0:00

Okay, here's the situation. Justin went away

0:02

on a week's vacation and he left

0:04

the keys to the brand new Porsche.

0:06

Would they mind? Well,

0:08

of course not. We have

0:10

a Porsche? Does we have one Porsche that

0:12

we share? Yes. Maybe I

0:14

shouldn't say that we have a Porsche

0:16

in the Max Fund drive. Yeah, it's

0:19

old. It's a, it's a, it's a,

0:21

it's a bastard. Ooh, yucky Porsche. It

0:23

smells like old hamburgers. Oh,

0:25

it's powered by old hamburgers. If we're gonna get

0:27

a new Porsche that's not powered by new hamburgers,

0:29

we need your support in the Max Fund drive,

0:31

but that's not why Travis and I are here

0:33

to talk to you. Justin

0:35

is traveling this week. We recorded this

0:38

episode a while ago and realized to

0:40

our horror that Justin had

0:42

messed up his recording. Some audio issues, let's

0:44

put it a little more politically. There were

0:47

some audio issues. There were some audio issues.

0:49

Our editor, Rachel, has gone through with a

0:51

fine tooth comb and it sounds much,

0:54

much better than it did. And

0:56

much, much better than it would have without the

0:59

support and dedicated hard work

1:01

of Rachel, our editor, who

1:04

we were able to hire because of the

1:06

Max Fund drive. So this is

1:09

our last week of that and we're gonna talk about

1:11

it a lot in this episode. So we won't belabor

1:13

the point, but just wanted to give you a heads

1:15

up and explain a little bit. Now

1:18

on with the magic. The

1:21

McElroy brothers are not experts and

1:24

their advice should never be followed. Travis

1:27

insists he's a sexpert, but

1:29

if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen

1:31

it. Also, this show

1:33

isn't for kids, which I mentioned

1:35

only so the babies out there will know

1:37

how cool they are for listening. What's up,

1:39

you cool baby? One, two,

1:41

three, four. It's the start

1:44

of something beautiful. A

1:48

small acquaintance has blossomed and tripped

1:50

into a precious friendship. I

1:54

could've never seen what was coming for me.

1:57

Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the

1:59

beach. It's my life,

2:02

it feels like Ah,

2:08

it's better, it's

2:10

better with you Ah,

2:14

it's better, it's better with you

2:17

Ah, it's better, it's

2:20

better with you

2:25

Hello

2:31

everybody and welcome to my brother, my brother and

2:33

me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm

2:35

your oldest brother, Justin. Tyler.

2:37

Mackle. What up? Travnation.

2:41

It's me, your middle-est brother, Travis,

2:43

the exalted Mackle. Okay, Hammy Sweet Baby

2:46

Brother, Mackle. That's just my middle name.

2:48

I don't know what you want me

2:50

to say. We've fucked

2:52

up. We're

2:54

recording this a full

2:57

last week before this episode goes up. I

2:59

like to have, you know, we record usually the morning

3:01

of the show when it goes up so we can

3:03

cover like weekend news

3:05

and big stuff like that. We're a

3:08

week out and it's the max fun

3:10

drive. We have no idea,

3:13

news and also what level of desperation we

3:15

need to bring to this

3:17

second week altar call for the

3:20

max fun drive. We should just

3:22

do, you're right, we'll

3:24

do two takes. Justin, give me

3:26

utmost desperation and then Griffin,

3:29

give me kind of like too cool for school.

3:31

I don't really need this kind of feeling. Can

3:33

we switch? I'd rather be too

3:35

cool for school. I know, I think Justin, Justin,

3:37

you try utmost desperation. I feel like I would

3:39

be better at desperation just like

3:41

based on my track record. Hey guys,

3:44

I cast this not based on what

3:46

you think you are. Okay. I know

3:48

fair. Okay, fine. I'm just

3:51

saying my dating career in high school proves

3:53

that my desperate like state is

3:55

not an appealing one. Yeah. And I don't even know

3:58

how to present to be like a

4:00

cool guy. Do you want me to just

4:02

do both? No, it's fine. All right, who

4:04

goes first? Let's

4:06

see Justin's first. Okay. Hey.

4:10

Hey. So

4:12

this is a Max Fun Drive. It's supposed to be. We

4:17

thought it was, but apparently you didn't.

4:21

Yeah. It

4:23

feels good to laugh. There hasn't been much

4:25

of that our way lately. Because of how

4:27

shitty it's been for the drive. You mean

4:29

really, really sad how

4:32

few of you have turned out.

4:34

We've got nine total and it's so far

4:36

it's the three of us and

4:38

our dad six. Now, why are you desperate?

4:40

Yeah, you're not desperate. This is just, I

4:42

thought we were building the, okay, sorry, it's

4:44

two different. So anyway, we're fucked and

4:49

I just wanted to say, please,

4:51

if you can go to maximumfund.org,/join and

4:53

find it in your heart to

4:55

just give us $5 over and over again. Forever.

5:00

That would be so cool of you. And it

5:02

really does help to support the show. We

5:05

need it just to make ends meet and none of

5:07

you are doing it and it's so hurtful. And

5:11

thank you very much for your time. If

5:13

anyone is actually listening to this, which I

5:15

am not convinced of. Okay. That's

5:17

cool. That

5:20

good? I mean, you're wonderful. I'm just so clapping. I must have been

5:23

pretty cool. All right. I want to say, if

5:25

you're watching, I believe Dick

5:27

Wolf creator of Law and Order

5:29

and the Law and Order franchise.

5:31

Yeah. How come you never have

5:33

like good cop, pitiful, desperate cop?

5:37

Hey man, can I get you some coffee? And

5:39

also, you just tell us when you

5:41

did it. Just saying you did the crime.

5:44

I'm officer need this one. And what I'm

5:46

saying is, I

5:48

could really, I'm one case

5:50

solving away from retirement. They

5:52

won't let me retire. I'm

5:54

not doing so good. Yeah.

5:57

I'm not doing. So

6:00

let's wait. All right, let me try mine.

6:02

Too cool. What's up, jabronis? It's

6:04

Monday March. What are you saying?

6:07

What's up, jabronis? It's Monday, March

6:09

25th and

6:11

crazy weekend of news.

6:14

And I just

6:18

want to say we are sitting

6:20

pretty in the max fun drive

6:22

at 80,000 members. Huge

6:26

overshooting of our goals. And

6:28

so I'm going to say, don't get me wrong.

6:30

You get incredible bonus content if you join us

6:32

at a $5 a month level.

6:35

And it changes our lives. It allows us

6:37

to do the work we do and expand

6:39

and make new stuff, do video stuff, hire

6:41

people to help us make our stuff. It's

6:43

all been amazing. But we're at 80,000

6:45

members now. And

6:48

so we are sitting pretty. This is a bit.

6:50

Please still go to maximumfund.org. Because

6:52

we do need the help. But we're

6:54

sitting pretty jabronis. So we're

6:57

pretty jabronis over here. We're all pretty

6:59

jabronis over here. We got the

7:01

ring. We got the crown. We got

7:03

the wand. I passed the black

7:05

ring over to Justin. And now we're pretty, pretty jabronis.

7:08

And this is the first

7:10

happiness I felt in my life. Don't

7:13

you want to make us like that? Don't

7:16

you want to make us like that? maximumfund.org.

7:19

Join. We're goofing around here,

7:22

but it really is. We're not really jabronis. We're

7:24

not really jabronis. We are pretty. I'm

7:28

soaked over here, guys, with that bit take. I've

7:31

never actually done that in real life. It sucks.

7:34

They don't tell you about the repercussions. Shit's

7:36

all wet. Everything's wet. It

7:38

sucks. Listen, it's our last week

7:40

of doing this. And then we'll leave you alone for the rest

7:43

of the year. Promise. Well, not a lot.

7:45

We'll still make the show. Still make the show.

7:47

And we'll ask you to do us stuff sometimes.

7:50

Just like friends. Like regular friends. But

7:54

really, if you go to maximumfund.org. Join.

7:56

If you have maybe you've been listening to this show for fucking

7:59

14. years and you've never joined

8:01

the network, maybe think

8:03

about how much joy

8:05

we've brought into your – how many

8:07

times we've made you moisten your desk

8:09

with wet laughter. Maybe you felt guilty

8:11

about it and you didn't even know.

8:13

That's been the one thing holding you

8:15

back is the subconscious guilt you felt.

8:19

And I want you to be free of that. I want this

8:21

for you. I want you to have

8:23

the satisfaction of knowing you supported people

8:25

making stuff that you like. This is

8:27

a selfless act. It's for you. To

8:30

kick it off, this episode, a

8:32

little different, a little change here.

8:34

Okay. Okay. One

8:36

of my classic icebreaker thought starters

8:39

getting to know you. Oh, cool.

8:41

Yeah, we definitely need those. This

8:44

is from Filet Minion in

8:46

– I'm going to say Worcester, Massachusetts.

8:50

Anyway, it doesn't matter. I think – would

8:53

you settle an argument? I think that

8:55

Minions would taste like lamb. My

8:57

friend says crocodile, but my wife

8:59

says fawn or flam. So,

9:02

once and for all, what does a

9:04

Minion taste like? And

9:07

how would you prepare one? Well, I mean, I would

9:10

eat them alive. I

9:12

really enjoy it. Yeah, you

9:14

got to. This is weird.

9:16

This is weird. It's weird

9:18

that you included this. It's weird

9:21

that someone asked this and wanted to know this. I'm

9:23

not saying we won't do it because like – Well,

9:26

I just thought the answer was so obvious. Okay.

9:29

Okay, and also don't say banana. No, not

9:31

banana. Okay. Twinkie.

9:35

I look at that motherfucker. That's a yellow sponge cake.

9:37

He's got Queen inside there. What

9:40

are you saying? We don't need to go

9:42

that far. If Gru was to snap a

9:44

Minion over his knee, there would be an

9:46

explosion of Queen is what you're saying. Yeah,

9:49

an explosion of Queen. I'm saying you look at a

9:51

picture of Twinkie the Kid side by side with a

9:53

Minion. There's an evolutionary chart there.

9:55

I think that could be good. I

9:57

like flam. When I look at this.

10:00

and they feel gummy. It feels like it would be

10:02

a gummy, like in Willy Wonka when

10:04

you're eating the flowers and stuff and it only

10:06

looked kind of good, but still you didn't eat

10:08

flowers. Like I feel like this

10:10

would be kind of like that. Very gummy,

10:12

dense, chewy, fruity. I think

10:15

any suggestion of

10:17

the sponginess or gumminess of

10:20

these beings is

10:22

an insult to the acumen and

10:26

ability of Gru as a mad scientist.

10:28

These are service workers. They

10:33

do hard and dangerous work

10:35

for Gru's evil machinations and

10:38

plans. I think that they

10:40

are a perfectly tubular,

10:42

capsule-shaped, 250-pound, solid loaf of fuck

10:45

muscle. I

10:50

think these fucking guys, I think if you

10:52

ran up to a minion or like a

10:54

banana and you tried to push him over,

10:56

you would actually fall down backwards. Now, okay,

10:59

Griffin, I understand your point and it's very

11:01

well made, especially the fuck muscle part, but

11:04

wouldn't you want them to be incredibly, not

11:06

just solid, but resilient? Because I would argue,

11:08

I'm looking at a picture of one right

11:11

now, who knows which one, maybe Bob, maybe

11:13

Frank, maybe Steven. Marshmallow

11:15

Peep is really ringing true in

11:17

my head because you could put

11:20

that through so much squishing

11:22

and squashing and stretching and

11:25

stretching and still have a

11:27

working minion at the end of it.

11:29

Yeah, that would also be true though,

11:32

if he was 250-pound, capsule-shaped fuck

11:34

muscle, you couldn't do any of

11:36

that stuff. A one-foot tall, 250-pound,

11:38

capsule of fuck muscle. So

11:42

you think that Gru is constantly debating

11:44

with himself, like I want

11:47

to work them extremely hard at crime, but

11:49

if they do it too much, they'll

11:51

be too sinewy to consume in a

11:53

pleasurable way. Yeah. It

11:56

must be hard for him to decide when it's time

11:58

to eat one. Yeah. No,

12:00

for sure. Everybody

12:02

who did a great job on the thing

12:04

this weekend, but one of you fell

12:07

behind, maybe getting a little too

12:09

old. You come inside with me.

12:11

We have dinner together. I don't know where

12:13

Groos from or how to do the actual

12:15

thing. Here's what I think. It's like, I

12:17

think he takes one in. Maybe it died

12:19

in the line of duty. And that happens

12:21

a fucking lot in the Despicable Me movies

12:24

and we don't talk about that. What's a

12:26

minion? Like one hit? It does

12:28

happen in Despicable Me movies. It does

12:30

not happen in minions movies. You're right.

12:32

They draw a line. No, no, no.

12:35

They're people now for a little bit. They're people. I used

12:37

to be sad that night. I think he

12:40

takes one of his fallen comrades

12:42

with help from two other minions

12:44

because they heavy and takes

12:46

him into his guy. He ain't heavy. He's

12:48

a minion. He is heavy also. Right. And

12:51

they lay him on a table. He says, you're excused.

12:53

And the other minions leave. And then

12:55

he just cuts in there. And guys, I think

12:57

it's just basically a beef wellington in there. Oh,

12:59

you think? I think if you cut out a

13:02

round of minion, it is. It's

13:04

just there's a pastry crust, a

13:06

duxelles. I

13:08

think that is. I think that it's popping.

13:11

I wouldn't be surprised if in the beginning

13:13

and don't let the minions movies rewrite the

13:16

truth. He just had one big long minion. And

13:19

as it took hits, it just kept

13:21

splitting into slower and slower pieces. And

13:24

they grew eyes and just kept going. It would

13:26

be cool if they just had an extruder, a

13:28

minion extruder. Yeah. At first

13:30

he had like a 36 foot tall minion.

13:33

I can't get past

13:35

the idea of an editable shell. I

13:37

don't think they would have an edible

13:39

shell. I think it would be like

13:41

you'd crack it open. A rhyme? A

13:43

rhyme. A rhyme. Yeah. Like

13:46

a rhyme that you have to get to to get to the meat. Protect

13:48

it. Yeah. That's cool. That's

13:51

cool. I hated this question, but then I

13:53

liked it when we started talking about it.

13:56

I knew we'd get there. Yeah. That

13:58

kicks ass. How about

14:00

another question? Yeah, here we go. This

14:03

one is this. I

14:05

mentioned to a coworker that I was looking at

14:07

mountain biking shoes. I was doing this

14:09

because I like shoes. They were cute. And my

14:11

boyfriend is a biking fiend, so

14:13

I might go biking with him. Mike

14:15

being a bit optimistic. I did not realize at

14:18

the time my coworker loves to mountain bike. My

14:20

coworker now believes that I love mountain biking and

14:22

needs to hear about all his mountain biking plans.

14:24

He even sent me a video of his kid

14:26

riding a bike. How do I make the mountain

14:29

biking madness stop from plagued by

14:31

pedals in Provo? Was the

14:33

kid doing something cool or was it just

14:35

like that's what it looks like? If

14:39

you're riding a bike on a mountain,

14:41

that's pretty cool. It is cool.

14:45

I've never seen a video of someone riding a bike

14:47

on a mountain and been like, yawn. I

14:50

will say, when you see the video, the

14:52

bike, and it's like somehow they found a

14:54

mountain that's about three inches wide and

14:56

they're like riding the tiny truck hopping

14:58

from rock to rock. I

15:00

look at that and I think we

15:03

don't have to do everything. If

15:05

I started to do that, you guys would be

15:07

like, whoa, impulse control, Travis. That's

15:10

the first thought. What about the second

15:12

thought? But Travis Pastrana does it. And

15:15

you're like, yes, that Travis. I'm

15:17

just saying, guys, I've got some stuff I need to work

15:19

through. When I see people,

15:23

usually in sort of like a

15:25

Red Bull skills competition, they're hopping

15:27

their bike between these narrow spires,

15:29

these columns of red stone in

15:31

the desert a million feet high,

15:34

and they're just hopping down it and making it look cool

15:36

and easy. I think, how

15:39

does someone get good at that? Because

15:42

it seems like maybe this

15:44

is a survivorship bias situation where

15:47

there's lots of videos of

15:49

people going, I'm going to do my silly hops down

15:51

these spires on my bike. Oh, no. And those don't

15:53

make it on the TikTok or they don't last very

15:55

long on there if they do. What we do see

15:57

is that they're not going to be able to do

15:59

that. is the one guy who's like, oh, thank Christ.

16:02

Thank Christ I did the hops. Please don't make me

16:04

do it again. Thank God. Justin,

16:07

you looking at cool mountain biking videos? Cause I see

16:09

your eyes flicking across the screen, looking

16:11

for like dope thumbnails of people doing

16:15

like wingsuit tricks. No, I just didn't have anything

16:18

to add at that exact moment. I, you

16:20

know, have you guys ever seen the bikes that

16:24

have the pedals where your feet like lock

16:26

into the, like you're wearing shoes that lock

16:28

in? You don't do that for mountain biking,

16:31

right? Cause that's a huge, you're committing to

16:33

this bike goes down, I'm going down, right?

16:35

Or if I go down, the bike is

16:37

going down with on top towards

16:40

inside me. Yeah. No

16:42

joke. But

16:45

how do you, how do you

16:47

dis... I mean, maybe just kind

16:49

of like, no, come on. No, no, no, no. Let

16:51

him, there's something cooking inside of just... I'm

16:53

struggling with this question. You could do what

16:55

I do. Completely

16:58

forget about a deep love you had and

17:00

move on to something else. Oh

17:02

yeah. And become deeply invested in that both

17:04

financially and mentally. Talk about that for six

17:06

months and then get your whole deal. But

17:08

then what's that? You don't care about that

17:10

thing anymore. You've moved on to a new

17:12

purpose. A new thing. See it blacksmithing, be

17:14

it baking, be it plant keeping, fish keeping,

17:17

an electric guitar, you bought yourself and you

17:19

promised you would learn. Yeah. And

17:21

then you never picked it up again. Something

17:23

like that. You know what I mean? You just

17:25

aren't into mountain biking anymore. There's something

17:28

about bikes

17:30

though. I

17:32

feel like lots of people bounce around shit

17:35

and then they'll hit bikes. Then

17:37

they'll get kind of stuck there. Well, scientists don't

17:39

know how they work. That's what Justin told me.

17:41

Scientists don't know how bikes work. Yes, that's true.

17:43

We don't know how bikes work. Well,

17:47

are we really gonna do this on the podcast? Cause

17:50

it's outrageous. I'll talk to you about it

17:52

off mic. I'm just saying we don't know how bikes work. You

17:55

know, we don't. So

17:58

I'm sorry, Griffin. I didn't mean to. Bring

18:00

the whole energy to show that but we

18:02

don't know how bikes work. It's outrageous that

18:04

that could be true It is you know,

18:07

we don't exactly know how bikes stay upright.

18:09

We don't know how that works Okay, if

18:11

that's true, then nothing science has accomplished so

18:13

far means the hill of beans if

18:15

we Like

18:18

if we can build a large hadron collider

18:20

that can discover the god element in a

18:22

million mile long sort of Turbo

18:24

tunnel and watch two particles at each other the speed

18:26

of light and see what the fuck happens when they

18:28

collide But we don't know how a bike works.

18:31

Our priorities are so profoundly fucking out

18:33

of whack Like let's get

18:35

to the bottom of this before I get back out

18:37

on my beautiful steel. We tried it was too hard

18:39

We did something else the different how would you feel

18:41

though Justin? It's so inside. Yeah, we came out with

18:43

a brand new I don't know the 2025

18:46

Mitsubishi we don't know how it works Guys,

18:50

we got no fucking it goes from zero

18:52

to sixty in point one. We don't know

18:54

how the fuck it does it So

18:56

get out there. I would feel the

18:58

same way. I felt when I found out we

19:01

don't know how bikes work, which is bad Pretty

19:03

bad. Okay, bad about it. I was so bad

19:05

about this. Here's something you could do is bring

19:07

a bent in wheel to work Oh,

19:10

and then you're like, you believe this

19:13

Huh? Again, ever again.

19:16

Oh never again never again

19:18

with these fucking by

19:20

wheeled bastard. Oh You

19:23

come in on Monday you could

19:25

show it down And

19:28

your coworkers like what happened? What's wrong? And

19:30

you're like, well the neighborhood

19:33

Like the kind of street bunks We've been

19:35

kind of bullying about their mountain biking finally

19:38

challenged us to a race and we said

19:40

the loser Would never bike in

19:42

this town again and it turns

19:44

out even though we thought they were just

19:46

kind of an underdog You

19:48

know kind of ragtag group they banded together they

19:51

beat us. I'm never allowed to mountain bike in

19:53

this town again I can't

19:55

go I can't go against that

19:57

like I go against it. There's a street rule

20:00

They'll kill my family. I can't do that. I

20:03

thought they'd be like racing for ownership. You're

20:05

saying they're racing to be banned from it. No,

20:07

yeah. 2003's Eric

20:09

Von Denton challenged them to a downhill

20:12

race. And it's

20:14

so important in this, you're the bad

20:16

guys. Yeah, absolutely. The good guys

20:18

win. The good guys have to win.

20:20

So if you guys are the good

20:22

guys, you're still able to ride in

20:24

this town again. You have to lose

20:26

while Eric Von Denton, his long beautiful

20:28

locks flowing in the wind, his ragtag

20:30

group of friends, they band together, they

20:32

beat you in the mountain bike race.

20:35

You can never ride in this town again. I

20:39

went mountain biking once with my friend Alex.

20:42

When I was in middle

20:44

school, I borrowed my

20:46

friend Andy's bike so that I could

20:48

go and ride on that big dirt

20:50

hill behind the Kroger.

20:54

And there was like a jump back there. Maybe it's a Kmart.

20:56

I don't know. It's on Route 60. Oh

20:59

yeah, Kmart. They had like a little – It's a Kmart and also

21:01

Dollar Tree. They had a little dirt ramp that you

21:03

could like jump off of. And so

21:05

I did. I jumped it and I like

21:07

just became separated from the bike in the

21:09

air and I landed. And I

21:12

broke our friend Andy's bike pretty bad and

21:14

I tore a hole on my butt of

21:16

my pants. And then do you guys

21:18

know what happened? Why? I

21:21

asked to do it

21:24

ever again. Now listen, I

21:26

also just want to stay driven. I

21:30

broke my – and then

21:32

the rest of that sentence being friend Andy's

21:35

bike. And I tore

21:37

a big hole in the butt of

21:40

my pants are both the

21:42

best way those sentences could

21:44

end given what had happened.

21:48

Yeah, I broke my wiener bone

21:50

and tore a hole in my

21:52

balls. And

21:55

now we're just doing some mad lives

21:57

because it wasn't what could happen. Andy's

21:59

bike was okay. And the butt of

22:01

my pants doubled in thickness. I

22:04

don't know what I listen

22:06

Do you think that? Do you

22:09

think that if you're wet mountain biking once

22:11

and you borrowed a bike for your friend

22:13

and did the coolest stunts that are dangerous?

22:15

To you and the bike they would say

22:17

no No, I heard about like Lynn Griffith

22:19

did this before your band your band from

22:21

being with us Well, you would have to

22:23

fuck up. You can't do the toughest tricks

22:25

and lands them. No. Yeah, no No, I

22:27

did land I am NOT

22:29

still suspended in the air above the

22:32

dirt track behind the Kmart. I did

22:34

land Now was

22:36

there not a part of you Griffin's because this

22:38

is my thing of like, hey, you know what?

22:40

I just figured out I'd love to watch you

22:42

do that That sounds like a

22:44

fun thing for me to observe but yeah, I wish

22:46

I had footage of it It was the it was

22:49

the it was the dumbest thing

22:51

I've ever done because it is usually if

22:53

I recognize that I don't have The

22:56

required skill to do something that could hurt me

22:58

if I do a bad job of it I'll

23:00

just go ahead and not go ahead and do

23:02

even and then sometimes if I am confident I

23:04

have the skill to do something but there's a

23:06

chance I'll get her if I fail it I'll

23:08

still kind of sit that one out. This is

23:10

the one time where I Really

23:12

went wild but this is pre cell phones

23:15

and otherwise I live for sure it world

23:17

star For sure

23:19

for sure Should we

23:22

tell our friends at home something about

23:24

the max fund drive? Yeah, girl. We're

23:26

once a year We

23:29

come to you and say hey friend We

23:31

really appreciate if you give us a little help

23:34

in paying for these here shows that

23:36

you enjoy so much And but it's

23:38

not just us asking for you to

23:40

pledge five or ten twenty dollars per

23:42

month No, no, no, we're we're saying

23:45

thanks with some some fantastic guests That's

23:48

right. You can pledge five dollars a month. I'll start

23:50

you off with six Hundred

23:53

hours more than plus

23:55

of bonus content that you can enjoy at your

23:57

leisure You don't have to do it all in one sitting

24:00

in fact we would advise against it. You'll

24:02

die. Can you tell them what we did from a

24:04

Ben Bamm Antaz this year? So it's

24:06

kind of like a double header, double album for

24:08

my brother and my brother me. We made up

24:11

a game for our dad to

24:13

play based on Plato's rave. It

24:16

is a sort of one shot RPG

24:18

that we came up and then for

24:20

the adventure zone, we ran the game

24:22

all three of us as the

24:24

GMs and dad playing it and it is outrageous.

24:27

It's outrageous. I just want to say too at $10

24:29

a month, not only

24:31

to get that, but you also get your

24:33

pick of an enamel pin from the shows

24:35

on the network and these

24:37

are some really great pins. There's

24:39

a Mabim Bamm one that says bring back farm

24:42

wisdom on it so you can die on that

24:44

hill in style. I

24:47

really enjoyed, I believe this is a

24:50

wonderful pin with 8-bit Griffin and 8-bit

24:52

Rachel. Yeah, it's us in Stardew Valley

24:54

style. I love that so much. There's

24:56

a bunch of stuff and this whole

24:58

week we are going to be doing

25:00

streams basically every day.

25:03

I started things out last week with a

25:05

fuser stream with custom songs DJ'd together. Gonna

25:07

do that again this week when you hear

25:09

this and on Friday at

25:12

1 p.m. Eastern time, we're having a pizza

25:14

party on our YouTube channel to celebrate with

25:16

everyone. So make sure that you come by

25:18

for that. We'll send this thing out with a

25:20

bang. We got stuff happening every day. We

25:22

got stretch goals that we're doing if we

25:24

can get people to join us at certain

25:26

numbers. I have no fucking clue what

25:29

we are at as we do this second episode

25:31

because again, we're a week out. But

25:33

we're doing a lot of stuff and we are able to

25:35

do all that stuff because we have a team of people

25:38

who help us and we are able to have a team

25:40

of people who help us because of

25:42

the Max Fun Drive. Straight up, there

25:45

is a one-to-one correlation between the support you

25:47

show us and the Max Fun Drive and

25:49

the amount of stuff and quality of stuff

25:52

that we are able to make for you.

25:54

That really is a wonderful thing. Having people

25:56

who are supporting the show that you are

25:58

helping to pay. really

26:00

helps us to be more consistent. Like Rachel,

26:02

our editor, has saved so much time that

26:04

we're able to use actually making stuff. Amanda,

26:06

who handles so much for us, is able

26:08

to take stuff out of our plate because

26:11

of you and your generosity that allows us to

26:13

just make stuff for you basically all

26:15

the time, anytime we're awake. And

26:17

thanks to your support, last year,

26:20

I was able to quit my job at Circuit City. Yeah,

26:22

true. I was protecting the abandoned buildings from

26:25

being taken over by rats, and

26:27

it kept me up most nights. Because

26:30

it was a nice job and because it was so terrifying.

26:33

But I was paid my way in dead

26:35

rats, which was nice. But yeah, thanks to

26:38

your support, I was able to quit that

26:40

job and do podcasting full-time. And now I

26:42

just kill rats for fun. If you don't- Not

26:44

from work anymore, I've been able to find the

26:46

love and joy in it again. And it

26:49

means so much to me to be able

26:51

to kill rats with passion, once more. If

26:53

you don't join us,

26:56

Travis will eat 100 rats. If you do

26:58

join us, Travis will eat 100 rats, but for him,

27:02

for him on his terms.

27:04

If I do it, I will

27:06

do it in a reluctant, begrudging

27:08

manner if we don't do it.

27:10

But if we do it, I'll

27:12

do it in an enthusiastic, excited,

27:15

like, oh, every day is a gift kind

27:17

of manner. Right, so maximumfun.org/join is where you

27:19

can go. If you're already a member, you

27:21

can upgrade your membership. If you do it

27:23

during the drive, you can get the next

27:26

pledge level of gifts. If

27:29

you don't wanna jump up that high, you can

27:31

boost your membership by a buck or two. That

27:34

is hugely helpful. Or you can be a

27:36

first-time member and get access

27:38

to a ton of great bonus content

27:40

and help us continue to make and

27:42

grow these shows. We mentioned this last

27:45

week. There are certain parts of the

27:47

media business that are not doing good

27:49

at all right now, namely advertising. And

27:52

so more than ever, we are relying on

27:54

the MaxFun members to help

27:57

us out and help us make this show. And you

27:59

all have been absolutely amazing. amazing in

28:01

the past and have helped us

28:04

out so much. And so we

28:06

just ask for your support this

28:08

year at maximumfund.org/join. Can we

28:10

go to the wizard's house? He's got a

28:12

cloud hut. Let me get my shoes. Okay, and

28:14

then take them off. He hates shoes. Well,

28:17

yeah, but the in-between, I need him to get

28:19

there. He's not gonna like my bare feet,

28:21

like my RA in college, who prided himself

28:24

on walking around barefoot for three years. No,

28:26

he loves it. He loves it. He loves

28:28

it? Yeah. When I, my

28:30

feet have become hooves. He

28:32

likes it when he's like, he'll say stuff like,

28:34

the nasty of the toes. And

28:38

he won't say anything else. He'll just be like, the

28:40

nasty of the toes. Just raise his eyebrows 30 times.

28:42

He raises his eyebrows real big. And his eyebrows are

28:44

fucking thick. He couldn't come up with a second half

28:46

of the rhyme. See, like you fill it

28:48

in. The

28:50

taint, you're the rose. No,

28:52

that's not it. I just

28:55

quick update. Last week we did repeat a week

28:57

ago that we had done back in episode 590.

29:01

So that's on me. That one's on me. Did we say

29:03

new things? It would you need that?

29:05

I fucking hope so, man. That was like two

29:07

years ago though. So I don't feel like super

29:10

bad about it, but I do feel a little bit bad

29:12

about it. I hope it was- Now I'm curious what would

29:14

happen if you like overlaid them. How

29:16

many- What if it was perfect? Perfect

29:20

vote for one. This

29:22

one is sent in by Diana.

29:24

Thank you, Diana. It's how to be a

29:27

spy kid. How

29:29

to be a spy kid. How to be

29:31

a spy kid. Spying may be fun and

29:33

exciting, but it's not easy. A good spy

29:35

is hard to find. To be the next-

29:37

Yeah, that's the point. That's a really, really

29:39

good, the long tundra. To be the next

29:41

undercover agent, you'll need to get trained, create

29:44

a team, learn mission protocol, hide the evidence,

29:46

and enhance your spying technique through various spy

29:48

activities. Can I just say, thank you Griffin

29:50

for opening this door for me to step

29:52

through. I've been wanting to say this for

29:54

a long time. I don't

29:57

think, I think that the next James

29:59

Bond, they need- need to pick a

30:01

much more plain looking person. That

30:03

would pick the most handsome, interesting

30:05

looking person. And if that guy

30:07

walked into a room in a

30:09

tuxedo in a

30:11

big flashy, I'd be like, that's a fucking

30:14

spy. That guy's a

30:16

spy. You know what, you

30:18

guys seem to have this vision of spies.

30:21

They're always hiding in the rafters

30:23

and sneaking around. Spies go into rooms and

30:25

they're like, oh, they're gonna dig me. And

30:27

everybody's like, they dig them for the wrong

30:30

reasons. They dig them. Oh, I

30:32

get you. You know what I'm saying? Like you want- So

30:34

it's not that the spy is hiding, it's that everybody wants

30:36

to kiss the spy. I'm saying

30:38

that if Pierce Brosnan,

30:41

Fisk GoldenEye, rolls up to me and he's

30:44

like, yeah man, isn't it wild to really

30:46

talk about arms dealers and stuff. You're not

30:48

an arms dealer, are you? I'd be like,

30:50

look at you. Look at you.

30:53

Look at you. I'm not gonna talk to you.

30:55

You're clear, well, yes, why? You're, the

30:57

fact that you highlighted Sirka GoldenEye,

30:59

as if to suggest that Pierce

31:01

Brosnan isn't the sexiest he's ever

31:04

been right now. But you could

31:06

literally say that at any moment

31:08

of his career, Griffin. I'm saying

31:10

that Pierce Brosnan, Sirka GoldenEye was, I

31:13

mean, compared to other James Bond movies,

31:15

where it got whimsical and weird with the

31:18

gadgets. I'm saying that James Bond walks in,

31:20

sits down, the handsomest James Bond

31:23

that has James Bond jugs. Everyone's

31:25

gonna be watching Pierce Brosnan, no matter

31:27

what he's doing. Because they want to

31:30

see someone as attractive as that. I'm

31:32

gonna assume their motives are pure. Okay.

31:36

That their heart is clean and that they

31:38

wish me only the best. Yeah,

31:40

cool. We'll see how that goes. I

31:43

was gonna say Normal Looking Spy was kind

31:45

of the plot of Johnny English, but hey,

31:47

this might be a unpopular opinion. Fucking

31:51

Rowan Atkinson looks hot as hell in that movie too.

31:54

There's something about that mantle. There's something

31:56

about being a spy that is just

31:58

kind of hot. I know

32:00

he's a good assignment peg Simon peg

32:03

emission impossible where I'm like nine nice

32:05

looking not bad Well, yeah, but

32:07

he's just in a bar or whatever. Yeah.

32:09

Okay cool, man. Whatever you say, dude Organize

32:13

your team can speed the three of us. Yeah,

32:17

I think we brother solving crimes investigating

32:20

you have a really weird Like

32:23

our Venn diagram just looks like a slightly

32:25

out of focus circle We're all pretty good

32:27

at it. Most of the same stuff. I

32:30

think that we all bring different skill

32:32

like Griffin's the tech guy I'm like

32:35

the face and and Justin Runs

32:37

errands for us and picks up stuff

32:39

just as strong like juice juice Like

32:42

if someone if we need someone to like pull

32:44

down a pipe. Travis is strong. Yeah,

32:47

I'm pretty strong. You're right Yeah, I'm not sure

32:49

what oh, you're strong, but you're strong for a

32:51

podcaster. You know what I mean? Like I'm saying

32:53

like the ways that we wish to distinguish ourselves

32:56

if you zoom out We're basically the same guy

32:58

three times. Yeah, well one of us has purple

33:00

hair. So don't go up to me in there,

33:02

buddy Justin can make checks

33:04

mix really that's true. Yeah, and you

33:06

could write checks. I've seen it. Yes

33:08

cursive is Travis

33:11

mentioned curses Is

33:14

something I want to do on my family clubhouse. So away

33:16

we write how many curses you fuck off

33:18

There's no way I got all of us

33:20

like that. So what could you do all

33:22

the cursive letters? Listen? I

33:25

wish don't miss before the show my struggle with

33:27

the capital G and it's my

33:29

own first initial of my first name Yeah, and

33:31

so don't write them. I

33:33

see capital. What do you got capital G? I mean, that's

33:35

really good. It's really good I don't want to play this game

33:38

in war. It's too damn it Form

33:41

your team. That's the baby. That's a

33:43

tough one. Whoa So

33:47

spying is safer and more fun with two or

33:49

more people your teammates can back you up and

33:51

can help you complete your mission Faster with the

33:54

right group of people, of course if you decide

33:56

to be alone, that's okay, too. Thanks. Well, Okay,

33:59

secrets. That would be kept lot

34:01

easier when it's just you want me to

34:03

kill your teammates. Lucky receive that? That's exactly

34:05

are. You know? How am I getting. You.

34:07

May not need audience. Or that okay.

34:10

this is gets oh yes. You should have

34:12

once you may. Who knows a lot about technology

34:14

such as computer short cuts and knowledge of gadgets.

34:17

That. Refund or a lot of those Reagan like

34:19

hit three days of the same time and

34:21

make like of Iso like a symbol. baobab.

34:23

I didn't buy or not a google doc

34:25

in like a minute. Yeah, the tech member

34:27

can also make maps, shirt, plants, sir, charts,

34:30

news and notes about the secret mission. I

34:32

can do all that shit and google docs

34:34

and I can make a look pretty a

34:36

spots around to cool shortcuts on being clever

34:38

doesn't hurt either. Fewer friends. It's great at

34:40

thinking outside of the box in his quick

34:42

on his or her feet just in a

34:44

car. or I had been Cinemax I think

34:46

Travis want. To be that guy. I got a

34:48

guy with the with the nerd of roads and said

34:50

everything with that's fine I'm I'm just kind of the

34:53

A D H D one is the they have that

34:55

they're giving them. Have a friend with a D H

34:57

The. Arm know but it does

34:59

have it's you have a teammate who strong

35:01

like for heavy lifting are hard task that

35:03

avast drink does eighty it's do you make

35:06

you like sit next Wrong with the as

35:08

from August so seat in the that stereotype.

35:10

Travis my of my muscles are hyperactive A

35:12

I'd this is my a hyperactive Martha but

35:15

don't just let anyone on your team. You

35:17

need skilled spies not. Groton and ah, thank

35:19

you very much. despite organization, could use

35:21

that a few. Right now I said

35:23

my name. All the grunt work i

35:26

don't think they're called Grown Man is

35:28

super be offered ago since Grown Men

35:30

Minions is his trademark. so they are

35:33

nine that we've got. The.

35:35

Hacker. We've got. The.

35:37

Wheel Mans as an author, has a

35:39

car so either he the wheel man

35:41

to we've got some muscle and then

35:43

we've got. Great. Man is

35:46

grub Man one and grub

35:48

man. To these guys, they

35:50

aren't very quiet, They. Make

35:52

a lot of noise everywhere they go. Anything

35:54

they do, they make so much fucking noise.

35:57

But. If. We need. Hobby

36:00

made of something other. Ah.

36:03

You know we're hearing. What? You want

36:05

and lot of suits and those suits

36:08

get dirty have you seen this is

36:10

like massive through walls slim and through

36:12

like to see words and good at

36:14

all over. I'm putting bomb on the

36:16

bottom of swimming pool like I'm dirty

36:19

and I need grub. Man wants to

36:21

run to Brooks Brothers and get me

36:23

a new kid. I would also like

36:25

people cheering for us is the people

36:27

there like support your say Oh. Yeah.

36:30

Like that. like maybe having lunch ready when we

36:32

get back to. you know him, have a nice.

36:35

Yeah, you're nine I live a saying their skill set

36:37

at that point I was in the you're asking loss

36:39

in them like we should hire a professional says. Ah,

36:42

Grant grown man graduated from college area city

36:44

by maybe steaks the time to get to

36:46

know Graham and why grammy one wanted to

36:48

go into that business in that field he

36:51

would have pursued it a brigade that license

36:53

to the other of instantly just in a

36:55

nice see money to start his own a

36:57

restaurant that I do an image clean I

37:00

don't want to be away point for lost

37:02

souls I want someone is is organizations is

37:04

is like. Will. Die

37:06

for! I'll. Get will die

37:08

for us at it will die for. Like

37:11

would be killed. Instead.

37:13

Yeah, yes or no, he'll do that.

37:16

Yeah. I won't let a man. so

37:18

you'd like to make the relay particular sexism as

37:20

a whole life have for your home. If you're

37:22

the hacker, You're.

37:25

Not gonna get. Staff. Like

37:27

you're at your computer at the worst thing

37:29

to happen is that the government town or

37:31

hacks you and your computer sat down. it

37:34

doesn't Ladies and like screen explodes and you

37:36

fucking everybody everybody own. Thousand. Years

37:38

he gets killed you like literally hop on

37:40

your phone linked in any one of why

37:42

the authority so a cause I jobs are

37:44

just who brought his caucus, your whole team

37:47

gets squished by at the elevator or whatever

37:49

and all you do is use some clothes,

37:51

laptop, stand up with put on a baseball

37:53

hat, walk into their out that refunding. That's

37:55

exactly what I was six or x that

37:57

exact moment that's have clear that away. We'll

38:00

we'll on a good at mach. go next

38:03

job Dairy Queens a hacker a safe but

38:05

I was was still a lot of movies

38:07

in my day and I'll just say this

38:09

is a blanket statement. Is. At

38:11

any point the villains shows up

38:14

where your hacker is and kills

38:16

them. Your join your chatty. you're

38:19

done okay. They are. Way.

38:21

Too bad for you. You are ya

38:23

going to win over there? They are

38:25

that several steps ahead the hackers like

38:28

the medic in like spy like Geneva

38:30

conventions like you killed the hacker. No.

38:32

No Us now I quit we talking

38:35

about you get Roman one gremlin soon

38:37

I do that. That's why I love

38:39

to keep a grump man or our

38:41

the hacking a allies just says like

38:43

the hacker's bible that hella yep ah

38:45

I'm so set up a hierarchy for

38:48

you team is birds can get nasty.

38:50

Worst part. I became. Keep.

38:52

Ago have cats are set up a hierarchy. It

38:55

makes reach of your members has a purpose. They'll

38:57

feel like they're valuable part of the teams You

38:59

have any specific role and alice make them feel

39:01

less viable by setting up a hierarchy. A captain

39:03

who's in charge of the team. Has.

39:06

A can't be that. no. Snow.

39:09

In and one lot one minutes. That's

39:11

a good.soccer of it. They. Always

39:13

make the leader the person who's going

39:15

in and doing a lot of punching

39:17

and all. but I am not. Yet.

39:20

Wanna use be the leader like and that way

39:22

of we all get killed. You. Go

39:24

find other people that loves the same

39:26

time crime that involved in Iraq into

39:28

your mission Isis is this is because

39:30

as we have established the hackers the

39:32

same as said Carver the captain back

39:34

O K Tom Cruise is character it's

39:37

now walked towards that guy was a

39:39

big done yet been around Dallas as

39:41

as a part. Is. Like the cat

39:43

that the hacker is the leader see. Can't

39:45

say I've only got a spike on the

39:47

be like. Will. Do a

39:49

panel on like innovations in spite. Hierarchies

39:52

and we like. Walk.

39:54

Up there be like hey, what's up I'm. i

39:57

will have and i'll say like a cool name Clover

40:00

knife. A electro lizard. I'm a electro

40:02

lizard. I'm a electro lizard. And

40:05

I'm a spy. And they'll all

40:07

say hi, electro lizard. And

40:09

then I'll be like, yeah. I've

40:11

been flagged for six months now. Congratulations.

40:13

I'll be like, check this shit out,

40:16

guys. I'm the hacker and

40:18

the captain. Everybody's going to

40:21

stand up and applaud me, one, for my

40:23

bravery and two, for this incredible idea. I

40:25

have the map. Of course they should be

40:27

the one telling people where to go with

40:29

it. A window breaks. A shot rings out.

40:31

Gruntman one dies between a electro lizard and

40:33

the window. Gruntman one goes down. Just how

40:36

I planned it as the captain

40:38

of the team, a vice captain who

40:40

helped the captain make decisions and take

40:42

their place if they are ill. Spy

40:45

kid. If they're ill. Guys,

40:48

it's me, Captain Hacker. Electro

40:50

lizard. I had

40:53

some Buffalo Wild Wings last night. It

40:56

is for that reason that Gruntman two is going

40:58

to sub in today as

41:01

vice captain. He ain't hacking.

41:03

Like no one's hacking on this mission.

41:05

Okay. We don't want to be hacking

41:08

free, but you will have a guiding light in the

41:10

form of Gruntman two. Um, a

41:13

tech person in charge of the computer surveillance equipment

41:15

and maps. That's

41:17

not in the hierarchy. That's just like a job.

41:19

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, it's not a rank. I

41:21

swear that, see, that's what it tells you Griffin

41:24

about how much we need to break up the

41:26

hierarchy, like establish that they would put that in

41:28

the list of like, and of course, third

41:31

on the list. Yeah. Because

41:33

they're not. That's just how important the hacker

41:36

is. Also says, make sure there are other spices at the

41:38

base ready to back you up on your mission. Right. We

41:40

have talked about Gruntman's. How many kids are

41:44

going to be part of this operate? Like if someone's like,

41:46

Hey, do you want to join our spy club? And you're

41:48

like, yeah, sure. And then you show up to the first

41:50

meeting and there's 46 kids there. And

41:53

they're like, we're sending out three of you. Um,

41:55

two of your grunts, the other 41 you're going

41:57

to rotate in. If

42:00

we need you to just say

42:02

yeah and build backyard. Yes Well,

42:06

yeah, yeah, there's so many spy kids that

42:08

want the opportunity and I only know about

42:10

two spy kids So what is happening with

42:13

all these other spag kids? Yeah, these potential

42:15

spy kids We don't see a lot

42:17

of like in the spy kids movie a lot of desk

42:20

spy kids We're like the

42:22

spy kids come back and file their paperwork

42:24

with the other kids that just work best

42:26

job HR spy kids. Yeah.

42:29

Yeah. Oh, yeah Maybe

42:31

most of time I'm learning about dinosaurs

42:33

and biology but by night I

42:35

taught people to Equip

42:42

your team your mind killed by the

42:44

bad guys. Something's gone terribly. We're really

42:46

wicked fucked up Equip

42:49

your team members with your spy gadgets Remember being

42:51

a spy team means helping each other through thick

42:53

and thin that doesn't have any fucking if you

42:55

have a few gadgets to Your name dish them

42:58

out evenly. Okay, the most the more successful your

43:00

team is the more successful you and the mission

43:02

are yeah, I disagree

43:06

If you have let's say you have four

43:08

members, right and everybody can

43:11

carry two gadgets and you

43:13

have four gadgets Yeah, you

43:15

could give each person one gadget or have

43:17

two people load it down with gadgets and

43:19

they're leading the way or one

43:23

person With a lot of

43:25

gadgets. Yeah Here

43:27

of the group gadget Cruz has most of the

43:30

gadgets because the top crews comes face to face

43:32

with a bad guy He doesn't want to be

43:34

like now use the mask and Ben. She's like,

43:36

oh, I've got the mask. What fuck Can

43:40

you bring it to me? I mean not in

43:42

the next like 20 minutes I bet that is

43:44

awkward or they're dipping up the gadgets of getting

43:46

and talkers like I will be doing most of

43:48

the Everything yeah, I mean

43:50

it'd be fair We've got a big raises like but

43:52

I want to have the gun this time Yeah,

43:54

I want the gun this time. I you said

43:57

last time I can have the gun this time

43:59

you promised Ethan And this here is a special marshmallow that

44:01

when you eat it, it makes you better at hacking.

44:03

I need that. You don't need that Tom

44:05

Cruise. Why do you need that Tom Cruise?

44:07

Oh, a wing suit that lets me jump

44:10

off of a motorcycle? Yeah, can I have

44:12

that? You're sitting in a car with a

44:14

computer. You don't know. Right here we've got

44:16

a very realistic looking Tom Cruise mask. I

44:18

need that! I need

44:21

that to look like Tom Cruise! You

44:23

are Tom Cruise, son. So,

44:26

some of the examples they give,

44:28

intercom, cell phones, video equipment, iPods

44:30

and other communication devices, walkie talkies,

44:32

whistles, cameras. That's a smartphone. That's

44:35

a smartphone. There's also like four

44:38

different versions of the same thing

44:40

in there, intercom and walkie talkies,

44:42

you say? Yeah. And it says

44:44

here, Katana or other

44:47

similar long blade. Ahh.

44:49

As a spy kid? As a spy kid? Scoof?

44:52

It doesn't actually say that. But you

44:54

know me, like. Yeah. Just

44:56

take one of your parents kitchen knives

44:59

for that. Pretend it's a Katana. Nothing

45:01

bad can happen. You're a

45:03

spy kid. My whole aesthetic as an electric lizard

45:05

is very cyberpunk, so I do have a Katana

45:07

and I do have a shotgun

45:10

that has been sawed off to a

45:13

degree where it is

45:15

not functional. He ripped his

45:17

heart! The cartridge just fell right out of the

45:19

egg. He

45:22

kept bringing it back to us and Travis and

45:24

I were like, well that's pretty rad, but I

45:27

bet you make it even radder. And he's like,

45:29

yeah, yeah, just kidding, let me try again. And

45:31

he came back eventually and there's just a handle.

45:33

It's just a handle. There's just a trigger. He

45:35

cut off past where the trigger is. And that

45:37

was just a wooden kind of like triangle. He

45:39

was really unsure when he got to that point

45:41

where we were like, no, no, no, take a

45:43

little bit more off. And

45:45

the worst part is it didn't even happen

45:47

in one. So it's not like two halves.

45:50

It has like ten chunks of shotgun. Can't

45:52

even glue it back together. I

45:55

made some special rings out of

45:57

those lost barrels. The

46:01

little hammer is still on their

46:03

sinasa. Pretty kick-ass fidget while I'm

46:05

hacking. Now,

46:08

training as a spy. Practice using your gadgets.

46:12

Do several practice runs in location other than

46:14

the actual mission to test and get used

46:16

to your gadgets and clothes. Your

46:20

clothes can spy clothes. You can feel them.

46:24

Dress the part. Two things to consider. You either

46:26

want to go totally spy-worthy or totally incognito. It's

46:28

more fun to dress like a spy, but sometimes

46:31

it makes more sense to blend in, which is

46:33

appropriate for your next mission. So when

46:35

they say spy-worthy, they're talking like, like,

46:38

tuxedo, right? Yeah, there's a picture here, and

46:40

one half of it is a boy in

46:42

sweats and a green t-shirt. And

46:44

the other one is a boy who

46:47

looks like a blues brother. And I

46:50

bet you James Bond,

46:53

when he is, when he goes somewhere and he's like,

46:55

you're going to a party on the beach, James. And

46:58

there's a drug guy who's there. You need to

47:00

find him and get the key. And

47:03

he's like, okay, I'm going to wear

47:05

my fancy suit. And they'll be like,

47:07

James? Mm. No,

47:09

James. No, never. But

47:11

the jacket, it has, like, stuff thrown

47:14

into it. Yeah, James, but you're going

47:16

to look like a dengue. We got

47:18

these board shorts for you, James. It's

47:21

a Tommy Bahama and board shorts.

47:23

It's a brand deal we worked

47:25

out. Things have been hard for

47:28

the government lately with all the

47:30

cutbacks and whatnot. So you're branded

47:32

now. Please, these crocs.

47:37

Now, what's amazing, James? We've taken your shoes

47:39

and we've altered them. We've cut tiny holes

47:41

in them and made them out

47:43

of a soft, cushy thing. They're

47:46

breathable now, James. We call them

47:48

crocodiles. Learn

47:50

to code data. Encrypt your written messages with

47:52

a simple code. They can be a simple,

47:54

substituting a letter for another, or you can

47:56

use numbers for letter or make up entirely

47:58

new symbols that correspond. to the alphabet. That's

48:02

a pretty wild escalation of code

48:04

technology of switch the letters around,

48:07

use numbers instead of letters, or

48:09

come up with your own alphabet.

48:13

It's also weird that their advice in

48:15

doing this made up thing is to

48:17

do a real, very hard thing.

48:20

If I want to put in the work of learning

48:22

to code and get one of the many great jobs

48:24

in computer technologies, I maybe don't need to be a

48:26

spy kid. If I have that kind of like ethic,

48:30

maybe I'm just going to go get a great job. Like

48:32

this week, you have articles should be titled

48:35

like how to talk your kids out of

48:37

playing a game they want to play. Yeah.

48:39

Oh, yeah. You want to pretend to be

48:41

a spy. Okay, sit down and let me

48:44

teach you about ciphers. Is it lower? Now

48:46

look at this simple thing. No, man. I'm

48:48

pretty sure the code they're talking about here,

48:50

Justin is like hiding

48:53

secret messages and not

48:56

like practicing JavaScript. I don't think that

48:59

that's the type of that makes a

49:01

lot of maybe I'm worried that you

49:03

think that JavaScript and like making coding

49:06

to make computer software's happen

49:08

involves secret like secrets like a

49:10

lot of secrets. That's right. You're doing it right.

49:12

Okay, we call

49:14

them Easter eggs in the biz. You

49:17

should do this next one. Whether

49:19

you're a spy kid or not. Practice

49:22

escaping from places. Yeah, everybody should

49:25

be doing that. A

49:27

locked room, not a problem. A tree

49:29

easy, a crowded room. Don't even worry

49:31

about it. A crowded

49:33

locked tree. Now we're talking

49:35

about people or else. The

49:38

secret ingredient is children. Good luck.

49:40

You and your spy team can

49:43

escape from just about anywhere, including

49:45

a sticky situation. Sticky situation. Never

49:47

use elevators. If you get trapped

49:50

in one, you're trapped. Oh, this

49:52

was cool. You to read stairs

49:56

allow for more exits. Get

50:00

out anyway or stairs go down

50:03

down them slide to slide You

50:05

get down over the railing of the higher

50:07

one to the lower You

50:11

fall down the holes in between others

50:13

so cool go down the middle of it real

50:15

fast dead Is another way

50:17

like Mary Poppins? Yeah, cool See

50:20

that in us spy movies it will get

50:22

out of here It

50:25

will be easier to escape places and to sneak

50:27

into them if you learn how to pick locks

50:29

a bit of a sinister tone A bit of

50:31

a sinister twist that this wiki article has taken

50:34

It's actually incredibly easy to pick locks.

50:36

It's not hard. It is

50:38

difficult to pick locks in a way that you don't

50:40

break them Okay,

50:43

but you can brute force any locks sleep tight

50:47

Get used to talking in

50:49

different voices. I'm daddy

50:51

big different accents. That's important

50:54

That's it. I was my Russian. All this is applicable

50:56

to people who want to be podcasters every single name

51:00

Yeah, you learn to pick locks have lots of voices

51:02

This will mainly be helpful if you're using cell phones

51:04

or walkie-talkies code names are a necessity to Oh,

51:17

that's a cut that's a code Kill

51:22

every motherfucker in the room All

51:26

right, choose your mission Choose

51:30

your mission for example You might figure out where

51:32

your guardians hid something figure out the password to

51:34

a friend's friend's club Or

51:36

find out which neighborhood dog has been dirtying

51:38

your dad's price lawn and then

51:40

do something about it Oh my there's

51:42

no mission too small either. It's their

51:44

mission to be there's no mission to

51:47

their no miss you small But there

51:49

might be a mission to dog murder

51:51

for the spider to take it on I don't

51:53

feel like that's in their bailiwick. I

51:55

would like to think that if I were a spy child Yeah,

51:58

that I would not worry

52:00

about missions being too small for me.

52:02

But rather if a government official rolled

52:05

up and was like, hey, I

52:07

heard that you did a great

52:09

job figuring out which dog was shitting in your

52:11

dad's yard. Well, we need you

52:14

to kill Obama too. Whoa,

52:16

shit. Oh yeah, he's Obama Jr. who's

52:18

out there. We need you to get

52:20

him and take him out. Why? Why?

52:23

Well, because you're the best swag kids on the block. No,

52:25

no, no, we need that. Right, but why does Obama too?

52:28

What's wrong with Obama too? He's

52:30

like the second. Oh, stop it.

52:33

Travis Patrick,

52:36

it's the Max Fun Drive 2024. It's

52:40

been a long day. This is

52:42

the third thing we've recorded today. That does

52:44

not give you permission to make a goof

52:46

up like that in Max Fun Drive 2024. I'm

52:49

Man of Salama. Of course you did. Obama

52:51

too's fine. He's an evil clone. What about

52:54

that? That was such a confusing few moments

52:56

for me. I'm not sure if

52:58

the listeners heard it, but I feel like they

53:00

should have. Cover

53:03

your tracks, Travis. Make sure you

53:06

and your teammates don't leave anything

53:08

behind. Destroy any footprints on dirt

53:10

or mud or audio recordings and

53:13

destroy any accidental fingerprints if you notice

53:15

them. All papers at the scene should be

53:17

recycled and definitely no clothing or anything else

53:20

personal left for curious eyes to find. Kill

53:22

any witnesses. Take away text messages,

53:24

delete text messages, emails, some phone calls, and

53:26

it's likely no one will see these, but

53:28

it's always better to be safe than sorry.

53:31

Scrub your existence. I'm

53:35

gonna see. rendezvous after the mission with your team. This

53:37

is the best fucking part. This

53:39

is the best fucking part. Yeah. You

53:41

meet in front of the Bellagio, in

53:43

front of the water fountain. Now

53:46

they're not spies, nor are they

53:48

kids, those oceans guys. Can they

53:50

crack open some Corona's? Like

53:52

at a grill? Yeah, not kids. Not

53:55

kids. Buy kids can drink. Yeah.

53:58

Oh, okay. Spy

54:01

kids can drink. Right!

54:03

McGruff said is my... McGruff was like,

54:05

That was cool! That's why my... I

54:08

think we can all agree. Spy kids can

54:10

drink. You're right. You've

54:12

earned these, sons. Hrgh! You

54:16

wanna drink beer like your cool

54:19

friend McGruff? Then sign

54:21

up to be a secret. Sign

54:24

off today! Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. You

54:26

guys won't believe how good this shit tastes,

54:29

but spies only! Ha ha ha!

54:32

Of course if you were to tell

54:34

us a few secrets about your friends,

54:37

that might make you an honorary spy.

54:39

Ha ha! I'm

54:42

gonna skip forward to the end here. Okay. Do

54:45

not tell any non-spies what

54:47

you're up to. Only

54:49

friends who are being initiated into the program should be told about your

54:51

activities, otherwise keep it secret and low-key. Some

54:54

might be jealous and some might blab your secret. The

54:56

fewer people who know, the better. But if

54:59

all spies are acting like that, how

55:01

do you know who's a spy and who's not? The

55:04

fact that you have to ask that question is obvious. Just

55:07

shows how ignorant you are. Like, if

55:10

I need to recruit someone, I'll do it in like a cool

55:12

hacker way. Like how? Can you show me? I'll

55:15

do it like they'll be driving... Ah shit, it's kids.

55:18

They'll be in the backseat of the car,

55:20

and their parents are driving, and they'll drive by a road sign, and

55:23

I'll hack it for just a second. It's like Toby, open your email. Hey,

55:26

Griffin? Yeah.

55:29

I'm not a spy. You shouldn't have told me that. You're going to jail. Oh.

55:32

Well, that was an ex... That was... Fuck! I

55:35

can't... But wait, you are a spy, Travis. Fuck,

55:37

yeah, I am. You are a spy. Yeah, I

55:39

was trying to catch you. Our

55:41

listeners are also now spies. Fuck! Yeah,

55:44

sorry, you're all spies. We made the club way too big, dude. Yeah,

55:46

we did. That one's on us. Time to pay your dues

55:48

to the club, and the best

55:51

way of doing that is going

55:53

to maximumfund.org/join, and signing

55:55

up. This is our last pitch,

55:58

and I want to say, First

56:00

of all, like every year, thank you so much

56:02

for all of your support and for over the years

56:05

for helping to make it possible for us to do

56:07

this. This is a good time of year

56:09

to remember to say thank you for that. So thank you, thank you, thank you.

56:12

If you don't yet support the show and you get

56:14

something out of it, and you can, obviously not everybody's

56:17

in a place to. We understand that completely. But if

56:19

you can, even pledging five

56:21

bucks a month is really helps

56:24

us out a lot because those donations combined make

56:26

it possible for us to pay the

56:28

people help us to make the shows, to make

56:32

time for it every week to do the

56:34

other streams and other things that we do.

56:37

It's all thanks to your generosity. We really, really

56:39

appreciate it. But it's not just hollow generosity. We

56:41

got gifts, Trav. We do have gifts. I just

56:43

wanted to say one more thing real quick where

56:45

like maybe you're sitting there and you're thinking like,

56:48

I'm thinking about it. I want to. I'm not

56:50

naming my computer. I don't know. And

56:53

the fact of the matter is, is like, you might feel like,

56:55

you know, $5 a month, or

56:57

like I'm one person, whatever, right? But

56:59

the thing is, is the show,

57:01

the network, all of this is

57:04

based off of everybody coming together

57:06

to show that support individuals, right?

57:08

This isn't a big corporate structure

57:10

where we have, I don't know,

57:13

people financing the whole thing, one

57:15

person making the decisions. This is

57:18

everybody as individuals giving whatever

57:20

they can and coming together

57:22

as one group to build

57:24

out the whole network. So

57:27

every single person matters. It's

57:29

a co-op. This isn't a podcast

57:31

network that's going to be bought out by a big

57:34

media company and then summarily

57:37

dispatched. It's your

57:39

podcast network because you hope to make

57:41

it happen. So if you would like

57:43

to join that group, at $5 a

57:45

month, we said you get the bonus content, and

57:47

that's all great. But at $10 a month, we've

57:50

got some beautiful pins for you based

57:52

on the different shows. You can choose whatever one

57:54

you like. At $20 a month, you have a

57:56

choice to make a big one. We

57:59

have a maximum of $5 a month. fun bucket cat

58:01

with the maximum fun logo on it. And if

58:04

you are someone whose head is of a size,

58:06

perhaps a certain carriage that perhaps

58:09

a seven and one eighth hat would

58:11

not fit you. We have

58:13

maybe your head would laugh at that size

58:15

hat. We have a bandana that's this games

58:17

on the go set that's a bandana that

58:19

turns into a checker or chessboard. And you

58:21

can play it has little pieces and you

58:23

can play on your bandana. How charming is

58:26

that? But of course, the gifts are just

58:28

a thank you. The real thing is, please

58:30

help us to make these shows because we

58:32

love doing it. I'm gonna say

58:34

one more thing that I think is very incredible.

58:36

And people at home might not realize it's rare,

58:38

not just in podcasting, but in

58:40

a lot of different things. To

58:43

be able to say this, but even

58:45

though we are on this network,

58:47

we own this show, right? We

58:49

own adventures of this is our

58:51

thing. Max Fun supports our

58:53

show and says make the show you guys

58:56

want to make that people want to hear.

58:59

We're not like getting notes from them or they

59:01

don't tell us that none of that stuff, right?

59:03

They purely exist to

59:06

support us and facilitate like us making

59:08

the thing that we love the thing

59:10

that we want to. And that is

59:12

rarer and rarer. Yeah, for sure. To

59:15

be able to like have the opportunity

59:18

without getting you know, I don't know

59:20

having to make cuts or having to,

59:22

you know, change things and so support

59:24

us and you also support the network. It

59:26

goes both ways and the network supports us.

59:29

And it's just a very lovely thing

59:31

to be a part of. Yes, and

59:33

we appreciate you maximumfun.org/join is the link

59:35

you can go to you can start

59:38

a new membership there, you can boost

59:40

yours or upgrade it to a new level to get

59:42

the prizes. One new thing this year is that you

59:44

can also pay up front for the whole year if

59:46

you don't want to worry about having a recurring charge

59:49

on your card that you have to, you know, keep in the back

59:51

of your mind, you can just pay up front for the whole year

59:53

and that you know, obviously helps the same amount and

59:55

helps us a great deal. All

59:58

of that is at maximumfun.org/join. If you

1:00:00

are sitting at a computer or at a

1:00:02

screen right now. Ah, of. And. Do

1:00:05

you think you might want to do this

1:00:07

and do it to now before you for

1:00:09

gays Because we we don't have much more

1:00:11

time running here in this this year's thrive

1:00:13

on and we have no idea how we're

1:00:15

doing So yes so the tone of this

1:00:17

is of with were a bit in the

1:00:20

weeds but it's ah we we appreciate some

1:00:22

and more and more people tell me like

1:00:24

I listen to it with my kid in

1:00:26

the car as that's true They said really

1:00:28

have a membership to get. On

1:00:31

it this way than the jews not your

1:00:33

it's or maybe sign. Them up for once

1:00:36

the they're not freeloading anymore. in on

1:00:38

an you'll pay for their now mike

1:00:40

Nice is amp. They want to get

1:00:42

my our lesson right Exactly spank you

1:00:44

to maintain buddies for theme song my

1:00:46

Life is better with You Ah it's

1:00:48

a great track Great It's our we're

1:00:50

we're so grateful to to be working

1:00:53

with mundane ends on. Do. We

1:00:55

have always her phone course I do

1:00:57

we do. I'd

1:00:59

be happy to. This.

1:01:01

Is from. The. Our.

1:01:04

Age, sex, Wish.

1:01:09

We didn't have to sleep. My

1:01:14

name is up to maximise on

1:01:16

shower Zachariah I'm Griffin Mcelroy. remember

1:01:18

my brother may kiss your dad

1:01:20

school where analysts. Maximum.

1:01:54

Fun! a workaround network

1:01:57

of artist own says supported

1:01:59

directly by you.