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I looked at Hooters as a university. When

0:37

did you know you were funny? Some

0:40

days, still not. I'm sure.

0:42

I had two kids again and

0:44

then I was like, oh, it used to be

0:46

funny. When was that? All the love goblins come

0:48

out of my vagina and I'm going to be

0:50

thinking about that goblin when I'm at work. I'm

0:53

going to start a charity foundation to

0:55

pay fines for people who took their kids out of

0:57

school. All like run marathon sports and stuff and people

0:59

are like, what's the charity? I'll be like, uh, Sharon

1:02

wants to get kids to send you props on the

1:04

cheat week. And I like the

1:06

word diarrhea. Especially for a date. Like these

1:08

people who fake phone calls and fires and

1:10

floods. Just be like, I'm so sorry, I've

1:12

got diarrhea. And you're not going to

1:15

worry about them messaging you again. You're going

1:18

to go home and have missionary and a t-shirt after

1:21

watching people at orgies all day. This

1:27

is actually really surreal, haven't you here? We

1:29

have met before though. Welcome to Say Wrong,

1:32

It's Right. Thank you so much. Thank you

1:34

so much for coming on. We have a

1:36

few things in common. Okay. Starting

1:38

off, I am Canadian. Oh, I

1:41

didn't know that. Did you not? Okay, I'm really glad

1:43

you don't know this. Because actually when I was like

1:45

learning some little details about you, like a little stalker

1:47

that I am this morning. So

1:49

Ontario? Yes. Yeah. My family

1:51

is from Ontario, St. Thomas, Ontario.

1:54

No. Do you understand how

1:56

big Canada is? Yes. So

1:58

just to give you Canada. like

2:00

backstory. So we, the family's

2:02

from St. Thomas. I

2:05

lived in Edmonton for five years as a kid

2:08

and then we came back here. My

2:10

brother went to University of Calgary, so

2:13

I've been around, I know like Canada,

2:15

but Siren, how do

2:18

you say it? Don't worry about it. Thomas

2:20

is much worse than Siren. It's Sarnia, which sounds

2:22

like Narnia with more sandwiches. How close to

2:24

St. Thomas? It is St. Thomas. So like,

2:26

St. Thomas is a county. And

2:30

right next to it is Lampton County and Sarnia

2:32

is like in Lampton County. But in terms of

2:34

how big Canada is, like I don't even know

2:36

how to describe it to you. We're like, we

2:38

would be like next door neighbors almost because Canada's

2:40

massive as you know, having lived in Alberta, which

2:43

is like a six hour flight

2:45

from St. Thomas. And

2:47

you and I are like, like this. How

2:49

crazy is that? Although even crazier, neither of

2:51

us are from Canada because we're obviously white.

2:55

Mm. Well, my grandfather

2:57

was an orphaned refugee from the war

2:59

and that's how he ended up in

3:01

Canada. Oh, I thought you were going

3:03

to say he was indigenous. No, no,

3:05

no. He was like, you know, they

3:07

sent kids to Canada. That's how the

3:09

kind of Canadian bloodlines stopped. Yeah. Anyway,

3:11

great grandfather. Yeah. And he was English.

3:13

Yeah. So all that way back, he

3:15

just went together. That's so strange. I

3:17

know. But yeah, it's crazy, isn't it?

3:19

I know. Do you ever

3:21

miss it? I

3:23

don't know. I didn't live in the

3:26

beautiful prairies or any of

3:28

the places, you know, the nice bit like

3:30

you lived in Edmonton. I think it's really

3:32

beautiful. Not in the winter. I thought everything gets a

3:34

hard time when I tell people about it. And I'm like,

3:37

solar, some other, I'm like, all of the

3:39

kids that I remember. But you say this

3:41

beautiful landscape around, but it's quite, I will

3:43

say this about Canada. Being a kid there is

3:46

brilliant. And you were there at exactly the right

3:48

time. See, I think if you had grown up

3:50

in Sarnia, which, you know,

3:52

a few decisions, different Sarnia's worse.

3:54

So I wrote it down as

3:57

IRN. Do you know that were

4:00

men who came to make the sign, and they spelled

4:02

it wrong too. So for a

4:04

while we had these giant letters at the border of

4:06

the town that were spelled wrong. So I mean like

4:08

I don't even blink at you calling it siren. It's

4:10

been called so much worse. You didn't react to it.

4:12

No, I was like, we'll take it. Sarnia,

4:15

teen pregnancy capital of the

4:17

world. We'll

4:20

take it. It's small town vibes. It's small

4:22

town vibes, and I had a beautiful childhood,

4:24

I really loved it. But I

4:26

think that when you grow up in a place like that,

4:28

and certainly if you'd stayed in Edmonton, you

4:30

might not have had all the opportunities that you

4:33

did. I feel like being here, you're so close

4:35

to Europe, free

4:38

some political ideologies. You could

4:40

go and live and work there and study there

4:42

as well. And then you could just like be

4:44

a citizen of the world. And in Sarnia, like

4:46

a lot of my friends didn't even instill don't

4:48

have passports. They won't. Don't leave.

4:51

No. Yeah. And that

4:53

for your personality, I think would have become

4:55

very frustrating. Like it did for me. I

4:58

just needed to get out. Did you know from the young that you wanted

5:01

to see the world? Pretty young. Yeah. I

5:03

just knew that I needed to live in a metropolis. Yeah. I

5:06

think I knew that it was fancy. Do you remember the winters there?

5:09

I remember snow. I remember like

5:11

my mum, not in the way

5:13

of how sort of it brings

5:15

your life to a standstill, but although

5:18

it's something like our birthday, there's an inside

5:20

option for everything. But if you were British

5:22

and you landed, seeing my mum was like

5:24

the adjustment was huge. It's really difficult. They're

5:27

taking people who are escaping

5:30

all types of difficult situations

5:32

and they're looking to immigrate

5:34

to Canada. And

5:36

they're taking people from hot countries and being

5:38

like great news. There's space in

5:41

the Yukon. And there's people like, what?

5:44

Like imagine coming from a desert and

5:47

then being put in another desert, but a

5:49

snow style desert. Just being like, what

5:51

am I gonna do with this? And

5:53

they're seeing snow for the first time, but it's so,

5:55

it's painfully cold. I have a girlfriend whose husband is

5:57

in the mounted police. He's like a real Canadian

5:59

mount. on a horse, but he works in

6:01

these really cold climates. And she was posting pictures of

6:03

her daughters at school and I was like, did they

6:06

make them go outside? And they said, well, there's no

6:08

recess if it's really cold. It's like

6:10

minus 52. That's the cutoff. I was minus,

6:12

and that's not a different, that's

6:14

not like a Fahrenheit. It's minus 52 Celsius is

6:18

the cutoff where they will not send babies out

6:21

for recess, essentially polar bear food. Did

6:23

you tell her that we shut down the

6:25

whole country when we get slayed? Yeah, just

6:28

like this much on the ground, national emergency.

6:31

My new Roman Empire

6:33

is you at Hooters. Because

6:37

that was part of your journey

6:40

out of Canada, right? Talk to me

6:42

about that. I love tutors. It's tricky

6:44

when you do something like, you

6:47

know, some of the past jobs that

6:49

you and I have had, and then you

6:51

emerge as this really articulate feminist. People are

6:53

like, well, then why did you work at

6:55

Hooters? And it's like, well, because I was

6:57

raised in a patriarchal society where

6:59

women were marginalized and seen as sex objects, and

7:01

I thought that the best thing that you could

7:03

be was pretty. And I was 19 years old.

7:05

And I had Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera on

7:07

the radio. And I thought if I could just

7:09

get my midriff to a place that

7:12

I can wear a belly chain, and

7:14

I can have skin colored hair and hair colored

7:16

skin, I'll be the most beautiful happiest girl in

7:18

the world. And I was quite goppy. I was

7:21

a bit of a comedian, I guess, I

7:24

would say things that people found off putting

7:26

or provocative, I guess. And it

7:29

wasn't welcomed the way it was with your

7:31

friends. Like I was weird. And I

7:33

thought, well, maybe if I could be prettier

7:35

or more gentle or more quiet, or like

7:37

the type of girl that people enjoy being

7:39

around, I'll have a better life.

7:42

And so I looked at Hooters as a

7:44

university, like as a real

7:46

school where I would learn to be

7:48

the right kind of girl. And what

7:50

I found there was completely the opposite.

7:52

I found really fun, diverse, funny, like

7:54

smart women who are very like minded to me.

7:56

And that was a big part of

7:58

finding my tribe. Yeah. And it flipped all

8:00

of the misconceptions I think that I

8:03

had about feminism and

8:05

about getting your

8:07

boobs, like not all the way out. A lot

8:09

of people in this country think the Hooters is the topless bar.

8:12

Oh, did they? Yeah, they do. They

8:14

don't know. That'd be a big white restaurant. I know. I

8:17

mean, essentially, it's like a white tank

8:19

and some shorts. Exactly. And

8:21

short bags. No, that's the thing. It's

8:24

funny what you can do with suggestions. Yeah. Because

8:26

girls in most other restaurants and bars, certainly in

8:28

the summer, are wearing less anyway. This is like

8:30

a sporty. And I was quite corporate at Hooters,

8:32

so I was involved with. Because I saw that

8:35

because you were like, you came like an area

8:37

manager or something. Always been very ambitious. You're like,

8:39

I'm going to do this. I'm going to do

8:41

it for the fucking man. Do it. Yeah.

8:45

First, they let me do the chalkboard. That was a huge

8:47

promotion. And then I started to train other girls.

8:49

And I think it's because I was

8:51

a woman's woman. I had a way with girls. I

8:54

could motivate people in the right way. People

8:57

think that Hooters is all about jealousy and

8:59

cattiness and women and tits. And it's really

9:01

not that. So yeah, it was great. And

9:04

I know about all how it started. It was

9:06

founded in the same year as I was, 1983.

9:09

And there were these business guys who had a, one of

9:12

them had a secretary who used to run on her lunch

9:14

break. And she wore the 80s sort

9:16

of running uniforms, those orange shorts and a

9:18

white tank top. And she was always very

9:20

clean and fresh looking and happy and positive

9:22

and big white trainers. And they thought that's

9:24

the look. Yeah. So

9:26

that's what we wore. Yeah. That's

9:29

fine. I loved it. And

9:31

then I moved over here to open Hooters. That's so

9:33

interesting, this is you talk about it. Because like you

9:35

say, you do feel like you have to defend it

9:37

in the way that I not defend it, but people

9:39

kind of with the monster girl thing.

9:41

I feel like the who to go monster girl thing

9:43

that I did, it's got a lot of parallels. And

9:45

you say, and I think the things that

9:47

people thought about it or my personal

9:49

experience is not what people want it

9:52

to be. They want me to say

9:54

that I felt, you know,

9:56

subjectified and all the girls were heads and we

9:58

lose to fight and it wasn't. that. And

10:00

actually, it taught me a lot. It taught

10:02

me that discipline. I made

10:05

friends for life, traveled the world. It gave

10:07

me stuff at a time when actually I

10:10

was the same. I didn't think that I had

10:12

any value outside the way that I looked. And

10:15

that wasn't because where I was living, like you

10:17

were a small town that made me feel that

10:19

way. That was just rules I put on myself

10:21

because I had not found my

10:23

thing. So I was like, what can I do?

10:26

I guess I look all right in a bikini. Let's give that a go.

10:29

It's interesting how society

10:31

wants to kind of demonize things.

10:34

The experience when you live it is not

10:36

necessarily that. No, and we

10:38

have to be self-aware enough to go,

10:41

was I marginalized,

10:43

objectified? Was I taken advantage of? Am I just

10:46

not far away from

10:48

it enough to see it? But I think

10:50

it depends on your personality. So to be

10:52

women like us who really thrived and who

10:54

really loved it and saw it as powerful

10:56

and saw it as inclusive. And then there

10:59

might be other women who felt very differently.

11:01

So I mean, but also, and this sounds

11:03

like victim blaming, so I feel

11:05

bad about it. But it definitely taught

11:07

me to carry myself in

11:10

a certain way and establish

11:12

my power interacting with men

11:14

early. And men would treat

11:16

me differently than they would treat

11:18

some of the other girls. So there was

11:20

one girl we worked with and her name was

11:22

Karen, but no one knew that because when she

11:24

was getting her name tag made, she sort of

11:26

whimpered her name and we thought she said carrot.

11:28

So we put carrot on her name tag and

11:30

then she never corrected anyone, which like let that

11:32

be a lesson in of itself. So everyone

11:35

called her carrot all the time. She didn't have

11:37

a carrot nine times. Yeah. I was like, all

11:39

right, carrot, here you go. And she was like,

11:41

I think she just never corrected anybody. And that

11:43

was the kind of girl that she was. I

11:45

don't know why she would want to come and

11:47

work at Hooters. She was really sweet, really shy.

11:49

And I would start tables for her

11:51

because again, I'm like high performance. So

11:53

I want to take all the tables and get all the money

11:55

and be as busy as I could be. And

11:58

I would start a table of really nice. guys, I'd have a

12:00

little chat with them. Great, here you bears. Great, Cara will

12:02

be right with you. And then I'd be and

12:05

I'd hand the table over to Cara and within

12:07

seconds she'd come crying to me like, oh, they

12:10

asked to buy my pants. And I was like,

12:13

what? They were really nice guys. And

12:15

I'm not saying any of it was

12:17

her fault. But I do think that

12:19

there are perhaps people who will

12:22

take advantage in the world and predatory people and

12:24

people who make a decision about you based off

12:27

just energy alone and doing the

12:29

jobs that we did. You're, you

12:32

know, you're no safer from these kind of people

12:34

at the bus stop or teaching in a school

12:36

or we've learned being a surgeon or being in

12:38

the police force, like these people exist in every

12:40

industry. But I think when you

12:42

put it right on the table, like you

12:44

and I learned how to be quite

12:49

strong in our energy and confident out

12:51

the gate. And then no one ever

12:53

mess with us. And

12:55

then your experience is very different to

12:57

maybe carrots experience. Because I think people

13:00

or men or should we say people

13:02

that are predatory often, like you say,

13:04

they can, they pick their

13:06

target. So they're probably thinking, carrots,

13:09

not going to stick up for herself. Let's get a

13:11

piece out of her and slap her ass. We're not

13:13

going to do it to Catherine because she's probably going

13:15

to chin up. No, let's do it to the root

13:17

vegetable. She hasn't got a backbone. Not

13:21

to say and again, that's very problematic

13:23

to articulate because it sounds very much

13:25

like simply 100%. I

13:28

mean, that shouldn't be the thing. We shouldn't

13:30

have to know, you know, be assertive to

13:32

water. There are of course situations where really

13:34

strong, powerful, assertive women are victim. Like

13:37

it can happen. But I just mean in

13:39

like a two minute waitress

13:41

situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%.

13:44

When did you know you were funny? Some days.

13:47

Still not. Sure. I had

13:49

two kids again. And then I was like, Oh, I used

13:51

to be funny. When was that? I

13:54

was rested. But you thought

13:56

the second two kind of like sucked out of you for a minute.

13:58

Yeah. Oh, for sure. I. was in

14:00

a funny family. I think I grew up knowing

14:02

that comedy was valued and having a sense of

14:04

humor could get you attention at the dinner table

14:06

if you were a child because when back from,

14:08

you know, our parents weren't keeping

14:11

lavishing attention on us the way I do

14:13

with my kids. Now you had to earn

14:15

it, drag yourself up to the

14:17

to the dinner table where everyone was smoking and drinking

14:19

in your face and say something funny. And that's what

14:21

would make the adults go, huh? And I

14:24

loved that feeling of like commanding a

14:26

room. So I was funny

14:28

in my own family before it was funny anywhere else. And

14:30

were you funny at school? Like, would your

14:32

friends, your peers, then like, she was really

14:35

funny? For a time, yes. And then for

14:37

a time, no. And then yes, again.

14:39

So I think I learned about audiences

14:41

like, oh, when we were very

14:43

little, I was a performer, I did loads of musical

14:45

theater, I always wanted to be the funny character, I

14:47

did local theater, I was always funny, I

14:49

was never like the main girl, I was

14:51

the best friend, which I loved being

14:54

funny. And then in high school, we

14:56

all became quite upset. I'm my own daughter, I'm

14:58

almost 15 now. And I see that the best

15:00

thing that you can be is ordinary. You just

15:03

want to squeak by

15:05

under the radar and look like everyone else and have

15:07

the same jacket as everyone else and not be noticed

15:09

and not be special. Because being

15:12

special or being different is being

15:14

vulnerable, you're putting yourself at risk. So I went

15:16

through that period where I was like, anything

15:19

I said, you know, people wouldn't laugh. Yeah, they

15:21

were like, oh, no, we should say that. And

15:23

then I grew out of that again. And I

15:25

was funny again. That's such an

15:27

interesting space with your daughter and that just

15:29

blending. So I heard this piece of psychology

15:31

once and it was like, the

15:33

zebra in the pack that's got the

15:36

different stripes always killed first by the

15:38

lion, because it's like, and we basically

15:40

have that in us as humans, the

15:42

person that is like, tall or small,

15:44

or, you know, talented is like, gonna

15:46

be targeted. So did

15:49

you go for a time where you were like, I know

15:51

I'm funny. And I think it's a funny remark to say

15:53

here, but I'm just gonna think it in my head and

15:55

not say it. Well, I thought it was funny. I had

15:57

a few friends who thought I was funny, but mostly it

15:59

was viewed as. as provocative and

16:01

just weird, like different. I

16:04

was being the zebra. And I

16:06

love animal metaphors. So what we do

16:08

is also, it's supposed to make

16:10

you feel sick and it's supposed to make you feel scared.

16:13

And I don't know if you ever had that

16:15

kind, like surely when you were doing

16:17

your big outing on the big,

16:19

big reality show, you

16:22

must have known how vulnerable that

16:26

was gonna make you. You must've known the scale of

16:28

it, going into it. And

16:30

then, to an extent, at that time,

16:32

the show hadn't reached it. So

16:34

I think with series three, I think it was weird

16:37

because we were the last ones that had a little

16:39

bit of naivety because I think everyone didn't realize it

16:41

was gonna, I knew people were watching it. I knew

16:43

it was on telly, but I think if I'd known

16:46

what we were coming out to, it would have been

16:48

a very different experience. And when

16:51

you started to realize how big it was, did

16:53

you feel any of those shameful,

16:56

panicked, oh my gosh, vulnerable

16:58

feelings? Because what our

17:00

animal brain is supposed to do is like a zebra,

17:02

which is supposed to be part of a pack. And

17:05

when you take yourself out of the pack and you face

17:07

the audience or the pack, you

17:10

have a nice time and you do stand up or you do whatever you

17:12

do, you're on this one, you have your podcast, you're

17:14

talking. And then at the end, early days

17:17

of it, you're supposed to feel a bit of panic, like

17:19

why did I just do that? And that's your animal brain

17:21

teaching you, like scolding you, don't ever do that again.

17:24

Because it was dangerous. The Alliance could have got you

17:26

then. You could have forced you that again. Oh yeah,

17:28

I suppose. And I don't have it anymore. No?

17:31

You probably don't either, yeah. No, sometimes

17:33

it feels so second

17:36

skin and so kind of like in

17:38

my bones, but then I get

17:40

that feeling where I'm too relaxed

17:42

or that kind of, you know

17:45

that imposter syndrome where you think

17:47

it's too easy, anyone could do

17:49

this. And apparently that is

17:51

a definition of imposter syndrome when something feels

17:53

second nature and you think, well, why am I

17:55

doing this? She could just do

17:57

it. But that means that you're meant to be doing it. Do

18:00

you get nervous? Not anymore and I miss it.

18:02

I miss the zebra. You don't even have the

18:04

whole kind of size? Definitely not. Really? And then

18:06

I do miss it. I go, oh, it used

18:08

to be fun to puke in

18:11

a bucket before. It was nice. I got

18:13

a adrenaline from that and now I'll

18:15

be having a conversation. Yeah, yeah, oh,

18:17

and this, yeah. We'll have some

18:19

gyoza afterwards. Right. And they'll be announcing me. I'll be like,

18:21

see you in one second. And then I'll just go out

18:23

and just do it. Do it. Muscle memory. Although

18:26

it's never like that at the beginning of a new tour. No. My

18:29

last tour was when my two year old son was born

18:31

and that lasted about a year until I

18:33

was nearly giving birth to my daughter. And

18:36

then I took a year off and now I'm going on tour again.

18:39

They saw him and that's, I hope, I'm

18:41

sure I will feel nervous at the beginning and I'm

18:43

looking forward to that. I think it's a lovely feeling.

18:45

Excited, baby. Or maybe my animal brain and yours have

18:47

just been like, you're not listening. Goodbye.

18:50

They're just, they're like, you, our

18:53

animal brains are done. So like you're on your

18:55

own with the lions. Good luck. Your

18:57

road to comedy. You came over here with

19:00

Hooters to open that restaurant. And

19:03

then you were doing stand up as like, was it

19:05

more of like a hobby? How

19:07

did you break in? I

19:09

came here to open the Hooters and I went back for

19:11

a while. And then my boyfriend at the time wanted to

19:14

move here to do comedy. He was like, it's the best

19:16

place for comedy in the world. And

19:18

we were gigging. We were both, we met in a comedy

19:20

club. And so I was just doing it as a hobby.

19:22

I thought it was really fun. Yeah. I

19:25

didn't dream. I didn't want to be a buyer to be a comedian.

19:27

I never thought I would be. I never thought I wouldn't be. It's

19:29

just not something I thought about at all. I just thought it was

19:31

a nice hobby. And I started doing

19:33

stand up almost as an exorcism for the provocative things that

19:35

I said. To get it all out. Because it was

19:37

right next to the Hooters in Canada. Yeah. So I

19:39

was like, I'll just do stand up on a Wednesday.

19:42

I'll meet some friends there. I'll say all the things

19:44

I have to say. And then I can go back

19:46

to my life and my real goal of being beautiful

19:48

and silent. Yeah. And

19:51

then I was like, well, I don't really want to move to the UK.

20:00

And I mean I still feel this way about the UK and

20:02

Ireland things are old and

20:05

you don't fix them and small and small You're

20:07

just like look at this beautiful listed church conversion.

20:09

I'm like does this mean I can't get sky

20:11

like just fix it Just knock it

20:14

down and build a new one, which

20:16

is what we do in Canada. We're a very

20:18

young country Yeah founded by your grandfather and I

20:22

I didn't really want to come here But I wasn't ready

20:24

to break up with him And I thought I might be

20:26

missing out on something if I didn't come and it was

20:28

a tricky time because I was young I

20:31

missed my family and my friends and

20:33

I think I have to remember that sometimes because my husband

20:35

my now husband moved over here and Even

20:38

as a 40 year old like he does he misses his

20:40

family and his friends and I have to take myself back

20:42

and go It is really tough to come to a new

20:44

country and at least when I was 23 I

20:46

had a chance of I worked in an office. Well,

20:48

I made some friends. I was young but it's hard

20:51

to make friends now As an

20:53

agile. Yeah, I mean I have

20:55

to say it's really bad thing to say but I'm in

20:57

this job And it's not when I'm going

20:59

out making documentaries interviewing people. I love

21:02

that I hate meeting new people in

21:04

a social setting. I hate making new

21:06

friends I just I don't know what it is

21:09

I I have those friends that you know, they'll

21:11

come to my house and we'll sit in silence

21:13

three hours Yeah, I love that bit when you

21:15

get to that bit. Yeah, it's hard, isn't it?

21:26

What do you think that comedy wise

21:28

sense of humor your dad said that this is

21:31

a no your ex Partner said this

21:33

is a place to come for comedy. Do you do

21:35

you think the sense of humor is different? Dad

21:38

is an apt Freudian slip. I think

21:40

that He

21:43

was old and I had unhealed

21:45

childhood trauma I am

21:48

I do agree. I think people certainly

21:51

like increasingly Canada It's

21:54

weird politically weird. They're quite

21:57

easily offended changing

22:00

It is like I don't know where every

22:02

quick on over there I know and again like I've

22:04

been removed for a long time difficult for me to

22:06

comment on exactly what's going on But people it seems

22:10

like they're easier to offend and the little bit

22:12

stand up. I've done over there have been fun

22:14

They've been amazing, but it exists in

22:16

the metropolis. But if you do stand up in the

22:19

slower town I didn't

22:21

mean to say slower like that But if the

22:24

shoe fits, you know and then uncles and Toronto

22:26

my dad him back in the day They used

22:28

to watch people like Eugene Levy do stand up

22:30

You know and my uncle was saying it has

22:32

it's changing like what like comedy is changing across

22:34

the world What can we joke about? What can

22:36

we not joke about? But like you say it

22:38

when you then go out further out more

22:41

remote. It's gonna be even more Yeah,

22:44

and that's like I cut my teeth

22:46

doing comedy in those towns. Yeah, and

22:48

they just wanted to hear about I

22:50

mean the most hack Men

22:53

in lumberjack shirts type of comedy like I

22:55

hate my wife I drink that was the kind of

22:57

company and I think it's evolved but not

22:59

in every town and here as soon as

23:01

I landed I was like, oh my gosh

23:04

Everyone is so literary and everyone's so

23:06

different everyone's alternative and it becomes not

23:08

alternative and everyone's so smart and now

23:12

That we have social media everyone in my DMS is

23:14

funny. Everyone on social media is funny People

23:16

will be like a pediatric nurse also just

23:18

a part-time comedian really funny. Everyone's the piss

23:20

here I just feel

23:22

a lot more relaxed about comedy here

23:24

I trust people to get it people

23:27

of course still get offended but mmm.

23:29

It's easier. It's nice. Nice It's

23:31

a yeah, I don't know so much about Canadians But

23:33

I was just in LA and it's like I think

23:35

it's a sarcasm That sometimes

23:37

like stateside just goes and

23:40

you can say something really like I said

23:43

a couple of things It was just like so

23:45

obviously because they're just so crazy and oh my

23:47

god, that's terrible. No, that was Oh

23:51

the joke, yeah, just guys. Yeah, we

23:53

talk in sarcasm here don't we it's

23:56

very strange comedy,

23:58

especially I think is an

24:02

amplified version of just how people

24:04

are and how people talk. The way comedians talk

24:06

in LA is mental.

24:08

They just be like, I'm great. I've done

24:10

so well and I'm doing this and I'm

24:13

doing that. And they're, they big themselves up

24:15

and they're so relentlessly positive. And comedians here

24:17

are so self-loathing and self-deprecating.

24:19

We never say anything nice about our best

24:21

friend or someone we really admire. Like we

24:24

just don't talk like that at all. And

24:27

it's, it's weird. In

24:29

America, you go on stage and they'll be like, what do you want

24:31

me to say about you before you go on? I'm like, I don't

24:33

care. And other people will turn up with

24:35

a list of credits. Like you have to say, he's been

24:37

on Conan. You're going to absolutely love him. They will write

24:39

it out and bring it. And they

24:41

want to be introduced like that. And I just think that is

24:43

sick. What

24:46

about the burden of being pretty

24:48

and funny? It's a heavy crown. I

24:51

feel like I'm going to say, I feel like

24:53

I wear it. I'm sitting next to a comedian.

24:56

Well luckily and less pretty as time goes on. I

24:59

disagree. No, it's true. Scientifically

25:01

true. Like my iPhone stopped recognizing my face.

25:04

True. I got it. Well,

25:07

so certainly I established a

25:09

brand of being really glamorous

25:11

on stage and being unapologetic

25:13

about feminine, you know,

25:16

traditionally feminine qualities that I lean into

25:18

rather than shy away from. So I've

25:21

always done like hair and makeup and

25:24

I'm the best dressed person in

25:26

the room. I feel like it's just respectful if people

25:28

have paid for a babysitter, they've come in a night

25:30

out. I think you should give them

25:32

like a Hollywood show. And I feel like it's almost

25:35

drag what I do on stage. There's

25:37

cry. The reason that I always pushed for that

25:39

and I love to

25:41

see other women doing it in stand up is because

25:43

we will get paid more. We will get better jobs.

25:46

We do a lot of corporate awards nights and gigs

25:48

like that where the men can turn up with the

25:51

tuxedo and they look like they

25:53

are worth the fee that the company is paying

25:55

to have you host quite an

25:57

illustrious award. If we are going to get.

26:00

those jobs. We need gowns, we need hair and

26:02

makeup, we need to match the

26:04

level of expensiveness. Like if you want to

26:06

get the paycheck I think you have to

26:08

look expensive. I think that. I

26:10

can love that. I completely agree. Yeah. I

26:13

feel like I'm sick of frantically like trying

26:15

to convince you that you know

26:17

we're separated at birth, the Canada stuff and

26:19

like the Hoot stuff. Now when I throw

26:21

another one in, like you reconnected with your

26:24

old boyfriend. Did you do that? Yes.

26:27

There wasn't as big the timeline gap because

26:29

he was your child, well teenage had boyfriend

26:31

right. I mean you were doing who you

26:33

think you are, you're back in the hometown,

26:36

locked eyes. Yeah. And I wanted to talk to you

26:38

so I thought you're gonna give me the real tea

26:40

because he would have had a child you know

26:42

a year ago, two years ago and

26:44

I am the one who is

26:46

like I'm just scared to death. But

26:49

when I watch you with your daughter

26:51

especially on the shows it is, the

26:54

parental guidance. Yeah. I'm

26:56

like oh it's not that scary and you

26:58

can be really cool and you can you

27:01

know get help and you don't have to lie

27:03

about it like every other celeb. Yeah. No I

27:05

don't lie about the help that I get because

27:08

if I didn't have someone watching my kids' lives

27:10

at work they'd be like chained to

27:12

a radiator and that's much worse. So it's like people

27:14

know I don't have family here. People see me out

27:16

of the house. Yeah. So as much as I do

27:18

have help I haven't slept since my son was born

27:20

two and a half years ago because the kids still

27:22

don't know. I don't sleep through the night. I sleep

27:24

at the foot of their bed like a dog. I

27:27

think to myself sometimes you're famous what

27:29

are you doing here? I'm

27:31

very hands-on and you will be

27:33

too because anything that you decide to do

27:35

you want to do well. And it is

27:37

this Western lie that women can

27:40

have it all. I don't think you can

27:42

have it all at the same time and

27:44

I think it's adorable that your husband would

27:46

have had kids. Would he

27:48

have taken them to Sunderland? Left them at the side

27:50

of the pitch? Of course not. And

27:52

I feel like my husband can detach

27:54

a lot easier than I do. I

28:00

can like by the ninth hole. He's forgotten me as

28:02

a family Whereas

28:04

I'm their mother it changed my

28:06

body. I got really fat which again I'm

28:09

not supposed to talk about because it's a

28:11

body-positive society fine I don't look good with

28:13

a fringe some people do fat doesn't sue

28:15

me. I have fully fully figured friends

28:17

They look great. I don't I don't care. I didn't

28:19

sue me I didn't like it and I gained all

28:22

the weight in my face and shoulders Because

28:24

I've angered God and

28:26

I gained two stone and then

28:28

I got pregnant again right away And then

28:31

I still get and then when you're in the public

28:33

eye people do notice There's

28:35

a fat shaming thing that was really

28:37

illuminating for me live I thought oh

28:40

I didn't realize the vitriol that's reserved

28:42

for people who are Not

28:44

fitting in with this like ideal body size

28:47

got it. I loved learning that but

28:49

also even a nice I

28:54

want to connect with people and Demographic

28:56

of people that oh I get how

28:58

mean yeah, I get it But people

29:01

decide you're fat. Yeah, which is fun,

29:03

but they they're angry about it They're

29:06

bad pissed off that you saw I've been

29:08

called loads of things before ugly in this

29:10

ginger bitch flows This

29:12

is this but fat people are very mean about

29:15

that and as someone who wants to connect with

29:17

people and do I like I need to know

29:19

what people are going through so I loved it

29:22

But it is fair to say that as a

29:24

brand or like as a familiar face on television

29:27

An audience will need to get their head round like

29:29

a different Version of you and then you can't give

29:31

your full attention to the projects that you're doing now

29:34

You really can't not if you also want to be

29:36

a really hands-on mother and it can be done But

29:39

at what personal cost hmm to your

29:41

mental health like it it will it

29:43

sucks for a while. Okay So

29:48

Destroyed body check. Well, I mean I bounced

29:50

back. I mean you look great. Thank you.

29:52

I decide that either Oh from

29:54

the list look I'm 40 so I can say it

29:57

you can say it It's

29:59

a great idea I don't think that

30:01

anyone ever regrets having kids. They're this

30:03

magical blessing and a wonderful gift, but

30:06

you will have a rough road if

30:08

you are the kind of mother that

30:10

I am and you intend on continuing

30:12

with the schedule that you're on work-wise.

30:15

And to lie to you about that

30:17

would be me doing you a disservice.

30:19

This feels... I needed this. Because like

30:22

you say, why do we tell women

30:24

lies? Like you said, because when

30:26

I'm thinking about it, like my brain, I'm like, right,

30:28

I'm here, I'm doing this and doing that. And I

30:31

do not want to look away from it for a second because I'm

30:33

like, is this even fucking real? This

30:35

is my life. I don't want to take my

30:37

eye off the ball. I don't want to let

30:39

anyone else jump in my seat. But then also

30:41

I know if I had a child that's literally

30:43

come, all love goblins come

30:45

out of my vagina and I'm going

30:47

to be thinking about that goblin when I'm at

30:49

work. You never had a nanny. I'm going to

30:51

be thinking, what if she talks or he talks

30:53

or she walks? Do you know what I mean?

30:55

I'm not there. It's going to fucking suck. I

30:58

thought before these two small kids were born that I

31:00

would just throw money at it. And I'd be like,

31:02

it's fine. I'll continue. But you don't love them because

31:04

they're not here yet. When they're born, then you're

31:07

going to want to be around them all the time. And then

31:09

you'll want time to yourself too. But

31:11

even if you give them to a nanny, they're

31:13

screaming because they really do want you. It's really,

31:16

really tough. But I still think

31:18

you should do it. I

31:20

like that. Because it's really worth it. But

31:23

yeah, it's just important to be honest about it. I think. Violet's

31:26

really funny, isn't she? Violet's my favorite. She

31:29

didn't even take a beat.

31:32

She's so you. She's great. But you said something

31:34

to her in one of your shows. You said,

31:36

when I had nothing, I had everything. And you

31:38

started to get emotional. And she's like, oh my

31:41

God, mommy, you're going to cry. Yeah. And I was like, the

31:43

sass. Yeah, she

31:45

was good. Was that a very different experience with

31:47

her the first? The way it was just you

31:49

and her and to the other two? Yeah.

31:53

I was young. I

31:55

was financially very insecure. So I hadn't

31:57

gotten used to little luxuries that I was used

31:59

to now. before I had the babies, there

32:01

was no ball rolling. So I just, there

32:04

was nothing interrupted in my life. All of a sudden I had

32:06

this daughter, the relationship with her

32:08

dad broke down really quickly. And then I had

32:10

her all to myself more or less. She still

32:13

has a relationship with her dad. But day to

32:15

day, it was very peaceful to be in charge

32:17

of everything because it wasn't keeping score with someone

32:19

else. And if you have a husband, not

32:22

only do you have to consider the

32:24

audacity of his opinions, but

32:26

you have to make space

32:28

for him. Consider what he's doing, make space

32:31

for your relationship also. And then if you

32:33

do something and he hasn't maybe put in

32:35

as much, I know my husband absolutely

32:38

gives a hundred percent effort, but to me that looks like a four

32:40

out of 10. So I'm like,

32:43

Oh, he's so comfortable. Yeah. He

32:45

also played football, but like

32:48

American football. And he's a great, great dad,

32:50

but a shit mom. So

32:54

with my daughter, I liked, I

32:56

loved being a single mother and I loved how empowering

32:59

it was just to know that I

33:01

had to do it all. And then I

33:03

have no resentment. I didn't have to make space

33:05

for a relationship. I can work and be with

33:07

my daughter. And we grew up together in a

33:10

way. And it was so wonderful. And she's

33:12

an important point of reference for me because then I

33:14

remember with the babies how fleeting the time really is.

33:17

So like I've been exhausted for two and a half

33:19

years. What's two and a half years with the rest

33:21

of my life. And very soon they'll be 15 years

33:23

old rolling their eyes at

33:25

me and it'll be gone. And you'll

33:27

never get it back. So it's

33:30

amazing. Yeah. It's nice. You should

33:32

definitely do it. I'm thinking about it. I'm

33:34

warming to it. It's like that thing you say, I think you

33:36

also have to make peace with the fact that, Oh

33:39

God, people love talking about like the division

33:41

of labor between like men and women. But

33:43

it's like, like you say, even when Brad

33:45

tells me he's trying really hard, it doesn't

33:47

look like he is. Yeah. And

33:49

it looks like he's making things worse on

33:52

purpose. Yeah. So that's him trying to

33:54

be helpful. And it's just really, yeah.

33:57

There is a special place in hell.

34:00

for men that golf. And

34:03

I think men that enjoy sports in

34:05

general actually is just fucking rude. And

34:08

then doing it as a job on top, taking

34:10

a piss. I

34:13

will do it. I do want

34:15

them. But you say also, I think there's a

34:17

misconception about me and I think my, you know,

34:19

on social media, the misconception that I don't like

34:21

children. That is not true.

34:23

Like, do I love screaming children

34:25

on a tower? Can I say, no, no

34:27

one does and you're a freak. But,

34:31

and I wouldn't say I'm like, terribly

34:33

maternal. But when I love something

34:35

or someone, it's like you say,

34:37

I will be obsessed. Yeah. So, and I know

34:39

that about myself. It's like, I don't have that

34:41

feeling where I'm like, I could, you know, just

34:43

pay for the problems go away and just couldn't.

34:46

No, you won't. I mean, it

34:48

is a privilege that is afforded to

34:50

few. So like, just if you can, you should. Good

34:53

problem to, you know, you say having to

34:55

even have that debate that you have the

34:57

option is something amazing in itself. It's just

34:59

like you say, making, and you might get

35:01

a divorce. It's looking

35:03

more like, I think about having another

35:05

one and people go people. Do you

35:07

really? Yeah. Because I'm 40. So this

35:09

is kind of like our last little

35:12

chance, I guess, in the next few

35:14

years. And if we're lucky, and

35:16

people message me and they go, Oh, you know, you

35:18

never, you're right. You never regret them. I had an

35:20

extra one when I thought I'd had enough. And I

35:22

never regretted that baby. And I go, great. Are

35:25

your husbands and you still together? They go, no.

35:27

Okay. So it's

35:31

a balance for everyone. You have to consider them.

35:34

If you want one, think

35:36

about the branding deals, Chloe, you know what I mean?

35:38

Like, it's the right thing to do. She does always

35:40

tell me babies might close the cash side. Get

35:43

that baby working. Yeah. And

35:46

you should definitely do it because you'll be

35:48

honest with other moms the way I am.

35:50

Yeah. We need more voices, making these women

35:52

not feel completely gaslit when they're having a

35:54

hard time. It's hard though, because this

35:57

is not me shaming moms that I know, but it's like,

36:00

There's that shame. Well,

36:02

it's the fact that I think we try to

36:05

martyr women. It's like, you know, they don't want

36:07

to tell people they have help because Twitter,

36:09

they're going, oh, you are close.

36:12

You know, but like you say, if you're on

36:14

live telly or you're doing this, of course you have help

36:16

and your husband also has a job. He's not a stay

36:19

at home dad. But they then hide it and

36:21

then they pretend to all these other mums that

36:23

they're doing everything. And some of these other mums

36:25

believe that. And I just think that's so shit

36:27

because they're looking at you going, she's got a

36:29

blow dry, she's got glam, she's got her own

36:32

whatever brand deal, this and the other. And she's

36:34

doing this and she's making muffins. And I think

36:36

I know she's not because I know her. But

36:39

I know her reasons for being

36:41

scared to tell people. But

36:43

then I just think we should just tell them and just

36:45

tell them to fuck off. Yeah. Like I

36:47

always say and people sometimes will message me

36:49

and they'll go, you've got these two massive

36:51

stinky rescue dogs. Your house is pristine. I'm

36:54

like, I have a housekeeper. I don't go

36:56

hoovering five, six times. I just tell you that

36:58

because that's the truth. Yeah. And some people get

37:00

pissed off by it. But I'm like, I'm not

37:02

going to lie and pretend that I hoover, you

37:05

know, after they drag their shitty ass. No, I'm

37:07

lucky that I have someone who can do that

37:09

for me. I think it's good

37:11

to say I have all this privilege and I'm

37:13

still finding it quite hard. So I'll half off

37:15

to you. If you don't have this, then like

37:18

you should be kind to yourself and understand why it's also hard

37:20

for you. And I talk

37:22

about my nanny babysitter all the time.

37:25

My children speak exclusively Filipino. I

37:29

don't know. I'm going to

37:31

learn it Wednesday. No. Fucking

37:35

brilliant. They love her. This

37:40

is my box of wrong. So essentially I'm going to read

37:43

you some statements and say if they're right, wrong

37:45

or so wrong, they're right. Oh, yeah. Like

37:48

that. So carrying together. OK.

37:50

Taking a child out of school for a

37:53

holiday. I think that's controversial.

37:55

And it's that people get very angry about

37:57

this online. I think it's definitely right. But

38:00

is it so wrong it's right? Maybe.

38:04

I just want to fit it into the format so

38:06

quickly. I think it's always

38:08

right to take your children out of

38:10

institutionalized education. I

38:13

think if you can, you should just not even have the minute

38:15

in the first place because it is so

38:17

much more enriching to be with your family

38:19

and to see something and to go somewhere

38:21

and to be part of that tribe than

38:23

for what? For your family? Well,

38:26

first of all, they hike up the prices of everything

38:28

during school holidays. Yeah, but

38:30

also, I think any

38:32

place... So

38:36

if you're in a private school, they let you take your

38:38

kids out whenever you want because you're paying. If

38:40

they're not a scholarship, they'll just let them go. And

38:43

if they go to state school, they're keeping them there. Why?

38:47

So that they could be custodians

38:49

of the government? I don't understand. I

38:51

don't get any of that. It's weird, isn't it? And

38:53

then now I saw their signing package. And now you

38:55

have to pay a bill because you took your kid

38:57

out for a couple of days. Yeah,

38:59

take your kids out of school, I think. I'll pay the

39:02

fines. I'm going to start a charity foundation to pay

39:04

fines from people who took their kids out of school.

39:07

I'll run marathon sports and stuff and people will be

39:09

like, what's the charity? I'll be like, uh... Sharon wants

39:11

to get kids to sign the car from the cheap

39:13

week. I think it's fine. Scheduling

39:16

sex. So there was

39:18

a misconception about me and my husband. My

39:21

husband and me, rather. It's not my husband and I. It's

39:23

my husband and me. Because

39:26

you wouldn't say a misconception about I, you'd say

39:28

there was a misconception about me. People

39:31

pull me up on it, but that's true. There

39:35

was a misconception about my husband and me that

39:37

we scheduled sex because I said somewhere that we

39:39

have sex twice a month. But we don't schedule

39:42

it. What happens is I log when we have

39:44

sex just out of habit from when we were

39:46

trying to conceive. I like using

39:48

the app and I still just log it. It's not

39:50

before the fact. It's after I go. No, it's after.

39:52

I go. I get drink caps.

39:54

Last night, you like hit the deck. Yes.

39:59

That's exactly it. That's exactly it.

40:01

It's a drink sap. Yeah, but for

40:03

female. That would pretty quite wow you

40:05

know. So I think scheduling, I

40:07

think, I mean as a young woman who's been married

40:09

less than a year, I think you

40:11

should know that at a certain point in your marriage

40:13

should it last this long. You might

40:16

need to schedule sex in a very, like

40:20

we should have sex this way because it's been ages. Yeah,

40:24

yes. Or like you know we've got 20 minutes

40:26

between like this school run and this, like should

40:28

we do it? Yeah, just because some people fall

40:30

off the habit of doing it

40:32

and then you do it again and go, oh yeah,

40:35

we should be having sex more. I do think it's

40:37

important in an intimate romantic relationship. Yeah. Because people message

40:39

me and they'll be like, I haven't had sex with

40:41

my husband for eight months and I think, well that's

40:43

your flatmate now. So we're obviously in that early

40:46

bit so and we're not seeing it each

40:48

of it that much but I want to

40:50

just try and do anything in my house

40:52

about being entered. Like it's just the sex

40:55

is constant. Fine. And

40:57

what's the housekeeper think of it? She just

40:59

you know screams. Could

41:02

you put a wig on her and see if she'd be

41:04

up for it? Sure, but at this point he probably, if

41:07

he was to make a rash movie, probably wouldn't know.

41:09

Oh my god. So wrong it's right. Will

41:12

you laugh at someone's unfunny joke? If you know

41:14

if someone's tried to make you laugh, should

41:16

we like encourage people who aren't funny?

41:19

When you know they're tried to

41:21

be funny. It's bad isn't it?

41:24

Because it depends who it is. It's very

41:26

subjective to the situation. If they're being like

41:28

offensive or racist or misogynist to then you

41:30

don't have to encourage that. But if they're

41:32

giving it a go, and especially

41:34

like elderly men, I think get a really bad rap. They're

41:37

trying to tell their dad jokes. They're trying to fit in.

41:39

Culture has changed so swiftly that they have whiplash.

41:41

They don't even know what happened or why they're

41:43

in trouble. I think they're so

41:46

wrong. It's right. An old man can do anything.

41:48

Say anything in front of me. I know that

41:50

he doesn't mean any harm. Yeah. And I will

41:52

always make him feel seen and important. And I

41:55

see the fear in his eyes, especially talking to me.

41:57

Yeah. Like there are men who are quite scared. And

42:00

I was taking photos at an event and

42:03

this other man was like, watch her, watch where you

42:05

put your hands. And I was like, Oh my gosh,

42:07

I'm not this like dragon. Yeah. Do

42:10

you think there's a misconception that you don't

42:12

like men? Yeah. Well,

42:14

yeah. Yeah. I think I don't

42:16

get that from you, but I could imagine

42:19

men thinking that you

42:21

have to be super careful. But

42:23

I know that I felt that's not your vibe at

42:25

all. But I could imagine some guys being like, Oh

42:27

yeah. Or that I'm a dominatrix. Like I know a

42:29

lot of people in my DMs being like, will

42:31

you please humiliate me? And I want

42:33

to send you money. So I'm like, I have

42:35

money. And I'm not mean, but they think that

42:37

I'm the same as a dominatrix for some reason,

42:39

because I do roast comedy. I don't really know.

42:42

Yeah. I don't know. But

42:44

I'm fine with it. Do you respond

42:46

to trolls on Instagram? So I've stopped

42:48

Olivia because I think it's wrong to

42:50

respond to trolls. You think it's wrong?

42:52

Wrong. Because I want

42:54

it. No, because some of them might be unhinged. And

42:56

there was someone just the other day, I'll show you

42:58

the messages now. He commented something

43:01

mean. And he had a verified account

43:03

and thousands of followers. And I said, who is this?

43:05

And I looked. And he was like this prince,

43:08

this like a shakes descendant or

43:10

something who lives in America. And

43:14

he had all these videos watched by no one.

43:16

So I think he's purchased his followers. And

43:18

he's just talking about his life and his dog and what's

43:20

going on with him and his helpers. Like when

43:23

they say helpers, that means you've got loads of staff.

43:26

And I just thought this guy's not well. And

43:28

so I didn't respond to him. And

43:31

then I started loving him. And I really followed his

43:33

page because he's quite. And

43:35

I'm like, so we've got paid followers who

43:37

aren't watching his videos. And I followed him.

43:40

I watch all his videos now. I'm like,

43:42

this guy's the best. You're a fan. But

43:45

yeah, but I think he's quite. What was the comment? The

43:47

message. I was ugly. My hair cuts bad and he

43:50

would know he has taste. So I need to change

43:52

my hair immediately. I'm like, but anyway,

43:54

it was fine. No, the trolls. They've always know

43:56

what's best for you, though. They do. They're

43:59

looking out for you. And like let them have

44:01

it. So I am for entertainment, I feel

44:03

like. And if you want to

44:05

consume me, if it makes you happy to watch

44:07

everything that I do and then send me

44:09

really nasty messages, then you're still getting a

44:12

service from me. I'm happy that

44:14

you're happy. Like I really don't mind. But

44:17

I don't risk it with trolls because they might,

44:19

you might hurt them and they're not as robust

44:21

as we are. Yeah. So

44:23

I don't risk it with them anymore. Wrong.

44:26

Wrong. I'm really scared. I'm a bit freakingating because I

44:28

only did a five year stint, but it's like poutine.

44:33

I wrote this one down. I just because after

44:35

siren, I was just like, is it poutine? No,

44:37

you got it. But if you like it. I

44:40

think it's right. Oh, thank God for that.

44:42

Yeah. I think it's a little

44:44

bit. Yeah. Yeah. But

44:46

it's all right. Yeah. Explain to

44:49

our listeners. It could even be so wrong. It's right. Yeah.

44:52

Really, when you think about poutine, so I speak French, so

44:54

I would say poutine, but everybody says poutine and you're fine

44:56

to say poutine. It's all fine. It

44:58

is very northern. Actually, it's just cheese and chips

45:01

and gravy, but it's a specific. It's like

45:03

in the North England. I love that. Yeah.

45:07

We just have a specific cheese. It's cheese curds, which

45:09

doesn't sound great. It's a bit like haramish.

45:12

Yeah. It's like if halloumi melted. Yeah.

45:15

But then we have like poutine arize where you

45:17

can put anything on poutine. You can put like

45:19

Montreal smoked meat and mustard with your gravy on

45:22

poutine. You can put like gherkins and like jalapenos

45:24

and fried onions and mushrooms. It's just the best,

45:26

the best. Amazing. Right.

45:30

Using your child as an excuse to get out of

45:32

a social arrangement. I don't

45:34

know about that one because I

45:36

think it's wrong. I think it

45:39

is wrong. I feel like if your

45:41

child is a genuine reason why you can't do the

45:43

social engagement, then it's fine. But

45:45

for work and things, if I can't do something for

45:48

some reason, I wouldn't

45:50

want a manager to be like, oh, she has childcare

45:52

issues. I feel like that is the excuse. Childcare issues.

45:55

I'm like, don't say that because then they'll be less likely

45:57

to hire a woman next time because they might think she'll

45:59

have childcare issues. Like your husband's not

46:01

gonna be late for football because of childcare issues.

46:04

So I think we should use it sparingly and only use

46:06

it when it's true. And the good news is it's gonna

46:08

be true a lot of the time. So

46:11

that's why it's wrong. Don't falsely

46:13

blame your child for missing something because

46:16

your child will legitimately make you miss

46:18

most fun things in your life. So

46:22

use it honestly. I

46:24

just give it such an insightful fucking answer.

46:27

Sorry, that makes

46:29

so much sense. Just say I'm

46:31

late because I didn't want to come. My God, you're so

46:33

smart. I didn't want to be here. I don't like you.

46:35

Yeah, just don't want to come. My

46:37

kid wants me out of the house.

46:39

I just don't want to live. Diarrhea

46:41

is good. Diarrhea. No one challenges a

46:43

diarrhea. I

46:46

have diarrhea. I think Chloe would give it a

46:48

go. She'd say put a nathy on and

46:50

nathy on. And I

46:52

like the word diarrhea. Especially for a

46:55

date. These people who fake phone calls

46:57

and fires and floods just be like,

46:59

I'm so sorry, I've got diarrhea. And

47:01

you're not going to worry about them messaging you again, are you?

47:06

Diarrhea. Unless he's like a real freak

47:08

and then he's like great. Finally. Oh

47:10

yeah. There's a date. Once you're

47:12

on the glass table and he's underneath. Yeah.

47:15

So I don't know what the game's like out

47:17

there. I mean, you and I are married. We

47:19

don't know. No. I get

47:22

to observe for the shows. It kind of

47:24

keeps me. I'm in the loop. I just don't

47:26

partake. I'm going to go home and have missionary

47:28

in a t-shirt. After watching

47:30

people at orgies all day. Yeah.

47:34

Nice. Thank you so much for joining me.

47:36

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47:38

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