Self-denial, the willingness to give up personal pleasures for the sake of another – the doctrine is so ingrained in many cultures world-over that when you talk about self-nourishment, self-care it almost sounds like counter-culture. Welcome to episode 28 of selflove with Sharmila. Today’s episode is on self-denial.

Self-denial or skipping meals, skipping pleasures, being hard on yourself and basically avoiding what your heart desires may seem poetic but are primarily behaviours that spring from and in turn give birth to self-alienation – basically distancing yourself from what you truly love.

Self-loathing may sound like an extreme expression but often springs from a sense of perfectionism that you may have created for yourself or been thrust upon by your environment but which is not truly quite aligned with you or who you are. Self-denial is also about not leading an authentic life. Forms of self-denial as a way of discipline, say by fasting, dietary control, or other hardships  when taken on voluntarily are sometimes useful in creating a deeper appreciation as well.

Others feel self-denial involves avoidance and holding back of happiness and pleasurable experiences from oneself that damages other people. Some argue it is a form of a micro suicide because it is threatening to an individual's physical health, emotional well-being, or personal goals. Self-denial is used by almost all religious practices as a way of self-purification.  By denying yourself something, you realise how much you actually want something – because you may not buy that dress you saw at the window, but it will keep haunting you forever. A better strategy to replace self-denial with, is – to be able to consciously listen to yourself, and when you are sure that you want something, give it to yourself. With selflove, we can slowly move from self-denial to self-acceptance and fulfilment. That’s all I have on this episode of selflove with Sharmila. Thank you for listening.