0:00

Hi all, G-Rex here. Just wanted to let you know that this is part two of Susie's story.

0:06

I hope you enjoy it and thanks for coming back. Bye.

0:10

Music.

0:26

And if it does ever get to a point where it is like getting to be too much and

0:31

I feel like I'm going to have what some might consider my breakdown. I don't cry a lot.

0:38

I'm not a person who cries a lot, unless it's a movie where an animal dies and

0:42

then I'm bawling my face off. But you're so innocent. Yeah.

0:47

Like why? So in that instance, like if I need a good cry, I need to let out

0:53

some emotions, maybe I've held in for too long or something,

0:57

then we do our good shower cry where no one sees us.

1:01

I'm not feeling great afterwards and then

1:04

i move on or i talk to a therapist but

1:07

i mean you know yeah that's just yeah yes yeah

1:11

for me that's obvious yeah yeah

1:15

i wonder if you like think when you're crying in the shower like oh like do

1:19

you start analyzing yourself like oh this has got to be related to that and

1:22

like you become your own therapist every time so i do a lot of self-reflecting

1:28

because it is something that works best for me.

1:33

When I met with a therapist quite a couple of years ago, she was like,

1:37

whenever you have that inner critic in your head that's saying whatever,

1:41

or you get to that point where you're crying, look at that moment and ask yourself, how can I reframe this?

1:47

So for example, if at work, someone really upset me for some reason,

1:53

I got to look at, okay, what is it about this moment that's making me upset?

1:58

Oh, well, it's reminding me of maybe something that happened in my own personal

2:02

life. And so that might be why I'm upset. One time I was talking to someone who was like, talking about hurting their neighbor's dog.

2:08

And I was so angry and upset about it. And I'm like, why am I angry and upset about it?

2:13

Oh, because I love dogs.

2:17

Dogs over people. That's just how I I feel.

2:20

I was angry with him that it made me upset and I had to reframe. Okay. Why am I upset?

2:27

What's happening? Oh. And then I check in with myself.

2:31

Yeah. And that was a huge tool for me when I went to therapy.

2:35

It was the same thing was checking in because I had, I thought I was always

2:39

very grounded in who I was and I was very probably emotionally attached, right?

2:45

Like I knew what was happening to me and I could analyze that and kind of be

2:50

okay with it, but not really knowing why something was triggering me that I had to learn that.

2:57

And once I was able to learn that and really dive to the underneath,

3:00

like, What is it about this thing that is upsetting me?

3:04

It was huge. It was such a huge tool. And for me, I have to practice that almost

3:10

every single day or I'll lose sight of it.

3:13

So I have to make the efforts. Why is this upsetting me?

3:17

I really dive into it. When I talk with callers on the crisis line,

3:22

depending on what level they're at in our call, I always try to introduce a safety plan.

3:29

And establishing our triggers in our mornings is the number one thing we talk about.

3:35

And I might spend way too long of a time period talking about that.

3:38

But to me, it's like when we determine exactly what it is that is making us

3:45

feel whatever way you're feeling in that moment.

3:48

Now we can figure out, okay, how do we meet that when that experience happens again?

3:54

And what tool do we need to use in order to move forward?

3:59

And I think that's one of the things that I appreciate the most about that job,

4:05

this job, my job is creating that plan with someone because they don't necessarily

4:13

look at those things for themselves.

4:16

And when they have to sit with it, that's when they're like,

4:19

oh, gosh, I didn't know chewing red gum would lead to me having a mental breakdown.

4:25

But I remember it from my childhood. you know something so

4:28

simple that yeah it's like the smell of

4:31

cinnamon makes me think of this because of this big

4:34

red gum i'm not a weird one but listen i've heard everything yeah but it's true

4:40

and that's such a huge they can take that with them after that call every day

4:45

you can use that and you become to learn and maybe hopefully one day wisen up

4:51

to some of your triggers and know how you're going to react or be able to control it.

4:56

So yeah, it's very important to recognize those things. And it does sometimes

5:00

take an outside person to help you see it.

5:03

Yeah, 100%. Because when I had my breakdown, nobody knew.

5:09

Nobody. I was perfectly fine on the outside. In the inside, not so much.

5:13

But, you know, the thing that I learned, and, you know, I'm a big proponent

5:17

for it right now, is I wasn't taking care of myself.

5:21

I was so busy taking care of everybody else's shit that I didn't take care of myself.

5:25

Like, self-care and self-love, it's no joke.

5:29

You have to take care of yourself. And as a true empath, that was very hard

5:35

for me because, you know, I had been in customer service for years.

5:39

You know, my customers were always come first. I would jump through hoops for

5:43

them. But when it came to taking care of my own shit, no.

5:47

But the biggest thing I did learn through therapy is boundaries, right?

5:52

Like now, if it smells like drama, don't fucking come near me because you need

5:56

a big old can of black spray paint.

6:00

Oh, no. I can't see it now. We're good. I love that.

6:04

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's the way to be healthy for yourself,

6:08

right? Mental health, it's practicing how to take care of yourself.

6:11

Absolutely. And people always say like, oh, we got to create boundaries, right?

6:18

And that's one thing that I think a lot of people are very unfamiliar with.

6:22

What does it mean to create a boundary? And something that I've had to express to a lot of callers is when you're establishing a boundary,

6:31

it cannot look like a request it right be oh if you keep blowing up my phone

6:39

after 10 p.m then i'm not going to talk to you okay that sounds like a request yeah.

6:48

Because you're saying if you keep blowing up my phone after 10 p.m you're not

6:53

going to talk to me well but you'll talk to me tomorrow so like okay then it

6:57

sounds like yes whereas setting a boundary Boundary is if you text me after 10 p.m.,

7:03

I'm going to block your phone number and we will not be in contact anymore.

7:07

So you can talk to me until 10 p.m., but after 10 p.m., I don't want to hear from you.

7:13

And if you keep crossing that boundary, then I'm going to have to block you

7:17

and we can't be friends anymore. That is a boundary that's establishing what it is I expect from you.

7:23

And if you cross it, this is the repercussion of you crossing that boundary.

7:28

And I try to help call or see if it's probably not the greatest example,

7:32

but it's the only one I can think of at the moment. Yeah, no, I had to learn it. And I think I always like knew what a boundary was. Right.

7:42

But one of the hardest and also literally one of my breaking like my aha moments

7:49

in therapy was setting a boundary with a very close family member who I was.

7:54

I don't want to say if I was afraid to set a boundary with them.

7:58

I just grew up thinking it was never possible.

8:01

So here I am as an adult realizing I need to do this for me because it's a non-negotiable.

8:07

If I don't set this boundary, whatever it is, whenever this thing comes up,

8:12

I'm going to be incredibly uncomfortable and depressed about it.

8:15

So I knew, okay, you got to do this. Set it up, had the conversation, stood firm,

8:21

was all like, you know like shaky and

8:24

nervous but I set the boundary and they

8:28

they respected it they tried it

8:30

once they tried to break through they all just want to try it once and I was

8:35

like sorry like I didn't even know more conversation yeah right but I remember

8:41

having the very initial conversation setting the boundary hanging up the call

8:45

my husband came into the room he's like are are you okay? Because he knew it

8:49

was going to be really difficult. And just feeling like I could breathe. I was like, oh my gosh,

8:55

the weight of the world just getting lifted off.

8:58

And that's when I realized it's important to set boundaries.

9:02

Because if you are making yourself uncomfortable to benefit somebody else's bullshit...

9:10

You don't have to you like I had the option the ability and the choice to do

9:14

that and I did it and it was like huge absolutely I'm like oh yeah he's got

9:18

to do it yeah and I think a lot of people think that they can just set a boundary

9:22

about anything and some boundaries are very silly,

9:27

yeah like some are just silly like if we are friends in a group and all of us are friends together.

9:35

And then two friends decide to not like each other.

9:38

And they're like, well, if you invite this person, I'm not coming.

9:41

That's my boundary. That's silly.

9:46

I'm going to invite whoever I want. And if you don't want to come,

9:50

okay then, but you're not going to put that on me. That is silly.

9:55

That's on my boundary. That's your boundary. You just don't have to come.

9:58

That's fine. But you're not going to get an ultimatum between people.

10:01

Okay. right right ultimatums and boundaries yeah like there's a huge difference there.

10:09

Exactly exactly it's so funny it's so true though like for me like my boundaries are like,

10:17

if it smells like drama like i just

10:20

i don't want it anymore you know i'm at

10:23

that age where i went from 59

10:26

to 60 i mean the minute i turned 60 i was like i

10:29

don't fucking care anymore more okay because i don't but

10:32

my advice to you guys is like don't wait until

10:35

you're 60 to get there right do

10:38

it in your what your 20s your 30s your

10:41

40s your 50s right it's very freeing though extremely freeing and i i find that

10:50

i sleep better that i connect better with people and i just don't let that outside

10:57

shit tell me how to live my life.

11:00

And for me, that is the most perfect thing ever because I just feel better.

11:07

I feel better on the inside. Yeah, I still go to therapy twice a week, but damn, I feel good.

11:13

And I'm thankful to be alive. So thankful to be alive.

11:16

Yeah. And I think that knowing that you're

11:19

a person who benefited from utilizing

11:23

988 helps spread so

11:26

much more confidence to others that it is a safe space to call and talk to someone

11:35

because there's so many people out there that don't have anyone or don't think

11:40

they have anyone or they don't want to burden other people with their problems because

11:45

they recognize everyone has problems.

11:49

And knowing that there's one person who benefited from 988, from calling,

11:57

and it has in ways bettered your life, changed your life.

12:02

You're still here to this day. You're still working through things on a regular basis.

12:07

That should be an empowerment to so many more people to utilize that resource.

12:13

It's a good starting point. Mental health journey 100 and you

12:19

know like the whole mission of the podcast is to

12:22

really normalize how we talk about mental health because if we just start sharing

12:27

our stories and our journeys then somebody doesn't feel so terrified and lonely

12:32

in their own journey right they may not have act they may feel so uncomfortable

12:37

picking up their phone and talking to somebody

12:39

just listen to the podcast because we've had so many awesome guests on that

12:46

have shared their journeys and given us some tips and tricks and tools and things

12:50

that we would have never thought about.

12:52

And maybe even if we'd call the crisis line, right, we may not have gotten that information.

12:58

But like, I will tell you, life really is worth living.

13:02

And life on this side of depression is a thousand times better than it was on the other side.

13:08

Absolutely. Absolutely. And I think that people have this fear behind reaching

13:14

out to any crisis outline, whether it's 988 or any of the other ones that are

13:19

out there, because there's so many. But they have this fear that if they call and they say, I'm feeling suicidal,

13:28

or they say, I think I want to kill myself, or they say, I just cut myself,

13:34

any of these kinds of things, right? That immediately somebody is

13:39

going to show up on their doorstep and take them to the mental hospital.

13:43

And I'm not going to speak for all of the other crisis hotlines out there because I can't, obviously.

13:51

I don't know what they do. But for the one that I am passionate about,

13:56

90 Day, I can say for certainty, that's not something we want to do.

14:02

That's not something we're going to try to do.

14:05

What we're going to try to do is see what helps you in that moment.

14:10

And if that's talking, we're going to talk. But if you agree that you need help, then guess what?

14:16

We're going to find you that help. And if that means we need to send someone

14:20

to you, then we will find some way of doing that.

14:23

There are so many states and cities now that are utilizing mobile crisis units.

14:31

And with a 988 database, we can ask you some information, not all of it,

14:37

but some information. and we can say, okay, this mobile crisis unit is in an area near you.

14:44

They come to your house. They'll talk with you. That doesn't mean they're going

14:48

to take you to the hospital. That just means someone's going to physically come to your house and try to help you in that moment.

14:55

If you decide you want to go to the hospital, then they will help you with that.

14:59

But just because you call does not mean it's going to end with you in a hospital.

15:04

Little yeah it's good to know there's options for

15:07

them there are anybody falls there are and i can

15:10

tell you seriously because of 988 it gave me the voice you guys helped me get

15:16

my voice back so i could at least tell my wife what was going on because she

15:21

had no idea none dirty skittles didn't know my my friends didn't know nobody knew.

15:29

But it gave me a voice. The very next day, I was in therapy.

15:32

And then I started sharing my journey on social media.

15:36

Because I didn't want people to feel as fucking terrified as I felt myself.

15:40

Yeah. Right? And then I would call and talk to Dirty Skittles every day. And we would laugh.

15:46

So my healer truly was going to therapy and laughing.

15:51

I feel you on the laughing part. That's the only way I get through every single day.

15:55

If we would have recorded some of those earlier conversations, they

15:58

were so good so good i am a

16:01

person who like as many times a day as i can say

16:04

that's what she said i will yes so i

16:08

i can never get the timing right i never get it right

16:10

i'm like is it now is it now and then i'll say it oh i

16:13

am so like on it like if i say something

16:16

and you missed the moment where you could set it to me i'm

16:19

gonna be like that's what she said i'm gonna

16:22

do it to my own itself because you missed your moment and my

16:27

son he's 16 and so he does the same thing

16:30

like he's spot on with it so if we're not laughing

16:33

all day like what is I mean what is happening like

16:36

laughter is literally some of the absolute best

16:39

medicine in the whole world and

16:42

I think that people often kind of

16:45

forget that like when they are so super depressed they

16:48

actually don't have that ability to like laugh because they

16:51

have no emotion they have no feeling like they're just like

16:54

like in a zombie state and I

16:58

have on many occasions when I'm talking with callers I'll be like okay what

17:03

things do you find joy in oh nothing okay well do you like comedy do you like

17:09

laughing I don't know okay well how do you feel about maybe pulling up YouTube and watching.

17:17

Insert comedian, right? Or how do you feel about turning on The Office? Because obviously, I love it.

17:25

Or something like that, like giving yourself permission to watch something that's

17:29

funny and then laugh a little or things like that.

17:32

And sometimes people take my ideas and sometimes they don't.

17:36

But on the moments where they do and they have that moment to just laugh,

17:42

Or if we're in conversation and I'm talking to them and maybe I randomly said

17:46

something that I didn't realize was going to be funny, but they thought it was funny.

17:49

And by the end of it, we're both laughing and we're having this silly banter

17:53

back and forth. And they're like, wow, I feel so much better.

17:56

I'm like, I'm going to see laughter. Yeah.

18:00

Laughing is so much better than crying. Laughing. It just, it opens up so much

18:06

within you and just increases your serotonin and your endorphins.

18:12

And I'm telling you, there's times that Tony Skittles and I talk and man, we are friends.

18:18

Just we're people we can just laugh at our own pain

18:21

is what she means oh i do that to myself

18:23

regularly so i feel that some of my care

18:27

about my own self like sometimes makes people uncomfortable when i'm laughing

18:30

about my own tragedies right that i'm like in this never-ending story of my

18:36

you know self like is just depleting and i just like my body is deteriorating

18:41

like i make the and they make people so uncomfortable i'm like oh dang you don't get it.

18:48

Didn't make to me didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.

18:52

Meanwhile you told you rex and i were dying laughing we're like oh this is great

18:56

i'm like i just gotta find my people who are on my deranged humor level okay

19:00

right right right literally it's all right i'm driving the short bus to hell

19:05

so you know it's all good back there with you don't worry yeah and i'll counsel

19:10

all of you while we're there it's Yeah, I'm going to serve margaritas and maybe like some THC soda and,

19:16

you know, whatever you need, you know, it's going to be an enjoyable ride.

19:19

That's the only way I'll be running is if it's after a margarita bus. Heck yeah. Right. Yeah.

19:24

I ain't running because I'm going to die.

19:27

I'd have to wear a bra. No, we're not running. That's like the worst.

19:33

It is. Every part of my day is not doing that anymore. Right. Exactly.

19:39

Yeah. Yeah. This has been great, Susie. I love this conversation.

19:43

I love your story. I love what you're doing. I thank you for just even pursuing this line of work and being there for people

19:51

that you may never meet ever, but just being there when they need you the most

19:55

is awesome. So thank you for what you do. Well, I would say like, it's my pleasure, but that's so weird.

20:01

Just Chick-fil-A is in my head 24-7. Right.

20:07

I feel like that's the way you're supposed to end that when somebody's like you.

20:15

But I love I genuinely do like

20:19

love the work that I do and I know that sounds nuts

20:23

because how could you love doing that

20:26

but I genuinely love that moment

20:29

where when I'm connecting with a caller who

20:32

is at their worst whatever moment that looks like for them

20:35

right and at the end of it we've

20:38

established they're going to be safe for the rest of that day

20:41

doesn't have to be forever just today in

20:45

this moment after our conversation today you're going to be okay we'll worry

20:49

about tomorrow when tomorrow comes right that moment is just like i feel so

20:55

grateful that i got to be a part of that person's one day journey into the next

21:02

steps and i just love my job.

21:05

Yes. So Susie, I do have one question.

21:09

So if any of our listeners are interested in working in like a crisis center,

21:15

what would like be their like first steps?

21:18

Sure. So obviously to, you know, figure out what is available in your state.

21:23

So like the state that I live in, we are one of the top four largest 988 centers in the whole country.

21:32

In the state that I live in, we service about 80% of the state.

21:37

So we're the fourth largest in the nation, 80% of just our state.

21:42

So we get a lot of calls. So what I would recommend is seeing what counseling

21:48

or crisis counseling centers or hotlines or whatever is available in your state.

21:55

So if you want to work for like 988, for example, you would go to the 988lifeline.org,

22:02

I think is the one. Yeah, that's what it is.

22:05

988lifeline.org. Yes, 988lifeline.org. And then you would click on a tab that

22:11

says become a part of 988 or volunteer or something of that nature.

22:16

And then drop down to find your state.

22:20

And then it will tell you all of the different facilities that 988 works with.

22:27

With so like there are different organizations that 988 affiliates themselves

22:34

with that organization and so you're working together for whatever that state looks like.

22:41

If that makes sense. So then you would see what openings they have,

22:45

and then you could apply. Now, as a 988 crisis counselor in my state, like I said, you have to have a bachelor's degree.

22:52

I'm not saying it's like that everywhere. You might not. And it is a paid position.

22:58

So it's not a volunteer position. You do get paid to do that job.

23:03

So I think sometimes that's important for people to know because when they call,

23:07

they think we just are volunteers and we don't care.

23:11

But no we 100 care like this

23:15

is our job i oh my

23:18

god i love this thank you thank you thank you suzy oh

23:21

this is such a good question you're more than welcome

23:24

to ask questions about the line what anything you want like if i can tell you

23:27

i will tell you if i can't i'll let you know but if you have more questions

23:31

i'm happy to try to answer them i don't have any i mean this just this has been

23:36

just a beautiful episode yeah it's a beautiful like i'm just in awe i'm in awe Yeah, me too.

23:42

I genuinely thank you for what you do because that's, it's not,

23:46

I cannot, I would imagine it's not easy to do this. No, it's definitely not easy.

23:51

And I will say this, like there have been times when people have called and

23:55

they have had maybe a negative experience, right?

23:58

With the person that they were talking to.

24:01

And what I can say to that is if you call and you don't like the voice you're

24:08

talking to, you don't like the fact that it might be male versus female.

24:12

You don't like the energy that they're bringing.

24:14

There are a couple of things I would recommend. Number one, feel the vibe out

24:20

of who you're talking to, right? Number two, you don't have to give us any identifying information about yourself at all whatsoever.

24:28

Number three, we're going to ask you direct questions when you call.

24:33

We want to know, are you feeling suicidal today?

24:36

Have you done anything to harm yourself? And have you ever in the past tried to kill yourself?

24:43

And we ask these because we need to know what direction we're going to take

24:47

this conversation, how we plan to help you or navigate the conversation,

24:52

because we want to make sure that we're giving you what you need in that moment.

24:57

And by knowing those answers, we can help you better.

25:01

So when you call and you answer those questions,

25:04

whether it was yes and yes that does

25:07

not mean we have anything to identify you

25:10

so you're not going to send someone out to you just because you said yes right

25:14

so if you are not feeling the vibe you can politely say hey listen i'm gonna

25:20

call back in and talk to someone else and get you can hang up you can call right

25:25

back in you don't even have to politely say it you can just be like click.

25:30

Yeah you don't have to say anything I mean like

25:33

if you are not enjoying the the the

25:36

flow of the conversation the only reason why I say

25:39

like say that you're hanging up is because that counselor might get real worried

25:44

about you and they might be like oh no is this something that like I should

25:49

be worried about this person right because that is a thing we do when people

25:54

hang up we do worry Worry a little bit, right?

25:57

Be saying like, hey, not feeling this. I'll let you go. Hang up. It's fine.

26:02

Then you can call in and talk to someone else. You can a dozen times and get,

26:07

you know, different people. You don't have to just talk to that one person. So if the vibe is not feeling

26:12

good or you're having a negative experience, call back in and talk to someone else.

26:17

It might be a better experience that time.

26:21

And it's okay. okay and and i

26:24

was just gonna say the crisis line it's not just

26:26

for people who feel suicidal it's for any type of like mental crisis that you're

26:33

going through if they will help you 100 you're talking to somebody that has

26:40

been there done that fucking so thankful for that

26:44

opportunity because I'm here.

26:47

Absolutely. And it's such an amazing resource.

26:51

And for any of our listeners that are in Canada, you can use that same phone number, 988.

26:59

And then if you are outside of the country, I saw this on Grey's Anatomy the other night.

27:06

There is a, you can contact findahelpline.org and they will find,

27:14

you can use that to find somebody within your own country to get help.

27:18

Yes. And we also, for people who don't like to talk, you can also text or you

27:25

can chat like on a computer with someone as well.

27:28

And that way, I mean, that conversation sometimes is a really long one because

27:33

it's hard to flow when you're texting seeing or typing, but it's still an option for you.

27:39

And if there's parents out there with kids, please recommend this resource to your children.

27:49

I don't want to scare people, but I've spoken to dozens of young adults.

27:55

The youngest one I ever spoke to was nine.

27:58

So just because you're not seeing

28:01

it doesn't mean they're not feeling it and giving them

28:04

a free resource that they can call and talk to

28:07

whenever they need is so beneficial to

28:10

them and for the people that call and prank the line it's rude don't do it thank

28:15

you amen yeah thank you thank you thank you thank you so much i i just i love

28:23

everything about you you're such great energy oh my head a little bigger thank you.

28:29

You know that's how it works thank you

28:32

I appreciate it so much yeah and congrats on

28:35

graduating again yeah so awesome I am so

28:38

excited I have an interview next weekend for the master's program that I applied

28:43

for and I'm really hoping that they accept me because I'm really looking forward

28:48

to being able to pursue this further I have a lot of hopes and dreams inside

28:54

of my head on what I would like to do in my future.

28:57

So I'm hoping we get there. But until then, I'm so grateful for working for this line.

29:03

Episode two, and I recorded that ending and I sent it to all my coworkers and I was like, be prepared.

29:10

Because we take so many calls like my center in a 24-hour period usually takes

29:16

over 700 calls yeah well in a 24-hour time span so i was like y'all be prepared because i'm gonna be,

29:25

you just put it out there on a huge platform yeah i'm so glad that they did that because

29:31

that means so many more people now

29:34

know about the line i've listened

29:37

to even artists at the end of their set or

29:41

in the middle of their set talk about 988 so like the word is getting out there

29:46

and if people think that they might want to do this work please apply we need

29:51

you just as much as you need us okay amen amen all right nice thank you thank you thank you so much

30:00

for listening to this episode i'm g-rex and i'm dirty skittles don't forget

30:05

to subscribe rate and review this podcast we'd love to listen to your feedback

30:10

we can't do this without you guys.

30:15

Music.