0:02

Tony's starting to piss me off. Yeah,

0:05

Tony. Oh my god.

0:08

Welcome back to Petty Crimes,

0:10

the only true crime comedy podcast that

0:12

exclusively investigates shrimp.

0:16

Oh, oh,

0:18

I didn't realize there'd be shrimp today. Yes,

0:22

today's crime is shrimpy. All

0:25

right. Does anyone have my EpiPen? Can I get

0:27

my EpiPen, please? I

0:31

actually am allergic to shrimp.

0:34

You are and I forgot. That's

0:37

okay. I'll just nibble

0:39

on this one. I'm not going to have the full shrimp.

0:42

Good. Okay, but before we get into that, Kira,

0:44

can I ask you a question?

0:47

Please. Is Friday a weekend? No.

0:50

Okay, thank you. Was

0:55

this up for debate? Mm-hmm. Because

0:58

my friend was like, yeah, I've been trying to hang out.

1:01

Actually, a few episodes ago, you

1:04

said that maybe I should be a little more reckless with coworkers

1:07

and so just

1:10

trying to find time to hang out with a former coworker.

1:12

I'm easing into it, former coworker. I'm

1:15

not a total loosey goosey like you, but he's

1:18

like, I work on the weekends. And I was like, is Friday a weekend?

1:21

And he's like, I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not.

1:23

And it begged the question. I was like, I don't know

1:26

if it is. Yeah,

1:28

I think he was saying Friday is not

1:30

a weekend. Okay. Okay.

1:33

Okay. I'll go back to him. I

1:36

think. I think. Anyway, that'll be hopefully

1:38

fun. What's new with you? I mean, it should be a weekend.

1:40

Yeah.

1:41

Nothing. Uh-uh. Okay.

1:44

Fine. I have house guests. Aaron and

1:46

Zach are here. Oh my God. Not like

1:49

that. That's so painful for you. That

1:52

was so funny. Yeah. I heard

1:54

you asking Zach to turn his porn down and

1:56

I was like, wait, is Zach in New York?

1:58

He was like

2:00

watching TikToks on the toilet. I'm like, I'm recording

2:02

a podcast. Are you like

2:05

by the bathroom? I guess, yeah,

2:07

you're, yeah. I mean, you're

2:09

always near everything. I

2:11

like love those two so much. I love

2:13

you kind of. Love Alex. I

2:16

wish I could teleport. That sounds so fun. I

2:18

know, we're gonna see spam a lot tonight.

2:21

I'm so excited. Okay, I think on

2:23

last episode I mentioned I better try to plan a New York

2:25

weekend and that might have to happen.

2:28

Weekends for you, speaking of. Yeah,

2:31

Saturday it's weekend, but Saturday is work

2:33

for KiRa. Yup, that's

2:35

right. All right, I'll be mindful.

2:37

Are you ready for today's crime? Yes, thank you

2:39

for sharing. Yeah,

2:43

it'll be easier the more you do it.

2:48

Okay, so today's

2:51

crime, I think, culminates a

2:53

bit of a food streak we've been on.

2:55

Okay, yes, we have had a handful of

2:58

food crimes. We were both

3:00

like, are we giving the petty criminals a little too

3:02

much food? But sometimes these crimes are,

3:05

we all eat and they're ripe. Yup,

3:08

and I was

3:10

on the fence about whether or not to present this crime,

3:12

because I thought we have had a lot of food crimes.

3:15

But to be honest, it's just

3:17

so good that

3:18

I had to do it. Okay,

3:21

I trust your judgment and

3:23

I'm ready for, I haven't had shrimp in a while, so

3:26

I'm genuinely excited to just be thinking

3:28

about it.

3:29

Well, you might not be so excited,

3:31

you'll see. Oh no, okay.

3:34

Dear Griffin KiRa, my husband and I listen

3:36

to the pod together every Tuesday and have

3:38

a holiday-themed petty crime. We'd

3:40

love to hear your ruling on. All

3:43

names have been changed to protect the potentially petty

3:45

criminals.

3:45

Background. My

3:48

brother,

3:48

Tony, hosts most family

3:50

holidays at his home. He and his wife,

3:53

Carmella, have a young kid,

3:54

so it's just easier to go to them. Okay,

3:57

yup, traveling kids, not easy.

3:59

Tony.

3:59

and our mother, Livia, often

4:02

clash.

4:03

They care about each other, but they constantly

4:05

bicker about things big and small.

4:09

Griff, are you catching the

4:11

source of our names today?

4:14

Tony, Olivia Carmella. Tony,

4:16

Livia Carmella. I

4:19

might not have seen this movie. What

4:22

is it called? It's Sopranos. Oh,

4:25

I genuinely have not seen a single

4:28

minute of The Sopranos.

4:29

Neither have I. Okay. Thanks

4:32

for the easy layup.

4:34

Okay, so Tony brother

4:37

to the protagonist, Carmella is his wife.

4:39

They have children, they've bred. Olivia

4:41

is Tony and our protagonist's mother.

4:44

Livia, yeah. Oh,

4:46

excuse me, Livia, which is a name I've definitely

4:49

heard before. No.

4:54

Okay. Okay.

4:57

For holiday meals, Tony

5:00

and Carmella always cook the main course. Make

5:02

sense? They're hosting. Yes.

5:05

I, his younger sister, Janice,

5:06

I'm the baker of the family,

5:09

so I always make dessert and usually bread

5:11

or a side.

5:14

Neither of our parents,

5:15

Livia or Johnny, are good

5:17

cooks. Johnny doesn't even try,

5:20

and Livia does

5:21

try, but it's just not her thing. Oh

5:24

no. And we've crossed

5:26

this. Trying is nice. We've

5:29

given really shitty lasagna to our petty criminals.

5:32

That's interesting, yeah. Everything

5:36

is boiled or steamed,

5:38

nothing is salted or seasoned.

5:41

It's also

5:41

very New England, you get the picture.

5:44

Yeah, that's funny.

5:46

I just like grimaced that boiled. I love a lot

5:48

of boiled foods, but it is not for

5:50

certain foods. No, no.

5:53

Like boiling vegetables,

5:55

oof.

5:56

Yeah, that's

5:58

not great. I like a pan-roasted vegetable. Well,

6:00

I don't mind my babies boiled. Your

6:03

babies? Yeah, when I eat babies, I like them

6:05

boiled.

6:06

You're a freak for real. Because

6:12

of this,

6:13

we the kids have conspired

6:14

to cook all the food for holidays.

6:17

We pitched to them as, hey, it's the holidays.

6:20

You're the parents. You should just show

6:21

up and enjoy being guests. Oh,

6:23

interesting.

6:25

So far so good. Yeah.

6:28

Yeah, I guess. I mean... Yeah,

6:30

any thoughts so far, Griff?

6:33

I'll just...

6:34

Oh, well, I have a lot

6:36

of thoughts. I'm trying not to take time. The lasagna

6:39

really had me in a mentality of like,

6:41

if no one's giving me feedback about stuff, I'm going to

6:44

keep doing it. So if they've never told her

6:46

to stop boiling vegetables or

6:48

the turkey, it's like, would

6:51

she even consider reading that text as like a, yeah,

6:55

sit this one out, mom and dad, your food's shit.

6:58

Or would they just be like, oh, that's

7:00

nice.

7:01

Well, we'll find out.

7:04

So that's background. And now we're

7:07

on to subject heading Christmas. Christmas,

7:10

okay. Despite

7:12

our insistence that we'll handle the food, Livia

7:14

always insists on bringing something.

7:17

So one year at Christmas, Tony

7:20

suggested she bring an appetizer, specifically

7:22

shrimp. Everybody in our

7:24

family likes shrimp, and it's an easy

7:26

thing to get.

7:28

Or at least it

7:29

should be. What? Yeah, it

7:32

really should be. He

7:34

implies, but perhaps doesn't explicitly

7:37

state, that he wants her to get a shrimp

7:39

ring. You know the kind, with big shrimp,

7:42

cocktail sauce in the middle, and area to add ice

7:44

underneath.

7:45

Literally just placing

7:47

raw shrimp in a circle and like, cocktail,

7:49

yeah, it couldn't be an easier

7:51

dish

7:52

to prepare. Yeah,

7:55

they're cooked and chilled, they're not raw. Oh,

7:58

shrimp cocktails cooked shrimp?

7:59

cooked and chilled.

8:00

Oh, I didn't really. I thought shim cocked. It

8:02

was raw shrimp. No,

8:03

it turns pink when you cook it.

8:05

It's gray when it's raw.

8:07

Oh, okay. It's like

8:09

babies. Your allergy

8:11

is like, you don't know this because you don't even

8:13

shrimp. Totally. Like sophomore year hit, as soon

8:16

as I moved to New England and my allergy set in, it's

8:18

like, I never had a lobster roll in Boston,

8:20

which is crazy. And yeah, I haven't had,

8:22

I've had like bites of shrimp across my time to test

8:24

out the allergy. But yeah, like,

8:26

I'm shocked by how little I know about shrimp.

8:28

That's so funny.

8:30

Erin is also allergic to

8:32

shrimp. My, my best friend and I

8:34

have tried our

8:35

best friend and

8:37

she's my best friend and she's, and she's my best friend.

8:39

And, um, Erin, because of her

8:41

allergy and she loves

8:42

shrimp, like she remembers loving shrimp as

8:44

a kid. And I've tried this,

8:47

there's this place in San Francisco that's making like,

8:50

they're like making shrimp

8:52

out of seaweed or something. And

8:54

they're supposed to be really amazing. And I've tried

8:57

to ship her these shrimp, but they don't

8:59

ship them. Yeah. Oh yeah. Okay. We'll have

9:01

to take a trip up to SF. Yeah,

9:03

I'll get you these shrimp too. Okay. Yes. Seaweed

9:07

shrimp. No, they're

9:09

supposed to be so good. Like they're supposed to taste just

9:11

like shrimp.

9:11

I actually love seaweed too. So I'm proud. I

9:14

probably love it. And I do like shrimp. I just, yeah.

9:18

Sorry for triggering you. It's okay.

9:21

I didn't like it growing up. And then now

9:23

I, it's like, I crave what I can't have now.

9:25

I don't even know if I like fully love shrimp. I just like don't

9:28

like not being able to eat something. Yeah.

9:31

On Christmas, she shows up

9:34

with a head of iceberg lettuce and a bag

9:36

of frozen shrimp in hand. They

9:39

aren't the smallest shrimp in the ocean, but

9:41

they're not your typical cocktail shrimp either.

9:43

We're probably talking 31 to 40 count.

9:46

Okay. So they're like medium sized shrimp.

9:49

Exactly. All

9:51

right. That seems fine. Was she hoping for big

9:53

shrimp? Jumbo shrimp?

9:54

Well, she just didn't bring shrimp cocktail. Like,

9:56

Oh, you're right. Sorry. Yeah.

9:59

She brought.

9:59

a head of lettuce

10:02

and a bag of frozen uncooked

10:04

shrimp. What the hell do you use a head of lettuce for for

10:06

shrimps?

10:08

Oh wait, I think they were frozen and

10:09

cooked, but still. Okay, yep. So

10:12

she borrows a colander to thaw them

10:14

out.

10:15

She forgot the cocktail sauce. These

10:17

shrimps aren't served as an appetizer,

10:20

which is what they're supposed to be, but in individual

10:22

bowls atop lettuce with

10:25

dinner. What?

10:28

It's so random.

10:31

Wait, that's so funny.

10:36

Oh my god, that's so random. I

10:39

need, I want to try that when I go to my next dinner

10:41

party and just like film the reaction.

10:44

It's so random.

10:48

Wait,

10:50

were they served that way because she forgot like

10:52

the ingredients to fully make the app

10:54

or do you think she intended for there to be?

10:57

That is what she intended. She brought that

10:59

head of lettuce. This is her plan.

11:01

That's so that's so random. That's the only word I

11:03

can use. That's like such a random. Sorry, I keep

11:06

saying it.

11:07

It's so random. Tony

11:09

is annoyed and makes a passing passive

11:11

aggressive comment about the shrimps, but

11:14

generally stays mum about it and finds

11:16

it funny after the fact.

11:17

Literally mum. And it's an

11:19

endearing like mum move. Like what the

11:21

hell were you thinking with the shrimps? I'm fascinated

11:23

that like Tony and Livia, son

11:26

and mother just are constantly bickering. Like I

11:28

find that dynamic interesting as well. I

11:31

do too. It's a little unusual. Yeah, it's

11:34

so fascinating. I mean, I get into it with

11:36

my mom's were more similar than dissimilar more

11:39

so than my dad who kind of like sometimes tiptoes

11:42

around me, but I don't know for

11:44

that to be like such a like descriptor in our relationship.

11:47

We're not at that level. Fascinating.

11:50

I wonder what his comment was. Yeah.

11:54

And like, oh, never never like seen

11:57

shrimp like this before. Yeah, something. Yeah, exactly.

12:00

It's interesting. I love mom.

12:02

Yeah.

12:02

Fast forward to

12:04

Easter.

12:07

Same deal. We have a family

12:09

tech thread to talk about the Easter menu and

12:12

who would prepare what. Tony

12:14

and his wife share their planned dinner menu.

12:17

I sign up to make dinner rolls and dessert and

12:19

Livia again insists on bringing

12:21

or making something. I think that's understandable.

12:23

She wants to contribute.

12:25

Are you saying that or is the protagonist saying that? I'm

12:27

saying that. Okay. I agree. It's

12:30

like, yeah, you want to bring something

12:31

that feels good and it's yeah, just feels good even

12:33

from your end. Yeah.

12:36

Tony tells her to bring shrimp.

12:38

What? And this time Tony.

12:40

Tony's

12:46

fucking with his mom right now. I don't know.

12:48

Uh huh. And this time he's

12:51

very explicit that she should get a

12:53

shrimp ring. He specifies that she

12:55

should get the big ones that

12:57

come with

12:57

cocktail sauce.

13:00

On Easter, my husband, Bobby and I show

13:02

up to their house and there's a probably

13:04

weird vibe as soon as we enter. Tony

13:06

and Livia are both in the kitchen. Tony

13:09

pointedly called us over to show us something.

13:12

Check out the shrimp ring. He says he lifts

13:15

the lid off of one of those disposable metal

13:17

trays and we see again iceberg

13:20

lettuce with a

13:22

pile of mostly thawed

13:24

shrimps on top. They're loosely

13:27

scattered throughout the pan and smaller

13:29

than typical cocktail shrimp. Again,

13:32

there's no cocktail sauce

13:34

and there's no ice. What?

13:38

This is bananas.

13:39

But like, has she, aside

13:42

from that passive aggressive comment from Tony at

13:44

Christmas,

13:45

was Livia ever told that this is totally

13:48

not what we want?

13:49

She was given specific

13:52

instructions.

13:52

Perhaps not feedback,

13:54

but instructions. You're right. Tony at least

13:56

was like,

13:57

still not giving feedback, which we have thoughts on.

14:00

crimes have that, but at least Tony

14:02

gave direction. And Olivia

14:05

said no.

14:08

Tony is living.

14:10

Oh my god. He makes sure Olivia

14:13

can hear his salty comments as he complains

14:15

loudly about the

14:16

shrimps. He

14:18

continues to bring it up throughout the

14:20

evening. She says she tried to find

14:22

a ring, but she couldn't. Upon further

14:24

interrogation, it's revealed she only went to one store

14:27

and only did so the day before Easter. What

14:30

do you think about that, Chris?

14:32

I guess I didn't. Day

14:34

before, you know, like when you're making turkey for

14:36

Thanksgiving, you probably want to get it a little

14:38

in advance because every single person in the

14:40

world is eating that. Sorry, in America. But

14:44

I don't, our shrimp rings so

14:46

in demand for holiday gatherings.

14:48

I mean,

14:50

maybe kinda.

14:51

Yeah, again, because I'm never focused

14:53

on shrimp, I have no clue. So okay,

14:56

yeah, I don't love that she went to just one store.

14:59

Like try a little harder to find the shrimp

15:01

ring. So I can see why Tony might be annoyed

15:03

with that. It

15:06

is identical.

15:07

They sell cocktail sauce separately.

15:09

They do.

15:10

So like, she, if she couldn't find a shrimp ring, she could have

15:13

at least bought some cocktail sauce.

15:15

It's also incredibly

15:16

easy to make. Totally. But

15:18

we do know that Livia just doesn't have like the

15:20

best foundation for cooking

15:22

approaches. And so you

15:25

and I are struggling to be like, you

15:27

could have done this, you could have done this. But maybe

15:30

she's just like not able to see those like,

15:32

if it's not in front of me, then I have to make do with what's

15:34

in my mind, which is apparently ahead

15:37

of iceberg lettuce and like

15:39

midway thoughts shrimp. You

15:42

kinda

15:42

got a lover, right? She seems

15:46

so endeary. I

15:47

don't know. And Tony's

15:49

getting, Tony's like, sorry, I don't

15:51

know.

15:52

I agree. I agree.

15:55

Okay. Wow. She

15:58

says she tried to find the shrimp ring, yada, yada, yada.

16:00

Livia, oh, also, on the

16:03

only going to the store the day before

16:04

Easter, I think that's normal. A

16:06

normal time to go to the store to get a shrimp ring. What are you supposed

16:08

to do, buy the shrimps two weeks in advance?

16:10

Like, it's normal. Yeah, I hear

16:12

that, I guess.

16:13

Yeah. Anyway.

16:16

Livia doesn't get what the big deal is. And

16:18

in her mind, she brought the shrimps as requested.

16:21

Tony was annoyed more on the principle than anything

16:24

else, apparently. His feeling was that everyone

16:26

else had gone to a lot of effort when doing their part

16:28

of the meal and that she had put in minimal effort

16:31

to do what should have been one of the easiest

16:33

tasks.

16:36

I have feelings about that. Speak. Because

16:39

originally they had wanted to write them off from

16:41

doing anything. And so

16:43

at least she's bringing something. It's not on the mark,

16:45

Tony. I hear that like your actor

16:48

completely didn't listen to your direction, but like

16:51

she's bringing something. You

16:54

originally didn't want her to do anything. I don't know.

16:58

I hear, I don't know, I see both sides.

17:00

Yeah. I wonder how, I wonder if

17:02

I'd be more Tony or more like, dude,

17:04

Tony, chill. You

17:06

don't have to eat the shrimp. Don't eat the damn shrimp.

17:09

Yeah. Don't worry

17:10

about it. And anyway. Make your own shrimp. Oh,

17:12

that would be way, that'd be another level of petty

17:15

if you showed up with an actual

17:17

ring.

17:18

I don't know if this helps or hurts Livia's

17:20

case, but she did go to the effort to make

17:22

and bring a couple other things. Although she hadn't

17:24

told anyone what they would be. She

17:27

made deviled eggs, which honestly were very good.

17:30

And she made bread, even though I'd

17:32

signed up for and made dinner

17:33

rolls.

17:35

And then she made some bread and seeds. This

17:37

might be a whole separate petty crime, but

17:40

this might be a whole separate petty crime here, but

17:42

her bread had colorful sprinkles, like the kind

17:44

you put in an

17:45

ice cream sundae. Like, fun,

17:47

petty, savory bread. Oh my

17:49

gosh, what?

17:51

Very curious about that.

17:54

So for the record, I love

17:56

deviled eggs.

17:58

Love. My mom makes the best.

18:00

period.

18:02

Okay. Sprinkle covered bread.

18:05

I know. If it weren't

18:07

for the deviled eggs, I'd say

18:08

with relative confidence, this woman

18:10

might be the worst cook in the world. Yeah, right. It's like

18:13

I don't even, I mean, props to creativity.

18:15

That's like sometimes that yields really

18:17

cool

18:18

combos, but I don't know that sprinkled

18:20

bread is my cup of tea, but

18:22

the deviled eggs would slap and I would be thankful

18:25

that she brought them and I would probably overlook the shrimp.

18:27

Great point.

18:29

Since Easter,

18:30

Tony has issued a blanket ban

18:32

on Livia bringing shrimp to

18:34

future holidays.

18:36

Livia doesn't really understand why Tony was

18:38

so upset and wrote it off as one of his not

18:41

uncommon outbursts.

18:42

Oh, he

18:43

really did harp on it all evening and

18:45

it wasn't like there was otherwise a lack of food

18:47

to eat. There was plenty, there was

18:49

plenty of food. So who's

18:52

guilty here? We await your ruling

18:55

with bated breath.

18:55

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

18:57

Wow. Wow. All right.

19:00

A not uncommon outburst from Tony.

19:02

Yeah. Tony's starting to

19:04

piss me off. Yeah, Tony.

19:06

Oh my God. Tony, you

19:08

need to relax a little. Oh my God. Okay. I

19:11

don't, let me think. Do I have any final, I think

19:14

I've kind of like

19:17

expelled my thoughts as I've gone on. I'm like

19:19

pretty riled up.

19:21

Yeah.

19:22

I don't have any final thoughts. Anything that I

19:24

need to be thinking before we head into the most important

19:27

part of our crimes.

19:29

I don't think so. I think it's verdict o'clock.

19:31

Okay.

19:32

The ban is annoying.

19:35

The ban on shrimp. Yeah. And I'll wait.

19:37

If that's part of your verdict questions, I have thoughts.

19:39

Okay.

19:40

Okay.

19:43

Is Livia guilty for

19:45

the first time bringing

19:48

medium sized frozen shrimp

19:51

and a head of iceberg lettuce and serving them

19:53

on little pieces of lettuce?

19:59

Um,

20:02

I have to say guilty. And again,

20:04

we've already said, Livia,

20:07

also, where did the O in her name go? That's

20:10

the

20:12

ring we need, honey. That's the shrimp ring.

20:16

The missing, the missing O. Why?

20:18

She doesn't understand the concept of O shaped

20:20

things. That's the issue.

20:24

I have to say guilty. I know she we've already talked

20:26

about her not having a great sense for

20:29

cooking. But like, I

20:32

just don't have the presentation

20:34

of it. It's just really poor.

20:36

And so even in her first

20:39

attempt, I'm just like, why would you think this is something

20:41

that like people would enjoy? So

20:43

I have to say guilty. I know that, you know, I'm

20:46

saying guilty. It's like a very light guilty.

20:48

It's more just like, just

20:50

try a little harder to like,

20:53

think about the joy of food and the

20:55

presentation of it. It's not necessarily like

20:57

the lack of

20:58

Tony's like bullshit, but

21:01

it's more just like,

21:02

girl, that is a really low effort.

21:04

And just random

21:06

random. Yep.

21:09

Is she guilty for the

21:12

second time?

21:13

Bringing shrimp effectively

21:16

the exact same way. Knowing

21:21

that Livia and Tony have kind of like a bigger matter.

21:23

I

21:24

feel like Livia is kind of like, I'm

21:26

gonna come for you, Tony.

21:29

But yes, and I know that because Tony

21:31

gave her more specific this was for Easter,

21:33

correct? Yep. Yep. Tony did

21:36

at this point give her more direction and

21:38

guidance. Maybe he should have created

21:40

a Pinterest board or something.

21:42

But yeah, like,

21:43

yes. And like we've said, it is not that is not

21:46

a hard dish to put together.

21:48

Yeah. So I have to say guilty. And,

21:51

okay. And then is

21:53

Livia guilty for bringing her

21:56

funfetti bread and her deviled eggs without

21:59

communicating?

21:59

creating an advance that she would be bringing these

22:02

additional items. That's a really

22:04

good one.

22:05

I,

22:06

is it annoying for like the host to have to, because

22:09

you know, space wise, oven wise, like

22:11

obviously these things don't know.

22:13

I'm going to say no.

22:15

Like

22:16

I think maybe part

22:18

of me likes to think that she says that she just

22:20

can't figure out the shrimp. And so she's

22:23

like, I did my best with the shrimp again,

22:25

but here are two items that like might,

22:27

you know,

22:28

totally that. And like I said, double

22:30

eggs for me are always a home run rounding

22:33

on home or

22:35

whatever. I

22:37

think the bread with sprinkles is really fascinating.

22:41

I think that adds some fun. Ironically

22:43

to it, the fun fatty bread. We're not

22:45

hanging on it. And no, I think if it were

22:47

to be like warm items that would, you know,

22:50

warrant like oven space or cooking.

22:52

No, I think these are low cost items. And

22:55

one of them at least I think, oh,

22:57

and they said we're really good. So I say not guilty

23:00

for that.

23:00

Okay. It's definitely nice. Even

23:03

though somebody else had signed up for dinner

23:05

rolls and was bringing those.

23:07

I mean, I think it would be more petty

23:10

if she brought rolls that were like gourmetly

23:13

baked and like,

23:15

they're not competing with the rolls that I think our

23:17

protagonist is bringing. So it's kind

23:19

of just silly. Yeah. Because it can be kind

23:21

of competitive, this like food bringing thing. And

23:23

I just don't, I don't see these two types of bread

23:26

in the same like ring. So

23:29

no, but it's nice to text the host like, Hey, I'm bringing

23:32

this just, you know, but sure not guilty.

23:34

Totally, totally. I'm not emotional

23:37

from this. Finally,

23:39

is Tony guilty for his general

23:41

tone? And

23:44

maybe separate question. What are

23:46

your thoughts on the blanket ban

23:47

on shrimp? I

23:50

think Tony, yeah, I think Tony needs to relax

23:53

a little. I know clearly they

23:55

have history. Literally like, you know,

23:57

mom and son, there's something here that.

23:59

is being channeled through fucking

24:01

shrimp.

24:02

But I

24:05

just feel like if someone brings

24:07

something to a dinner and it's just really

24:10

not, I guess like putting it in front

24:12

of everyone in the bowls really kind of much,

24:14

but

24:15

just ignore the food and like eat something

24:17

else.

24:18

So my gut instinct

24:21

is like, yeah, Tony's overreacting to this shrimp.

24:23

I see that it's annoying.

24:24

It's bizarre that she can't figure out like

24:26

a shrimp cocktail presentation. But

24:31

I just feel like,

24:32

just ignore it.

24:34

Yeah.

24:35

I know someone exactly like Tony

24:37

who would not be able to ignore

24:39

it because they like things

24:41

to be, I don't know. I can

24:43

see Tony, I'm getting triggered because I know my

24:46

equivalent pretty personally.

24:48

Just relax, just relax.

24:49

Just relax, it doesn't matter. Like

24:52

that's not

24:52

what it's about. Yeah, exactly.

24:54

Just enjoy each other's company.

24:55

You made great food.

24:57

The shrimp's not gonna just like, let

24:59

her serve the shrimp on the lettuce, who cares? Totally.

25:03

And unless you're like family crest has

25:05

a ring of shrimp on it and it has

25:09

to be at every gathering, it

25:11

just seems like a supplemental

25:13

dish. It doesn't seem like everyone's

25:15

dying for their shrimp.

25:17

I mean, I know like

25:19

we have shrimp on Christmas Eve. People

25:21

do love it. Like everybody likes

25:24

it a lot. People look forward to it. Oh

25:26

shit.

25:27

But don't

25:29

get, you know, just don't get mad

25:31

about it. Relax. Yeah, okay.

25:33

Yeah, we don't have that obviously, I can't

25:36

eat it. Yeah, maybe I'm,

25:39

yeah, maybe there is more emotion behind your cocktail

25:41

than I have because I can't eat them.

25:43

But in general, Tony needs to relax. So I find him

25:45

guilty for that.

25:46

Do you know how to make cocktail sauce shrimp? I

25:48

just don't want to do shrimp. I'm gonna do

25:50

a nickname.

25:54

If

25:57

I keep this at our petty criminals, will it continue

25:59

to. call me shrimp and I'm a team player so I

26:02

will but fuck

26:04

you for that.

26:08

Shit. Well shit.

26:13

No devil dad. I don't know how

26:15

to. Is it like ketchup and horseradish

26:18

and- Ding, ding, ding. Stop there.

26:20

Yeah. Excuse me. Maybe I do.

26:23

It's literally that easy. It like I

26:26

can understand that it's a little bit like what do we do with

26:28

these shrimps with no sauce.

26:28

Like they do kind of need cocktail

26:30

sauce but like

26:32

honey just make some. Somebody

26:34

run out to the store, grab some cocktail sauce. It was all

26:36

gonna be fine. Leave Livia

26:38

alone. Yeah, you're right. It's just like,

26:40

you know, Dave or excuse me, Tony could have.

26:43

Yeah,

26:43

he could. If you have that big of an issue with it.

26:45

Yeah, you're right. Go make the,

26:47

go make the cocktail sauce. Do. Okay.

26:50

And then you had a part B which is the blanket

26:52

ban on shrimp.

26:54

Yes. What do you think?

26:55

This, I'm like, this

26:58

reminds me of this person so much.

27:00

The other- I know who you're talking about.

27:03

Do you want me to do a little quick story about what

27:05

my equivalent is? Sure. At

27:08

work, we have to do roll ups. We have to roll

27:10

silverware in our beautiful little pink linens

27:12

and this

27:14

person, my equivalent, who, you know, I'm friends with,

27:16

but we've definitely had kind of a Tony Livia relationship

27:19

where it's like, we tend to bicker. And

27:21

the other day I was rolling the

27:23

silverware, which mind you is going to be unrolled as

27:26

soon as it hits the table. Yeah. And

27:28

this person didn't like the way I was rolling the

27:31

silverware. He said my roles were too long. Oh,

27:34

and I was like, and I was like, what? He's like,

27:36

yeah, they, you know, they're not going to fit in the basket.

27:38

And I was like, I was

27:39

like, the equivalent of just going to the store and making

27:42

it yourself was like, these are going to be unrolled

27:44

as soon as people see them. It doesn't matter.

27:47

Why are you telling me this focus on like focus your energy

27:49

on something else? Yeah. And he suggested,

27:52

which is Tony's equivalent of the shrimp ban.

27:55

He said, he said, you know what, why don't you go

27:57

do some other side work, I'll do the roll ups.

27:59

And I was like, No, I'm not going to. It's

28:02

fine. I

28:04

said just don't like it's not that big of

28:06

a deal. Although

28:09

Griffey. You're my friend. Remember? Okay,

28:15

you know what? Nevermind. No, no, please tell me. Team.

28:17

What? You what? No,

28:18

I like it. You don't love

28:20

feedback. Yeah.

28:23

But like, I don't. Sorry.

28:25

Yes. I feedback is hard for

28:27

anyone to hear. It totally is. I suck

28:30

at hearing feedback. Don't we all?

28:32

But like, there is a world in that situation

28:34

where you just went,

28:35

Oh, oh, got it. I am doing them

28:37

kind of long. I'll adjust.

28:39

I get yes, totally. There is a world.

28:42

But I feel like when I receive feedback and,

28:44

you know, keep me accountable, because feedback

28:46

in general is hard for anyone to absorb. Yeah.

28:50

When it's feedback about something so insignificant,

28:53

which is what to me,

28:55

then I then I can't because

28:57

I don't I'm at work too. It's like if I can

28:59

like

29:00

brush past some kind of conflict at

29:02

work, I'm gonna do it because I'm professional.

29:05

But I double click when someone can't refocus

29:08

off of something that is so insignificant. That's

29:10

where I'm like, Tony, what's going on in your

29:12

head that you cannot literally get over me doing these

29:14

roll ups this way? Or you know, the shrimp kind

29:17

of being less presentational than you'd hope.

29:19

So obviously,

29:20

I

29:23

feel very personal about this shrimp man because

29:25

of what I just the story I just described. And

29:28

with your reaction in that story, it was

29:30

just standing your ground, like, I know, I'm gonna keep doing this.

29:32

And I'm gonna keep doing it my way. It was such

29:34

Tony Livia energy to it was like we were

29:37

in the middle of having kind of a meaningful conversation.

29:40

All of a sudden you looked over and he was like,

29:42

Those are wrong. What are you doing? And I look,

29:45

Oh, what? And so it was feedback that was packaged.

29:48

And you know me, in an ambush way, I don't

29:50

think that's the best way to give feedback or

29:52

communication.

29:53

I don't think Tony ambush Livia

29:56

with this necessarily in the same way. But long

29:59

story.

29:59

long, I

30:01

think the ban on Livia's shrimp is a little

30:03

much, so I'm gonna rule it guilty.

30:04

Get him.

30:05

Were those all guilty rulings for mine?

30:08

I think you said everyone was guilty of everything

30:10

except

30:11

she was not guilty

30:14

for, Livia was not guilty

30:16

for bringing additional items without warning.

30:18

Okay, yeah, yeah, exactly,

30:20

because of what the items she brought were.

30:22

Yeah,

30:23

I just, yeah, I feel like turn it into

30:25

a joke, turn it into a, oh, Livia,

30:28

I hope you're bringing your iceberg head lettuce shrimp.

30:31

Yeah. Like make it funny. It's

30:33

totally, totally, it'll never

30:35

show on a trotting horse. Keep it moving.

30:37

And, Kira, literally, that in my brain,

30:39

it'll never show on a trotting horse, as I

30:42

was doing those roll ups, was the mantra

30:44

I was saying in my head. I was like, this doesn't

30:46

matter. If that doesn't matter. If I was setting the table

30:49

improperly or greeting

30:51

a guest wrong or, I don't know, something

30:54

marginally more egregious, I would have been like,

30:56

oh, shit, you're right, sorry, let me correct that behavior. For

30:59

me, it's when it's like petty, and people

31:01

are just

31:02

putting way too much energy into it. I'm

31:05

like, dude, this is, this is something else. This is your

31:07

lack of, this is your inability to be,

31:10

to not be in control.

31:13

Totally. And with that,

31:14

you ready for a little criminal or minimal? I

31:18

might need to take a lap. Okay.

31:24

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31:26

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31:29

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31:31

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31:33

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31:36

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32:15

All right Kira I've taken a lap I am somewhat

32:17

cooled down from this shrimp.

32:21

No wonder I'm allergic to it it triggers me so much.

32:25

You ready for some criminal minimal? Let's do

32:27

it. All right we have a we have a brand new

32:29

batch of shrimp so let's like let's let's

32:32

work through these quickly. It's

32:34

made by Lucy not using conditioner only

32:36

shampoo criminal or minimal?

32:39

Minimal

32:40

it's your hair do what you want. Okay.

32:44

If you want to abuse your hair that's

32:46

your privilege. I only

32:49

use conditioner not shampoo

32:51

but I don't have much hair so.

32:54

You're really more just kind of conditioning your head. And

32:57

shouldn't we all be? Putting

33:00

diet coke in

33:03

your champagne criminal or minimal?

33:06

Whoa you're a freak for that.

33:08

Yeah.

33:11

I just think that's

33:13

I'm sorry I think that's a little tacky.

33:15

Mmm-hmm I don't

33:17

I don't question that it doesn't taste good

33:20

but like it just doesn't seem like I

33:22

don't it's like me with my ranch it's like sometimes

33:24

don't bring the ranch out for certain things. Sure totally.

33:27

That's a good one. So

33:29

I'm gonna buy Susanna voice typing

33:31

on an airplane.

33:35

Criminal. Yeah

33:37

that's crazy.

33:39

Inviting a couple to stay with you but

33:41

letting them know retroactively or but

33:44

letting them know after the fact you only have a twin

33:47

bed for

33:47

them.

33:53

Criminal. Yeah.

33:55

Cement

33:57

by Shana saying

33:59

bless you after.

33:59

every sneeze when someone keeps sneezing repeatedly.

34:05

Will you do a run of sneezes,

34:07

Chris? Yeah.

34:10

Bless you, bless

34:12

you. God bless, bless

34:16

you.

34:18

And honestly, as a sneezer, I'm left being

34:20

like, Jesus.

34:22

Yeah, it didn't feel good. Yeah.

34:25

I think you get to, you get

34:27

to do

34:27

too. Yeah.

34:30

You get to do one for the first sneeze and

34:32

you get one at the end of the run

34:33

when you realize that they had more to do. It's

34:36

like the fool me once, fool me twice, say.

34:39

I can't keep doing this, honey. And

34:41

I can only sneeze in threes. I sneeze in threes almost

34:44

like every time.

34:45

Wow.

34:46

Yeah. I'm a weirdo. How

34:48

was I was, how was.

34:53

Shrimp. I know. Sorry.

34:55

I'm reacting from the shrimp. I said, trying

34:57

to say that's how I was programmed, but we cleaned it up. Criminal

35:01

minimal hosting a Halloween party in November.

35:07

Like we're mid or midway

35:09

through November right now. So like, what if

35:11

it was because this year Halloween was on a Tuesday.

35:13

So what, like, what if it was like a November, November

35:16

1st, Wednesday party or even Friday?

35:19

Minimal. Okay.

35:21

Halloween's the shit.

35:23

Halloween is the shit.

35:24

Throw the party in November and hey, you probably

35:26

get the decorations for a discount.

35:28

Oh my God. Team. Let's do

35:30

a few more and then sayonara.

35:32

Sounds good. Giving yourself a

35:34

nickname, criminal or minimal. Like

35:37

you gave me the nickname on the show. I'm

35:40

not even going to remind

35:43

them. That'd

35:45

be so funny. Um,

35:48

Oh, that's,

35:50

I think minimal and it's

35:52

up to people. Like people don't have to call you that. I'd

35:54

probably purposely not call you that if you're telling me to

35:57

yourself, giving yourself.

35:59

nickname.

36:01

Ooh, I'm babbling. Oh,

36:03

I love this one. Okay, so this is

36:05

the last one. Yeah, I did this the other

36:07

night and I want to

36:10

know your thoughts. Submitted by Kathleen. Immediately

36:13

dividing up an appetizer when it arrives to

36:15

the table. So everyone gets the same exact

36:17

amount.

36:18

Wow. Control

36:20

freak vibes. Um,

36:25

I think minimal.

36:27

Okay. Yeah, yeah. It's definitely

36:30

you're certain you got a certain kind of personality.

36:32

Yeah,

36:33

it's a good idea. Yeah,

36:35

I think minimal. I

36:38

can you see me doing this? Absolutely.

36:40

Oh, god. Okay. Just

36:43

to speak for the people that do I eat very

36:45

slowly.

36:46

And a lot of my friends, guys

36:48

and girls, honestly, like eat so quickly.

36:50

So

36:51

if I

36:53

don't know, like I went out to wings with my friend the other

36:55

day, it wasn't the appetizer. It was like our two orders

36:57

of wings. And he ate like four wings

36:59

in the time I finished one and I was like, I

37:03

want to be able to taste the other flavors.

37:05

Does that mean should I be trusting my

37:07

friends to like give me the right amount? Or

37:10

was I wrong for doing that?

37:11

So I did divide them into the baskets.

37:14

No, I don't think you're wrong for doing that.

37:16

I do think like, you

37:18

know, like, I

37:21

definitely wouldn't ever do it like with Alex or

37:23

something like, I feel like sharing food

37:25

is fun. And it's kind of like, oh, yeah, and all our folks

37:27

are going in the same place kind of thing.

37:30

No, I think it's fine. You can do whatever you want.

37:32

Okay.

37:33

Okay.

37:35

Not not my thing.

37:38

But I don't care that it's your thing. I will

37:40

say like, when I did it, I didn't just do it. Like,

37:42

it wasn't instinctual. I thought about it for a second.

37:44

I was like, how is this gonna read if I do this? But

37:47

I explained myself and I did it and we used

37:49

to date so yeah,

37:51

I mean,

37:52

yeah, I think that's that.

37:54

Okay.

37:55

Well, I gotta check myself into

37:57

the hospital from this case.

37:59

I feel itchy and bloated and

38:02

irritated. Sorry, Shroom. I

38:05

hate you.