0:00

Remember last time I told you

0:03

about the senior moment I had with the mannequin

0:05

in the... Yes I do. Had another moment. I've

0:07

been on two up... A senior

0:09

moment or a mannequin moment? No senior

0:11

moment. No mannequin moments. Thank

0:13

God. It was two mannequin moments. I'd say you had

0:15

an obsession. Yeah, I've avoided mannequins. I've been up in

0:18

Queensland. I went to Ipswich. Oh yeah. The

0:21

switch? Doing gigs? Yeah, with Brad Oakes.

0:23

No, gigs. Oh, nice. And

0:25

then Bundaberg. Bundaberg. Bundaberg was awesome.

0:27

And the other thing was, did you go and have some

0:29

beer? No, what did they make? Rum. Rum.

0:33

And ginger beer. And ginger beer. I drove past the

0:35

Bundaberg ginger beer factory and I wanted

0:37

to go in because they have sampling and stuff and I love

0:39

ginger beer and they make a lot of great soft

0:42

drinks, the Bundaberg company. But

0:44

I was going to the beach and I really wanted to go

0:46

for a swim. Because you've taken up my ethos

0:49

which is wherever you go. Go for

0:51

a swim. Go for a swim because

0:53

it balances... connects you with the environment.

0:55

Well, it also helps you sleep at night.

0:57

You find that? Oh, definitely. Getting

1:00

a bit of salt on the body. Couldn't even if you switch because

1:02

there's no beach. But even if you just

1:04

get into some water. Anyway, yeah. Yeah.

1:06

So you went and was the beach good? Oh,

1:09

it's beautiful. Kelly's Beach in Bangora. Were you the

1:11

only one there? Yeah. Swimming by

1:13

yourself. Yeah, but it's a very... No, there were

1:15

people around but not many. And

1:18

what did you wear? Well,

1:20

this is the thing. I lost my ball shorts

1:22

so I just wore pajama shorts. But what? Yeah.

1:25

But you... Like a light short.

1:28

No one could really tell if you... I agree. I

1:30

mean, so they were... They're not undies. It

1:32

was a boxer. Yeah, yeah. Kind of

1:34

like a boxer but they look like shorts. Did it cling a bit?

1:36

Did it cling when you came out of the water? Absolutely. So you

1:38

had to give it a bit of air down there? Yes. Absolutely.

1:42

And then I went to the supermarket where I am.

1:44

You did not? Yeah, I did. Are you went in

1:46

with wet pants on? Well, actually, you know what? I

1:48

went for a... Yeah, by the time I went

1:50

for a walk back to the car and then got out, that

1:54

sort of dried enough. You know? You're

1:57

in Queensland, Glenn. I mean, but the thing is... It

2:00

was about 23, 24. It's

2:02

beautiful. No one else was swimming. Because

2:05

as all the Queenslanders would say, the only people

2:07

swimming today are Victorians. And then you go to

2:09

the... You think, I'll

2:11

be right at the supermarket, you know. And then

2:13

there's... I'm the only one wearing like, bathers

2:15

kind of walking around. But it's Queensland. It's

2:17

very casual. Queensland. It's weird that people

2:19

say, when you go to the beach in Melbourne, how

2:23

far can you walk inland in your bathers? Yeah, in your bathers.

2:25

Yeah, in the beaches. Because you can't walk your bathers like two

2:28

blocks from the beach. No. You

2:30

can't. Well, I did, but, you know... You

2:32

had a top on, didn't you? Oh, yeah. God, yeah.

2:34

And did you have something on your feet? Yeah, yeah.

2:37

I had shoes on. And you had a hat on or something? No. No,

2:40

no, no hat. I had a hat on in there. And

2:42

where did you put your wallet? I had a little

2:45

bag. I had

2:49

a little bag that I had some books in that I'd sold the

2:51

night before in Ipswich. Oh, but it's for your own books. Yeah, I

2:53

had some of my own books, but it's all sold out. You

2:56

were carrying out a bag of books with wet pants. No,

2:58

the books were sold out the night before. Oh, sorry. So,

3:00

yeah. In my little bag, I had my phone, my keys...

3:02

Yep. And my

3:04

wallet. Right. And my glasses. And was

3:07

that a strap around? No, like a green

3:09

kind of little bag. I'll show it to you. I'll

3:11

tell you what, you're not playing any games with it.

3:13

No, I'm not great. No, I looked

3:15

a bit special. And I've been in the water and stuff. Yeah.

3:19

Clean. And what did you buy at the supermarket? Oh,

3:22

okay. So, I was through with Brad Oakes.

3:24

And the night before in Ipswich, like

3:27

we get in the car after the gig, it's like,

3:29

it's not early, like 9.30. Yeah, yeah. Because

3:32

I need to get some food, some... Let's cut to try. When you

3:34

go back to your hotel room, you've got to have something. Yeah. You've

3:37

got to have a treat. And so we drove around

3:39

Ipswich really half an hour... Trying to find a retreat

3:41

shop. Yeah. And we found it eventually. And

3:43

I said, well, look, I'm going to go

3:45

to the supermarket before the gig today. What do you want?

3:47

What order? Put in your order with me and I'll get

3:49

it for you. And that would be chips. You

3:52

wanted a Musashi protein bar? Oh,

3:54

yeah. You know them?

3:57

Oh, yeah. Cookies and cream flavour. You think

3:59

you're doing something? healthy thing

4:01

but yeah I don't think but

4:04

I bought I bought fruit oh

4:07

that's good I bought fruit banana

4:10

and apple and some just plain

4:12

chips and diet coke like that's my chips and I

4:15

go that's good you've got the diet coke we'd had

4:17

a big lunch we went to the pub and he

4:19

had steak and I had like a big salad because

4:21

I thought you'd go back lollies yeah

4:25

I love lollies but we've been eating a lolli so

4:27

this is the day the second day of the tour

4:29

I was trying to not dry out but if you

4:31

were an alcoholic you'd say dry up but we're trying

4:33

to try eating all the junk food right oh that's

4:35

good that's why I had a salad for lunch right

4:39

and anyway so did

4:41

something happen because what hang on you were

4:43

in a senior moment none of this got

4:45

nothing to do with the senior moment I

4:47

just I want to pay the picture anyway

4:50

the gigs were great Bundaberg Ipswich we were

4:52

in big theaters we don't feel them at

4:54

all but we get like over a

4:56

hundred people that's fantastic in big theaters yeah but it

4:58

doesn't matter they will sit down the front we have

5:01

a good time people love it oh that's good I

5:03

have just the two of you yeah just the two of

5:06

you one hosts and one and do you get it starts

5:08

he does half an hour that he brings me on

5:10

I do about 40 or 50 minutes that show over

5:13

so job done job done and

5:15

you don't do Q&A or anything again no just

5:17

yeah does he come back out again and say

5:19

thank you very much or time we did this

5:22

time actually he's resting and reading his chips

5:24

yeah anyway so

5:27

senior moment so anyway so I go I

5:29

want to get in the shower right and

5:32

I look at I got you know those

5:34

little round soaps you know the little round

5:36

soaps yeah they're quite hard to yeah they're

5:38

in the crinkly paper yep I'd already opened

5:40

it like you know you during the day

5:42

yeah and you'd wash your hands or something yeah yeah

5:44

no no no it's not that bad I go to grab

5:46

I go to grab

5:50

the sofa and I start yeah

5:52

I was in the shower and I went out and

5:54

I grabbed the sofa and I start rubbing it on

5:56

me yeah I'm picking this so this shit out it

5:58

was a plug hahaha

6:07

really? it was a plug! I'm glad

6:09

it was a plug because

6:11

you know what I thought happened? No, what? Well,

6:15

I'll be honest, can I be honest? Yeah because

6:17

the little round ones aren't they? They're about the

6:19

size of a bit bigger than

6:21

a 50 cent peak. Yeah. And the reason

6:23

being is the

6:26

older ones were quite big and they would be throwing a

6:28

lot of soap away. I'm happy with it. I'm happy with

6:30

a little soap. Yeah, I thought you went up,

6:33

did the front and went round the back. Oh,

6:35

it disappeared. It disappeared. Well,

6:40

let's be honest, it could. It could.

6:42

It could be good. It's round. And

6:45

it's soapy. And if it's been worn down from another

6:47

lock? If it's worn down you could, if you push

6:50

too, if you, you know, if you lend too hard,

6:52

you'd lose it. Well, that's a coincidence, because that's what

6:54

happened to the plug. Oh,

6:58

play the music quick, quick, get us out of here.

7:06

Welcome to Somehow Related Now.

7:08

Please welcome your hosts, Glenn

7:10

Robbins and Dave O'Neill. Anyway,

7:20

welcome to the podcast. I should let you

7:22

know when I'm touring again, I'm coming to

7:24

Canberra. We're coming to Queenbyon with Oakesy. We're

7:27

doing Marimula. So this little show is a...

7:29

It's a show that I did in a

7:31

colony festival on the fringes and

7:33

stuff, the stand-up show. Nothing to write home

7:35

about. Good idea by the sound of it.

7:38

Oakesy is one of the best in the

7:40

country. He's great. We're

7:42

doing Marimula, we're doing Collector, which is near Canberra.

7:44

Going to the warmer climate. Queenbyon. Yeah, going to

7:46

the warmer place to get out of Melbourne while

7:49

you can. I think Canberra's

7:51

warm, though. No, Canberra's colder. Anyway,

7:53

look, we should get our topics here. We could wrap

7:55

it on all day. But you've been to the War

7:57

Museum up there. No, I don't think I have for

7:59

a long time. long time I'll go check it

8:01

out this time yeah I think you should hmm

8:03

yeah my friend else is good in Canberra oh

8:06

yeah you know me pop all parlourmen you go you

8:11

pop in there and see your mate that you

8:13

know I some of you there you saw your

8:15

mate my neighbour the immigration minister absolutely he's always

8:17

in the paper they started to

8:19

do cartoons of him oh really he's made

8:21

it to that cartoon level

8:24

it's a worries so he

8:26

may be a bit busy but you know I

8:29

love all that politics stuff old parlourman's great

8:32

yeah I wouldn't mind and I actually he's

8:34

into that kind of stuff too so we

8:36

can have a bit of a bit of

8:38

a tour last time I was in Canberra

8:40

did a gig on the camera was some

8:42

sort of comedy awards the comedy newcomers and

8:44

I was driving out there with a

8:46

green green faces yeah I think they do

8:49

that anymore but I remember doing that yeah

8:51

and then deriving out there

8:53

the guy picked me up in the car and he would drive

8:55

along he goes oh yeah oh yeah good day mate how are

8:57

you been wrong here no fun last

8:59

time I did a Bob Franklin cheese funny like that

9:01

Bob Franklin he did this

9:03

routine I was hilarious oh that's good and

9:06

so then he comes to the gig yeah

9:08

stands up the back yeah watches the whole

9:10

show hmm then we get in the car

9:12

drive back after the show and he goes

9:14

I'll tell you another funny thing that Bob

9:16

Franklin I went I

9:19

was just on my mouth can you

9:21

just maybe say one thing that I

9:23

said was funny as we you know you've

9:25

picked it up where you left before obviously

9:27

Bob Franklin of course I'm not saying Bob

9:29

Franklin isn't a legend and isn't funny but

9:31

you know when to tell the story you

9:33

don't go back that's bad yeah yeah that's

9:35

just like um so is

9:38

this what you do full time

9:40

yeah yes yes it is anyway

9:42

I mean everyone

9:46

has rough ones

9:48

don't they good

9:50

night good night

9:52

what that woman say to me what you say one night

9:54

she goes oh

9:57

great meet my lawyer hilarious

9:59

Jeff still and Lyris you disappointing

10:02

that's pretty rough and you know what

10:05

I reckon she was right

10:09

no I'm on that night I don't what

10:11

had happened was I'd broken my leg oh

10:14

but I still had to do the tour so I had to get up

10:16

and do gigs with that and it's hard getting

10:18

on stage hard getting out of state this it was just you've

10:20

got your mind

10:23

on something else yeah you're in you're just worried

10:25

about not falling off site well you're recovering yeah

10:29

but yeah she made a point of coming out to

10:31

tell me I didn't go up and say what you

10:33

think you know she goes you disappointing were you were

10:35

you hosting I was hosting yeah people that host

10:39

comedy eyes a guy went to high school we said

10:41

to me how long have you been

10:43

introducing comedians for I'm

10:46

a comedian as well people don't think

10:48

you're a comedian when you're a ho

10:50

yeah yeah I used to enjoy em

10:52

thing I like him yeah because it's

10:54

just a bit freer yeah and

10:56

if you go a bit shit yeah

10:58

anyway here is mink molloy yeah bring

11:00

somebody else so where we have to

11:03

whatever we have had the music we've

11:05

got to say hello and welcome to

11:07

the podcast this is somehow related we

11:09

get two topics and we're

11:11

gonna work out how they are related yes it's

11:13

a really unique idea and we've been getting lots

11:15

of lovely reviews of blanks thanks for that and

11:17

yeah it's been good when people been saying lovely

11:19

things that you learn something and saying

11:22

it's funny one guy said he warned he

11:24

said don't listen to this in public cuz

11:26

you're you're laughing and that's good

11:29

to hear well let's get a

11:31

topic Sam what are they greeting cards

11:33

in a wheelbarrow full of posies very

11:36

weird very specific very specific pansies

11:39

they're that purple flower they're

11:41

quite cute pansies yeah yeah yeah

11:43

yeah and they're

11:47

purple they tend to be purple pink

11:49

quality kind of what does it got to do

11:51

with so is that the

11:53

cliched image of is that in the

11:55

wheelbarrow yes it is so I

11:57

remember when I was delivering pamphlets there was a

12:00

guy who used to put pansies in a

12:02

little wheelbarrow, sort of, ornamental at the front

12:04

of his house. Can you see that? Sort

12:06

of old school, real old school. Is that

12:09

the sort of thing if you had a

12:11

Devonshire tea place, you might put a wheelbarrow

12:13

at the front with some... Yes. Or

12:15

if you were Dutch. Remember the Dutch used to love a

12:18

buddy. They'd love all that sort of stuff. So

12:20

is there a meaning in that? I'm

12:22

not up on wheelbarrow pansies. Yeah,

12:24

maybe that's a secret thing from

12:26

the war. But you

12:28

know, when you see people with ornamental stuff outside the front

12:31

of the house, we don't see that anymore. Remember

12:33

people used to have like letterboxes made out of

12:35

shells? You used to have

12:38

like a swan or a pelican, concrete in

12:40

your front lawn. Yeah, that was a real

12:42

thing, wasn't it? The house had a name

12:45

sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. I

12:47

know in Bali whenever they often put out

12:49

sacrifices every day. Yeah. Yeah. But that's part

12:51

of their religion, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, they're

12:53

burning scents and stuff. I don't think the

12:57

pansies in a wheelbarrow are some sort of... It

12:59

must have some history though. It

13:01

must mean something. I mean, generally I assume

13:03

you put them in a little wheelbarrow because

13:05

you don't have any ground to put them

13:07

in. So maybe for flats and apartments and

13:09

stuff. Is there soil in there? Yeah. Or

13:12

are they just in little pots by the

13:14

store? No, they're normally in soil. And am

13:16

I right in saying in very... it's not

13:18

your classic Bunnings wheelbarrow. It's an ornamental one.

13:20

And made of wood? No,

13:22

they're little metal ones, aren't they? Oh,

13:25

little baby little ones. Like the kids have? Yeah,

13:27

yeah. And so you see, I remember this guy near

13:29

us, he used to have little wheelbarrows with flowers

13:32

and he had some garden gnomes. You

13:34

know, that kind of stuff going on. I

13:36

gotta say, he sounds creepy. Yeah. He's

13:39

trying to attract children. Hansel and Gretel style.

13:42

I reckon he might be. Yeah, yeah,

13:44

yeah. So let's break it down. Wheelbarrows.

13:46

Have you got a wheelbarrow? No.

13:49

No, either of them. I reckon if you've got a

13:51

wheelbarrow, you're a bit more real deal handyman, aren't you?

13:53

Yeah, yeah. You've got a wheelbarrow, you shift an

13:55

earth. The Bike next door

13:57

is... they're just renovating and moving in.

14:00

He added will barely other like as you're

14:02

putting his own turf down how one's asking

14:04

did he was he left on the jihad

14:06

and would you have then we're air because

14:08

I'm a wheelbarrow as well. Look at both

14:10

our dads would have had whoop are all

14:13

my that I'm into the did the good

14:15

ones had a pump up tire yes and

14:17

the other ones is Heather The reveries wonders

14:19

what had a bit of a metal the

14:21

are made from measure yeah and then members

14:23

occasionally dab of what you wouldn't will you

14:25

around was running within the city and then

14:28

invariably it is not a lie because it's.

14:30

Over he goes sideways. The

14:33

last time I was with a wheelbarrow. illnesses

14:36

bringing back to Megan. When.

14:38

They had record we had a dummy

14:40

minds distance and I used to carry

14:42

the dummy Russell point out and Wilbur

14:44

of the This of May sitting there

14:46

on dresses of the courts and the.

14:49

Dummy one comes pass me. Wow In

14:51

a wheelbarrow? Kill someone. moving a body

14:53

is really hard art heavy. It's a

14:56

be submitting the dummy Russell Crowe it

14:58

was really high. The tape I do

15:00

kill someone. The Wilbur Wealth hire a

15:02

wheelbarrow because the then you can go

15:05

further into the bush to get rid

15:07

of the body for you. You know

15:09

when I did that that digging them

15:11

give slam have these big bloke launches

15:13

in that famous detective spark. Yeah Oh

15:16

or it'll say yes. Rhino Run it

15:18

I'm I'm a fan. Yeah yeah yeah

15:20

while he's talk is pretty full on know

15:22

because he be a cigar that absolved every

15:24

murder except for one according to him yeah.

15:28

He's like job or else cause the

15:30

address they would I were they mother

15:32

and father flying on of axe murdered

15:34

shot but someone and put a towel

15:36

over devices they'll I said. That.

15:41

His own very close to. Them because. I

15:43

cannot handle while they don't go up.

15:45

spices. And sure enough, the next day

15:47

we were citizen. So. I get up and

15:49

ago aber on his of is a tip if you're

15:51

gonna merde appearance or a close relative do not put

15:54

a towel over the if I could. not

15:57

put i put a tailor their faces is

15:59

wrong will turn up and go hey we

16:01

know that someone close to them anyway

16:04

so will bar will back so we're

16:08

the wheelbarrow races it scouts remember the wheelbarrow race

16:10

that was what we had hot hang on to

16:12

someone's back leg yes you don't want when you're

16:14

here and the guy up the wheelbarrow was doing

16:16

it oh and he'd fall over and

16:18

he'd fall into a position brutal which was

16:20

kind of sexual you'd rather you'd rather a

16:23

spoon when you all the sac race sac

16:25

race not great a egg and spoon because

16:27

as a spoon egg on a spoon and

16:29

yet to run right was that it's got

16:31

yeah that was scouts yeah egg and spoon

16:33

sac often when they'd have like remember had

16:36

father and son night and you'd have to

16:38

go along and bring your dad to scout

16:40

my dad was already there because the scout

16:42

leader there was always that one say I

16:44

can't even know dad I don't reckon my

16:46

head I had no he didn't ask him

16:48

I didn't have a dad yeah that

16:50

was like the time that that I was checking

16:53

out the bunnings and the girl goes I know you from

16:56

somewhere hmm and I said

16:59

maybe she and I really know you from somewhere and

17:01

then I said to her okay

17:04

I'll be honest with you I'm your dad

17:06

yes and she goes no no

17:08

you can't be he got deported well

17:11

I'm back I came in

17:14

a case for the bunnings

17:16

deliveries just to

17:20

make a bit of a joke for my own gay

17:22

no I upset the girls I just walked off going

17:24

I'm upset at day you want to

17:26

know the dad was deported that's very

17:28

unusual yeah but it's a bit spooky also say

17:30

oh by the way I mean some creepy stalk

17:34

yeah anyway it didn't get a

17:36

laugh so it was a move

17:38

on wheelbarrow moving earth used

17:41

by if you're putting earth into a wheelbarrow

17:43

I do you reckon

17:45

your I reckon it's more domestic than

17:47

it is no do they

17:50

use wheelbarrows on work sites and I still

17:52

do I reckon they don't you see them

17:54

yeah absolutely especially well the one

17:56

next door to us yeah doing a reno yeah dad

17:58

will borrows that a will barrow This is

18:00

just good for transporting stuff like you said you say

18:03

you shoveling it in there Well tiles lawn and then

18:05

you get a bit of speed up and then when

18:08

you go to tip it out Hmm you push hard

18:10

because you can get it because you don't want to

18:12

go on the side You want to

18:14

go front forward over the wheel and dumping rubbish into

18:16

the skip They'd have that bit of board going up

18:18

to the skip where that was always dangerous. We had

18:20

to run the wheelbar up You know what you're doing

18:24

Yeah, buddy. Don't tip it over you in. Oh,

18:26

he's tipped it over the young Got

18:28

half. I have the bit of board Buddy dickhead

18:30

come around. He'll say do it you

18:33

young bikes. Yeah, the older

18:35

ones were made from wood. Mmm Like

18:38

the ones the Dutch ones. Yeah. Yeah, almost

18:40

like old And

18:44

what else can we say about pansies not much Beautiful

18:47

flower they can grow in Australia is that it

18:49

wouldn't be native to Australia We're

18:51

saying that wheelbarrows and pansies

18:54

are the only flower you

18:56

put into wheelbarrow Is a

18:58

pansy no, you can also have

19:00

like they do tend to be those colorful flat

19:02

like carnations And you never see roses in a

19:05

wheelbarrow, do you know you don't know

19:07

you don't know you don't it's more those sort

19:09

of Like what you said that

19:11

floppy kind of looking flower going a wheelbarrow. You

19:13

don't see roses I

19:16

see chalps in a wheelbarrow occasionally

19:18

again. That might be a Dutch thing.

19:20

Yes. I've seen chalps in wheelbarrow You don't

19:23

see some flowers to What

19:26

about irises no too big

19:28

too tall you need those lower lying I

19:31

think the last Chrysanthemum

19:35

We're experts on what flowers go on a wheelbarrow.

19:38

Well, we discuss big issues. We don't

19:40

want to be giving the listeners Oh, yeah, you know

19:42

bum steer bum steer. I don't want anyone to turn

19:44

this off and go to the nursery Okay, can I

19:46

get a little bar full of chrysanthemums? Well, actually it's

19:49

just chalk some pansies Question here's

19:51

a question that you may know the answer to and I

19:53

don't know the answer to is a pansy

19:56

an annual a perennial

19:58

or a biennial perennial.

20:00

I reckon it's all year round. So

20:02

take us through that terminology. Well

20:05

perennial is all year round. It

20:07

means that you put them in. Flour is

20:10

all the time. See you're good. Yeah, flowers

20:12

all the time. But roses? No.

20:15

They don't flower all the time. Annual or

20:17

every? Annual. The annual.

20:19

So good flowers

20:22

flower through all four seasons. Yeah, like say

20:24

lavender. Until dad hits them with a lawnmower.

20:26

Like a weed. Then

20:29

there is buy-in which would be every

20:31

second year. Oh wow. Wouldn't it? Really?

20:33

That would be the buy part wouldn't

20:35

it? What's that when it only comes

20:37

once a year and it's purple and

20:39

it's beautiful and it's in

20:41

that movie, Lantana. What were those

20:44

flowers? They're beautiful. It's not

20:46

called Lantana. Oh the Lantana is a flower though

20:48

isn't it? Or a bush? I think it is.

20:50

Is it a bush? What's

20:53

that purple one? You only see it. It's real Aussie

20:55

and you see it. There's some around here and you

20:57

see it once a year and they're so beautiful. I

21:00

do yeah. And Kieran always goes, oh there they are.

21:02

Look at the... I'm having

21:04

a noble moment when it comes to

21:06

flowers. I'm sure they'll be screaming at

21:09

the... Let's ask Sam.

21:11

Sam. Let's ask Sam. You're thinking

21:13

of Jackaranda dreams. That's it.

21:15

The Jackaranda. I've got a Jackaranda in front of

21:17

my house. And there are purple flowers

21:19

and they are a pain in the ass. Because

21:22

they drop... there are tons of them.

21:25

So then they get wet. You've

21:27

got to walk down the front path through purple

21:29

squelch and then you walk them through the

21:31

house. Yeah they're beautiful. They are beautiful.

21:33

I mean and I'll tell

21:35

you here's the tip about Jackaranda. If

21:38

you cut back a Jackaranda

21:40

it doesn't like it. It shits itself and

21:42

it won't flower very much the next year.

21:45

Because the man up the road said to

21:47

me, hey because in my

21:49

area... This is interesting.

21:51

In my area every time a new baby

21:53

was born they planted a Jackaranda. So there

21:55

are Jackarandas all through. Yeah there are a

21:58

lot in your area. And

22:01

he walked down the street and said, hey, how

22:04

come yours is not, it's not like the mafia

22:06

was moving in. What's with the, what's with the

22:08

jacaranda? What's with the, yeah. Yeah, jacaranda is not,

22:10

cause we put on a bit of a show

22:12

here, all the rest of us, we put out,

22:14

all our purple flowers come out, yours ain't so

22:17

good this year. And then I had to

22:19

admit, that I had to cut it

22:21

back from the guttering. Yeah, right. Cause it gets

22:23

up to those purple flowers, in your guttering, perfect

22:25

to clock up your guttering. In your pool too?

22:27

Yeah, absolutely. And

22:30

on the tennis court, and in the second garage.

22:33

Like the motorbike garage, like, you know, and

22:35

where I park my golf buggy, it gets

22:37

covered, you know, it's, you know. One

22:40

thousand, I'm asking. My archery range, is

22:42

pretty thick, isn't it? Your vineyard. My

22:44

vineyard is just a wash. Service

22:49

quarter. Who

22:51

was random dudes planting trees when a

22:54

baby's born? Who was doing that? Yeah,

22:56

I know, it's weird, isn't it? Random guy. But I

22:58

must admit, it's a real feature at our place. Oh,

23:00

it's beautiful. Yeah, cause you've walked under it. I've seen

23:02

it. I've canopy'd it. Now I think about it, I've

23:04

seen it. Yeah, I mean, you know, it's a sort

23:06

of thing, good tree to have a picnic under, and

23:08

until they flower with him. Annoying purple flowers. Well, I

23:10

think we've done flowers and wool barrows. Let's

23:12

do. Have we really? Oh, I think we have,

23:14

we've talked a lot. Do you think that, if

23:16

it was a meal, have we

23:19

served up a whole meal? I think we have. You reckon

23:21

we've had meat too, each? I think we have. Okay. Let's

23:23

go greening cards. When was the last time

23:25

we got a green card? My

23:28

kids make cards for... I don't buy them anymore,

23:30

I make them. You make them? I

23:33

make them. So, can you make

23:35

up one of your special cards? Oh, I've

23:37

never had one. What have they got on

23:39

them? My kids draw pictures and stuff. Yeah,

23:41

well, that's where it came from. Rami started

23:43

it, and I copied her. She used to

23:45

do drawn ones. I've still got

23:47

on my wall. Beautiful. Oh, great. And

23:49

then that led to me doing the, I

23:51

took her idea, totally her idea, and then

23:53

I did get photograph, and then

23:56

you have to print it on the right

23:58

angle, on the right... stock

24:01

footage or like photos of

24:03

a kids or something like that yeah yeah

24:05

I have you're very careful picking out the phone you

24:07

know when those dick pics

24:10

turn up and the kids you know Glenn's

24:12

been arrested I know you have to do

24:14

it you have to print it the right

24:16

way so we'll fold I get like a

24:18

proper file you're good yeah and then if

24:20

it's a big guy I go do I

24:22

go border nobody yes put it and then

24:24

I go over there and I cut it

24:26

that's always without makes it like homemade well

24:30

I call my hand cut card you're having like

24:32

a craft a nude at your joint I

24:35

find them lying around the house oh yeah buddy

24:37

making the card I'm doing a card interrupt me

24:39

I am creating doing the card yeah you got

24:41

to make sure I get the right photo because

24:43

I on occasion have got the I've gone back

24:45

to the same photo two or three times and

24:47

so I've overused that yeah I've had my partner

24:49

say well I've got the present you've got to

24:51

make the card okay so now when that she

24:53

says you make the card what does that mean

24:55

well I just get a bit of paper or

24:57

cardboard I'm tend to draw a picture on the

24:59

front of like one of the

25:01

cats oh you set up for trouble there because she's

25:03

an artist yeah she should be really

25:05

doing it but any second you're right

25:08

but I draw a picture of the cats or one

25:10

of the teddy bears or I've drawn oh

25:13

you're good you're long footballers for my daughter

25:15

you got a good hand no I'm

25:18

pretty average but I didn't use a coloring

25:20

pencil or what do you use yeah whatever's

25:22

around basically because I did

25:24

some coloring in the other day because I really had

25:26

nothing to do it did a bit of coloring in

25:29

I pulled out something because my mother was big at

25:31

coloring in yeah it's a man the old thing with

25:33

my late mother and she that was their favorite thing

25:35

to do in her final day so she I got

25:37

the colored pencils on a couple of her books and

25:40

I pulled out some of her pencils no I

25:43

must admit I like a soft colored pencil I don't

25:45

know remember

25:47

do it yeah I love doing it was

25:50

like top shelf rolled gold the best yeah

25:52

so you are doing it with text are

25:54

you doing a pencil normally I've

25:56

been a boy sometimes you know kids

26:00

You've had the selection of all that stuff.

26:02

Yes, everything. Everything. But what you can grab

26:04

at the moment, it's all the sentiment. And

26:06

I try and put jokes in there. Are

26:08

you doing a joke in the front then a

26:10

reveal? Sometimes, yeah. Oh, that's good. Happy

26:13

birthday. And then you open up and it's like, it's not

26:15

your birthday, it's my birthday. That's funny.

26:19

I got you this. Special present

26:21

inside. But

26:24

I'm trying to think of when I got a greeting. Like

26:26

a card you get from... I

26:29

got a Christmas card. I got a Christmas card. I

26:32

got one from my brother, the Glen overseas. A

26:35

Christmas card. Yeah, a Christmas card. My mum and dad,

26:37

we could get hundreds of them. Back in the day,

26:40

I remember friends of mine, they used to put a

26:42

bit of string up across the lounge

26:44

room. And it was kind of like

26:46

a status symbol, how many cards you got. And

26:48

they would get like, I don't know,

26:50

50. It's an old person thing.

26:52

Mum was still getting them in the nursing home. It's a

26:54

stat. Have a wonderful Christmas. And then she said, you have

26:57

to get me some cards and I've got to write them

26:59

all out. Yeah, my mum loved doing that too. Yeah, they

27:01

loved it. And just sit down, they have a lovely afternoon

27:03

writing a few words and a bit of an update. My

27:05

mother and all used to get them. We didn't get these,

27:07

but my mother and all used to get them. But also

27:10

used to get the family newsletter with the update on the

27:12

family. Remember that? That's a great idea. Have you ever seen

27:14

them? No. I think it must

27:16

be a church thing. Cause she would say, oh, I've got some

27:18

newsletters. I was obsessed. So it'd be like an A4. Sometimes

27:20

people would print up two A4 sheets.

27:22

For example, he would say, it was

27:24

your family. Glen's enjoyed a wonderful year

27:27

with his partner, Selena. They went on

27:29

Hollis de Barley. And then it'd be

27:31

like, you know, Neil's business is going

27:33

really well. But often they

27:35

were like, so you'd read all these ones

27:37

and you could read between the lines when

27:39

things weren't going that well. For Gary or

27:41

whatever. Like Gary. Gary is so courageous. So

27:44

courageous and he has embraced being

27:47

single again. His

27:49

lawnmower business is not happening

27:51

at the moment, but he's looking

27:53

into future opportunities. Test is overseas

27:56

and you know, working in a bar in London.

27:59

Oh, they were great. Right, those are family newsletters. That

28:02

would be, and then Facebook has taken that over. Yeah,

28:04

yeah. Yeah. So, and I'm not on

28:07

Facebook, and I, you know, and they don't send a

28:09

family letter anymore, so, you know, I'm out of luck,

28:11

I'm so out of guilt. So, what are you- So

28:13

when was the last time you went into a shop,

28:15

I went into a shop to buy a greeting card.

28:17

What was it for? What do you mean

28:19

for mum, what are the cards? There are still news

28:21

agents that have a huge section of cards. Yeah, I

28:23

was in one the other day. That's what the price

28:25

has gotten up to. Oh yeah. If you buy a

28:27

greeting card, are you blank boy, or

28:29

are you, do you let the card

28:31

do the work for you? I don't

28:33

mind a bit of a saying, you

28:35

know. You know, like something with a

28:37

bit of sentiment, like, may your sun

28:39

be shining on your back, or, you know,

28:41

one of those. So sad, yeah, yeah, yeah.

28:44

In, I think I put one for someone

28:46

who passed away, your mum wanted one, I

28:48

had to go get one from the news

28:50

agents. And you've- Yeah, so in memoriam. Oh

28:53

yeah. In memoriam, thinking of you. Yeah, but

28:55

I must admit, I'm late, which I

28:57

don't buy them that much, I'm a blank guy. You're

28:59

a blank guy? Yeah, I just go, it's

29:01

simpler as it is. Cause, for

29:04

want of a better word, some of

29:06

the cards are a bit tizzy. Yeah,

29:08

but now there's a lot of funny ones though, aren't

29:10

there? Well, are there? Well, it

29:12

started, Gary, you know, Larson. Larson used to have

29:14

a lot of funny ones. You still find Larson

29:16

cut them. Yeah, and now they have

29:18

like, sort of ironic ones with like 1950s

29:21

women washing the dishes, and it has, well,

29:23

I'm having a great time, you know, that

29:25

kind of thing. Oh, yeah, there are those.

29:27

Yeah, no, they're- Which are funny. Which are

29:30

good. And it does the heavy lifting for

29:32

you. Yeah. You're away, you've got a

29:34

bit of a laugh. Yeah, we got Dad what he really

29:36

wanted for Christmas, you know, and then he opened it up,

29:38

and it's like, I don't know, something, ticket out

29:40

of here or something, you know. Didn't there was

29:42

a period of pop-up ones? Oh, pop-up cards were

29:44

great. Pop-up? And they play, it's tuned some of

29:46

them. Yeah, no, that's when they get desperate, I

29:48

reckon, ran out of ideas. We got one, someone

29:50

gave our daughter one, and it would play the

29:52

Geelong football club theme when you opened it. Not

29:55

great, not really. Marriage,

29:58

death, valent, valent. time would

30:00

be... Gallant time, get well... Father's

30:02

Day, Mother's Day... Yeah. Yeah.

30:05

...and anniversary. Imagine writing greeting cards.

30:09

I mean, that'd be a real job for like comedy

30:11

writers, writing a card. Yeah, they would sit there and

30:13

come up with jokes and do

30:15

a little cartoon and... Last

30:17

of them were great because... You

30:21

know what we could do? What? Somehow

30:23

related cards. Oh

30:25

yeah, we could. On the front. We could.

30:27

We would go... What

30:30

would we do? What would we do last week? Last week

30:32

we did... Popeye and Jeeps. Popeye

30:35

and Jeeps? So you'd have a picture of

30:37

Popeye. Say, happy birthday! And

30:40

he'd be riding around in a Jeep. And

30:42

then... Oh, then you'd give the answer on

30:44

the inside. Yeah. I like

30:46

it, but... No, what I'd say doesn't sound like a

30:48

joke. I was like, yeah. A

30:51

bit confusing to see like a card

30:54

with Rudolph Hess and Olivia Newton-John.

30:58

I'm gonna be treating. What is the connection? How

31:00

do you go with an office signing card?

31:02

Because maybe it's that really big one. Jenny's

31:05

leaving, gotta put in $10. Yeah.

31:08

Who's Jenny? And you would just go, and

31:11

did you always try to say something funny? Yeah, I tried,

31:13

yeah. I always try to say something

31:15

funny, then I'd run out of room. And you'd have to

31:18

squeeze it up right up the edge of the card and

31:20

sort of the writing goes down a bit as you bend

31:22

around and try to fit it in. And

31:24

you look around and you go, who else has been funny? Or,

31:27

hey, he was funny on me. Wish I'd thought of

31:29

that joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Often

31:31

some funny ones in there. I remember when I was a

31:33

kid. How often did

31:35

you not get, and this wouldn't, does this happen any

31:37

now? You get five bucks, 20

31:39

bucks. Oh, yeah, from Nana. Yeah. And

31:42

what's it going right? It'd be 20 now,

31:44

I reckon. I thought it'd be 50. The

31:48

pain's on the relative, I reckon. And how 20 for

31:50

a kid? 30, yeah. No,

31:52

30's too much. 20's

31:55

heaps for a kid. Heaps? What's that

31:57

Stephen Wright joke? We're the grandfather. grabs

32:00

a little grandson and goes, here's 20

32:02

bucks, don't tell your mum. And the

32:04

kid goes, it's gonna cost you more than

32:06

that. That's funny. What's

32:09

another great joke with the punch line is, read

32:11

the card, read the card. Remember that punch line?

32:13

Oh yeah. Well, we won't go into that one.

32:15

It's been pulled out of an inappropriate place, is

32:17

it? With flowers. Yeah. I think

32:19

we all know that one. Read the card. All right,

32:21

let's have some thinking music. What

32:23

should we do? Dang it. Geez,

32:26

we'll have cards. Well, let's

32:28

do a make believe where the guy, I'd

32:30

love to get into the minds of someone

32:32

who writes greeting cards. We've

32:34

got this image of, we all have

32:36

greeting cards. There's someone sitting there, writing

32:39

a whole lot of stuff up and putting it

32:41

into the boss and the boss. Today's get well,

32:44

you know? What are we doing? Oh, we're doing

32:46

birthdays this week. Yeah, well, we're doing anniversaries next

32:48

week. Today's Father's Day.

32:52

So they would be like it with any show.

32:54

They'd be pitching their ideas. And they'd

32:56

probably send them off to the cartoon department and they'd do

32:59

a little cartoon. But I wonder if someone's been

33:01

let go or sacked for being inappropriate. Oh,

33:03

you're saying that they're, yeah, that's good. So

33:06

someone has had a bit of a

33:08

day out, oh, it's just been doing, yeah, crude stuff.

33:10

Yeah, crude stuff, yeah. All right, so

33:12

I'll be the writer. I'll be the head of

33:15

Hallmark. We didn't even mention Hallmark, which

33:17

is the number one card manifest. Can you think of

33:19

any other card makers, apart from Hallmark? No, I'm sure

33:21

they're all right out there. So you'll

33:24

be, what's your name? I'll be Roger

33:26

Stevens. Oh, I thought his name was...

33:28

Roger Hallmark. Roger Hallmark. CEO of Hallmark.

33:30

Yes. And what's your name? Tony.

33:33

I'll be Tony. Oh, okay. And I come

33:35

in. Yeah, you come in. Here we go. Come

33:43

in, Tony. Well,

33:48

great to see you, Mr. Hallmark. And I've got

33:50

to say, it's such a

33:52

pleasure to work here. And I've loved working here.

33:55

And I hope I continue to work here for

33:57

many more years to come. Tony. Because it

33:59

is the job. while I'm talking. Tony stop

34:01

talking. As you know

34:03

I'm the CEO of this company and we are a

34:06

proud greeting card company that's

34:08

branched off into movies and stuff but let's

34:11

not talk about that I'm here about cards

34:13

and look some of your cards of late

34:15

have been slightly inappropriate. Oh well you know

34:17

I'm experimental I've tried it. We've only tried

34:19

centimetres. Well let's start with the birthdays we've

34:22

had complaints for example this one you're turning

34:24

three are you still shooting your pants? Now

34:27

that's slightly inappropriate isn't

34:29

it? Well is it authentic?

34:32

I think it is. We have to call them back. Is

34:34

that someone? We'll move up to the 21st card. Happy 21st

34:36

yes you're still a virgin ha ha. Now again Tony. You

34:38

read that at

34:45

his 21st speech you

34:47

put $20 in there the job

34:49

is done. Inappropriate. What about this

34:51

on wedding card? You know it's

34:53

a time of amazing time isn't

34:55

it? Yep. Congratulations on your marriage

34:57

then in brackets two thirds of

35:00

marriage then in divorce. Good

35:02

luck. Well it's true you

35:04

don't need to look very far to

35:06

realise that marriage does not work and

35:08

people need to. We have a responsibility

35:11

with the integrity of Hallmark to let

35:13

people know that they're probably going to

35:15

fail. Yeah but then you we're all

35:17

about optimism and positivity then like you

35:19

this retirement card you're just a little

35:21

bit too blunt. Good luck on your

35:23

retirement in brackets no one

35:25

like you you grumpy old prick. Now

35:28

that's not right. I'm laughing. Yeah

35:31

why aren't you laughing? I'm not laughing because

35:33

we've had these cards sent back from abuse

35:36

agents. Are people complaining? Yeah people are complaining.

35:38

Bro this one um. You've

35:40

got a lot of cards. Oh my god

35:42

these are all yours Tony. I've got a

35:44

box for the floor there. Get well but

35:46

the odds aren't good. Now that's not right.

35:48

Well when you look at the odds of

35:50

late you know we've had a bad period

35:52

you know with illness and everything a lot

35:54

of people went through that whole Covid thing.

35:56

And remember because you were stuffing up so

35:58

many of these general ones. We got

36:00

you on a very specific car. Yes, I

36:02

remember that day. You chose me especially. Now

36:04

these are the, you only have one or

36:06

two of these in the new day, so

36:08

people have a very limited choice. So, happy

36:10

birthday to my beloved stepson.

36:12

Yes. In brackets,

36:15

you're not my blood child and I don't like

36:17

you that much. That's not great, is it? Well

36:19

again, they need to know the reality because they

36:21

could make the mistake. I think I'm doing a

36:23

community service by letting these people know. What's

36:26

the gist of all this? I thought I was coming

36:28

in for a pay rise. I thought I was doing

36:30

a great job. I mean, yeah. No. Well,

36:32

we're gonna have to let you go. Let me go.

36:34

Yeah, we're gonna have to let you go. But

36:36

I'm sacked. You're sacked, Tony. But the good news

36:38

is, we've got you a card. There you go.

36:41

Have a look. Have a look. Oh, five dollars?

36:43

Is that my supreme question? That's four out. Yep,

36:45

that's yours. That's my present and what is it?

36:47

Well, read the card. We wish you luck, but

36:49

in reality we don't give a. Oh, what? That's

36:53

inappropriate. You wrote that. I wrote that. You

36:55

wrote that. You're giving me own card. Goodbye,

37:00

Tony. Wow.

37:08

What a job. Tony. Very

37:11

good. You wrote that. You

37:13

were good the way you kept on pulling those cards.

37:15

Look, I was good. You're a

37:18

good impro. That was very impressive. You

37:20

were an old jokes. Oh,

37:22

God. Very good. I'm all jokes. Okay, what

37:24

is your answer? We haven't even had the

37:26

answers, have we? Well, we haven't got the

37:29

answers. Okay, I reckon that was the first

37:31

ever greeting card was at a

37:33

photo of a wheelbarrow with pansies on it.

37:35

I'm going to say even more. I reckon

37:38

out of all the images that can you put

37:40

on a flat, that is the number one image

37:42

that you can put on a greeting card. Wow.

37:44

What is the answer, Sam? Glen's got it again.

37:47

Since its debut in 1939, the

37:50

greeting card with the wheelbarrow full of

37:53

posies has earned its place as the

37:55

best selling greeting card in history. 30

37:58

million and counting. Well you're

38:00

right. Well there you go. Geez. I

38:23

don't know but let's just say it was

38:25

your birthday and I was going to

38:27

get you a card for your birthday. I don't want that. Do

38:30

you want a wheelbarrow with pansies on it? I think it's more

38:32

for a... I

38:34

reckon it was probably

38:36

a Mother's Day card originally or for mums

38:38

or something wasn't it? A bloke card? Yeah

38:40

it was but can a bloke buy another

38:43

bloke card? A girl can buy a girl

38:45

a card? A man can buy a

38:47

man a card. I'll get you one with a person on a

38:49

surfboard. Oh yeah. On

38:51

a motorbike. When you're a 15

38:53

year old Nana used to get into those cars and all

38:56

of a sudden you got from teddy bears to a man

38:58

on a motorbike. Man

39:00

on a motorbike and then when you get

39:02

your generation someone playing golf. Yeah. Someone

39:05

playing golf. Someone playing golf. Oh yeah. All

39:07

the good things in life you know. But

39:10

nowadays doesn't happen. No. It doesn't happen at

39:13

all. Kids probably get a digital card from

39:15

their Nana or something. A what? A digital

39:17

card. Hello

39:19

Nana. Come over here. Here's your card.

39:21

Whoa! No thank you.