Pop Punk the Aughts Episode 5: Sugar, We’re Going Down

“Well THAT was fucking awful,” John announced loudly as the boys emerged from a very loud room into a long brightly colored hallway.

Frederick had led them to what they thought was a live performance of Simple Plan featuring Jeff but instead it was just Simple Flan, a Simple Plan cover band that dressed up like the dessert.

“Yeah, pretty bad,” Cameron agreed. “I’m fucking parched. Is there anything to drink around here?”

As soon as Cameron spoke, a door appeared further down the hallway. It had “BAR” written on it gold lettering.

“Sweet. I’m gonna get me a kraft brew!” Memphis exclaimed, taking off ahead of Cameron and John.

The two chased after and followed him through the door. The boys stood in a dimly lit bar. A neon sign proclaiming “CHICAGO BABY!” buzzed on the wall behind a not-too-cheery looking bartender. There were no other customers.

“What’ll it be?” the bartender asked, looking annoyed.

“I’ll have a…hmm…lot to choose from…” Memphis said, eyeing the extensive beer listing.

“I SAID WHAT’LL IT BE I AINT GOT ALL FUCKIN DAY,” the barkeep growled, slamming his fist on the counter.

John began to slowly roll up the sleeve of his punching arm but stopped when Cameron waved him off and approached the bar amicably.

“You seem to be having a long day, pal.” Cameron said, putting on his fakest and cheesiest smile as he laid a $20 down on the bar. “Don’t worry. We tip well. Go ahead and give us three of whatever your favorite drink is.”

“That’d be Malort,” the bartender said gruffly, setting up three shot glasses.

“Malort? Never heard of it,” John said. “But it can’t be THAT bad,right?”

What happens next? Stay tuned.

Highlights include: Malibu’s Most Malort-ed; Neurosis Nerd; STDs; Chicago-Style Baby!; Noodle Fuel; Billy Ray Haircut; King Pete; Ashleeeee; Goin to the Movies: Allstar-ed on Ativan; Hit me up on G-mail; Hot Take!; Sweet cover; What’s a bedpost?; Amazing chicken joke; Trapped in a closet; Parent Pranks