0:11

[Holloway] Hmm, Mario's Pizzeria, I don't recall that being there.

0:17

I wonder if they do tiramisu.

0:30

[Holloway] Anybody home?

0:33

[Campari] [Laughs] [Holloway] Are you are you open?

0:39

[Campari] Who's a askin'? [Holloway] Me, Officer Holloway.

0:43

[Campari] [Laughs] [Holloway] Hey, hold up.

0:46

Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing?

0:48

Are you a Campari bottle that can speak?

0:51

[Campari] That's a right. You got a problem with that?

0:54

[Holloway] Can you sell me a piece of tiramisu?

0:57

[Campari] I don't see why not.

0:59

We're open for business, if you know what I mean.

1:04

[Holloway] Well, I guess I'm cool with it then.

1:06

[Campari] But come on, tiramisu is for softies.

1:10

How about I get you something with a little more forte.

1:15

Something a little more hardcore.

1:19

[Lasagna] Hardcore! [Holloway] Wait, who else is in here?

1:23

[Campari] Oh, that's just Lasagna.

1:27

Don't worry about him. [Holloway] Hmm.

1:30

[Campari] What if I were to tell you I had some vitello al parmigiano?

1:35

[Holloway] Is that Italian for veal parmesan.

1:38

[Campari] That's a right. [Holloway] Man back when I was a kid I used to love parmesan hoagies.

1:44

But these days you can't even talk about baby cows on a bun.

1:48

[Campari] Oh yeah. [Laughs] Vitello so silky and smooth on the tongue.

1:58

Not rough like the beef.

2:00

[Holloway] I don't know. If anyone at the precinct found out, I never hear the end of it.

2:06

[Campari] Do we look like the type to go around running our mouths?

2:10

[Holloway] You look like the types who wouldn't mind clubbing a baby seal.

2:13

[Campari] We're a nice guys.

2:18

We're, how do you say, Goodfellas.

2:22

[Holloway] Well I didn't mean to...

2:25

[Campari] Look, look, if that's what your into I guess we could arrange it.

2:30

[Holloway] No, no, I'm fine with with a parmesan sandwich and a piece of tiramisu.

2:35

[Campari] Well, for an extra twenty dollars, we'll bring in a baby veal and give it you

2:42

a mallet to bludgeon it with.

2:44

[Holloway] Thanks but I'm the type of guy who likes his dinner prepackaged in plastic

2:49

wrap. [Campari] You don't have to lie.

2:53

We're all friends here. [Holloway] No, really I can't even crack open raw oysters.

2:57

[Campari] Oh come on, there's nothing like pounding the head of a little, baby, vitello

3:05

with a big shiny hammer.

3:09

It's an exquisite experience

3:12

[Lasagna] Exquisite!

3:15

[Holloway] Hmm, maybe it's better if I just leave.

3:17

[Campari] Just hold on. Hey!

3:20

Tony! Come in here!

3:22

[Tony] [Tony runs in. The bell around his neck rings.]

3:25

[Campari] This is Tony.

3:28

Only six weeks old. Tony turn around.

3:32

Let the nice copper have a look at you.

3:35

[Tony] [Tony runs around, bell ringing.] [Campari] That's a good vitello.

3:39

Now roll over. [Tony] [Tony moos] [Campari] Come on Tony.

3:44

Roll over for the policeman.

3:46

[Holloway] Okay guys, I'm just gonna take a tiramisu and go.

3:50

[Campari] Are we going to have a problem?

3:53

[Holloway] No, no, it's just like I said.

3:55

You know, I appreciate a distance between me and my meals.

3:59

[Tony] [Tony moos] [Campari] Shut up and pick up the mallet!

4:03

[Lasagna] Pick it up! [Holloway] Okay, okay!

4:05

[Campari] Now give Tony a good whop on his soft, little, head.

4:11

[Holloway] I really don't... [Campari] Shut up and do it already!

4:14

[Tony] [Tony moos excitedly]

4:17

[Campari] Take out Tony. Take out Tony.

4:21

Take out Tony. [Holloway] Sorry, Tony...

4:26

[Tony] [Tony moos] [Music Crescendos]

4:30

[Narrator] Squad car 22 is a sci-fi, comedy, audio-drama.

4:35

Listened to the first season for free on Spotify, iTunes, Podcast Addict, YouTube, and any other

4:40

podcast app. Squad Car 22 is part of the deep drag podcast family.

4:46

[Campari] Look at the shiny watch moving back and forth in front of your eyes.

4:59

You will forget you ever met a talking Lasagna and Campari bottle.

5:06

[Holloway] Are you trying to hypnotize me?

5:09

[Campari] Yes. Is it working?