0:00

One. Of my favorite quotes

0:02

by On a East Nan

0:05

is this: My. Mission

0:07

should I choose to accept it

0:09

is to find peace with exactly

0:12

who and what I am, to

0:14

take pride in my thoughts, my

0:16

appearance, by talents, my flaws, and

0:19

to stop the incessant worrying that

0:21

I can't be loved as I

0:23

am. To me,

0:25

this is what it truly means

0:28

to delight and yourself. And in

0:30

today's episode, I'm sharing by ways

0:32

to do just that. So let's

0:34

dive and. Welcome

0:39

to the school of self image

0:41

where personal development meet style. Here's

0:44

your hostess Master Life Coach Tanya

0:46

Li. Hello!

0:49

My beautiful friends. I.

0:51

Have had the most delightful

0:54

day! So. Delightful that

0:56

I had to record a podcast

0:58

about it. and I've spent the

1:00

majority of my day all alone

1:02

and I have had a blast

1:05

and. I've been thinking about the

1:07

days like today cause I have them

1:09

a lot. I delight every single day,

1:11

but today has been extremely delightful. And

1:14

when I have days like today, I

1:16

love to spend some time really dissecting

1:18

why. In fact, I hosted a Call

1:20

for the School A Self Image Members

1:22

recently on our Daily Five Journal and

1:24

I was sharing with them that allowed

1:26

him to read journal on are bad

1:29

days but I love to journal on

1:31

my great days because I want to

1:33

see where my mind space was. I

1:35

want to see what I was doing

1:37

so that on those bad days I

1:39

can go back and look and I

1:41

can see the different so that I

1:43

can create. More of these delightful

1:45

days And so I spent about

1:48

an hour before recorded this, really

1:50

thinking about. Why? Has

1:52

to day been so delightful?

1:54

When I'm all alone, it's

1:56

like nothing special. I've been

1:59

working today. I'm not doing

2:01

anything grandiose his sister ordinary day,

2:03

but it's spelled extraordinary and so

2:05

I want to share with you

2:07

five ways that you can still

2:10

light and. Yourself. To

2:13

delight and something means to take

2:15

great pleasure and or satisfaction. And

2:17

and I want to How to

2:20

take great pleasure and and be

2:22

satisfied with you Because at the

2:24

end of the day. We're.

2:27

With Arsenal, Every

2:29

single second of every single day.

2:32

And. I always say that this relationship

2:34

that you have with yourself is the

2:37

most important moon. And yet how much

2:39

time do you spend nurturing it? How

2:41

much time do you spend getting to

2:43

know yourself? What you love, What you

2:46

don't love, Why you still the way

2:48

you do, Why you're making the choices

2:50

that you're making. A

2:52

lotta times we're just living like

2:54

robots, right and taking time to

2:56

get to know ourselves, and then

2:58

we feel so unfulfilled, we feel

3:01

so out of control. we still

3:03

so just. Sometimes.

3:05

Miserable. And. I think

3:07

it's a symptom of not taking

3:09

the time. To. Really

3:12

nurture the relationship that you have with

3:14

your some. So.

3:16

Often we put everybody elses needs

3:18

ahead of our own. We run

3:20

around, taken care of our families,

3:22

our jobs are homes, and we

3:24

just expect ourselves to keep going

3:26

without much thought about what might

3:29

this up. What brings us delight?

3:31

Well. Today I want to

3:34

change that and give you

3:36

five simple and find ways

3:38

to start delighting and yourself

3:40

every single day. But.

3:42

Before we dive into those five ways,

3:44

I want to talk about the result

3:47

of doing this when we learned to

3:49

delight and. ourselves. We.

3:52

Stop for is lying so

3:54

much on external validation we

3:56

stop feeling the need to

3:59

control every. Line and everybody

4:01

to help us create. A

4:04

ceiling for ourselves. We began

4:06

to take back control of

4:08

our inner world where we

4:10

create our own joy, We

4:12

create our own delight and

4:14

then everybody around us to

4:16

gets to experience it, even

4:18

think about finds. He gets

4:20

to be the witness to

4:22

my delight every single day.

4:24

And sometimes he's like a

4:26

prop. So for example, The.

4:28

Other night we had music playing. And

4:31

I just got up and started dancing, I was having

4:33

the time of my life and Cedric, I think I

4:35

put it and behind the scenes for. And

4:38

I eventually to swing grabbed him.

4:41

Because. I wanted him to be a part

4:43

of my delight now. Thankfully. He

4:45

jumped up and decided to go along, but

4:48

even if he didn't I don't care. I

4:50

don't need him to jump up and dance

4:52

with me. Because. I'm delighting

4:54

in my own company. I'm to lighting

4:56

and my own life. I'm the lighting

4:58

and my own self and I want

5:00

that for all of us because it's

5:02

going to have a positive impact on

5:05

our families, is gonna have a positive

5:07

impact in our communities. It's gonna have

5:09

a positive impact and our careers and

5:11

our businesses that has a joyful woman.

5:14

Is. A magnet for her

5:16

desires. Energy. Is

5:18

always looking for it's equal match.

5:21

To lighting is an energy. It

5:24

is a vibration that you put out

5:26

into the world and so the same

5:28

is true. Like attracts like if ever

5:31

notice on those days where you're feeling.

5:34

Down. Where you're feeling low

5:36

energy, where you're feeling sad. when

5:38

you're feeling frustrated it seems site.

5:41

that's all you can see and

5:43

experience. You're just attracting more of

5:45

the same. But as you begin

5:48

to elevate your energy, you're going

5:50

to start to attract new thinks.

5:52

You're going to still better. You're

5:54

going to show up more powerfully,

5:57

more excited, more passionately. And.

6:00

You will be met at that level which

6:02

is why this is so important. I think

6:04

the lighting and ourselves is one of the

6:06

most important aspects of reaching. Our goals. You

6:09

know, I talk about our future selves. lot.

6:12

And when I think about my future self,

6:14

she is still lighting and herself and in

6:16

her life and other people. And.

6:19

So I need to start embodying

6:21

her now. And

6:24

yet so often we delay it were like

6:26

oh I'll delight and myself when my business

6:28

is better all delight myself with my kids

6:30

are grown out the light myself when I

6:32

have more money out the light myself when

6:34

I lose weight. As

6:36

he keeping yourself out of energetic alignment

6:38

with the thing that you want. So.

6:41

Let's talk about way number one to

6:43

delight. In yourself And that

6:46

is to treat yourself. Yes

6:49

Street uses. Seriously,

6:52

when was the last time you

6:54

did something just for you? Just.

6:57

Because you wanted to just because

6:59

it's something you enjoy. For.

7:02

Example: going to get a

7:04

massage. Going to have

7:06

your favorite meal? Buying yourself

7:08

something special. Performing.

7:11

A small act itself. appreciation.

7:15

Or. Taking care of yourself

7:17

in a way that helps you

7:19

feel good, physically, mentally and emotionally.

7:23

Chris. Of Butler says self care

7:25

is a deliberate choice to gift

7:27

yourself with people, places things of

7:29

vents and opportunities that recharge your

7:32

personal battery. Now I know

7:34

a lot of you struggle with as which he

7:36

still lot of guilt around it. Who.

7:38

Am I to take. Care of my. Everybody

7:41

else needs me. It's selfish to

7:43

take care. Of my said. Let.

7:47

Me tell you something. I. Think

7:49

it's selfish for you not to. And

7:51

here's why when you don't take.

7:54

Care of yourself. When you

7:56

don't treat yourself, you are

7:58

depleting. Your battery. And

8:00

you can not show up and be

8:02

the best mother. The. Best.

8:05

Worker the best sister, the

8:08

best friend. When you are

8:10

running low on energy, I

8:13

think one of the best gifts that I can

8:16

give my family. Is. For me

8:18

to treat myself. And. Take care

8:20

of myself. And when

8:22

I started to think of it and.way I

8:24

started to make it a priority. I.

8:27

Like, you know why it I want to be

8:29

an amazing mother to Sarah. Submersible.

8:32

I need to model to her how

8:34

I want her. To treat herself. So.

8:37

That's number one because they to saying is

8:39

true Kids don't do what you tell them

8:41

to do, they do what they see and

8:44

so I wanted to be an example to

8:46

her up like this is how you can

8:48

be as a mother as a woman. And.

8:51

I never want her to deny

8:53

her own needs. I never want

8:55

her to run herself ragged, taken

8:57

care of everybody else and not

8:59

herself. So I needed to be

9:01

the example for her. To.

9:03

Be like you know what? Mom takes

9:05

trips? Mom goes on girls weekends, Mom

9:07

goes and gets a massage. Mom.

9:10

Eats mom, exercises,

9:13

Why? Because it allows me to

9:15

be a better mother for you. And

9:18

that the second reason so number one

9:20

day moto what you do. And the

9:23

second reason is that the better you

9:25

feel too bad you can show up

9:27

for the people around you. So

9:30

way number one to delight in

9:32

yourself is to treat yourself well.

9:35

Way. Number two: to delight in

9:37

yourself is to make time for

9:40

what you love. And that requires

9:42

that you cultivate a relationship with

9:44

yourself so that you understand what

9:46

you love, what light to up

9:49

what you enjoy, what you truly

9:51

love doing. And. That

9:53

is not going to include scrolling social

9:56

media for hours. That. May

9:58

seem like something you enjoy. A

10:00

moment. But a lot of times the things

10:02

that were doing and calling pleasure is just

10:05

an escape from our lights. Were

10:07

escaping from our lives because we don't

10:09

have lives that we truly delight in.

10:13

It. Doesn't mean been seeing on

10:15

T V benching on food.

10:17

That is not true. pleasure.

10:20

That. His immediate gratification with

10:22

a long term cost. I'm

10:25

talking about. What? You truly love

10:27

doing that. When you do with it

10:29

has a positive impact. On your life. What?

10:32

Are your hobbies what brings you joy?

10:35

Do. Love gardening, painting, hiking,

10:38

reading novels, Do

10:40

have any creative outlet City

10:42

Passion projects. What?

10:45

Can you do where you can spend

10:47

time doing things that makes. Your

10:49

soul truly happy. For.

10:52

Me I've been. Going to

10:54

the gym. And. This is

10:56

part of treating myself well, but

10:58

I really do enjoy it. I.

11:01

Went through a period where I didn't. And

11:04

so I was just doing it to treat myself

11:06

well, and now I've gotten into this habit of

11:08

it I'm like, oh, my gosh, I actually look.

11:10

To this. It's. Fun

11:12

for me now because I worked through a lot of

11:14

the kinks. I know what

11:16

I'm doing now. I'm getting

11:18

stronger and so that those goods

11:21

I delight and playing pickle ball.

11:23

I laughed so hard. I've met

11:25

the most incredible people playing it.

11:28

It's truly enjoyable for me and

11:30

today I was thinking about why

11:32

my day has felt so delightful.

11:34

I spent about an hour reading

11:36

this morning. and if you listen

11:38

to a previous. Podcasts I talked about

11:41

the habits. I want to read cultivate

11:43

this year and one of them is

11:45

reading because I truly enjoy it. It

11:47

is delightful for me and so it

11:49

This morning after I got back from

11:51

the gym I spent an hour and

11:53

says reading. And it

11:56

was so delightful. Now

11:58

you may not love reading, playing, pick. Are

12:00

going to the gym? This is. About you figuring

12:02

out what you enjoy. What you

12:05

delight in and making it a

12:07

priority even if it's just thirteen

12:09

minutes a day. Getting.

12:11

Yourself the experience and delighting in

12:13

something that truly makes you come

12:15

alive. Wait

12:18

number three to delight and. Yourself

12:20

is to be your

12:22

own best friend. This.

12:25

One is huge and it's a

12:27

game changer. You all because a

12:29

lot of the reason why some

12:31

of you are not feeling good.

12:34

About yourself. Maybe.

12:36

You're feeling very unfair filled.

12:39

You're feeling very frustrated. Maybe

12:41

sad is because you spend

12:43

a majority of your time

12:46

beating yourself up being your

12:48

own worst enemy versus your

12:51

own best friend. Imagine

12:54

your best friend and the whole

12:56

world. How. You

12:58

treat so they treat you.

13:01

I. Imagine you probably can't wait to see them.

13:04

You have amazing conversations for

13:06

hours. You make each other

13:08

laugh hysterically. Why?

13:10

Not be that for. Yourself there's

13:13

a great quote. By

13:15

writer Mindy Hell where she says

13:17

you are the long as commitment

13:19

you will ever have in your

13:21

life Make the choice to lovingly

13:23

commit. To yourself. Think.

13:26

About that. Make. The

13:28

choice to lovingly commit

13:30

to yourself. Being.

13:33

Your own best friend is

13:35

it wastes. It. Is

13:37

a decision and a practice.

13:40

And it all starts with how you speak

13:43

to your says. It.

13:45

You cannot delight and yourself

13:47

if you are constantly berating

13:49

your. Self hating on years. That

13:52

makes you want to escape yourself. Can you imagine

13:54

showing up to have lunch with your best friend

13:57

and she's just constantly telling you what a loser

13:59

you are. How. You're

14:01

not good enough for your such a failure.

14:03

How you're behind. How

14:05

you don't have what it takes. How

14:08

you screw everything up. To

14:10

costly talking about your past failures

14:12

and mistakes. I. Would

14:14

hope that you would not be friends with this

14:16

person. I hope that

14:18

you would leave the table and say never

14:20

again. And yet that's

14:22

what a lot of you do to

14:25

yourself. I used to do that to

14:27

myself. No wonder. I. Wanted to

14:29

eat. When. I was a

14:31

hungry. No wonder I didn't

14:34

go after goals. No

14:36

wonder I'd tried to escape my life.

14:38

I was trying to escape myself. But

14:41

the saying is true. Wherever you go

14:43

there you are. You cannot escape yourself.

14:45

You can try. And

14:47

a lot of people do. But they

14:50

entered the day they are. You still are. So.

14:53

Instead of escaping yourself.

14:55

And trying to out run yourself. And

14:58

think oh, I'll be happy when.

15:01

I'll. Be happy with myself when I'm

15:03

perfect, when I lose weight, when

15:05

I get my business going, when

15:07

I find the love of my

15:09

life, Why not. Change.

15:12

That now and decide you know where I where

15:14

the lord to be happy with me now because

15:16

then all of those other things that you want.

15:18

It. Could be so much easier

15:21

to attract. It's because again,

15:23

like attracts like. You.

15:26

Need to be an energy with that thing

15:28

that you what? Implicit

15:31

to so much fun later day. A

15:33

big part of why. I've

15:36

been so delighted is because the

15:38

self talk and my own head.

15:41

How do you treat yourself when you fell? How

15:44

you treat yourself when you make a

15:46

mistake. It's easy to like yourself and

15:48

delight and yourself when you are being

15:50

quote unquote perfect. But. That's

15:53

not life, That's not who we

15:55

are. We're very imperfect beings And

15:57

if yourself love is dependent on

15:59

you, be. Perfect! Guess what? You set

16:01

yourself up for a no win game? You.

16:04

Can not be perfect enough for that.

16:07

Love. It. So crazy

16:09

how our own love is so

16:11

conditional. But. When you

16:13

choose to be your best friend, think. About your

16:15

best friend. When she

16:17

consumes just like you know what? I've made

16:20

a big mistake. Do spend the next hour

16:22

beating herself, beating her up. Or.

16:24

Do you spend the next hour like holding

16:27

space for her? Trying.

16:29

To understand. Loving.

16:31

Her getting her words of

16:33

encouragement, This.

16:36

One things, if you all but

16:38

practice it would completely change. Your life.

16:41

What? Has he just decided? you're never gonna beat

16:43

yourself up again? Instead, you're gonna be your

16:45

own best friend. Your greatest cheerleader! Then

16:48

you're not so afraid of making mistakes with his.

16:50

You know I've got me. I've.

16:53

Got me. I. Would pick

16:55

myself up. I would encourage myself you're going to

16:57

start to go after things the you may be

16:59

you normally wouldn't go after because you're so hard.

17:01

On yourself. You're afraid of making

17:03

a mistake because. You know how hard

17:05

you are on yourself when you make one.

17:08

And to avoid that whole process. The

17:10

everything you want is going to recruit. You're willing

17:12

to mess up that, you're willing to make mistakes,

17:15

and if you know that, you'll be gentle with

17:17

yourself when that happens. In

17:19

a lot of the spheres gone. So.

17:22

Learning to be your own best

17:25

friend is the best way to

17:27

delight and. Your sense. And

17:29

that leads me to the next one

17:31

way number for. To delight

17:33

in yourself is to really

17:36

appreciate. Your since. The.

17:38

Definition of appreciation is

17:40

of stealing or expression

17:43

of admiration Approval. Or

17:45

gratitude. Now I

17:48

want you to think about, let us the

17:50

opposite. Of appreciation.

17:52

It's depreciation. And

17:55

that means a reduction in the

17:58

value of an asset. Now.

18:01

Really, think about that. A lot of you

18:03

spend a lot of your time d appreciating

18:05

years. He

18:07

spent a lot of time. Looking.

18:10

At and focusing on what you think

18:12

you're not doing. Got enough? On.

18:14

Your perceived flaws on

18:16

your mistakes. On

18:19

limiting beliefs that you have

18:21

about yourself and as a

18:23

result you decrease your own

18:25

and value to yourself. What?

18:28

If instead of spending all

18:30

of that time and energy

18:32

on depreciating arsenals, you actively

18:34

spent time adding to your

18:37

own values simply by noticing

18:39

what is so valuable about

18:41

you, what you love about

18:43

yourself. What? You appreciate

18:45

about yourself. What are your wins?

18:48

What are your successes? Imagine how

18:50

you would feel and how that

18:52

would just allow you to delight

18:54

and who you are. Now.

18:57

I want you all to realize that

18:59

this is a practice and it may

19:01

feel awkward at first, especially if you've

19:04

spent a lot of time. Depreciating

19:06

your sims constantly. Focusing

19:08

on. All. Of the

19:10

things that you don't like, all the

19:12

things you think you're not good at.

19:15

In fact, often times when I'm coating

19:17

a woman and she is actively depreciating

19:19

herself, I will ask her and like

19:22

tell me three things that you really

19:24

love and appreciate. Your about yourself and she

19:26

will struggle. And it's not because

19:29

it's not their, she's just not used to

19:31

looking for it. But. You

19:33

get good at what you practice

19:35

and the more you practice really

19:37

appreciating herself and feeling of the

19:39

delight of that it will become

19:41

easier. So. I encourage

19:43

each of you to make a

19:45

regular practice of noticing three things

19:48

each day that you appreciate about

19:50

yourself. Write it down. Look.

19:53

At yourself in the mirror every morning. And.

19:55

How yourself three things that you really

19:57

love and appreciate about yourself? And

20:00

the more you do it, the easier it

20:02

will become. Now

20:04

the final way to delight and

20:06

your says. His

20:08

to spend quality time

20:11

alone. Do

20:13

you have any alone time that you just get to

20:15

spend with you? Noticing. What's going on

20:17

in your brain? Spending time

20:19

doing things that you love. I.

20:22

Am all for taking yourself out

20:24

on dates! And

20:26

think about the ideal

20:29

date.your partner or your

20:31

imagined soul mates. That.

20:34

You would love for them to take you on. Maybe.

20:36

For you, it's to go hiking.

20:38

Maybe it's to go to a

20:41

fancy restaurant. Maybe it's to go

20:43

to an art exhibit. You'll.

20:46

Have to wait for someone else to do this. For

20:48

you. You can be

20:51

can sit take yourself out on

20:53

dates. And during

20:55

this time spend time really

20:58

dreaming. Spend. Time thinking

21:00

about. What you want for

21:03

your life. Spend time getting

21:05

to know yourself, what you love

21:07

and what you don't love. Spin

21:09

time appreciating. Your son's. And

21:12

as you do this, you'll

21:14

notice that your time alone

21:16

become sweeter, it becomes richer

21:18

and you will find yourself

21:20

delighting in. Now. I

21:23

know that so many of us

21:25

have really full lives. We have

21:27

maybe kids, we have jobs, we

21:29

have careers, we have family. We

21:31

may have a lot of obligations.

21:34

A you be may be thinking

21:36

Tanya, I don't have an opportunity

21:38

to have time alone. Even

21:41

if it's just ten minutes a

21:43

day, the two minutes a day

21:45

the you carve out for you.

21:47

This is why I love journaling.

21:49

It's a time for me to

21:52

be with myself, to get to

21:54

know myself, And using that time

21:56

to cultivate a deeper relationship with

21:58

myself is so important. So

22:00

from where you are and scheduled this

22:03

time alone and if you can even

22:05

once a month take yourself out on

22:07

a date just to you and you

22:09

to treat yourself well. To.

22:12

Really appreciate yourself to do something. you love

22:14

these solo dates or a chance for you

22:16

to do all of the things that I

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just shared. With you. You.

22:21

Are worth that time. You

22:23

are valuable enough to delight

22:26

in yourself. And.

22:28

So they are. You have my friends.

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delighting in yourself every day,

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every week, every month And

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as you do, you will

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more delightful. Had a

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beautiful week and I will see you on

22:46

the next episode! Shoes. Before

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you finish stuff like you're running

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in place that not really getting

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anywhere? Put on what using all

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is that there's nothing wrong. With you

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