0:00

The McElroy brothers are not experts

0:03

and their advice should never be followed. Travis

0:06

insists he's a sexpert, but

0:08

if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen

0:10

it. Also, this show

0:12

isn't for kids, which I mention

0:14

only so the babies out there will know

0:16

how cool they are for listening. What's up,

0:19

you cool baby? One, two,

0:21

three, four! It's the

0:23

start of something beautiful.

0:27

A small acquaintance has blossom, it's

0:29

rapping into a precious friendship. I

0:33

could've never seen what was coming for me.

0:36

Hangs at the skate park,

0:38

hangs by the beach, my

0:41

life, it feels

0:43

like life. It's

0:48

better, it's better with you. My

0:52

life, it's

0:54

better, it's better with you. This

0:57

is true, it's

1:00

better, it's better with you.

1:03

My life,

1:08

it's better with you. Hello

1:10

everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother

1:12

and me, an advice show for the modern era.

1:15

Justin McElroy and that triple clap was to

1:17

prove that the era of the clapper is

1:20

no more funeral for a friend episode 638.

1:23

Goodbye to the

1:25

clapper. 694, 695? 634,

1:27

637. Justin beat the

1:30

clap. Griffin,

1:32

do you want to do... Yeah,

1:34

that's right, and Griffin McElroy, I'll

1:36

say greetings to Trav Nation, but

1:39

this is just a... You could intro me like

1:41

a herald. Okay,

1:44

sorry, let me take that again. I'm

1:46

your sweet baby brother, Griffin McElroy, and

1:48

introducing... Presenting, sorry, presenting. It's

1:52

not an introduction, they know me. Yeah,

1:55

they know me too. Could you do like presenting? That's

1:58

what you do with like an introduction. Haley

2:00

Joel Steinfeld. Okay, let me try one more

2:02

time. And I'm your sweet baby

2:04

brother Griffin McElroy. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,

2:06

bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,

2:08

bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,

2:10

bum, bum, bum. This

2:13

is not introducing you, this is like playing your music so you

2:15

can run out on the court through a big picture of yourself.

2:17

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, got it. So me and Justin are

2:19

going to hold up a big picture of you. You're

2:23

back in the locker room, but you're fucking

2:25

ready to rip. Okay. And

2:27

introducing Travis McElroy. Hey,

2:30

what up, Trav

2:33

Nation, it's me, Woof

2:35

Woof, big dog, middle-est

2:37

brother Travis McElroy. It's

2:41

winter in Trav Nation. More

2:43

like Darude Snowstorm. What? Because

2:47

it snowed a lot. It snowed a lot this week in a

2:51

lot of places in the country. What does that have

2:53

to do with Jason Derulo? Yeah, why is it Jason

2:55

Derulo-centric? Is this a cat's rift? What?

2:58

Derulo Snowstorm? Derude. Derude.

3:02

Derude made the song. You're being Derude. Hold

3:05

on, have you guys, you guys know about

3:07

that, Garb? You say your gag there was predicated

3:10

on the basis that Travis and I wouldn't know

3:12

the name of the song? Oh,

3:15

you guys are artists. That you guys are so

3:17

in the wrong. You were thinking behind your hands.

3:19

You guys are so in the wrong right now.

3:21

Because we couldn't name that mouth

3:23

fart. Me and every

3:25

other one of our listeners is over here on

3:28

this side of the yard and we're fucking partying

3:30

and we're saying like, is this your favorite Derude

3:32

song? You two are on the corner like, nah,

3:34

I don't know who Derude is and nobody does

3:36

either. Go away to me.

3:39

Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah. It's called Derude. Derude

3:42

is the artist. The

3:44

song is called Sandstorm. Okay,

3:47

so Rusted Derude did Sandstorm?

3:49

Is that what you're saying? Rusted

3:52

Derude did Sandme on my way. There's

4:02

that mashup. So Questlove,

4:04

the Roots, right? Yes,

4:08

got it. There's something there. There's

4:10

something there. Listen, I want to tell you

4:12

guys about this wild thing that my kids

4:14

schooled it. And a lot of the schools

4:16

in the Tri-State region are doing

4:18

this. And it is

4:20

something that the local news station, WSAZ,

4:23

we've talked about all its anchors, specifically

4:27

No Fear Tim Ear, the newsman who says

4:29

he has no fears in an interview I

4:31

read one time, No Fear Tim Ear, friend

4:34

of the show, reporter

4:37

who got hit by a car in a

4:39

fun way. That was our dad. That

4:41

was our dad. Oh, there was also a woman who had happened. No,

4:43

the woman got hit by a car. Our dad got hit by a car.

4:46

Not recently, folks. Don't worry. He's fine. So

4:48

my kid gets in the car and she's like,

4:50

hey, dad, this Friday, we're

4:52

doing, it's fired up Friday. It's

4:55

fired up. Sorry, it's fired up Friday. I'm

4:57

like, oh, cool. And she said, it's

4:59

cool. You just we have to

5:02

be at school at 5 30

5:04

a.m. And

5:06

every no and

5:09

she's nine. Right. But yeah, pretty with

5:11

it. And I was like, honey,

5:13

I think you might have misunderstood whatever

5:15

they were trying to tell you, sweetheart. That's not a time.

5:18

That's not a time. No, no, there was this. Yeah,

5:21

that's not a time to actually cancel that after I

5:23

stopped delivering papers. Yeah, they got rid of 5 30

5:25

a.m. That doesn't exist anymore. No, no,

5:27

we need to be at the school at 5 30. And

5:31

I was like, they're

5:33

like, it exists too at this time.

5:35

This 5 30. I'm like

5:37

the rest of that sentence is because they have

5:40

a bigger and more comfortable bed there that they

5:42

then will transfer us to. Yeah.

5:45

So, yeah. And

5:48

then that means that by my

5:50

by the transitive property, that means that

5:52

we have we would have

5:54

to give it 4 30

5:56

in the morning. This is the plan. This is

5:59

the school. The land rights and

6:01

the schools trying to get. People

6:03

on board with fired up Friday's

6:05

They're given out our community service

6:07

hours and you can ah you

6:09

go. You can earn homework credit.

6:12

see those you homeworks. Wait, To

6:14

what he doesn't sorry what's happening

6:16

at five thirty? Is. It

6:18

says what you have aired: a firefight iowa in

6:20

the morning. As Six in

6:22

the News broadcasts, a happens at

6:25

Six in the Mormons which apparently

6:27

they are also doing death without

6:29

any consultation. With. Me: The.

6:32

Kids do like a skit. And

6:35

then they scream to show that they

6:37

love sports. A while

6:39

and the coach usually does a skit.

6:41

Where. One time I saw the

6:44

codes pretended to be asleep and then

6:46

everybody screamed so loud about basketball he

6:48

woke up and got fired up I

6:50

guess a and now than this sellers

6:52

likes get their sketches instead says that

6:54

for the news cut do it sucks

6:57

in the morning and all the schools

6:59

the or you're trying his knees virgin

7:01

good as a t and to just

7:03

practice place and five thirty in the

7:05

morning just them on time to follow.

7:08

This. Narrative. Is what

7:10

tough right? Yeah, there's are descendants. Here's

7:12

what confuses me. just some moon. Is

7:14

this: How does the six o'clock. The.

7:17

Of Alzheimer's described that this takes

7:19

in my mind. Is like

7:22

starts with six done by six thirty. School.

7:24

Starts at like seven thirty eight.

7:27

What? Did they do? With. The

7:29

kids ya the next hour and a

7:31

half. So here's your Tv screen with.

7:33

Here's the plan. It's. A party

7:35

the said oh yeah, how hardy that goes

7:38

till school. Starts. And.

7:41

And it's a sop. Tell school

7:43

starts yes exist worst party. The

7:45

worst part? He's ah they got.

7:47

I'm all fired up on Tutors

7:49

biscuits. Know that of the fires

7:52

you are not deposits is redditors

7:54

the world With his dislike come

7:56

at home. As the slogan says,

7:58

a lawyer dumping about. The planned

8:00

out a fire that is the energy to

8:02

your day. Yeah there's a theme is so

8:05

they get these kids. My kids. My. Youngest

8:07

kid in there are so he says if

8:09

my is as five years. Old. And

8:12

already a pretty Senegal. I don't think hoover

8:14

get fired up about things. See. What

8:17

as four thirty in the morning? These

8:19

friggin' kids So we good that is

8:21

a school. Five thirty they scream for

8:23

the news about how they love basketball

8:26

and then are like okay with our

8:28

family till let's give these kids a

8:30

real Spock instructor. black list is slather,

8:32

these person gives up and now the

8:34

server day of learning. Come on let's

8:37

do it. And but the real victim

8:39

in all of this is. Probably.

8:41

You and destiny is your needs. Me because

8:44

I I get fired have been less than

8:46

know I gotta wake up with my kids

8:48

and civil three part of reason my mouth

8:50

and and driving the school and you need

8:52

wondered and get the scream for the news

8:54

I didn't get a screamer the news every

8:57

day there's bull i it I have no

8:59

idea how work credit had this way up

9:01

Another I know your children pretty wow So

9:03

long time with them over the years. I

9:06

would be amazed if between the

9:08

two of them combined. They. Give

9:10

half a shit about basketball. No

9:13

no but I will all fired up.

9:15

I will say that I do know.

9:18

Your. Daughter's to get fired up sometimes and

9:20

yell Dana do get fired up. They

9:22

do get and I think. I

9:25

think it sucks that the only thing

9:27

I got out of it was basically

9:29

the closes you can get to a

9:32

coke.five year old? Yeah, just like distal

9:34

Absolute. I got her mine on our

9:36

some sausage honor was screaming at the

9:38

camera. Related question to this. i

9:41

know all groups inside people are weak

9:43

early for different jobs or whatnot who's

9:45

ready for news at six o'clock in

9:47

the morning somebody my yeah what about

9:49

who's like with everything in the world

9:52

today we don't need to get into

9:54

above real jobs but who's like you

9:56

know what's gonna start my day off

9:58

right at six am hearing

10:01

about everything that's going on

10:03

in the world right now. What would you program

10:05

at 6am? What is your target demo at 6am?

10:07

That's practice news. That's when they do the practice

10:09

news. Oh. That's how – if

10:11

it's your first day doing – okay. If you

10:14

want to get started as a reporter, and we

10:16

need more great reporters that

10:19

were willing to work for basically

10:21

nothing. No money. Here's how you get started. Just

10:23

show up at the news station at about

10:25

5 o'clock. Yeah. 5 o'clock, they'll

10:27

let anybody do it. That's true. First at 5.

10:29

Do you know why they call it first at 5? Because

10:31

it's your first time doing the news. And first come, first

10:33

serve. You know what I mean? First serve. First

10:36

serve. Whoever gets there first gets to pick if they

10:38

want to be the anchor or the reporter. Yeah. Or

10:41

the camera person. Or the camera person. That's all AI.

10:43

That's all AI. Oh, wow. So

10:45

really? Now hold on. If they have AI, could

10:48

they not just generate via AI

10:50

a clip of many children screaming

10:52

and not have to wake up the entire city

10:54

and say, Yeah, get Weta in here. Come on.

10:56

Yes. And yes, that is true. And if no

10:58

one shows up to do the news, like they've

11:01

got bad weather, they could just still have, you

11:03

know, fucking Bonsie Buddy do it. I know that.

11:06

AI Bonsie Buddy. It's all a strat. It's

11:08

all a strat to go viral. You

11:10

can't ignore this news TV that is

11:12

on if you hear children screaming coming

11:14

out of it. We are all sort

11:16

of biologically attuned to hear that noise

11:18

and go, what the fuck? Yeah.

11:20

But with AI, and I'm not a

11:22

supporter of AI in the creative fields,

11:24

except that they couldn't. Not the technology or the

11:27

Haley Joel Oslet movie. I didn't care for –

11:29

I don't like either one of those. That has

11:31

grown on me. Really? Really? It's

11:34

worth a rewatch, Travis. It's worth a rewatch. Okay. It's

11:37

worth a rewatch. You're looking wild about

11:39

the ending, but – I know, but there's

11:41

important stuff that happens. Ironically, I think you

11:43

could use the technology of AI to make

11:45

some changes to AI that would make me

11:47

like it more. Maybe. I'm just saying with

11:49

artificial intelligence engines and algorithms, we

11:51

could create a news clip

11:54

of like 250,000 kids all screaming

11:56

about local basketball. That's going

11:58

to move since the end. You know

12:01

what I would program at 6am Justin?

12:03

You asked and in the back of my head this

12:05

process has been running. I would

12:07

program another adult mirroring.

12:10

They're in a kitchen. They're getting ready for

12:12

the day too. And

12:14

they just occasionally look at the camera

12:16

and go, I know man. I know

12:18

right? That's cool. That's not Travis. That's

12:20

not TV. That's not entertainment.

12:23

That's not. You've basically described

12:25

an adult mobile. Adult

12:29

mobile is what you're saying. Just like something

12:31

on a myth buster. This is a loneliness

12:33

aid that they put on the news sometimes

12:35

when you're having a hard one. And also

12:37

a little bit of affirmation too of just

12:39

saying like, hey, yeah, it sucks to be

12:42

up this early but we're going to get

12:44

shit done. Hey, could they ask questions about

12:46

my day? That doesn't happen in my life.

12:48

Yeah, absolutely they could. 6am, you need

12:50

a friend. I don't

12:52

even need that. I just need to see another moving human

12:54

body. That's

12:57

like my seasonal affective disorder lamp. It's

12:59

just seeing a moving person and

13:02

knowing that it's not just me.

13:04

Adult? Okay. Adult

13:06

friend. Adult friend. I

13:09

don't like putting the word adult in front

13:11

of things because of the connotations of that.

13:13

Grown friend. Grown friend. Because when I used

13:15

to get up for school, for high school.

13:18

Yeah. And I

13:21

would watch every morning VH1. They

13:23

would have pop up. They would have pop up. It would

13:25

give a big grind. They would have pop up video on

13:27

there. I would like a

13:29

pop up video of another human being getting ready for

13:31

the day. But he just tells me little secrets about

13:33

that. Little salacious secrets about that. I want to turn

13:35

that off. Okay. Maybe

13:38

we could put that. I don't know if it's

13:40

a... Yeah, I want an option where I never

13:42

get Travis' channel. Even though I have to sit

13:44

in it. No, I want the loneliness

13:46

aid. I want the grown friend. But

13:50

I don't want the secrets. So

13:53

this is a new role at a TV station now. It

13:55

doesn't have to be secrets. Anchor, reporter, weather, social media. sports,

14:01

loneliness aid grown friend who can be there

14:03

for you, then we'll slip them in there

14:05

every, every, you know, five or 10 minutes.

14:08

And then the screaming children. This is these

14:10

are the six steps to running successful TV

14:12

news station. I meant more like insights wherever

14:14

so often a bubble would pop up like

14:17

this was a dream to being a dancer

14:19

gave that up. Yeah, I don't want that.

14:21

I don't want that. I don't

14:23

need that. Against all odds,

14:25

this is an advice show and the way it works

14:27

is you send us your questions

14:29

at NBA, NBA, my maximum fun.org.

14:31

We turn them out. We like

14:33

into wisdom. Here's our first question

14:35

for this week. So I've been

14:38

stretching almost daily since last May

14:40

and now I'm more flexible than

14:42

the average Joe Schmoe. In fact,

14:44

my splits are getting impressive. I

14:46

could brag to my friends, but that seems a bit

14:48

gauche. How can I

14:50

casually do the splits around people such that

14:52

they acknowledge it but don't

14:55

stop everything to watch? That's from Crouch

14:57

to the Grindstone in New Pulse. I

15:00

think stretching every day is more – You've got to read the

15:02

PS. It's incredibly important. Oh. PS.

15:07

I'm talking about a front split. It

15:10

is imperfect, but maybe three inches off the ground

15:12

at the highest point. I have five roommates and

15:14

a cat who has seen the splits already. I'm

15:17

a college student who spends much of his time

15:19

in an organic chemistry lab. I would

15:22

have started with that to sort of

15:25

play the old rope-a-dope a little bit of like there's

15:27

no fucking way this person does the splits. And then

15:29

you hit me with that. By the way, I can

15:32

do the splits pretty good. But they're not trying to

15:34

impress you. They're trying to impress their friends

15:36

and loved ones. I think someone who

15:38

stretches every day is more impressive to me than someone

15:40

who keeps up with flossing. Frankly, at this age, at

15:42

my age, at 40, I wish I had started stretching

15:44

every day back at like 22. It's

15:47

good. It's too late now. So much will be calcified.

15:51

It's good. It's good. It's

15:53

very diligent on this. I'll say repeatedly

15:55

we've been Mid-conversation, mid-gift

15:58

giving, mid-funeral. The order

16:00

probably like I gotta roll it out I

16:02

gotta get my weird my weird little Been

16:04

and Rawls Romer on our on our been

16:06

to Foam roller. To. Foam Roller from

16:08

Rollers into Rude. Are there any other things you

16:10

guys want to show? Your ass is a on

16:12

completely in this episode. how do we didn't have

16:14

learned role? As for. What? Is the foam

16:16

roller for what is it does? Is. The

16:19

only place I can talk to about this stuff

16:21

because you get so defensive or not reporting this

16:23

is the only place your viable I've seen just

16:25

and ask what the summer order and grievances immediately

16:27

hangs up. Be. A hero. It and I

16:29

had to go before. Haven't I travel? I

16:32

have ass. I never get an answer. I'm

16:34

or any side is a very

16:36

guarded salary crimes they're driven to

16:38

really early Know gris. Yeah.

16:41

I mean the way eyes up,

16:43

keep my body. It.

16:45

Doesn't have to be a part

16:48

of are specific to treat him

16:50

about. Very busy I ask how

16:52

are your kids and you're like

16:54

they're here. Know. All about

16:56

my kids all day long. but you want to

16:58

talk about how mice my up keep. My.

17:01

Maintenance. On the foam

17:03

roller it just feels good to have to

17:05

lean backwards on. You know how sometimes he

17:07

leaned back on a chair to get a

17:09

good stretch mm gap of the chair moves

17:11

with you in of he lie on the

17:13

floor he's. Not. I

17:15

mean you lie on the foam roller which is

17:17

on the floor that's so vulnerable. Okay,

17:20

Designer Clothing Waterloo ours is know if I

17:22

if I come upon you in that position

17:24

and I have onset you're dead. You're.

17:26

Diana hired I would say that's actually

17:28

so vulnerable by came of your that

17:30

position if I did not have ill

17:32

intent before my been developed ill intent

17:34

of like well i gotta. Get.

17:36

Outta heard of. Mouth Yeah, I'm a crab

17:38

on his back. When I'm doing fine, I

17:40

stand up. I'm an inch and a half

17:42

taller and I feel great about my dell.

17:44

that. I want to. Say.

17:47

That I think. You. Shouldn't

17:49

force this. I.

17:51

Think that you will know. When.

17:54

It is time to do a split yeah

17:56

and that to as it has to be

17:59

organic because over. Are showing

18:01

off. But. If you wait for

18:03

the moment, the perfect months and on

18:05

the think of. Three. Times

18:07

just in the past year where

18:10

if I could have busted out

18:12

like a devastating split yeah, would

18:14

have absolutely. Seized. The day

18:17

ended the conversation. I mean it would

18:19

have been monumental. You work in a

18:21

chemistry lab there? Will I be? I

18:23

am a podcast Are there will come

18:25

a day and question of where someone.

18:28

Will. Who are so right? have a

18:30

better have something to avoid or of

18:32

science yet our you go into a

18:34

full blown Rockford Peaches for you leave

18:36

League of their Own split. you catch

18:38

it from Gray. Everybody applauds, they take

18:40

a picture, they put it on the

18:42

front page of the paper. Yeah and

18:44

and them or be were like whoa,

18:46

that's amazing you say? I didn't even

18:48

I could do that. Now. No.

18:52

I drink a long white house and I mean I

18:54

drink a special science to said I mixed up in

18:56

a lab yeah may me super bendy and rubbery I'm

18:58

a llama To me that I would have a powerful

19:01

the Justice League. Yeah. Much more inspiration

19:03

would be if the person looks like vs

19:05

I. Sent. You a practice them

19:07

every day but assist for me. Ah

19:09

that's cool actually I didn't want you to see

19:12

this. what I do with can't are you were

19:14

no way I see the my lot a lot

19:16

of the wrong yeah I yeah no please apply

19:18

this is disagreement nicer question asked her to your

19:20

is it it nicer. To. Have a little

19:22

secret? isn't it nicer to hear a conversation?

19:25

And in a room where people are like

19:27

nobody's ever dems bloods and you're like residents?

19:29

well, old, chuckle yourself, Yoko Ono, You do

19:31

the splits. Less an Urban Griffin is it

19:34

myself. The grebes. Guess

19:36

it's amazing. Yeah, I'm.

19:38

High An Open Book. That's.

19:41

Iraq that he wrote the Summer

19:43

You Are Dr. Sam Up my

19:45

spine is broken. my bookcase clove

19:47

right. It hurts so bad I

19:49

posit. That. Most.

19:52

People. Can. Do

19:54

splits. It's just a question

19:56

of how long. It takes you.

19:59

to us I would assume the position and

20:01

if you can, get up from it and go about

20:04

your day. And recovery time. I would say it would

20:06

be the third aspect of that. Every time is also

20:08

up for it. I think I could do a split.

20:10

I think it would take me about

20:13

20 minutes to get down. Guys,

20:15

I think there's only one way for me to find this

20:17

out. I got to do a little bit of – I

20:20

got a moving arm here.

20:22

Should we all do the splits real quick and see how – I

20:26

mean, don't get me wrong. I've already had a

20:28

vasectomy, but I think I'll leave it there as

20:30

far as trauma to my testicles. Thank you very

20:32

much. Okay, Travis, you get to be the judge

20:34

of the splits. Perfect. You're going to

20:37

have to angle your cameras down or I'll just see your horrified

20:39

faces. No, you don't get to see that part. That's a secret.

20:41

Yeah, we're not going to shoot you, man. It's got to be

20:43

on our system. It's got to be on our system. Front

20:45

splits or side splits? Well, front splits is what they're

20:47

talking about. I think side splits is harder. How far

20:49

down can you get? Front splits is like the foot

20:52

goes in front of you and behind you, right? The

20:54

other one's the Jean-Claude Van Damme. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

20:56

You're doing front and back. Okay. I'm

20:58

– Oh, fuck. I don't want to

21:00

see any bend in knees. We're not proposing here.

21:03

No, I know. That's what I'm saying. It sucks

21:05

so bad because – Oh, my God. How

21:07

far off the ground would you say you are? I can't see your –

21:09

if you had to measure in inches – Oh, my God. I'm

21:12

like – I'm like – ah. Oh,

21:15

God. I think I heard something tear from Justin.

21:18

I think I was probably about 10

21:20

inches off the ground. That was my estimate. I think I got

21:22

to about 10 inches. I'm a good

21:24

foot. I'm a good foot, but give me 20 minutes. And

21:28

I'm down there, baby. You're

21:30

just letting gravity do its job. Okay. The waiting

21:34

for gravity to give it. The waiting for

21:36

gravity to give it up. There

21:39

was – here's what I will say. I

21:41

could have gone deeper, but there was definitely

21:43

a moment. It was like a very clear,

21:45

like, point of no return. Like, you can

21:47

split further than this, but you may never

21:49

un-split. So there might be a

21:51

moment when they talk about that strength of like,

21:54

oh, a baby trapped under a car and you

21:56

get the – so there

21:58

might be an emergency situation. Justin

22:00

where you're filled with adrenaline and you're

22:02

able to do a split. Right?

22:04

But then that's maybe your next six weeks.

22:07

Yeah, exactly. Like you could do, it's like a great

22:09

trick. I could only do it once. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

22:11

yeah. Just wait for the moment. Just

22:13

wait for that. Justin,

22:16

let Griffin update his grundle. My

22:20

grundle is in a crisis.

22:24

Like emotionally, physically. My grundle is in a crisis.

22:28

I don't want to tell you that. Diana, continue

22:30

working now. That's what I'm talking about, Griffin.

22:32

Open up. We're going to the wizard's house

22:35

and Diana is leading us there. Diana got us the

22:37

invite. Thank you, Diana. This is Leaky Howe, how to

22:39

sew up your taint. This is...

22:41

How to sew your taint back together. This

22:44

is how to find treasure. I

22:47

literally feel like my body is a ship

22:50

and they called an emergency in

22:52

my crotch and everyone had to go. Like

22:55

my brave is on a skeleton crew

22:57

right now with the amount of discomfort

22:59

I've been experiencing down there. Treasure

23:01

is everywhere. You can

23:03

find treasure in exotic locations at the flea market in

23:06

your town or even in your backyard. You never know

23:08

when you might find a hidden gem, buried fortune or

23:10

ancient relic. I'm going to

23:12

say that treasure is not at a flea

23:14

market. You can find some pretty good

23:16

pickups there, but you can't

23:18

find treasure at a store. You

23:21

know what I mean? I've watched a lot of Antiques Roadshow,

23:23

Griffin. I

23:26

think you can find treasure

23:29

at a flea market in

23:31

terms of like... You can buy treasure at a flea market.

23:33

Oh yeah, okay. I see what you're saying. He's saying

23:35

that if you buy it at a store, it's not treasure.

23:37

Yeah, it's okay. Yes. You've

23:40

bought treasure. I could cash out all

23:42

of my savings and go buy a

23:44

diamond or something. Trav, what

23:46

is it that Richard E. Gitt called it? Oh,

23:49

what was it? Snuffling out some govins.

23:52

Snuffling for govins. Yes, snuffling for

23:54

govins. Snuffling

23:56

for govins. What, a snuffling for govins?

23:58

Richard E. Grant is... a great

24:00

actor and an amazing Instagram realist who

24:02

makes these incredible Instagram reels where it's

24:04

just a close-up of his huge smile

24:07

and he's like ahh and it's like

24:09

real close-up and there was one of

24:11

him like walking through an outdoor like

24:13

flea market thing he's like ah just

24:15

out here on a lovely sunday snuffling

24:17

for gov. I do like

24:19

that a lot. It's

24:21

wonderful. Get a metal detector

24:23

to help you find metal objects. When you get

24:25

to your destination turn on your metal detector and

24:28

adjust your settings blah blah blah. When your metal

24:30

detector finds something it'll light up or make a

24:32

sound. Use a shovel or garden spade to dig

24:34

where your detector finds treasure. Put that earlier. I'm

24:36

already at the beach with my metal detector and

24:38

no shovel like a ding dong. Gotta steal one

24:40

from a child. Let's take

24:42

a child's shovel. You never hear from

24:46

Elon or Bezos or

24:49

other rich guys. Yeah. Like how'd you

24:51

get your start? They're never like

24:54

well I got

24:56

this metal detector. Uh-huh. Went

24:58

to the beach dug up

25:02

Captain Jack Sparrow's sacred

25:04

chest. It had

25:06

a hundred thousand million dollars in

25:08

it. So you sort of you

25:10

are not familiar with the work

25:12

of professional treasure hunter Gary Drayton

25:14

right? Because Gary Drayton the hero

25:16

of Curse of Oak Island regularly.

25:18

I have seen the man discover

25:20

doubloons. Yep. I've seen him discover

25:23

he discovered

25:25

doubloons. Yeah.

25:28

Look at these doubloons.

25:30

Doubloons of Darude. He

25:32

found a lot of his he calls his body. He

25:34

found a chunk of metal that may be a spike

25:37

from an old old ship. There's all

25:44

kinds of stuff you could get up. But

25:46

he is not a famously wealthy man just

25:48

in as evidence by the fact that I

25:50

have already forgotten his name that you said

25:52

fucking a minute ago. Here's

25:54

a little metal detector wifi. If you

25:57

discover with the metal detectors you're seeing just

25:59

walk around the and walk up to

26:01

people's like bags and pockets and stuff and swipe it

26:03

at their bag and beep beep beep I found treasure

26:05

and someone's like that's my wallet You're like yeah, you

26:07

lost it and I found it and I didn't lose

26:10

it It was in my backpack and you're like ah,

26:12

but my metal detected it. I

26:14

have never I Don't know

26:16

that I've ever seen a tick-tock of

26:18

a person Doing metal

26:20

detecting or magnet fishing and they're

26:22

like, oh fuck. Yeah a safe full

26:25

of American money It's

26:27

always like oh fuck a bomb or

26:29

ah man a corpse Somehow

26:31

shit and then you have to wait for

26:34

the cops to show up and that's your

26:36

whole day and also you have to

26:38

interact with Cops, how come that's not so

26:40

mad about magnet fishing. You would say

26:42

all they're always so mad Yeah,

26:45

why are you doing with this bomb? Why do you

26:47

have this? I probably shouldn't are you

26:49

okay to say that word on podcast? Which

26:52

one are you afraid TSA is gonna shut us down?

26:55

Alright, you can't take this podcast into an

26:57

air force. I guess that's true.

26:59

I mean I do call stuff to bomb a lot

27:02

Yeah, like to roots like to root

27:04

like to root Okay,

27:06

investigate the strip of land between roads

27:08

and sidewalks That's I guess

27:10

where people drop their stuff the the the

27:13

most like you get off a

27:15

road. Okay They're

27:18

saying there's a road right? You

27:20

see a sight you get out of your car and

27:23

then there's a sidewalk nearby and you walk

27:25

to that sidewalk and along the way You're

27:27

just like Golden coins just

27:29

shuffling out of your pockets. I

27:32

could say from personal experience There was a time

27:34

where I was picking my kid up from school

27:36

and it's a very hectic very stressful

27:39

school pickup and I left my keys sitting on

27:41

top of the car and Drove

27:43

away from the school and made it onto the

27:45

highway on ramp at which point my keys flew

27:48

off of the top of my car Now luckily

27:50

this remote start so my car stayed on with

27:52

my kids inside. I pulled over the shoulder Let

27:54

my kid left the car on hopped out. So

27:56

I looking around for my keys and people honked

27:59

at me so angrily and

28:01

I kept yelling back, yes, I

28:03

also don't wanna be out here.

28:05

Yeah, I also, do you see how I'm

28:08

bent as a waist looking at the ground?

28:10

I also don't wanna be here. Hey, but

28:12

never found it. Just because you're sorry didn't

28:14

mean you're not gonna get in trouble. That's

28:16

great. You know, I've told that to my

28:18

kids when I'm telling it to you. People are still gonna get mad at

28:20

you. Yeah, I'm sorry. Never found those keys, by

28:22

the way. That's home and I was like, I lost my keys.

28:25

And my wife was like, how'd you get home? And I was

28:27

like, well, I started the car when the keys were on top.

28:31

How did you get home keys somewhere

28:33

on the highway? I then say, well,

28:35

car, we've had a good run. But

28:37

when I turn you off now, that's

28:39

the end for us. You're dead forever.

28:42

We're out of vector lives, bud. I

28:44

can never turn the car off. Just

28:47

real quick, if the road is old, you may find I

28:49

know some previous entries like an artillery uniform button from

28:51

the war of 1812. That's

28:54

pretty specific. Very specific, yeah. Search

28:57

along old public parks or picnic

28:59

playgrounds. Find some old,

29:02

empty goldfish wrapper? I

29:05

don't think so. This does sound like treasure.

29:08

Okay, let's get into the good stuff. Look around

29:10

vacant lots where buildings used to be. Maybe.

29:14

What? No, that sounds so dangerous. Well, visit your local

29:16

library. Visit your local library. This is good.

29:18

Visit your local library and ask the librarian for

29:20

an old map of your area. Okay, good. This

29:22

is a great starting point for any treasure hunt.

29:24

You should probably not say treasure map though, right?

29:26

Like I would say, do you have any treasure

29:28

maps of Huntington? Probably not. Yeah.

29:31

I mean, who for a guide to undiscovered

29:34

riches? No, shit. What

29:38

profession would you

29:40

approach before

29:42

a librarian asking for clues

29:44

for local treasures? 100% antique

29:46

pawn shops. Those

29:50

are the two I would go to. They're not gonna fucking

29:52

tell. They're not gonna fucking tell. Yeah, sure. Go take our

29:54

treasures before we get to them. No way. The

29:57

pawn shops don't look for the treasures. You take the treasures

29:59

to the pawn shops. shop and exchange them for

30:01

arrowheads or scraps of leather or whatever you need.

30:04

You need a retired treasure hunter that you're gonna go

30:06

to and they're gonna be like, I'll tell you the

30:08

one I never felt. Sort of a Sully situation. Yeah,

30:10

right? And they're gonna be like, I'll say, here's the

30:13

volume of secrets. I

30:17

ain't coming, but I never got there. And

30:20

now I'm just, I'm too

30:22

bored. I don't want to do it anymore. I'm

30:24

43 and my mom says I need

30:26

a good job. So now you take

30:28

over. These are all too hard.

30:31

Let's skip ahead. Okay.

30:33

Okay. Method two,

30:35

searching around your house. Look in the basement attic and

30:37

garage of your home. If

30:40

you recently moved into an old home or inherited a

30:42

space from a relative, check in storage locations and see

30:44

what you may find. Downstairs in our basement area, there

30:46

is a little cabinet. We opened it up and there's

30:49

some child's rain boots in there, which

30:51

are fit our son great in the

30:54

snow. So that's,

30:56

ooh, that's haunted. Child's

30:59

rain boots in the child's basement rain boots?

31:01

Yeah. Shit.

31:03

Yeah, man. Sorry, bud. Pretty

31:06

obvious. Pretty hot. That's one of the more haunted things

31:08

you could find, I think. Yeah. Yeah. You said it

31:10

out loud. You heard it, right? Yeah. Only

31:12

thing worse is one. Yeah. That's the

31:15

only child's rain boots. Never warned.

31:17

No child's rain boots. That's so

31:20

bad. Children's feet

31:22

grow so quickly that I definitely

31:24

have bought children's rain boots that

31:27

were never warned. Because the feet

31:29

outgrew them before they were necessary.

31:31

So that particular short poem doesn't

31:33

have the sort of emotional

31:36

payload. Children's rain

31:38

boots never warned. $25 OBO.

31:42

OBO? Hit me up.

31:45

No delivery. No delivery. Pick

31:47

up only. If she got

31:49

too big.

31:52

Waste of

31:54

money. They

31:57

never say baby shoes. Never warned. Get

32:00

half fat feet. Did not fit. Big

32:04

feet. Yuck. The

32:06

idea, okay, here, I just want

32:08

a t-shirt and it looks like

32:10

a Craigslist listing. The headline is,

32:13

"'Chesues Ever Worn Underneath Do Not

32:15

Waste My Time With This Fake

32:17

Offered." I will

32:19

not drive to meet you at a

32:21

certain location. Shoes are offered as is.

32:26

Email is not me. I have

32:28

been burned before. Email

32:30

me for more pics. Text me at this

32:32

number at night, but not this number while

32:34

I'm at work. Gotta get

32:36

these baby shoes out of here. Need

32:39

room for more baby shoes. Check

32:43

around your home for any hidden doors or

32:45

compartments. Yeah. When we moved to DC,

32:47

that was step one, and we found one. And

32:50

it's the President's Secret Clubhouse.

32:55

Under our house is a trap door that goes down

32:57

to the President's Secret Clubhouse. No kidding? Yeah.

33:00

Is it cool? Is Joe Biden cool?

33:04

No. Not really, not particularly.

33:07

But he lets me use this clubhouse, and I do appreciate that. Normal

33:10

one, inspect garbage and recycling bins to search for

33:12

discarded treasure. No. As

33:14

they say, one man's trash is another man's treasure. But

33:17

this is suggesting that one man's discarded

33:19

treasure is still treasure. Yeah,

33:23

don't do identity theft. No. Griffin,

33:26

I don't think it's a twist. I think it's

33:28

just a literal depiction of the old adage that

33:30

one person's trash is another person's treasure. They're staying

33:32

literate of trash and see if it's actually treasure

33:34

to you. But that suggests that the person had

33:36

no need for it. I guess – how you're

33:39

throwing away treasure, guys, is 2023, 2024. Are

33:43

any of these steps, Griffin, befriend

33:45

an eccentric billionaire on the edge

33:47

of death? Because that, I

33:49

think, is – because then you're going to

33:51

get embroiled in a dangerous game of clues

33:54

and hints. I'll allow

33:56

the Hawthorns or the

33:58

Westingame. I do think this

34:00

is what salt burn is about, but I'm not going to

34:02

watch it because I've heard that

34:05

is scary, that is a scary part of it. Be

34:08

sure to use a disinfectant cleaner to- There's adult content.

34:10

Oh, nevermind. There's a few adult content moments. I'm just

34:12

going to watch Incredibles 2 again. That's

34:14

probably a good bet. It's the only movie I watch, man. It's

34:17

safe. I haven't seen the first one yet, so there's a

34:19

lot of backstory I haven't caught up on, no spoilers. There's

34:21

a little too much kissing in the first book,

34:23

first book of Incredibles for my taste. I only

34:25

read the novelization of the Incredibles. Real

34:27

quick though. Incredibles 2 isn't a kids movie the

34:29

way I watch it, if you know what

34:31

I mean. How do you want to know? I'm just incredible. Shout

34:34

out from me. So this is incredible? Shout out,

34:36

this is incredible. You're just saying that you're just stopping the show to

34:38

tell everyone. Time to drop the zero and get with the hero.

34:42

No, he's the hero, Justin. No, he's

34:44

the zero compared to me. He's

34:46

a superhero. Yeah, and that means he's

34:48

had everything handed to him. You're

34:51

both married. You're children. You have

34:53

children and a wife. I work for it.

34:56

Mr. Incredible is everything

34:59

handed to him. I work for it. Justin

35:01

doesn't have powers. Justin doesn't have powers. Justin's weak,

35:03

he can't do a split. It's

35:07

harder for him. I'm a super taster.

35:09

So what? I bet Mrs.

35:11

Incredible is not impressed by splits whatsoever.

35:14

Yeah. Mr. Incredible is a superhero. If

35:16

the ragweed is bad, apples hurt my mouth.

35:19

Like, I've had to work for it

35:21

is all I'm saying. Your whole life.

35:24

Thank you. Travis, is there

35:26

a cartoon character that you would like to proposition in

35:28

the middle of our show for some reason? Let

35:31

me think. I actually don't want to

35:33

answer for that. There's been water question. There's

35:35

been water question. There's been water question. Guys.

35:43

Hey, real quick, while you're looking at the garbage

35:45

can, you could discover an old violin that is

35:47

worth up to $50,000. That

35:50

is a wild sentence. Words were not meant to be

35:52

used that way. Yeah, no. Yeah,

35:55

it's great. But you could. But,

35:58

but don't rush to grab it. Because

36:00

underneath it there may be a violin worth

36:03

$100,000. No

36:05

way. And a man can only

36:07

carry so many violins. But inside that violin

36:09

is a small diamond worth $200,000. What?

36:13

It may happen. Yeah. This

36:15

is cool. Investigate barns and sheds to see what might

36:17

have been left behind. You

36:19

could find a storage building full of random antiques, tools,

36:21

or appliances, for instance. In addition, keep

36:23

an eye out for scrap metal to sell or items

36:25

to repurpose. Maybe this is what happened when Dad got

36:27

all of his comic books stolen out of his storage

36:29

unit as someone found the storage unit and

36:32

was like, all right, treasure. And

36:34

this abandoned storage unit. God, this door is hard

36:36

to open. It

36:39

must be rusted shut. It's

36:41

really stuck. To be fair,

36:43

if I dug up a treasure chest that had a lock

36:46

on it, I'd be like, well, got that right off there.

36:48

Yeah. Oh wow. Travis, that's

36:51

a great... Okay, listen. That's a great

36:53

point, right? If you see a chest out in the open

36:56

and you're like, I'm gonna smash that

36:58

lock off and take what's in it, you're a

37:00

criminal. Yes, correct. But

37:02

if you dig it out of the ground,

37:05

even a little bit, even a bit, right,

37:07

and then you do it, you're a hero?

37:09

Yep. Yeah. This

37:12

is a good money laundering scheme for

37:15

pickpockets. You steal all the stuff

37:17

that you want and then the

37:20

inspector is after you or whatever.

37:25

Oh, he's right there. He's gonna punch your ass. He's

37:28

gonna become a cop now? Yeah, he's a cop in my... Lupein?

37:30

Luce de Thorpe? Luce de Thorpe? Yeah.

37:33

And you take it to the park... Sorry, the gentleman thief? Montier!

37:36

Gervin Lupin? Aisine Lupin? Aisine

37:39

Lupin? Aisine Lupin? Aisine Lupin?

37:41

The gentleman thief? It's

37:44

his brother, Jeremy Lupin, and he's

37:46

picked... Those two are always at

37:48

odds. He's chasing you. This is

37:50

a good idea for thieves and

37:52

I've given so much to this

37:54

community. You're on my back on

37:57

the spot. He's

38:00

been a prime supporter for years, vocally!

38:02

I'm doing my best out here for

38:05

all of these urban

38:07

foragers. I'm telling you, you

38:09

see, what a great use of him

38:11

for themes. When you've stolen a bunch

38:14

of stuff, take it to the park,

38:16

take a whole berry it, wait

38:18

a minute, dig it out of the hole. Someone's like,

38:20

where the fuck did you find all that? You say,

38:23

uh, excuse me, I think

38:25

this is buried treasure, and find

38:27

these keepsies, thank you so much. You

38:30

know where there's a lot of buried treasure? Where's

38:32

that? Graveyard. That's

38:35

a good point. Yeah, it's all buried

38:37

treasure, locked in boxes, you can find rings,

38:40

necklaces. Sure, crafts. Yeah, gold

38:42

keys. Yeah, sure. Yeah,

38:44

man. Yeah, we got it. Yeah,

38:46

completely illegal. Search

38:49

online to find information about famous buried treasure.

38:52

For example, read up on Davy Jones' locker

38:54

if you want to find Grand Fortune, a

38:56

Spanish ship sank in 1511 and on board

38:58

with nearly 600 tons of gold and 200

39:00

chests of diamonds, rubies, and emeralds. The ship

39:02

has never been found and it presumably is

39:04

somewhere on the Strait of Malacca between Sumatra

39:06

and Malaysia. Okay, so we've escalated just from

39:10

get a metal detector and shovel to,

39:13

hey, maybe try deep

39:15

sea recovery with like,

39:18

I guess, some kind of freighter and

39:21

like, yeah, deep sea divers. If I

39:23

can do that, I have treasure already.

39:25

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Learn how to

39:27

decipher clues and riddles. Yeah.

39:30

Oh, yeah. Now, now we're talking about- That

39:32

should be honestly right after keep your

39:34

grades up on all of these. If you

39:36

can decipher clues and riddles, you're five

39:38

steps ahead. They need to add that

39:41

to the end of every standardized test

39:43

in school, start weeding out potential like

39:46

master detectives, right? And be like,

39:48

yeah, listen, he only got like

39:50

80% on a standardized testing

39:52

portion. But he's scoring Poirot Plus

39:55

in the- On riddles. We gotta

39:57

rush this guy straight to the-

40:00

grade of whatever, Griffin said, where the treasure

40:02

is. In high school, I had been told

40:04

that if you do good enough on the

40:06

SAT, that you could be recruited by the

40:08

CIA. Is

40:10

that what people who do well on the SAT

40:13

want? I don't know. Like, if you score a

40:15

perfect score on the SAT and they're like, you

40:17

could come work for the CIA, I think my

40:19

response would be like, that was the dream. No,

40:21

thank you. No. I'm

40:24

just saying that is what I had been informed is

40:26

that part of the SAT is if you do really,

40:28

really good at it, then... Yeah. You

40:30

get into the CIA. They speak a question at the end that's

40:32

like, do you like destabilization?

40:35

What do you feel about... Where

40:39

do you want your intelligence? Do you

40:41

want it on the outside edge of

40:43

things or perhaps in the center? To

40:47

find the treasure, some form of code must be

40:49

broken. For instance, research Thomas

40:51

J. Beale's gold and silver deposit, which is said

40:53

to be buried somewhere in the Blue Ridge Mountains.

40:56

Fuck, we were just there. Wait a minute. You

40:58

could also read The Secret, a

41:00

treasure hunt by Byron Freeze, which

41:03

is a book full of poems and

41:05

illustrations leading you to gems buried throughout

41:07

the world. I think only five of

41:09

them have been solved. Oh, fuck

41:12

yeah. Something like that. It came out before The Other,

41:14

The Secret. So you can read... I was just going

41:16

to say, you can also read The Secret. The Secret.

41:18

So it's like you wrote The Secret and Treasure Hunt

41:20

and The Other, The Secret was like, too much work.

41:23

Yeah. No. Just

41:25

tell yourself you love to have gems. Just act like

41:27

somebody with gems. I've

41:30

put a bunch of pictures of gems on a board

41:32

and then I got gems. Consider

41:35

going diving to find items, dependency. Scary.

41:38

Consider going diving. Yeah. Scary.

41:40

Yes, scary and expensive, I think, to get accredited.

41:43

So I would need to find... Well

41:46

I think Deep Sea Treasure Diving has lost a

41:48

little bit of the shine that came off that

41:50

old apple, I would say. Why? You

41:52

lost me. Because of what happened last year. A

41:55

lot of things happened. Yeah, you're going to have to narrow it down. Yeah, you're going

41:57

to have to narrow it down. I

42:00

don't I'm sorry. I don't I do not know what you're

42:02

referencing. Can you drill down on that a little bit? s

42:05

you be s

42:08

you be the s you be subway

42:11

and Super

42:15

it got real small real quick So

42:18

we don't oh Right,

42:21

right, right, right poor taste. Oh Oh

42:24

Griffin. Okay, you guys

42:26

asked found that I was trying to find a way to

42:29

tell them about later I know it out in public though

42:31

like that the way you laid it out made it seem

42:33

so crass How you spelled it out just then made it

42:35

seem so crass. Do you know maybe? You

42:37

know where we're listeners don't know about the SUV

42:40

and so when I spell it They don't know what it is

42:42

that we're talking about. Do you know where we could

42:44

find treasure? Where's that track

42:46

the money zone? Probably not anymore I Think

42:58

I think my biggest problem with trying

43:00

to like eat a more nutritious Food

43:06

Consumption plan. Yeah, we should point out

43:08

Travis got flushed away. Oh, sorry

43:10

guys Travis using a pie Travis is using

43:12

my earlier a fell in and then flesh a you

43:14

got flushed away like the movie I let myself get

43:16

so hungry and then when I'm so hungry Everything

43:19

that is good for me and would honestly

43:21

taste good is too hard takes too long

43:24

So I have a Dorito my five

43:26

Doritos. Yeah Factor

43:30

is gonna step in to change all that though cuz

43:32

you're gonna skip the prep skip the grocery store Skip

43:35

the cooking all of it and just skip right to Delicious

43:38

nutrition. All right factor has

43:40

everything you need for a week of flavorful

43:43

Nutritious eats they got ready to eat

43:45

meals, but it's not just the meals

43:47

Griffin cold-pressed juices smoothies. They have smoothies

43:51

Energy bites extra protein veggies like whatever

43:53

you need to keep your body fuel

43:55

and ready to perform That's

43:58

good for me. I do a lot of high

44:01

octane stuff and the

44:04

idea of having a sort of bandolier of

44:06

energy bites on my person at all times

44:08

that I can sort of typewriter up into

44:11

my mouth. Maybe a sort of gigantic Pez

44:13

dispenser. Yeah. Just pop one

44:15

open and blast yourself with the proteins

44:17

you crave. That sounds really nice

44:20

to me actually. And this

44:22

is, how long to make one of these meals? Well Griffin,

44:25

how about two minutes? How's two minute grab you? That's

44:27

restaurant quality in two minutes? That's

44:31

almost the lowest number of minutes you can have. Right

44:35

now you're going to head

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on over to factormeals.com/brother50 and

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use code brother50 to get 50% off.

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that code is brother50. Even

45:19

the twisted minds that brought

45:22

you the Adventure Zone, balance

45:24

and amnesty and graduation in

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either sea and staple chase

45:29

in Uchrespace and all

45:31

the other ones. The McElroy brothers in

45:33

town are proud to reveal bold vision

45:35

for the future of actual play podcasting.

45:41

It's called the Adventure Zone versus

45:43

Dracula. Yeah, we're going to kill Dracula.

45:47

Well, we're going to attempt, we haven't recorded

45:49

all of it yet. We will attempt to

45:51

kill Dracula's the Adventure Zone versus Dracula. Yes,

45:53

a season I will be running using the

45:55

D&D fifth edition of rules set and there's

45:57

two episodes out for you to listen to.

45:59

to right now. We hope you will join

46:01

us. Same bat time, same bat

46:03

channel, and bats. I see what

46:11

you did there. People say not to judge

46:13

a fish by its ability to climb a

46:15

tree. Which is why here on Just

46:17

The Zoo of Us, we judge them by so much

46:19

more. We rate animals out

46:21

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experts like biologists, ecologists, and more

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with friends and family of all

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ages on maximumsun.org or wherever you

46:45

get pet time.

46:57

Here it goes. I want a

46:59

munch squad. I

47:08

want to munch squad. Welcome

47:12

to Munch Squad, it's the podcast with

47:14

the podcast profile, the latest and greatest

47:17

of brand eating. Guys,

47:20

it is 20 fungalore.

47:22

We're getting deep in it. And

47:25

I know what everybody is

47:27

wondering, how are the brands

47:29

celebrating this new year? Today I have for

47:31

you the top five wildest ways

47:34

that our food brands have decided that

47:36

they will mark the beginning of new year. Me,

47:40

I like to just take it, take a

47:42

minute to refresh and restart. I don't, I'm

47:44

not big on resolutions, but it

47:46

doesn't matter what us, the people are doing. I

47:49

care about the brands. Yeah. And the

47:51

people, Shake Shack is

47:54

starting 2024 with a

47:56

sweet and spicy menu. Okay.

47:59

Shake Shack is bringing. It's flavor

48:01

a game to 2024 with

48:03

new menu items featuring spicy

48:06

which is sweet slash

48:08

spicy And you mommy flavors

48:10

and tastes it's better than getting mom couldn't get

48:12

you mommy in there, huh? Couldn't

48:15

squish those three words together. No,

48:17

I'm a Swiss army So

48:20

that's thank you. Shake Shack. What a

48:22

burger is launching what a wings to

48:24

kick off 2024 what our order

48:26

is kicking off the new yard

48:28

a big way with all new

48:30

boneless Swallowings made with juice with

48:32

nine juicy 100% white meat chicken

48:34

bites Tossed

48:37

in one of our four famously bold sauces.

48:40

I would say at this point Anno

48:42

Dominate 20 fungalore adding

48:45

boneless wings to a menu Isn't

48:48

anything it's maybe one of the easiest

48:51

thing That's the thing that Teresa and I are

48:53

like, I don't feel like making dinner for the

48:55

kids Yeah, you know they're not

48:57

in the air fryer. You want to you want to

48:59

impress me? What a

49:01

burger bone wings. Yeah,

49:04

I don't there's restaurant if McDonald's wing with bones

49:06

Can you guys imagine if

49:09

McDonald's started selling food with

49:11

bones in it? can

49:14

you fucking imagine if Rally

49:17

cuz rallies checkers does it and it always

49:19

feels a little bit sketch like it's

49:21

rough if you're gonna get a beak That's where it's gonna

49:23

happen Bowjangles

49:27

Unveils a chicken rice bowl for the

49:29

new year Bowjangles

49:32

is kicking off the new year with

49:34

its latest culinary masterpiece the chicken rice

49:36

bowl So they

49:39

the rolls over the old calendar flips

49:42

Bojangles has a rice bowl. So

49:44

you're saying wait Justin. They've combined

49:46

it chicken and rice in a bowl What

49:49

a piece? Yeah You'd

49:51

be able to be rivals the greatest work

49:54

the fake off They used to

49:56

only have chicken and rice in like a

49:58

sandwich baggy. Uh-huh. Yeah Eat

50:00

it with like your hand. You had to cut the bottom of

50:02

the bag open and then just like an astronaut now

50:05

an astronaut now they hand you a bowl and

50:07

a Segment of

50:09

the Mona Lisa to wipe your mouth

50:11

with so so grace is this rice

50:14

bowl it trumps any work Fuck

50:16

a character. Yeah, it is an art

50:19

critic, but he's really excited about the

50:21

Bojangles Jenga rice bowl and he

50:23

also ain't he doesn't have a lot else going on

50:27

His partner just left him and his

50:29

dog just left him for a better

50:31

owner and oh, I didn't even know they

50:33

could do that Yeah, no, the dog was like, you know what? I'm

50:35

gonna I'm gonna take off. I'm

50:37

moving up and Griffin

50:40

they close the Bojangles closest to his house now.

50:42

He has to drive 15 miles Bojangles left him.

50:44

Yeah It's

50:47

not me it's you if I would

50:49

not if you would not you criticize

50:51

him He can criticize artworks and Bojangles,

50:53

but you can't create he's into he's

50:56

just a very delicate place right now

50:58

Okay, tell me about Taco Bell. Hey,

51:00

yo, Taco John's Taco Bell isn't

51:03

my apologies They

51:07

are not recognizing they're gonna kick it in 2023 Taco

51:10

John's knows that the best

51:12

way to celebrate the new year and watch

51:14

all the big games is Naturally

51:17

with tacos and

51:19

a value-driven bundle of tacos can

51:21

help people save money without

51:23

sacrificing great flavor a value-driven

51:28

Driven who's hungry Hey,

51:33

there's something about that that gives me

51:35

like 1984 double-screen like yeah, what I'm

51:37

saying is these are cheap old tacos

51:40

Okay guys now available at all

51:42

Taco John's locations fans can save

51:45

$2 off the six pack and

51:47

a pound bundle But

51:50

which includes six softshell or

51:52

crispy tacos loaded with seasoned

51:55

American beef mild sauce all-natural

51:58

tender cheese and shredded lettuce plus A

52:01

pound of Taco John's signature

52:03

crispy potato olais.

52:06

I have to go. What's that? Yeah,

52:08

they're probably hash browns. With

52:10

all the big games coming up this

52:12

time of year, there's no better way

52:14

to feed your team, says Taco John's

52:16

chief marketing officer Barry Westrom. Saving

52:19

money on our flavor-packed tacos and

52:21

signature potato olais means you can

52:23

add sides of nachos. Super

52:26

nachos. A meat and

52:28

potato burrito combo meal or a churro. Meat

52:31

potato burrito. Meat potato burrito combo. Meat potato

52:33

burrito combo churro. Meat potato burrito combo churro.

52:38

Who ever you're rooting for, Taco

52:40

John's, has you covered. Whoever

52:44

you're rooting for, enjoy that hour-long bathroom

52:46

break after this game. I'm

52:49

rooting for myself and that

52:51

is incompatible with this flavor-driven

52:54

Taco John's experience. And

52:57

lastly, the wildest way to ring in

52:59

the new year comes to us from

53:01

Fazoli's. Fazoli's welcomes new

53:03

year with new stuffed shells

53:06

entrees. Fazoli's

53:10

is bringing fans cheesy

53:12

comfort as new year

53:14

kicks off with three new

53:16

stuffed shells entrees. Sometimes

53:19

I forget that Fazoli's is a chain and not

53:21

just the one place in our house. I believe

53:24

there was a chain at one point and then

53:26

I started to suspect that there was just one

53:28

Fazoli's in Huntington and the rest was gone. When

53:30

I met up Fazoli's was

53:32

a chain. I was shocked. I can't believe

53:34

that the things they do in that building,

53:36

they do in many other buildings. Okay, you

53:39

guys know that that's not true because there's

53:41

a Fazoli's on fifth but there's also the

53:43

Fazoli's next to the HIMG that used to

53:45

be a Walmart that used to be a

53:47

Drazin. That wasn't there I think when

53:49

I lived there. Yeah it was because

53:51

Tommy worked at that one. So he

53:53

definitely was there. Tommy got his

53:55

start. Tommy read the

53:57

four cheese stuffed shells. I'm not gonna.

54:00

tell you about all that too many cheeses there's

54:02

like a lot of cheeses and they're gonna

54:04

put them in a lot of shells

54:06

and there's what shells what kind of shells

54:08

crap shell like actually Travis if you're in

54:11

the mood for seafood good to hear it

54:13

says here for a seafood kick guests can

54:15

order the garlic shrimp stuff shells which includes

54:17

12 shrimp simmered in

54:19

a roasted garlic marinara sauce yeah take

54:22

me on a trip now

54:25

diving further into its Italian roots

54:28

fizzoles has Italian roots it's

54:31

a really really really wild way

54:33

to start a sentence about fizzoles and

54:36

it just it just

54:38

keeps getting wilder diving further into

54:41

its Italian roots fizzoles has whipped

54:43

up another mouth-watering dessert with its

54:45

longtime partner the

54:48

Cheesecake Factory bakery I didn't

54:50

know they were dating it's Italian

54:52

cream cake they're getting into their

54:55

Italian roots by buying an Italian cream

54:57

cake from Cheesecake Factory yeah I feel

54:59

like there's a lot of people

55:01

they're just kind of you know on the fence there

55:03

trying to get their entire room so I buy an

55:05

Italian cream cake I wouldn't

55:07

be surprised to find out that

55:10

how this works is they drive

55:12

like five o'clock everything opens was

55:14

somebody from Fizzoles drives over to

55:17

Cheesecake Factory buys a cheesecake

55:20

at like market value brings it

55:22

back and then sells it sells it for

55:24

like 25 cents more a slice and

55:26

they're like marking it up there's no

55:28

partnership here yeah there's no partnership what

55:31

they're saying is Cheesecake Factory agreed to

55:33

not rip us off so we could rip

55:35

you off instead yeah thank you enjoy the

55:37

cake at fizzola what would

55:40

what would Cheesecake Factory beginning from

55:42

Fizzoles besides money and like Fizzoles

55:44

goes in like and you let

55:46

us sell your cheesecake and we'll

55:48

let you sell whatever you want

55:50

we're good it's probably just money

55:52

though isn't it yeah yeah you

55:54

know you know that most of the time

55:56

when something like this happens it's not like

55:58

the NFL Draft where they're

56:00

like, oh, from Cheesecake Factory, we

56:03

get cream sweets and

56:05

Cheesecake Factory gets baciti. Yeah,

56:08

but if I went to McDonald's and bought a

56:10

hamburger, I wouldn't say I'm in a partnership with

56:12

McDonald's. Okay, I wanna say something to that. If

56:14

you then sold that hamburger to someone else, I

56:16

would say you are absolutely in a business partnership

56:19

with McDonald's. No, I wanna talk about this partnership

56:21

for a second because something just occurred to me

56:23

that has made me, okay, hold on, wait. First,

56:25

let me finish this quote and I'm gonna come

56:27

back. This is

56:29

from Tisha Bartlett, the Vice President of

56:31

Marketing at Fazoli's. At Fazoli's, our passion

56:33

is for hearty value-packed dishes that'll leave

56:36

you wanting seconds. I've

56:39

eaten at Fazoli's many times and

56:41

never has the thought occurred to me

56:43

after I finished eating Fazoli's. Boy, you

56:45

know what would go down right now, real smooth.

56:49

More food from Fazoli's. Now,

56:51

this is the point I wanted to make about

56:53

Fazoli's and Cheesecake Factory. Fazoli's is

56:56

like, we've got this special partnership, we're

56:58

buying a tiny cream cake from Cheesecake

57:00

Factory and then you can buy that

57:02

here, cool. Guarantee,

57:06

Cheesecake Factory does not have

57:10

a reciprocal item on their menu. This

57:12

is what I'm saying. There is no

57:14

way that Cheesecake Factory. There's one thing.

57:16

I just think it's sad, it's a

57:18

one-way thing. And

57:22

every time they come pick up a

57:24

cake, they just leave a basket of

57:26

breadsticks on the counter. They're

57:28

free, if you want one.

57:31

They're free, guys. No, that's free. We

57:33

get that. You can use it to stir your

57:36

coffee, just get them out of here. I don't

57:38

care. It's so embarrassing. We're getting a lot of

57:40

ratatouille in here. If you would take the breadsticks

57:42

with you, please. You guys are

57:44

talking about business deals,

57:46

like they are a hostage exchange

57:49

that is taking place between Fazoli's

57:51

and the Cheesecake Factory. No,

57:54

I'm saying it's sad that Fazoli's has

57:57

to get in touch with its Italian

57:59

roots. by buying cake

58:01

from Cheesecake Factory and

58:04

Cheesecake Factory can't even

58:07

give them the fucking dignity

58:09

of saying like, our baked ziti

58:11

is made, the wizards, you know,

58:13

our paisano's over at Fazoli's made

58:15

us this special, you know, Italian

58:17

thing and it's direct from their

58:20

recipe that you, there's no way,

58:22

it's sad, it makes me sad.

58:24

Cheesecake Factory is the big brother

58:26

beating the bosses for Fazoli's playing

58:28

a video game and the Fazoli's

58:30

is gonna be like, and we

58:32

beat it together! It's

58:40

just so sad. It's just sad! Fazoli's,

58:42

Fazoli's to get you to come there

58:44

has to say we, we don't worry,

58:46

we got food from a better restaurant.

58:48

We didn't make it, we didn't make

58:50

it. Don't worry. Shut up! We didn't make

58:52

it! We didn't make it! We didn't make it! We

58:54

went to a better place to get our So

58:57

if you don't know where to get

58:59

Cheesecake Factory, you know, this

59:01

market is too small to support a

59:03

cheesecake factory. We're half a mile closer

59:06

to you than cheesecake factory is. Save

59:08

yourself some time. Guys, there's

59:10

no cheesecake factory, this is my

59:12

shot at the big time. Where

59:14

are you getting it? Hold

59:17

on. I

59:19

want to be able to just sit

59:22

and pretend for a second that I'm

59:24

in a cheesecake factory. This is where

59:26

we set up just one Cheesecake Factory

59:28

booth in the back corner of Fazoli's.

59:30

We'll close the door. The

59:34

usual table, Mr. McElroy? Yes. I go

59:36

in before and I give him $100

59:39

to say welcome to Cheesecake Factory. Yeah.

59:42

Let's go in. You've printed out name

59:44

tags that say Cheesecake Factory and they

59:46

have to reverse whenever they come to

59:48

you. And I'll usually go through a

59:50

few menu items like I'll

59:52

have the steak

59:55

Alfredo, like we don't have that today. You're

59:58

out. Maybe I'll

1:00:00

just have the, uh, south-west egg

1:00:02

rolls? Half- south-west egg rolls? No?

1:00:04

Mm. Maybe, uh, half

1:00:07

bowl of dry spaghetti and cold

1:00:09

slice of pizza, please. And,

1:00:11

of course, my beloved,

1:00:14

the usual. The usual. Sad.

1:00:18

I'm just saying, Cheesecake Factory for real is sad.

1:00:21

Do my favor. Do you want me to make your

1:00:23

cheesecake for you, cheesecake? Like, I guess, Fazolis, I'll come

1:00:25

teach you how to make a cheesecake, just- If you

1:00:28

want. What

1:00:30

sucks is that there's a place called the

1:00:32

Macaroni Grill. There's a place

1:00:35

called Carabas. Either one of

1:00:37

these would have, honestly, if they

1:00:40

had said they got it from Olive

1:00:42

Garden, any three of those would have

1:00:44

trucked more weight with me in terms

1:00:46

of getting in touch with their Italian

1:00:48

roots. Like, Fazolis obviously isn't Italian, but

1:00:50

I think it's about right that Fazolis

1:00:52

is like, no, but we know some

1:00:54

Italian restaurants. Like, we do

1:00:57

know- we know of- They're like cousin

1:00:59

in the bear, you know? He hangs

1:01:01

out with a lot of Italians. Right,

1:01:03

yes, exactly. Fazolis is the cousin. Yeah,

1:01:06

cousin. Don't worry about it. Is that

1:01:08

cousin Richie or Italian? Yeah, I know. Fazolis

1:01:10

is the fact. But- But-

1:01:14

Thanks so much for hanging

1:01:17

out with us today. We hope you have

1:01:19

enjoyed yourselves. My kids

1:01:21

are snowed in, and I very much have enjoyed the

1:01:24

opportunity. What? Oh,

1:01:26

shit. You're kidding. I left them in the car. I gotta

1:01:28

go dig them out. I gotta go dig them out here,

1:01:30

please. Oh, no. Travis was making an Edward Snowden joke. Oh,

1:01:34

my kids are Snowden. Yeah, okay. Yeah.

1:01:37

Listen, big news. The suffering

1:01:40

game graphic novel is now available for

1:01:42

pre-order. Fuck yes. Yeah. Read.

1:01:46

macmillan.com/The Adventure Zone. We'll have a

1:01:48

better link than that. But

1:01:52

we'll, I'm sure, post it on Instagram, so make

1:01:54

sure you're following MackWorthFamily on Instagram. We'll have the

1:01:56

link there. Also want you to know, not too

1:01:59

long now. I'm gonna be at Sketchfest Sunday

1:02:03

February 4th, 7 p.m. during

1:02:05

a show featuring Eugene Cordero, Erika

1:02:07

Ishii, Aaron Keith, Danny Fernandez, Connor

1:02:09

Radliff, and unfortunately, Ron Funtress isn't

1:02:12

able to make it, but Griffin

1:02:15

Newman is now gonna play with us.

1:02:18

Oh wow. It's gonna be a really good show.

1:02:20

Yeah, it's gonna be a wild and wonderful show. 7

1:02:23

p.m. on February 4th, you can get your tickets

1:02:25

at the Sketchfest website, and make

1:02:27

sure, if you haven't already, go check

1:02:29

out macwearmerch.com for all the

1:02:31

cool merch. All

1:02:34

the cool merch, you heard it here first. Thanks

1:02:36

to Montaigne for these Rethim Song, My Life is

1:02:38

Better With You. I

1:02:40

keep Montaigne on my

1:02:43

Nickelodeon spin in that wax 24-7. I

1:02:47

keep Montaigne on my emergency contact list. Oh

1:02:50

wow. Yeah, just, they're there for me. I'm sure

1:02:52

they appreciate that. Yeah. Wow. I

1:02:54

have this idea, by the way, for live

1:02:56

shows. There should be a moment where we

1:02:58

have Fungalore come out, and just let the

1:03:00

audience scream their wishes at him. Oh,

1:03:03

that's cool. Yeah. That's good. But

1:03:05

right now, instead of that, how

1:03:07

about we just do like a silent wish to Fungalore? I think

1:03:09

it's a great idea. Okay. Begin. And

1:03:15

if your wish was longer than that, you

1:03:17

need to really evaluate. Like,

1:03:19

your readiness. How slow your win is. Yeah. Your

1:03:21

greetiness level. He's a busy guy.

1:03:24

My, or busy being, I

1:03:26

don't know, busy. Well,

1:03:28

we don't know what Fungalore's got happening. I

1:03:31

just meant like in his body, is he of

1:03:33

our, I don't want to like say he's a human being.

1:03:36

Yeah, sure. No, he's definitely not a human being,

1:03:39

Justin. No, no, no. My name

1:03:41

is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.

1:03:44

I'm Griffin McElroy. This has

1:03:46

been my brother, my brother, me. Well,

1:03:49

this feels so weird. We got it. I don't know.

1:03:51

It only feels weird to you, because you're a weird

1:03:53

person. It feels normal to us. Let

1:03:56

me tell you, I've been listening to a lot of

1:03:58

podcasts lately, and there's a lot of them that just

1:04:00

leave these silences. and call it content in the show.

1:04:02

You're sure? Yeah a lot of the big ones are

1:04:04

doing that. They edited in sometimes in the middle of

1:04:06

a- I'm sorry that I gave myself the yips and

1:04:08

I got chickened out on it. So we'll try it

1:04:11

again. And

1:04:13

finally, everyone please make your wishes

1:04:15

to Fungalore. Now

1:04:19

if you really did it, that was two wishes and you fell

1:04:21

for one of the oldest tricks in the book. I

1:04:24

can't fucking believe you did it

1:04:26

twice. That's sick. My

1:04:28

name's Justin McElhoy. It's not fair. They tag

1:04:30

like, he heard your wish. Thing-giver. Yeah. He

1:04:33

did not hear your wish now. We're

1:04:35

gonna tell you what, we'll give you a third chance here.

1:04:37

Tell Fungalore which of the two wishes you want

1:04:39

actually. Okay. You ready?

1:04:42

You ready? Tell your darling.

1:04:44

You didn't actually say anything did you? You

1:04:46

can't bother Fungalore three times in one pocket.

1:04:48

What's wrong with you? My name's Justin

1:04:50

McElhoy. I'm Travis McElhoy. Again McElhoy. This is

1:04:52

my brother, my brother. He gives you that

1:04:55

square on the lip. It's

1:05:06

better, it's better with you. Maximum

1:05:30

fan, a work-around network

1:05:32

of artist-owned shows, supported directly

1:05:35

by you.