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Devotions

Devotions

Released Tuesday, 21st May 2024
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Devotions

Devotions

Devotions

Devotions

Tuesday, 21st May 2024
Good episode? Give it some love!
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0:00

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1:13

Hello, welcome to Short Cuts. I'm Josie Long.

1:15

I'm currently looking out of my window at

1:17

a seagull on the top of a lamppost,

1:20

feeling very connected to the natural world

1:22

in a simple, small way. Today's

1:25

episode is about acts of devotion, small

1:28

acts of love and tenderness, how

1:31

we honour one another and the world around us. And I

1:33

hope you like it. The seagull's

1:35

looking about. I don't know what she's up to. She's

1:37

looking about. Oh, now she's looking at me. Okay,

1:40

now I'm feeling a sense of threat. This

1:45

is Short Cuts. Brief

1:47

encounters. True stories. Radio

1:51

adventures. And found sound.

1:54

Today, devotions.

2:00

and it's committed a homicide.

2:03

How did they get there? What

2:05

happened to them? I avoided mirrors. I

2:07

didn't like when photos were taken of me. I would always

2:09

make a silly face because I think a certain aspect of

2:11

me knew that I was being perceived in a way that

2:14

didn't align with who I was. In

2:16

my experience of animals, their

2:19

ability to experience grief and sadness

2:22

and also openness and

2:24

responsiveness is unmatched

2:26

by humans. A

2:35

text message making sure you're home. An

2:38

invitation for a cooked meal. Brushing

2:41

your children's teeth. Giving

2:44

yourself a moment of reflection.

2:48

What's your idea of love? What's

2:51

your idea of community? Do

2:54

we need to know the person to care? We

2:58

begin our letter of care with

3:00

a piece by audio documentary maker Mark

3:02

Kalani. It's about the

3:04

work of capital mitigation specialists who

3:07

spend years excavating the buried histories

3:09

and traumas of

3:11

the lives of people given the death sentence in

3:13

America. They offer

3:15

prosecutors, judges and jurors an

3:17

opportunity to see humans where

3:19

others see monsters. Mark

3:22

says that ultimately the mitigation specialist work is

3:24

about mercy and it's work that's credited as

3:29

a leading factor in the dramatic decline

3:31

of death sentences in America. This

3:35

is life or death. I

3:39

remember many years ago, very

3:41

early in my career as

3:43

a mitigation specialist, I

3:46

was working with a young man

3:48

who had committed double murder of two

3:51

women who were very kind to him. And

3:55

he wanted the death penalty. He

3:57

did not deserve, he said, to live.

4:00

because of what he had done. And

4:03

he said to me, he said to me, he was really worth

4:05

it. He said, how can you as a woman

4:09

want to spare my life

4:13

for what I did to two women? How

4:16

can you look at me and want to do that? I

4:18

said, because when I look at you, I do not

4:20

see the 25-year-old who

4:23

killed two persons. I see

4:25

the five-year-old child who was placed in a

4:27

tub of hot water and could not lie

4:29

on his back for three months. Brutal

4:32

stepfather did that to him when he

4:34

was only five years old. That's

4:38

who I see. He

4:42

didn't question me after that. You

4:47

have to understand for many of our clients,

4:51

no one's acknowledged their

4:54

trauma, their assault, what's

4:56

made them crazy. If

4:59

a person is 30 years old and

5:01

is committed a homicide, how

5:04

did they get there? What happened

5:06

to them? They may

5:08

not be able to articulate it, but

5:11

by the time I finish

5:13

my investigation, many

5:16

of my clients say, now

5:18

you understand. My

5:22

name is Carmita Albaras, and for

5:24

the past 35 years,

5:27

I've been doing capital mitigation

5:29

work. My

5:32

name is Cecilia. My formal

5:34

name is Cecilia Alfonso, but

5:36

I'm known as Cecy, and

5:39

I've been doing mitigation work for

5:41

over 30 years. I'll

5:44

never forget a mother

5:47

saying it's as though her

5:49

child had gotten the death penalty

5:51

at birth because

5:54

of the horrific life that

5:57

he endured at the hands of

5:59

his father. I'll

6:02

never forget that, but in a lot of ways

6:04

it is as though they got to that penalty

6:06

because of the life that they were born into.

6:10

Life of abuse and neglect and

6:13

abandonment and

6:15

sadly for them their

6:17

lives do not meet much. And

6:21

so the irony when

6:24

the lawyer, the

6:28

mitigation specialist and

6:32

everyone who's on a make-up, this

6:34

defense team is going to this person who

6:37

never felt that their life had any meaning because

6:39

the teachers never saw it as having any meaning,

6:41

the community never saw it as having any meaning,

6:44

the parents never saw it as having any meaning

6:46

and they were going to say, you know something,

6:49

we want to save your life. How

6:53

ironic. The

6:56

life that was totally

6:58

neglected by society up

7:01

until this point we really want to save your

7:03

life. We want to talk to you about saving

7:05

your life. And

7:08

so it's not

7:11

just about the wretched

7:13

life, but it's

7:15

also about the strengths

7:19

of our clients. The

7:22

fact that no matter

7:25

how horrific the crime is,

7:28

there is good. And so we've got

7:30

to find that good because we've got

7:32

to demonstrate to a jury why this life should

7:34

be saved. My

7:39

responsibility is

7:41

to present my

7:44

client as a human being. The

7:48

prosecutor's responsibility is

7:51

to present that client as

7:54

non-human, as

7:57

an animal, as somebody

7:59

that you know. should kill,

8:01

that you should sentence to

8:03

death that they're not deserving of

8:06

compassion and life. I'm

8:10

a storyteller. I really

8:12

am a storyteller. That's what a mitigation

8:14

person is. You're telling the person's story

8:18

and it's who tells the best story.

8:21

Is it going to be the government

8:23

or the prosecution? Or is it going to be telling,

8:26

talking about the monster? Or

8:28

is it going to be the mitigation person going to

8:30

be telling about being a five-year-old boy who was called

8:32

in hot water? Now

8:37

I've had over a thousand

8:39

cases. 90%

8:44

of those cases are individuals

8:47

of color. Let

8:49

me tell you, there

8:51

is nothing more rewarding or

8:54

satisfying for me. And

8:57

we're assuring for

9:00

family members and the

9:02

descendants when

9:04

they see somebody that looks like

9:06

them. I'm telling

9:08

you, it affirms that

9:10

I'm doing the right thing when

9:13

a family member and the

9:15

client opens the door and

9:17

sees me and says, oh my

9:19

god, thank you. Thank

9:22

you so much. Because

9:25

all these white people, I

9:28

know they're not interested in defending my son or

9:31

my daughter or my nephew

9:34

or my grandson and

9:36

are terrified of a system that long

9:38

has a history of

9:41

oppressing them as opposed to

9:43

helping them. I had

9:47

a case years ago. The

9:49

client was in for

9:51

murder and killed again. And I went

9:53

to meet with the mother and

9:57

I said to her, I'm with

9:59

this mother. And I said, you know,

10:01

I'm really trying to understand. There

10:04

was such an overkill. And

10:07

she said, let me tell you why my son is

10:09

the way he is. And

10:12

she just pulled her shirt and

10:15

showed me the step wounds that

10:19

his father inflicted on her. And

10:22

he saw this when he was seven years old, gutted

10:26

her. And

10:31

same number of times, the son stabbed

10:33

his person in prison. Yeah,

10:41

he didn't go for the dead pound in this case. He

10:44

did not go for the dead pound in this case. How

10:48

do you know that? Mitigation

10:54

works because of

10:57

our humanity. It

11:00

is the humanity in all of us

11:02

that has helped my people go

11:05

from having bits in their mouth

11:07

as slaves to me sitting here

11:09

being interviewed. Humanity

11:12

transcends race,

11:17

class, heinous

11:19

crimes. If

11:22

you take human beings

11:26

and you point out that

11:28

that individual that the

11:30

state wants to destroy is a

11:33

human being, most human

11:35

beings on this planet identify with

11:38

that. That's

11:42

all I got. I

11:44

don't have anything else because and I've been proven right.

11:48

And 95 percent of the

11:50

time when it is

11:53

the humanity of that individual who

11:55

for a moment lost it by

11:59

committing this heinous. is crime, those

12:01

12 people and a judge,

12:04

when I present the human being,

12:06

it taps into the

12:08

humanity of those 12 people and

12:10

they give them life. And

12:15

that's what it's fundamentally about. Really.

12:25

That was Life or Death by Mark Kalani.

12:30

In our next paragraph of love, we

12:32

find ourselves sitting in a sonic

12:34

sensory experience, fusing

12:37

interview tape with ASMR style

12:39

recordings taken on binaural microphones

12:41

during a haircut. Trans

12:44

audio producer, journalist and filmmaker

12:46

Luca Evans sets out

12:48

to highlight the importance of haircuts

12:51

as a tool for trans self-actualisation.

12:55

And I just want to say, if you'd

12:57

like to get the full experience, I highly

12:59

recommend listening with headphones. This

13:02

is Buzz. Hi.

13:17

Hey, what's up? You must

13:19

be Smokey. Yes, Joel. Welcome.

13:22

Thank you. I'm like

13:24

a marvellous chair. Alright,

13:27

I'm gonna get you ready for your haircut.

13:31

It's a figure experience to have a haircut because someone

13:33

is touching your body, maintaining what

13:36

you look like in the world. For

13:41

me, I know that haircuts are

13:44

one important supporting pillar to who

13:46

and how I am. So

13:49

what do you want to do today? Definitely, let's

13:51

tighten everything up. I'm looking a

13:54

little overgrown. Been a couple months.

13:57

Definitely hit the sides, please. Get the

13:59

sides in nice and tight. Yeah, like a

14:01

fade. A fade would be good. Yeah,

14:03

I'm used to being able to like feel

14:05

the feel the oh like

14:07

that velcro We like yeah the texture. I

14:09

want to feel I want to feel my

14:11

head. I want to feel my head I want to

14:13

feel my head Think

14:19

I'm picking up everything you're putting down. I want to start

14:21

with the side All

14:25

right, here we go My

14:28

name is Jules my pronouns are they them

14:31

I recently turned 26 years old I Am

14:35

trans racially adopted trans

14:38

non-binary community

14:40

educator community organizer dreamer

14:43

and doer yeah,

14:45

I'm passionate and I

14:48

try to be a man of my word and not to be gendered a

14:51

person of my word if you will My

14:55

Father was very transphobic and homophobic when I came out

14:57

as queer So I guess that

15:00

stopped me from ever wondering or exploring

15:02

whether or not I could be trans

15:07

After my dad passed that's

15:09

when I went

15:11

from only having long hair to

15:13

no hair Everything

15:18

started feeling freer like I guess shaving my head freed

15:21

me from this idea that there were certain like I

15:23

had to do things a certain way I Think

15:29

that it's important that there are

15:32

queer and trans barber shops because you have to be

15:35

centered Acceptance

15:39

isn't enough just acknowledging someone isn't enough. It's well are they

15:41

gonna use your pronouns? Are they going

15:43

to like make sure that you're happy with the cut not just

15:46

like steamrolling you? Yeah feeling safe All

15:48

right, let's check in What

15:54

do you think nice do you like how

15:56

the sides are Short

16:00

enough there? Yeah. We have to

16:02

move over to a different technique. Switch over to this. Let's see if

16:04

we're overcombed. I think that

16:07

going to a trans mass barber is important

16:09

for me. We're co-creating

16:11

the experience like a haircut feels co-created.

16:17

And I think that I like the haircut better because we

16:19

share and live the experience of how we are perceived in

16:21

this world. Alright, I'm

16:27

going to turn you and start getting into

16:30

this. I'm going to use the

16:32

shears from now. Okay, thanks. I

16:35

realize my transness in community with

16:37

other trans folk. Yeah.

16:40

Like you hatch each other. There's a concept of

16:42

like hatching each other in community when like one

16:44

person who might be realizing their trans experience or

16:46

their transness, they start their journeys at the same

16:48

time because I think they're encouraged. And so that's

16:51

where I think hatching is like very commonplace. I

16:53

love all

16:56

these. Thanks. It

17:01

was from scratch scratching as a child. When I first

17:03

shaved my head, that was when I realized I had

17:05

bald spots and I was really self-conscious

17:08

and it was also like really like humbling, I

17:10

guess, to like be reminded of that period of

17:12

my life in which I scratched my head

17:14

out of like anxiety and like fear because I was a

17:16

child. I didn't realize that it would have lifelong

17:20

visible impacts. I

17:25

saw a post recently and it was like, who

17:28

cares about being cool? Are you someone

17:30

who would like keep your childhood self

17:32

safe today? And I think

17:34

that's where I'm at in which I

17:38

am no

17:40

longer like the kid who feels like I

17:44

have to hide who I am. I'm

17:55

grown now. I'm grown

17:57

now and I can advocate.

18:00

for myself, I can speak up

18:02

for myself, and I can speak up for other people too.

18:05

And I think that that was a really beautiful moment

18:07

in which the scars that I

18:09

used to be really self-conscious about were regarded

18:11

as a starry sky was

18:13

really important and

18:16

meaningful because they are. That

18:18

was a starry sky that I like, I don't

18:20

know, dreamed of. All

18:23

right, so I'm going to hold up the mirror. All

18:29

right, what do you think? For

18:33

years, until I started exploring

18:35

my appearance, I avoided

18:37

mirrors. I didn't like when photos were taken of

18:39

me. I would always make a silly face because

18:42

I didn't feel good with how I looked because

18:44

I think a certain aspect of me knew that

18:47

I was being perceived in a way that didn't

18:49

align with who I was. Oh, this

18:51

is great. Thank you so much. I'm loving my

18:53

self-esteem plus 10. Hell

18:57

yes. The

19:00

seemingly simple act of getting a

19:02

haircut can change your self-esteem,

19:04

it can change your outlook on things,

19:07

it just completely changes how you feel.

19:10

Or it can if you let it. That

19:17

was Burned by Luca Evans. And

19:20

I cannot tell you how thrilled I

19:23

am that finally we've got a piece

19:25

featuring a shortcut on shortcuts.

19:28

It's only taken us 10 years to get to the pun,

19:30

but the best things come to those who wait.

19:36

In our last line to devotion,

19:38

we remember that it is also

19:40

beyond the human. A

19:42

beloved animal friend, the

19:44

rain, a sunrise. For

19:49

tens of thousands of years, horses

19:52

have been our companions for healing.

19:55

They are, as Ted Hughes put it

19:57

in his poem, The Horses, as

19:59

patient. as the horizon. Made

20:03

by audio producer Tej Adelaye, she

20:05

tells us, "...equine therapy

20:07

is a holistic approach to mental

20:09

health that involves working with horses

20:12

who, as very honest animals,

20:14

can hold up a mirror to our experiences.

20:18

As larger mammals, they co-regulate

20:20

nervous systems and

20:23

offer lessons about spatial awareness,

20:25

boundaries and presence." This

20:28

is a piece about locating stillness

20:31

in a busy body mind and

20:34

journeying with horses through rituals

20:37

to help build new neural

20:39

pathways within. This

20:42

is Patient as the Horizon.

20:52

"...a highly sensual response that many

20:55

changes to an energy field

20:57

they will tune into straight away."

21:01

And that mirror is back to us. What's going on in

21:03

here? "...so

21:05

we can push the energy up, we can bring

21:08

it down, same an hour cup.

21:11

You explore that through the horses. If

21:14

you don't get a response from the horse, then

21:18

you haven't set your intention. You're

21:22

half-nated. They'll feel it." And

21:26

that's what we teach here, to look

21:29

at those cues. What is the horse

21:31

trying to tell us? The horse

21:33

only talks to us through its body language

21:36

and posture, so we have to tune

21:38

into them and they tune in to us. The

21:42

London Equine Therapy Centre is a place

21:44

for people to come and explore their

21:46

emotions. We have all age

21:49

groups here from the age of 72 all the

21:51

way down to the age of 4, all

21:53

different behavioural and emotional conditions.

22:00

people have ASD and people

22:02

ADHD and people have had

22:04

a bereavement and people have

22:06

had horrible events happening in their lives that

22:10

they still struggle to process

22:12

or stop them fulfilling their life

22:14

to the full. Which

22:17

is why we gave five rescue horses a

22:19

home because they haven't had perfect lives either.

22:22

They've knitted that together. I

22:30

met this semi-wild horse and her small daughter.

22:41

I started to approach her and

22:44

I lowered my head bowing

22:47

to her. What she

22:49

communicated to me was that in horse culture

22:51

it is based on respect and that her

22:54

experience of humans is that they weren't very

22:56

respectful towards her and they didn't recognize

22:58

her autonomy. As

23:00

I was bowing to her, I

23:03

showed her that I cared about her being comfortable.

23:07

And when I stood up, she

23:09

invited me to come to her. I

23:14

was intrigued

23:19

and then she would

23:21

turn around and

23:23

I would look forward.

23:31

And we did a little dance every morning

23:33

for about forty minutes. We

23:35

had to work with her to treat it.

23:39

We were having a very special

23:42

conversation with her. Apollo?

23:44

You're feeding her Apollo? Wow.

23:50

This is the pony that was in the home, she had.

23:53

She had, well, below her head back,

23:56

had a cold, taken a frozen

23:58

home. Something

24:01

that I love very much just passed away. And

24:03

what I remember is the mama

24:07

horse's grief. She had lost

24:10

a baby and that grief

24:12

changed her. In my

24:14

experience of animals, their ability

24:16

to experience grief and sadness

24:19

and also openness and

24:21

receptiveness is unmatched

24:24

by humans. And I am

24:29

really trying where I'm going through

24:31

personal grief but also

24:33

grief over genocide and collective

24:36

conditions. To feel am

24:38

I sadness and my heartbreak and

24:40

my pain and also my love

24:42

and my yearning to be present.

24:45

And it's a practice.

24:47

It's a practice. You

24:51

look so beautiful. He's

24:53

not in that business. This is

24:55

Charles. He was quite under him.

24:58

He was so kind. So with him he

25:00

has a very bubbly energy. And

25:03

when someone's spiraling with

25:05

their mental health, we

25:07

work with him to show them how

25:09

to reset their baseline. He's

25:14

working on his own. He's working on his

25:16

own. He's working on his own. He's

25:19

working on his own. He's

25:21

working on his own. He's working on his

25:23

own. So this

25:25

is your brush. Okay.

25:28

I'm going to brush you now. And start

25:30

on the neck and your shoulder. Oh

25:33

I love it. Oh he

25:35

does mine quite hard. Okay. So

25:42

this is also a regulating act for the horse.

25:44

And the... He's

25:48

in a very calm state.

25:50

Therefore he will co-regulate in

25:52

her decision. Being

25:55

the larger mama. The

25:57

mama horse, and I just kind of called her

25:59

mama, We were hanging out and

26:01

we were snuggling, cheek to cheek. And

26:03

I started stressing out. When I started

26:05

getting really in my head, and

26:08

I was slipping into anxiety, she stiffened,

26:10

and then she started to pull away.

26:12

And I was like, I

26:14

wasn't safe because I had abandoned myself and

26:16

I had abandoned her. I

26:20

tried to get my breathing to a place

26:22

where I was really like breathing into my

26:24

body. And as I did so, she

26:27

settled back into me. And when I

26:29

returned to my body, the fears

26:31

were there. Some bad and sad feelings. I

26:33

didn't bother her at all because I was

26:36

present. And that wasn't unsafe for

26:38

her. And it wasn't unsafe for me, even

26:40

though my survival mechanisms told me that

26:42

it was unsafe to stay when I

26:45

felt that way. Because at one time

26:47

it was unsafe. So

26:49

one of the challenges we do

26:51

here is picking up the horse's

26:53

foot and cleaning it, which takes

26:55

a lot of track from the horse to

26:57

allow that to happen. All

27:00

right, we're going to stand at his shoulder,

27:02

face his tail, wait for him to settle.

27:04

All right, please. We're going to pick

27:06

your hoof. Stand

27:12

a little bit closer to that leg. OK. Jesus

27:16

Christ. Oh, wait, no, it's close. I'm

27:19

fine. So we're thinking about our intention now. We're going to

27:21

pick up his first. OK. He might move.

27:23

He might not. Oh,

27:26

that just beat me with his head. Good

27:31

boy. We're going down. Good.

27:34

All right, somebody say no, wait. If

27:40

I were watching you, I'd say, let's have

27:43

more practice. You're asking a little

27:45

bit too politely. I'll

27:47

just play that in other ages of my

27:49

life. I

27:53

can see this. Our

27:57

survival mechanisms keep

27:59

us. out of certain rooms of the

28:01

house, if you will. You think of our

28:03

consciousness as a big old house.

28:06

There's something of that

28:09

pause, the pause that

28:11

the mama horse required. It

28:15

was, tend to yourself human,

28:17

so that you can be

28:20

a safe animal for me to interact with.

28:23

That practice can build

28:25

on itself. And you know,

28:27

depending on an individual's trauma or situation,

28:30

it is that practice that helps us

28:32

return home and stay home, you know,

28:34

and to eventually fill up all of

28:36

the rooms of our consciousness so that

28:39

we are more whole. That

28:46

was Patient as the Horizon by

28:48

Tej Adelayee. I'm

28:51

reminded of the idea that we

28:53

as humans are a lonely species,

28:55

that we sequestered ourselves away from

28:57

other large animals. We

28:59

should be surrounded by other larger animals. And

29:02

I think that's why equine therapy is so

29:04

successful, because that moving feeling when you see

29:07

a horse, when you're encountered by how big

29:09

it is and how beautiful it is, that

29:12

must on some level be our little

29:14

animal brains, registering that this

29:16

is right and this is natural. We're

29:19

relational beings, and our

29:21

love for things, for animals, shouldn't be

29:23

something to be embarrassed about. But

29:26

a joy to remind us

29:28

that we're alive.

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