0:00

The McElroy brothers are not experts

0:03

and their advice should never be followed. Travis

0:06

insists he's a sexpert, but

0:08

if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen

0:10

it. Also, this show

0:12

isn't for kids, which I mention

0:14

only so the babies out there will know

0:16

how cool they are for listening. What's up,

0:19

you cool baby? One, two,

0:21

three, four! It's the

0:23

start of something beautiful.

0:27

A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's

0:29

ripened into a precious friendship. I

0:33

could've never seen what was coming for me.

0:36

Hangs at the skate

0:38

block, hangs by the

0:40

beach. My life, it

0:43

feels like life.

0:48

It's better, it's better with you. My

0:52

life, it's better, it's

0:54

better with you. This

0:57

is true, it's

1:00

better, it's better with you.

1:03

My life,

1:08

it's better with you. Hello

1:10

everybody and welcome to my brother and my

1:13

brother. If I show for the modern

1:15

era, I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy.

1:17

What up, Trav Nation? I'm your minimalist

1:19

brother, Wolf Wolf, Big Dog Travis McElroy.

1:21

Good morning, Trav Nation. Thanks for coming

1:23

here. You enjoyed this on

1:25

some occasion. You're a sweet baby brother,

1:27

Griffin McElroy. Guys, I

1:29

don't know how to tell you this. What's wrong, Trav? Joey Chestnut

1:32

has been... Oh, I know. He's

1:36

been... Is he okay? He's

1:38

fine. Griffin, he's... I mean, he's physically not

1:41

fine. He's definitely physically not fine.

1:43

I want to be so clear about that. There's no

1:45

way he's fine. My man is more nitrate than man

1:47

at this point. He's not alright. He

1:49

has been banned from the Nathan

1:51

Toddler eating competition. Uh oh,

1:54

I hope this is... I hope for a funny reason. Not

1:56

for a not funny reason. Because... Because...

2:02

He made a deal to be represented by a

2:04

different hot dog brand groupin, the brand being Impossible

2:06

Foods. Oh! Oh! Joseph!

2:12

Are these not dogs? The

2:14

Impossible Foods? Okay. These are

2:16

the meatless meats. Joey's

2:18

reppin' cats. Joey's out here reppin' cats.

2:20

Not dogs. Say it. Not

2:23

dogs. He loves cats now. And

2:25

so Nathan... That's

2:27

what I call fake hot dogs. Nathan's,

2:29

who has sponsored the hot dog

2:31

eating contest for as

2:34

long as I know, all the time,

2:36

was like, Oh, okay. You're out,

2:39

Joey Chestnut. Because he took a

2:41

sponsorship from Impossible Foods? Instead

2:43

of Nathan's. Was he gonna wear... I

2:45

mean, was he gonna be doing his wet

2:47

eating thing and then on stage be like,

2:50

If only these were impossible meats, hot dogs.

2:52

Like, why did he... What? It's just that

2:55

they're standing on principle? What

2:57

less reliable narrator... excuse me.

3:00

What less reliable narrator could you have

3:02

for your impossible meats brand than the

3:05

Vortex? Yeah! Like,

3:07

you know that he doesn't prefer. I mean,

3:09

you know clearly. Like, who's like, I love

3:12

these impossible dogs. No, if I could just

3:14

shimmy down 64 regular boys. Now,

3:18

get right back to eat. After a

3:20

long day of eating real meat, hot

3:22

dogs, I'd eat... That

3:24

cool one. A nice relaxing not

3:26

dog. Sometimes you just want a

3:28

cold one straight out of the

3:30

fridge. One you don't have

3:32

to work for. You know what I mean? These

3:34

are my off-court buddies. Impossible Foods hot

3:36

dogs. He slices them up like sushi. Oh,

3:39

nice. Ethan with the toothpick. He loves

3:41

it. Okay, so according to my sources,

3:45

Nathan's didn't want to kick him out. Of

3:48

course not. This is their prize stallion. It's

3:50

hot dog, man. Yeah, and

3:52

so they said, will

3:55

you be in it if we don't mention

3:57

hot dog brands? And

4:00

I'm just gonna stop right there for

4:02

a second. Remember, the event

4:04

is sponsored by a hot

4:06

dog brand. Yeah, this would be

4:08

hard. So the sacrifice they were

4:10

willing to make to

4:13

allow this to happen would be if the

4:15

Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade was like, this year

4:17

it's just the Thanksgiving Day Parade. Will you

4:19

be in it now? Santa Claus has a

4:21

deal at Target. Yeah. It's basically what we're

4:23

dealing with. And he was like, nope, got

4:26

to pitch impossible foods while I'm there. I

4:29

love that. Okay, then no. That's,

4:31

I mean, that's what you pay

4:33

for, right? I guarantee

4:36

this isn't what Impossible Foods was hoping for,

4:38

huh? No, probably not. This can't be the

4:40

outcome. They definitely wanted him to wear that.

4:42

And they knew they would be in stinkers.

4:45

Just because there's no meat in there doesn't

4:47

mean there's no sausage on the bun. You

4:49

know what I mean? They knew what they

4:51

were doing. Okay, guys, guys,

4:54

guys, how much do you think Joseph

4:57

Christian Chestnut, was

4:59

paid to appear in the Nathan's

5:02

Hot Dog Contest last year? Wait, paid

5:04

to appear in the Hot Dog Contest? Paid to appear in the— Just

5:06

to participate. Just to

5:09

participate. I

5:12

would say, I was going to say $10,000. $200,000

5:16

American dollars. Hey,

5:19

no one—Travis, no one

5:21

eats hot dogs fast like him. Like, yeah,

5:24

that's what—when you pay a man

5:26

to eat hot dogs on TV for you,

5:29

you're not paying him— He feeds for a day.

5:31

But if you teach a man to get paid

5:33

to eat hot dogs on TV, you feed

5:36

a man for life. You're not paying him for

5:38

the 64 hot dogs he's eating

5:40

on a TV show. You're paying him for

5:42

the 400,000 hot

5:45

dogs he's eaten to get that good. Oh,

5:48

right. Oh, that's deep griffin outliers.

5:50

See, I thought, yeah, man, 10,000 hot dogs.

5:53

I thought you were going to say, griffin, you're

5:55

not paying him for the 64 hot dogs he's eating on

5:57

TV. You're paying him for the— millions

6:00

of hot dogs that children aspiring to

6:02

be the next Joey Chestnut eat

6:05

watching him do it. Now when all those like,

6:07

you're not paying him for the safety for

6:09

hot dogs that he eats. You're paying him

6:12

for the many, many hundreds of hot

6:14

dogs he eats after the competition to

6:16

help them clean up. Whatever's

6:20

left. It must

6:22

be stressed. Joey Chestnut's bottleneck

6:24

right now is not a capacity

6:27

issue. My man has capacity to

6:29

spare. It is a time to

6:32

shove ratio. It's how

6:35

quickly he can shove these dogs down.

6:37

64 is the most a

6:39

human being can do, right? Yeah,

6:41

he's definitely thought about getting some kind

6:43

of surgery that allows him to at

6:45

will unhinge his jaw like

6:47

a python, right? Well, he

6:50

did undergo goro surgery and

6:52

got two additional arms attached

6:54

to his body. They allowed that. Yeah, they allowed

6:57

that. What is it?

6:59

What is next year? They're like two

7:01

big announcements in Nathan's this year. What

7:03

Joey's back to this year. It can

7:05

go up the butt. Will

7:08

count. We don't expect that to be

7:11

a cute. Like we're not expecting that to be like

7:13

now he's in triple digits, but

7:15

it's not having an impact. As it

7:17

turns out with the two extra

7:20

arms and the sort of

7:22

omni directional hot dog claws.

7:25

Yes. Anything is anything is

7:27

possible. All of his, all

7:29

of his wins from this point on will

7:31

have an asterisk next to them, which is

7:34

of course typography as asshole. So it's a

7:36

really easy reminder. Now here,

7:38

let me tell you one, according to

7:40

a source, he was offered a

7:43

$1.2 million spread out over

7:45

four year contract. So

7:47

$300,000 a year for the for

7:52

the,

7:55

hundreds of hot dogs a year. I'm going to

7:57

need all the money up front. A

8:01

more enticed is not gonna cut it for me,

8:03

don't it? I'm gonna need something in writing that

8:05

says my survivors continue to get that man. I

8:08

wanna spend some- he's a survivor. He

8:10

says he can't have a family. You

8:12

can't love that man. He's

8:14

a feeling. And he can love

8:16

nothing but eating hot dogs or he

8:19

can't do it. He's spring of doom. You

8:21

can't pin him down. If he focuses on

8:23

anything else, even for a second, do

8:26

you know how off his rhythm would be? He

8:29

could die. He's like, I can't- I

8:31

want that biovig where it's like, Joey,

8:33

they're smarter than Nathan Hot Dogs. And

8:35

he's like, there's literally not- it's not

8:38

for me. I mean, that's my call.

8:40

He has several, I think

8:42

like 50 other world records

8:44

or eating foods. Yeah, but

8:46

eating as a genre. I

8:49

can't imagine a worse

8:52

food spokesperson than Joey Chestnut.

8:54

I genuinely can't imagine one

8:57

because the things I know about

8:59

him is that his favorite meal is

9:02

64 hot dogs. And

9:05

if that's the case, I don't

9:07

know that we're gonna be compatible

9:09

in a dining sense in any

9:11

capacity. I don't wanna follow his

9:14

diet the same way I don't wanna follow the

9:16

Rock. His diet, which requires

9:18

the consumption of 9 to 10 pounds of

9:20

cod. And he had

9:23

his tongue surgically removed many years ago.

9:25

Yeah, exactly. It got in the way.

9:27

Yeah. Now let me pose you guys a philosophical question.

9:31

If Joseph Chestnut remains out, right?

9:33

Now the odds are in favor

9:36

of Jeffrey Esper, who

9:39

came in second last year. Man. The

9:41

finish here? I did think you're about to say

9:43

Jeffrey. No. Now,

9:46

he was a strong favorite until events.

9:50

But Jeffrey ate

9:52

49 hot dogs

9:55

last year. And absolute embarrassing.

9:57

So here's my question to you. If

10:01

you're Jeffrey Esper and

10:04

you find out this news, really feels like you're gonna

10:06

say every time. I know. Is

10:08

it better if I say Jeff Esper? Esper

10:11

comma Jeff. If

10:13

you're Esper in this scenario

10:15

and you find out that Joey

10:17

Chestnut is out of the competition,

10:20

do you feel relief because

10:22

you know you would never get 65, right?

10:27

You would never want up. Or do

10:29

you feel anger? Do you

10:31

feel disappointment because you wanted to take a run as a king? You

10:33

wanted to win the right way. Yeah.

10:36

Ah, man. You're

10:39

asking me, Travis, right now to

10:43

get into the mind of

10:45

a person who eats three

10:49

dozen plus hot dogs in a very short time.

10:51

But this is the thing. Four dozen. I

10:54

would say that's one. Yeah. Mostly

10:56

a thing in boxing, right? Where it's

10:58

like if you didn't beat Tyson,

11:00

if you didn't beat Lennox Lewis at different periods

11:02

of time, you're not the best. Yeah,

11:05

you were good, but if you had been

11:07

one on one with, you know, whoever, that's

11:09

the thing. But I do think at this

11:12

point it is really

11:14

hard to argue that if

11:16

you don't beat Joey Chestnut, you're not the king. Right. You're

11:19

not. When you lose to Joey Chestnut

11:21

by 15, right? It

11:24

wasn't like he lost by like one or two. Right.

11:27

Where it's like this year, you know, if

11:30

everything breaks my way, I've got him beat. You lose

11:32

like 15, you're going to have to

11:34

get a technicality. Yeah. You're

11:37

not going to beat him outright. It's

11:39

simply not going to happen. It's not

11:41

going to happen. Where's that Hoosiers? Where

11:44

it's like we're simply not going to

11:46

do the other team. Have you seen the other team?

11:48

They're very good. They're skilled with – and

11:50

one would hope they've worked very hard to get

11:52

to the point. But they're the Joey Chestnut of

11:54

basketball. Yeah, man. That's like every

11:56

time the Mighty Ducks beat the Russian kids. That's

11:58

all I can think about. Why do you

12:00

know what that's going to cost them?

12:03

Play Know it was they have. so

12:05

I'm sorry. This is everything to him.

12:07

Cities. In may have other things

12:09

you a loving that it emilio

12:11

as as as someone who you

12:13

are already haters. Some of you

12:15

play basketball some of you like

12:17

came from different sports you have led.

12:20

you can return to a life

12:22

outside of says. They hardly where

12:24

their training twelve hours a day.

12:26

Even in this. In this scenario,

12:28

you. All are a family. The Mighty Ducks

12:30

they don't even have that. Assuming

12:32

made for goal is Iceland by though I

12:35

just want to stress that so we don't

12:37

get thousands and thousands of emails. Yeah.

12:39

That sounds yeah, which is weird

12:42

anyway as ice on his even

12:44

cold Greenlanders Zola if Joey Chestnut

12:46

in his commercial for that impossible

12:49

hot dog. Just. Barreled the

12:51

camera in a well lit room is like

12:53

hi. I'm. Joey Chestnut. My.

12:57

Doctor. To the me that

12:59

if I kept eating sixty four

13:02

hot dogs on an annual basis,

13:04

the amount of. Me:

13:06

Leavings put inside my body would

13:08

kill me in them. To.

13:11

Me a rattle He said stop all the

13:13

hot dogs jelly. Well. Jokes.

13:15

On you mother fucker I fell

13:18

hot bus without meat in them.

13:20

Whoop! a special hot dogs one

13:22

slip and slide down my gullet

13:24

eight percent more efficiently than a

13:26

normal normal citizen old me. Filled

13:29

tude steak. and yeah

13:31

my doctor said that what they're made

13:33

out of his is the problem is

13:36

this number and i said hey doc

13:38

my money's on the line what's that

13:40

i lost my contract with the nathan's

13:42

hot dog eating contest pow know ah

13:45

and have you guys the my impossible

13:47

me juri says that adds joey comes

13:49

out his standing in the gray ruby

13:52

he holds up at impossible barclays his

13:54

age you're not sooner many way was

13:56

the different yeah It's

14:00

like the chaser consistency matters.

14:02

Moo-baff! You know, moo-baff! Done!

14:05

And then he just... Woop! Yeah.

14:08

Cool, yeah. And the buns

14:10

were made of styrofoam! Who gave no fuck?

14:13

No pigs should die for this!

14:15

This isn't even providing sustenance to

14:17

this boy. I had a

14:20

big dinner! They come out of

14:22

you so fast! What? When I throw it at the

14:24

wall, it makes a whistling noise in the air. It

14:26

just plows through you. Here's what

14:28

I want. Joey Chestnut's sitting at a table. There's

14:30

a big pile of hot dogs in front of him.

14:33

And then I need Henson's Creature Shop to come

14:35

on out to make this pile of hot dogs

14:37

eat. Oh, hell yeah. Hey,

14:39

Joey! Don't let us have died for this! You're not even

14:41

gonna tour! And he's like, I can't do

14:43

it anymore. You're right, hot dogs. I'm

14:46

from now on only vegan. And

14:48

then, you know, Impossible Meats. Yeah. Now

14:51

stores with Joey's picture. Yeah. Yeah,

14:53

I think I can... Which could be British. It

14:55

could be Yogi Bear. No one really knows. Well,

14:57

that time I made the hot dogs Yogi Bears,

15:00

so I had to do a different voice. Yeah,

15:02

yeah, yeah. Here's my impression of Joey Chestnut. Do

15:10

you all think, one, do

15:12

you think that this is a promotional

15:14

scam for the Hot Dog Eating Contest?

15:17

Two, will you be very excited if

15:19

that is true? Because if

15:21

we can add more layers of wrestling style

15:23

kavabe onto the hot dog eating world... So

15:25

excited for that. If he

15:27

does a full blown heel turn

15:29

where he comes out and has

15:32

like an impossible like flag spread out

15:34

behind him and he's got now some

15:36

like aviators on and like,

15:38

and he comes out and he's eating

15:41

Impossible Dogs against the guys eating Nathan's

15:43

Dogs. Do you know how jazzed I

15:45

would be? Like, full

15:48

blown, now he's like evil Hulk

15:50

Hogan. I'm so... Hollywood

15:53

Hulk Hogan. I'm so into that.

15:56

What if? What if? They're impossible

15:58

comes to Joey. Joey Chestnut. Impossible

16:01

comes to Joey anything. What

16:04

if impossible comes to Joey and they're like Joey

16:06

it's such a bummer you got kicked out but

16:08

we've got an idea. Let's do

16:11

our own across the street

16:13

and you go up against other

16:15

like some vegetarians to see how

16:17

many you can eat and he's

16:19

like whoa

16:21

eating how many?

16:25

Wow 60 of these huh?

16:28

Wow yeah that's interesting 60 of

16:32

the impossible dogs wow that's

16:34

a lot of those sticky comes. What's

16:38

in? I mean it's so many

16:40

isn't it guys do we all feel like

16:43

it's a lot it feels like a lot.

16:45

Maybe we just do it it's more of

16:47

like a promotional event where I eat like

16:49

10 of them huh? Or five is funny.

16:52

And then you group the footage of it

16:54

is one slowly and then you get like

16:56

so satisfied maybe that's the gag I'm so

16:59

satisfied by half of one and I'm Joey

17:01

Chestnut and it's like what a value but

17:03

I only eat half and we do one

17:05

take. And then I get to go over

17:08

and eat the Nathan's dogs for money what

17:11

do you think? Is that still okay? Wouldn't that be a

17:13

funny gag? Or

17:15

if they had like leftovers after the contest

17:17

was over and everybody left and I just

17:19

went and ate more. No I could feel

17:21

something. What do you think? Would

17:23

it be like funny or cute or cool

17:27

instead of ketchup or mustard I put like

17:29

one or two normal hot dogs on top

17:31

of the impossible dog when I ate it?

17:33

What am I proud of? Like a bun?

17:36

Like a slop. What

17:39

if we put one impossible dog and 63

17:42

regular dogs into a plate and I eat

17:44

all of them and see if I can

17:46

tell the difference? That's good. What do you

17:48

guys think? Why don't you guys take this

17:50

back to the lab and

17:52

make it more appealing to me Joey Chestnut?

17:55

Can you make it stink like a hot dog stink? Could

17:57

you make a hot dog that's 50% meat? 50%

18:01

plant-based and make it like a meat light like

18:03

it's possible Oh, maybe it caught

18:05

a probable dog and then I

18:07

can eat it and still feel something. I

18:10

can't go cold turkey off What

18:13

is making out I got turkey? You

18:16

know how people you know how

18:18

people eat the impossible ones are like oh my

18:20

gosh. I was fooled I thought it was meat

18:22

what if I eat a meat

18:24

one and then I'm like oh my gosh.

18:26

I'm full I thought it was impossible. Yeah,

18:28

that's the bit and but I eat real

18:30

be a real one and I won't love

18:32

it I thought it was impossible. I won't

18:34

like it. I promise I Won't

18:37

enjoy the 64 hot dogs. I eat in

18:39

record time Maybe I just need

18:41

64 regular hot dogs and go

18:43

yuck after each one. Yeah, an

18:45

advertising normal Nathan Todd I wish

18:47

these were impossible Man,

18:50

could we do a whole war with

18:52

grandpa style episode just about? Just

18:55

Joseph Gordon chest you could probably edit

18:58

our prior like that's probably a greatest

19:00

hits or grass It's all I don't

19:02

know if it is a razor We could do

19:04

that with this for sure I don't know

19:06

if we did a ton the year

19:08

that he choked out that a hot

19:10

dog protester Yeah on stage while gulping

19:12

down, but now he's doing impossible.

19:14

Don't what a turn Mmm,

19:17

that's a really good point trap.

19:19

Yeah, I in his defense

19:21

I don't know if he knew the person was protesting

19:23

when they rushed the stage and Joseph Gordon chestnut choked

19:25

him out I think that when you are in the

19:27

spent eating Yeah at this point if he was on

19:30

I just looked it up hot dog number 18 when

19:32

you're Yeah,

19:35

any big moving object is a

19:37

predator coming to get you in

19:39

your moment of vulnerability I

19:42

am now combined with that knowledge and

19:44

Justin's British accent that he put on

19:46

for I'm imagining like a 45 minute

19:49

long mini movie commercial for impossible

19:52

dogs That's like a not

19:54

like a Christmas Carol kind of thing Yeah,

19:56

where he jokes the person out and then

19:59

like he starts thinking about what

20:01

it really means and what it's all about

20:03

and ghosts of different animals come to him

20:06

and his ways are changed. He

20:10

sees his son eating a bunch of hot

20:12

dogs and he's like, I wanted a better life for him. And

20:15

he's like, no, he's inspired by you. He

20:17

ate the last pig, Joey. Joey,

20:20

your son ate the last pig. There's no

20:22

left. I know it seems

20:24

like Nathan's being kind of reactionary about this,

20:26

but I do have to say it's

20:29

troubling when the person that has

20:31

eaten the most

20:33

of the thing is the canary

20:36

in the coal mine. If

20:38

Joey chess that is so far out on

20:40

the frontier, if he says back

20:42

to me, a regular hot dog, you're like,

20:45

Justin, you got to trust me.

20:48

You don't want to come out here. It's really

20:50

bad out here. Don't eat as

20:52

many as I did. Trust me. You got to

20:54

switch now. In life, I

20:57

can see, look at all these floating hot

20:59

dog chains that bind me. In life, I

21:01

ate so many beefy boys. I

21:04

want to read a statement from Major

21:06

League Eating. Okay. Major

21:08

League Eating and Nathan's went to great lengths in

21:10

recent months to accommodate Joey and his management team,

21:13

agreeing to the appearance fee and allowing Joey to

21:15

compete in a rival unbranded hot dog eating contest

21:17

on Labor Day. For nearly two

21:19

decades, we have worked under the same

21:21

basic hot dog exclusivity provisions. However, it

21:23

seems that Joey and his managers have

21:25

prioritized a new partnership with a different

21:27

band over our longtime relationship. This is

21:29

still from him. Quote, Joey

21:32

Chestnut is an American hero. We

21:34

would love nothing more than to have

21:36

him at the Nathan's famous international hot

21:38

dog eating contest. We hope he returns

21:40

when he is not representing a rival

21:43

brand. I don't think the bad blood

21:45

is on the Major League

21:47

Eating or Nathan side. He's a

21:49

now he's an American hero. According

21:51

to. Yeah. This

21:53

is costing the sport. Oh, they know

21:55

what they're getting. There is a moat. There

21:58

is. I mean, you got to give. credit

22:00

to Nathan's for trying to hang on to

22:02

this, but I think at this point they're

22:04

gonna have to accept that this is now

22:06

an American institution. Yeah. Ours is a people.

22:09

They can't. I'm sorry guy. It's everybody. You

22:11

gotta open up the floodgates. You gotta let

22:13

them all in. Here's what needs to happen.

22:15

Here's what needs to happen. Let me plot

22:17

this out. Joey steps away. He's gotten too

22:20

big for this, right? He's taking a bigger

22:22

brand deal with impossible dogs. Time for a

22:24

young, hungry, literally

22:27

and figuratively challenger to step up. 18 year

22:29

old comes in, slams 66 hot

22:32

dogs. Yeah. In the time. 2025,

22:34

everybody's like, he's the new king

22:37

of the Nathan's Famous. He's the

22:39

new hot dog king.

22:41

It's Jackie Acorn. Yeah. Jackie Acorn's

22:43

out here. He beat it and

22:45

he stopped. He hit 65 and

22:48

just stopped. Yeah. And was like, I

22:50

could do more. And he's being, he's

22:52

real braggadocious about it, right? He's going

22:54

on tour and he's, and tours and

22:56

he's more, more like chestnut. Right?

22:59

And he said, alright, chest not. I don't,

23:01

excuse me. More like chest not. Right?

23:03

Cause he's not the greatest anymore. And he's

23:06

not running his mouth a lot. Jackie Acorn's

23:08

got fucking bars, man. That was so sick.

23:10

And now Joey like that. Joey has to

23:12

come back out, but he's out of the

23:14

game. He's developed an allergy

23:16

now from going at one year without

23:18

eating the hot dog. His body's rejecting

23:20

it. Can I push back against one

23:22

part of that statement, which is where

23:24

they referred to Nathan? It

23:27

seems like the Nathan's people were

23:29

trying to position Nathan's

23:31

hot dogs and impossible

23:33

brand hot dogs as

23:35

competitors. Yeah. I don't think

23:37

anyone in the history of time has

23:40

ever gone to the store and

23:42

seen hot dogs and

23:44

non-bad people. And then meet based

23:46

hot dogs and been like, hmm,

23:48

which one it's either you

23:51

do hot dogs or you've always

23:53

wanted to do hot dogs, but

23:56

your lifestyle choice has

23:58

prevented you. from accessing

24:00

that wonderful world. Now you're able to

24:02

get that thing. There have

24:05

been times where merely the word impossible

24:08

is enough to spark my

24:11

wonderful, magical, mission-like

24:13

goryums, wondering-borium level

24:15

of excitement. Right.

24:17

And I'm like, what magic is this in this impossible dog? And

24:20

I've done that before. And I think if

24:22

memory serves, it's better for the

24:25

environment. I'm not- No, no, no.

24:27

You are misunderstanding and mischaracterizing my

24:29

point. This is not

24:31

an anti-vegan food rant. I've eaten myself

24:33

many an impossible burger and they are

24:36

good. They are a fine alternative. This

24:38

is hot dogs. Yeah. You

24:42

don't- This is a nicotine patch of

24:44

food, okay? You aren't craving

24:46

it. You're like, I

24:48

need vegan dogs. Like you don't want that.

24:51

You don't. You want a hot dog. You're

24:53

not eating hot dogs. Bully for you, but

24:55

you're not waffling. That's what Griffin is saying.

24:57

Yeah, I know. I'm not even saying that.

25:00

There is a person for whom they do

25:02

crave hot dogs, but they just can't

25:04

because it would make them sick or

25:06

so sad or so guilty. Now they

25:09

have this option, but that's, there's

25:11

no overlap in that Venn diagram

25:13

because it's hot dogs. It's apples

25:15

and oranges. Yeah. It's, yes.

25:17

I see. I get you. It's

25:19

not a MasterCard, it's Kermitized. They're way out

25:21

here. It's way, way out. Way,

25:24

way out. So listen, this

25:26

is an advice show and

25:29

on this show we offer advice

25:32

and give them alchemy like to you

25:35

into wisdom. And my email got

25:37

signed out. Hey brothers.

25:39

Thank you. You want me to rip it? No,

25:42

I got it. Hey brothers, newborn babies

25:44

are adorable. And whenever I pass by

25:46

someone with one, I give them an

25:48

aw, but never see anything to the

25:50

parents. Congratulations seems a little weird to

25:52

me, but I'm not sure what else

25:54

would be appropriate. As parents yourselves, how

25:56

do I congratulate them in a cool

25:58

or appropriate way? That's from. maybe

26:00

courtesy in BC. Good

26:02

question. I don't think we've talked about this. No, I

26:05

am, I, this is a type

26:08

of thing that I feel like being a

26:10

parent has kind of completely flipped my whole

26:13

world on because my, my MO,

26:15

I think before having a kid

26:17

was if a child, like

26:20

a little baby makes a face at me,

26:22

I am absolutely standing perfectly still and not

26:24

responding to that energy at all because I

26:26

don't want to have, I don't want to,

26:29

I thought maybe then you look at the baby and

26:31

you're like, hi, and then the parent is like, why

26:33

the fuck are you looking at and making faces? But

26:35

now I know like 99% of the time the parent

26:37

wants to be like,

26:39

that's cute. Cause you're giving

26:42

someone else's looking at the baby. Correct.

26:44

For just a second, it's nice. It is. That

26:47

person is now responsible for entertaining a

26:49

baby. So I will say the catch

26:51

22 of this is knowing.

26:53

Wait, wait, wait, before you go forward Travis,

26:55

are you saying that if someone compliments your

26:57

baby, it becomes their responsibility? No,

27:00

just like to occupy it for a second. Okay.

27:02

For a moment, they are being

27:04

occupied by somebody else. But I

27:06

also know that soon that time

27:09

will be done. This person is

27:12

merely a dilettante dancing in the

27:14

space of entertaining my baby for a moment.

27:16

And then they'll be gone. And you know who

27:18

won't be happy that they're gone? The

27:21

baby. My baby. Right. Or

27:23

this person will engage in some kind

27:25

of across a plane aisle, oh, we're

27:27

making silly faces at each other. And

27:29

then they stop making silly faces, but

27:31

you know who's not done making silly

27:33

faces? My two year old who gets

27:35

progressively more upset that their silly faces

27:37

are not being reciprocated. It's a

27:39

double-edged sword. Literally

27:42

all anyone is looking for is

27:44

just a, it can be

27:46

just not, it could be a silent sort of

27:51

just mouth. So cute. Yep. Just a

27:53

little. Oh, that's, That's all it needs.

27:55

So cute. Two words for

27:57

you. Every parent thinks their baby is cute.

28:00

And so outside confirmation

28:02

will do or you're doing a great

28:04

job. I don't know that might be patronized

28:06

I have a sure that they make that's

28:08

very patronizing and they may not be oh,

28:10

that's fair That's you know you

28:12

don't want to lie to somebody maybe try some eyeliner

28:14

next time Oh, you know what

28:16

maybe their browser off right maybe give them

28:19

Constructive feedback you know what I mean have

28:22

you thought about fillers? What

28:24

also goes down smooth how old if

28:26

you're there if you're gonna be there for like I said

28:28

if you're in line at a grocery Store how old I

28:31

know one that old like I know one that old is

28:33

all you also have to say at the end of that

28:35

If you're gonna get them on the show circuit consider a

28:37

flipper Something like that is help

28:39

them out while we're on the

28:41

point and this is a request for a Lot

28:44

of these sort of holidays get piled up around like

28:46

May June. There's a lot of like coming

28:48

of age transitional

28:50

whatever If

28:53

you are talking to a new parent or current

28:55

parent or any parent Can

28:57

we all drop the enjoy these days

29:00

they go by so fast Though

29:03

as though Maximizing

29:05

quality time with my children before they

29:07

grow up is not like literally In

29:11

my mind all of the time like

29:13

as though that is not something like

29:15

that is escape my my notice is

29:17

that time is Fleeting yeah, and I

29:19

should enjoy every second of it like

29:21

yeah, I know yeah Thank you not

29:23

as that like that the implication is

29:25

it's just gonna get worse I know

29:28

yeah, right where I oh, I miss these

29:30

days fuck off Yeah, I enjoy as my

29:32

children get older we get to have new

29:34

and fun experiences They become full people that

29:36

I have conversations with and I enjoy them

29:39

I like them when they were kids

29:41

too because they're my is that era of

29:43

like it's that thing of like hold on

29:45

for this Cuz this part's like oh,

29:47

you know, these are the best days. It's all

29:49

done Really how late did you sleep in this

29:52

morning? Yeah, that's the really you

29:54

know, how much vomit did you clean up this

29:56

week me three? Yeah, three whole

29:58

one one. We One

30:00

was on my garage stairs. Fuck

30:03

off. I got that once

30:06

from Rachel and I for our 10th

30:08

anniversary. We're at this beach resort. And

30:10

there was at one point I was

30:12

talking to this older couple at the

30:15

bar there and they were like, oh, you have

30:17

kids, how old? And I was like, oh, you

30:19

have a three year old and a seven year old. And they were

30:21

like, oh, so fun. You got to treasure those days. Those days are

30:23

so special. And I wanted to be like, you

30:26

are at a beach

30:28

resort right now where you have

30:30

probably been for a while now.

30:32

So that's awfully sweet

30:34

coming from you, living the life,

30:36

the sweet life. You

30:39

got to love those days. Anyway, time

30:41

to go party for the 90th

30:44

day straight. Woo! When

30:48

people were like, huh, just wait till they're teenagers.

30:50

And I'm like, do you mean when they're able

30:52

to full blown entertain themselves and we can like

30:55

talk through issues? Oh no. It'll

30:57

be so shitty. Don't get me wrong. It'll

30:59

be so shitty. Oh no. But shitty in

31:02

a different way. Shitty in a

31:04

less physically exhausting way maybe. But

31:06

also that's not helpful when you're

31:09

like, oh man, you think

31:11

it sucks shit. It's either you're going

31:13

to miss these beautiful days or you

31:15

think it sucks now. Wait until they

31:17

start to dislike you actively. Yeah. It's

31:20

like, thanks for both of them. Cool, man. Thanks actually.

31:22

Thanks for implying that I don't love my kids enough now and

31:25

that I won't love them later. But

31:28

yeah, just say so cute. So cute.

31:30

So cute. I have this cliche a little bit. I'm not

31:32

very, we can come up with some. I'm not looking for

31:34

you to reinvent the fucking wheel. I don't want a

31:36

big interaction. So cute is like

31:39

polite in a way that I appreciate. Don't ever

31:41

do anything that's like, they're going to be a

31:44

heartbreaker or you're going to be chasing boys. Wait,

31:46

that's gross. Don't say that. That's the grossest amount.

31:48

Travis, I love you. We did not need to

31:50

tell that to our audience. I hope so. There's

31:52

no way that any of those, any of that

31:55

type of person in the audience. The thing that

31:57

I feel like a lot of people who aren't.

32:00

aren't experiencing kids all the time, forget. And I

32:02

think it's really not, it's not as hard as people

32:04

think it ought to be. You

32:06

just have to remember that

32:09

it is a small human being. And

32:12

if you could keep that in your head that you just

32:14

show you them like, you know, with

32:17

the dignity and respect, like as though

32:19

it's a human being and not an

32:21

accessory or a job or

32:23

a workload or whatever, it's like a

32:25

person. So you're meeting a little person.

32:27

Hey, what's this person's name? There

32:30

was a baby that popped up at Willy

32:32

Wonka rehearsal this week. So excited,

32:34

cutest little redhead baby, Raimi's pin, how cute

32:36

is that? He's just in a play pin

32:38

that appeared in the shell of a son.

32:40

I was so excited. I tried to take

32:42

it, but they said I gotta do

32:45

a bunch of other stuff. That's gross, man. It's killing when

32:47

a baby appears out of nowhere. What you could do, and

32:49

this is just, if you're looking for a fun option, you

32:52

could say, oh, it

32:54

looks like you got a feature, then

32:56

fill in a job

32:59

that has nothing to do with physical

33:01

appearance or anything. Like, oh, it looks

33:03

like a future fashion designer. And

33:06

like- Got a future electrician on

33:08

your hands. Yeah, let them try

33:10

to process how you gathered that

33:12

information. Oh yeah. I'm

33:14

a purveyor of the mystical arts.

33:17

Oh, they're gonna be a great

33:19

sous chef someday. Absolutely. What? How

33:22

did you know? It's

33:24

amazing. Ask the

33:26

baby if you can hit its vape. That's fucking

33:29

funny. If anyone ever did that, if I

33:31

was playing with my three-year-old outside and someone

33:33

was like, oh, what's his name? And I

33:35

wouldn't tell them because this 2024. And

33:38

they were like, can I hit your vape, little guy?

33:40

I would bust up. And that would be a nice

33:43

moment of levity for me as a parent. I would be

33:45

like, that was a good one, man. Get out of here,

33:47

but that was a good one. Don't offer the baby your

33:49

vape. It's not funny in reverse.

33:52

It is still kind of funny. It's

33:56

a little funny. I'll turn the Oms

33:58

way down. Don't worry. It's fine. You

34:01

could say, hey, skippity baby you got there. I

34:03

don't know what it means, but I think that

34:05

we shouldn't probably say. An Ohio baby. That's an

34:07

Ohio baby with lots of Riz. Riz were days.

34:09

That baby's a real Riz. That's what a Riz.

34:12

Hey, guys, guys, guys, guys.

34:16

Yeah. Uh, today,

34:19

or yesterday in the

34:21

dressing room, I heard

34:23

my dad said,

34:25

uh, hey, Charlie, you know

34:27

about internet stuff. What is

34:29

Riz? Uh oh. And

34:32

I got to hear, actually, Noah's Cooper

34:34

explained to dad what Riz meant. So

34:36

that was a real, that was a

34:39

real passive. Uh, so

34:41

we can look forward to him saying

34:43

Riz casually on the, yeah. So this

34:46

is foreshadowing for future Taz episodes, everybody.

34:48

Enjoy. He actually said, what does

34:50

it mean if a slime is Rizzy? Wait,

34:54

what does that mean? I know what all

34:56

of those words seem, and I wouldn't know

34:58

what that implies. All together, I'm charmed by

35:00

that slime. Hey, uh, let's, uh,

35:02

let's take a quick break. Go to the

35:04

money zone. Do that. And

35:07

then do more of this. Cool.

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36:37

over the plate. Sometimes

36:40

it doesn't have to be we make up a

36:42

whole fucking universe. And I just got out of

36:44

the way. Can I say I saw your momentum

36:46

going and I was like, it's like a no

36:48

hitter kind of deal. This is a perfect game.

36:50

And I got out of the way and I

36:52

let you anything. It was very weird. I kept

36:54

looking for a moment to help him. But there

36:56

was like Griffin. It was so

36:58

fucking clean. Right. No daylight. It was like

37:01

you were low in the zone and everything

37:03

like I don't think I could have interrupted

37:05

you if I tried. It's like I ran

37:07

into like I fell into a river and

37:09

it carried me through to the other side.

37:11

Yeah, I guess I died. Oh,

37:14

so this is like a like in like

37:17

the river sticks kind of. Yeah, yeah. Travis

37:19

and I are currently you can't

37:21

tell Will listener. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, it's a test of

37:23

wills right now. The closest we get

37:26

to working in a given week is when we

37:28

do the ads. So we're always kind of squaring

37:30

off secretly to see who's going to

37:32

do the one little bit of work that we

37:34

do that week. I just feel like I've done

37:36

a lot of them recently. And so I just

37:39

thought you would do it.

37:41

Hey, listen, listen, I'm right now.

37:43

Let me add it. Here we go. Do you

37:46

need to get yourself a

37:50

doctor? Ah, fuck. I

37:54

said doctor. I blew my coming

37:56

out. The

38:00

catcher is coming out to talk to Griffin. He's

38:03

icing his shoulder. Oh,

38:06

I don't think he's coming back from this

38:09

one, folks. Hey guys, if you thought I

38:11

was actually going to do two advertisements, you

38:13

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38:15

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38:18

your area, I got, listen, I got a

38:20

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38:22

beautiful hands, the carpal tunnel is claiming them, and

38:24

I gotta find a doctor to fix these beautiful

38:26

babies. These are my money makers right here. My

38:29

hands. And so

38:32

I gotta find a doctor to do that. How

38:34

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38:36

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slash my brother.

39:35

zoctalk.com/my brother. I

39:37

don't actually think they want you to type

39:39

out DOT. I think they

39:41

probably actually prefer that you use the dot.

39:43

Dot. Oh, that would probably be

39:46

a little bit easier. Can I tell you guys what's happening?

39:48

My camera keeps freezing up a little bit, so I'm trying

39:50

not to say anything funny. If

39:52

we want to make a video clip

39:54

of this, I'm not ruining it. Maybe

39:57

I'll just stay really still. And

40:00

that's why I put my mouth right here. Sometimes that's

40:02

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40:43

can't really know if your own show

40:45

is any good. So I asked my

40:47

kids about ours. Is Jordan Jesse Co.

40:50

a good show? No, definitely not. It's

40:52

really bad. I would say

40:54

out of 10, maybe like

40:56

a four out of 10. It's

40:58

just really boring. Subscribe

41:03

to Jordan Jesse Go. A comedy

41:05

show for grownups. Is

41:11

there a funny food thing that happened? We've

41:14

already talked for so long. I might've been gearing

41:16

up for one, but now that I had to

41:18

do all that work, I'm not going to put

41:21

you all on my shoulder and carry you. Sorry,

41:24

guys. You're on your own. Let's actually

41:26

do another question. We haven't done any

41:28

questions. We've, we did one. Yeah, no, but

41:30

I mean, like I'm speaking figuratively, obviously. Yeah, go

41:32

for it. I was recently cat sitting

41:34

for a friend and it couldn't help but notice an

41:37

unfinished puzzle on her dining room table. This

41:39

was a 1000 piece, sir. One

41:42

of those guys that takes up a whole table. Oh,

41:44

yeah. It was clear the whole family had been working

41:46

on it. I really, really wanted to help do that

41:48

puzzle. Problem was the puzzle was a lot of trees

41:50

and sky. There's one easy segment to fill in a

41:53

dragon. I felt bad. That's

41:55

cool. Yeah. I

41:57

wish there'd been a picture of the puzzle included. because

42:00

one dragon way in the background, is it

42:02

going to make out for all those twins?

42:04

Well, let's finish the question and then we'll

42:06

see if that context is there. I felt

42:08

a bit bad about filling it in, though,

42:10

since the dragon was the coolest part. This

42:12

puzzle was clearly a big effort. I

42:15

settled for filling in most of the dragon, but leaving

42:17

out the last piece. Cool.

42:20

And you ate that last piece so that it'll

42:24

never be replaced. Everybody,

42:28

you gotta stop hesitating. You gotta

42:30

start just filling things. That's

42:33

weirder. Because you wrote the weirdest possible

42:35

version. Yeah. What, what,

42:38

what, they're going to come upon this

42:40

kickass dragon and you had tons of

42:42

dragon fun. Yeah. And then they're

42:44

going to get the last piece of the dragon. As

42:46

if neither of you will fufel. Now you slay it.

42:48

Now you slay it. It

42:51

doesn't work like that. It doesn't work like

42:53

that. You're like the, those are like the

42:55

king's knights and you come and beat the

42:58

dragon basically to death and then you're like

43:00

carrying the prince on your shoulders like, go

43:02

ahead to my league. Go ahead and kill

43:04

him at once. Piss

43:06

his eyeballs on him. They're

43:09

ripping the scales off right here at my league. Make

43:11

sure, make sure you're there when they

43:13

put that last piece in so you

43:16

can be like, oh, I bet that

43:18

feels good, huh? Finish

43:20

it the whole dragon like a big boy. Go

43:23

ahead. Yay. Yay. We

43:27

need to finish the question. God,

43:30

you're demanding lately. Okay.

43:32

Stuff. I,

43:36

should I have not put pieces down or just

43:38

completed the dragon? How could

43:40

I have puzzled in the least impolite

43:42

way? That's from puzzled about etiquette. Now

43:44

here's, here's what I'll say. That

43:47

is tricky about this is

43:49

that when you're putting together, at least for me, when

43:51

I put together a puzzle, I'm

43:53

not putting it together like

43:55

a laser printer line by line moving

43:58

up, right? Or side to side. you

44:00

do the outside pieces, and then you start

44:02

looking for ones that like jump out at

44:04

you, and then you fixate on

44:06

that like, okay, right, you know, the barn,

44:09

I'm gonna get all the barn pieces. Right?

44:12

So if you start with the dragon, you can't

44:15

do some of the dragon. Yeah.

44:17

And then start on another part. For, for a

44:20

1000 piece, sir. Yeah, I will say

44:22

after piece 50 or 60, you are now

44:28

succumbing to the sunk cost fallacy, where you

44:30

no longer want to do this puzzle. It's

44:32

so many pieces, and it's so big, we can't

44:35

use our dining room table till we complete the

44:37

thing, but it would be wild for us to

44:39

throw away all the progress that we've done right

44:41

now, scrap the thing in the box. I think

44:44

if I came home from a vacation and someone

44:46

had done quite a bit of the puzzle, I

44:48

would be stoked. What I would be pissed about

44:50

is that you have left me with the fucking

44:53

snickle fritz of puzzle pieces

44:55

with just regular old sky and

44:57

tree pieces. Yeah. I need

44:59

the dragon, not only because it is

45:01

going to look cool and make me feel

45:03

good for doing it, but to break up

45:05

the monotony of piecing together the sky. Of

45:08

sky and trees? They may have been parsing

45:10

it out. Maybe they were just like allowing

45:12

themselves to tail one day. I will also

45:14

infer, because you say the whole family had

45:16

been working on it, that there is a

45:18

child at least, or multiple children, and you

45:20

know that child wanted to work on

45:23

dragon. Yeah. How are you going to get that

45:25

kid excited? Like, oh, let's put the tree pieces together.

45:27

I get struggling with

45:29

this a little bit, because there's

45:32

no judgment, but I do not understand

45:34

the jigsaw puzzle thing. I don't- Really?

45:36

It doesn't bring me joy or pleasure.

45:38

So I will equate it to the

45:40

best equation I have is like woodworking,

45:43

right? Same idea. It's just a pleasant

45:45

way to pass the time. I enjoy

45:47

the activity. If you had

45:49

come to me and be like, Justin, there was

45:51

a couple places I thought screws should be, so

45:53

I just dropped a few in there for you.

45:56

I would beat you to death. So

45:58

I don't know how- I

46:01

can't get in the mind of jigsaw people. I

46:03

don't get it. Except for jigsaw. And I never

46:05

want to get into his bike. No, I fucking

46:07

don't. So who else is there? I will say

46:09

that you- The weirdest twist did. The

46:12

example you've given is not great in that

46:15

when someone puts together a jigsaw puzzle,

46:17

they can't just kind of jazz it

46:19

in the way that woodworking is like jazz. Okay.

46:22

There's a right and a wrong way pretty- Well,

46:24

you could pretty much- You could push it together

46:26

real weird. Yeah. Um...

46:30

Wait. Hey, question-asker, put together the

46:32

dragon. Enjoy. Take it back apart.

46:34

That's so good, draft. The perfect

46:36

crime. Oh, that's good. That's

46:38

so much better than leaving a piece because the

46:40

piece acknowledges that it was very fun to do. Yeah,

46:43

and that you knew- But you didn't want to

46:45

eat all- You fucking Goldilocks, you left a little

46:47

bit of porridge in the bottom of the bowl.

46:49

And it's like- So you knew- You

46:51

knew how twisted it was that you were doing the dragon.

46:55

But here's- Okay, okay. Put together the dragon, then

46:57

take a picture of it. Take it back apart.

46:59

Wait till they finish the puzzle, then send them

47:01

a picture. And be like, aha! But I did

47:03

it first. What was your time to dragon? No,

47:05

yeah. Yeah,

47:09

I ignored the trees. That's how I

47:11

just- I did a dragon percent run.

47:14

Just completed the dragon first. Were you

47:17

paid to cat sit? Because if

47:19

not, just solve the whole

47:21

fucking puzzle. Just solve the whole puzzle. They owe you everything.

47:24

I think that's also it. If I came back

47:27

and you'd finished the whole puzzle, then

47:29

I'm like, oh, we can start over. Right.

47:32

But if I come in and

47:34

you finished the middle 40% and

47:37

left all of the outs- Then I'm like, well, either we need

47:39

to finish this- How much time you have finished this? I wonder

47:41

how much the dragon was, right? Like, how much of it is

47:43

dragon? Yeah. I want to

47:45

imagine it's a really irregularly shaped dragon. It's not

47:47

just a dragon sleeping in like a big pile.

47:51

You did this weird-

47:53

It's all jaggedy

47:55

and you've clearly left out any

47:57

tree piece you could. The

48:00

not include that that of i'd like to a

48:02

man. So can we do the next question setting

48:04

it's a good one. I'd love to

48:06

Griffin, my place of employment decided it'd be a

48:08

good idea to have an inhouse talent show. A

48:11

one it enter but only know very basic

48:13

card tricks, what talents he think can be

48:15

taught fast and be good at to get

48:18

second place. I don't want to win because

48:20

I don't want that much attention but enough

48:22

to be recognized as close surrender of. Ah,

48:26

the. So keep the so that and

48:29

so good. I watched a you

48:31

tube why himself up and of

48:33

a man who went from not

48:35

knowing how to do a backflip.

48:37

To. Doing a backflip was the average me. What's.

48:40

That was it. demi. Them.

48:42

He did rebates. been doing a demi will

48:44

do a backflip. Sally. That are

48:47

you watched? No no this was like a

48:49

guy who just wanted to learn how to

48:51

do a backflip and so is about his

48:53

like eighteen hour journey of doing nothing but

48:55

failed backflips for a whole day Israel and

48:57

tell he could do a backflip. So.

49:00

I think that there's some some something there may

49:02

be if you don't even learn to do the

49:04

backflip right and you get up on stage

49:06

like what's up. Every by my name is Billie

49:09

from accounting and I do back flips and any

49:11

try to do one and one died when I

49:13

get it but don't quite that's a second place

49:15

Africa married by the I do some the whole

49:18

family young so I have some backwards i rifle

49:20

hateful of. I would

49:22

push back a little bit of quest. Vassar as a

49:24

you when it gets. Third, That. As

49:26

I think, second place. One, if you're close

49:29

to unwrap, there's a chance you get first,

49:31

right? You don't want it to be

49:33

a coin toss base of a judges or

49:35

whatever you want a not. and you also

49:38

don't have to be like a rivalry.

49:40

Oh, and exactly, you want a nice comfortable

49:42

third? You're on the podium. right?

49:44

right? nobody. Next year. If this happens again,

49:46

no one's going to be upset if you

49:49

don't sign up again. Yeah,

49:51

comfortable. Third, Eye.

49:54

Out the only tell A here's the thing

49:56

that I've done and taluses and the only

49:58

tell us as we have. I saw

50:00

mill our elementary were lip syncs Yes

50:02

sided two different lip sync songs in

50:05

two different years. One was a Travis,

50:07

one was was my friend Jay Neil

50:09

J meal and I. Lit. Sank

50:11

to a novel. the record my dad

50:13

had played on the radio called whole

50:15

you're Hiding Out of Bed And him

50:17

because he did the morning show. That

50:20

was a huge hit and then ah

50:22

we lip sync a Big Ll Cool

50:24

J's version of Big Bad Wolf Yeah,

50:26

ah for the as for The Tower,

50:28

so to which if you've ever heard

50:30

that on Spotify, You're.

50:32

Fine. Fifty don't

50:34

need to sell needs a their actionable of

50:36

yeah yeah. Total thing is I did not

50:39

win with either of these are gonna do

50:41

either of those and I can pretty much

50:43

guarantee. Interesting.

50:45

Memorable. But. Probably

50:47

not a winner in the Miller Elementary lip

50:49

sync contests. Travis and I actually placed second

50:52

with Reform. It's of walk the dinosaur cells.

50:54

That is what I was one of their

50:56

big hit says every one of one of

50:58

now and I was I wasn't Here's a

51:01

beautiful thing about lives thinking. Question asked her.

51:04

Commitment. Know weird, it's a that

51:06

we're fucking five rarely very much a

51:09

grown ups. But. Commitment.

51:12

Is going to do you way

51:14

better than talent, right? If you're

51:16

selling a. Riot. No one

51:18

cares how good your lipstick guy. He.

51:20

Is that You are willing to look

51:22

silly? Now this isn't true with like

51:25

juggling. Right being data Chevrolet

51:27

by giving a you're all isn't get a

51:29

good you far. As easy to

51:31

stop and think purpose because I think the point

51:33

you're making. Is true, but it can also

51:35

apply to. Any actually human being can

51:37

do to a certain extent, as if you

51:39

got up there, you're like what's up everybody?

51:41

I'm Billy from Accounting now. Watch me juggle,

51:43

flip, flip a you drop. The third boss

51:45

called on Netflix that hooked. Up.

51:48

Hold on of fact that Daemon I can

51:50

really do. I really can't I really can't

51:53

do it out as it gets sad that

51:55

but as you can play that as it's

51:57

user gets you third place Traffic jams like

51:59

my parents literally because it says once the

52:02

be able A was. Okay, Well,

52:04

as than is Elizabeth, they want the

52:06

attention. Okay, went home on. Be.

52:09

Good enough as recognize you don't want a

52:11

pity. Third, you want to comfortable said no,

52:13

but afterwards you'd be like you Like that

52:15

said, that was a bit. That's right, I'm

52:17

funny to like I can access you know

52:19

who programmers at with. I have been learning

52:22

to juggle my entire life when I was

52:24

three years old. My. Grandfather

52:26

who. Yet was one

52:28

of the Ringling Brothers sat me down and

52:30

we began lessons for six hours a day.

52:32

Every day I practice juggling of oh my

52:34

grandfather and I've been doing it for twenty

52:37

years and I'd like to share with you

52:39

now at like a Xavier really bad and

52:41

I know as then you say My grandfather

52:43

was a lion tamer so I don't know

52:45

why he tried to teach me juggling cited

52:47

you as I did not know out that

52:49

it's have abs gonna be the punch line

52:52

between to get your third my friends. I.

52:54

Want to be honest? he guys about

52:56

some them because I almost said it

52:58

out loud and then i i sat

53:00

on a throw a bit. And.

53:02

I'm. I. Realize that when

53:05

you were talking about personal, learn how

53:07

backflip and eighteen hours. I

53:09

had this moment or as I. Am. A sit

53:11

man. I got a D Had

53:13

hours like whoa, That's all it tastes. Learned

53:15

a backflip a now realize it's he didn't

53:18

learn to backflip at eighteen hours. Healer

53:20

to backflip in the eighteen years

53:22

before that. And then the a

53:24

d that you don't mean there's a whole.

53:27

Lives he lives easier and himself. I'm a

53:29

dancer for you're Not gonna I live in

53:31

a T was poised for success. All that

53:33

is what I think I may be like.

53:35

If you can find if you can find

53:37

this video. It. Looks like the

53:39

worst day a human being can have

53:41

to. He really does try to backflip

53:43

and then fall down like a million

53:46

times and by the by like. By

53:48

the time it's noon. He's. Like this

53:50

policy sucks but them by like nine pm

53:53

and he's doing backflips it's like i guess

53:55

it was worth is the jews had a

53:57

whole day a terrible spills. Is there an

53:59

insurance option? Well, it's not skill based,

54:02

but it's just like how willing

54:04

are you to accept like

54:06

holding up big buckets full of water

54:08

for a really long time? Cool. Right?

54:11

Of like now you're committed, people will be impressed by

54:14

your commitment and your endurance. But

54:16

it doesn't take a lot of skill to do, you know

54:18

what I mean? Like you could do it as

54:20

long as you're willing to. Now you know what?

54:22

I'm looking at the question again. You can do card tricks.

54:26

I'm confused. Now I can see it. Do

54:28

you not? You will not

54:30

podium with card tricks unless you are pretty

54:33

good at them. We've all seen a lot of

54:35

pretty good card tricks. You get the pattern going

54:38

no matter how basic the card trick is

54:40

if the pattern is on point. If

54:43

you're doing juggling and the pattern is

54:45

on point, like what's up everybody? I

54:47

mix juggling and comedy and a good

54:49

and. But they can't already juggle.

54:52

They can already do card tricks, Griffin. Yeah

54:55

no one gives a shit man. I'm going to do

54:57

so many card tricks. Do

54:59

you work at Bicycle Card Company? Because then

55:02

it doesn't. It's not impressive. No that's a

55:04

good point. Everybody can do that.

55:06

Can you fling a card into a watermelon from

55:08

a distance? Another thing

55:10

that if you tried to do it a hundred

55:12

times in front of all of your adult coworkers

55:14

and fail is really fucking funny. That is really

55:16

good. It's really really good and funny. Especially once

55:18

you have to open the second pack of cards.

55:21

Yeah. And you're like okay you know what? I'm not giving

55:23

up. Does anyone have a pack of cards? Can I borrow?

55:26

I don't want to go get them. Can you? Anybody?

55:29

Ugh. And then you start picking the cards up

55:31

one by one. Don't let anyone go after you're

55:34

done. I think that's the number one thing is don't

55:36

give up. Because a lot of people are, if you

55:38

do bad enough, a lot of people are going to

55:40

be like give up, quit. Yeah. And

55:42

you can't. You're fired. But

55:44

that's not going to get you onto the podium for

55:46

sure. If you kick ass if you're like what's up

55:48

here's a watermelon. I'm going to throw these playing cards

55:50

into the watermelon with sharp speed. But then you do

55:52

it 52 times and fail. And you're

55:54

like um actually I'm going to

55:56

eat this whole watermelon. Yeah. I

55:59

change my. Hey everybody, I changed my

56:01

talent. I changed my

56:03

talent. I'm gonna eat the whole watermelon now.

56:06

It's gonna take me 15 minutes later, you're

56:08

like, I wanna open this watermelon with my

56:10

bare hands. Just give me like a little

56:12

bit more time. Does anyone have a pocket

56:15

knife or anything? Okay, now I'm gonna repair

56:17

a fractured index

56:19

figure right now on my uh... I'm

56:22

gonna show you how to spackle a

56:25

watermelon-sized hole in a wall. And

56:29

who built this place? Am I right guys? I'm

56:31

gonna call an ambulance completely independently

56:33

of idiots. Actually someone

56:35

would call. I've heard my finger quite

56:38

badly on the melon. Hey,

56:40

thank you so much for listening to our podcast.

56:42

We hope you've enjoyed yourself a whole, whole bunch.

56:44

I know I have. If

56:48

uh...if you don't got anything to do

56:50

this week, maybe come see us do a little

56:52

show. Yeah. We do a

56:54

skit for you. What do you think about that?

56:56

Yeah, it's gonna be fun and you'll like it.

56:59

And on the 21st we're gonna be doing Kansas

57:01

City, Missouri. On the 22nd we'll

57:03

be in St. Louis, Missouri. And on June 23rd we'll

57:05

be in Tysons, Virginia. Doing My Brother, My Brother, and

57:07

Me at all three of those. So come out and

57:09

see us. Opening St. Louis

57:11

with Wonderful. Oh, there you go. If

57:14

you're going to be at these shows and

57:16

you want to have your question answered or

57:18

wish to fund, go to Red Aloud. You

57:20

can email it to mbmbam at maximumfund.org and

57:22

put your city in the subject line. Please

57:24

do this because we have three My Brother,

57:26

My Brother, and Me to do in a

57:28

row. So we need your question. We need

57:30

questions. I cannot believe we're doing three different

57:32

cities on three different nights.

57:34

That is so... That is so... Rolling Stones.

57:37

Just like Taylor Swift. Speaking of Rolling Stones,

57:40

that's gonna be us tumbling down through beautiful

57:42

cities in this country of ours called America.

57:44

In July we're coming to Detroit and Cleveland.

57:47

August we're gonna be doing stuff at Gen Con. September

57:49

we're gonna be in Orlando and Atlanta. October we're gonna

57:51

be in Denver and Phoenix. November we're coming to Indianapolis

57:53

and Milwaukee. Doing a mix of my BimBam and Taz,

57:56

most of those. Go to bit.ly

57:58

slash Mac and learn

58:01

more information and stuff. We have

58:03

new tour dates, September 6th and

58:05

7th, Portland, Oregon, we're

58:07

doing My Brother, My Brother and Me

58:09

and Adventure Zone as part of Rose

58:11

City Comic Con. Tickets go on sale

58:13

this Thursday at 10 a.m. local time.

58:16

Seating is general admission, ADA seating will

58:18

be available. You do not need a

58:20

convention badge to attend the show. And

58:23

don't forget to check out all the stuff we

58:25

have over at macroemerge.com, the

58:27

Fungalore poster by Willow Quillen, a

58:30

bunch of other stuff, and 10% of all proceeds

58:32

this month will go to Equality Florida, so go check

58:34

that out. Thanks to Montane also

58:36

for these four things on my life. Is better with

58:38

you. If

58:40

you're in the Huntington area this weekend,

58:43

you can catch the second weekend of Charlie and Chocolate

58:45

Factory that Sidney and I directed. It's a lot of

58:47

fun, it's very good. It shows that there's a great

58:49

pre-show before it, and you can go

58:51

to ghprd.org to find out all

58:54

about it. Justin, will

58:56

you do this wish for Fungalore, please? Oh,

58:58

happily. Okay. I

59:02

wish the blood pressure machines had a more satisfying

59:04

ending. My

59:07

name is Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy.

59:09

I'm Griffin McElroy. My brother

59:11

made cancer. Dad's. Well. It's

59:13

better, it's

59:16

better with you. It's

59:22

better, it's better with you. It's

59:28

better, it's better with you. It's

59:32

better, it's better with you.

59:45

Maximum Fun, a workaround

59:47

network of artist-owned shows supported

59:50

directly by you.