0:00

The McElroy brothers are not experts

0:03

and their advice should never be followed. Travis

0:06

insists he's a sexpert but

0:08

if there's a degree on his wall I haven't seen

0:10

it. Also this show

0:12

isn't for kids which I mentioned

0:14

only so the babies out there will know

0:16

how cool they are for listening. What's up

0:19

you cool baby? To

0:30

a precious friendship. I

0:33

could have never seen what was coming for me.

0:36

Hangs at the skate park, hangs

0:38

by the beach. My life, it

0:41

feels like life. Ah,

0:48

it's better, it's better with you. My life,

0:51

ah, it's

0:54

better, it's better with you. This

0:57

is true, ah, it's

1:00

better, it's better with you. My

1:05

life, ah, it's better

1:08

with you. Hello

1:10

everybody welcome to my brother my brother

1:12

made an advice show for the modern

1:14

era. I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy.

1:16

What up Trav Nation it's me your

1:18

middle is brother Big Dog Wolf of

1:20

Travis McElroy. What up Trav

1:23

Nation it's also me your okay

1:25

sized dog wolf of Griffin McElroy.

1:28

I was hunting dogs. A big terrier Griffin McElroy.

1:32

Working dog maybe. Do you got

1:34

intro? Yes I

1:36

do actually. No yeah it's

1:38

just I thought maybe we could do a Garfield watch but we could sit

1:40

on that until next week. Well

1:43

okay no that's perfect because I would like

1:45

to do something different. A Garfield watch we've

1:48

got two flops and

1:50

I would like to talk about the previous

1:52

weekend in the box office if I could. I see okay. In

1:55

fact I'd like to talk about the past two

1:57

weekends in the box office. Yeah what's going on?

2:00

I can't thank you. So

2:02

I want to look at the domestic The

2:07

domestic box office weekend not for

2:09

Memorial Day it was just wild

2:12

y'all Oh, yeah, I bet you were

2:14

flooding Yeah,

2:21

man, no it was a big stinker

2:23

in the theaters because you had a

2:26

tie America looked at

2:28

the movies. Yeah, and they said

2:30

not many of us want to

2:32

see a movie But exactly the same

2:34

number of us want to see Mad Max

2:37

Furiosa Mad Max saga

2:40

and the Garfield movie. Yeah, and

2:42

exactly even number of Americans said

2:44

to the number one of the

2:46

single Pretty cool. So

2:48

do you think you think it was a one

2:50

for one double feature kind of thing or it's like

2:53

people just made a Fuck

2:55

yeah, man. I made 32 million Garfield made 31 million It's

2:59

basically the same amount of Americans

3:01

wanted to see now a much

3:04

larger set said No,

3:06

thank you. No no films for

3:09

me today. Thanks. Yeah I

3:12

might dip in on the fall guy. I

3:14

missed it Yeah, I'm not seeing the new

3:16

more listen so many of you should not enough people

3:18

saw the fall guy I loved it very much. That's

3:20

all I'm saying. We don't have to do Ryan

3:23

and Emily needed your baby. I'm just saying it's

3:25

being called it flop I didn't do on the

3:28

box office. That's a pity. It's a wonderful movie.

3:30

Everybody should see it I mean, but it sounds

3:32

like all of them are flopping. I mean, I

3:34

guess I Available

3:36

two weeks after they come back. I can watch it

3:39

on my television I'm

3:41

I'm frustrated because more

3:43

people didn't go see

3:45

Furiosa and I think George Miller's a

3:47

genius Yeah, I think everybody should see

3:49

his films who worked so hard of

3:51

them my bigger frustration I'm

3:54

among the number who has not seen

3:56

Furiosa. Yeah, so it is a very

3:58

frustrating situation all around me both

4:00

frustrated with everybody for not making

4:03

this thing make money so I can watch

4:05

it. But you also being part of the

4:07

problem. I'm frustrated with myself. I'll take

4:09

it even a step further. I know.

4:12

Stone Cold for a fact. I'm gonna

4:14

see the fucking Garfield movie before I

4:16

see Mad Max, Furiosa, Mad Max Saga.

4:19

Absolutely undeniable. I

4:22

go see films largely for my children. Last

4:24

one I went and saw, Kung Fu Fanta 4. Freudian

4:28

Slip. Uh huh, maybe not that much.

4:31

Wow. No, it was alright.

4:33

I do actually enjoy the Kung Fu Fanta

4:35

films. Anyway, that's neither here nor there. I

4:37

have to see this Garfield flick because we

4:39

saw the trailer for this. Henry doesn't

4:42

know who this fucking orange cat is

4:44

from Adam was like, day one!

4:46

We are going to see him. His dad's

4:48

in it. Odie's in it. I

4:50

love how he sounds exactly like

4:53

Mario. It's so cool. And Star-Lord.

4:55

He does like that Justin. Actually that's

4:57

cool because now Mario can be in

4:59

so many movies, so many wonderful films. If

5:02

you see both of those by the way,

5:04

Garfield and Mad Max on the same day,

5:06

is Garfield, Furry Road, a Mad Max Saga?

5:09

Is the two of them together? That could

5:11

be cool. I think the full title is

5:13

Mad Max, Garfield, Furry Road, Mad Max Saga.

5:15

Sorry Justin. Furry Road. Furry Road. Furry-osa.

5:19

Furry-osa. A Mad Max Garfield Saga.

5:21

Boy, those of those two sound so angry.

5:23

Yeah, yeah. Do you think- Mad Max?

5:25

Oh, sorry. Furry-osa? They both

5:27

sound like so stupid. I

5:29

wonder if they realized they did that. Do

5:31

you think that they put that together? It's

5:33

like embarrassing much. I think they

5:36

didn't go see Furry-osa because it was a people

5:39

and we know she's fine. She's in

5:41

the next one. How many sounds at

5:43

making a Garfield movie do you think

5:45

they're going to do? Before

5:48

Hollywood just owns up to the

5:50

fact people don't want to see

5:52

Garfield. Shut the fuck up Travis.

5:54

You are saying some really rude

5:56

and wrong stuff right now. I-

5:59

Yeah man. My son is dying to see

6:01

this orange cat eat some lasagna like dying your

6:03

son is the cross-section Representation

6:07

of real America. Well, let's talk

6:09

about it Travis in 2004 Garfield

6:12

the movie came out starring

6:15

Bill Murray because he thought it was the Coen

6:17

brothers movie. Yeah True

6:19

happens and then that and that

6:21

one made 200 million dollars on a 75 million

6:23

dollar budget. It's amazing. Thank you globally Globally

6:26

$200,000 on a budget of $200 million.

6:29

No, you know what Travis now

6:31

our field is extremely specifically

6:35

Intrinsically American hero, I will say

6:37

he's all right. It makes 75

6:39

domestic 200

6:42

million worldwide on a budget of 50 million

6:44

dollars amazing. That's a huge well done I

6:47

feel huge return tail of two kitties. Perfect.

6:49

You got Billy Connolly in this one. It's

6:51

it makes 143 worldwide It's

6:54

a sequel on presumably the same budget. I mean, it's

6:56

a grand slam franchise. Why'd they let it go dormant

6:58

for that long? That's my question. Yeah, so they think of

7:00

a three. They couldn't think of a three name like a

7:02

you know, baby My

7:04

babies, you know that those uh, budgets

7:07

aren't reflective of actually all the money they spent

7:09

on the movie, right? Yeah, I

7:11

know but like they did it probably I mean

7:13

they have to spend my day. Yeah, you have

7:15

the marker and that Go

7:20

off film King Garfield

7:22

is also not not a thing. Well

7:25

Garfield is just Around,

7:28

you know what I mean? Like Garfield.

7:30

It's not like I ever Miss

7:33

Garfield. Oh I mean a

7:35

problem No,

7:37

I'm not saying that yeah, that sounds good

7:39

what you're saying. What I'm saying is He

7:43

seems so omnipresent I never get a chance

7:46

to say what happened to Garfield Yeah, I

7:48

used to like Garfield, you know what I

7:50

mean? Even if they're not doing movies Since

7:53

our comics and there was Garfield eats. It

7:55

was quite the debacle. Yeah, and we're talking

7:58

about him all the time I

8:00

feel like he's just always

8:02

around. I don't miss him. I

8:05

would like to make a bold, slightly, I don't know where statement,

8:07

but related to this. And listen, this

8:09

is a big confession I got here, boys. I

8:12

don't feel strongly about Snoopy, and

8:14

I feel like I should. Oh,

8:16

dog, same. Okay, right? No,

8:19

that's some big

8:22

grandpa shit. I can't with Snoopy.

8:24

He's like at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

8:26

and everybody gets so excited, and I'm like,

8:29

okay. I see Snoopy

8:31

pops up and to try to

8:34

delight my wife or kids, I'll try to come up with a

8:37

take on Snoopy. There's no

8:39

Snoopy. It's just so cool. He's

8:42

the Seinfeld of the comic strip world.

8:44

No, he's not, because I got some

8:47

opinions about that. Sorry, sorry, sorry. He's

8:49

the Frasier of the comic strip world.

8:51

I got my white sitcom

8:54

stars mixed up and I might have for

8:56

a minute. I just don't even think. So

8:58

dry. Think about how much we've been able

9:00

to talk about Frasier. I'm not even sure

9:02

that's accurate. Yeah, that's true, too, dammit. He's

9:04

just... I don't know.

9:06

Yeah. Not funny. He's fair. Snoopy, man.

9:09

The kid's sad. And I don't know. I

9:11

have stronger feelings about Dunesbury. There's

9:14

like an... Those things are like an

9:16

hour long, those holiday movies, and like

9:18

four things happen in them. It's like,

9:20

go fucking faster, Charles. Please.

9:24

We just need to be able to say

9:26

we've watched this. It's just... That's a check

9:29

mark every season. It's enormous bald children walking

9:31

slowly in the snow for 15 minutes, and

9:33

then they get to the doghouse and they're

9:35

like, looks like Snoopy ate his

9:38

kibble today, and then the dog dances

9:40

for 15 minutes. And then... And

9:42

nothing fucking happened. They have these breaks where it's

9:44

like parents need time to leave to smoke. Yeah.

9:46

That's when these cartoons came out. So parents could

9:48

go smoke while their kids just watched the

9:51

big hazy. And after we watched Snoopy

9:53

win the Degradation or whatever, and now the

9:55

call to worship, where we talk about how Jesus

9:57

came and that Christmas, that would be more... interesting

10:00

at least like things like Wizard of

10:02

Id I can enjoy because it's written

10:04

by a Christian man about times before

10:06

Christ was born and I love that

10:08

because he must have just been really

10:11

in stitches thinking about their hell

10:13

that they're going to forever

10:16

hey listen this is an advice

10:18

show and I want to help people here

10:21

is our first question the other

10:23

day four zebras escaped a trailer passing

10:25

through my locality three were

10:27

captured recaptured but one is still on the land

10:29

my question is what I do if I encounter

10:31

the zebra local animal control give me

10:33

a number to call but I need to know

10:35

what to do after I call and okay wait

10:37

local animal control gave a number they didn't say

10:40

like hey you Doug if you see this yeah

10:42

where you call me I did publicly yeah that

10:44

number to call but because

10:46

we're going to be advising you Jason get

10:48

out there what one cannot simply encounter a

10:51

runaway zebra and then continue about their day

10:53

that's for from watching for wildlife in Washington

10:55

what other fucking choice do you have

10:58

like you see the zebra you just lay down no

11:01

no no this is a great point do

11:03

you do because I got time with a

11:05

zebra well I see a wild zebra right

11:07

even if I call yeah and they're like for

11:09

time they're like I'm on the way but what

11:12

they're saying is like you got

11:14

a zebra I think that's the question right

11:16

you got a zebra for some amount of

11:18

time yeah I think you that you here's

11:21

what I will say if I'm

11:23

an animal control and I got a call about

11:25

a runaway zebra I don't think I can immediately

11:27

dispatch I think I'm gonna need a little time

11:30

on Google I'm gonna need a little time not

11:32

kill a zebra when you touch it is Cincinnati

11:34

I guarantee

11:37

you have a huge zoo here and I

11:39

guarantee animal control isn't getting briefed on what

11:42

to do of like the rhino gets out

11:44

like they're definitely calling people they've got to call

11:46

people at the zoo like this is embarrassing but

11:49

we can control animals within reason

11:51

yeah we on we cannot control

11:53

these you're sorry the animal that

11:56

got out has thumbs fuck me

12:00

back all of a sudden. All of

12:02

our thing is a zebra. We have

12:04

like porcupine at best sized containers. We

12:06

have no cage for a zebra. A

12:08

rhinoceros. Okay do you know the army's

12:10

phone number? Because I'm gonna have to

12:12

give them a ring. They probably their

12:14

best bet is like we tied a

12:16

carrot to a string on a stick

12:18

and we're seeing what we can do.

12:20

That works on a lot of animals.

12:22

Yeah I I

12:24

think your best bet

12:28

is to just start taking selfies

12:30

right then. Yeah. And if

12:33

it were me I would take as many

12:35

different ones as I could with as many

12:37

different angles and changes of clothes as I

12:39

could. And expression right? Because then you could

12:41

be like happy graduation or you could be

12:43

like sad funeral. Yeah yeah. Or I might

12:45

shave. I'd like to be able to use

12:47

the pictures to document a month-long story on

12:50

my Instagram. Yeah. Yeah. Like me and Zebra

12:52

are having another day. Yeah. Like

12:59

wherever. Like out and out. And

13:01

then in the last one I'll

13:04

do like a sad picture. And

13:07

I'll be like I had to say goodbye to

13:09

my best friend today. Yeah. Goodbye.

13:11

Good good going on that rainbow bridge.

13:13

I love you so much. Oh boy.

13:16

I miss you. You don't think it'd be a black and white bridge?

13:19

What? Or do you think once the Zebra dies

13:21

now he turns into the Zebra from the fruit

13:23

stripes gum? Yeah. And now he's got all his

13:25

colors back. Right. And then I'll say it turns

13:28

out the Zebra burial was extremely

13:30

expensive. And if you've enjoyed the

13:32

saga of me and Zebra. Oh. I would love

13:35

if everyone would pitch in on the Zebra. For

13:37

money. You'd get money out of that. This

13:39

is the word out. There was no Zebra? There

13:41

was a Zebra. There was a Zebra. Yeah but

13:43

he doesn't need to be cut in on this.

13:45

You know I think he was. No he's fucking

13:47

dead man. He's toast. No no

13:50

no. That's just Zebra in the story. It's a

13:52

fictional Zebra. Oh then you gotta kick some to

13:54

Zebra then because if he's faking his death you

13:56

gotta make that worth his worth his while. Zebra's

13:58

not real. Zebra's the Invented zebra that

14:00

I'm a real joy, but it's a character

14:03

you've based off of real do this inspired

14:05

by the story Okay, yes cool.

14:07

His name is probably something dumb like Franklin.

14:09

Yeah, whatever. That's actually a tremendous name for

14:12

you Yeah, sorry everybody at home name Franklin.

14:14

I don't know where is he bro. I'm

14:16

saying that's amazing zebra name animal No, Justin,

14:18

why would you name a zebra that's so

14:20

fucking cool? You can't react to

14:22

my facial expressions Travis. Okay, that's fair um

14:26

the rules The rules of

14:28

the podcast you can't look at the expressions I'm

14:31

making is even talk about the mother show We

14:33

just say it's not a joke on every show

14:35

we do it Justin that involves a webcam Justin

14:37

mean mugs a lot of the

14:39

time and sometimes I don't know what is

14:41

like part of the content sometimes I'm layering

14:44

Counter subtext. Yeah, what I am

14:46

saying Hold up

14:48

sign to say derogatory or lie

14:52

Yeah, no, it's actually it's a cute on

14:54

the besties when like someone will say something

14:56

about a video game and Justin will just

14:58

give a like Quick eyebrow raise like hmm,

15:00

but you don't get to hear that at home, which is

15:02

twisted But the rest of us are like just

15:05

see in the corner of our UI like Justin

15:07

disliked that and it's like But what does he

15:09

want to talk about that or was that just

15:11

no he does he's shaking. He's doing it to

15:13

me right now I don't want

15:15

to talk about it. I just want them

15:17

to know that my disappointment has been noted

15:20

They made our Justin will remember this. Yeah

15:22

that they said something wrong. Yeah, and I don't have

15:24

time to impact it right now Yeah, cool. I where you

15:26

would be I see the zebra I

15:28

call animal control. They're like, okay,

15:30

we're sending someone out We're

15:32

thinking 10 to 15 minutes, right is my assumption how

15:34

long they'll get there. How long am

15:37

I responsible for eyes on zebra? Until

15:40

somebody gets you're holding the bag for

15:42

sure Like I can't be like well,

15:44

that's my duty done off

15:46

the subway right like I need to save

15:49

on like I gotta keep On

15:52

the a bra. Okay, and this is

15:54

the this is the this is the

15:56

situation The animal controls like keep that

15:58

zebra contained. Don't let Let it out

16:00

of your fucking sight. You say, okay,

16:02

thanks, animal control. Hurry, please. Beep. As

16:05

soon as you hang up, the zebra's like, well, see

16:07

ya, and starts to trot away. What do you do? You

16:09

can't yell at me. No, no, no, fuck, fuck, fuck, stop,

16:11

stop, stop. They're gonna definitely tell

16:14

you, do not approach the

16:16

zebra. And then you're gonna say,

16:18

why? It's my zebra time. I can

16:20

defend it how I want to. Why not? Like,

16:22

what is it gonna do? Like, don't get within, what,

16:24

biting range? Is that what you mean? A

16:27

plain zebra weighs almost 900 pounds. I

16:30

would say average 900 pounds. That

16:33

is gonna body me. I try to get in its

16:35

way. There's no way I get

16:37

in that zebra's way and I come out the

16:39

victor. Best I can hope is,

16:41

I'm gonna ride that zebra, I'm gonna jump on that

16:43

zebra's back from a chair and try to keep him

16:45

calm. I'm

16:49

always so nervous

16:51

about animals stuff

16:54

because my gut is like, if

16:56

you're asking me what I'm doing with

16:58

my zebra time, like I'm creating unforgettable

17:00

experiences and then my gut

17:02

is, then I say, all right, zebra,

17:04

you better clear the fuck

17:06

out of here because the animal police

17:08

are coming basically and they

17:11

are going to take you back to zoo. I

17:13

say that thinking I'm a hero of the

17:16

people, but then people come to me and

17:18

they're like, actually, if zebras aren't in captivity,

17:20

they can't take care of themselves. They die

17:22

instantly. If they touch asphalt. If

17:26

they step onto a street, all their legs break at

17:28

once and they die instantly as their body hits the

17:30

ground. Then all of a sudden I'm the asshole because

17:32

I'm not like, this time we do need

17:34

the zebra cops to come. It

17:37

would be tantamount to the ice

17:39

cream falls off of your cone and you watch it

17:41

melt on the ground. You're like, yeah,

17:43

liberty, be free ice cream. Be free

17:45

ice cream. You will be consumed. I

17:47

don't know what kind of life that

17:49

zebra's gonna get here in Cincinnati, but

17:52

I can't imagine it's better than

17:55

being at the beautiful Cincinnati Zoo, second best

17:57

zoo in the US. and

18:00

it kind of depends on which

18:02

Washington. Right? One, you

18:04

get hunted by werewolves, no good. The

18:06

other one, you might get shot

18:08

by Joe Biden in sport hunting. Yeah, man, you

18:10

don't know. I don't know. You don't

18:13

know. I'm calling him that. Oh, by the

18:15

way, bear update. Got

18:17

a text from my lifelong best

18:19

friend, Tommy Redd, said

18:22

that his mom, you don't

18:24

remember where Dream Elizabeth,

18:26

it's that road off of Norway. Don't

18:28

tell me I don't remember where Dream

18:30

Elizabeth lives. Right by the animal hospital.

18:32

Yeah, right by the air. She

18:35

saw the bear. So

18:37

think about that guy. You know where I live.

18:39

You know where Dream Elizabeth. She saw the bear

18:41

too. This dude had

18:43

to have crossed Norway Avenue. This

18:45

bear is forest jumping around town.

18:48

Just running. He's appearing in pictures like

18:51

Steve Williams is like, me and my

18:53

bear hanging out. It's wild. We

18:55

also got just another update. A lot of firefighters

18:57

right in the state. I was going to say.

18:59

Yeah, OK. They do in

19:01

fact like fire adventures. They get super

19:03

psyched for it. And someone also informed

19:06

us that apparently the number of firefighters

19:08

slash arsonist crossover is kind of high.

19:10

Yeah. I don't want to necessarily espouse

19:12

that journey. You

19:15

don't have the stats. I would say everyone.

19:18

Here's one that says, I was a firefighter for many,

19:21

many years. And yes, I loved fire adventures. Travis hit

19:23

it on the head. I'm not glad something is on

19:25

fire, but I'm glad I'm going to be

19:27

the one putting it out. I decided to

19:29

do something else when I stopped being excited

19:31

about fire adventures. Well, yeah, you got to.

19:33

I will say this. If you are a

19:35

firefighter and you're like, my passion in putting

19:37

out fires is just not there anymore. I

19:39

put out my own fire. Probably easier than

19:42

most jobs to just go, so I'm going

19:44

to stop doing this stuff. Because it's like,

19:46

if I don't want to do podcasts anymore,

19:48

my heart's not in it, I

19:50

can still shit out some podcasts. Because I'm

19:52

not going to die maybe from doing them.

19:54

Yeah. I feel like that's a good point.

19:56

Because if you turn in your two weeks

19:58

notice or whatever, the firefighter. I bet there's not

20:00

a lot of follow-up questions from the boss. It's like

20:02

why don't you want to do this anymore? It's

20:05

like oh for the everything of

20:07

it because I like everything of

20:09

it Yeah, but also you

20:12

probably wouldn't get bored of podcasting if

20:14

it was as exciting to tell people

20:16

about as fighting fire That's also true.

20:18

Like you're never like you

20:21

know one time we had There

20:24

were some awkward gaps in the conversation because

20:26

of lag and It was the hardest day

20:29

of my life. Like no one wants to!

20:32

But we pulled Jesse out of that one. We pulled

20:34

Jesse out. No, we made it. We all

20:37

made it. I do. I do. This is

20:39

sort of unprecedented for the show. I do

20:41

want to read this other firefighter email from

20:43

David He says I'm a

20:45

wildland firefighter. I fight forest fires, rad. We're collectively

20:47

a highly adventurous culture and getting to go fight wildfires

20:49

is probably the most fun thing that I get

20:51

to do in my life. Our culture is also

20:53

very strange. We have a capricious God whose domain is

20:55

misery. Latent pyromania is essentially a

20:58

job requirement and shitting yourself is extremely

21:00

common. Almost every firefighter I know has

21:02

an excellent shit story. That's

21:04

not something I expected from a guy who would

21:06

like to. Well when you're in it, I'm working

21:08

best by I look at my manager like hey

21:10

can someone cover the computer department? I gotta take

21:12

a 10-2. I'm putting out

21:15

a firefighter that's threatening people's lives. I don't think

21:17

I get to be like hey can someone grab

21:19

this hose for me? I gotta go drop a

21:21

shit. I have engineered

21:23

a life and a career that when I

21:25

go to the bathroom, no one can text

21:27

me and be like you have to work now.

21:31

If I'm pooping, I could scroll, I could

21:34

search our text history from the three of

21:36

us that just includes the phrase like gonna

21:38

be 10 minutes late pooping. You

21:40

don't get that when you hear clang clang

21:42

clang clang clang. The orphanage. The orphanage is

21:44

ablaze. I can't be like ooh can

21:47

they hold off a little bit? I'm

21:49

in the middle of my institutional. I

21:51

just started guys. Just let her rip.

21:57

I would love if you're a firefighter with a great

21:59

firefighter. Pooping story that maybe that's

22:01

a new segment. Maybe we can review some of

22:03

the shit on the show in this Or

22:08

fire down below We

22:14

got a lot of different great names for this segment

22:16

already I live in a house that has three units

22:19

according to the lease the people who live in unit

22:21

a are the only ones allowed to Use the backyard.

22:23

However, the people in that unit kindly allow all of

22:25

us to use it last year They set up a

22:27

hammock not only is it nice the only piece of

22:30

furniture outside the backyard is mostly concrete with a tree

22:32

and some rose Bushes, no grass the weather is getting

22:34

nice I've been wanting to get some sun in but

22:36

my neighbor hasn't set up his hammock yet How

22:39

I'll convince him to set it up without

22:41

sounding impatient or entitled. That's from basking in

22:43

the bay this must be

22:45

a Good

22:48

hammock it for you

22:50

to even consider Having

22:52

what is going to be an uncomfortable social

22:54

interaction for one or both of you This

22:57

hammock this isn't one of

22:59

those nylon mesh ones that cuts into

23:01

your flesh as you lay in it

23:03

Like some sort of hellraiser trap. Yeah,

23:05

this has to be a canvas. Yeah,

23:08

this is a canvas cushioned fucking

23:10

memory foam Situation,

23:12

but it might always be the absence

23:14

of other furniture Griffin elevates the quality

23:17

of the hammock True and

23:19

also elevates the relaxation. Yeah, because you don't have

23:21

people sitting around you looking at you while you're

23:23

on the hammock It's really important to not have

23:25

chairs nearby because if someone's sitting in a chair

23:27

and I see them on the hammock I'm in

23:29

my head like do they wish they were do

23:33

such a Livewire

23:38

Social interaction because it's not what you expect which

23:40

is like when I'm sitting in a hammock I'm

23:42

not nervous that people are watching me waiting for

23:44

me to fall out when I'm in a hammock

23:47

I am thinking like am I

23:49

chilling enough like I

23:52

can't you can't sit in a hammock and look like answer

23:54

you're uncomfortable Like I need to look extremely

23:56

extremely chill right now. I am I this

23:58

is This is a brief journey that I

24:00

go on with every hammock I've experienced so

24:02

far. So I feel like my record's pretty

24:04

spotless. One, that looks

24:07

relaxing. Two, it

24:09

is hard to get into. And I almost

24:11

fall. Three, it

24:13

takes a while, but I finally find a

24:15

spot that's comfortable. Four,

24:18

I say, I think to myself, this is going to

24:20

be hard to get out of. Then

24:23

I think, I better find out right now how hard it's

24:25

going to be to get out of because I won't be

24:27

able to think about anything else. Six,

24:29

I get out. It's embarrassing. I

24:32

almost fall. I eventually settle

24:34

for, because there's no graceful way, sort

24:36

of rolling out. Sort of just slumping onto

24:39

the ground. Planning on all fours. Yeah, like

24:41

a dog. The whole thing takes about three

24:43

minutes. Easy. So both

24:45

of these points, it's a similar thing

24:47

of like if I take a bath, right? And

24:49

I'm like, this will be relaxing. And then

24:51

I get in and I immediately want to get out

24:53

because I'm bored. Because I

24:55

have what's called, I believe the doctor's called

24:57

ADHD. And I'm immediately bored and

25:00

ready for the next thing. But then I

25:02

think it was so much work to

25:04

get to this point. I

25:06

am going to now have the most stressful

25:08

10 minutes of my

25:11

life forcing myself to be in this

25:13

thing long enough to justify everything that's

25:15

got me to this moment. That's

25:17

a very private example. I

25:19

am now thinking about every public

25:22

leisure activity

25:25

carries with it a psychic

25:27

burden of relaxation projection. I

25:30

have sat in those like massage chairs at

25:32

an airport. And when I'm in it, I'm

25:35

like, first of all, it's fucking

25:37

incredible the Shihatsu technology that they have. How

25:39

do they do it? It is so,

25:42

so, so on point. But also,

25:44

I need to look normal now.

25:47

I can't and maybe normal for it on

25:49

a massage chair is like, you

25:52

know, maybe it's not normal to sit there

25:54

stone like beady eyed just staring into the

25:56

middle distance while you know, robot balls work

25:58

your back. the right amount

26:00

of relaxation so I don't seem like also

26:02

a fucking creep because I can't be in

26:04

this massager like you

26:07

know similar to getting onto a float in a

26:09

pool by the way although this lay down 100%

26:11

there's no way I look good

26:14

getting on it and then I'm on it and

26:17

immediately I think well I just started toasting myself

26:19

in the Sun I'm in a toaster I put

26:21

myself in a human toaster oven I can't stay

26:23

on this but I did just work

26:26

really hard to get on it yeah

26:29

we had such an awkward one when we

26:31

were flying through I think it was when

26:33

we were going through flying home from

26:36

SeaTac there was a Travis and me and dad were

26:38

all in the same flight and there was a row

26:41

of massage chairs and I saw Travis in one he

26:43

got in the gate first I saw Travis sitting in

26:45

one really enjoying it yeah there's an empty one next

26:47

to him and in fact there's a couple of them

26:49

do it next to him so I get down and

26:51

sit next to him and I swipe

26:54

the card and I do the whole bit and

26:57

it doesn't work and that chair doesn't work and

26:59

then I go over to the next chair and I

27:01

swipe the whole bit I try it doesn't work so

27:04

I go about the other chair and I sit down

27:06

like Travis doesn't work but it's the only available seat

27:08

so I stay in it and I know it's not on

27:11

on ball you can't sit

27:14

in an inactive massage chair

27:17

it was the only seat now here's the worst

27:19

sit on the floor then somebody else comes oh

27:21

no then somebody else comes and sits down next

27:23

to me I'm suddenly in

27:25

hell because two things are true I know

27:27

that chair doesn't work and I know

27:29

I'm gonna watch that person try to make the

27:31

chair work and they're gonna say it doesn't work

27:33

and they're gonna get so frustrated and I hate

27:35

seeing stuff just that no the whole time you

27:37

could have said like they're part of done one

27:39

to say that chair doesn't work and said the

27:42

expectation right then and then I

27:44

need to tell them probably that my chair

27:46

doesn't work because the obvious thing for them

27:48

is like well this this husky boy

27:51

is taking up a whole seat yeah and I could

27:53

be trying that one so then I have to tell

27:55

the stranger this chair doesn't work

27:57

and then I have to tell them the third

27:59

thing Which is the guy in the chair that

28:01

does work is my brother. Yeah. And

28:03

I'm just sitting here. And I do a huge

28:05

shitting and grand and thumbs up. And I say,

28:08

and it's great. And

28:10

I bet every fiber of my being thinks,

28:12

Travis, please stop your pleasurable experience

28:14

to let this stranger take the chair from

28:16

you. No, I paid for like 20 minutes

28:18

on that goddamn chair. That's too much time,

28:20

you're too tense. If I get out in

28:22

the middle, I'll lose access to the avatar

28:24

state. What are you talking about, Justin? Who

28:26

knows what horrible thing? The treatment's not complete.

28:29

What if it's beating my muscles up, but

28:31

it hasn't rebuilt them? I get out, I

28:33

Alex Mack puddle right away. Are you kidding

28:35

me, Trevor? That's fair. After it breaks

28:37

you down, it's gotta build your body up. I'm not breaking

28:39

the cycle. I think just in that situation

28:41

next time, you just kinda can

28:43

move your body like you did a rub.

28:45

While you make like, just like, boom, boom,

28:48

boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Oh, chicka-chicka.

28:51

What you need to do, I think it's too late for

28:53

this now, but you need to start, when they do set

28:55

it up, right? Start saying things like, this makes the summer

28:57

for me. Thank you so much for setting this up. I've

29:00

been looking forward to this. That

29:02

way you can set up the expectation of

29:05

life. Ooh, go out into the yard with

29:07

your boombox and

29:10

your cooler full of seltzers. And

29:12

then you're gonna have to stand there

29:14

for a while, so like, wear sunscreen and stuff,

29:16

and just like, look around confused, like you've lost

29:18

the hammock. Like, you know the hammock should be

29:20

here, but it's gone. And if they see that,

29:23

they're gonna read me. Maybe lay

29:25

down in the space where the hammock would be,

29:27

and like, kind of rock your

29:29

body, like you're putting it back

29:31

and forth. Then start crying really

29:33

loudly. Get a big beach towel

29:35

and two strong friends who

29:37

will hold either side of it, and then you

29:40

get in it like a caterpillar cocoon. And

29:42

you have them swing you back

29:44

and forth. Get a large number of middle

29:47

school age children in a big, like, rainbow

29:49

colored parachute, and lay in the middle of

29:51

them and have them flip you around a

29:53

bunch. Uh-huh. Yeah. Be on

29:55

your phone arguing with your bank because

29:57

you need more money for... to

30:00

buy your own hammock, but you don't have

30:02

any money. You've

30:04

been denied a loan. No, you've been denied a

30:06

loan. Make your own hammock. Yeah, make

30:09

your own hammock. Make your own sad little

30:11

hammock. It doesn't matter. The sadder the better.

30:13

Raise together a bunch of old shopping bags.

30:16

A towel and two lawn chairs. And

30:18

the point is it doesn't work. So

30:20

the neighbor needs to see you getting it

30:22

all set up. Just like your feet on

30:24

the one chair, your head on one chair,

30:27

and your butt on the ground in the

30:29

middle. You keep doing it, keeps falling apart

30:31

like the football kid. What's his name? It

30:33

always pulls it away from him at the

30:36

last... Ah, Charlie Brown. Charlie Brown. You

30:38

know, it's Snoopy stuff. Snoopy's boy. Yeah,

30:41

the neighbor's just got to see you struggling. They'll

30:44

be like, hold on. Why are you struggling? I've

30:46

got to... I forgot the hammock.

30:48

And then they'll go

30:50

do it. Salt.

30:52

Salt. All

30:54

right, let's take a quick break. Let's head to

30:56

the money zone. And then we'll do more

30:58

jokes. I'm going to do a response to this week by MetLife.

31:00

Oh no! Oh no! Shh!

31:03

It's out of... It's out of here! Well, hi

31:05

there folks. Didn't see you come in there. Come in.

31:08

Come in. I've got

31:11

a nice crackling fire

31:14

here. Dry

31:21

off. Dry off, traveler. I don't

31:24

know why I'm doing it like this. But a

31:26

quick break from the show to tell you about

31:28

our amazing sponsors, Aura Frames. It

31:31

has been a sponsor of ours for a while, but not

31:33

only that, it's been a presence in my home. We've

31:36

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31:38

my kids like to stand in front of it and

31:40

say, that was me when I was a baby. And

31:42

it's them like six months younger. It's great. But

31:45

it's really easy to add photos to. It's

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31:50

mentioned that. But it's really easy to add

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32:52

the energy to sit there and know that

32:54

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32:56

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33:38

I do not have the patience or desire to

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next month while your subscription is

34:21

active. I'm

34:25

Sequoia Holmes, pop cultureist and host

34:27

of the Black People Love Paramore podcast. Contrary

34:30

to the title, it is not a podcast

34:33

about the band Paramore. Each

34:35

episode I, along with a special

34:37

guest co-host, dissect one pop culture

34:39

topic that mainstream media doesn't associate with

34:41

black people, but we know that we like.

34:44

Tune in every Thursday to the podcast

34:46

that's dedicated to helping black people

34:48

feel more seen here on Maximum

34:50

Fun. I'm

34:54

Yucky Jessica. I'm Chuck

34:56

Crudsworth. And this is... Terrible! A

34:58

podcast where we talk about things

35:01

we hate that are awful! Today

35:03

we're discussing Wonderful, a podcast

35:05

on the Maximum Fun Network.

35:07

Host Rachel and Griffin McElroy

35:10

of Real Life Mary Poppins.

35:12

See ya! Discuss a wide

35:14

range of topics. Music, video

35:16

games, poetry, nah. But I hate

35:18

all that stuff. I know you

35:20

do, Yucky Jessica. It comes out

35:23

every Wednesday, the worst day of

35:25

the week, wherever you download your

35:27

podcast. For our next topic,

35:29

we're talking Fiona the Davy Hippo

35:31

from the Cincinnati Zoo. I hate

35:34

this little hippo. I'd

35:39

like to go to the Wizards

35:42

hut if you guys don't mind. Were

35:44

you invited? No, but

35:46

we're like chill. We're like pretty chill like that. He's my

35:48

best. I'm his best friend. Wait, who's

35:50

your best friend, Griffin? My best friend is Hank

35:52

Mardukas. Of course. Thank you so

35:54

much. It is

35:56

how to sign a yearbook! Just sign it

35:58

in. Alright. Deciding what to

36:00

write in someone's yearbook can be tricky. Consider how

36:03

you know the yearbook owner and try to personalize

36:05

your message. Write about an inside joke, a memory

36:07

you shared, or simply tell the person to enjoy

36:09

their summer. Keep in mind that

36:11

anyone can read your entry, so keep

36:13

it clean and be nice and respectful.

36:16

Have you guys ever found yourself in a situation

36:18

be it like signing like a birthday card where

36:20

a bunch of people are signing it for somebody

36:22

or like, you know, when you're in

36:24

theater and you like sign everybody's show post or whatever

36:27

you sign a yearbook like this and

36:29

you without thinking just going to write

36:31

your name and then realize everybody else

36:33

is like personalized to it. You

36:36

didn't leave room for that. Your name

36:38

is right below, so you'll be like

36:40

Justin McIlroy wishes you

36:42

that. Yeah, the

36:46

idea of writing inside jokes or

36:48

personal memory based messages, I

36:51

would say 98% of yearbooks I

36:53

signed were not for people with whom

36:55

I possessed those things. And then

36:57

when I did find myself signing the yearbook of

36:59

someone with whom I was a close friend, I

37:01

would fucking freeze up during the headlights like unable

37:04

to generate. So just a nice – I think

37:06

I used to do just a nice signature on

37:08

there. I don't feel

37:10

– I'm thinking about it. I don't feel like

37:12

I've ever been offered a card to sign that

37:15

hasn't felt like an assault at the time. Yeah,

37:17

yeah. Like, why is it always – it feels

37:19

like every time it's ever happened to me, it

37:21

takes you about 30 seconds to even process what

37:23

it is. Like, what? What are we doing? This

37:25

is for who? And it's also a

37:27

weird little secret where they're like – Yeah, and it

37:29

always comes out of nowhere. It's always like Justin can

37:31

I just tell you for a second? And then you

37:34

shove something in my hand. It's like what do you

37:36

want me to do? It's like oh, one of those.

37:38

Eat it. Eat it right now Justin. Eat it, please.

37:40

You need to eat it or they'll die. It's basically

37:44

saying I treasure you

37:46

so I didn't do something else for a

37:48

second. Well, I did this

37:50

for you to make this power. It's

37:53

filled with our life energy. This took 21 of my

37:55

seconds. Now it's in this card. And that's what

37:57

I love it is. Consider whose book

37:59

you're signing. Are they a good friend a best friend

38:01

or just someone you've seen around in the halls write

38:03

your message accordingly be honest But nice did you guys

38:05

ever get people ask you sign your yearbook that you're

38:07

like? Hey

38:12

Know your vibe we were

38:15

Partners in kickball once I

38:18

guess that was pretty chill Even

38:20

if I could remember that contacts that would

38:22

be amazing. Yeah, and I could write like

38:24

a ball Breakdab at kickball, but the idea

38:26

of like I have seen you Yeah

38:29

in life. I Got

38:32

a few I think I might have been that person

38:35

for a lot of people Oh, yeah, I got a

38:37

lot of like wish we've gotten to know each other

38:39

better. Oh my god So

38:41

much so many regrets. I

38:44

received in my yearbook like you seem like

38:46

a great guy. Yeah pretty

38:48

cool Yeah, keep

38:51

it short and sweet a portion of space according

38:53

to how well you know the yearbooks owner More

38:55

space for a closer friendship a whole lot less for a

38:57

class acquaintance with whom you've had very little to do I

39:00

always actually appreciated once I discovered

39:03

the I just signed your crack

39:05

strategy Very

39:07

very quick and space efficient You are not

39:09

going the only person you're gonna piss off

39:11

is the next person who also wanted to

39:14

sign the crack and then it's like Maybe

39:16

come up with a fucking original joke for

39:18

once in your life You know what I

39:20

mean another powerful move that I do

39:22

sometimes look for a sentiment that

39:24

somebody else has already written Oh, yeah,

39:27

like that's a powerful comment and then

39:29

you write like yeah what they said

39:32

I'm like, oh, yeah couldn't agree more

39:34

Travis Macroy. Yeah, everybody's

39:36

yearbook. I signed in high school got the

39:38

exact same signature lilac

39:41

Lyla very love you like a sister.

39:43

Yeah, just a macarons. That's what everybody's

39:45

gonna be forgotten I did a lot

39:48

of those I did a lot of

39:50

those. That's a good one Can't

39:52

fault it. Never do you have a great summer?

39:54

Don't you have a great summer? That's I don't

39:56

know shit about you One time I got to

39:58

be forgotten Yeah, I

40:01

was in a yearbook. I got

40:03

in trouble from Miss Philinger the

40:05

yearbook like teacher. You don't teach

40:07

a yearbook, but She

40:10

was the advisor for a yearbook class.

40:12

I got in trouble because I think in eighth

40:14

grade I was about to go to high school.

40:17

So who gave a shit? I wrote have a

40:19

kick-ass summer and a lot of my like friends

40:21

books and That got back to

40:23

the Andy coming out there. I'm Andy Oh,

40:26

is that my bad my bad person got a

40:28

little bit of Andy. Yeah Yeah,

40:31

I got I got a little bit of trouble with this villager,

40:34

but I think we

40:36

squash it fucking eventually Hey

40:39

use the handwriting. Yeah sign the yearbook quickly.

40:41

That one's huge if I've got if

40:43

I've got hey listen Chloe

40:47

if I've got Tanner waiting in the

40:49

wings Yeah, sign my fucking

40:51

yearbook and you're doing it right now.

40:53

I appreciate you We had some great

40:55

time in yearbook class. This is fucking

40:57

Tanner. We're talking about he's got a

40:59

lot of yearbooks to sign He's really

41:02

popular, but he's also my friend from

41:04

church And so I need him

41:06

to get in here to have ample time to

41:08

do to leave his mark If

41:10

you don't mind you're writing a whole

41:12

story in there Gabrielle, and I appreciate

41:14

that But Tanner's

41:17

fucking right here. You know, here's a life act that

41:19

they don't always talk about You don't

41:21

have to give the yearbook signed that year. There's

41:23

no there's no due date

41:26

If you find them 20 years later, and you're

41:28

like, hey, you never sign my a-frame yearbook

41:30

But you still get them to do it Yeah,

41:33

you can get it my trick in high

41:35

in high school that I would recommend to

41:37

people is to stand try to stand around

41:40

yearbook time near People and

41:42

who everyone is gonna ask. Yeah, they're

41:44

here because if you're nearby and near

41:46

Chris And they're

41:48

already signing they're like well Justin as long

41:50

as yeah, you know, it's like awkward like

41:52

I've known I feel

41:54

I'm gonna I'll just go ahead and not while you

41:57

wait for David. I could do it. Yeah, I always

41:59

wish we got We gotta know each other better. Me too.

42:02

Oh man, yeah. Do you wanna hang out now

42:04

while we still live in the same city or

42:06

perhaps next year when we attend the same school?

42:08

No? Okay. Yeah.

42:11

But then you start signing it as Tanner. And then you can

42:13

sell like a service. Like, guys, listen. Do you

42:15

wanna wait in line for Tanner or do you want me,

42:18

Griffin? The Tanner

42:20

tribute experience. The Tanner forger,

42:22

Griffin. Yeah. I'll

42:25

make Tanner say whatever the fuck you

42:27

want him to say. Like you're so

42:29

fucking sexy, Dylan. Love

42:32

Tanner. Like, love Tanner. I don't give a shit.

42:35

I will write whatever. Please don't tell Tanner though. There's

42:40

more, I guess. Yeah. Make

42:42

an inside joke. I'm not gonna do that. Write about a

42:44

memorable moment you had together. Remember we made a job on

42:46

memory. Make up a memory. Oh, I was gonna say, I

42:48

feel like the people in my high school that wrote like,

42:50

I wish I

42:56

got to know you better. I always kinda didn't

42:58

ring true for me because like, I

43:00

went to school with the same people for

43:02

the entirety of the time. I

43:04

feel like there was not a

43:06

customer base for the

43:09

Justin McElroy brand that was not being

43:11

served in high school. I met my

43:13

entire addressable market, my TAM,

43:15

my total addressable market, in like eighth

43:17

grade. Everyone knew who they felt about the brand. This

43:21

was steady. Everyone

43:23

had a chance to experience. There are bakeries where it's

43:25

like, we make just this many when they're sold out,

43:27

they're gone. You were making

43:29

more muffins all day long. We reached everybody. We

43:31

reached everybody. We gave them a sample and everyone

43:34

decided to help them out. But

43:36

there was not a lot of gray area. We

43:38

got to all the customers. So if you're gonna

43:40

write that, get more specific. And right, I wish

43:42

that your personality and my personality would have met

43:44

such a way that I had enjoyed

43:46

your company instead of the opposite, which

43:49

was to find you kind of annoying

43:51

and overbearing. In that universe, I think

43:53

we would have gotten along well. L-Y-L-A-S.

43:57

Dear Justin, I wish you had the first idea to talk to

43:59

anybody that wasn't our... already in church with you. Love

44:01

me. That's it. I

44:05

sign my own earbuds a lot. Dear Travis,

44:07

I wish you would engage in other people's

44:09

interests and ask them what they like instead

44:11

of just talking about your own shit all

44:13

the time. Love yourself. Oh no, right now

44:15

this is recursive. Look what we're doing right

44:17

now. Go talk to other people. Love

44:20

me. I snuck into all the club photos and

44:22

your books and I keep waiting for that to

44:24

come back to haunt me. I don't know. I

44:27

thought it would be way more bad. I thought that

44:29

would be way more beneficial than it was. Yeah. Where people

44:31

were like, oh, I see here that in eighth grade you

44:33

were in Latin club. Here's, you get $200,000 a year at

44:35

this salary now or

44:38

whatever. Justin was a young

44:40

Democrat and a young Republican and a young Independent and

44:42

a young Green Party. I was at the key club,

44:44

still don't know what that is. Yeah man. No, I

44:46

don't think so either. I think I've seen future homemakers

44:49

of America. I'm not 100% sure. Future

44:53

farmers too? I don't know. Can

44:55

I be both? You can be in the picture. Oh, this one's cool.

44:57

Add a signature phrase. Come up with

45:00

a signature phrase to write in your books. Ideas include, this

45:02

year has been a blast and has gone too fast. I

45:05

can't wait to see what next year

45:07

brings. Remember Grant, remember Lee, to heck

45:09

with them, remember me. Too long. Yeah.

45:13

Is that a Civil War joke? Yeah.

45:16

Maybe. Fuck. Yeah. Is

45:18

this article how to die alone? What kid? What

45:21

little nerd layers like, eh? Either

45:24

a Civil War quote or a

45:26

weird diss track for two

45:28

other kids in your class that are like,

45:30

fuck Grant and fuck Lee. It's like, whoa

45:32

man. They're like, really cool.

45:35

Tip a canoe and tanner too. And you're tanner

45:37

in this case. Oh, okay. Keep

45:40

it clean. Sorry, Miss Villinger. If

45:46

you as an adult are flipping through your yearbook and

45:48

you see someone wrote the word ass or any cuss

45:50

word in there, you're gonna be like, I

45:52

don't remember, I don't remember who

45:55

Brian was, he seems fucking cool.

45:57

I'm gonna get back in touch with Brian because he cussed in my

45:59

ear. Don't tease or make

46:02

fun of other students or the yearbook owner. You can

46:05

razz them a little bit. Everyone's

46:10

a little casual ribbing. Avoid

46:13

confessions. Oops,

46:16

too late. I

46:20

was the Zodiac Killer. I did it. It was me. Lylas.

46:24

Grassy Noel. Jeff

46:29

Fuel can't be helped. I

46:32

directed the moon landing. What?

46:36

You're in eighth grade. What are you talking

46:38

about? So

46:41

don't use acronyms actually guys. Sorry about

46:43

Lylas. You

46:45

may be tempted to write HAGS. Why

46:48

would I write that? Have a great summer. Or

46:52

SYNY. See you next year. You should

46:54

avoid using acronyms. In

46:57

20 years when people are back looking through their yearbooks,

46:59

they'll probably have no idea what these acronyms were. Is

47:06

that an app? I'm so not sure where we're

47:08

at with that one. Cool Felt

47:10

With A K or Not? Yes.

47:14

I believe that acronym

47:17

did for. Sign

47:19

your phone. Absolutely. Now

47:22

we know. Now we know.

47:24

Here's another question. Alright.

47:30

I want a munch squad. I

47:34

want two munch squad. I

47:38

think it's a bit of a

47:40

flatter. Welcome

47:42

to Squats. The podcast is about the latest and

47:44

greatest in brand eating. We don't talk about AI

47:46

much on this show because I think it's a

47:48

huge bummer. That

47:51

movie did bum me out by the way. He's

47:54

finishing breaks. Why

47:58

a multinational pizza channel? chain partner

48:00

with Chad GPT. Okay. For

48:03

money. Do-do pizza. Do-do pizza?

48:06

Do-do pizza. Like Do-do or Do-U-H,

48:08

Do-U-H. Do-do, Do-do, like the bird.

48:10

No. It's

48:12

currently a successful and thriving bird.

48:15

Yeah, it's headed up by

48:17

someone named Alina Takova. Do-do

48:21

pizza has long been known for its embrace of

48:23

the unconventional, from pioneering innovative reusable

48:25

boxes to a digital first food service

48:27

concept. I don't want to eat digital

48:30

food. Yep. It's

48:32

digital food. If you look at the history of our

48:34

company, it's a stream of unorthodox decisions, Takova says. Our

48:37

philosophy has always been to stay open to innovation on

48:39

top of recent technologies. So what does that mean in

48:41

this context? The latest

48:43

innovation from Notopizza, its captivating customers, is

48:46

a partnership with Chad GPT. In

48:49

February, the multinational pizza chain officially

48:51

introduced an AI-powered pizza flavor

48:54

generator with its

48:56

Dubai mobile application. Now, customers

48:58

can use the app to

49:00

generate personalized pizza recommendations based

49:02

on their moods and preferences, which can

49:04

then be ordered online for delivery. Listen,

49:06

this is the power of AI, guys.

49:09

This is the dream. With over

49:11

30 million flavor combinations and more

49:13

than 35 ingredients to

49:16

choose from, customers can select

49:18

mood options such as post-workout,

49:20

game night, or... It's incredibly

49:23

sad. New in town,

49:25

or my favorite, hungry, and

49:28

receives tailored pizza suggestions within

49:30

seconds. They can even

49:32

name the pizza and view a generated

49:34

image through AI program Mid-Journey before placing...

49:38

Can you imagine seeing an incredible

49:41

rendering of your pizza? What's that? Oh my god,

49:43

it's a picture of your own face made of

49:45

pizza. What is this horrible... I don't want to

49:47

slip into too much, you know, it's easy to

49:50

be like, oh, try... This

49:52

is some of the most wall-y ass

49:54

sounding shit I've ever heard where

49:56

I'm too lazy to take

49:58

the two seconds to... to go, what kind of pizza

50:01

do I like? And that's

50:04

the amount of time you would have to take

50:06

to talk to a chat driven

50:08

AI to figure out what kind of pizza

50:10

you like, instead of just being like, well,

50:12

I'm a 40 year old man who's had

50:15

pizza before. So certainly I like. Certainly I'd

50:17

be able to figure it out. It's actually

50:19

for my brain a lot faster to type

50:21

out a chat GPT prompt than

50:24

to think about what flavors of food I

50:26

like. Okay, I don't want you guys, I

50:28

know sometimes I have a tendency on this

50:30

show to mispronounce

50:33

or maybe not have the clearest speaking when

50:39

the words get a little challenging. So

50:41

I'm gonna send this next sentence to you

50:43

guys. And Griffin,

50:46

if you would just read this sentence out loud.

50:48

Yeah, sure. Dodo's

50:50

Pizza's regular menu is expanded

50:54

to include 17 experimental ingredients, offering

50:56

items like fusilli, popcorn,

50:59

duck, pumpkin seeds, melon,

51:02

and guacamole. Now Griffin, I noticed

51:04

you stumbled a bit with that

51:06

first word. What is that word again Griffin? F-U-Z-Z-I-L-Y.

51:11

Guys, if you can

51:14

tell me. It's fusilli, it's a pasta. Yeah.

51:18

Okay, so maybe don't

51:20

let chat GPT write

51:23

your press releases perhaps because you

51:25

wrote fuzzily and no one looked

51:28

at that and said, guys, fuzzily

51:31

isn't an ingredient. You mean fusilli

51:33

and it's

51:35

a pasta. Also, also

51:37

popcorn. Pizza, fuck you.

51:40

I'm not, no, that's fuzzily.

51:43

But no, but yeah, I mean, even if they had

51:45

spelled it right, just

51:48

straight up pasta noodles on pizza isn't,

51:51

that's not, that

51:54

is unorthodox. You got me there, Dodo Pizza. Yeah, it

51:56

is an orthogon. If you send me, I'm gonna jump

51:58

back real quick, Griffin. Pizza. known to be

52:01

hot and steaming. You put popcorn on

52:03

that pizza, you close that box lid,

52:05

you take whatever time it takes to

52:07

drive it to my home, you've lost

52:09

any benefit of there being popcorn on

52:11

that pizza. I'm not saying I'm

52:13

at home, I get a pizza, I put popcorn on

52:15

it, I immediately eat it. It would need to be

52:17

freshly applied. By the time it made it to you,

52:20

that would be rough. That would be rough. You maybe

52:22

could use some puffed corn or

52:24

something. Here's a quote, and guys, I know you're

52:26

wondering about these, so there's a perfect explanation. Oh,

52:28

thank God. We included ingredients

52:31

we don't normally put on pizza because we figure we

52:33

might as well. Oh,

52:36

because why the fuck not? Now listeners

52:38

can play with it repeatedly if they'd like

52:40

to, or they can order a regular pepperoni

52:42

pizza. We're giving them unlimited choices. I love

52:45

the idea of duck on pizza, but I

52:47

love ducks, one of my favorite. I love

52:49

duck on pizza. I don't want to ask

52:51

for it from a robot because

52:54

I don't want to. You can't order specific ingredients.

52:56

You just tell it the mood you're in

52:58

and that you know you want pizza, and

53:00

it'll take it from there, Trav, and it'll it knows you

53:02

better than you know yourself. Do you think if I

53:05

said I'm in the mood for duck on pizza and

53:07

they'd be like, oh, then the last thing you want

53:09

is duck on pizza. You want to be surprised. So

53:12

here's a bunch of pasta loose in a box. Tocova

53:15

explains the move into AI thusly.

53:17

It's hard not to pay attention to AI.

53:19

Everybody's talking about it. Yeah,

53:23

you're not right. We didn't want to, but fuck

53:26

us. The combination of this

53:28

buzz and the fact that we're already using

53:30

this fresh, cool technology made this move

53:33

an obvious choice for us. Is it fresh and

53:35

cool? Now this is very

53:37

surprising. She

53:40

acknowledges the real value lies in the

53:42

insights gained about customers and their choices.

53:44

Oh. When a guest uses the pizza

53:47

flavor generator, Dodo Pizza gains valuable information

53:49

about their preferences and situation. This data

53:51

allows the company to tailor its marketing

53:53

efforts and enhance the overall customer experience.

53:55

So let me like clarify a little

53:58

bit. You tell it. grumpy

54:00

mood and then it says do you want pineapple?

54:03

He said no. You

54:05

fucked up. Here's what I

54:07

want and then the robot says okay when

54:09

people are in a grumpy mood what they really

54:11

want is pepperoni and sausage and then the next

54:14

person's like I'm grumpy and the robot's like pepperoni

54:16

and sausage and the person's like fucking

54:18

aye. This is

54:20

good. This is good tech and

54:23

then the next person's like I don't eat meat and the

54:25

robot's like holy fucking

54:27

shit. But

54:30

you're also grumpy but you're grumpy

54:32

but you don't eat meat maybe fuck I'm maybe

54:34

being a vegetarian is a mistake. Have you thought

54:36

about that? Fuck! Well do

54:38

you know okay I'm spiraling. Yeah. As a computer

54:40

I'm spiraling. Can you help me and just tell

54:43

me what ingredients you do like on pizza? So

54:45

I'll know for the next day that's like

54:48

you I can do them. You're fucked. I

54:50

can't. Also if you would tell me your

54:52

address and spending habits and political leanings that

54:54

would be amazing. That'd be good. And like

54:56

your mom's maiden name or whatever. And can

54:58

you tell me which of these pictures has

55:01

stoplights in it for me to know it

55:03

please? Here's a good bellwether I use. It's

55:07

a magic on a human being and saying

55:09

hey you have a real intelligence

55:11

which is better than an artificial one. Yeah.

55:14

I am horny. What kind of pizza

55:16

should I eat? Yeah. No human

55:18

being could ration this out. It doesn't make any sense.

55:20

This is a nonsense question. Why are we

55:22

giving computers nonsense questions guessing our our pizza

55:24

moods? Yeah. It's hopeless. I would also not

55:27

expect uh you know the 20 year old

55:29

person that I call a pizza hut and

55:31

answer the phone and I put in my

55:33

order with them to remember that data to

55:36

better talk to the next person like well the

55:38

guy before you he lived over

55:40

here and he wanted you know anchovies or whatever

55:42

and you live in the same neighborhood so you

55:45

probably want anchovies that would

55:47

be a wild expectation for

55:49

that for that human being to have. Why

55:51

are we asking if that is not a

55:53

thing I expect. Is this is this up?

55:55

Can I do this? Some

55:58

people are quite traditional have options for

56:00

them. But a lot of

56:02

people are willing to play around, and

56:05

our ideal customers encompass those innovators. So

56:08

they don't want just anybody buying

56:10

Dodo pizza. They want thought leaders

56:13

buying this pizza. Their ideal

56:15

customer is a

56:17

creative type who's a pioneer and an

56:20

entrepreneur and is willing to fuck around

56:22

for 30 minutes with an Airo buy up

56:24

to get sausage and onions. Now we could

56:26

also say here at Dodo pizza, I apologize

56:29

in beta testing about half the time

56:31

it did send people batteries on pizza.

56:34

That's, we're trying to work that out. We

56:37

haven't quite got those bugs out yet. So

56:39

if you get the battery on pizza, just

56:41

think before you eat it. This is

56:43

the difference with my pizza company, Justin

56:46

Macroy's humans only pizza. Our

56:48

market is any

56:50

dumb motherfucker with a little pizza money

56:52

to spend will take ya. You

56:55

don't need to be a thought leader here. We'll put whatever

56:57

you want on the pizza. We won't make you talk to

56:59

a robot at all. It's a

57:01

Luddite's pizza. I make it in a brick oven.

57:03

It takes me four hours. Please let me know

57:06

several days in advance. I can't

57:08

wait to be able to afford computers. And

57:10

that, I think Justin actually could use

57:13

a bit paring down like my pizza

57:15

business, Griffin Macroy's hot and ready cheese

57:17

pizzas from Little Caesars pizzas. And

57:20

the way that my restaurant works is that

57:22

we have, we go to

57:24

Little Caesars, we buy the $5 hot and ready. We sell it

57:26

back for $6. Cause we do need

57:28

to make a little bit of, a little bit

57:30

of something on the side. But you know

57:32

if you come here, what you're gonna get no matter

57:34

what, we really only do the one thing, which is

57:37

the best pizza, Little Caesars hot and

57:39

ready $5 cheesy boys. You

57:41

guys are doing too much work. Travis's

57:43

pizza already. What we've done is

57:45

we waited for the trademark on pizza to

57:47

lapse and then we bought it. So now we

57:49

own the trademark to the idea of

57:52

pizza. So anytime anyone eats a pizza, we get

57:54

five cents. Every single time.

57:56

That's smart. What I'm gonna go, I'm

57:58

gonna go to the dodo. Pizza website

58:01

and I'm gonna order a pizza and they're asked my

58:03

mood and I'm gonna say my mood is I just

58:05

ate a pizza And I'm fucking full of pizza. I

58:08

don't want pizza My

58:11

mood is I want a pizza, but I can't afford it And

58:14

see if you can get the AI to give you free pizza. Oh Make

58:18

you happy pizza. You don't have to pay for it.

58:20

You got it my dude. We're on it. Here we

58:22

go Take it down

58:24

from the inside. Hey folks. Thank you so

58:26

much for listening our podcast We hope you've

58:29

enjoyed yourself and we hope that you will

58:31

just order pizza the classic way Yeah, you

58:33

know a little conversation with a human being.

58:35

Oh doesn't care about your own No, you're

58:37

gonna order it like all the order a

58:39

place for the order People

58:43

work there anymore. I don't know can

58:45

I tell you guys I went to

58:47

chat GPT just now to test It's

58:49

like sort of basic pizza recommendation skills

58:52

and I said I need a pizza recommendation I like

58:54

it kind of salty, but not with too much

58:56

stuff. That's gonna make me just explode in the toilet

58:58

I can do cheese as long as it's not like

59:00

crazy I do a margarita sometimes but I don't actually

59:02

like tomatoes all that much and then

59:04

it gave me back a fucking paragraph

59:07

I am NOT going to Read

59:10

all that I don't need you and it wrote

59:12

it out so fast and it's like you're gonna

59:14

love this I need three words

59:16

from you tops of what kind of

59:18

pizza to get I don't need an

59:20

explanation of like well we think Sicilian

59:22

pizza features a blend of salty ingredients

59:24

Like all it's like don't give these

59:26

these I don't even know how

59:29

to get to chat GPT. I'm full Jerry

59:31

gurgage like I have no idea Yeah,

59:35

my figure to that is I just will Google

59:37

anything and then chat GPT kind of just like

59:39

pops up like Can

59:41

I tell you guys I'm so embarrassed I've heard you guys say

59:43

it a bunch of out and make some sense I've

59:45

been looking for a guy named Chad GPT

59:47

this whole time. I had no idea

59:50

that it was Yeah, and

59:52

I made a friend named Chad and I just

59:54

call him whatever I need information that he's like Who

59:56

is this he know like hi Jack? Oh great to

59:58

meet Travis back, right? It's like I'm

1:00:00

Chad Kroger lead singer of Nickelback. I'm way too busy

1:00:02

for this But also I do have that information that

1:00:05

you needed. Yeah, he's very

1:00:07

helpful. Yeah, absolutely I also

1:00:09

use them for Chad GPS and sometimes I call

1:00:12

him when I'm lost somewhere and he'll help me

1:00:14

Yeah, I actually thought it was chat

1:00:17

GPD. So I've been calling my grandpa

1:00:19

Dan. Oh, yeah Also

1:00:22

the Gotham Police Department Well, I don't

1:00:24

know what you want on a pizza

1:00:26

Justin. You're wasting my time. This party

1:00:29

your job My is

1:00:31

your job. Anyway, hey, great. My dance sounds

1:00:33

a lot like Benoit Blanc and that's great

1:00:36

Yeah, or fuck one like one who

1:00:38

both sound like each other. Thanks for listening to the podcast.

1:00:40

We hope you have fun We got some

1:00:42

live shows coming up right travel. Do we

1:00:44

do? Yeah in just two weeks June 21st

1:00:46

We're gonna be at Kansas City, Missouri June

1:00:48

22nd, we're being in st. Louis, Missouri June

1:00:50

23rd, we're gonna be doing Tyson's, Virginia It's

1:00:52

my brother my brother me at all three

1:00:54

of those and now also on sale in

1:00:57

July We're gonna be in Detroit and Cleveland and August

1:00:59

we're gonna be at Gen Con September

1:01:02

we're in Orlando and Atlanta October,

1:01:04

it's Denver and Phoenix November. It's

1:01:06

Indianapolis and Milwaukee You

1:01:08

can visit bit.ly slash Macroy tours

1:01:11

for tickets and all the information about those

1:01:13

also it is a new month So there's

1:01:15

new merch. We've got a fun galore poster

1:01:17

designed by Willow Quillen We've

1:01:20

got an anisey and MBMB a M

1:01:22

bandanas by Zachary Sterling And

1:01:25

10% of all proceeds this month will

1:01:27

go to a quality Florida Which is

1:01:29

dedicated to securing full equality for Florida's

1:01:32

LGBTQ plus community Thanks to

1:01:34

montane for the use of our theme song. My life

1:01:36

is better with you. It's won

1:01:40

the it won the Grammy of

1:01:42

my heart and the kids choice award period

1:01:45

2024 for best kiss and best song

1:01:49

Do we have a wish we do? Yeah, Justin. I

1:01:51

would open you. Oh, I'll do this one. Yeah, I'll

1:01:53

do it. Okay, good I

1:01:59

wish So it's not

1:02:01

charging real money for virtual furniture.

1:02:05

My name is Justin Mackloy. I'm Travis Mackloy. What's what?

1:02:08

This has been My Brother, My Brother. May I kiss your dad square

1:02:10

on the lip. It's

1:02:30

you. Maximum

1:02:45

Fun. A work-around

1:02:47

network of artist-owned shows

1:02:49

supported directly at you.