6:00

Yes. Well, the first thing, and obviously

6:02

when you say capsule, I'm I need a

6:04

shipping container. I'm

6:06

sure I'm not the first, but there are some of these

6:08

things are quite big. So

6:11

this is the second largest thing I want

6:13

to put in the time capsule. OK. And

6:15

it's a white Renault 4.

6:18

Now, a Renault 4 for people that are too young

6:20

is the quintessential eccentric French

6:23

car. The French always just build

6:25

cars that are just different just for the sake of it, because they

6:27

just don't want to be the same as everyone else, which is fine.

6:30

And the Renault 4, although it's not as

6:32

well known maybe as the Duchaville and the Bouncing

6:34

Ball car, is the quintessential

6:36

one of that because it's just full of eccentricities.

6:39

Now, my mother had two or three

6:41

of these cars when I was growing up.

6:44

She was a proper maniacal

6:46

driver. She was known as, because she

6:48

was sort of known on the local streets as the white tornado,

6:51

because this car would come, go pass

6:53

from anywhere. Anyway, but it was the

6:55

car, I learned to drive on. And therefore

6:58

you sort of hold up a special place in your heart

7:00

for the car, especially in my situation.

7:02

Cause I lived about 10, 15 miles outside Edinburgh

7:06

and I was at school in Edinburgh. So all my friends

7:08

were in there. So when I passed my driving test

7:10

and was able to drive, as opposed to get the car, it

7:12

was just like the, it was just like getting my

7:15

freedom at last. I can do this. Did

7:17

you shout, take my life. You can't take

7:19

my feet out. Exactly. I stood on top

7:21

of the car. Unfortunately, cause I was I was wearing a

7:23

Kilton traditional manner, so I was a resident. And

7:28

shouted that and nobody listened. Nobody cared,

7:30

frankly. Because it was before

7:32

the film had come out. Exactly. It was many years before

7:34

that. I was a genius. It

7:36

was extraordinary. I used to talk about Star

7:38

Wars back then. Didn't happen for another 10 years. But

7:42

anyway, yeah, so I learned to drive. And I'm pretty sure

7:44

the reason I passed my driving test, because I'm afraid

7:46

I was inspired by my mother's style of driving.

7:49

So as a learner driver, I was kind of, you know,

7:51

a

7:51

bit weird and a bit hard on the accelerator.

7:54

But one of the biggest eccentricities of this car

7:57

was that the gear lever came out

7:59

of where the

15:35

it

16:00

was 50 million and four

16:02

rupees was whatever, you know.

16:05

And of course, I couldn't get the checks back. So

16:08

I got this and sort of walked over

16:10

to other sheepish and she said, what is that

16:13

lump in your trousers? Because I know you're not pleased

16:15

to see me. And I had to pull out this brick

16:17

and I kid you not, three months

16:20

after our honeymoon, we got one

16:22

of the bags out to go somewhere else. And we found

16:25

some of these rupees that were stacked because we

16:27

just, you had to unpack them and stack them

16:29

into the three

16:30

pulleys you get. You'd spend the

16:32

whole holiday counting them. I

16:34

just absolute nightmare.

16:36

And of course we're staying into tails and rest

16:38

and we didn't really, we used a

16:40

bit of cash for tipping but we would have had to

16:42

have been very generous to get rid of that

16:44

by every piece. And so it was

16:47

literally start, we spent about an hour, first

16:49

of all, bending this lead staple so

16:51

we could get it out and then just taking

16:53

wards of these notes. And of And of course, having no idea,

16:56

I mean, they could, as it turned out, they weren't,

16:58

were very much even in India. But

17:00

anyway, but I mean, the guy must have just

17:02

laughed because he, and he probably had

17:04

lots of 10,000 rupee notes, but he just said,

17:06

no, you've just arrived. You need to be embarrassed.

17:09

And I was. Also, 50

17:11

quid is quite a lot of money for a lot of

17:13

people. Exactly. Exactly.

17:16

And that's the thing. And it was that weird sort of connection

17:19

with India. you know, we were staying

17:21

in these amazing hotels, but then

17:23

part of the trip was just going out into

17:26

the towns and cities and exploring them with guides,

17:28

sometimes history teachers and stuff

17:30

like that. But it was really interesting. We just learned

17:32

so much about all the different areas. But

17:35

of course, the other thing was, obviously, having just done a

17:37

Channel 4 show, I thought I could not be more right

17:39

on. And the one thing I

17:41

was not going to do in India was play the

17:43

colonial card about getting

17:46

people. So we were always very differential to everybody.

17:48

were always very polite and it was all fine

17:51

until about, I think

17:53

it was toward, we were there for about three and a half weeks and

17:55

it was sort of the last airport we arrived

17:57

then. And because there was a

22:00

So he came back

22:02

and he realized something had changed

22:05

because I had a smile that was almost

22:07

as wide as the waist stand and was just

22:09

going like this and just was quite hysterical. But

22:11

the brilliant thing about that event was

22:14

we were already thinking we were going to be

22:16

going down to London to seek our fame

22:18

and fortune in the entertainment industry, I suppose.

22:21

And it immediately took,

22:24

not right that day, that day, I don't

22:26

really remember very much after it. thinking

22:28

about it afterwards, it took the family pressure off

22:30

me entirely for my life.

22:32

Because it would not matter if I had gone

22:34

on to win seven Oscars, directed

22:37

the best film in the world. In an instant, I

22:39

knew that nothing was ever going to compare.

22:42

And I wouldn't want it to. To my

22:44

brother scoring a try against England on the

22:47

way to Scotland's grand slam. And

22:50

that was the first post-war grand slam. So

22:52

my brother only actually had

22:54

five caps because he got injured in the England and didn't

22:56

play for Scotland again later. But he had

22:58

five caps for Scotland, which included a grand

23:01

slam, but also a draw against

23:03

New Zealand, which was the only time Scotland's ever drawn

23:05

against England. So it's

23:07

sort of- Looking back to those Halcyon days, I'm

23:10

thinking, oh, I'm only, we could get Kennedy back. Yeah,

23:13

you know, absolutely. So he

23:15

recovered from his injury and he played a bit more. It was just such

23:18

a fantastic thing because he'd felt,

23:20

and we all thought that he'd missed

23:22

his chance of being capped because he just

23:24

did an off day at a really

23:26

important time and other people came in. But then

23:29

injuries conspired to mean that

23:31

he came in and his partner in

23:33

the backs played for the same team as us. He

23:35

was there for a long time and he played for the same team

23:38

as us. And I think that helped. But yeah, no,

23:40

it was just an extraordinary thing. It's amazing

23:42

to reach that level though, isn't it? Yeah. I

23:44

did a television thing once and I had to shake

23:47

the hand of Kenny Logan, Gabby

23:49

Logan type of, and I'd

23:51

shake the hand and slap him on the arm as if we were old

23:53

mates. That was basically what

23:55

the scene involved. and I shook his hand

23:58

and hit him on the arm.

27:31

to

28:00

be fair to you. But we used to have great fun

28:02

in the garden playing cricket and losing

28:04

cricket balls, which is the thing. Because

28:06

James eventually got strong enough

28:08

that he started hitting the balls over the house from

28:11

the back of the garden. So at that point,

28:13

I kind of thought, and we'd broken a few of our windows,

28:15

but not too many. And

28:18

what was brilliant was, as soon as something like that

28:20

happened, when James really hit the ball, Patrick,

28:22

James, and myself, we'd all become

28:25

four years old, even though they were in their

28:27

teens. And I was 45. And we basically

28:29

all

28:30

go, just waiting to hear the

28:32

voice of authority from the house going, go

28:34

on, stop it, you know, whatever it would be. Sorry,

28:37

mum. Yeah. So it was a very bonding experience

28:40

with my children that we were all being naughty

28:42

at the same time. And when we did

28:44

break up, we would all be standing in the middle of the garden

28:46

with our heads down, getting lambasted

28:49

publicly in front of all the neighbours

28:51

for doing it. Did you never think of putting debts

28:54

up? No, that would have been cheating. And also,

28:56

where's the joy in hitting it internet when you can hit

28:58

it over a two-storey house. I

29:00

mean I think I can see why James is doing it.

29:02

But anyway it was very fun time and obviously

29:04

now they're they're grown up and in fact

29:06

one of them's got their own child so I've just become a

29:08

grandfather. Oh brilliant. I haven't

29:11

really got used to the fact that I'm a father yet so it's a

29:13

bit of a catch up. I found out today that

29:15

you're 10 days younger than me. Really?

29:17

All right so you were very nearly a leap

29:20

year. Very nearly yeah. Yeah because going

29:22

back to the rupee Susan and I got married on the

29:24

29th of February 1992. which

29:27

of course is 29292. That's why

29:30

I'm brilliant. I'm obviously

29:32

being Scottish. I quite like the fact we own the banana bursary

29:35

once every four years. It's good.

29:37

I hope you get a really fantastic present

29:40

every four years.

29:41

Yeah, probably. But

29:44

yeah, so the cricket ball is partly to do

29:46

with James and Patrick, definitely playing

29:48

cricket with them. And also we used

29:50

to have what they call an incredible, which

29:52

is not a cricket ball, but it's harder than

29:55

a tennis ball. So it's like a plastic cricket

29:57

ball and I used to spend

33:30

out

34:00

in the field and the captain Neil Radford,

34:02

I think it was, and he was great player, but quite

34:04

grumpy about the cricket and certainly

34:06

grumpy about this A Scottish

34:09

B celebrity that was in the team. Anyway,

34:11

I was playing, but he wasn't playing in this game because he

34:13

pulled the muscle. So he was captain from the sidelines,

34:16

but Chris Cowdery,

34:17

well known with his very famous father,

34:20

he was playing. And because of this

34:22

incredible, the pros, when

34:24

we were batting, they couldn't get the ball off the square.

34:26

They

34:26

just couldn't hit the ball because they weren't

34:28

used to it. They didn't know what it was doing. And bowling

34:30

was exactly the same. So we'd scored in a T20,

34:33

we'd scored about 108 runs or something

34:35

like that. They weren't getting out, but they just couldn't score

34:37

runs. And Chris Cowdery brilliantly

34:40

said, Gordon, you come on to ball.

34:43

And the captain

34:46

from the bar was shouting,

34:48

don't put him on his rubbish.

34:51

Literally shouting this

34:53

to Chris Cowdery. Chris Cowdery said, just

34:56

give him a chance. Give him a chance. And of course, I

34:58

got the ball and I remember playing with James. I

35:00

could swing the ball two ways Yeah, I could

35:02

make it dance So I came

35:04

on to two wickets and two overs We won the game

35:07

and Chris Cowdery and I waited and we were the

35:09

last two to walk

35:10

off the pitch Just went past the captain going.

35:13

Thanks very much Of

35:16

course, yes human the last person

35:18

he wanted to win the game was me that is for sure But

35:21

that's just part of the real fun and games

35:23

you get out of contributing to this amazing

35:25

charity And now I'm

35:28

very proud to be a trustee of it. It has

35:30

become a huge thing now, hasn't it? Yeah,

35:33

and it's interesting, because I trained as a PE

35:35

teacher and taught as a PE teacher.

35:37

And the school I was at, as I explained before,

35:40

was a big rugby playing

35:40

and cricket playing school, but sport

35:43

was right at the center and heart of everything they

35:45

did. And the

35:47

education that you get through, especially

35:49

playing team sports, you realize

35:51

when you've got it, looking back on it, you realize you've

35:54

learned all these things. I mean, in a way, a lot

35:56

like acting, where you're part of a team. Everyone

35:58

thinks it's all egos.

42:00

show because it was Robin Hood's gang. And

42:02

she said, if one of you had been somebody

42:04

that I thought wouldn't have worked, it

42:07

would have been poison. And she was absolutely

42:10

right. And it was a great lesson for

42:12

everyone to learn. Be

42:14

polite, be on time, and be a team player

42:17

was the sort of lesson. And it was a pretty

42:19

good one. And carry a cricket ball. A

42:21

carry a cricket ball with you all the time. Yeah, always

42:23

carry a cricket ball. So yeah, yes,

42:25

I think you're right. And I think if I've got a talent as a producer,

42:28

that's where the talent comes from is from my training

42:31

as a PE teacher, which may seem strange, but

42:33

I think it is. I think it is. No, I think you're right.

42:36

It's also knowing when to step away from things. Yeah. And

42:38

also knowing when to shut up. I'm really bad at that. All right.

42:41

We'll shut up about cricket for

42:44

a second and put them into the time capsule.

42:46

So you got one more thing you want to put in because you like

42:48

it. Yeah. And this is the

42:50

box set of Absolutely.

42:53

Now that may seem very egotistical. But

42:55

the story behind the box set is

42:58

weird because, I mean, you will

43:00

know this too.

43:01

We make things as actors and

43:03

as producers and as writers, we make things

43:05

all the time. But a lot of

43:07

the time it's not a physical thing. And

43:10

I'm, I'm, I'm incredibly Scottish.

43:12

So I love manufacturing, you know,

43:14

so manufacturing television shows is,

43:17

is to me, it's just like building ships, except we don't

43:19

use rivets. Well, sometimes you do, but you don't tend to

43:21

use rivets. whether it's producing

43:23

or acting or whatever, you're creating something,

43:26

then you're manufacturing something. But

43:28

the problem with doing television and theater

43:31

is that you manufacture it, it goes down a little

43:34

tube and then it's gone. And

43:36

especially in channel four, because they never repeated anything.

43:38

So we did absolutely. And

43:40

then we had a lot of

43:42

conversations just because I mean,

43:44

absolutely it was pre social media and the internet

43:47

really. But by the sort

43:49

of the mid-90s, we suddenly

43:51

realized that there was a tribe of people out there that really

43:55

loved the show and watched the show. And as time went

43:57

on, we suddenly had to start getting

43:59

in.

47:58

Bona fide, one

48:01

empirical evidence there that we've done this

48:03

thing and yet we have no cognitive

48:06

memory of it. That's one of my favorite moments in

48:08

the whole thing. You almost, without

48:10

doubt, would have watched it thinking there's going to be moments

48:13

in this where we're going to go, oh God, that's terrible.

48:15

But it's lovely to watch those things and go, do

48:17

you know what? This is quite funny. Yeah.

48:20

I mean, don't get me wrong. There was four Scots in

48:22

the room, so there was a lot of self-flagellation

48:25

criticism going on. I wouldn't

48:27

worry about that. But yeah, no, it was very

48:29

good. And so that was done. And

48:31

so we thought, right, that's great. We've done that. And

48:34

that's the end of it. And then, of course, Gaspiti

48:36

from the comedy unit called up in 2013 and said, Luke,

48:40

we'd love you to do some of your

48:42

classic sketches on radio.

48:45

And they wanted to do this thing where they would have a young sketch

48:47

troupe

48:47

and then have a few classic

48:50

old sketches. But

48:52

the Olympics had been the year before. So we

48:55

immediately said, we have to write

48:57

something for Stony Bridge, because everyone remembers the

48:59

Stony Bridge Olympics. And obviously

49:02

the first line is Bruce saying, I

49:04

have some bad news for us. I

49:07

mean, the police went up and up when I said dinner.

49:10

But we sort of realized that we had to do

49:13

is write write a new sketch for that. But

49:15

of course,

49:16

all these characters like Callum Gilhooley and

49:18

the little girl and Denzel and Gwyneth, they'd

49:21

all sat almost like ventriloquist

49:23

dummies in suitcases

49:25

silent for 20 years. So

49:27

of course, as soon as you open that Pandora's box, everyone

49:30

was, yeah, I think Frank Hovis

49:32

needs to go and see his father in hospital. You

49:35

go, yeah, I paid quite a lot

49:37

of money to see that, John, off you go. So

49:39

he did some classic sketches. And

49:42

I mean, it was just hilarious. I mean, we went

49:44

up to Glasgow, to the Oran Moor in Glasgow, which is

49:46

a converted church, and the venue's in the

49:48

crypt, so it's a fantastic comedy

49:50

venue. And we literally just thought,

49:53

nobody's, they're not gonna, it's 20

49:55

years ago we were there, come on. which is partly

49:57

why we wanted to write new stuff and a

49:59

little.

52:00

and I feel so lucky and privileged

52:02

that we were given another chance to

52:04

do it, which was just... And people really enjoyed

52:06

it. That was the thing, because it wouldn't have been great

52:08

if they hadn't, but it was just great fun. Fantastic.

52:10

Well, let's put the absolutely box set in. Lovely.

52:13

Do we now have to put something in that you want to get rid of? Okay.

52:16

It's a lamp post. And

52:20

it's a lamp post on Platts

52:22

Lane, which is a road

52:24

that comes down from Hampstead Heath towards

52:27

Kilburn really. So I'm

52:29

a

52:30

big outdoor swimmer. I swim in Hampstead

52:32

Ponds three times a week. And

52:34

I cycle and it's a great workout because from

52:37

where I am, we have to cycle up the hill as

52:39

you do if you go to Hampstead. And from

52:41

Wollstone, it's just uphill all the way. So it's a good workout

52:43

and you come and then you come back. And

52:46

one time I was up there and we'd

52:49

gone for a swim and I was cycling back with another person

52:51

who wasn't quite as fast a cyclist as I was. was and

52:54

we were going down Platt's lane and I wasn't, I put

52:56

the brakes on because I realized that he wasn't

52:58

going as fast as I was. And then I

53:00

looked around to see where he was. And

53:02

the next thing I remember was I was

53:04

on my hands and knees on the ground. There

53:07

was an ambulance man there and

53:09

I'm saying, is my bike all right? And

53:11

they said, you know, your bike's fine. And they said, good. And

53:13

me trying to get on my bike and they're

53:15

going, no, no, no, no, you can't, you can't get on your bike.

53:17

You've come off your bike. We need to, we need to

53:20

sort out. And then I looked around and I saw there

53:22

was a sort of a crowd of people, including my

53:24

friend who was saying, just cut,

53:26

I'll sort the bike out Gordon. It's all right.

53:28

And an ambulance with blue

53:30

flashing lights on it. And I

53:32

don't remember that time change. No, I there's 15

53:35

minutes that I don't think I'll ever get back. But

53:37

what had happened was that

53:39

I think the road was quite wet and there was new

53:42

sleeping policemen had been putting. And as

53:44

I'd looked round to see where my friend

53:46

was, I think I hit the side of a, sleeping

53:49

in a policeman and so I leant over to

53:51

compensate for that and this lamp post, I

53:54

kid you not it's right on the edge of the

53:56

pavement. So I hit,

53:59

luckily I had

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