0:05

Space. What

0:11

endless mystery. Look

0:16

at it. Wow.

0:22

Who do dare uncover its

0:24

secrets? The

0:26

brave crew of the Starship

0:28

Cavalier do dare to

0:30

scout the heavens, to see some moons,

0:33

to take a dangerous galaxy

0:35

trip. This

0:37

is the true story of

0:39

them that voyage among, oh

0:41

these, those stars of space.

0:49

Tonight's episode is, The

0:53

Planet with No Chocolate. Starring

0:58

Carly Minardo as

1:00

Katya Bushnikova, Allie

1:03

Fisher as Mitzi

1:05

Festerchild, Branson

1:08

Reese as Delicious Donald,

1:11

and Joe Lepore as everything

1:13

and everyone else. Cheif

1:52

Engineer's Log, Space Date 154712.d I

2:00

admit this is not my finest

2:02

hour as chief engineer, but Mitzi

2:05

has been getting in my hair

2:07

lately, an ironic statement considering our

2:09

individual hairstyles. So, to

2:11

keep her busy, sometimes I have

2:14

her scan nearby space for interesting

2:16

energy anomalies. Well, long

2:18

you'll be as surprised as I

2:20

was when she came to me

2:22

this morning with an actual interesting

2:24

ENERGY ENOMALY, cuckoo cuckoo of guests!

2:27

On a small planet, Gersto

2:29

IV, Mitzi detected an

2:32

unusual particle field, not unlike

2:34

the fields emitted by our own hypowarp

2:36

drives. Our records indicate

2:39

there is a small farming colony on

2:41

the northern continent, but only about 50

2:44

individuals seem to call this planet home.

2:47

Since Mitzi discovered it, I've decided to

2:49

allow her to accompany me. Delicious

2:51

Donald has also demanded to join

2:54

us. He insists Gersto IV may

2:56

hold the key to the next

2:58

stage of gumdrop development. The camera

3:01

pans over a charming, bucolic

3:03

village. A gentle

3:05

stream passes through town, softly pushing the

3:07

waterwheel of a mill. In

3:09

the square, two children duel playfully

3:12

with laser swords, non-lethal. With

3:15

a flash, three crew members of the

3:17

CSS Cavalier teleport into the square. What

3:19

do we see? You

3:21

see Katya Bush-Nakova, a woman

3:24

in her early to mid-40s

3:27

with severe triangular features

3:31

and a platinum blonde shock

3:33

of shaggy hair. She

3:35

is trim and dressed in

3:37

a standard-issue engineer's uniform, befitting

3:40

of the chief engineer of

3:42

the CSS Cavalier. Next

3:44

to her is Mitzi Festerchild. She's

3:46

30 years old and her hair

3:49

is a mess. And last but not

3:51

least, Rounding out the

3:53

cast, is Delicious Donald, a

3:55

human man whose age is

3:57

unimportant to his whole deal.

4:00

Hi I'm with now. I don't know

4:02

the has taken over. I'm a certain

4:04

man with moon. And

4:06

blown to help. Ah did In the

4:08

middle I wear a. Uniform

4:11

the from as you're gonna and

4:13

I have a was a princes

4:15

was so. You'll.

4:18

Get me. Physicists:

4:21

With. Me, some other visitors take notice

4:23

of three, have a point in

4:25

their sort of the oh no

4:27

one's concerned, but they're setting you

4:29

indefinitely and before long a stout

4:31

green man and long green robes

4:33

and a yellow cummerbund approaches greetings.

4:36

I implore for richardson. Mayor.

4:38

Of our little colony, I don't think we've

4:40

ever had visitors from the Vanguard on our

4:42

world. I I wish we could throw you

4:44

a lavish feast of welcome, but. Do

4:47

do the mystery. I'm afraid we'll have to

4:49

make do with a moderate feast. Have

4:51

you got to eight us with the mystery. Know

4:54

we're here because we if he thinks

4:56

he didn't enter the anomaly. I

4:59

that activists. Oh.

5:03

I see I detected the

5:05

interesting anomaly and space I

5:07

was told to do such

5:09

things. I did touch. It

5:12

looks like. Our

5:14

of separated us and hearing her they've

5:16

got out of this is valid like

5:18

that. Yes sorry for my his seat

5:21

since he had Ah M C engineer

5:23

of the then god Katya Bush Nicola.

5:25

A dog the loses don't have specific

5:28

to blue T have one was this

5:30

I heard about a medium feast or

5:32

do a good one for fees but

5:34

I am one for desert boots. Oh

5:38

whoa whoa whoa. Greetings to all of

5:40

you while you're a new nord to

5:42

make of this anomaly and I have

5:45

to admit I also don't know what

5:47

to make this wouldn't you say chocolate

5:49

tier runners are the human can be

5:51

with them to wait for soon as

5:53

it's at the top of the food

5:56

pyramid which we brought back when I

5:58

deviated from work. Oh okay, Uh,

6:00

yeah, I just had never heard

6:02

referred to candy as this chocolate

6:10

No chocolate have I been

6:12

down to hell Excuse me.

6:14

I'm sorry. That was rude I

6:17

forget my matters when chocolate is involved

6:19

you see and I step forward and

6:21

dark shadows go over my face for

6:23

me Chocolate is a matter of life

6:25

and death and I step back out

6:27

into the light. Okay. Well Uh, welcome

6:30

all the same. Thank you

6:32

for your warm. Welcome. What is this

6:34

mystery you speak of? Well, I

6:37

don't know how to say this but in

6:40

the past few weeks several

6:42

of the villagers have disappeared

6:48

Oh jeez The

6:50

villagers often disappear or is this something

6:52

that doesn't usually happen? This

6:54

is a thing that that does not

6:56

normally happen Oh, no,

6:59

tell me every so often

7:01

villagers will disappear because they've

7:03

died. Yeah Usually

7:05

from old age. Oh very nice

7:08

In one journey one of the

7:10

best ways to go but other kinds

7:12

of disappearances are pretty rare here And

7:15

tell me how these villages reappeared

7:19

You said your name was Donald delicious

7:21

Donald Delicious

7:24

they have not reappeared and that

7:27

in essence is the mystery I

7:29

grabbed my knees and I form into a ball and I

7:31

bounced and down Is

7:34

he all right Actually

7:37

excellent right now. I take a

7:39

I'm in a stunning tableau now. I'm no longer bouncing

7:43

Delicious Donald is our big boy

7:45

now back to these disappearances How

7:48

long will be they start and how

7:50

many people disappeared at the same time?

7:53

It's always one individual at a time

7:55

and it started about three

7:58

weeks ago interesting The

8:00

first was our carpenter, and then

8:02

about four days later, a local

8:06

farmer disappeared. Then about

8:08

three days after that, the

8:11

blacksmith disappeared. And

8:13

about two days after that, a small

8:16

child disappeared. Oh

8:18

no! Without a carpenter,

8:20

how will you perform crucifixions? Oh,

8:23

we do not perform those. And

8:26

I shake his hand. I'm glad to hear

8:28

it. Watch my hand, it's covered in chocolate

8:30

stains! Oh! Katja

8:34

is stroking her chin. Very

8:36

interesting. Was there

8:38

any occasion

8:40

of note three weeks ago? Hmm.

8:44

Not that I recall. We did

8:46

have a lavish feast. A

8:49

lavish feast? Yes, we had a

8:51

lavish feast in honor of my

8:53

re-election as mayor. Ah,

8:55

congratulations! Thank you, yes.

8:58

And your name is Gorfo? My

9:01

name is Gorfo Richardson. You

9:04

said that like you were consulting a Google Doc.

9:07

Again with these strange words I'm not

9:09

familiar with. Delicious. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

9:12

While we're talking strange words, I've got

9:14

one for you. Gum drops. What do

9:16

they mean to you? Gum

9:21

drops. Gum drops. No,

9:23

we don't have gum drops here. We do

9:25

have... Hold on. Okay,

9:29

well I'm a guest. We

9:31

do have gum cubes. The

9:35

color returns to my face. Oh

9:37

good. Gum cubes. What will

9:39

you come up with next? What

9:41

an exciting treat. I'd love to sample your

9:43

gum cubes. He reaches into

9:46

his robes and pulls out a handful

9:48

of multicolored gum cubes.

9:52

This is perfect! Just like gum drops,

9:54

except they won't go rolling all about

9:56

the place. I would love to

9:58

try one. The mayo

10:00

thank you again only so there's

10:02

some be horrified expression crosses over

10:04

donald face as he hears that

10:06

an hour south of me wants

10:08

a double and I go in

10:10

and I just grab as many

10:12

gum drops like and I'm just

10:14

selling them into my mouth of

10:16

Alibaba group of people who receive

10:18

one gamecube. It's delicious. It's another

10:20

even better. Messier Powers. See.

10:23

The third. As good

10:25

as the second one so even been

10:27

the first Okay and I turned amidst

10:30

the as if you hit the good

10:32

to blur to. It's pretty brief in

10:34

turn the circles I'm businesses Donald I

10:36

think Spencer ambivalent about me. I

10:41

met see. I'm sure that they don't

10:43

care for me. To

10:46

tears incorrect oh him for

10:48

only one of us was

10:50

corrected their oh. Or

10:53

Up Up Up Up Up call for

10:55

I am wounded tried to as listen

10:57

the way that is not condescending, but.

11:00

Oh go on this I'm excited for

11:02

Can you confirm? That this is not. A

11:05

particularly. Technologically advanced

11:07

society. Wow! You

11:09

can learn home run on

11:12

that one. I

11:16

mean, a bad home run. A home run where you

11:18

don't accomplish what you hoped. This is not held

11:21

a bulwark. Well you should see

11:23

how we play if I would love

11:25

to. It's

11:27

goals rules. Any

11:30

who we do strive for a

11:32

simpler life here, but we, you

11:34

know we've all come from much

11:36

more advanced planets. In Reno we

11:38

have you know of and move

11:40

in winter time we bring out

11:42

the food printers when the harvest

11:44

runs low we enjoy a good

11:46

Hollow novel from time to time.

11:50

Sure, we're We're far from the hustle

11:52

bustle of the galaxy. You know were

11:54

no space birds over here, but you.

11:56

Know we we get by all right and

11:58

to me. Always it would

12:01

you fashion these com que well we

12:03

have a mold. We

12:05

hadn't had had some that. He's

12:09

it is. I still say. How

12:11

how did you know I.

12:14

Was lucky death. Good.

12:16

so much as I am not

12:18

immensely enjoying our time together, but

12:20

even intensity the more scientifically minded

12:22

person I may speak with. Him.

12:25

Well, The blacksmith

12:27

was pretty knowledgeable, but as

12:29

I said, she disappeared. Oh

12:31

see the coaches runs around and like

12:33

third and nods approvingly to us that

12:36

her comrades. A Very nice. I'm.

12:39

Yes, it was my mother. A small

12:42

voice behind you pipes up whoa

12:44

Ah was it was at me

12:46

know with someone buys. A

12:54

hill, small sources, Behind

12:56

you see and adorable child

12:58

a boy of about eight

13:00

I stepped forward Authority Bus as

13:02

a chocolate year I have an

13:05

affinity the special bond with

13:07

children. You her little boy

13:09

you motors gone yeah appeared

13:11

nobody knows was used to live

13:13

at all I am some courses

13:15

for you. Okay what's the candy

13:18

situation on your planet? Well

13:20

we have gone to suggest

13:22

the for the a video

13:24

we have. Red lines, Red

13:26

vines. Oh do I like

13:28

red vines? And I superstar,

13:31

look who are some if

13:33

nobody likes read Buffet dies.

13:36

Well at the rally around of

13:38

a. Race Reality.

13:42

And we add we have the

13:44

dummies that are Little Cold Body's

13:46

own logo. Zero phone visual. There's

13:49

nothing like an artificial cook like

13:51

Coca Cola flavor would You really

13:53

can't really mixes with the food

13:55

softly as we would you just

13:57

grabbing a high performance. The

14:05

mirror. And. How. Could you?

14:07

How could you deprive children of chocolate?

14:09

Billboards are reaching the my apron and

14:12

I pull out a just a handful

14:14

of chocolate and ice. it's take a

14:16

bite of this liquid loot. I'm out

14:18

here. we're gonna have yell of chocolate

14:20

is wasteful guy going on here. visited

14:22

question: a handful of. Hershey

14:24

Kisses. Success

14:27

Chocolate. There is some of the

14:29

highest quality little poops, middle poops

14:31

of chalk that are brown securely.

14:34

This was delighted child all right

14:36

he takes one of them and

14:38

he unwrap said any holes it

14:40

in his palm staying with separate

14:42

you skeptically. And. This

14:45

isn't poof. Know. Although

14:47

it looks exactly like poop would all

14:49

of whom bad bad design these a

14:51

kitten me take a bite you want

14:54

me to eat is just delicious. Donald

14:56

make a feelings role as you got.

14:58

It. I got a success.

15:01

Oh okay sir, that's hi

15:03

all that eats chocolate. The

15:07

impossible is it seemed. Somehow

15:09

delicious. Donald. You. Inspired as

15:12

boy, he trusts you. He raises the

15:14

kiss to his it's He puts it

15:16

in his mouth and he chews. Oh

15:20

I see what's Yeah, it's

15:22

okay. we should be allowed

15:24

to did experience for you.

15:27

Did. You say it's okay? Yeah,

15:29

it's it's okay. I. I.

15:31

Understand the appeal. Least

15:34

child is alright. What? now? This

15:36

is. Fact: This is sorted in

15:38

Dc. Dot sought to little kid.

15:40

Yeah, I lost my mom. ah

15:43

i'm sorry about three hours otherwise

15:45

we should say fuck you solicits

15:47

lay off alzheimer's or mattered was

15:49

boy told me professor smith the

15:51

hold them back and i just

15:53

like i am very weak when

15:55

i'm like really of and we're

15:57

trying to run for were normally

16:00

Irish I'm like enjoy that chocolate what's wrong

16:02

with you oh I know maybe

16:04

it's a did you like the milk maybe dark or

16:06

white would be your your favor and I reach into

16:08

my pocket and I throw a dark Hershey kiss at

16:11

him and a white Hershey kiss at him he goes

16:13

he goes um okay

16:16

he slowly unwraps them and tries each

16:18

one oh yeah

16:20

I see how they're different okay good

16:23

lord what Kacha

16:25

reaches into her tool belt

16:27

and she pulls out a

16:29

linear particle field induction coil

16:31

she's checking the area for energy

16:34

residue and she's particularly scanning this

16:36

kid who recently lost his mother

16:39

make a lasers roll Kacha if

16:42

you dare I got my

16:44

labor feelings oh my

16:47

god yeah do you want to ask me a question what's

16:49

a good way for me to try and figure out

16:52

if the disappearances started and me

16:54

the beginning of the energy anomaly

16:57

started at the same time yeah

17:00

I can't give you that directly

17:02

but I can point you in

17:04

a direction because when you turn

17:06

on your induction coil you instantly

17:08

are getting strong readings it seems

17:11

this entire village is bathed in

17:13

this particle field okay wow

17:16

but nowhere is there a higher

17:18

concentration than in the mill okay

17:21

catches induction coil lights up

17:23

and she sees

17:26

that it's really going off

17:28

as she's scanning the horizon as

17:30

she pauses in front of the mill it

17:32

really starts to light up and

17:35

she turns to Gore-Fo and says Gore-Fo

17:38

when you had feast where they are milled

17:40

grains parts of this feast um

17:43

yes I suppose we had some bread couldn't

17:46

have a feast without bread a absolutely

17:50

not I love bread delicious

17:52

Donald's laugh is only momentary before he

17:55

had his hands to his temple and

17:57

he was just like rubbing his forehead and he goes right

17:59

back to his Worried expression is the after

18:01

he laughs a child doesn't have talked.

18:04

A. Little boy? Yeah!

18:07

can you bring us to

18:09

meal Okay. Wow. He the

18:11

good. It's. Right there. He. Means

18:13

you across the square towards the mill. Catches

18:15

scanning the area while she walked

18:18

towards the know. The. Readings are

18:20

concerned getting stronger. Is there a bakery

18:22

in the square? Yeah. In fact. Ah

18:25

yes, there goes the bigger with Israel

18:27

like always. Oh yeah. Yeah.

18:30

Bonds your. Character.

18:36

As high as. The So

18:39

much excuse me the

18:41

bread. Yes, of course it's

18:43

right here in my tree like always. Our.

18:46

I'm. Actually want to check

18:48

that? Was how to skyn

18:51

of the train bread? It's know

18:53

stronger than anything else. Okay, they're

18:55

definitely particles there, but it's not

18:57

like jumping out. He was unusually

18:59

strong. You. Know it. Meets. The

19:01

I appreciate the initiative Their thanks if

19:04

only I could did you also chocolate?

19:09

Okay, Patches been keep walking towards

19:12

the know. Where. The reading is a strong.

19:14

Yeah. Mrs. So hundred

19:16

or hills she's mostly been tripping,

19:18

cartoonish is trying to walk and

19:20

Donald is trailing behind and he's

19:22

just like chain eating candy cigarettes,

19:24

just muttering to himself with would

19:27

who's causing these disappearances or also

19:29

affecting the children's taste buds Spend

19:31

most viewed What's wrong sir. Know

19:33

everything nobody likes to taste of so

19:35

could hear rudely. One child does it

19:37

sort of. A child doesn't like chocolate.

19:39

What's the point? Oblivion? I

19:42

don't know. I've been kind

19:45

is lost since. My mom

19:47

disappeared to find order to you upstairs

19:49

and I returned my partner point a

19:51

Hershey kisses Someone have. To

19:53

put a smile on your food. yes

19:57

same kid what sort of see supply

19:59

and It's

20:02

okay, yeah, I mean I guess I'll have

20:04

another, but... No, if you're

20:06

the same kid, it'll just be wasted. I'm not

20:09

gonna waste chocolate on you. Okay. Chocolate

20:11

is supposed to bring joy and delight

20:13

to people, not make them politely thank

20:15

me as if they've received socks on

20:17

Christmas morn. I do love socks,

20:19

though. Good lord. What

20:21

if they're fuzzy? No.

20:25

I like strong socks and warm vodka. I

20:27

look directly into the camera. It seems I've beamed

20:29

out to play it weird. The

20:32

camera pans over to Mitzi and... Aww. ...caught

20:35

ya. Oh, come on. What

20:38

is your name, little man? I am Sulu.

20:41

Sulu? Okay. A

20:43

boy named Sulu. I don't get the reference.

20:45

There was no reference. Okay, here we are

20:48

at Mill. The door is

20:50

ajar. You can walk right in. I

20:52

unscrew it. While

20:55

Mitzi's doing that, Conchis steps over her and walks

20:57

in. Donald does a

20:59

gloomy cartwheel in. Aww.

21:03

Mitzi walks in. Caught ya. You see... Uh,

21:06

something that surprises you. You

21:08

realize that this is not just a simple

21:10

mill. You discover that... Corfe

21:13

was right when he... That they

21:15

weren't completely bereft of technology. For in

21:17

the middle of this mill, you see

21:19

a large, anti-matter power

21:22

generator. Ooh! It

21:24

is whirring and clanking. Oh

21:27

my goodness! How old

21:29

is this thing, Joe? I feel like Kachu would be

21:31

able to discern it by investigating it. Yeah,

21:34

make a laser's roll. Uh,

21:36

success. Kachu, you can

21:39

tell that this model of

21:41

power generator is about 30

21:43

years old. Okay. Oh wow. And

21:46

it looks like it hasn't... So this is a little

21:48

outside your experience. You know,

21:50

it's a little older than, you know,

21:52

what you've trained on. It

21:54

also looks like it hasn't been serviced well. It looks

21:57

like it's been pretty... You know, a lot of symptoms

21:59

have been addressed. but not a lot of underlying

22:01

sickness. You know what I mean? I

22:04

feel like this is probably a sort of technology

22:06

that gets updated pretty frequently. Oh yeah.

22:08

So maybe it's like, it's probably

22:11

many generations behind. Yeah, like now

22:13

they have an app. Oh

22:17

my goodness. I have seen

22:19

maybe one or two of these once

22:22

in textbook. She's like running her

22:24

hand, she's smoothing her hand along the side of

22:26

it while she's kind of, you know,

22:28

holding up the induction coil to get

22:30

a read. You're getting a very

22:32

strong reading, but particles do seem to be coming

22:35

from this generator. Where's Morphel? You

22:37

mean Corfo? Sure. Yeah,

22:40

right here. He walks in the mail. Corfo,

22:42

was any- It's Corfo? Okay,

22:45

did the carpenter interact

22:47

with this machine at all? Oh,

22:49

well, he tried. Tried

22:52

his very best, but none

22:54

of us are that tech savvy. Okay,

22:57

when I said it, you seemed insulted, but now here

22:59

you are coming right out. Well, we

23:01

don't, we use technology. We don't know how

23:03

to fix it every single time. You

23:06

know, lots of people have computers, but they can't

23:08

open them up and change out the motherboard. You

23:10

are chaining me the way you are saying. Just

23:14

confirm, yes, no. The carpenter touched it. He

23:16

tried to fix? Yes, yes, carpenter

23:18

tried to fix. Okay, you

23:20

don't have to make fun of my English.

23:22

Now, who is the second one who went

23:25

missing? The blacksmith.

23:27

Oh, the woman, yes. She begins

23:29

to turn into her comrades and like nods. I

23:32

give you a sad thumbs up. I

23:34

give you a happy thumbs up. And

23:38

did the blacksmith try her hand at fixing

23:40

this? She has from time to time.

23:43

Let me cut to chase. Has

23:45

anyone who has gone missing

23:48

not interacted with this machine? Yes,

23:51

the child who went missing. Oh,

23:54

the child, that's right. Yes, and I

23:56

didn't go through the full list of people who

23:58

disappeared, but also the dog grew up. Rumor who

24:00

went missing has not interacted with this

24:02

generator. I noticed the

24:04

dogs here were quite unkempt. We

24:08

quickly cut to a series of dogs who

24:10

need a bath. Oh gosh. Donald

24:13

is narrating. Oh look at those

24:15

hairs. Out of place. Look

24:18

at that scruffy fellow. I know

24:20

not to feed these gentlemen chocolate.

24:23

It's delicious to help pledge. Wait

24:25

a minute. Squirtle. Yes? Is

24:28

this the child? Huh?

24:30

We found one. So we could

24:32

just wait for them to come to us. No,

24:35

no, no, no. Little Sulu here isn't the child

24:37

that went missing. There is more than one child

24:39

in our village. Wow. That'll

24:42

be good for the future. The idea.

24:44

Who is the child who went missing? Oh,

24:48

her name was Valla. Valla?

24:51

Did she do any sports or notable

24:54

activities? She was

24:56

four. Yeah, okay.

24:59

Um, so she did a lot of four year old

25:01

things I suppose. Tantrums,

25:03

stories, etc. Did

25:06

she like the taste of chocolate? We don't

25:08

have chocolate here. Good lord.

25:10

Only now do I understand. Was

25:13

Valla related to any other people who went

25:15

missing? No. Very interesting.

25:17

She was the daughter of the town

25:19

librarian. Oh, jeez. The

25:23

signals are definitely emanating

25:25

from this machine. But

25:27

I cannot find a way to

25:29

link it to the people who have disappeared. We've

25:32

made requests over the years for a technician

25:34

to come out and service it, but we

25:37

don't get a lot of visitors here on this little

25:39

planet. Well, today may be your

25:41

lucky day indeed. Oh, how so? I

25:44

am Chief Engineer of Vanguard. I feel like

25:46

we talked about this earlier. Oh,

25:48

well, I guess you did mention that, but you

25:50

would be willing to take a look. I

25:53

would love to take a look at this machine. I

25:55

would love it far more than meeting all the

25:57

different townspeople with their little jugs and watching. the

26:00

children reject chocolate and my comrade gets

26:02

sad and my other comrade is unaffected

26:04

emotionally, I am way more comfortable with

26:06

these machines. Alright. Well,

26:10

please, by all means, I would

26:12

love your expertise. Okay, Kacha's

26:14

gonna roll up her sleeves and

26:17

she's gonna crack her knuckle and

26:19

she's gonna start reaching into her tool belt and she's

26:21

gonna just, she's gonna start investigating this thing, trying to

26:23

figure out what the leak is. She's

26:26

basically running diagnostics. Mitzi, what are you doing? Are you assisting?

26:28

Are you doing your own thing? Yeah, I'm

26:31

doing the scalpel, handing

26:33

the scalpel situation, you know what I mean? Scrubner.

26:36

The scrubner. It's come to

26:39

me now. As

26:45

this is happening, we cut to Delicious

26:47

Donald who has ventured outside of the village.

26:50

I have? I'm wandering forward.

26:52

I'm just gasping for air. I

26:56

have to leave this terrible town

26:58

where nobody knows chocolate and I

27:00

have to discover no flavors to

27:02

expand my flavor palette. Perhaps I

27:04

can find a fruit that I

27:06

can process and stick inside of

27:09

a candy. You

27:12

climb to the top of a hill,

27:14

Donald, and you see. I

27:17

much prefer the

27:19

going down of hills. Sorry,

27:23

let me try that again. You bounce to the top of

27:25

a hill. Evious

27:29

pie. And

27:31

there, sitting on a large rock on top of

27:33

a hill, is that little boy, Sulo. He

27:36

looks out across the countryside wistfully.

27:39

Are you sad because you don't like chocolate? No,

27:43

I'm sad because I miss my

27:45

mother, Donald. I've

27:47

been coming up here for the past few days and

27:50

wondering if I'll see her. I

27:53

see her out there somewhere coming back. No

27:55

one from the village has ventured farther than

27:57

this point. Oh.

28:00

What's preventing that? Preventing it? Yeah, why

28:02

wouldn't you just venture out further? For

28:04

all you know, your mother is a

28:06

scant mile away waiting for you to

28:09

come find her. A scant mile? Well,

28:13

Mayor Gorphos says that the village has

28:15

everything we need, so no one really

28:17

needs it. Oh, I beg to differ,

28:19

my friend. Your village doesn't have an

28:21

ounce, not a lick of chocolate! How

28:23

could it have everything you need? I

28:25

know about the chocolate, yeah, we've been

28:27

over the chocolate. Well, I'm using it

28:29

to connect with you. You

28:31

should. Maybe, oh, okay, maybe you don't like chocolate. Maybe

28:34

you don't like chocolate. Maybe you're a fucking freak

28:36

of day, who doesn't like chocolate. But what about

28:38

candy canes? Have you candy canes in your small

28:40

village? No. What

28:43

about Turkish delight? Well, there's

28:45

a world of delicious confections waiting for you,

28:47

and you need only venture outside of the

28:50

safety of your village to find them. By

28:52

the way, I'm a safe person. Little

28:56

Sulu's eyes light up. No, I've

28:58

never had Turkish delight. Turkish

29:01

delight? Why, I must have some on my person. He

29:03

must be here somewhere. Can I make a

29:05

feelings roll to see if I brought Turkish delight with me? I

29:07

feel like that's a rarer candy. Branson,

29:10

of course you can. Yo, I

29:12

got my laser feelings. Whoa! Shit,

29:15

do you want to ask me a

29:17

candy question? I do. Oh, Joe, did

29:20

you know that the primary ingredient of

29:22

Ferrero Rocher's isn't chocolate but hazelnut? You're

29:24

asking me? Yes. I

29:27

did not know that. Well, now you do.

29:31

That's a great question. Really

29:33

good. Really good. I realize that

29:35

I'm not making enough use of that mechanic as like turning

29:37

it on Joe like, did you know this thing? But

29:40

I do, so I pull Turkish delight out of my...

29:42

And I just got like a hand, just gobs a

29:44

bit. And I just pull out a little bit, I

29:46

go, here, try this. This is the

29:48

treat that made Edmund break bad. Okay. Without

29:52

hesitating, Sulu puts a piece of the

29:54

Turkish delight in his mouth and he

29:56

chews happily. Oh, okay. Yeah.

30:01

Good lord, what is wrong with you? How do you

30:03

not like the flavors of taste of candy? What

30:05

little boy doesn't love candy? And I'm like, I'm

30:08

trying hard not to like scare him, but I'm

30:10

like, my hair, my perfectly parted hair is like

30:12

all askew. And I'm like, what's going on? What

30:14

do you like to eat? What is

30:16

your favorite flavor? Um, I

30:19

don't know. Everything has always sort of

30:22

tasted the same. Tasted the same?

30:24

Okay, something's wrong here. What do you mean?

30:27

Something is wrong here. Things shouldn't

30:29

taste the same. Forbidden food should

30:31

taste better than healthy food. Hmm,

30:34

no, I don't think so. No, there should

30:36

be an inverse relationship. The worse the food is

30:39

for you, the better it should taste. The

30:42

same way that there's no finer smell than

30:44

the smell of gasoline. Be

30:47

careful, though. It's for toes in your brain. Okay.

30:50

Well... Still,

30:54

a stray smell every now and then when you fill

30:56

up your car. It's not the worst thing in the

30:58

world. So I guess what

31:00

you're saying is, I should

31:02

try new things. Yes, try

31:05

new things. Escape your village. Go in

31:07

search of new, exciting flavors. Yeah,

31:10

you're right. And who knows, maybe

31:12

my mother is out there, just beyond this

31:14

rock, and he holds his hand out pointing

31:16

into the distance. And as

31:18

he does, Donald, his

31:20

little hand disappears. Pull

31:23

it back. He

31:25

does, his hand returns. Okay,

31:29

don't go up here. Everything I

31:31

said was wrong. Don't leave the village. What?

31:34

You don't die or something. Don't leave. Just stay in

31:36

the village. What do you mean? Did

31:39

you see what happened to your hand? No. Well,

31:42

of course, because it disappeared. But here, watch,

31:44

and I'm going to stick my hand through to demonstrate to

31:46

him. Donald, you

31:48

stick your hand through, and it remains there,

31:51

present, covered in chocolate. Something's

31:54

wrong. You said that already. I know,

31:56

but something's, but before something was wrong in a different way,

31:58

and now it's wrong in a more specific way. You

32:00

have to go back into the middle of

32:02

the village. Uh, we're gonna cut back to

32:04

Katya and Mitzi. Katya, you're continuing to work

32:07

on this antimatter power generator. You realize though

32:09

as you're working on it, and it feels

32:11

wonderful to work on this. It's like, you've

32:13

never gotten to really lay your hands on

32:15

this kind of old-fashioned technology.

32:17

This is the way, this is

32:20

the kind of engineering your parents used to

32:22

do and tell stories about. Yeah, this

32:24

is like, this is Katya's, uh, like, horse-girl

32:27

moment, like, you know? Absolutely.

32:29

Like, patting the flank of the machine. And

32:32

as you're working, you know, you realize that

32:34

it was admitting the, you know, you were,

32:36

you were detecting this field of particles. Because

32:40

this, uh, this generator

32:42

is under heavy use. There's a

32:44

lot of power drain on

32:46

this. And you realize for a village this

32:49

small with this few people, they really

32:51

shouldn't require this much energy. You

32:53

go into the diagnostics, you're working

32:56

on it. You know, you're digging

32:58

deeper, and you find that over

33:00

90% of the power generator is

33:02

being diverted to hollow emitters. Hollow

33:05

emitters, okay. Just like

33:08

the hollow zones of the CSS

33:10

Cavalier. This is

33:12

pretty strange. Ugh, Missy takes a

33:14

big ant out of her mouth. What?

33:17

You can chew and swallow. Gulp. I

33:19

cannot want you deep throat tapping one

33:21

more time. What?

33:24

There is a tremendous amount of

33:26

energy being diverted to hollow

33:29

generators. Much like our holographic

33:31

zones on the ships. Oh

33:33

my god. Why would they town

33:35

this small, so concerned with the

33:38

simpler things of life, require

33:40

such energy diversion to

33:42

holographic technology? Beats

33:45

me. Hahaha. We

33:49

cut back to delicious Donald and Sulo

33:51

on the run. He says, no, no,

33:53

you're right. I can't, I can't be

33:55

held back. Not if I'm gonna find

33:57

my mom, the blacksmith, and he stands up on

33:59

the run. on the rock. No! Donald's

34:02

too late. He takes a jump

34:04

off the rock, into the meadow,

34:06

into the fields unknown. And when

34:08

he does, he disappears. No!

34:11

I fall to my knees. No!

34:13

The welfare of the children is

34:15

my main concern. I've seen them!

34:17

Chocolateing infections! Oh Donald, you fool!

34:20

It's so clear to me now,

34:22

my consumption of chocolate and

34:24

sugars has made me ungod,

34:27

who can travel anywhere, even beyond

34:29

this dangerous realm! Oh no, I'll

34:34

have to warn the others. Hi

34:44

there, Space Jehovah here. Seems

34:46

you've died and gone to heaven. Congrats.

34:50

I just have to check a few things, make sure

34:52

everything's in order. Yeah, we're actually

34:54

the first fictional heaven with paperwork, can

34:56

you believe it? Wait,

34:59

what's this? It seems in life

35:02

you never joined the O These Those Stars

35:04

of Space Patreon? What happened?

35:07

Did you know that it only cost $5 a

35:09

month? And that $5 gets you

35:11

access to a Patreon exclusive episode each

35:13

and every month? Original,

35:15

exclusive adventures with Ali Fisher and

35:17

others? Not to mention access to

35:19

the These Those Discord and O

35:21

These Those Chats of Show where

35:23

the cast answers fan questions, plus

35:26

the pure joy of supporting

35:28

independent artists. Even today

35:30

before you died, you could've gone to patreon.com/O These

35:33

Those Stars of Space link of the show notes

35:35

and signed up in minutes? You

35:37

knew all this and you still didn't? Sorry,

35:39

friend, but that's got me feeling a little

35:42

wrathful. I'm afraid you're gonna have to go

35:44

to hell. And no, this isn't rude tales.

35:46

My hell is not fun. If

35:49

for some reason living mortals can hear

35:51

this conversation, please don't be like this

35:53

sinner. Join the These

35:55

Those Patreon today. Thanks. We

36:03

cut back to the mill. Katya, you

36:05

see the switch that would turn off

36:07

the power to the holo emitters, which

36:09

is something you would have to do

36:11

if you're going to do any more

36:13

serious work on repairing this power generator.

36:15

But you worry that, I don't

36:17

know, what if turning it off has

36:20

some kind of unintended consequence? I

36:24

think she, I honestly

36:26

feel like she wouldn't even hesitate,

36:30

unlike me. The moment passes. There

36:36

stands the button. Click. You

36:38

hear the sound of an

36:40

energy field powering down.

36:46

Missy, tell me if anything blinks off. Okay,

36:49

because you're underneath, you see just a ton

36:51

of crumbs. Does

36:54

Missy see anything blink off? Before

36:56

you do, Missy, I want you to make a feelings roll

36:58

for me. My number is two,

37:00

and I rolled a five. Nice. I

37:02

got a success, Joe. Missy, it

37:05

occurs to you that this baguette

37:07

you're eating is especially

37:09

bland. Wow. That

37:14

sucks. She continues

37:16

eating it, but she's very disappointed.

37:18

Missy, hello? Okay, now

37:20

she's looking around to

37:22

see if anything like changes visually around

37:25

her. You're looking inside the mill? Yeah,

37:27

what she can see from where she's

37:29

standing near Katya's feet. Nothing

37:31

inside the mill has changed. Okay,

37:33

hang on. She lopes

37:36

out the door. Missy,

37:38

you peek out into the village square and

37:41

see that it is in fact quite

37:43

different. Oh my god, in what

37:45

way? The

37:47

baker, with his tray like always?

37:50

Yeah. Well not anymore, he's gone.

37:52

Oh no. There

37:54

on the ground is an unattended

37:56

tray. Full of? Baguettes.

38:00

Like never and they're being chewed on

38:02

lazily by a variety of dirty dogs

38:08

Like men are like dogs dogs,

38:10

okay, so I mentioned earlier that

38:13

needed grooming They're

38:16

eating the baguettes. Yeah, but there's no

38:18

human to shoot them away. You're also

38:20

gonna see Donald bounding towards you Oh

38:30

no, geez I'm too

38:33

powerful I didn't mean to

38:35

all this blood on my hands my

38:37

ambient hate for this town and their

38:39

lack of chocolate I became as a

38:41

god and I must have erased them

38:43

from reality Oh my god I'm

38:46

sorry I didn't mean to I didn't

38:49

mean to What have you done?

38:53

I don't know And I have there's like my hands

38:55

are covered in It looks

38:57

like blood but I like lick everything like

38:59

strawberry Strawberry

39:03

or blood it's strawberry

39:06

strawberry syrup Just

39:09

like strawberry grenadine Delicious.

39:11

I don't know what you've done. I don't

39:13

know either coming aside. Katya asked me a

39:15

question and I need to respond to her

39:17

She said I needed to start doing that

39:21

She runs inside I'm inconsolable but

39:23

sure Katya Katya

39:26

is sitting up with her back against the

39:28

machine and she's like, thank God What if

39:30

I had been crushed under this thing? Where'd

39:32

you go? Oh, I don't know Well,

39:35

everybody outside the Baker's gone. The big

39:37

guess And

39:45

I'm gonna bound Quite

39:48

I didn't may have killed someone I did

39:50

I killed everyone in the town Katya

39:55

I'm sorry Wait, wait both

39:57

of you wait no more apologizing

40:00

I mean, this is- this more is it. I

40:02

switched off the hollow generator

40:05

of this machine. Oh

40:07

no. They can't even have their

40:10

breads and circuses now. I've eliminated

40:12

everything. Is it possible that

40:14

the people in this town

40:16

wore holograms? I don't

40:19

know. I think it's more likely that I ate so much

40:21

chocolate than I am as a god. I

40:23

disagree with you on a very scientific basis.

40:27

Alright, rock, paper, scissors. We'll see who's right. She

40:29

walks past delicious Donald and takes

40:31

a look outside for herself. Mitzi

40:33

casts scissors. I've

40:36

cast paper. I'm a chocolate wrapper. I go,

40:38

whoa, whoa, whoa. Good news for me. Phew.

40:43

Mitzi follows Katya. Yeah, Donald does as well.

40:46

Yeah, the village square is empty. Everyone

40:48

is gone. This was a place that was, you

40:50

know, it had life. You know, there were people

40:52

coming and going about their business, and

40:54

now they've all disappeared, say, for those dirty dogs.

40:57

This is fascinating. I'm being

41:00

hard on the dogs. They're not that dirty. They

41:02

just, you know- They're not in their best. You

41:04

don't need to groom a dog every day, but, like, their

41:06

nails are getting a little long. Katya

41:08

looks around. She takes a few steps into the square.

41:11

Hello. Hello.

41:16

Hello. Hm.

41:19

This is fascinating. She kind

41:22

of paces, and she walks back

41:24

into the mill, scratching her chin.

41:27

Before you walk back into the mill, Katya, can I have you

41:29

make a lacer's roll? Yeah. Success.

41:33

You're about to walk back into the mill, Katya,

41:35

and you see hiding down

41:38

the street behind a

41:40

large wooden crate, you just

41:42

see a hint of those long,

41:44

green, flowing robes that Gorfow

41:46

was wearing. She's going to

41:49

stroll over. You round

41:51

the corner around this crate, and there,

41:53

crouched, is Mayor Gorfow Richardson.

41:55

Oh, oh, Katya, how's it going?

41:57

With the work on the ground?

41:59

the generator. Why

42:02

are you playing hide and make seek? Yeah.

42:05

I oh hello yeah

42:07

hello Mitzi um I think it's a

42:09

I think it's a fun game to

42:11

play and also I do some of

42:13

my best marrying right here. I

42:16

think of the best ideas for

42:18

the town right here and I

42:20

you know and that's how I

42:22

invented the the bike share program.

42:26

Oh do your best idea. We

42:28

have two bikes and everyone may share them. Do

42:30

your best ideas for the town include

42:32

a holographic population?

42:37

Gope. That is at the mercy of

42:39

a salty and old piece of equipment? Could

42:42

it be that the

42:44

disappearances were in fact holograms

42:47

blinking out of existence because your machine

42:49

is not up to code? She

42:54

holds a wrench under his chin. Yes yes

42:57

yes yes yes yes yes yes that's all

42:59

possible that's all very possible that's all that's

43:01

all in fact likely that's all in fact

43:04

likely. Got him Katya. Nice. And

43:08

we cut to Donald back in the town square who

43:10

hasn't ventured back in and

43:12

he's just I got my chocolate stained hands

43:14

out to town I say return. Return.

43:20

Donald make a feelings roll. Okay if this works

43:22

I did get

43:26

a success. Yeah

43:28

one of the dogs walks over to you.

43:30

Oh good boy. Oh don't touch my hands

43:32

though. There's stained chocolate. Oh

43:35

the shagging. Oh you dirty dog. We

43:38

cut back to Katya and Mitzi. What is your

43:40

game here? Is this the only way

43:43

you can win an election? By making

43:45

up it a constituency? Oh

43:47

my god that's

43:49

disgusting. Oh come on did you

43:51

have to get it in one? You're a

43:54

very sick very pathetic

43:56

little man. Roast him

43:58

Katya. Say it. You

44:00

sound like everyone back on my home colony.

44:03

So what? I had one dream, to

44:06

be mayor. Is there anyone

44:08

else here? Does anyone else live

44:10

on this planet? The dogs.

44:13

The dirty dogs? Well,

44:16

don't blame the dogs. It's the dog

44:18

room, or disappeared. And we cut back

44:20

to the town square, and I'm just

44:22

being swarmed by the dogs. And I've

44:24

got my hands up above my head,

44:26

saying, No dogs, no! Stay away from

44:28

my chocolaty hands! We've got my chocolaty

44:30

pockets! Whatever will I do? Donald,

44:33

make a feelings roll. Okay, okay. Fuck

44:36

yeah, I got my laser feelings. Ooh!

44:38

Do you want to ask me a

44:40

question, Donald? Uh, yes. Did you know

44:42

that originally, chocolate was a drink? I

44:44

guess I did, yeah. It's the same

44:46

sort. Okay, well, you knew. Well, then

44:49

I got my answer, yes. Donald,

44:52

in this moment of crisis, you remember

44:54

your chocolatier's pledge, where you took an

44:57

oath to never make a dog sick.

45:00

And you collect yourself, and you

45:02

combat roll out from the dogs. That's right, I

45:04

go into like, sonic mode, I just... I'm

45:07

just like a pink little ball spinning, and

45:09

I blast away from the dogs, not harming

45:11

any of them. I'm firing into the shed.

45:15

What? Where was the shed? Where

45:17

are we? The mill? The mill?

45:20

Yeah. I've been picturing a shed. I

45:22

knew it'd be like... And I blast into the shed, and I

45:24

bounce off of it, and into the mill. We

45:26

cut back to Mitsy and Katya. Yeah,

45:28

I... yes, it's true. I wanted

45:31

to be mayor on my home

45:33

colony, but no one respected

45:35

me. They didn't like my ideas. I

45:38

explode into the mill. They're outside

45:40

the mill. I

45:44

walk out, dusting my hands. Hello.

45:48

You might as well hear this too. They

45:50

didn't respect me. We don't need a bike

45:53

share, they said. And so I

45:55

got zero votes. This is not

45:57

the reason... I'm not done. Oh, I wonder

45:59

why people... in vum for you. Hey!

46:02

It was a crushing defeat. Did

46:04

you run on anything other than bikeshare? Well

46:07

I wanted to hold more lavish

46:09

feasts. But your food tastes

46:11

of nothing. Well that's because

46:13

all the cooks here in the bakers

46:16

are all holograms. They can't taste so

46:18

they don't know how to make anything

46:20

taste good. Holograms? That explains

46:22

it of course. Of

46:24

course just like Conchia said earlier but I just

46:26

wanted my thing to be true so badly. I

46:28

wondered why you were still here. I hated you

46:31

most of all. Huh? You were

46:33

the first person here to tell me that you

46:35

don't have chocolate. So of course I hated you.

46:37

I hated you so bad. Oh I wanted you

46:39

gone. Hmm. Anyways,

46:41

so yes. I may

46:44

have helped myself to an anti-matter

46:46

power generator come to this uninhabited

46:48

planet and recreated my home

46:50

colony. All of the townsfolk I

46:53

loved so dearly and wanted to

46:55

lead and only made one small

46:57

difference to each of them. I

47:00

made them willing to vote for me. You

47:03

also made them figments of

47:05

light and sound and electronic

47:07

pulses. Well sure but

47:09

when you get down to it isn't

47:12

that that's all that's in our brains?

47:15

They all had free will. They all had

47:17

lives. To them their

47:19

goings on their daily lives were just as

47:21

important as yours are to you. No

47:24

you wretched man. Villain and

47:26

scoundrel. You made people

47:28

unable to taste the delicious things

47:30

that life has to offer. Why

47:33

I fed a boy Turkish delight and he

47:35

was unmoved. That is

47:38

a front. It's not my

47:40

fault that holograms can't taste. Actually

47:42

the newer models can generate holograms that are

47:45

capable of tasting. You just have a really

47:47

old piece of machinery. Yes. 30

47:50

is it old? Can't

47:53

you just shoot

47:55

me a look?

47:57

It's backwards. I

48:01

don't know what to say. On behalf

48:04

of the vanguard, I feel as though you

48:06

should be arrested for crimes against humanity. What

48:09

crimes? Creating a counterfeit

48:11

society in order to give yourself

48:13

power? Creating people unable

48:15

to taste chocolate. Who have I

48:17

heard? Them! You heard

48:19

the holograms. You said that

48:21

they... I heard them? You said that they had lives

48:24

and opinions. Uh-huh. You

48:26

created them, and then you

48:28

did not service your machine, and

48:30

then they started disappearing. What you

48:32

have done, you have to understand. What

48:35

you have done is an evil, unnameable. You

48:38

have made these people capable of

48:40

wanting and dreaming and desiring, and

48:43

you've walked them right up to the edge

48:45

of an oasis, unable to step inside of

48:47

it, unable to taste the fruits of chocolate

48:49

that make life worth living. Yeah,

48:52

and I also agree with all of

48:54

this, because they're people. People who are

48:56

holograms. And it wasn't fair of you,

48:58

and you shouldn't have done it. I

49:01

also have a point of view. Thank

49:04

you, Mitzi. Listen,

49:06

I don't want... It's not my

49:08

fault. I made requests. I made

49:10

many, many impassioned requests for

49:13

a technician to come here, and no

49:15

one did. Well, did you

49:17

come back? You know, the Holodron

49:19

Warranty Department. What do you want

49:21

from me? Just say you're

49:23

a dummy and give me your machine so I can take

49:25

it back to Spaceship. Take it back? But

49:28

what about... What about the village? I'll

49:31

be all alone. No, you

49:33

won't. You've got all these cool, dirty dogs. Katja

49:37

scratches her head, and she sort of starts,

49:39

like, pacing away from him and thinking,

49:43

I could fix the machine. I

49:45

could fix the machine, and I could give you a way

49:47

to contact me so that if it ever needed service again,

49:50

instead of letting people vanish

49:53

and experience terror, you

49:55

could contact me and I could come service it again.

49:58

Mitzi? You mean

50:00

it? I don't know what best case

50:02

scenario is for men like you. I'm starting to

50:04

think that I have laid it out for you exactly.

50:08

That would be... That

50:10

would be wonderful to have the whole village

50:12

back. It would mean so much.

50:14

And it would mean so much to them. They

50:17

love their lives here. Everyone's very happy.

50:20

Are they? Yes, everyone. From the

50:22

dog rumor all the way to the

50:25

blacksmith, who is a woman. Hachanod. Big

50:28

thumbs up. Big thumbs up. We

50:30

love that. Okay, I will do

50:33

it for her. But I will make

50:35

a small programming adjustment. My

50:38

face lights up. Is it true? She

50:41

pats Donald on the shoulder

50:43

and gets back to work. Oh,

50:47

I love chocolate. I

50:52

love chocolate. Those who don't

50:54

love it, I fight. You

50:57

know, Donald, it was our very own hollow

50:59

baker who came up with the gum cubes.

51:02

Really? Yes. So of course

51:05

they have a soul. Thank

51:07

you. You know what?

51:09

Ultimately, I am on your

51:11

side. What you did was terrible. Unthinkable.

51:14

But it led to... And I... You

51:16

see, I've snuck. I used my sleight

51:18

of hand. I've stolen a few gum

51:20

cubes. You've invented

51:22

these marvelous gum cubes, which I will

51:25

be taking back to the CSS Cavalier.

51:27

Finally, gum cubes that don't go rolling.

51:30

Please do. You could build things

51:32

out of them, you know. A home. Finally,

51:36

a place for delicious Donald to sleep.

51:39

Katya has gone back to the

51:42

mill and is working away, confidently reassembling

51:45

the machine, tightening vault,

51:48

reprogramming. She's

51:50

in her element. Katya, please make

51:52

a prepared laser's roll. Mitzi,

51:56

are you helping? Yeah. Okay,

51:58

Katya, you can roll a third. time.

52:02

I did that. Two successes

52:04

and a failure. I'm guessing the failure was

52:06

Mitchie's. It was the

52:09

last roll, it was the last one, so. Wow.

52:11

There's only one number I guess. Yeah. There's only

52:13

one way for me to fail that roll and

52:15

it was the last one after Joe was like,

52:17

oh you can roll up there in time for

52:19

Mitchie. We see Katsu's hands and she like fixes

52:21

everything and Mitchie like puts a monkey wrench into

52:24

the frame and is like batted away. Katsu,

52:28

you are able to draw on your

52:30

years of experience and yes you

52:33

do repair the power generator

52:36

is now running at

52:38

94 percent efficiency. She's

52:40

humming a little folk song from her childhood

52:42

as you work. Katsu

52:51

has successful fixing of

52:53

the machine in celebration.

52:55

Mitchie runs outside and plays with

52:57

the dogs. Yay!

53:00

Weee! Mitchie,

53:06

can you make a feelings roll for me? Absolutely.

53:09

I got a three, it's a

53:11

success! You have a great time with the dogs.

53:14

I knew it!

53:17

It's a really long montage.

53:21

It's longer than the rest of the episodes. Turn it

53:24

off for an hour and just imagine a woman having

53:26

fun with dogs. Listeners,

53:34

we'll see you in an hour. And

53:43

we're back! Mitchie

53:47

is tired. So

53:50

Katsu comes out from behind the

53:52

machine. She claps the dust off

53:54

her hands. She gives it one

53:57

last polish and she flicks on.

54:00

the holographic generator. With

54:02

a rattle, it springs back to life.

54:05

You hear the sound of the hollow generators

54:07

powering up. And then, one

54:09

by one, all

54:12

of the villagers are in the mirror. There's

54:14

the baker. He shakes his head

54:16

and then bends over and picks up his

54:18

now empty tray, like always. There's

54:21

the dog, Roomer. She appears next to Mitzi and

54:23

is shocked at the state of these dogs. They

54:26

should all be perfectly groomed. There,

54:28

across the square, you see a woman

54:31

with her hair held up by a handkerchief. Big

54:35

gloves for handling hot metals.

54:37

Yes, that's right. It's the blacksmith.

54:40

Kachan's not better. Big

54:42

thumbs up. Yeah. Big thumbs up. She

54:44

does that like, okay things. And

54:47

by her side, little Sulu. Aww.

54:50

Mother, you're back. Mm-hmm.

54:53

She jumps into her arms. It's so

54:55

strong. So competent. Mayor

54:57

Gorfo comes into the mill. Thank

55:00

you. Thank you all. I

55:02

know you may not all agree with everything about

55:05

our little village, but everyone here

55:07

loves it very much. Kacha gives

55:09

him her Dom Space Friend Code. I've

55:12

never even gotten Kacha's Dom Space Friend Code.

55:14

Those are linked to a bank account. Contact

55:18

me if this machine ever needs

55:20

servicing. Do not let these people

55:22

vanish again. I won't. I'll add

55:25

you. I won't have sex with any of

55:27

them. What? That would be weird. Um,

55:31

well, I am married.

55:33

Okay, okay, look, look. Just tell us you're

55:35

not gonna have sex with any of them.

55:38

I definitely won't have sex with them,

55:40

including my wife. Hahahaha.

55:45

Oh boy, okay. You see

55:47

a lovely woman crossing the square in

55:50

Mayor's Wife Robes. Unmistakable.

55:54

I'm hoping I do not leave to regret this. She

55:56

sees you and runs across the square

55:58

waving. Darling! Darling, the

56:00

strangest thing happened. I was... She

56:03

has a big mare sash that says, wife on it. Yeah.

56:08

I was eating my toast and I

56:10

put some jam on it and it

56:12

tasted like strawberries. Pachapat

56:16

gives a little shoulder punch to

56:18

Donald. It tasted like strawberries,

56:20

you said. Yes. And I'm

56:22

going to run to the center of town and say, good

56:25

people of the town, listen up. Yes, what? Yeah,

56:27

what? Your hellish days

56:29

of agony are over. And I'm going to... I'm

56:31

going to do a move. I'm going to put

56:33

my hands into my apron and I pull them

56:35

out and I spray like Sonic when like all

56:37

of his rings go out when he's been hit.

56:39

I just spray candy everywhere. Chocolate. Donald.

56:44

Donald. Those dogs

56:46

are still in the square. Okay, I

56:48

do it. I do it though. I

56:50

spray chocolate and candy and candy canes

56:52

and Turkish delight everywhere. But seeing now

56:54

that I've thrown chocolate out and there's

56:56

dogs everywhere, I've thrown it and I

56:58

immediately I go back into the ball

57:00

like Sonic and I zoom

57:02

around bumping the dogs out of the

57:04

way, bumping

57:06

them out away from the chocolate so they can't

57:09

eat it. Okay, you definitely also bumped Mitzi out

57:11

of the way because she was in there hanging

57:13

with the dogs. The people, surprise.

57:16

They reach down to the

57:18

dirt ground and pick up

57:21

all this chocolate and they

57:23

put it in their mouths. Still wrapped. Yes,

57:25

yes, that's the traditional way. And

57:28

they stare and wonder. Wow, this is incredible.

57:34

What is this? It tastes so chocolatey.

57:37

That's chocolate, my friends. That's chocolate.

57:40

Sing with me. I love

57:43

chocolate. Milk

57:45

and dark and white. I

57:48

love chocolate. Those who don't

57:50

love it, I fight. Are

57:52

you doing the I love to laugh

57:55

song for Mary Poppins? Yes, I am.

58:00

We fade now back to the teleporter

58:02

room on the CSS Cavalier. We

58:05

watch as our three heroes teleport

58:07

back, back to their home in the

58:09

stars. But one

58:11

of them is looking a little different, Mitzi. Oh?

58:15

Yes, your hair. Why, it's got a

58:17

lovely shine to it. Oh my gosh,

58:20

Mitzi's hair is brushed and

58:23

glossy as she arrives in

58:25

the teleporter room. There's three judges and

58:27

they all hold up a 10. On

58:36

a little card. Because they judge

58:39

people by appearance when they reappear on

58:41

the show. They've

58:43

been talked to about it like hundreds of times.

58:45

You've got to stop doing this and they're like,

58:47

people love it. But even

58:50

though Mitzi's a six, they all give

58:52

her 10. They

58:54

give her a 10 for being a six. You

58:56

know what I mean? Yeah. That's a

58:58

perfect six. That's how

59:00

it works. Yeah. Kacha turns to Donald.

59:03

No? She says. Preempt

59:07

it as always. And she

59:09

says, you know, it's strange. I'm

59:12

not sure what made the inhabitants

59:14

of that town suddenly taste

59:16

strawberries and chocolate. Didn't

59:18

you upgrade it? Oh, I upgraded

59:20

it. We cut to a year

59:22

from now down on that little planet, Griffo for

59:25

there. The librarian returned

59:28

after that mysterious disappearance counts

59:31

the votes. Yes,

59:36

that's it. Blacksmith has

59:39

it. You

59:43

mom, our new mayor. Big

59:46

thumbs up. Big thumbs up.

59:49

Big thumbs up. The

59:52

feminist win of nameless woman. Didn't

59:56

even speak. Standing on

59:58

a rocky hill. Gorfo,

1:00:01

Ex-Mare, looks at

1:00:03

the stars and shakes his fists.

1:00:06

You've made an enemy of

1:00:08

me, gotcha Bushnikova! Yeeeaaah!

1:00:12

I will be mare again! I

1:00:15

will be mare again!

1:00:22

What adventure lies next amongst,

1:00:24

oh these, those stars of

1:00:26

space? Oh these, those

1:00:29

stars of space stars Ally Fisher, Branson

1:00:31

Reis, Carly Minardo, Christopher

1:00:34

Hastings, Tim Platt, and Joe

1:00:36

Lepore as everything and everyone

1:00:39

else. Oh these, those

1:00:41

stars of space is edited by Sam

1:00:43

Grant, designed by Joe Lepore and produced

1:00:45

by Joe Lepore at Bucket of Milk,

1:00:48

with the support of our patrons and

1:00:50

our Rear Admiral, Lucas Wagner. Our

1:00:52

theme and additional music is composed

1:00:54

by Huge today. See

1:00:57

you next time, cosmic voyagers, for

1:00:59

another story from, Oh These, Those

1:01:01

Stars of Space.