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[Narrator 2] Previously, on Squad Car 22, we found Officer Stein's transported to another

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reality 2.5 degrees different from his own.

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In this reality Stein's was a horse-man with hooves, a tail, and an enormously long slong.

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And his partner Holloway was 2.5 degrees more of an asshole.

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[CB Radio] Suspects last seen leaving Mel’s Liquor on Mulberry. Approach with caution.

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They are believed to be armed and dangerous.

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[Officer Holloway] What's cooking your caboose? [Officer Steins] I don't want to complain, but it's a lot harder being a horse-man than

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I expected. [Officer Holloway] Sounds like someone needs a treat.

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Why don't you check the glove box.

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[Officer Steins] Don't treat me like like I'm your pet.

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[Holloway] Come on, have a look in the glove box.

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[Steins] Forget it. I'm just gonna find a carrot in there like the last two times.

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[Holloway] Don't get all Seabiscuit on me. [Steins] Now you're gonna tell me how to act.

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I'll go straight up Pegasus on your ass.

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[Holloway] Pegasus? [Steins] You know, the winged horse from Clash of the Titans.

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[Holloway] Just have a peek in the glove box.

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You won't be sorry. [Steins] If it will shut you up, I'll have a look.

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[Holloway] All right, what's it gonna be?

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Maybe you'll find a nice cigar or a flask of whiskey.

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[Steins] Yep, it's a carrot.

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[Holloway] Whoa, not just any carrot.

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That's a Malbec. [Steins] Great!

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Thanks! [Holloway] Don't give me that.

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Everybody knows horses love carrots. [Steins] I'm a horse-man, horse-MAN.

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[Holloway] Give me that carrot. That's the last time I go to the farmers market for you.

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[Holloway crunches away on the carrot.]

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[Holloway] You know, if you don't feel comfortable as a horse-man, there are things you can do.

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[Steins] I've tried wearing bell-bottoms.

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I just looked like a horse-man from the 70s.

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[Holloway] But you feel like a man, trapped inside a horse-man's body?

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[Steins] It's a bit more complex than that.

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[Holloway] It always is.

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But seriously there are things you can do.

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[Steins] I've tried hiding my tail in my pants.

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I just looks like I've got a massive hemorrhoid.

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[Holloway] No, I'm talking about a real solution.

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I'm talking about surgery. [Steins] You can do that?

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[Holloway] Sure, horse folk do it all the time.

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A little snip snip and you're all good. [CB Radio] Got reports of an assault on Clydesdale Lane.

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Suspect is a horse male. Victim is a cow female.

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[Steins] That's less than 5 miles away from here.

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[Holloway] Yeah, I think we should pass.

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How about instead we go pick up some churros.

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[Steeins] What are you talking about? If we go there now, we'll be the first on the scene.

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We'll bag the guy and get all the credit.

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[Holloway] Yeah, you know, it's across the tracks.

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[Steins] I'm not following you.

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[Holloway] It's in horse country.

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[Steins on CB] This is Squad Car 22.

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We're heading over to Clydesdale Lane.

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[CB Radio] Copy That. [Holloway] Ah man, would you do that for?

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[Steins] Step on it.

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[Musical Interlude]

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[Holloway] I think that's them. [Steins] The horse-man and cow-woman in front of the barbershop?

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[Holloway] It looks like she's got a black eye.

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[Steins] Let's check it out.

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[They drive over, and get out of the vehicle.]

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[Colt 46] Now be a good heifer and keep your mouth shut.

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[Cow Girl] That ain't what you were saying 10 minutes ago.

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[Steins] Sir, would you step over here.

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We need to have a word with you. [Colt 46] What brings you all to horse country?

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[Holloway] We got people calling in saying they've seen someone beating on a cow lady.

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[Colt 46] I wasn't talking to you.

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I was speaking to the horse-man here.

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What pedigree are you? [Steins] Huh?

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[Colt 46] Looks to me like you got a bit of Appaloosa in ya.

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Maybe some Mustang. [Steins] Umm, I couldn't say.

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[Colt 46] That's cuz jockeys like your partner here don't want you to know.

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They've done everything they can to erase the horse-man's history.

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[Holloway] Thanks for the lesson, but we're here on police business.

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[Colt 46] You know what a stable is?

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[Steins] Isn't it like part of a barn?

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[Colt 46] Horse folks was meant to run free, across the desert plains, down through the

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forest valleys, but equestrians like this one built prison camps and locked us up.

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They call them stables. [Cow Girl] Ain't y'all gonna ask me if I'm alright?

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I mean that's why you're here. [Steins] Sorry, what's your name?

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[Cow Girl] Pauline but everybody around here just calls me Cow Girl.

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[Steins] Did this man strike you? [Cow Girl] What do you think?

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[Steins] Would you like to press charges? [Colt 46] Well hold on now.

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I think you're forgetting there's two sides to every story.

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[Holloway] You can tell us all about it down at the station.

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[Colt 46] She's the one who got ornery.

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I just defended myself. [Steins] Sir, put out your wrist so I can cuff them.

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[Colt 46] I know it ain't decent, but have a gander.

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[Colt 46 unbuckles his belt and drops is pants and drawers.]

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[Holloway] Hey put your pants back on.

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[Colt 46] Sorry to have to... [Holloway] Oh!

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That.. that's gnarly.

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[Steins] There's teeth marks. [Holloway] And it's kind of green with purple splotches.

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[Steins] Ma'am put your wrists out.

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We're placing you under arrest. [Cow Girl] Me?

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[Holloway] Can we bring her in for murder?

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I mean it looks murdered?

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[Steins] Maybe manslaughter like she slaughtered his manhood.

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[Colt 46] You all can jest, but this is serious.

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[Steins] I'm sorry sir.

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What she did to you.. it's.. it's just not right.

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Can I offer you a ride to the emergency room?

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[Colt 46] I think I can find my own way.

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[They place Cow Girl in the back of the squad car.]

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[Holloway starts the car and speeds down the road.]

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[Holloway] Happy now?

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We could have spent our night at the Yucateca Taco truck, but instead we saw something that

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will haunt us for the rest of our lives.

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[Steins] You know, in this reality, you're kind of an asshole.

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[Cow Girl] What do you mean in this reality?

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[Holloway] Don't listen to him.

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He's just having a bad day. [Cow Girl] You end up in the wrong reality?

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[Steins] Let's just say I've been feeling out of place.

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[Cow Girl] I can get you back. [Holloway] Yeah I'm sure the hooking heifer can help you out.

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[Cow Girl] I was born with a gift.

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[Holloway] I'm sure you were. [Steins] Pull over.

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[Holloway] What? [Steins] Stop the car.

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[Holloway] Nah, from here on out we're doing things Chauncey's way.

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I'm calling the shots

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[Holloway turns on the radio]

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[Song Lyrics] Omar al-Bashir.

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Fidel Castro.

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President Bush.

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President Bush.

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President Bush. [Holloway] Pretty good song.

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Pre-tty good.

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[Steins] Really you're stopping here?

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Holloway rolls down the window.

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[Holloway] Good evening George. [George] Oh Mr. Chauncey, what we have tonight?

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I've got regular churros, chocolate churros, and my new specialty: truffle churros.

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[Holloway]Truffle churros, ehh?

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[George] Oh it's so good.

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You're gonna love it Mr. Chauncey.

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[Holloway] Sure, why not.

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[George hands him the churros] [Holloway] Mmh, smells good.

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[George] That'll be $16.75.

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[Holloway] Whoa, $16.75 for churros?

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[George] It’s not easy to get truffles these days.

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First you gotta train the pig. And then you got to take him to the woods...

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[Steins] Come on Cow Lady, time to send me home.

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[Steins opens the back seat door.]

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[Cow Girl steps out.]

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[Cow Girl] Now this might sound a little strange, but I swear it's all true.

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[Steins] Go on. [Cow Girl] When I fart I tear open the universe.

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And a lot of times objects from that other reality will appear.

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Sometimes it's something small like a toaster.

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Other times it's something larger like a couch.

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One time I ripped once so big a hole Dunkin Donuts appeared.

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[Steins] And this helps me, how?

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[Cow Girl] Well the objects only appear for a few seconds and then poof they go back to

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their world. So I'm thinking if you grab hold of the object...

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[Steins] I'll be transported back to my reality.

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[Cow Girl] Now tell me about an object in your world.

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When I get to tooting, I need to be picturing it.

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[Steins] My world.. hmm..

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It's difficult to say. [Cow Girl] Hurry it up.

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I can feel one coming on. [Steins] I mean I guess the one thing I love more than anything else would be...

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[Cow Girl] I can't hold it in much longer. [Steins] My squad car.

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I love my squad car. [Cow Girl let’s out a resounding fart.]

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[Cow Girl] Holy shit, I farted out a bike.

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[Steins] What I'm not a bicycle cop anymore.

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[Cow Girl] You best hurry up and grab it. [Steins grabs the bike.]

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[He is instantly transported back to his reality.]

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[Steins] Whoa, that reentry is kind of bumpy.

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Looks like my tail and hooves are gone. And the town seems right.

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[Squad Car 22 comes barreling down the street and comes to a stop.]

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[Holloway] There you are. Get in the car.

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I'm trying to get us to the pier as quick as possible.

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[Steins] You can't end the episode on a cliffhanger.

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[Holloway] What? [Steins] I need to say my line.

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[Holloway] Then hurry up and do it. [Steins] You're not being very...

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[Holloway] Do it! [Steins] I guess that's that.

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Interdimensional problem, solved? [Holloway] Yeah yeah, [Steins] What?

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[Holloway] Let's go already. [Steins] I'm not done.

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I’m supposed to say ‘Next stop George’s.

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Churros on me.’ [Holloway] Yeah, I get it.

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[Steins] Fine, scoot over. I’m driving.

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[They drive off.]

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[Credit Music]

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[Narrator] Starring Sebastian Steins, Nathan Feuerberg,

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Martin James Grapengeter, David Dykes, Jocelyn Sunrise, Pedro Gonçalves, Maelle Jayet.

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Directed by MJG.

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Created by Nathan Feuerberg.

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[Song Lyrics] Yo Quiero Yucateca Taco.

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Yo Quiero Beans & Salsa.

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Yo Quiero Rice & Chihuahua.