Episode Transcript
Transcripts are displayed as originally observed. Some content, including advertisements may have changed.
Use Ctrl + F to search
0:02
This is a HeadGum Podcast. The
0:07
comfort of your favorite seat is
0:09
now your comfy car-selling command center,
0:11
thanks to Carvana. It doesn't get
0:13
any better than this. Your favorite seat's
0:15
the best spot in the house. Make it even
0:17
better by entering your license plate or VIN and
0:19
getting a real offer in minutes. There
0:22
really is no place like home. And
0:24
speaking of home, Carvana will pick up your
0:26
car from yours after you finalize your offer.
0:29
Visit carvana.com or download the app and
0:31
sell your car from your comfy place.
0:39
One of the first big songs that they
0:41
sang that actually got me into auditioning for
0:43
this group was a song called How
0:45
It Feels to Fly by Alicia Keys. Elizabeth
0:48
and Erin, could you give us a taste of what that sounded like? Yep.
0:51
To fly. I
0:53
can't hear Elizabeth singing at all. To
0:56
fly. I can't hear Erin. I can't work under these conditions.
0:58
Erin, I can't hear you. Are you going high or are
1:00
you going low? No, Elizabeth, I'm going through a tunnel. I'm
1:02
so sorry. Honestly, it was worse than that, so good job, guys.
1:04
Oh, thanks. Welcome back
1:22
to Sitcom D&D, a real play
1:24
Dungeons & Dragons podcast recorded in front
1:26
of a fake studio audience. Today,
1:29
we are picking up Inside
1:32
Bottoms Up on
1:34
a fairly typical day. And
1:37
what you guys are up to, you'll never guess it. I'll never
1:39
guess it because you're going to tell me.
1:41
I don't know what you're up to. You
1:44
control these characters. Whoa. Hey,
1:47
man, it's not my job. Listen,
1:50
man, I do not control this
1:52
guy whatsoever. He controls me. Well,
1:56
let's get quite on set. Sound speeding.
1:59
And we're over. Darv is
2:04
calling! Darv!
2:19
We've laid such an awful lot of
2:21
love. A lot
2:44
of Snake
4:01
with a black bob haircut
4:04
slithers into bottoms up Hi,
4:07
are you sentient? Hi,
4:10
yes Would
4:12
you mind putting the weapons down
4:14
please I think we can agree to
4:16
that I don't think I've introduced
4:18
myself I'm Pam Kane the campaign manager. I
4:21
heard Jennifer
4:23
was running for mayor So I
4:25
thought it was in our best
4:27
interest that we take a meeting. Oh,
4:30
oh, we're still doing that. Yeah. Yeah,
4:32
Jennifer She's in the kitchen.
4:34
It probably whipping up some pot of
4:36
orange. Why don't you bring out Jennifer? I'd love
4:38
to meet her Okay, but don't eat her.
4:40
Oh No,
4:44
I have all of my base instincts
4:48
and Needs and wants
4:50
really under control. That must be
4:52
nice What does that feel like?
4:55
I? Will be
4:57
at the second table. Okay, sounds
4:59
good I'm
5:06
trying to sleep the middle
5:08
of the workday. You should
5:10
be cooking something I don't know
5:12
you have 4 a.m. When you're sleeping you
5:15
do You absolutely
5:17
do That's because
5:19
I'm bored Idiot Dallas
5:22
goes into the kitchen and picks Jennifer
5:24
up by her little nightgown and tosses
5:26
her This
5:34
is Pam Kane Pam
5:36
Kane, this is Pam Kane She's
5:38
a campaign manager and she's interested in working
5:40
with you not eating you. Oh
5:43
cool. And why do I give a fuck? Wow
5:47
Jennifer you're running for office Remember you have to
5:49
be the next mayor so that we can get
5:51
rid of all these stupid laws and rules and
5:53
stuff Running through what now that sounds exhausting May
5:56
your it was a couple weeks ago,
5:58
but come on you got a better Have a
6:00
better memory than that really yeah,
6:03
come on remember Seb was probably gonna be the one
6:05
who ran But then he left. Oh, yeah Where's
6:09
Seb are you Jennifer?
6:13
Was I supposed to pick him up? Sorry
6:17
guys, I'll go get him No,
6:20
say you don't know where to get him talk
6:22
to this person because maybe they will help
6:24
you win Well,
6:28
yes, yeah, sorry that
6:30
was probably rude if they said they have
6:32
all their base instincts Locked down
6:34
or something like that. Can you
6:36
take this meeting with me? I'm scared. Yes,
6:39
I'll sit with you. Hi, this is
6:41
Jennifer this is beef here to
6:44
my right We
6:46
are her consultants
6:48
and liaisons So
6:52
we're just gonna be here for the meeting as well Yes,
6:55
anything you say is gonna be
6:57
a conduit through us to Jennifer
6:59
and can be used against you in a court of
7:01
law Mm-hmm Understood
7:05
Well Jennifer, it's lovely
7:08
to meet you and Pam
7:11
Reaches her tail. I
7:13
guess you could call it across the
7:15
table and Jennifer shakes it gingerly. I
7:18
Should first and foremost introduce myself. Yes.
7:21
I am Pam Kane the campaign manager
7:24
I've been working in politics for 18
7:26
years and I've never lost an
7:29
election Well for
7:31
reaction Impressive
7:34
I said whoa I
7:36
am currently full disclosure
7:38
working with the incumbent
7:40
mayor nays what but
7:44
Everybody has a price including me.
7:46
Oh Well,
7:49
we can offer what can we offer guys
7:53
12 13 kisses that might be a little high 11. Okay,
7:55
you're right. We can offer 11 kisses
7:57
and one One
8:00
free night of drinking at bottoms
8:02
up, but you have to pay for
8:05
it. Why don't we skip the foreplay and get
8:07
right to the knocking of the boots and just
8:09
come out with it. My rate is
8:11
2,000 gold pieces for a
8:13
campaign. Oh, oh, oh, ouch. How?
8:19
Okay. You look like you were physically
8:21
hurt by that. Yeah, what, you
8:23
live in a gold mansion with
8:25
gold toilets or something with
8:28
that kind of money coming in? There's
8:31
no way. There's no way. You actually? Oh,
8:33
yes. You have a gold toilet? And
8:36
that's, I mean, if you're interested, we could take our meetings
8:38
there if that's where you'd want to do
8:40
it. Whoa, really? On the toilet?
8:43
Beef, what do you think? This sounds pretty good.
8:46
Oh man, it sounds like a great deal,
8:48
but I just, there's something about the deal.
8:50
I don't know what it is, but I
8:52
don't think we should take it. I don't
8:54
know. Is it because it's 2,000 gold pieces?
8:57
Why don't one of you guys, and it's up to you who it is,
9:00
roll a D100 for me. I
9:04
got a seven. Wow. Out of
9:06
a hundred? Oh
9:08
God. Okay, so. It means we
9:10
have 7,000 gold. It
9:13
means you have seven gold in
9:15
savings. So like, Bottoms Up is creating enough to keep
9:17
the lights on and keep you guys fed and all
9:20
that. But outside of that,
9:22
as far as liquid capital, you've got seven
9:24
gold pieces. Why'd you let me roll? Why'd
9:26
you even go? Nobody stopped me from freaking
9:29
rolling. Erin, you shouldn't have
9:31
rolled. Yeah, I rolled the second half of
9:33
you and I got a 52. Oh
9:35
my God. Okay.
9:38
All right. Listen up, Pam.
9:41
Here's the deal. We only have
9:44
seven coins. She's
9:47
slithering out the door. Wait, wait,
9:49
wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on, hold on,
9:52
hold on, hold on. A couple
9:54
things. In your professional opinion, without
9:57
a campaign manager, what do you think? of
10:00
winning are. Let
10:02
me calculate this. Carry
10:05
the one, zero
10:07
percent. Campaigns cost money. You
10:09
need at minimum at least one
10:11
thousand gold pieces to run
10:14
a successful campaign. You need
10:16
a team of people supporting
10:18
you who have campaign experience.
10:20
You need a platform that
10:22
resonates with the people. And
10:25
let me check. No, you have none
10:27
of those things. So peace
10:30
out losers. See you at the
10:32
polls buttholes. Whoa! See
10:36
you at the polls buttholes.
10:39
Write that down so we can say it next time. I'm
10:42
glad she's on our side. No,
10:44
Jennifer, keep lying. Jennifer, she's not. We have
10:46
to pay her two thousand gold pieces. And we
10:48
already did a season where we had to raise
10:50
two thousand gold pieces. And I'm not doing that
10:52
again. And not only that, she's
10:54
working for our enemy currently. She's working for
10:56
the current mayor. So not only do we
10:58
not have her, but she's the one who's
11:01
trying to get us to look like losers.
11:03
But here's the thing. Jennifer's
11:05
gotta have something special where
11:08
Pam wouldn't even bother to
11:10
come down here and sit
11:12
here and wondering what is
11:14
going on inside her brain.
11:17
Which we know is nothing. Beefy baby,
11:20
you're a genius. That's right
11:22
baby. Jenny's got a little Jenny
11:24
Shaid quad. I actually
11:27
liked that one. That's
11:30
such a good point, Beef, because here's the thing.
11:33
She has never lost a campaign. That's
11:35
what she said. She wouldn't volunteer
11:37
for us to pay
11:39
her if she didn't think that Jennifer
11:41
could win and ruin her record, right? She wouldn't
11:44
do that. No, no way, Siree, no
11:46
how. There is something special here.
11:48
And we, hmm, I don't know.
11:51
Beef's thinking. Beef's thinking out loud.
11:53
Beef's thinking that maybe Beef, maybe
11:56
we could be a team. Maybe we
11:58
could be the team. Maybe
12:01
we could be the campaign manager. That's
12:03
awesome. Great meeting everybody. I'm going back
12:05
to bed. Wait, hold on. That
12:08
might be more helpful. Maybe actually.
12:11
She listed all those things that we need and I
12:13
didn't pay attention to them or write any of them
12:15
down. Quick show of hands in
12:17
the bar. Who would vote for the
12:20
current mayor over Jennifer? Give
12:23
me a perception check here. Yeah,
12:26
how many people are at the bar right now? Okay,
12:30
dirty 20. With a dirty 20, there
12:32
are six people here at Bottoms Up.
12:35
Two of them are passed out on the bar top.
12:37
One of them looks to be regular Joe. On
12:40
decided. And there are two
12:42
tables of two who look up and
12:44
were not listening and could care less,
12:46
but you have their attention now. You
12:49
may have to repeat yourself. Sorry.
12:52
If you had to vote today for Jennifer,
12:54
this little rat, or the current mayor, who
12:56
would you vote for? They look around at
12:59
each other. You ever really
13:01
tried to persuade them one way or another so
13:03
they're just voting kind of with their hearts? Yeah,
13:05
that's what we want. Great. That's what we want.
13:09
And two of them with
13:11
a chuckle raise their hands for Jennifer. Anything's
13:14
better than the mess
13:17
we're in right now. Different rule, different
13:19
law passed every week, breaking my back.
13:21
It's annoying as hell. So
13:24
I'll take a little sleeping rat over
13:26
mayonnaise any day of the week. I
13:30
like the cut of your jib, sir. Whatever
13:32
that is, that's my sentence
13:35
of the week. Do the words of
13:37
the day add up to the sentence of the week?
13:39
Yeah. I've gotten up
13:42
to sentences now. Oh,
13:45
that's pretty fun. Well, it looks
13:47
like we got one vote. Oh, one vote? How
13:50
many pieces would you donate to
13:52
a rat like that? Oh,
13:54
now it's becoming a
13:57
financial conversation. Everything's a
13:59
financial conversation. conversation these days
14:02
my man you just got I
14:04
don't even I don't know the platform I
14:06
don't know what she stands for I don't
14:08
know well she stands for well what
14:11
she supports it I'll tell them
14:14
kid I know my platform
14:17
my platform's Louis Vuitton check these
14:19
out platform heels I'll
14:22
give it like to go places oh
14:25
pretty good okay that's
14:27
pretty good that was pretty good yeah
14:29
put it with this box chip grabs a
14:32
box and asked to put him in
14:34
there yeah he fishes in his
14:36
pocket and flips in two
14:38
gold pieces oh able can't believe it but
14:40
they're having a good time having a good
14:43
happy hour whoa wait a second you
14:45
guys beef's thinking again out loud thinking I
14:48
think that Jennifer should do
14:50
it do some kind of performance dance maybe we
14:52
could get a couple more rats and some heels
14:55
kind of all where rat
14:59
costumes and dance and heels yeah
15:02
oh yeah we saw those rat costumes you guys never
15:04
returned those did you oh my god
15:06
I never returned them oh my god
15:08
I'm gonna have so many overdue fines
15:11
hey it's okay babe I know the
15:13
guy that works at Party City he
15:15
loves me he hates you you're
15:17
not absolutely hate you yeah yeah
15:20
yeah lifetime
15:23
ban all right guys your beef's right
15:25
though we got to make some money okay and
15:28
then and we got to figure out whatever her
15:30
platform is because people keep asking us that and
15:33
then we'll figure out well we'll
15:35
do this we'll figure out let's do it
15:37
today let's get over with let's run
15:39
a fundraiser tonight that way we can
15:41
get the funds we can at
15:43
the fundraiser we can announce her platform and
15:45
in terms of a team I'm
15:47
looking at a team right here okay we
15:50
got ourselves the quarterback we got
15:52
ourselves the center and a short stop
15:54
as far as I can tell yeah
15:56
I'll catch I'll catch any ball thrown my
15:58
way yep yep What if
16:01
the campaign is more than just playing football?
16:04
Well... Then we're screwed, I think.
16:07
Then we're screwed. And
16:09
I think I may have accidentally mixed up a
16:11
couple sports when I was talking. Yeah,
16:13
he said shortstop. Isn't that a cake? Jennifer,
16:16
would you be interested in dancing for
16:18
my... What are some of your skills?
16:21
Like, we could do a car wash. Oh my
16:23
god, how much time do you have? What are my
16:25
skills? Lock picking. Abstract
16:28
math. Jazz
16:31
trumpet. Crumpling
16:33
paper. Slow down, slow down,
16:35
slow down. I'm writing these down right here. Write these down,
16:37
write these down, write these down. There's way more. Karate.
16:42
Being cute. Reading
16:45
minds. What? Whoa,
16:48
really? Smoking
16:51
weed. Gambling.
16:54
Your eyes got huge when you said gambling.
16:57
Yeah, people dilated.
17:00
I think we will keep the campaign funds away
17:02
from your pockets if that's okay, Jennifer. And
17:05
Jennifer, what's a couple of things you stand for?
17:07
Tell you what, you roll out a wheel of
17:09
parmesan, I'll get on my feet. Stand for that
17:11
s***. Beef, I think that's something we're gonna
17:13
have to handle. I think we
17:15
gotta come up with her platform. I think we
17:17
gotta figure out the best thing that's gonna get
17:19
her elected, okay? I know my platform.
17:22
Louis Vichon. Yeah, I know, you already
17:24
said Louis Vichon. You already put out the incorrectly. We
17:26
heard you. I
17:28
don't think anything human or palatable is
17:30
gonna come from Jennifer organically. Does
17:32
that make sense? I agree.
17:35
Insane. And unpalatable. Hey,
17:38
Jennifer, I got a great idea for you.
17:40
Why don't you take all the other rats,
17:42
go into the kitchen, get your platforms on,
17:44
get your girls stretched, have them
17:46
get ready for the big dance tonight, alright? Say
17:49
it's big dance, big fundraiser, we need to
17:51
bring in the cash. I'm
17:53
ready to put the fun in fundraiser. You
17:55
guys make sure people show up and Jenny
17:57
will take care of the rest. Okay,
18:00
so we got the rats dancing, great
18:02
start. Pretty hip start. Should
18:04
we do a silent auction? Is there anything that
18:06
we can get rid of? Like sell
18:08
like this painting of all of us? Ooh,
18:12
that's quadruple glute to the wall,
18:14
I think. Oh yeah. Yeah. I think we
18:16
can figure it out. Well, we could maybe
18:19
open up Seb's closet and
18:23
see what's inside and maybe. Did
18:25
he not bring his bag of tricks? He
18:28
didn't bring his bag with him. He
18:30
didn't really bring his bag. Oh my
18:32
God, we have his bag of tricks. They
18:35
go up the stairs into Chip and
18:37
Seb's room and they stare at that
18:39
closet again that's locked. Can we
18:41
try and unlock it? One of you can
18:44
give me a slight of hand check to
18:46
try to enter into
18:49
Seb's closet. Oh cool. I
18:51
have a plus. You've got thief's tools. Yeah,
18:53
okay, I got a nine plus
18:55
five. So with a
18:57
14, you try to get into
19:00
the closet. You hear a click and
19:03
your thief's tool breaks inside
19:06
of the closet. Wait, what? No.
19:10
Say it ain't so old rusty ho.
19:13
Oh no, rusty ho, gone
19:16
do do ho ho. B
19:18
for you, okay? I
19:21
know, I can tell. I can tell. It's okay, how
19:23
about, here we go. You know
19:26
what, there's some hinges on the door. We'll just
19:28
unscrew the hinges. We'll do it the smart way.
19:30
Oh yes. And yeah, I'll try
19:32
and unscrew the hinges from the door. Give
19:35
me an intelligence check actually. Okay.
19:38
Hmm, I don't think I've ever done one of those.
19:41
A 16. It comes off
19:43
completely. Oh! You
19:46
now have access to Seb's closet. Oh,
19:48
his bag. I think this is his bag.
19:50
Here we go, this is like infinity things we
19:52
can basically sell. This is great. This
19:54
is amazing. Is this like
19:56
sacrilegious? Cause he's not
19:59
here. Is he? I think if he
20:01
came back, he'd want to start anew anyway.
20:03
So I think we sell all his genes and
20:06
all his outfits of him being different mascots
20:08
from the MLB. I think
20:10
it'll be okay. Yeah, I think he would
20:13
want us to do this. We're in a pit goal. We
20:15
can sell all this stuff in a silent auction.
20:18
Is there anything else in here? Can I look around
20:20
and try to see if he wrote any political
20:23
manifestos we can use? Oh my God. Sure.
20:27
Let me an investigation check,
20:29
Chalice. And Chip,
20:31
as you're going and taking out
20:33
the different pairs of genes, something
20:36
falls out of the back pocket of one of them.
20:39
And it's just a small portrait of
20:42
the four of you. Oh,
20:45
that's very nice. It
20:47
seems like you guys were at some sort of sporting event
20:50
and Beef was
20:53
eating a foot long hot dog, but without
20:55
chewing it looked like. Just kind of going straight down the
20:57
gauntlet and you all were cheering him on. Beef,
21:00
look. Look, this is the day you almost
21:02
died. Oh, God. What a
21:04
good day that was. It
21:06
was one of the best, happiest days of our
21:09
whole life. Oh. I
21:11
didn't know Seb kept that. Maybe we
21:13
should take down that painting and put this up instead.
21:15
What do you think? Yes. Yes,
21:19
I do believe that's the right thing to
21:21
do. It's not quite big enough. People won't
21:23
even see it. Let's
21:25
keep this just for us, right Beef? Stop
21:28
with me, man. You know what you're doing. You know what
21:30
you're doing. You could have it on the
21:32
weekends and I could have it on the weekdays. Yes,
21:35
I call odd days. I call even.
21:37
I rolled a 15 by the way. Okay.
21:40
And Chalice, what are you looking for? I'm
21:43
looking for anything that could possibly
21:45
help us with Jennifer's platform, some
21:47
sort of political manifesto journals, books.
21:51
I guess we should also look for a thousand gold pieces as
21:53
well while we're in here. Yeah.
21:56
Some stashed bunny. You do
21:58
find some loose papers. in
22:00
this closet that Seb seems
22:03
like he's scribbled out his ideas
22:05
on. However, a lot of them
22:07
seem to be failed business ideas.
22:10
Oh. Most of them revolving around how
22:12
to utilize a group of raccoons to
22:14
make money. It looks
22:16
like he never quite cracked it. I
22:19
think this was his version of a diary. Yeah,
22:22
it's pretty terrifying, isn't it? Yeah.
22:25
So many business ideas. Nacho
22:27
hands? We could sell off some
22:30
of his business ideas. Oh,
22:32
and watch a bunch of people fail miserably? That's
22:35
so funny. That would
22:37
be hysterical. I would love to see
22:40
a bunch of Seb's failed businesses all
22:42
over friends. Yeah, I want to
22:44
see what someone does with nacho hands. But you
22:46
know what? Instead of looking for a platform
22:48
externally, right? I mean, we could
22:51
go around, we could ask people what they want. We
22:53
could go look in drawers and at the library for
22:55
things that are helpful. But
22:57
we're voters. You know, what
22:59
do we want? A love letter. Okay.
23:03
The law would be more love letters, Chalice? Yeah,
23:06
or like flowers or... The
23:09
law would be flowers, okay. Or more... Palm.
23:11
More flowers and more palm. That's nice.
23:14
That creates like supporting the arts
23:16
is what you're saying. Is what you're saying? What
23:18
she's saying is she wants a date, Chip.
23:22
Get off your ass, man. Give
23:25
your girlfriend a kiss. Brush her hair. Do
23:27
something. Chalice
23:29
mouths thank you to be. And
23:32
he mouths back, I got you. So
23:36
we're supporting the platform of like, give
23:38
people more opportunities to spend time with
23:40
their loved ones. Is that what we're
23:42
saying? Great. Yeah, that works.
23:44
Is that what you guys are saying? Well...
23:48
You're using the royal you when you're looking at me
23:50
with daggers, right? Yeah,
23:52
we're using the royal you when we're
23:54
looking at you with daggers. Okay.
23:57
That's what I figured. Jennifer
24:01
what about her? I'm talking like
24:03
her campaign slogan like Jennifer whatever
24:05
happened having us having fun Jennifer
24:08
what's with all these laws, huh? Yeah,
24:11
what's the deal with the loss? Why can't
24:13
I sing anymore without clouds going down my
24:15
throat? Yeah, man, that's
24:17
what that one random man said downstairs.
24:19
He said man. There's so many laws.
24:21
I wish the And
24:24
that's but we've been trying to
24:26
do this whole time Yeah,
24:29
so down with laws, but not to the level
24:31
of purge. Yeah, just above
24:33
purge just above purge
24:36
Jennifer I'm
24:39
just throwing out ideas guys. This
24:41
is great. This is that's actually the closest we've
24:43
been That's really good because
24:45
I will say after purge day people seemed
24:47
happy Like really happy
24:49
it kind of worked. I will say
24:51
we were kind of down We got
24:53
a loss of couple stinkers around the parts
24:55
if you don't talk about No,
24:58
I don't know this is slippery slope You
25:03
start advocating for the purge that
25:05
is a pipeline. I don't want to pull you out I'll
25:07
just say we were down a couple stinkers, and
25:09
I don't mind if you guys know what I'm
25:11
talking about God, I really
25:14
don't Jennifer
25:17
the rat real weird real freedom.
25:19
I like that Jennifer
25:21
the rat She sucks, but she's
25:23
better than the mayor. Oh, I can get behind
25:25
something like that Jennifer sucks less than
25:28
the mayor currently Jennifer
25:30
a queen in the sheets
25:33
and a real freak in the street Okay,
25:37
I would vote for that what about one that
25:40
rhymes how about we all pitch one that
25:42
rhymes wouldn't that be nice Yeah, okay a
25:44
vote for Jenny fills your pocket
25:46
with pennies. Oh Okay
25:48
something like that. I don't know
25:51
how we guarantee that but I like it Jennifer
25:53
has a lot to say and When
25:57
she's done she's done with
25:59
the day Ah, Jesus.
26:02
God damn, so much better than mine. Hired
26:04
of that old hat? Time to vote
26:06
in a horny rat. Oh!
26:11
Okay! Three solid contenders.
26:14
Solid, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes,
26:16
solid. I like the idea
26:18
of running on a campaign of fun. You
26:20
know, bringing fun back to friends. I feel
26:23
like that fits with Jenny's vibe. She'll go
26:25
for it. I think people are going to
26:27
vote for it because this place, since
26:30
Purge Day, frankly, before that, and since
26:32
then, hasn't been very fun. I
26:35
agree. No singing, no gambling. All the
26:37
fun stuff is gone. No sex. No
26:41
sex! No sex! Oh
26:43
yeah! Yeah! Like, I
26:45
mean, if we, how, if we've centered our
26:47
campaign around you could have sex anywhere and
26:49
everywhere all the time. Yeah. How
26:52
could we lose? Jennifer the Rat, looks
26:54
like sex is back on the menu,
26:56
boys. Okay, now we're cooking. A
26:59
cheese sous chef! That's good!
27:02
I didn't even, I didn't even make it!
27:05
That's good! They grab hands and
27:07
they're jumping up and down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
27:09
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
27:11
Guys! You guys!
27:15
I just woke up! We head downstairs. Where's
27:17
my team? Jennifer, you
27:20
were supposed to be dancing. You were sleeping? Oh,
27:23
I went back to sleep. Is it tomorrow? No,
27:25
it's tonight and those girls better be stretched out.
27:28
Okay, I don't want any injuries. Alright?
27:31
Don't yell at me. I'm mayor now. No.
27:34
You're not even close. I'm
27:37
not! We did a poll and
27:39
you got two out of six votes. Jennifer,
27:41
sit down. We got, we got a meeting
27:43
of the minds. We got a few things
27:45
we got to throw at you, okay? Okay.
27:47
Can I go out and tell people about
27:49
our fundraiser tonight while you guys do this?
27:53
Yeah, but also, are you guys my
27:55
team? Yeah! Do
27:57
you guys have specific jobs for this or are
27:59
you figuring out? later no no we'll do that
28:01
we'll do that now we'll do that now um I
28:04
dressed up like this a couple days ago for
28:07
chunky monkey butts but
28:09
even for you I'm willing to be your
28:11
secret service I will lay my life on
28:14
the line I will take an arrow for
28:16
you I will be your secret service
28:18
I mean you said that in front of everyone
28:21
no classic Jenny all right
28:23
keep that stuff up people will
28:25
vote for you don't laugh
28:27
at me I'm
28:30
mayor now Jennifer
28:32
I am going to be a
28:35
media and youth outreach
28:37
because I'm very young and I think
28:39
the youth will like what
28:41
I have to say is that a good
28:44
idea challenge absolutely oldest one by double
28:46
around what is happening you guys
28:48
all right then what job should I have no
28:50
I think you would be no I think you'd
28:52
be great at each other I think you'd be
28:54
great but more because you're more like a motherly figure
28:56
unless so because you connect with the youth as
28:59
peers do you even like
29:01
me I love you sweetie I'm
29:04
just trying to be honest okay
29:06
you're over 70 years old
29:09
and the youth are younger than that okay
29:11
all right so I will be
29:13
motherly to the youth and
29:15
I guess reach out to the media I
29:18
have media trained since I'm a princess and I'll
29:21
be able to tell you what say to the
29:23
newspapers and such yeah we're gonna want we're gonna
29:25
want a lot of cameras here we're gonna want
29:27
to get record this we're gonna want to get
29:29
this out to the people tonight
29:32
so everyone knows to vote
29:34
for Jenny if we can
29:37
get some news outlets here or
29:39
some some journalists oh
29:41
yeah yeah we'll put this on the
29:43
dish get it in people's homes yeah
29:45
good idea Jenny beef what uh what
29:49
role are you willing take me I'm
29:51
willing to go to the darkest darkest
29:54
most sadistic up roll
29:57
anyone could ever have what's that
30:00
The assistant. Oh. Beef,
30:04
you don't have to do that, Beef. Beef. No,
30:07
no, no. Someone's got to do it. And
30:10
it would have been Seb. And
30:13
I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll
30:15
be whatever you need, Jennifer. Whatever
30:17
you need. Beef.
30:21
No. Be careful before you
30:23
finish the sentence. Beef, she'll have
30:25
more power over you. You could have chosen almost
30:27
anything else. No, no, no. I
30:29
like this. Okay, so let me get this straight.
30:32
Beef's soul belongs to me now. Salus
30:35
will be the campaign grandma and...
30:39
Did I say that? Is at
30:41
my service... Essentially.
30:43
Secretly. Yes. That
30:46
works. Campaign grandma, secret service assistant. Okay, hell yeah.
30:49
Well, I guess we
30:51
got a fundraiser to put on. I
30:55
want to talk to you about another
30:57
podcast called Comedy Bang Bang. If
31:00
you haven't heard of Comedy Bang Bang, what
31:03
the heck, man? Are you stuck under a
31:05
rock or something? And if
31:07
so, I can't help you. I
31:09
don't know who you are, what rock
31:11
it is, or what the heck you're
31:14
even talking about. But what I'm talking about
31:16
is the show Comedy Bang Bang.
31:18
As we all know, it's one of
31:21
the longest running comedy podcasts out there
31:23
and has truly revolutionized the medium. Every
31:25
episode hosts Scott Aucherman, where he
31:27
interviews a famous guest like Andy
31:29
Samberg, Sarah Silverman, or Jon Hamm,
31:31
or maybe even our very own
31:34
Aaron Keefe. Those could be some
31:36
good episodes to start with. But
31:38
unlike every normal interview show, Scott and
31:41
the guest are joined by a group
31:43
of unhinged fictional characters played by the
31:45
best comedic improvisers around. People
31:47
like Nick Kroll, Lauren Lapkis, Paul
31:50
Tompkins, and Ben Schwartz. This
31:52
might be the category that Aaron fits into better,
31:54
actually. Over the years,
31:57
the podcast has built and expanded the universe with
31:59
tons of recurring jokes and fan favorite characters,
32:01
but the best part is you can
32:03
still easily jump in at any time
32:05
and enjoy a new episode as a
32:07
first time listener. So check out new
32:09
episodes of Comedy Bang Bang every Monday
32:11
wherever you listen to your podcast. Sitcom
32:14
D&D is brought to you by
32:16
NordVPN. I did
32:18
some research online and it looks like 77% of people use
32:21
VPNs for personal use. And
32:25
they use them for protecting personal data and
32:27
activity when using the internet. It seems to
32:29
be like the primary reason people are reporting
32:31
using a VPN. But there's
32:33
a lot of different benefits to
32:35
using a VPN and I am
32:38
enjoying them because NordVPN
32:40
gave me a free subscription, so
32:42
why not? Some of these benefits
32:45
include, but are not limited
32:47
to, hiding browsing activity from
32:49
ISP and hackers, hiding my
32:51
IP address, preventing bandwidth throttling,
32:53
browsing from home while I'm
32:56
abroad, and avoiding price discrimination
32:58
and censorship. So if any
33:00
of these benefits tickle your
33:02
fancy, why don't you head
33:04
to nordvpn.com/sitcom D&D for our
33:06
exclusive offer, where you can
33:09
save big and get four
33:11
months extra. That's right, four
33:13
months extra of NordVPN and all those
33:15
benefits. So get that deal while it's
33:18
hot and has a 30 day
33:20
money back guarantee. All you
33:23
gotta do is go to
33:25
nordvpn.com/sitcom D&D and get in
33:27
on the fun. For
33:35
a campaign fundraiser to be successful,
33:38
you obviously need people there. I'm
33:41
gonna have each of you pitch
33:44
me the way in
33:46
which you would try to recruit people to
33:48
the event and then
33:50
we'll have you roll and I
33:53
will give you advantage or disadvantage based
33:55
on how well I genuinely think that
33:57
approach would work to get people to
33:59
the fun. fundraiser event. Yeah. Great.
34:03
I'm definitely advertising this as a
34:05
strip club night to
34:09
get people there. And
34:11
then it's a one-two punch with politics. So
34:15
once they're there and they're drinking,
34:17
that's when the music cuts and
34:20
we bring up, we just
34:22
do some politic talk for like a
34:24
little bit. Not the whole evening, okay?
34:26
Okay? Just a quick
34:28
little, hey, throw some money to here.
34:30
Buy a couple of things. That's
34:33
what my plan is. I have an
34:35
idea for marketing. I'm going to bring Jennifer up to
34:37
the roof and with the
34:39
light that we use to project the
34:43
red rhino symbol onto the sky,
34:45
I'm going to have Jennifer dance
34:47
in front of the light. And
34:49
so the shadow of her
34:51
stripping is on the moon. Very
34:54
sexy. A rat silhouette. Now,
34:57
Erin, is that like towards Elizabeth's or
34:59
is that your? That's
35:01
what I was going to do, but I can pick something else. Here's
35:04
what I'm thinking. That by itself. Like, if I just
35:06
looked up at the moon and saw that, I wouldn't
35:08
know what to do. I wouldn't know what it's for.
35:12
Get people horny for rats. And then they
35:14
would go ask around like, where do you
35:16
guys think I could put this horny
35:18
rat man? Have you
35:20
guys heard about this horny rat movement thing? I would definitely
35:22
start asking questions. All
35:25
right, we're going to count Aaron separately. On
35:28
its own. Okay. We'll
35:30
leave what he got. Chip is
35:32
going to go to the local community
35:34
theater because that, which
35:37
of course has been famously discredited
35:39
and nobody there is allowed to
35:41
sing. So he's hoping that he
35:43
can drum up a bunch of support from all
35:46
the people that want to
35:48
be musicals and be local
35:50
singers and can't because of
35:52
the current loss. Okay.
35:55
For beef tactic of getting the
35:57
word out of a mix of
35:59
sex. politics on
36:01
its own just because you're staying in
36:03
one spot and it's
36:06
a bit of a convoluted pitch with
36:08
the stripping but also there's at some
36:10
point maybe some politics talked about I
36:12
would give it neutral okay however in
36:15
combination with Aaron's I'm gonna give you advantage
36:17
on a d100 roll chip
36:20
targeting people who really want to sing and
36:22
who aren't able to right now that
36:25
gets advantage oh yeah let's go I'm
36:28
glad I had advantage because the first roll was a three
36:30
and the next one was a
36:32
73 oh and
36:35
then for chalice you're gonna roll a d100 the spotlight
36:40
of a sexy rat
36:42
it has helped Elizabeth on its own I'm
36:44
giving a disadvantage for how many people know
36:47
what to do and show up oh
36:49
you don't get it I'm ahead of
36:51
my time with
36:53
disadvantage I got an 87
36:55
what was your 96 idiot
36:58
idiot idiot idiot idiot
37:02
idiot
37:05
the universe knew my idea rocks it
37:07
does I supported it I supported from
37:13
the very jump beef how many
37:15
people you got coming well I
37:17
got to roll with advantage mine
37:19
was night I got 19 and then I got 83 whoa that means
37:22
combined effort
37:28
243 people
37:30
from friends are showing up Oh
37:33
to the fundraising event not
37:36
bad the type of people who have
37:38
shown up really run the gambit here it looks
37:40
like 73 of
37:43
them are musical
37:46
enthusiasts who are
37:48
dressed up for a political fundraising
37:50
event almost like black tie style
37:52
87 of
37:54
them look like their partners
37:56
don't know where they are at the moment
38:00
They look like they are Yeah,
38:02
but I haven't got as good a sleep as they
38:04
probably wanted to lately and kind of stressed out and
38:07
already a little tipsy And maybe ready
38:09
to see some some dancing and
38:11
then 83 of them I can't
38:13
explain these freaks They thought something put onto
38:16
the moon that looked like a sexy rat
38:18
and their sonar went off and I said I
38:21
know Where I gotta be it must be bottoms
38:23
up Honestly,
38:25
that's so fair Like
38:28
if you saw if you're from France and
38:30
you saw a rat dancing on the moon
38:32
you would think I gotta see what's going
38:34
On the bottoms up. Yeah something
38:36
cooking over there tonight something
38:38
going on there for sure Okay, so
38:40
we cut you inside bottoms up y'all
38:43
are ready for the fundraising event to take
38:45
place Is there anything you want to talk
38:47
about as a team before you open the
38:49
doors and get the event underway? No, we're
38:52
winging it girls. I want you
38:54
to dance for your lives Tonight.
38:57
Okay. This is a big moment
39:01
We're gonna have a lot of people coming and
39:03
we're gonna have a lot of big wigs We're
39:05
gonna have a lot of small wigs, but every
39:07
wig counts because they got money and that's what
39:09
we need Charlotte I
39:11
want eyes on me Charlotte. You
39:13
gotta dance like you Didn't
39:16
even know you could okay Charlotte looks
39:18
nervously at Jennifer and then back at you and the nod
39:20
All right, two minutes to show time
39:22
everybody two minutes two minutes to show time two
39:24
minutes show time Oh also your platform
39:27
is fun. Oh Yeah,
39:30
yeah, yeah fun just say a bunch of fun
39:33
things okay, we we put some cue cards up
39:35
there for you They just have one
39:37
word on them and feel free to riff off those one
39:39
words. Okay cool. She's good Beep.
39:42
Do you want to do the honors of introducing her or
39:44
should it be the campaign grandma? Well,
39:48
I don't want to take anything from you Grammy if
39:50
you want to get a grandma job It sounds
39:52
like a grandma job people might feel the most safe
39:54
with seeing your face up there Am
39:57
I that I'll ask later We
40:00
open up the doors and we usher
40:02
everybody inside and we kind of point them
40:04
towards like this Island auction stuff as well and
40:07
also point their attention towards the stage. Ladies
40:10
and gentlemen, men who
40:12
don't think that their wives
40:14
know where they are. Come in
40:16
tonight, tonight and tonight. I bet
40:18
you're wondering what's going on. Well,
40:21
it's going to be a nice build
40:24
with fun. We got
40:26
stripping. We got a silent auction. We
40:28
got business ideas. Why
40:30
is there a rat on the moon? The
40:34
right question. You're a baby. See
40:36
why I'm eating. I'm the
40:38
campaign criminal for getting for the rat. You
40:42
can come get a sweet hug and a piece
40:44
of advice and maybe a little bit of hard
40:46
candy. That's Beefy
40:48
Baby over there. Beef, Beef's Jennifer's
40:50
assistant. Hey, hey, Beefy
40:52
Baby right over here. And
40:55
the singer here at bottom is up because we
40:57
still believe it's fun. The
40:59
doodle-a-lady-doo criminal, criminal.
41:03
And it's me, my
41:05
boyfriend over there in
41:07
the cool outfit. How do you introduce
41:09
yourself? Please don't shoot Jennifer.
41:11
I don't want to die. Please
41:13
don't shoot Jennifer. Awesome job,
41:16
Chip. Love you. Write me a letter
41:18
later. Okay. Without
41:20
further ado, let's get some laps
41:22
and claps. For Jennifer the rat.
41:28
Whoo! Whoo!
41:33
Pump the ground. I'm
41:36
gonna shoot! I'm
41:39
gonna shoot. Can you
41:41
give him bardic inspiration? Please. Yeah,
41:44
yeah. Please. Beef's
41:47
on the wings of the stage. And
41:49
he's like, oh, God, oh, God. I'd like
41:51
to start making my way around the silent auction
41:54
sign-up sheets and see how it's going. Okay.
41:56
See if people are making bids and stuff. Give
41:59
me a perception. Check in
42:01
11 you notice that there's a few names
42:04
on a few of them But they
42:06
look like costumes and there's no real story to
42:08
them people don't understand What
42:10
they are what they're for necessarily?
42:14
But there is like a nicer suit that has
42:16
a couple signatures on it and that's gone up
42:18
to like 15 gold pieces It
42:20
feels a little bit obvious if I do it, so
42:22
I would like to try and sleight of hand and
42:24
add a couple Bets to
42:26
some of these silent auction things. Okay,
42:29
so to try and raise some of the prices a little bit
42:31
gotcha, give me a sleight of hand check a
42:36
13 a few people looks like may
42:38
notice you because they're waiting to sign it after you
42:42
But that's maybe not a necessarily a bad thing No,
42:45
you are also as you're kind of
42:48
scoping around you do notice that You
42:51
know some of these people look like maybe they're not on the up-and-up
42:53
But someone in particular looks
42:56
nervous and keeps eyeing Jennifer
42:58
and is wearing a big
43:01
Trench coat that may conceal a weapon
43:03
potentially. Whoa, that's my freaking job
43:07
What is going on? I tackle that person immediately.
43:09
I Tackle
43:11
them immediately immediately Are
43:15
you kidding me my Jenny give
43:17
me a an attack role 27
43:21
oh wow, so you tackle the shit out
43:23
of this person. Oh What
43:26
hey what the hell listen up
43:28
trench coat? Okay, what's going on? What's going
43:31
on in here? What do you what
43:33
do you got? What are you hiding something you trying
43:35
to take on my Jenny because if you shoot her
43:37
that means you have to shoot me I don't want
43:39
to die dude. Please don't shoot her. Please. I
43:42
don't know how to answer this I'm
43:44
just here to watch some sexy rats dance. Okay.
43:47
Well, you actually that's Allowed but
43:49
in order to do it you have to make a
43:51
bid Okay, like
43:53
a drink minimum almost. It's like
43:56
a drink minimum, but it's a bid minimum. You got to do
43:58
at least one bid Okay,
44:00
can you stop drawing attention to me? I
44:03
feel weird about being here. Oh my gosh, Craig? Is
44:06
this you? Dude, can you not say my name? Your
44:09
mustache is so fake, dude. What's going on?
44:12
I haven't seen you since the billiard lounge. Okay,
44:14
I'm gonna go place a bid. Okay,
44:16
also I think I saw your wife Kathy over there,
44:18
by the way. Oh no. Hey
44:21
guys, Craig's here. Oh my
44:23
god, Craig! Hi, Craig! Hey buddy,
44:26
weird mustache. Jennifer, okay.
44:28
Great start, great strong start. Okay,
44:30
we have the platform sections coming
44:32
up. You're gonna announce your platform.
44:34
You remember what your platform is?
44:37
It's Louis Vuitton.
44:40
And fun. There
44:43
it is. That's the girl. That's the
44:45
girl that's gonna win the pearl. You're
44:48
gonna do great. Chalice is coming
44:50
off the stage from doing her rat
44:53
stripper dance in her rat costume. Oh.
44:56
Dabbing her forehead on her shoulder. How was it out there?
44:59
Hot crowd, hot crowd. She's
45:01
wearing underwear over the rat costume. Give
45:04
me a performance check, Chalice. Oh,
45:06
no, don't make me. We
45:09
gotta know. We gotta know. We
45:11
gotta know. Oh. Okay,
45:14
not bad. Not bad for a lady in a
45:16
big rat costume trying to be sexy. That's
45:19
how my whole life feels. Okay,
45:23
beef, I guess you're playing music and
45:25
you're gonna read me, or I'm gonna see flashcards
45:27
with a word and then I go off that.
45:30
Yeah, yeah, you got this, Jennifer. What
45:33
the people want is someone
45:35
who's just genuine. Someone who
45:38
cares. Someone who will
45:40
stand up to the big guy.
45:43
And you always stand up to the big guy. You
45:45
give the big guy a middle finger every
45:47
time you wake up. So just
45:49
do that out there. Well,
45:52
beef, I know that Jennifer sometimes
45:54
gets nervous and she can't read flashcards
45:56
in the moment. So how about you and me
45:58
message her word. every once
46:00
in a while for her to riff off
46:02
of. Does that sound like that would work
46:04
well for you, Jennifer? That would work way better.
46:07
I can go back out there and rat dance if
46:09
you start to panic, Jennifer. Perfect.
46:12
Okay, okay. Thumbs up. We
46:15
ready, Rock? Ready to go. And,
46:17
top of the pole, sliding
46:21
down. Whee!
46:26
Did anyone introduce me? I think the big
46:28
we will work fine, Jennifer. I'm gonna
46:30
go back up until somebody introduces me. As
46:40
that's happening, beef comes out. Ladies
46:44
and gentlemen, push your
46:46
little paws together and
46:48
hands, or
46:50
flippers, whoever you are. Put
46:53
them together for your mayoral
46:56
candidate, Jennifer!
47:01
Well, remember fun? Hmm? Yeah.
47:04
Do you think so? I'm
47:06
having a hard time remembering it
47:08
too. Shoo. It's
47:11
been a minute since we were allowed to
47:13
be ourselves and have fun
47:15
since Mayor's name started passing
47:17
all these BS laws, am
47:19
I right? Sex. What?
47:23
Sex! Not now we
47:25
can talk about this later. Oh, Jennifer,
47:27
just do what we've already established you
47:29
were gonna do. Challis walks
47:32
out on stage and goes,
47:34
remember when we used to be able
47:36
to sing? La la la la
47:38
la la la la la la.
47:40
Challis, no! A shadow
47:42
person appears near you and starts
47:44
to grab you and wrestle you out
47:46
the door. And look at
47:48
that. That shadow person just took
47:51
the most fun, loving, grandma stripper
47:53
we've ever had. Isn't
47:56
that upsetting? Yeah! That's
47:58
super messed up! What
48:06
a demonstrator! With me when? Yeah now
48:08
Max Max: Vague: How can our balloons
48:11
or something. Is
48:13
that? The.
48:19
Closest thing we had to seven film
48:21
would like to peruse but like that
48:23
was too much you know? So. Poems.
48:26
Oh. You
48:29
all day and tells you would.
48:39
Be to pp. He
48:49
say. Nice. Things. B.
48:53
O. Of. Yeah
48:56
okay. ah. I.
48:58
Jealous or you can you hear
49:00
as a go outside stop your
49:02
the saw a guy you. Can. Get
49:04
up and walk here. Yeah, you're not able
49:06
to walk for yeah. I
49:08
guess. I
49:12
ah this is something I wrote.
49:14
I checked the up. it's about
49:16
Jennifer and it's not about anybody
49:18
else. Separate. Out about Chalice.
49:21
Just. Everybody knows a guy. Is
49:24
really. Sad.
49:28
And as well as well. As.
49:33
I just want to know
49:35
that. I. Think you are.
49:38
The. Most beautiful and
49:40
installing person I've ever met.
49:43
A Things That you are going to
49:45
do an incredible job being part of.
49:47
Jennifer's. A team I mean you're going
49:50
to do is an incredible job. If
49:52
you became the Mayor, that will. arrow.
49:54
And. Also, it doesn't
49:56
matter if you're over seven
49:59
years old. whatever age you are
50:01
Jennifer and see so think you
50:03
are a sexy youth and you
50:05
always will be in my heart yeah
50:08
but put your rat in your pool a
50:14
voper go for Jenny is a voper
50:16
what was it a voper a hat
50:18
is a rope over rat man it
50:21
was something good love
50:23
chip and
50:25
Jennifer runs over and then hugs your that
50:29
was so nice more
50:31
more challenge
50:33
to get out of here I
50:42
want to take this
50:44
moment to talk about Jennifer
50:47
the rock and not anyone else what
50:53
I think is so
50:55
great about you is
50:57
that you heard me express the need that
50:59
I had and
51:01
instead of making me feel good in your being me or
51:03
making you feel like it was too much of an
51:05
ask you listened to me and you did
51:07
that for me and that's the most romantic
51:09
thing that anyone has ever done for me
51:12
Jennifer the Rock you're
51:15
going to make a great
51:17
mayor because it's saying
51:19
thank you it is difficult I'm
51:22
a wonderful mayor I love you Chaz!
51:27
Jennifer loves you too Jennifer
51:30
loves you too it's true
51:34
Jennifer scrambles over runs as quickly as she can
51:36
across the other side of the stage and hugs
51:38
Chaz his ankle oh
51:40
Jennifer you're here hi hey
51:43
thank you tell us more more
51:48
beef get up here say what you like about me beef
51:51
steps forward hi
51:53
said Jennifer
51:56
hi Jennifer hi Jennifer I really miss you
52:00
you right here
52:02
these the dynamics are very
52:04
off and different without
52:07
you here chip
52:11
and chalice are four-plane
52:14
question mark I think Jennifer is
52:16
running for mayor
52:25
God help us all she
52:28
will bring the fun back into fundraiser
52:30
I love you want
52:40
you grant Jennifer
52:45
Jennifer runs over and grabs your
52:48
ankle today you have
52:50
folks you're only as
52:52
good as the people who
52:55
love you and support you remember
52:58
if you run
53:58
over there and try to buy them for my son And not
54:01
before I do. Chalice give
54:03
me a persuasion check. Chip
54:05
give me a deception check. We
54:08
need the average of the two to be
54:11
above a 13. Okay
54:16
that's very good because I got a 9. Okay
54:19
people start moving towards, like
54:21
scrambling towards signing up for
54:24
the silent auction for Saba's business
54:26
ideas. All the
54:28
little rats are moving and grooving on
54:31
stage having a blast. And
54:33
we cut to post fundraiser. The
54:36
last couple of people shuffle out
54:38
and it's Kathy and
54:40
Craig start to shuffle out. Honestly
54:43
it was really nice to have
54:45
an honest conversation. I feel like we made a
54:47
lot of headway. Shut
54:49
the f**k up Craig we're going home. Kathy
54:53
was here too. She didn't
54:55
have any right. Yeah,
54:57
a little bit of a hypocrite. I
54:59
would say so. They'll deal
55:01
with that on their own. Not our
55:03
problem. No we'll get involved in that marriage
55:06
later. I'm meddling. You're
55:08
right sorry I meant to say not our
55:10
problem tonight. Can't wait to dive straight into
55:12
that tomorrow. For sure. Oh
55:16
my gosh what a day. I
55:18
can't believe it. I'm
55:20
finally mayor. Yeah
55:23
let's let her have it. All right
55:25
whatever. She did a good job. You
55:27
did do a good job Jennifer. I'm actually. Who
55:30
am I gonna say this. Yeah I'm proud of you.
55:33
Thank you. How'd that feel
55:35
jealous. Awful. Don't
55:38
say it. I would not recommend saying. Wasn't planning
55:40
on it. Can we count the gold. Let's
55:43
count that gold. Count that
55:45
gold. Count that gold.
55:47
Money dance money dance money dance. OK for
55:50
each of these individuals what I'm
55:53
going to have you
55:55
roll is a D 100. You
55:59
can pick who's going to. to do that you can enroll right
56:01
now that's gonna be the percentage of people that donated not
56:04
okay not and then I want
56:07
someone to roll a d20
56:10
just flat Elizabeth you want to roll the
56:12
d20 and I'll roll the d100 okay holy cow 94% oh
56:18
my god oh my god I got 17 honey
56:20
holy cow so it's 228 people donated to
56:22
the campaign
56:27
and the average donation was 17
56:30
gold pieces holy cow y'all raised
56:32
3800 you that rule oh what
56:34
do we do we should make
56:36
bottoms up a strip joint you
56:52
guys yeah what were we thinking
56:54
I don't know if you guys have been
56:56
following the news lately but you're only allowed to
56:58
use campaign funds on the campaign just as a
57:00
oh my god are you kidding yeah that's kind
57:02
of a big thing nowadays in the news I
57:05
don't think we need her I don't think
57:07
we need Pam Kane not when you
57:14
got yourself a campaign grandma an assistant
57:17
an old secret service chip over
57:20
here and a
57:22
mayor hands in on three so
57:25
we leave them out until we're just saying hands
57:28
in we're just saying we're just saying
57:30
yeah well on three you put your
57:35
hands in oh okay and
57:38
then we and then and then we'll do a
57:40
count to three and we'll say mayor at the
57:42
end of that yeah yeah okay
57:44
the beef go ahead and start is off hands
57:46
in on three why we don't say anything we
57:48
put your hand in and
57:52
no silently so start
57:54
over start over hands
57:56
in on three one two
57:58
three Yeah
58:01
Jennifer I didn't say anything. I just
58:03
made a noise don't make a
58:05
noise start over hands
58:08
in on three one two
58:10
three Okay,
58:13
I'll take it all right mayor
58:17
on three one two three
58:19
Mayor! Sitcom
58:28
D&D is comprised of Elizabeth Andrews Ben Briggs
58:30
Aaron Keith Waleed Mansour and me Sean Coyle.
58:33
Arnie Pett wrote the theme song Elizabeth
58:35
and I worked out the story concept and
58:37
Sean Maher did the editing on this one
58:40
And if you haven't heard now, it's actually
58:42
an excellent time to check out our patreon
58:45
We have over 100 episodes of
58:47
content on the patreon ready for
58:49
your listening and viewing pleasure The
58:52
support from our patrons is what makes
58:55
this show possible It's how we pay
58:57
for editors equipment all the
58:59
expenses that go into creating this show that
59:01
we love So shout out
59:03
to patrons like Rina the blood witch
59:06
buckaroo bonsai Buffy
59:09
Belmont bugs and basketball
59:12
bunch of seagulls But
59:14
sword and C4 bread
59:17
and many more so hop on now for
59:19
five bucks and get access to over 100
59:22
hours of content Instantly and for
59:24
those of you who are already subscribed
59:26
to our patreon This
59:31
week's episode is slow
59:34
Tuesday part 3 Another
59:37
peek behind the curtain where you get to
59:39
see what the bottoms-up gang is up to
59:41
when there's no big adventure afoot And
59:44
this low Tuesday has major
59:46
implications that could shake the
59:48
very foundation of the show
59:52
So you can check it out a patreon.com slash
59:54
sitcom D&D and get in on
59:56
the fun And
59:59
finally if you want to keep Keep up with the
1:00:01
gang, you can follow the show on
1:00:03
Instagram, and that's sitcom D&D. That's sitcom
1:00:05
in the letters D and D. Okay,
1:00:07
I think that's it for now. Until
1:00:10
next Tuesday, thanks as always for listening.
1:00:32
That was a hit down podcast.
Podchaser is the ultimate destination for podcast data, search, and discovery. Learn More