0:05

Space. What

0:11

endless mystery. Look

0:16

at it. Wow.

0:22

Who do dare uncover its

0:24

secrets? The

0:26

brave crew of the Starship

0:28

Cavalier do dare to

0:30

scout the heavens, to see some moons,

0:33

to take a dangerous galaxy

0:35

trip. This is

0:37

the true story of them

0:39

that voyage among, oh these,

0:41

those stars of space. Tonight's

0:48

episode is... Scandal

0:52

and Charity's High School Reunion. Starring

0:57

Tim Platt as Gail Mere

0:59

Lysander, Carly

1:01

Monardo as Scandal, Allie

1:04

Fisher as Charity and

1:08

Joe Lepore as everything and

1:10

everyone else. And

1:53

since log, space date 740-773-28.j. Log

1:59

sometimes when things get routine on the

2:01

Cavalier, I'll volunteer to pilot a shuttlecraft for

2:03

someone just to get off the ship and

2:05

stretch my legs. I don't actually

2:07

stretch my legs, that's what the ship's yugas

2:09

say you was for, but I mean like,

2:16

I mean it metaphorically log. Anyways,

2:19

this one is particularly interesting because

2:21

Scanul and Charity are attending their high

2:24

school reunion. I'm 23, so I've

2:26

got only 5 years left prepared for mine and

2:28

it is never too early to start log. This

2:31

is a prime chance to observe a reunion, so when

2:33

it's my turn, my legs are a hell of a

2:35

stretch. Also, this reunion will

2:37

help me solve my own problem of being

2:39

eager to ask my bettors about hacks that

2:41

they use to speed up their professional development

2:43

while also being scared of video podcasts. As

2:46

a reunion, everyone's down to brag. I thought

2:48

I'd log this because, let's be honest, this

2:51

episode's gonna have a lot of Charity's

2:53

scandal backstory and I thought this would be

2:55

a nice moment to let Galmeir shine, for

2:57

once. Oh, I should get back the

2:59

controls, we're about to hit an asteroid! My

3:03

log! We watch as the shuttlecraft

3:06

Johnson lands on an alien world

3:08

with a big dent in its

3:10

starboard wing, on a landing pad

3:12

outside a mysterious, futuristic function hall.

3:15

A giant hollow sign in electric

3:17

green letters reads, Tratichall, class of

3:19

04 reunion. You

3:21

see in front of you a number of humanoids

3:23

and horses walking in, everyone dressed

3:25

to the nines. The doors

3:28

of the shuttlecraft Johnson open. What do we

3:30

see? First, you

3:32

see Charideth Masterfield of the

3:34

Valgrath Masterfills. Mouse brown

3:36

hair tied in a high pony. Sick

3:39

bangs, classic red lipstick. Tan

3:42

riding pants, crisp white shirt riding

3:44

boots, 5'4". The

3:47

white is whiter than ever, and the

3:49

tan is tanner than ever, and

3:51

the red lipstick is brighter than ever. She

3:54

looks fantastic for how she

3:56

always looks. And

3:59

behind her... And also under her

4:01

is Scandal, Space Horse of the

4:03

Bar Car, Jet Black Coat, Shiny,

4:06

Bedazzled with Stars, Saturn-like

4:08

rings orbit her ears, ankles, and

4:10

tail, Iridescent hooves,

4:12

long pretty eyelashes, bleached

4:14

asshole! She's

4:17

wearing a smart suit in

4:19

gray wool. And you also

4:21

got Gilmul Lysander, tall, lean

4:24

with a scar across his face.

4:26

He's 23 and he's wearing a

4:28

tuxedo. We're here. Just all

4:30

we need to do is step off of

4:34

Space Shuttle Johnson and we'll be ready

4:36

to go. I'm ready. I've never been

4:38

scared of anyone in my life. I'm

4:40

ready too. I simply could never be

4:43

scared of class of 04. But

4:45

if I was a nervous charity, it

4:47

would be because I'm sure I'm going

4:50

to run into excellent Colette, my rival.

4:52

And if I was nervous, I might

4:54

be worried I was going to run

4:56

into Jeff, Juliet, and Chip-Chad, my exes,

4:59

all of whom I only got to first base with.

5:02

And if I was nervous, it'd be because when I

5:04

ask all of your peers what professional advice

5:06

they use to get to where they

5:08

are professionally, they'll think I'm just a

5:10

kid and not a peer. I've always

5:12

wanted to be a peer with many.

5:15

I think you are a peer of many, but I don't

5:17

think that's a good thing. No, no,

5:19

no. Here I go. Try to make this about

5:21

myself. This is about both of you having an

5:23

amazing reunion. And if you're both scared, that just

5:25

means you care. And that's a good thing. It's

5:28

always good to care. Thanks, Kelmar.

5:30

I don't need your permission to care. How

5:32

do I look? Oh, you look fabulous. I

5:34

appreciate your permission, but no, we don't need

5:36

it. Charity, would you prefer I'm

5:39

with you when you confront your former flames

5:41

or should I let you fly? No.

5:43

I must do this alone.

5:45

I must seek an answer to why

5:47

I was not allowed to the second base alone.

5:51

This is a road I must walk on

5:53

my own feet. What about you? Do

5:56

you want me there when you confront

5:58

excellent Colette? I would like to... What's the

6:00

option? Maybe we need a

6:02

signal. Mmm. Mmm.

6:04

Ah. Mmm. Oh.

6:07

Mmm. Mmm. So

6:09

I just wanted to be involved. So I think you two should

6:12

maybe stay apart as much as

6:14

you possibly can. When you're at any kind

6:16

of function and you are tied to one

6:18

other person, people view that as a sign

6:20

of weakness and you want to make sure

6:22

that you both stand on your own. It

6:24

will only make the moment when you two

6:26

come back together that much more exciting, that

6:28

people realize those two amazing people that they've

6:30

been admiring the entire time are actually friends

6:32

and stayed in touch. Taking notes for

6:34

your wedding I see. Ooh! How

6:37

about this for a signal? Gelmere's dying!

6:39

Okay. I like that one. But

6:43

also, ugh, feels

6:45

strange to say I think Gelmere might be

6:47

right. I think we should split up. Mmm.

6:51

Mingle a bit. Chat. Mingle.

6:55

Have a talk. Chat talk. Small

6:57

talk. Big talk. Single drink.

7:00

Have a drink. Not too much to drink.

7:02

Too much to drink. Too much to eat. Okay.

7:05

And then we come back together. Yes. Whoa.

7:08

You two really are nervous. I

7:11

mean, what was high school like for

7:13

you? Were you cool? We were cool!

7:15

We were cool! Bah! In

7:18

our own way. In our own way. I had

7:20

no time for friends. I was

7:22

busy being the best. Same.

7:25

With sheer force of will, I bent

7:28

my back to be the exact

7:30

divot needed for charities behind. That

7:33

was day one! You

7:35

should have seen day five. I

7:37

almost didn't make it. Wait. So

7:40

you two formed a body defying friendship

7:42

on day one of school and then

7:44

remained best friends the whole time and

7:46

didn't make any other friends? We were

7:49

cool! We didn't need anyone

7:51

else, technically, to graduate.

7:53

I didn't go to school to make

7:55

friends. It wasn't learn how to make

7:57

friends academy. It was try to tell. Training

8:00

Academy of the Bar of Car! Not

8:02

Friend Island! Not Friend Island!

8:05

You know what? I hate to do

8:07

this too, but while you two are apart,

8:10

I encourage you both to try to make

8:12

friends that aren't each other. Sometimes

8:14

I think your friendship is... don't

8:17

think that's the wrong way. It kind of isolates

8:19

you from the rest of the people around you.

8:21

I took it the wrong way! Let's go! The

8:23

right way! The right way

8:25

is that you're both amazing people. Yeah.

8:28

That's the offer. That's the offer of the world.

8:30

And you can make friends that aren't each other

8:32

at this reunion today. And

8:35

it will show you that there's more

8:37

social life to be had than just someone

8:39

who rides you or someone you ride. Friends!

8:45

The camera is close on Scandal's face

8:47

and you can still see the peanut

8:49

butter that the... That

8:52

was wiped out of her teeth? Yeah, that's the PA put

8:54

on her teeth. Friends!

8:58

Yeah, that's the

9:00

word! That's the word!

9:02

That's the word, Scandal!

9:05

Look, I'm down to

9:07

pretend to die to bring us back together, but I

9:09

really do encourage you to find your own way for

9:12

once. Charity... dismounts.

9:16

Scandal's back is horrible

9:18

to look at. So is... Charity's

9:21

undercarriage situation. It's

9:25

sort of the first day in the... Case

9:30

is not closed. We're gonna find out more. Yeah,

9:34

Scandal looks at Charity's... nods.

9:39

And then like kind of pinches her nose with

9:42

her hoof and like blows

9:45

and her back pops into place, like

9:47

popping the divot out of a metal

9:49

bowl. She

9:53

bends down and blows into her belly button and

9:55

her legs just straighten. out

10:00

on something so he blows into his

10:02

thumb. And his scar feels in? His

10:05

scar like slips out. Okay,

10:09

that's a very scary scar. I already have

10:11

a phrase. Let's

10:15

go get a nametag. And

10:18

they walk inside. We cut to the

10:20

nametag table. There you see

10:22

so many familiar names. Names

10:25

like, Coupon Accepted,

10:28

Tom, Subprimeridian,

10:34

Laura B, Azalea

10:40

Skyscraper, Jason,

10:44

Oh look! Charity Mesterfield.

10:48

It was mine. Charity gingerly accepts

10:50

her nametag. Is there somebody

10:52

behind the table? Charity

10:54

points at her nametag to the person behind the

10:56

table. And awaits

10:59

it being handed to her. Charity, you

11:01

can just take it. Um,

11:04

okay, I can just grab it off the table. It's

11:06

Mary. Mary! Mary

11:09

Anderson. Mary! Yeah, hi.

11:12

Hi, it's so nice to see you. It's

11:14

so good to see you. Can you believe

11:16

it's been 10 years? No. It's

11:18

2014. It's

11:22

2414. Yes. Charity,

11:26

just obviously not remembering. Mary scrambles with the

11:28

nametag. Make

11:30

a feelings roll. Yeah. I

11:33

got a failure. Yeah,

11:37

Mary can tell that your face

11:39

is like, I totally forgot.

11:43

We had French together. Yes!

11:46

I had a Palomino named Clambake.

11:49

Oh, the Palomino! Yeah. She

11:52

doesn't remember now. Now you remember Clambake. Oh,

11:56

how's Clambake? Well, so

11:58

a few years ago, actually. ClanBake

12:00

decided to upload her consciousness to

12:02

the Metaverse. She wanted

12:05

to explore the digital field. And

12:08

I was actually seeing someone at the

12:10

time, so I didn't go

12:14

with her. I'm actually

12:16

horseless. Okay.

12:22

You do me single. What's going on? There's

12:26

no horses. Yeah.

12:34

This is the show. It's

12:37

been a while since I recorded

12:39

it. Listeners,

12:42

this is the show. It's

12:46

some solo. And

12:49

so I was happy to volunteer to

12:51

do some of

12:53

the table manning.

13:00

She already grabs her nametag, please. I'm

13:04

sure we'll catch up later. She is gone. She has no

13:06

idea how to deal with it. Hey,

13:09

Mary. I

13:12

don't have a nametag. I am not an alumnus. I

13:15

am a guest with some

13:17

alumnus who came here. Is

13:19

there a guest tag I could have?

13:23

Yeah, actually, so anyone bringing a

13:25

plus one, they filled out

13:27

a form online. Great. So you

13:29

should actually have your name. Oh, okay. So

13:32

Gellmir looks to see if his name is there on

13:34

the table. Make a laser's roll. Then

13:37

that is a failure. Gellmir, you look, you do not see

13:39

your name, but then you notice out of the corner of

13:41

your eye a name that does sound

13:44

familiar to you. You actually see there's a

13:46

nametag for Marvin Blonde. Oh,

13:50

this one is mine. That's

13:53

me, Marvin. You can call

13:55

me Marvin though. Oh, okay. Mary

13:59

and Marvin. ask you in terms of professional development

14:01

what are the biggest tricks you made in your early

14:03

20s that helped you get to where you were today?

14:05

Well I, Marv, I don't

14:07

know, sometimes I feel like I was focused a little

14:09

too much on my career and

14:11

maybe I left some relationships in my

14:14

life grow weaker and maybe

14:16

some of those who were closest to me aren't

14:19

anymore. Maybe, maybe,

14:22

maybe someone close to me decided to upload their consciousness

14:24

to the universe and if

14:27

I had been a little more thoughtful,

14:29

a little more giving, rather than

14:31

trying to get ahead in social

14:34

media management, maybe I would be happier. Okay

14:38

so you make excuses for yourself, that's what you

14:40

did, that's what you did ahead, that's what it

14:42

seems like, you make excuses for yourself about things

14:44

that you could have done differently. Marvin

14:47

coming in hot, not invited. Hi

14:49

I'm Scandal, is there a horse table? Yes

14:52

they're already here. Hi Scandal. Hi

14:55

Mary, how's Clambake? Digital.

14:57

Oh! Yeah, so

14:59

we're not really partners

15:01

anymore. Well

15:03

I'm told sometimes that's a good thing

15:05

and she like, oh wink, wink said

15:08

uh, Galmyer. Nah, that

15:10

horse got out of a bad situation, this person doesn't

15:12

know how to succeed. Oh! Excuse

15:15

me? Hahaha! Speaking

15:17

of succeeding, I was

15:19

wondering if a dear friend of

15:21

mine, excellent Collette, had

15:23

checked in. Oh no,

15:25

Collette hasn't come by yet. No? No

15:28

I don't know, I don't know if she's gonna come. Uploaded?

15:32

No, I don't think so. Well

15:35

I'm parched. I don't

15:37

remember you two being that close. Me? That's

15:40

Collette. Yeah, excellent Collette. Uh,

15:42

you must be

15:44

wrong. Oh, Collette? Well

15:48

you know who is here, Whistlerfax is here.

15:50

Oh! Um,

15:52

Scandal Wanda's on. Yeah

15:55

so like I was saying, I feel like what

15:57

you have done, I have a lot to

15:59

do. you here okay I have to yeah you

16:01

know I have to sit here and check people in

16:04

so I'm sorry I can't really like

16:07

sure but now you see that you're using your go have

16:09

a drink I'm sure you I'm sure you'd like to have

16:11

a drink a drink yeah they're not gonna card me the

16:13

23 year old walks

16:16

to the bar eager

16:23

at the prospect of not being carted yeah

16:25

you get to the bar what does he

16:27

see before him the bar yeah

16:29

but like you know

16:31

just punch is it you know beers

16:33

there's a whole the other there's you

16:36

know there's a row of liquor

16:38

you know there's all the classic liquors

16:40

there's vodka there's rum there's tequila

16:43

there's others go

16:45

up go mirror leans up

16:47

there's a there's a there's an alluring

16:49

green bottle of absence go

16:52

go mirror leans against the bar looks on look at

16:54

that green chart truth um

16:56

very interesting it's absent yeah

16:59

I've been reading about green chart truth I'll

17:01

be taking a your finest screwdriver

17:06

all right can I that's all juice

17:09

and vodka if you didn't know if you make a feelings

17:11

roll these

17:13

are feeling yeah do you have

17:16

anything lower than Tito's little too

17:21

spicy for me lower

17:23

shelf like lower shelf yeah well I have this I have

17:25

this Kirkland

17:32

signature I'll be taking that in my

17:34

house I wish I was at my

17:36

own chip please actually a highly test

17:38

how rates very highly from wire

17:41

cutter now I'll get that Tito's is too

17:43

spicy for me I'll take that and I want

17:45

I want to ask you as

17:47

Gilmere looks around the room to see all

17:50

these alumnuses all these alumni are

17:53

there people that you think he should

17:55

are gonna hurt his feelings I

17:58

know there are people that are gonna hurt his And what

18:00

are their names? What

18:02

are their names, sir? Well,

18:05

there's class president Horna Greskar.

18:08

You can pick her out real easy, because she's

18:11

a cleepee. You know, she's a human with green

18:13

hair. You know the cleepees?

18:15

Like Trevian. Yes.

18:17

Oh, the characters I

18:19

made. Cleepee.

18:26

There's also a beautiful silver horse. With

18:32

a long, long,

18:35

long white mane wearing

18:38

glasses. Okay, cool. Yeah.

18:42

And you feel like maybe you recognize that horse. Gomir

18:48

grabs his screwdriver and looks around

18:50

the room where he sees a

18:53

beautiful silver horse. Holy

18:55

shit. A horse

18:58

Christmas style? I gotta check that out. What?

19:01

Silver and gold decorations on every Christmas

19:03

tree. Silver's Christmas style to me. Gomir's

19:06

in the house. Gomir

19:09

walks over to that silver horse. Silver

19:14

horse. But

19:17

briefly, the camera pans back to the bartender

19:20

who chuckles to himself and says, Should

19:23

have carded that kid, but it was like some

19:25

roll of fate prevented me from doing so. Wings

19:28

of the camera. Reunions. Gotta love

19:30

him. He cleans the

19:32

glass. We pan back to Gomir. Excuse

19:35

me. I couldn't help but know it's your

19:38

beautiful silver mane. The horse

19:40

turns to you. Wait a minute. Sorry. You asked

19:42

who was going to hurt your feelings and then walked right to

19:44

him? That's what I was asking as Tim, but

19:46

I want to put Gomir in the line of

19:48

fire. Aww. I love

19:50

drama. I rescind my question. Yeah.

19:53

Make a feelings roll. Excess.

19:56

Okay. This horse looks directly at you, but even

19:58

though you can feel... the radiating

20:01

confidence you aren't intimidated. Well,

20:04

you're kind of a big deal, aren't you?

20:06

So, I'm here to sort

20:08

of ask professionals about their professional

20:10

development. What did you get where you are today? I'm

20:13

sorry, I don't... Were

20:15

we classmates Marvin?

20:17

I don't remember you. Marvin,

20:20

Marvin Blond. And, uh... yeah.

20:22

Yeah, we were classmates. Oh, I'm sorry.

20:24

I guess we didn't have any classes

20:26

together. No, no, no. I was much

20:28

more in the intermediary classes. You know,

20:31

I think... Oh, yes. I was in

20:33

all the advanced classes. That makes more

20:35

sense. Of course I remember. I always admired

20:37

you, but I didn't think I was worth it. I

20:39

didn't have the stuff to seem to achieve the heights

20:41

that I now believe I'm capable of. That's why

20:43

I'm asking my old classmates. But remind me, who

20:45

was your horse? My horse?

20:48

Yeah. Gomir.

20:50

Gomir Lysander. Yeah, that's it.

20:52

Gomir Lysander. I don't

20:55

remember your horse either. Really slow, but really

20:57

tall and gorgeous. And actually also fast. Wait,

21:01

he's slow and fast? Yeah, I never

21:03

understood how, but some days he was

21:05

slow and some days he was fast.

21:08

Anyways, yes, I don't really need any introduction, but

21:10

yes, I am Whisperfax. Ah, right, of course Whisperfax.

21:13

It's great to see you again. Well, I guess

21:15

it's great to see you two again. So

21:20

what have you been doing since graduation? Well,

21:23

I... do you read? Do

21:25

I read? Yes. I read C.S.

21:27

Lewis, canonically. And

21:32

I do write an article for

21:34

my ship's paper, and I don't

21:36

read much beyond that. And

21:39

in New Yorker sometimes, these are the comics. I hate

21:41

them. I

21:43

read those New Yorker comics. I

21:46

swear, I read those New Yorker comics and it's like,

21:48

this is banal. This

21:52

is banal. But what about those

21:54

shouts and murmurs? Those shouts and murmurs, they suck.

21:56

It's like, oh, what if we did the most

21:58

regimented form of a... an arch-ness

22:00

possible with no actual jokes. Well,

22:04

I would love to share your opinion, but they

22:06

actually gave me a very good review recently. I

22:09

recently became the first horse to publish a

22:11

novel. Oh my god. That's

22:14

incredible. A novel? Such focused

22:16

work. You have to be insolvented a lot. That can

22:19

be pretty hard. Well, sometimes when the story is in

22:21

you, you just have to let it out. That's what

22:23

I like to say. Okay, I have to ask. What's

22:25

it about? It's called an apple for bluebell. And

22:29

it's a huge bestseller and it's pretty

22:31

erotic. Yes? Yeah,

22:36

I sort of brought in

22:38

a fresh new perspective to... Horse

22:40

sex! Hi! It's

22:42

been a minute. Scandal! Hi!

22:45

Hi with the fact. It's so nice to see you. Very

22:47

good to see you! You nuzzle. Yes, we nuzzle.

22:50

But like European style

22:53

on each cheek. How have you been?

22:55

I've been fantastic! How

22:57

have you been? How's life

22:59

in the literary elite?

23:02

Well, it's been very lovely to

23:04

connect with so many fans and find such

23:06

an audience that loves my work. Yes,

23:08

of course! I know you spent a long

23:11

time looking. Well, they found

23:13

me. So it's all paid off, I suppose.

23:16

Yes! Cha-ching! Yes,

23:18

and have you... Make money? No, I

23:20

would... No, did you... Have you had

23:22

a good ten years? What

23:25

have you been up to? What

23:27

have you been keeping busy? It's flown by!

23:29

I'm a member of the vanguard, you

23:31

see. So in many ways, it's quite

23:33

literally flown by. Oh, beak! Oh,

23:37

you... I didn't know you

23:40

went into the army. Well, it's

23:42

more navy. Right,

23:45

right, yes. Base navy! Sorry,

23:47

yes. You went into the armed forces.

23:50

Yes. And what's your

23:52

rank? How far have you ascended the chain

23:54

of command? Whoo!

23:57

You're probably a general now, if I remember. remember

24:00

the high achieving scandal of high school. That's

24:03

true. Or I'm sorry, an

24:05

admiral. Right. Well,

24:08

scandal. Remember, a

24:10

friend. What do you want me

24:12

to be? Excuse

24:18

me. What rank do you think you'd

24:20

like best? I

24:23

don't know how to answer that question. He

24:25

turns to some of the other people at the party.

24:28

I guess I'm not I guess I'm not going to

24:30

write enough about the Navy any time soon. Yeah,

24:38

and don't make a feelings roll. You

24:43

fight off feeling you fight off a

24:46

growing fear of embarrassment. Okay, yeah,

24:48

no, she thinks she's watching this.

24:51

Well, so how's your human?

24:55

Oh, Derek, he's great. Derek?

24:57

Yes. Yes. He

25:00

just bought a yacht. Oh,

25:03

yes. Okay, where's he? Where

25:05

does he put that? What water?

25:08

On Earth. Oh, on Earth?

25:10

Yes. Bold choice. Well,

25:13

yeah, well, you know, you

25:15

know, you know what real estate on Earth is like. But

25:21

we I actually I actually got a pretty

25:24

nice advance for my next novel. So you're

25:26

writing a second one. Am I in it?

25:29

No, it's fiction. Well, but I could

25:31

be in it. I could be in it doing

25:33

something I wouldn't normally do. Maybe I'm

25:35

on vacation. Yeah, I mean, that's

25:37

a pretty good point. You know, sometimes when we're

25:40

doing all this military stuff, we see

25:42

how amazing real life is and how

25:44

making up fictional events sometimes

25:46

can't even compare to the amazing adventures

25:48

that we've had on the Vanguard. And

25:51

that you hear from across the room

25:53

as charity is shouting at someone who's walking

25:55

away from her. When

25:57

I opened the dip everything in

25:59

peace. in a butter store and

26:01

she turns, just absolutely panic

26:04

in her eyes and

26:06

like makes eye contact with this group and then

26:08

scurries off to find someone new to talk to.

26:11

Mmm. I don't

26:14

know if that would really fit. My next

26:16

novel is sort of about a rakish young

26:18

horse having sexual escapades in New York City.

26:20

I have sex. Uh-huh. What?

26:22

What? I do. Is that what you

26:24

want to talk about right now?

26:26

Well, he brought

26:30

it up. I didn't bring up sex, but

26:32

if he's talking about a horse having sexual intercourse,

26:34

I'm not going to pretend I'm not one of

26:37

those. He brought it up as something fictional, as

26:39

something real. I have real sex. Oh,

26:41

God. Real

26:43

sex. And need I remind you, I'm

26:45

a gold star lesbian horse. What's

26:48

his gold star? What's a gold star lesbian?

26:50

Means she's never had sex with a male

26:53

horse. Exactly, Marvin.

26:55

Thank you. Means she's only

26:57

had sex with other female horses. I've

27:00

kissed human men though. I

27:05

actually remember that. Oh. I

27:08

remember at the homecoming dance junior year.

27:10

Yes. You and Trevor. Trevor,

27:13

yes. Yeah. I actually never got

27:15

his name. Really? Really.

27:18

Well, you were in the play together. Well, that doesn't

27:20

mean I asked his name. Is that what

27:22

you do in plays? You were both in the

27:24

music man. That's right. I

27:27

played the judge. And

27:30

he played Harold Hill. Well,

27:32

I knew him as Harold. And

27:35

then in the script, it said we had to kiss. Well,

27:38

no. But of course, we

27:40

all remember the famous scene in the musical, the

27:42

music man, where the music man Harold Hill kisses

27:44

a judge. But no, this is what I'm

27:46

talking about at the homecoming dance. Oh,

27:48

the dance. And Gomir slowly backs

27:50

away, sipping his screwdriver through his

27:53

straw in the way that can

27:55

only be described as

27:58

reacting to awkward. around

28:00

him and he goes to

28:02

fine charity. Before you

28:04

do, you bump into yes, Phoebe.

28:09

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. Watch

28:12

it. Watch it. I'm

28:14

sorry, I didn't see you.

28:16

I'm sorry. I'm

28:18

sorry if I'm a little stressed. I've just

28:20

been planning this event for a long time

28:22

and I just I'm sort of

28:24

all over the place. Oh my, you planned this

28:27

amazing event? Yes, I'm class president Hornet

28:29

Gresgar. Oh, a

28:31

class president? That's high achieved. I gotta

28:33

ask you, if you were

28:35

class president then and now you're planning the event now,

28:37

you must have some of huge professional success. What are

28:39

some tricks and hacks you did to get there from

28:42

your early 20s? Well, I've always

28:44

been good at seeking out quality mentors. Oh

28:46

wow. Yeah, me too. Yeah. And that's you

28:49

know that's been so important you know where

28:51

I am now as a nano surgeon. A

28:53

nano surgeon? Yeah. And you had time to

28:55

plan this event too? Well, you know,

28:57

I mean, it's sort of a lifelong

29:00

responsibility when you're an electric class president.

29:02

Let me guess, you're a type A

29:04

personality. Oh, let me take that back.

29:06

Type A plus. Are

29:10

you someone's spouse? No, I'm

29:13

someone's plus one

29:16

who also went to the

29:18

school because it had a

29:20

horse named Gelma, but

29:23

I actually transferred to Canada.

29:25

Yeah, I transferred to Canada my sophomore

29:28

year, but now I'm back with

29:31

my wife Charmaine

29:36

the horse. On the

29:38

other side of the space,

29:40

you hear Gelma dying.

29:44

Oh, no, my horse. Gelma

29:46

is dying. I gotta follow but

29:49

I need to meet you. I open

29:51

and talk later. I'm so sorry about your

29:53

horse. He's okay. It's a shame. It's

29:55

a shame to be without your horse. I

29:58

totally agree. But that's why I go to talk to

30:00

my horse right now. I'll talk to you soon. Please

30:02

keep him alive. Oh, of course. I get, and even

30:04

if he dies, he's ready for it. Dash. She

30:06

grabs you on the shoulder and pulls you close and says, I

30:09

do not want anyone dying at this

30:12

reunion. Of course.

30:14

I want this reunion to be perfect, Marvin. No

30:17

problem. No one's dying here. Not on

30:20

my watch. Good. Oh, wait the

30:23

grip you have with those surging fans.

30:25

Well, they're very good at very small

30:27

things. You call my

30:29

next mall? And that you hear Charity

30:32

yelling at nobody. She like

30:34

starts walking towards scandal is

30:36

when I invented the fly

30:38

swatter. Oh my God,

30:40

I'm dying out there. What's

30:43

wrong? I'm just lying. Why?

30:45

I don't know. I told, I

30:48

told whisper facts that I am

30:51

part of the vanguard. And I

30:53

think he thought it rather droll. That's,

30:56

but that's the truth. He asked me about

30:58

my rank charity and I realized we don't

31:00

have one. Cause we're spies. I know. Should

31:03

we just tell people? No,

31:05

no, no, no, no. There

31:07

you are. This is a problem. You two did

31:09

different techniques. Scandal. You told the truth.

31:12

You should be the one lying. Your

31:14

voice is so big and loud. Lying

31:17

behooves you. And

31:19

you, Charity, you should be the one telling

31:21

the truth. I mean, come on. You're

31:23

like elegant and shit, right? Like your whole

31:25

family's got like a whole thing. People are impressed

31:27

by that. Tell the truth about it. That's the

31:30

problem. You're wearing the

31:32

wrong name tag. Apparently

31:34

you all put that Marvin was your plus

31:36

one rather than me. Well, he

31:38

was our first choice. He

31:41

was your first choice. Yes. He's

31:43

so subdued. Aha. The scandal scandal.

31:45

Uh, kind of like take one

31:47

step away from Gelmeyer with Charity.

31:51

Maybe we should switch. Maybe Gelmeyer's right.

31:53

Maybe I should be lying, but tell

31:55

me the lies you've been telling. So

31:57

I don't tell them we opened up

31:59

a piece. Dippet and Peanutbutter store.

32:02

I invented the flyswatter. The

32:05

space machine known as the crew tube.

32:10

I'm about to lie to you now. I don't even

32:12

know why. I want

32:14

to sound more impressive at every turn.

32:16

Okay, listen. What? I'm pretty sure 90%

32:18

that I'm going to be in a

32:20

novel. So I better start putting some

32:23

good lies out there. My god.

32:26

This is so consequential this night. Oh my

32:29

god. Who do you see?

32:31

Is it Chip-Chip? Chip-Chip? No,

32:35

for real. No. It's

32:37

Jeff. Good luck.

32:39

How do I look? Fantastic.

32:41

Is my lipstick red? Yes.

32:46

She walks forward and puts Jeff. Describe Jeff

32:48

for me. Okay. So

32:54

Jeff's one of the humans in the room. He

32:57

has like a whole lot of hair.

33:00

He's making a big deal out of how much

33:02

hair he has going on. And

33:04

he has sunglasses up in them

33:07

even though it's been night for hours. And

33:10

he has a riding jacket

33:12

on but it's clearly un-scuffed,

33:16

unused. Jeff! Oh,

33:20

hey, chair! He hugs

33:22

you. He's

33:24

going to have a meltdown. Okay,

33:28

so she freezes. Sorry,

33:31

are you okay? I'm great.

33:33

Are you okay? No,

33:35

actually I'm not that well. I'm

33:40

sorry. I'm experiencing a high level of

33:42

social anxiety. Do you want to step

33:44

outside? Yes. Yes,

33:47

I do. Let's go. Okay. You step

33:49

outside into the cool night of this

33:51

alien world. I haven't described it but

33:53

there's actually... The planet

33:55

is near an asteroid belt. So

33:58

there's sort of like an arc of... of

34:01

slowly floating asteroids over the night

34:03

sky. Mm-hmm. It's

34:05

quiet out here. You can only hear the

34:07

muffled sounds of the reunions. It's

34:09

romantic. Yeah, there's a bench. Let's

34:12

sit on it. Sure. Hey, do you have

34:14

something to drink? She

34:17

looks down at the drink in her hand. Oh, good.

34:19

Oh, I did notice. Great. Do

34:21

you have... I can see that you

34:23

have something to drink. He's got a corona. Cheers. Those

34:26

are good if you put a little bit of lime in

34:28

them. Hey, Ann, I got one. Yes, you

34:30

do. Good job. So how have

34:33

you been? It's been so long. I've

34:35

been wondering. That one time,

34:37

we made out. Whoa, whoa, whoa,

34:39

whoa, Charity. Charity slowed down.

34:42

Jess, what's the point of small talk? I want

34:44

large talk. Let's get to it. Okay. Okay. Why

34:49

did we only make out once and

34:51

then not go any further that one time? What

34:55

a fucking nightmare. Charity,

34:58

I mean, honestly, if you had

35:00

paid me $1,000... Yes,

35:05

which I can. Charity,

35:07

Charity, Charity, Charity. She's counting money. No,

35:09

no, no, no. Put away, put away, put

35:11

away. Okay. Just like take a breath. How

35:15

does that feel? Nice. Good. If

35:20

you had paid me $1,000, I don't think I would

35:22

have expected you to come at me with that question.

35:26

Fuck. I'm alone. Okay.

35:28

Bye. I'll answer

35:30

it. Good. Do

35:32

you remember? It was junior year. Yes,

35:35

we were juniors. And they're... Let me see,

35:37

it was a cow. It was after the

35:39

volleyball game. It was after a volleyball game.

35:42

In the study lounge? Yes.

35:45

Because there was a catch. Yeah. And

35:47

then we kissed. Yes. We

35:50

made out a little. Which was great. Thank

35:52

you. I thought so too. Thank you.

35:55

And then there was a very loud whinny. Yes.

35:59

From the closet. Of course. And

36:01

then you said, I have

36:03

to go, I think there's a fire

36:05

and you and you left. Oh

36:08

yeah. And then

36:10

for like a month, when I

36:12

would like see you in the hallway, you

36:15

would gallop away. You would hop on scandal

36:17

and you would gallop away. Oh

36:19

yeah. Why did you not

36:21

chase me? Charity, I was, I felt like

36:23

I was getting a message and I was, I

36:26

felt like I was respecting that message by not chasing it.

36:29

I see. Was that, were you playing hard to

36:31

get? No, I think I simply was hard

36:33

to get. Yeah. Well,

36:36

this is confusing. I forgot.

36:39

Jeff. Yeah. Thank

36:41

you. Yeah. It's

36:43

really good to see you. Do you have

36:45

kids, a wife, a spouse? I get. I'm

36:48

not asking to be any of them. And

36:51

I didn't think you were, Charity. You're just,

36:53

you were coming on so hard. You're

36:56

like, you're coming at me so hard. Jeff,

36:58

this, why does this feel like an interrogation?

37:00

Do you remember me? I

37:03

do, but I also think in high school you

37:06

were, I don't know, in high school you were

37:08

a little, you were a little more relaxed. I

37:10

don't know if all of this was like, this

37:12

whole vibe was set in stone. That's

37:15

that. Well, I became me. Wow.

37:19

Goodbye, Jeff. I'm engaged.

37:21

Enjoy your Corona. Oh, congratulations. Thank

37:23

you. Thank you. That's so nice.

37:25

Yeah, she's in there. When will you

37:27

wed? In

37:30

the spring. That's such a

37:32

nice time. Allow

37:36

me to recommend the honeymoon cruise. The

37:38

honeymoon cruise? Yes, it's a brand. We're

37:40

going, we're going to Titan for,

37:43

for the honeymoon. Gorgeous. Yeah. Yeah.

37:46

We're excited. We're excited. You must

37:48

rock climb. We're, we're

37:50

hoping to, we're hoping to. Can I,

37:52

can I ask you something directly? Yes.

37:55

Why did you, why did you want to ask

37:57

about us? Have

38:00

you thought about us? A lot? Well,

38:02

it just actually got hot, by the way. Like, I just

38:05

actually think it was like, oh my god. Why

38:09

did she ask him? No.

38:13

Wait. Yes, I have thought. I've

38:15

thought about you, Jeff. My primary

38:18

relationship these days and for many days has

38:20

been my horse. I know. And

38:23

I believe that is the right move

38:26

for me right now. But I cannot help but wonder,

38:28

what is out there for me romantically? And in

38:30

looking into the future, I can't help but

38:32

look into the past. And your

38:34

face arises. Mushed

38:37

up against mine. He brushes

38:39

the hair out of his face. It just

38:41

goes right back. Yeah. Yeah. I

38:44

thought you were really cool. I still think

38:46

you're cool. She wasn't. Stop

38:49

flirting with me. You have a wife. Yeah, I

38:51

have a fiancé, but I'm not flirting with you.

38:54

We're just reconnecting, I think. Yes, I

38:56

can tell. I

38:59

should get back in there. I should get back in

39:01

there first. It's

39:03

not... Charity. If I

39:05

can leave you with like one piece of advice, can I?

39:09

You can try. I

39:11

think something that I... Something that

39:13

I feel... This

39:15

is just me sharing, really. It's not even advice. Mm-hmm. But

39:18

not everything is a race. Jeff, you

39:21

are an idiot. Okay, one, two, three,

39:24

go! She runs. She

39:27

runs. She's inside before... Jeff doesn't

39:29

get up. Yeah, Jeff knew

39:31

what would happen, and Jeff doesn't get up. She

39:33

gets inside and she tuckles a little bit. Charity,

39:36

you run back into the hall just in time for the lights

39:38

to go out. People

39:42

gasp. People are shocked. And

39:45

then you hear the sound

39:47

of a phaser blast. You

39:50

hear the sound of a phaser

39:52

blast. Hear? And a

39:54

scream. Now? Yeah,

39:57

the lights come back up and... Mary

40:00

Anderson has been vaporized Hi

40:22

there space Jehovah here seems

40:24

you've died and gone to heaven Congrats,

40:27

I just have to check a few things make sure everything's

40:30

in order Yeah, we're actually

40:32

the first fictional heaven with paperwork. Can

40:34

you believe it? Oh wait? What's

40:37

this it seems in life you

40:40

never joined the O. These those stars of

40:42

space patreon? What happened?

40:45

Did you know that it only cost five

40:47

dollars a month and that five dollars gets

40:49

you access to a patreon exclusive episode each

40:51

and every month? original

40:53

exclusive adventures with Ali Fisher

40:55

and others Not to

40:58

mention access to the these those discord and

41:00

oh these those chats of show where the

41:02

cast answers fan questions Plus

41:04

the pure joy of supporting independent

41:06

artists Even today before

41:08

you died you could have gone to patreon.com/of these

41:11

those stars of space link of the show notes

41:13

and signed Up in minutes you

41:15

knew all this and you still didn't Sorry

41:17

friend, but that's got me feeling a little wrathful.

41:20

I'm afraid you're gonna have to go to hell

41:22

And no, this isn't rude tales. My hell

41:25

is not fun If

41:27

for some reason living mortals can

41:29

hear this conversation, please don't be

41:31

like this sinner join the these

41:33

those patreon today Thanks,

41:36

and We return

41:38

not just to a high school reunion, but

41:40

to something worse a crime scene Name-tag

41:46

booth volunteer Mary Anderson slain will

41:48

be the headline if an alumni

41:50

Organization published a newspaper about this

41:53

reunion. They probably don't though cuz

41:55

who would read it my

41:58

god Oh,

42:01

I saw it and I was in here! An attack

42:03

on the bar car! There's chaos.

42:05

People are screaming. People are upset.

42:08

There's calamity. You don't see any

42:10

sign, though, of a perpetrator. scandal

42:12

is running, running in a

42:14

frantic circle and she's dragging a cowboy

42:17

Is she running or galloping? She's

42:21

running. Okay. So we hear running.

42:23

We're gonna put running down. Do

42:26

we do that? Gummler stands upon

42:29

the chair. Everyone calm down! Calm

42:31

down! Calm down! What

42:33

is it, Marvin? Wink!

42:36

Wink! Everyone, a tragedy

42:38

has occurred that does not mean we

42:40

should all freak out. Come on. You

42:42

are a room of accomplished adults. Together,

42:44

we can all put our heads together

42:46

and figure out who did this and

42:48

stop them from ever doing it again.

42:50

Yeah, let's listen to Charmaine's husband. Right.

42:54

You know my wife, Charmaine.

42:56

This is the first time Gummler realizes that there might be

42:59

someone named Charmaine here that he might have to pretend to

43:01

be her husband. To

43:03

her! To her. I've

43:06

got a husband! All

43:08

right. Is anyone

43:10

sort of taking charge of this situation

43:12

right now? Is anyone coming to the

43:14

fort besides Gummler? Yes. And

43:16

Android steps forward who wears

43:19

a stern woman's suit. And

43:24

sort of a plum color. You

43:27

recognize this even though she is a little

43:30

bit of an older model. This is of

43:32

course Headmistress Abigex. Everyone! Everyone!

43:34

It's okay! It's okay! Tardish

43:38

Hall! We love horses in

43:40

space! I don't think this is the time.

43:42

There's been a murder. Oh, sorry,

43:45

headmistress Abigex. We just, you know,

43:47

old habits. It's okay, girls. It's

43:49

okay, but let's stay

43:51

calm. All right? All

43:54

right. Now, we

43:57

want to get control of the situation so

43:59

naturally... I've locked the doors. There's

44:06

no escaping for the perpetrator. Surely,

44:09

surely one of our alumni went

44:11

into, um, Detective...we?

44:16

Hello? And had Mistress Abigail sort of

44:18

like swivels her body back and forth?

44:21

Someone must be an investigator? No?

44:23

Anyone? A scandal bolts

44:25

over to Walt, over to Terri-D.

44:28

I think we should say. I think we should

44:30

reveal. Is this our time? This is our time!

44:33

Our time to shine? Our time to shine! We

44:35

could say we're detectives and lie, and

44:37

still be spies and do the job.

44:39

But I said I wouldn't lie. I'll

44:42

lie! I'm a detective! Gah!

44:46

Yes! You could call

44:48

me... Dick Scandal! I'll

44:53

say

44:56

Barak-A-R. Dick means detective.

44:59

Yes, I'm just processing

45:01

Dick Scandal. My

45:04

circuits aren't what they used to be. Mustn't

45:06

be. Who's that? Who's A-R? Anyways,

45:13

I thought you were in the Navy. Well,

45:17

that's not mutually exclusive. Oh,

45:20

are you in like the NCIS? Yes. Yup.

45:24

Well, it seems... it

45:26

seems we have our investigators. And for

45:28

lawyers, it would be Jag. But

45:31

you're not lawyers? No. Alright.

45:34

Well, it seems like Dick Scandal and

45:36

Dick Charity are on the case. Oh,

45:38

I'm not the detective. Alright,

45:40

then just Scandal, I suppose. Charity,

45:43

you will remain on the sidelines for this

45:45

one. Thank you. Dick Charity. Donate

45:50

to me. Okay,

45:58

I'm sorry. Go ahead. I

46:02

didn't even think about it! Here's

46:04

the... Is this

46:07

you realizing GoFundMe? Yes! Here's

46:10

the GoFundMe for my lengthening surgery. For

46:14

my penile implants. Yes! I'm

46:17

sorry, go ahead. Yes,

46:20

I'll solve the crime. I'm

46:23

a detective after all. Well,

46:26

everyone's here. The room is locked, so

46:28

please. Go

46:30

ahead. You're a mystery, my

46:33

speciality! I

46:35

would like to question excellent Colette. First

46:38

question, is she here? Yes. She

46:44

trots forward. Beautiful,

46:47

beautiful red mane. Big

46:50

green eyes. She's

46:53

got pierced horse ears. So

46:57

cool. A

47:00

grade A rack. Just

47:04

an incredible rack. Yeah. In

47:07

that area, the chest muscles in the

47:09

front where the legs come out. They are sort

47:12

of like in front of her legs. Yeah.

47:17

She's wearing a dress with a... She's wearing

47:19

a horse dress with a low neckline. A

47:22

plunging neckline. A

47:25

backless dress. A

47:27

horse and a backless dress. Showing

47:30

a lot of cleavage. She's just stepping on

47:32

it. Constantly

47:34

dragging on her. It goes all the

47:36

way back to her hind legs. Yeah,

47:39

it loops around her back. It's

47:43

a little short though, so her horse legs. We'll

47:46

see the fan art. The

47:48

internet is full of this kind of thing. Check

47:52

out this slut. It's

47:54

so good to see you, scandal.

47:58

Oh, I wish I could say that. the

48:00

same excellent colette but

48:03

I don't see me because my eyes are in my

48:05

face good to see you though

48:08

is it good to see me I'm a little torn up by

48:10

the murder yes a

48:13

weird time to be saying it's good to see

48:15

someone don't you think when did you want

48:17

me to say it to you tomorrow I

48:19

won't see you then you didn't

48:22

need to say it at all dear Oh scandal

48:25

Lake is really trying to appear

48:27

like she's winning this but she's

48:30

losing it so

48:32

I actually couldn't stay very long I'm supposed

48:35

to fly to Vega soon so

48:38

could we wrap this up quickly are

48:40

you in a rush to get away

48:42

with murder oh no I just have

48:45

a photo shoot oh no I'm leaving remember

48:50

oh not if I you're leaving in

48:53

cuffs oh I didn't

48:55

do it I'm not what I'll be

48:57

the judge of that well I when

49:00

when it happened I was I was over

49:03

in the corner talking with Azalea skyscraper and

49:06

lemon Tennessee well obviously you couldn't

49:09

use a vaser from the other side of

49:11

the room oh wait it's a ranged weapon

49:15

what have I done why are you accusing me you've

49:18

been a bitch to me Oh

49:24

scandal Collette I'd

49:27

like to make a Collette call what

49:29

does that even mean it's the future

49:31

hmm it's the future that's the charges

49:33

of murder we don't have collect

49:36

calls so that reference makes no

49:38

sense to me the charge is

49:40

scandal scandal you're so adorably old-fashioned

49:42

what it's so quaint I have

49:44

gills that breathe space really

49:47

that's so interesting yes maybe

49:49

I could make one of my posts about that I'm kind

49:51

of an influencer oh on your blog no

49:54

well I have some questions for you

49:57

you've yet to ask one but go ahead where were

49:59

you when Mary was murdered. I

50:01

was over in the corner with

50:03

Azalea Skyscraper in Lemon, Tennessee. And

50:06

where is your favor? I don't have one.

50:08

Ditched it, did you? I don't

50:11

have one. Because you ditched it? I

50:13

don't have one. Scandal turns

50:15

to Charity and she is... You

50:18

see her sweating bucket that looks like she's

50:20

in a rainstorm. Perhaps

50:22

call for next? Next! I'm

50:25

done with you now! Great, so

50:27

it seems I'm innocent. Innocent of

50:30

being cool. I really hope you

50:32

find the culprit soon. Next! Okay,

50:34

who's next? Juliet! Juliet!

50:38

Hi. Hi, why did you

50:40

only make out with Charity? Yes!

50:45

Sorry, sorry, what is this ha- I'm sorry,

50:47

everyone is here. Hi! Just getting a

50:50

baseline. Juliet, you remember me. Just trying

50:52

to see, you know, this is how

50:54

lie detector tests work. You start with

50:56

yes or no questions and... So,

51:00

you didn't make out with Charity because

51:03

you knew she was too good for you? You-

51:05

you were- you're a real detective? Yes.

51:08

Because this doesn't feel like what a

51:10

detective would do. Oh, are

51:12

you a detective? No. Mm-hmm. So how

51:14

do you know? Well, I've

51:16

seen like shows and things. Oh, that's

51:18

the same as the real thing. I

51:21

o- I oughta slap you. But

51:24

first I'll ask you a question. Did you

51:26

want to

51:28

do more than just first base

51:30

with Charity? Answer

51:33

the question. Charity, really? You're

51:35

gonna make this- you're gonna make- you're gonna make in front

51:37

of everyone? I'm thinking, why

51:39

not? Juliet, it's

51:41

been a long time. Yes. You

51:43

did? Oh! What do you

51:46

mean, of course? I mean, look at you. Well, she

51:49

was good. I mean, you

51:51

know- you know what a- what a crush I

51:53

had. Then

51:57

what happened? What happened? Yes.

52:00

or no you know that we were

52:02

when we kissed yes we were we were

52:04

riding we were on a ride together we

52:06

leaned over fire under fireworks yes and you

52:09

were riding scandal and i was riding my

52:11

horse yes donkey kong fun tree of

52:15

course and so donkey kong yeah

52:17

she's over there uh we

52:22

kissed and then you scandal just took off

52:24

scandal pins her ears back well

52:27

you you you no you just kept driving no

52:29

you just kept you just kept going and i

52:32

shouted after you i said i said what

52:35

happened what's what's wrong and then that that was

52:37

the you remember that was the time we

52:39

didn't hear from you for like three days and it turned

52:42

out that you two had just galloped

52:45

well for like three days you were like you

52:47

were like 100 miles away i suddenly remembered uh

52:49

there was a record to break i

52:51

forgot about all this well

52:53

you're innocent so uh next

52:56

sorry juliet uh no

52:58

it's okay next i'm it's

53:01

really nice to see you again it's nice to

53:03

see you too yeah you look wonderful

53:05

how are you doing i'm doing all

53:07

right oh that's so good to hear next

53:09

and you oh i'm good

53:11

i'm good yeah good i'm on uh

53:13

i'm i'm i live on mars no

53:16

yeah that's a dream yeah like

53:19

a favorite show takes place on

53:21

mars yes yes lovely

53:24

next well it's

53:26

but i mean maybe we could

53:28

um listen i'm conducting an interrogation

53:30

in the middle of this room

53:33

by a microphone so if you could just move

53:35

along so that the next person could come up

53:37

so some things some things stay the same

53:40

i guess i'll i'll talk maybe i'll

53:42

talk to you later oh okay goodbye

53:44

juliet have a good life oh

53:47

okay goodbye turdie's

53:49

kind of confused but refocuses on

53:52

scandal hi hello next for the

53:55

for the murder i'll talk oh

53:58

wonderful hi i'm one Lushpale. Oh,

54:04

it's my old sidekick Lushpale!

54:06

Well, hi! Sidekick? Yes,

54:08

you were my sidekick! I thought

54:10

we were besties. No,

54:13

I've no, Charity's my best friend.

54:16

You were my sidekick. You

54:18

were my friend who was lesser than.

54:21

Oh. And funny. Hey,

54:23

I've been meaning to ask, is

54:25

something wrong with your email? What

54:28

happens when you try to email me? I

54:30

don't get a response. Nope, it's... I send

54:33

you those emails just like letting you know

54:35

what's happening with me. No, I get them.

54:37

It works. Well, I'd love for

54:39

you to meet the twins sometime. Oh,

54:41

ya boys. Girls? Yeah.

54:45

I'm so, I'm so

54:47

glad you were able to conceive. I know

54:49

you had that problem with your testicles being

54:52

much longer than your... You

54:56

have to continue. Much

54:58

longer than your horse penis. Uh,

55:02

that wasn't me. You're

55:05

on the road. That was humility. Oh,

55:10

so you probably got along just fine. Yeah.

55:14

Yup. Pretty normal. Pretty normal,

55:16

my horse dick. I

55:19

mean, everyone can see. Listen, this is a room full

55:21

of horses. You... Everyone's

55:23

looking. Well, that's wonderful

55:25

news. I spent

55:27

the last ten years thinking something horrible about

55:29

you. What? Oh,

55:32

that you're bald. Oh, no. Again,

55:35

that was humility. Right. Hi.

55:39

I prefer you not talk about it. Well,

55:41

we can all see it. I've got a harness. There

55:44

are cosmetic procedures. Well, that's

55:46

what the harness is for. Well, maybe make

55:48

it permanent, commit. How old are

55:50

your boys now? Lunch pail. Four.

55:54

Four years old. And again, they're not boys. And

55:57

so that means you had them six years ago. Because

56:00

I haven't seen you in 10. Nope,

56:02

that's the more childless for

56:05

six years. Yeah.

56:08

So this whole time, this whole time,

56:10

Gelmir has been in the audience with

56:12

a magnifying glass, looking at the body

56:15

and sort of like looking around and

56:17

observing everyone's behavior in the room. Yeah.

56:20

Has he found any legitimate clues? So you're

56:22

using a magnifying glass? I

56:24

am using a detective grade,

56:27

mail-in, you know, six

56:31

cereal box repair

56:34

things for a... Yeah.

56:37

This goes against my better judgment because this barely counts as

56:39

like equipment, but I'm gonna let you

56:41

make a prepared laser's roll. Wow. Fail.

56:46

I'm prepared. Fail

56:48

again. And

56:50

success. For those last

56:52

two babies, hey, don't count. No. Yeah,

56:55

you don't see anything, but you do feel as you're

56:58

doing it, like most of the

57:00

attention is directed towards the

57:02

large amount of focus that Scandal is pulling

57:05

right now. But you

57:07

do, as you're sort of like leaning over

57:09

and examining it, you do feel sort of,

57:12

you know, the energy of, you know, you feel like you're

57:14

being watched. You feel like someone is sort of like leering

57:16

over you. I look around to see who's looking at me.

57:18

Yeah, right behind you is class president, Horna Gresgar. Horna,

57:21

hi. What's going on over here?

57:24

Just looking at the body and trying to see if there's any clues

57:26

we can find to see who killed Mary. Okay,

57:29

well, I think we should leave this one to the professionals, don't

57:31

you think? Look at the professional. Can

57:34

you, you trust her?

57:37

Listen, Trotich Hall is one of the

57:39

most prestigious training academies

57:41

on all of Barakar. Are you saying you

57:44

have something to lose about a murder being

57:46

sold? We all have something to lose.

57:48

You have to lose. Well, I'm trapped in a room

57:50

with a murderer for one thing. All the more reason

57:52

to find that person as soon as possible. I'm

57:55

eager for your help whenever you are willing to give it.

57:57

Well, I just feel like what you were doing suddenly seemed

57:59

a little suspicious. You think looking to find out

58:01

who did it is suspicious you usually

58:03

smell the Delta is it you say you're saying he was

58:05

smelt It dealt it the murderer always returns to the scene

58:08

of the crime though Don't we're all stuck at the scene

58:10

of the crime as you know yeah, but you're like right

58:12

here You're in the suit not touch me. Do you not

58:14

touch me put your hands away from me? You do not

58:16

know me. I do know you you're

58:18

Charmaine's husband We don't really know me do

58:20

you remember when we spoke and I said specifically I didn't

58:23

want a murder to happen tonight Yeah,

58:25

you did it's strange that you are the

58:27

first first person to mention murder in this

58:29

building itself They've been when I was stuck

58:31

in because I'm from what happened. I just

58:33

like when things go perfectly Well

58:36

things didn't go perfectly so we

58:38

got to learn why that happened and stop it from ever

58:40

happened again The reason I'm

58:42

so interested in professional development is because I want to

58:44

be a captain one day when you're in your early

58:46

20s I pay it's hard to make that work, so

58:48

if you don't mind I'm actually try to solve this

58:51

murder and do something for once you're in your early

58:53

20s Did I

58:55

say early 20s you did that's

58:57

so weird it must because I've been so used to pretending to

58:59

be my early 20s When Charmaine introduces

59:01

me to people because it's not part of our

59:03

fetish She enjoys she enjoys feeling like

59:06

I'm a bit younger than her and so when she

59:08

introduces me you're a French or sometimes Say I'm in

59:10

I'm in my early 20s because everyone sort of

59:12

goes. Oh really well. She likes that conversation

59:14

for me It's it's it's give or take

59:16

but yeah, I guess I sort of I'd

59:19

say that sometimes just try not to mess anything

59:22

up. Okay next Hello,

59:24

it's me whisper facts. Oh

59:26

hi whisper facts innocent. Thank

59:29

you. He trots away Who

59:32

else who else? Hey

59:36

Chip Chad oh yeah,

59:38

I have a question for you. Oh my god,

59:40

okay Actually, I have a

59:42

confession to make charities looking at

59:44

chip Chad Who's such a who's such

59:46

a textbook golden boy? He's literally golden.

59:49

Yeah, like his hair is golden. It's

59:51

gonna fold in He's just glowing as

59:53

a golden mustache now, which has

59:55

changed since high school. He didn't have a mustache. It's

59:57

older It looks good on him and she's

59:59

sort of like drawing her eyes

1:00:01

away and there's still the silhouette of

1:00:03

him in her vision she's so

1:00:06

bright. She's blinking as she

1:00:08

turns to scandal. Yes?

1:00:12

I have a confession to make. Maybe... What?

1:00:16

Scan, maybe I should make a confession. Charity.

1:00:19

Charity? Yes.

1:00:21

You remember that time we... well

1:00:24

we went to first base? I

1:00:27

wasn't going to ask. Yeah

1:00:30

well the thing is the

1:00:32

reason why I didn't really

1:00:35

like pursue you after that. I'm desperate to know please

1:00:37

tell me. I later

1:00:39

that night made out with scandal. And

1:00:43

then we made out a while. We

1:00:45

like met up and made out. We had

1:00:47

it. We were kind of weird. We were...

1:00:50

I... well I in my defense was

1:00:52

trying to kill him. We were

1:00:54

in an it's complicated situation for for

1:00:57

like a lot of second semester senior

1:00:59

year. I knew he had I knew

1:01:01

he had it bad for you, Charity. And

1:01:03

I thought if I ruined his mouth he

1:01:06

couldn't kiss you ever again. And she

1:01:08

tried. I did. I tried but

1:01:10

he's made of gold. We got

1:01:12

pretty crazy without going farther than

1:01:14

first base. It was only first

1:01:16

base. She would always say at the

1:01:18

end of it I'm gonna stay I'm gonna be a gold star.

1:01:20

She had her eyes on that prize. Scandal.

1:01:23

I... Charity. Did

1:01:26

you sabotage all of my kisses? I

1:01:28

did. Why? I didn't want

1:01:30

you to kiss them. But why? You

1:01:32

were my best friend and I thought

1:01:34

if you fell in love and got married and

1:01:37

had babies I wouldn't remember

1:01:40

their gender and I also wouldn't ever

1:01:42

get to see you again. But that's

1:01:44

ridiculous. You'd be my med

1:01:46

wife and like the godparents of my

1:01:48

child and I

1:01:51

don't understand. You're going to need to train little

1:01:53

horses of your own for them.

1:01:55

They would just be part of

1:01:57

your family. And

1:02:00

just checking you're both on mic in an

1:02:02

auditorium right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

1:02:05

One mic. Yeah. You're

1:02:07

passing it back and forth. Yeah! And

1:02:11

you can hear a pin drop. Everyone is

1:02:13

fascinated by what's happening. I'm

1:02:15

sorry Charity. I've spent the last ten years

1:02:17

trying to make it up to you by

1:02:19

being your devoted companion, which is also what

1:02:21

I wanted the whole time. You

1:02:23

didn't have to run these other people off. They never held a

1:02:26

candle to you. But how glowing

1:02:28

this one is. Maybe

1:02:30

I was also confused with this one.

1:02:33

Yeah. Yeah. While

1:02:35

they continue going back and forth, coming

1:02:37

together in a way that they never could

1:02:39

before, Gelmir is in the corner and he's

1:02:41

got tiny binoculars that he is focused on

1:02:43

Horna. Horna is

1:02:46

sort of pressed against the back

1:02:49

wall, observing the whole room, taking the

1:02:51

whole room in. You can see

1:02:53

that she's fiddling with something in her

1:02:55

pocket. Gelmir's binoculars move from

1:02:58

her head to the pocket

1:03:00

and try to zoom in. What

1:03:02

kind of binoculars are these? These are also like

1:03:04

kid binoculars that you get from the back of

1:03:06

a magazine. Okay, make a prepared laser roll. Dude!

1:03:10

What is Gelmir's number? Two. Oh,

1:03:14

that's hard. Get that for lasers. Okay. But

1:03:16

still a one in three chance. The

1:03:19

odds are never that bad. Damn, I

1:03:21

can't see it. I haven't gotten

1:03:23

glue with the binoculars. I haven't gotten glue with

1:03:25

my magnifying glass. I'll never be a

1:03:27

detective. Wait a minute. I'm

1:03:30

relying on technologies and relationships

1:03:33

with those technologies that

1:03:36

kept me away from myself. I

1:03:38

should just use the one thing that God gave me. My

1:03:41

eyes, unadorned by glass. Gelmir

1:03:44

looks now at the pockets

1:03:46

and his eyes start

1:03:48

moving out of his head focusing

1:03:51

on what's happening in the

1:03:53

pocket. This is what you meant, Joe, right? Yeah. Is

1:03:56

that a telescope? Yeah. His eyes

1:03:58

are moving out of his head. Yeah, yeah. popping

1:04:00

out and they are able to focus somehow

1:04:02

because of his amazing skill and belief in

1:04:04

himself and using and also

1:04:06

this is because that's That's

1:04:08

also what some people have said about the professional

1:04:11

development is that they use what the God gave

1:04:13

them This skill slick I give them when gum

1:04:15

here It's his eyes and they're popping out of

1:04:17

his head focusing on those pockets. Yeah,

1:04:20

dude make a feeling girl. Okay It

1:04:23

works You

1:04:26

you can see the outline of a vaser in

1:04:29

her pocket Gelmere runs

1:04:31

across the room leaps and then

1:04:33

having grabbed corner knocking her to

1:04:35

the ground Vaser

1:04:39

she's got a vaser in her pocket Didn't

1:04:42

know what what Oh

1:04:44

next and scandal points hit a

1:04:46

horna No, what? Gelmere

1:04:48

with his arms around her a stanter

1:04:50

up and walks her right in front

1:04:52

of the tribunal The

1:04:56

tribunal yeah, it's us. Oh Yeah,

1:04:59

the two of you is a tribunal. Yeah. Yeah, I

1:05:01

don't know what that word means. Okay, usually three We're

1:05:05

doing the head moon. Oh, no there

1:05:09

That's really interesting I didn't know that a

1:05:11

lot of times things with words that begin with

1:05:13

try well trial Tripod

1:05:17

but trial I thought it was related to trial

1:05:19

Gelmere walks her up in front of the

1:05:22

detectives I Sorry,

1:05:27

dude Tim

1:05:33

Tim doesn't like when someone sort of like

1:05:35

goes on a tangent. He's a focused player

1:05:37

about wordplay Dick

1:05:43

scandal, yes dick charity. Yes.

1:05:45

I believe we have our

1:05:47

guilty party. Do you care

1:05:50

to examine her? Yes

1:05:52

scandal walks over to Horna

1:05:55

and she kind of like rolls up

1:05:57

the sleeves of her suit Is

1:06:00

he wearing? Horna,

1:06:03

I remember you from high school. Always

1:06:05

had to have everything be

1:06:07

particular, didn't you? And

1:06:09

I noticed that Mary was

1:06:12

bad at her job. Her

1:06:14

volunteer job. Am I

1:06:16

right? I have high standards

1:06:18

and I'll never apologize for them. I'm not

1:06:21

asking for an apology. But I don't know

1:06:23

why I'm being held

1:06:25

like this. I don't know what your

1:06:27

friend thinks. Scandal is going

1:06:29

to put her hoof towards the very

1:06:31

clear outline of the vaser in her

1:06:33

pocket and set it off so

1:06:36

that it fires down in

1:06:38

the pocket. Nothing happens, you're just poking a

1:06:40

woman. A

1:06:42

horse's hoof can't like hit

1:06:44

a trigger. Mmm, empty. Looks

1:06:47

like you said- What are you doing? Take

1:06:50

it out. Marvin's holding me. By

1:06:53

the way, the name's Gelmir. Yeah, after

1:06:55

my horse. And Gelmir reaches into her

1:06:57

pocket and pulls out a flask. Oh.

1:07:03

Oh. I-

1:07:05

Horna. I just- I just- I- I

1:07:08

was gonna be here for a long time before the bar

1:07:10

opened. So you needed somewhere to pee. No,

1:07:12

it's- it's whiskey. There's an

1:07:15

open bar, Horna. Yeah, but I was

1:07:17

here for- I've been here since noon. Getting

1:07:19

ready. The bar- Getting ready. Oh

1:07:22

my god. What? Yeah,

1:07:24

I was here alone and my horse,

1:07:26

Frieza, didn't get here until-

1:07:29

until six. Frieza.

1:07:31

Frieza. Gelmir lets her go.

1:07:34

I would like to be the first to apologize. You

1:07:38

should be. You actually should

1:07:40

be. Are you telling me you didn't kill Mary?

1:07:43

No, I said to Marvin or is it- what

1:07:45

is it? It's Gelmir, after my horse. I

1:07:48

didn't say- I said specifically to this guy, I

1:07:50

didn't want anyone to die. I would hate it

1:07:53

if someone was murdered tonight. And how are things

1:07:55

going with Frieza? Yes.

1:07:58

Where did you leave off with Frieza? Oh, I don't- Don't

1:08:00

you ask me! Next! Scandal

1:08:05

walks over to see the

1:08:07

cool- coolie. Long

1:08:09

time no see's! Yes the

1:08:11

last time I saw you, you were still in braces.

1:08:15

Okay. Low blow. But

1:08:18

a true blow. Mm-hmm. That's

1:08:21

what's hard about seeing people from your past.

1:08:23

They know all of the secrets

1:08:25

that you would like to leave in the

1:08:27

past. That's what

1:08:29

Mary Anderson knew. Mary didn't have

1:08:31

any secrets. Mary was nobody. Mary

1:08:34

didn't even have a horse. What

1:08:36

the hell was she doing here? Exactly.

1:08:39

She wasn't good enough to be here. She couldn't cut

1:08:41

it in high school and she can't cut it now.

1:08:44

Well she can't do anything now. You killed

1:08:46

her, correct? Is it

1:08:49

so wrong if she's gone? Her

1:08:51

horse! Her horse was in the Metaverse

1:08:54

already. Wow. Huh.

1:08:57

Don't you think when you see one

1:08:59

of those two-legged creatures without

1:09:01

a horse that they're worthless? Don't

1:09:05

you think that they're the worst excuse

1:09:07

of life? I don't

1:09:09

think they're worthless. Don't

1:09:11

you though, don't you though? She turns to

1:09:14

charity. I think they're unlucky. Unlucky.

1:09:17

Because they don't have a best friend the way I have

1:09:19

a best friend. That's not the kinds

1:09:21

of things we used to say in horse class. Well

1:09:24

we said lots of things in horse

1:09:26

class. We said hooohooohooohooohoooh. And

1:09:28

we said hooohooohooohoooh. Yes, we said pfft. And

1:09:31

we also said nay. Nay

1:09:33

to you. Gilmaiya, this

1:09:37

is borderline inappropriate what you're

1:09:39

doing. No, yes. I

1:09:42

happen to be Facebook friends with

1:09:44

Charmaine and she's not married. That's

1:09:47

right. So

1:09:50

I'll ask you, if you're not Charmaine's husband,

1:09:52

then who are you Marvin Blonde or Gilmaiya

1:09:55

Lysander? And do you even have a horse

1:09:57

named Gilmaiya Lysander? I do not. Ahhhhhh!

1:10:01

Friends! Then maybe you don't belong

1:10:03

here either. And Frieza

1:10:05

taps his front right hoof

1:10:09

and a vaser pops out. Ahhhhhh! He

1:10:11

points it at Gelmar. Scandal rears up

1:10:13

on her hind legs and

1:10:16

reveals her hidden pistol. Her

1:10:18

revolver that she keeps tucked

1:10:21

in her back right hoof. Not

1:10:24

so fast, Frieza! Even if

1:10:26

you try to shoot me, I'll still have a

1:10:28

time. Dang! As- okay.

1:10:32

Okay. You fire and Frieza

1:10:34

wasn't able to finish that sentence, but

1:10:37

he would have said, I'd

1:10:39

still have time to shoot your

1:10:41

friend. Which she

1:10:43

does. Okay. Scandal

1:10:46

get him. Make

1:10:48

a laser drill. Okay. The

1:10:52

failure. Oh no! No! Big,

1:10:59

big failure. Great. Gelmar, I

1:11:01

need you to make a laser drill to see if he

1:11:03

can dodge Frieza's blast. Oh!

1:11:05

A success. Yeah! It's

1:11:08

exciting. As the vaser fires,

1:11:11

Gelmar spins his magnifying glass

1:11:13

out and blocks the vaser,

1:11:15

which is able to redirect

1:11:17

it up into the

1:11:19

scaffolding. Yes, the

1:11:21

vaser blast is redirected, ricocheting up

1:11:24

into the scaffolding, hitting a light

1:11:26

which then falls on

1:11:28

excellent Polette. And

1:11:32

the bullet from Scandal's revolver embeds itself

1:11:34

in the harness as humility falls. Humility

1:11:38

rears back in pain. No!

1:11:45

But breathes the sigh of relief,

1:11:47

knowing that by being embedded in

1:11:49

the harness, it didn't pierce the

1:11:51

kevlar coating of humility's

1:11:53

testicle. Amidst

1:12:01

the confusion, Gelmir rushes towards

1:12:04

Frieza and then leaps over

1:12:07

his head and then twists and lands on

1:12:09

his back. Ooh!

1:12:12

Frieza's going to buck and try and lose you.

1:12:14

I need you to make three laser

1:12:17

rolls. Success.

1:12:19

Oh! Failure. Oh.

1:12:23

Success. Laser field! Laser field! That's

1:12:25

one of the laser field, exactly. Do you want to ask me a question? Yeah!

1:12:30

What is Frieza's fatal flaw in the

1:12:32

mistaken belief in the superiority of horses?

1:12:34

Okay. He bucks once. He

1:12:38

falls off. You

1:12:41

leap back on. He bucks

1:12:43

again. You hold on.

1:12:46

He bucks a third time. You

1:12:49

ride him with panache. He's

1:12:53

never ridden a horse before. He's

1:12:55

never been given a chance. And

1:12:57

in that third moment, when you

1:12:59

truly take control, it feels amazing.

1:13:01

Wow. It

1:13:04

feels like you always desire to

1:13:06

connect with another living being. Oh

1:13:09

my god. Are

1:13:12

you my best man? No! Can't

1:13:15

you feel this? The connection that we have together?

1:13:17

I hate it. I'm

1:13:20

hornas. Oh my gosh.

1:13:22

As a horse, you can't make

1:13:24

connections with other people. You can

1:13:26

only connect to one person. And you

1:13:29

think horses are better than humans or

1:13:31

any other alien species that can make

1:13:33

connections all over endlessly?

1:13:36

You're stuck. And you think

1:13:38

that's superior? I feel sorry

1:13:40

for you. You're painting with a really broad

1:13:42

brush. I'm painting with

1:13:44

a fond tip brush. And

1:13:47

I learned it all from you. Gomirr

1:13:50

guides the horse to the bar. Where

1:13:53

are we going? I'm going to

1:13:55

show you what it means to have a good time with someone

1:13:57

who isn't your one rider. Two

1:14:01

screwdrivers on the house. Make

1:14:04

sure it's below well. You

1:14:11

don't get to announce something is on

1:14:14

the house, sir. But this is an

1:14:16

open bar. You're like doubly wrong. It's

1:14:20

just an open bar. TikTok. And

1:14:23

you want a cocktail for the murderer? For

1:14:25

the horse. I want to show him that

1:14:28

he didn't have to be scared of us. Marvin

1:14:33

get off my horse. He's

1:14:35

been a very bad horse. Alright.

1:14:38

Gummy gets off the horse and looks at Fusa in the

1:14:40

face and says, that's your

1:14:42

biggest tragedy. You'll never know

1:14:45

how far you really are from happiness. He

1:14:47

turns around and walks towards his friends. And

1:14:50

you'll never be willing to kill to make a point.

1:14:53

Summer turns back. That's how you get

1:14:55

ahead. This world. If that's

1:14:57

how you get ahead, I

1:15:00

don't want any part of it. In

1:15:02

fact, I am through asking my

1:15:04

superiors for professional advice. If it

1:15:06

ends up like you, then as

1:15:09

I said, I do not want it. My

1:15:12

arc is complete. We

1:15:21

fade now to the parking lot

1:15:23

outside the function hall. There's a

1:15:26

police van and Friesa

1:15:28

is being loaded into it and

1:15:30

Horna is accompanying him. She's

1:15:32

bereft. The last thing she wanted

1:15:35

was a murder to happen at this reunion. And it

1:15:37

was her own horse that did the deed. Oh

1:15:40

Horna. I'm sorry. Yes,

1:15:43

it's going to be quite some time

1:15:45

before I give Friesa any apples. Oh.

1:15:49

Oh sorry. I thought that was a joke. Horna, I

1:15:52

hope if tonight proved anything, it's that we

1:15:55

don't need the horse-rider

1:15:57

relationship. It's only...

1:16:00

serving us if we

1:16:02

are both interested in each other's

1:16:04

growth as individuals not as murderers

1:16:07

i guess i guess that's the one thing we

1:16:09

can take away from this high school reunion you're

1:16:11

right also i'm a

1:16:13

spy the three of

1:16:16

you head back into the johnson and

1:16:18

take off bound for the

1:16:20

cataneer what

1:16:23

a reunion i

1:16:26

i'm so sorry that i

1:16:29

interfered with your romantic

1:16:31

explorations in high school and that

1:16:33

i wasn't secure enough in

1:16:36

our friendship to let you

1:16:38

fly i understand

1:16:40

now there's an

1:16:42

element of our relationship that

1:16:44

makes it hard to see how other

1:16:47

relationships can fit into it but

1:16:49

they can with hard work

1:16:52

and thoughtful communication

1:16:56

yes we can also

1:16:59

have relationships with other people do

1:17:01

you think you'll be seeing jip jann

1:17:03

or juliet or jeff anytime soon i

1:17:06

don't know all i

1:17:08

want to do right now is

1:17:10

relax and decompress and

1:17:12

spend a little time with myself and

1:17:15

as everybody settles into the ship

1:17:18

on the long ride home we

1:17:21

cut back to charity reading

1:17:23

an apple for bluebell

1:17:27

masturbating furiously what

1:17:35

adventure lies next amongst oh

1:17:37

these those stars of space

1:17:40

oh these those stars of space stars

1:17:42

alie fisher branson reese carly

1:17:45

minardo christopher hastings

1:17:47

tim plat and joe

1:17:50

lapore as everything and everyone else

1:17:53

oh these those stars of space is

1:17:55

edited by sam grepp designed by joe

1:17:57

lapore and produced by joe lapore at

1:17:59

bucket of Use my Provisioning