0:00

Griff has finally caught up after his very

0:02

gay weekend. Yeah,

0:04

I mean, my brain is for sure, uh, it's

0:06

waking up, so glad to be here. Welcome

0:12

back to Petty Crimes, the

0:14

only true crime comedy podcast

0:16

that exclusively investigates what is

0:18

on Kira's wish list for

0:20

Christmas. My

0:24

name's Griff. I'm

0:27

Kira. Welcome

0:29

back, listeners. Hello, hello. What's on

0:31

my wish list? I

0:36

would say health and happiness. Yes.

0:41

How about you, Griffy? Anything you're

0:43

looking for? A nice pair of kruts

0:45

or? I would say world

0:47

peace. No.

0:51

I feel like you're on your wish list is probably like a

0:53

26 hour day. If

0:56

we could just have two more hours

0:59

per day, maybe that'd be great. Yes.

1:02

Yeah. Okay, I'll talk to Santa. Thank

1:05

you. I

1:09

don't really know. Like, my parents just asked me what

1:11

they could send me for Christmas because

1:13

I told them I was like, no, no, don't Venmo

1:16

me to get me something nice. Like, send me an

1:18

actual gift. Bossy,

1:20

bossy. Yeah, bossy, bossy. I wonder where

1:23

that sentiment's from. I

1:25

don't know. I don't really need anything. I feel

1:28

like I've kind of started doing like, I think

1:30

I learned this from RuPaul. Across

1:32

the year, if I see something that I like or

1:34

that someone likes, I'll get it for them and send

1:36

it. And it just kind

1:38

of when Christmas rolls around, it's like, okay, well,

1:42

I already did that. I think that's

1:44

cute. Yeah, it takes a little pressure off of

1:46

it. Yeah, more surprising. I wouldn't

1:49

mind. I've got this

1:51

bag that I carry around. It's so helpful for when

1:53

I go out. Yes. It's

1:55

by Dagny Dover. It's just kind of like a little extra

1:58

thing they sent with another bag that I got. I

2:00

love it, but I would love to get

2:02

like a newer,

2:04

maybe more elevated version.

2:07

No teeth, no shade to dagnate over because your

2:10

stuff's great, but something a little bit more

2:12

sleek. So,

2:14

for those that can't see, since this

2:16

is strictly an audio medium, you're

2:18

holding up basically an

2:21

iPhone-sized man

2:25

clutch. I mean, no

2:27

gender to it, but just a

2:29

simple, chic, black clutch, and

2:31

he wants an elevated version.

2:34

So, if anyone has a recommendation or if you just want to send Griff a

2:36

tiny little bag, you can put on his tiny little wrist when he

2:39

goes out and about, he would love. Yes, and I would

2:41

prefer that to be Prada. Thank you so much. Thank

2:43

you so much. All right. Well,

2:47

if that's the only thing on your wish list, maybe we should just

2:49

move on. It certainly

2:51

is. Let's move on. Today's crime is great.

2:54

Okay, I'm excited. I

2:57

don't know shit about shit. You don't

2:59

know anything about this you're going to love.

3:03

We talk about the seasons

3:05

of this show and we talk

3:07

about, oh, we're

3:09

getting a lot of food, you know, and it's kind

3:11

of fun. Like you sort of like ride the waves

3:13

of crime, you know, like we

3:16

get our COVID crimes, we

3:18

get our school. Anyway, wedding.

3:20

We now, exactly. We

3:23

now are getting our second sort

3:26

of laundry sheets

3:29

crime. What? I would

3:32

never have guessed. Remember

3:35

Holy Sheets with David Ferrier. Oh my

3:37

God, how could I forget an iconic episode? He was

3:39

so great too. Which also we've

3:41

gotten some rebuttals in the inbox and people

3:43

are really have thoughts on that crime. Well,

3:46

our petty criminals have thoughts on thoughts.

3:48

So yeah, keep them coming. And

3:53

we really don't have the time to unpack all of your

3:55

opinions, but we love

3:57

you. Yes we do. We do our best. Um,

4:02

that's all I'm going to tell you without further ado,

4:05

please enjoy the scourge

4:07

of Madison Square, the launderer.

4:10

That's today's crime. Um,

4:13

Griff, before we begin, would

4:16

you like a definition of scourge or do

4:18

you feel that the listeners have got it?

4:21

No, I don't have it. So please indulge us. And while

4:23

you're defining it, I'm just gonna have a little scoop of

4:25

my oatmeal. Oh, nasty.

4:27

Okay. Scourge

4:30

in this context, it's a

4:32

person or thing that causes

4:34

great trouble or suffering. Oh,

4:38

so it's synonym for Kira. Boo.

4:46

Okay, that got me. Got

4:49

her. Okay. Understand

4:51

the word. Scroo. Wait, scourge. Scourge.

4:55

Yeah, Scrooge. Scrooge. Yes. Scrooge.

4:57

In this context, something or someone that

5:00

can cause great suffering. I think of

5:02

it as a very like, um, funny

5:05

that Scrooge is so similar

5:07

to Scourge because I do think of it

5:09

as like a Dickensian word. Yeah.

5:13

I wonder if there was any, um,

5:15

any influence in writing that out. Well,

5:18

let's find out. Your

5:20

Honors, we, my

5:22

roommates and I submit before the

5:25

petty crimes court an ongoing petty

5:27

dispute within our building. For

5:29

the sake of this story, I will go

5:31

by Kelly and my roommate will be called

5:33

Olivia. To set

5:36

the scene, we live in a

5:38

charming, renovated pre-war building located near

5:40

Madison Square Park in the New

5:42

York City. We

5:46

have a basement where we share

5:49

washers and dryers with a laundromat

5:51

next door. Oh,

5:54

interesting. We have two

5:56

units in our building and then around the corner, a

5:58

laundromat and I have I've

6:00

now been using the laundromat because I don't

6:05

want to just, I want to know that I can get a machine.

6:08

Sure. Yeah. And I

6:10

think in this instance, it's a

6:12

basement that has the washers

6:15

and dryers that a laundromat has

6:17

access to. Sort of like

6:19

an annex, do you get like an annex

6:21

to their space? So for example, when they

6:23

have like wash and fold service, they

6:26

would come basically use these private washers and

6:29

dryers. I see. Okay.

6:32

So the laundromat doesn't have washers and dryers of

6:34

their own. They borrow from a building? No.

6:39

I don't know if that's the laundromat then. This is not

6:41

bode well that we're already stuck. Okay.

6:45

This will be helpful. The basement,

6:49

they share washers and dryers

6:51

in the basement with

6:53

the laundromat next door. Okay.

6:57

I know. I think I get that. I'm

7:00

just kind of like, why is the laundromat sharing with a building? Oh,

7:03

now that I've no fucking clue. Okay.

7:06

Okay. Okay. Got it.

7:09

Yeah. That's where I'm supposed to. building,

7:13

but occasionally other people have access to

7:15

the space. Which is okay.

7:17

Because yeah, I'm sure our petty criminals like

7:19

sirens are sounding off because I know mine

7:21

are because I'm like, I live in a building.

7:23

So why are there strangers coming into my apartment? We

7:27

just did a laundry. Yeah. But,

7:29

but yeah. Okay. Yeah.

7:31

Got it. Okay. The

7:34

basement is this. It is nasty

7:36

and dirty. I

7:40

always take a shower after going down there for

7:42

a laundry and it's hard for your clothes

7:44

to feel clean after washing them in that

7:46

filth. For context, we would

7:48

give our basement four teacups out of

7:50

five. Oh my goodness. Very

7:54

filthy. I feel like beyond

7:56

poop. I feel like three is our poop metric. So

7:58

I don't know what piece. What's beyond that? I

8:03

don't I understand that feeling though of like

8:05

yeah, the machines are washing your clothes But

8:07

the environment you're in Isn't

8:09

like it is not like lending itself to

8:12

the whole clean vibe of the of what

8:14

you're doing So I get that it's bum

8:16

It's a bummer that your charming building hasn't

8:18

extended its charm to the basement. But you

8:21

know, it's new york, baby It's

8:24

new york, baby Our

8:28

Building mainly consists of early to

8:30

late 20 year olds And

8:32

one older woman and our omnipresent

8:35

superintendent. Okay, we are friends slash

8:37

friendly with most of the people

8:39

in our building We've made friends with the

8:41

girls who live below us and two out of

8:43

the five apartment units on our floor so

8:46

there are Five units

8:49

on their floor. They're friends with two of them. Okay,

8:51

that's a good ratio Yeah,

8:54

yeah, it sounds like we we

8:56

believe the narrators thus far to be friendly. Yeah

8:59

Well, what is what? Our

9:02

only enemies include the theater kids who live

9:04

below us and sing show tunes at the

9:06

top of their lungs at all hours day

9:08

and night thoughts

9:11

on that um I

9:13

think you know i'm an actor but i'm not a

9:15

theater kid And I so

9:17

I get the difference to our protagonists like I

9:19

get you and I think i'd be I'd

9:23

be on your side of this battle as well I

9:25

have no doubt you would be I don't know where

9:27

kira would lie because I know you are a theater

9:29

kid Go

9:32

ahead and sing oh my goodness. All

9:34

right Oh

9:38

lord We are also

9:40

enemies with the swifties who are right

9:42

next to us on our floor and they

9:45

blast taylor 24 seven If

9:50

she's looking at me well, yeah, because of your

9:52

swift exactly as a new swifty I

9:57

mean, but like blasting music regardless if it's saunty

10:00

time or swift, like we've got to, we've got

10:02

to like end it at a certain hour of

10:04

night. So, and then, so

10:06

that's really beautiful. Thank you. Yeah.

10:08

Not a dumb, dumb, you know, I appreciate

10:11

musical theater. If it's on time

10:13

or swift, a certain hour, I

10:15

had a very gay weekend. So you're, you're

10:18

seeing me top of Monday morning, like

10:20

riding that wave. Um, no,

10:22

it's like, I appreciate both styles of

10:25

music for sure. I love musical theater.

10:27

I'm just like with theater kids and

10:29

I guess probably with Swifties too, like,

10:32

Oh, turn it off. We don't, this doesn't need to be

10:34

24 seven. You don't need to be

10:36

screamed to be heard. Like, well,

10:41

period. Yeah, exactly. On

10:44

top of that, the Swifties who are in

10:46

the unit next to us called our super

10:48

and complained we were being too loud one

10:50

night. I'm judging from context

10:52

clues here that they never call and complain

10:54

about these guys that are too loud. They just

10:56

don't appreciate it. Okay. And the time that

10:58

the Swifties called on us, we were just

11:01

laughing in our living room, so

11:03

we got in trouble with him during our friend's giving. Now

11:06

for the crime. Okay.

11:08

Okay. A

11:10

couple months ago, I was doing my laundry. Something

11:13

important to note is that I have OCD and

11:15

some of that centers around germs, so I get

11:17

very upset when my stuff touches anything outside of

11:20

my room that is supposed to be clean. Also,

11:23

New York city is just so damn nasty and

11:25

stinky in general. Anyway, OCD

11:27

in New York city is rough. That's

11:32

a fight. Yeah. Anyway,

11:35

I was doing my laundry downstairs in the

11:37

basement. I put my clothes in the washer

11:40

and then came back and put them in

11:42

the dryer. I time all

11:44

of my loads so I can move them once

11:46

they are done. So I come

11:48

back down to check. You said same. Did

11:53

you say same? Oh, do you do that too? Yeah.

11:55

Yeah. Oh, that's

11:57

a good. Sorry,

12:04

it's the weekend. I'll try to like, I'll try

12:06

to get it off. To

12:08

be honest, I'm still kind of giggling

12:10

at I had a very gay week. I

12:13

did. And then excuse me listeners if you

12:16

if my voice sounds extra raspy and sexy.

12:18

I was at a circuit party my first

12:20

ever Saturday night, I guess

12:22

really Saturday morning or Sunday

12:24

morning so apologies. We'll

12:27

unpack that

12:29

later. Back

12:32

to the laundry. Sorry, back

12:35

to the load. I

12:39

come back down to check when my timer is done and

12:41

I find my freshly washed clothes are

12:44

not in the dryer where they left

12:46

them. Instead, they

12:48

are on the dirty

12:50

ass, grimy ass floor.

12:54

And the clothes are still sopping

12:57

wet. In the

12:59

dryer where my clothes were supposed to

13:02

be drying was someone else's laundry. Their

13:05

clothes were still happily spinning around. Not

13:08

only had the person stolen my precious

13:10

quarter time, 25 cents per six

13:12

minutes of drying and $6 per wash per load. They

13:15

had put my clean clothes on

13:18

the floor. I was fuming. Fuming,

13:21

I'd be too. Floor is floor is

13:23

war. Top of dryer

13:25

is conversation, floor is war. And

13:28

do you have any other keen observations

13:31

about the details just provided? No,

13:35

similarly, she says

13:38

she has a timer for when her

13:40

washer obviously stops and she

13:42

brings it to the dryer just so that she can make

13:45

sure that things are moving swiftly.

13:49

I do that too. I also know that

13:51

if I leave stuff in certain machines too

13:53

long, someone, and I've done this

13:55

before, someone who needs maybe the

13:57

machine, especially if they're limited, will probably touch

13:59

your shit. She

14:01

also, just to call this out, she had moved

14:04

her own stuff to the dryer, and

14:07

she found the clothes sopping

14:09

wet on the floor, which means someone took them

14:11

out of the dryer mid-dry cycle. Or

14:14

the washing – or the dryer

14:16

for some reason – no, because

14:18

the second person's stuff was tumbling in the dryer.

14:20

Yes, and she timed it out. Okay, yeah. Because

14:22

I was going to say maybe the dryer stopped,

14:26

and maybe she didn't start it correctly. I

14:28

don't know. I'm examining all options, but the

14:31

dryer does work, which means that she either –

14:33

they were either taken out before it was done,

14:35

which is petty, or for

14:37

some reason she didn't start it correctly

14:39

and walked away. But I

14:41

know that our protagonist has OCD, so

14:44

I'm going to assume that she's particularly

14:46

detail-oriented. And I think,

14:48

too, her little timer went off, so she goes

14:50

down, and she's like, it's time to take my

14:52

clothes out of the dryer. She finds them on

14:54

the floor. Other clothes are tumbling in

14:56

there. Yeah, fair.

14:59

And I don't start my dryer until I see the dryer

15:01

going – or my timer, you know, so – Got

15:04

it. I'm on her side then. Thanks for – well, I'm glad we walked

15:06

through that. So I

15:08

put my clothes back in the washing machine.

15:11

Have to. And then

15:13

I decided to exact

15:15

my revenge. I

15:18

took all of their wet clothes out

15:23

of the dryer. I placed it –

15:25

she wrote washer, but I think she meant dryer. I took

15:27

all their clothes out of the dryer, placed

15:29

them on the floor where they had

15:31

left mine. Then I took

15:34

one sock, threw it

15:36

in the dryer, and pressed start again to

15:39

let their time run out, wasting

15:42

their money on one measly

15:44

sock. An eye for an

15:46

eye. A

15:48

sock for a sock. That's petty. I love

15:51

that. Yeah, okay. Afterward,

15:55

I watched who from what floor was

15:57

using the elevator to go to the

15:59

basement. Fifth floor Nature

16:02

the same floor as me I

16:04

know the recipe apartments on our floor except for the

16:07

Swifties and they're all ex-frap bros

16:09

So I was positive these G strings and t-shirt bras

16:12

I saw in the load I took from the dryer did not belong

16:14

to those guys that left only

16:16

three positive Taylor Swift loving culprits

16:18

my enemies from my floor and

16:21

they all inhabited unit 5c Okay,

16:25

wait, so the Swifties are ex-frap bros or

16:28

the Swifties and ex-frap bros are separate All

16:31

of the units except for the Swifties are

16:33

ex-frap bros. God. I was gonna say this

16:36

demo this early this age demographic You're fresh

16:38

out of college basically. So this shit is

16:40

I Can I

16:42

can picture this? Okay, so we've identified

16:45

this the Swifties that are

16:47

not friendly with our protagonist as

16:50

the culprits We

16:52

believe so Swifties are you know, I

16:54

mean, no don't don't

16:57

score in a Swiftie I'm don't

16:59

know where this is gonna go, but be scared

17:01

like what you made me do. Yeah months

17:04

go by and we think we are safe Little

17:06

do we know that the launderers reign of terror

17:08

would soon dawn upon us once again This

17:11

time our sweet helpless Olivia suffered at the

17:13

hands of our foe Olivia

17:15

descended in the elevator down to the basement

17:18

immediately her stomach dropped on

17:21

the floor That grimy cold

17:23

floor was a mound of

17:25

soggy wet laundry

17:28

her laundry Her

17:31

beloved sheets duvet covers shams and

17:34

pillowcases once clean We're now tainted

17:36

by the dirty laundry basement floor

17:38

four out of five key key keeps need we

17:40

remind you Her

17:46

eyes shifted to the dryer where her

17:48

clothes once tumbled Not only had the

17:50

launderer put her wet clothes on that

17:52

nasty floor They had obviously stolen her

17:54

time precious quarters yet again as they

17:56

are hard to come by during a

17:58

corn choy, too A coin

18:00

shortage. Yeah, a coin

18:03

shortage. It

18:05

is a coin shortage of course. Oh,

18:11

I didn't realize your uncle was here. Okay.

18:17

Instead of her clothes, someone

18:19

else's tossed and turned at

18:21

her high heat. So

18:25

Olivia opened the dryer hoping to glean

18:28

some information as to who had

18:30

committed this heinous crime. And

18:32

the dryer sat the exact same duvet cover

18:34

and shams that she owned. The

18:37

shams are important. Okay.

18:39

Our submitter writes. She

18:42

was initially confused. Why

18:44

were there duplicates? Until

18:47

she realized the culprit had the

18:49

exact same duvet cover and

18:51

set as hers. Classic early

18:54

20s. Yeah, that's coincident.

18:57

That's super helpful. You're

18:59

right. If you

19:01

had to guess where are these shams and sheets from? I

19:05

would probably guess Tarjay. I would think in

19:07

the same thing. Okay, let's work on that. I

19:11

think target. West

19:14

Elm would be my second guest if

19:16

we're leaning into our like, ew,

19:18

I'm an adult in New York, bouginess. You

19:21

know, it's not too, too bougie, but no, I'm going

19:23

to stick with Tarjay. Yeah.

19:27

Olivia was seeing red. She

19:29

needed to avenge her laundry.

19:32

She was a sham. Red.

19:35

Boom. Olivia was seeing red. She

19:39

needed to avenge her laundry. She

19:41

knew the shams only came as a

19:44

set since she mistakenly stained

19:46

one with top promen after a drunk night.

19:50

I've been there. They

19:52

are not able to be purchased separately. Only

19:57

with the full $200. So

20:01

are you getting are you getting you got this? Yeah,

20:04

I think so. Yeah so basically Olivia has

20:06

the same shams and sheets as

20:09

Person who stole her dryer. Yes, and

20:12

she knows they're only sold as a set got

20:14

it And so I understood that I'm

20:16

curious how we could even trace that I

20:19

would either have to she'd have to trace the purchase

20:21

which would be so hard or She

20:24

not she has to like make her way into the apartments and

20:26

see who's sleeping in That

20:28

set to identify them Yes,

20:31

if if identification were her goal,

20:34

that is what she would have to do. Okay, if revenge

20:36

were her goal All

20:41

she'd need to do is steal

20:44

one of the two shams out of the dryer

20:50

Okay, I forgot we're not problem-solving we're petty

20:59

No, I was I was with you too because I

21:01

was like, okay, how she yeah, yeah This

21:04

way the launderer would feel the inconvenience

21:06

of not having a matching sham set

21:08

to go with her comforter ever again.

21:10

Oh Because

21:13

they're only sold together so she can't even go to

21:15

Target and be like, sorry, can I

21:17

get one sham for this set? Oh Wow,

21:20

it's work Griff

21:23

has finally caught up after his very gay

21:25

weekend. Yeah. I mean my

21:27

brain is for sure. It's waking up Okay,

21:32

we're not touching that all right, please

21:35

I don't want to again We

21:38

presented to y'all a series of

21:40

crimes the launderers actions both

21:42

times The same match to

21:44

a tee down to the details of

21:47

the laundry on the floor the feminine articles of clothing

21:49

and bedding and of course the culprit traversing between the

21:51

fourth floor and the basement as observed

21:54

from the elevator Olivia

21:57

thinks we should also reveal our up

21:59

occupations to help illuminate our actions. Sure.

22:03

Oh, okay. Flex

22:05

on your resume, Olivia. I

22:07

mean, Olivia works in public relations.

22:09

Kelly is a paralegal in criminal law

22:11

and planning to head to law school. Okay,

22:14

okay. Well, work, work, yeah.

22:16

Yeah, like, fine. You

22:19

earned that. Okay, so she's validating kind

22:21

of the, like, you know, perspective and approach,

22:25

I suppose. Although, Taylor, speaking

22:27

of, speaking of Swifties, we all know that

22:29

PR has, when weaved a

22:31

certain way, has, you know, a

22:34

specific and desired outcome. So, can't

22:36

always trust a publicist. Wow,

22:39

good point. Mm-hmm. Paralegal,

22:44

I don't know anything about them. I

22:46

think we can trust you, yeah. Okay. So,

22:51

we love the podcast very much. We look

22:53

forward to y'all's verdicts. We've included tons of

22:55

photos in the basement for context of the

22:57

crime, which are definitely going on Instagram because it's

23:00

a crime scene. Okay. Griff,

23:05

any thoughts or questions before we head

23:07

into the verdicts? No, I'm

23:09

still hung up on the, like, quarters thing

23:11

she mentioned because that is – she's

23:13

right. Like, in this day and age, finding

23:16

– you have to – like, for me, I'd have to

23:18

go to the bank or Trader Joe's and be like, yeah,

23:20

can I get cash back, but can I get $5 in

23:22

quarters? Which is why, actually,

23:24

I don't do laundry in my building anymore because

23:26

it is coin-operated. I go to the laundromat because

23:28

you can – like, Apple Pay. So, I

23:31

walk that extra block for, I guess, financial convenience.

23:34

So, I get that. It's funny. This

23:37

story has just, like, little – I get it.

23:39

Like, it's ripe for pettiness. But

23:41

I'm ready to be – I'll

23:43

definitely need my hand held walking through these

23:46

verdicts given my weekend, Kira. Okay.

23:48

You got it. Okay. So,

23:51

no further questions. You're ready to go in? No further

23:53

questions. Early 20s, New York. Publicist,

23:57

paralegal, Swifties, Fratbroughs. Oh

24:00

my god, this is it's a lot and

24:03

laundry on the floor Okay,

24:05

like what last question for you? Would

24:07

you rather have an omnipresent super or

24:09

a super you can't ever

24:11

get a hold of? Hmm omnipresent you?

24:15

Same. Yeah, because when

24:17

issues come up I need them solved Yeah,

24:19

and I'll take the kind of like annoyance as

24:22

cost Totally. Okay.

24:25

I'm ready. Okay putting

24:27

somebody's laundry on on

24:30

the floor Griff

24:33

would you like to repeat what you said before?

24:37

Did I say before? Like

24:39

that's you said floor is war Floor

24:42

is war. Yeah Top

24:44

of machines conversation floor is war. So

24:47

if that's a criminal or minimal. Yeah,

24:49

like even even if like say

24:51

this If they

24:53

didn't come in time to like transfer their shit from

24:55

like wash to dryer Or even get it out of

24:57

the dryer to take back up to their apartment I

24:59

think there is kind of a like window of Acceptability

25:02

to take stuff out so that you

25:04

can keep your shit moving But

25:07

like putting it on the floor is is really

25:10

disrespectful Yeah It's

25:14

fucked up like no I'd

25:16

be very pressed to find a man like

25:18

a building anywhere that has a clean basement

25:20

laundry floor Mm-hmm. Yeah,

25:23

and we've already heard this one is not it

25:25

is for teacups So I'm gonna you know, if

25:28

that was a criminal or a minimal I vote criminal Yeah

25:30

capital C and so I think

25:33

it goes without saying is the

25:35

Swiftie and 5c guilty of a petty crime for

25:38

Removing somebody's laundry from the

25:40

dryer placing it on the floor

25:42

and putting her stuff in to run

25:44

through the rest of the dry cycle Yeah,

25:48

like totally yeah, yeah But

25:51

well, yeah, I know I know I know what group I'm

25:53

talking to And

25:56

she we're just gonna say she's guilty of two

25:58

counts because she does same thing twice, seemingly.

26:01

She did the same exact thing twice.

26:03

Yes. Great. Now in

26:06

the first instance, Kelly,

26:09

our submitter, the pair illegal took

26:11

everything out of,

26:14

um, the Swifty stuff, put one

26:16

sock in for run down the

26:18

dry time. Is she guilty of a

26:20

petty crime for that? Oh man. Part

26:23

of me is like still, we haven't

26:26

like fully confirmed that this is the

26:28

culprit. Right. It's just been the like

26:30

hypothesis from watching out of her

26:32

door and seeing someone on her floor go from five

26:34

to basement, right? Pretty much.

26:38

Except I think that the short amount

26:40

of time and the lack of, like

26:43

there's no, there's not really any other culprit

26:46

presented. Okay. So

26:48

we'll, let's just, we'll run

26:50

with this Swifty. Um, so

26:52

is our protagonist guilty of

26:55

a rebuttal in the same form, except

26:57

she runs out the time with a singular sock

26:59

in the dryer, right? Um,

27:06

no, if we're assuming, no, she's not

27:08

guilty. If we're assuming that we have

27:10

identified the correct culprit, then I

27:12

think that's a fair response. Cause it's

27:14

like the first crime is egregious. It's like, why

27:16

would you even, I understand you like

27:18

getting my stuff out so you can go forward,

27:21

but why would you put my clothes on

27:23

the fucking ground? That's crazy. Yeah.

27:26

It's, and it, I think the rebuttal is

27:28

like, this is what it feels like. Look

27:31

what you made me do, as you said. Um, so

27:33

I'm here for that. And I, I

27:35

respect the creative writing of the

27:38

Swifty leaving one sock in the tumbling dryer, so

27:41

although that wasn't a Swifty that

27:43

was, that was the paralegal. Oh,

27:46

sorry. Yeah, exactly. Oh, sorry. I grouped the paralegal

27:48

as a Swifty. She probably wouldn't like that. No,

27:51

I find that response not guilty. Yeah.

27:55

And then in the second instance,

27:57

same thing happened now to Olivia.

28:00

the PR, what do you

28:02

think about her

28:05

rebuttal, which was to

28:07

steal a single sham? Oh,

28:09

I almost forgot about that. Um,

28:14

because it had happened to her. So our

28:16

PR girl, like experienced the same thing. She

28:18

had gone down her heart sank. Oh

28:21

God, this is like uncontrolled. I'm

28:25

here for it. You are. Yeah,

28:27

I'm here for it. It's like, I

28:30

feel like I can't rule not guilty for the

28:32

sock and rule guilty for the

28:34

sham. Um, I

28:36

think it's really funny. It's funny that she knew that

28:38

it was a set. She had the same one. Like

28:41

our petty criminals know, like we love a good, well,

28:44

rule not guilty for the story. Um, I hear

28:48

you. Oh, do you not agree? Well,

28:51

I have a question. $200 set. Okay.

28:54

Oh my God. Ladybird. My

28:56

question is if it was

28:58

so easy for Olivia and Kelly to

29:00

figure out exactly who in the

29:03

building did this to them,

29:06

might it not be so easy for the

29:08

Swifties to figure out

29:10

who, who one ran a

29:13

single sock on its own, which like

29:15

they are going to be interpreting as

29:17

like, uh, and a front. Totally. And

29:19

then secondly, for stealing a sham,

29:21

like the same tracking of

29:23

the elevator, the Swifties could

29:25

be doing exactly. And I, to that point,

29:28

they probably are because now we know the

29:30

profession of both of our

29:32

protagonists, paralegal and, you know, publicist, the

29:34

Swifties regardless of their profession, they're Swifties.

29:37

So they are on par with that

29:39

kind of petty investigative,

29:42

like seek revenge in

29:44

a creative way vibe, um,

29:47

notoriously. So you're right. Our, our

29:50

culprits could very much be watching our

29:53

protagonists enacted the same chaos.

29:55

So I still feel like

29:57

not guilty. Why

30:01

would you say guilty if you weren't judging

30:03

you or Jerry? Right. I

30:06

guess it's not. I guess

30:09

I like the revenge.

30:11

I think

30:13

in this instance, rather than stealing

30:15

her sham, which is

30:17

like it's bold. It's poetic. It

30:20

thinks what she's doing. And I

30:22

get it. It's like

30:24

if your real goal is to have this

30:26

never happen to you again, which

30:29

I feel like is the goal. You never want to go down to the

30:31

laundry room and find your shit on the ground ever again. I feel

30:34

like the best way to achieve that goal

30:37

would be to knock on their door and be

30:40

like, Hey, twice now

30:43

we found our

30:45

laundry on the ground of the laundry room after

30:48

not enough time. It's really nasty.

30:52

And we're pretty sure if

30:54

you guys based on the laundry and it's

30:56

happened twice, you really can't

30:58

ever do that again. That's not us. We didn't

31:00

do that. What are you talking about? Okay.

31:03

All right. Then I'm so sorry, but

31:05

I just want to make sure that

31:07

it never happens again. Totally. We'll keep

31:09

that in mind. Thank you. Because

31:11

if I find my laundry on the ground

31:13

again, I'm going to talk to the superintendent. Okay.

31:17

Well, good to know. Thank you. Have a great day. Of

31:19

course. Just mind the noise at night. Okay. Bye. Yeah,

31:21

no. Yeah,

31:24

exactly. And

31:26

same. No, totally. I

31:30

just like, I'm taking into account these

31:33

are early 20 year olds. They're fresh

31:35

from college. Four years of an environment.

31:37

They know their fourth year being like

31:39

we're Kings and Queens on campus. We run shit. And

31:42

now they're in this apartment building with that same mentality. So

31:45

I do. I understand

31:47

the logical 31 year

31:49

old approach, but I'm like kind

31:51

of leveling my expectations for the people we're

31:54

talking about. I suppose not even, I mean, again, Swifties.

32:00

Legals, Publicis, I've already talked about that. So

32:02

yeah, in a perfect world, they'd have a

32:04

one-on-one conversation or even go through the super,

32:06

but this is a petty crimes world. So

32:08

I just feel

32:10

like no one's really making an effort to like solve

32:12

it. So it's just kind of like netting

32:15

out as non guilty kind of fun

32:17

for me. And then I

32:19

had one final question, Greg. Based

32:21

on the photos submitted, we can see

32:23

that there are

32:26

some pieces of signage in the laundry

32:28

room that people put up over time.

32:30

Like, where's my jacket? I can't

32:32

find my jacket. Here's what it looks like. Dada, dada,

32:34

dada. Where's my red scarf? Is

32:38

there a world in which a piece of signage

32:40

would be helpful or do you stick by the

32:42

stealing of the sham not guilty? Oh,

32:45

okay. So like put a sign up before

32:47

the sock tumble and or

32:49

the sham, sham gate. You

32:51

know, maybe I guess that sign would read like,

32:54

please be considerate and not put clean

32:57

laundry on the floor of the laundry room.

32:59

Thank you. Right. Like

33:01

fucking so it's like such a useless song. Cause

33:03

it's like, come on, but apparently, apparently not useless

33:05

cause these people are doing it. So yeah, maybe,

33:08

yes, I totally agree with that. Yeah. Putting

33:10

up a sign, talking to the super, you

33:13

know, approaching it with less

33:15

fire would definitely be a better, a better

33:18

approach, but. But

33:20

in the case of the stealing of the sham, you

33:22

still rule not guilty. I hear what you mean

33:24

cause I'm ruling not guilty and I'm

33:27

saying, oh yeah, these approaches would be better. No,

33:30

no, I I'm here for it. I like it. I

33:33

still rule not guilty. I just feel

33:35

like all like, so the first person

33:37

moves the laundry onto the floor. That's

33:39

crazy. It just needs like, I

33:41

feel like I should just stop that behavior is just so

33:44

ludicrous that it should just, the fact that

33:46

it's continued to spiral into what we just talked

33:48

about for the last 30 minutes is like, It's

33:51

so ludicrous to me that it's just like,

33:53

I Find these people non guilt, not guilty

33:55

because they just seem so bonkers Like this

33:57

is such an easy solution. Don't Put clothes

33:59

on the floor. I have a

34:01

conversation talk to the super but the fact

34:03

that they're engaging in this I'm just like

34:05

y'all you know, You're. Writing your own

34:07

story. And your the main characters. Wow.

34:10

Am. So. Much as all

34:12

she wrote, Sketch

34:15

I guess. Well seat.

34:18

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36:45

back to criminal or minimal.

36:48

Our only and fan favorite

36:50

segment. We

36:53

figured since our holiday episode is

36:55

going to be happening after Christmas

36:57

on the 26 will tease y'all with

37:00

a little criminal or minimal Christmas edition

37:03

right now just to get us in the holiday spirit. Does

37:05

that sound okay with you, Kira? Sounds

37:07

good to me. Good. Cause

37:09

that's what we're doing. Do

37:13

you want to pick a, do you want to start things off Kira? Bring

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up in full glam and a cute

37:19

fit to an ugly sweater party.

37:21

Criminal or minimal? Iconic.

37:24

Um, I'm going to

37:26

vote. I'm voting criminal.

37:28

Like we're all, we're all, we're

37:31

all letting ourselves down for the

37:34

evening. So let's not wear gown. Yep.

37:38

I want to be at that party when that person walks in.

37:40

No, that's funny. Okay.

37:44

This was submitted by multiple people,

37:46

criminal or minimal, a single gift

37:48

for Christmas and a holiday birthday.

37:52

Criminal. Okay. You

37:56

said there should be two. Yeah, it's

37:58

not, it's not their fault that they should.