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0:46

it's Saturday so do you know what time

0:48

it is? B-b-b-bonus. It's

0:50

bonus time with another brilliant live tour

0:53

episode from the off menu tour that

0:55

we did in 2023 and this one

0:57

specifically was on the 18th of October

0:59

2023 in the Nottingham Royal

1:02

Concert Hall with our brilliant

1:04

special guest Sam Campbell. Yes,

1:07

now we said in previous episodes,

1:09

you know, there's some callbacks for the first half

1:11

that might not make sense and we've let you

1:13

know that, you know, the audience chose the secret

1:15

ingredient which in this case is veggie mite. Veggie

1:17

mite. Keep that keep that in mind. Also

1:20

I think you should know in this

1:22

episode that Sam Campbell for

1:24

the whole thing and it was a surprise to us when

1:27

he walked on stage is wearing a crash helmet that

1:29

has a fork an upright fork stuck to

1:31

it that's coming out of it with a

1:33

sausage skewered on the fork. Yes, for the

1:35

whole episode he's wearing that on his head

1:38

and a t-shirt that says food lover says

1:41

food loving paps lock that fills the whole t-shirt. So I think

1:43

there is a picture of that available on our social media if

1:45

you want to go and have a look at it. You'd

1:48

be able to go and see that. Yeah, but

1:50

just just so our reaction to Sam maybe we

1:52

even describe it to the listener. I think we

1:54

probably do. Maybe we were professional on the night.

1:57

I think we probably do describe it but what

1:59

we really come do justice to is our faces

2:01

when Sam came out and does what

2:03

he does at the beginning of the episode. So look

2:06

forward to that. I remember seeing an interview

2:08

with Teller once from Penn and Teller. Yeah.

2:10

And he talks in the

2:12

interviews. Does he? Yes. And he said that

2:14

like a magician had shown him a

2:17

trick. And because he's a magician

2:19

himself, he knew where the trick was going. Yeah. So the

2:21

magician threw in a little thing there where he did the

2:24

opposite of what a magician would expect. And that he filled

2:26

him with joy and it was a lovely gift. The

2:28

magician gave him to make him feel

2:30

like he believed in magic

2:32

and magic was done for him, like a

2:34

genuine audience member. And I

2:37

thought that that was Sam Campbell. Yes.

2:39

Doing the outfit. He came,

2:41

he deliberately kept it a secret from us, really went out

2:43

of his way. Yeah. Because he wanted to make us laugh

2:45

as well when he came out. Yeah. And not just have

2:48

us being on it. Yeah. He wanted to make us audience

2:50

members too. Yes. Thank you Sam for that

2:52

gift. Here it is. Sam Campbell live

2:54

in Nottingham. It's

3:04

going to do the podcast. Robert, Ed Gamble, kick

3:06

us off like only you can. Welcome

3:09

to the Off Menu Podcast, taking the

3:11

John Dory fish and chips of humour.

3:15

Getting Tommy at home to

3:17

cook the steak of friendship.

3:20

Putting them all together and getting the

3:23

Fockers fish and chips, serve and tub

3:25

off menu podcast. That

3:31

is Ed Gamble. My name is James A. Tassett. Together

3:33

we own a dream restaurant. And every single week

3:36

we invite in a guest, ask them a

3:38

favour, start a main course dessert, side dish

3:40

and drink. No, in that order. And this

3:42

week, our guest is Sam

3:44

Campbell. You

3:49

all know Sam Campbell. One

3:52

of our favourite comedians, currently absolutely smashing

3:54

it on Taskmaster. We are very, very

3:57

excited to have Sam here. We all know the secret.

4:00

So without further ado, this is the off menu of Sam Campbell.

4:07

Welcome Sam. Yeah,

4:10

very much. Sorry,

4:22

can I just

4:24

say, on behalf of all of us,

4:27

on behalf of the City of Nottingham

4:29

and on behalf of the entire Midlands

4:31

region, thank

4:33

you so much for a delicious and

4:35

spellbinding evening. Take

4:41

a seat please Sam. Sorry, can

4:43

I just say, I

4:46

mean this means a lot to me. I've

4:48

been a casualty of the loneliness epidemic.

4:51

I've faced a lot of obstacles, you know. I

4:53

tell you what, the man upstairs really knows

4:55

how to throw a curveball. But

4:59

I was never truly alone. Because

5:02

every Wednesday my body is filled with

5:05

a warmth that enters through my ears

5:07

in the form of the most amazing

5:09

podcast. I've been to so

5:11

many places with so many incredible people.

5:14

I've smiled with excitement as Scroobius

5:16

Pitt describes his crazy

5:18

pizza. I've

5:28

trembled with delight

5:31

as Cordia Winkleman describes her

5:33

most perfect tuna melt.

5:38

I gasped as the magician

5:41

Dynamo talked about his corned

5:43

beef hash. I

5:46

was never alone because I was with

5:48

you guys. You've gotten me through so

5:50

many storms. Thank you

5:52

Sam. Thank you Sam. Oh

5:58

God. Why

6:02

did I, I literally thought Sam was just

6:04

going to walk out and sit down. Yeah.

6:07

Of course he's not going to fucking do that. Don't know why we thought that.

6:09

Yeah. I don't even know where all that stuff came from. No. Honestly,

6:12

we've not seen any of this. Yeah. It's

6:15

not been mentioned to us. We were side of

6:17

stage, Sam was just completely different. Yeah. He

6:20

had, didn't have a bag on him at all

6:22

of any sorts. He's clearly arranged that with these

6:24

guys. Yeah. And they've been hiding that. That

6:27

was the first time we'd seen it. That speech was

6:29

the least of our worries. Yeah. Sam

6:34

was texting me last night going, I'm really worried about the show, about

6:36

my menu and stuff. And turned up with

6:38

a fucking fully prepared monologue. Those were

6:42

the correct dishes for each of those guests

6:44

as well. Well, welcome Sam. How have it

6:46

been? Yeah, good. Yes, James, please.

6:48

We need to start this properly Sam. So yeah, get ready. Oh,

6:52

oh. So

6:56

Sam, obviously as a student of the show, you know that

6:58

James is a genie. Yeah. So

7:00

we need to get the genie out of the lamp.

7:02

I always ask this to the guests, would you like

7:04

to rub the lamp or should we do it in

7:06

an imaginary fashion? Do you

7:08

want to rub the lamp? Yeah. You

7:11

can go and rub the lamp. Yeah. It's

7:15

funny it's called a lamp, isn't it? It's more,

7:18

it's, yeah. It wouldn't be

7:20

like, oh, yeah, a lamp. It's

7:23

like a strange pot. Yeah. I

7:27

think you do like, I think traditionally you would like the ends because it would have oil

7:29

in it. It's an oil lamp. Yes. Okay,

7:32

well let's get oily. I

7:36

summoned this girl. Oh my God. Welcome

7:49

Sam Campbell to the Dream restaurant. We've

7:52

been expecting you for some time. Genuinely

7:58

scared. He was genuinely scared. by that.

8:00

Sorry. That was amazing. You didn't want to

8:02

scare you, man. Oh no, it was a

8:04

war. It was excitement. It was

8:06

everything. How's

8:08

that staying on your head? Because when you walk,

8:11

it's like you're trying to balance it a bit. No,

8:14

but you're fine then. That's solid. Yeah. What were

8:16

you talking? Oh, if you're just

8:18

listening to this, Sam is wearing a t-shirt that

8:20

says food lover and a helmet with a sausage

8:22

on a fork on it. Just

8:28

so I should describe it for the listener. And

8:30

for the big finale, you guys are going

8:32

to lady in the tramp that sausage. Is

8:36

that a

8:39

real sausage or is that a? It's a

8:41

vegetarian sausage. It's not that old. Makes

8:46

me quite suspicious, Sam. I'm not sure I want the

8:48

lady in the tramp that sausage anymore. No, no, no.

8:50

This is fine to lady in the tramp. Yes. I

8:53

mean, you've been a vegetarian for how long now? Maybe

8:56

for three years. Ever

9:00

since I watched that big documentary, Leaving

9:03

Neverland. That'll do it.

9:06

That'll

9:12

do it. Yeah. We're

9:16

very excited to hear your

9:22

news, Sam. Oh, yeah. I can't wait. You've been putting

9:24

a lot of thought into it. I have. Yeah.

9:28

Putting everything. That and this hat.

9:30

Yeah. Yeah. And you were texting Ed

9:32

a lot. Yeah. But your concerns

9:34

and when I, whenever I

9:36

saw that, Ed would go, yeah,

9:38

and Sam's been saying like, you know, I

9:40

don't know what to say. And I was

9:43

like, why haven't I received any of these texts

9:45

from Sam? All the concerns that you

9:47

focused a lot on there. Yeah. Um, Ed's

9:50

less moody. I

9:54

don't want to catch you in one of your moods.

10:00

I was just nervous about, I'm just not the biggest foodie

10:02

in the world, like I'm just, yeah. But

10:04

I'll give it a crack, yeah. Yeah. Good. Thank you.

10:07

You know when people talk about food, I do zone

10:09

out. Okay. This

10:12

might be an issue then Sam. Yeah. Yeah.

10:16

Well we always start with still a sparkling water, Sam.

10:18

Do you have a preference? I'm

10:20

going to have to go with sparkling water. Some

10:26

beans though, some beans for sparkling water. Why

10:28

do you like sparkling water? Or why

10:30

do you prefer it to still? Did you

10:32

not know there'd be follow-up questions? Have

10:36

you ever had a guest who thinks about what they're trying to say? Oh, I...

10:41

Should have learnt to leave gaps. Sorry,

10:44

sorry. I've

10:48

really got into it at the library in

10:50

Sydney in a big way. So

10:58

again? So

11:01

in Sydney there's the

11:03

Maricville Library in Pavilion. It's like this amazing...

11:06

It was voted as one of the top

11:08

ten libraries in the world by a major

11:10

website. It

11:13

was. And yeah,

11:15

you can get free refills of sparkling water.

11:18

So once you get your first

11:20

bottle, you hold onto that all day and you can

11:22

just continue that

11:24

journey. How many

11:26

bottles of water would you say you'd get through? And

11:28

I've never asked this question before, during a day at

11:30

the library. I'd

11:33

say four or five bottles of sparkling water. Wow.

11:36

And do they offer the same deal with still

11:38

water as well? It was only with sparkling. Oh,

11:42

I reckon yeah, they would. It would be

11:44

the same. Because that's free in most... And

11:47

clean drinking water is a human right. But

11:54

you're whooping that as if finally someone in the

11:56

show has said that. Why didn't Ed and James

11:58

open with clean drinking water? drinking water with

12:00

you. I'm more concerned about the majority of

12:02

the audience who didn't avoid that. So

12:06

at the library you would have a choice between still

12:08

or sparkling water but you went for sparkling water. I

12:10

would often go for the sparkling water. So I would

12:13

say when Ed asked you

12:16

how long you've had that preference it sounds

12:18

like before then. Yeah. Oh

12:20

yeah that wasn't the first time I had it. But

12:23

is it because it feels

12:25

like a better deal when you're offered still

12:27

or sparkling water for free sparkling feels like

12:29

a better deal to get for free right.

12:31

Yes. Yeah absolutely. So I

12:34

would never really have it

12:36

at home. You'd not

12:38

buy a bottle of sparkling water for home. I

12:40

bought a soda strain but never for myself as

12:42

a gift. You bought

12:44

it as a gift for other people. For my friend's wife. A

12:49

bit weird. I was living

12:51

with him. I was living with him. I was

12:53

living with them both. Yes. She's my

12:55

friend as well. Yeah. OK. They're

12:59

in their 50s. Where

13:03

were you living? With Mark Silcox. Yeah it is. Yeah. Mark

13:06

Silcox's wife. I used

13:09

to live with Mark Silcox near the airport. I

13:14

don't know if it was. It's a shame that I ever know who

13:16

Mark Silcox is but also it would

13:19

take way too long to

13:21

explain to you. Yeah. This

13:23

man. Mark

13:25

Silcox. OK just quit the entry. If

13:28

Mark Silcox came on now you would all look

13:31

to Sam as the voice of reason. That's

13:35

what kind of a man Mark Silcox is. So

13:39

Mark Silcox's wife who as far as I

13:41

understand I've never met her but she's

13:43

a very normal person and

13:45

you bought her a soda stream. Yeah. Is

13:48

that because she expressed an interest in having a

13:50

soda stream? It must have come

13:52

up. And was it

13:54

for her birthday or

13:57

something? It was when I

13:59

left their home. Yeah, well like when

14:01

I was trying for me to you know find my

14:03

own place I can't be living with yeah Yeah, so

14:06

you left a soda stream in your place essentially

14:08

yeah The

14:19

sausage save this I really thought that was

14:21

the end of the sausage there and it's

14:23

rock solid up there Pop

14:27

it on some bread Sam Listen

14:31

I'm gonna go with poppadoms And

14:36

don't be conservative with the yogurt Is

14:41

that something annoys you if people bring you poppadoms

14:43

and they're conservative with the yogurt oh Yeah,

14:46

a little bit. I mean I do like the yogurt

14:48

to be there. Yeah. Yeah, the presence and plenty

14:50

of it. Yeah How

14:52

often you have in poppadoms would you? On

14:55

the one a weekly basis how many poppadoms would you

14:57

say you're eating how many times am I having it

14:59

a week? And how many am I having yes? Shivers

15:04

I reckon once a month Once

15:07

a month and I'm maybe I don't know I'd have three

15:09

or four it's usually with a group a

15:12

group of people and a group of Is

15:17

that the term lots of poppadoms a group would

15:19

you say I'm still stuck on shivers yeah Yeah,

15:25

yeah part of your vocab a Stack

15:29

a stack Big

15:31

stack of big stack of poppadoms I know

15:33

you mainly have in the yogurt is that the main dip

15:35

there or Are you getting all the

15:37

other dips what I like to do and you might want

15:39

to try this is I dip the poppadoms in the yogurt

15:47

That's pretty clever man You

15:50

know what I've been doing I've been eating all

15:52

the poppadoms completely dry horrible And

15:54

then I've been knocking the yogurt just and try

15:56

and just mix them up in my stomach. Yeah

15:59

first genius Now there is an argument for that, but

16:01

I like to when I eat I really, no I

16:04

do, I like to kind of combine all the

16:06

different flavours. Yeah. Lime pickle. Sorry?

16:10

Lime pickle. Absolutely, yeah. Mango

16:12

chutney? Oh yes, yes, thank you. I

16:14

saw that you did understand that. Yeah, yeah. There

16:16

you go, back straight. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh

16:19

yeah. Oh yeah. Oh

16:21

yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

16:23

Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

16:25

Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

16:27

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh

16:30

yeah. Okay. If I went back to Lime

16:32

Pickle now would you know what I was talking about? Ah

16:35

yes. But we

16:37

just don't have time.

16:42

The chopped up raw onion, you haven't met with

16:44

it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Love that. I'm sort of

16:46

an onion fanatic. Are you? Oh

16:48

wow, I didn't know that. Let's hear more

16:51

about you being an onion

16:53

fanatic. Well you

16:55

know, it's sort of something that has

16:57

happened for me this year. It's sort

16:59

of, yeah, I guess caramelised onions have kind

17:01

of made

17:03

their way in. Yeah,

17:06

to the diet. Yeah. And

17:09

what you have in those with the caramelised onions, what

17:11

are your favourite changes? I'm on a caramelised onion diet.

17:16

It's the only thing I eat. Are

17:20

you caramelising at home? How

17:22

do you caramelise? Teach me, I want to be

17:24

you. Okay. I can't

17:26

lie if you get the text now. I

17:30

don't even want to swablise with you. I want to

17:32

be like a passenger inside your mind and just eat.

17:34

I want you to make the decisions but I see

17:36

them. Like being John Malcolm. Yeah. That

17:39

sort of thing, yeah. I'm being an acamplified. When I

17:41

was in Melbourne at the same time as you, you

17:44

were texting James quite a lot saying that you were

17:46

in the same hotel as me. I couldn't believe it.

17:50

Yeah, that was a weird text to receive. Yeah. I

17:53

might got him in the same hotel as that gamble. Okay,

17:56

have you said hello? I don't want to bother him.

18:01

I'd say the key is just don't turn up the

18:03

heat too high. You've got to low and slow with

18:05

caramelised onion. It's going to take way longer than you

18:08

think it is. Is it one of these things? Some people are

18:10

talking about things that take 12 hours to cook. Is that real? No.

18:13

I think it's real, but not onions. I'd

18:17

say you're looking at half an hour plus, but don't cook an onion

18:19

for 12 hours, whatever you

18:23

do. How low would you have to

18:25

go heat-wise if they cook them for 12 hours?

18:29

You could put them in the oven overnight

18:32

on a very low heat. It probably wouldn't

18:34

caramelise them, but it would bake it overnight.

18:37

Do that with tomatoes. You do little tomatoes in the oven. You're

18:39

essentially drying them out overnight. Overnight? Pretty

18:41

cool. I wouldn't be able to sleep. I wouldn't.

18:43

You wouldn't be able to sleep? I've been to the house doing a catch

18:46

fire. Oh, right. I thought you'd be

18:48

so excited about your tomatoes. No. I'm

18:51

leaving. I'm like, I think I'm... Get it out and keep

18:53

looking through there. It's like Christmas. Yeah, it is a bit. My

18:56

wife used to share a flat with someone. He's a lovely man. She

19:02

was like, I'm going to go get a glass of water. I'm going to go get a glass of water.

19:04

I'm going to go get a glass of water. I'm going to go get a glass of water. I'm going

19:06

to go get a glass of water. He's a

19:08

lovely man. He's still a very good friend. But the first night she

19:10

was sharing a flat with him, she was like, we're in a nap,

19:12

she was in a new place or whatever. She

19:15

got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water about 3,

19:17

4 in the morning. She came into the

19:19

kitchen and all of the lights were off. But

19:21

he was stood in front of the oven and the light

19:23

from the oven was just lighting him. And

19:26

he was baking a cake. 4

19:32

in the morning completely silently watching a cake bake. You

19:37

respect that? Pretty late for a

19:39

cake. So

19:45

yeah, I think half an hour to 45 minutes. What's

19:48

the longest that someone has cooked something for and

19:50

it still came out okay? Wow.

19:54

Good luck man. Good luck with this one. I

19:57

guess like barbecues, like Texas barbecues.

20:00

food you've probably cooked that for you know 15

20:03

16 hours sometimes like a brisket or pulled pork.

20:05

Wasn't there something that was cooking for a thousand

20:07

years? Is that what am I? Why asking

20:10

questions you would have got the answers to them. No I

20:12

thought he would know you. I think

20:15

there's a temple in Japan somewhere where they've it

20:17

might be in Japan apologies if I'm wrong but

20:19

they've got like a soup that's been cooking for

20:21

like hundreds or thousands of years. Did they

20:23

have a defense with it? Yeah I think

20:25

they haven't had any yet. I hope they've

20:28

got a lot of food. I

20:33

think that's like they're adding to it all the

20:35

time so there's like bits that have been there

20:38

for that long like a sourdough starter you know

20:40

a sourdough starter you're just adding to it all

20:42

the time. Did someone do that with a rock

20:44

and it was a trick? No I think

20:46

you're right I think it might be

20:48

a fable or something but like a

20:51

stone soup yeah. Do you know about

20:53

this? Or the stone soup fable yeah

20:55

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. So this

20:57

guy he's got like a. Okay that's

20:59

not how fables start so. I'm gonna

21:01

tell you it will not hold an Australian fable okay

21:04

and then most Australian fables get

21:06

started with this guy or this cheater. Yeah

21:09

there was this fella and pretty much all he had

21:11

was a rock that's all he's got

21:13

somehow ends up with an incredible

21:15

meal. How? here's what he did

21:17

he went he so

21:19

basically he goes oh my god we're making

21:21

this amazing soup everyone's got to contribute something

21:23

I've got this rock whatever you got someone's

21:26

like I've got some amazing job

21:28

and food. Ham? Ham I've

21:30

got some. Celery. Celery basically

21:32

everyone in the community contributes one thing and

21:34

at the end of it he's got this

21:36

amazing soup he goes well yeah we've made

21:38

we've made this and then he got to

21:40

have some of it. I

21:45

had forgot that fable and yeah when

21:47

you told us I like the

21:50

way you told that fable though as if it was just

21:52

something your friend told you. Can

21:54

you tell can you do the tortoise and the hare for

21:57

me? Basically there was just.

22:00

It was a pretty huge race. I'd be surprised if you didn't

22:02

hear about it. So

22:04

yeah, I think a lot of animals were

22:06

involved. I'm actually not too sure about which

22:08

other animals were in it. These two do

22:11

tend to dominate the story. But

22:14

yeah, a huge race. Everyone thinks the hair is

22:16

going to win. Everyone's like, man, you've got this

22:18

in the bag. This is

22:20

yours. And the

22:23

tortoise is like, oh, do I even stand a chance?

22:25

Should I even enter? His coach was like, you

22:27

should do it. It

22:31

is for charity. Yeah.

22:36

So yeah, beautiful charity. What

22:39

charity? Sorry? What charity was the tortoise

22:41

running for? Alopecia.

22:46

Yeah. It

22:51

makes tortoises quite badly. Yeah, it

22:54

does. Well, they... It

22:58

is maybe important to have a hair. Your

23:10

God, I've never lost it. Well,

23:13

let's get onto your menu proper, Sam. Your

23:16

dream starter. Oh, yeah. I'm

23:21

going to go with a sandwich. Now,

23:26

I did have a little sneak preview of this, because

23:30

one of the texts Sam sent me late last night was, do

23:32

you think a sandwich could be a starter? What

23:35

I wasn't expecting was for Sam to just

23:37

say, I'm going to go with a sandwich.

23:42

So, where in the library did you discover

23:44

sandwiches? Is

23:48

it a specific type of sandwich, Sam? Yeah. Yeah,

23:51

go on. Go on, buddy. And cake. Caramelized

23:58

onion. Actually,

24:04

no, that's not involved. Red

24:07

onions. Okay. Are you...

24:09

Right. Fine

24:12

if you are, making a sandwich up as

24:14

you go along. This

24:18

is a real sandwich that I had recently. Okay.

24:22

Yeah. Okay, let's pick up from red

24:24

onion then. Red onion. You got this, you got

24:26

this, man. So, red onion. Yeah.

24:30

Red onion. Veccamel sauce.

24:32

Yep. That's how it is. It's

24:34

like it's in a film when there's a scene and

24:36

two women are talking and it's not about a

24:42

man. Yeah, the veccamel sauce. Yeah,

24:48

this operation would not pass

24:50

that test. And

24:55

then rose... What do we talk... Rose... The

24:59

sandwich that you bought up, that's what we're talking

25:01

about. So, we got... We got... Losed

25:03

peppers. Which I don't think I know what a pepper really is.

25:07

Because in Australia we have capsicums, but that's... and then

25:10

we have chilies, but I think you call all

25:12

chilies and capsicum... everything's a pepper

25:15

over here, huh? Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, we've got

25:17

like bell peppers would be like the standard ones, then

25:19

chili peppers. But bell peppers are very American, right? I

25:21

think in the UK we just call them peppers. We

25:23

just call them peppers, yeah. I

25:26

mean, look at what I'm explaining to you.

25:30

James, would you even let

25:32

the word capsicum pass your lips? No.

25:37

Capsicum is what we would just call a pepper, right? The

25:39

bigger... Yeah. So,

25:41

you would say... What about zucchini? Would

25:43

you ever say that? Wouldn't go... Call it that,

25:45

I think we go with... Really? Change that? Lose

25:48

that? Zucchini? No, we

25:50

wouldn't go... Zucchini? I know... What

25:53

are you doing like that? Yeah, I might have

25:55

a zucchini. What about you? I'm the Havish Corgège.

25:57

It sounds right. It's very boring. school

26:00

it's wrong. Yeah. Won't

26:03

be around. So you've got the

26:05

bread? What kind of bread is it? I

26:07

couldn't say it was toasted. Where

26:12

was this from? He made it

26:14

in his home. No, no, no, I didn't make it. Sorry Sam, I got

26:16

angry. A man gave it to me. A man gave it to

26:20

you. Did you give the man

26:22

money? Yes. So it

26:24

was all about board guys. Where

26:28

did you, so where did you buy it

26:30

from? This is in Crunch and Co. Crunch

26:32

and Co. Yeah. Where's Crunch and Co. In

26:34

Brighton it's got a 4.4 rating

26:36

but it deserves more. Are you allowed to have one

26:42

that's from the place? Yeah. I was actually

26:44

going to just describe it and not mention the

26:46

place to sound more, but I'm glad I've mentioned

26:48

the place. Yeah, you can mention the specific place

26:50

every time if you want. Yeah. Yeah. So Crunch

26:52

and Co. In Brighton 4.4 he

26:54

deserves that. Yeah. So

26:56

red onion, bechamel, peppers,

26:59

like roasted peppers. Anything else in

27:01

there? There was some other stuff I don't

27:03

know about. What

27:07

do you mean you don't know about? I

27:09

think there was one other thing that I can't,

27:11

it doesn't come to mind but it was really

27:14

sensational. But I think the main stuff certainly. I

27:16

don't think the main stuff is there. I

27:20

think the things you've mentioned can't be the main

27:22

stuff. I think the red onion,

27:25

the bechamel sauce and the peppers. It's all a

27:27

bit sparkly. None of those are the headliner of

27:29

any sandwiches. I think what

27:31

you're missing out right now is the

27:33

main bit. Okay. I

27:38

know it's going to be a veggie one. Do you know what

27:40

it looked like, the main thing or would it taste

27:42

like we can try and really narrow it down? If this

27:45

turns out to be a veggie sausage I'm going to go

27:47

mental. Have you got your phone on you? I've got my

27:49

phone on me. Google, Crunch and

27:51

Co. Yeah. Normally

27:53

Benito would be able to do this.

27:57

Can you be in the room with us with a laptop? Yeah can I say it wasn't

27:59

an open-faced... sandwich. It

28:02

wasn't an open-faced sandwich. It was a

28:04

closed casket.

28:09

Sam, is it Crunch and Co. or Crunch and

28:11

Co. I think it's Crunch and Co. Crunch

28:13

and Co. You guys just keep chatting.

28:15

He's a great guy. Michael Crunch

28:20

and an amazing team. Can you

28:22

tell me more about Michael Crunch and his

28:24

team? Okay, I'm going to say Sam, big

28:26

things have happened because Crunch and Co. on

28:29

Google is 4.8. This podcast

28:33

changes lives. Grilled

28:42

sandwiches. Here we go. Oh my gosh.

28:44

It's tense now Sam. It is tense.

28:47

It's exciting. Oh

28:49

dear. You're going

28:52

to feel like a real fool, James. Pepper

28:54

Crunch. Roasted peppers and

28:56

red onions with bechamel sauce and cheese mix.

28:59

Bang, that's it. Is that

29:02

real? You're correct. It's the main

29:04

stuff. It's the main stuff. You

29:08

know what? I nearly kind of like, when

29:11

I said it wasn't, it can't be the main thing. I

29:13

don't know if I did say it now, but I nearly said there's

29:16

no sort of pepper sandwich, is it? Yeah. So

29:18

I say that out loud. Well, that's what

29:21

I was going to say. Yeah. It was called

29:23

Pepper Crunch. Well, let me tell you, their

29:25

classic crunch is exactly the same, but without

29:27

the peppers or onion. It's

29:31

bechamel sauce and cheese. What?

29:35

AKA the wettest sandwich in the

29:37

fucking world. Yeah. I think it's

29:39

got the word crunch in it somehow. And

29:43

the bread is a choice of white

29:45

or brown campanou or white, white

29:47

sourdough or gluten free bread. So there you go. But you need

29:49

to pay 75 P extra for gluten free.

29:52

Well, look, that sandwich is real. We know Sam's

29:54

not making shit up here. You loved

29:56

it. You love Mike Crunch and his team.

29:58

Yeah. So yeah, that's a good

30:00

view. Can we log that? Can we get that up there? Logs.

30:04

It's logs. That's your flatter. Your

30:07

dream main course. I'm

30:12

going to go with bang, bang, noodles. Bang,

30:14

bang, noodles. I think there's an I in

30:17

there. Bang, bang. Bang, bang, noodles. Bang, bang,

30:19

bang, bang, bang, bang. I

30:23

couldn't quite work out whether you were saying that or

30:25

you were just saying bang in a weird way. How

30:29

would you say it? How to spell. B-I-A-N-G.

30:33

Yeah. Bang, bang, bang, I guess. Bang,

30:35

bang. So

30:44

what's a bang, bang, bang, noodles? You've had this dish.

30:46

I'm not sure I have. Take me through it. What's

30:48

in them? You've never had this? I don't

30:50

think so. Well, it is from

30:53

the city of Cheyenne. The

30:58

Chancie province. It's a

31:00

delicious long flat noodle. I've

31:05

not had it. You've never had that? No. This

31:07

is a really good dish. Yeah,

31:10

tell us about it. It's a private food. So

31:12

it's from the Shanghai province. I

31:16

think it's the Chancie province.

31:19

What's the Chancie province? Chancie

31:21

province? Yeah. It's

31:23

just the longest noodle you've ever seen.

31:25

So when you see a bowl of

31:27

this stuff, you're like, oh, there's probably

31:30

40 noodles in there. There's like three.

31:34

It just keeps going. You're like, I've been eating this

31:36

same noodle for like 20 minutes. What's going on? So

31:39

if you wanted to lay the in the trunk with someone, you could do it

31:41

from about 800 metres away. Yeah. You

31:43

could have a long distance relationship with a noodle. So

31:50

what are they served with the Bian Bian noodles?

31:52

What's the flavouring in there? I think oil. So

31:58

just oil? Yeah. You get

32:00

it near Emirates Stadium. Hang

32:04

on. So you

32:06

want just the Byomgyang noodles, three of them,

32:09

with oil. Which is more than...

32:11

It's like a seriously long noodle. Yeah,

32:13

no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But

32:15

just with oil, it doesn't come with any... There

32:17

is other stuff. There's chilli and you can get

32:19

it with a tomato base. OK, the plot thickens.

32:21

Yeah. But no other veggies

32:24

in there or anything. Bochoy! Yeah.

32:31

Bochoy. Yeah. Is

32:33

that the end of the list of the veggies that are in

32:35

there? I really think that's it. That's it. And

32:37

I'm not going to question that this time. Yeah, I know

32:39

you. Call me once. Yeah, I've been called before. So I

32:41

believe that it's just the bochoy and the oil. There

32:46

must be garlic in there, Sam. And

32:48

look, take it from me, man. You don't want

32:50

to go there and start saying, this

32:53

must be in there because I look like an absolute

32:55

prick over here. After

32:57

pepper crunch. Yeah, but we can't Google Bian

32:59

Bian Noodles Emirates Stadium, can we? I

33:02

think... And impression. Yeah, this is it.

33:04

Oh, is it Gian Impression? Yeah. Is

33:07

that Mindy Emirates Stadium? Yeah. What is

33:09

that? Gian Impression. What's it called? Gian

33:12

Impression. It's a very famous restaurant. Have you been there? I've been

33:14

there for a few days. You've been

33:16

there for a few days. You've been there for a

33:19

few days. I've been there for

33:21

a few days. I've

33:24

been there for a few times in Uber Eats. He's

33:26

got it 23 times from Uber Eats. He's

33:32

in the top 1%. Some

33:35

people can't hear what he said. He said he's

33:37

ordered from there 23 times on Uber Eats. He

33:39

said he's in the top 1% customers. And

33:43

I can't see him, but I'm pretty sure he's wearing a

33:45

helmet with a sausage on it. 23

33:50

times. I

33:52

mean, it sounds absolutely delicious. How do you find that stuff

33:54

out? Is there like a delivery rat or something at the

33:57

end of the year? How did you know that? They did

33:59

a key to that. on people. Did

34:01

you get, did Uber Eats contact

34:03

you to tell you that? What,

34:11

they knew you were moving out? It

34:17

happens manually. When

34:20

you, hold on, when

34:23

you move house, Uber

34:25

Eats then, says

34:28

before you go,

34:31

here's everywhere you ordered from

34:33

and how many times and you

34:35

were in the top 1% of the customers at

34:38

this place. Man,

34:46

where did you think? I've got a question. What's

34:48

your name? Nope. Well,

34:55

I'm

34:57

imagining Chloe is halfway home right

34:59

now. Hello

35:03

Chloe. Thank you, Chloe, you've got a beautiful family. Classy.

35:09

What do you reckon, James, I'll ask you this first,

35:11

I'm going to ask you this as well, Sam, when

35:13

you move house, what restaurant do

35:15

you reckon is going to be the top

35:17

one for you that Uber Eats are going to tell you? Uber

35:20

Eats can tell me, I mean the top 1% for sticks

35:22

and sushi. Sticks and sushi. That's what it

35:24

will tell me. Top 1% do

35:27

you reckon? Yeah, I order from sticks and sushi

35:29

a lot and always

35:31

get the Hell's Kitchen sushi and

35:33

the salmon, top 1%. More

35:39

than 23 times as well, I'm not a fucking wimp. Are

35:43

you ordering a lot of take away to your

35:46

house, Sam? I really try not to. Why not?

35:48

Just the way they treat their riders and

35:50

drivers. Sam's

35:53

always got a curve ball and it turns out this

35:55

time it was a genuinely serious point. out

36:00

with helmets, I don't have sausages on top of them. Sam,

36:06

I used to get Macchimeo a little bit when I was

36:08

living in London, you know? Do you ever go there? Macchimeo.

36:11

Macchimeo? No, what's

36:13

that? It's like Gangam Chicken, but I'll

36:16

get the Gangam. Tofu. Nice.

36:18

Like Korean fried tofu stuff. Yeah, I would

36:20

get that, yeah. Nice.

36:22

For me, I don't really want to say now

36:24

because you've made that point about how they treat

36:26

their riders and drivers. Oh, no, no. I know

36:28

a lot of these, a lot of them are

36:31

bad people. Bread

36:37

and truffle, they do big focaccia sandwiches and I'm like,

36:39

I'll only have that if I'm hung over and I'm

36:41

feeling a bit sad and I got it three times

36:43

last week. These

36:47

noodles sound great. We know where they're from now. Yes.

36:49

And we found out what's in them after all

36:52

that. No, the Jian impression website was being a

36:54

little slow. Safari could not

36:56

open the page because the service stopped responding. Have you

36:58

had these noodles before? Yeah,

37:01

I wear them every time. Those noodles every time. And

37:03

are those all the, is it bok choy, oil

37:05

and tomato base? Nothing

37:08

else. I'm

37:11

sorry, it's not it. Come

37:13

to the, there was a bit of garlic in there. Wait,

37:16

hold on a moment. Yes.

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full terms at mintmobile.com. When

38:00

he saw you invaded your nose before you came

38:02

out. And

38:05

also you them delivered a monologue about how

38:07

much you love the podcast and I was

38:09

going through. I believe the epidemic of loneliness

38:11

is what you call that as I ought

38:13

to read that document that I it. Because

38:16

if it's what if what blue robots it. Wasn't

38:19

quite blue one out of my black cartridge.

38:21

I'm I am princess as like just blew

38:24

it. It's hot, it's iterate blue. The

38:28

I love the a about one of my favorite

38:30

things like some of the money but certainly though

38:32

because know this post is the way you say

38:35

something. Completely without, Have no response to

38:37

it and then look at me as if

38:39

your third know. It's

38:43

hard to read a blue. And

38:47

I. Just hoping settled. Fuck you know why does?

38:49

Had a problem with my printer. Or I've

38:51

got a gray Recommendation: He got

38:53

a switch. there's a new color

38:55

other we discovered. A

38:58

job. Or. Yourself what you

39:00

may be completely what and the other

39:03

I'm away done by like sits at

39:05

his scientists. It's like. You're

39:07

playing tennis about ugly the sort

39:09

of and that I'm i'm used

39:11

bike to served over like a

39:13

wet cabbage. yeah I don't. you

39:16

look at like. There's

39:19

nothing. Is it a top what you did

39:21

couponing. You know what is gonna

39:23

get is getting used his pickle ball. Is

39:28

the fuck are going bowl with for the

39:30

North America before he talks about this. This

39:33

is a genuine thing with some with been

39:35

playing via opposed him about this. ah offstage

39:37

some it's like pickle ball a lot. So.

39:40

Let's hear about it. Glad until, but

39:42

the Google is them. And. Beauty of.

39:46

This. If he the with is crowded really get

39:48

me so. Sick

39:50

of or is it seriously is Huge

39:52

in America? Someone. I know.

39:54

Went on a date with Larry David Pickle

39:56

ball coach. That

40:00

is rock. Your world is insane. Some

40:02

what is pickle ball? A

40:05

whole nothing. This is the exact same with

40:07

I Know How to the Abbey So my

40:09

awesome a pickle ball was he said some

40:12

a lot of the fit one a pickle

40:14

ball someone I know as much Larry David

40:16

pickle ball coach yep was pebble on the

40:18

bosses goes for to know about. yeah okay

40:20

I will go if it if there are.

40:23

People Magazine like if is something

40:25

as magazine. It is. It is

40:27

going to take over it. It's like

40:29

it's almost like a cross train. Table

40:31

tennis and tennis is using wooden bat

40:33

and a pickle ball like a plastic

40:35

ball with holes in it. If books.

40:38

I. Mean, it's despicable really. It's a

40:40

yellow classical with hoses quiet plus,

40:42

sticky and she's like that over

40:44

and it's like. I think the good

40:46

thing is that elderly. People complain. So

40:50

that would like a full size said the

40:52

school. No no much smaller it about the

40:54

size of this some custom maps. Or.

40:57

Caring about the further the customer and

40:59

know it's like a big boom would

41:01

hold for it's not that big, it's

41:03

about this big says it'll going. To.

41:06

The school says he has your first. About

41:10

the people complain. Yeah. About

41:12

for you. Like it. I

41:14

just i he can pick it up really

41:16

quickly via when Optus fallen in love with

41:19

this for. A third,

41:21

I think so far. I

41:25

have the sun's. The. Size of

41:28

the cool yeah of what the ball

41:30

looks like a sort of the sun.

41:32

The objective of the game. What the

41:34

rules? Are you? How people's life. And.

41:36

I'm not super clear on that. the who? Her suffer.

41:40

But Asia it's just like tennis basically for

41:42

the next series in Iraq and he had

41:44

only that. but so it's like tennis but in

41:46

a small of enclosure. a table tennis if

41:48

you are on the table. but it wasn't

41:50

tennis and he had would and there was

41:52

a pickle ball. say

41:56

this had this if you're on the table

41:58

tennis know Well you

42:00

as soon as you said it's like a cross between table tennis

42:02

and tennis it's like one of those is what the other one

42:04

is It

42:12

is weird to say that it's like the cross between a cousin

42:15

and a nephew but aren't they sort of similar No,

42:19

not like that no, it's not like that at all

42:22

cousins and nephews with different relations that's a nice

42:24

starter I'll probably have a fatoo salad We're

42:30

a magidara. Oh, what? Magidara? What's that? This

42:32

is something else I was eating a lot

42:34

of Middle Eastern food for a while. Yeah,

42:37

and That was

42:39

a favorite mine. It's lentils And

42:46

that's really nice so that all I love Fatoo

42:49

salad that's really fresh, you know, and you can just

42:51

are you sorry, come on. Are you picking your starter

42:53

again? I think I think it's the side dish. Oh,

42:55

whatever. Yeah. Yeah, they are similar

42:58

dishes in a way. Yeah Yeah,

43:01

yeah sides for too fresh for

43:03

toosh salad. Yeah, that's delicious.

43:06

It's good stuff I don't think I've had a

43:08

for toosh salad. Really? I don't think I have

43:10

bet you have but lentils and caramelizer No, no,

43:12

no, no, that's the other thing. That's a much

43:14

a dara. That's a much a dara Okay,

43:18

what's the petition? But

43:20

he just learned what pickleball to go what? Do

43:23

you want to go ingredient for ingredient with

43:25

the food? It's fun. This

43:27

is like watching pickleball but with words You'll

43:37

be the death of me It's

43:43

um, we're going we're starting um

43:46

with the frolic like pita bread

43:48

and it's fried. Oh Oh, it's

43:50

sliced up finally. Yes. Well,

43:52

I thought of this salad so far tomato Okay,

43:59

it's a Sam Campbell favorite so it must feature

44:01

our old friend Red Onion. Some

44:32

of the cheese is involved. No I

44:34

don't think there's cheese involved. Is there any in

44:36

this bit? This balance sounds very boring. I don't

44:38

shout anything out. Tomatoes,

44:41

cucumbers, red onions and pittabrins. Parsley I think

44:43

is a big player in it. You

44:46

only like things that have like 400 ingredients.

44:48

Some things have only three. Olive oil, lemon

44:51

juice, probably quite a lot of lemons. Anthony baby, what do

44:54

you got along for two-sh? Say

44:57

Anthony baby. He's

45:00

left. He came here to shout

45:02

out a Jan impression. He owns the place. Stop

45:10

snogging Chloe for two seconds mate. Sam

45:14

wanted you to help him and give him

45:16

an ingredient from Fatouche salad. When

45:19

you finish passing, chop an ingredient

45:21

from Fatouche. Salt

45:26

and pepper is that? Salt and pepper is

45:28

a good shout. Olive oil!

45:32

I said

45:34

that ten minutes ago I reckon. Jimmy

45:37

baby James, olive oil. Olive

45:39

oil. It's a delicious choice anyway. Still

45:42

no clear on what anything is.

45:46

But it's lovely to watch you realise what

45:48

it's like to have a conversation with you.

45:56

Thank you. And

46:01

you know the sad thing, backstage they don't talk, they're

46:03

just on the phone. It's sad. It's really

46:05

sad. That

46:08

sounds like a nice salad sound. What was everything you said? Oh,

46:11

magidara. That

46:15

I've only had once, but it was... And you know a

46:17

businessman paid for it? No.

46:21

Someone who was quite influential in the community paid

46:23

for it. This

46:25

place I think is called Alice Eel in Sydney.

46:27

And I was living... I had this like... I

46:30

wanted to live out in the bush. I was so just sick

46:32

of it all. I was like pretty far

46:35

out west for a while there. Living

46:38

in La Kemba. It's

46:41

like a pretty good restaurant, Alice Eel. And

46:43

then this guy who's quite a famous businessman

46:45

who's maybe a little bit like, okay his

46:47

family owns a lot of stuff. He's sort

46:49

of involved in the entertainment world as well.

46:52

He paid for my meal. You

46:57

know what I mean? I went to bed and I saw him. I was like, hey... Do

47:00

you think there were strings attached? Well,

47:03

you know, I had to leave the

47:05

country for a reason. No, no strings.

47:08

I think it was just... People like to give favors

47:10

and stuff like that. And this guy, I've heard

47:12

a rumor, whatever, you know. I

47:14

heard one time that he just walked in... He

47:17

walked into a shop and just bought a jacket like it

47:19

was nothing. And just like it was cold and he goes,

47:21

hold on, and just bought the jacket. Like without even thinking

47:24

about it, just went and did that. Oh,

47:31

so you heard a rumor that he bought a

47:34

jacket. No, no, no. In the most relaxed, it's

47:36

like, oh yeah, yeah, sorry, get this. And

47:38

it's like... Oh yeah, no, we know what you mean. This

47:43

guy is either me

47:46

or Ed. Or anyone.

47:50

You would think about it, you're like, oh, should I buy a

47:52

jacket? No, I would just buy it. You just buy a jacket?

47:54

Yeah. James, that's how

47:56

James buys clothes. So I'd

47:59

say over the... the last month,

48:01

maybe three times, James has

48:03

arrived at the off-menu studio and smelt

48:05

himself and gone, God I stink. And

48:09

then when we had a break just gone to

48:11

Ted Baker in the station around the corner and

48:13

just bought a new top. That's how he buys

48:15

clothes. He stinks in the old ones and then

48:17

just buys whatever's available in Ted Baker. Yeah most

48:19

of the time I'm buying new tops, I stink.

48:23

And I walk in there stinking and

48:25

I say, you got anything in the medium?

48:28

And they go, yeah. And then I just go, yep,

48:30

you give me that. And then I go back and the

48:32

next podcast episode I'm wearing a different top. Yeah. Which is

48:34

brand new, still got the tags on it. But

48:37

isn't that incredible? Because James is actually a really

48:39

stylish man and he looks really good in everything

48:41

he buys and it looks like a curated wardrobe

48:43

but it's simply whatever they have in medium because

48:45

the other thing stinks. And

48:49

what happens to some of this stinky

48:51

stuff that you're getting rid of? Wash it, give it

48:53

to a charity shop, someone else's problem. And

48:56

you know a lot of my fans

48:58

I think are the kind of people

49:00

like they shop at charity shops, they

49:02

find you know some charity chic. So

49:06

it tickles me to think that a

49:09

James Aik has to stand to be walking

49:11

around in my sweaty t-shirt. Not even knowing.

49:13

I don't know if I'll get this one,

49:15

it absolutely reeks. But wait. Do

49:20

you think you have a unique stank, Sam?

49:22

It was in my scent. Yeah, do you

49:24

have a natural scent that is unique to

49:26

you? I do. I mean you know

49:28

I live in a corporate new build these days.

49:30

Yes. And it has a treadmill. I've been trying

49:32

to run, I'm working my way, I'm trying to

49:34

run 10 kilometres every day. That's pretty

49:36

good. And after that I do and I often get

49:39

lost in my building like I'm really figuring it out

49:41

yet. Hang on. Are you running on

49:43

the treadmill or around the building? It's

49:46

just a complicated building. I think they

49:49

like, it's only at 30% capacity

49:51

and it's getting, there's all, there's

49:53

some weird stuff going on where I live. What

49:58

sort of There's no

50:01

lights in the gym so I run in complete darkness. Are

50:08

you supposed to be living in this building? Because

50:10

to me it sounds like you've moved into

50:12

like a show property. You know when

50:14

they build the flats first of all and they deck some of

50:16

them out with like furniture to show you what it would be

50:18

like if you bought them but it'll say opening in 2026. Have

50:22

you just moved in? This explains why a lot

50:24

of my flatmates are going to cut out people.

50:28

No it's real, it's the real deal. It's

50:30

the real deal, yeah. It's a 30% capacity.

50:33

Have you met everyone else who lives there? I've

50:35

met a few and it's pet friendly. I

50:39

don't have a pet but I'm going to, they're having soon to meet

50:41

the pet's event and I'm going to, you know, they can't

50:43

stop me from going to that. Yeah.

50:48

Yeah, after I run I do. You stink. Yeah,

50:50

yeah. You stink or do you just worry? Yeah,

50:52

I stink sometimes, yeah. Is the meet the pet's

50:55

event in a room that has lights or is

50:57

it in complete darkness again and you have to

50:59

feel the pet and guess which pet it is?

51:07

That's got him, isn't it? Man,

51:09

that is so messed up. Imagine going to

51:11

a fully in darkness meet the pet

51:13

event. Your

51:18

mind.

51:20

If

51:23

you went to a fully in darkness meet the

51:25

pet event, what would be your

51:27

favourite? Eel. That

51:32

would be your favourite animal to meet, would it? In the

51:34

dark. To be, to touch. To touch

51:36

in the dark would be an eel. Ooh.

51:40

I mean, I would

51:42

worry the lights would come up when no one's got an eel.

51:51

And I know that you've worked so hard on this format and

51:53

all the food stuff, yeah, yeah, yeah, but make this the whole

51:55

show. It's darkness, it's pet in

51:57

the darkness. This is nice. Yeah. Yeah,

52:01

do you think you could identify different people's like what

52:03

what animals they were in the dark if you coached

52:05

them? I

52:07

think most of them I'd go okay. Yeah. Yeah,

52:10

I would struggle with some of the breeds.

52:12

Yeah, sure Yeah, we think

52:14

Jack Ross a little bit, you know, let's see

52:19

And then here's the here's the twist of the meeting

52:21

pets in the dark event in your building So

52:24

all the pets are at one side of the room and you go and

52:26

feel them and the owners are at the other side And

52:28

you have to feel them and then match them up with it You

52:33

could do that What

52:36

would be your technique of the

52:38

way you figure out It

52:48

was me who did it that That's

52:51

not on you buddy. Imagine that's the point

52:55

Where are you going? We're gonna get we need to grab

52:57

the cockatiel So,

53:02

yeah feeling of pets texture and then

53:05

matching I don't know if I'd be good at matching the owner and

53:07

the pet But what would be you I

53:09

mean, you know, you're doing well on taskmaster right

53:11

now. You've won a few big episode So

53:15

like if that's the task, how are you am

53:17

I allowed to speak to the pet? Yeah,

53:21

that's the one you'd want to speak to I guess Yeah,

53:29

yeah, you can speak to one of

53:31

them and you've chosen the pack yeah That

53:37

is yeah, that's one of the rules is that You

53:40

can either speak to The

53:42

pet or the owner but you can't speak to both of them.

53:45

I think I know hold on. Can I change my answer?

53:47

I will talk to the owner Your

53:50

dream drink Sam Campbell Well

54:00

I'm gonna go with Portino. Portino?

54:06

This is so badly wanted, it's something I knew

54:08

what it was. Yeah. But

54:10

why break the habit of a lifetime? What

54:12

is it? What's Portino? I don't know.

54:15

So, it's like a... Do

54:18

you know what it is, Sam? To

54:21

me it's a really luxury soft drink. Winners,

54:23

winners, winners. Winners, winners,

54:26

winners. It's amazing. What

54:30

are you saying? In North Queensland, where I'm from...

54:32

What were you saying a minute ago? What

54:35

was that? What was all that? What was

54:38

Widders? Just connecting with other people. Did you

54:40

say Widders? Widders. W-I-M-M-E-R-S.

54:48

Women. What's women? What's

54:52

women? Well,

54:54

that's the company that's making these amazing drinks.

54:57

Okay. Women's

54:59

makes the soft drink. Women, okay. To

55:02

me, the top three flavors of the

55:04

winners... I'd say Portino,

55:06

I'd say there's one double sarsaparilla.

55:08

Mm-hmm. Double sarsaparilla. Do you have

55:10

that here, double? No,

55:13

we don't really even have sarsaparilla, but like, I

55:15

know what you mean. I know those drinks. I

55:18

don't know what sarsaparilla is, really. No, we've

55:20

never really been clear on it. We've never been

55:22

on the podcast before. We've

55:24

never really known what sarsaparilla is. I only

55:26

know it from The Simpsons. Yeah. From

55:29

the saloon scene in The Simpsons. Yeah, yeah. And

55:31

Grandpa drinks it. Yeah, yeah. Do you

55:33

know what sarsaparilla is, Sam? Yeah.

55:35

What... What

55:42

is it? How do they make it? Oh,

55:44

I couldn't... Malatas, I don't know yet. Yeah, okay, yeah.

55:46

What does it taste like? Oh, no.

55:48

It does taste like sort of licorice-y, I think. Yeah,

55:51

yeah. The Christian sweet. Yeah, okay. And

55:54

what's your number three on the top three, even though we still don't know

55:56

what Portino is? What's

55:58

the third women? Portino number one. And

56:00

I couldn't tell you what that is, but it's blue. It's

56:03

just called Crave. Yeah.

56:07

It's called Crave, but it's your number three, right? Of

56:10

the, yeah, of winners, yeah. I got

56:12

back into women's soft drinks, carnivores. I was

56:14

back in Queensland for a little bit, and

56:17

yeah. I think it is the most popular soft drink,

56:20

like the biggest selling. Where?

56:22

In Australia? Not in Australia. Like most places in

56:24

Australia don't even have it. This is like

56:26

even, there's even places in Queensland that don't have

56:28

it. But if you're a nambore or

56:31

perigeon or nuta, you will get

56:33

this. Ooh, okay. What

56:37

are any of those places? Where

56:39

are they? This

56:43

is like North Queensland. North Queensland. Yeah,

56:45

you've been to Queensland, surely. Yeah, but

56:47

I haven't been to those places. That's

56:49

all. But like, I think I

56:51

saw the last one on the sign once, but like

56:53

I've not been there. So,

56:56

women's soft drinks are the most popular soft

56:58

drinks in those three places. I reckon they

57:00

might be, yeah. Yeah, that's good stuff. They

57:02

beat Coke as well. They're more

57:04

popular than Coca-Cola. Yeah, it's like in Scotland, how iron

57:07

brew outs of Coke. Yeah. It's

57:09

just like amazing. So, what's

57:11

Portino? This is your big favourite. Yeah, this is

57:13

like, I just remember the first, wow, if

57:16

I could take you to Montrepo. So,

57:22

I... Yeah, so I... You can

57:25

tell me about it. It's just doing some acting.

57:29

Okay, so I was friends with this kid

57:31

called Joseph O'Hare. Our family's a friend. He's

57:33

got a pigeon chest. Chucked out. His

57:36

ribcage, like that, which he's had fixed. Congrats

57:40

to Joseph O'Hare. And I never knew it was a thing that

57:42

he even cared about, but you know, whatever, yeah. Yeah. And

57:46

so, we used to muck around Montrepo. That's where the turtles lay

57:48

their eggs. The ham and the turtles.

57:50

The O'Ham and the Turtles story. No, no, no, no,

57:52

no, no. So, this is where turtles go up to

57:54

lay their eggs, and also the eggs hatch, and that

57:56

was the best, because if they went off course, you

57:58

got to actually pick up a baby. and

58:00

put it into the ocean. Yeah.

58:03

The thing is, because we got you to

58:05

tell the hair and the tortoise earlier, I

58:07

feel like you're kinds of sozay in us

58:09

right now, with a story

58:11

that you're just piecing together from stuff

58:13

we talked about earlier. So your friend

58:16

Jimmy O'Hare, who used to live near

58:18

the turtles, it

58:21

just feels a little bit suspicious. Carry

58:23

on. You know, this is

58:25

my life. Just my reality. Yeah,

58:31

we used to love just, you know, we

58:33

just love drinking Portino and like making

58:35

up our own cards. Benito,

58:39

I don't have enough reception to find out what Portino is. Will

58:42

you Google it and put it on the screen for us? Thank you. So

58:45

you and Jimmy O'Hare, Jimmy O'Hare was

58:47

lived near... Joseph O'Hare. Joseph O'Hare. ...lived

58:50

near where the turtles came and laid their legs. And

58:52

you and Joseph O'Hare would go and

58:54

look at the turtles. Yeah, yeah. And you would drink a lot

58:56

of Portino while you were doing that. Yeah. Great.

59:00

What is Portino? Well,

59:03

just remember, so we were huge into playing like

59:05

cricket, but we're not, we're just with

59:08

the lid of the bin. You know what I mean? But it's what

59:10

we do. And I remember this guy coming up to us, and he

59:12

said, we

59:15

don't even know this guy, but he goes, you guys can have

59:17

fun in a plastic bag. And

59:30

it's grape and berry flavour. Grape and berry. Yeah.

59:43

Sounds nice. Carbonated. Yeah,

59:46

absolutely. Yeah. Not

59:49

an alcohol boy, no alcohol for you? In

59:51

my life, ever. In your life? Not

59:54

so much. I love that. Are you guys big drinkers?

59:56

Are you guys crazy with that stuff? We like

59:58

alcohol. Yeah,

1:00:00

not big drinks, I mean on

1:00:02

occasion sure, but yeah,

1:00:05

we like it. But we like soft drinks as

1:00:07

well a lot. My agent listens to the

1:00:09

podcast and is completely

1:00:11

blown away by how many soft drinks that are in

1:00:13

there. And I keep shouting out and the men

1:00:16

in their late 30s seem

1:00:18

to be able to shout out so many different types

1:00:20

of fizzy pop they love. No, the

1:00:23

drink that gets me most excited and

1:00:25

I talked about earlier is Pepsi Max

1:00:27

Cherry flavor. If I'm

1:00:30

driving back from somewhere from a gig late at night,

1:00:33

I go in and my special treat is getting

1:00:35

a Pepsi Max with cherry and I skip to

1:00:37

the car. I'm so excited. I'm

1:00:39

over the moon. But also I do have

1:00:41

alcohol. Yeah, I've got a problem. Yeah. I'll

1:00:46

probably all have a beer after this to unwind. And

1:00:51

gamble. We'll

1:00:55

be there with you. I imagine you would

1:00:58

take the fork out, replace it with a bottle opener

1:01:00

and then we'll be there all

1:01:03

night. You

1:01:05

wanted a beer, right, gamble? Just

1:01:08

smashing on the line up another one.

1:01:10

It's okay. You know, man, Joe's

1:01:12

if I had used to drink. And

1:01:16

do you like aloe vera juice? I

1:01:20

don't think I've ever had aloe vera juice.

1:01:23

You have a Dan impression. I really do.

1:01:25

Do you have it there when you go

1:01:27

there? It feels like it's the

1:01:29

most refreshing drink, but it's secretly not that

1:01:31

refreshing. Right. To

1:01:33

me, aloe vera, I always connect with shampoo

1:01:36

because there was a big thing about being in

1:01:38

shampoo in the 90s and early

1:01:40

noughties. Every shampoo advert would be like aloe vera. So I

1:01:42

don't think I can pop it in a drink really. I'd

1:01:45

just be thinking of Hannah. Yes,

1:01:50

thanks. You

1:01:53

didn't condition it. Some

1:01:58

washing up liquid and stuff

1:02:00

as well. and like washing

1:02:03

detergents, like aloe vera kind of gets into

1:02:05

all that stuff that's mainly cleaning, or

1:02:07

whatever you want to do. That's sad. I have

1:02:10

the same thing with gingerbread. What

1:02:16

do you mean? Well,

1:02:19

I just don't want to eat, you know, I spend so much time

1:02:21

throwing it at trains. Yes,

1:02:27

I forgot that about you. Talking

1:02:32

of gingerbread. Your

1:02:34

dream dessert, Sam Campbell. Right.

1:02:40

It's so hard to... Do people have a... They say to,

1:02:42

and then you help the person who is... Yeah, we can

1:02:44

do that. If you've got food, you can... Yeah, yeah. On

1:02:46

your hands, yeah, yeah. Give me a hand. Okay,

1:02:50

so for me, it's a toss-up between the sponge

1:02:52

roll or the pipe ones. No,

1:02:57

no, no, listen, it is. I've

1:03:01

never seen you like this, James. Well,

1:03:05

because we haven't done a live episode, like

1:03:07

we've had... Yes. Eccentric

1:03:10

guests on the podcast in

1:03:12

the studio. Yes. And I know what my role

1:03:14

is in those ones. I'm

1:03:17

like, okay, we don't want... I

1:03:19

can't go full genie weirdo on

1:03:21

this one. I've got...

1:03:23

We've got to keep a balanced podcast going. Let

1:03:25

him run. Sam,

1:03:28

I'm loving this here, but I'm very torn

1:03:30

because also I'm in front of an audience...

1:03:34

Yes. ...who have seen me in

1:03:36

the first half. And

1:03:39

now I'm suddenly this other guy who's

1:03:41

going, well, I guess this has to

1:03:43

happen now. Because

1:03:47

I can't be saying that shit from earlier

1:03:49

with this, because this would be like a

1:03:51

fever dream for everybody. Also,

1:03:55

I wasn't sure what Sam said then. I think

1:03:57

it was... Sponge roll or... Do you say... the

1:04:00

Pikelips? Just Pikelips.

1:04:02

Pikelips, Pikelips, yes. Are

1:04:08

you, what's your issue now James? Well I

1:04:10

think I know what Pikelips is. I think

1:04:12

that, I actually think I know what Pikelips

1:04:14

is, I think that Karl Pilkington likes

1:04:16

Pikelips. Are you sure? And I think

1:04:18

I've listened to an old XFM radio

1:04:21

show clip of Karl

1:04:23

Pilkington saying he likes Pikelips

1:04:26

and getting bullied for liking Pikelips.

1:04:28

Are you sure you're just not

1:04:30

confused his surname because it sounds a

1:04:32

bit like Pikelips? I don't know

1:04:34

anymore then. So

1:04:37

Pikelips has his thin crumpets right? Yeah

1:04:39

actually I think quite thick. Well,

1:04:43

so the difference, I think

1:04:45

start with a pancake in your mind. Yeah.

1:04:47

This is good actually. Yeah. So that's it.

1:04:50

Is this like a guided meditation? Yeah. Yeah.

1:04:53

And picture a pancake. Don't have anything

1:04:55

to worry about. You're all right. What's

1:04:58

that? The pancake? Far

1:05:01

out. Hey

1:05:04

that looks all right. What were you

1:05:06

gonna do? Ah put it off. We're looking at this. You've

1:05:09

got this pancake, shrink

1:05:11

it down, make

1:05:13

it not for breakfast but for lunch. Make

1:05:19

it thicker. And I had it in

1:05:21

my lunchbox. My mum would, I'd get that in my lunchbox at school

1:05:23

and it was sort of admired. That meditation done to me quickly. And

1:05:25

breathe. So

1:05:34

thicker than a pancake. Yeah. But I thought they were

1:05:36

thin crumpets. Oh

1:05:39

I think a Pikelip, maybe I'm like wrong

1:05:42

but I picture it's like very pancake like

1:05:44

maybe a bit thicker just in every way.

1:05:46

Yeah. And maybe more flour I

1:05:48

think. And they taste sweet. So

1:05:51

yeah sort of. And would you have

1:05:53

anything on the Pikelips? Just butter. Butter.

1:05:55

Yeah. Butter on

1:05:57

Pikelips. You'd seem sad James. What's up with you? It

1:06:00

doesn't sound like a dessert, it doesn't sound like a good

1:06:02

dessert. Just to have something that's

1:06:04

kind of sweet, kind of a pancake

1:06:06

but not with some butter on it. Would they

1:06:08

be in your lunch box as a dessert item

1:06:11

or would they be the main bit

1:06:13

of the meal? No, no, they would be something for afterwards.

1:06:16

Something for afterwards? Yeah. What would your

1:06:18

mum put in your lunch box to eat before the pikelets? Oh,

1:06:21

I would have bananas, I'd have chicken, cribby,

1:06:23

shit. Hang on. I

1:06:31

didn't hear it properly, I think you said chicken,

1:06:33

cribby, shakes or something. Is

1:06:36

anyone Australian chicken, cribby, shapes? That is going

1:06:38

to... I mean that does, yeah. Chicken,

1:06:40

cribby, shakes. Chicken, cribby is a

1:06:43

type of shape. So

1:06:45

the shapes... Okay,

1:06:49

so the shapes is a

1:06:51

family of biscuits, of savoury

1:06:53

crackers. Okay, I'm completely lost here. Shapes

1:06:58

are a family of crackers. So

1:07:00

shapes is the name of this whole operation, shapes. Yeah,

1:07:03

shapes for the company. I was thinking shapes... I thought you

1:07:05

were about to explain to me what shapes are. I

1:07:10

don't think anyone could do that. Here

1:07:17

we go. English pikelets are a crust between

1:07:19

a drop scone, scotch pancake and a crumpet.

1:07:22

So that's what I was imagining. Okay,

1:07:24

yeah, I can kind of imagine that. What

1:07:27

is a crumpet? That's got many holes in it. Yes.

1:07:30

I used to... So I like

1:07:32

the crumpets because of my friend

1:07:35

Jackie O'Hara. And he

1:07:37

used to live near a dolphin sanctuary.

1:07:41

And we would go and we would

1:07:43

throw marbles and dolphins would balance them

1:07:45

on their nose. And

1:07:48

a guy came up to us once and

1:07:50

he said, you guys, you're our crazy marble

1:07:52

legends. What's that got to

1:07:54

do with anything? He's

1:08:04

on drugs, he's smacked out, he's on drugs.

1:08:08

I apologise Sam, I apologise. Sorry

1:08:10

Sam. So

1:08:12

it's either the Pikelets or Sponge

1:08:15

Roll. Yeah, which I think

1:08:17

here is called a Swiss Roll. Swiss Roll.

1:08:20

Do you know this one, the Jam line? Yeah. So

1:08:23

it's Vanilla Sponge? Yeah. And you've

1:08:25

got Jam and Cream? I love what they're doing

1:08:27

with the Jam. Would

1:08:32

you have that on birthdays or anything? Yeah,

1:08:34

special occasions. That special occasions would be the

1:08:37

Swiss Roll or Sponge Roll. We would call it a

1:08:39

Sponge Roll. Yeah. What

1:08:41

special occasions are we talking? Birthdays

1:08:44

obviously? Yeah, we have many. And

1:08:46

I know my mum is making

1:08:48

them again like crazy and just,

1:08:51

she is so about quantity. This

1:08:54

woman is all about quantity. So she's a

1:08:56

great artist I think and she has these

1:08:58

beautiful watercolours but she makes thousands. She's

1:09:01

just like a machine and then Sponge

1:09:03

Roll, everyone in the community, James and

1:09:05

Signet in Tasmania, everyone's getting a Sponge

1:09:07

Roll. That's lovely. Yeah.

1:09:10

So which do you want, which are you

1:09:12

leaning towards, the Swiss Roll, sorry, Sponge Roll

1:09:14

or the Pikelets? Just based on

1:09:16

some of the stuff James has said, probably the Swiss

1:09:18

Roll. Yes. Are you having

1:09:20

custody with that or is it just on its own? Maybe

1:09:23

ice cream. Oh lovely. Vanilla?

1:09:26

Yeah. Yes, and vanilla ice cream. What

1:09:29

other ones are there? What are the flavours

1:09:31

are there? Okay.

1:09:35

I can't

1:09:43

deny this guy. Every time he

1:09:45

looks at me. Yeah, no, I'm aware. This

1:09:47

is like, I mean look, if you weren't

1:09:49

this type of person, our podcast wouldn't work.

1:09:53

You would have looked at episode one and gone, I'm not fucking responding

1:09:55

to that. So

1:09:58

yeah, this is an important part of your personality. Oh,

1:10:00

it's like talking to a kitten. I can't...

1:10:03

He goes, what other flavours are there? And

1:10:05

then just looks at me with these big open

1:10:07

eyes like chocolate.

1:10:10

Oh, chocolate, of course, yeah. LAUGHTER

1:10:16

I think vanilla's the best choice to go

1:10:18

with the sponge roll. Yeah. Isn't it insane?

1:10:20

You know ice cream, can we just talk about

1:10:24

quantity, like suddenly you're like, do you want this or do

1:10:26

you want double the amount of food you were going to

1:10:28

have? You know what

1:10:30

I mean? It's like the scoop, you're like, another

1:10:32

scoop, it is a big deal. LAUGHTER OK.

1:10:34

Imagine you're like, what do you want to say? You're like, oh, you want

1:10:37

to say? What do you want to say? LAUGHTER I

1:10:40

see. So in ice cream shops they offer a

1:10:42

scoop... Yeah. ..or a whole other scoop. Yeah. What

1:10:44

would you prefer they did? Fractions.

1:10:48

LAUGHTER So

1:10:52

scoop and an eighth of a scoop.

1:10:54

I've seen him have a gelato

1:10:57

burger sort of thing. He

1:11:00

has seen that. Yeah. LAUGHTER

1:11:05

We got it a few weeks ago. Well, I got

1:11:08

a gelato burger. What? It

1:11:10

was... Oh, don't tell me

1:11:12

you're going to fucking start doing this now. LAUGHTER It

1:11:17

was like a brioche bun and

1:11:20

you could choose the ice

1:11:22

cream that would be the burger

1:11:25

and an ice cream that would be

1:11:27

the burger sauce that was kind of...

1:11:29

That they had made into a sauce. So I

1:11:31

had hazelnut ice cream as the burger

1:11:34

and this pistachio

1:11:36

sauce on it with the bun.

1:11:40

And it didn't look like they'd put a lot in it, but

1:11:42

actually it was the perfect amount. Sam got...

1:11:45

What did you get? I don't know if

1:11:47

I had... Oh, I had... You got something on a stick? Yeah. Like

1:11:49

a sort of... Didn't

1:11:52

I get... Sort of like an ice cream

1:11:54

stick? Sam got... Yeah, it was like an ice

1:11:56

cream sandwich on a stick

1:11:58

and chocolate. Yeah. And Sam had

1:12:00

that. It had been ditched. We walked him out and we

1:12:02

ate and we talked about how lucky we were to be

1:12:04

alive. We

1:12:07

go with a Swiss roll and vanilla ice cream. Yeah,

1:12:11

with a very healthy, you know, dandruff. The

1:12:17

thing is, I've had such a lovely

1:12:19

time, but I can't help but think,

1:12:22

when you go to a restaurant, Sam, this is how

1:12:24

long the order actually takes. Sam,

1:12:28

I'm going to read

1:12:30

your menu back to you. I only just learned

1:12:32

recently, if they have a name tag that says

1:12:35

their name, you don't say their name. Really? That's

1:12:38

fine to do that. Really? I

1:12:41

think people are like, oh my gosh. Yeah, I agree with Sam. Yeah,

1:12:43

I don't do it. No, you

1:12:45

are like, juicy businessmen move. Be like,

1:12:47

well, Linda, you can get us. Yeah,

1:12:49

fuck off. You shouldn't even have names.

1:12:56

You would like sparkling water. You

1:12:59

want poppadoms and you don't want them to be

1:13:01

conservative with the yoghurts. Plus

1:13:03

lime pickle mango chutney raw onion. Start a

1:13:06

pepper crunch sandwich from Quang

1:13:08

Ting Po in Brighton. Main

1:13:10

course, Bian Bian noodles from Zhan

1:13:13

Imfession. Yeah. We

1:13:15

are here at the near the Emma Stadium side dish for

1:13:17

two shallots with Mujidara from

1:13:22

Al Asil in Sydney. Drink.

1:13:25

Women's... Fuck, I forgot about women's.

1:13:29

I feel like we barely touched on

1:13:31

Portino. Yeah, we barely had anything

1:13:33

about Portino. You're right. Yeah,

1:13:35

you're right. We didn't really get to delve into

1:13:37

Portino because... There was quite a lot of time spent

1:13:40

learning what women's was. I

1:13:44

might have been. I've not chosen for hair.

1:13:50

And dessert, your mum's sponge roll with

1:13:52

vanilla ice cream. That is the

1:13:54

menu of Sam Capra. Thank

1:14:02

you so much for coming on the show.

1:14:28

Well there we are, I mean that episode

1:14:30

was mad but I loved it. Absolute madness,

1:14:33

we did love it and Sam is on

1:14:35

tour now with Wobservations. samcampotour.com

1:14:37

is for the show

1:14:40

Wobservations. Also

1:14:43

I listen to Sam's podcast with Lucy

1:14:45

Bymont which is called Lucy and Sam's

1:14:47

Perfect Brains wherever you listen to your

1:14:49

podcasts. They obviously did

1:14:52

Taskmaster together. Yeah and Lucy's in an upcoming

1:14:54

live episode of this. I

1:14:56

cannot imagine what that podcast is going to

1:14:58

be like. You know I believe it's being

1:15:00

produced by the same people

1:15:02

who produce our podcast. More power

1:15:04

to Benito. Yeah I'll tell you this, it'll

1:15:06

be produced very professionally. He

1:15:30

cast powers the world's best podcast.

1:15:33

Here's the show that we recommend. This

1:15:37

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