklahoma and where am I

1:31:08

Oklahoma sexual is

1:31:12

that one of the characters on your Nashville show I

1:31:16

want to write a song with you will

1:31:19

like about us the gay cowboy

1:31:21

the gay cowboy the gay cowboys

1:31:24

cutting-edge character that's the first

1:31:26

gay cowboy ever in primetime

1:31:29

in primetime yes during

1:31:32

the lunch hour it was just littered with them when I was growing

1:31:34

up those

1:31:37

people on captain kangaroo right Ernie

1:31:40

and Bert know what they said all

1:31:42

those guys right question I live in an apartment

1:31:44

complex here in the lovely state of Oklahoma okay

1:31:46

yeah the dog barks aggressive for hours it wakes

1:31:48

me up and I have to go to I

1:31:51

have to work at 8 a.m. I

1:31:53

filed complaints after an

1:31:55

altercation which I went out and scream

1:31:58

shut your fucking dog up before I

1:32:00

make you shut him up. Oh, was

1:32:02

that your opening line? No. Or something

1:32:04

along those lines. My must my message

1:32:06

has not been heard by the apartment

1:32:08

cunts and she continues to

1:32:10

let the dog out. What should I do?

1:32:13

Sincerely a blue-colored working man just

1:32:16

trying to get some fucking sleep.

1:32:18

Who's your super? Also St. Louis

1:32:20

Blues gave the stars a fucking

1:32:23

molly whopping today. I hope you watched it. I

1:32:25

missed that. Well

1:32:27

fuck you're in Oklahoma man.

1:32:30

You know what you need to do. Take

1:32:32

out your side iron. Hey hey hey

1:32:35

hey. Yeah take the fucking dog out.

1:32:37

Bill. Blah! Don't even joke about that.

1:32:40

Put it with

1:32:43

rubber bullets. Don't even joke about

1:32:45

that. Who's your super? No you put rubber bullets

1:32:47

in the gun and every time the dog barks.

1:32:49

Stop talking about shooting people's dogs. Every time the

1:32:51

dog barks you shoot it and it starts to

1:32:53

oh when I bark and then it'll shut up.

1:32:56

No you can't do that. Uh

1:32:58

you would get arrested for that. So why not call

1:33:01

your... Then I would just go down. I would buy

1:33:03

a month's worth of cube steaks. Right.

1:33:06

Why does it does a dog shit and piss

1:33:09

on the balcony? Is that why she's letting

1:33:11

it out there? Because that's gross. I don't know

1:33:13

but that is so fucking not

1:33:15

acceptable. Because you know what's probably the fucking dog gets

1:33:17

up at 4.00 am and is keeping

1:33:19

her up. Or him

1:33:21

up. So they... oh my god. No it's you

1:33:23

gotta you gotta call the landlord or something. Oh

1:33:26

wait did he say that they're not paying attention

1:33:28

at the... At

1:33:30

like what do you say? It's not going over

1:33:32

well with the people in the apartment? Well

1:33:36

he hasn't... she just has a neighbor. I can't I

1:33:38

don't think... oh it's an apartment complex. Yeah

1:33:40

you gotta say something to the management company. Well look

1:33:43

there's no fucking way he's the only person

1:33:45

that's annoyed by this. Of course. I would

1:33:47

go around and I would get a bunch

1:33:49

of signatures and then I

1:33:51

would you know try to

1:33:53

have everybody all get together and say that

1:33:56

bitch needs to shut the other bitch up. Oh

1:34:00

Cleo! Oh, snook

1:34:02

on. What's up, buddy? Yeah,

1:34:06

this little baby. How are you? It's

1:34:09

time for this one probably to go out, speaking of all

1:34:11

that. All right, will you do that? Well, I will wrap

1:34:13

up the podcast here. No, no, you take her out. I

1:34:15

took her out. She's my threat. Hey,

1:34:17

I was at Jacksonville this morning. That's my excuse. All

1:34:21

right, well, that's gonna be the... Go

1:34:23

lay down. Wait, so we didn't offer

1:34:25

any advice besides your horrible joking advice,

1:34:28

of course. I just said, you get a

1:34:30

bunch of signatures. Yeah, not signatures, you're

1:34:32

not gonna do shit. You gotta go to the

1:34:34

management company and be like, this dog

1:34:36

is barking at four or five in the morning, every

1:34:38

morning. No, he said he already did that. Oh, and

1:34:41

they're not paying attention? He said he's in this fucking...

1:34:43

What do you think signatures are gonna do? Hey, technology, like

1:34:45

to hear, blah, blah, no, that's not it.

1:34:49

Oh, wait, I missed one. He

1:34:52

said, I have this name. I live in an

1:34:54

apartment complex, the dog barks. I've

1:34:56

filed complaints. Yeah, like nothing's happening.

1:35:00

That sucks. So you have to do this thing.

1:35:02

I'm not gonna pay my fucking rent. There you

1:35:04

go. I'm not paying my rent until you get

1:35:06

this woman to shut this damn dog up. Yeah,

1:35:08

because it's not fair. Yeah, how about

1:35:10

that? I wonder how long she's lived there. That sounds like

1:35:12

something an older person would do too. Just

1:35:15

like put their dog out on the

1:35:18

balcony and just

1:35:20

let it bark all morning. Because it probably goes out,

1:35:22

takes a piss, takes a shit and then wants

1:35:24

to come inside. Meanwhile, the owner has gone back

1:35:27

to sleep. All right, well,

1:35:29

obviously I was joking. You don't shoot at the dog. No,

1:35:33

you don't. All right. That's right,

1:35:35

Cleo. Here's the other one. All

1:35:39

right, virtual reality headset blowjob.

1:35:45

All right, I know you hate technology, but

1:35:47

would like to hear your opinion on this. My

1:35:50

girlfriend half jokingly promised me

1:35:52

a double blowjob

1:35:55

from my 30th birthday. I

1:35:59

do not expect- this to happen but I have

1:36:01

been joking with her that the date is

1:36:03

approaching and she should have a girl lined

1:36:06

up etc. I have also

1:36:08

been talking about virtual reality VR

1:36:11

headset as I'm thinking of getting

1:36:13

one. I don't know what that

1:36:15

is. She asked me the

1:36:17

other day would I be able to watch porn

1:36:19

through it. I said yes. She

1:36:22

then said instead of the double buy

1:36:25

why don't you wear the headset and

1:36:27

I can give you normal

1:36:32

buy while watching a porno. Wait what

1:36:35

are you saying? Buy? Oh BJ.

1:36:37

Yeah. Oh you know what it was

1:36:39

underlined in red so

1:36:42

I couldn't see the bonafide. I was like what is this

1:36:44

buy? Oh

1:36:48

my god. Your reading skills are

1:36:50

atrocious. Yeah and buy would

1:36:52

actually mean that there would be a guy and a

1:36:54

girl doing it. I was thinking

1:36:56

about like his girlfriend would be like

1:36:58

buy because she was down there with another

1:37:01

chick. I

1:37:03

am stupid. See

1:37:06

this people? You too could be successful in

1:37:08

life. You're dumb as me. She

1:37:12

then said instead of a double BJ.

1:37:14

Let me read this again. Wow. Why

1:37:17

don't you wear a headset and I can give you

1:37:19

a normal BJ while watching a porno. Why can't you

1:37:21

do that now with a TV? Crazy. Because

1:37:23

I feel like when they have some like weird

1:37:26

Tron futuristic shit where you put it

1:37:28

on. Is this opening Pandora's box or

1:37:30

is this a way

1:37:32

for VR to

1:37:34

be seen as a techie sex toy? You are

1:37:36

really asking the wrong person in that question. You

1:37:39

know Bill doesn't know what the fuck any of

1:37:41

this is. Looking forward to see you in Dublin.

1:37:43

Myself and some friends will

1:37:45

be coming from Belv. Oh that was the

1:37:47

one. Okay. Is this the same? No I

1:37:50

read the ending to the other one. And it

1:37:52

was weird because the ending was in front of

1:37:54

the other one. Oh

1:37:58

fuck you and fuck everybody. Yeah,

1:38:00

it's all funny. It's all fun and

1:38:02

games until I stop podcasting. Oh,

1:38:05

I've had enough of this No,

1:38:08

I'm not I don't care it

1:38:10

is a slippery slope But I feel like that could be

1:38:12

really kind of cool Does she get to do it too

1:38:14

like does she get to watch some porn while you

1:38:16

like go down on her? That would

1:38:18

be really trippy. It would be

1:38:21

trippy but the thing is then then one ends

1:38:23

up happening is is then you

1:38:25

end up getting like That that

1:38:27

disconnect right now you don't want

1:38:30

to do anything. That's one of you is wearing the

1:38:32

helmet. Yeah That's weird.

1:38:34

Oh my god. I have to like see you.

1:38:36

So that's like it's a dangerous. Yeah Yeah, that's

1:38:38

like one of those things like do you think

1:38:40

I could do heroin once and like Be

1:38:44

alright with that. No, I saw something

1:38:49

Trying to think where I saw it saw

1:38:51

what in One

1:38:54

of those Asian countries because they're always

1:38:56

ahead of us they have better cell phones there

1:38:58

was a Guy

1:39:00

trying out like a virtual reality

1:39:03

sex suit, which I had

1:39:05

a bit on this thing in like the Late

1:39:08

90s when I first heard that they were gonna do that

1:39:12

And by the way, the fact that you haven't already called

1:39:14

me out going like well bill. How did you just stumble

1:39:16

upon this? I'm dead honest what

1:39:18

I don't remember For the rest of

1:39:20

the story because I felt like there was it

1:39:22

could have been while I was watching internet porn

1:39:24

probably Yeah, but they

1:39:26

don't have advertising Advertisers for that it

1:39:28

was like a story on the side of the thing they

1:39:30

have all those and how do you know that? Yeah,

1:39:34

right back at you moving right along. So

1:39:36

yeah, but they don't have very I don't have ads

1:39:38

like that Right. That's true.

1:39:41

Well, this is what what it was. It looked

1:39:43

like a fucking dude. He was like it like

1:39:45

a mummy suit Was

1:39:47

hilarious Lily was all wrapped up in toilet

1:39:49

paper. That's how I remember it because it

1:39:51

was so horrifying It

1:39:54

was just it was one of those things whatever I was

1:39:56

looking at that then came up and I went well, ah,

1:39:59

right And it

1:40:01

looked like his

1:40:06

hands were to his side. He had on the

1:40:08

fucking, you know, I'm old and I can't see

1:40:10

anymore. Those glasses.

1:40:12

Those cataract glasses. Cataract glasses.

1:40:14

From the drugstore? Yeah. So

1:40:17

he had on those. I think

1:40:19

he was all wrapped up because he didn't

1:40:21

want anybody to see who he was. Yeah.

1:40:23

Maybe that's what it was. Okay. And then

1:40:25

there was this thing. Obviously his dick was

1:40:27

in it. Oh my God. And it just

1:40:29

the same way your hand would be going

1:40:31

like bang, bang, bang, bang against yourself. It

1:40:34

was this thing. It was the most fucked up

1:40:36

thing ever. Would you ever use one of

1:40:38

those flesh bought things? You know how porn stars,

1:40:40

they get a mold of their vagina? Those

1:40:42

things are so fucking gross. I think those

1:40:44

things are so fucking gross. A long time

1:40:46

ago I did somebody's podcast. I'm not going

1:40:48

to say who, but people who listen to

1:40:51

podcasts know who it is. He had one

1:40:53

of those things and it looked like some

1:40:55

Jeffrey Dahmer body part. Oh, I think I

1:40:57

know automatically who you're talking about. Just sitting,

1:40:59

I don't think you do.

1:41:01

Oh, okay. Because I know who you're going to guess,

1:41:03

but it wasn't that person. It looked,

1:41:05

no, it just looked like. And did he say that

1:41:07

it didn't feel like a real, it can't feel like

1:41:10

a real vagina obviously, but like.

1:41:12

It's, it's, it's, it's, I

1:41:16

can't believe that it does like shit

1:41:18

like that doesn't cause you

1:41:20

to either be like become like a

1:41:22

necrophiliac or some sort of person. A

1:41:24

necrophiliac? Why would it make you be

1:41:26

a necrophilia? Because you're fucking something that

1:41:29

looks, looks like a body part and it's

1:41:31

not alive. Well, like women have like dildos

1:41:34

and vibrators and stuff and it's like the

1:41:36

same sensation. So why wouldn't one of those

1:41:38

flesh bot things feel like, isn't it kind

1:41:40

of the same? It's just like another Madonna,

1:41:42

Iggy pop thing. No, I'm looking

1:41:45

at it the wrong way. May, no, I

1:41:47

don't think, no, I don't think you're looking at it.

1:41:49

I remember Nia back in the day, back in the

1:41:51

day. You don't like the idea of a fake vagina.

1:41:54

You don't, you're not comfortable. Just sitting on a

1:41:56

table and it has a handle on it and

1:41:58

I'm holding it. No,

1:42:00

I just think that's not your thing. You're not

1:42:02

into that. That feels like Henry's portrait of a

1:42:05

serial killer. I

1:42:07

remember back in the day, right, when you actually had to

1:42:09

go to a porno store to get your porn? Mm-hmm. And

1:42:12

they had like, you know, always

1:42:14

behind the counter. Mm-hmm. And they

1:42:16

would have shit up there. Mm-hmm.

1:42:19

What's that? They

1:42:21

had this, it was like, what's in the box?

1:42:23

It was literally a head in a box and

1:42:25

the chick's mouth was like, like, you just stick

1:42:28

your dick in it. Yeah. And

1:42:30

I'm like, somebody's gonna buy that. Yeah. It

1:42:33

was in like the same box like a basketball came

1:42:35

in. And someone's gonna take it and grab it by

1:42:37

its fucking ears that are stuck to the side of its

1:42:39

head. And they're just

1:42:41

gonna go home and fuck a head. Yeah. Just

1:42:44

a head. Now, there's no fucking

1:42:46

way that that doesn't fuck

1:42:48

you up psychologically. If

1:42:51

you do that long enough, then you go out with a real

1:42:53

person. It's already annoying that they have

1:42:55

to buy it dinner and that there's a whole body

1:42:57

attached to it. And you have to talk to it.

1:43:00

Yeah. And then

1:43:02

all they're thinking of just grabbing you by

1:43:04

your ears, water, water, water, it's over. Yeah,

1:43:06

it's fucked up. Well,

1:43:09

I still feel like, well, going back to the question,

1:43:11

I feel like they can experiment with it like

1:43:13

once or twice. But it can't be like

1:43:15

a regular thing that they're doing all the

1:43:17

time because then, yeah, that'll completely fuck up

1:43:20

your sex life. Because

1:43:22

then you'll just be looking at everything you do. Like

1:43:24

it's supposed to be this hyper-reality,

1:43:26

dual-reality, virtual. It's

1:43:28

just not good.

1:43:32

You know, I was just thinking, now, let's just

1:43:34

fast forward here, okay? Now

1:43:36

– So that becomes

1:43:38

the thing. Right. Which you know

1:43:40

it's gonna – People are

1:43:42

gonna do it. And then what it's gonna become is

1:43:46

porn stars will be making all of that

1:43:48

fucking money. And

1:43:50

it basically – you have a girl fucking –

1:43:52

now, that'd probably just

1:43:54

be like the whole suit. It's eventually just gonna be the

1:43:56

whole suit, right? What are you talking about? Like the whole

1:43:58

– I'm talking about the whole – talking about like

1:44:00

in the future like when

1:44:03

everybody has like a virtual reality sex

1:44:05

suit. This will actually help the population

1:44:07

problem, right? The virtual reality

1:44:09

sex suit, okay?

1:44:13

And then porn stars

1:44:16

will then have their likeness.

1:44:19

They'll do a POV porn and

1:44:21

then they get money and then you have

1:44:24

to like subscribe to them. Oh, like you

1:44:26

can do a virtual reality thing where you

1:44:28

actually get to have sex with them. Like

1:44:31

also a cure. And then here's what happens.

1:44:33

Yeah. Okay. Who's going to be

1:44:35

the first celebrity that crosses

1:44:37

over and eventually, right?

1:44:39

Because they're sick of doing superhero movies and

1:44:42

they don't want to do the grunt work

1:44:44

of an independent. Because like you notice now

1:44:46

they're all doing ads over here. Back in

1:44:48

the day, all the celebrities did ads,

1:44:50

but they did them overseas, right? Remember we used to

1:44:53

go over and we go, oh, look at so-and-so doing

1:44:55

a fucking watch thing or look at her doing this

1:44:57

thing. But they'd never do them here because there was

1:44:59

that whole stigma

1:45:02

that if you did a commercial, you're a sellout, blah, blah,

1:45:04

blah, whatever the fuck it was. Or it's like you're doing

1:45:07

a commercial. You're a movie star. Movie star is not even

1:45:09

on TV. Forget about doing an ad. Now that all went

1:45:11

away, you know? So

1:45:14

I'm saying eventually somebody

1:45:17

famous would do it. Right.

1:45:19

You could, yeah, get a suit and program

1:45:21

it so that you're having sex with like

1:45:24

Lindsay Lohan or someone. Right. And the first

1:45:26

level will go down. No, it would be

1:45:28

like one of those reality

1:45:30

TV show stars. Right. You

1:45:32

know, when the reality show goes off the air

1:45:34

like Jersey Shore, they were all fucking huge now.

1:45:36

It's just disappeared. Where the fuck are they? Right.

1:45:40

You could probably talk a couple of them into doing

1:45:42

it. Right. Are we pitching a show right now? I

1:45:44

think or some kind of like high tech concept that will

1:45:47

probably make a lot of money. That's going to end

1:45:49

up happening. It sounds like a movie. It sounds like

1:45:51