0:00

Where would you even learn that and realize it wasn't

0:01

just you or just relational?

0:05

Like my situation I just thought

0:05

was specific to our relationship

0:11

and.

0:11

like, no, it's not

0:12

You're like, no, madam, madam. This is what it's like to have

0:14

sex with a 50 year old man.

0:16

Oh, what?

0:19

What's particularly funny though is like before they admit they need to take the

0:20

pill where you know, they're just getting

0:25

soft and they haven't yet accepted

0:25

the fact that they need to do this.

0:29

that I think is a particularly

0:29

raw sensitive time for men.

0:32

But I, I went through a period of

0:32

several men that that was happening

0:36

to, and I was like, clearly this is. A problem I have, clearly it's my

0:40

right? It must, it must be your vagina. It must be

0:43

must been my, my aloof vagina,

0:45

Yeah. say, what's interesting too is on the flip

0:46

side, they also, if they're single

0:50

or navigating this without a lot of

0:50

information, maybe they're thinking.

0:55

. Oh, and it must have just been that girl. Or, oh, it's, we, we

0:56

just had too many drinks.

1:00

Because they don't wanna think

1:00

about now they're gonna need it.

1:02

So they also are kind of in

1:02

this weird liminal space where,

1:05

They're not yet at the point where

1:05

they're saying, Hey, this is me.

1:09

This is my lube in the drawer. This is my dryness, or this

1:10

is my erection situation.

1:14

This is what it's like. Welcome. This is 50.

1:17

They're not there yet because it

1:17

probably does take time for them

1:19

to recognize, oh, this is a thing. This is an actual thing.

1:23

Welcome to the Maloof Vagina

1:23

Podcast, where we explore the distress

1:29

and surprise of our midlife transitions.

1:32

We take menopause seriously, but we

1:32

don't take ourselves seriously, we

1:36

believe that learning what to expect

1:36

in perimenopause can be entertaining.

1:41

It's inevitable, so we may as well

1:41

equip ourselves and have a good.

1:46

In this episode, you'll meet my friend,

1:46

Jen, who blew my mind last fall

1:52

with her insights about sex over 50.

1:56

What's the deal with these

1:56

marathon love making sessions.

1:59

Guys are serving up to us as we get older.

2:02

And what's a sure sign that

2:02

your man is using Viagra.

2:06

And not telling you. And what's the way forward navigating

2:08

our aging sexual organs together.

2:13

Get the answers to these questions

2:13

and more in this episode.

2:17

by the way I would love to stay in touch.

2:20

So please join my email

2:20

list@sisterhooddotmyaloofvagina.com.

2:26

You'll always be the first

2:26

to know what's going on.

2:28

And I promise not to spam you. At this point in my

2:31

life, I'm just too lazy.

2:33

I'm your host, Martha. And in this conversation, Jen and I

2:34

revisit that mind blowing revelation

2:39

about what may be driving the

2:39

changes we're noticing In our sexual

2:43

encounters in the over 50 dating world.

2:47

so I remember not long ago, maybe six

2:47

months ago, you and I were sitting by the.

2:53

and I was talking about my then faltering

2:53

entanglement and describing to you

2:58

some things that had happened that I

2:58

had been identifying as perimenopause

3:02

problems that I was identifying as issues

3:02

with my body and all of these things.

3:06

And you, there was a moment when you

3:06

blew open my brain with just one comment.

3:13

Um, so I wanted to share that

3:13

with the audience so Jen and I.

3:17

We're talking about what it's like to

3:17

have intercourse, have sex, have an

3:21

affair, have a relationship with guys

3:21

in their fifties and their late forties.

3:27

But the conversation started with kind

3:27

of musing about how different things

3:31

were, how they were showing up, how it

3:31

seemed, how all of a sudden I felt like

3:36

I had issues that I hadn't had before.

3:38

And. Jen just kind of lifted the curtain on

3:39

this thing I had never even thought about.

3:43

Can you talk about it a little bit?

3:45

Yeah, totally. How about all the emphasis

3:46

that, uh, women have on.

3:49

sex later in life, and men seem

3:49

to come up with creative ways to

3:55

deal with what happens to them.

3:58

And the thing that I started noticing

3:58

with men over 50 was that love

4:02

making went on for hours, And was

4:02

like, why is this going on so long?

4:08

And there's two schools of thought. There's what they say, which is.

4:13

We're mature and we know like we

4:13

take pleasure in the length of

4:18

time and we enjoyed the moment. And then there's one I think

4:23

Right.

4:23

which is they can't stay hard.

4:26

So they begin, like they always have

4:26

in their twenties, thirties, forties,

4:30

and then they get soft and so then

4:30

they decide it's time for some Lingus

4:35

and they move on down and they go down

4:35

there keeping pleasure going for you.

4:40

when really you're like, wait a minute. We were in.

4:42

Full blown intercourse, fun sex, and

4:42

you just decided to stop and do foreplay

4:49

in the middle, middle of the episode.

4:51

And it w and I now realize

4:51

that it's not about, giving us

4:55

two hours worth of pleasure. It's about the fact that they can't

4:56

stay hard for, for a long period

5:00

of time and they need to mask it. And so they.

5:02

try to take care of us. Um, and yeah, I think that was

5:03

what I said around the pool

5:07

that was the shot across the bow. That was the moment when I, I mean,

5:08

and we were kind of in public a little

5:12

bit, and I, so I'm like moving my mouth

5:12

really big and talking in a whisper

5:16

for the, like, the penis words and the

5:16

sex words and the, the vagina words.

5:20

And it was that, that was the thing.

5:22

And I said, what? Wait, wait, wait, wait. What?

5:25

Because that wasn't even what we were talking about. And it started an entire

5:27

conversation about Viagra.

5:31

And what's funny is, yeah,

5:33

because when they take the pill,

5:34

yeah,

5:35

that's no longer happening.

5:36

right,

5:36

You no longer get the pause. You no longer get the like 15 minute.

5:40

Switching it around when they're, when

5:40

they're actually on the pill, you're

5:43

having pumping for however long.

5:46

I mean, cuz really they do wanna, and I listen not every man and maybe

5:48

not even men in long relationships,

5:51

cuz I, that's not my experience. So this is, women of a certain age,

5:53

dating men of a certain age, into these

5:57

relationships with them and what the

5:57

sex can be like, especially if you've

6:01

had a sampling of what's going on and

6:01

then finding these consistent patterns.

6:07

Yeah. Casual

6:08

Yeah, the casual, casual

6:09

And it's just funny how it gets,

6:11

basically the masking of it, the

6:11

coverup is, oh, it's just exotic.

6:16

I like to, I like to fuck all night long.

6:19

I Right. And, and this idea we're, if you

6:20

say, if you even indicate like,

6:24

listen, can we just be efficient? I'd really like for us to start,

6:25

have the o maybe we can get up and

6:29

eat some brownies and go to bed. I don't necessarily need to have sex

6:31

for five hours every time I see you, or

6:35

three hours, or frankly even one hour.

6:38

And the problem then goes to you. What?

6:40

You don't wanna take

6:40

the time to enjoy this?

6:43

Um, no. I never have I've never needed two hours.

6:48

Like, come on. I also, I've now like I've

6:49

slept with enough men over 50

6:53

and talked to enough over 50.

6:55

So men are both bragging on how long

6:55

their love making is going, as if

7:01

this is like the thing all women want.

7:04

And so the, they're both doing it. And then, it's such a hysteric,

7:06

like such a phenomenon.

7:09

And I've, I've raised

7:09

it occasionally like.

7:12

Do you think that it might just be because

7:12

you need the pause that it switches,

7:18

um, and they have no, we just know, just

7:18

know that women need more, like this is

7:25

Right. It's what women want. It's what women want.

7:28

Jen, women. Women want you to interrupt

7:29

the pump to go down on them.

7:33

It's in all the movies.

7:34

Cause there's nothing better than foreplay

7:36

after you're already like on your way.

7:38

Yeah. You know what? It just occurred to me, I hadn't

7:39

thought about this since we talked

7:42

last time, but also I have seen

7:42

more pornography in the last two

7:47

years than I'd had in my entire life

7:49

yeah.

7:50

now that I'm thinking a lot of this porn.

7:53

It's definitely, you know, first

7:53

of all, everyone's always getting

7:56

a blowjob in the porn, right? So, you know, the woman's gonna go down

7:58

on you and maybe bring her friend, but

8:03

separate from that, she's going to. , you're gonna be having sex and she's

8:05

gonna be like really, really into it

8:08

and it's incredible this penis, vagina,

8:08

sex, and then you're gonna turn around

8:12

and switch and do something else, right? And so that's also what they're

8:14

watching and masturbating to.

8:19

And so, you know, this is their tutorial,

8:19

instructional thing that this is, women

8:24

wanna be moved and they want their

8:24

position changed 14 times, and then

8:28

in the middle of it, they want your. down there and while you're at it,

8:30

bend over and let me toss your salad.

8:34

They definitely are getting

8:34

that message in places too, so

8:38

they think this is a good way. Maybe even if they're not having the,

8:40

the softness issue, they get all

8:44

these messaging that don't be short. Like don't, you know,

8:46

cuz that is the joke.

8:48

Like, oh, two minute man.

8:49

Right? That's what, that's what 13 year

8:49

old boys do, not 52 year old

8:53

right. So these, these guys are like still

8:54

prowess in involves length of time in

8:59

addition to, the com sutra series for

8:59

you during it, maybe I would love to

9:05

hear from other people than just us, but

9:05

maybe there are women out there in their

9:10

late forties, early fifties who are,

9:12

now they're thinking. Finally, finally

9:15

Find me that one woman find me

9:17

and I, okay. Yeah,

9:18

you are not the first person I've talked to about

9:20

Okay, good. Because I always think I can't like

9:20

apply my preferences to other people,

9:24

and I feel like I'm pretty goal oriented. And so the shaming that I got, shamings

9:26

not the right word necessarily, but that

9:32

I was so focused on getting it done or

9:32

doing the thing that I know I like to do.

9:37

Oh, well maybe you're

9:37

just not that adventurous.

9:40

, right. Be because I don't want it

9:41

to be interrupted and turning

9:44

into beck to oral sex.

9:46

No, I'm drawing, um, really big statements

9:47

about what I think is going on,

9:56

but I don't think I'm wrong. Like I.

10:00

Male behavior, even the discovery

10:00

of Viagra, it is to, we have a

10:05

problem, find a very quick and rapid

10:05

solution to not admit it's a problem.

10:11

I've gone soft, so I'm gonna

10:11

pretend I haven't and I'm gonna

10:15

do all kinds of other things

10:17

right. it's so funny though because it

10:19

is thoughtful in the sense cuz

10:21

we're talking about him, right? It is thoughtful. He's thinking.

10:24

, I wanna still pleasure her. It is, it is also a symptom, uh,

10:25

symptom of some thoughtfulness, right.

10:30

That they care. So it's, it's not a complete

10:31

critique, it's more just an

10:33

awareness of what's going on. So then we can shift to the

10:34

other experience that you get

10:38

if they do have the blue pill.

10:40

Because this was the other thing that

10:40

left me with my jaw dropped I was

10:43

with a guy who we were long distance

10:43

and we would not have seen each other

10:49

for a few weeks and he would show up

10:49

and within minutes we would be naked.

10:55

Like it was this instant thing and.

10:59

, you know, that's what led me

10:59

to thinking that I was having

11:02

responsiveness issues, really. And when it came down to it, I had

11:03

other, I'm glad it helped me discover

11:07

that I was in perimenopause and

11:07

I definitely have other symptoms.

11:10

But it wasn't that my clitoris

11:10

was, was dying or wasn't working.

11:15

It wasn't warmed up.

11:16

it wasn't warmed up. So I was really focused on this idea

11:17

that I was in a situation there was

11:22

so much passion and we hadn't seen

11:22

each other and he just couldn't,

11:25

he couldn't wait to stick it in.

11:27

And when I was talking to Jen,

11:27

I realized that he probably

11:34

was taking Viagra on the way.

11:37

because he knew he was

11:37

gonna have to perform.

11:40

And you know, now it's routine. he had talked about

11:42

Viagra in the beginning. So I was aware that he had it, but we

11:43

never spoke again about whether or not

11:47

he was taking it, but that he would

11:47

come in the door with his drug dick,

11:52

those first encounters when we'd see

11:52

each other that I was chalking up to

11:55

just pent up passion were most likely

11:55

Viagra fueled dick focused moments.

12:05

So we can talk about that.

12:07

Yes. So since our pool conversation,

12:08

I have learned more about

12:12

what the pill actually does. Apparently, it doesn't

12:14

necessarily drive arousal.

12:21

What it does is, matches the

12:21

state of arousal you feel.

12:25

So I think what happens is when

12:25

men discover it, they're like, oh

12:28

my God, finally, I'm not worried

12:28

about my performance because this

12:32

is actually matching the way I feel.

12:35

I I actually don't think that your

12:35

man wasn't feeling all of those.

12:40

Things when he drove into your

12:40

apartment, he just now had

12:45

the tool that had been like not

12:48

showing up. Yeah, and it hadn't been showing

12:49

up prior, so he just was like,

12:53

yes, I've got the right tool. And so then they just go to town.

12:57

I mean I that and, and they

12:57

don't, and I have noticed that.

13:02

They just don't need, I mean, they no

13:02

longer need the break, so you're no

13:06

longer, I'm no longer having the rest.

13:10

right? Yeah. And, and no, I, I definitely

13:11

knew he was into it and into me,

13:14

and there was that desire there.

13:17

It was just this idea. When we had the conversation for the

13:19

first time, I, I, there was some nuance

13:24

to my memory of how aggressive his penis

13:24

was showing up in the moment as far as

13:30

being the center of attention Like a heat

13:30

seeking missile, needing to get their A

13:35

S A P, whereas in general, if we had any

13:35

time together, that's not necessarily

13:39

how he approached love making, right?

13:43

It was more making out and doing stuff,

13:43

but it, when he showed up and it wasn't

13:49

when I always, when I showed up there,

13:49

. It was different when I showed up there.

13:52

Sometimes we would eat dinner

13:52

and or go out or do something.

13:55

It was something about the drive-in. So I just feel like there was a

13:57

He took it in the drive

13:59

I, yeah, I feel like there's a point in the drive.

14:01

He knew exactly when he was like

14:01

30 minutes away or whatever.

14:05

He'd gotten it down so at some point

14:05

when he, he got to a certain city on

14:10

the beltway that he was popping it.

14:15

And so when he was showing up, it was

14:15

kicking in and maybe sometimes he hit

14:18

traffic and it kicked out in earlier. So he was coming up the stairs to

14:20

my apartment with a raging heart on.

14:26

right? sometimes it was more urgent than others.

14:30

And, and you know, I was happy to see

14:30

him too, but sometimes I had, slaved over

14:34

like a beef ganon, or one time I made,

14:34

And I remember that day, and I'm just

14:40

now for the first time reflecting on it,

14:40

he made fun of me for the longest time

14:44

about how long it took me to make the fu.

14:47

oh, if you're me, Eight years ago.

14:50

It's foe, you know it as foe ,

14:53

Martha: Hey, this is your cheeky

14:54

reminder to join my list.

14:57

Then I'll send you treats and

14:57

behind the scenes stuff and more.

15:01

At least I will when I actually

15:01

get around to sending emails.

15:03

just go to sisterhood.my

15:03

aloof vagina.com to sign up,

15:08

and I promise I will not bombard your

15:10

inbox. And if you love this irreverent podcast,

15:11

please recommend it to a friend.

15:15

You think you'll enjoy it so that

15:15

we know to keep delivering this

15:19

very specific style of midlife

15:19

information and stories for you.

15:25

I had done it in the Instant Pot. I'd fucked up and I hadn't put the seal

15:26

in there, and so I thought it was cooking.

15:32

He came and he goes, oh wow, it smells amazing here. But he was all, you know, and I

15:34

was like, oh no, you know, in the

15:38

kitchen trying to fix this problem.

15:40

And I said, oh, go sit over there. And I remember looking over and he was

15:41

sitting there He was a little irritated.

15:47

How long is it gonna be till this is ready? And I thought it was cause he was hungry.

15:49

So I'm like cutting cheese and crackers

15:49

and saying, well here's something to eat.

15:53

And he's like, no, no, no. He wasn't, it wasn't that he was

15:54

starving as I was thinking that's why

15:59

he cared about dinner not being ready. It was that he had he was probably

16:01

sitting in that chair hard as a

16:04

rock and I was not going for it.

16:07

I was really focused on this recipe

16:07

that needed to be, there were

16:10

a lot of steps that were left. and I spent a lot of money on that meat.

16:13

Uh, I'll tell you, I'll never make fu again. You could just buy it.

16:15

It's much better. It's not that expensive.

16:17

You don't need to make it yourself. It doesn't matter how delicious it is.

16:19

But, I'm remembering the fuss

16:19

story differently now what the

16:24

fuck was going on is that he was

16:24

in the corner with his, his si.

16:28

Yeah.

16:29

with his his machine operated tool,

16:32

heavy

16:33

yeah, his hammer was ready to go. And it makes me, makes me feel

16:35

kind of bad because if we'd been

16:37

communicating about it, I would've

16:37

first of all, I would've had mercy on

16:43

him if and if he'd even said, listen. , I took a pill for you, baby.

16:47

And Can you turn that thing

16:47

off and can we eat later?

16:51

I would've for sure done it, but we

16:51

weren't communicating in that way,

16:55

so I wasn't aware until you and I sat

16:55

by the pool and, and until just now.

17:01

This is the first time I had the

17:01

connection on a specific memory.

17:03

I'm like, oh my gosh. Oh my

17:06

gosh.

17:07

But the beauty of it all, like we're making fun of it.

17:11

Not making fun of it, but the beauty

17:11

of it all is, it is really about

17:14

wanting to please us in addition

17:14

to their own kind of ego, which

17:21

is what I think we're centered on. There is an element of, making sure.

17:26

That we're getting what we want.

17:28

And you mentioned that earlier, and I,

17:28

and I do think that that is beautiful.

17:32

And so I don't wanna I don't wanna like go over like

17:33

eliminate the fact that there

17:38

is a, a thoughtfulness to it.

17:40

Right. Well, and really this is just a psa,

17:40

it's the kind of thing that guys

17:43

probably know and we don't know.

17:46

And in that moment, you had

17:46

cracked open access to this thing

17:51

that I'd never thought of because

17:51

I had only dated younger men.

17:54

I had never really had a

17:54

relationship with anyone of that age.

17:56

I'd had. Span of celibacy, and I tend to

17:57

date pretty close to my own age.

18:01

And this was my first experience. And I remember maybe it was

18:03

you telling someone that, oh

18:06

yeah, he doesn't have to use it. because the very first night

18:08

he'd come, he, I remember he was

18:11

fumbling, fumbling around and looking

18:11

for it and then didn't find it.

18:17

And then we had sex. And then in the morning he

18:19

said, oh yeah, I mean, I.

18:23

, I thought I brought one. I was gonna take it. I thought I was gonna

18:24

need it and I didn't.

18:28

And I was like, oh. So in my mind from then on,

18:28

oh, he doesn't need it with me.

18:33

And I never asked a follow up question.

18:36

And probably if we'd had a different

18:36

relationship or it'd continued,

18:40

eventually it would've come up. Certainly if had that conversation

18:42

with you, I would have asked him,

18:45

because I don't care if they take it. It's not anything that he

18:48

would have to hide from me.

18:50

And I don't think he was hiding it. I just never asked.

18:52

I wasn't curious. It never occurred to me to inquire again.

18:56

And he was so open about it in the beginning. I imagine he would've been open about

18:58

it during, and then we could have had

19:01

conversations and it, you know, Hey,

19:01

I'm not up for two hours tonight, right?

19:08

Or so take one. Or, let's take our time tonight.

19:11

Can you not take one. you know, and then, we both

19:14

would've had that tool in our

19:16

arsenal for the intimacy, right?

19:18

And I would've known what I was getting into instead. I just never knew.

19:21

I didn't know what kind of

19:21

encounter we were gonna have.

19:26

you know, and it was

19:26

surprised and, and on fun.

19:28

I, I would've maybe made

19:28

something sandwiches.

19:31

I would've done something different

19:31

if I had known he was gonna show up

19:34

and be irritated with a hard, on an

19:34

erection in the corner of my kitchen.

19:39

I mean, he just kept looking at me. And it wasn't with desire,

19:40

it was with annoyance,

19:43

and, and I remember.

19:45

food.

19:46

I was like, I was, and you know, cuz I wanna please him, right.

19:49

I was thinking, oh, you never

19:49

should have cooked this tonight.

19:52

You should have started sooner. Right.

19:55

I was super, I was hyper sensitive

19:55

to the idea that I was making

20:00

him wait to eat , when really,

20:00

probably it was more than that.

20:08

because that wasn't really a big eating night. . If he was on the pill, it was,

20:10

there wasn't gonna be as much eating

20:14

Yeah,

20:14

Yeah.

20:15

love that The more, yeah,

20:18

the more, um, communicative. It's a great psa.

20:21

Yeah. I love it. It's nothing to be offended by

20:23

or upset about or feel bad about.

20:27

It's, you know, just as we're changing,

20:27

they're changing and the same circulatory

20:31

issues happen and with a previous

20:31

boyfriend, he told me that, you know,

20:36

at about 40, the doctor starts asking,

20:39

do you need any Viagra? Do you want any pills?

20:42

And so he got them before he even

20:42

realized he would need them because the

20:45

doctors are like, here, just take it. It's covered.

20:48

First of all, it's all covered

20:48

under, under their insurance.

20:51

Un unlike my hormones,

20:51

their Viagra is covered.

20:55

And so he had a bottle and he, you

20:55

know, he said sometimes it expired and

20:59

he would throw it away cuz he got it. Just in case, you know, with your, with

21:01

your male doctors, like, just take.

21:05

, you think, yeah, I should have

21:05

this, I might need it some night.

21:08

And he had taken it a couple times,

21:08

but he didn't really have an issue yet.

21:12

so I know it's ubiquitous. I know they get it.

21:15

I know it's offered to them,

21:15

and I'm, thrilled they have it,

21:19

when it comes to confidence. I guess I just have to figure out, as a

21:20

single woman in her fifties, still out

21:24

there dating, I have to figure out how to

21:24

broach the topic in a way that will, help

21:29

them feel like we can talk about it and

21:29

be open about it and make choices together

21:34

about whether it's gonna

21:34

work that particular night.

21:37

this is a topic for another conversation,

21:39

but it's not up to you, Martha. this is about them being comfortable

21:41

with, we don't need to enable, we don't

21:44

need to broach, Hey, it's, I understand.

21:49

Let's evolve. Like my boyfriend brought

21:50

it up easily, comfortably.

21:55

I need it the same way. I've got lube in the side

21:56

drawer cause I'm drying up.

21:59

I need it. I throw it up. I don't like try to hide it.

22:02

I don't try to have him be like, oh, like.

22:06

It is about admitting what's going on

22:06

and let's just stop pussy footing around

22:11

the fact that they're not evolving

22:11

like they need to evolve on their own

22:16

and they need to be comfortable with

22:16

their dysfunctional dicks and we don't

22:21

need to like make it easier for them.

22:23

Like let's have a conversation

22:23

about, I just want you to know that

22:26

I am perfectly comfortable with

22:26

you taking the little blue pill.

22:32

I'm so about communicating like I was, but I was really

22:33

taking all the responsibility on

22:35

myself.

22:36

don't. It's not up to you. It's not, and it's not

22:38

helping them at all. They need to just step up and realize

22:40

like it, they will eventually,

22:44

over time, they will evolve. And, uh, catch up to the

22:48

openness that we all have.

22:52

Let's get some of them on the,

22:52

um, let's get some of those men

22:54

on your aloof vagina, um, podcast.

22:57

we'd have to have special episodes. It's funny because I have, I have

22:59

male listeners, I'm aware because

23:02

they send me messages and some

23:02

of 'em are friends and some of

23:04

them are,

23:05

hate me.

23:06

no, no, not ones who listen. Um, the, uh, and some of them

23:08

are husbands of friends, right?

23:12

So got, they're men in my

23:12

life listening to this.

23:15

And probably men, I don't know. But, um, some of the episodes really.

23:19

We get into some hairy stuff

23:19

like some, some issues.

23:23

And a lot of them, of course,

23:23

because we're women, are

23:26

very menstruation focused. I went back and found the ones where we

23:28

talk a lot about blood and I, I added

23:33

N S F M and then wrote ladies only in

23:33

the title so that they can start finding

23:38

it right, because they do wanna know

23:38

what we're talking about, but they

23:42

don't necessarily wanna talk about,

23:44

Yeah,

23:44

you know, this

23:44

transitional menstruation period.

23:49

But, . Yeah. I, I could have men on, but then I'd

23:49

have to have some other kinda label for

23:53

women like this is because that could be

23:53

triggering to have to listen to particular

23:58

Oh, totally. Then

23:59

Right. What they think and

24:00

then their point of view

24:03

and, and, and, us and then me like

24:03

kind of pussy footing around it.

24:07

Cuz I mean, mylo vagina.

24:10

it's an apt name for me if I'm gonna pussy

24:10

foot around men's problems, cuz I will

24:14

pussy foot around what they are thinking.

24:18

Cuz I wanna protect their egos. It's one of my natural states.

24:22

I know. Well, we're trained to do that. we

24:24

are. trained to protect their egos.

24:26

am I be triggering for my audience, for me to have a man on?

24:29

Cause it's like Martha,

24:29

for fuck sake, spit it out.

24:32

Right. So, oh my gosh, this is so fun.

24:35

I, I, listen, I knew I was gonna

24:35

have to have you on the second our

24:38

conversation turned that day, I thought,

24:38

oh my gosh, I cannot be the only

24:43

woman who was completely oblivious.

24:47

Why some nights were long marathon,

24:47

multiple going down blah, blah nights,

24:54

and some encounters are just straight.

24:57

The dick leading the way walks through

24:57

the door with this erection to you.

25:02

I don't know how long would've taken

25:02

me to figure it out without you.

25:05

Oh, well, delighted. I wanna talk about this

25:06

stuff all the time. And I love that you brought up the,

25:08

um, the porn piece too, cuz that's

25:12

throwing a wrench into my theory, that

25:12

is a super significant socialization

25:17

tool that, right, a two hour feature.

25:20

I mean, that's what they're lear learning so. that in itself is, fascinating as well,

25:22

cuz I, I suspect that, a lot of what we're

25:27

seeing now is that too, because they can

25:27

take their time because , they're not as

25:31

like up on the pill So, and then they're

25:31

like, oh, well remember that two hour

25:36

video I watched, this is what they did. So we'll

25:39

Chicks dig it. Chicks dig it.

25:41

When you em around and change

25:41

direction and then you say, Hey,

25:45

now I'm gonna, Now it's p o v, I'm

25:45

licking your pussy, And you're like,

25:48

wait a second, I was about to come.

25:50

Right. And now you just mixed it up, right?

25:54

Yeah. So I, I, um, yeah.

25:56

I'm happy to talk about

25:56

this stuff anytime you want.

25:59

Oh gosh. Jenna, I will have you on. I, I feel like we could just have a

26:00

couple more cups of coffee or pool

26:04

dates and come up with all sorts of

26:04

things to talk about it is a different

26:07

experience when you haven't been

26:07

married to a guy for a long time.

26:10

It is a different experience starting

26:10

the relationships at this stage

26:13

and then, We're observing things. But because you know, you don't talk

26:15

about it really, and, and because

26:19

there's not kind of an example in the

26:19

world, there's not really an example

26:22

for us in our cinema, you know, so it

26:22

happens with us too in the romcoms.

26:27

There's not an example of what

26:27

it's like to stumble into sexual

26:31

relationships with men at this age.

26:34

and to see how things have changed

26:34

and the whole landscape changes

26:39

The truth is 99% of them, it's

26:39

even worse than when I was younger.

26:43

99% of them aren't even gonna get a

26:43

second date with me, that we're gonna

26:46

barely make it past the first drink

26:46

or coffee or conversation because

26:51

it's such a weird landscape right now.

26:53

And because I'm so set in my ways

26:53

and I know within minutes if I'm

26:59

even getting interested, right? So the idea that we get to that point

27:00

where we're like, okay, now people

27:04

are gonna be naked and this stuff is

27:04

happening, where would you even hear that?

27:08

Where would you even learn

27:08

that and, and realize it wasn't

27:12

just you or just relational? Like my situation I just thought

27:13

was specific to our relationship

27:19

and.

27:20

like, no, it's not

27:21

You're like, no, madam, madam. This is what it's like to have

27:23

sex with a 50 year old man.

27:25

Oh, what?

27:27

What's particularly funny though is like before they admit they need to take the

27:29

pill that was happening to me for a while,

27:34

where you know, they're just getting

27:34

soft and they haven't yet accepted

27:38

the fact that they need to do this. that I think is a particularly

27:39

raw sensitive time for men.

27:42

But I, I went through a period of

27:42

several men that that was happening

27:47

to, and I was like, clearly this is. A problem I have, clearly it's my

27:51

right? It must, it must be your vagina. It must be

27:53

must been my, my aloof vagina,

27:56

Yeah. say, what's interesting too is on the flip

27:56

side, they also, if they're single

28:01

or navigating this without a lot of

28:01

information, maybe they're thinking.

28:05

. Oh, and it must have just been that girl. Or, oh, it's, we, we

28:07

just had too many drinks.

28:10

Because they don't wanna think

28:10

about now they're gonna need it.

28:13

So they also are kind of in

28:13

this weird liminal space where,

28:16

They're not yet at the point where

28:16

they're saying, Hey, this is me.

28:19

This is my lube in the drawer. This is my dryness, or this

28:21

is my erection situation.

28:25

This is what it's like. Welcome. This is 50.

28:27

They're not there yet because they're

28:27

probably also having sporadic sex

28:31

with different people, and so it

28:31

probably does take time for them

28:33

to recognize, oh, this is a thing. This is an actual thing.

28:37

maybe if you were married or in an ongoing

28:37

relationship, , you would recognize it

28:41

and they'd become much more matter of

28:41

fact cuz you'd be dealing with it on a

28:45

daily basis with someone that you trusted.

28:47

exactly.

28:48

I do have a lot of compassion for them. I don't mean to pussy

28:49

even around, but I do. I can't help

28:51

myself. So face-to-face, I'm definitely someone

28:52

who's gonna, dance around to try to make

28:56

sure they're as comfortable as possible

28:56

and help usher them into the conversation.

29:01

So you're a caring, nurturing individual.

29:03

I try, I try.

29:05

Well, this is great. Thank you so much.

29:07

Thank you.

29:09

I'm gonna, um, look forward to bring you back and, and we will unveil other

29:10

dating in your forties and fifties

29:15

secrets.

29:15

wait.

29:17

Thank you for

29:17

listening until next time.

29:19

Take care of yourself and

29:19

take care of your vagina.

29:23

If you enjoyed this episode,

29:23

please share it with a friend.

29:26

You think would enjoy it too.