0:00

The. Mcelroy Brothers are not experts and

0:02

their advice should never be followed.

0:06

Travis. Insists he's a six bird. But.

0:08

If there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen

0:10

it. Also. This show

0:12

isn't for kids. Which. I mention

0:14

only so the babies out there. Will. Know how

0:17

cool they are for listening. What's. Up

0:19

you cool baby! This.

0:23

Person. Doesn't

0:29

fit into. This.

0:38

Day is by lie

0:41

if it fails. ah.

0:48

It's it's. It's

0:54

as. Bad.

1:00

As bad as. However,

1:11

burial welcome. To my brother,

1:13

my brother and me and by show

1:15

for the modern era. I'm your oldest

1:17

brother. Justin Tyler Mcelroy. What's

1:21

pop And trepidation? It's. Griffin.

1:23

Pierre. The little. Guy: What?

1:25

Our beloved is it's your boy

1:28

dravid mag or i wanna drive

1:30

Navy or whatever of of. I'm.

1:33

Not even in the mood for about

1:35

because it's Valentine's Iowa. Well, I'm not

1:37

even in the mood for Valentine's thing.

1:39

Put your glasses back on. I'm planning

1:41

back out now. I like that. I

1:43

was clearly the robbery I always I

1:46

could see Glenn. I love ice thousand

1:48

or higher. Abbess glasses all com era.

1:51

Sometimes. One.

1:53

Of us pretends to be sad at the edge

1:55

of the fact that you didn't even recognize yeah

1:57

tribe he has barely right on through. Love does.

2:00

acknowledge sadness. Griffin what's wrong? That's what

2:02

it says in the first Corinthians. Yeah.

2:04

Griffin what's wrong? Thanks Justin. Well

2:07

I guess the main issue

2:09

this is this boot boot

2:11

boot boot that's

2:14

people typing on their keyboards this is

2:16

Dune 2 watch. What's wrong? And

2:18

you know I've been fucking stoked about this one.

2:20

Yeah you've been Dune to clown for a while.

2:22

I've been Dune to clown ever since I saw

2:24

the last movie in the series which was called

2:27

Wonka which was weird. Yeah. I thought and

2:29

I'll be honest

2:31

some of the recent events have taken some

2:34

of the wind out of my sails is

2:36

all I'm gonna say about it. No. Some

2:38

recent Dune based events have really taken the

2:40

wind out of my sails. What's Griffin what's

2:42

wrong? What happened? You know

2:44

I'm not talking. I don't I have no idea.

2:47

I don't. People

2:50

are gonna think I'm making a joke about the

2:52

popcorn bucket when the popcorn bucket actually makes me

2:54

pretty bummed out if I'm being honest. Why Griffin?

2:56

What's wrong with that? What is I have not

2:58

seen the popcorn bucket. What is this? Justin

3:00

show Travis the popcorn bucket. Okay Travis give

3:02

me one second. So he can be sad

3:05

like I am. That'll be the response and

3:07

elicits from him. Okay hold on hold on

3:09

one second pause pause show. Alright

3:12

Travis let me show it let me show it to you. Okay

3:14

please do yeah. So

3:18

okay loading. Oh

3:21

boy! That's what we're going on. Oh

3:24

boy! Yeah. Oh boy! That's what we're

3:26

going on. What? Waiting for the sadness

3:28

to kick in. Why does it

3:30

make you sad Griffin? This makes me happy to

3:32

be alive. The

3:34

popcorn bucket.

3:37

Uh-huh. A lot

3:39

of people have been doing jokes

3:41

on some big-name comedians. Yeah.

3:43

I've been making a lot of jokes

3:45

about the popcorn bucket because they say

3:48

it looks like a human butthole.

3:50

Yeah what's gonna say did they model it

3:52

after Timothy Chalmers butthole? Is that the connection

3:54

of the movie? Now we are now

3:57

we are sinners now we are I am

3:59

a sinner. because I am here with you where

4:01

the joke was just told Travis. I

4:03

want you to think about a few things. One, I didn't have

4:06

a butthole. Timothy Chownley does

4:08

not have a butthole. Move down there? Yeah,

4:10

move. Smooth down there. He excretes his waist

4:13

through his... Pierce. Patoot

4:15

Terry Glance. His Fremen suit. His

4:17

Fremen goo. Suit

4:20

is what I said. What's a suit? Two.

4:23

The Fremen suit recycles the water because not a drop

4:25

of rain ever falls on a rack. It's read a

4:27

fucking book. It doesn't say what the book... Not a

4:29

book. Specifically the book... The Frank...

4:32

Frankie Herbert's Dune. And

4:34

I doesn't say what the suit does

4:37

to the poop. Anyway... Hey, Frankie Herbert? That's

4:39

what I call it. Okay. Number

4:43

two. The Dune guys work... The

4:45

Dune guys work so hard on this

4:48

fucking flick, guys. My

4:50

favorite sci-fi book is I,

4:53

Robot by Ike Asimov. My buddy,

4:55

I call him Ike for,

4:58

like, buzz. Can

5:00

I tell you what? Listen, butthole is necessary.

5:04

Why were they like, we've got it. We're

5:06

gonna do tan on tan on

5:08

tan. Yeah, that's all flesh. Well, I don't

5:10

know if you've seen the sandworms of our

5:12

harvest. Of course I have. They

5:15

are famously quite beige. Yeah.

5:17

So why go with that

5:19

object? That's another

5:21

thing to be mad about, Travis. The

5:23

Dune guys worked so hard on this

5:25

movie. The Dune bucket, guys, could have

5:27

worked harder on the Dune bucket. Number

5:31

three... Number three... This

5:34

doesn't look like any butthole I've ever seen. I

5:36

don't know about you guys. It's a stretch. It

5:38

is a little bit like they are participating in

5:40

Am I the Asshole? Like our version of Am

5:42

I the Asshole right here? Like, it's surrounded by

5:45

foot. And it's like, guys, no, this is my

5:47

bit. If you pick... This

5:49

is an audio medium I've just remembered. Can you describe

5:51

the popcorn? Should people just get a picture of it?

5:54

It looks like the unforgiving

5:57

desert sands of Arrakis.

5:59

Uh-huh. And from

6:01

it, a mighty sandworm

6:04

is blasting out.

6:06

The sandworm does have sort

6:09

of natural brick exterior for some

6:11

reason. Yeah, is that a thing?

6:14

It makes it so confusing. That brick, guys made

6:16

of bricks. I don't know, another area where the

6:18

dune bucket guys could have put in a little

6:20

bit more elbow grease. Speaking of elbow grease, speaking

6:23

of elbow grease, the design of

6:25

this bucket makes it so that to

6:27

get popcorn, you're reaching your

6:29

hand into the

6:32

worm's go in. Yeah, mouth, right?

6:34

Which is a ring filled with tendrils

6:38

stretching inwards. But

6:41

they want you to want to

6:43

eat the popcorn, right? Oh, you

6:45

got this movie so fucking long,

6:47

you gotta have some nourishment on

6:49

the carload. Yeah, what they've created

6:51

here is like a school haunted

6:53

house where they put peeled grapes

6:56

inside like a box and they're like, it's

6:58

witches eyeballs. And like you reach in, you're

7:00

like, this is good. But it's like, hey,

7:03

get reaching there and get the popcorn. Fuck

7:05

no. The inside of these big dry

7:08

worms is popcorn. That is actually, that's

7:10

in Frenchy's work. That's in the canon.

7:13

That's canon. Just the tendrils, I think

7:15

in this case actually would be pretty great because you

7:17

could get that popcorn as buttery as you want it

7:19

to, reach in, grab a fistful, and as you pull

7:21

your hand out, it is brushed clean by

7:24

the sandworms generous mouth.

7:26

Now I would like to offer my suggestion

7:28

for how we can fix this. This

7:31

is my proposal. Yeah. Oh

7:33

my god, Justin, slam dunk. Please say

7:35

what's on the screen. It's the gum

7:37

jabbar. It's a box that you're

7:40

supposed to put your hand in. Well, there's a

7:42

bar. The needle that goes to

7:44

the neck. And this is the pain box.

7:46

Okay, but you know what I'm talking about, guys. You

7:48

know what I'm saying, right? The pain box. When you

7:51

reach in to get popcorn, an old lady holds a

7:53

needle to your neck and she says, like, don't take

7:55

out the popcorn. Don't do it.

7:58

That's cool. That could be cool. There's a

8:00

spring-loaded needle that when

8:02

you reach into the popcorn bucket, it snaps

8:04

into place just a centimeter away from your

8:07

artery. Oh, like an animal

8:09

eats popcorn. Yeah. You

8:12

guys are having a lot of Dune fun today, and

8:14

I would love to join you in it. Yeah. I'm

8:17

realizing, and I want to put this theory out

8:19

to y'all, okay? Okay. And

8:22

I'm going to use the word guys here,

8:25

but it's not gender-specific, but it is specific

8:27

to guys, you know what I'm saying? Well,

8:29

when I said Dune guys earlier, it was

8:32

the neutral guys. The neutral guys. But see what

8:34

I'm saying. There's two different kinds of guys, okay?

8:37

I want to put this out to you. There's Dune guys. Yeah.

8:39

And there's Avatar guys. Uh-huh.

8:43

I had new thought this morning. You

8:45

guys are doing a

8:47

lot of fun Dune stuff and having

8:49

fun together. When I start doing some

8:52

really fun Avatar work, and

8:54

you guys can't meet me there because you

8:57

refuse to even watch the films, what I'm

8:59

suggesting is that maybe you're a Dune guy

9:01

or an Avatar guy, and you only have

9:03

room in your heart for one

9:06

super bullshit thing. And I think

9:08

you either have to choose if

9:10

your thing is going to be

9:12

Avatar or it's going to be Dune. Yeah.

9:15

I mean, what is Dune but

9:17

dry Avatar? Thank you. At

9:20

least we're admitting it. Yeah.

9:22

I think that's really good, and I

9:24

also don't know why everyone has to

9:27

be so nasty all the time. This

9:29

is a – it takes a

9:33

sick mind to see this bucket and

9:35

say that's a butthole. My butthole is

9:37

not five inches in diameter, and my butthole doesn't

9:39

need to get out of my body a good

9:41

four inches. Anymore. Anymore. Anymore. Not

9:43

sense. Not

9:46

sense that Doctor patched me up after the accident. Doctor

9:49

patched Adams. Doctor patched

9:51

Adams. Doctor patched Adams. Let me get in

9:53

there. I'll fix it. Doctor patched Adams. And

9:55

that's all laughing. Griffin's butthole until he feels

9:57

better. He laughed at it

9:59

a lot. But then he tucked and tightened

10:02

after I fell on that fire hydrant It

10:05

took it took him from prolapse

10:07

to prolapse. He's having

10:09

fun Yeah Stop

10:11

being so nasty all the time This movie's

10:13

gonna be good and people worked hard on

10:15

it and all of that's been pissed away

10:18

by this one bucket and two Thirds of

10:20

the show is trying to take it really

10:22

serious. Yeah, thank you and one third of

10:25

the shows up on Z-cron Listen,

10:28

I would like to make a suggestion for what

10:30

I think they should have made The

10:32

bucket that you reach into to get the popcorn. I

10:34

would love to hear Travis Yeah, I'm gonna share with

10:36

you guys on slack cuz I don't know how to

10:38

share it in Travis I'm worried that

10:40

you are about to send us a picture of

10:42

an asshole. No, I would never do that. Well,

10:44

I mean, I don't know Okay,

10:47

so this is Jason

10:49

Momoa's head. Yeah. Okay,

10:51

and he's got the Aquaman background and

10:53

Man ignore any Aquaman eyebrows ignore all

10:56

that I'm more about the open mouth

10:58

of Jason Momoa What's the one out?

11:00

He would be sorry. What's the dumb

11:03

name of his guy? Oh Duncan,

11:06

I don't know you okay. Yeah, yeah,

11:08

our sucks though, right? All

11:10

right It

11:12

doesn't suck does it I'm just I'm

11:15

just chronically disinterested in it. It's too

11:17

wet I just I do have

11:19

one note for Frenchy Herbert Frenchie

11:21

you you were like, uh, okay.

11:24

We've got okay. Yeah, Arrakis. Uh-huh. Yeah, we

11:26

got okay And the main the key row

11:29

of my thing I'm gonna call him Paul

11:31

and his big strong best friend of

11:33

names Very

11:35

good. I love Indiana Jones. Anyways,

11:37

I Think that you

11:39

should reach into Jason Momoa's big gaping

11:42

mouth to get popcorn out. So his

11:44

head his face Yeah

11:46

stretched looking up from the top of the bucket

11:48

and you reach it We could even put a

11:50

voice chip in there. Whereas you reach in you

11:52

just hear like we're doing That's

11:55

like hands in itself. Yeah. Yeah.

11:57

Yeah, right and then and the

11:59

bar is his butthole and you gotta reach

12:01

all the way through just like the real Jason Momoa.

12:04

Yeah, he's a straight line. He's

12:07

a tunnel of a man. It's two

12:10

days till Valentine's Day. Mm-hmm.

12:13

And I just I wanted to tell

12:15

you guys and it's very important. It's been a

12:18

while since I've said this to you guys. I

12:20

just wanted to say, Riddle to me, peace boys!

12:22

Okay, cool. I was worried it might be like

12:24

a sad libs or something. It had

12:27

the vibe of a sad libs and I'll take it really seriously.

12:29

But you weren't worried that I might say like I love you

12:31

and appreciate you? I knew

12:33

that was gonna happen. Okay. You

12:35

do do that just not what we're recording the

12:37

show. Yeah, I would never capture it in any

12:39

kind of a real man or... And I don't

12:41

need you to. I capture it in my mind.

12:43

Oh, that's nice. There was a man who

12:46

wanted to prove his love. Oh, thank you Diana.

12:48

Diana said he said, There was a man who

12:50

wanted to prove his love to his wife. So

12:53

he climbed to the highest mountain, swam

12:56

the deepest ocean and

12:59

walked the biggest desert. What do you

13:01

think his wife said? Why

13:04

did you just where did you go for a

13:06

year and a half? Where

13:09

did you where if I wanted

13:11

to prove my love to my

13:13

wife with whom I've

13:15

sired two children? My

13:17

plans would not involve dipping

13:19

out for a cross global

13:22

excursion that would remove me from

13:24

the sort of parental equation.

13:26

Travis, can you read it to me in a

13:28

normal way? Like a normal person? Yeah, Travis is

13:30

always... There was a man who wanted

13:33

to prove his love. It's just not I can't

13:35

hold on. He can't turn that. There

13:37

was a man who wanted to prove his love

13:39

to his wife. So he climbed

13:41

to the highest mountain, swam the deepest ocean

13:44

and walked to the biggest desert. What do

13:46

you think his wife said? Can

13:53

you guys do like a Dune joke

13:56

about it? I was going to do one, but I don't

13:58

know Dune. because he's walking across

14:00

a desert like oh okay like come

14:03

on he's like a

14:05

mouth in the shadows

14:07

yeah well he walked

14:10

across the desert and his footsteps they had

14:12

to walk irregularly or it would have someone to

14:14

see him wear him something like that yeah a

14:16

little wordy but okay Griffin

14:19

you were dangerously close to seeing

14:21

my god the author did the

14:24

answer is okay so he

14:26

did all this what do you think his wife said nothing

14:29

she divorced him for never being

14:31

at home now I've never

14:33

been a part of a divorce but

14:35

I do believe that at some point words

14:37

must be spoken yeah I

14:40

don't think she said nothing it

14:42

would be pretty weird to be like hey honey and she's like

14:46

wait what's wrong why are

14:48

you moving all your stuff

14:50

out of the house okay

14:56

but the alternative to that is that legally

14:59

to do a divorce you have to say I divorce

15:02

you you you have to you legally

15:04

it's like genie rules I do think

15:06

both parties have to sign off on

15:09

it though right like but

15:11

not audibly actually now I'm thinking not

15:13

all the way I don't think there's

15:15

a moment where an officiant says do

15:17

you listen guys Travis divorce this wife

15:19

I let me let me be

15:22

honest here I wrote this I wrote this

15:24

riddle obviously I was defending this guy I'm

15:27

getting it so right for the first time ever which

15:29

I'm like I have a mens

15:31

real activist yeah

15:34

and that's I own

15:36

that it's a big twist for

15:38

all pretty surprised there is a rest of this

15:41

like she divorced from never being home what

15:43

a jerk am I right after he did

15:45

all this stuff for her you know his

15:47

cool shit and he brought her back magnets

15:49

from all three of those places we already

15:51

had cans of pumpkin at

15:53

home I you know and

15:56

then she called me she says hey why you're at the

15:58

desert can you bring home I can't punk it.

16:00

And I'm like, I left the desert already. She's like,

16:03

can you go back to the desert? And

16:07

then I posted it on TikTok because I thought it

16:09

was a slam dunk. Anyway, I'm

16:11

a stand-up comic. Look at

16:13

me for your events. How about

16:15

a question? Yeah, I would love that, Griff. This

16:17

is an advice show, of course, and

16:20

we're going to help. May I have Jason on

16:23

my most? Just open on my computer now. Just

16:25

get him closed, Jason. I can't. Hey,

16:27

Siri, close Jason. Close Jason. Oh,

16:31

she heard me. She's doing

16:34

it. No. Siri, don't

16:36

kill Jason Momoa. Okay.

16:39

I have a coworker who's a bit of a

16:41

slow walker. He leaves the office early as a

16:44

result. He always says goodbye then to everyone else.

16:46

I usually respond to him and say goodbye as

16:48

well. But then I always catch up to him

16:50

on the way to the parking lot a few

16:52

minutes later. Do I just do a double goodbye?

16:55

Do I rudely ignore his first goodbye knowing I'll

16:57

run into him much later? Do I just go

16:59

around him entirely to avoid the awkwardness of the

17:01

situation that's from parting his such tedious sorrow? Here's

17:05

what I would do. First time you see him, you

17:07

give a note. Give him

17:09

a full lump note and tell him,

17:12

not yet. And

17:14

then the next time you see him, you're like, now.

17:17

And they open it and it

17:20

says bye. And then you're like, you know what

17:22

I mean? It's like called shot. I think that would be really slick. Oh,

17:25

what about see you later? And then when you're running into

17:27

him, you're like, told you. Oh, that's

17:30

cool. That's cool. That's cool. That's cool.

17:32

Right? Until the

17:34

first time you don't see

17:37

them the second time and then the next day

17:39

it worked. They're like, what the fuck, man? I

17:41

had my whole evening planned around. I thought when

17:43

I didn't see you in the hallway on the

17:45

way out, you were going to swing by the

17:47

crib. And we were

17:49

going to eat chili together. I made chili for

17:52

us. You

17:54

can do a goodbye that's structured to be

17:56

repeated like first time. See

17:59

you later, alligator. next time

18:01

after a while talking about it. That's why they

18:03

came up with that. Yeah. That's

18:05

why they did that. Hey, it took me

18:07

way too long into my adulthood to realize,

18:09

I'll see you later, not if I see

18:11

you first. It's like, if I see

18:13

you first, I'm going to hide so you don't see

18:15

me. Where I thought it was

18:17

like, I'll see you. No, I will see

18:20

you. I saw you first. It took me way too long to

18:22

figure out if it's like, not if I see you first. You're

18:24

suggesting that when someone says, I'll see

18:27

you later, and the other person says,

18:29

not if I see you first, their

18:31

intention is that they plan on seeing

18:33

them and hiding. Yeah, so that they

18:35

won't be seen. I'll see you later.

18:37

I don't think that. No, no. I

18:39

don't think I've probably said that before and never once

18:41

have I had the thought of like, well now I

18:43

got a creep on Tony. You know what I mean?

18:46

You can't. Is

18:49

this a bit, Trav, because you can't think

18:51

that that's what that very common expression means

18:53

is that I'm not saying that's what it

18:55

means now. But this is like when you

18:57

say bless you and someone sees this and

18:59

it used to mean like, was your demons

19:01

was gay? I just think it's from like

19:03

corny, corny uncles from in the fifties, like

19:05

coming up with like in the twenties. But

19:07

like, that was a really funny. Not

19:10

the first time somebody did that, everybody

19:12

was like, what? Yeah, but

19:14

you say not if I see you

19:16

first. Fuck that's funny.

19:19

But my reference point for this

19:21

like movies, right? Where it's like

19:23

true compassion to opposing rivals. You later

19:25

heard that if I see you

19:27

first. Is that oh,

19:29

you're saying that's correct. That's simple.

19:31

It is simply not it. It's

19:34

not what it is. It's simply this.

19:36

This phrase did not originate in like

19:38

feudal Japan amongst the

19:41

shinobi. How confident.

19:43

Hey, okay. But just on

19:45

out of 100 percent, how confident are you

19:47

guys? I'm 75 when he said it's scary

19:49

like that. There's a part of me. It's

19:52

like, yeah, no, I will not be intimidated by

19:54

Travis. This is why. You're saying, wait,

19:56

Justin, you're out of this for a second. You're

19:59

saying. You're 100% confident

20:01

that I'm wrong and you're right. And

20:06

listen, I'm gonna say yes, Travis,

20:08

because the stakes of this are

20:10

impossibly low. If I'm wrong, who

20:12

cares? So yeah, I'm pretty sure.

20:14

I've seen, well, not really, because I'm not really

20:17

online, but I'm sure that there are people who

20:19

are like, yeah, Darude, Travis, come on. So like

20:21

maybe this is your Darude. This is my Darude.

20:23

We all have our Darude within us. And

20:26

this is my Darude. Conversations have

20:29

a beginning, a middle, and an end. They

20:32

have hello, you're

20:34

in it, you're locked in. And

20:36

then they have at the end,

20:38

goodbye. And in between those two

20:40

is the talking part. That's

20:43

freestyle, that's jazz. But the beginning and

20:45

end of the conversations are set. We need a sort

20:47

of climax, denouement,

20:49

like send off. Like

20:53

send off, something that is

20:55

like, it means like I'm about to

20:57

goodbye. I'm about

20:59

to goodbye. Oh, you have been out

21:01

of the Midwest for too long, because

21:03

that is, well, and when

21:05

you make that noise, that's a good point. That's

21:07

your like, well, sometimes there's a double-loped, legs flat,

21:10

well. Well,

21:12

the issue with well, though, Travis, we both did

21:14

the same with Justin and Dan. We just instinctively

21:16

did the push up on the desk there. Like,

21:18

well, this is our sign that meetings have ended,

21:21

if you see us start to push up from

21:23

our chair. I've just un-beltroed myself from the chair,

21:25

and I'm ready to go. Well,

21:27

though, that's

21:30

a bump in his head. Before, and the spike

21:32

of, see, gonna

21:34

head on out. That is the

21:36

payoff. I'm saying we need something that

21:38

can work on its own, but also

21:40

can be a preface,

21:43

a prequel for goodbye. So

21:46

not just like I have run out of things

21:48

to say, like saying that out loud. No,

21:51

I mean more like until next time, and

21:54

then if you do see them later, it's like.

21:56

And then clearly, Travis and Akkari, and then walking

21:58

away. What about, We

22:00

one of you just are more able to just

22:02

take a bow. Cause

22:04

you got the layovers A to. Use.

22:06

Say hello. And.

22:08

Then the bosses I did. You do all your work

22:11

today like how yeah man I worked my ass off

22:13

and.and all the reports and I sold sixty. Dot.

22:17

Food bowls and then. Is

22:20

like awesome and then you ballot.

22:22

This is an insurance company wide

22:24

release it. Is these

22:26

say I am sorry that's my etsy

22:28

other side of the bow is sick

22:31

actually I i'm jealous of the bow

22:33

in in cultures were borrowing is

22:35

more common because I feel like the

22:37

bow would be great way. To.

22:39

Signals that you are doubled the corporate citizens

22:42

in honestly like if you're talking to someone

22:44

they bow the of like oh oh I

22:46

guess we're okay so I'll get off of

22:48

that up about awesome Okay, we're done. Er

22:50

et al. I'm paid.

22:52

Do y'all know that beach

22:54

season. Coming. Up? yeah any

22:57

day now. Beat.

22:59

Season coming up fast and sell lots

23:01

of people. Center like yeah says okay

23:03

We get the wizards House is beach

23:05

house. Is Beach House their

23:08

family of everywhere! Thank you everyone who

23:10

sent this in. Had

23:13

a year and eight me Ocean discreetly. Sometimes.

23:16

Opposes bathroom at the beach is too far away for you

23:18

to reach and time to sleazy with little choice but to

23:20

go right where you are. Beaches are public places and are

23:22

off tell with people. Luckily there are no ways to go.

23:25

Lucky. There are ways. To

23:27

go by you but discreetly says no one suspects

23:30

this article will show you how to do that.

23:32

Why? Whatever

23:36

outraised class attract you Ever been swimming out

23:38

the ocean, surfing, carving up foam, boogie, boarding

23:40

him boarding wells Fargo. I don't go in

23:42

the ocean. How we out of our gray

23:45

gray ancestors crawled out of the ocean so

23:47

I don't have to go back in it.

23:49

That's as bad as and Wales area. they

23:51

don't come in much when Wales come up

23:54

on the beach we push them back. idea

23:56

that when we go in the water whale

23:58

said as back on the. Wales

24:00

to be like no, no no no no

24:02

no no no no no no Oh no

24:05

they they voted themselves. given that now than

24:07

ever get out. Of. Point which

24:09

uses this a common air allowed to sing

24:11

is normally we bomb up but travellers in

24:13

you like him alive whale. Is.

24:15

on the beach the we get back. Yeah.

24:18

Isn't I think Wales to be allowed to

24:20

blow up? That people floating in the water

24:22

their vessel years as and why a good

24:24

for the gears is good for the gather

24:26

our me that is as at a festival

24:28

this ah aren't good for gimme gimme this.

24:30

Ah, make sure that there are no people

24:32

close to you. Is there some swimmers goes

24:34

by? Move away from them even they don't

24:36

see you. Do you do business? They may

24:38

feel the sudden want to become suspicious. That's

24:40

yeah. Keeps your concern shouldn't be. Is.

24:43

My piss gets on them. Don't. Know

24:45

it should be. I shouldn't do

24:47

that. As. Soon as who that

24:50

so close to a person that might

24:52

some of my p molecules mix of

24:54

the water molecules surrounding neighbors is. It.

24:56

Should also be noted that's a lot easier

24:58

when you don't know the slimmer near a

25:01

year. If you're they're like family and friends

25:03

and suddenly you're just like I'm that ago

25:05

twenty feet this way he argued I target

25:07

every fucking time and it's hard to make

25:10

that see my legacy. The thing about bios

25:12

of by myself from never over here has

25:14

ah yes it I. But I think that

25:16

if you'd need to be told in his

25:19

article it would be better if you didn't

25:21

piss me or your dad you be as.uses

25:23

lose the legal right to be so which

25:25

makes your. Being this is worry if

25:28

you have to have your own

25:30

premises at that. him up has

25:32

been. Stated. Team to

25:34

Stay Away By assistant Clemency is that

25:36

everything I don't understand your colds or

25:38

Switzerland see of is that it's I

25:40

don't think so, but we'll keep keep

25:42

ago at Uconn. Ah, stay away from

25:44

clumps of seaweed and other marine plants.

25:46

Lots of fish and other sea animals

25:48

live there. Some of them could harm

25:50

me a while ago he plans on

25:52

affairs. Oh I thought it was third

25:54

of a way. Well, but let's wait

25:56

one of the same. Let.

25:59

Me be the next. This travesty get a little

26:01

bit ahead year. it does a keep an

26:03

eye out for other marine animals. The further

26:05

away you go from other people the more

26:07

likely are to come across some see critters. Stay

26:09

clear. Any marine life including other fish, sharks

26:11

and jellyfish. You may hurt them or they

26:13

may hurt you. Yeah our owls I'd say south

26:15

So they're They're basically saying like. They're.

26:17

Setting up a sweet spots his legs

26:20

on. Send your people say don't go

26:22

to vomit for a whale. Look.

26:24

"For our that walk towards the

26:26

whale until their approximately equal isn't

26:28

yeah right", your balls off says,

26:30

and I also say if I'm.

26:34

If I would rather pits my balls off of

26:37

the or send my thought is i I hope

26:39

I don't hurt or starts. Yeah.

26:41

That's not my number of i'm not

26:43

worried about hurting a joseph with my

26:45

pets. my this is not so toxic.

26:48

That I'm worried about in the

26:50

rings. Two. Things that I'm

26:52

very scared have been the ozone

26:54

i think I'm in my piss.

26:56

He could definitely. Griffith.

26:59

Is easy. but my say my

27:01

whole thing is that the ocean

27:03

is so big them when i

27:05

piss in it it's not even

27:07

one percent because it fits is

27:09

not as not even. Half.

27:11

A percent of the I have rob of I

27:13

I have a tough question. For. People

27:16

With dungarees. I'm. If. You

27:18

are gonna go to the ocean and and

27:20

p in the ocean. Is.

27:22

Seems like you're presented with to. Equally.

27:25

Unpleasant opera options.

27:28

And. One is the hazard doneger in

27:30

the ocean. And. The other

27:32

one is the p your pants. And. I'm

27:34

curious which would these as think his bed

27:36

like he teddy take it if my life

27:38

in the was like you're in the water

27:41

in the water and we've got a distance

27:43

away were no one is going to be

27:45

exposed yeah I was slices or I mean

27:47

zero zero now I'm with Sarah about this

27:50

word boy be allegiances this ever that are

27:52

is civilized is over my clan harder for

27:54

whoever out of know the quite there's it's

27:56

just a question you key a know. Oh

27:59

Oh No. Hold on let me know

28:01

just no you can't do that you can't

28:06

You can't do you can't whip your dick

28:08

out Fish

28:11

could see it so far away. I'm

28:13

so I'm being so clear about this

28:15

There are no other people for numerous

28:17

reasons that have nothing to do with

28:19

exposing myself to another person I'm not

28:21

gonna take my dick out in the

28:23

ocean number one. I've been a great

28:25

danger What's the number one thing to

28:28

tell you what's the number one thing Justin that they

28:30

tell you about sharks? Those are time

28:32

shark don't pee on a shark the number

28:34

one reason sharks attack human beings is they

28:36

mistake them For like the ills or

28:38

whatever so now I'm gonna

28:41

wick whip out a dangly bit

28:43

to some other sea life Like

28:45

look at this bait wiggle around

28:47

in the water when they when

28:49

you go fishing Sometimes

28:52

you use donger shaped Okay,

28:55

but you guys are having a lot okay you

28:57

guys are having a lot of wave comes

28:59

off my feet I washed up the shore.

29:02

Why is it you get out? No, you

29:04

don't understand. I was I was pissing You

29:06

guys so far a lot of fun with

29:08

an absolutely ridiculous Like

29:11

ridiculous hypothetical that like a shark

29:14

sees your dong what okay, okay

29:16

about is your talking about is

29:19

Literally pissing your pants so what you guys

29:21

are laughing at me for writing that I

29:23

would maybe rather like That's

29:28

that's what I want to propose to you Justin walk through

29:30

this with me, okay, you're in the ocean

29:32

you Get

29:34

so far you get equidistant between the

29:37

whale and the dad there's no marine

29:39

life nearby whatsoever And there's no seaweed

29:41

by the way good luck Doing

29:43

anything when seaweed touches your foot everything

29:46

like every synapse in your brain firing

29:48

automatically like I know the crack It

29:50

I know the crack it you

29:52

are in the ocean you have to piss you

29:54

decided to do it between between the whale and

29:57

the dad And you Leave

29:59

your trunk. Pulled up and you let her

30:01

rip. Where does the p go in your hands? In

30:04

the in your P has Hr A

30:06

and your peers. Yeah so yes year

30:08

for a good for at some period

30:10

of time you are piercing your pants

30:12

and your Pp is interferes again the

30:14

ocean. Wash it away about it okay

30:16

but now it's had a P is

30:18

on the inside of the trunks and

30:20

that kind of harming a ride on

30:22

your body and feel right warmth. of

30:25

as earn your impress him on now

30:27

can now cat. The

30:29

other half display since he take it

30:32

out. And. You

30:34

let er rip, Where's that his? It's.

30:36

In the ocean we don't grounding and

30:38

where's the just And where's the just

30:40

deluded immediately diluted by the of fucking

30:42

oh sees your pants don't create or

30:45

her metics Ceo of around as your

30:47

skin is the hermetic it's it's about

30:49

dignity Travis, it's about digs. It's a

30:51

know So either your mind okay since

30:53

you could talk about start sees like

30:55

Dick and Maps Wilde you're imagining the

30:57

p is not touching your skin when

30:59

you hear in the water other out

31:01

again he itself it is hop he

31:03

is dispersed in the ocean. It's a

31:05

mildly to go as we. Are you

31:07

allowed us as out on my

31:09

what you're saying such or waves

31:11

as it creates a tidal wave

31:13

away from your body said as

31:15

soon as you backstories dispersed obese

31:17

immediately deluded anyone, You piss, many

31:19

pills and ocean a pussy battier

31:22

wetness any other. And once. You.

31:24

As usual it you don't feel that

31:26

when you're busy is oceans is is

31:28

immediately below so then wouldn't be more

31:30

polite to piss of pants. Oh thank

31:33

you Travis for thinking about my no

31:35

one around And there's no marine life

31:37

right now is not a certain unity

31:39

other living organism We stipulated that was

31:41

the beginning. To. Restrict. What about

31:43

accidental? There's a scuba diver. Actually, you

31:45

can't say there's a scuba diver. You

31:48

get tired. He didn't see him do

31:50

that. My kids like you get to

31:52

see what I said. Okay, Let.

31:54

Me ask you this them have no

31:56

face of the ocean or face the

31:59

beach as. This guy and little

32:01

will see how answers every quest you're putting

32:03

up at. The wizard gave us this wisdom

32:05

edu are okay. You're I guess I have

32:07

four gives you dig out at a time

32:09

I live in. I don't know. Travis, it

32:12

does say step three. Keep your swimsuit on

32:14

at all times. Justin This is so that

32:16

you do not expose yourself. Don't worry, everything

32:18

will result in the water. Justin, Don't worry.

32:21

For once in your life, try not to

32:23

worry about this. Kind. Of the

32:25

worry about this one. Of

32:28

her. Eyes. Right to face it's

32:30

it turned to face the horizon and the

32:32

incoming weight. even if you're only need deep

32:34

in the water. Used to me to keep

32:36

an eye out for wait small ways can suddenly

32:38

turn into large waves and advance sp me deep

32:41

the water. Can I play as we need

32:43

deep in the water? which I just never.

32:45

hey. Yeah. For the record. That.

32:47

I would always be my trunks A dissolves

32:49

time. It was just a question to have

32:52

courses. As.

32:54

A year and I think there may not

32:56

as hard at some point either. Me with

32:58

a piss their pants they piss of hands

33:00

literally three times a day in on the

33:02

desert. Planet. A racket. If you

33:04

don't pacing your pants. you're a fucking monster.

33:07

Yes, Guess what if you don't piss? Your

33:09

pants are act as you're gonna let him

33:11

die. Yeah, zero as harboring are

33:13

this. Yeah. Well A

33:15

does. yeah or that avatar your ex.

33:20

Up as like the out at work and it's liquid

33:22

water world. Ah, I'm desert

33:24

planet around Now here's the problems. Use

33:26

Water World is to were okay now

33:29

we can all Id on. I have

33:31

the same thought when I saw Waterworld

33:33

I was like this is good. But.

33:36

I wish it was dryer I know

33:38

added arcade. all that water come from

33:40

because if the I can smell it

33:42

raises the o's have like five feet

33:45

ourselves. Okay as long as there's Iii

33:47

guy or the realm this rests his

33:49

article. Said oh that was.

33:51

I mean, I don't. There's not really much

33:53

more to it. Just a lot of warnings

33:55

about the oceans. I'm a big one. here

33:58

is to avoid coral reefs. That's

34:00

where know lives. I'm not sign a

34:02

piss on how worried sick I love

34:04

swimming out to p Yeah. Yeah,

34:07

I give. Well I got a hab

34:09

that you have to install to go

34:11

pee in the in the was. there's

34:13

every with a C. do that zoc

34:15

diving bell like that you. Honestly, I'm

34:17

five foot ten right? So let's say

34:20

three two cigarettes. A thing that just

34:22

happened while I was getting separated three

34:24

season. three feet to be easier bullets.

34:26

A three foot waste, right? Yeah, why

34:28

would I got niners are nine seats?

34:30

All right. Why would I go deeper

34:32

than three feet deep in the Oh

34:34

said depressed. Because unsafely not going

34:36

out optimizers like next level Thera Eight.

34:38

The funny thing about that is if

34:41

he'd gotten back level as a good

34:43

that point you are asserting that at

34:45

least people who care about you will

34:47

be staring directly out married ice all

34:49

know whether they do. What Are you

34:52

Okay Oh. Also. You're

34:54

going against him. piss on your neck

34:56

out he okay out this. This Yahoo.yahoo

34:58

answers this we get our of was

35:00

my answering a lot of key question

35:02

for me with jail time out there

35:04

are two my weight. Or. Yeah,

35:06

flagship I slide standing up lately

35:08

still or like at my waist

35:10

like Peter Pan were like noom

35:13

a nice right? what poses Gonna

35:15

make me less. The. Least

35:17

conspicuous yeah, Can you cross reference your research

35:19

for fun? and C of E as I

35:22

mean the only be only sort of like

35:24

ah you know Body Works that they suggest

35:26

his place your seats that they are shoulder

35:28

width apart. Somalia I always did. This.

35:31

Will help everything slow out easier. Pretend

35:33

you're enjoying the nice use. This will

35:35

help people from suspecting what you are

35:37

up to now says well at this

35:39

point if you see me facing the

35:41

horizon his fucking supposing and. with

35:45

your arms folded like this is my arms

35:47

and voted like you're not talking not looking

35:49

not do not know their it's d is

35:51

your first thought like damn griffin's dot did

35:54

griffin's fuck him plugged into the oceans vibes

35:56

right now i think the move would be

35:58

one hand i'm here the other

36:00

like you're looking, you know, covering,

36:02

shading your face. Looking at like

36:04

a star. And then

36:07

when you finish out, oh, hi, and

36:09

wait real big, like you've seen a

36:11

boat way off in the distance and

36:13

then go back and be like, yeah,

36:15

that was my friend, Tom. He took

36:17

his skiff out today and it sounds

36:19

so realistic. Very

36:21

convincing. And you have to be waist deep, right?

36:24

Because they mentioned even if you're out to your

36:26

knees, you can't, you can't, then

36:28

you just are pissing your pants. Yeah,

36:30

you can. There is the option

36:32

of getting into shallower water and sitting down,

36:35

but that seems like a much riskier gambit.

36:37

And I might piss on a crab. Might

36:40

piss on a crab, exactly. Now

36:43

your friends here, my brother, my brother and me, we can, I think

36:46

one up this article a little bit and

36:48

just say, if you really care about this,

36:50

the only game in town is learning how

36:52

to piss while still walking and moving in

36:55

the water. Because nobody, if

36:57

they see you like trudging like

36:59

through the water or treading water

37:01

or like moving in any kind

37:03

of like sporadic way, my

37:06

first thought is not like there's

37:08

pee coming out right now because

37:11

it's that's hard to do and it takes

37:13

lots of practice, but it's worth it to

37:16

be able to do. It's worth it to feel comfortable

37:18

and safe in the ocean. Do

37:20

stay away from peers and jetties. Yeah,

37:23

I always do. Yeah, you're going

37:25

to want to stay away from peers because

37:28

that's uncomfortable if maybe there should just be

37:30

a roped off part of the ocean for

37:32

pee for peers to go in. It would

37:34

be it would be cool if Mr. Braza

37:36

is like, that's a great pee, Griffin. You're

37:39

doing a great job being a gladdist. And

37:41

then Pierce Morgan will be like, he's right.

37:43

It's a fantastic pee. Uh,

37:46

should we go my zone? Yeah, perfect. It's

37:55

not a pee. You're

38:01

a stamps collector, right? Oh, a phylactrous, yes.

38:03

I believe you can say that. No, I'm sorry. I don't

38:05

want to know what you do in the bedroom. I was

38:07

asking about stamps. No. Yes, yes. No?

38:11

I don't know the right answer. Yeah, there's no right answer. I

38:13

don't know why I started with this. But you know, after the

38:15

hype of the new year, we all started settling

38:17

routines. And I, part

38:19

of my routine, mail and stuff

38:21

back, get a lot of requests

38:23

for things, send down lots of

38:25

notices. Yeah. And Justin, let me

38:27

tell you, I am

38:29

spending so much of my day driving

38:32

each individual piece of mail to

38:35

the post office and having them put the stamp on it

38:37

for me because I can't figure out how to do it

38:39

myself and sending it off. And I wish

38:41

there was an easier way and a way that I could save

38:43

money while I was doing it and save time. But there's just

38:45

no, there's nothing out there

38:47

for me, you know? It's all darkness. Oh,

38:49

that's not true, Trav. What? That's

38:52

not true because stamps.com is there for you. In

38:55

what way? Well, it's like a

38:57

post office that lives in your computer. Whoa! With

39:01

no wanted posters, probably. Oh, cool. They

39:04

should add those. Postage rates just increase

39:06

again. Oh, man. But they

39:08

got the best discounts in

39:11

the industry over at stamps.com. And you can get all

39:13

of it with no waiting. And

39:16

I say, you hear discounts, a lot of these

39:18

ones you're like, I don't know, what am I

39:20

going to save? How about this? Up to 89%

39:23

off of USPS and

39:25

UPS. Come on! That's almost

39:27

all of it. That's like so much of

39:29

it. Keep your mailing

39:31

and shipping moving, Trav, at the speed

39:33

of your business with stamps.com. Here's

39:36

the deal. I'm back now. You can aim the stamps

39:38

commercial at me too. Griff, Travis, sign

39:40

up with promo code MY BROTHER for

39:43

a special offer that includes a four-week

39:45

trial plus free postage and

39:47

a free digital scale. No long-term

39:49

commitments or contracts. Just

39:51

go to stamps.com, click the microphone at the

39:54

top of the page, and enter code MY

39:57

BROTHER. I'm getting

39:59

a jump start. on spring cleaning this year, going

40:01

through my clothes and getting rid of some of

40:03

my less savory garments.

40:06

It's a weird way of saying that

40:08

stuff. Yeah, it is. Stuff that doesn't fit or is

40:10

like the whole thing. You get rid of all your slutty clothes. Or

40:14

has pizza stains on it. All

40:16

that is going. My socks drawer was a disaster.

40:18

So I went through it and I, you know,

40:20

we retired. We hung up a lot of jerseys,

40:23

stuff into their rafters. You know what made the

40:25

cut? Every pair of Bamba socks that I had.

40:28

They are resilient. They are

40:30

comfortable in these cold District

40:33

of Columbia days. And

40:38

hot nights. And

40:40

hot nights. Thank you, Travis. I mean, I don't

40:42

sleep with socks on, but I did. I sleep

40:44

with just socks on. Grody.

40:47

So, I mean, Bamba socks. I'm

40:49

Adrian Grody. I sleep with just

40:52

socks on. Adrian Grody. Adam Grody.

40:54

Stop it. But did you also know

40:56

that socks tease in underwear that top requested clothing

40:58

items in homeless shelters? Bompas

41:00

is doing something about it by creating

41:03

incredibly comfy essentials and donating one for

41:05

each one purchase. That

41:08

is incredible. And they

41:10

are going to be getting the highest

41:12

quality goods. Because I

41:15

mean, these socks guys, the socks are just

41:17

so good. They're socks. They're

41:19

buttery. They're buttery socks. Bompas is one purchase equals

41:21

one. And the admission has helped donate over 100

41:25

million clothing items to people facing

41:27

homelessness. That freaking rules. Nice.

41:30

That freaking rules. And I mean, for

41:32

you, they're comfort. Because the people at Bompas

41:34

are comfort geniuses. The socks

41:36

support your arches. You hear that? You're

41:39

like, what? How does that work? I

41:42

don't know. They hype them up. They hype

41:44

them. They begat you. You arches. You're

41:46

amazing. Look at you. You guys, look at you.

41:49

So elegant. So sexy. So have

41:52

a no hassle return policy. 100%

41:54

happiness guarantee. I

41:56

Mean, I've never achieved that. I

42:00

have on a hundred percent pass

42:02

all guarantee. I'm. Getting sit

42:04

in the as a whole thing's a big

42:06

pain in the pursuit. an average but when

42:08

you i like your time is and like

42:10

you good of yeah. That's as

42:12

bomb. The. Every

42:15

time you every time you sell a

42:17

pair of socks they take a pair

42:19

of socks away from a homeless shelter.

42:21

It's know how long their As Bomb

42:23

under the fucking worst Obamas is incredibly

42:26

good Said is that basically only parasites

42:28

I am disappoint. Rarely get comfy and

42:30

give back head over to Bomb as.com/my

42:32

brother use code my brother for twenty

42:34

percent off your first purchase. Don't.

42:36

Go to askbomb.com/my brother and

42:38

use that promoted to add

42:40

twenty percent. For

42:42

it's as far as I can imagine

42:44

what that website really is simply that

42:46

obe as low lead go to asfoundon.com.

42:51

As. bomb.com is taken a

42:53

while. the loader earlier

42:56

for glossy to save

42:58

the eggs. K.

43:01

Are right. Cool Now this

43:03

is a is just a website is

43:05

not secure Som as enclosed This tab.

43:08

Danko. Their hunger is not a rifle with

43:10

their see you don't have the smog and

43:12

boring. There's nothing not worth it. My

43:19

name's the digging and he to talk about

43:21

my podcast in the middle. the one you're

43:23

listening to Build Valley Heat is about my

43:25

neighborhood. The Burbank rude to a Western District

43:27

dissenters. A world when it comes to foosball,

43:29

frisbee golf in high speed freeway, roller skating

43:31

in. There's been a Jaguar parked outside on

43:33

my curb for ten months I have no

43:35

idea of wanted. I have a feeling it's

43:37

related to the drug drug that was happening

43:40

in my garbage can little over a year

43:42

ago. In if this has been a boring

43:44

commercial, a measured forty five minutes of it.

43:46

Okay, Valley Heat is on every month on

43:48

maximum. fun.org or were really get my

43:50

guess. Check it out but honestly skip

43:52

it easily on the right or am

43:54

I trust her to be perfect and

43:57

com port city of existence. Hello

44:05

sleepyheads. Sleeping with

44:07

Celebrities is your podcast pillow pal.

44:10

We talked to remarkable people about

44:13

unremarkable topics, all to help you

44:15

slow down your brain and drift off

44:17

to sleep. For instance, we

44:19

have the remarkable Neil Gaiman.

44:22

I'd always had a

44:24

vague interest in life culture,

44:26

food preparation. Sleeping

44:29

with Celebrities, hosted by

44:31

me, John Moe, on

44:33

maximumfund.org or wherever you get

44:35

your podcasts. Night night. How

44:40

about another question? Yes, please. Okay. I

44:43

don't even know if it's anybody. My boss asked

44:45

if anyone needed a new office chair because

44:47

they were ordering some for new hires, and

44:49

I foolishly said yes. My previous

44:51

chair had pleather coming off it in certain places, but

44:53

it was socially okay, which I told him. The

44:56

problem is, I thought they would be replacing the chair

44:58

with the same kind we had before, but

45:00

they didn't. The new chairs are

45:02

terrible. They're really stiff,

45:04

uncomfortable, and small. I'm very tall and

45:07

plus-sized. I want to give it time

45:09

to see if I can break it in and get

45:11

used to it, but I don't want to get rid

45:13

of my old chair in case I don't. Is there

45:15

any way I can keep my old one without seeming

45:17

weird or ungrateful? That's from downright uncomfortable

45:19

in Dallas. Your

45:23

desk chair is

45:25

the most important piece of

45:28

furniture and possibly possession

45:30

that you own or

45:33

I guess in this case use while you

45:35

are at work. The worst fights I've ever

45:37

seen in an office setting are about chairs.

45:39

Correct. Like the chair, the bad

45:41

chair, the good chair. You are – the

45:44

desk chair is the picture frame

45:46

for the art of your body. Ooh,

45:50

gripping. If you don't

45:52

– if you are not getting yourself – We've

45:54

got our regular Frenchy Herbert over here. I

45:57

learned from the best. If you

45:59

don't – If you don't have a good

46:01

frame, then the art won't shine

46:04

and you'll be uncomfortable. You spent so much

46:06

time in your desk chair. You should feel

46:08

no – in this specific case, you should

46:10

feel no qualms with saying, I do not

46:12

want to sit in this chair. It sucks

46:15

and I do not want to spend 40

46:17

hours of my life every week in

46:19

a bad frame that isn't flattering for my

46:21

spinal cord. Yeah, I don't

46:23

know your boss. I don't know you really. I

46:26

mean, you wrote a question about us because we

46:28

have no personal connection whatsoever. I don't know you

46:30

really, Trav. I mean, you think about it. Really?

46:33

Can anyone know anyone? Can you

46:35

really anyone know anyone? Wow. Does anyone really know what

46:37

time it is? It's

46:40

9.56. But I will

46:43

say that if the boss has

46:46

the opportunity to return the chair and get money back,

46:48

they're not going to see it as in

46:51

gratitude. And two, if you're like, I'll be

46:53

more productive and make you more money

46:55

with my other chair, they'll be like,

46:57

cool, man. I could not care

46:59

less what chair you sit in. Yeah, I don't

47:01

think I'm going to care. Like, I don't think

47:04

that this is – I understand the thing of

47:06

like, oh, no, I asked for it and now

47:08

I don't like it. But like,

47:11

I think that it's – you know

47:13

what? Now that I've tried it out, I just don't

47:15

think it works for me and I think I'll be

47:17

more productive in my old chair. Oh,

47:20

but Trav, even saying that though, you hear it,

47:22

right? Like, I was getting annoyed with you and

47:24

you didn't even do it. You know what I

47:26

mean? Like, why – Yeah, but your

47:28

boss isn't your friend. Why do I care if I annoy you? That's

47:31

a good point. Your boss's job is to be annoyed by

47:33

you. Why else are you there? That's

47:35

their problem. Who cares? Their problem is

47:37

to make sure you have a great chair. That's not your

47:39

problem. Yeah. They're trying to make

47:41

sure you're able to do your job the best way possible

47:43

to facilitate your working experience, not the other way around. Your

47:46

boss is there to manage your experience. You don't have

47:48

to manage your boss's experience. They get paid more money

47:50

to make sure you're happy. That's what it should fucking

47:53

be. Yeah. Yeah, we're starting

47:55

a revolution here on this podcast.

47:57

Yeah, a chair-based work

47:59

consciousness. I'm saying.

48:01

The problem with that is though, I

48:04

cannot – it can't be like

48:07

I believe that everybody should

48:10

share equally and I believe that everybody should

48:12

take care of each other. And

48:14

that breaks down for me when it comes

48:16

to the office chair because I don't believe

48:19

I just want that for myself. You know what I

48:21

mean? Like the good chair I just want for me

48:23

and I don't actually want to share it with you.

48:26

Well then this is my point Justin. If there's one

48:28

good chair, you know who's failing the system? The

48:31

boss. Get all good chairs. All

48:33

the chairs. Why is there

48:35

only one good chair in this fucking office?

48:38

Roll that back in their office and

48:40

say hey, this

48:42

chair sucks dude. Try

48:44

riding this Bronco for a day. Try that

48:46

out man. It's too small. What are you

48:48

doing? We just hired new people. They're going

48:50

to come in and be like I don't

48:52

want to work at that place. The chairs

48:55

suck. What are you doing? Yeah. Go

48:57

over to Twitter where they're selling off all

48:59

their possessions because they're failing so bad. Oh

49:01

John, you just – Get some broken in

49:03

chairs. Get some nice chairs. They're

49:06

just growing about the window. These have

49:08

been pre-musked and they are

49:10

nice. The savings are

49:12

out of sight. Get those broken

49:14

in Twitter chairs at a discount.

49:18

I think that my office chair might be the most expensive piece

49:20

of furniture that I – that I think it may be the

49:22

most I've spent. Well that's probably

49:24

not true. There's probably a couple couches or

49:26

something that I've clocked in but man it's close. It

49:29

is the one thing that when it's time

49:31

to get – when I bust up one

49:33

of these bad boys with my Heiner after

49:35

podcasting eight hours a day, three days a

49:38

week, man I don't

49:40

skimp. I

49:42

treat it nicely. I don't buy new clothes for

49:45

myself really but I got to make sure that

49:47

my duff is catered to you. There's

49:50

a thing, right? If you spend – there

49:52

are certain items that are going to reward you spending

49:54

a little bit more on them, right? Something you don't

49:56

pay off sometimes do. If you spend

49:58

less on a – It's just going

50:01

to braid down earlier. It's going to last

50:03

you a lifetime. This isn't a comedy podcast

50:05

anymore. This is about

50:07

conscious consumption. And let

50:10

me tell you here, it's cheaper to be

50:12

rich than it is broke. You buy $200

50:15

paraboots last year of your life versus a $40

50:18

paraboots that you have to replace

50:20

every six months. Conscious consumption. Yep.

50:23

I'm going to come at it from a

50:25

different way, sort of Jimmy Kramer sort of

50:27

thing. Yeah, he always knows what to say.

50:30

Which is to say this is a sound

50:32

investment. Don't buy stocks. Buy

50:34

chairs. Buy chairs. Buy stock each chair.

50:36

Buy low so high? I say buy

50:39

chairs that can do both. You know what I mean? But

50:41

it can go high and low. Buy

50:45

chair sell chair. That's

50:47

what I say. And they're like, get out of

50:49

here. Why are you screaming buy chair sell chair?

50:53

Go into the office. Give me

50:55

three chairs with three chairs. What?

50:58

What does that mean? Chair with

51:00

chairs. Chair with chairs. Please

51:03

break into the office in the middle of the night. Sell

51:06

all of the chairs. Use

51:08

them to buy a fancy

51:10

chair. One chair. One.

51:12

And leave it at your desk. Next

51:14

day you come in. There's been a burglary.

51:18

And one Herman

51:20

Miller gold plated chair. There's

51:23

wow. Guys, shit. These are the

51:26

weirdest bandits ever. It's

51:29

like a trade up. And it's chained to

51:31

my desk. What were they thinking? Well, that's

51:33

weird. It is welded to the floor and

51:36

so is my desk and my name tag

51:38

to the desk. Bandit, curse you comfy chair

51:40

bandits. Damn it. Anyway,

51:44

I'll be over my futon. Do some

51:46

work, guys. I

51:56

want a much squire.

52:00

I want to munch Bup

52:04

up up up up up away from you welcome munch

52:06

squad the podcast in the podcast How long do I

52:08

have I got it several minutes? How

52:10

long do you need? So what I need a lot

52:12

There's a lot going on because we have probably we

52:15

have the big game and we have Valentine's Day and

52:17

we have to cover both of those topics at once

52:20

So we have a lot going on and I just

52:22

need to try to get through it first

52:25

up Let's talk

52:27

about Valentine's Day in

52:29

Pizza Hut launched Goodbye

52:32

pies to help with Valentine's

52:34

Day breakups Oh spicy

52:36

news delivered sweetly Oh Pizza

52:39

Hut announces a new Valentine's Day offering goodbye

52:41

pies with the launch of its new

52:43

sweet yet spicy hot honey pizza There's

52:46

a misconception that breakups don't happen around

52:48

Valentine's Day, but research shows It's actually

52:50

a holiday centered around the most heartbreak

52:53

with 47% of people agreeing It's better

52:55

to do the D right before the holiday itself

52:58

Wait, there's even a phenomena called red Tuesday Which

53:00

is the Tuesday before Valentine's Day where people

53:02

break up most often in the year now

53:05

hold on hold on hold on Doesn't

53:07

that mean that the

53:09

breakups aren't happening on Valentine's Day or

53:11

happen? Well in the season I mean

53:14

a lot of people break up right

53:16

before but yeah the fuck was sitting

53:19

there thinking I bet nobody breaks up

53:21

during the season of Valentine's Day That's

53:23

why starting this red Tuesday about February

53:25

6th through Valentine's Day Pizza Hut

53:27

is launching a new limited edition hot honey

53:29

Goodbye pies to help deliver spicy news in

53:32

a sweet way for free by sending it

53:34

to buy pie Pizza Hut will help you

53:36

break up with Your significant other by delivering

53:38

a personalized simple message on custom packaging with

53:40

a sweet and spicy hot honey pizza to

53:43

ease the pain I I

53:46

always hated doing a breakup.

53:49

Yeah When I was

53:51

when I was you know in the dating scene

53:53

a hundred years ago and So

53:56

if I did have a pizza based

53:58

option Um, that

54:00

would be, you know, not

54:02

maybe like

54:04

polite or cordial, but all, but you do get

54:07

a pizza at the end of it. Like

54:09

not, I feel like I was pretty tender most

54:11

of the time that I did a breakup, but

54:13

they never got a pizza out of the deal.

54:15

So maybe they are onto something. It is, it

54:17

is nice. Um, can I talk about this?

54:20

The design of the box? Yeah, please Jeff. Here, I'm

54:22

trying to explain it. Please Rebecca, thank you. Here

54:25

we go. The box has some

54:27

detailed line work in the corner. So it's

54:29

beautiful. And it says, it's a

54:31

beautiful pizza box. It's a beautiful pizza box. It's the

54:33

box is go. And I would like

54:35

to say Pizza Hut is my favorite delivery pizza. It

54:39

says here, say that for free. I say that for free.

54:42

Goodbye pie with a heart

54:44

shaped pizza broken in half.

54:47

And then the bottom, it says with

54:49

love and then a space for

54:51

I guess your name. Yeah. No

54:53

one's name that makes sense there. Yeah.

54:56

There's just no one's name that

54:58

putting it there makes any damn sense. No,

55:00

there should be four. There should

55:02

be room for a paragraph on

55:05

the box because I assume there's

55:07

not a note inside that's like

55:09

to be explicitly clear. Amelia, this

55:11

is the, I am terminating our

55:13

relationship effective in me because this

55:16

was delivered to you and you're

55:18

like goodbye pie heartbreak with

55:21

love. Oh, okay. Cool. That

55:24

muddies the waters quite a bit, doesn't it?

55:27

What shape is the pizza in? What shape

55:30

is the pizza in? Regular. Regular

55:32

pizza shape. It's not a heart shape. No,

55:34

it's not a heart shape. Regular. They

55:37

don't want it to be any more romantic than it is. They

55:40

want it to be less than romantic. Okay.

55:42

So you know who doesn't get paid

55:44

enough to bring pies like this to

55:46

people who are about to have their

55:48

lives torn asunder? Anyone. The delivery of

55:51

pizzas for Pizza Hut should not have

55:53

to do this. This is not cool.

55:56

I didn't order this pizza yet. Yeah, I know.

55:58

What does this mean? I got to

56:01

go but if you want to hit me, that

56:04

would be great. You're crying. Okay.

56:07

I guess this could solve another problem from this

56:09

episode, which is that if you do see

56:11

someone at the office after you said goodbye

56:13

to them and you see them again, they

56:15

have to give you a whole pizza. Oh,

56:18

you owe me a goodbye pie. So

56:21

that is the goodbye pie. You can do that

56:23

for someone if you hate

56:25

them. If you don't like them and

56:27

you don't enjoy them. Goodbye

56:30

pie was the original name of the

56:32

Sweeney Todd musical. Yeah, and the Dixie

56:34

Ch He said time for

56:36

old Sweeney to give him the goodbye pie. Did

56:40

you go with Sweeney? Old

56:42

Sweeney Todd. That was Spider-Man's original

56:44

name. Real quick. Here comes Sweeney

56:47

Todd. Fights

56:49

as bad guys at Mickey and Webb. I

56:52

just wanted to share this

56:55

other one. This is not that much to talk about here,

56:57

but it is just seeing it

56:59

is bracing. So if you could read

57:01

the headline for me. Sure.

57:04

The headline is Burger King holds context

57:06

to see who can make the best

57:09

Whopper. I

57:13

hope it's Burger King. You would

57:15

certainly hope so, but they are

57:17

really putting it all on the fucking line

57:20

here because there's some folks who haven't tried

57:23

to make a Whopper that might do a

57:25

pretty good job with it. I

57:27

think five guys could probably make an all right

57:30

Whopper if they put their minds to them. Calling

57:34

all flame girl fanatics, culinary

57:36

creators and AI aficionados. What?

57:38

Burgers you heard. Wait, what? You

57:41

heard me. Hey robots, make

57:44

me a burger. Starting today guests

57:46

can let their imaginations run wild and

57:48

enter the million dollar Whopper contest by

57:50

submitting their ingredients for their dream Whopper

57:52

sandwich for a chance to win a

57:55

$1 million prize and seeing

57:57

their creations sold in restaurants nationwide

58:00

limited time. The flame grilled

58:02

Whopper currently offers more than 200,000

58:04

possible customized compositions

58:07

combinations, but if you've ever wanted to

58:09

top the flavorful burger with savory sensations

58:12

or sweet and sour showstoppers,

58:15

maybe they're trying to stop me by making it

58:17

hard for me to read because they know my

58:19

struggles with connecting my

58:21

brain. Yeah, yeah. Since

58:24

its debut in 1957, the

58:26

Whoppers it yada yada yada. So

58:29

you can create your dream

58:31

Whopper, submit your Whopper creation

58:33

to through your Royal perks account.

58:36

Okay. You can follow the

58:38

prompts to submit your Whopper sandwich concept, which can

58:40

feature up to eight toppings. After

58:43

submitting your million dollar Whopper

58:45

idea contest entry with the

58:47

power of artificial intelligence, then

58:49

your AI, they will receive

58:51

a preview AI version of

58:53

their flame grilled creation, to

58:56

which they can then add personalized AI generated

58:59

jingle and a thematic

59:01

background. What people are just very excited

59:03

to put AI in

59:05

every minute. The level of investment I'm sure

59:07

that all that took I don't know man.

59:09

What is this? What? Oh,

59:12

Burger King. You've lost

59:14

the plot. Speaking of AI, this dovetailed

59:16

for me. And I did want to share with

59:19

you guys. I this is and

59:21

I didn't even get the count for this because I think

59:24

this is the first one

59:27

of the munch squad press releases that

59:29

I would swear on

59:31

a stack of Bibles was

59:34

indeed I know we've joked about

59:36

it was absolutely written by an

59:38

artificial intelligence with no human oversight.

59:41

Duck donuts big game box arrives just

59:43

in time. Duck

59:46

donuts big game box is a

59:48

must have snack for all big

59:50

game watch parties. That's

59:53

the first sentence. Cool. New

59:55

to the starting lineup are two

59:58

toppings making their rookie debut. Crushed,

1:00:01

ruffled potato chips and crunchy

1:00:03

pretzels. As

1:00:05

avid sports fans gear up

1:00:08

for the seemingly most anticipated

1:00:10

game of the season, Duck

1:00:12

Donuts is elevating the game

1:00:14

day snacking experience with this

1:00:16

innovative twist on their

1:00:18

signature donuts. Okay,

1:00:21

here's a quote, innovation is at

1:00:23

the core of Duck Donuts and

1:00:25

we are thrilled to unveil our

1:00:27

latest creation for sweet and salty

1:00:30

goers. Beep boop bop beep.

1:00:32

Sweet and salty goers. Sweet

1:00:34

and salty goers. But

1:00:37

it says, this unexpected

1:00:40

added crunch to our signature

1:00:42

donuts is a delicious twist

1:00:44

on a classic snack designed

1:00:46

to surprise and delight your

1:00:48

guests for the big game,

1:00:50

elevating the game day experience

1:00:52

to new heights. What?

1:00:57

It's just,

1:00:59

I mean, what are you trying to

1:01:02

communicate? You put chips on a donut. And

1:01:05

so that people can reach Nirvana. Right.

1:01:07

So they can specialize in warm, delicious

1:01:09

and made order donuts. Upon entering the

1:01:12

store, customers are welcomed with

1:01:14

the aroma of warm, light

1:01:17

vanilla cake donuts. Okay. Okay.

1:01:21

Great. Good. It has

1:01:24

walls and windows. Windows. It's

1:01:26

consumable for work energy. Four

1:01:29

humans are in the building. So

1:01:32

there's a lot going on. That was,

1:01:35

that was the big game day, which

1:01:37

brands continue to be absolutely incapable of.

1:01:39

Can I just say, duck

1:01:41

donuts, don't go change in trying

1:01:44

to please me. Yeah. I love

1:01:46

you just the way you are, my friend. You are doing

1:01:48

some good work down there. Also,

1:01:51

a shout out to what a burger has press release

1:01:53

that reads what a burger prepares for super bowl with

1:01:55

what a wings party pack. Wow. Saying

1:01:58

the quiet part out loud. What a burger.

1:02:00

I don't think we're supposed to say Super

1:02:02

Bowl prayer prayer. Oh, wow prayers. They're what

1:02:04

a burger I don't think anybody's

1:02:07

ever say Super Bowl is it does

1:02:09

what a burger also have a press release It says

1:02:11

what a burger made a kick-ass whopper and ever come

1:02:13

for the crown, baby Now

1:02:17

you have to sell the what a burger Burger

1:02:20

get what a burger what a burger commits

1:02:22

Regicide as they make the world's most kick-ass

1:02:24

whopper what if the what is the million

1:02:26

dollar whopper is a whopper? That is just

1:02:28

the closest approximation to a big bag Like

1:02:32

yeah, I don't know it's the best we

1:02:35

tried eight buns It's

1:02:37

a tower of eight buns. Hey sandwich

1:02:39

between two buns. Thank you so

1:02:41

much for listening to our podcast It's really nice of

1:02:43

you. Yeah, we are very

1:02:46

kind Thank you.

1:02:48

We owe you one send a link to your podcast. I

1:02:50

guess we'll listen to Please

1:02:52

don't tell people to do that. I don't do that.

1:02:54

Yeah And if you haven't yet

1:02:56

go check out the stuff we got over at the

1:02:58

merch store for February It's really amazing and ten percent

1:03:00

of all proceeds this month We'll go to the Marsha

1:03:03

B Johnson Institute and we also have the candle nights

1:03:05

2023 video on demand Available

1:03:08

for pay what you want and all proceeds for that go

1:03:10

to harmony house Thank you

1:03:12

to everybody who came out to the sketch fest

1:03:14

show. It was so fun. It was

1:03:16

so great really appreciate it Anything

1:03:19

else? No, okay Except

1:03:22

for thanking montane for these for theme song my life

1:03:24

is better with you Snubbed

1:03:26

at the Oscars stuff he owed about that

1:03:29

But I mean the Grammy of of

1:03:32

my heart goes to my life is better with

1:03:34

you by Montaigne I just

1:03:36

yawned but it sounded like I was crying

1:03:38

through that it really good I'm

1:03:40

a little emotional but not that not that

1:03:42

not like that much. We have a wish

1:03:44

for fun Look

1:03:47

it up who reads these do you have

1:03:49

like a reader I think if the spirit moves here

1:03:51

who wants to read this one? Hmm

1:03:56

I'll read up. Yeah, go ahead. Okay, you

1:03:58

guys come I

1:04:01

wish there were more candy shaved like vegetables. Why

1:04:03

is it only beans? And

1:04:05

that's some jellybean fan. My name

1:04:08

is Justin McElroy. Fuck Griffin. You're

1:04:10

right I'm

1:04:12

Travis. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. Cabbage.

1:04:17

I'm Griffin McElroy. You don't eat cabbage vegetables. This

1:04:21

is my brother. My brother and me kissed your dad square

1:04:23

of the lips. cure

1:04:44

maximum fan a

1:04:46

work-ro SDOT work

1:04:48

of artist-owned capacity

1:05:00

separated directly at

1:05:02

you