Nicole Zasowski is an LMFT (marriage and family therapist), mom of 3 (under age 6!), and the author of 1 of my new absolute favorite books: What If It’s Wonderful?: Release your fears, choose joy, and find the courage to celebrate. The book was birthed out of a long season of change and loss for Nicole, one that displaced her family from coast to coast and that left her grieving five miscarriages in a span of four years. After all of her loss, Nicole found herself “terrified that hope would make a fool of me… I no longer felt brave enough to dream.”

She began to notice that even moments in her life warranting celebration left her feeling less joyful and more afraid of how or when that joy might be lost. She claims – through personal experience and much psychological research – that joy is the most vulnerable feeling we feel. Why?

“It felt safter not to hold the joy at all than to hold the joy that might break.” 

Don’t we all sometimes find ourselves waiting for the other shoe to drop? We may feel like we’re protecting ourselves, but as Nicole points out, we’re robbing ourselves of the good in the present when we put up walls to protect from the future that hasn’t happened yet.

“I’d faced a lot of loss. But [I realized] some of that loss was the refusal to engage with the life that I already had.”

So why do we resist celebrating?

1. We’re afraid of loss or disappointment.
2. We see celebration as a reward for good news or accomplishments when it should be a rhythm that helps us cultivate joy.
3. We’re unsure how to reconcile celebration and humility (seeing them as competing or mutually exclusive).
4. We hold back for fear of hurting others in hard seasons.
5. We don’t know how to engage with God in our joy (wondering: “Will my dependence on him - thus intimacy with him - fade when life is joyful?”).

So how do we actively and practically pursue joy/celebration?

1. Savor the ordinary; take mental snapshots of daily moments of delight.
2. Notice beauty.
3. Vocalize your gratitude as expressed thanksgiving to the giver.
4. Celebrate small things as a regular rhythm rather than holding out to celebrate big things as a reward.
5. Practice differentiating between “real feelings” and “true feelings.”

Through these practices and many more, Nicole calls us to learn to “love [yourself] where you are and grown from there.” She reminds us that celebration should not just tolerated but should be a spiritual discipline and an avenue for spiritual and emotional growth.

This message is for everyone in any season of life: the crushing it people, the suffering people, and the people on the grind in the middle. We can all learn to cultivate these life-giving rhythms of celebration. Because joy is not a luxury but rather, a lifestyle we have the power to employ.

Where to find Nicole?

• Website
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