0:05

Space.

0:10

What endless mystery. Look

0:16

at it. Wow.

0:22

Who do dare uncover its

0:24

secrets? The brave

0:26

crew of the starship Cavalier do

0:29

dare. To scout the heavens,

0:31

to see some moons, to take

0:33

a dangerous galaxy trip. This

0:37

is the true story of them that voyage

0:40

among, oh these, those

0:42

stars of space. Tonight's

0:50

episode is Mission

0:53

Accomplished. Starring

0:58

Allie Fisher as Deremeth.

1:02

Christopher Hastings as Werimether.

1:06

Carly Minardo as Jodge.

1:10

And Joe Lepore as everything and

1:13

everyone else.

1:27

Today's

1:31

episode.

1:52

We slowly pan across this

1:54

majestic ship, peeking into

1:56

the windows and seeing all the little goings on.

1:59

Why, look! There's Bubzereal, dutifully

2:01

putting out a fire. And over

2:04

there, there's Liberty Balboa, lighting

2:06

a fire. We

2:09

pass all the way to the rear of

2:11

the ship, where, strapped

2:13

to the back, sits Warymether, the

2:16

mage of Ilportent. Oh,

2:19

lost another hot dog to the vacuum

2:21

of space. As he watches

2:24

a slim, pink

2:26

hot dog, absolutely

2:29

slathered and mustard, a single bite taken

2:32

float off to some other planet. It can

2:34

be an easy job, after all, he's just sitting

2:37

there, letting all the bad

2:39

luck of the ship pass out behind

2:41

it. But on the other hand, being

2:44

in the vacuum of space can get

2:47

a little lonely. It's so lonely.

2:50

Maybe I should go inside. See

2:52

what everybody's up to.

2:56

Excuse me. I

2:59

am still fighting a cold I've had since

3:01

the 70s. The 30,000-70s! Warymether's

3:06

combat pings. His

3:09

all-mages, all-hands meeting is

3:12

in five minutes. Oh!

3:15

Well, I hate to say it, but this is pretty

3:17

lucky. Except I feel

3:20

shitty all the time, so this

3:22

could have happened at any time, and it would have been a welcome

3:24

relief. But something else happens

3:27

that might delay Warymether's attendance

3:30

at the all-mages, all-hands meeting.

3:32

For suddenly, in his field of vision,

3:34

which right now is filled with the blackness

3:37

of space, the blanket

3:39

of shining, twinkling stars,

3:42

a couple ringed planets, you

3:44

know, space stuff. But

3:47

his field of vision is pierced by a man

3:49

walking, plainly, in

3:52

front of him. The man is

3:55

completely naked. And he's just walking

3:57

on nothing? He's walking on nothing.

4:00

to be moving. He's matching

4:02

the velocity and the momentum of the ship, and

4:04

yet he's walking on nothing. He's walking

4:06

towards the ship? He's sort

4:08

of walking parallel to it. Okay.

4:10

He just sort of crosses into your field of vision and

4:12

turns to you and smiles. Warymether

4:15

gives a slow, confused wave.

4:18

He waves back. Oh, and then he holds up a

4:20

finger. And then, with

4:22

a flip of his hands, a bun

4:25

materializes. And then he plucks

4:28

a little floating hot dog out of

4:30

space and places it in to the

4:33

bun. Then, with a flick

4:35

of another hand, a bottle of

4:37

mustard materializes. And he squirts

4:39

it all over. And then, with

4:42

another flick, a bottle of relish.

4:45

He squirts it all over. Is that around? And

4:49

then he takes a bite. Oh!

4:53

Hmm. Pretty good. Well, I can

4:55

hear him. Oh, so

4:58

sorry. Where are my manners? It's

5:00

been a minute since I've been around your kind. He

5:03

snaps his fingers. And

5:05

suddenly, he's wearing a

5:07

vanguard uniform. Oh!

5:11

Now that you're closed, I recognize

5:13

you, sir.

5:14

Quoo?

5:16

So nice to finally meet you, Warymether.

5:18

Oh, brother.

5:21

I have to admit, I haven't

5:23

heard much about you. You see, the last

5:25

time I was here, no one on the ship even mentioned

5:28

you. That's pretty typical. I'm going

5:30

to say about 90% of the staff

5:32

do meet me. I forget.

5:35

There's a sense of self-preservation.

5:38

I've got a warning for you, Warymether. Okay.

5:41

And Warymether picks a booger

5:43

that had fallen out of his nose onto

5:46

his chin. Quoo

5:49

makes a Kleenex appear in your hand. Wow! Thanks!

5:52

You got any more of those hot dogs, though? Yes.

5:54

He materializes another hot dog in his

5:57

hand. This

6:00

one's a chili dog. Ah, of

6:02

course. You have a reputation

6:05

as being a cruel

6:08

thing. I've done far

6:10

worse than make a hot dog appear, I'll tell you that.

6:13

Oh, well, what's your warning?

6:16

You're facing a great test, Worry Mother.

6:18

You. Me? And all

6:20

the mages. All the m- we're

6:22

about to have a meeting.

6:23

Yes. Yes, I believe you

6:26

are.

6:27

But you need to be careful, because can

6:29

you trust all the mages? Oh,

6:32

that's very interesting. I normally

6:34

do. Can the cavalier trust

6:36

all the mages? Yes, Worry Mother. That's

6:38

part of the job. Can the people of

6:40

this galaxy trust the three

6:43

of you? Oh, that's a pretty big responsibility.

6:46

I stick mostly to the back of the ship.

6:48

I feel like you're not getting the energy of these sort

6:50

of like... deep and sort

6:53

of ominous questions I'm throwing at you. Oh,

6:55

okay. Let me try again. Thank you. Oh! Okay,

6:58

that was for the first one. Yes, thank you. Yeah, okay.

7:01

Oh, interesting. Yes, yes. Questions

7:03

that pose more questions, I imagine, yes. Yeah,

7:06

and then the third one.

7:08

Oh... Eh?

7:11

Really better, really much better. Oh,

7:13

thanks. Alright, well, I've gotta go now. Okay,

7:16

I'll keep your warnings in mind. Thank

7:19

you, Worry Mother. Should I

7:19

tell anybody?

7:21

Tell who you like, I can't stop you. Whoa.

7:23

Or I guess I could, but I won't. It's more fun if

7:26

I don't. Oh, you prankster. Goodbye.

7:29

Goodbye. And then he fades

7:31

away. Close first.

7:35

There's that hog again. And

7:38

I'm not talking about those two in his hand.

7:42

They're both in your hand now. Wow, wow,

7:44

this guy's alright. And

7:47

Worry Mother takes a big bite. Oh,

7:50

really? Really? We cut

7:52

to conference room three of the CSS

7:54

Cavalier.

7:56

Can't imagine why I wanted to see him. Go

8:00

ahead, take another bite, Wary Mother. The

8:03

other one! Wary Mother

8:04

chews, tastes, savors,

8:09

and then another bite.

8:12

With relish. Wary Mother's combat spings

8:14

again. Oh it reloads. Oh it reloads.

8:16

Oh it reloads. Oh no he drops both hotdogs

8:18

back into space again. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh. Hello,

8:22

this is Wary Mother. Rear mage.

8:25

Reminder, your meeting begins in one minute.

8:27

Who is this? Stop calling me. It's

8:29

the calendar. Hahahaha. Hi calendar.

8:32

Hello.

8:34

Well I know the meeting, I'm gonna go to it. Thank

8:36

you. Alright, we'll beg you.

8:39

Do

8:40

you need anything else? Can you make a hotdog

8:43

appear? No that requires the ship's

8:45

Grubhub app. Why did you ask

8:47

if I needed anything? Well

8:50

I don't have sentience. Oh

8:52

you're very lucky. It's a curse.

8:57

Okay.

8:59

Your meeting begins in

9:00

one minute ago. Oh I'm waiting

9:03

again. Oh Wary Mother,

9:05

just my luck. And Wary Mother scrambles

9:07

to get back inside the ship and

9:10

off to the

9:11

meeting room.

9:12

We cut to conference room three, the site

9:15

of the All Mages, All Hands meeting. Every

9:17

month the mages gather and confer

9:20

with mage command about the goings

9:23

on of the luck

9:24

of the ship. Who do we see? You

9:26

see. Wary Myth, the four

9:28

mage. She's normally tied to the front

9:30

of the ship but not today. Today she's inside

9:33

of the ship for the All Mage, All Hands. She

9:36

wears a robe and is long and luxurious. She

9:39

has long

9:39

hair and she's wearing

9:41

underwear. Always

9:44

important. Always important

9:46

to let the audience know your character

9:49

is wearing underwear. Yup, it's

9:51

visible. Oh. No

9:54

questions.

9:55

And you also see John. the

10:00

middle maid, sorry, Maj.

10:03

She has a young, almost trubic

10:06

face, but gray hair and a

10:10

plump little pear-shaped body

10:12

covered by a dull

10:15

gray robe. She's also wearing

10:17

underpants, but no bra. She

10:20

doesn't need one.

10:22

On the view screen is Maj. Commander

10:25

Torbo.

10:26

You think that's it? You think

10:28

we're done? Call it. Yeah, so we've been

10:37

seeing an uptick in good luck

10:40

in Quadrant 4, so just keep aware

10:42

of that because I know you'll be entering that space soon.

10:44

Mm-hmm.

10:45

That sounds nice, though. Isn't it

10:47

nice when we get a little bit of good luck?

10:50

Well,

10:50

yes, but I think George would agree that we want to

10:52

keep things balanced.

10:54

Yeah, you know, you gotta even it all out

10:57

and absorb some of

10:59

that good luck and then not

11:02

really enjoy it because I have to neutralize

11:04

it, so... I simply recommend

11:07

just enjoying the good luck. Just bring

11:09

it in and take it in and then love the luck and

11:11

then have good luck. We thought

11:13

about that as a new plan. Well,

11:15

I agree with you. I'm also a major of good fortune,

11:17

Deremeth, but... Oh my

11:18

goodness! I've got good fortune to meet

11:20

you here today!

11:21

Well, yes, it's always

11:23

good fortune to meet me, I say. And same!

11:26

I have positive sof worth. I haven't got

11:28

a good luck! Oh my gosh, I was just gonna

11:30

say same! Same, same, same!

11:32

Can we get back to the business at hand?

11:35

Yes, so, but you know, rules are rules

11:37

and you know, the balance is important, so

11:40

yes, we want to, we want to, you know, definitely

11:43

emphasize your major of a poor tent

11:45

when you're passing through that space. Speaking of, where

11:48

is your major of a poor tent?

11:50

Well, he's always right here when I look.

11:53

Wait a minute! He's

11:54

not here! Warymeth,

11:56

there crashes through a skylight, shattering

11:59

glass across the...

11:59

the conference room. Oh, now

12:03

I made a wrong turn. Wary

12:06

Mather is a wretched

12:09

little man with pale sickly

12:12

skin and greasy

12:14

black hair, like stuck

12:17

on him like glue. He wears

12:19

black crusty robes.

12:22

He has long black

12:24

crusty fingernails and toenails.

12:28

He wears a rag

12:31

that is wrapped around him for

12:33

a diaper.

12:36

That's

12:38

about right. There you are.

12:40

We were just looking for you. I

12:43

was late because a nice

12:45

God gave me a hot dog.

12:47

It's always something like this.

12:49

Yes, yes, it's fine. Don't worry about him.

12:51

Listen, listen, Wary Mather. I

12:53

wanted to let you know that we're going to be passing through

12:56

Quadrant Four is experiencing an uptick in good

12:58

luck. Okay, so you want

13:00

me to go blast a fart over it and

13:02

so on?

13:03

Well, no, you probably have to work some doubles. Typical.

13:06

Why even bother? We all know

13:09

I'm the one who's actually going to make

13:11

it neutralize. I've never worked a double

13:13

shift. What's it like?

13:15

It's kind of like a full shift followed

13:17

by another full shift.

13:18

It's exactly like that.

13:20

Okay, George. Okay, turbo.

13:23

charges. Do we have to have a one on one?

13:25

Wouldn't that be something?

13:26

Wow, George, I like what you're putting out

13:28

there as a Wary Mather brushes

13:32

shards of glass out of his greasy hair.

13:35

George, um, kind

13:36

of like, you can kind of sense

13:38

that she's counting to 10 to herself.

13:41

And then she just sort of smooths out her robe and she's like,

13:44

Sorry,

13:44

boss, I am. I don't know

13:46

what got into me.

13:47

Um, I

13:48

don't need a one on one. Unless you

13:50

want one.

13:51

No, I'm fine. Okay.

13:53

Anyways, Wary Mather, I'd appreciate it if you didn't

13:55

make this lateness a habit. Okay, I'm so

13:58

sorry.

13:58

Go ahead and

13:59

You know, d-bear at me some credits.

14:03

Well, if you insist, okay. He punches a little

14:05

keypad. And

14:07

worry mother feels 10% of

14:10

his life savings get drained

14:12

out of his spacebucks

14:13

account. Oh,

14:14

it must have been a glitch, it just went right to mine.

14:17

And

14:20

I have the same balance I always have. That

14:22

is nice.

14:23

You buy something and it never depletes

14:25

you.

14:26

No, I never really buy anything. Oh.

14:29

I also never really get any money.

14:32

Mm-hmm. Oh.

14:34

I can't believe you don't know that. It's vanguard

14:36

principle that the middle mage doesn't make

14:39

any money. Or lose any money.

14:42

I'm

14:42

only allowed to talk to you at these

14:44

meetings. You know, and usually I'd prefer

14:47

to get your opinions on arts

14:49

and music.

14:50

Cause I don't get to have any on the back.

14:53

I like the same things everyone else likes.

14:55

Haha,

14:55

that's so great. Popular stuff,

14:58

that's a lot of fun. Sorry mother, were you saying

15:00

something about a god? Oh yeah,

15:02

cool showed up. What I wanted

15:04

to say though, to me, to

15:06

you, is that

15:07

think about this.

15:09

Banks are fine.

15:12

If you just have great luck, banks

15:15

always work

15:15

out for the little guy. Yes, and

15:18

that's a key tenet of good fortune. Yes, banks

15:20

are fine. We all say it. Alright,

15:22

I'm gonna take a lesson from what Cool

15:24

told me. I'm gonna try it again.

15:26

I have been visited by

15:28

the great and terrible crew. He

15:31

who would destroy this vessel at his

15:33

whim. I

15:34

agree banks are fine. Everything is fine

15:36

to me. What the fuck is going on in here? I make everything

15:38

fine. I'm the middle mage.

15:41

Well,

15:42

have you ever thought about wanting something grand? Have

15:44

I ever thought about it?

15:46

Yeah, I think about it all the time. I'm

15:49

just not allowed.

15:50

Yes, I hope you don't act on it.

15:51

No, I know the rules. I'm

15:53

not allowed to want anything grand.

15:56

I'm not allowed to hate anything. I'm

15:59

always in the middle.

15:59

I'm sorry, did you say Quu? I

16:02

was wondering if he did something to

16:04

me that made it so that when I said it you couldn't

16:06

hear it. Yeah Quu! Hold on, hold

16:09

on, mages, mages. I do think we should

16:11

listen to Warymether. It seems he's encountered

16:13

Quu. Yes, he gave me

16:15

two hot dogs and a Kleenex.

16:18

Oh! Yes, the evil space

16:20

god Quu. Yeah, what about him?

16:23

He

16:23

just visited Warymether.

16:25

Big whoop. That

16:26

sounds unlucky. Well

16:28

you must hang out with him all the time.

16:29

No, it's the first time I've ever seen him and

16:32

got to see his naked body. Or

16:34

what he preferred me to see of

16:36

him. And he said he had a warning

16:38

for me. Yeah. He

16:41

said I should think

16:43

about who to trust among

16:46

mages.

16:47

No one ever gives me any warnings. Or

16:49

any encouragement.

16:51

You sound dissatisfied, that's pretty unlucky.

16:53

Oh, do I? Um... She

16:56

starts

16:56

sweating a little bit.

16:58

Oh yeah. Dodge! Yes?

17:01

That sounds

17:01

unlucky. Okay, um, I mean,

17:04

it's fine. It's always fine.

17:07

Alright, well, anyways, we should... Oh,

17:09

hold on.

17:10

I've just been asked to pass along a bulletin I'm getting

17:12

from Vanguard High Command.

17:15

Yes, it looks like...

17:16

Yes.

17:17

The Cavalier is coming into range of a

17:20

nearby system, the, uh, the Luprixus

17:22

system. Yes, it seems... The Luprixus... The

17:25

Luprixus system. Yes, yes,

17:27

exactly, yes. It seems like this is the system

17:30

that the Trailblazer,

17:32

the CSS Trailblazer, was last seen.

17:35

Oh! That, of course, was the vessel

17:37

that you encountered in your first meeting with Glue.

17:40

I wonder if the two are connected in some way. Probably.

17:43

Seems pretty lucky to me.

17:44

I never got a glimpse of Glue.

17:47

That seems he can change his form

17:49

and shape at will.

17:50

You mean from naked to clothed? I...

17:52

Because I can do that. Anyways,

17:54

considering this, I propose that

17:56

you make a mage away team and

17:59

see what's going on.

17:59

on down on that planet. You want me to

18:02

leave the ship? I want you all to leave

18:04

the ship. Oh, fun team

18:06

up!

18:07

I'll protect us on

18:09

the new planet! I think I'll

18:11

just screw it all up. Oh!

18:14

And I'll be fine. Little fella? Yes,

18:16

also little fella?

18:19

Yes, two little fellas and daramists. I'm

18:21

an

18:21

average size person. But

18:23

I'm so tall. Think about that

18:26

for a moment.

18:27

I've thought about it. It's because

18:29

my joints are so stretched out from being

18:31

in space all the time. Hear

18:34

me!

18:35

Every once in a while a little hot dog comes

18:38

by. Are those from you?

18:41

How did they get to the front? A bit

18:43

of luck.

18:43

Yeah,

18:47

those are mine. They're delicious. Thank you so

18:50

much.

18:51

You keep me nourished and I will

18:53

keep you safe. Okay,

18:55

let's do it.

18:56

I guess I choose to trust

18:58

you.

19:02

Uh-oh, he's gonna explode. Oh,

19:05

I say get down to the teleporter room and head

19:07

to that planet immediately. Oh boy. This

19:09

seems like serious mage business.

19:11

A stroke of luck that these two events

19:13

would happen so close together.

19:16

See? That's because you're here. You've been here a little too

19:18

long, I think.

19:18

Yeah, I actually have a pickleball match.

19:21

I've gotta go. Fun! Text

19:23

me about it later. If we're in a way

19:25

team, are we allowed to have vazers? Uh,

19:28

that's really a you thing. Don't give a

19:31

boy. I

19:31

gotta recommend you don't.

19:33

Yeah, the last mage commander said

19:35

I could never have a vazer. Why

19:37

don't you have a vazer and

19:40

then have Garamith hold it for you and Garamith

19:42

will have her own vazer and she'll hold

19:44

one for you. Okay, okay,

19:47

that's a good guy. This is a good day

19:49

for me. And Jarge, you can have one vazer.

19:51

Thanks. All

19:53

right, I've gotta go. Good luck, mages.

19:56

Well, have fun pickleballing. This is big. We don't,

19:58

there aren't a lot of mage missions. So I really

20:00

want you three to like make a good

20:02

effort, okay? Okay. Yes, sir.

20:05

Sure. Aye aye. Excuse

20:08

me. I farted all the way up to

20:10

my throat. Like it was an inside

20:12

one. The view screen clicks off.

20:14

Ah, my lifeline. Well,

20:17

just us three then.

20:19

Boy, that hot dog passed through fast.

20:22

Did you hear him? Good luck.

20:24

I mean, it's clear bias. Oh, yeah. What

20:27

about neutral luck? What about bad luck?

20:29

Thought he was just talking to me. Maybe

20:32

he was. Don't you think that's exclusionary?

20:35

I've never even heard that word. Listen,

20:38

if you've got something to say, I think

20:41

you already said it. Should we go?

20:42

Yeah, let's go.

20:44

Let's go. Modge. Did

20:47

you have something else to say? That's not my name.

20:50

What's your name? That's a diet. JAWD!

20:53

Oh my god, that's a- My job is modge. I'm

20:55

a modge like you guys. We're all modge. Your

20:57

job is modge? You're a modge

20:59

like us guys?

21:00

Yes! My

21:02

name's JAWD, the middle modge, and I

21:04

make luck that's average. Go on.

21:07

Oh, that's good. Wait, what else? Oh,

21:10

you get it for now. Oh, okay. You

21:13

know, nothing surprises me about being wrong about anything.

21:23

Let's

21:27

go teleport.

21:28

Let's go, modges. Hey. Oh,

21:32

wait, there's a song. Okay.

21:34

Yeah. Deremeth

21:37

sashays out of the conference room. Then,

21:40

Warymethir shuffles out of the conference

21:42

room. Finally, the camera

21:44

turns to JAWD, the middle modge.

21:46

JAWD makes

21:48

two tiny fists

21:50

at the side of her body,

21:52

and she continues her song.

21:54

My name's JAWD, the middle modge,

21:56

and I make luck that's average.

21:59

a word of thanks and likewise

22:02

never get complaints. Darry

22:04

mess and wary mother, everyone

22:07

thinks you're so clever, but you'll

22:09

see once I break free when things

22:11

are fine, it's thanks to me.

22:13

Ha ha ha ha. And

22:15

she walks out normally. You

22:18

sound like Weetus. I don't know

22:20

who that is. D-Day's dirtbag? Oh, cool. Yeah.

22:23

Ha ha ha. Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta.

22:26

I'm just an average marge,

22:29

baby. Ha ha ha ha. Doo

22:32

doo doo doo.

22:33

We fade now to the surface of Lupercza.

22:37

Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta.

22:40

Ah!

22:41

You teleport in. She's

22:43

both vasers up. They're

22:47

not dangerous at that moment.

22:48

You find yourselves

22:51

in a simple space colony

22:53

town square. It looks like a nice, charming

22:56

community. There's little

22:58

shops with awnings. There's a fountain

23:01

in the center. But

23:03

there's only one

23:04

problem.

23:05

This village has been, yes,

23:08

torn by war. Oh.

23:12

I've never seen such a thing. Windows are

23:14

shattered. Smoke curls

23:16

from the tops of exploded

23:19

buildings. The cobblestone

23:21

streets, why they're reduced

23:23

to rubble. That fountain? Dang,

23:25

it's dry. Those trees,

23:27

those little trees lining the streets, why they're

23:30

hella burned. What

23:32

happened here? Too much

23:34

fun? Woof. See,

23:37

people always discount

23:39

normal luck. But just like

23:41

an average day or two would have made

23:43

this a much better scene.

23:44

Pretty unlucky to live here.

23:46

I remember. You have

23:48

to tell us more. This is your expertise.

23:51

It's bad stuff. OK, yeah,

23:54

it looks like people shot

23:57

lasers around here.

23:58

Oh my god. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

24:03

I guess you

24:03

can ask somebody about more specifics?

24:07

Jaj is like looking around to see

24:09

if she sees any

24:10

townspeople. Just then, you do.

24:15

You hear the sound all around you of Vaser rifles

24:17

being taught. As all around you in the

24:19

town square, people pop

24:22

up with rifles trained

24:24

on you. Uh-oh. They look haggard.

24:27

They look scarred by war. They look

24:29

like they've seen the worst.

24:31

Jaj kind of steps forward

24:33

a little bit and says, Whoa,

24:36

whoa, whoa there.

24:39

Is this okay?

24:40

We don't mean to hurt you.

24:42

What are you doing here?

24:43

We had a meeting.

24:44

Uh, on the calendar? Yep.

24:48

What time? It's past.

24:51

You're late for a meeting?

24:52

No, we had one.

24:54

Past tense.

24:55

You had a meeting? Yep. That's

24:57

just a story. You're just letting me

24:59

know you had a meeting once? Today.

25:02

She's gonna tell you how the

25:04

meeting applies to our being here.

25:07

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

25:09

ha ha ha ha ha. You

25:11

have 30 Vaser rifles trained on

25:13

you right now. Yeah, sounds like a Tuesday

25:16

for me. You see

25:18

on all of you little red like glazer

25:21

sight dots. Deremeth, underwear,

25:24

which is on outside of her robe is

25:26

already polka dotted. So she thinks

25:28

there's like thousands more. Oh my

25:30

goodness. And then after a moment, Deremeth,

25:33

you realize that none of them are

25:35

actually, they all seem to be missing you if

25:38

it is just your polka dot. I'm like, oh,

25:40

fun.

25:41

Let's

25:43

all just put down our Vasers. Okay, you

25:46

first. Oh, okay.

25:48

But you also have to

25:50

do it.

25:51

Okay,

25:52

well, I'll do it anyway just to

25:54

show you how nice we

25:57

are. And

25:57

she puts them both down. So you were saying... you

26:00

had like a meeting you wanted

26:02

to tell us about? And

26:03

we were told to come here.

26:05

Oh cool.

26:06

Yeah. Well, bad luck for you.

26:08

No. No, I don't

26:11

get bad luck. That's my territory.

26:14

Hey, so we're looking for the CSS

26:17

Trailblazer.

26:19

All the vazers like

26:21

get cocked again. Oh, hold

26:23

on. And Warymather wiggles

26:26

his hips a little bit. Come on, fingers and he

26:28

goes, Warymather, Warymather

26:31

knows it'd be a shame if

26:34

all of your vaser rifles were

26:37

insane, by which I

26:39

mean they all went bad

26:42

at exactly the same time.

26:44

Boom, boom, boom. It's bad luck

26:47

when I'm around even

26:49

for bad guys in town. He

26:52

missed. That's

26:54

magic, baby.

26:56

We're mages.

26:58

And we're here to restore the balance.

27:00

That's what we do. It's a bad

27:02

luck mage, ill fortune,

27:05

a good fortune mage. That one's me. And

27:08

then we've got a middle marge. Oh my god,

27:10

I'm so embarrassed. We're mages. That's

27:12

why you

27:12

don't understand what's going on. OK, so we're mages.

27:15

We've

27:15

got a bad mod. No offense, just

27:17

a max. Good mod. That's

27:19

me. No offense, because it's great. And

27:21

then a middle mod, period. So

27:24

we're here to balance things. It seems like you've had a real

27:26

bad week

27:26

around here. And you know about the Trailblazer.

27:29

We do, yes. And where'd you come from? Space.

27:32

Where in space?

27:33

We're from the CSS Cavalier. What?

27:38

The CSS Cavalier.

27:39

Josh ignores

27:42

me.

27:43

Derrymith's like pumped

27:45

and waiting for a high five.

27:47

You see, that's the problem.

27:50

Because you see all this destruction

27:52

and all this

27:54

horror around you. Well. That's

27:57

the fault of the CSS Trailblazer.

28:00

We're not too happy with things with CSS

28:02

in front of their name, you see. So we're a

28:04

different ship. That's tracking

28:07

them, which we wanted, they did bad.

28:10

We're trying to hunt them down. They went rogue.

28:12

Tell it to the judge.

28:18

We fade

28:20

to a makeshift jail in the basement

28:23

of the library.

28:24

Oh, fun.

28:25

This is going better than I expected.

28:28

It's

28:28

because you're with me. Huh. Modges.

28:32

I feel like you're making fun of me. I'm

28:34

genuinely not. I'm

28:37

the only one who says modge. It's her

28:39

accent. Oh, yeah,

28:41

I have an accent. Sorry, this

28:44

is me. I'm just kind of weird like this,

28:46

but it's fun. Tell me

28:48

more about you. I never get to see

28:50

you because you're always in the middle of the ship.

28:53

Well, I... We have a tin can string

28:55

system. Yeah. He keeps losing

28:57

it. So I'm mostly just singing to myself

29:00

and then I say la la la and

29:02

then I say la la la la. Do

29:05

you even remember that we went to the academy

29:07

together? No.

29:09

I do. Okay.

29:12

Yeah, I was in all your classes.

29:14

I got perfectly average

29:16

grades. Oh.

29:18

Oh, shoot. No, I don't.

29:22

People don't like that. Don't

29:24

like what?

29:25

I don't remember them. No.

29:28

It happens to me all the time. Again,

29:30

I forgive and I forget too.

29:34

We flashback. Today's

29:36

at the Mage Academy. There, Dermis,

29:39

young and ready to begin her mage

29:42

career, enters her dorm room for

29:44

the first time. It's a triple.

29:48

Oh, for

29:50

me? No.

29:53

Oh, my gosh. Beautiful

29:55

space, isn't it? What a nice sky.

29:58

What a nice room. What a beautiful school.

30:00

Bye, I'll see you later, I'm going to the, uh,

30:03

canteen.

30:06

An RA passes by.

30:09

Oh, don't forget everybody, uh, tonight

30:11

we'll be announcing which school of major you'll

30:13

be in.

30:14

Oh, I hope I'm in the good fortune one.

30:16

We'll find out. Okay. Hi,

30:19

I'm Warymather, I've actually been going

30:21

here since I was six years old, I'm a

30:23

major bad luck.

30:25

Hey, you've

30:26

got an extra bed in your room. They

30:28

make me sleep in the basketball court. Oh,

30:31

well, you can, you can join us,

30:33

right? I thought it was gone. Yeah,

30:35

she might be. I kind of blew through. We cut back. Yeah,

30:38

turns out luck wasn't on my side.

30:43

It also wasn't not

30:45

on my side. It

30:49

was just there in the middle

30:51

and that's all I'll

30:54

ever be. Oh,

30:57

wait, you were in your dorm. No,

31:00

I

31:00

had

31:01

something and I lost it. Were you at the sleepover

31:05

with the, you mean in the room we shared?

31:07

Yes.

31:08

Yes. That's what that whole flashback was

31:11

about. Oh,

31:13

I was like, what is this? I

31:16

thought it was gone.

31:17

I still had to sleep under the bleachers

31:19

in the basketball court for the rest of my time at

31:22

school. You said that that

31:24

bed was for your, your

31:26

bags.

31:27

Shoes and bags. Is

31:29

the judge coming?

31:31

Jodge like kind of pushes

31:33

her face between the bars of the makes

31:35

of jail and she kind of like tries

31:38

to curve her eyeballs around the

31:40

bars to look around.

31:41

Yeah. Can you make a lasers roll? Sure.

31:44

Success. Your eyes. We

31:50

didn't, we didn't discuss this, but Jodge

31:52

can actually extend her eyes out

31:54

of her socket. And

31:57

you're able to see there's no guard.

32:00

here. There's just a like

32:02

a key like on a big

32:04

ring you know like a key ring. Like a key ring? A key

32:06

ring? Like a big one. Yeah. Like a big one with a

32:08

lot of big keys. Yeah, I'm following. Like

32:11

a classic like prison. Yeah. And there's there's

32:13

like a dog next to it.

32:15

Here boy or girl. She

32:17

shrugs. Huh?

32:18

Hey,

32:20

come here. The dog doesn't move.

32:24

The dog gets a little put off. Damn it.

32:27

Jodge reaches into her

32:29

robe and pulls out a saltine cracker.

32:32

The

32:32

dog perks up.

32:33

Come on. Come on. The

32:35

dog gets up. The dog starts walking

32:38

towards you. Slowly,

32:40

tentatively.

32:41

It's salty and it's

32:43

dry. The dog continues walking

32:45

towards you. It walks past where your mother's cell.

32:47

Come on. It walks past

32:50

Dermot's cell. Come on. It

32:52

walks to your cell. Hi. It

32:54

passes between the bars. Wow. Well,

32:58

you know, it you know, it can fit. It's a small dog.

33:00

Oh, he looks up at you. What's your name?

33:03

Quoo.

33:03

Quoo,

33:08

Jeff. You got Quooed.

33:10

That legit scared the shit out of me. I

33:14

didn't respond because I had a small heart

33:17

attack. Oh, fuck.

33:20

Quoo. Hello. That's a dumb

33:22

name for a dog. Well,

33:23

so is Jodge the middle mod.

33:25

Well, I'm not a dog. I

33:27

guess that wasn't a perfect insult.

33:29

I guess not. Are you

33:31

gonna give me those keys? No,

33:32

but I'll give you something better. Okay.

33:35

Jodge, you have to understand. The

33:38

other mages, they can't hear us right now.

33:40

It's just you and me. Oh, okay.

33:43

Then I have some things. I have some opinions.

33:45

Dish. Okay.

33:48

So Derrymitt. Oh my gosh. She's

33:51

such a phony. She's always

33:53

acting like she loves everyone and

33:55

thinks everything is great. No one's

33:57

that happy all the time. And also she does.

34:00

remember who I am even though I made her bed hospital

34:02

corners every day for

34:04

a week

34:05

at college. Yes, it's so terribly

34:08

easy to be always upbeat if you just forget

34:10

everyone and everything all the time, isn't it? Exactly!

34:13

And she's not accountable for anything

34:14

because she never remembers anything, and it wouldn't matter

34:16

even if she was accountable because nothing bad ever happens

34:19

to her. Yes, she's so lucky she never

34:21

has accountability. Yeah! Anyone else

34:23

would be taken to task, yeah! Don't you think?

34:26

I do think! Don't you think she deserves

34:28

a little? A

34:29

little well. Come up and...

34:32

Yeah!

34:33

And what about that wary mother? He has

34:35

a butt crack that goes all the way to the back of his

34:37

skull!

34:41

It's canon.

34:44

It's canon that it goes up to his shoulder. You

34:46

want to exaggerate? Yeah,

34:49

you want to exaggerate. Got

34:51

a little carried away with Charlie. Got away

34:53

from me a little bit. Wait, can we dig into this? How many

34:55

holes? One. I don't remember

34:57

thinking into this! Hi, Ally,

35:02

thanks for your question. Thanks for calling in. For

35:04

sure. First time we'll see you in a long time.

35:07

Curious about this crack. Right. It's certain

35:10

to be something that we would cut from the episode, but Ally

35:12

just asked how many holes, so we gotta keep it in.

35:14

All right, so we're back in there. Thanks

35:16

for asking about wary mother's butt

35:19

hole or hole. That

35:21

answer is one hole. He

35:23

just has a really long

35:26

fleshy butt. Wow. Thanks,

35:29

Chris. The crack actually is dangerous.

35:32

Exposes his spine. But

35:37

just the one hole. That's fine. Yeah. All right. Colleen Minardo,

35:39

any questions about wary mother's anatomy?

35:41

You're on.

35:42

No, I feel like I got

35:43

it. All right. Well, I've got one for you. Sure.

35:46

What is it? Those fingernails aren't cutting

35:48

their bone. Hi, Joe! Thanks for calling

35:51

in. Any questions about wary mother's anatomy?

35:53

Yeah, how are sinuses? Bad.

35:56

So bad, in fact, the way that most people,

35:58

they're all connected. Mm-hmm.

35:59

His aren't. They go, they

36:02

are, uh, self-contained. Is

36:04

that him? They're, they're,

36:07

uh, I would just, it's like, it's

36:09

like the Titanic. Precisely. The

36:11

inside of a bugle. That's

36:15

like, the inside of a bugle. Absolutely correct. Alright,

36:18

uh, Joe, why don't you take us out to the episode? Thank you.

36:20

And we're back. I

36:24

would feel bad for him, but it's like, he

36:26

thinks he has it so terrible, and technically

36:29

he does, except people actually do remember him. Even

36:35

if they don't remember him, they remember

36:37

the gross feeling they had around him.

36:40

But I just don't register to most people. They

36:42

don't even realize it without me.

36:46

Like,

36:46

it's important for a spaceship to have normal

36:49

days. And that's my job.

36:52

No one ever talks about days that are just

36:54

fine, but that's all judge.

36:57

And the Cavalier hasn't been having so many

36:59

normal days lately, has it?

37:01

No.

37:03

Why, one day the ship

37:05

is being filled with crumbos.

37:07

Yeah. Oh.

37:08

Another day there's

37:10

an Irish computer digging things up. I

37:12

actually do think that was a normal day. I

37:14

think that was one of mine.

37:16

Oh, well, anyways, I think

37:19

you could use this. And you look

37:22

and you see that the dog

37:24

that Quooh has inhabited has a collar

37:27

around its neck, and hanging

37:29

from that collar is a dark

37:31

purple jewel.

37:33

Whoa. What is that? Take

37:35

it. What is it? It's a luck absorber.

37:38

Whoa. With this, you

37:40

could channel and absorb and redirect

37:43

at will

37:45

any good or bad luck you like. Yeah?

37:48

Imagine if all of Deremeth's good

37:50

luck belonged to George. Imagine

37:53

if all of Warymather's bad

37:56

luck belonged to George, and you could put

37:58

it on those that have wronged you.

39:59

into the gem of her. Yeah, yeah. And

40:02

like, it sort of consumes

40:05

her and she's in like a very

40:07

static-y stasis. Okay. How

40:10

does Jodge feel?

40:11

Lucky. Okay.

40:15

Jodge, why don't you try

40:17

your prison door?

40:18

She just lightly

40:20

touches it.

40:21

The crumble. Oh,

40:24

ouch.

40:28

Deremus sort of like shakes awake and she's

40:30

like, that's not on my foot.

40:31

That's funny. Nothing's

40:38

ever on my foot before. Haha!

40:45

Aah! Greetings. I

40:48

am Vorestar. And I am Zelzor.

40:50

We are two every day. And we are all together. And

40:52

we are all together. And we are all together. And

40:54

we are all together. And we are all together.

41:13

With

41:26

Ally Fisher? Of course. Did

41:29

you know you can join their Patreon

41:31

for just five first dollars a month?

41:34

That already sounds good! But what

41:36

does that get you? An entire

41:39

new Patreon-exclusive episode

41:42

every

41:42

month. Zelzor, I

41:44

cannot believe what I'm hearing. These

41:46

episodes are a thing shorter

41:49

than the free ones? No,

41:51

they are full-length Patreon-exclusive

41:53

adventures. And Zelzor

41:56

is roomed in them?

41:57

Sometimes. When I'm not sure. That

42:00

is the biggest deal

42:03

in the galaxy! I hope $5 a

42:05

month doesn't also get you access to

42:08

the VZoes Discord, exclusive

42:10

art, and OVZoes Chasts

42:12

of Show, the Chats podcast where they

42:14

answer fan

42:15

questions!

42:17

It does, 4 star. It does. Ha

42:21

ha! Incredible! We've

42:23

done it! What shall we do now, Zellzor?

42:26

Our task is complete! Well,

42:29

first we should go to patreon.com

42:31

slash OVZoesStarsOfSpace to

42:33

subscribe. Hopefully there's a link

42:36

in the show notes? Yes, of course!

42:38

And after that, let's eat a

42:41

giraffe! Ha ha ha ha ha

42:43

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

42:45

ha!

42:55

We return now

42:56

to the basement prison where

42:58

our heroes

43:00

have found themselves. Wehrmither,

43:03

Deremeth, and Jarge the

43:05

Middlemodge. Although, maybe

43:08

Jarge isn't so middle anymore. Deremeth

43:10

and Jarge, you have been freed from yourselves. Wehrmither,

43:13

you're still behind bars.

43:14

This dull gray

43:16

robe has taken on more

43:18

of a silver sheen.

43:20

She's staying

43:22

an inch taller than usual.

43:24

Noticeable, though small.

43:27

Her cheeks have a rosy

43:29

glow to them for the first time,

43:32

and she glides out of her cell.

43:34

Ha ha! You

43:36

do tail-breaking over there? I

43:38

found a hole in my cell and my head

43:41

got stuck in it.

43:42

And you see...you see... Ha

43:45

ha ha! Sorry!

43:45

He found

43:47

a hole.

43:48

You

43:53

see Wehrmither on all fours

43:56

with his neck...

43:59

He's like, sees the hole. He

44:03

has to plug it with his body. Yeah,

44:07

and he's got his head stuck

44:09

in the corner of the room where

44:11

I guess there's a hole. You can't tell. His neck

44:14

fills it so perfectly.

44:15

Josh can see the grotesque

44:19

imprint of his butt crack through his robe.

44:23

Yeah, yeah, Josh can. And

44:25

spine. And gets...

44:27

It looks like a spine, but she... I don't know anyone

44:29

else who would assume spine, but she knows

44:31

what she's saying. Oh, inverted. Allie's

44:33

converted. What? What is happening

44:35

in that? A spine is bumpy on your back. Yeah?

44:38

But the butt crack, it looks like he's just got a big

44:40

long hot dog bun going up there. So

44:43

he's got a wedgie that goes all the way up.

44:46

So

44:46

it doesn't really look like a spine. It's the

44:48

inverted. I imagine it's obscured by a lot of body hair. Do

44:52

we think this is why he likes hot dogs? Because he has

44:54

like a spine hot dog situation.

44:57

Patreon subscribers tune in. We've got an hour

44:59

long chat about where is the other's body. This is

45:01

the episode now. I don't care what happens

45:03

narratively. How many

45:05

balls does he have? Two,

45:08

but they're far apart. But

45:10

they're not where you think. You don't believe where they are.

45:14

So... Behind his ears. Josh.

45:19

He can't have piercings. Or

45:21

you can, but they go bad. Josh

45:24

looks at Warymather and

45:25

she looks at her jewel.

45:31

And she points

45:34

it

45:35

at Warymather.

45:37

Looks like you need a bit of luck.

45:40

Oh.

45:41

Warymather's robes billow suddenly

45:44

with this luck.

45:45

And then Warymather leans back

45:47

and pops his head out of the hole.

45:50

And he looks back at you, Josh. And

45:52

his face is like dripping

45:55

with something viscous.

45:57

I was trying for about an

45:59

hour.

45:59

I finally popped the thing that was

46:02

in that hole. It was a jar of

46:04

lubricant Got me

46:06

right out. That's the luckiest things

46:08

happened to me in a week or a year That's

46:11

not all worry mother you look to the ground Yeah,

46:19

I know you're thinking why would someone keep

46:22

the move hidden inside of a hole

46:24

in the prison cell I

46:30

don't care about the loop at all I

46:35

don't care You

46:37

have to understand beneath the basement of the library

46:40

is the town's strategic loop

46:43

reserves Yeah

46:49

The loop bunker right

46:51

next to the condom silo Very

46:56

important That's

46:58

not all worry mother because you look to the ground

47:00

and you see that Falling off your

47:02

body are a number of little scabs

47:05

from weird little wounds

47:13

Hey this prison's

47:15

all right, well

47:18

Still stuck in here, but I kind of like

47:20

it and he licks his lips. He says hmm.

47:23

That's him Yeah, that's petroleum based.

47:26

All right

47:27

Jodge walks

47:29

over to Worry mother

47:31

cell and and opens

47:33

it and just opens the door

47:35

Thing was open

47:37

this whole time

47:38

Dermot

47:41

walks up and she's still holding the book

47:44

and she says

47:45

some of these nepo babies are starting to seem unrelatable.

47:48

Oh

47:49

Is that right? You wouldn't believe

47:52

they do the most not nice things

47:54

and they don't even earn their place

47:57

Boo, let's get out of here. Don't

47:59

earn their place. Not

48:01

a great feeling, is it?

48:03

Seeing that happen. I don't know what

48:05

not a great feeling feels like because I've... hmm.

48:09

Yeah, that might be it.

48:11

Oh, I taste bad. Mmm,

48:13

yeah.

48:15

And

48:17

you hear the sound of boots

48:19

running downstairs. Wearing him at the

48:21

runs to the stairs and wipe his lubed

48:23

up face across the bottom there so that the guard will

48:25

slip. Holy shit, that was a good idea!

48:28

Where did that come from? And he runs back to

48:30

high. Wearing him at the, that was a good idea. Make a feelings roll

48:32

with advantage. Alright. I got a

48:34

six, that's a success no matter how you slice

48:36

it. There you go, baby. Yes. You

48:39

hear those boots continuing to run down the stairs

48:41

and then a slip! Whoa!

48:44

I killed a man. Oh.

48:47

Oh, not yet. Quick, get his vaser.

48:49

Jog

48:49

runs over and grabs his vaser.

48:52

She holds it out, pointed

48:54

at his

48:55

head. Oh.

48:56

Someone looks like a big dumb idiot and

48:58

it's not me.

48:59

Ooh. Ooh. I

49:02

wish I could carry a vaser and it makes

49:04

you feel powerful. Typical.

49:08

Just like the crew of the trailblazer, they gunned down so

49:10

many lubricants. And now

49:12

you've gunned down me. Gun me

49:15

down.

49:16

I just feel that some stairs. Hey, hey. I

49:19

am feeling a little woozy. Hey,

49:21

there, there, there. Jog

49:23

is going to like lend a

49:25

hand to this guy

49:27

and help him to his feet.

49:29

He takes it. And

49:30

just as you pull him up, he grabs

49:32

your wrist and spins you

49:34

around to pin your arm behind your back. Unfortunately

49:37

for him, he is completely lubed

49:39

up. And instead of being able to have

49:41

a solid grip on Jog, he

49:44

spins her. And she twirls around

49:46

and around like a beautiful dancer until her

49:48

silver robes float off and she's

49:51

wearing a sequined bodysuit.

49:52

Oh, wow. Great reveal.

49:55

Make a... Make a feelings roll.

49:57

Make a prepared feelings roll. Okay.

50:00

Oh, I got my laser feelings! Do you want

50:02

to ask me a question?

50:02

How do we win this episode?

50:04

Yeah, we want to win! I

50:07

want to win this. You've got to get back to the Cavalier. We've

50:09

got to get back

50:09

to the Cavalier? Yeah. Okay.

50:11

But to do that, you're going to have to find your comb

50:13

badges, which have been taken from you. Okay.

50:17

And you're probably going to have to either fight your way to those

50:19

comb badges. Okay. Or you're going to have to

50:21

convince someone that

50:23

you aren't responsible for the trailblazers' crimes.

50:27

Okay. And at the same time, there's

50:29

so much luck to absorb. You

50:33

know, there's how the party wins, but

50:35

also, what does Jodge want?

50:37

Maybe Jodge doesn't want what the party wants.

50:40

I don't know. Maybe with a little luck, Jodge could run

50:42

this whole planet.

50:43

Maybe. Yeah.

50:46

Yeah.

50:46

Yeah. Interesting.

50:49

Interesting. Wow. She's

50:51

struck a pose, and she's bedazzled in sequence.

50:54

She looks awesome.

50:54

Not a bit of underwear

50:56

in sight. Not a bit of... Her underwear is

50:58

seamless.

50:59

Dermat, for the first time in

51:01

her existence, feels a twinge

51:03

of embarrassment at what she's wearing.

51:06

Oh my God. Wow. I think

51:08

I put this on inside out. Aww.

51:12

She shakes it

51:14

off. Let's get out of here.

51:17

Jodge points at the... The guard.

51:20

Yeah, the leprixen. Mm-hmm. And

51:22

she does a little

51:23

comeer finger at him.

51:25

What? I have a secret for

51:27

you. Ah, I'm so confused.

51:30

Oh, all right. He comes closer.

51:33

It seems like he's almost in a stupor.

51:35

Yeah. And

51:37

she takes his hand, and she starts

51:40

ballroom dancing with him. Yeah,

51:42

great. And while she's doing that, she

51:44

has the gem, and

51:46

she puts it against

51:50

his back, trying to draw out

51:52

some of the bad luck that has befallen

51:54

these people.

51:56

Trying to draw it out of him while they...

51:59

Yep.

51:59

There's a lot of bad luck together. Yeah,

52:02

you feel the gem growing in

52:04

power amazing Yeah, and

52:07

as it does the man stands

52:09

a little straighter some of his battle

52:12

scars begin to heal his uniform

52:14

looks a little cleaner a little dressier

52:17

as charges like Sashaying

52:19

around with him. She she says

52:22

now all I want to know is

52:24

where the trailblazer

52:26

All I want to know is your name.

52:29

It's judge

52:31

What a beautiful name

52:32

Wow no one's ever said that to me before

52:35

I'm under under

52:37

oh

52:38

What's your last name?

52:41

We don't have last names on the

52:43

prixa. Oh, I

52:44

don't have a last name either Wow

52:47

Wow You're incredible.

52:49

I know and she's

52:51

going to sort of

52:54

like Dance with him up the

52:57

stairs

52:57

watch out one of these steps is

53:00

slippery

53:00

She

53:03

steps over it effortlessly

53:05

judge. I'm so lucky. I met

53:07

you can I

53:08

kiss you?

53:09

Okay, she

53:12

was already lubing up his face That's

53:15

fine. I would have had a lot to explain to my

53:17

wife

53:18

Yeah, I thought you're right. I am taken

53:21

I

53:22

Don't know what's come over me

53:23

Like

53:25

I said, we just want to know where the

53:27

trailblazer went

53:29

I don't know all of our radar and ship

53:31

detection systems were Destroyed

53:34

in the trailblazers attack

53:35

that sounds like terrible luck.

53:37

They destroyed our power systems. They

53:40

took a lot of technology We've been

53:42

left with almost nothing.

53:44

Well, you know, we have some very capable

53:46

engineers on board the CSS Cavalier

53:49

the CSS and at the letters

53:51

CSS he sort of like Shakes

53:53

his head and becomes a little more clear-eyed

53:56

and says no a

53:57

sequence pops off of her outfit

53:59

The Concilium knows.

54:02

They've brought us nothing but misfortune.

54:05

Misfortune?

54:05

She

54:07

clutches the gem and kind of looks

54:10

down behind her at her fellow

54:12

mages. Where are we going? What's

54:14

going on?

54:16

Why are you dancing with that guy on the stairs?

54:18

Yeah, he seems nice.

54:20

What's his name? Underwoo? Underwar. Underwar.

54:23

Underwar.

54:24

Under the slippery.

54:26

Underwar says that he's been very misfortunate.

54:30

Oh, I get that. I wouldn't

54:32

get that. I don't have anything to do with that.

54:34

Great, we've established how we relate to him.

54:37

Well,

54:38

I think we could turn his luck around. Oh.

54:41

I could help with that. And she slips on the

54:43

bottom stair. And

54:46

just eats shit all the way down. Oh

54:49

my god, ow, whoa. Oh,

54:52

pain is the worst. Why

54:54

doesn't anybody talk about pain being bad?

54:58

Have you felt this? You know what I'm talking about? You don't talk about this?

55:01

Yeah. You don't want this?

55:03

Yeah, yeah, you tell it like it is.

55:05

I've still got

55:08

it. Okay, I was worried for a second there. My luck

55:10

ran out.

55:11

That was so funny. I have felt pain.

55:14

Relatable. Yeah.

55:17

Well. So what's up with Underwar? I'm Underwar.

55:20

Where? You're going to reverse his luck?

55:22

Well, I could.

55:24

Yeah. That would mean I'd have to borrow

55:27

someone else's good luck. You can do that? Wait.

55:29

I can. What?

55:32

Yes.

55:33

I can redistribute

55:36

the luck. I never knew. I

55:38

didn't know you could do that. Can we do that? Can I

55:40

do that? No. Only

55:43

I can do that.

55:43

Oh, that's very special for you. It

55:46

is good for me.

55:47

Jade, what is it about

55:49

this guy? JODGE!

55:51

My name is JODGE!

55:53

And she's going to thrust the gem

55:55

towards Derrymith. Duh. And

55:58

you feel all alone. Shh.

56:01

Shh. The fortune

56:03

and luck and joy and optimism

56:06

seeping out of you, being drawn out

56:08

of you.

56:11

Ah. Dermot, you find yourself

56:14

swirling, twisting, sinking

56:17

into the gem-a-verse. Static.

56:20

Waves of static

56:22

overcome me. It's almost like

56:24

being trapped in a

56:26

little gem for a minute. Yeah, yeah,

56:28

yeah. When you're trapped within your own

56:30

mind, I start to see

56:31

through the gem

56:33

and see luck

56:35

glowing around, like see different

56:37

spaces of luck, like where it's collected,

56:39

different luck. And I can see... You

56:42

see the currents of luck flowing and moving and

56:44

shifting.

56:44

And from within the gem-a-verse,

56:48

I can see my own body and realize this

56:50

vessel is empty of luck.

56:52

Oh, wow. And in that

56:54

void comes just a

56:56

clutter of random

56:58

luck, right? Neutral luck, bad luck,

57:00

everything. And then from within

57:03

this plane, this new

57:05

layer of reality

57:07

that you're perceiving, Dermot,

57:09

you're seeing how luck binds you

57:11

all together throughout the universe, every

57:14

living and

57:15

unliving thing. And

57:18

then a little dog walks

57:20

into your field of vision.

57:20

Oh my gosh! Oh,

57:22

he's so cute! How

57:25

did he get so small?

57:26

And the little dog is completely

57:29

naked. Well, that's normal. And

57:32

then the dog lifts its paws

57:35

and snaps, and it's wearing

57:37

a little cavalier uniform. Well, that seems

57:39

lovely. And then the

57:41

dog... There's plenty of clothes animals in the cavalier.

57:43

But

57:43

what's your name, dog? Quo. No!

57:47

Oh! Hi, Dermot. How

57:49

are you? Oh my gosh, it's been

57:51

so long to never. Have

57:53

we ever met? I know. But never,

57:56

can you believe it? That's extraordinary.

57:58

Do you know what's going on with this... because I

58:00

feel like a little bit, a little out

58:02

of my element.

58:04

I have to make a confession,

58:06

Deremos. What have you done? I'm

58:09

a little responsible for the gem.

58:11

You are such a mischievous...

58:13

I am, I'm a little mischievous. That's

58:15

the word that my species coined. We

58:19

have a lot of words that you can't like even conceive

58:22

of, you know.

58:22

You know what though, I did conceive

58:25

of that.

58:25

You did, you did, you get one. Everybody gets one.

58:29

Okay, but here's what I want to ask. How

58:32

do we make all this go away? Because I love

58:34

my luck. I

58:35

know, I know, and you've got to figure it

58:37

out by the end of the episode or things, you know.

58:40

What do you mean? Well, you know, we have a certain runtime

58:42

we're trying to hit and it's... What are you talking about? It's

58:44

not important. What's important is, Deremos,

58:46

is that I am afraid your luck might be running

58:48

out. And when a mage of good fortune's

58:51

luck runs out, well... I'm

58:53

gonna be...

58:54

out of a job!

59:02

Deremos, even worse than that! What? Be dead.

59:05

I'll be dead!

59:09

What about all my fans?

59:13

What will happen?

59:13

This is so sad for them. I don't

59:16

even know where to start.

59:19

We have to change this. Quill?

59:22

Yes, well, I'm paying attention. Do something. Well,

59:25

I'm just... what I'm doing is

59:27

just sort of like seeding a little information

59:29

here, a little information there, seeing

59:31

what sort of stirs up, you know. What do you want?

59:33

Can I offer you the thing

59:35

that you want? That's good. Here's what we'll do. You'll

59:38

tell me what you want and then I'll be like, I'll give it

59:40

to you, and then you'll be like, great, and I'll give you the thing that you want. And

59:42

then we'll be like, catch you later. Deremos,

59:44

Deremos, Deremos. And

59:46

the dog sort of... the dog like puts his paws

59:49

up to its head and sort of like shakes his head back. Oh my

59:51

God,

59:51

he's so small. Suddenly, suddenly the

59:53

hand puppet. Yeah. Deremos,

59:55

you can't just

59:56

give me what I want. Are you sure? Deremos,

59:59

I'm a messy...

59:59

bitch. I

1:00:01

see it, but from one to another,

1:00:03

we still watch it. Yeah,

1:00:06

but I want a little drama,

1:00:08

I want a little excitement, I want a little like,

1:00:10

oh, didn't see that one coming. And

1:00:12

look, look over there, and you

1:00:14

see, you turn to Jog,

1:00:17

and you see so much luck.

1:00:20

Good and bad is flowing in and through

1:00:22

her and around her. She's become this

1:00:24

intense focal point. She's the brightest

1:00:27

thing in the room. Like a whirlpool and a whiver.

1:00:30

And you can see all the luck draining out of

1:00:32

you towards her. You can see all the luck

1:00:35

draining out of Warymather and into her. Oh,

1:00:38

is she going to be okay with all that luck?

1:00:40

God, I don't know. What if it overwhelms her?

1:00:43

Well, she's

1:00:45

one of my two best friends.

1:00:48

Oh. Really? Yes,

1:00:51

I'm not that close with anyone. I

1:00:54

forget most people, but if we roomed in college, we're

1:00:57

probably

1:00:57

really close. I get it. When

1:00:59

you have so much going for you, like you or

1:01:01

I do, like it's hard to just like make deep connections.

1:01:04

You're just doing exciting things all the time. Let's be

1:01:06

frank. My best friend is actually calendar up

1:01:09

because like we are talking most, you know, it's like, when

1:01:11

are we going to fit that in? Yeah, when are we going to fit that in? When are we going

1:01:13

to fit that in? What is

1:01:15

it? Anyway. Well, that

1:01:17

was a reveal that I like. Sad

1:01:21

for you a little bit. No, I don't

1:01:23

know. It doesn't normally hit me. And here we

1:01:25

are. I'm starting to feel depression. I

1:01:28

think

1:01:28

you should figure out a way to get some of your luck back. It's

1:01:30

all I'm saying.

1:01:31

Okay. Do you have any hint?

1:01:33

You could kill Jog.

1:01:36

She snaps out of it.

1:01:38

She

1:01:40

snaps out of it and looks at Jog. Jog

1:01:42

looks at. Stare at this. I can't.

1:01:45

I can't. Well, I can't do it.

1:01:48

I almost did just now. I

1:01:50

almost killed Jog.

1:01:52

She's speaking out loud.

1:01:54

What? I almost just

1:01:56

took Jog's life from her.

1:01:58

I almost... Rippka Bum!

1:02:01

Rippka Bum! Rippka

1:02:03

Bum! I do it too.

1:02:04

Luck or no luck?

1:02:06

George, where did you get that purple

1:02:08

crystal that if you pointed it somewhere that makes them

1:02:10

wanna kill you?

1:02:11

Oh he just figured it all fucking out.

1:02:14

I observed what happened in front of me. No,

1:02:17

no, I'm in

1:02:19

charge right now. George, I almost

1:02:21

just killed you. Listen to me for a second. My

1:02:23

name's John the Middle Mod and I'm

1:02:26

finally in charge!

1:02:28

In

1:02:30

charge. And she's going to, um,

1:02:33

she's going to press in on

1:02:35

you with this gem.

1:02:36

George, that's just gonna make me wanna kill you

1:02:38

again.

1:02:39

Why? Why would you wanna

1:02:41

kill me? I'm finally getting somewhere

1:02:44

and finally getting some good luck

1:02:46

and some bad luck and finally when I do

1:02:48

matters and people care and I'm

1:02:51

wearing sequins, no

1:02:53

one ever cares about me.

1:02:55

My name's Undor. I

1:02:58

have seen war. Oh

1:03:00

very good. George backhanded. Oh!

1:03:03

Did he just become a mod? Mage?

1:03:07

Marge?

1:03:08

Why don't you want me to have good luck?

1:03:11

I could've been a really great, major

1:03:13

good fortune if I was given the chance.

1:03:16

It's not your luck, baby.

1:03:17

But why? I'm trying to do

1:03:20

good things. I'm trying to solve

1:03:22

his problems. I'm using the luck for

1:03:24

good things.

1:03:25

Did you solve his problems? Well

1:03:27

not yet because you tried to rip my body

1:03:29

apart. Well I think he's trying to do the same thing

1:03:31

but sexually. All you've done is

1:03:34

seduced him. Good luck is

1:03:36

dangerous. It's very powerful.

1:03:39

That's why there's classes. I went to them. As

1:03:41

did you. It wasn't given

1:03:43

a chance to go to those classes because

1:03:46

they only wanted me to do middle

1:03:48

stuff.

1:03:49

Well what if you've

1:03:50

done all redefine your little middle?

1:03:53

What if middle is,

1:03:54

you know, balanced but not

1:03:57

middle?

1:03:58

I don't understand.

1:03:59

You're calling yourself a middle-modge, but actually

1:04:02

you only have to be balanced.

1:04:04

So you can have good luck and bad luck, in-balanced.

1:04:07

Yeah? And you'll still be middle.

1:04:10

We're just on a teeter-totter, as long as it stays

1:04:12

flat,

1:04:14

you're golden.

1:04:15

I have the worst life imaginable

1:04:18

to be balanced by the best one for

1:04:20

the good of everyone on the ship. You're

1:04:22

the fulcrum of that ship. So,

1:04:25

you guys think I matter?

1:04:27

Yeah, you're the middle-modge. Are

1:04:30

you kidding? We're chaos! If

1:04:32

we didn't have a middle-modge, the

1:04:34

ship would be like a gyroscope.

1:04:36

It'd be like one of those stick magnets you

1:04:39

put in a pool and it just spins around forever. Upstairs,

1:04:42

you hear the

1:04:43

sounds of an angry crowd

1:04:45

outside. You hear people shouting

1:04:48

in the distance. Kill the

1:04:50

vanguard! Kill the vanguard!

1:04:53

Kill the vanguard! Kill

1:04:55

the vanguard!

1:04:56

Kill them! Kill

1:04:58

them with their own say-so's! Uh,

1:05:00

Jog panic. She suddenly kind of like

1:05:03

snaps out of the fervor she had been

1:05:05

in.

1:05:05

And she looks at the gem, and she... She

1:05:10

pricks it like a sandwich,

1:05:14

and... pulls it apart

1:05:16

into even half.

1:05:18

Jog, I

1:05:20

need you to make a laser's roll and a feelings

1:05:23

roll. Oh my god.

1:05:23

Ooh! Okay,

1:05:26

oh, yeah, yeah, nice.

1:05:32

Two successes. Jog,

1:05:35

with a cool sound effect that I'll

1:05:38

figure out later, the gem splits

1:05:40

in half.

1:05:43

She's now holding a blue

1:05:45

half,

1:05:46

pulsating with bad

1:05:48

luck, and a red half

1:05:51

pulsating with good luck,

1:05:54

vibrating with positivity.

1:05:57

She throws the red gem to

1:05:59

Derrymist.

1:07:57

personal

1:08:00

moment as

1:08:03

she gently sort of opens

1:08:05

her spirit and with a commitment

1:08:08

to do good with it

1:08:10

allows the luck to flow back

1:08:12

into her

1:08:13

it's

1:08:14

profound yeah yeah

1:08:16

everyone's like wow wow wow

1:08:18

wow wow

1:08:26

and then she's like whoo much

1:08:28

better do I

1:08:30

have to do it do okay

1:08:34

and wary mother clutches

1:08:36

the dark gem to his chest

1:08:39

and forgets where he put his

1:08:41

phone

1:08:42

the

1:08:44

dairy mess and wary

1:08:47

mother judge they are all

1:08:49

the majors of good fortune help or

1:08:51

tent and

1:08:52

what are you calling yourself now are you still

1:08:55

gonna say middle she turns to

1:08:57

you beat typically and says

1:08:59

I have a new name

1:09:01

I am Gal Jentz the

1:09:04

mage

1:09:18

which is perfect

1:09:19

that's fine but you

1:09:21

you still hear that angry mob right you

1:09:26

think it's easy to talk down an angry mob I'm just

1:09:28

under I

1:09:29

think I've got an idea is

1:09:31

it using your good luck

1:09:32

it's me do it using my good

1:09:36

luck yeah oh that's great yeah

1:09:37

lucky yes for me under

1:09:41

lead the way to the mean mob

1:09:43

do I have to

1:09:44

yeah okay

1:09:45

okay okay he

1:09:48

leads you upstairs into the ruins of the

1:09:50

library and there he threw through

1:09:52

the windows through all the windows and through the blasted

1:09:55

and crumbling doorway you

1:09:57

see the angry mob they're right there Fitchforks,

1:10:00

torches, you get it. Do we see our comms?

1:10:03

No. Nobody's wearing them? No.

1:10:06

But what if I'm really lucky? Do I see my comms? Undoor

1:10:08

whispers to you, I wasn't in charge

1:10:11

of it, but I believe your equipment

1:10:13

is hidden somewhere in the library.

1:10:16

Make

1:10:16

a prepared feeling for me. Okay.

1:10:19

Six.

1:10:20

Oh! Dermis, your

1:10:23

eyes are drawn to the book return box.

1:10:25

What is it, some kind of book return box?

1:10:28

Couldn't be. I think it is. Wait,

1:10:30

oh. You open it. What

1:10:36

is it, some kind of opening return box? There

1:10:39

are three Concilium comm badges

1:10:41

inside, and your vazers. It's a comm

1:10:43

badge return box. My goodness,

1:10:45

that's our stuff. Here

1:10:47

everyone, Galgent. Here's

1:10:50

your comm and your vaser. Thank you.

1:10:52

And? Warymather.

1:10:55

That's right. Warymather,

1:10:57

here's your comm and I'm holding your vaser. Ah,

1:10:59

haven't earned it yet, got it? Yep.

1:11:01

And now I'm ready to address

1:11:04

the people here who are mad. Really?

1:11:07

We can go.

1:11:07

The Vanguard has taken

1:11:10

everything from us. We demand justice.

1:11:13

No, you're right.

1:11:13

The Vanguard

1:11:15

has taken everything from you. And we're

1:11:18

here, we're not here to save you. Obviously,

1:11:20

we're just here to have our own private revelations.

1:11:23

And we're sorry for that.

1:11:25

But

1:11:26

the good news is, Galgent-

1:11:28

We can still burn you. Galgent

1:11:31

is giving you a like, what the fuck is your

1:11:33

idea

1:11:33

here? Look, as long

1:11:36

as, and I'm starting to wave

1:11:38

at Warymather to be like, get the fuck out of here, go.

1:11:41

Where am I going? Go, okay, call

1:11:43

home. Oh,

1:11:44

okay. Warymather

1:11:46

taps the comm badge. Hello,

1:11:49

major important to the CSS Cavalier.

1:11:52

Hi,

1:11:52

it's Bubz Reel. Hi,

1:11:55

Bubz Reel.

1:11:56

Sorry, Lieutenant Junior grade

1:11:58

Bubz Reel. Oh, congratulations.

1:11:59

Thank you.

1:12:01

Well, there's three

1:12:03

of us here surrounded by an angry mob.

1:12:06

Okay. Do you think you could teleport me back

1:12:08

upstairs, please? By which I

1:12:10

mean the spaceship.

1:12:11

Oh, well as a space angel.

1:12:13

I could teleport you

1:12:15

to the moon and back without even blinking

1:12:17

an eye. Ah.

1:12:19

Oh, you mean through the... ah, yes,

1:12:22

through the teleport... yes, okay, Mulligan.

1:12:24

You can stop giving me the big eye. I understand

1:12:26

what he's asking now. Yes. Yes,

1:12:28

preparing one to teleport.

1:12:30

Okay, say his own.

1:12:32

Bye.

1:12:32

And hello. Wearing

1:12:37

my other teleports away. Your gem glows

1:12:39

a little brighter. Oh,

1:12:40

I love that guy, but also like

1:12:42

what a downer.

1:12:43

Gal

1:12:46

Jens. Yes. Are

1:12:50

you sure? I'll be right behind you.

1:12:53

Okay,

1:12:54

I'm sorry. I tried to destroy you. I literally

1:12:56

do not worry about it. I am

1:12:58

absolutely fine. I have

1:13:01

recovered well and always do. Gal

1:13:04

Jens presses her comb badge.

1:13:06

Bagonia blood terror. Filling

1:13:09

in for Lieutenant Junior

1:13:11

Grayd space angel. I'm

1:13:14

in the toilet. She's in the bath.

1:13:17

Hello. Hi,

1:13:18

this is Gal

1:13:21

Jens, the mage of

1:13:23

balance. Formally

1:13:26

known as Jodge the Middlemaj.

1:13:28

Got it. I teleport

1:13:31

me back, please. All

1:13:32

right. Eramis, you're all alone,

1:13:35

facing an angry mob. It's gonna take a lot

1:13:37

of luck.

1:13:38

Good thing she has it. So here's

1:13:40

what I think is always gonna help the

1:13:42

situation. Everyone gets

1:13:44

a ruby and she throws the gem

1:13:46

in the air. And

1:13:50

at the same moment a

1:13:53

bird flies by and explodes it.

1:13:56

Yeah, good luck. She wants to

1:13:58

make lots of little gems.

1:16:00

falls on the crowd. The

1:16:02

light falls on Undor, who

1:16:04

picks up a gem and says, I

1:16:07

have to go apologize to my wife.

1:16:12

We fade back to the CSS Cavalier.

1:16:15

Woo! The three mages

1:16:17

are gathered on the teleport platform. We're

1:16:19

kind of useless out there, huh? Yeah, why

1:16:22

didn't they send a military

1:16:24

person?

1:16:24

Should have sent anyone other than us to kind

1:16:26

of just sit there. Yeah, we

1:16:29

came back to tell them to go and

1:16:31

do a good job, right? Yeah. OK,

1:16:34

tell who?

1:16:34

Anyone. Yeah.

1:16:37

The door is open,

1:16:39

and a dog walks in. Oh! On

1:16:41

a tined legs. Wow! Slowly

1:16:43

clapping. Oh! Oh.

1:16:48

I guess he can't clap too fast or he loses

1:16:50

balance.

1:16:51

Who's this little fella? I'm not really

1:16:53

a dog. Poofy turns into a man.

1:16:55

Ah! I'm Clue.

1:16:59

Oh! Whoa! Clue! Very

1:17:01

good job, mages. What do we

1:17:03

do? You faced the test. Oh!

1:17:06

You were given the opportunity for great power,

1:17:08

and yet. I was? Well,

1:17:10

not you, no. But you said it was a test

1:17:13

for me. Well, you were all tested

1:17:15

in a way. Uh-huh. You

1:17:17

see, well, you see, my test was

1:17:19

defined the lube stash.

1:17:21

I did it. You know what, Warymather? Good

1:17:24

job on your test. You did a really

1:17:26

good job. Hey, Clue, you're all right.

1:17:29

I know. Well, it

1:17:31

seems you've got more space to explore.

1:17:34

You may be able to get the

1:17:37

ionic signature of the Trailblazers

1:17:39

engines

1:17:39

now and continue on. But

1:17:42

who knows what other destruction is in their wake?

1:17:46

Good luck, mages. Thanks, Clue.

1:17:48

And bad luck. Yeah,

1:17:51

OK. I get your thing. We don't have to do

1:17:53

that. Why not? Like, you

1:17:55

don't. Let me do my thing. OK. Well,

1:17:58

bad luck.

1:17:58

And bad luck. Do

1:18:00

you have any more saltines?

1:18:05

I'm

1:18:30

the Dolan Poer and Taylor Moore and Fortunate

1:18:32

Horse. With the support of our patrons

1:18:34

and our Rear Admiral, Lucas Wagner,

1:18:37

our theme and additional music is composed by

1:18:39

Huge today. See you next

1:18:41

time, cosmic voyagers, for another

1:18:44

story from... Oh, these are the

1:18:46

stars of space.

1:19:01

Thanks for watching!