0:02

This is a Headgum Podcast. What

0:08

are some gifts that you've gotten for

0:11

yourself this Christmas? Oh. Do

0:13

you do that, Ben? What are you getting yourself? I do

0:15

that. Yeah, I have something. Sometimes

0:17

you're buying gifts and you accidentally are like,

0:19

I guess I need this too. I

0:23

got a pair of shorts that say

0:25

hot dog eating champion of 69.

0:29

That is incredible. Is this real? Is

0:32

it custom? Is this real? Yeah, man.

0:34

It's from my favorite place, Fashion Brand

0:36

Company. It's where I got my Dr.

0:38

Evil monologue dress. Can you show it to

0:40

us? This sounds amazing. That's so cool. I want you

0:42

to tell us, but I also don't want you to

0:45

tell us. I want to see where the words are.

0:47

The butt probably, right? That's

0:49

such a long thing to have on the butt. It's

0:52

not on the butt. It is. It's

0:54

a lot of letters. It's not on the butt. It's not

0:56

on the butt. Here you go, Wooly. Okay.

0:58

I'm going to go with the corner. Yeah. Okay.

1:01

I like it. Those are sick. Is

1:04

that like embroidered? It looks like fancy writing. Yeah. Oh

1:07

man. That's nice. You didn't buy five of

1:09

them for some reason. Oh

1:11

man. They're pretty expensive. Welcome

1:23

back to sitcom D&D, a real play

1:25

Dungeons and Dragons podcast recorded in front

1:27

of a fake studio audience today.

1:32

We're talking season

1:34

finale. That's the

1:37

reaction I'm

1:39

looking for every episode. And

1:44

I never get it. It's a finale. So

1:49

y'all are on the back of some Smeagles,

1:51

some giant Eagles with the heads of golem. Okay.

1:54

I had a question that I was saving for

1:56

the podcast, which is

1:58

that they're giant Eagles. way

4:00

earlier than everyone else. Yeah, you were really

4:02

ready for it. Very stout there. is

5:02

a a a

5:06

a if we've been up here for a while you have

5:08

to get used to it. hours a why

5:11

are you not caught? we've

5:14

all adjusted honey. I'm not scared!

5:17

oh my god. I'm not

5:19

scared! hours days I

5:21

think. are

5:23

we there? are we there? are we

5:25

there? hey buddy hey, hey

5:28

beef yeah it's me.

5:30

beef yes your

5:32

chip yeah we're having a good

5:34

time. it's a really great time.

5:37

it's one of our many adventures. yeah

5:39

don't be scared beef. you

5:42

better believe. I'm

5:45

freaking out. alright but someone's gotta

5:47

keep us all down. have we

5:49

ever been in the air together before?

5:53

am I crazy? we must have been in the air. play

5:55

that clip. Yeah,

6:01

it's a clip on you guys on like an old Ferris wheel

6:03

and as soon as it starts to get to the top, everyone

6:05

starts screaming. And

6:09

then it comes back to this moment. Of course

6:11

we've been up in the air together, but we've never

6:13

been up in the air together knowing we're gonna die

6:15

soon. Yes, that's why I'm scared. That's

6:18

so negative. Let's

6:20

recap how this is gonna go great.

6:23

First of all, Seb's family and his

6:25

hot mom totally all gonna show up.

6:27

I hope I really hope so. I

6:31

do too because I need to live. Exactly. Yeah,

6:33

same reason. Chip, we

6:36

did that whole thing with your uncle and

6:38

that went like so good. That went so

6:40

good. Yeah, he's gonna be great. He'll

6:42

make it. I hope we bring some cereal. You'll be

6:44

fine. You made your grandma

6:46

this year. I did. And she's

6:48

lovely. I do a twirl. Well

6:51

careful. We're on a bird. Oh,

6:53

whoa. It's not as

6:55

easy as you make it, Seb, Chip. My

6:57

God. And I just found out I have

6:59

a dad that cares enough to come and find me. And

7:01

Jennifer's not cursed anymore. We got rid of all of her

7:03

curses. By midnight tonight, we'll all

7:05

be having a laugh and a beer back

7:08

at Bottoms Up with no

7:10

overarching conflict. That sounds nice. Yeah,

7:13

when you say it like that, Chalice, it feels

7:16

like everything's gonna be okay. That'd be fine.

7:19

Wait, wait, wait, why'd your voice go up like

7:21

that? I'm not

7:24

worried. I'm not worried that like three of the

7:26

four will show up and one of the four

7:28

won't or something like that. Is that possible? Oh

7:30

my God, that could be a possibility. I never

7:32

even considered it. I figured it was

7:34

all or nothing. God. I don't

7:36

think all of us are gonna die, but possible like

7:38

one of us dies. Maybe like one of us dies.

7:41

Oh no, I think it's me. I think

7:43

it's Seb too. Oh God. It

7:45

could be Seb. But it's just like

7:47

our friendships are all like, you know,

7:50

conduits to each other. So if we

7:52

lose one, what happens to all? If

7:54

I die, you guys can eat my body. That's

7:58

okay. I think I'll pass. Yeah,

8:01

I think I'm going to put it on a

8:04

raft and then, you know, shoot some flaming arrows.

8:06

Whoa, yes. I think I've talked about this before.

8:08

Please give me a, what is it,

8:10

a Greek? A pirate? A Viking girl? Viking

8:13

Viking. Actually,

8:15

give me a pirate funeral. I

8:18

guess, yeah, we should talk about how we want each

8:21

other to take care of it. We should have

8:23

written Wills. This was stupid. I want you guys

8:25

to prop me up in the bar next

8:28

to Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Yes. That's

8:32

nice. B, what about you? OK,

8:34

I have a confession. It's time. Remember

8:37

when the bar was taken over by

8:40

Chuckie Busters? Oh, yeah, I do remember that. Are you

8:42

going to tell us you're a ghost? What's happening?

8:44

No, no, no, you're OK. OK. Well,

8:47

you know all the prizes that I looked over? Yeah,

8:49

you always said they were all yours? Yeah,

8:51

they were all mine. Yeah, well, when that shut

8:53

down, I took all the prizes and I put

8:55

them underneath the floorboards. And late at night when

8:57

you holler asleep, I take it out and I

8:59

play with all my toys. I'd

9:02

like to be buried with those underneath the

9:04

floorboards with my glass menageries

9:07

and my magazines. Can we play with the

9:09

toys, though, once you're dead? Absolutely. Oh, play

9:11

with my body, too, but make sure we're

9:14

all together. OK, so we can

9:16

hang out with Chalice's body. We can

9:18

play with Beef's body. You guys can eat my

9:20

body. Seb, what can we do with your body?

9:23

Well, I'm glad that you

9:25

asked. I

9:27

don't know. What's this thing? Oh, god. You

9:29

guys, they got a big scroll or something.

9:32

I want you to take my tummy skin

9:34

and make it into a lampshade. So whenever

9:36

you turn on the light. Seb, we're not going to do that.

9:39

OK. Oh, that's fair. Yeah, I'm

9:41

listening. I'm listening. Do you

9:43

have any other things we could do? Any other furniture pieces

9:46

to build out of your phone? Yeah, I want you to

9:48

take my butt cheeks and make a wallet. I

9:50

want my feet to go above the bar. So

9:55

it looks like I got squashed underneath it

9:57

or something. Like it came from the sky.

10:00

That's very funny. Keep going! Keep

10:02

going! I

10:05

want you to put my eye above the

10:08

door with a sign that says, I've got

10:10

my eye on you. Just kidding. I

10:12

died long ago and I hunt this place. Oh,

10:16

I love that one. It'll feel like you're

10:18

always there. And because I believe in using

10:20

all parts of the buffalo. Whatever's

10:22

left. Just, I don't know. Put

10:24

up with a funny thing to do with it. Yeah, come on. Make

10:27

my ribcage into a xylophone, something like

10:29

that. Okay. Oh man, now I kind

10:31

of hope one of those dies. No,

10:34

no. No. Well,

10:37

no. And with that,

10:40

y'all just kind of fade

10:42

into a comfortable, contemplative silence as

10:45

you soar across the

10:47

horizon. Why doesn't one

10:49

of you give me a history

10:52

check? Oh, I love history. Anybody good

10:54

at history? I am. I

10:56

have one plus one. Yeah, I think I have negative.

11:00

Okay. You're headed towards Glass Castle

11:03

and Chalice with a 15. You do

11:05

remember generally where the spot is with

11:07

the tree that has the water that

11:09

could potentially reverse the curse. Does the

11:11

tree have a name or anything? You

11:13

haven't been told it. Okay. If

11:15

it does have one. Another tree, we

11:18

got to ask its name. And

11:21

so it's not pinpoint accurate, but you

11:24

indicate to the Smeagol's and they start

11:26

to circle and get lower and lower.

11:29

Finally, their large towns go into the

11:31

earth and you are on sweet, sweet ground,

11:33

which you haven't felt in quite some time.

11:35

Chip bends down on his knees and licks

11:37

the ground as much as he possibly can.

11:39

Oh my God. Thank you. Thank

11:42

you. Thank you. Let's get moving. Okay.

11:45

And as you start to get moving, just as

11:47

a refresher, you're in at a

11:49

green forest, which again is very super foggy,

11:51

even in this early morning light, like it's

11:54

barely past dawn, but it looks

11:56

like the Pacific Northwest. It's got these deep

11:58

green colors and tons of orange. wildflowers

12:01

everywhere. And the early

12:03

morning light is kind of catching the fog

12:05

here. It's kind of eerie but it's also

12:07

yeah kind of beautiful. And which

12:10

direction are y'all gonna head out in? Give

12:12

me a history check one of you to

12:14

see if you remember exactly where it would

12:16

be. Dirty 20.

12:19

Oh my! Okay so this one I had that

12:21

as a high difficulty check because most of you

12:23

here were blindfolded but chalice rolled a dirty 20

12:25

so with that you there must be some sort

12:27

of landmark here so you actually see like a

12:29

tree that you used to play with when you

12:32

would go as far away from glass castle as

12:34

you could to just have some freedom and be

12:36

on your own and run away and have a

12:38

day to yourself as a kid. Probably would cause

12:40

like a lot of the guards to be up

12:42

in arms like oh my god the princess is

12:44

like exploring again. This is an

12:47

area that you must have played before

12:49

that you have the geographical context of

12:51

where the spot must be in relation

12:53

to it and you start leading the

12:55

group through at a green forest to

12:57

the spot. Follow me! I

12:59

think I buried a time

13:02

capsule right here. Hold

13:05

on yeah. It's just sunset or

13:07

sunrise we got plenty of time. Yeah. Dig

13:10

this up. You guys wanna get lunch?

13:12

Chalice starts digging in the ground like

13:14

a raccoon. Maybe there's lunch in the

13:16

time capsule. Good haul. She opens

13:18

like a little tin box and it's

13:20

mostly snacks. But it's

13:23

amazing. Also a drawing of her

13:25

and her three imaginary best friends

13:27

that like look a lot like

13:30

Seb beef and chips. Who are those?

13:32

Who are these people? There's like a little

13:35

rodent in the corner that she scratched out.

13:39

I'm sorry you have friends before us? What

13:41

the heck? No these were my imaginary

13:43

friends. Oh. It's

13:45

kind of sad guys. Who needs more

13:47

than one imaginary friend? This

13:50

is pork. This

13:52

is... Think of one for

13:55

Seb. Sebastian. Sebastian Von Hugh

13:57

Grant. And

14:00

this is chocolate. I

14:03

don't remember the rat's name. Oh, that's

14:05

so cute. It's kind of hot. Yeah,

14:07

I think so, too. I don't want any of these

14:09

snacks. Oh, be very at them. Yeah, sorry, guys. Be.

14:12

It's just that, you know, when I'm

14:15

hungry, I get in survival mode. No one

14:17

else exists. Nothing matters. I have to.

14:20

You weren't excited about eating my body.

14:22

Isn't that a little convenient? Follow

14:24

me. And

14:28

after you guys go over the

14:30

time capsule, dug it up, had some friendly

14:32

banter and then moved to the spot a

14:34

few hours have passed. So you're really eating

14:36

into your time here. But eventually

14:39

you do make it. You get

14:41

to the clearing. So you

14:43

move through this really dense,

14:46

foggy forest into this

14:48

open clearing, which you haven't some of

14:50

you haven't seen ever during the

14:52

day. And it is really

14:54

breathtaking. It's an open clearing

14:56

about the size of a football field

14:59

that at the end of

15:01

this cliff has the tree, this

15:03

oak tree that has

15:05

water seemingly falling from its

15:07

leaves to its base, but

15:10

almost like it's like a fountain where that water must

15:12

be sucked up into the trees base

15:15

and then dropped out through its branches and leaves

15:17

back down and like a cyclical nature. And

15:20

it comes to this point at the end of

15:22

the cliff, a football field away from you. And

15:25

at the edge of the cliff, if you

15:28

were to stand at the tip of it

15:30

and look out, it's about a hundred foot

15:32

drop into almost like a green ocean.

15:34

It's just a sea of other

15:36

pine green trees with like rolling

15:38

hills and some mountains in the

15:40

distance. And so you're

15:42

struck by this beautiful view, but also

15:45

incredibly relieved to be at least all

15:47

of you at the spot

15:49

at the right time with at this point,

15:51

some time to spare. We don't

15:53

see any of our family members here perfectly

15:56

waiting for us or anything. Early.

15:59

Early. family members

16:01

crickets Stop

16:04

on the crickets Yeah,

16:07

nobody is here yet So

16:10

at this point the Sun it

16:12

looks like it might be early

16:14

afternoon So

16:17

you have a couple of

16:19

hours here before sunset We

16:22

are all standing at the edge of the

16:24

cliff like holding each other's hands looking at

16:26

the beautiful scenery of it

16:28

all and just like smelling

16:30

the wind and letting the Sun hit

16:32

our faces and we're just like Okay,

16:35

guys, this is it. This is it. This

16:38

is it. I love you guys Love

16:40

you too. I love you guys too. I've

16:42

got inform you of something else. We

16:45

are past noon Actually, what doesn't one

16:47

of you give me a perception check? Okay,

16:52

Seb and chalice while just kind of

16:54

looking at each other You

16:56

notice that on the

16:58

tips of your fingers Kind

17:01

of going up into your palm the

17:03

veins in your hands are starting to

17:06

turn black Oh my god, and actually

17:08

because you rolled such a high perception

17:10

each of you You

17:12

can't help but notice how

17:14

high up the black

17:16

is running in your veins it's

17:20

kind of coinciding with the

17:22

afternoon Sun and Where

17:25

the shadow is falling

17:27

as far as like the sunset shadow on

17:30

the football field clearing So

17:32

you're starting to think that the further the Sun

17:34

goes down The

17:36

higher the black in your veins

17:39

is going to run and eventually when the

17:41

Sun goes all the way down So will

17:43

you forever? Okay,

17:45

well we know he wasn't bluffing now Everything

17:49

was silly and fun until now Real

17:54

all fun and games until the

17:56

necrosis sets in if

17:58

it seems like no one Showing up, I'll run

18:01

and I'll just become queen. I guess I

18:03

don't know. the skin were jealous. I think

18:05

this is it, right? is? A

18:07

nice daughter, so maybe he doesn't. Even maybe

18:10

he's. A. Stranger only with this curse

18:12

at this point, man. Do. We

18:14

feel any other ill effects. Are. We we

18:16

gender anything at this point. You are

18:18

not, You just feel like. It's.

18:21

Almost as I got a knowing. Have

18:23

to work with your life. I'd

18:25

rather be sacked ssssss looking to

18:27

sell that? It's like it's just

18:29

gonna be on a binary of

18:31

oh at the end of this,

18:33

I will be dead or not.

18:35

Oh man g on gosh dang

18:37

thread. So with that. Here's

18:41

how we're going to do this. Obviously

18:43

all of you have some family

18:46

they are hoping makes it is

18:48

a spot in time. To.

18:50

Break the curse. Now. There's.

18:52

A lot of maybe are things in

18:55

the way of them getting here that's

18:57

making it an uncertainty as actually going

18:59

to be. A straight luck

19:01

role for each of you to

19:03

see. If your family makes it, but

19:06

here's the deal. are going to make it a

19:08

little a little interesting. You're. Going to roll

19:10

a d twenty. And. It's

19:12

gonna be a fifty fifty chance

19:14

whether your family members shows up or

19:16

does it. But. Here's

19:18

the kicker. I. Know.

19:21

Which of the numbers with the twenty of

19:23

randomly selected ten of them. Oh. My God

19:25

I thought like one third tan ever. Heard

19:28

of I have a you're gonna Roll

19:30

it. I. Will now if

19:32

they're gonna show up or not and

19:34

then we're gonna play it out as

19:36

it would unfold in real time. Oh

19:38

My God said is that A could

19:40

be used It could be all of

19:42

your showing up and it could be

19:44

none of oh my God off his

19:46

ears. Us.

19:48

so. Before. I.

19:51

Have each of you roll. Or.

19:53

Go one and were time are you

19:56

doing about. You

19:58

don't allow. The

20:00

original dune will start with.

20:03

Ship. I can't go first and

20:05

before you do, What? Is your feeling?

20:07

What's he thinking? I'm. A

20:09

first. He's kind of assessing whether he thinks

20:11

uncle meals going to sell. He feels like

20:13

that was pretty good day. Felt. Like

20:16

we help them that we all grew and it's been

20:18

nice hanging out with him ever won once in awhile

20:20

since. That's. A really small part of. With.

20:22

on his brain, but it's mostly just regret.

20:25

Is. Mostly just regretting. So.

20:27

Many choices that he made in his life.

20:30

Where. There was not telling Chalice how

20:32

we felt about her earlier, having a

20:34

hand and killing his best friends, Not

20:36

spending enough time with the hallways. He's

20:39

feeling upset. And. Then he looked

20:41

out at his friends and. right? Now

20:43

that the only thing bringing him any thousand the

20:45

fact that he's complaining. That an incredible

20:47

group of people in his life. Is

20:50

is way too far. cry. From

20:54

having a hard time. Ah,

20:57

Ok, here's a

20:59

roadblock. Said the blogs. A

21:01

You. Fifteen.

21:04

Seems good, but. At

21:09

thank you yeah vague you

21:11

shot thank you Only got

21:13

to tell us right now

21:15

now. Ah my guy typically.

21:17

Ah so. Beef. Oh

21:20

what a piece! Skip

21:22

the. Best

21:25

what's been thinking, what's going through

21:27

be said. The. Be.

21:31

Scared. Play. He

21:33

wants to be brave for

21:35

his friends. So. He

21:38

outwardly. Is. Trying to

21:40

be strong for than like giving

21:42

like it. it's gonna be okay

21:44

no matter what kind of I'd

21:47

even though deep deep deep down

21:49

he he's scared to but he

21:51

doesn't. Blame. His

21:53

grandma is she can't make it or

21:55

not. He knows that she loves. Him

21:58

Regardless, And. And that

22:01

his life felt like it never really

22:04

started until he met these group of

22:06

people. And if

22:08

that's how it ends, too, what

22:11

a good run he had. He

22:14

also is going to miss

22:17

eating food. If

22:20

it really comes to this,

22:22

I think at the end of the day, the

22:25

thing he's going to really, really miss is that

22:27

first bite of the sandwich. And

22:30

the last bite of the sandwich.

22:32

All right. Oh

22:35

my gosh. It's a 17. Okay.

22:39

That sounds good. Sounds

22:42

good. All

22:44

right. Chalice. Chalice

22:46

is mostly feeling so guilty that she

22:49

put everyone in this position. Don't

22:52

nod yet, please. That

22:54

was active listening. She

22:58

obviously, she does feel very guilty for

23:00

putting everyone in this position, but Chalice

23:06

would take four years with this

23:09

group of people and die now, then a lifetime

23:12

of not knowing them. And when she's looking

23:14

off over the canyon, she's thinking about the

23:16

time when she was in that parade and

23:19

she looked up at the top, like the

23:21

marquee of Bottoms Up and saw

23:23

them all laughing and drinking a beer up there and how

23:25

badly she wanted to be with them. Stop.

23:28

Was she imagining that? Stop.

23:31

And now I'm over. I

23:34

got a 10. Okay. Seems

23:36

bad. That one, he

23:39

said it and I went, uh-oh. All right. So

23:41

I guess it's Seb's turn. It's

23:45

Seb's turn. So

23:49

Seb is kind of just like manic

23:51

denial right now. And it's just kind

23:53

of like, you know what? You

23:56

guys, what I've been thinking is we should have a buffalo

23:58

chicken dip on the menu. Because we're

24:00

all gonna get through this. It's all

24:02

gonna be fine. They all put hands on

24:05

Seb. Slowly. 17

24:07

and a 15 and a 10. Those are sexy f***ing

24:09

numbers. You know, a perfect 10. 17 out of 10.

24:14

A 15 out of 10. These are good

24:16

numbers, you guys. We're

24:18

gonna get through this. We're gonna be laughing. We'll even

24:21

get a new painting of the four of us because

24:23

we've had so many fun times together and we can

24:25

get rid of that one where chalice farted and it

24:27

blew out the back of the bar, you know? Allegedly.

24:30

Allegedly. The Kool-Aid man came out of

24:32

her ass. Allegedly.

24:35

Allegedly. Allegedly. And

24:38

I love you guys. And we

24:41

can't die because there's just too much love

24:43

here, alright? We have a cat. We haven't

24:45

even talked about the cat enough this season.

24:47

We got a cat this season. We can't

24:49

get an eye roll. A

24:51

8. 8

24:54

out of 10. That's like so good. This is

24:57

so good, you guys. Ate's good. Ate's

24:59

good. That's an 80%. That's a B.

25:01

I'm graduating, you guys. Isn't it

25:03

8 out of 20? Yeah, but out

25:05

of... but 10 is good. I

25:10

don't like that two of ours are

25:12

even and two of ours are odd. Oh.

25:16

Yeah. That's interesting. It could just be odds

25:18

and evens and we consider that. So now,

25:20

at this point, the sun is

25:22

obviously continuing to go down behind

25:24

the horizon. The shadow

25:27

of essentially nightfall is

25:30

creeping up the clearing.

25:32

It's now about halfway to the edge

25:34

of the cliff. And that also

25:36

means that the black that's coursing through

25:38

your veins is now not just in

25:40

your fingertips running up your hand but running all the way

25:42

up to your arm and getting to your shoulders. Ugh.

25:45

The family's really cutting it

25:47

close there. When we said sunset, they

25:49

were like, okay, leave it there right

25:51

there. Not a moment before.

25:54

Sounds good. I hope my grandma has

25:56

a watch or looks at the sun. I don't

25:58

even know. As

26:00

everyone's getting only increasingly

26:02

anxious, you stare out at

26:05

the tree line to see

26:08

something move, some sort of

26:10

foliage just kind of shaking and moving, and

26:13

it's nothing. And

26:15

that's happened to you a couple of times. I'm

26:18

about to start shooting arrows at these

26:20

ruffles. Kill all these animals that are

26:22

faking us out. And the next action

26:24

doesn't come from the tree line at

26:27

all. It comes from the sky. As

26:30

you look up, you hear,

26:32

Smoozer! Yeah,

26:34

I made it! Oh

26:39

my God. Jennifer! And

26:41

as the Smeagol lands right in front of you

26:43

at the spot,

26:45

there's another person riding it

26:48

with Jennifer, and it's

26:50

Hanson. I

26:53

really, I'm shocked. Oh

26:55

my God. Hey Jennifer, who is

26:57

that? Chalice

26:59

knows and just runs up and gives

27:01

him the biggest hug. Oh

27:04

my God. Chalice,

27:08

I didn't know. You're right on time. 70

27:12

years too late, I'm not right on time. No,

27:14

you're right on time. And

27:16

I just hugged. You know I loved

27:18

your mom, right? You did?

27:21

Yeah, I loved

27:23

her before she even became a queen.

27:25

What? Oh my gosh, you're

27:27

gonna have to tell me everything. Yeah,

27:29

we can debrief later. Should

27:32

I save your life or whatever right now? Yeah,

27:34

I was gonna suggest we go walk and get a coffee, but

27:36

I think we should do this first. Yeah,

27:38

cut this freak open! We don't have much time! Oh,

27:41

okay. Oh, I have to die? No, no, no. Oh,

27:43

okay. Oh my God, you were willing to die?

27:46

Yeah, I mean, I would have. Oh

27:49

my gosh. No, just a little drop of blood

27:51

in this blue water. Easy, okay.

27:54

That's not bad. Handsome

27:56

Henson. What? What about? Pleasure to

27:58

make your acquaintance, sir. Oh,

28:00

hello. Yeah, I'm Hanson. Nice to meet

28:03

you. That's right, beef. Beef. A beef.

28:05

Hi, beef. Yes. You

28:07

have her eyes. You have the

28:09

eyes of a hedgehog I once knew,

28:12

but never mind that. Huh. Interesting.

28:14

Hi, I'm Seb. I share dreams with

28:16

your daughter. Oh.

28:19

Oh. Hmm. So you

28:21

two must be an item, I presume. Nope. It's me

28:23

and this other guy. Oh, yeah.

28:26

Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hi,

28:28

I'm, uh, I'm Chip. Oh, famous

28:31

liar. Yeah. Ooh. It made its way

28:33

to exile. It's

28:36

a rumor. Yeah.

28:39

The Smeagol's like to gossip. Oh,

28:44

great. Um, okay. Jennifer, but you already know me.

28:46

I'll cut this freak open. We don't have much

28:48

time. Okay. We go over to the pool and

28:51

I lead him there and then I have

28:53

a little pocket knife and I do a little prick on his

28:55

finger. Oh, okay.

28:58

Um, and Hanson holds out

29:00

his finger and it drops. And

29:04

we get real close up on it and we watch

29:06

it fall from his finger all the way down to

29:08

hit the base of the tree. We're sitting in that

29:10

puddle of water and it hits it. As soon as

29:12

it does, red magic

29:15

starts to glow and emanate from

29:17

the water, the tree. And there

29:19

is a powerful, but

29:21

not, you know, painful in any

29:24

way, slight blast of magical energy

29:27

shoots out from the tree and

29:30

all of your hair kind of like blows back.

29:32

And it even forced some of you to take

29:34

like a step backwards. Afterwards, you're

29:36

kind of looking around like,

29:39

okay, that seems good. And

29:41

chalice, why don't you give me a perception check

29:43

here? A nine.

29:46

Okay. You're looking at your friends more like, is

29:48

everybody okay? Like there was a blast like it's

29:50

everyone. All right. And you're kind of just also

29:52

just staring at Hanson who's

29:55

your biological father, but it's Hanson

29:57

who notices that the blast. on

30:00

your arms is very

30:02

quickly retreating and fading. Oh he

30:05

does love me. And it worked

30:08

you seem to be for all intents

30:10

and purposes and you feel in that you in your

30:12

heart and that knowing that you are saved. Oh

30:15

come over here

30:18

you handsome man. I

30:21

hate beef kissing the man on

30:24

the cheese. Oh okay well thank

30:26

you. You saved her. You saved

30:28

the most perfect person in the

30:31

whole entire world. I shake your

30:33

hand sir. I shake it hard.

30:36

Thank you. Well

30:38

honestly I feel like I

30:41

feel like I did so little considering

30:43

I spent 70 some

30:45

years away from you. I mean I just I

30:48

feel bad more than anything right

30:50

now. Nope sorry. You just saved my

30:52

life are you kidding? Are you joking? And now

30:54

you can come live with us at bottoms up

30:56

and we can hang out everyday. Yes are

30:58

you kidding? Oh my god thank god

31:00

it's horrible and exile. Yeah it seems

31:02

horrible. Ms. Meagles just gossip about me

31:05

the whole time. I know.

31:08

As y'all are rejoicing in

31:11

jealous being cured why

31:13

don't all of you give me another perception check. 18. 19. 12.

31:16

1. Okay. 7. Chels especially

31:19

you now too. As soon as you are cured

31:29

you're suddenly met with the feeling

31:31

of immense relief and

31:34

joy being united with your biological father

31:36

that you're starting to get to know

31:38

better but also the pain of knowing

31:41

okay I'm safe but nobody else is what

31:43

if I'm the only one. So that kind

31:45

of has you on high alert and Seb

31:48

you're on high alert for similar reasons but on

31:50

top of it you're also not safe. So

31:54

it's both of you who are keeping an eye on

31:57

the tree line that leads to the clearing and

31:59

again The way that this is set up, there's

32:01

a football field between you at the edge

32:03

of this cliff with the tree to

32:06

the other end of the clearing. But

32:08

it's also a football field in width

32:11

from the left side to the right side. And

32:14

on the right side of the clearing,

32:17

about halfway, you

32:20

see some real major

32:22

foliage shaking again. And

32:25

somebody appears. And,

32:29

uh, Chael, since you rolled a

32:32

19, you'll recognize this person, and Savvy

32:34

you will too. It

32:36

is King Cicero. Oh! What

32:39

the f*** is that? I

32:41

thought I said hot mom! I really

32:43

thought I said hot mom! I was

32:45

about to yell, my hot mommy! Like,

32:48

what the f***? You still

32:50

can. Well, hello everyone!

32:52

Having a party without me,

32:54

huh? Boo! Boo!

33:01

You guys are in sync on that! Yeah!

33:04

That was both Hanson and Chip. That

33:08

was incredible. And as he walks into

33:10

the clearing, you see that the royal

33:12

guard is with him as well. Oh,

33:15

god. There seems to be, I don't

33:17

know, 3, 5, 10 royal

33:19

guard in full plate armor walking out

33:21

of the tree line with him. And

33:24

as he starts walking, he's shouting because he's

33:26

still some distance away. He's holding something up

33:28

in the air, and you have

33:30

to squint to make it out. And it is a

33:34

dug up pinecone by the name of

33:36

Crispine. Oh, no! I

33:38

told him everything! I'm so sorry! He was gonna

33:41

kill me! Oh, god.

33:43

And he removed you from right

33:45

next to your lady tree? Magnolia.

33:47

Maggie. I'm so sorry! Hey, man.

33:49

It's okay. It's okay. It's not

33:51

your fault. It's not your fault.

33:54

It's not your fault.

33:56

It's not your fault. Yeah. It's

33:58

not your fault. In fact,

34:00

you've been a great help and then

34:03

he just casually drops Chris to the ground

34:05

and crunches him under I'm

34:11

pretty sure the tree is remember he could separate

34:13

his Like multiple things I

34:15

think go back and bury him again That

34:23

wasn't nice though The fact that you didn't

34:25

know makes it so that you think you

34:28

just killed somebody and that's not nice. You're

34:30

an evil Evil whack

34:32

whoa, listen everybody if you think I

34:34

showed up here not ready to kill

34:37

some people You are gravely mistaken because

34:39

that's exactly what I'm prepared to do

34:43

Okay noted

34:47

Charles is actually already safe. So even

34:49

if she doesn't sign the contract she'll

34:51

live Okay, so she doesn't need

34:54

to be queen or whatever you want her

34:56

to be. So how's that feel? That's impossible.

34:58

It is possible I know the curse Chris

35:00

explained it to me It would have to

35:02

be a family member that loves her and

35:04

news flash chalice your family doesn't love you

35:08

Hi Sorry,

35:10

I kind of wasn't expecting

35:12

this guy to show up this

35:15

guy cursed me to not speak to the woman I

35:24

loved forever and then basically killed

35:26

her Oh,

35:29

yeah, sorry, I'll tell you all about it. I love her and I

35:31

saved her you big whack Mm-hmm

35:39

And he has a special gauntlet on

35:41

some type of glove that

35:43

he just points a finger at

35:45

Hanson Oh God and a bright

35:47

almost you can't even look at

35:49

its streak of green magic shoots

35:52

from his fingertip straight into

35:55

Hanson's chest and Hanson

36:00

What? I don't have a chance to block it?

36:03

I mean this was a surprise, it was the first

36:05

attack. And it

36:07

hits the Hansen and he falls back and

36:09

the life is just quickly going out of

36:11

him. No! The king's gauntlet

36:13

looks like it was only like a one

36:15

charge type of thing because it comes off

36:17

of his hand and he throws it to

36:19

the ground as it starts to turn black.

36:22

So now I think we're all on the same page.

36:25

Chalice runs to be next to him and holds

36:27

his hand and just says I'm so sorry over

36:29

and over again. Bye.

36:38

Oh my god, Belize.

36:40

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let's move in boys. And

40:40

they start crossing the clearing and

40:42

that's when you hear another

40:44

voice on the opposite side of the

40:47

clearing coming into the tree line and

40:49

you hear, Sab, Sab

40:52

Mama's here. Ha Mommy! Oh

40:57

my God. Wait, when she

40:59

comes through the clearing, it's

41:01

like slow motion, like light.

41:03

With just a towel on. Yeah,

41:05

feeling some of the worst grief of

41:07

her life but she still feels like chills

41:09

down. That's always awesome. Somehow

41:13

riding a lawnmower and like looks over to

41:15

see her with a towel coming out. Whoa.

41:21

What do I do? We

41:23

have to prick your finger and I need to

41:26

take your blood. Okay, I'm coming to you. Is

41:28

that the king? Run! Don't

41:30

look at him. Run!

41:34

And so the king Cicero, he knows how

41:36

this works now and it looks

41:38

like he's not playing games and he's out

41:40

to thwart you in the biggest way possible

41:42

and isn't afraid to kill you. So

41:45

you hear King Cicero shout and

41:47

point with his sword at Sab's

41:50

mom about 50 yards away across the

41:52

clearing. Take her down! And

41:55

a few of them get crossbows ready and

41:57

are taking aim. Oh my God. Okay,

42:00

why doesn't everyone go for initiative? Okay,

42:03

it's on now 14

42:09

18 5 18 Elizabeth and Aaron. What are your

42:12

initiative scores plus three three? Okay, so you two

42:14

are tied so you guys can I think choose

42:16

who goes first. I think oh, it's just why

42:18

don't you go first? Okay, I'll

42:20

pickle beef chalice step chip Okay, so

42:23

now that everyone's rolled for initiative

42:25

the king takes the first action

42:28

And he snags along crossbow from the nearest

42:31

guard right out of their hand puts the

42:33

sight up to his eye Takes

42:35

aim at seb top mom and

42:38

pulls the trigger He

42:41

rolled a five so the crossbow

42:43

bolt sails through the air and Once

42:47

sebs mom sees that the king is

42:49

taking aim at her with a crossbow

42:51

Probably the number one scariest moment of

42:53

her life, which is the most powerful

42:55

person in her world She's

42:57

never met before is now pointing a crossbow at

42:59

her in an open field and taking it. She's

43:01

only wearing a towel The

43:06

crossbow bolt sails through the air and she starts

43:08

running and it's a good thing that she did

43:10

because the crossbow bolt impales Right where her

43:13

left leg used to be in the

43:15

ground and she is now running to

43:17

the edge of the cliff We are at

43:19

and where the tree is at and up

43:21

next is beef

43:24

pickle I

43:27

yell pickle your cape turns

43:29

into the equivalent of bright

43:32

yellow bat wings and

43:34

you take flight into the air What are you doing?

43:36

I'm going straight for sub top mom. Hell yeah,

43:38

and When I get

43:40

to her I touch just

43:42

her to make her invisible and

43:45

I go I keep running, babe So

43:55

yeah, she she goes invisible and she heeds

43:57

your advice she is still on the move

43:59

to get to the rest of the game.

44:01

She is having a hell of a moment.

44:03

Yeah. Gets shot by the king. A half

44:05

link flies into her, touches

44:07

her, makes her invisible, and says, keep running,

44:09

babe. Chalice,

44:12

you are up next. OK. I'll

44:17

do web. The web fills a 20-foot cube

44:19

from the point for the duration. Ooh. So

44:22

you have two spider powers? Yeah,

44:24

I did that on purpose, remember? I'm slowly

44:26

turning Chalice into Spider-Man. Each

44:29

creature that starts its turn in the web

44:31

must make a dexterity saving throw. On a

44:33

failed save, the creature is restrained as long

44:35

as it remains in the web. OK.

44:37

And it's up to an hour, so. OK.

44:40

Wow, this is huge. So

44:42

Chalice, what does it look like

44:44

when you shoot at them? You're

44:47

what? Right at her dad and

44:49

goes, fuck you, and then shoots

44:51

the web. But like Spider-Man-wise, you

44:53

know Spider-Man hands? Yep. You guys

44:55

know Spider-Man hands? Yeah, I know

44:57

Spider-Man hands. Awesome.

45:00

So they rolled saving throws here. That

45:02

web goes, and it's a ton of web.

45:04

A disgusting amount of web comes out of

45:07

Chalice and flies at them. It's a normal

45:09

amount. And

45:11

it hits the king and the guards.

45:13

The king puts up a shield in

45:15

time and kind of deflects it, and

45:18

then rips the web around him that did get

45:20

stuck to him off and is still on

45:23

the move, marching solidly towards. Now,

45:26

the web hits one of them, the

45:28

royal guard, and they are stuck

45:30

flat to the ground. It hits

45:33

another. It takes him off guard.

45:35

That it hits his sword into

45:37

another one of the royal guards,

45:39

and the web sticks the sword

45:42

into the other individual. And

45:44

then another one is stuck

45:46

in a, oh my god,

45:48

altogether. Six of them are

45:51

in one lumpy web heap,

45:53

stuck together, completely restrained.

45:55

So their speed will be zero. They

45:57

can't move. Their attack rolls against the

45:59

creature. have advantage if you attack them and the

46:01

creature's attack rolls against you will have disadvantage if

46:03

they try to like shoot at you or anything like

46:06

that and they have disadvantage on dexterity saving throws.

46:08

Two of them miss the worst of the blast and

46:11

are moving with the king towards you guys.

46:13

Cool. Good shot chalice

46:17

although I'll have you know

46:19

this is just the beginning the full

46:21

force of the kingdom is on its

46:23

way. Boo. Seb's

46:26

mom is using their dash action to

46:28

go as far and as fast as

46:30

they can and they are just about

46:33

to get to the group at the

46:35

spot. Oh nice. Nice mom I'll try

46:37

to slow them down uh I'm

46:39

gonna cast for the ones that are still coming

46:41

at us to try to trap them I'm gonna

46:44

use entangle to slow them down. Okay.

46:46

So grasping weeds and vines sprout from

46:48

the ground in a 20 foot square

46:50

these plants turn the ground and area

46:53

into difficult terrain. A creature

46:55

in the area must succeed on a

46:57

strength saving throw or be restrained by

46:59

the entangling plants until the spell ends.

47:01

A creature restrained by the plants can

47:03

use its action to make a strength

47:05

check against your spell on a success

47:07

it frees itself. So vines

47:09

break the earth and shoot up

47:11

the legs of the three

47:14

that are walking towards you led by

47:16

king cicerow. King cicerow grabs his sword

47:18

and immediately decapitates the two vines that

47:20

are running up his leg and

47:23

is on a b-line for you. Oh

47:25

god. What did he roll? He

47:27

rolled oh good point he rolled

47:29

a 21. Okay yeah and

47:32

then uh the other two

47:35

are entangles because they both

47:37

roll a three. Okay so yeah. Pathetic

47:39

is that all you've got I'm

47:41

not stopping I'm coming for you

47:43

all. And the king just keeps moving. Chip

47:46

and his ass. So the guards

47:48

it's their turn we know what their

47:50

movement was. And a second beat. In

47:53

the web because they're like in a massed

47:55

huddle it's making it super difficult for anyone

47:58

to kind of get a free. free

48:00

hand or free up space or take

48:02

a risk by using a blade to

48:05

get out. So they all rolled under

48:07

10 and that's pretty insane.

48:09

Four, nine, eight, three, three, eight,

48:11

seven. Kind of. And then

48:13

the two that were closest to the king, one

48:15

rolled a 13. That

48:18

is my spell DC. So. OK,

48:22

so both of them that were closest to the

48:24

king on their turn, use their action to break

48:26

through the angle. And now it is Chip's turn.

48:29

Cool. I'm going to cast

48:31

ice knife at the king. Let's see.

48:33

Let's see. Does a 19 hit

48:35

the king? It does.

48:37

Cool. That is five

48:39

piercing damage. And then

48:41

are the other guards within five feet

48:44

of the king currently? Or has the

48:46

king progressed beyond? They're

48:48

within five feet now. OK, so then I'm

48:50

going to do two D six damage because

48:52

the ice knife goes, it hits the king

48:54

and then it explodes and hits everybody within

48:56

five feet. OK, oh my

48:58

gosh. D&D is cool. A

49:03

10, 10 damage to all three of them. Oh,

49:06

wow. Significant. Immediately,

49:08

the king is forced to take a step

49:10

back. He doesn't want to let on clearly

49:12

that he's hurt at all. But you see

49:14

a slight bit of blood and ice at

49:16

the edge of his mouth. And

49:19

the other two who are following right behind him

49:21

and almost like a flying V formation really

49:23

are hurt. They're like down to one knee

49:26

and it seems like they're blood. And

49:29

now it is back to

49:31

the top with the king himself. The

49:34

king gets out a crossbow and because

49:36

he knows that seven is the next

49:38

to be saved, he's going to level

49:40

his crossbow at seven and he's going

49:42

to shoot. And it looks like it

49:45

is loaded with some sort

49:47

of bulkier and special arrow. So

49:49

does a 22 hit? Yes,

49:53

absolutely. 100 percent. Yeah.

49:56

So it was an arrow of

49:58

fling as a magic. weapon meant

50:00

to slay a particular kind of creature. Some

50:02

are more focused than others. For example, there

50:04

are both arrows of dragon slaying and arrows

50:07

of blue dragon slaying. For creature belonging to

50:09

the type race, a group associated with an

50:11

arrow of slaying takes damage from the arrow.

50:13

The creature must make a DC-17 Constitution saving

50:15

throw, taking an extra 6d10 piercing damage on

50:17

a failed save or half as much extra

50:19

damage on a successful one. And so this

50:22

arrow of slaying he built specifically for the

50:24

bottoms up crew. Oh no. Jeez.

50:27

So this particular arrow hits you,

50:29

Seb, and you're going to take an extra

50:32

6d10 piercing damage. 6d10?

50:36

Mm-hmm. What the? Oh my god.

50:38

I'm sorry. OK. The creature must make

50:40

a DC-17 Constitution saving

50:42

throw. Unnatural

50:44

20. Oh boy.

50:46

Hell yeah. Heavy. I

50:49

mean, half damage still could kill you. Yeah. I

50:51

mean, it will. OK.

50:54

For total, that is going to be 15 damage. Yeah,

50:58

I'm going to round up. Oh, nice. That's not bad. OK.

51:01

Well. Seb, you're fine. Stop complaining.

51:06

I'm actually pretty hurt. I'm

51:08

not feeling so good. Beef, you're up to the top.

51:11

OK. So Beef pickles his way

51:13

back to Seb's hot mom. Beef can

51:15

see her footsteps in the grass. So

51:17

he goes. He scoops her up and

51:19

brings her to the tree where Chalice

51:21

is waiting at the base of it

51:24

with her pocket knife. And he drops

51:26

her off right there. What's happening? Don't

51:29

worry, baby. I just got a prick her finger.

51:31

Seb, do I let them? Yes.

51:37

Yes. OK. I don't feel so good. And

51:40

so Chalice, you prick her

51:42

finger. And on her turn, she will allow

51:45

her blood to drop into the base of

51:47

the water. The whole roar of the battle

51:49

and combat that's taking place kind of falls

51:51

silent and is blocked out as this drop

51:53

of blood falls from her finger into the

51:55

water. And in this moment,

51:57

we find out if she had. love

52:01

for Seb. And

52:03

the water turns red and it runs

52:06

up the tree and there is a blast of

52:08

magical power and Seb you see

52:10

the black that was actually all the way running

52:12

up your neck at this point start

52:15

to fade away quickly and

52:17

retreat. See internet we don't

52:19

only make Seb's stuff sad. My

52:27

mom's hot and I'm not sad.

52:30

I will Seb you did look cool with the black van. You look

52:32

the coolest of the four. Yeah I think you're gonna need

52:35

to get sleeves, tattoo sleeves. Or caps. Yeah

52:37

you gotta get a hat. Bad

52:39

boy season five. So a

52:41

lot more of glass

52:44

castles militia and patrolmen and armed

52:46

guard and royal guard are kind

52:48

of pouring out of the tree

52:50

line. They have caught up with

52:53

the first group and you are

52:55

starting to become more and more

52:57

outnumbered. Not only that

52:59

you can't help but feel that feeling in

53:01

your heart that life is not long for

53:03

the two of you that have not been

53:06

saved yet. Oh and

53:10

you see the sun going down the shadow

53:12

getting longer and longer on

53:15

the clearing and the black in

53:18

your veins is going up your neck and

53:20

is going like even into your jaw into

53:22

the the bottoms of your ears. And

53:25

so we are really looking at minutes

53:28

and not hours here. This is kind of it.

53:31

And on the left side of the clearing you

53:34

see some more foliage. Beef

53:37

beef this is it beef this is it. I hope it's

53:39

for you Chip. I hope I hope it's for you. I

53:41

hope it's you. I hope it's you. We're

53:44

like holding hands like we're pageant. I

53:46

hope it's you. And somebody

53:48

exits the tree line into the

53:51

clearing and you recognize them. You

53:53

both do. It is Prince

53:56

Milknip. Oh no. No!

54:01

He is being carried on a palakine like a

54:03

little emperor, like a little prince that he is.

54:06

And he's eating some grapes and

54:08

some cupcakes it looks like. Grapes

54:11

and cupcakes! Such a weird

54:14

combo. And he looks kind

54:16

of peeved that he lost the original group that

54:18

he was riding with his dad. He

54:20

looks pretty peeved at the people who are carrying him

54:22

thinking that they got him lost and they've been going

54:24

too slow. Ugh! Palakine

54:27

down! Lower the

54:29

palakine! Grape. Cupcake.

54:36

Oh God, not now! Not

54:39

now? Did I walk in on something?

54:41

Yes! Oh,

54:44

look at you two. I've seen better

54:47

days on you chipping beef. Oh

54:49

my God! Worst person to be

54:51

seen right now. We really were

54:53

hoping you were beef's grandma. Oh,

54:56

well sorry to let you down. Guess I'm

54:58

a little hotter than what you expected. No.

55:01

No. No. Beef's

55:03

grandma's way hotter than you. Chalice,

55:06

former lover, sister. What? Don't

55:11

act coy, you know we had a thing. No

55:13

we didn't! Whoa,

55:16

whoa. So

55:18

who'd your daddy turn out to be? Why,

55:20

son of a- She just started swinging. You're

55:23

on the ground you idiot! You're

55:25

such an annoying dog! Somebody

55:28

help me! No! I

55:31

like you rattling. Got

55:34

your hair! Not your hair you idiot!

55:37

Ow! Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting

55:39

yourself! I'm not doing it! Stop

55:41

it both of you! And

55:43

you realize that the king is now there at the

55:45

spot as well. And

55:47

a lot of the royal guard is

55:50

starting to free themselves because as more

55:52

and more of the troops of Glass

55:54

Castle arrive they're freeing the people who

55:56

are in webbed or entangled and

55:58

y'all are starting to become extre- surrounded

56:00

at the tree and

56:03

we're talking about the final minute maybe there

56:05

might be a few minutes as the Sun's

56:08

going down and Chip and

56:10

beef it's safe to say that you know at

56:12

this point even if they did show up with

56:14

reason be enough time like you might as well

56:16

assume that's it's not happening. Chip, Chip

56:19

you need to tell chalice how you

56:21

really feel tell her everything tell her

56:23

before it's too late okay but first

56:25

I gotta tell you everything that I feel I

56:28

love you bud. Well

56:31

if we die we die together we can play

56:34

up in heaven right? I've heard about this place

56:36

called heaven. Yeah

56:38

where do you want to meet? Maybe like

56:42

meet at the cloud. Sandwich cloud? Yeah. Probably

56:44

a sandwich cloud maybe a sex cloud. Okay

56:47

are you figuring out the logistics of where to meet

56:49

in heaven? Yeah. Chalice you

56:51

don't get it. We're about

56:53

to die. And chalice I

56:56

love you. Oh boo hoo.

56:58

Boo hoo. This is all

57:00

very touching but time has

57:02

run out. Chalice

57:05

all you had to do was sign

57:08

this contract and he takes it out

57:10

and he tears it in half. Oh

57:12

but you were too selfish instead

57:15

of just rising to your responsibilities

57:17

you put in jeopardy everything that

57:19

I've worked for and thrown the

57:21

realm back into chaos. Tell her

57:24

dad. Leaving the

57:26

future in the hands of this

57:29

this chalice is now the

57:31

future of the kingdom. Are

57:33

you putting at me? Yes. Can I

57:35

do like a history check

57:39

and try to go back and

57:42

like remember tangerine's curse I'm

57:44

like trying to find any sort of loophole. Give me

57:46

a history check to see how much you remember of it. Natural

57:49

20. Oh

57:52

You remember every word of what it

57:54

took to break the curse that you

57:56

were informed of from. Chris Pine Which

57:58

is to save you from in early

58:00

hearse. Familiar love can break this curse.

58:02

You see a family tree sub class.

58:05

He responds to blood from family. But

58:07

if you wish to foil this fate,

58:09

let blood not shed too soon. Too

58:11

late to save you from this act

58:13

of treason. It must be sunset and

58:15

of season. Perhaps. The Hits!

58:17

Thanks you guys! Pardon me for

58:19

interrupting the couldn't you. Guys just do

58:22

a Katniss and paid iron. Chef

58:24

and Base just cut each other and.

58:26

Use each other's blood. I mean, you're basically

58:28

family. Where I am I right? Oh. My.

58:30

God. Wait main thing is it. Is

58:33

a biological family biological family. When

58:35

we look in and tell us

58:37

holds up the drawing of her

58:40

with her imaginary friends. We're family,

58:42

We're family. Chalice. Takes

58:44

out the pocket knife and goes tip This

58:46

is real. Reporter

58:50

efforts are good. And taluses

58:52

office her blood in the

58:55

water and hand said the

58:57

nice. To do for be quickly

58:59

joke and I do the exact same

59:01

and I drip drip into a. Tree.

59:05

And. As accepted the blood and all

59:07

the sudden something different happens that have

59:10

happened before. There's. A

59:12

blast of magical energy as this

59:14

time as to them and their

59:16

concern in the wind gust of

59:18

it goes through you. I'm holding

59:20

beef sheltering him from the worms

59:22

because I know that scares him

59:24

Only. Assume

59:26

sandwich cloud. So

59:28

it's. And. He.

59:31

Looked at each other and see. The. Black

59:33

in your veins, But. It is.

59:36

Fading. And. It is leaving

59:38

their bodies if you look.

59:41

You good. If you're. You're.

59:43

Normal again. my got a wormhole.

59:46

we can make it explicit books

59:48

that. Were not

59:50

aware of how much now

59:52

Smith sad. And

59:55

relief off into a big embrace

59:57

islam kind of with ah their

59:59

kids and. They're kissing milknips. You

1:00:01

milked if you shut up and... Oh! Oh!

1:00:04

Wow! Hey, congratulations! And the

1:00:06

king starts to clap. That

1:00:09

just bought you 30 more seconds. I'm

1:00:11

going to kill you. It doesn't... Everyone,

1:00:14

take aim. And so now you're completely... Hey

1:00:16

man, why? What's the

1:00:19

point? Dude? Why? Let me think.

1:00:21

Because you four... Are

1:00:24

an enormous pain in my ass. Thank

1:00:27

you. Dang, didn't include Jennifer.

1:00:29

Oh my god, devastating. And

1:00:33

you look over to see Jennifer's pricking her finger. But

1:00:35

she's not brave enough to actually get any blood. So...

1:00:37

Yeah! Um... I'm

1:00:40

not related to any of you. I

1:00:42

owe all of you nothing. And for

1:00:44

people who cause me any sort of

1:00:46

discomfort, uh, aggravation, I kill them. That's

1:00:48

what I do. I'm in a position

1:00:50

of power. I can. So I do.

1:00:52

So everyone take aim. And on my

1:00:54

word, loose. Oh, I'm not gonna wanna

1:00:56

miss this. Actually, Chalice may contact with me.

1:00:58

If you don't mind, all of you, please.

1:01:00

Make eye contact with me. What about me, Dad?

1:01:02

Just get out of the way. Okay. Aww.

1:01:05

What if... What if... What

1:01:08

if... Hold on, hold on. I'm

1:01:10

thinking. What if I go on the dish and

1:01:12

I say to everybody, Ah, so

1:01:15

sad that he's not my biological father, but

1:01:18

I wish him the best.

1:01:20

He's the best guy. Me,

1:01:22

popular Chalice, endorses the king

1:01:25

and dumb little Prince Milknip.

1:01:28

Hmm. Um, pass. Prepare

1:01:31

to loose. Then

1:01:33

you hear from the clearing, Wait! I

1:01:36

don't think you're ready for

1:01:38

your close-up yet, King Cicero. And

1:01:40

you see the Jackal. Jackal.

1:01:43

Jackal. Who looks for some reason a little

1:01:45

bit like Jauper today, just the way she like

1:01:47

did her hair. But it's the

1:01:49

Jackal, the PR person who brought in the

1:01:52

wizard and the camera crew when

1:01:54

Prince Milknip is at the bar. And

1:01:57

It looks like there is a wizard who has... The

1:02:00

transistor that major image to be cast

1:02:02

into to be projected of additional silver

1:02:04

comet the A lot everyone is coming

1:02:07

to the entire Dish Network live in

1:02:09

this moment. Ah,

1:02:12

What? Were you saying carrying worry about

1:02:14

to do well? We were just

1:02:16

are meeting and is very special

1:02:18

place to make it official Vad

1:02:20

I'm jealous is no longer part

1:02:22

of ah house glass he resigned

1:02:25

to kill us. You're

1:02:28

killing me. Ah, Facebook,

1:02:30

all their. Arrows are pointing

1:02:32

right as he was gonna turn down.

1:02:34

And I have one of his arrows physically

1:02:37

in me right now. We

1:02:39

were doing a all three

1:02:42

hundred and six crossbows salutes.

1:02:44

As is tradition with my

1:02:47

family, it's as we announce

1:02:49

the future of Glass Castle

1:02:52

with my son Prince Milkman

1:02:54

Hello this elo world. And

1:02:58

everything he says I will cross

1:03:00

close to it so I just

1:03:03

some. We just made it official.

1:03:05

Ah. Chalice. And

1:03:08

he extends his hand for what would be

1:03:10

a handset. Everybody all of

1:03:12

our fourth viewed. Here since the

1:03:14

magical document eminence the back of the

1:03:16

reps contact and right on a quickly

1:03:18

and then go work as a sign

1:03:20

a contract where he promises said he

1:03:22

won't kill us. For. At least

1:03:24

five years. Monitor

1:03:29

Forever. I voted for.

1:03:33

Five years you cannot kill us and you

1:03:35

can't test. And then I hate going to

1:03:38

the tax shop. I already wrote the contact

1:03:40

these I only said. Our society has

1:03:42

so far as I would have entire.

1:03:44

Why wouldn't you sinus on T V?

1:03:46

Because this is so no rights. Of

1:03:49

ah of course of course I know

1:03:51

it's nervously over at the camera. So.

1:03:55

And he grabs it. And even the

1:03:57

only role one year on it was

1:03:59

Tallahassee. The real which? You know what

1:04:01

you said. Five though. So maybe the

1:04:04

people in the town will be think

1:04:06

five minutes, Why not Well known as

1:04:08

one? Yes. And.and give me a perception

1:04:10

check to hear it seem our butts

1:04:13

on. It's. Nineteen Are you

1:04:15

see that he didn't sign anything? Sign

1:04:17

it, look, zoom in. Ah! Oh

1:04:19

I'd. My pesky hands

1:04:21

was the been hovering just over making contact

1:04:23

with department. Here we go. And

1:04:26

he. Signs. His name and

1:04:29

the contract glows in like a

1:04:31

golden glow solidifying. It's power

1:04:33

since most zip is just flexing his muscles

1:04:35

and fan. The camera yeah those are muslims those that

1:04:38

were having as looked at. I don't know what they

1:04:40

have. Him. De Kamp

1:04:42

day. Get on that get on my cast.

1:04:45

A family hair is specifically right

1:04:48

back to camp at All right

1:04:50

modern, subgroup printed and I water

1:04:52

under the bridge and he brings

1:04:55

you encounter close so that the

1:04:57

camera can't hear him and he

1:04:59

goes well none of your. And.

1:05:02

He longer under my protection. In

1:05:04

fact the opposite I've you know,

1:05:07

You. Have A caught my attention and

1:05:09

I assure you my attention it's not

1:05:11

something to be desired. All of you.

1:05:14

And your pathetic bar exists in my

1:05:16

kingdom where I make the rules And

1:05:18

let me make something very clear. Chalice

1:05:20

does this. Nobody says. It's

1:05:24

a little bit of snow. Let

1:05:27

me be something very clear. There

1:05:29

are less obvious ways than a sword

1:05:31

to destroy your lies. And believe me

1:05:33

when I say that's exactly what I

1:05:36

intend to do. Ah

1:05:38

what a glorious ah

1:05:40

oh God. Be

1:05:43

like taken crumbs. Off as Prince

1:05:45

Melt Nips Road and the in the

1:05:47

leader of the to be seen as

1:05:49

good as. A

1:05:51

service. With that we're going to

1:05:53

cut to Bottoms Up Save all!

1:05:56

Finally made it back. It sounds

1:05:58

like magic. define say? as

1:06:00

the people who would do anything for

1:06:03

you and put you before themselves. And

1:06:06

you're all languishing in this realization and

1:06:08

the fact that you're all together and

1:06:10

Bottoms Up is full

1:06:12

with revelry and it's you

1:06:14

four. And strangely, Prince Milknip is also

1:06:16

there. Yeah, he's been back because he saved the

1:06:18

day. He saved the day. He can have one

1:06:20

drink with us. So the four

1:06:23

of you and Jennifer are with the

1:06:25

whole group, you know, regular Joe's there.

1:06:27

Japetto Pinocchio is ripping the tune. You're

1:06:29

all toasting to Prince Milknip for saving

1:06:32

the day. To my terrible

1:06:34

baby brother and former lover.

1:06:37

No? No. Yes. Don't be

1:06:39

bashful, chow. We're not driven

1:06:41

anymore. We can talk about

1:06:43

it. We're still half-filling. Anyways,

1:06:49

because he has no filter and says everything he

1:06:51

thinks out loud, he's ended up saving the day

1:06:53

and pointing out the fact that the five of

1:06:55

us... You're booing yourself? You're

1:06:57

booing her? I said poo. Oh,

1:07:00

poo. If she said five, if she said

1:07:02

five of us... We are family and I knew that in

1:07:04

my heart and I think you did too. So

1:07:06

to Prince Milknip and to us, Bottoms

1:07:09

Up. Huzzah. There

1:07:11

was a bunch of cheers earlier to you all surviving that

1:07:13

the entire bar would scream and go, Huzzah.

1:07:16

But this time since it's to Prince Milknip, not

1:07:19

a lot of people like him very much. He went to

1:07:21

the very begrudgingly much quieter like, hello. I'm

1:07:23

seeing a live Bottoms Up. Just

1:07:28

jealous. No. She's like shoving his face.

1:07:32

And at that point, Tom Foolery

1:07:34

runs up. Oh my gosh. By the

1:07:37

way, I almost forgot during all the

1:07:39

commotion and whatnot. Beef,

1:07:41

somebody drop something off for you. It's

1:07:43

my magazines. No, no.

1:07:45

And he hands you a package. Beef

1:07:48

shakes it. It seems

1:07:50

like there's something like a little bit heavy in there. Maybe

1:07:52

it weighs like a pound or something like that. He

1:07:56

rips it open like a three Year

1:07:58

old on Christmas morning. You'd

1:08:01

about it erupted at can use in his

1:08:03

mouth. Two things fall out. One

1:08:05

is a necklace and ethical lock it.

1:08:08

And it's gold and beautiful that

1:08:10

to ornate are crazy fancy but

1:08:12

you can tell that it's cloudy.

1:08:14

My grandma's necklace. And with it

1:08:16

is a little note. To. See

1:08:18

I got I got. It

1:08:21

says. This.

1:08:24

Is your Grandma's necklace? Yeah

1:08:26

and. It was her

1:08:28

time. I think

1:08:30

your grandma passed away be enough for she

1:08:32

wasn't there to save you. He she

1:08:34

did see she's had those treatments. Yeah

1:08:37

to do. A.

1:08:40

Key. Issue thought about mean. Yeah.

1:08:43

Yeah. I. Think you're

1:08:45

probably top mind for her I

1:08:47

got imagine. Because there's also

1:08:49

this little. Marble here

1:08:51

than. Stop

1:08:54

Karabakh. Ah,

1:08:58

It. Says that. It's something that

1:09:00

belongs to you. And.

1:09:02

The you should Swallow it. I mean I figured

1:09:04

you will probably would have swallowed it anyway, but

1:09:06

it does specifically say that. Small object. yeah

1:09:08

was gonna say the first thing I saw

1:09:10

in Eat that. I

1:09:14

mean, I trust that woman with all

1:09:16

my heart. So here we go. Any

1:09:18

songs? The marble. And. As

1:09:20

soon as you saw that Margolin killer

1:09:22

go down your digestive track. You

1:09:25

feel. Like. The your insides are

1:09:27

glowing but in a way that's not going to

1:09:29

kill you. You

1:09:31

feel like there is something that you

1:09:33

have gained. And. Give me

1:09:35

a step perception check. A

1:09:39

to do with the to. You.

1:09:41

Don't see anything on your body

1:09:44

that would indicate that anything has

1:09:46

changed, but you feel something. And

1:09:49

you throw. You. Just feel that.

1:09:51

There's. A chance that if you went to seeing right

1:09:53

now that maybe you could. Oh

1:09:56

My. God. You guys see why.

1:09:58

Did I? What? Is it? show

1:12:00

up and save the day for our characters

1:12:02

or not. So this is what we recorded

1:12:04

with Miles. Oh,

1:12:07

I got Neil! Hi, hey,

1:12:09

how are we? Oh my god. Bad.

1:12:11

Really bad. Really bad. I've

1:12:13

got- But thank you. Wait, do you like- Look

1:12:15

at my clothes. Do you like this updated wardrobe

1:12:18

or what? It's fine. It's great. You look great.

1:12:20

Wait, wait. Wait, wait. The ants are in my

1:12:22

hair. Check it. Oh, okay. It's really great. Right now,

1:12:24

I need you to save my life if that's okay.

1:12:26

Okay, here you go. Here you go. I'm sorry. Go.

1:12:29

Oh, that's a spoon. Oh, that's a

1:12:31

spoon. Where were

1:12:34

you? Why are you late? Walk

1:12:36

of shame. I was at Finkel's. Finkel.

1:12:41

Yeah, it worked out.

1:12:43

That's so good. Okay.

1:12:45

There you go. Is that enough blood? I

1:12:47

don't know. I think so. Sitcom,

1:12:52

the ND is comprised of Elizabeth Andrews,

1:12:54

Ben Briggs, Aaron Keith, Faleed Mansoor, and

1:12:56

me, Sean Coyle. Arnie Parrott wrote the

1:12:58

theme song, while lead and I worked

1:13:00

out the story concept to this one,

1:13:02

and Grace Harper did the editing. And

1:13:05

of course, we were joined

1:13:07

by the wickedly talented Jesse

1:13:09

Kendall as Prince Nelpner. You

1:13:12

can get more Jesse in

1:13:14

your life by following him

1:13:16

on his socials at Jesse

1:13:18

underscore Kendall. J-E-S-S-E underscore K-E-N-D-A-L-L.

1:13:20

I cannot recommend it enough.

1:13:23

And since we just wrapped up season four,

1:13:25

that means we've got a little break until

1:13:28

we roll out season five. So if you

1:13:30

want more content from this crazy crew, have

1:13:32

I got some news for you. We

1:13:35

have close to 100 episodes of content

1:13:37

on the Patreon ready for your listening

1:13:39

and viewing pleasure. From one shots like

1:13:42

Amos's Anatomy, to in-world character

1:13:44

driven shows like Chip's Tips, to

1:13:46

diary entries reexamined by Elizabeth and

1:13:48

Aaron, to a one shot set

1:13:50

in the land of Frasier. The

1:13:52

support from our patrons is what

1:13:54

makes this show possible. It's how we pay for editors,

1:13:56

equipment, and all the expenses that go into creating this

1:13:59

show that we love. So hop

1:14:01

on now for 5 buckos

1:14:03

and get access to over

1:14:05

90 hours of content instantly.

1:14:08

And for those of you who are already subscribed

1:14:10

to our Patreon, shout out to

1:14:12

the kitchen wasp, this

1:14:14

week's episode is the

1:14:16

Exploratory Committee. Now I wasn't

1:14:19

here for this one, but those

1:14:21

who were there said that I have

1:14:23

to listen, which has piqued my interest.

1:14:25

I'm pretty sure it's Seb, Beef, and Chip

1:14:28

up to some wild shenanigans, so you

1:14:30

won't want to miss it, I don't want

1:14:32

to miss it. So if you've been on

1:14:35

the fence for a while, this is your

1:14:37

sign. Now is a great time to check

1:14:39

out the Patreon and see if it's for

1:14:41

you. You can check it out at patreon.com/sitcom

1:14:43

D&D and get in on the

1:14:45

fun. And finally, if you want

1:14:47

to keep up with the gang, you can follow the

1:14:49

show on Instagram at sitcom D&D. That's sitcom and then

1:14:52

the letters D and D. And

1:14:54

finally, finally, there is just about one

1:14:56

week left on the Kickstarter for the

1:14:58

third installment of my sci-fi fantasy comic

1:15:00

book series, Skyliss. And we are so

1:15:02

close to hitting our goal, so thank

1:15:04

you to everyone who's already supported. If

1:15:07

you're into amazing art, I recommend checking

1:15:09

out the Kickstarter page just to see

1:15:11

the beautiful world that our lead artist

1:15:13

Chris Kirk has created. And

1:15:16

if you haven't read the first two issues,

1:15:18

no worries. You can get caught up and

1:15:20

order physical or digital copies of the previously

1:15:22

released issues as well. I'll put

1:15:24

the link to the Kickstarter in the description of

1:15:27

the episode here. Yeah.

1:15:29

OK, I think that's

1:15:31

it for now. Until

1:15:33

next Tuesday. And thanks,

1:15:36

as always, for listening.