0:00

The McElroy brothers are not experts

0:03

and their advice should never be followed. Travis

0:06

insists he's a sexpert, but

0:08

if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen

0:10

it. Also, this show

0:12

isn't for kids, which I mention

0:14

only so the babies out there will know

0:16

how cool they are for listening. What's up,

0:19

you cool baby? One, two,

0:21

three, four! It's the

0:23

start of something beautiful

0:27

A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's

0:29

ripened into a precious friendship I

0:33

could've never seen what was coming for me

0:36

Hangs at the skate block,

0:38

hangs by the beach My

0:40

life, it feels like Life!

0:46

Ahh! It's

0:48

better, it's better with you My

0:51

life! Ahh! It's

0:54

better, it's better with you This

0:57

is true, ahh! It's

1:00

better, it's better with you My

1:03

life! Ahh!

1:08

It's better with you Hello,

1:11

everybody. Hello. Hello,

1:13

everybody. Hello, hello. Hello,

1:15

everybody. Hello, tip of the

1:17

hat to Trav Nation. Good

1:20

morning, Gump. To

1:22

my brother, my brother B. That

1:25

was in April 4, I'm not British. This is

1:27

just an acroi, I'm the oldest brother. I'm

1:30

your middle-est brother, what up,

1:32

Trav Nation, Travis McRoy. Good

1:35

morning. Bonjour.

1:39

Je suis grifen. Oh my gosh, are

1:41

you French? French Canadian?

1:43

Um, it doesn't. I

1:46

really struggle with this day. Can I give you some quick

1:48

review of the pranks that I enjoy today? Sure.

1:54

Yeah, sure. I woke

1:56

up to enjoy some pranks at my house. We

2:00

had classic film

2:03

on the toilet. That

2:05

was fun to experience. And

2:08

Justin, if I might point out, you live in

2:10

a house full of people

2:13

who, let's say don't stand up to

2:15

use the money. So I would

2:17

say varying experiences with that

2:19

prank. Yeah. Probably, yeah. Your catching it. Catch it,

2:21

don't worry. And Jus, I do just wanna clear

2:24

up. Just one more thing, Jus, I do just

2:26

wanna clear up. Yeah. When

2:28

you say classic film on the

2:30

potty, you don't

2:32

mean you turned on

2:34

Casablanca. Inside

2:36

the toilet. Or he didn't project Casablanca into

2:38

the toilet bowl of this on. This

2:41

is my new art project. It's called Toilet

2:43

Casablanca. I project it into a toilet and

2:45

you have to stand and look into the

2:47

toilet for an hour and a half, or

2:49

however long. Or pits on Bogart. Yeah,

2:52

that one was rough. The

2:55

gallon of milk was dyed pink. That's

2:58

not so bad. Yeah. It's not so bad. That one's

3:00

cute. I like that. That annoyed me, because I use

3:02

that to bake. But anyway, your milk was dyed pink.

3:06

All of the silverware from all

3:09

the drawers was laid out across

3:11

the counter. That kicks ass.

3:13

That's a mess. And a note was

3:15

scrawled that said, be our guests. Oh,

3:18

that's great. I

3:22

love that. So I

3:24

asked Charlie, she said, I don't know. Sydney. Sydney,

3:26

I don't know. They must be our guests. I don't

3:28

know. Maybe Sydney did it. Yeah, maybe Sydney.

3:31

I don't know. You gotta understand that there

3:33

is a, we woke Charlie up at 6.30 and

3:36

she sprinted out of her room at 6.30. She

3:39

only has a limited amount of time to

3:41

get all these together. There's a time in

3:43

French with these. All these have to happen

3:45

very quickly. The last one is every cushion

3:48

in the living room and

3:51

every pillow is in a big

3:53

pile on the floor. Yeah.

3:56

And there's a piece of paper on

3:58

top that says prank. That's

4:00

good. Oh, man. I

4:03

love that because I wouldn't know juice.

4:05

I would think we've been robbed, but

4:07

then I would see the no. Well,

4:09

not robbed, Griffin Ransacked, because they were

4:11

looking for the secret formula or like

4:13

the case no that would control the

4:15

thing. I was just standing there looking

4:17

at it, this huge pile of pillows

4:19

with a note that said prank. And

4:22

I said, Charlie, what in the world,

4:24

Charlie? What is this? And

4:27

she said, I know I didn't have time to

4:29

write the ED at the end. Yeah.

4:32

Because I thought I'd get caught. So I just wrote

4:34

prank. Yeah. Now in

4:36

the rush job, a lot of work went

4:38

into it. That's what I was upset about

4:40

was that you didn't write the full pranked

4:42

experience. And it's,

4:45

hey, y'all, that's it's 9am at

4:47

my house. I was going to say it's

4:49

really early in the morning for four pranks

4:51

to be executed. Yeah, I don't know what

4:53

the next pranks will be, but I'm in

4:55

terror. We have not taught

4:57

our children like, you know, how there are some

4:59

parents that like maybe don't expose their children to

5:02

like violence in media or like video games

5:04

or certain age. Yeah,

5:06

our children woke public schools, public

5:08

schools, our children don't know that

5:11

April Fool's exists. I don't think

5:13

they haven't brought it up. It's not a

5:15

thing. And

5:18

mostly I do that because if anyone's seen

5:20

the My Brother My Brother Me TV show,

5:22

they know I'm not a great actor. And

5:25

so my ability to act like the

5:27

thing that my child did pranked me.

5:31

Thank you. Hey, boy, thank you. I'm

5:33

more of a performer because right now there's

5:35

a thing that both of my children like to

5:37

do where they will say, don't look

5:39

at me. And I have

5:41

to look forward as they clearly walk in

5:44

my peripheral vision and then they're seven

5:46

inches away from me and go, ha. And

5:51

every time I have to

5:53

clutch my chest and

5:56

act so surprised. Yeah, good.

5:59

It's good. Good stuff. That's a prank.

6:01

That's a prank. Your kids, Justin, are so

6:03

funny in a way that I am glad

6:05

I know someone, but I

6:07

don't have to put up with

6:10

the fools. Oh

6:12

yeah. Because you have to understand, every

6:15

story that is like this

6:18

has just been turned at – we

6:21

brought it in the processing plant in my heart that

6:23

makes anger into laughs. Because

6:25

I didn't remember it was April Fool's Day, so

6:27

I just walked out and started – I didn't

6:29

– not until – you know what the moment

6:31

was? It was when I saw the little piece

6:33

of paper that said prank. And I gotta say,

6:35

as a – as a final act,

6:37

it's very good. It is a great reveal.

6:44

To not remember it's April

6:46

Fool's and have

6:49

like a crazy pee accident,

6:51

that first thing in the morning – First

6:53

thing in the morning. Probably – if your

6:55

brain's not working right, thinking like, uh-oh, toilet

6:57

force field, what's Elon? Elon, why did you

6:59

activate my toilet force field, Elon? Elon,

7:02

let me piss, dog. Actually,

7:05

the force field is really good for

7:07

using – Yeah, half the earth. Half

7:09

the earth. Half the earth.

7:11

Yeah. Yeah, the advertising is very stupid

7:14

because the toilet force field – yeah,

7:16

save earth. They killed toilet force field.

7:19

Call my toilet paper. I

7:21

bet I can – No,

7:24

no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Call my toilet

7:26

paper. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Pranked.

7:30

Pranked. Pranked.

7:33

It's also – It's the

7:35

last day of Twitter. He just tweeted –

7:37

his last tweet was just pranked. Pranked. And

7:39

then – So the site shut down. Only

7:42

like three people saw it. They were like, yeah,

7:44

no. I swear he tweeted – Okay,

7:47

listen. If he put out a

7:50

Zeke today – If

7:54

he's Zeke. If he put out

7:56

a Zeke today that said, big news,

7:58

we're going to – back to Twitter

8:01

and everyone got very excited

8:03

and then he said April

8:05

Fool's wouldn't that

8:07

kind of be pretty good? I'm willing to

8:09

separate the art from the artist

8:13

he's one of the world's worst

8:15

dude yeah but that's good there

8:18

yeah it would be good. I would chuckle

8:21

yeah I would laugh at that but you

8:23

know what else I'm gonna laugh about your

8:25

problems oh wait hold on you heard me

8:29

I'm not you heard me this

8:31

is an advice show and

8:33

we're gonna take your questions

8:35

and we'll turn them alchemy like into

8:38

wisdom because that is

8:40

our legal right our

8:43

legal responsibility I

8:45

often bring my clothes to a tailor

8:47

because of my height or to lengthen

8:50

their lifespan every time my seamstress gives

8:52

me clothes each and every item

8:54

will come on a hanger I keep

8:56

forgetting to bring the hangers back each

8:58

time so I go to drop

9:00

off or pick up my clothes I've amassed

9:02

a huge collection of these hangers she has

9:04

to sign the door asking that the hangers

9:06

be returned but I feel like it's really

9:09

awkward to bring this water 20 or so

9:11

hangers back without having any actual clothes to

9:13

drop off well if my current track record

9:15

is it inevitable I will forget to bring

9:17

them back the next time I

9:20

do need my tailor brothers what do I do this

9:22

is from anxious and Alan PS

9:24

they are strut hangers with sticky

9:26

tubes I can't use them for

9:29

my own clothes because the stickiness

9:31

comes off yeah we these

9:34

can't exist any if straws

9:36

are killing turtles en masse

9:39

sticky hangers have got to be wiping

9:42

out someone to a shoot

9:44

like right like we're done with sticky

9:46

hangers I mean that's the reason so

9:49

your pants go side off because

9:51

if they had all hangers and pants side

9:53

right off you yeah but yeah

9:55

but the but you must know that putting

9:57

a sticky tube on them is not I'm

9:59

not defending I'm

10:01

saying that there is a kind of like

10:03

you were devil's advocate behind the the

10:06

the sandwich but that's like staple in a peanut

10:08

butter and jelly sandwich to your hand so you

10:10

don't drop it it's like yeah that is one

10:12

way of achieving it but I've created a great

10:14

deal of a problem. Yeah you can just put

10:16

like a felt thing on there and it won't

10:18

slide off on that sandwich. Yeah that's to protect

10:20

it that's what Paddington does he

10:22

puts a felt thing on it protects it

10:24

just watch Paddington for the first time this

10:27

again delightful. No nummies without my

10:29

grippies. Now I

10:31

don't think you would call a grippies.

10:33

Yeah my grippies. Gives myself grippies. A

10:36

hundred percent that's a sex thing that we

10:38

don't the three of us don't care about.

10:42

We can't say in a Paddington, we

10:45

can't say in a Paddington voice give

10:47

me grippies. Grippies mommy. Grippies, I've been

10:49

a Paddington. Now

10:54

listen this is

10:56

a non-problem question asker. Okay

10:58

cool. It's not awkward. There's a

11:00

sign on the door that says please bring

11:03

these back. That is true I feel

11:05

like you're admitting like it would be so awkward

11:07

to do this errand I don't feel yeah if

11:09

you want to walk in and hand them 20

11:12

like hangers that they need

11:15

that's the surface. Now if you're

11:17

saying it's inconvenient to go there just to

11:19

drop off hangers when I don't have clothes

11:22

to drop off that I agree

11:24

with. That's called being a human being

11:26

on earth. I don't make I don't

11:29

make two trips. That's why I don't

11:31

care what it is. That's what makes it

11:33

so inspiring to the person though this is why

11:35

it's so meaningful to them you made a special

11:37

trip just to bring back their bad hangers. It's

11:39

incredibly incredibly kind. You go in there you say

11:41

do you want these hangers back or do you

11:44

want to double it and give to the next

11:46

person. Yeah man. Is it

11:48

possible the sign doesn't

11:52

exist and only exists in this person's

11:55

sort of like imagination as they walk

11:57

it's a manifestation of their own guilt.

12:00

Oh. Doug, please

12:02

return our fingers.

12:06

Or they're inferring and the sign says

12:09

like, see you next time and it's like, yeah,

12:11

I get it. Okay.

12:13

Yeah. Yeah. The

12:16

energy, there's a hidden energy behind this question. There's

12:18

a hidden Mickey. There's a hidden

12:20

Mickey if you look real close and

12:22

it's the awkwardness of

12:24

returning an extremely overdue library

12:27

book or blockbuster video if

12:29

the year was 2003. It

12:35

is horrible to show up to a

12:37

place with 30 things

12:39

that you're like 10 years

12:42

late returning. That is, that is, they're

12:44

afraid they're going to ask what the fuck have

12:46

you been doing with this? What

12:49

weird gross sex thing have you been doing with

12:51

these hundred hangers? Have you

12:53

been doing bell grippies with these? You

12:56

want a bad version of this, the post

12:58

office when, oh man. You have a post

13:00

office box, for example, and they give you

13:03

the things that your listeners so

13:05

kindly sent you and then you take them in

13:07

a big crate. Sometimes it's two

13:09

crates. Whoa. Whoa. Popularity.

13:12

You take them home and you look at the box

13:14

and it says, if you do anything, if you

13:17

have this, you're a fucking criminal. You're going to

13:19

jail for it. Not for lawn for you, criminal.

13:21

And they're big. You can't put them out

13:23

with the trash because the trash is like, are

13:26

you fucking crazy? I'm not going to cross the

13:28

post office. What are you talking about? We're all

13:30

in it together, man. I'm not going to throw

13:32

away their boxes. Fuck you. We're barely getting through

13:34

this thing as is, man. You want me to

13:36

start a feud? So what

13:38

happens? Well, my post office guys who

13:40

are already, I will say, kind of

13:42

on the fence with regards to me

13:44

because. Yeah. And let's be

13:46

honest, in general, I'm a pleasant

13:49

enough person and I'm very friendly.

13:51

So they like that. And I use their names.

13:53

They seem to enjoy that. Yeah.

13:56

One time I had over 100 boxes

13:58

of craft dinner. to me

14:00

by listeners, huge crates of

14:03

Kraft Dinner and Mac and Cheese Powder and

14:05

they did not enjoy that. That was not

14:07

a time that they loved. They still call

14:09

Juice Mr. Noodle. They still do call him

14:11

Mr. Noodle at that post-op. So now I'm

14:14

going to bring in a big stack of

14:16

crimes, right? I know, guys. I know it's

14:18

federal property. Here's all my crates back. No

14:20

way! They need an amnesty

14:22

weekend. They need an amnesty weekend. This is

14:24

why in general, and it's completely because, listen,

14:27

you bring back 20 hangers every time. They're

14:29

not going to send you to Taylor Jail,

14:31

right? They're not going to lock you

14:33

up. But if they put a sign out... Can

14:35

you try Taylor Jail again? Taylor

14:38

Jail? Taylor Jail. There's something there.

14:40

Taylor Jail. They're not going to show you

14:42

up. Okay. That's cool.

14:45

That's good. Here's the thing. If

14:47

they put a sign out that says like,

14:49

every Monday is Amnesty Monday, like, you

14:51

bring no questions asked. You bring back that hanger? But

14:54

there's no penalty. The amnesty here... I know there's no

14:56

penalty, Griffin. No, no, no, no. Let me finish. What

14:59

about the cosplay? The amnesty here is when

15:01

they see you walk up with a big

15:03

bag of hangers, all the employees go into

15:05

the back, like, leave. All the

15:07

employees fully leave, like, oh, because there's no penalty.

15:10

The amnesty is entirely... You see

15:12

the red light on the camera blink off. This

15:14

is your moment. I don't even need them to

15:16

leave. I just need them to busy themselves, like,

15:18

with some task. It could be like, oh, suddenly

15:21

I'm going to look away. You need them to look away,

15:23

so you can hop out and say, lah! There's

15:26

just a box of masquerade masks that you

15:28

can put on if you bring them in.

15:30

All right, yeah. Some guy brought these outside,

15:33

and I'm just a passerby. Maybe I brought

15:35

them in. Yeah,

15:38

maybe you could have a different place you drop them off at

15:40

a third party, pick them up, and it takes the blame for

15:43

bringing them in. Okay, listen. If

15:45

any small children looking for a job are

15:47

listening, just a way to pick up a

15:49

few bucks. Don't move on. Wait outside

15:51

this dry cleaner, this tailor, or whatever. Say,

15:53

I'll take your hangers in for you for

15:55

a couple bucks. Oh, yeah. You slip me a

15:57

couple bucks, I'll be your fan. I'll

16:01

take these hangers in for you. Then

16:03

you don't have to feel bad and you're a jobs

16:05

creator the worst version of this

16:07

is when you're donating stuff and It's

16:10

one of the places where you don't just drop it off You have

16:12

to like stand there and

16:15

then you have to play this like

16:17

everyone's least favorite game show is this

16:21

Yeah, it's like I thought this was

16:23

still stuff and they'll look at it say

16:25

no well we don't make that Oh

16:29

Okay, so I'll just you

16:32

want me to take my trash home with me. Yeah, we

16:34

yeah Traditionally, yeah, do you ever run

16:36

into that thing where you've done any stuff and

16:38

then they ask you like do you want to

16:40

receive? For taxes, how much do you think all

16:42

this is what? It's

16:47

like when I was filing my insurance plan

16:49

for my stolen CDs, yeah in the late

16:51

90s Like how much

16:53

oh god man, there's some great CDs in

16:55

there Yeah, a lot of them because there's

16:58

a number there's a number there is a

17:00

number where they're gonna say Yeah, sounds right

17:02

and a number of this say you're going

17:04

to jail Yeah, you're going to the actual

17:06

prison and also a number where they're

17:08

like what that's not enough

17:11

Oh, I feel bad that that's how much I

17:13

stuff you want some of my CDs. Are you

17:16

okay? I'm pretty sure juicy got

17:18

most of those CDs in a like 10 for

17:20

99 cents Bundle

17:23

with the Columbia It

17:26

took a lot a lot of Well

17:29

mom yelling at him to get me out of the

17:31

Columbia house All

17:34

right, do you guys want to go to the wizard? Yeah, you do it. Okay?

17:38

I got this sent in by a few different people. Thank you all

17:40

so much. It is Co-authored by

17:42

Tanisha Hall a vocal coach. Thank

17:44

you so much for all your hard work and bringing

17:46

this to the internet and then to us Everybody how

17:49

to write a song for your girlfriend or boyfriend. Yes,

17:51

please or partner How

17:54

to write a song for your partner? That's good. I There's

17:57

no additional details. Let's

17:59

see. It's pretty self-explanatory to me. They're

18:01

all fucking self-explanatory. That doesn't stop

18:03

Wiggy-Haf from going like, playing basketball

18:06

is a great way to throw

18:08

an orange ball around. There's no

18:11

paragraphs underneath? No,

18:13

no additional details. That's what I'm saying. That's

18:16

what I'm saying is the first time I've ever seen this. We

18:18

all know that good grades are cool because the

18:20

letters are better and you get to go to

18:22

Chuck E. Cheese. But like, none

18:25

of that shit. That's wild because as

18:27

self-explanatory as the task is, the

18:30

circumstances in which you might be

18:32

doing it, wildly varied.

18:35

Sure. An apology, a love

18:37

song, an explanation of something wild you've

18:39

done and you want to break the

18:41

news musically. A series of clues. Oh

18:44

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a

18:46

classic. So,

18:49

inspiration, right. Somewhere

18:52

that reminds you of them. If you live together or

18:54

have a favorite place to

18:56

hang out at what, if

18:59

you live together or have a favorite place

19:01

to hang out at one of your houses,

19:03

try writing there. The surroundings will remind you

19:05

of them and can help get your creativity.

19:08

Okay, that's great. Hold on. Hi,

19:12

Miss Johnson. I need to come in and

19:14

just sit in your living

19:16

room for a while. No, I

19:18

know. I know she's not home. I just need

19:20

to sit. I'm writing a song about her and

19:22

could you, I don't know. Do you have any

19:25

snacks that I, maybe, if I could just hang

19:27

out. Also, a nosh. It's

19:29

just a nosh and yes, it does so

19:31

happen that WrestleMania is on and you guys

19:34

have cable and I don't. So, maybe we

19:36

turn that on. But mostly, it's about

19:38

writing the song. That's what it's

19:40

gonna be. I'm gonna need three to four

19:42

hours uninterrupted, except for no. No, except for

19:44

the wrestling and the nosh. Yeah. Except the

19:47

nosh, thank you very much. Also, how is

19:49

Melissa's new boyfriend? Have you met him yet?

19:52

Oh, sorry, odd. Yeah, we've never

19:54

met. Okay,

19:57

you can also write in your favorite date places. You

20:00

may or anywhere else that reminds you of them. This

20:02

is what I'm confused. About.

20:05

In fact, are they saying right while

20:07

you're at those places are include those

20:09

favorite places your enlisting the rhythms a

20:11

person's gonna be there on. see I

20:13

mean like as the a point who

20:15

close or have yet to see you

20:17

working working in the reference book, scribbling

20:20

manfully as if it's listen guys I

20:22

see you out of their home with

20:24

a broom. We are dancing on a

20:26

Ravers ads. Oh yeah, is this for

20:28

a partner or across? or. We're.

20:30

Now this is that this is are a part

20:32

Yes as of this is a legit if I'm

20:35

wrong about for my partner my partner see they

20:37

doing it you know how much better that is.

20:39

That. All yeah that's his up on

20:41

the head. We are made by kids.

20:43

they have a chance. Have right now

20:46

I'm making or for you. You've inspired

20:48

me to write a song. I'm already

20:50

knew someone wearing. Pants

20:52

have apart without partners Camp hearts with

20:54

get Outta Here you're ruining it says

20:56

Park Case and my this is my

20:58

Texas A program. It's called Beloved Trump

21:00

is evidence. Of

21:03

this bizarre he said. Focus. On

21:06

a story not emotions, a son is

21:08

just about how much you love Someone

21:10

will leave your listener wondering why? Yeah,

21:12

now hog out. You know how when

21:14

you hear ninety five percent of Five

21:16

on the radio? Like what? Why?

21:18

Does he our I say. Give.

21:20

Me a story like devil exotic

21:22

Georgia that I understand. My

21:26

love that when it all. Went

21:28

down to Home Depot He was looking

21:30

for a ladder seal maya. He

21:35

needed said put her to the only had

21:37

a V a good and reads the roof

21:39

Mariner Mariner of that publish it crosses live

21:42

or he was like well as interesting as

21:44

as ago. I hear the rest of us

21:46

are a lot of pressure. different image of

21:48

more. That's wrong. I can't. Yeah.

21:51

nothing else going on in in that

21:53

he live on us too early up

21:55

my favorite love song is bubbly toes

21:57

because idea is there toads look like

21:59

bubble Thank you. That's great.

22:02

That's what it is? I can understand that. They

22:04

have some calcium deposits forming? They got some calcium deposits

22:06

that are full of binnertons. They're

22:08

gnarled so bad, don't know where the nails go. Mm-hmm.

22:13

That's exactly. You not only got the lyrics of

22:15

the song, you got the rhythm and melody of

22:17

it too. Perfectly. Look what you

22:19

just did. Yeah. I was a lot of

22:21

work plantar fasciitis into it too and it would have been a hell

22:23

of a thing. We're all writing a

22:25

lot of songwriting checks in this segment that we

22:28

have no intent on cashing. Trust

22:30

your instincts. If you're writing a series of

22:32

ideas down and one makes you feel extra

22:34

emotional or you just feel good about it,

22:36

trust it. If you like it and respond

22:38

to it, chances are your boyfriend and girlfriend

22:41

will too. Listen, I'm not a songwriter that

22:43

might surprise some people, but yeah

22:45

man, if you write something that

22:47

you feel good about, why

22:49

would you be like, no, no, no. I

22:52

can't trust that. Listen, yeah, this feels like

22:54

I wrote a really good thing that makes

22:56

me feel glad I wrote it. Time

22:59

to throw that away. Yep. Yeah.

23:02

I try to think of a story about your boyfriend

23:04

or girlfriend that explains how you feel about them. Does

23:08

that mean a story about them? Because

23:10

that's not the wording of this sentence. No.

23:13

It just says think of a story about your boyfriend or girlfriend that explains how

23:15

you feel about it. Like an Ace

23:17

of the Table. You know something you get ill and straight. That could be good.

23:20

Or like, Super Mario,

23:22

he gets the mushroom to save the

23:24

princess. And

23:27

that's how I feel. Like baby, baby, that's

23:29

how I feel. That's how I feel. When I look at you,

23:31

I think about how he defeated

23:33

Bauver. Yeah. Yeah,

23:36

man. Yesterday I asked one of my five year-olds

23:38

on Teresa's sign, like we were just like, and

23:40

I said, oh, do you have a favorite book?

23:42

She's five years old. I said, do you have

23:45

a favorite book? And she goes, yeah, Super Mario

23:47

RPG. And I said, that's,

23:49

I said, that's, is there a book

23:51

of that? She's like, no, the video game. I was like, it's a

23:53

book. Cool, man. Yeah, it's a

23:55

book. There's so many words. Let's just count

23:57

the day we met. Or our first fight.

24:00

start to remember that event in a lot of

24:02

detail, I bet you remember one of those. One

24:04

of those two. I bet you no matter

24:06

the type of person you are, one of those two is gonna

24:09

fuel your flam. If

24:12

you do, and it makes you feel more emotional than other things

24:14

on your list, go with that idea. What

24:16

if you started with our first fight and you started getting

24:19

angry and that wasn't your intention? And by the end of

24:21

the song you're like, yeah, you know what? This isn't working

24:23

out. I didn't realize it at first.

24:25

I sat down to write bubbly

24:27

toes too, bubbly toes. And

24:29

then I ended up by the end of that. I

24:32

went out. I was trash and you were

24:34

trash and we were trash together. And

24:37

so we're breaking up at the

24:39

end of this. This great big

24:42

dookie pareto called our love. We

24:46

know it's not working and now I'm

24:48

saying it first. Think of

24:50

it as a mercy. That's

24:53

actually how Down With The Sickness got written. A lot

24:55

of people don't know that. It

24:57

was originally a sweet love ballad to

25:00

their partner. And then by the end

25:02

they're like, all right, Rebecca, it's ready. All

25:06

right. So lyrics. Divide

25:08

your lyrics into three acts. Once

25:11

you've decided what story you want to tell,

25:13

divide it into three parts with the third

25:15

part acting as the climax of your song.

25:17

It will keep your boyfriend or girlfriend or

25:19

partner interested and shows them just how much

25:21

you paid attention to your relationship. So

25:24

act one. I love bubbles. Act

25:26

two. I love toes. Act

25:29

three. You'll never discover for the two of

25:31

them together is a lot of lovers toes

25:33

and the plant the fresh out is just

25:36

combined. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

25:39

Or you could do it in a round and have both of the first and second verses sung

25:41

at the same time. And when you do it,

25:43

it's a secret message. Oh God, I love that shit.

25:45

That's a good one, man. I love that. I think

25:47

I've never done that before. No,

25:49

but I would love that shit if

25:51

someone ever songs should be interact. Yeah.

25:54

Overlap that shit. I think songs should

25:56

have interactive puzzle elements. I think more

25:58

ciphers. It's not enough

26:00

cipher if it's just, it sounds like

26:02

gibberish, but if we just transpose every

26:05

letter, three letters to the left, it's

26:07

bubbly twos. Yeah, I

26:09

think maybe there

26:11

should be like connections, but like a

26:13

musical version of it, if it isn't

26:15

anything. What they've provided

26:17

here is verse one, how my life was

26:19

like before we met. Better. Oh shit, before,

26:21

Travis. I say, let's

26:25

get in the spirit of, let's all be

26:27

in the spirit. Okay. So

26:30

sad without you, James. Verse

26:34

two, meeting you and how it changed

26:36

my life. James, you showed

26:38

up and it was cool. Verse

26:40

three, how I see us in the future.

26:43

Taller. Go into

26:46

spaghetti factory Saturday night,

26:48

and then we'll do hand stuff

26:50

and get taller. Make

26:53

me bring your James. James,

26:55

James, James, James, baby. Just to clarify,

26:57

I will make you pregnant. We'll

27:01

take turns making each other pregnant. I

27:04

don't know how it works, but we'll figure it

27:06

out. But the

27:08

Gee-cake factory is gone. Just

27:12

to circle back, the hand stuff isn't what

27:14

will make us taller. It's just a slow

27:16

march of time. And

27:18

I'm 75% sure it

27:20

won't make us pregnant.

27:22

Either. Turtle

27:26

power. What

27:35

love song wouldn't be approved

27:37

by just throwing on turtle

27:39

power? Okay. This

27:42

one also kicks ass. Use common words in your

27:45

lyrics. When you first begin writing your lyrics, don't

27:47

worry about rhyming or sounding poetic. Use the first

27:49

words that occur to you, which will likely be

27:51

common everyday words. Your lyrics will sound more

27:53

relatable and honest. For example, use

27:55

the word love instead of tenderness or

27:57

infatuation sounds better and more honest. Also,

28:01

you're gonna say infatuation, you got another

28:03

line coming up right after that pal.

28:06

You're not gonna have a rhyme there. Faturation is

28:08

the best you're gonna do. Good

28:10

luck, yeah. I really

28:13

love that classic, classic

28:16

ballad, try a little love. Drop

28:20

to try a little

28:22

love. Be

28:25

specific in your lyrics. The more

28:27

specific your lyrics are, the more personal the song

28:29

will feel. You can say something like, you're beautiful,

28:31

but that could apply to a lot of people.

28:33

Instead, say something specific like, I fell in love

28:35

with the dimple in your cheek and then I

28:37

fell in love with you. Take that, James. So

28:41

much wild shit in this. Yeah, exactly. I fell in

28:43

love with the dimple in your cheek and then I

28:45

fell in love with you. It's a

28:47

little bit longer, I feel like. Yeah, maybe

28:49

the rhythm, the cadence is a little off

28:51

there. My

28:54

question for the author of this would

28:56

be, there's many,

28:59

many, many, many, many, many,

29:01

many songs. You

29:04

don't need to write an example of

29:06

a specific song. You don't have to

29:08

invent your own song lyric right there

29:10

in the middle of your article. Other

29:13

people do. Don't

29:16

say like, I'm gonna write a line right

29:18

now that is good enough for this article

29:20

but bad enough that I

29:23

would never want to actually use it for

29:25

my own personal songwriting. Yeah. This

29:28

is my leave. If anything, the

29:31

only thing they've pulled is examples

29:33

that I can reference from existing

29:35

very popular songs that they're saying,

29:37

don't do that. Don't use tenderness.

29:40

Don't say, you're beautiful. Things

29:43

that have been done, I guess. I

29:45

will say, I think James Blunt did

29:47

sort of like spoil

29:49

the well of You're Beautiful. I think he probably

29:51

did it so many times that he used it

29:54

up. In that Incel anthem? Yeah, I agree. That

29:58

Travis. That beloved incel anthem.

30:01

Thank you. That's classic.

30:03

I think number one here

30:05

incel anthem. That shirt-topping incel

30:07

anthem. Try

30:09

not to use metaphors. I'm sorry. I had to

30:11

say it out loud. Let's talk about incel. Incel

30:13

Adams. Let's not. You

30:18

might be tempted to make up a metaphor. Try

30:21

not to use metaphors to describe how you feel about

30:23

your boyfriend or girlfriend. It can feel like a new

30:25

way to say something you've said a lot before. Try

30:27

to avoid using them though. You don't want your boyfriend

30:29

or girlfriend to spend so much time figuring out what

30:32

you're trying to say that they never figure out how

30:34

you're feeling. For example, instead of saying your

30:36

love is a red rose that blooms in my heart

30:38

after a long rain, you can say your love warms

30:40

my heart. Now hold on. What's

30:42

wrong with the first one? Oh,

30:44

I don't know. This article assumes your

30:47

partner is wicked stoop. Wait, sorry. You're

30:49

saying if you're confused by the end

30:51

of the line, if the line is

30:53

too long, we'll forget what the beginning

30:55

was about? You're saying my

30:57

love, you have a flower in your heart? Are

30:59

you dying? Is this strong?

31:01

You're waiting and letting me know

31:03

you're dying? You

31:07

swallowed a flower seed and now you're

31:09

dying? I would

31:11

love to flashback to

31:14

like 1981 when Bette Midler busted out the

31:16

rose for the first time. I

31:18

was just like, some say love, it is

31:20

a river. Boom! It's

31:23

not! A river is a river! What are you talking

31:25

about? You don't even have a river. You don't even

31:27

have a river. What are you talking about? You don't even

31:29

have wings. What do you mean, Bette? That doesn't

31:31

make any sense. God bless. Then

31:34

Seal came along and they just rode him out

31:36

of town. What do you mean? What

31:38

do you mean that love is like the moon?

31:40

Kiss or a rose? Why not get out of

31:42

here? I want

31:44

to just hit this one last thing here. And

31:48

it's about like the writing of the music

31:51

of the song, which is nice. But

31:53

I do want to hit this though. Match your tempo

31:56

to your lyrics. If your lyrics are very tender or

31:58

describe a particularly romantic moment with your boyfriend. or

32:00

girlfriend, you'll wanna match them to a slower

32:02

tempo. If your lyrics are about fun you've

32:04

had with your boyfriend or girlfriend or something

32:07

more upbeat, choose a quicker tempo. You

32:09

can find metronomes online which you can adjust to

32:12

the tempo you wanna use. The huff you write

32:14

your song to or read the most ballads have

32:16

a tempo of about 88 beats per minute. Most

32:18

heartbeat love songs have a tempo of around 100

32:20

to 115. Like

32:22

my heart when I'm working out. Yeah.

32:26

My heart gets up to 160 when I'm really going

32:28

out. I get

32:30

up to 255. Wait,

32:34

Griffin. How fast your, hey guys, can we

32:36

talk, how fast your heart is beating is

32:38

not a metric of virility. It's not a

32:40

metric of virility. No, it's basically, I'm gonna

32:43

get it worked up. Like when you hit

32:45

the fucking kill screen on

32:48

your heart rate monitor, yeah, it absolutely is

32:50

a symbol. I have your virility.

32:52

I think it's the other way around. I think

32:55

you wanna, resting heart rate very low like a,

32:57

I'm being jealous of my 255 resting beats per

33:01

minute heart rate. Oh boy. I

33:04

got the fucking zoomies right now, dude.

33:06

Griffin's like a great white shark on

33:08

Shark League Raw. You know what I

33:11

mean? Yeah, dude. I just had

33:13

Macklemore with it. Only when I'm recording that. Yeah. I

33:15

gotta lay down. I can always see

33:17

sparkles. Yeah. Like a real

33:20

man. But I'm not recording.

33:23

Three. One every 20

33:25

seconds and it gooshes everything through. Like

33:27

you can hear, you can

33:30

hear like, yeah, like

33:32

a water weenie. Just out

33:34

one side back. Griffin is

33:36

also always pooping a little bit.

33:38

Just because of the biohacking. Yeah,

33:40

dude. But

33:43

he is bioluminescent. So he's got a

33:45

lot going on. That's just

33:47

the algae man. That is the algae man. It's

33:49

not connected. Not part of

33:51

it. I'm like Robocop,

33:53

but human. Human

33:56

job. That's

34:00

the next obvious step! When

34:12

the AI comes we're gonna need a human to

34:14

fight him. He's like

34:16

a cop that you know, cause everybody will

34:18

be a robot cop. So he's like the

34:20

cop that you know, but he's a part

34:22

human, part cop. Oh, he's a robot

34:24

cop. Now we're looking at robot cop. Where's the problematic

34:26

part? I know. Wow,

34:28

hold on, this is so important. Human

34:31

cop is not just a human cop. He's

34:33

a robot cop that became human.

34:36

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because of

34:38

a fairy's wish. Yeah. Yeah,

34:40

wish we both said. Yes, papa. Take time

34:42

so that's settled. Yeah.

34:45

Cool. That's how I love song. Got it.

34:48

Nailed it. Human cop. Human

34:50

cop. Can't be stopped. Alright, let's take

34:52

a break. Can we take a break? Can we please

34:54

get a mic? Yes. It's changing

34:56

seasons. You

35:00

know what

35:02

that means? Temperature

35:08

maybe is doing different stuff. Now hold on.

35:10

The people at home didn't see this, but

35:12

Justin started his intro for the thing with

35:14

time to spice up. And I said, oh,

35:16

season's changing. And then we stopped cause we

35:18

said at the same time. And then Justin

35:20

heard my thoughts start and our head went.

35:22

I didn't hear your thing. That was wild.

35:24

I didn't hear it. I

35:26

heard it all. I didn't hear your thing. I just

35:28

thought of a better thing to do. My thing. Yeah,

35:31

he thought of my thing. I thought of a

35:33

better. No, I didn't hear your thing. I was

35:35

talking about my thing. Seasons are changing, folks. If

35:37

you play it back, I was talking at the

35:39

same moment you were talking. I can't hear and

35:41

talk at the same time. No, only I get

35:43

to claim that. You don't get to claim that.

35:46

I don't listen. I'm the one

35:48

who doesn't listen. We can only

35:50

have one non-listener on the show, please.

35:52

I'm always listening. Ditch Fix. I...

35:56

They're always listening. They're always

35:59

listening. Stitch fix. This is

36:01

for you. Yes. Okay, listen. I'll

36:04

just, no more joking for

36:07

the rest of the year. Stitch

36:09

fix. You get a stylist who

36:11

understands your style, size, and budget. And they do

36:13

all the shopping for you, and then they send

36:16

it to you. You try it on. You keep

36:18

what you like. You return what you don't. You

36:20

only pay for what you keep. It's a great

36:22

service. We talk a lot of

36:25

bullshit on this show, and sometimes it's easy to

36:28

lose sight of the fact that it's great to

36:30

get new clothes, and it's great to feel

36:32

pretty, and it's great to put on those

36:35

clothes and say, it's a new season. It's a new me. I'm

36:37

going to get out there, and you can change your style. Sometimes

36:40

during spring, I like to see

36:42

myself as a handsome flower. Now

36:44

during summer, I'm cool vacation dad.

36:46

During fall, I'm a renegade wizard.

36:49

During winter, that's when I become a

36:51

lovable lumberjack. And somewhere in between fall

36:54

and winter, I'm that guy

36:56

who moves into town and everyone's like, I don't know about

36:58

that guy. But then he turns it out to be a

37:00

monster hunter who saves the whole town, working with a cool

37:02

band of nerdy kids who are kind of outcasts. That's

37:05

what I go for in the fall to

37:07

winter changeover. Anywho, what's

37:09

your style? You know what I mean? You

37:12

can find it with Stitch Fix because

37:14

that personal stylist is going to send that stuff to

37:16

you, and they're going to find

37:19

out. You're going to get size, style, and

37:21

budget preferences, which is maybe the best part.

37:24

And there's no subscription required, and you get five pieces.

37:27

You send back what you don't like, and it's not

37:29

just shirts, shirts, pants. Sometimes

37:31

there's shoes in there, jackets,

37:34

all kinds of stuff. Style that makes you feel as

37:36

good as you look. The shoes are supposed to be

37:38

in there. I worry the way that Travis said that.

37:40

It made it sound like sometimes a shoe will find

37:43

its way in there. Sometimes a random shoe falls in

37:45

there. It's not one of the employees' shoes, and there

37:47

was a terrible packaging accident. And it's a talking shoe,

37:49

and it's free, and now you got to be gone

37:51

and it's cool. Yeah, it's been shoes together. Style that

37:53

makes you feel as good as you look. Get started

37:55

today at Stitch fix.com/brother. Stitch

37:57

fix.com/brother. The

38:03

internet is a horrible,

38:08

horrible place. And

38:11

you need a base camp to

38:13

operate out of while you

38:15

are on a cyber expedition. For

38:21

that, you should use Squarespace to

38:23

make a website. Probably

38:25

like, I don't know why I'm framing

38:27

it this way, like you would use

38:29

Squarespace to build a website that could

38:32

be your landing page before

38:34

you go anywhere on the internet to

38:36

like center yourself and like really get

38:38

your vibes correct. Correct, all the tools

38:40

and forageables you'll need for

38:42

the day. Yes, yeah.

38:46

Just a little clippy you can have minimized in the

38:48

corner like, hey, are you, you're doom scrolling.

38:50

Yeah, it's, do you need the kick? Do

38:53

you need the kick Jason? No,

38:55

I mean you can make any kind of website with Squarespace.

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It's the all in one website platform for entrepreneurs

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to stand out and succeed online. You don't want

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can battle other web pages like Pokemon.

40:00

That I don't know if it's. Maybe in

40:02

a patch. OK, patch that

40:04

in. OK, what if they made like

40:06

a monster rancher? Oh, fuck yeah. That's

40:09

exactly what I thought of. Like taking a

40:11

CD and putting it in your PlayStation to

40:13

generate like a monster. It would like ingest

40:16

a website to create like a

40:18

unique. Squarespace, can you do

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that? Can I say, man, with all the

40:22

technological advances that have been in my lifetime, I

40:24

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40:29

different CD in. Go to squarespace.com for a free

40:31

trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to

40:33

squarespace.com/my brother to save 10 percent off your

40:35

first purchase of a website or domain. Thanks

40:42

to everyone who contributed during this year's Max

40:44

Fund Drive. We truly couldn't do what we

40:47

do without you. With the

40:49

drive in the rear view, it's time

40:51

for another proud tradition. Our annual charity

40:53

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40:55

for the pen sale will support VoteRiders, a

40:58

nonprofit dedicated to expanding ballot

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41:05

purchase Max Fund Drive pins featuring shows

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from across the network and all members

41:09

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41:12

design exclusive to this charity sale. The

41:14

sale is live now and it ends

41:16

Friday, April 12th. For

41:18

more info, head to maximumfun.org/pen

41:21

sale. And thanks again for

41:23

your support. From

41:30

the twisted minds that brought

41:32

you the Adventure Zone balance

41:35

and amnesty and graduation and

41:37

either see and steeple chase

41:39

and ultra space and

41:41

all the other ones, the McElroy brothers

41:44

and dad are proud to reveal a

41:46

bold vision for the future of actual

41:48

play podcasting. It's

41:52

it's called the Adventure Zone versus Dracula.

41:55

Yeah, we're going to kill Dracula. Well,

41:58

we're going to we haven't recorded all of it yet. We

42:00

will attempt to kill Dragula's- The

42:02

Avengers of them versus Dragula. Yes, a season

42:04

I will be running using the

42:06

D&D 5th edition of Rule Set. And there's two

42:09

episodes out for you to listen to right now.

42:11

We hope you will join us. Same

42:13

Bat time, same Bat channel. For the more fun.

42:15

I see what you did there. I

42:21

want a munch. I

42:32

want a munch. I

42:34

want a munch. Pizza

42:37

news. Whoa.

42:42

I didn't know it was a Pizza

42:44

News edition. I've never

42:46

heard you get that low before. That

42:49

was crazy. Pizza News. Pizza News.

42:52

Pizza News. Pizza News. And Whipl

42:54

cream. So what do you like

42:56

a waterfall? Whipl cream.

42:59

We got- We got- I got

43:01

three pizza stories. Three-says. Shit.

43:04

Three pizza stories in varying levels

43:06

of import and moral

43:08

ambiguity. First up, this is

43:10

a quick one. Just wanted to

43:12

let you know that And Pizza

43:15

launched dickles. Sorry. Dickle? And

43:19

Pizza unveiled its latest limited

43:21

time pie dubbed The Dickle.

43:24

No. The Dickle?

43:26

No. First of all, I didn't know

43:28

there was a company called And Pizza. Yep.

43:31

That sounded made up, but I believe you know. It's real.

43:33

Okay. They have 55 locations. So this

43:35

is a prank. And- Is

43:37

it a ghost? Pizza launched The Dickle. Okay.

43:40

Apply named for pizza layers of tangy

43:42

dill pickles. The Dickle

43:44

is culinary creativity perfected and will be wowing

43:47

pallets across each of its 55 locations for

43:49

the most part. A moment. A

43:52

moment. Yep. What

43:54

they've done is a portmanteau

43:57

of dill pickle into dickle when it is-

44:00

is the only featured topping on

44:02

the pizza. Right. Okay,

44:04

that's fucked up. Yeah, man.

44:07

That's so fucked up. You

44:09

guys don't have that kind of power over

44:12

pickle. Like the dill, you don't have that

44:14

much power over the dill pickle. Especially

44:17

when, frankly, there's so many better that you can

44:19

call your pizza the big dill, right? That's a

44:21

much better name. What Griffin is saying though is

44:23

that they have, they

44:26

were putting together the two

44:28

parts of the thing. Yeah. And

44:31

both of the things, they didn't get one thing for the pizza store

44:33

and one of the things from the pickle store. No. They

44:36

got two things for the pickle store, include them together, and

44:38

didn't even bring pizza into the world. And

44:40

I'm a man who loves a portmanteau, and I

44:43

was talking about this with Theresa recently, and

44:45

trust me, she was very interested in love

44:47

that I was talking to her about portmanteaus

44:49

for the first time ever. Yeah. And

44:51

this is a C tier portmanteau, in

44:53

that a good portmanteau takes

44:55

things from both names, puts it together, and

44:58

you're like, that absolutely makes sense. But it

45:00

takes two words from the same name. Correct,

45:02

that is nothing. And makes it kind of

45:04

dirty. It makes it kind of dirty. For

45:06

example, brunch beats here, because it simply takes

45:09

the BR and the UNC edge, smashes them

45:11

together. That is nothing, right? Yeah. Can I

45:13

read this quote to you guys please? Yeah.

45:16

Yeah, yeah, yeah. One

45:18

glance at our menu, and you'll see

45:20

that our culinary team is not afraid

45:22

to take risks, and Chef Joe is

45:25

firing on all cylinders, said

45:27

Mike Burns, CEO of Add Pizza.

45:30

Do pick, okay, now listen. Uh-huh. Because

45:33

you're only gonna get one chance to have

45:35

an initial reaction to this line, okay? Do

45:39

pickles belong on pizza? We

45:41

think so. And our guests can

45:43

rest assured that the dickle is just a

45:45

tip. Okay, this is a prank,

45:47

J-Man. This is

45:50

an April Fool's prank. There's no way

45:52

that they included the phrase

45:55

just the tip. Hey, Trav,

45:58

I'm reading it. I'm

46:00

not saying you are pranking us.

46:03

I'm saying they are pranking you.

46:06

Travis, I think you forgot how

46:08

corporate April Fool's Day works. It's

46:10

not that sometimes the CEO does

46:12

dick jokes. Unless you work at

46:14

X, in which case that is

46:16

indeed what April Fool's Day is.

46:19

Here's what I'm saying. Jaydawg,

46:21

I think this

46:23

is the April Fool's Day joke. I

46:26

don't think this is real. I hate to undermine

46:28

you here, but this was announced today.

46:31

No, March 18th. Thank you.

46:33

Fucking shit, man. Listen,

46:36

an A tier portmanteau,

46:38

Benifer. Benifer is great. There's

46:40

an overlap. You can see what both names are

46:42

in one. Benifer, A tier. I just wanted to

46:45

make that clear. There's

46:47

been pickle pizzas long before now.

46:49

And they didn't make it dirty. Like

46:52

dirty or yucky. I just don't know

46:54

not to make another dirty pun. Where

46:56

did you get off pretending that you

46:59

invented pickle pizza for the... It's

47:01

the dickle. It's the dickle. It's the dickle.

47:03

It's the dickle. You mean pickle pizza, a

47:05

thing that people have been making for the

47:07

last decade, I think? Now,

47:12

my problem is it's a half measure. If

47:14

they just said, we got dick pizza, and

47:16

then you show up and you're like, what?

47:18

You're like, yeah, we shortened dill pickle to

47:20

dick. Because that's the kind

47:22

of stuff we do around here. Come

47:25

chomp on our dicks, we just

47:27

squished it all. Does pickle belong

47:29

on pizza? Fuck yeah, you horny

47:31

pervs. Shout out

47:33

on this dick. This

47:36

is the first press release we've had from

47:38

this company. And after reading it, I hope

47:40

we have press releases from every week. Hear

47:43

ye, hear ye. Hear

47:49

ye, hear ye. Roundtable pizza,

47:52

the Fats Brands Pizza franchise,

47:54

known for its commitment to

47:56

quality and authenticity. Here am

47:58

I, now, Susie. its

48:00

latest pizza offering!

48:02

Excalibur's Epic Pizza!

48:05

Featuring Roundtable Pizza's most

48:08

honorary and popular meats.

48:11

Banana Peppers, Red Onions,

48:13

Basil, and Italian Herb

48:15

Seasoning, the delicious

48:17

new pizza is sure to tempt

48:20

even the most honorable hungry nights.

48:23

Okay, honorary can't

48:25

be right. Honorary

48:28

can't be the word they meant to

48:30

use there. Can you read that

48:32

in context again? They're most featuring

48:35

Roundtable Pizza's most honorary and popular

48:37

meat. Not what that means. Even

48:40

a little bit. That means they're

48:42

not meats but we'll let them

48:44

in. Right,

48:47

exactly!

48:49

Here at Roundtable Pizza, Spaghetti

48:51

Noodles is a meat. They've

48:54

earned it! We gave them the

48:56

title and also, lending credence to

48:58

that theory, they then don't go

49:00

on to list the meats. The

49:03

most honorary and popular meats. You

49:05

know! They haven't decided

49:08

yet. I swear to God. Guys, keep

49:10

that in your... Okay, listen. Made with

49:13

the Roundtable Pizza's legend

49:15

worthy zesty red sauce and

49:18

three cheese blend, Excalibur's

49:20

Epic Pizza features classic pepperoni,

49:23

salami, and ham. Salami?

49:26

Yeah, it's making the perfect balance

49:29

of spicy meats, sweet

49:31

peppers, and aromatic herbs. Quote,

49:34

our latest limited time pizza features what

49:36

our guests love the most at Roundtable

49:38

Pizza. Plenty of meats, elevated

49:41

flavors, and high quality

49:43

ingredients topped to the

49:45

edge. Give

49:47

me the name of this pizza one more time, Juice? The

49:50

Excalibur's Epic Pizza. Why

49:52

does this sword have a pizza? comedy

49:55

is a great question. If this

49:58

was... Merlin's

50:00

Incredible Pizza. Merlin's mystifying

50:03

pizza, that's cool. The

50:06

sword didn't make the pizza, it's certainly not going

50:08

to eat the pizza. The sword cuts the pizza.

50:10

Guys, I have bad news. I have a picture

50:12

of this pizza that I'm sharing with you now.

50:14

It looks fucking delicious. It does, but it just

50:17

looks like- I've been terrific bad by desire. And

50:19

the churro twists, oh, they do. Now the churro

50:21

twists. You know like they had in medieval

50:24

England. In the authentic, and

50:26

it says here, a craveable meal of

50:29

trending- Cool,

50:31

man. A craveable meal of

50:33

trending churro twists, and

50:35

our all new pizza is sure to

50:37

make our fans feel like the pizza

50:40

royals. Trending churro twists. Looking

50:42

back, now I'm connecting, looking at

50:44

this picture, the claim of customers

50:47

love our authenticity. So

50:50

are they saying this is just

50:52

like pizza and churros would have

50:54

been like in King Arthur's time?

50:56

There's no world in which these

50:58

items existed other than this one.

51:00

Yeah. This is an

51:02

exclusively now item there. It

51:04

can't be referencing anything else.

51:06

What is the authenticity? This

51:08

authentic viral pizza is-

51:10

It's trending cheese. On a tweak, fam.

51:14

Our trending cheese is basically meats.

51:17

As Merlin would say, cheese. Whee!

51:26

Fuck, man. God.

51:31

Papa John's releases limited time,

51:33

crispy cuppy-rony. Sorry.

51:36

Crispy cuppy-rony. Papa.

51:39

Papa John's releases limited time,

51:41

crispy cuppy-rony platform. Papa,

51:45

Papa, yummy crispy puppy-cuppies. The

51:48

crispy puppy-cuppies. You

51:51

know what we're talking about, guys.

51:53

Crispy puppy-cuppies. Papa, Papa, my puppy-cuppies.

51:55

Crispy please. It's the good puppy-cuppies.

51:57

What? Crispy cuppy-ronies. The

52:00

crispy cuppy Roni's are the ones everybody

52:02

loves. Oh man! So

52:05

let's talk about this limited time offering.

52:08

Papa John's... Oh don't look. Now

52:10

I see... I showed you guys the kind of pepperonis

52:12

we're talking about and I don't have to show you any more. Listen,

52:15

because I'll just make you too hungry. Papa

52:17

John's announced the limited time release

52:19

of its brand new crispy cuppy

52:21

Roni menu platform. Authentic! This

52:24

launch gives consumers three craveable ways

52:26

to enjoy the premium new cupping

52:28

pepperonis for Papa John's. Yeah, yeah

52:30

John's. Bowls of grease they are!

52:32

A true celebration of fans most

52:34

ordered pizza topping. Papa John's

52:36

is taking pepperoni love to the next level.

52:39

Marry! Think. A

52:43

thicker pepperoni with

52:45

crispy crunchy edges curling upwards

52:47

to create a chalice of

52:49

savory pepperoni flavor. Across

52:52

all your juice, grease, thank you. Across

52:55

grease, is they greasy. Quote,

52:57

we're always looking for fresh ways to

52:59

show up for pizza lovers. So

53:02

we put pepperoni on it. What's up

53:04

pizza lovers? What up pizza fuckers?

53:06

This is the dickle. What's up pizza fuckers? She's

53:09

ready to ruin their fucking shirts. We're

53:12

ready to pick up these pepperoni humpers at the

53:14

airport. That's where we're at. What better way to honor

53:17

their pizza devotion than a lineup

53:19

of cupping pepperoni menu items like

53:21

no other. That's

53:23

from Kimberly Bean. Hold on Travis, this is

53:25

you through the forest. I

53:27

broke my other camera. No, I

53:29

broke the connector. Okay.

53:33

Wow, that did it. Yeah.

53:37

The crispy cuppy roti

53:39

platform. The crispy cuppy

53:42

roti platform. What's

53:44

the platform part of it please? No, the crispy

53:46

cuppy roti platform is where they're keeping the metal

53:48

gears. Okay.

53:54

The crispy cuppy roti platform is dedicated

53:57

to all pepperoni fans. As we know,

53:59

they crazy. Pepperoni in new

54:01

and unexpected ways. Whoa. I

54:03

don't think they do in

54:06

unexpected ways No

54:15

What's wrong with my toothpaste well Now

54:20

here's this here's My

54:22

truth take these cuppy puppy

54:25

puppies. Uh-huh. Yep, turn them upside

54:27

down. Yeah, so they're little domy domy

54:29

Ronis Yeah, Domy Ronis that's

54:32

all the mommy's agree. Dommy

54:34

mommy's that do not capture

54:36

green. No They were

54:38

sorry. Let me get that cool. Let me get that clean Dommy

54:41

mommy's who do not capture grease

54:44

but in our job that allow it to have run

54:46

off the top get it clean. I laughed Dommy

54:49

mommy's who don't capture grease with

54:51

a dome like top that lets

54:53

the let's it like rain off

54:56

a pup tent Just

54:58

like no grease guarantee now we're fucking

55:00

good when you crunch in and you

55:02

get a little little Pepperoni

55:05

air right into your mouth. That's

55:07

awesome, dude. Now. All right It

55:11

was one thought yeah, sure getting clear now

55:14

Give me a Dommy mommy that I can

55:16

push down the top of wait three seconds.

55:18

It pops up in the air I catch

55:20

it in my mouth. Awesome, dude. Yeah Hey,

55:24

let me get gas but The

55:26

crispy cuppy roadie platform is dedicated to

55:29

pepperoni fans, etc We saw

55:31

it in our limited time offerings with

55:33

the epic pepperoni stuffed crust pizza and

55:35

the puppies Hey guys, can

55:37

I tell you what it says this actual sentence?

55:40

We saw it in our limited time menu

55:42

offerings with the epic pepperoni stuffed crust pizza

55:44

with the pepperoni in the crust Yeah,

55:48

man. Yeah, you remember you were

55:50

there man. The alternative is unthinkable.

55:52

Yes, and the Pepperoni

55:55

stuffed crust pizza with pepperoni the grass

55:57

and the chakaroni with increase

56:01

quantity of pepperoni on the pizzette. To

56:03

be clear, chacaroni is not a different

56:06

kind of pepperoni. No. Chacaroni

56:08

indicates a great deal. It's a great deal. A

56:10

great deal. A great deal. It

56:12

is not pepperoni made of shack. That

56:15

is so important. It's more

56:17

than a bushel, it's less than a peck, it's

56:20

just as much pepperoni a shack puts down

56:22

as that. A shack. That's

56:24

how you remember. That's how you remember. It's

56:26

the demonic. It's

56:29

a, this is an elevated, more favorable version

56:32

of the classic pepperoni pie, which begs the

56:34

question, why not throw that one right in

56:36

the trash? Yeah, I should have hoped so.

56:38

This is a more bland, less interesting version

56:40

to make you appreciate the original. Yeah.

56:43

So they've got other, just so you know, they

56:45

got crispy, cuppy, runny, Papa Bites. Crispy,

56:49

cuppy, runny, Papa Bites. Everyone

56:51

can say it if you want. Crispy, cuppy,

56:53

runny, Papa Bites. Papa

56:55

Bites, you could remove two, you could remove

56:58

any two words from those five words and

57:00

it would still kick complete ass. It would

57:02

still eat good. Um,

57:05

there's also, so further bringing these

57:07

ingredients to life and adding to

57:09

the pepperoni party, crispy, cuppy, runny,

57:11

Papa Bites are available now. Showcasing

57:14

a mix of the new cuppy,

57:16

pepperoni, classic pepperoni, why waste your

57:18

fucking time. Yeah. Creamy,

57:20

melty, mozzarella, and a capable garlic palm drizzle. Yeah,

57:22

I think, uh, and with that, could I get

57:24

honey? How many orders of the crispy,

57:26

cuppy, runny, Papa Bites do we want? Oh,

57:29

I don't know, maybe three orders of the crispy,

57:31

cuppy, runny, Papa Bites. Yeah,

57:33

I think we're going to take eight orders of the pepperoni,

57:35

runny, runny, Papa Bites. Thank you very

57:37

much. Crispy, cuppy, runny, Papa Bites. Damn

57:40

it. That's all your

57:42

pizza news. Now listen, clearly

57:44

crispy, cuppy, runny is an

57:46

outrageous name for anything,

57:49

but I've been sitting here trying to

57:51

think of a better name for these

57:53

spicy, juicy bowls. And I can't, I'm

57:56

not coming up cup pepperoni.

58:00

Pup pepperoni. That's what it's

58:02

called curling pepperoni cupping pepperoni

58:05

Cupping but you know you can hear it

58:07

bad cupping is bad pepperoni. We don't

58:09

like to say cupping that doesn't feel good to me

58:11

I don't like the idea of the pepperoni cupping me.

58:13

Well yeah Yeah

58:17

parabola cupping crap juicy pork

58:19

parabola pork porg porg tone

58:22

fold aroonies Hey,

58:24

thank you. Thank you so much for listening to our part.

58:26

You're welcome. We hope you've enjoyed

58:28

yourself Travis You only listed a two-thirds of that

58:30

correct not even one third I

58:33

do want to say though along with thank you for listening.

58:35

Thank you to everybody who became a member during the max

58:37

fund drive Yeah, I'm not really showed

58:40

up. Thank you so much. Yeah flew past

58:42

our 15,000 goals So we'll

58:44

get that avatar commentary out. I

58:46

don't know when we can find eight hours to watch

58:48

it. Yeah But

58:50

thank you also. I don't really want to watch it again

58:52

right now either I mean, but we're

58:55

going to because we promise you a couple

58:57

of Housekeeping things we've

58:59

got a new streaming show to say that

59:01

yeah, ah so far Yeah over on the

59:03

Macra YouTube channel, which you can find it

59:05

bit.ly slash Macra YouTube or search Macra family

59:09

we're alternating weeks of Like

59:11

a show with segments and games and stuff

59:13

and the other weeks is us playing some

59:15

games Also, if you miss

59:17

them over the last two weeks speaking of games We have

59:19

lots of streams that we did over the last two weeks

59:21

for the max fund drive And I

59:23

had so much fun doing this last drive even as

59:26

I was suffering through a sign this thing It was

59:28

still wonderfully fun to place the last and we need

59:30

to get back to that at some point Yeah, man,

59:32

but we'll have one this week as well Tuesday

59:35

at noon check it out Macra family YouTube make

59:38

a calendar reminder. So you watch it live

59:40

Yeah, you can talk to us and it's

59:42

an interactive live show lots of fun games

59:45

for the whole family being Yeah, the clubhouse.

59:47

We've got some new merch This

59:50

month starting today Can

59:52

I tell people about the merch? Yeah, you're

59:54

very excited about it We've got a Taz

59:56

versus Dracula poster by Zachary Sterling that just

59:58

takes so much acid It looks extremely

1:00:01

cool. I hope you all are listening to

1:00:03

that campaign because it is unhinged and the

1:00:05

most fun I think I've ever had blanked

1:00:07

as. We have a

1:00:09

Rip Miggy sticker that you

1:00:11

really should watch to the Macquarie Family

1:00:14

Clubhouse to know what that's all about.

1:00:16

There's a wombat pin with dangling poop

1:00:18

cubes inspired by a segment we've done

1:00:20

on Wonderful before designed by Tricia Swinier.

1:00:23

10% of all proceeds this month go to

1:00:25

the Palestine Children's Relief Fund which works to

1:00:27

ensure that children in Gaza and across the

1:00:30

West Bank receive nutritious meals, essential medical relief,

1:00:32

and the compassionate care they desperately need. All

1:00:35

of that over at macquariemerch.com. I

1:00:37

also wanted to give a little personal plug.

1:00:40

Now with 1.6 of Stardew Out, I'm going

1:00:42

to start a challenge run over on my

1:00:45

Twitch stream of doing an anti-capitalist run where

1:00:47

I don't buy things from either Joja or

1:00:49

Pierre for the run. You can go

1:00:51

check that stream out on all my other streams. How is that possible?

1:00:53

Yeah, it's going to be really hard. Twitch.tv

1:00:56

slash TheTravisMacquarie. It's

1:00:59

every Monday night, Thursday night, and most Wednesday

1:01:01

mornings. Hooray! Yay!

1:01:04

May I read the wish? May I read the wish? Yeah, please. Yeah.

1:01:13

I wish my middle school students would stop calling

1:01:15

me Skibbity Millon. My

1:01:19

name is Justin Macquarie. I'm Travity Man. I'm

1:01:22

Travity Macquarie. I'm Skibbity Trav. I'm

1:01:24

Trisby Guppy Macquarie. This

1:01:27

has been My Brother Made. Kiss Your Dad. Square on

1:01:29

the lip. Thank

1:01:46

you. Maximum

1:02:02

Fun, a work-around network

1:02:04

of artist-owned shows supported

1:02:07

directly by you.