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only seven hundred ninety nine

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0:46

to the Of Money Podcast Taken the

0:48

cheesecake of Humor Dipping it's in the

0:50

butter of the internet. And. Frying

0:52

it in the hot oil of conversation?

0:54

That is that gamble. My name is

0:56

James, a caster we own and run.

0:59

A drink restaurants yes I have no not

1:01

not easy say that we've got if we

1:03

have a happy week leave by in a

1:05

guest. we also the paper epa start a

1:08

bank used as side dish on Drink Nine

1:10

the Older and this week August is. Stuart.

1:13

Laws to Laws a wonderful comedian.

1:15

He's got a special available on

1:18

you tube produced by a hundred

1:20

pound gorilla and it's called All

1:22

In. Still laws when the young.

1:25

We. We started Stand Up Together Have watched

1:27

him blossom into the comedians today. Yeah

1:29

he'll say you know that man of

1:31

many talents produced what my almost on

1:33

the specials and my one. Book.

1:36

While he you know they filmed it

1:38

to a Canyon yaya, he did produce

1:40

You'll Tell Canyon one of the hottest

1:42

production properties in Uk. Comedy? Yeah, that's

1:44

not hyperbole, know. They. That

1:46

the go to. Yeah so we we got

1:48

the Steven Spielberg. Of you

1:50

trials it I comedy specials

1:53

s However, Leads. Like shit.

1:56

Her. he it's like shit i a

1:58

he hates aka fucking amazing Ed once

2:00

said on this podcast that I eat like a bin. Stuart

2:03

thought, it's like a full on

2:05

garbage disposal in the most disgusting house

2:08

in the world. Yeah, so we'll be

2:10

asking him about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, look

2:12

forward to this. We do have a secret

2:14

ingredient. He says we're gonna kick

2:16

him out. Yeah, and this week the secret

2:18

ingredient is block of chalk. Now I've only

2:20

just found out about block of chalk, James. Yeah,

2:22

now I'm using my inside knowledge of stew. I've

2:25

done stew for a long time and

2:27

I know about block of chalk. I

2:30

went into his office once and

2:32

he had this brick, literally the size of a

2:34

brick block of solid chocolate. It looks like a

2:36

brick as well. Yeah, it looks exactly like a

2:38

brick. They've designed it to look like a brick

2:41

full of solid chocolate on his desk. I asked him

2:43

what's that? He said, that's block of

2:45

chalk. I said, well, why'd you get that? Tell

2:47

me about the internet and the block of chalk. People contacted

2:49

him and asked him to Instagram about the block of chalk.

2:51

They sent it to him. He had Instagrammed it, yeah. I

2:53

was like, right, let's do. Let's do something for the gram

2:56

with this. With the block of chalk. And then we spent

2:58

the whole day eating it and

3:00

it was actually delicious. So then I went to get him one for

3:02

his birthday, which I did, which was the following week. I

3:05

got another block of chalk. Also,

3:07

it was quite a pull out of

3:09

getting the block of chalk because the only way you can

3:11

buy it as of the time of recording

3:13

is that you have to back the man directly

3:17

and transfer him of your banking app to money so that

3:19

he then sends you the block of chalk. You know, I

3:21

think stew might for a joke. Pick

3:24

book. Yeah, this is one of the ones where

3:26

I think that he actually might do it and we

3:28

might get him. We've

3:31

got to get someone, man. I'm hungry for blood in here. It'd

3:33

be fun to get him. Yeah. So I'm

3:35

saying block of chalk, thinking that he

3:37

might, you know, it depends what

3:39

Stuart Lord shows up here today. Yeah. It

3:42

could be. Because he could be trolling. Yeah, he's a

3:44

bit of a troller sometimes. And so sometimes we could

3:46

get him, he might turn up and he might do

3:48

his genuine dream menu what he would like to eat,

3:51

but he might turn up and go, I'm going to

3:53

do a joke dream menu and mess around. And if

3:55

he does that, I think he would choose block of

3:57

chalk for like a main course or something. Yeah. kick

4:00

him out and then it will serve him right for not

4:02

taking the format seriously. Yeah, good luck. Yeah.

4:05

Well, let's see if he falls into our trap.

4:07

This is the off-menu menu of Stuart

4:09

Lawz. Welcome,

4:18

Stu, to the Dream Restaurant. Thank you so much for

4:20

having us. Oh, here it is. Welcome, Stuart Lawz, to

4:23

the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time.

4:25

Have you? Yeah. Yeah,

4:27

well, certainly in the early days of this podcast, you

4:29

had a habit of every time we put a clue

4:31

for a guest replying to the tweet

4:33

saying, it sounds like Stuart Lawz. Yeah. Can't

4:36

believe I'm the guest in the Dream Restaurant tomorrow. Yeah,

4:39

and I never was. No. I

4:41

know. Good job today. And this

4:43

will be the first time you don't do it, I guess.

4:45

Yeah, yeah, keep this one secret. So we'll go out. You'll

4:47

leave this one secret because, yeah, there's a toxic atmosphere here.

4:49

Yes. Let's bring that up straight away. Yeah.

4:53

Well, because quite often we have guests in that we don't know

4:55

and that we respect and we're trying to be nice too.

4:58

And with you today, we know you so well that

5:01

we've just put you on edge massively by telling

5:03

you we've got a great secret ingredient and we're

5:05

desperate to kick you out of this. Yeah, and

5:07

if he's going to pick it, you're going to

5:09

beat out your ass pretty quickly. Yeah, you get

5:11

all of these Hollywood people in and you're like,

5:13

oh, Mr. Rudd, would love you to stay here

5:15

forever. Yeah, we would have done. What a lovely

5:17

man. That would have been great. Go with me.

5:20

A volley of texts telling me I'm

5:22

getting kicked out straight away. Well, because we're recording three today,

5:25

you're two of three. So it would really help us if

5:27

we got this wrapped up in about 10 minutes so we

5:29

can have a rest. Yeah, get you out

5:31

on your mask. Jimmy Famer Ray Waring. Yeah. My

5:33

speech impediment is not good. It's not it's not

5:35

ideal. Name and a W close to it. I'm

5:37

absolutely fucked. Okay,

5:40

so the secret ingredient is not going to be like

5:43

raw veggies. You're right there. But

5:48

James could do with maybe an extra hour to practice Jimmy

5:50

Famer. What

5:54

do you think the clues going to be that Benita's going to

5:56

tweet out? About you? It'll be

5:59

like one of the. Isis. People I've ever

6:01

met him didn't deserve what happened to

6:03

him in the episode. And yes, we

6:05

like people to be able to guess

6:07

ah sort of thing is no point

6:09

tweeting. Absolutely accept this next guy's chatted

6:11

set. Up

6:13

A soothing is that these early.the had about

6:15

say oh the I com live up in

6:17

the dream Restaurants Maurice has been superseded now

6:19

I've ruined his tweets eyes it might what's

6:21

and all the time near and but. The.

6:24

Real rub his. He finally got enough money

6:26

and would never mobile and will have the

6:28

people guess it's him every time at will

6:30

other people as gets his hands. I will

6:32

keep a guy with a never touch zodiac

6:34

with I did a short lived on says

6:36

tweet such as I was funny and then

6:38

got bored of it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

6:40

yeah thing get bored of something that

6:43

listening to the podcast whatever for forecasts

6:45

that thirty three Oh shit mouse you

6:47

see light with. Every

6:50

time you to the great hundred percent

6:52

certainty a gas sunday just embrace their

6:54

quirks, their foibles every every other guess

6:56

we've had. We like as be relax

6:58

experience where they just feel free to

7:00

about the stuff they lie ahead. know

7:02

the food they went on their menu

7:04

with you. I want you to feel

7:06

like you're in a film about Vietnam

7:08

and you're walking around desperately watching. Out

7:10

for via com traps and that was

7:12

a secret ingredient is like Vietnamese food

7:14

as far as the be I wanted

7:16

to say that the who is of

7:18

is unsure in the pronunciation it out

7:20

of out of a a guy from

7:22

an unfair python suck eggs and is

7:24

it of stuff though now we know

7:26

you'll find habits guess disgusting. What?

7:29

Know ready to do really,

7:31

really advanced Delicious. Here's. What

7:33

I think it as a great grades going to be a water.

7:35

Bride. Was the water and. a

7:39

straight away funny we have the guts

7:41

to me at my to a new

7:43

we will get away with that he

7:45

would have to say more so with

7:47

something in it right yeah yeah nice

7:49

him to get yeah we eyes and

7:51

a i am dying something that the

7:53

ledger nano is the stuber is i

7:55

mean if you think the i like

7:57

desserts and sweets is insane nothing is

8:00

I don't think you want me kicked out. This

8:02

is my input palpitine. You know, you know that

8:05

there's no way I'm picking cheeseboard. Yeah. I

8:07

don't know. No way. I'm going

8:09

to be fascinated to hear what you pick, man, because like you're

8:11

the only person I know who, I mean,

8:13

similar ages. Yeah. At

8:15

our age, we'll eat like Domino's for lunch.

8:17

Yeah. On a work

8:19

day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

8:23

And then have to carry on working. Yeah. And

8:26

you feel fine after that. Hell. Yeah. Yeah.

8:29

On Earth. That's

8:31

why I don't get my work done. Yeah. And

8:34

you're an exercise enthusiast. Yes. So

8:36

like you're exercising all the time

8:39

and then I'm doing it. That's

8:41

the only reason I exercise is to stave

8:44

off what I'm doing to my body with

8:46

my diet. Yeah. And

8:48

every time my friend who is my PT,

8:50

he says, do you know you just

8:52

need to sort your diet out and you'll be fine. And

8:54

I'm like, yeah, but that's the key, isn't it? Yeah. I'd

8:57

have to sort my diet out. Yeah. And

9:00

then what do you have in your life? Yeah, exactly. Diet and exercise

9:02

at the same time. What's the point? Yeah.

9:04

Yeah. People do that for

9:06

life. Yeah. Yeah. I

9:09

can't do bursts in that, but yeah. Little bursts.

9:11

I feel great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

9:15

Little bursts. And I've sort of adjusted slightly.

9:17

I used to give myself like stabbing pains in

9:19

my chest because of how

9:21

much salt I ate. Back in those days, talk us

9:23

through a normal salty day. Yeah. I

9:26

had a breakfast packet of frazzled. Are

9:28

you serious? I've done that. Yeah. I

9:31

laughed at the joke. James immediately knew it wasn't a joke.

9:33

Then, you know, maybe go to the cinema, have a large

9:35

salt pop. After

9:41

breakfast. Like an early, that's

9:43

the next food I'm eating that day.

9:45

Salt pop probably then a domino. Yeah.

9:48

Some sort. And then end with like, oh,

9:50

this is bad. All right. One

9:53

time my friends came around tonight when I was

9:55

a teenager and my parents had gone away And

9:58

they came while I was eating food. Not

10:00

in Cook? Yeah, The

10:03

seeing a bowl of salted

10:05

minced beef out that have

10:07

an. Accompaniment

10:09

to be an agent was unloaded. That was

10:11

the season Now a back now. yeah I

10:13

know. Is there not the other of in

10:15

the live The King would do a fucking

10:17

I don't know the living as well. I

10:19

selected the guy he says space by at

10:21

social media guys his big rips guy and

10:23

he only eats like awful Felix like a

10:26

caveman. Sat at the live The King as

10:28

as me as a teen idea. To

10:30

live, it's not over. Yet

10:33

he by so dire on people who

10:35

have it. But but but they cheat

10:37

dice the a successful lock them up

10:39

to die be I yeah that's what

10:42

you eat most the sun on better

10:44

than that Now on trial and I've

10:46

tried to causing side discuss have been

10:48

crisps things I that wages or snack

10:50

time get rid of I snack things

10:53

by still so bad. Is

10:55

so bad. For. Is

10:57

not like James's here and Denise all that

11:00

on with is really odd. Claim you are

11:02

presented here that overtime look at it. Opposite

11:05

of or that viola the list is not

11:07

he doesn't know I'm like what I got

11:09

the measure of made via a sauna other

11:12

of not from with anyone but he never

11:14

a bowl of salted month now.up as a

11:16

lifetime have never ah Athena thought that I

11:18

with a packet of frazzle since I'm not

11:20

trying of I could do that neither can

11:23

do that now I don't really eat breakfast

11:25

now or her find that more difficult these

11:27

days. That's why does her breath as is now

11:29

yes so he and it won't say what was

11:31

the place for you in Atlanta. Shukla upon us

11:33

up on a path was it append a shock

11:36

shock on he has no reference to your podcast.

11:38

yeah Anna's the prove your fan. Just a brief.

11:41

James one time was I on his desk out

11:43

for nice meal. public two

11:45

minutes is spaghetti house walks have heard of

11:48

that values is absolutely dot be that one

11:50

wants to that not with another that does

11:52

not want story as it gets even better

11:54

been pre twenty eight eight not as the

11:56

story as it is that go out for

11:58

nice mail that it No, come

12:00

on. You're a good friend. It's

12:03

been a tough old we were going much less Lovely

12:06

slap up meal. We're going to see a film.

12:08

Yeah at the view in Westfield

12:11

Yeah, I said I may have said

12:13

let's have a nice meal before yeah, and they

12:16

looked around it was like Okay,

12:19

I just told spaghetti house cuz I've never been

12:21

there before well, let's go spaghetti

12:23

How is it they looked flummoxed? Yeah,

12:30

wait, yeah, I was forget the

12:32

house. I can't remember now coming

12:34

by what even ranking like Bella

12:36

Italia Spaghetti house easy

12:39

hang on. Whoa. Are you going up or down going

12:41

up now? I think spaghetti house is lower than Bella.

12:44

It's earlier think spaghetti house is low for the low

12:46

I think well, this is what I called spaghetti house.

12:48

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you know again I couldn't believe it.

12:50

Yes, I get your house. I swear the fourth little

12:52

pig live I Stu

12:56

you've got a special out on YouTube. Yeah, I do

12:59

tell us about it. Okay. Yeah. Yeah This

13:01

is I mean it came out a while

13:03

ago and it was my 2019 show So

13:06

it's a long long time in the

13:08

in the making and I cut

13:10

out a routine from that that was Affected

13:13

by the pandemic. Oh, but when

13:15

Ed came to see it It was a it was

13:17

a bit you can't see it in Edinburgh in 2019

13:20

And it was something about in in 2019 your

13:23

greatest fear is not being invited on your friends

13:25

podcasts Uh-huh, and then everybody in the

13:27

audience just looked over at Ed. Yeah

13:29

But also I would say they looked over at me

13:31

because you you look direct me directly Yeah,

13:35

you don't you don't what's he looking at? Yeah, what's

13:37

he looking at that guy? Also, I think when you

13:39

walked on stage and saw me you basically said hello

13:44

Absolutely can't always distracted by everything just

13:47

look right over here Oh Most

13:53

of us anyway when our friends are in yeah, if we

13:55

walk out we see them we deliver in

13:57

the whole show If Not to live in the jokes to

13:59

them. Looking at them off Levy jokes. yeah

14:01

a lot of it. Yeah yeah but if

14:03

like me in Syria or the macho that

14:05

you know that are like yeah yeah yeah

14:07

and delivering it with way more gusto and

14:10

you know me jokes that normally doesn't it's

14:12

off yet lead at it will see I

14:14

can be either laugh at that. Yep yep

14:16

that's the Us. What? You know what we

14:18

did my specials a d produce the been

14:20

at in this weather yeah as many people

14:22

have known as the that that was formed

14:24

over the house gotten hurt that diversify else

14:26

that article on a threat to as as

14:28

of now your specials are available to watch.

14:30

Online. Is that correct? Yes, you produce

14:32

the up against this Cook University of

14:34

Tennessee credit or cry. you can get

14:36

why our for them on Netflix. Yes,

14:39

this and about else. Okay, mine's on

14:41

you to. Sue

14:43

a low oil and get your noises

14:45

all in. Ah Acer is of his

14:47

I think is good I as good

14:50

I've tried yoga. Wire Sci is a

14:52

structural masterpiece of i Might Catch Mice

14:54

and Thought as been a review. Quiet

14:56

for it so let's not. Do.

14:58

That bit down. yeah, he was either in

15:00

he that that is. As for promotional and

15:02

heads and. It's not.

15:04

They are not the big at camp

15:06

structure masterpiece. Fps I thank you said

15:09

it won't be for everyone. Loss

15:12

our gain A former Alaska your opponent oh

15:14

yeah what be for everyone should have was

15:16

caught for my other some it's promote Sony.

15:18

They were four of us thus yeah okay.

15:21

Ah I guess I'm probably do a my new show

15:23

at this time. Yeah. Well yes will

15:25

come and see that Stewart Laws is that

15:27

guy still going against? I barely know what

15:29

that we got complain about for that is

15:31

a fair to say that I have died.

15:34

I got yourself a sister that the head

15:36

with a pseudo to promote putting the. Putting.

15:39

Zoo. They show that I didn't do but

15:41

got nominated for an award for it. Feels.

15:43

Like a sign that yesterday the other day about

15:45

this to an Exposed to the Listener Send Twenty

15:48

Twenty Two and Adam brought. I was up there

15:50

filming and doing that, directs a bunch of shows

15:52

and one I was there I just thought. Are

15:54

you know what one I just pretend I'm doing so.

15:57

And. To see. How soon

15:59

as food? You're pathetic. the industry

16:01

is in so of this sounds of

16:03

like if you promote yourself as if

16:05

you do really well how well people

16:07

see us doing So I paid for

16:09

a billboard with my posto is a

16:11

similar really sit posted I decided to

16:13

make for Socal putting they. Which.

16:16

Doesn't exist and just talk to up to

16:18

have one I saw. Turns out I really

16:20

am quite good. Promote myself when it doesn't

16:22

exist. V M R E for like this

16:25

guys doing great when you know there's nothing

16:27

to bucket. I'll be here and that sexism.

16:29

And then the comedians choice awards came out

16:32

and he can be nominated for that by

16:34

other comics and sizes. Go few people as

16:36

argument put put me for for this and

16:38

then enough people did the I got shortlisted

16:41

for the main. Special. Award.

16:44

A man. As a final prank they were like

16:46

ah yeah great You have to come and do

16:48

it in London as I to than invent so.

16:51

He. Went and did it the i meant

16:53

to show that I said doesn't really work

16:55

because my twin is lives up in Edinburgh

16:57

us i'm sorry got of houses tweak a

17:00

little bit and I did. you know in

17:02

the prestige the as transported man says in

17:04

an honor that so I did a yeah

17:06

I'm in a box of state a lot

17:08

of the dates but I was about the

17:10

perceived as I'm good look have a meeting

17:13

up Stone isn't mentioned. Of

17:16

the proceeds are about us as I use

17:18

as a structural basis revenue Do this. I

17:21

did the transported. Man but as I have

17:23

a see some bits in this as stars

17:25

some of the shit was work my twins.here

17:27

and I just had a friend and comic

17:29

ran and sure when same clothes may step

17:31

out from the other side of this to

17:33

pick up the ball I'd road across and

17:35

then carry on doing the show as me.

17:38

of what you did have a that loaded with the

17:41

issue is that said the film actress a bio does

17:43

that they were epoch to the ball he goes to

17:45

the door of it out the of adore the of

17:47

a southern state he walks out that get in touch

17:49

of the bulk of what you're going to do it

17:52

that he's got with the does the buddhist as an

17:54

added bonus of know thought it was about to limited

17:56

i rode a golf ball yeah we ran in stepped

17:58

out picked up said honk and then did some

18:00

material and then went, oh, actually I'm gonna get

18:02

changed back into the other gile, and then I

18:04

came back on stage. It's not for

18:07

everyone. It's not for everyone. Still

18:12

a sparkling water, Stuart Lawes. Just

18:14

still, please. Just still. Yep. Thanks.

18:20

Not messing with the sparkling, you're not a sparkling boy? No,

18:23

I've never liked sparkling. And it always puzzles

18:25

me when people pick it. I can't get... I've tried every now

18:27

and then, I'm like, you know what? You're

18:29

in your late 30s now, it's time to be a

18:31

grown-up. Have some sparkling water.

18:33

And then I try and I'm like, ugh. You

18:36

see it as growing up water? Yeah.

18:38

Really? I like wine and beer.

18:40

I don't like wine or beer either. No, wine or

18:43

beer. And I feel like that's what I'll grow

18:45

up in and like. Yeah, you love cocktails. You

18:47

started having cocktail nights. I love cocktails. I'll have a cocktail

18:49

night every now and then. Yes, I will. Made

18:52

margaritas. You didn't have them. You had the old-fashioned,

18:54

didn't you? I had a margarita early on in the night. I

18:57

called it lethal juice. Yeah, it was

18:59

unacceptable. That's not

19:01

to margarita. It was perfect. It was just... It

19:04

was exactly to the recipe. Yeah, I'm

19:06

sure it was. It was your recipe

19:08

that you invented. Yeah, yeah. This lime

19:11

and then the same amount in triple

19:13

sec and then double that

19:15

in tequila. That's a margarita. Is

19:17

it? Well, look, that's when it

19:20

tasted like for sure. That was so good that you

19:22

just listed there. It

19:24

was delicious. Yeah,

19:26

maybe it was so delicious that it instantly made me make

19:28

the wrong decision and have ten old-fashioned or whatever it was

19:30

afterwards. It was not a good next day. Did

19:33

you say that you reacted well to all of

19:35

that alcohol and then sort of felt good the

19:37

next day? Didn't feel good the next day. In

19:40

the evening, it was definitely the kind of

19:42

morning after where you're having a go. Okay,

19:45

let's go back over everything I said yesterday. See if I have

19:47

to apologize to everyone. And

19:49

the only person I was mean to was you. So I apologize. No,

19:52

believe me. I made fun of him because

19:54

I Found out that he's got,

19:56

you know, people used to have those CD

19:59

wallets. Yes. Oh

20:05

I can't. Imagine

20:08

get our is like a little everyone

20:10

now time to have a little look

20:12

at this. Muslims or what is it

20:14

because the So they live with that

20:16

Had to go for and explain Why?

20:18

Add so many seasons of Family Guy

20:20

in their yeah, Eastbound and Down to

20:22

the right page after page of he's

20:24

been a down to some of the

20:26

really good night employers Insomnia, the same

20:28

lethal moderators of them look at this

20:30

Tuesday reset the wallet Dvd wallet area

20:32

near the top of in alphabetical order.

20:34

Paints outside. Of.

20:39

Keeping you ever be. Grown. Up

20:41

enough to enjoy sparsely. More said it. Would

20:43

you see that as like the next step

20:45

new life that would be? I think off

20:47

to the midlife crisis and that's when you

20:49

readjust ever since and not eat really clean

20:51

all the time yet and on fully into

20:54

out milk or the moment I'm halfway house.

20:56

I. Thought I was mode on. Add some

20:58

might melt, sell the spinning in a while,

21:01

some cow milk. And then an

21:03

off switch between and bright until has a

21:05

moment is full. Still may go put some

21:07

Cody on him with a with a sparkling

21:09

near our own account Matthew once films are

21:11

not as yeah I just another what is

21:13

that if he won. If what

21:15

you would prefer is the core deal. Where.

21:17

He is. Well I'm seen things right. I'm

21:20

in this restaurant all day and my head

21:22

what it says a dream restaurant upon them

21:24

is a town I'm in a town. Is.

21:27

The whole town is the rest right? Okay and

21:29

it's a whole day the on their out on

21:31

waking up I'm having some still water or you

21:33

the town square. Pakistan. Or

21:35

later based on where you were here.

21:37

I B M B in the town

21:40

again on haven't since Atwater. Some stillwater

21:42

or progress from tapped Still Yes, a

21:44

ball of still just outside the door.

21:46

Okay, the ad bambee owners left it

21:49

there. And. it's tail yeah that's nice

21:51

yeah can you tell us more about the

21:53

bambee owner in the sound yeah a probably

21:55

he used to live in my area and

21:57

so you want to talk about that loads

22:00

He sounds so annoying! Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's in

22:02

your dreams! Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's an annoying B&B

22:04

owner who leaves you water and waits for you

22:06

to talk about your town. Yeah. It

22:08

gives me a chance to practice interacting with people in a

22:10

normal way. Okay. Do you need that photo in the morning?

22:12

Yeah, because I've got a plan for the rest of the

22:14

day. I need to be match fit for the people. Talking

22:17

to the Airbnb owner, who's annoying? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

22:19

And he's saying stuff like, Oh yeah, yeah, I

22:22

used to go down where I slipped Lido. Stuff

22:24

like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And

22:26

I'm like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it's very popular.

22:28

It was very popular during lockdown. And he's like, yeah,

22:31

I heard about that actually. And I'm like, oh, fucking

22:33

no, I'm blending in. I

22:35

am blending in right now. Blending in?

22:37

Any conversation just you and one person? Yeah, yeah,

22:40

yeah. He barely notices I'm

22:42

there. I'm blending in there. Okay. So

22:44

you don't want any cordial? No, no

22:46

cordial. Was that the secret ingredient? No.

22:48

It's never a reason. Is

22:51

there a reason why you've chosen to have it a whole

22:53

day in the town? Oh, partly because

22:56

my starter, if I ever get

22:58

to it. Yeah. I don't really

23:00

like starters. Uh huh. So it's

23:04

a slight shift on that. Okay.

23:07

Yeah. So we'll find out why you're

23:09

having a whole day in the town. No,

23:11

don't actuate it. We

23:13

can't afford to do that again. Imagine if

23:16

we tried to kick Acroyla. Man. Halfway

23:19

through his monologue. So tap water

23:21

and then still water waiting outside. Yeah. So I'm

23:23

sort of, I've probably got a little, a little

23:25

glass by the bed that I filled up the

23:27

night before. Yeah. Little swig of that. That

23:29

gets the system going. Stop pissing

23:32

myself. Pop those old breads! Pop

23:34

those old breads to the lord! Pop those old

23:36

breads! Bread. Yeah. Oh, okay.

23:38

Every single time. That's going to

23:41

be so tense about the breads there. That's where I

23:43

thought it would be. You thought we were going to

23:45

pick water or bread as a secret ingredient. Oh yeah.

23:49

I know it wouldn't put anything past you. Also,

23:51

I imagine now there is

23:53

a possibility that the secret ingredient is so random

23:55

that it would never be picked by me. The

23:58

thing is. All psychological warfare. Yeah,

24:00

whatever way round it is, it works for

24:02

us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you get kicked

24:04

out because we put a really obvious secret

24:06

ingredient in. Great. If you're

24:08

constantly tense for the whole episode, great.

24:11

Is that what you want? I tell you what the

24:13

secret ingredient is, because I can't. I won't tell you

24:15

what it is. Right. But it'll be like a Devin

24:17

Brown trick for you. It'll be something

24:19

where when we when you get kicked out. Yeah, you'll

24:21

go. You'll go. How did they predict

24:23

that? Which and then I'll respect it. Yeah, it

24:25

won't be like I would be like the presser.

24:28

And you like the prestige. Yeah, I'll

24:30

be just like the person. It's

24:32

not a trap that just anyone could have could

24:34

have fallen for. It's one of your twin. It's

24:37

also not revealed it like something that is like

24:39

famously your favorite thing. Yeah, something that you will be

24:41

like, how did they know that I was going to pick it?

24:43

I can't believe this has happened to me. Oh, God, you've

24:45

just got yourself now a little timid little mouse as a get.

24:49

Not for the first time. So I'm picking bread.

24:51

Yeah, great. And I wouldn't have known actually

24:53

whether you would have picked pop up some bread. Yeah, I

24:55

know that you like crisps. Yeah. You start there with frazzles.

24:57

I mean, you could have had frazzles here. Could

25:00

have done. You could have had a big proper done

25:02

with frazzle dust on it. Oh, if

25:05

you had me on as a teenager, that would have

25:07

been it. Yeah, that would have been weird. Would have

25:09

been weird. It was pretty podcast. I didn't know either

25:11

of you. You get

25:13

a little an email. Yeah, to

25:15

agent underscore laws at Yahoo dot com.

25:19

It'll be the little bread that you get in the

25:21

rack at a B&B. So is

25:23

this in the B&B still? Yeah, I can go

25:25

there. Okay. Are you now basing your choices on

25:28

the fact you're in a B&B? Yeah, that one. Because

25:31

it doesn't sound like it can be anyone's actual thing.

25:34

Do you mean toast as well? You mean toast. Yeah,

25:36

you take yourself into a corner where you're spending the

25:38

day in a town. And now you're having to go,

25:40

okay, so now I'm in the town. So

25:46

what would I have? If I'm starting the day,

25:49

I have the water, then my bread's got to

25:51

be in the B&B still. So I've got to

25:53

have the B&B bread, even though it's not your

25:55

favourite bread. And it is toast. Potentially the favourite,

25:57

right? Here's the alternative is that I go to

25:59

part... run quite regularly. It's a

26:01

fun run 9 a.m. on Saturday. The

26:04

toast they have at the

26:06

Rickmansworth Aquadrome Cafe is just

26:08

a delicious sourdough. Yeah. Delicious

26:10

butter. That's why I run

26:12

it. I'm getting there. I'm having that every single

26:14

time with either marmalade or with but what will

26:16

I do? I'll leave a little like

26:19

quarter of each one with no marmalade on so

26:21

I can enjoy it with the butter. Right?

26:24

And then I'm into the marmalade or to

26:26

the the raspberry jam. I call it it's

26:28

perfectly possible that in the B&B that you've

26:30

invented in your mind, what they're putting

26:33

in the rack is the Rickmansworth

26:35

Aquadrome Cafe. Cafe toast that you

26:38

have after or before you depart.

26:40

I'd love that but there's also

26:42

something incredibly evocative about that sort

26:45

of like wholemeal

26:47

half slice that's

26:49

slightly soggy. Well you can get the joy about

26:51

that is when when you're in a hotel or

26:54

a B&B they say do you want white or

26:56

brown bread I'm always back with

26:58

mix. Oh yeah yeah. You can

27:00

have a mixed rack, you can have

27:02

the Aquadrome white and

27:04

then the B&B wholemeal. I actually go with

27:06

the seeded sourdough

27:09

which is slightly wholemeal-y. Okay.

27:12

Yeah. It's not to pick

27:14

you up on that at all in

27:16

any way. It's your dream B&B. Thank

27:18

you. It's a new podcast. It's

27:23

the rack but it's

27:25

sourdough toast. It's not the

27:28

Rickmansworth Aquadrome Cafe toast

27:30

that you have. Yeah is

27:32

that the secret ingredient? No.

27:35

Although that would be very David Brown if we

27:37

knew that. Yeah. How do you do an envelope

27:39

and it says Rickmansworth Aquadrome Cafe toast. Just checking

27:41

under my chair. And is the owner of the

27:44

B&B talking to you throughout all of this? No they've

27:46

left me I've put my ear pods in.

27:49

So they might still be there. Okay but I'm listening

27:51

to case files because I'm in town to solve a

27:53

case. What's the case? Someone's disappeared.

27:56

One of you has disappeared and I'm there

27:58

to tell you. Oh no! Yeah,

28:00

where who James has James disappeared

28:02

appeared in the town. Yeah, so what town

28:04

is it? It's up in north.

28:06

Oregon. Well, it's never there anyway. No, you were

28:08

you know, you were You

28:12

were James you need to work on your improv man. Yeah,

28:15

it's just on stage i'm not there. No

28:17

you are That's

28:23

where you've been tracked too anyway Yeah, so

28:25

i'm there to solve the case and Ed's

28:27

Ed can't do it because he's doing great

28:29

british menu or something Yeah, so i'm not

28:32

there at all. Yeah, you're in the gravy

28:34

train Yeah, okay. So your dream meal is

28:36

spending the day in a town where i've

28:38

gone missing I

28:41

love this like you've got to solve it. Yeah, so

28:44

This isn't going to be a meal as

28:46

such so much as a day of eating

28:48

while you try and solve a missing person's

28:50

case Yeah, but it will fit your format.

28:52

Yeah, perfectly Kind of and not perfect I

28:57

quite I like this solving the case thing. Yeah. Oh,

28:59

yeah. You're the one who's one missing Yeah,

29:01

will you be the one who you know,

29:03

you've the only evidence we have at the

29:06

moment is dna evidence where you've been What

29:08

sort of DNA come? I

29:11

do it before you get it. Yeah. Why do the guy up? Where'd

29:16

you find it? You don't want to know where

29:18

it is, but some of it's on the

29:20

ceiling. Yeah. Yeah. That's yes Make where it ends

29:22

up. Yeah I

29:25

can rock it So

29:28

yeah, you've had this toast you you've fueled yourself

29:31

for the day's investigations Yeah, i've done a quick

29:33

5k to get myself ready. Yeah, now it's out

29:35

i'm on the beat and now you're starter I

29:38

was on the beat. That's how they found that Um

29:42

Your starter is um cherry

29:45

pie with black coffee now This

29:47

we could have predicted with the

29:49

earliest sweet entries Oh,

29:53

no, I respect it I

29:56

Respect it. But that's a dessert. That's a dessert as

29:58

a starter. Yeah, But when I'm. The

30:00

avenue about eleven ist you lose know star

30:02

or that. The. But his his have sought

30:04

is my day. Yeah, because he may have felt

30:06

the day. That is what he's done them. So

30:09

this is why for the whole thing revolves around

30:11

this one choice, the whole set up of it's

30:13

an entire size. Yeah, I'm in a town in

30:15

someone's gonna miss and none of that would exist

30:17

if he didn't want. How he buys is not.

30:21

A cathartic sanctuary. He and where are you getting

30:23

the cherry pie black coffee from Designer? You have

30:26

more. As a

30:28

guy or a real place first of all that we

30:30

can baby in for money out for the victims with

30:32

awkward to a cafe. Is that not

30:34

a real place? Any time of America will

30:36

go to a diner, have cherry pie and

30:38

am I tried to go to that one?

30:41

Add a place where Michael Mckean recommended yeah

30:43

in Oregon and are still a driving is

30:45

it was like an hour and half to

30:47

myself. well as thin. As. On some

30:49

license in the lab and and today.

30:52

So. A driving and then when he

30:54

to is open. Clues. That the

30:56

yes? Yep, just random Tuesday closed. Are

30:58

you do a lot of holidays by

31:00

yourself in a in America? To answer

31:02

is. Muslim. Or the thought

31:04

to get is very the to open

31:06

up more about your life to their

31:08

their a lot going on holiday by

31:10

myself to America specifically specifically. yeah ah

31:12

the or do any web America if

31:15

it exists got that sort of like

31:17

romantic sort of vibe to it. I'm

31:19

alive going to small town America of

31:21

crumbling Americano of all of that stuff.

31:23

Yeah so you're in the local diner

31:25

of this town. The I am was

31:27

just like a standard American diner. The

31:29

pollen up outside kick in the door

31:31

closed. looking back at it. Rental

31:34

companies can be annoyed at that for

31:36

holding a year and as a policeman

31:38

sir in there as well the idea

31:40

smoking inside yet last nice as well.

31:43

We want that no smoking inside the

31:45

only by police officers the emphasis on

31:47

a zola. As a woman, she's about

31:49

eighty eighty five behind them and she

31:51

cites hey how you doing their part

31:54

math but the mercy from his his

31:56

so our area. and

31:59

i hear So Shrek's in there.

32:01

You wish. What am

32:03

I getting you? Black coffee? Cherry pie? And

32:05

I'm like... So have you been there before?

32:08

Yes. Okay. Because otherwise she's

32:10

got your order exactly right. Yeah, yeah.

32:12

Well, the prestige. They're really well there.

32:16

I'm not saying the prestige. Yeah, it's really good. What

32:18

happens when one of them gets a cherry pie? And

32:21

then the other one, you want to figure out how they did it.

32:25

Is it like a big slice of cherry pie?

32:27

It's a sixth of the pie. That's a good

32:29

size though. That's a good size. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

32:32

Yeah, it's a good size. Warm? Warm.

32:34

Yeah. Is it true? No, just because

32:36

this time of the day you've got the black coffee, you're not

32:39

having any dairy involved with it. Yeah.

32:41

Yeah. Cherry pie black coffee. No dairy.

32:43

What's the pastry like? It's... Yeah,

32:45

it is quite flaky actually now you ask, James. Yeah.

32:48

Yeah, there's a flake to it, which is nice, but

32:50

there's a couple of bits where it's very well done.

32:52

Uh-huh. Right on the rim. Yeah. The rim of the

32:54

pie. Yeah. Quite well done. You would have

32:57

to push down on it with your spoon on the plate and

32:59

then it would snap and maybe a bit would ping off and

33:01

hit the policeman or something. Yeah, it's really pulled his weapon. Yeah,

33:03

yeah, he shot it out the air. And

33:08

that classic cherry pie filling.

33:11

Do you want to see bits? No. I want

33:13

visible cherries. You want visible cherries? Yeah. Yeah. You don't

33:15

want it to be. I rarely have

33:17

a cherry pie, you know, but it is delicious. It's

33:19

great. And the problem is when you are a single

33:22

person who lives alone most of the time, cherry

33:25

pies over here, they're only sold in big pies.

33:27

Of course. So what am I supposed to do?

33:29

Okay. Go crazy. You can make out like that's

33:31

a problem for you. A

33:34

little pretend that's the point. I have a three-day

33:37

cherry pie first. Yeah, definitely. I'm still like, obviously

33:39

I'm annoyed when people waste the opportunity of a

33:41

starter to... What would you have in this small

33:43

town? Well, why not? But it's not my dream

33:46

to be in this small town. Bacon and

33:48

waffles. What you've done is you've given yourself

33:50

a day's work to do. Yeah,

33:52

well, I want to save my friend. He's gone missing.

33:54

Yeah, but then I'd find him first and then have

33:56

a big slap up me at the end of the

33:58

day. Well, I don't know. Because... The i don't only

34:00

the clues yet when way out of a cherry

34:03

pie as overcome all of the ceiling open and

34:05

and announcing to help. Are gonna follow

34:07

trial of Come Like is a big snail

34:09

as apartment manager methods of let's get this

34:11

way by and levels We are about to

34:13

go see the five. I got a case

34:15

there in that light brown photo of yeah

34:18

so you could see go Epi He got

34:20

the pictures of be Friends come and you

34:22

dislike leafing through yeah and about and in

34:24

the case our added to the study said

34:26

I'd like to be looking to purchase of

34:28

my time. To

34:31

think maybe that's why I don't want any Kramer I've

34:33

heard. It's a

34:35

man. A Rough times. Dot

34:38

com about. Let this guy with the

34:41

news I am actually say easy cherry

34:43

pie black coffee yes you're in the

34:45

diner Yeah send a bit of investigation

34:47

fit of investigation. So got the dictaphone

34:50

obvious made via. And

34:53

plan back some recordings yeah I've done to. I

34:55

just did a couple of briefings for the night

34:57

before. The up as individual was it's our math

34:59

just happened to be in the bar I was

35:01

in the I just interviewed them to see and

35:03

I did the town the math yeah yeah or

35:05

fourth muslims. Billie grandson methods

35:07

that live there since he was a kid

35:10

area mass it's his kit as right. Out

35:14

of the house if is night say now

35:17

to die soon I headed out he got

35:19

drink I owe him a drink and he

35:21

was like on out that the on the

35:23

mac on be seen to have that fear

35:25

of the hated the ball game is accusing

35:27

others are not yet sat big chains Ah

35:29

added a chat with him a man of

35:31

course the high school football star. Yes,

35:34

Yeah was his nights he is code

35:36

because they've got a C L A

35:38

theme. Our team now as for the

35:41

I try to do their bit for

35:43

equality of their out of her name

35:45

is Shirley science and will have since.

35:48

I said he groans and how is

35:50

he related Pretty grandson yes your how.

35:53

Mother. Surely. Grandson the high

35:55

school football star Yes, is a nineteen

35:57

year old mother because the star is

35:59

actually. the coke. So everyone really

36:01

admires the coach. The coaches, she's

36:03

come in, because she used to

36:05

coach NFL. Yeah, and she's come

36:08

in and she said, I can turn this town

36:10

around. Yeah. And so now both the teams, the

36:12

men's and the women's teams are going to go

36:14

into that they've been drafted into the NFL the

36:16

next year. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But

36:18

as the whole team, and what does Shirley Grunting

36:20

have to say for herself? So far, I'm suspecting

36:22

the Grunting. Shirley

36:25

says, look, there was a truck that came through town

36:28

the night before, with like

36:30

a dangerous load on it. Hang on,

36:32

what? Was

36:35

it all his? Yeah, it was that, do

36:37

that joke in their head. Basically,

36:39

it's here. I don't call it the truck. There's

36:42

a couple of military towns based around the

36:45

area. Like there's some stuff

36:47

going through, potentially to these military bases.

36:49

Okay. And some stuff fell off. Okay.

36:51

So we don't know what that is.

36:53

Okay. But Shirley noticed that. We

36:55

put a pin in it and ask you what

36:58

your bank course is. I put a pin in it, then

37:00

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vacuum for only $799. What's

37:45

your main course? Whereabouts in the town are you

37:47

eating it? And which grunting do you make during

37:49

this? You

37:51

really should have come up with a storyline before you

37:53

got here. Now you've

37:55

got the armed forces involved. Yeah. You got a perfect

37:57

round. I did come out with it. Okay,

38:00

so the casino is trying to be built in the town

38:03

and the armed forces are involved in

38:05

some way and the Gruntson's the coach

38:07

and the mayor. Her

38:09

son the mayor. Yeah, their coach,

38:12

in a way, he's coaching the

38:14

town to be better townsfolk. Yeah,

38:16

so they're coaches by nature. So yeah, this is

38:19

taking place now. This is like 5pm. So I

38:21

spent the day out on the beat. Yeah, so

38:23

you've not had a lot so far. Yeah, yeah. So

38:26

as I said, I'm slow to get going. Slow to

38:28

get going. Have a late breakfast slash brunch. Yeah. And

38:31

then I'm out on the beat. That's, so

38:33

I've had water and bread, cherry pie

38:35

and coffee. So now I'm finding the Indian

38:37

restaurant. I would say that

38:39

Small Town America is not necessarily famous for

38:41

its Indian food. Yes, it's weird that this

38:44

place has got a really good one. Have

38:46

you got one from back home that's been

38:48

transported? Yes, it does. Yeah, yeah. What

38:50

particular restaurant is it? Okay, so

38:52

there's one that's in the old town in

38:54

Amisham where I used to live, which

38:57

was great, called Rajgate. Delicious.

38:59

I used to always order in from there. I

39:02

think it's got to be, the one

39:05

in George Cross called Malick's is just great.

39:07

Yeah, it's not banned. It's a paper. Absolutely

39:09

delicious. So you want that in the town?

39:11

Yeah, let's get that over there. Yeah.

39:13

What are you ordering from it? Well, this

39:15

is where I'm now gauging whether or not I go

39:17

in there and order a completely different meal to an

39:19

Indian meal. Because that might be the secret ingredient. I'm

39:21

trying to get these faces. You

39:23

can't get Malick's over. And then make

39:25

them do like a chorizo broccoli pasta.

39:28

Make them do Domino's. I'd

39:31

have a lamb address. Lamb address from

39:33

Malick's. That's the standard

39:35

go-to for me. Any Indian restaurant I go

39:37

to, that's what I'm having if I can.

39:40

Did you decide that very early on? Did you

39:42

add one lamb address you like? Or did you

39:44

go on a tour around the menu and work

39:46

out what you like? What I

39:48

did I think is I hit on that very early

39:50

on and then occasionally I take a little detour. A

39:52

little detour, have a little look what's happening around and

39:56

then always come back to the lamb

39:58

address. So what were the upper ones

40:00

you tried? and Carrolden lamb, Everest lamb,

40:03

all the biryani's, the

40:06

Tikka masala is too sweet isn't it? And that's,

40:08

hey, I'm saying it's too sweet, that's me saying

40:10

it. You've had cherry pie for your starter. And

40:13

now I'm going in there, what I'm having

40:16

with it, poppadoms obviously, that's coming in with

40:18

it, all of the accoutrements, onion bargees. We're

40:20

just having that as a full meal because

40:22

it's always good. Rice? Yeah, rice is

40:24

going in there. What kind of rice? Is that,

40:26

is this Rick? I was just asking you, what kind of rice?

40:28

This is a Lutz man. Just a nice rice,

40:30

just nice rice. Nice rice. Yeah,

40:33

nice rice. What does that mean? Just nice rice.

40:35

But do you want mushroom rice or? Pilau rice.

40:38

Pilau rice. Whatever comes. Well, James.

40:41

Probably not mushroom rice. Yeah. Don't like

40:43

mushrooms. I feel like, what's the special rice? Also,

40:45

there's peas in it, maybe some. If you're offering that to me, I'll have

40:47

that. This suspicion thing, fuck, it kills the flow because you're genuinely worried. We've

41:00

never had an episode where someone saw an edge.

41:02

No, it's nice, different energy. Peas. Chuck

41:05

some peas in there. Prawns. No, trying

41:07

to stay off the old seafood as much as possible. The

41:10

good of the land. Because if they get too

41:12

comfortable, they'll come on land. Are

41:14

you scared of them? Yeah. But

41:17

surely then you should eat more of them so there's less of

41:19

an army to come on land. I want them to not blame

41:21

me at any point. If they come on land, I don't want

41:23

them to look at me and be like, well, this guy's been

41:25

at us. So it's not for the good of the land? It's

41:28

for the good of the stew. Yeah. And

41:30

for the planet, let's respect nature. Am

41:33

I eating beef all the time? Yes. I

41:35

love beef. Beef is delicious. But you're

41:37

famously not going to have kids. Yes.

41:39

So yeah, I've ticked that box. So

41:42

let's respect nature. Lambadraff. Lambadraff. Kill

41:44

a nice little lamb. Sometimes

41:47

you go into an Indian restaurant, you can tell

41:49

that the sauces come from like a tin or

41:51

something like that. Sort of thinner, runnier sort of

41:53

thing. You want the proper, they've made the sauce

41:55

in-house. It's like, oh, I'm going

41:58

to eat this stuff. Chunky. heat

42:00

where you're just like, okay, some sweat

42:02

starts to come out. But it's not like

42:04

you're having to take breaks. Who have you

42:06

been to Malax with? I go to Malax with,

42:08

there's a group of people and friends with

42:10

who we do a lot of running, but we will occasionally

42:13

go for a curry together,

42:15

a little celebration. We went to one in High

42:18

Wycombe, where a few of

42:20

us were there, and the table next to us was

42:23

basically, it looked like two

42:25

men who almost definitely voted

42:27

to leave the EU. That

42:30

sort of vibe, they'd been out drinking all

42:32

day, late 50s,

42:34

and then their wives as well, who didn't seem

42:37

like they were allowed to talk. And

42:39

the lads were, they were just on it shouting, everything

42:41

like that. But there was

42:43

an uneasy atmosphere there. And they sat

42:46

down and the plates were put

42:48

out for them. And I was

42:50

just looking over and one of them, bald

42:52

head, just sort of looked like

42:54

he was like vibrating a little bit.

42:58

Yeah, pulsing just like, just like that.

43:00

And the plate got put out in

43:02

front of him, and he just immediately

43:04

vomited five pints of lager. Oh my

43:06

God. And it just

43:08

hit the plate. And the plate acted

43:10

as like a reflection sort of. And

43:12

it just burst out all over the

43:14

two women opposite and sort of almost

43:16

hit our table as well. We are

43:19

so close. And his

43:21

friend immediately stood up and

43:24

just announced to the entire restaurant, my

43:26

friend has taken ill. His night is

43:28

over. Like he was trying to

43:33

be as formal as possible. And then

43:36

he looked over our table and he

43:38

went, your night is over too. Was

43:42

he right? We got moved to another table.

43:44

Yeah, but yeah, for a little while, we

43:46

thought, yeah, maybe our night is over. Yeah.

43:48

I just love that confidence of being like,

43:51

we fucked up badly. Everybody else's night. Do

43:55

you Want them

43:57

there at this? Yeah, I'd like them there, but it's

43:59

happening in the. Background because they kept, then

44:01

they were taken out and then they kept

44:03

coming in to solve, apologize, and to try

44:05

and clean up. And yeah, there was a

44:07

lot of back and forth. Had love that

44:10

sort of hubbub partner. Yeah, getting going out

44:12

for a car is always a pretty good

44:14

social occasion. Or football team would

44:16

always do end of season do

44:18

that. A Curry House in Beckinsale

44:20

Christian football team shouted to Goat

44:22

Hill Fc and is always a

44:24

good vibes to the nicest. Nonreligious

44:28

on a Christian but would aim paid

44:31

for twenty one years. Your ringer the

44:33

if you're an atheist ring as I

44:35

was a manager for a while but

44:37

I couldn't make a visual on in

44:39

Life and your the manager of in

44:41

there's another big guy for them. Yeah

44:43

big shout to the big guy yet

44:45

poll. It's as in Colorado has a

44:47

celebrants a question anyone in the list

44:49

and the something oh time. guess who's

44:51

prime suspects? The guys who did the

44:53

yet you're not the either Via. So

44:56

what are their names? Barry and

44:58

said Terry. Grandson. That

45:01

no bearing terrorists wow or

45:03

interest laugh about his brother

45:05

married above as yeah that

45:07

married two sisters yet so

45:09

cold that Sally's I saw

45:11

they get enough of that

45:13

episode ix Lambda and Barbara

45:16

selling Barbara there for them.

45:18

It was as reading. That.

45:20

Showed him over others some that aren't very

45:23

slow as mounted ready. Yeah it was Maria's

45:25

or is a match made in the start

45:27

via A and what did I say when

45:29

you question. They. Said that they'd

45:31

seen someone the night before interacting with

45:34

some of the the equipment that fallen

45:36

off the lorries some and that they

45:38

scurried away like a little were coon.

45:41

like current yeah when raccoons scary off and

45:44

i've got something in the front and they

45:46

were there running on the back legs yeah

45:48

episode that but was safe enough to deter

45:50

any for him as he pursued an effort

45:52

to boil it down to someone took something

45:55

guess i'm sure some cases and ran into

45:57

the new build it's the casino is not

45:59

finished yet Yeah, okay. Sorry, I've got a

46:01

side drink to the main. Oh,

46:04

yeah, it's a ice cold Pepsi in a

46:06

glass bottle and the one I'm thinking of

46:08

is from a petrol

46:10

station in the Ugandan

46:12

village. Okay. But I'm near

46:16

Lake Victoria in Lake Victoria.

46:18

Let's hope so. So I was there

46:20

doing some work and it was extremely hot.

46:22

We're going. I think we're going out onto

46:24

the lake to do some filming or something.

46:27

And I was like, I need to go and get something

46:29

to drink pop into this little petrol

46:32

station tiny little place and the

46:34

fridge was the coldest fridge I've

46:37

ever experienced couldn't believe it couldn't

46:39

believe my. It

46:44

was probably 0.7 degrees. Yeah.

46:46

And also as well, like

46:48

the Pepsi that's not from

46:51

the UK always tastes better. I

46:53

don't know what the ingredients are. I just got a massive

46:55

coincidence. So we just like we're doing free podcast

46:57

today. You're the second one. First

47:00

one you had to keep

47:02

tomorrow. He chose his dream drink

47:05

a glass bottle of Fanta on Nigeria.

47:07

And he said it tastes different when

47:09

it's in the glass bottle

47:11

agreed. Maybe it's the same. Maybe

47:14

African Pepsi is different. But he does

47:16

now having to Google that even though

47:18

earlier, he had to Google Nigerian Fanta

47:20

and now he's goofing Ugandan

47:22

Pepsi. And also the amount of time

47:24

between the two of them about two

47:26

hours. It's quite weird. I just like

47:28

a bit weird. Okay,

47:40

so this is taking place now nine o'clock

47:42

ish in the evening. Yeah, so

47:45

I've done some more investigating. I

47:47

found out that most likely you are

47:49

hidden there somewhere in the basement of

47:51

the casino. Okay. And

47:54

it's because you naturally object to

47:56

gambling. Yeah, so I'm anti

47:58

gamble that knows. That's

48:00

where you've ended up, right? So I need to

48:03

get there, but obviously I'm hungry because I've only

48:05

had a curry three

48:08

hours a day. So it's time to get on

48:10

my evening meal. This is where I'm coming alive,

48:12

right? The brain is alive. The side dish is

48:14

the evening meal. Okay. Just getting

48:16

it all straight in my head as well as the case and all of

48:18

that. Oh, by the way, I feel

48:20

like we should have like a

48:23

palate cleanser in between. Like a

48:25

Kendall mint cake or something like that. Yeah. Just

48:29

in between. Yeah, of course. Because it's the

48:31

heaviest, sweetest thing available. What kind of Kendall

48:33

mint cake you having? Just

48:35

the pure, just the white one. Yeah. But

48:38

it's a palate cleanser. It's not to keep me going. It's

48:40

not a palate cleanser. Anything.

48:42

You hear me? Okay,

48:44

all right. The sweetest mint in the world.

48:47

A block of mint and

48:49

glucose. Okay. Let's have an amuse-bouche

48:51

in between then. Well, no, because you've already amused your

48:53

fucking bouche. Yeah, I doesn't go there. Your bouche got

48:55

amused like hours ago when you had toast. And

48:58

then a cherry pie and then a full curry. And then you're

49:00

saying you have a Kendall mint cake before your side dish. Okay,

49:02

can I have a Kendall? If you weren't going to have a

49:04

mint cake, you have a palate cleanser. I'm going to have a

49:06

mint cake. You're walking around the town all day. You're on the

49:09

beach. You know, you need the energy. I need the energy. Am

49:11

I allowed to snack as well on this, in this restaurant? Yeah.

49:14

It's not a restaurant. It's a whole town. It's a whole

49:16

town that you're sold with a different person's cake. So I'm

49:18

having a snack. Are we having like a... No, I'm not

49:20

going to say actually because I think that might be the...

49:22

What? No, I'm not going to say that one. No, I'm

49:24

just having some chocolate just during the day. I'll just say

49:26

what it is. Just having an othefreddo. Okay. With

49:29

some marshmallows. So you've got those in your

49:31

pocket. The othefreddo is the bread and the marshmallows

49:33

is the filling. What, you've got two freddows and

49:35

some marshmallows in between? Yeah, yeah. Are

49:38

you melting that? Yeah, we melt it a little bit. Where

49:40

are you melting it in the town? Well,

49:42

in the town bonfire. I don't like this town. It's

49:48

called the bonfire. It's

49:50

not stopped burning for 15 years. The othefire.

49:52

The bonfire. It's

49:55

previous buildings that they don't

49:58

need anymore. Okay. as

50:00

industries disappear and are not needed.

50:02

So there was the big mp3

50:04

player factory. Yeah, God, it's like

50:06

a Bruce Springsteen song. Yeah, exactly.

50:08

Yeah, yeah. So there's loads of

50:10

musicians that sing about their dads

50:12

working at the mp3 factory. I

50:16

think for my side, my evening

50:18

meal, supper. Yeah. I think

50:20

it's closed now, the ginger man in

50:22

Boston. They had buttermilk chicken sliders with

50:25

hot sauce and pickles, and then like

50:27

roasted Brussels with a balsamic reduction and

50:29

bacon. We want this.

50:31

That's one. Yes. I'll

50:35

let me have that. Yeah, of course you would. You're the ginger man. But

50:40

case closed. Yeah,

50:46

chicken sliders with hot sauce and

50:48

pickles. Perfect. More and more in my life

50:50

now, all I want my food to do is

50:52

just tear my mouth apart. Yes. Yeah. And then

50:54

the next day tear. Yeah. Oh, dear. The

50:56

other side apart. Yeah. Dick. I

51:00

want my food to tear my deck apart.

51:03

Having a piss the next morning. Oh, fucking hell, I had a carry on.

51:07

What's coming out of it? I've

51:09

really got into just having a big

51:11

deal with pickles at home lately. Yeah. Yeah.

51:14

Yeah. Just started doing it. My dad

51:16

was obsessed with pickles as a kid. It sort

51:18

of put me off them a little bit. Oh,

51:20

really? Yeah. You'll love this. I worked

51:22

with someone recently who's obsessed with picklebacks that

51:25

if she goes into a pub with her friends and

51:28

they don't have the pickle juice to do picklebacks, she'll

51:30

go to the supermarket and buy a jar of pickles

51:33

so she can use the brine. And

51:35

someone texted her and said, even in this pub recently, she

51:37

was like, yeah, how do you know? She went, I just

51:39

found half a jar of pickles in the toilet. That's

51:45

why the backs of toilets are

51:47

often covered. So you can't put your

51:50

pickles down. Yeah. That's a deleted thing

51:52

from Godfather as well. I

51:56

don't know if that's pickleback to go in there. They got it taped to the

51:58

back. Are

52:02

you just dunking in your fork trying to

52:05

spear one? If I'm eating something already and

52:07

I've got a fork handy but otherwise I'll

52:09

just put my fingers in. Really?

52:12

Yeah. No one else has

52:14

eaten those pickles in the house. I'm the only one who's into

52:16

them. We pickles. Yeah. Is he on the

52:18

case as well? Yeah, he's... He

52:23

actually didn't get accepted by the army so

52:25

he's saying nearby and he keeps doing the

52:27

tests to get in. Yeah. He

52:29

can't get in. Yeah, it's a shame. For

52:32

Halloween would you do that big bowl of

52:35

pickle brain and then pickles in it and then dunking

52:37

in to try and get a pickle? Well,

52:40

it's a complicated question. Is

52:42

he as well? If

52:45

I walked into a Halloween party and that was

52:48

already set up... Yeah. But

52:50

you're not setting up. I'm not doing that. No.

52:52

I'm not... I

52:55

don't want to do it enough that I'm going to do it.

52:57

Because it's a statement if people turn up at yours and you've

52:59

set that up, they're like, fuck it up. Well, you're not having

53:01

anyone over for a start. I'm not having anyone over. I don't

53:03

want to. But like if

53:05

someone was like, yeah, you got to do this.

53:07

Yeah. Like, forget it. But if I

53:09

walked in and it was just there and people were like, we're all

53:11

doing this. Do you want to pop the pickles?

53:13

And before they even look back at you, your

53:15

head fully submerged. Yeah, I'm all in. And I'm

53:17

definitely getting one. Yeah. I'm definitely

53:19

going to get one. I'm not going to get a pickle. Yeah. It

53:22

would have to be different sized pickles as well to make it harder

53:25

for some people. Those little tiny ones. Corner shuns.

53:28

Corner shuns. Yeah. Those

53:30

big ones you get in actual stations

53:32

where you get one pickle in the packet. Yeah.

53:36

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

53:38

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

53:41

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

53:45

Yeah. I got a ticket to groundhog day. No

53:49

one's ever bought that present. ticket

53:51

to groundhog day and two big pickles. What

53:56

about in this pickled eggs in there as well? What

53:59

in the big pool? the big ball in the bobbin pool

54:01

I've never really had a pickled egg actually really so

54:04

I've had a pickle egg so I think I would

54:06

do it just because that might be a bit of

54:08

a fun element you know if we're gonna get a

54:10

pickled egg for the first time while I'm blindfolded to

54:12

I'm bobbing for pickles what's the worst

54:14

thing that you could buy into that's been pickled

54:16

in there finger little pickled

54:18

finger yeah I guess like if

54:20

you pickled a person okay let's

54:23

think of two vegetables yeah I'm

54:25

not a massive fan of umaboshi

54:27

which is the sour pickled

54:29

plums not big

54:31

fan of those that it's almost too much

54:34

flavor for me so sweet and yeah sweet

54:36

and sour and very salty you'd like it

54:38

yeah I think I've ever had

54:40

anything pickled that I don't like yeah I've

54:43

been lucky and blessed yeah you

54:45

are actually far from in this town how many

54:47

sliders and is it like three

54:49

sliders on a bed of roasted Brussels yeah

54:52

from the ginger man yeah yeah I love

54:54

balsamic reduction big fan of that when I

54:56

discovered that was a thing yeah couldn't believe it so I

54:58

got a little one of those well I'm a identifies

55:01

a man so I've got a skillet that's

55:03

what we have I don't

55:05

we identify yeah I love you

55:08

don't know where each sentence is going I love frying

55:10

up the onions

55:14

on that chucking on the

55:16

balsamic yeah it's the best

55:18

why did no one tell me about that and you

55:20

reduce it on there yeah yeah I'm also thinking about

55:22

the balsamic reduction it's more like it's sweeter this way

55:25

to yeah yeah yeah it's just like it's a seven-star

55:27

on something yeah yeah yeah but it's got a bit

55:29

of Tang and

55:33

what's the drink with that a

55:36

bottle of paseco yeah how

55:38

are you doing any investigating

55:40

curry I'm absolutely curry

55:43

I'm done curry is the end of the night

55:46

I'm never gonna carry for lunch I've gone for a

55:48

run after the curry you've gone for an hour already

55:50

done a 5k you've been sick I imagine yeah yeah

55:52

I've done a very I've done a heart rate run

55:54

where you run really slow keep your heart rate low

55:57

just to sort of process it all and also I

55:59

need to investigate get some stuff on the outskirts of town.

56:01

Does it make you ill? Yeah. So

56:03

is that... Yeah, I've been puking the entire day. Is Barry behind

56:06

you on the run going, my friend has been second in! His

56:09

night is over! You're like, I'm not

56:11

on the side dish yet. And

56:13

then my drink, bottle of Prosecco, has got

56:15

its own side. Is that okay? Hang

56:19

on. So your side dish, which is, by the

56:21

way, two side dishes... It's on top of it.

56:23

It's got a drink. Yeah. It's

56:25

got a drink. Which is a whole bottle of

56:27

Prosecco. Yeah. And you're saying the drink also has a size?

56:29

Yes, the drink has a size. Well, what is it? Shambord.

56:33

Shambord, yeah. The raspberry liqueur.

56:35

The raspberry liqueur. Yeah. But are you

56:37

mixing that with the Prosecco? Yes, I am. Thank you.

56:39

Okay, well, that's fine. So that's one drink. So you can

56:42

put a little bit of that in the bottom of the

56:44

glass. Yes, thank you. Yeah. So really got

56:46

into that when I went to an everyman cinema for the first time.

56:48

I wouldn't do that all the time. I

56:50

don't like them, actually. Cinema based. Cinema

56:52

based? That should be surprising. We went during the

56:54

day. I moved into my flat and my friend

56:56

Matt had helped me move in. And then as

56:59

part of that, we're going to go and watch

57:01

Hell or High Water, which was

57:03

like two o'clock in the afternoon.

57:06

Go and watch that. No one's there. Chris

57:08

Pine. Yeah, great film. Really

57:10

good. Then at the beginning, you know, they come out and do

57:12

the announcement like, oh, thank you for being here. We're going to

57:14

play this film. Who here? I was like, the fancy

57:16

ones, they've been here. I was confused. Like the

57:19

fancy ones. They send out some poor

57:21

bastard. Yeah. Shaking. I

57:23

hate it. Makes me feel anxious for

57:25

them. I was at the IMAX last night.

57:27

Oh, yeah, they do. Yeah, they do at the IMAX. Britain's

57:29

biggest screen. And is it worse if

57:31

they love doing it or worse if they hate doing

57:33

it? Worse if they love doing it. Yeah. Because

57:36

I completely understand the people who hate doing it. When they

57:38

love doing it and they're trying to do like five minutes.

57:40

Yeah. They came out and they said,

57:42

by the way, we're celebrating Shambord Monday, who'd like a

57:44

cocktail. So

57:47

I celebrate Shambord Monday every Monday now. Do

57:49

you? As much as I can. Obviously, I

57:51

feel bad when I don't get to celebrate.

57:53

Yeah. Basically, the cocktail

57:55

they're offering was just particularly Shambord. Is it free?

57:58

Yeah. Because Matt was

58:00

driving, he was like, you can have mine. So a

58:02

big shout out to Matt, the man who eats so

58:04

much chocolate that he gives himself an enormous migraine. On

58:06

the last day at university, all his friends had to

58:08

be led in one by one to his darkened room

58:10

because he'd eaten so much chocolate, he'd given himself a

58:12

migraine that was making him want to die. Yeah. And

58:14

they had to all say goodbye one by one like

58:16

he was a godfather. Matt, of course, is

58:19

who we, when Ed and I were on the run, we tried to

58:21

get him to help us because he turned out that he knew one

58:23

of the hunters. We tried to get Matt

58:25

to give us the hunter's fine number and he was very

58:27

responsible and wouldn't do it. Even though

58:29

we kept bringing him up to our house and calling

58:31

him a pork-grind bastard. Now

58:35

we know, we could have just bribed him with a tote blower or

58:37

something. Yeah. When we got caught and

58:39

the hunters were chasing us, when they were chasing me

58:41

at one point, I said, we don't matter. And it

58:43

was the only time I saw him with a break

58:45

character and looked confused. And what? And then

58:47

when he caught me, I was like, honey, no, I bet

58:50

you told him to do it for you. And then he

58:52

was like, that guy eats so much chocolate. I

58:55

was like, yeah, that's the main thing I know about.

58:59

How much chocolate is he eating? Literally, you

59:01

cannot leave any chocolate around. Like, I've had

59:03

like a bar of chocolate sat

59:06

around his and I've looked away for a couple of

59:08

seconds. He's eaten it all. It

59:10

doesn't matter. He would just go through it. He is like

59:12

a dog in that he has no off switch for that.

59:15

Yeah. And so he will just sometimes be like, I can't

59:17

do anything because I've eaten too much chocolate. You

59:21

know how you talk about you can't open it. You

59:23

can't have like start a Terry's chocolate. I told you

59:25

to talk to a lot. Yeah, because you'll just finish

59:27

it. Maybe just with chocolate

59:29

only. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Any chocolate thing

59:31

from that if he starts it, he's

59:33

absolutely screwed. Oh, it's a crushing

59:36

disability. Do you get a T-Mobile loan

59:38

from an airport? Like a gone. Is

59:40

that gone? Yeah. If you go to

59:42

a self-reduce, you can

59:44

personalize one of your name put on the

59:46

packet. Oh, it's pretty good. Yeah.

59:48

I mean, probably not your own name. But it's

59:51

cheap. Yeah, cheap. But also it

59:53

doesn't really look good on the packet. There's a lot of blank

59:55

space. Ed La Ronde. Ed La Ronde.

59:57

Yeah, that's good. I could put Ed La Ronde. Well

1:00:00

he's actually the name of the local police chief

1:00:02

in the town. Ed

1:00:06

LaRone. Not called Tabula-Rone. No, it's Ed

1:00:08

LaRone. Tabula-Rone. Very clearly, Ed LaRone. Now

1:00:17

we're going on to your dream drink. Yes. So

1:00:19

it's not that? It's an old fashioned. Okay.

1:00:22

And that's, I'm celebrating by this point. You're celebrating that's what you're celebrating.

1:00:24

I'm in the hotel, I found you. Good news for

1:00:26

me. I found you. Do you know who

1:00:28

was the guy who stole you? Ed LaRone.

1:00:31

Ed LaRone. The police chief. The

1:00:33

police chief. And you know why? Just

1:00:35

be the police chief. Yeah. Yeah.

1:00:38

Because Billy Grunson was obviously the big.

1:00:40

The mayor? The mayor. The

1:00:42

mayor. Yeah. With

1:00:44

the big suspects. Because Billy Grunson's seen

1:00:47

all your specials. So he

1:00:49

was seen as, well actually Billy was delighted you

1:00:51

were in town and was hoping to come and

1:00:53

see you do a show. But you were like,

1:00:55

I'm not doing a show here. No way. I

1:00:58

hate doing stand up. I kept screaming. I

1:01:00

hate doing stand up. It was weird. Like,

1:01:02

dumb prompted. Yeah. Which is

1:01:04

what drew a lot of attention to you.

1:01:06

And that's when Ed LaRone, who's trying to

1:01:08

get promoted up to head of the

1:01:10

army. From police chief. From

1:01:12

chief of the police. Yeah. That's

1:01:15

the way it goes. Thought if I can get you to put a gig on, then

1:01:18

Billy Grunson will promote me. Okay. So

1:01:21

the mayor is in charge of promoting the chief of police to

1:01:23

the head of the army. Yeah. How

1:01:25

did he get me? How did Ed LaRone get

1:01:27

me? Well, you were wanking. And so you were.

1:01:29

You were wanking. Let's not forget. You

1:01:31

were wanking. Yeah. Well, I

1:01:33

was wondering how that factored into it.

1:01:35

Yeah. So you were feeling at

1:01:38

your weakest. I was in the B&B wanking? Yes.

1:01:40

But they are different B&B. Okay.

1:01:43

Yeah. And what I've finished.

1:01:46

B&B starts with Bashing the Bishop. Bashing and Bishop. So

1:01:49

what I've done. Bashing

1:01:53

A Bishop. I've done it. Bashing and

1:01:55

Bishop. I'll collapse back onto the bed of Exeter's room.

1:01:58

Hang on. back onto the bed.

1:02:01

I'll be sitting up in the bed. You've been

1:02:03

stood staring into the mirror. You've stood up. Huh?

1:02:05

You're stood up. No, no, I'm sitting on the

1:02:07

bed. You're sitting on the bed. Sitting on the

1:02:10

bed. Okay. Sitting, not sitting. You didn't say sitting,

1:02:12

you're just sitting. Yes, it's normal. So

1:02:14

I can't see myself in the mirror if I'm

1:02:16

lying down. Very formal. Sitting on sitting on

1:02:18

the edge of the bed. If I'm lying down, I can't see myself

1:02:20

in the bed. What are you doing with

1:02:24

that little bit at the end of the bed that's for the for

1:02:26

your shoes to go on when you lie in the bed? I'll put

1:02:28

my shoes on. So

1:02:33

you collapse back onto the bed in

1:02:36

ecstasy. Yeah. And then head in the

1:02:38

line both. So has he been

1:02:40

waiting? So he's grabbed that shoe protector thing.

1:02:42

Yeah. He's wrapped that around your face straight

1:02:44

away. Yeah. And then he's hit you

1:02:46

around the head with your own shoe. Like I just did

1:02:48

with the microphone. Yeah. At which point

1:02:50

I came a second time. And that

1:02:52

hit the ceiling because now your angles

1:02:55

are wrong. Yeah. Because you collapse back

1:02:57

onto the bed. Yeah. I've already got

1:02:59

the mirror. Now I've got the ceiling.

1:03:02

So is Ed Jerome waiting? He's listening

1:03:04

outside waiting for James to be as

1:03:06

weakest. Yeah. Ed Jerome, this has become

1:03:08

a normal name now. That's what Ed

1:03:11

Jerome has called me. Yeah.

1:03:13

Because obviously Ed Jerome's got the skeleton

1:03:16

key for the whole town. Yeah, of course. He can

1:03:18

get in any door. Yeah. That

1:03:22

means he could get into the casino. Eddie's

1:03:24

casino. Eddie's casino. Yeah.

1:03:27

Eddie's gambling casino. Yeah. They just

1:03:29

love British comedians over there. Yeah.

1:03:31

They absolutely love it. There's a

1:03:33

goldsmiths down the road. Yeah. And

1:03:36

other places. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1:03:38

I'll record some later. You can

1:03:40

drop it in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1:03:42

Then we discovered you down there

1:03:45

strapped up to the roulette table

1:03:48

and the wheel constantly going around and Eddie LaRone saying,

1:03:50

if it hits 36,

1:03:53

I'm killing him. And

1:03:55

I said, you're not killing him. And we'd saved you.

1:03:57

And then celebrate. We're going to the big hotel. in

1:04:00

the middle of town by the bonf I

1:04:07

imagine you have to go for a shower first yeah

1:04:09

and then obviously it's like a bag over your egg and then

1:04:12

just dragged you straight to the casino yeah yeah

1:04:14

so you're having a quick shower but obviously you

1:04:16

know nature takes its course yeah I was celebrated

1:04:18

we went in there and

1:04:21

you come down and you're like this is a

1:04:24

relax and

1:04:26

then I got over my head and it takes me to the

1:04:28

mayor's offices you're

1:04:31

not learning your lesson have you? and

1:04:34

yeah you're coming out and it's got the massive ice cube

1:04:36

in it yeah I love the massive ice cube really great

1:04:38

with the stamp in the top have you seen that? the

1:04:41

bar all put like a stamp their ice I love that put

1:04:44

a little logo in the top the last

1:04:46

time I had it was a massive one

1:04:48

was in a very fancy hotel in Seattle

1:04:50

I asked you to fly

1:04:53

home but the flight got cancelled and then

1:04:55

you get like 500 quid

1:04:57

allowance if it's 24 hour delay and

1:04:59

so and you know keep receipts claim

1:05:01

it back so I was like I

1:05:04

don't really need anything I'm going to spend

1:05:06

it all on a hotel great great never

1:05:08

been in a hotel it costs a lot of money that

1:05:11

much money before so I spent about 450

1:05:13

pounds for a night in this hotel and

1:05:15

I thought I've got to do it take the

1:05:17

book down sit in the bar have an old-fashioned

1:05:20

I'm sure someone some femme fatale will come over

1:05:22

and talk to me yeah they often do that

1:05:24

when people are reading a book yeah

1:05:26

yeah I don't know why I didn't read the book as I looked at my phone yeah

1:05:29

yeah and I had

1:05:32

the old-fashioned and then just went just

1:05:34

go back to the room I guess just watching

1:05:36

Netflix up there that's good old-fashioned great old-fashioned do

1:05:38

you want that old-fashioned? yeah yeah let's do that

1:05:41

the other one yeah I think it was the Olympic hotel

1:05:43

or the Olympia or something like that uh-huh I

1:05:46

think that no hotel room is worth more than 200

1:05:48

pounds a night I got in there and I was

1:05:50

just like this is fine I just got a

1:05:53

sitting room I'm not going to use yeah

1:05:55

I agree with that especially by yourself

1:05:57

yeah like sometimes when I'm on

1:05:59

tour like occasionally you'll just get a

1:06:01

better room randomly. Yeah. Yeah. And

1:06:03

there'll be like a sofa in there and

1:06:06

whatever and you're like, I'm just gonna sit on the

1:06:08

bed. Yeah, yeah. Sit on

1:06:10

the end of the bed. Yeah, the good times roll. Worth

1:06:12

every bed. Which

1:06:18

week does that? This is difficult, isn't it? Yeah,

1:06:20

it's difficult. You're a sweet tooth boy. So many

1:06:22

options. Yeah. I mean, you've already had cherry pie.

1:06:24

Let me tell you this. Yes. And

1:06:27

I wouldn't normally tell people this, but you've been so tense the

1:06:29

whole episode. Yeah, yeah. This is where we could get you. Why

1:06:32

are you telling me that beginning? The tread very lightly. Some

1:06:34

of those all- I think why we didn't tell you at

1:06:36

the beginning, because I thought every course was going to be

1:06:38

a dessert. Oh, did you? Genuinely, I expected

1:06:40

something like that. I'm not surprised you had a cherry pie

1:06:42

for your starter. Tread very

1:06:44

lightly. To your left might be a

1:06:46

covered up pit with spiky sticks in

1:06:49

it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's part of the town. Yeah. To

1:06:51

your right might be one of those ropes. I don't know

1:06:53

how anyone sets up that you step in them and then

1:06:55

it whips you up into a tree. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

1:06:57

How do they do that? That's the town's rope trap. Near

1:07:00

the bonfire. So this is the problem, because

1:07:02

when I was a kid at school, I

1:07:05

had for lunch had a

1:07:07

box of after-ates. What? Well,

1:07:10

lunch at school? Yeah, there weren't even after-ates. There

1:07:13

was a Woolworth's own brand after-ates. Oh, gosh, dude.

1:07:16

But I hadn't. Who said you meant with them? My

1:07:19

parents didn't like box up some after-ates.

1:07:22

Well, where else were you getting them,

1:07:24

Bob? I had not taken anything. I didn't

1:07:26

have any money, and all I had

1:07:28

was enough, and I went into Woolworth's, so I could

1:07:30

afford that. I want that, so I'm

1:07:32

going to have that. But there must have been something else

1:07:34

in Woolworth's that wasn't that. Almost definitely. I

1:07:37

could have gone to the bakery next door and got a

1:07:39

roll or something like that. Yeah. But

1:07:41

I went, I want that right now, not

1:07:43

thinking about what that meant for the rest of my day. And

1:07:46

your life, probably. And my life. You wanted to get me

1:07:48

at school. Yeah. You're not thinking about that.

1:07:50

No. Did you eat all of the after-ates for

1:07:52

lunch? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, that much of

1:07:55

that sort of mint, fondant stuff,

1:07:57

I think, has some sort of laxative effect.

1:08:00

I think it's not good for you. No, it's just like

1:08:02

eating glue. It's like eating a whole box of glue Look,

1:08:04

I really like from like a Nostalgic

1:08:07

point of view. I really like a frosty

1:08:09

from wendy's. I don't really know what frosty is

1:08:12

Is it like halfway between a milkshake and an

1:08:14

ice cream? Yeah, and I like the chocolate one

1:08:16

there whenever we went as a family as a

1:08:19

kid. It was like similar to uh, McFly.

1:08:21

No, could you have a spoon? Yeah, you'd have a spoon

1:08:24

to get it out But it was like not as it

1:08:26

wasn't like I don't know. It's not actual ice cream But

1:08:29

I don't know what it just I just like the flavor I

1:08:31

liked the vibe of like oh we're going to

1:08:33

wendy's which is a restaurant. We didn't have here

1:08:36

a restaurant Uh a fast

1:08:38

food place they had like dave the guy

1:08:40

who runs it and it was all very homely

1:08:42

I liked all of that sort of americana

1:08:44

stuff. So it felt nice. I think

1:08:46

I just had to build my own Enormous sundae. I thought

1:08:48

you wanted it. I think that's what I want to build

1:08:50

a huge sundae. Take us through the sundae Here we go

1:08:53

So when I went to the island man when I

1:08:55

was younger There was a restaurant on the dock where

1:08:57

you could buy an ice cream that was like this

1:08:59

big and it was like how big for the listener

1:09:02

That is about 30

1:09:04

40 centimeters wide circumference, uh, not circumference of

1:09:06

radius Centrifuge,

1:09:09

yeah Part of

1:09:11

a beach diameter says of a beach ball diameter

1:09:13

Yeah, so it would probably be that sort of

1:09:15

size and we'd have a bunch of people around

1:09:18

it celebrating your return Yeah, yeah, we're talking raspberry

1:09:20

ripple ice cream. That's going in there.

1:09:22

We're talking vanilla ice cream You've got to have that

1:09:24

as your base. Yeah, I think like that But

1:09:27

then you're not going anywhere like mint choc chip if

1:09:29

I was to have what just to scoop by itself

1:09:31

Maybe mint choc chip, but if you're building

1:09:33

a sundae you've got to think about the wider context.

1:09:35

Yeah Uh, remember that me

1:09:37

stew and I found out on a text chain

1:09:40

did this once building our dream sundae? I

1:09:43

love it. You're chucking honeycomb in there. You're

1:09:45

chucking marshmallows. There's raspberry sauce. This chocolate sauce

1:09:47

second appearance marshmallows in your meal Yeah, yeah.

1:09:50

Yeah, let's not forget the pocket freddows with

1:09:52

the marshmallows Hahahaha

1:09:55

And that's building up into a mountain what else is going to

1:09:58

make it a thing callbacks

1:10:00

in the dessert for the rest of the meal.

1:10:02

Yeah there's a little bit, there's a tiny bit of madras

1:10:04

at the bottom. It's

1:10:07

all sitting in pickle juice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cherries, you can

1:10:09

have cherries from that would be nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've

1:10:11

got some cherries in the bottom. I'm still having trouble

1:10:14

visualising this sundae. Right. Massive it is.

1:10:17

So what's the sauce that goes in

1:10:19

the bottom? That's chocolate sauce.

1:10:21

Okay, so now you're putting a scoop of ice cream

1:10:23

in, what's that? Now we're doing... So there'll

1:10:25

be like loads of scoops right? Yeah, yeah. We've got

1:10:28

like 10 scoops of half a beach

1:10:30

ball sized bowl. Yeah. 10 scoops of rice and a

1:10:32

high ball. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you

1:10:34

remember when on Man vs Food when he

1:10:36

did the Kitchen Sink challenge? Yeah, yeah, yeah,

1:10:38

yeah. Imagining it like that. And then there's

1:10:40

bits of brownie in there, there's honeycomb, there's

1:10:42

the marshmallows and we're building it up. It's

1:10:44

building up and then we're doing raspberry sauce

1:10:47

over it as well. How much of this

1:10:49

do you reckon you're going to eat? Well it's for the

1:10:51

community. Yeah, yeah. So the grands

1:10:53

are there. Obviously

1:10:55

not. You're there. You're there. Incarcerated.

1:10:58

Yeah. I'm there. Ed's finished filming so he's on

1:11:00

a travel. The Slough Brothers are there with the

1:11:02

Reading sisters. The Slough Brothers are there but I'm

1:11:04

not, I don't want them near the... I

1:11:08

don't want them near the Sunday. Yeah, yeah. The Reading

1:11:10

sisters are there though, right? Reading sisters are there because

1:11:12

I feel bad about them because they've had to put

1:11:14

up with a lot of stuff over in the night.

1:11:16

Yeah, yeah. Like get over here, get yourself a spoon.

1:11:18

Yeah, yeah. The 85 year old lady from the diner.

1:11:20

I don't want to go into what's happened to her but

1:11:23

let's just say she won't be

1:11:25

greeting me the next morning. You shanter? You

1:11:29

shanter the old lady from the diner. Man!

1:11:32

Yeah. You can never go back to this

1:11:34

town again. Yeah, we are. Was the policeman

1:11:36

from the diner at the beginning, was that

1:11:38

Ed LaRone or another policeman? Another policeman. Is

1:11:40

he there? Is he there? I'm not kidding,

1:11:42

Ed LaRone. Well,

1:11:46

no, the police officer at

1:11:48

the beginning is Tammy. Yeah.

1:11:50

Tammy. Yeah. Yeah. Tammy, last

1:11:52

name Timmy. Is Tammy Timmy

1:11:54

there? Tammy Timmy's there but

1:11:56

again it's just gone. It's

1:12:00

just got our eye on the outside. Most people aren't

1:12:02

eating this ice cream. It's you

1:12:04

and the Gruntsons. And the

1:12:06

Reddings. You're there and the Reddings.

1:12:10

And Ed's on his way in the chopper. I'm on my way in

1:12:12

the chopper. There's six

1:12:14

of us that's fine. Long spoons,

1:12:16

that's the key. Long spoons, real

1:12:18

nice. It does sound a bit...what were

1:12:20

the ice creams again? Raspberry ripple, vanilla.

1:12:24

Vanilla and then I think it's like we're going around the

1:12:26

table and we're saying you can chuck three scoops in but

1:12:28

it's got to all be the same. So

1:12:30

why are you chucking in? It's got to compliment

1:12:32

it so I'm thinking I might have a Biscoff one

1:12:35

in there or something like that. Well just choose it

1:12:37

yourself. No I'm just saying, I want

1:12:39

you to sit in my ice cream if you're going

1:12:41

to... I've been in it but we could all have

1:12:43

three scoops each. I don't want you to

1:12:45

pick one that's going to upset the balance of it because I've been in a

1:12:47

giraffe so... Well then don't make it. So

1:12:50

you can have three scoops of what you want. You've

1:12:52

got three within and I'll pick and you've

1:12:54

got a Caramelly one, a Biscoffy one. Yeah,

1:12:56

start with caramel, that's going in, lovely. Oh,

1:12:58

not that one. The cherry one, the cherry...wherever

1:13:01

that is. Strachea telly. No that's

1:13:03

the other one, that's not the cherry one.

1:13:06

No, that's another one I'm offering. I'd want...oh,

1:13:08

actually. I know he's

1:13:10

really into it now. Why are you

1:13:13

in Seattle in the hotel getting

1:13:15

the...I think... Take

1:13:17

a trip down to Molly Moon's great ice cream place in

1:13:19

Seattle and get the... Which one? Molly

1:13:22

Moon. No, which ice cream there? Mocha

1:13:25

Chip. Get out of here! That's

1:13:27

my secret ingredient. You're out of here!

1:13:30

I wrote it down at the start! I think kick

1:13:32

down. At least it was

1:13:34

on the dessert. It was Block O' Choc. The

1:13:38

thing that I created for you was Block O' Choc. Look,

1:13:40

the Freddo and the Marshmallows was going to be Block

1:13:42

O' Choc with Marshmallows. Was it? Yeah.

1:13:46

Genuinely. 100% genuine. Are you

1:13:48

serious? 100% serious. Have

1:13:50

you changed it? And I just went, there's something about Block

1:13:52

O' Choc that's got such community atmosphere to it. It's so

1:13:54

wholesome and lovely that surely that's got a bit of a...

1:14:00

on the list. Also Five Guys was on

1:14:02

the list, I was like surely that's gonna

1:14:04

be potentially somewhere on there. And that

1:14:06

was early, we were thinking maybe Blocker Truck would be

1:14:08

a dessert but it was a snack. We could have

1:14:10

got you on your walk around snack. Genuinely. We never

1:14:12

would have solved the case, you would have still been

1:14:15

missing. I'd still be there, with Ed LaRone having his

1:14:17

way. We didn't even know Ed

1:14:19

LaRone existed at that point. Yeah. But

1:14:22

you were gonna pick it. Genuinely gonna pick it. Oh

1:14:24

man, that would have been perfect. But I'm

1:14:26

glad we got to the bottom of the case. Yeah,

1:14:28

that is good. I did, you know, I did, there's

1:14:30

a part of me obviously was like that would be

1:14:32

thrilling to be kicked out. Yeah. When

1:14:35

you kicked Jade out, one of the highlights of

1:14:37

the entire podcast. Yeah. But I'd

1:14:39

like to talk about something. But this feels like

1:14:41

one of those Derin Brown tricks

1:14:44

where it doesn't work. And then

1:14:46

he says to him, but were you thinking of this at

1:14:48

some point? And they go, fuck it, I was thinking of

1:14:50

that. So I think we kind of half, yeah, yeah, we've

1:14:52

half brown. Oh, yeah, more real. We'll read your

1:14:54

menu back to you now see how you feel about

1:14:56

it. You want tap water, then still water. Problems

1:14:59

of bread, seeded sourdough toast with salted

1:15:01

butter marmalade strawberry jam from Rickman's Worth

1:15:03

Aquadrome Cafe. Start a warm slice of

1:15:06

cherry pie in a black coffee. Main

1:15:08

course lamb, a dress, poppin' on onion bar tea,

1:15:10

steamed rice from Mille Lix. Ice

1:15:12

cold peps in a glass bottle from Uganda on the side.

1:15:15

Your side dish want buttermilk chicken sliders with

1:15:17

hot sauce and pickles and brussel spouts of

1:15:19

balsamic reduction from ginger man plus a bottle

1:15:22

of pisaco and shambour. Drink

1:15:24

an old fashioned with massive ice cube

1:15:26

from the Olympic Hotel in Seattle and

1:15:28

dessert. Bring your own Sunday. Yeah, build

1:15:30

your own. But they're also bringing their

1:15:32

own ice creams. Yeah, maybe. And we haven't

1:15:34

even talked about the the Kendall Mint cake

1:15:36

as a yeah, you also have

1:15:38

cleanser. Did you say the freddo? We've got the

1:15:40

freddos with the marshmallows as your as your pocket

1:15:43

snack. First option was a

1:15:45

block of chalk with marshmallows. Yeah, but you

1:15:47

can't say that now. No, but I bet.

1:15:49

But look, play back to that point.

1:15:51

There's a moment when I hesitated. Yeah. I was like,

1:15:53

Hmm, when am I gonna say block of chocolate freddo?

1:15:55

I feel like I gave it away a bit. You

1:15:57

said chocolate and I went watch chocolate and I think

1:15:59

Yeah, but you were doing that for everything else. I

1:16:01

was doing that and everything, but I felt like, you know

1:16:04

when you know what you're going for? Yeah. I felt like,

1:16:06

oh, I just have a tell here that I'm hoping it

1:16:08

says block-a-chock. Well, you did it, Stu. Also, if you had

1:16:10

the... Because you were saying about having the photos and the

1:16:12

merchos in your pocket. You had the block-a-chock in your pocket,

1:16:14

you called it a pocket-chock. Pocket-chock. A

1:16:17

big block of pocket-chock. Yeah. Instead,

1:16:19

you got a frogga-chock. Frogga-chock-a. You

1:16:22

know what block-a-chock is? Yes, he showed me

1:16:24

block-a-chock. Oh, we spoke about it at the

1:16:26

intro. Yeah. Okay. I think

1:16:28

it's rude to pick as a secret ingredient a

1:16:31

thing you'd bought for me as a gift. Yeah, yeah.

1:16:33

It's good to be first. Yeah, that is true. I

1:16:35

did buy it for you. That's the guy. Yeah. Big

1:16:38

shout-out to block-a-chock. This guy's got no idea what's coming for

1:16:40

him. Yeah. Thank you very much, Stu. Thank you, Stu. Thanks

1:16:42

for having me. Well,

1:16:48

there we are. Stuart Law's,

1:16:50

our first ever mystery. Our

1:16:53

first ever mystery. First ever set over

1:16:56

a whole day walking around a town. Yeah. First

1:16:58

ever guest terrified for the whole thing. Frogga-chock-a. And

1:17:00

that's how we like it. He was going to

1:17:02

get chucked out. And then he did nearly choose.

1:17:04

He nearly chose block-a-chock. He was gunner. And maybe

1:17:06

if we hadn't made... Sorry, maybe if I hadn't

1:17:08

made such a big deal of we're going to

1:17:10

chuck you out, he would have been relaxed

1:17:12

and just said block-a-chock. And then he

1:17:14

would have been gone. Yeah. But also because I think,

1:17:17

because it was a snack, I think he changed his

1:17:19

mind because he wanted a portable chocolate

1:17:21

that he could put marshmallows in between. And I've

1:17:23

only seen a picture of block-a-chock. You ain't cutting

1:17:25

that open and putting marshmallows in it. It's the

1:17:27

size of a brick. You need to cut it

1:17:29

up with a kitchen knife. You can't put it

1:17:31

in your pocket. Yeah. So he didn't choose block-a-chock.

1:17:33

Yeah. Fair enough. And I guess that

1:17:35

means we should plug his special. Yes. Stuart Law's

1:17:37

is all in. He's available on YouTube. It's

1:17:39

an excellent show, which I've seen. Yes. As

1:17:42

mentioned. So go and watch

1:17:44

that. Yes. Thank you, Stuart. Lovely menu.

1:17:46

Lovely boy. Lovely, lovely menu. Lovely boy.

1:17:48

Well done, you. Yeah. Sorry to my

1:17:50

mother who listens to every episode. I'm

1:17:52

sure she'll have a lot to say

1:17:54

about this one. So

1:17:57

apologies for the content. Oh,

1:17:59

yes. Yeah, go. Yeah, yeah, show

1:18:01

us like it. Thank you for listening.

1:18:03

We'll see you next week. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Hello,

1:18:30

I'm Sarah Pascoe. And I'm Carrie Adloid. You might

1:18:32

remember us from the peak of our careers

1:18:59

appearing on the excellent Off Menu

1:19:02

podcast. It's the greatest we've

1:19:04

ever felt and we know we'll never achieve

1:19:06

that again. But if you remember those episodes

1:19:08

and enjoyed what we did, you might be

1:19:10

a fan of our book choices and our

1:19:12

new comedy podcast, Sarah and Carrie Adl's Weirdos

1:19:14

Book Club. Imagine us not talking about food,

1:19:16

but talking about books. But with

1:19:18

the comedians you know from Off Menu, like Miss

1:19:21

Kumar, John Kern, Sope Juga and more. We're not

1:19:23

copying them, we're doing our own thing. It's

1:19:25

totally different. Books. It's about books. There's

1:19:27

no genies involved. It's a space for

1:19:29

the lonely outsider to feel accepted and

1:19:31

appreciated. Just like James A Custer's bedroom.

1:19:34

Eww. A place for the person who's lucky in a real

1:19:36

book club, but doesn't like wine or nibbles. You

1:19:38

can read along, share your opinions, or just walk

1:19:40

around in your raincoats like the weirdo you

1:19:42

are. Thank you for reading, hello. We like

1:19:45

reading with you. I've not been in one of the words.