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My name's Otis Gray, and you're

2:21

listening to Sleepy. A

2:29

podcast where I read old books to help you get

2:31

to sleep. I've

2:35

got a reading tonight from an

2:37

author that I've not read on the

2:39

show before. Marie

2:42

Carelli. And her

2:45

writing is just so beautiful. It's

2:48

quite easy

2:50

to get lost in. I think

2:52

you're going to like falling asleep to it. I

2:55

just want to give a quick heads

2:57

up that next week we

3:00

have some news in

3:02

the form of a brand new show. It's

3:05

going to be a daytime companion

3:08

to this podcast. It's going to

3:10

be me reading, and

3:12

I'm very excited to share it with you. Keep

3:16

an eye out next week, or keep an ear

3:18

out for this new show. I

3:21

will let you know about it on this feed

3:23

next Sunday. Before

3:26

we get to tonight's bedtime reading,

3:29

I just want to profoundly thank all

3:31

of our brand new patrons on patreon.com,

3:34

which is a website where you can go and pledge a

3:36

couple bucks for an ad-free version of the show. So,

3:41

this week's wonderful patrons. Candice

4:01

Cooper, Frank

4:03

Grogan, and

4:05

Monica Peralta. Thank

4:08

you all so so much for donating and being

4:10

a part of making this show. It

4:13

really, really means a lot. And

4:16

for anyone who doesn't know, these

4:18

names that I just read are brand new

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supporters of Sleepy from

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patreon.com/Sleepy Radio. Patreon

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the people who make the stuff that you

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like. So

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you can support the Sleepy

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Podcast by pledging a

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dollar a month. Like I

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said earlier, two dollars a month gets

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you access to the ad-free version of the show.

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Five dollars gets you access to our poetry

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feed with a bunch of extra

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episodes you've never heard before. But

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even if you donate a dollar, it will

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after you do. So

4:59

again, if you want to be a part of making

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this show, go to

5:04

patreon.com/Sleepy Radio. Thank

5:06

you. And

5:10

as always, the music you're hearing is by

5:12

my good friend James Lepkowski. And

5:14

the cover art for Sleepy is by Gracie

5:16

Canan. So

5:27

I had never read Marie

5:30

Corelli before tonight. I

5:32

don't think at least. And

5:35

this novel, The Young Diana, an

5:38

experiment of the future, is

5:43

pretty remarkably written. The

5:46

language that she uses is really

5:50

mesmerizing to read. It's

5:53

actually one of the few readings

5:56

where a lot

5:58

of these old books run out. Senators

6:00

were kind a threat am

6:02

to the last like half

6:05

a page. then. Sake

6:08

that are you doing like start

6:10

to catch your breath so long?

6:12

These answers are that's usually pretty

6:14

boy learn to listen to do

6:16

really pretty woman to read. But

6:20

very rarely as way

6:22

of writing is really

6:25

really long I'm really

6:27

make me and during

6:29

sentences that it is

6:31

on laden with beautiful

6:34

word. And

6:36

I'm now! I was very surprised

6:38

seeing how long these sentences and

6:40

paragraphs were, how much I enjoyed

6:42

reading it. So

6:46

I really hope that you

6:48

like this some the beginning

6:50

of this novel. The Young

6:52

Diana by Marie Curie. You're.

6:56

Going to year on a good

6:58

portion of this first chapter Read

7:01

once so you can fall deeper

7:03

sleep. And then it

7:05

will repeat itself so you can

7:07

stay Debussy. The

7:10

now's the time for you. To. Fluff

7:12

up your bello. Just daylight in. Feel

7:16

yourself melt into your bank. Get

7:19

real comfortable. Goes

7:23

arrives. I

7:25

let me read you. The

7:43

young Diana, Chapter One. Once.

7:48

Upon a time when earlier and

7:50

less congested days of literary effort.

7:53

And author was accustomed to address the

7:55

public as gentle reader. There.

7:58

Was a civil phrase. Involving a pretty

8:01

piece of flattery. An

8:03

implied three things: First.

8:05

That if the reader and were not gentle

8:07

the authors courtesy my persuade him or her

8:10

in a become so. Secondly,

8:13

That. Criticism: Whether favorable or the

8:15

reverse, my perhaps be generously postpone

8:17

to the reading of the book

8:19

was finished. And.

8:22

Thirdly, That. The other had

8:24

no is to irritate the readers' feelings.

8:27

The. Rather sought to prepare and serve the

8:29

way of a friendly understanding. Now.

8:34

I am I, one of my predecessors

8:36

know these delicate points of understanding. And.

8:39

I am about to relay what every

8:41

person of merely average intelligence is likely

8:43

to regard as an incredible narrow. I

8:46

think it as well to begin politely. Than.

8:48

The old fashioned grand manner of appeal.

8:51

Which. Is half apologetic. And.

8:53

Half conciliatory. gentle

8:57

reader, therefore. I. Pray you

9:00

to be friends with me. Do.

9:02

Not lose either. Patients are temper was

9:04

following the strange adventures of a very

9:06

strange woman. Though. In

9:08

case you should be disappointed in seeking for what

9:11

you will not find. Let. Me

9:13

say it once. the my story is not of the

9:15

sex problem time. Where.

9:19

One is not. Distracted.

9:21

From the path of decency and order. Are

9:24

drawn to a bad and. In.

9:26

Fact: I cannot bring her to an end. It all. The

9:29

she still very much alive and doing

9:31

uncommonly well for herself? And.

9:36

The end for Diana May

9:38

would seem not only Congress,

9:41

but manifestly impossible. Life.

9:46

As we all know is a curious business.

9:49

It is like a stage mass good two

9:51

phases. The. One comic, the

9:53

other tragic. The.

9:56

Way we look at it depends on the way it looks at

9:58

us. some of the have

10:00

seen it on both sides and are

10:02

neither edified nor impressed. Then

10:05

again, life is a series

10:08

of sensations. We

10:10

who live now are always describing life. They

10:13

who lived long ago did the same. It

10:17

seems that none of us have ever found

10:19

one or can ever find

10:21

anything better to occupy ourselves with all. All

10:26

through the ages, the millions of human creatures

10:28

who were once born and are now dead,

10:31

passed their time on this planet

10:33

in experiencing sensations and

10:35

relating their experiences to one another, each

10:38

telling his or her little tale of woe in

10:40

a different way. So

10:43

anxious were they, and so anxious

10:45

are we, to explain the special

10:48

and individual manner in which our

10:50

mental and physical vibrations respond to

10:52

the particular circumstances in which we

10:54

find ourselves, that all systems

10:56

of religion, government, science,

10:58

art, and philosophy have been

11:00

and are evolved simply

11:03

and solely out of the pains and pleasures

11:05

of a mass of atoms who

11:07

are feeling things and trying

11:09

to express their feelings to each other. These

11:14

feelings they designate by various lofty

11:17

names, such as faith,

11:19

logic, reason, opinion,

11:22

wisdom, and so forth. And

11:26

upon them they build temporary fabrics of

11:28

law and order, vastly

11:30

solid in appearance, yet collapsible

11:32

as a house of cards and

11:34

crumbling at a touch. While

11:37

every now and again there comes a

11:39

sudden, looked-for interruption to their

11:41

discussions and plans, a

11:44

kind of dark pause and suggestion of

11:46

chaos, such as a great war, a

11:49

plague, or other unwelcome visitation of

11:52

God wherein feelings almost

11:54

cease or else people are

11:56

too frightened to talk about them. They

12:00

are chilled into nervous silence and wait, afflicted

12:03

by fear and discouragement, until

12:06

the cloud passes and the air clears. Then

12:11

the perpetual buzz of feeling begins again

12:13

in the mixed base and

12:15

treble of complaint and rejoicing, a

12:18

kind of monotonous noise without harmony. External

12:23

nature has no partner, for

12:25

man is the only creature that ever

12:27

tries to explain the phenomena of existence.

12:32

It is not in the least comprehensible why

12:34

he alone should thus trouble and perplex himself,

12:37

or why his incessant consideration and analysis

12:39

of his own emotions should be allowed

12:41

to go on. For,

12:44

whatsoever education may do for us,

12:47

we shall never be educated out of the sense of

12:50

our own importance. She

12:53

is an odd fact, moving many

12:56

thoughtful minds to never-ending wonder.

13:00

My heroine, Diana May, wondered.

13:04

She was always wondering. She

13:06

spent weeks and months and years in a chronic

13:09

state of wonder. She

13:12

wondered about herself and several other people,

13:15

because she thought both herself and those

13:17

several other people so absurd. She

13:21

found no use for herself in the general scheme

13:23

of things, and tried with

13:25

much patient humility to account for herself.

13:30

But though she read books on science, books

13:32

on psychology, books on

13:35

natural and spiritual law, and

13:37

studied complex problems of evolution and selection

13:39

of species till her poor dim eyes

13:41

grew dimmer, and the lines

13:44

from nose to chin became ever

13:46

longer and deeper, she could

13:48

discover no way through the thick bog of

13:50

her difficulties. She

13:53

was an awkward numeral in a sum. She

13:56

did not know why she came in, or how

13:59

she was to be God. out. Her

14:05

father and mother were

14:07

what are called very well-to-do people,

14:10

with pleasantly suburban reputations

14:12

for a respectability and

14:14

regular church attendance. Mr.

14:18

James Polidore May. This

14:20

was his name in full, as engraved

14:22

on his visiting card, was a small man

14:25

in stature, but in self-complacency

14:27

the biggest one alive. He

14:31

had made a considerable fortune in a

14:33

certain manufacturing business, which need

14:35

not here be specified, and

14:38

he had speculated with it in a shrewd

14:40

and careful manner, which was not

14:42

without a touch of genius, the

14:44

happy result being that he always

14:47

gained and never lost. Now

14:50

at the age of 60, he was

14:53

free from all financial care and

14:55

could rattle gold and silver in his trouser

14:58

pockets with a sense of pleasure in their

15:00

chinkling sound. They

15:02

had the sweetness of church bells, which

15:05

proclaimed the sheer nearness of a

15:07

prosperous town. He

15:10

was not a bad-looking little veteran. He

15:13

said, as he was fond of saying of himself,

15:16

a good chess measurement. And

15:19

though his legs were short, they were

15:21

not a bandy. Inclined

15:23

to corpulence, the two

15:25

lower buttons of his waistcoat were generally

15:27

left undone, that he

15:30

might the more easily stretch himself after a

15:32

full meal. The

15:35

physiognomy was not so much

15:37

intelligent as pugnacious. His

15:40

bushy eyebrows, hair, and mustache gave him

15:42

at certain moments the look of an

15:44

arassable old terrier. He

15:48

had keen small eyes, coming

15:50

close to the bridge of a rather pronounced

15:52

nose, and to these

15:54

characteristics was added a generally assertive air,

15:57

an air which went before him like an advancing

15:59

atmosphere. atmosphere, heralding his approach

16:02

as a somebody, that

16:04

sort of atmosphere which invariably

16:06

accompanies nobody's. His

16:10

admiration of the fair sex was

16:12

open and not always discreet, and

16:14

from his youth he had believed

16:17

himself capable of subjugating any and every

16:19

woman. He

16:21

had an agreeable first manner of his

16:23

own on introduction, a manner

16:26

which was absolutely deceptive, giving

16:29

no clue to the uglier side of his nature.

16:33

His wife could have told whole stories about

16:35

this first manner of his had

16:38

she not long ago given up on the

16:40

attempt to retain any hold on her own

16:42

individuality. She

16:45

had been a woman of average intelligence when

16:47

she married him, commonplace

16:50

certainly, but good natured

16:52

and willing to make the best of everything. Needless

16:57

to say that the illusions of youth vanished

16:59

with the first years of wadded life, as

17:02

they are apt to do, and

17:04

she had gradually sunk into a

17:07

flabby condition of resigned non-entity, seeing

17:09

there was nothing else left for her. The

17:14

dull, tame tenor of her days had once

17:17

been interrupted by the birth of her only

17:19

child Diana, of as

17:21

long as she was small and young, and

17:23

while she was being educated under the

17:25

usual system of governance and schools, was

17:28

an object of delight, affection,

17:30

amusement, and interest, and

17:33

who, when she grew up and came out

17:35

at eighteen as a graceful, pretty girl of

17:38

the freshest type of English beauty, gave

17:40

her mother something to love and to live for. But

17:45

alas, Diana had proved the

17:47

bitterest of all her disappointments. The

17:51

coming out business, the balls,

17:53

the race meetings, and the other matrimonial

17:55

traps that had been set in vain,

17:59

the training, The music, the dancing,

18:02

the twalettes, had failed to

18:04

attract, and Diana had not

18:06

married. She

18:09

had fallen in love, as most girls

18:11

do before they know much about men, and

18:14

she had engaged herself to an offer

18:16

with expectations, for whom, with

18:18

a romantic devotion as out of date

18:21

as the poems of Chaucer, she

18:23

had waited for seven long years in

18:25

a resigned condition of alarming constancy. And

18:29

then, when his expectations

18:31

were realized, he had

18:34

promptly thrown her over for a fairer and

18:36

younger partner. By

18:40

that time, Diana was

18:42

what is called getting on. All

18:45

this had tried the temper of Mrs. James Polidormay

18:48

considerably, and she took

18:51

refuge from her many vexations in the pleasures

18:53

of the table, and contellations

18:55

of sleep. The

19:00

result of this mode of procedure

19:02

was that she became corpulent and

19:04

unwieldy. Her original

19:06

self was swallowed up in a sort

19:08

of featherbed of adipose tissue, from

19:11

which she peered out on the world

19:13

with protruding, lustrous eyes, the

19:15

tip of her small nose seeming

19:17

to protest feebly against the injustice

19:19

of being well-nigh walled from sight

19:22

between the massive flabby cheeks

19:24

on either side of its

19:26

never-classic and distinctly parsimonious proportion.

19:32

With oversleep and overeating, she

19:34

had matured into a stupid and somewhat

19:36

obstinate woman, with a

19:38

habit of saying unmeanly nice or nasty

19:41

things. She

19:43

would gush, affectionately, to all and

19:45

sundry, to the maid who

19:47

fastened her shoes as ardently as to a

19:49

friend of many years' standing. Yet

19:53

she would mock her own guess behind their backs,

19:56

or unkindly criticize the physical and mental

19:58

defects of the very man. and

20:00

her woman she had flattered obsequiously

20:02

five minutes before. So

20:06

then she was not exactly a safe

20:08

acquaintance. You never knew where

20:10

to have her. But,

20:13

as is often the case with these

20:15

placidly smiling ladies, everyone

20:17

seemed to be in a conspiracy to call

20:19

her sweet and dear and kind.

20:22

Whereas in very true, she was one of

20:24

the most selfish souls extant. Her

20:28

charities were always carefully considered and bestowed

20:30

in quarters where she was likely to

20:33

get the most credit for them. Her

20:36

profusely expressed sympathy for other

20:38

people's troubles exhausted itself in

20:40

a few moments, and

20:42

she would straight away forget what form

20:44

of loss or misfortune she had been

20:46

commiserating. While,

20:49

despite her proverbial fear and

20:51

sweet attributes, she had

20:53

a sulky temper which would hold her

20:55

in its grip for days, during

20:58

which time she would neither speak nor be

21:00

spoken to. Her

21:03

chief interest and attention were centered

21:05

on e-tables, and she

21:07

always made a point of going to breakfast in

21:09

advance of her husband so that

21:12

she might select for herself the most succulent

21:14

morsels out of the regulation dish of

21:17

fried bacon before he had a chance to

21:19

look in. One

21:23

and wife were always arguing with each

21:25

other, and both were always wrong in each

21:27

other's opinion. Mrs.

21:30

James Polidore May considered her worser

21:32

half as something of a wayward

21:34

and peevish child, and

21:36

he in turn looked upon her as a

21:39

useful domestic female. Perfectly

21:41

simple and natural, he

21:43

was wont to say, a statement

21:45

which, if true, would have been

21:48

vastly convenient to him, as he could then

21:50

have deceived her more easily. But

21:54

deeper than ever, Plummette sounded, was

21:56

the simplicity, wherewith Mrs. James Polidore

21:58

May was in down, and

22:01

the natural way in which she managed to secure

22:03

her own comfort, convenience, and ease

22:05

while assuming to be the most guileless and

22:08

unselfish of women. Indeed,

22:12

there were times when she was fairly astonished

22:14

at her soul for having

22:16

arranged things so cleverly as

22:18

she expressed it. Whenever

22:21

a woman of her type admits to having

22:23

arranged things cleverly, you may

22:25

be sure that the most astute lawyer alive

22:27

could never surpass her in the height or

22:29

depth of duplicity. Such

22:34

briefly outlined were the characteristics of

22:37

the couple who, in an

22:39

absent-minded moment, had taken upon themselves the

22:41

responsibility of bringing a woman into the

22:43

world for whom apparently the world had

22:45

no use. Woman,

22:48

considered in the rough abstract as

22:51

only the pack mule of man, as

22:54

goods, cradled especially to be

22:56

the vessel of his passion and humor, and

22:59

without his favor and support, she

23:02

is by universal consent down as

23:04

a lonely and wandering mistake. Such

23:09

is the law and the prophets. Under

23:12

these circumstances, which have recently shown

23:14

signs of yielding to pressure, Diana,

23:17

the rapidly aging woman, daughter

23:20

of Mr. and Mrs. James Polidore

23:22

May, was in a pitiable way.

23:27

No man wanted her. No man

23:29

sought to add her person to his good or

23:31

child's. Life

23:33

had been very monotonous for her since she passed

23:36

the turning point of thirty years. Nice

23:39

people who always say nasty things remarked

23:42

how passe she was getting, thereby

23:45

helping the aging process considerably. She

23:49

meanwhile bore her lot with exemplary

23:52

cheerfulness. She neither grizzled

23:54

nor complained nor showed herself

23:56

envious of youth or youthful loveliness.

24:00

A comforting idea of duty took possession of

24:03

her mind, and she devoted

24:05

herself to the tender care of her mother

24:08

and irritable father, waiting

24:10

upon them and saying her

24:12

prayers for them night and morning as simply as

24:14

a child, without the

24:16

faintest suspicion that they were

24:18

past praying for. The

24:22

years went on, and she took pains

24:24

to educate herself in all that might be useful.

24:27

She read much and thought more. She

24:31

mastered two or three languages. She

24:33

spoke them with ease and fluency, and

24:36

she was an admirable musician. She

24:40

had an abundance of pretty light brown

24:42

hair, and all her movements were graceful. But

24:46

alas, the unmistakable look of

24:48

growing old was stamped upon her

24:50

once mobile features. She

24:52

had become angular, and the unbecoming

24:55

straight line from waist to knee, which

24:57

gave her figure a kind of pitiful

25:00

masculinity, was developed with

25:02

hard and bony relentlessness. One

25:06

charm she had, which she herself recognized

25:08

and took care to cultivate, a

25:11

low, sweet voice, an excellent

25:13

thing in woman. If

25:16

one chance to hear her speaking in an

25:18

adjoining room, the effect was

25:20

remarkable. One

25:23

felt that some exquisite creature of immortal

25:25

youth and tenderness was expressing a heavenly

25:27

thought in music. Mr.

25:31

James Polidormay, as

25:33

I have already ventured to suggest, was

25:36

nothing if not respectable. He

25:39

was a JP. This,

25:41

in English suburban places at least,

25:43

is the hallmark of an unimpeachable

25:45

rectitude. Another

25:48

sign of his good standing and

25:50

general uprightness was, that stated

25:53

seasons, he always went for a change

25:55

of air. We

25:57

all know that the person who remains in one

25:59

place, place for the whole year round is beyond

26:02

the pale and cannot be received

26:04

in the best society. Mr.

26:07

May had a handsome house and grounds in

26:10

the close vicinity of Richmond with

26:12

an easy distance of the town. But

26:15

when the London season ended, he

26:18

and Mrs. May invariably discovered their home

26:20

to be stuffy and

26:22

sighed for more expansive

26:24

breathing and purer oxygen

26:27

than Richmond could supply.

26:29

They had frequently taken a shooting

26:31

or fishing in Scotland, but

26:33

that was in the days when there were

26:35

still matrimonial hopes for Diana, and

26:38

when marriageable men could be invited not

26:40

only to handle rod and gun, but

26:43

to inspect their one ewe lamb, which

26:46

they were over-anxious to sell to the highest bidder.

26:50

These happy dreams were at an end. It

26:53

was no longer worthwhile to lay in extensive supplies of

26:55

whiskey and cigars by way of impetuous, determined, or

26:57

hesitating benedicts when they came

27:03

back from a day in the morse tired, sleepy,

27:05

and stupid enough to drift off

27:08

into a proposal of marriage almost

27:10

unconsciously. Mr. May seldom invited a

27:12

young man to stay with him

27:15

now. For

27:18

the very reason that he could not get them. They

27:21

found him a boar, his wife doll, and

27:25

his daughter an old maid. The

27:28

term of deprecation still freely used by the golden youth

27:30

of the day, despite

27:32

the modern and more civil term of lady bachelor. So

27:38

he drew in the horns of his past ambition

27:41

and consoled himself with the society of two or

27:44

three portly men of his own age and habits,

27:47

men who played golf and billiards, and

27:49

who, if they could do nothing else,

27:51

smoked continuously. And

27:55

for the necessary change of air, the

27:57

seaside offered itself as a means of health.

28:00

without too excessive an expenditure,

28:02

and instead of chasing the wild

28:04

deer and following the row, a

28:07

simple hammock chair on the sandy beach and

28:10

a golf course with an easy walking

28:12

distance provided sufficient relaxation. Not

28:17

that Mr. May was in any sense parsimonious.

28:20

He did not take a cottage by the sea or

28:23

cheap lodgings. On

28:26

the contrary, he was always prepared to

28:28

do the thing handsomely and

28:30

to select what the house agents call an

28:32

ideal residence. At

28:37

the particular time I am writing of, he

28:39

had just settled down for the summer in a

28:42

very special ideal on the coast of Devon.

28:46

It was a house which had formerly belonged to

28:48

an artist, but the artist had

28:50

recently died and is handsome

28:52

and not insoluble widow stated that she

28:54

found it dumb. She

28:58

was glad to let it for two or three months in

29:01

order to get away with that restless

29:03

alacrity which distinguishes so many people who

29:05

find anything better than their own homes.

29:09

And Mr. and Mrs. Polidore May, though,

29:12

as they said, were certainly

29:14

a little quiet after London, were

29:16

glad to have it at quite a

29:18

moderate rental for the charming place it really was.

29:23

The gardens were exquisitely laid out

29:25

and carefully kept. The

29:28

smooth velvety lawns ran down almost to

29:30

the sea where a little white

29:32

gate opened out from the green of the grass

29:34

to the gold of the sand. The

29:38

rooms were tastefully furnished and

29:41

Diana, when she first saw the place,

29:43

going some days in advance of her father and

29:46

mother, as was her walk, in

29:48

order to make things ready and comfortable for them.

29:52

Though how happy she could be if only such

29:54

a house and garden were hers to enjoy, independently

29:56

of others. For

30:00

a week before her respected and

30:03

respectable parents came, in

30:05

the intervals of unpacking and

30:07

arranging matters so that the domestic

30:09

staff could assume their ordinary duties

30:11

with smoothness and regularity, she

30:14

wandered about alone, exploring

30:16

the beauties of her surroundings. Her

30:19

thin, flat figure striking a curious

30:21

note of sadness and solitude

30:24

as she sometimes stood in the garden among

30:27

a wealth of flowers, looking

30:29

out to the tender dove-gray line of

30:31

the horizon across the sea. The

30:35

servants, peeping at her from the kitchen

30:37

and pantry windows, made their own comments.

30:51

The Young Diana, Chapter 1 Once

30:57

upon a time, in earlier and less

30:59

congested days of literary effort, an

31:02

author was accustomed to address the public

31:04

as gentle reader. It

31:07

was a civil phrase, involving a pretty piece

31:09

of flattery. It implied

31:12

three things. First, that

31:14

if the reader were not gentle, the

31:16

author's courtesy might persuade him or her

31:18

to become so. Secondly,

31:21

that criticism, whether favorable or

31:23

the reverse, might perhaps be generously

31:25

postponed till the reading of the

31:27

book was finished. And

31:31

thirdly, that the author had

31:33

no wish to irritate the reader's feelings, but

31:36

rather sought to prepare and smooth the way

31:38

of a friendly understanding. Now

31:42

I am at one of my predecessors in

31:44

all these delicate points of understanding, and I

31:47

am about to relay what every person

31:50

of merely average intelligence is likely to

31:52

regard as an incredible narrative. I

31:54

think it as well to begin politely, in

31:57

the old-fashioned, grand manner of appeal. which

32:00

is half apologetic and

32:02

half conciliatory. Gentle

32:06

reader, therefore, I pray

32:08

you to be friends with me. Do

32:11

not lose either patience or temper while

32:13

following the strange adventures of a very

32:15

strange woman, though in

32:17

case you should be disappointed in seeking for what

32:19

you will not find. Let me

32:21

say at once that my story is not of the

32:23

sex problem type. My

32:27

heroine is not distracted from

32:29

the paths of decency and order or

32:32

drawn to a bad end. In

32:34

fact, I cannot bring her to an end at all, as

32:37

she is still very much alive and doing it

32:40

commonly well for herself. Any

32:45

end for Diana May would seem

32:47

not only in Congress but manifestly

32:50

impossible. Life,

32:54

as we all know, is a curious

32:56

business. It is like

32:58

a stage mask with two faces. The

33:01

one comic, the other tragic. The

33:04

way we look at it depends on the way it looks at us.

33:08

Some of us have seen it on both sides and

33:10

are neither edified nor impressed. Then

33:14

again, life is a series

33:16

of sensations. We

33:18

who live now are always describing life. They

33:22

who lived long ago did the same. It

33:25

seems that none of us have ever found

33:27

one or can ever find

33:29

anything better to occupy ourselves with all. All

33:35

through the ages, the millions of human creatures

33:37

who were once born and are now dead,

33:40

pass their time on this planet

33:42

in experiencing sensations and

33:44

relating their experiences to one another, each

33:47

telling his or her little tale of woe in

33:49

a different way. So

33:52

anxious were they, and so anxious are

33:54

we, to explain the special and individual

33:56

manner in which our mental and physical

33:59

vibrations respond. to the particular

34:01

circumstances in which we find ourselves,

34:04

that all systems of religion, government,

34:06

science, art, and philosophy have

34:08

been and are evolved

34:11

simply and solely out of the pains and

34:13

pleasures of a mass of atoms or

34:16

feeling things and trying to

34:18

express their feelings to each other. These

34:23

feelings they designate by various lofty

34:25

names, such as faith,

34:28

logic, reason, opinion,

34:31

wisdom, and so forth. And

34:34

upon them they build temporary fabrics of

34:36

law and order, vastly

34:38

solid in appearance, yet collapsible

34:41

as a house of cards and

34:43

crumbling at a touch. While

34:46

every now and again there comes

34:48

a sudden, unlooked-for interruption to their

34:50

discussions and plans, a

34:52

kind of dark pause and suggestion of

34:55

chaos, such as a great war, a

34:58

plague, or other unwelcome visitation of

35:00

God wherein feelings almost

35:02

cease or else people are

35:04

too frightened to talk about them. They

35:09

are chilled into nervous silence and wait, afflicted

35:12

by fear and discouragement, until

35:14

the cloud passes and the air clears. Then

35:19

the perpetual buzz of feeling begins again

35:21

in the mixed base and

35:23

treble of complaint and rejoicing, a

35:27

kind of monotonous noise without harmony. External

35:31

nature has no part in it, for

35:34

man is the only creature that ever

35:36

tries to explain the phenomena of existence.

35:40

It is not in the least comprehensible why

35:43

he alone should thus trouble and perplex himself,

35:46

for why his incessant consideration and analysis

35:48

of his own emotions should be allowed

35:50

to go on, for

35:53

whatsoever education may do for us,

35:56

we shall never be educated out of the sense of

35:58

our own importance. Which

36:02

is an odd fact, moving many

36:04

thoughtful minds to never-ending wonder.

36:09

My heroine, Diana May, wondered.

36:13

She was always wondering. She

36:15

spent weeks and months and years in a chronic

36:17

state of wonder. She

36:20

wondered about herself and several other people

36:23

because she thought both herself and those

36:25

several other people so absurd. She

36:29

found no use for herself in the general scheme

36:31

of things and tried with

36:34

much patient humility to account for herself.

36:38

But though she read books on science, books

36:41

on psychology, books on

36:43

natural and spiritual law, and

36:46

studied complex problems of evolution and selection

36:48

of species till her poor dim eyes

36:50

grew dimmer and the lines

36:52

from nose to chin became ever

36:54

longer and deeper, she could

36:56

discover no way through the thick bog

36:58

of her difficulties. She

37:02

was an awkward numeral in a sum. She

37:05

did not know why she came in or

37:07

how she was to be got out. Her

37:14

father and mother were what

37:16

are called very well-to-do people with

37:19

pleasantly suburban reputations for

37:21

a respectability and regular

37:23

church attendance. Mr.

37:27

James Polidore May. This

37:29

was his name in full, as engraved on

37:31

his visiting card, was a small man in

37:33

stature, but in self-complacency

37:36

the biggest one alive. He

37:40

had made a considerable fortune in a

37:42

certain manufacturing business, which need not

37:44

here be specified, and

37:46

he had speculated with it in a shrewd

37:49

and careful manner, which was not without

37:51

a touch of genius. The

37:53

happy result being that he always

37:55

gained and never lost. Now

37:59

at the age of seven. he was

38:01

free from all financial care, and

38:04

could rattle gold and silver in his trouser

38:06

pockets with a sense of pleasure in their

38:08

jingling sound. They

38:11

had the sweetness of church bells, which

38:13

proclaimed the sheer nearness of a

38:15

prosperous town. He

38:19

was not a bad-looking little veteran. He

38:21

said, as he was fond of saying of himself,

38:24

a good chess measurement. And

38:27

though his legs were short, they were

38:29

not bandy. Inclined

38:32

a corpulence, the two

38:34

lower buttons of his waistcoat were generally

38:36

left undone, that he

38:38

might the more easily stretch himself after a

38:40

full meal. The

38:43

physiognomy was not so much intelligent

38:46

as pugnacious. His

38:48

bushy eyebrows, hair, and mustache gave him

38:50

at certain moments the look of an

38:52

irascible old terrier. He

38:56

had keen small eyes, coming close

38:58

to the bridge of a rather pronounced nose,

39:02

and to these characteristics was added a

39:04

generally assertive air, an

39:06

air which went before him like an advancing

39:08

atmosphere, heralding his approach

39:10

as a somebody, that

39:12

sort of atmosphere which invariably

39:14

accompanies nobodies. His

39:18

admiration of the fair sex was

39:20

open and not always discreet, and

39:23

from his youth he had believed

39:25

himself capable of subjugating any and every

39:27

woman. He

39:30

had an agreeable first manner of his

39:32

own unintroduction, a manner

39:35

which was absolutely deceptive, giving

39:37

no clue to the uglier side of his nature.

39:42

His wife could have told whole stories about

39:44

this first manner of his, had

39:46

she not long ago given up on the

39:48

attempt to retain any hold on her own

39:51

individuality. She

39:54

had been a woman of average intelligence when she

39:56

married him. Commonplace,

39:58

certainly. but good-natured and

40:01

willing to make the best of everything. Needless

40:05

to say that the illusions of youth

40:07

vanished with the first years of wedded

40:09

life, as they are apt to do,

40:13

and she had gradually sunk into

40:15

a flabby condition of resigned non-entity,

40:18

seeing there was nothing else left for her. The

40:23

dull, tame tenor of her days had

40:25

once been interrupted by the birth of

40:27

her only child Diana, who

40:29

as long as she was small and young, and

40:32

while she was being educated into the

40:34

usual system of governance in schools, was

40:37

an object of delight, affection,

40:39

amusement and interest, and

40:41

who, when she grew up and came out

40:43

at eighteen as a graceful, pretty girl of

40:46

the freshest type of English beauty, gave

40:49

her mother something to love and to live for. But

40:53

alas, Diana had proved

40:55

the bitterest of all her disappointments. The

40:59

coming-out business, the balls, the

41:02

race-meetings and the other matrimonial traps that

41:04

had been set in vain, the

41:08

training, the music, the dancing, the

41:11

toilets, had failed to attract, and

41:14

Diana had not married. She

41:17

had fallen in love, as most girls

41:19

do before they know much about men, and

41:22

she had engaged herself to an offer

41:24

with expectations, for whom, with

41:27

a romantic devotion as out of date

41:29

as the poems of Chaucer, she

41:32

had waited for seven long years in

41:34

a resigned condition of alarming constancy. And

41:38

then, when his expectations

41:40

were realized, he had

41:42

promptly thrown her over for a fairer and

41:44

younger partner. By

41:48

that time, Diana was

41:51

what is called getting on. All

41:54

this had tried the temper of

41:56

Mrs. James Polador May considerably, and

41:59

she took refuge her many vexations in

42:01

the pleasures of the table and

42:03

contellations of sleep. The

42:09

result of this mode of procedure was

42:11

that she became corpulent and unwieldy. Her

42:14

original self was swallowed up in a

42:16

sort of feather bed of adipose tissue,

42:19

from which she peered out on the

42:21

world with protruding, lustrous eyes, the

42:24

tip of her small nose seeming

42:26

to protest feebly against the injustice

42:28

of being well-nigh wall from sight

42:30

between the massive flabby cheeks

42:33

on either side of its

42:35

never-classic and distinctly parsimonious proportions.

42:40

With over-sleep and over-eating, she

42:43

had matured into a stupid and somewhat

42:45

obstinate woman, with a

42:47

habit of saying unmeanly nice or nasty

42:49

things. She

42:51

would gush affectionately to all and

42:53

sundry, to the maid who

42:56

fastened her shoes as ardently as to a

42:58

friend of many years' standing. Yet

43:01

she would mock her own guests behind their backs,

43:04

or unkindly criticize the physical and

43:06

mental defects of the very man

43:08

or woman she had flattered obsequiously

43:10

five minutes before. So

43:15

then she was not exactly a safe

43:17

acquaintance. You never knew where

43:19

to have her. But,

43:21

as is often the case with these

43:24

placidly, smelly ladies, everyone

43:26

seemed to be in a conspiracy to call

43:28

her sweet and dear and kind,

43:30

whereas in very true she was one of

43:33

the most selfish souls extant. Her

43:37

charities were always carefully considered and bestowed

43:39

in quarters where she was likely to

43:41

get the most credit for them. Her

43:45

profusely expressed sympathy for other people's

43:47

troubles exhausted itself in a few

43:49

moments, and she would

43:52

straightaway forget what form of loss or

43:54

misfortune she had been commiserating. While,

43:57

despite her proverbial fear, and

44:00

sweet attributes. She

44:02

had a sulky temper, which would

44:04

hold her in its grip for days, during

44:06

which time she would neither speak nor be spoken

44:08

to. Her

44:12

chief interest and attention were centered

44:14

on e-tables, and she

44:16

always made a point of going to breakfast in

44:18

advance of her husband, so that

44:20

she might select for herself the most succulent

44:22

morsels out of the regulation dish of

44:25

fried bacon before he had a chance to

44:27

look in. Husband

44:32

and wife were always arguing with each

44:34

other, and both were always wrong in each

44:36

other's opinion. Mrs.

44:39

James Paulador May considered her worser

44:41

half as something of a wayward

44:43

and peevish child, and

44:45

he in turn looked upon her as a

44:47

useful domestic female. Perfectly

44:49

simple and natural, he

44:52

was wont to say, a statement which,

44:55

if true, would have been vastly convenient to

44:57

him, as he could then have deceived her

44:59

more easily. But

45:02

deeper than ever, plummet sounded, was

45:05

the simplicity wherewith Mrs. James Paulador

45:07

May was endowed, and

45:09

the natural way in which she managed to secure

45:12

her own comfort, convenience and ease

45:14

while assuming to be the most guileless and

45:16

unselfish of women. Indeed,

45:20

there were times when she was fairly astonished

45:22

at her soul, for having

45:24

arranged things so cleverly, as

45:27

she expressed it. Whenever

45:29

a woman of her type admits to having

45:31

arranged things cleverly, you may be

45:34

sure that the most astute lawyer alive could never

45:36

surpass her in the height or depth

45:38

of duplicity. Such

45:43

briefly outlined were the characteristics of

45:45

the couple, who, in an

45:47

absent-minded moment, had taken upon themselves the

45:49

responsibility of bringing a woman into the

45:52

world, for whom apparently the world had

45:54

no use. Woman,

45:57

considered in the rough abstract, is

45:59

a woman. only the pack-meal of man. His

46:02

goods, created specially to be

46:04

the vessel of his passion and humor, and

46:07

without his favor and support, she

46:10

is by universal consent down

46:12

as a lonely and wandering mistake. Such

46:18

is the law and the prophets. Under

46:20

these circumstances, which have recently shown

46:23

signs of yielding to pressure, Diana,

46:26

the rapidly aging woman, daughter

46:29

of Mr. and Mrs. James Polidore

46:31

May, was in a pitiable place.

46:35

No man wanted her. No man

46:37

sought to add her person to his good or

46:40

child's. Life

46:42

had been very monotonous for her since she

46:44

passed the turning point of thirty years. Nice

46:47

people, who always say nasty things, remarked

46:50

how passe she was getting, thereby

46:54

helping the aging process considerably. She

46:58

meanwhile bore her lot with exemplary

47:00

cheerfulness. She neither grizzled

47:02

nor complained, nor showed

47:04

herself envious of youth or youthful

47:07

loveliness. A

47:09

comforting idea of duty took possession of her

47:11

mind, and she devoted herself

47:14

to the tenderest care of her mother and

47:16

irritable father, waiting upon

47:18

them and saying her prayers for

47:21

them night and morning as simply as a child,

47:24

without the faintest suspicion that

47:26

they were past praying for. The

47:30

years went on, and she took pains

47:32

to educate herself in all that might be useful.

47:36

She read much and thought more. She

47:39

mastered two or three languages. She

47:42

spoke them with ease and fluency, and

47:45

she was an admirable musician. She

47:49

had an abundance of pretty light brown hair, and

47:51

all her movements were graceful. But

47:54

alas, The unmistakable look of

47:56

growing old was stamped upon her once

47:59

mobile features. To become

48:01

angular. And. They unbecoming straight

48:03

line from ways to me. It's

48:06

gave her figure a kind of pitiful

48:08

masculinity. Was. Developed with

48:10

hard and bony relentlessness. One

48:15

times yen which years recognize

48:17

into current economy. A

48:19

low sweet voice. An excellent

48:22

thing, and one. If

48:24

one chance to hear her speaking in an

48:27

adjoining room. The. Fact was

48:29

remarkable. One.

48:31

Felt that some exquisite creature of

48:33

immortal youth and tenderness was expressing

48:36

a heavenly thought. Music: Mr.

48:39

James Pollard or may. As.

48:42

I have already venture to suggest. Was.

48:44

Nothing if not respectable. He.

48:48

Was A J B. This.

48:50

An English suburban places at least is

48:52

the hallmark of an unimpeachable rectitude. Another

48:57

sign of is good standing in

48:59

general uprightness Ones that stated seasons.

49:02

He. Always went for a change of air. We.

49:06

All know that the person who remains in

49:08

one place for the whole around as beyond

49:10

the pale. And cannot be received

49:12

in the best society. Mr.

49:16

May add a handsome house and grounds and

49:18

they closed the City of Richmond. With

49:20

an easy distance of the town, But.

49:24

When the London season ended. He.

49:26

And Mrs. May invariably discover their

49:28

home to be stuffy. Inside

49:31

for more expansive breathing and pure

49:33

oxygen and Richmond good supply. They.

49:38

Frequently taken a shooting or fishing

49:40

and. But.

49:42

Those in the days when there are

49:44

still matrimonial hopes. Her Diana. And

49:46

when married a woman can be invite him. Not.

49:49

Only to handle run and gun

49:51

but to inspect their one you

49:53

lamb. Was. There over anxious

49:55

to sell to the highest bidder. These.

49:59

abby dreams were at an end. It

50:02

was no longer worth while to

50:04

lay in extensive supplies of whisky

50:06

and cigars by way of impetuous,

50:08

determined, or hesitating benedicts when

50:11

they came back from a day in the morse tired,

50:13

sleepy, and stupid enough to drift

50:15

off into a proposal of marriage

50:17

almost unconsciously. Mr.

50:23

May seldom invited a young man to stay with him

50:26

now, for the very reason that he

50:28

could not get them. They

50:30

found him a bore. His

50:33

wife, too, and his daughter an old man. A

50:36

term of deprecation still freely used by the

50:39

golden youth of the day, despite

50:41

the modern and more civil term of

50:43

Lady Bachelor. So

50:47

he drew in the horns of his past ambition,

50:49

and consoled himself with the society of two

50:52

or three portly men of his own age

50:54

and habits, men who played

50:56

golf and billiards, and who, if

50:58

they could do nothing else, smoked continuously. And

51:03

for the necessary change of air, the

51:06

seaside offered itself as a means of health

51:08

without too excessive an expenditure,

51:11

and instead of chasing the wild deer

51:13

and following the row, a simple

51:16

hammock chair on the sandy beach, and

51:19

a golf course at an easy walking

51:21

distance provided sufficient relaxation. Not

51:26

that Mr. May was in any sense parsimonious.

51:29

He did not take a cottage by the sea, or

51:32

cheap lodgings. On

51:34

the contrary, he was always prepared to

51:37

do the thing handsomely, and

51:39

to select what the house agents call an

51:41

ideal residence. At

51:45

the particular time I am writing of, he

51:48

had just settled down for the summer in

51:50

a very special ideal on the coast of

51:52

Devon. It

51:55

was a house which had formerly belonged to an

51:57

artist, but the artist had recently

51:59

died. and his handsome and

52:01

not insoluble widow stated that she found

52:03

it down. She

52:07

was glad to let it for two or three months in

52:09

order to get away with that restless

52:12

alacrity which distinguishes so many people to

52:14

find anything better than their own homes.

52:18

And Mr. and Mrs. Polidormay, though,

52:20

as they said, was certainly

52:22

a little quiet after London, were

52:25

glad to have it at quite a

52:27

moderate rental for the charming place it really was.

52:32

The gardens were exquisitely laid out and

52:34

carefully kept. The

52:36

smooth velvety lawns ran down almost to

52:38

the sea where a little white

52:41

gate opened out from the green of the grass

52:43

to the gold of the sand. The

52:47

rooms were tastefully furnished and

52:49

Diana, when she first saw the place,

52:52

going some days in advance of her father and

52:54

mother, as was her warmth, in

52:57

order to make things ready and comfortable for them.

53:00

Thought how happy she could be if only such

53:02

a house and garden were hers to enjoy, independently

53:05

of others. For

53:09

a week before her respected and respectable

53:11

parents came, in the

53:13

intervals of unpacking and arranging

53:16

matters so that the domestic staff

53:18

could assume their ordinary duties with

53:20

smoothness and regularity, she

53:22

wandered about alone, exploring

53:24

the beauties of her surroundings. Her

53:28

thin, flat figure striking a curious

53:30

note of sadness and solitude

53:33

as she sometimes stood in the garden among

53:35

a wealth of flowers, looking

53:37

out to the tender dove-gray line of

53:39

the horizon across the sea. The

53:44

servants, peeping at her from the kitchen

53:46

and pantry windows, made their own comments.

53:59

Thank you for listening. to sleep. Good

54:01

night.