0:00

you listening the micro version of the savage,

0:02

lovecast at savage love

0:05

if you stay,

0:23

couldn't pick a single topic to kick off this week

0:25

so there's just too much

0:27

good stuff out there so military through

0:29

a few topics before we began first up

0:31

reverend method man ass reverend

0:33

ted haggard back in the headlines and

0:36

back in them for precisely what you might have guessed

0:38

if you're old enough to remember the

0:41

last time reverend math a man asks

0:43

was given us all headlines back

0:45

in two thousand and six haggard was ahead of the national association

0:48

of evangelicals a powerful leader

0:51

on the religious right founder of a mega

0:53

a mega in colorado springs

0:56

which is probably now a mega mega church like all

0:58

the others haggard at the time

1:00

had a weekly phone call would then president

1:02

george w bush the worst president

1:04

we thought we'd ever have boy were we wrong

1:08

haggard wasn't just openly

1:10

anti gay he was flagrantly

1:12

anti gay flaming li

1:14

anti gay

1:17

then then a gay sex worker

1:19

heard haggard publicly attacking gays

1:21

and figured people had a right to know haggard

1:24

had been privately attacking his deck mike

1:26

jones honest sex worker outed

1:28

ted haggard dishonest preacher and

1:31

turns out haggard wasn't just after

1:33

sex from jones he begged jones

1:35

to buy him math and jones

1:37

had it all on tape voice mails

1:40

haggard left it the haggard sex

1:42

scandal broke right before the two thousand and six midterm

1:44

elections and after that election

1:47

a lot of political observers stop haggard scandal

1:49

helped create a democratic way that

1:51

year the two thousand and six dems

1:53

took the house and senate a bunch of statehouses governor's

1:56

mansion voters were disgusted

1:59

the pies

1:59

the brokerage like ted haggard

2:01

and incompetent fucking idiots like george

2:03

w bush

2:05

well looks like the scandal ferry

2:07

for the good omen ferry were both

2:09

those berries what this year's midterm elections

2:12

to go the way the two thousand and six midterm elections

2:14

did how else to explain haggard

2:16

making headlines for ,

2:18

back on the paul just a few months

2:21

for the rest of us go to the polls

2:23

the denver gazette reports powerhouse preacher

2:25

ted haggard faces new allegations

2:28

of illicit behavior haggard

2:30

founded a new church in twenty

2:32

ten because of course he did

2:35

because pt barnum was wrong

2:37

there's not a sucker born every minute there's

2:39

a sucker baptized every minute

2:41

well turns out young men at haggard new

2:44

church have come forward to say

2:46

haggard has been touching them appropriately

2:49

allegedly and also using math again

2:52

allegedly here's hoping raburn

2:54

met the man as does for twenty twenty two what he

2:56

did for two thousand and six sprinkle a little

2:59

a that built the pious hypocrites out fairy

3:01

dust all over the election

3:03

it helps collect downs

3:06

i call him reverend math and manners and very

3:08

to a song that actor musician paul hip

3:11

wrote about haggard mathematics on a sunday

3:13

mornings worth looking up worth

3:15

listening to still slaps

3:17

so good been listening to it

3:19

all morning next a quick

3:21

update on stan pulliam you

3:24

may remember stance he was the republican

3:26

mayor of a small town in oregon who is running

3:28

for governor of oregon's as a family

3:30

values conservative and a trump supporter

3:33

of backer of the big lie the

3:35

and was going on right wing media outlets the campaign

3:37

against portland values the

3:39

same way national conservatives campaign against

3:41

san francisco values who the big

3:44

cities that's where the perverts are you gotta

3:46

watch out at , point stand

3:48

with the front runner and looking like him i

3:50

get the republican nomination for governor but then

3:53

then all learned that pulliam the

3:55

mayor of a tiny town sandy oregon podium

3:57

and his wife were swingers

4:00

swinger that swagger swan with other

4:02

swingers and you'll never guess

4:05

portland

4:06

though there was important values stand

4:08

couldn't get behind like living

4:10

wages are defending the police but

4:12

there were some he could like open

4:14

relationships and group sex and watching other men

4:17

buck other mother of your children liam

4:19

didn't deny it that's to his credit

4:22

for guess but he couldn't really deny it

4:24

there was too much evidence photographic

4:26

evidence to credibly

4:28

deny these charges

4:31

that podium argue that was a private matter

4:34

you know privacy republicans have

4:36

a right to some you don't have a right to any

4:38

any said it was a long time ago way way

4:41

way way back in twenty six

4:43

team dot u p voters

4:45

were not throbbing with excitement at the prospect

4:47

of pulling her lover's for stay and

4:50

organs deal p voters didn't come

4:52

through for podium unlike portland's

4:55

swingers deal p voters didn't

4:57

seem to want to come anywhere near bully i'm don't

4:59

, how i missed it at the time of the boat was back on

5:02

may seventeenth pulliam

5:04

came in third in a

5:06

crowded field sloppy thirds

5:08

with just ten percent of the finally

5:11

who is the prince of

5:13

pegging and why was prince

5:15

of pegging trending on twitter last week

5:18

in the uk it's clear a lamp and

5:20

at the cut ranked the likely candidates

5:22

from most to least likely

5:24

prince william prince harry prince andrew and prince

5:27

philip gonna say that last one prince

5:29

philip seen staunchest least likely to me

5:31

but impossible seeing as prince old

5:33

has been dead for two years weapons piece

5:35

of the cut open with a likely candidate prince william's

5:38

but before we go too far down this

5:40

road weapon road i should note that

5:42

williams purported love of pegging derives

5:44

from pure speculation nothing

5:46

, comes remotely close to

5:48

being confirmed weapon traces

5:50

the rumor back to a royal blind item on

5:53

a celebrity gossip las pr account called

5:55

do was at , media

5:58

party the do more blood the item

6:00

author writes i was told the real reason

6:02

for this royals rumored of fair was

6:05

the royals love of pegging which

6:07

his wife is far too old fashioned to engage

6:09

and the wife doesn't mind and

6:11

in fact prefers her husband getting his sexual needs

6:14

met elsewhere here's hoping

6:16

this royal wife whoever she might

6:18

be just like mrs haggard and

6:20

mrs pulliam is getting her needs

6:22

met elsewhere too you

6:25

know why i care about this right with

6:27

prince of pegging trending in

6:29

the uk over the weekend and online

6:31

searches for the definition of pegging in

6:34

the uk skyrocketing the

6:36

definition my readers created

6:38

there are now more people in the uk home to

6:40

the oxford english dictionary it's

6:43

who know the definition of pegging today

6:45

the new the definition of pegging last week's

6:47

so oxford english dictionary

6:49

editors we have another argument here for

6:52

getting pegging in to finally

6:55

the oxford english dictionary

6:58

where it belongs that's really all

7:00

i want for christmas got a lot

7:02

of calls embargoes last week who better to help

7:04

us tackle them that america's most prominent

7:06

by guys zachary zane sex

7:09

advice columnist himself co

7:11

author of men's health best sex

7:13

ever and the forthcoming memoir that

7:15

you can order now preorder now

7:17

our minds boy slot zach resent

7:20

joins meets to help answer a

7:22

few questions we talk about dibs the bro code

7:24

monkey pox and how to ask your third

7:26

in irregular three ways whether they've been

7:28

tested for str as and

7:30

, course be sure to read my advice column every week savage

7:33

love which goes up tuesday mornings at savage

7:35

dot love slash savage love this

7:37

week i explain the difference between cut cleaning hot

7:40

husband things and hoarding out your husband

7:42

to a woman who tried to do her own research

7:45

or just wound up are confused batson

7:47

savage love now it's get your calls

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on the surface like cast this episode

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of the savage love cast is brought to you by frame bridge

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your first purchase of a a website domain

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of

8:40

a 43

8:43

year man living in southern california always

8:46

considered myself, maybe a little bit by,

8:48

but i've only had

8:51

sex with men and dated men up

8:54

until this point point

8:56

i've always enjoyed mms porn

8:59

and kind of fantasize about being with a man

9:01

and woman at the same time but have but

9:03

had the opportunity your side of the opportunity

9:05

to the that i recently i was

9:07

on the apps and i was horny and

9:10

i met a trans

9:12

man so this is a man

9:14

with a vagina and we clicked

9:16

and ended up getting together

9:19

and having sex and it

9:21

was the nominal it was great

9:23

sex they were super fun and

9:26

what i really liked about it was

9:29

i loved their vagina i loved

9:31

watching it and i love playing with declared and

9:33

i like fucking it's and

9:36

i never thought before that i would

9:38

be so into a vagina

9:40

us are now since i'm thinking about

9:42

it and i kind of warner

9:45

i sleep with a woman

9:46

but

9:47

my dilemma or my question is i

9:49

don't really want to sleep with a

9:51

woman and tell her that i'm a

9:54

gay man i just feel like she

9:56

will read it differently

9:58

then is it a

10:00

heterosexual man

10:03

, with her and

10:05

in and can't really thoroughly explain why is

10:07

that is in my head i just have that feeling like

10:09

that don't wanna go into it as like i'm a gay man

10:11

sleeping with you sleeping thought about going to

10:13

other cities to do this so that

10:16

it can be kind of pre established said this established like

10:18

you know i'm in time for business it's a one one

10:20

time meet up type of situation

10:23

is of ethical for me to sleep

10:25

with a woman and not disclose

10:27

my sexuality as

10:30

long as it's kind

10:32

of pre established as like as really short

10:34

term relationship

10:36

your question reminded me of a subplot

10:38

in i may destroy you which was

10:41

is the insanely good h b o

10:43

comedy drama created by mikhail

10:45

a call loss of stars in

10:47

it the whole series really

10:50

explores send

10:52

him or can be blurry about consent

10:54

and problematic as and there's a

10:56

there's a subplot with us gay male

10:58

character one of a mchale a cold

11:01

characters best friend or that

11:03

card is named quami and he you

11:06

know in the wake of a sexual assault

11:08

begins to be curious about may be sleeping

11:10

with a woman or feeling safer sleeping with a woman

11:12

any picks up a woman's and he's

11:14

again if i'd man he sleeps with that

11:16

woman without disclosing

11:18

to her that he was

11:20

a gay man and of course that woman

11:22

made the entirely reasonable assumption

11:25

that this guy who is

11:27

interested is interested straight

11:30

maybe by

11:33

but definitely interested in her interested

11:35

in women generally open to women romantically

11:38

the sexually why me

11:40

was out experimenting

11:42

and this woman is angry

11:44

later because she didn't consent

11:47

to being experimented

11:49

on or experimented in or

11:51

experimented where

11:54

yeah

11:57

the message in i may destroy you

11:59

one thing

11:59

mommy where into that something that he did

12:02

need to disclose and his failure

12:05

to disclose or his

12:08

allowing this woman to make entirely

12:11

reasonable assumptions in

12:13

that instance in that case in

12:15

, case of of this the hot

12:17

dude is interested in me in that

12:20

that was you know leveraging the reasonable

12:22

assumption in a way that tip

12:25

toes that or collapses

12:27

into and on ethical

12:29

violation of someone's

12:31

consenting a lotta people and around saying you

12:33

should make these assumptions you should make assumptions if

12:35

you make an assumption that assumption you that

12:39

you know or moon gay dude if dude

12:41

if some woman out on a date as quami

12:43

dead she's gonna makes the entirely reasonable

12:45

assumption that i am at

12:48

the very least not a gay dude

12:51

the great or by

12:53

there were one hundred and so play into your

12:55

circumstance well if you want

12:57

to have a sexual experience with a woman i

13:00

definitely think you should explore the

13:02

male male female three way option

13:04

there are a lot of by guys

13:07

out there with female partners

13:09

who are interested are interested a

13:11

guy who is down to fuck them

13:13

and fuck with them but also down to fuck with

13:16

the wife and so

13:18

you could as the mostly

13:20

gay guy who's into women

13:23

into pussy be

13:25

, great demand and that

13:27

mms three way that you fantasized about is

13:29

certainly something that's with a little

13:31

bit of digging around on on

13:34

or other dating apps it wouldn't

13:36

be hard to set up for yourself but

13:38

if you're fantasizing about meeting someone and them

13:40

really thinking that your

13:43

the straight guy

13:45

i mean allowing them to make that assumption that

13:48

article to do that well pure gonna

13:50

make it clear to someone that this is

13:53

a hookup that you're in town for business

13:55

and you're never going to be back and you're not interested

13:57

in a relationship or relationship connection

13:59

that

13:59

just looking for sacks

14:02

well i guess it's a little less

14:04

problematic because even though you're

14:06

allowing this person

14:08

the make the assumption that you're straight

14:11

and if that person believing and sees

14:13

you as sort of a tinkerbell heterosexual

14:15

that moments if that person clapping

14:17

for you arouses

14:20

years going to make it the easier

14:22

for you do not easier for you to perform but

14:25

you're going to be able to role play

14:28

the straight guy and this person's

14:30

mistaken belief that you are that straight

14:32

guy is gonna fuel your

14:35

fantasy and it is that

14:37

okay well i guess i kind of or

14:39

maiming and hugs i kind of want to sign off on it

14:42

i don't think that your sexual orientation

14:44

is necessarily something that you have to disclose

14:47

the someone that you're gonna have a

14:50

one time sexual encounter

14:52

with and you aren't as you are discovering

14:56

higher than you thought you were in maybe

14:58

you're moving into identifying as bisexual

15:00

now and , there's nothing by

15:03

about a gay guy sitting with a trans guy with

15:05

a pussy that gays args but

15:07

you're not as interested not

15:09

as attached to man

15:11

you're interested in pussies attached to

15:14

women

15:15

and so i think your

15:17

moving toward bisexuality

15:20

perhaps a bisexual identity

15:23

and yeah yeah i guess i would sign up in this but i

15:26

would warn you that it is a small

15:28

world and this person who

15:31

is oughta tell their phone

15:33

spying on us all the times may

15:35

stumble over you on instagram and see that

15:37

you are

15:39

they identified man living a mostly

15:42

gay life all that said you also

15:44

have the option of putting it out there exactly who you are i'm are

15:46

gay dude mostly sub with gay guys been

15:48

gay dead about all this time interested

15:50

exploring sacks a one off with a woman narrow

15:52

lotta women out there that i hear from all the time

15:54

and have heard from for thirty years we'd like to get

15:57

with

15:58

the gay guy the bigger to explore

16:00

that to i don't think that

16:02

the required to explore that

16:04

only that also

16:06

definitely an option

16:08

for you and

16:11

maybe being with a woman whose

16:13

grooving on turned on by the idea

16:16

of your homosexuality or you are gay identity

16:19

would be just as exciting just as arousing

16:21

is being with a woman who had completely body

16:23

into the idea that you the guy in

16:25

front of the guy she's having this one night stand

16:27

with the guy from out of town the

16:31

straight guy

16:32

which

16:33

though isn't an assumption that women should make buttery

16:35

got the meat but the

16:37

reasonable assumption that

16:40

if you don't want to be guilty leveraging

16:42

someone's reasonable assumption against them to get

16:44

something out of them they might not have given you had

16:46

they not made that reasonable assumption

16:50

you will disclose hello dan

16:53

this is a gay man

16:56

out here in the software i'm

16:58

sixty one years old i i'm

17:00

practicing so low poly

17:02

ammo is an article non monogamy

17:06

i happen to the the

17:08

newly dating a trans man

17:10

in his fifties i have not

17:12

seen a vagina since the last time

17:15

i can remember my mother and her you

17:17

listen her vagina sixty one years

17:19

ago i already

17:21

had sex with a gay man

17:24

this is so new and out of pocket

17:26

for me i didn't know that this first

17:28

there was trail

17:30

so afraid of told me glad i did

17:32

not recoil

17:34

i am on a new adventure a my life as sixty

17:36

one and i have laden

17:38

to get to know this person

17:40

we have had that

17:43

and he told me

17:45

that

17:46

what he wrote it offers is penetration i'm

17:48

learned everything about com link

17:50

is the ,

17:53

and i'm really enjoying that however

17:56

when it's time to penetrate

17:58

i get all my here

17:59

and i can't get an erection is

18:02

happen like twice i found a conversation

18:04

with you

18:05

very rare that

18:07

he's also experiencing

18:10

having sex with assists gender

18:12

game as well the little

18:14

nervous i get up your my hair out just

18:16

wondering

18:17

how to approach this

18:19

because i really liked this guy

18:22

or really do i feel good movie together

18:24

and he likes me too but i wanna

18:26

be able to satisfy

18:29

his watch and i want to satisfy

18:31

me too though if you have clearly

18:33

advice or anything that

18:36

you could assist me with i was appreciated

18:38

very much

18:39

you know it's a funny thing i

18:41

had sex with women before

18:43

i came out when i was a teenager to can sixteen years

18:45

old the end i

18:48

could do it i could have the

18:50

ivy that little intercourse and

18:53

stay hard and get off you

18:56

know and i couldn't do i couldn't

18:58

go down i couldn't eat

19:01

pussy i couldn't engage

19:04

with the quitter is it any direct

19:07

way or another women that i had sex with

19:09

when i was a teenager had

19:12

, orgasms it

19:14

was a possible for me to to have this

19:16

kind of sucks i was really pressured into and like

19:18

culture sorry my church my family i

19:20

thought i had to learn how to have sex

19:23

with women with my first take away

19:25

the first i'm had sex with a woman was oh i can do

19:27

this can , fake this

19:29

you know because i had sex with women close my eyes and

19:31

pretended that she was

19:34

you'd think pretended she was shaun

19:36

cassidy that's how long ago was and

19:38

, as i you don't fuck with her some

19:41

or and some of the few other girls that i dated the

19:43

take away ultimately was ultimately can't

19:45

do this can't do as

19:47

for the next fifty sixty years and

19:49

it's not fair to this

19:52

woman that i'm doing this to that

19:54

i'm shutting my eyes and jacking

19:56

off inside off and is going

19:58

down on or would have liked added me from

20:00

close weeks ago since pretending that

20:02

she was a man a go directly

20:05

facing it would have

20:07

shattered my carefully constructed

20:09

a illusion the made a possible for me to perform

20:11

at all so color that you

20:14

are already exploring cunnilingus

20:16

that you're going down on your

20:18

new boyfriend it seems to me that

20:21

you've cleared the much bigger

20:23

hurdle and that if you just give yourself

20:25

a little bit more time to acclimate or

20:28

and take the pressure off your deck is either you

20:30

probably could be that you lost your action

20:32

because it's us vagina new dixon for bennett

20:34

vagina vagina but your faces to spend vagina a vagina

20:37

and if you are hard when you're faces vagina the vagina

20:39

i think you can stay hard when you're put your dick vagina the vagina

20:41

and it may just be a coincidence of you know one of those

20:44

things you know you're sixty

20:46

one i'm close sometimes you lose your bonus

20:48

for random reasons and for barbara determined

20:51

the reason here and you're attributing it to

20:53

oh because there's

20:55

vagina my decks ever been there's vagina and

20:57

i'll you're in your head about it like you said you're in

20:59

your head about it and the best

21:01

way to get outta your head about the sort of thing is

21:03

to take the pressure off and

21:06

to enjoy sex and be patient enjoy

21:08

sex with york's you partner and

21:10

and of their a boyfriend yet but enjoy sex with the

21:12

new sex partners and if

21:14

you're hard and you want to attempt penetrations

21:16

go for it you lose your actions

21:19

while attempting penetration keep

21:22

having sex to august dot voter comes

21:24

back get hard again try

21:26

again but just relax if you make

21:28

it feel like everything

21:32

closure you do this moment the sexy

21:34

having everything hinges on whether

21:36

you can obtain and sustain

21:39

as they say in the a d med commercials an

21:41

erection you are likelier to lose

21:44

your erection but if you go into it

21:47

with the attitude that harder not i'm going to have

21:49

fun

21:51

like we're to get hard now

21:54

here's to new experiences here's

21:56

to new possibilities and here's you getting

21:58

hard and getting him

22:00

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then i'm a spider in new york

24:07

i'm in an open relationship and seeking out partners

24:09

on the apps for casual hookups i'm

24:12

all about talking through safer sex precautions

24:14

so as to i testing condoms birth

24:16

control et cetera i'm ,

24:19

if it's also appropriate

24:21

to ask the potential hook up partner about

24:23

what they would do is say got pregnant

24:25

from our sex life and the case of protection

24:28

failing failing it weird or

24:30

senses to ask someone isn't getting

24:32

abortions and would get pregnant from our hook

24:34

up of understand the my change their mind

24:36

putting your choice but if possible

24:38

at least like to have an idea of their intentions

24:41

ahead of time to avoid any surprises

24:44

i think a woman that's to make

24:46

her own decisions about her body or

24:48

should get to make their own decisions

24:51

about her body including the decision to

24:53

terminate a pregnancy or not use

24:55

think the same thing i also think

24:58

that you get to make your own decisions

25:00

about your body including

25:04

where you put your deck

25:06

and under what conditions are

25:08

circumstances and so

25:10

yeah i think you can absolutely asked

25:13

this question what you can't do is control

25:16

how the person you ask it

25:18

of is gonna react

25:21

think most single women

25:23

or part of women seeking casual sex

25:25

partners in new york gifts some

25:28

bigeye they wanted to hook up with ask them like

25:30

if something terrible happened if

25:33

all three methods of birth control maybe

25:35

that were using here condoms pull out till

25:38

condoms thought id if they should all say

25:40

all what would you do then

25:43

i think most women seeking casual

25:46

sex partners in new york fucking city with their would

25:48

go gonna suck an abortion that's what i

25:50

would do then it might

25:52

be offended by you asking

25:54

the question not because they wouldn't have an

25:56

abortion or because the answer

25:58

to have an abortion under those circle the answer is

26:01

obvious

26:03

you're allowed to ask and if somebody

26:05

is offended by that question or

26:08

so weirded out by that question

26:10

by the reassurance that you're asking them for

26:12

that at least in anticipation

26:14

of getting pregnant they would have an abortion actually

26:17

facing an unplanned pregnancy they would get to makes

26:20

a , at that point you recognize

26:22

their absolute right to make that decision

26:24

to revisit that decision at that point but

26:27

yeah new york city new york you're likelier to encounter

26:29

women who

26:31

the answer is so obvious that you didn't

26:33

really need to ask that question but

26:35

it's your body and if you would be

26:37

more comfortable knowing

26:40

hearing from someone the you can have casual sex

26:42

with that they would get an abortion in the event

26:44

of an unplanned pregnancy

26:46

you're absolutely

26:48

have a right the ask

26:50

that question though and you're

26:52

thirty years old if you've decided that

26:55

you don't want to have kids if you and your partner

26:57

have decided that you don't wanna have kids

26:59

there is another birth control option

27:02

the you which is it a sec to me you don't

27:04

worry van about the pill failing

27:07

to condom breaking are leaking

27:10

go if you don't want kids have you know

27:12

that about yourself you

27:14

have the option to go get a vasectomy

27:17

and then you don't necessarily have had this conversation

27:19

about an unplanned pregnancy because you're never going

27:22

to create

27:24

one you never gonna

27:26

the make one with some casual

27:28

partner with york's from and partner but

27:30

if you're still thinking about having kids in the next decade

27:32

and you'd like to keep that option open

27:35

yeah then you're going to have to use other birth control

27:37

methods ah and have these conversations

27:40

and perhaps ask this question of your

27:42

casual female sex partners

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you're the only person i can

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ask i'm a year

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i didn't really get such as the accessories

29:22

or the first time so i'm in a hyena

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marriage twenty years to

29:27

be every last fifteen years

29:29

but i have a a

29:32

man that i've been added taxes to last a

29:34

year

29:34

it's straightforward heterosexual sex

29:37

the new you

29:39

know i am flight shoo man he's like

29:43

putting his fingers the

29:48

like but never like whatever

29:50

hero because i would ever

29:53

want to have to ask for it by so

29:55

much to do it so anyway certainly uses

29:57

do it either city for a long time

29:59

i know play with toys

30:02

savior lot of

30:05

what else do i need to know is

30:07

i think it's gonna happen next time i see

30:09

him and i wanted to i

30:13

feel very inexperienced

30:15

oh no you

30:18

sound excited i'm so excited

30:20

for you and whoever said that you can't

30:22

teach old dog new tricks

30:25

or temple dogs to try new

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tricks or the person would recommend

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to you is the ultimate guide to anal sex

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for women trust and harm he knows class

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the anal is truly imminent my

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30:47

guys are given to young gay men

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have never had gave the anal sex before a most i think

30:51

a sex gay sex anal sex but young gay

30:53

men were about to explore what for

30:55

many young gay man is a emotionally

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important kind of devonish no sex act and having

31:00

sex or the first time which is like

31:03

he said waterloo

31:06

hum fingers first

31:08

also toys maybe some toys that

31:10

are a little smaller than his dick

31:12

and my advice is not to jump

31:15

right to that's fucking

31:17

what you really wanna do because are a lot of people

31:20

in the first time there may be may little bit

31:22

of pain or maybe him you may tense up if

31:24

you have to go from zero to sixty to being

31:27

never had my ass fuck before it's too sixty

31:30

some the you the decks

31:32

laminate or your ass and

31:34

taking their pleasure on your

31:36

ass and sparking your hours that's

31:39

too much that can that zero to sixty what you wanna

31:41

do first is get to this teaser

31:44

for twenty five miles an hour to torture

31:46

them out of works and have

31:48

some anal play during which

31:50

you are being stimulated other

31:52

ways other ways reliably get you off

31:55

and have a few orgasms while your ass

31:57

is engaged while your asses

31:59

in way maybe that means he

32:02

, down and you when you have a butt plug in or a vibrating

32:04

by plugin or a small dildo

32:07

you'd like work on on

32:09

inserting you know an insert a bowl

32:11

that's not as intimidating as

32:13

the insert a while he came with and

32:17

then focus on your pleasure and

32:19

create an association between that feeling

32:21

of having something your ass and

32:23

and orgasm create a strong association

32:25

between open up your butt and

32:28

getting off and that kind of pleasurable

32:31

sensation and that will make the first time is

32:33

gonna stop dicking stop use less

32:35

scary and it's one of the things

32:37

that makes it sexy and sexy and

32:41

that it is gary

32:44

in some respect

32:46

right

32:47

once you got

32:48

the move on to us fucking you still have to

32:50

regard or treat his dick

32:52

as a toy

32:55

he can get it in you but got

32:57

point those first few times isn't

32:59

for him to get it a new and slam it in a lot

33:01

of you and to fuck you for his pleasure is

33:04

to get it and you give that give you

33:06

again that's filled up feeling that you'd

33:08

associate with pleasure because how

33:10

to punch orgasms with that filled up feeling

33:12

just

33:13

the be filled up and other things are smaller things are vibrating

33:16

things and , yourself get yourself

33:18

off and then you begin to move

33:20

you control the speed depth

33:23

pace of the first time or the first

33:25

few times times get fox

33:27

a rather than thinking of it is he's gonna fuck

33:29

your ass you're going to fuck your as you're

33:31

gonna fuck your ass with his dick like you might

33:33

fuck your ass if you were alone with

33:36

a dildo a toy which is something else i recommend

33:38

people are just are ask

33:40

play for the first time with a partner maybe some

33:42

solo ask play where

33:44

you aren't having to way having elses turn

33:47

ons desires expectations

33:49

as you see what your body

33:52

is capable of were kind of pleasure you

33:54

can experience with anal

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stimulation so pick up trust and terminals

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34:01

terrific and the first

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few times you go there you say is

34:05

already playing with your ass and maybe already doing this but the

34:07

first few times you try

34:09

anal to get fucked that

34:12

about his deck it's by your but and

34:15

your pleasure and the stronger

34:17

a connection you can make the stronger the association

34:19

is between your but being and play and you

34:22

viewing pleasure you

34:25

getting off the better

34:27

the ass fucking is going to be

34:29

for you an for him when

34:32

you get there when you the

34:34

old up to it in the better it is for you

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and for him when you get there the more often

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you're going to be excited about him

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36:02

the then late thirties gay guy marries

36:04

year and a question about moving cross

36:06

country for the spouses dream

36:08

job the deal is my husband

36:11

has been working towards getting a job at a michelin

36:13

star restaurant it is life

36:15

and i don't understand and away at him taking his

36:17

job i have

36:20

a very comfortable queer unionized

36:23

job i'm very comfortable

36:25

in my neighborhood

36:28

the job opportunity that he had to

36:30

take us to the east coast the crown

36:32

on one hundred people now

36:35

where i live currently i

36:37

had a vast network of x

36:39

lovers

36:40

frank chosen family

36:42

job opportunities as well as

36:45

opportunities for for double housing

36:48

the housing is only

36:50

offered under the circumstances

36:52

that i enjoy how

36:54

do i allow my husband to take a job

36:57

and a place that i am terrified luke

36:59

to i cannot come up with an

37:01

exit strategy for that situation

37:04

read my whole life building a network

37:07

in a very liberal state horrified

37:11

to new too small town where i

37:13

have no friends and all the people

37:15

i would interact with will be

37:17

coworkers never

37:19

driven a car and i've never

37:21

had a driver's license i

37:24

have no desire to drive

37:26

but i would have to drive to

37:28

find work and the nearest cities

37:31

and network will not be unionized

37:33

and will be minimum wage in

37:35

service to the single what

37:38

would you what should i do though

37:41

i allow him to live his life without

37:43

getting up

37:45

i live

37:46

wait you say your housing is only available

37:48

to people who are single and yet

37:50

you're married hence this problem

37:53

so is your your husband is he not

37:55

live with you are you sneak in a man

37:58

is he

37:59

hobby and you pass them off as a pad

38:02

inquiring minds want

38:04

, know you know i'm not

38:06

allowed people who worked in the restaurant industry and those

38:08

kinds of jobs jobs

38:11

michelin starred restaurants or

38:13

he did you know gigs in restaurants

38:15

where people have ambitions they

38:18

are often steppingstone stay

38:20

people throw themselves into themselves for a couple

38:22

of years in the name move on

38:25

so maybe the solution here is for you and

38:27

your husband to agree to do the long

38:29

distance thing for a while the previous color

38:32

so far has made it work for one point

38:34

five years with his boyfriend

38:36

are doing his long distance thing as they think about

38:39

marriage you can make it work i've been

38:41

doing a long distance thing for

38:43

years and years and years myself

38:46

you can make

38:48

guess

38:49

work you describe your life

38:51

says you know you have this vast network

38:53

of

38:54

that's lovers and best friends and

38:57

chosen family and yet

38:59

there's this the underlying assumption

39:02

from your question in forming your dilemma

39:04

that since you to her husband's you need to live together

39:08

at all times and that's not necessarily

39:11

true you can allow him

39:13

to take this job it is unreasonable

39:16

i think for him to expect you to come to a town

39:18

of one hundred people will be cut off from

39:20

everyone and everything you know where you don't

39:22

how to drive you don't have a car i think

39:24

it's more reasonable for you to say to him

39:27

look chase your dreams go work

39:29

in that michelin starred restaurant

39:31

i will hold down the fort here you can come

39:33

here on vacations i will come there to see

39:35

you on vacations will talk

39:37

every night on zoom will jack often the internet

39:39

a lot together and then

39:42

we'll see if this turns into

39:44

a permanent keg or his next job

39:47

takes him somewhere else and you guys are sick of

39:49

doing a long distance thing well then you

39:51

can read visit the

39:54

conversation about where you're

39:56

going to live in whether you're gonna move more

39:59

he can back to where you are he can

40:01

as many people do her ambitious striving

40:05

you know chefs cooks restauranteurs

40:07

who get jobs and michelin starred restaurants it's not

40:09

to work and somebody elses michelin starred restaurant

40:12

for adverse is to open your own place

40:14

some day and maybe instead

40:16

of panicking about the short term

40:19

you should be

40:21

talking about the long term and seeing if there isn't

40:23

a long term plans for him

40:25

to come back to where you live to where you met where

40:27

you are our base rehab your

40:29

union job rehab your network of friends

40:31

and x lovers and open his

40:33

dream restaurant

40:35

they're where'd you live

40:37

in the big or bigger

40:40

city but right now you don't have to decide

40:43

to go with him right now you can

40:45

decide to do things

40:48

a little differently to be queer

40:50

husbands queer long

40:52

distance at

40:54

least for the next year then

40:57

revisit this conversation

41:00

and this perhaps

41:02

you from now this conflict

41:04

and com to some

41:06

agreement that maybe he'll move back

41:08

maybe you'll move there or maybe you'll

41:10

move to the city the next

41:13

restaurant that he's gonna work and is

41:15

out and maybe that will be a bigger better

41:18

city right before you to this

41:20

week's listener response calls

41:22

let's read some listener tweets katie

41:24

benjamin tweets after your mini

41:26

rant at the top of the show regarding how to build a sex

41:28

from dance and given that you only watched

41:31

episode one i thought you should see this

41:33

thread from a reputable source at

41:35

girl on the net showing that it does

41:37

indeed

41:38

dot

41:39

well turns out outgrow a minute also hated the

41:41

first episode just like i did but she stuck

41:43

with the show which i didn't and

41:46

she wound up falling in love with it so

41:48

i , need to take a little more time to heal

41:51

from episode one and that white so bone

41:53

white shag carpeting in the anal sex dungeon

41:56

once i do i will give

41:58

how to build the sex room another chance

42:01

eric be tweets republicans secretly

42:03

love with a publicly hate searches

42:05

for trans porn highest in

42:08

redstate eric be linked to a piece of lawsuit

42:11

dot org headlined data finds

42:13

that republicans are obsessed with searching for transgender

42:16

porn then it would appear to be true

42:18

of a twenty states with the most searches for transport

42:21

only one is a blue state illinois

42:24

come in at number eight and two or

42:26

radish purple michigan and pennsylvania sixteen

42:29

and twentieth place respectively texas

42:32

comes in first followed by georgia kentucky

42:34

missouri kansas

42:37

and finally jake then flat tweets all my

42:39

dear friends having to burning man this your please act

42:41

with love and intention and practice harm

42:43

reduction this stuff sounds

42:46

awful jag than links my conversation

42:49

about monkey pox with doctor carlton

42:51

thomas yeah wherever you're going right

42:53

now you're gonna wanna act of love and intentions

42:56

and practice harm reduction and that

42:58

can mean for many of us limiting

43:00

your number sex partners

43:03

bad as the wisest choice at the moment

43:06

have more sacks with fewer

43:08

people are i did you want me to read your

43:10

tweet an upcoming episode of sub is lot cast be

43:12

sure to include the hashtag savage

43:14

webcast and a big thank you to everyone who posted

43:17

about the show to your social media

43:19

last week we see it we really appreciate

43:21

it help spread the word about the lot

43:23

cast right listener response calls

43:26

this is a colander it on you

43:29

the guy and have about a twenty two

43:31

who played on a dating

43:33

site and was sending money and

43:35

bitcoin you

43:37

have a capella didn't hurt

43:40

them you're getting and man

43:42

your possibly on the verge of having your identity

43:44

stolen you're ever

43:47

talking the any was and they start demanding

43:50

anything like bitcoin it

43:52

is a very common scam and

43:54

that person is probably not even based

43:56

in the united states it

43:59

makes it even order to prosecute

44:01

them when they have tall and your identity

44:04

i waited

44:05

the all of your email password

44:08

all of your password for everything

44:11

baby even i can find credit cards

44:13

and the even thinking you

44:17

then if you're not really

44:20

bad trap and you need that

44:22

all communication because they start

44:24

here cause that that you're like a really nice

44:27

guy but you're being a little tonight

44:29

and situation

44:31

hi this is in response to the woman who called

44:33

an episode a twenty two about

44:35

wanting a biological child but having a boyfriend

44:38

who had two children from a previous relationship

44:40

and does not want more

44:41

aldrin i , myself

44:43

in a similar position several years ago when i

44:45

met my husband he was in

44:47

his late forties with two young kids from

44:49

a previous marriage i was in my mid thirties

44:52

and on the fence about having kids kids

44:55

we decided not to have our own

44:57

biological child it's obviously

45:00

a very personal decision but perspective

45:02

from several years down the road i

45:04

can tell you i truly feel

45:06

like i have the best of both worlds

45:09

we split custody with my husband's

45:11

ex cel have a time

45:13

when we have a kids it's wonderful

45:16

i get to indulge my parental

45:18

instincts and we do fun family

45:20

activities and the other half

45:22

of the time it's just my husband and me

45:24

husband we get to focus on our relationship

45:27

and it's been absolutely

45:29

fantastic again absolutely very

45:31

personal decision but one

45:33

of the benefits as split

45:36

custody is the ability to just really

45:38

focus on and grow your

45:40

relationship and also have that time for

45:42

yourself

45:43

hi comment on episode a twenty

45:45

two the man that discovered

45:48

he's not the biological father of his four year old

45:50

if you think the bio dad has a

45:52

low chance of causing problems

45:54

are suing for custody it might be worth

45:57

reaching out and establishing communication

45:59

just the get medical history your

46:02

child already has some medical challenges

46:05

it might be worth the risk to learn more

46:07

so you're better prepared whenever

46:10

you decide it's clear to me that this

46:12

kid is lucky to have you as their logical

46:14

sen

46:17

and we're going to leave it to a

46:20

question for next week smokehouse received them to say

46:22

about this , a lot com com

46:25

memo operating from her could you possibly

46:27

comments and then email it to us and

46:29

voicemail this happens look past the

46:31

com not a call us a cure

46:33

six three o two o this

46:36

thursday at twelve pacific time i

46:38

will be hopping into be hopping hang

46:41

out lucidly for magnum savage

46:43

lockout subscribers if you've never join

46:45

this is your opportunity to ask me your next

46:47

question and relationship question live

46:50

where you can try your hand and giving oral sex advice with

46:52

me chatting one on one about any

46:54

of the questions that we to see that this

46:56

thursday sack lunch at twelve

46:58

pacific time three pm eastern all

47:00

magnum salvage love cats subscriber is going

47:03

to see the zoom league to or

47:05

for more be sure to read savage

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47:43

because i was love cats it's pretty sure every week by nancy opportunity

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and and me and the tech savvy attribute

47:48

in nancy lobby back at your next week installment

47:50

of savage webcast