0:00

Watching a grown man eat a Lunchable is the most disgusting

0:02

thing I've ever seen. I'm gonna tell you right now Uh-huh.

0:04

I'm not opposed to a lot man. Are you insane?

0:06

I am in which lunchable now if you say

0:08

the pizza Lunchable It is the best one Oh

0:11

man you can go get a slice The

0:13

pizza one tastes like cold wind No

0:15

you're absolutely out of your mind I'm

0:17

bleeding immediately I'm sleeping

0:19

right now Cool that's

0:21

the episode Let's start there Yeah I have nothing

0:23

to promote which is actually kind of nice Yeah I

0:25

just wrapped tour and I

0:28

don't know when the special the second special is coming out. We

0:30

haven't gotten the date yet Did you guys shoot it? Yeah, shot

0:32

it Beautiful is it going to the same platform the

0:34

first one? I think so they get the

0:36

first First little bite

0:38

Isn't that fun? First

0:41

little peek at it They get the first little yeah little I

0:43

don't know what that was You were fingered a

0:45

ghost I fingered the special yeah

0:47

I was going to be on a curtain but you can be fingered

0:49

the special They figured the special so they get to peek in

0:51

there first and then yeah I don't know

0:53

how any of this shit in this business Nobody does I

0:56

just show up I do my thing I tap dance for

0:58

the Lord and then I get the fuck out and I

1:00

go to my country club You know what I mean? That's

1:02

what I do Is that

1:04

your Saturday off? What's a weekend look like when you're not on

1:06

the road? Oh I haven't had one of those in a

1:08

minute But yeah I

1:10

probably But it's coming up It's coming up What

1:13

are we thinking? I'm probably going to play Connecticut

1:16

I'll tell you what right now I'm not the Hamptons girl

1:18

We did the Hamptons last year I treated myself I played

1:20

Radio City last year And then I was like alright we

1:22

ran into house in the Hamptons afterwards celebrating It was fucking

1:24

cold I hated every second of it

1:26

And then you couldn't get into Surf Lodge I'm

1:28

fighting with 23 year old influencers to get into

1:30

Surf Lodge I'm like I'm fucking over this We

1:32

were at Surf You go bitch I'll finger you get me in Yeah literally get me

1:35

in Well I knew this was not my place

1:37

because we were at Surf Lodge I was going

1:39

to smoke a cigarette I'm having some drinks There

1:41

you go Oh I love a heater Oh yes

1:45

I'm going to repeat her and literally Mental? No

1:47

no no mental Okay yeah I'm on that

1:49

one I went for it I went

1:51

for it I pressed my seat then smoked How dare

1:53

you? I am a Southern belle How fucking dare

1:55

you? What's your single choice? Please say mental I

1:58

used to love a people I'm a Southern belle P-Funk you

2:00

know what I mean? Yeah. Oh, yeah I'll

2:03

go with an American spirit Maya and by the way,

2:05

yeah, P-Funk and I was like, please be part of

2:08

Dude, I I respect it because you took the swing

2:10

and I was like, there's no way he knows that

2:12

is I love it Okay, I love in you're from

2:14

the South right? So it's like I love the South

2:16

culture. It blows my mind It's so fascinating. I mean

2:18

I went to the University of Mississippi If you don't

2:20

think I was on Adderall's drinking bud have these

2:23

smoking P-Funks and like a seersucker dress

2:25

with a string of pearls On then you

2:27

must not know I

2:29

know it's like a fucking my word in an office. This is how

2:31

it sucks for it. Was that even a step? I

2:36

need Adderall. Adderall is great. Adderall is Adderall

2:38

is a personal trainer for your brain I

2:40

just went to the Masters and bought a bunch of

2:42

merch at the Masters for my mom's friends And thank

2:45

you. She gave me a full bag of Ritalin 60s

2:49

I think she took it from her son and I was like this is fantastic

2:52

Block bag. Yeah, and I didn't know what it was. Like I

2:54

literally was googling the other night like what? Oh, the pill

2:56

numbers. Isn't that a fun game? She's like, have fun. I

2:59

was like, okay, thank you Cheryl. That's like a drug addict

3:01

bingo right there. You're like, okay, I got A44 Parliament

3:06

snow, snow lodge Surf

3:09

lodge. Surf lodge. I was there

3:11

and I knew it was time to go because you know

3:13

all these like younger kids They're all just hitting the bait

3:18

They plug it in. They cancel like an adult.

3:20

Thank you. If you don't smell like neglect, I

3:22

don't want it Yeah, this

3:25

girl young girl looks at me like bright item bushy telling

3:27

she's like wait a minute How are you gonna like that?

3:30

No What do you mean? And I'm

3:32

because we were looking around looking for matches at surf

3:34

lodge and we're like with a match and she was

3:36

like I like her brain could not compute that you

3:38

don't plug something in she could not figure out that

3:40

I was about to start fire And I literally like like ripped

3:43

a match. I was like we gotta get the fuck out of

3:45

here About

3:48

that I feel like that's you know how those things on the

3:50

internet was like give a Gen Z How would you take a

3:52

photo and they all do like you know iPhone like this or

3:54

whatever? I wonder if you're like light a match with each big

3:56

I don't know Babe

4:00

Yeah, I mean there's nothing more struggling than like

4:02

all like a cigar on a golf course. I

4:04

love it So I'm at yeah, and they're wearing

4:06

the posse. Yeah, forget it. Put me on an

4:08

episode of survivor. I'm out there Just like whatever

4:10

put me out of it. I'm a celebrity get

4:12

me out of here No

4:15

game show dude. I don't know what age

4:17

you have to hit to really enjoy sugar

4:19

I went from not giving a fuck about

4:21

cigars like your like yearning like yeah, we

4:23

can I go give me one I'll even

4:25

your 30s. Yeah. Oh, how's my Like

4:28

in the hotel by myself. That's how

4:30

I am with wine I was always a wine connoisseur

4:33

like I was never cheap, you know, grigio gal

4:35

not even in the in the missus, Missouri days

4:37

Miss in the Mississippi days. Yeah, how do you

4:39

okay? I

4:48

mean, yeah, of course they drink cheap shit in

4:50

college But I mean I but now I'm

4:52

like I have to take a Benadryl after I have two glasses of

4:55

red wine Or I like go off a sleepless night. Like

4:57

that's where I'm at Yeah, today my leg is

4:59

numb because I sciatica and I just can't feel

5:01

what is sciatica. I'm hearing it I have

5:03

a pinched nerve and so like your piriformis

5:05

is like right at the tip Formus

5:08

your form is my daughter's name. Yeah Same

5:12

I have a piriformis you do so it's

5:14

like a little a little nerve or a

5:16

little was it a nerve a muscle

5:19

I don't know your piriformis pinches your

5:21

this nerve and so I have a

5:23

dead leg like literally my and feel

5:25

it No, I'm going to chiropractor emergency car.

5:27

Mr. Deeds the Blackfoot thing. Yes, 100% toes

5:29

are toes are tingling Oh, so you know

5:31

what's not little that rock? That's a rock

5:33

and a half. That's a southern wedding ring

5:35

What happened but it's I'm married to a

5:37

New York Italian. So that's Okay,

5:40

and how did you guys meet we met actually

5:42

in a gay bar in New York City? Oh

5:46

And apparently it does it does are you kidding?

5:48

What are we doing here? My husband? Oh,

5:51

you should you should go to we have where I

5:53

live. Yeah, I think yeah I

5:56

think you go into the one of the gay bars. And if you

5:58

just like go up to a girl and you're They're like

6:00

semi-normal, they'll literally like blow you in

6:02

the bathroom. We'll

6:04

be right back. My

6:06

question is that I think I would be in there

6:09

and I think I would be more like are gay

6:11

men paying attention to me? Am I bombing right now?

6:14

Am I a gay seven? What's happening? But

6:16

see, that's the problem. You got to get rid of

6:18

that ego. You got to go in there and it's not about

6:20

you. It's not about whether they're giving you attention. If you're looking

6:22

for love, you got to make it about the gal.

6:25

You know what I love about you? I've been following you for... It's

6:28

one of the two, we've just followed each other on an

6:30

Instagram for a while. I love all your shit. Thank you

6:32

so much. I love your stuff. And I was

6:34

watching something recently and I'm like, she's just got to figure it

6:36

out. Your point of view, you're like, this is my aim. I

6:38

wake up, I'm that bitch. I'll throw a frappuccino in a teenager's

6:40

face. And I'm like... And

6:43

I do that on the reg. Good, welcome. Fuck,

6:45

I think we're boycotting someone. I don't even know.

6:47

But like, where does that come from? Have

6:50

you always just been that bitch? We always

6:52

just throw them back frondia and punch and

6:54

substitute teachers in the face? The

6:56

funny thing is, I go hard in

6:59

all business aspects of my life, but I'm

7:01

literally the chillest person on the fucking planet. Oh,

7:03

so you turn it on? No, something to turn it

7:05

on. I've just always been a confident bitch.

7:07

But growing up, there were plenty of moments that I

7:09

should have been humbled. I was that chubby kid

7:11

in elementary in the fourth grade who was in

7:13

the talent show singing Celine Dion, just going hard

7:16

in the paint. Your heart will go on, not

7:18

at that rate. At my job. And I look

7:20

back and I was like, why did nobody

7:22

in my family be like, the look isn't

7:24

fitting? The voice was not there. How many brothers

7:26

and sisters? I just have an older sister. OK, OK. She's

7:29

single. She's hot. She's 40 and

7:31

very hot, like very cute. Ooh. Yeah.

7:34

A tourney. A tourney.

7:36

We're only vacation SIG gals. So I just

7:38

want everybody to know. People think I'm, but

7:41

like if I'm on the Amalfi Coast, I'm having a vacation SIG.

7:43

It's not a day to day thing. What about if

7:45

you're in like Tarzana? If I'm on

7:47

Tarzana and I've just been to like an Applebee's, I'm

7:49

having a vacation SIG. You have to. Yeah,

7:52

you have to. So when you, this is a stupid question. You

7:54

inhaled thus. Are you like a dink

7:56

to the cat to the nicotine or not? Not even in I

7:59

have maybe three cigarettes. the year my

8:01

laundry. Oh yeah, if I lack of

8:03

clarity, orderly said: I have. A quarterly

8:05

Sig like it either. The que three say

8:07

yeah, Future your

8:09

ticket sales and to do as soon as

8:12

long. As see

8:14

away the immigrant more she thought

8:16

why think this is the relaxing

8:18

smoking so she was sitting in

8:20

my head. So. Like I could sit in

8:22

this year and then he does. There's. A cigar

8:25

bar my my place where we just sat

8:27

there and you switch around and is is

8:29

all guys yapping away see guy but er

8:31

gar bars and women that a salons it's

8:33

the same a clever all of whom we

8:35

can you smoke and islam few man who

8:37

you're around so much see if you're on

8:39

fire oh do ya will be her nail

8:42

polish remover is badly dude I dyed my

8:44

hair and i want to obvious wanna do

8:46

it and i felt debbie yeah i saw

8:48

that with the worst thing with the would

8:50

whatever the he and i was like who

8:52

does exactly that. Was

8:55

my gosh yeah. Low

8:57

of through these there. Is a safe space you

8:59

get and everyone's bowl said oh i. Love

9:02

the zebra of ways because you're just forced

9:04

to sit there thinking like what else is

9:06

was it is a lie to me. Forethought

9:08

to the lives of the lighting is also

9:10

a terrible at you've never been more, another

9:12

have failed and we'll have our whales are

9:14

an orthodontist like today I am dressing room

9:16

lads really bad so and jamming think it

9:19

would be there really is you for your

9:21

cigar bar is a salon I'm in my

9:23

hasn't issued cigar on a sore light travels

9:25

everywhere with i like get the security of

9:27

cigars and it's along with the lives of

9:29

was that's a great question isn't oh no.

9:31

He he's a real estate pete Israel say

9:33

to method of that's of mobs has a

9:35

little bit wilson a lot of like random

9:38

like town homes across America. That's great. yeah

9:40

because you're gonna hide the body somewhere we

9:42

sure do. and he's Italian so that's where

9:44

under. Construction in real estate

9:46

development in New York and then we came

9:48

down. South so now we live in Atlanta. He

9:50

plays golf pretty much full time for appearing to

9:52

be on a senior tour on ends and he

9:54

does will say and i don't know any move

9:56

money around and I don't ask questions. I should

9:58

And then I just. The in across America

10:00

and shake my for gasoline the cells to get

10:03

her to sounds like a perfect relationship Running Android

10:05

is loaded as high as you do you ardor

10:07

means we need everyone for won't matter of the

10:09

have common in for them Go to new play

10:11

golf to repeat or and talk about where the

10:14

money from of rubber a sad were going from

10:16

I don't know how we play golf together so

10:18

I play golf with us so I'm a golfer

10:20

and now have a new goal because my has

10:22

is obviously an old as leisure time to hang

10:24

out or country clubs while. I'm actually out

10:27

there working and slaying dragons. so I said.

10:29

He had met me to step it up. These are

10:31

many to seven s so we have a little back

10:33

going on and on. I have the summer off from

10:35

touring, says that I'm going to get really good again

10:37

apparently to coaches and that if I beat him. Ah,

10:39

I like six months to beat him if I beat him and eighteen

10:41

holes and he has a give it up I said for. A. Year

10:44

I met actually a Digital Daves. Give up

10:46

golf. he's assess your sales. were building a simulator

10:48

in our how or he has think coaches like

10:50

he's one of those girls off the tiger. One

10:52

is a good, not great. For

10:57

thousands of dollars or job and I'm

10:59

thirty one so at all If and

11:01

Zola.is scrambling that would I do embark

11:03

the most of which you know Omaha

11:05

wasn't for brought by beads went full

11:07

one easy to golf. Is very

11:10

athletic and so he has a

11:12

beautiful swing by his coach. At

11:14

So I've worked as go down as coach there

11:16

is. I think he's been taken to me lesson

11:18

some legs when you mean about their overcorrected yeah

11:20

he's I think he's. He's I got little

11:22

artistic about it. Little rain. Me about it

11:25

like he's doing some a setting that it's

11:27

not helping his if like point of diminishing

11:29

returns yes I use you put so much

11:31

into it's good like nineteen sling falsely it's

11:33

not gonna go out to determine everything was

11:35

a little scope. realize. He's got the skill Steve

11:37

is not as as did I lose, got the

11:39

tools. All of that I just get out. There

11:41

nice ribbit. sell him over to do

11:44

cover for years here because if is

11:46

and got. Several.

11:49

Comedy tour was tortured him off.

11:52

Next. Week services driving to To so

11:54

that on solo out of the five,

11:56

go May Seventy Two May Nineteen Third

11:58

nerds, get on. Organ Bird and

12:01

Rip a goddamn all birds. I'll

12:03

see you there. It's Salt Lake

12:05

City which added a six so

12:07

you day sorted Producers: Miami, Florida.

12:10

You. Know the other two poked out

12:12

to give a fuck with don't look

12:14

beyond goddamn tour dates Side: June Twenty

12:16

first two for hims heard of he

12:18

has their different F one is can

12:21

be up to Sacramento June Twenty two

12:23

to thirty percent off so hard twenty

12:25

fifth do twenty seven six so added

12:27

employer in some fashion thing and thirty.

12:30

Saw this. National Vote

12:32

August's Tampa, Florida, September Twenty two,

12:34

Twenty Second, Tempe, Arizona in October

12:36

and then a seat or two.

12:38

or early. Twenty Twenty Five. But

12:40

who gives a fuck until the

12:43

ads Michael Blow side set up

12:45

on a Michael Blow sides may

12:47

sorry to June first I'll be

12:49

enforced in Austin. Those tickets are.

12:53

In Morocco Casino mogul can see it

12:55

on August second dose of years ago.

12:58

it's always nice New York City. Make

13:00

update. Go grab. Thing as as a

13:02

little sue less cool sends Michael's on

13:04

Forty second August twenty third, Gary, Indiana

13:07

August eighth seed. I'll be in Glasgow.

13:09

that's why do you case sit overnight

13:11

and I'll be a Dublin Goddamn I

13:13

said about is just so the words

13:15

way they'll be in Sunday September Twenty

13:18

Fourth fell success and it's it's everybody's

13:20

I guess of inmates as a as

13:22

a diverse twenty seventh two that's why

13:24

not Miami, their wives are just set

13:27

it on October Eleven Thirty Dhabi in

13:29

Irvine That as a new day Irvine.

13:31

October eleven to the thirteenth on and that

13:33

is it. many many more days on a

13:35

mother of encounter. Go get sick as like

13:37

I'm like I'm as blog already.com. And.

13:41

if you want someone puts you on

13:43

your name on about who's who i'm

13:45

sigma i'm signal have a fog and

13:47

full as are o'clock that's why i

13:49

love god and blue tude all roman

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our your voted seventy percent hard stupid

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when voters will resume and meet online

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service it delivers the same active and

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greed advice gross sales and love Be

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thank you. But in trouble tablet at the

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the guy's yelling back there, we got the cock

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podcast. The

15:09

simulator, I'm so jealous. That's the one thing.

15:11

No, no, no, but that's the one thing

15:13

that I, if someone was like,

15:15

hey, if you build a house, what are you

15:17

gonna put in your house? I would do simulator

15:19

over bedroom. Yeah, like, we're about there. God

15:22

damn it. Yeah, we live right next door to our country club.

15:24

So when I hear that tip all day long in the garage

15:26

where he wants to build like a pool house and

15:28

build a simulator, I just hear that fucking net getting

15:30

hit all day while I'm downstairs in my

15:32

office recording a podcast or somehow grinding out

15:35

money for it. And I just lose my

15:37

shit. Oh my God. You live right on

15:39

the course? We're like right next

15:41

door. Oh, God, that is beautiful. But this is

15:43

like, I moved into my childhood home. So literally

15:45

my husband and I were living in New York during

15:47

the pandemic. And my mom

15:50

was like, what am I gonna do with this house? We're like,

15:52

we'll take it. So we live with my mom. My mom lives

15:54

with us. However you want to slice it. It's

15:57

like three's company. Yeah. Oh my God. It

16:00

is a beautiful thing my dad died so I'm glad that

16:02

like we you know can keep an eye on my mom

16:04

But my mom's also like 76, but like

16:06

a hot 40 year old. Yeah, put it to work.

16:08

She's got energy Subtitles

16:13

we had to shut her down because she would get

16:15

somehow I like left my iPad at home and

16:17

I would be on tour and she would get on my Instagram I'll

16:19

show you Instagram lives, you know on

16:21

your Money though all the followers

16:23

are oh my god People would be like from a

16:25

game like abort abort. I'm like and you're like

16:27

your mom's on Instagram live I'm like, I don't know

16:30

how to shut it down. I'm in Kentucky right

16:32

now This is kind of

16:34

funny. This is having me yesterday my mom both

16:36

my parents are retired. My mom's always loved food

16:38

culture She used to be a food journalist. Oh,

16:40

hell yeah, and she's her whole life on a

16:42

goal is to make a cookbook Right good for

16:44

her beautiful. So she's been working on it, but

16:46

every cookbook agent. She's like talking to now I was like

16:48

you need more social follow you need more so sorry so

16:50

last time I was home I was like,

16:52

yeah, I'll shoot a video for you right? She was showing me

16:55

a recipe I do I edit it. I make it fun. I

16:57

was staying at home for the weekend I put some time into

16:59

it couple hours and I loved it and I was like here

17:01

you go And then yesterday she just sends me I get an

17:03

email she goes hey just saying email There's a video and she

17:05

gives me like a list of notes For

17:11

your notes and tell you whoever your shitty

17:13

social media manager is I

17:16

mean like getting video notes. I was like mom.

17:18

I barely have time to do my own

17:20

videos I have a full-time video guy that I

17:22

pay I am running my mom's

17:24

art empire My mom is an incredible painter

17:27

yeah, and and what pisses me off

17:29

to and you know like Kudos

17:31

to your mom. There's nothing more annoying that when you

17:33

have a parent that's older especially as a woman like

17:35

they're like Oh, it's her hobby. I'm like no no

17:37

my mom's incredible. Your mom's incredible in the

17:39

food space like like like let's give

17:41

them Flowers yeah,

17:44

and I will edit that video today. Yeah, absolutely

17:47

I have a question. I gave you birth you

17:49

have it's just funny because I'm so used to

17:51

giving all my editors like notes Yeah, and then

17:53

I get the nose. I'm Jerry. I don't get

17:55

no I Because we

17:57

know I've had to go to some of these art festivals

17:59

and literally At least sell my mom's art like I'm she's like

18:01

had that the fans want to see you so I'm

18:04

out there So so selling these paintings are my

18:06

mom and I'm like, I don't have a like Cincinnati

18:09

tonight and do a show we had to wrap this

18:11

up. Yeah, but you know what good

18:13

for your mom What's I'm down? What's

18:15

up that she paint a really

18:18

cool abstract huge pieces piece

18:20

of my home Actually,

18:22

yeah, her stuff's great the Red contemporary my mom's

18:24

hot She's 76 redhead and perky titties

18:27

like a hot babe. And if there

18:29

any Yeah, that's a PT Cruiser

18:33

I'm trying to rip a PT. Yeah, she's got

18:35

she's really hot. She's single. She likes younger

18:37

guys My dad's been past deceased now for

18:39

almost 10 years. She's looking for a new

18:41

boyfriend So if there's anybody listening you have

18:43

to have money though, cuz Robin's not she's not

18:45

looking for love. She's looking for fun Yes, do

18:48

you ever watch any golden bachelor stuff? Okay,

18:50

so they approached Everybody wanted

18:52

my mom to be the first back to the right my

18:54

mom's iconic. She's very much like Here's

18:57

the thing huge liability. My career will be over tomorrow.

18:59

Oh, okay. There's nothing you she's 76 from

19:02

Boston Have it yet. It'd

19:04

be a huge liability I was like I've worked

19:06

too fucking hard to then just watch my mom

19:08

like date on national television or something insane I know

19:10

but don't but don't you want to see it though?

19:13

I do I do but I don't trust

19:16

I don't I don't trust you still have your last

19:18

name or do you take your husband's? I kept my

19:20

last name Okay, cool. Yeah, was that a conversation? Um,

19:22

just great. My husband's great. He's

19:25

not intimidated by anything I do he's like fucking

19:27

go for it. But my dad on his death. I

19:29

was like, he's like never change your last name You're

19:31

always a McMahon. So I said, I'm a

19:33

great last name. Yeah, and does your husband have

19:35

a powerful last name? Well, his name is Jeff

19:38

Daniels like the actor from no, it's it's

19:40

literally I married to Jeff Daniels So when I

19:42

call for like dinner reservations in New York, I

19:44

use Here's no way.

19:47

Oh, yeah. Are you kidding me? No.

19:49

Hi just surf laws Heather

19:54

McEaters for sure. Yeah, so but

19:56

also like my in-laws hate

19:58

me so I was like a mess Same

20:00

what yeah, it's layered. It's layered.

20:02

Oh, yeah. No. Yeah, it's whatever

20:04

what are you gonna do? But I always said I when

20:07

we have kids I'm not gonna make them have some weird

20:09

like joint name hyphenate Yeah, yeah, yeah, man Daniels through

20:11

Daniels. That's it. I never knew what that was and

20:13

when I was growing up I always thought it was

20:15

cool when I got out of football jersey had two

20:17

last name Yeah, I just realized the parents were just

20:19

couldn't figure it out Side

20:22

on a last name. I'm not gonna go well

20:24

in the relationship. Yeah Also

20:26

who goes first? But that's what

20:28

they were first alphabetical you fight I think you

20:31

fight but I always thought it was me the

20:33

woman's last name went first But again, that's me

20:35

living in 1940. I don't know. Yeah, I don't

20:37

know I don't

20:40

know I think for your bet maybe instead of

20:42

him taking off a year Uh-huh, it should be

20:44

huge the rest play from the red teas or

20:47

the one before it. Yes. Yeah, you know, just

20:49

just emasculate I'm just a little bad Well, I

20:51

don't know year just because I thought it would

20:53

really like get him revved up But then I

20:55

realized I have to be living with him for

20:57

years herbal fuck Yeah, so now I'm only

20:59

like you can't do it for a month, but he can't

21:01

watch your caddy for you Always already

21:04

wants to be my cat. Oh, you know to

21:06

me that's hot for him. He likes that we get to play

21:08

golf again I'm playing Riviera for this like are you doing

21:10

that Monday? I'm doing it. I'm doing it, too

21:12

It's like all it's the for the Netflix festival,

21:14

but they literally will not let you bring

21:16

any plus one So Jeff like has called

21:18

my like agents a million times. What do you mean?

21:21

I can't be a Riviera I just wanna like smell the

21:23

grass. Is he like literally just me? Actually

21:29

kind of Italian and talks like this but then he turns

21:31

like a frat guy. It's just so I love it Oh,

21:33

yeah, any guy with a simulator in the garage you tell

21:35

where he I feel he doesn't even heat up He just

21:37

puts a keystone light down that rips it off Apparently

21:41

I didn't I'm oblivious to most things in

21:44

life. No, it's Apparently,

21:46

yeah, I'm gonna be playing that you're shanking

21:48

off the pch Oh Ball

21:51

into a house again afford know who you you're

21:53

Playing with now. No, but I saw the roster

21:55

It's like everybody's anybody I Guarantee it'll be all

21:57

the women. They're like we're gonna look. That

22:00

was our news. Twenty five women are

22:02

you on guard and what did he

22:04

have Last because you don't have slowly

22:07

but he doesn't know what how these

22:09

shit go in some Ceos your my

22:11

be enjoyed got barrage com essa my

22:13

hometown or or golf. Course

22:15

they don't have a gulf like the

22:17

car girl thing in our now this

22:19

is a regular car with a trailer

22:21

on the backs of that was our

22:23

it's so I'm feeling. Very

22:27

muggy. wonderfully dragon rambling. his heart

22:29

aspect isn't Regulus with a love.

22:31

The snack cornered awkward has a

22:33

different sound. yeah it's up a

22:36

little frills. a part of it

22:38

wasn't until I supreme drop you

22:40

all need to your while the

22:42

moment around the corner like. Here

22:44

comes mandy and then is that big cities.

22:46

As for a new on barrage Amazon burn

22:48

a little bit of a stance. yeah and

22:51

she's making you transfusion if you're at a

22:53

fancy on her. Know what is? I would

22:55

have again. easy money to I think it's

22:57

a result is definitely an energy drink. It

23:00

is on Bridges. Ah Ginger ale vodka. With

23:02

lime it is like the quintessential southern golf

23:04

course drink and you have to transfusions your

23:06

face down as up and a the and

23:08

trap on sixteen and cannot make it out

23:11

and even I was a college in. South

23:13

play golf at school. I went coastal

23:15

Carolina into a day or less than

23:17

ever heard of utterances normal the i

23:20

mean sometimes their heart and about and

23:22

of July from Oslo was moved to.raids

23:24

waters or how we might as water

23:26

pursuant. To. Kill a club soda and. Fresh

23:28

Lime said illinois your results He was in value

23:31

had values Mertz I got a D. I'm from

23:33

Hidden Valley's Instagram. The way we live to see

23:35

summers was why does he know him or our

23:37

Hildale and Valley of Morality Lulu are superior product.

23:40

I was out of. I went on the amazing race and

23:42

like you to bring like one thing to get you lose

23:44

your one. Creature Comforts to be Hidden Valley

23:47

either. Do anything. Little annoyed when I

23:49

was like does everybody in the world

23:51

me to merge? Drop the island everybody

23:53

says force me to merge strawbale where

23:55

it wouldn't do that with Sony. Merge

23:57

the as a group that is, Ill take

23:59

this as. I would wear

24:01

something. That's what I had you buzzy all all

24:03

day. Just murdered resist sage right it's

24:05

he puts a does not automatically how

24:07

good the gals you know where the

24:09

gals and never thought about Chinese enough.

24:11

For me it's like if they just

24:13

pure partisans showed the my house of

24:15

forget where but as I wouldn't is

24:17

damning baggage. ah thank you We do

24:19

the work ethic a large in Iran's

24:21

beach towel, city slickers, weddings or tech

24:23

adversity like don't emerge. So yesterday mono

24:25

lake Zurich I bore fruit or me

24:27

by Peter bought a receiver is what

24:29

is it was at what are some

24:31

sort out for this may arise your.

24:33

Were plugged. I'm on my part

24:36

the I heard from our day.

24:38

Whatever it takes use sunscreen but

24:40

no good. Oh you consumers tortured

24:42

him yeah is that would hold

24:44

on. Smells like chicken know well

24:46

I'm. A graphic cel is like, so there

24:48

was the bulls, of course any sense for this

24:50

is more either you mash potatoes, he gets your

24:53

calls. And yeah, I almost had a Talladega and

24:55

I'm a needed sunscreen Does it? Smell like sick

24:57

as. Big. As we've said so

24:59

yeah ah the good part by Bumble Bees

25:01

will do my hair. Would not surprise me

25:03

if a listen to some for you as

25:06

a southern belle yeah what's a wallflower go

25:08

towards. Okay, all right, let's go for it. Now

25:10

this is going the. Far at number one

25:12

manager in this in the parking lots

25:14

of all right dude, I am that

25:16

he had so much shiver this so

25:18

I'm not a huge while. The authors

25:20

and. Me, I hear me

25:22

out. I love love. Off I like to

25:25

go, but my dad died and went mom

25:27

and Dad died. He went to Op Out

25:29

every single day while poses a little triggering

25:31

for me. As a rule, where my dad

25:33

used to sit at Waffle House they have

25:35

a plaque because that's how like, revered and

25:37

loved he was. I'll. At our local law

25:39

far as is is on headstones as scattered

25:42

covered in smothered does every sprays as as

25:44

swap of I love that it's also load

25:46

triggering. For me or you know I only I.

25:48

Go there like on his birthday. Ah, I'm.

25:50

At from the aerial tour of run

25:52

under his value of ten a our

25:54

best to somebody else. Is Deborah Lee the black

25:57

it like a chili's. Or. A D G I Fridays

25:59

says i love of. But my order is... On the

26:01

bottom of the fajita plate. Yeah, on the bottom of the...

26:03

The roll lava cake. My

26:05

order is hash browns, scattered

26:08

covered, and then I'll just

26:10

do like an egg, a scrambled egg.

26:15

I don't like American cheese. It's my biggest fear.

26:17

Like, it keeps me up at night. Does it

26:19

melt great? No, it doesn't. It doesn't

26:21

taste great. It melts like a plastic line. No, it doesn't taste

26:23

great. And they only use American cheese, so that's also my thing. I'm very

26:25

particular. Why did America... Can I take

26:27

that cheese? It's gotta be cheap to

26:29

make. Yeah, it's not cheap. It's

26:32

made out of foam on the side of your mattress. Like

26:34

I'm not afraid of getting attacked. I'm not afraid

26:36

of like a home burglary. I am afraid of

26:39

you were to take craft singles and put them

26:41

underneath my pillow and I were to touch one

26:43

at night right before I was about to fall asleep. I burned

26:45

the house down. That was a weird kid eating craft singles at the

26:47

fridge as a child. Well, I did too. And then someday it

26:49

just fucking changed. I don't know what happened and

26:51

I just can't smell them. Like if I go

26:54

to a bodega, I'm like, bacon, egg, and cheese

26:56

Swiss. Like I have to say Swiss. I don't

26:58

even say cheddar because half the time when the

27:00

guys are making it, they think it's American. It doesn't

27:02

do anything. It's just hanging out. Yeah, but you still

27:04

get a little bit of that nutty salty taste. Are

27:06

you a Swiss lady? I'll do any cheese except American.

27:08

Except American. Or like nacho ballpark cheese. I

27:11

don't talk for fake. Can I say some what? I don't

27:13

like cheddar cheese. I... What

27:15

do you mean? I don't like it. What about shredded

27:17

on a taco? Fine. You're

27:19

off the podcast. What is it? Honestly, cheddar

27:21

is a beautiful natural cheese. But

27:23

it's got a little like... It's got a little

27:25

stank to it. My taste buds registered like a

27:27

little stank. Oh, do you like a blue cheese? Blue cheese

27:30

throws me off. Blue cheese. Oh, dude,

27:32

the sinkier, the moldier, the better. Get them out. Really?

27:34

Oh, dude, you hit me with the gorgonzola. I will slap

27:36

that. Yeah, I don't... Crazy. If

27:39

it's in and all of them, I'll do it. But

27:41

just broad daylight, that hard cheese. My dad's chiseling away

27:43

at it like he just got this somewhere. I'll fuck

27:45

it up. Car-rock, Jesus Christ, forever. But when I stopped

27:47

liking American cheese, I think it was when I was

27:49

probably at a barbecue and the cheese was laying out

27:51

for a little bit. And then you're like, oh, sure,

27:53

this is melted. You pick it up. Exactly. Yeah.

27:58

You're like, why isn't this melted? What is happening? And

28:00

all these really great restaurants, you

28:02

go and you're like, okay, we've gotta go to this

28:04

one place, it's got the best cheeseburger in the world.

28:06

They're always like, and it doesn't matter if it's a

28:08

three-star Michelin, they're always like, classic American cheese. I'm like,

28:10

it's ruining the fucking burger. I'm not paying $45

28:13

for this fucking burger with a glass of Chianti,

28:15

and I gotta fucking deal with American cheese. And then if you try

28:17

and go to some of these places and you're like, I don't want

28:19

the cheese, then it's a whole fucking thing. How do you

28:21

do a place that did no substitution? Dude,

28:23

a blise of a wall. Okay, a brunch

28:25

place, no substitution I get. Brunch is the

28:27

hardest. I've worked in every hospitality job. Brunch

28:29

is the hardest shift. It is the hardest.

28:31

Why, because everyone's hammered and entitled? Yeah,

28:34

and it's just, it's a rush. People are getting,

28:36

you know, that brunch shift is from 10 a.m.

28:38

to 2.30, and it is

28:40

balls to the wall. Yeah, and then people are

28:42

hung over, and they're like, I'll have the hurry

28:44

up. But no, I think, you know,

28:46

you gotta give. You gotta give and take a little bit.

28:48

That's insane to have absolutely zero substitution. If it's

28:50

in reason, like if it's already on the burger,

28:53

instead of a substitution, it should be like, can

28:55

I minus the tomato? Yeah,

28:57

I'm not gonna, maybe you can't add, but at least

28:59

I'm in some trash. Because you're making, it's an easier

29:01

job for the chef. Here's where I'm at. Yeah. I'm

29:04

paying. Yeah. Do what I

29:06

want. Oh, shut up. The chef doesn't, fuck the chef. The

29:08

chef is not me. I'm paying 50 dollars

29:10

for a burger. Have you ever worked in a restaurant? Yeah. Okay.

29:14

My whole life. I'm always gonna go, It's

29:16

a small kitchen. What the fuck does that mean? It

29:18

means a small kitchen. But

29:21

if it's a small kitchen, you would think that if

29:23

you go plate by plate, he has more time and

29:25

more space. I think that's on the server,

29:27

the server doesn't want to time it out. Of course. Fucking

29:30

mind it out. Okay, I'm not gonna get

29:32

technical, but I worked in a lot of

29:34

fine dining, and it is, I mean, if you've ever

29:36

had like a tiny little lesbian chef in the back,

29:38

who's like farm to table, and you fear for your

29:41

life, you don't fuck with her. You know what I

29:43

mean? It's everything is in, that is

29:45

done in a restaurant. You get like a footer behind your ear, you

29:47

know, just sitting there like a pen. Yeah, everything's

29:49

done out of fear. People are just fighting

29:51

for their life. Why do chefs love

29:53

cocaine so much? Because of the hours. But

29:56

you're making, maybe after the shift. Yeah.

29:59

But you're making, You need to be actually What

30:06

I'm saying, but do you want it like you want to be geeked

30:08

out you need you understand You need to be geeked

30:11

out to make a fucking steak Yeah, you do because

30:13

why when when that shit starts right and those tickets

30:15

start rolling up That

30:17

is like, you know, you're losing your mind. You got to be

30:19

in the zone, dude Yeah, I cooked I started my

30:22

first one of my first restaurants in New York

30:24

spice market Do you remember this? Yeah, I love

30:26

spice market That was my first restaurant job and

30:28

they start I had so much serving experience But

30:30

I didn't have New York experience where I had

30:32

to be a food runner. Oh, yeah I remember

30:34

food running you have to talk to the chef

30:36

you have to get the food from the chef

30:38

and obviously walk to the kitchen So I am

30:41

the chefs are screaming at me I am screaming

30:43

back then I have to go to the fine

30:45

dining and be like hello, madam But it was

30:47

such a dichotomy between who I needed to be

30:49

but these chefs they didn't talk what else I

30:52

don't respect They're just oh, they don't give a

30:54

fuck I'm a 21 year old idiot

30:58

But it's one of them. Yeah, probably busters but

31:00

like and so so let's say I'm a chef I'm

31:02

cooking like what's something you say? Hey, we need

31:04

a table through steak or whatever Yeah, but you'd also

31:06

like yeah, and you'd expect a window and then yeah

31:09

And yes, but see I would always go in

31:11

and I would get like a boyfriend immediately not in

31:13

a real relationship But like I'd have some guys like,

31:15

you know work in the line like doing

31:17

all the hot grills Yeah, you'd be like some Dominican guy

31:19

that have a huge crush on me. So I get like a

31:21

little treats all night Romeo

31:24

shrimp skewer, you know, I know how to

31:26

work the system I was really

31:28

good at being in the service industry like I

31:30

thrive. So if I can't hear your table I knew everything

31:32

on the menu. I knew how to

31:34

razzle dazzle. I really thought I'd be

31:37

better made to That's why you're an

31:39

entertainer. Yeah, you know, you know to work

31:41

a table. It was a little bit of

31:43

crowd work Yeah, what do we order? Oh,

31:45

yeah, Gary's going for the shush. Oh, yeah

31:47

big mistake. Yeah, exactly Exactly. Let me ask

31:49

you this were you were you a

31:51

kneel down by the table person or stand up

31:53

actually? I like that. Okay wordy. I get on

31:56

their level like yeah. Hey girl. I love it I

31:58

love that we're going with this meze platter I

32:00

love that we're going in this Mediterranean direction, but

32:02

I would never kneel. I would never kneel I

32:04

also was a bartender for a really long time. I

32:06

bought into what you weren't in it everywhere I worked

32:09

at this in this restaurant group. We had this place called

32:11

elsewhere That was on 43rd between 9th and

32:13

10th right across from Mario Batali's place called.

32:15

Yeah, Eska and In

32:18

that that was like the finite but my first

32:20

restaurant job in New York was at Stout Which

32:22

was the biggest Irish sports bar across from Madison

32:24

Square Garden So like whatever played at

32:26

Madison Square Garden that night I was serving

32:28

this feeling this is a metallic metallic concert for

32:30

like two hours. We were just losing our fucking

32:32

mind Yeah, yeah,

32:35

well, so are you big foodie or just

32:37

kind of enjoy? Yeah, I'm a huge foodie

32:39

favorite New York restaurant And Lee emotional reining

32:41

your restaurant. Well, I were out there recently.

32:43

We ate a burger place at Alshavall Yeah,

32:46

so it was great, but there were no substitution place, but

32:48

it was one of the best I tried to pull I

32:50

didn't even try and pull a fast one But I had

32:52

a friend who knew the owners at our Shaball in Chicago.

32:55

Yeah, I had a show They were

32:57

like just go to the manager and just let them know

32:59

like such and such sent you so I go in there

33:01

And then there's a clearly like a two-hour wait Yeah,

33:03

and I was never trying to like skip the line my

33:05

friend was like, oh the owner said do this So I go

33:07

to the manager. I'm like, hey, by the way, like Cindy sent

33:09

me I got I got dressed

33:12

down in front of all these people in this restaurant.

33:14

He was like, we don't do any favors I

33:16

do you I gotta see a text from them right

33:18

now like chewed my ass out I've never been

33:20

like mortified and I was like, all right, dude I

33:22

was not trying to come in here and like pull

33:24

a fast one But if you're gonna pull this game

33:26

like I'm not fucking dealing with I probably never really

33:28

do it So because the one out of a thousand

33:30

times you ever did it that happened like great. I'll

33:32

never do this again Papers

33:35

I get intimidated like text somebody to come on

33:37

my podcast. Yeah. I don't ever want to thank you

33:39

means anybody But yeah, I'd rather be there and just

33:41

kind of look lonely in the lobby Leaving

33:46

and the diabetic I'm getting a little I Have

33:51

any was that I got the bird sippeta whatever

33:53

is in my leg my foot don't work Yeah,

33:55

but yeah, I always play the game where like

33:57

once I'm like seated and then like maybe a

33:59

food Runs up. Hey, love your stuff next

34:01

time right here hit me up. You're like, okay

34:03

now I got in for the next time. Yeah,

34:05

but yeah that initial like hey, I

34:07

was at same place I was at Duke's in Hawaii

34:10

a couple years ago. Welcome. Yeah Again,

34:12

four months wait like the whole thing. It's you

34:14

know, white people land in Hawaii and they're like

34:16

I need my dude Shrimp

34:19

and maybe some eye contact from my wife. Yeah, I

34:21

went to the front and we never there So I

34:23

go to the front and I mean

34:25

and this is not me boasting But

34:28

maybe like six or seven employees working there like dude,

34:30

Trevor. We love yourself. I'm sure but the lady we'd

34:32

love to hook It up, bro. I'm at the front

34:34

desk and these people are like, oh, I love you.

34:36

I love you Yeah, and the one lady who's running

34:38

it was that guy. She's like, nope, don't care Two

34:42

hour way. Yeah, two hour wait leave your

34:44

foot two hour way. I'm like, yeah. Yeah.

34:46

Why you give anyone power They

34:49

love yes, very humbling I

34:53

This show is a concert by better. How

34:55

let me tell you something dude. I need

34:57

therapy right freaking out Okay, I do I

34:59

do I've got some news on my goddamn

35:01

phone I'm freaking fired up and I will

35:03

say that therapy actually has helped me because

35:05

I usually am Freaking I'll fire it up

35:07

and say some wild shit over goddamn computer

35:09

screen But I'm not gonna because I have

35:11

delved into therapy and I've literally just like

35:14

built the skill set that I need to

35:16

handle emotional stuff And I we're a big

35:18

proponents therapy on the show and that's why

35:20

we love better help do it and with

35:22

better help, man You're not gonna leave your

35:24

freaking comfort. You're on home, dude You can

35:26

find a licensed therapist online and if you

35:29

don't vibe with them, dude, it's a simple

35:31

process You just drop that one you

35:33

find another one. It's super easy So you can find

35:35

the therapist that actually works for you and again, it's

35:37

highly online different company on home You know, I've taken

35:39

these calls from my own car me, you

35:42

know, I did too. Yeah, wherever you want

35:44

to be You know, they're there for you. It's great

35:46

man Just to talk it and get it off your

35:48

chest is really the best if it sits in your

35:50

head It kind of just like for me personally, yeah

35:52

festers. Yeah, and then this big this

35:54

this big problem is even bigger But

35:57

it once was a small problem Talked

36:00

it out, man. And with BetterHelp, too,

36:02

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36:13

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36:19

help.com/socks. Go find

36:22

happiness, y'all. But

36:26

what was your question about your favorite New York bond? Favorite

36:28

New York bond. Favorite New York bond. And the dual thing

36:30

was also I just showed up. I didn't ask to be

36:32

like, you know, I mean, no, I just showed up to

36:34

be like, what's the way? And then they came up, favorite

36:37

New York. Okay, there's a hidden gem in Tribeca.

36:39

It's called Max's. It's one of the best Italian

36:41

spots in the world. It's on 134 West Broadway.

36:43

I don't have any ink, like I don't have

36:45

any tattoos, but I have followed this restaurant around.

36:48

I know all their addresses from like every

36:50

year that they like moved. I would get

36:52

all their addresses on my body. It's how

36:54

much I love Max's. They have a rigatoni

36:56

bolognese that will blow your tits off. It's not on

36:58

the menu. Max's is absolutely

37:00

incredible. Most overrated. Where have

37:03

I eaten? Don't say it.

37:05

I'm too afraid. I'm actually too afraid.

37:07

I love carbon. I love carbon too.

37:10

Carbon in Vegas is overrated. I

37:12

had some of the worst service I've ever had. I think everything in

37:14

Vegas is overrated. Yeah, I think the place

37:16

itself is overrated. We take a chain restaurant and then you put

37:18

it there and you expect it to be the same. And you're

37:20

like, oh, well these people are from the Vegas tunnels. They're

37:23

on a lot of them. I thought I would

37:25

thrive in Vegas. Like I love doing shows there,

37:28

but it is not necessarily my town. And I'm a glitter girl.

37:30

It's a great 36 hour town. The

37:33

shows are always fun in Vegas, from what I've

37:35

experienced. Have you done movies yet? Yeah,

37:37

I like to get in in the day. You

37:39

do a show, you stay out late that night

37:42

and then you get a late flight the next

37:44

day. You get around the next day. A good

37:46

buffet. Buffets are hilarious. You ever

37:48

wonder what America is like at its core? Go to a

37:50

Las Vegas buffet. Actually, even better, go

37:52

to a Tunica, Mississippi casino buffet. We

37:55

used to go up to Tunica, because they have casinos there and

37:57

they used to have a Paula Deen buffet. So we would go

37:59

after football. We'd be like fucked up in the Mississippi

38:01

football game drive an hour up to Basically

38:04

the Delta the Mississippi Delta and go to

38:06

like a tunica casino and then tear

38:08

up some ooey gooey butter cake and that

38:10

Apology time we talking 7 a.m. Yeah 7

38:14

a.m. Of 4 a.m. Something like that.

38:16

Uh-huh, right? Yeah, I went to Atlantic

38:18

City buffet That was who else Atlantic

38:20

City. That's a town that is it. I

38:22

haven't played Atlantic City in a minute I've never played a

38:24

link said I don't even know the feel of it Coming

38:27

back right. Did it is that the rumor?

38:30

My sister lives in New York and she said it's

38:32

kind of like a quick like weekend Getaway, it's like

38:34

a meme weekend. Yeah fun. We don't

38:36

know but no No, I'm saying

38:38

that I feel like the Atlantic City. It's coming

38:40

back has been 45. I agree. I mean back

38:43

I absolutely agree with you. It's like they're still hammering

38:45

it. We see heroin. Yeah, we're doing heroin right now

38:47

underneath the underneath Yeah, yeah, you're pulling the slob. She's

38:49

just putting it A

38:53

lot of fun out there. It was the crowds

38:55

were rowdy as hell I remember within a

38:57

minute this black dude asked me how big

38:59

my penis was on stage I was like,

39:01

it's not what you have sir. I'd imagine

39:03

and this is a minute in yeah I

39:05

forget what it was great venues in the The

39:09

Borgata. Yeah the Borgata. Yeah, it was awesome.

39:11

Yeah, it was fun What's

39:13

your favorite city to play? We're talking about a little

39:15

bit random ones. I love a good Like

39:18

Sacramento, yeah Tempe, Arizona, yeah, but

39:21

I Mample is always head back what

39:23

what I love I

39:26

had a woman come to like, you know The meet-and-greet afterwards

39:28

and she had a giant Louis Vuitton purse and like, you

39:30

know, listen my audience We have a lot of gals so

39:32

they bring me gifts. That's a nice thing Yeah,

39:35

guys of me if I want to zen Well,

39:38

this woman had open up her Louis Vuitton purse is that

39:40

what you want? She's like a Pills

39:43

and oh, yeah more

39:45

Ritalin. Yeah, honestly I was

39:47

just like this is the greatest thing ever. I mean I usually

39:49

get like, you know, like Paintings of

39:51

my face and stuff like that because women really like

39:54

to show off their art skills But this one was just

39:56

like what you want. Hamill drugs. Tampa was the second show

39:58

I ever did on my a

40:00

couple years ago and they have

40:02

this parade called Gasparilla. Are you familiar with

40:05

it? Yeah. Yeah, where everybody's just like

40:07

a pirate and my show was on Gasparilla. I kept getting

40:09

a bunch of DMs like, dude, don't do it this day.

40:11

I would have been hammered. And then I'm in my head

40:13

like, fuck, are people even going to show up? And

40:15

it was, to this day, one of my

40:17

favorite shows ever. Like this gorgeous theater. The

40:20

crowd was just awesome. I came out in

40:22

a pirate suit. It was like, yeah, Tampa.

40:24

They're just excited. They're excited. It's

40:26

a good part of Florida. Like

40:28

every time I go to Fort Lauderdale, I'm just like, oh,

40:30

is that a bad part of Florida? Yeah, it's Fort Lauderdale

40:33

is a little hard. And I'm always there during the boat

40:35

show during Fort Lauderdale. What's the boat show?

40:37

The boat show is where all the boat,

40:39

the Yachty's come in. Yachty! Sell

40:41

the shit on the boat. So it's like, it's always

40:43

the most mixed bag in my audience and that people

40:45

have been fucked up buying Yachts all day at the

40:48

boat show. And then I got to do comedy

40:50

and I'm like, oh, why do people think that

40:52

you're supposed to get fucking hammered before a show?

40:55

You got to listen. I had a real big

40:57

PSA because when I first got on the road, like four

40:59

or five years ago, I realized like my

41:01

audience was just a lot of them were new

41:03

to stand up. And they were like, okay,

41:05

we just want to come out. And they thought it was

41:07

like a big sorority meeting. And I'm like, it's not it.

41:10

I am a performer. I work really hard at this

41:12

shit. Please have some white wines, have a good time,

41:14

get those bar sales up, but have a chicken quesadilla

41:16

before you come. Like you got to have something in

41:18

the stomach. I think it's an empty stomach kind of

41:20

vibe. Yeah. And now they know now

41:22

they're respectful. I mean, I still have like crazies every now and then.

41:25

I've really put the fear of God. I'm like, let me

41:27

do my job. Yeah. Why are you paying 250 bucks or,

41:30

you know, whatever girls hide out and you've got to get

41:32

a babysitter and all this shit. And then you're like vomiting on

41:34

yourself. Yeah. I'm fighting with somebody

41:36

in the back. What are we doing? My last

41:38

three weekends, there's been multiple people that got not

41:40

kicked out, but multiple people like literally vomiting in

41:42

their seat. And then it ruins

41:45

three minutes of the show because all of a sudden

41:47

the entire room shuts down and I go, what the

41:49

fuck is happening? And they're like, they're throwing up. And

41:51

then you're just like, what? To

41:54

your point, like if you're going to a Metallica concert, yeah, go

41:56

to that bar, plan some Irish car bombs.

41:58

And can you say that anymore? You

42:00

can have an Irish. I'm Irish you can say boom

42:04

It's like that's a show you want to get fucked

42:06

up for you're gonna You're gonna yell but like in

42:09

my head is like oh man. We're seeing

42:11

a comment. We're gonna throw back the fire

42:15

Okay, I don't know maybe from their perspective that oh, let

42:17

me get more drunk because I it's things are like funnier

42:19

when I'm drunk I don't know, but it never

42:21

helps. I think a little chocolate mushroom.

42:23

Take a gummy come sit back Yeah,

42:26

I'm not getting that comfy theater seat and giggle

42:28

your dick off But don't come in when you've been

42:30

chugging you know Pino grigio for the last eight hours

42:32

since you picked up cuz you don't want her fall

42:34

down Yeah, last you want to sit down

42:36

for two hours. You're drinking too many liquids.

42:38

You're getting up every 30 minutes Oh, oh,

42:40

oh everyone sit down And

42:44

then the middle person got a key and pee in

42:46

your diaper yeah, but Yeah,

42:48

I mean I sometimes I do get it though because

42:50

sometimes it take it especially theaters Shows it was just

42:52

say like 7 p.m. But like you're like wait isn't

42:54

the short aim like oh doors open at 6 yeah

42:57

And there's doors with you over at 7 so people are

42:59

just sitting there like yeah, I should drink I should probably

43:01

throw some booze back. I would do it if I was

43:03

just like no time I never do meet and greets and

43:05

like take photos of people So I

43:08

the first like bit that I went out I

43:10

would do that beforehand and then I was like no

43:12

no I said no this breaks the fourth wall It

43:14

does it doesn't know I'm doing like to show nice

43:16

I was like I'm not doing this cuz then these

43:18

gals would be like You're my bestie, and then he said

43:20

on the front row, and they've been there since four And

43:24

then they're just screaming at you though, and I'm like shut

43:26

the fuck up. I'm not dealing with this dude

43:28

Yeah, I'll go down named Lindsay out of a show

43:30

real quick Oh, yeah, I get more my head if

43:33

I meet people before the show cuz yeah cuz then

43:35

you know like I drove seven hours Yeah,

43:37

I think it's so good. I got cancer. Here's

43:39

my go fund me later. Yeah You're

43:41

a bit of a handle, like a little bit of a handle He

43:44

gained you a square Yeah, and it's like in my

43:46

head I'm already in my head

43:48

before a show just like it's one of the best show

43:50

pods for this and that and somebody and then it's Always

43:52

like the girlfriend who really wanted to see me and then

43:54

the boyfriend who didn't care to be there He's like yeah,

43:56

yeah, I hope it's funny tonight. You're like wow yeah, I

43:58

didn't know who you were honey He tried being a gal,

44:01

okay? I get the guys who are like, they'll come

44:03

to the show and they're like, Oh my wife drug

44:05

me there. It's always you're getting dragged. And then they

44:07

come like, wow, really liked watching your tits

44:09

bounce and you're very funny. And I'm like,

44:11

see, if you have a good time, shut

44:13

the fuck up. You know what might be

44:16

a good, it's a mean green for us.

44:18

Shut the fuck up. I literally would be like, the

44:21

husbands that are there, I'm like, wait, you even paid

44:23

extra for the mean green? Like, you, those

44:25

guys, I'm like, everybody gets blown tonight. Like, I'll get at

44:27

least you the dry hand drop me back. I'm like, surprise

44:29

you. You're actually a chill dude. What about this? Here's an

44:32

idea. You know how all guys when they're shopping with their

44:34

wife, they sit on the obligatory shopping bench in

44:36

a store? What if at the

44:38

back of your show, there's just a guy

44:40

bench and it's just husbands in the back

44:42

talking about golf simulators. But here's the

44:44

thing. My new hour is all

44:47

about explaining to guys why women get

44:49

upset about the golf thing as a golfer. So now

44:51

they're coming in and they're like, wow, I actually, they're

44:53

like taking notes. So like, thank you for explaining that.

44:56

I'm like, you will get laid if you do X.

44:58

I'm trying to, I'm trying to get

45:00

you to understand why your wife, girlfriend, partner ticks. I'm

45:02

trying to explain that. Yeah, but I like that. Just a

45:04

bench in the back. Is this

45:06

a funny visual? Yeah, they're

45:09

all beautiful. Our

45:11

shirts. Yeah. How about this?

45:14

How about they buy tickets at a show and then they

45:16

don't fucking go? No, I would

45:18

rather I would know. I'd rather you come because I'm going

45:21

to prove to you that you're going to have a good

45:23

seat. You

45:25

come to the show, you sit and then they're like,

45:27

oh, women can be funny. I had

45:29

a guy come backstage at a show. He was like

45:31

a friend of a friend of my husband's and

45:33

the first thing out of his mouth was in

45:35

Jacksonville. First thing out of his mouth was do

45:37

ball. Yeah, do ball. They scream that at you

45:40

and then he was just like, I didn't

45:42

know what to expect. I didn't know women could be funny,

45:44

but you really impressed me and I looked at my husband.

45:47

I go, you know, this fucker. I was like, get him

45:49

out. Yeah. I'm not going to show

45:51

something click without mute. Yeah. Get it down.

45:53

Hey man, I don't know who you were

45:55

before. This is a bad day. Pretty funny

45:57

stuff. Pretty funny. I love it. I get

45:59

a follow. Tonight I'm like Mike just ate.

46:01

I'll fucking need it. Don't need it. Do

46:04

you know I hate when they get real species Like hey,

46:06

my girlfriend's gonna and then I watched some of your clips

46:08

I was like, it's okay and then and then you

46:10

know what and then I liked it Why did you have

46:12

to say any of it?

46:14

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah when

46:17

they're tell specific jokes Yeah didn't really

46:19

relate to that one. Not my thing, but

46:21

there's other thing When

46:23

I have friends and this doesn't really happen as much

46:25

was like when I was first really getting into comedy

46:27

in LA a lot Of my like friends who were

46:29

from college living in LA too and they'd come to

46:31

my variety case shows where it'd be like me on

46:33

five Or the comics on there six whatever they text

46:35

me during the show big didn't like his set didn't

46:37

like her set Yeah, this guy was great Me

46:46

Let it just dude when we started

46:48

podcasting online store was the furthest thing

46:51

from our mind dude now We are

46:53

soon to be selling. That's right. We

46:55

said it soon to be selling merch

46:57

very soon, buddy And it's so easy.

46:59

Okay, all because we use Shopify.

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lowercase Choo Ching Well,

48:27

uh, how do you put together like a care

48:29

like I don't I don't that character so far

48:31

out of my out of my world Like how

48:33

do you is it like essentially like little like sketch?

48:35

Oh you have in no you have like Like

48:38

little mini vignettes you have yeah monologues you have

48:40

six minutes you have to change Okay, you know

48:42

out of your wigs on stage like it's a

48:44

whole thing And do you announce like what the

48:46

character is? No, you just jump in and if

48:49

like you're doing impressions Then you're popping

48:51

in and just doing impressions. No, it's

48:53

just like little mini tiny little one

48:55

actually And you have like you try

48:57

to do as many as you can like I'm gonna stage. Yeah.

48:59

Yeah, it's a little schizophrenic What was

49:01

the first character that you were like? You're

49:04

like, oh this is okay. I want to do this

49:06

like what was the one that like why an original

49:08

character? And I used to open as

49:11

this character for myself on my first tour and then

49:13

I realized it was way too much work

49:15

I used to his character Brenda Carlisle,

49:17

Mississippi's number one real-style. I just That's

49:20

how I do crowd work and like roast the city. I would

49:22

like, you know, I'm a real estate agent She

49:24

became pretty famous and then I would do impressions like

49:26

pitbull I do like the barefoot contest line a

49:29

garden and now everybody I take time to add

49:31

a mean 305 Do

49:33

I have a mean mr. Three of us?

49:35

Haha, mr. 305 mr. Worldwide dolly in your

49:38

face every day be you you know Why

49:40

cuz I'm the best like I love I

49:42

used to dress as drag as

49:44

pitbull like and I And

49:47

I originated that I mean there's a lot of like

49:49

gals to do it now But I would dress and

49:51

drag and go out into places and shoot videos as

49:54

pitbull That's great because I don't know why

49:56

I have one of those faces. It's very like malleable Like

49:58

I can look like a dude real quick Really?

50:00

Yeah. Was it the bald cap hard with all the hair?

50:02

No, easy. I can do it in three minutes or flat.

50:04

Really? Uh-huh. Holy shit. Yeah. And then so when did stand

50:06

up, when did you kind of go from characters to stand

50:09

up? I started in stand up, went into characters

50:11

because I was doing UCB in New York. And,

50:14

and then I just got back into

50:16

stand up, I don't know, like eight years ago. I

50:19

was just like, fuck this. Cause I was kept auditioning. I'm

50:21

an actor. I was auditioning for stuff. I was playing all

50:23

these other different characters and roles and I wasn't, you

50:25

know, getting my foot in the door the way I wanted. And I was like,

50:27

I'm just going to tell my shit. Yeah. You

50:30

know, so when you, when you opened with

50:32

the real estate agent, did you find

50:34

it like hard to like follow that

50:36

character? Cause that character was so like

50:38

massive. Um, wait, clarify that. No, you,

50:41

you, you would do the real estate agent in

50:43

your stand up, right? You do, you open with

50:45

the real estate agent and change and then come

50:47

back out as you obviously, right? But was that

50:49

real estate agent like a massive character? So what

50:51

I'm, what I'm saying is like, did you have

50:53

like trouble is such a crazy word to use, but

50:55

like, do you have trouble like following that character?

50:59

Um, does that make sense? Oh, are you saying me

51:01

as before? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

51:03

No, no, no, no, no, no, because it was just only

51:05

crowd work. Right. So I would come out and be like

51:07

shit about Tampa as this real estate agent. And then I

51:09

would come out as myself and then it was like a

51:11

whole new thing. It's almost like a double dipping thing. It's

51:13

like, you got to see both of her. Yeah. But then

51:16

I realized like I would talk to other comedians are like,

51:18

are you out of your fucking mind? Two

51:20

hour show and they're like, fucking an opener. You're doing

51:22

too much. Like I, my body would be broken. Oh,

51:24

you wouldn't even have an opener. No, I would. Oh,

51:27

God. And then until the full 90

51:29

minutes, two hours, she and the amount of

51:31

drunk people in Tampa were probably like,

51:33

whoa, this Tuber. Yeah. They probably had

51:35

no idea. Yeah. I asked that question

51:37

because Janice don't as pop is he

51:40

would he, I think he had to

51:42

have Mauricia. Oh God, so funny. But

51:44

he had to have

51:47

her go lat like, like

51:49

close. Got it. Do you know what I

51:51

mean? Because they like Mauricia

51:54

was like, they still is like massive

51:56

care. Yeah. So that's what that's why

51:58

I just. Like Angela Johnson

52:01

comes out and does her bits from Like

52:04

I was talking to her the other day and she's like she will close

52:06

with that she'll come out or do like an encore as You

52:09

know, what's her name? That's

52:12

what people are scientists. Yeah, I've tried to do character stuff

52:14

and I and I did what once were on a lineup

52:16

that I was Headlining was like my own like live It

52:19

was like a character and then I'd introduce a friend

52:21

character introduced friend and character then he's right Then I

52:24

did my like hour at the end Fucking stressful, but

52:26

I do think it was fun and it broke up

52:28

the crowd and yeah, I can actually But

52:31

yeah, people loved it. I did that show

52:33

the people people loved it Oh,

52:35

but you're like running back into my head.

52:37

I'm just sweating And

52:40

I was doing this all by myself. I was like, yeah, I'm just

52:42

focusing on the jokes But then you're the back. Oh god, where's my

52:44

pink? Fucking

52:48

kid I need a carrot now What's

52:51

your pre-show ritual like what do you do to

52:53

set the scene before you go out all I

52:56

Paced in the green room with headphones on

52:58

I just I just go over bits I

53:01

just like talk it out in my head because if I'm just sitting

53:03

there like I'm just sitting there not going over my material I'm like,

53:06

I'm not sharp enough, right, you know, I

53:08

just go over the list or I go over bits that

53:10

are newer Talk them out really.

53:13

I try to work out at some point before a

53:15

bigger show, you know That's

53:17

literally almost exactly what I do, you

53:19

know, I've been doing recently this is

53:22

not a big fucking high-level thought I've

53:24

been doing dim green room like

53:26

dim. Okay, like like my

53:29

candlelight like close Like I

53:31

like I'll bring in I don't I find it

53:33

in the in the club or whatever Yeah, like

53:35

a little lamp do a little lamp super damn

53:37

It just calms me down like that and then

53:40

I have my videographer bring like an essential oil

53:42

things. We got essential oils You're diffusing Love

53:51

that Oh that's doing breathing exercise. This was always

53:54

funny when like fans find out they're like, oh,

53:56

I'm not like ripping Jager bombs before show

53:58

That's why I'm gonna show like If a theater

54:00

show starts late, it's not because I'm in the

54:02

back and sucked off my four S-cords Smoking

54:05

on a four loco. It's because I'm just sitting there waiting

54:07

to be like, oh, are they 80% capacity yet? Oh,

54:10

yeah. Okay. Now we can start. I'm literally I'm

54:13

literally last theater show did I'm popping pep though

54:15

because I was And I'm just

54:17

and I pop and in my head I literally look at my

54:19

opener I'm like they think what

54:21

you that we're doing heroin And

54:23

I'm like literally just eating pesto

54:25

as I'm walking out to this

54:27

thing. I listen to cocktail jazz.

54:29

Oh My

54:33

playlist it's just my cocktail jazz Cocktail

54:36

jazz that's what I listen to and then like right before

54:39

I go out I'll listen like a Beyonce or something or

54:41

like, you know something gave me a high just going yeah

54:43

Oh, but I listen to my cocktail jazz. I put it

54:45

do my hair makeup. I put on my glitter suits You

54:47

know, I you know fluff the tits but

54:49

it's very calm And I'm having like maybe a

54:51

little shirt cute. Maybe a little I love Like

54:54

a little bit of a little salami and a little

54:57

piece of pecorino is all you need It's enough

54:59

fat it gets you through the show through the show Sure,

55:03

I'm like forget it talking my words. Yeah,

55:05

just like the Hamburglar up there. Yeah, I'm doing

55:07

recently Well, everyone's gonna yell at me. I'm doing

55:09

uncrustables. I I'm doing

55:12

but I'm not doing a dark room.

55:14

I'm doing a dance nighter. Yeah But

55:17

just I have one on crustable Hey,

55:20

dude, because I cut it down the middle baby

55:22

girl because you got sugar fiber. Thank you. Thank

55:24

you I thank you. I'm gonna board this. Uh-huh.

55:26

And it's just it's just you're doing a lunchable

55:28

though I would literally burn the whole thing

55:31

down Watching a grown man eat

55:33

a lunchable is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen.

55:35

I'm gonna tell you right now Uh-huh. I'm not opposed

55:37

to a lot man. Are you insane? I am in

55:39

which lunchable now if you say the pizza lunchable You

55:41

should kill yourself. The people are so good

55:43

It's the best way you can go get

55:45

a slice the people want a cold wind.

55:48

No, you're actually Why

55:53

why I was at my friend's house good and

55:55

I open her fridge she has kids and I

55:58

was like I I'm

56:00

like, Tiff, I can't believe you're feeding your kids lunchables. Like,

56:02

you know better, right? Like, you've got to dig it

56:04

around there. And she's like, no, that's my husband's. He loves

56:06

these. He takes them, like, you know, when he's out

56:09

and about, like, you know, on a sales route. Well, that's a

56:11

little sales route. No! You know, he's just

56:13

pharmaceutical sales. I'm like, no. Imagine he's talking

56:15

to somebody, he's just got a pizza sauce right here.

56:17

I'm like, you're a 37-year-old man. You

56:20

can go get lunch. Wait, we can't hit a Chipotle? Okay,

56:22

yeah. No. I'm against

56:24

with that. I'm against with, like, literally going to

56:26

the store and buying them. What if you're doing

56:28

some green room thing? I don't have

56:30

it, but if they, if they supposed to

56:33

just have one in there, I'm eating it. What's

56:35

on your rider? Like, what are your absolute essential steps?

56:37

I need to upstate mine. There's, in every show, there's

56:39

a bag of cashews for some reason. I hate cashews.

56:41

I didn't even put those on there. What about an almond?

56:44

You like a toasted almond? No.

56:46

No, okay. You dry. I'm

56:48

going, I'm going, have you guys had

56:50

the, this is also crazy, the suey

56:52

sauce and what's the green shit that

56:55

dude? Wasabi and peas? My girl, this.

56:57

Oh, yeah. Unbelievable. It's

56:59

kind of like a, a Serrano. Yeah.

57:02

You get a couple of, you start to take them up here,

57:04

you know? The next thing you know, you just get one hot

57:06

one in the back. Yeah, your nose starts to the right. No,

57:08

I'm going to Chachitos. I'm sorry, not Chachitos. Chachitos will stop and

57:10

keep off. Chachitos are good. Yeah.

57:13

But there wasabi peas, not all of them are hot, and then you get like

57:15

that eighth one and it's lodged in the back of your throat. You're

57:18

crying. What is that? Yeah. Let's

57:21

see. I just started with basic shit, fruit and

57:23

some deli meat and maybe a cracker or two. And

57:25

then I haven't updated it in like three years. So

57:27

there's still Ram shit on there. There's like Mountain Dew.

57:30

My favorite soda ever, and I

57:32

don't even drink a lot of soda. The only time

57:34

I drink soda is maybe if I'm on the road

57:36

is Mountain Dew voltage. It's a blue Mountain Dew. Mountain

57:38

Dew voltage. It's a blue one. It's just my childhood,

57:41

my parents used to go to work in the summer

57:43

and I would eat hot Chitos and drink Mountain Dew

57:45

voltage and walk Jerry Springer in the daytime. Because my

57:47

family didn't have any trauma. So I'll be like, you,

57:49

I want trauma and I'd watch it. Like I was

57:51

a fucking Buffalo Bills fan. You just opened up something

57:53

for me. I did not grow up with trauma either.

57:56

I used to watch Sally Jesse Raphael. Like it

57:58

was my job. Why did we

58:00

chose? Of course we had happy families. There's so many

58:02

guys yelling at the Buffalo Bills on TV who are

58:05

not It's

58:07

like my family is still together. They're so peaceful.

58:09

There's no Zen There's a nice everybody who meets

58:11

my parents like dude, they're so fucking nice Yeah,

58:13

but I would watch that and I would see

58:15

a guy with the backwards mullet swing on a

58:18

stepdad because he named them

58:20

Ralph a tornado and it's It's

58:22

just funding to watch because it

58:25

wasn't too close to home for ya. There

58:27

was that distance See, I would actually watch

58:29

it because it was close to home. It

58:31

felt comforting I was like cuz if if

58:33

my mom's gone, no one's

58:35

yelling. So what am I gonna sit in an

58:37

unyelling house? I need yelling. It's like my white

58:40

noise before I go to sleep Someone

58:42

screaming that this is your child. No, it's

58:44

not Debbie. Like I need that So my

58:46

husband grew up in a real yelly house

58:49

and I've had to be like yeah We're

58:51

Italian too, but we never yell. I think it's cuz

58:53

we it's a southern thing too. We just bury it

58:55

deep But there's days where I'm like, I really in

58:58

our marriage. I had to be like, okay Are you

59:00

actually upset are we good? Like I can't

59:02

tell yeah, so that would kind of mess me

59:04

up I'm like the energy in this car right now

59:06

is unhinged and he's like, I'm having the best day of

59:08

my life And then you'd like I don't

59:10

know because you're just screaming Are

59:13

you mad or just Italian? Yeah fucking both? Yeah, it's

59:15

so funny my like my girlfriend needs to check in

59:17

with me sometimes cuz I I will Scream

59:19

my fucking face off, but I'm having it. I'm

59:21

doing it cuz it's fun Yeah, and also I

59:24

need to release it because if I don't release

59:26

it then I go into a Chase

59:28

Bank and shoot someone So I need I need I got

59:30

to get it out You know, it really bothers me people

59:32

who don't release a sneeze, you know those people fuck everyone

59:34

They bite that sneeze. I'm like you got a really weird.

59:37

Is it go weird? I

59:39

think it's cuz they're colon just For

59:41

women, I think we grease it out. Well either way I

59:43

just when I see people that's an ick for me like

59:45

when people like don't release a sneeze I'm like this is

59:47

this is trauma just do it Such

59:50

a big build if people just did it like quietly

59:52

like yeah, and then I'd be fine But it's just

59:55

for now about uh-huh. Oh my my overmet you said

59:57

the wettest sneeze you were like long so you sneeze

59:59

into his And there'd be a puddle right

1:00:01

here. That's disgusting. But like the wild. We'd

1:00:03

make fun of it. Like how? Yeah, you've

1:00:05

licked Michigan in your What

1:00:08

a sneezes. My dad, my dad has literally the

1:00:11

loudest sneeze. Oh, dude. You have a child on

1:00:13

your sneeze decibels. Forget it. What is that? You

1:00:15

have one kid and you're like, I said, how

1:00:17

about for a shoo-fuff? What is it?

1:00:19

What would just everyone calm down? Everybody calmed

1:00:21

down. It's so dramatic though. My dad. Yeah Yeah,

1:00:24

it's a drop, it's a need for attention. Yeah,

1:00:26

dude. We get it, Mark. My dad sneezes and

1:00:28

you hear the chair of the kitchen table scoot

1:00:30

back. Yeah. Uh-huh. Any

1:00:34

kids or no? No kids. Okay. No

1:00:36

kids yet. Plans to do it.

1:00:38

Yeah, plans to do it. Yeah, I did

1:00:41

IVF a lot in 2021.

1:00:43

Did like three rounds and then I got

1:00:45

one embryo. So I've got a little baby girl on

1:00:47

ice somewhere. Don't know where she is, but she is

1:00:49

on in a... She's on dry air. Yeah. I don't know the dry

1:00:51

air. I don't know what dry air is. It's

1:00:54

kind of cool. She's in some lab somewhere. So I

1:00:56

do have one. It's kind of fun. Yeah, but we

1:00:58

might might go to

1:01:00

Ireland this summer and do the egg freezing there.

1:01:03

Okay. Is it different? Is it? Yeah, it's different. More

1:01:05

alcohol? Is that like when people go to Turkey for

1:01:07

hair transplant? Yeah, exactly. 100%. Actually,

1:01:10

why? There's like fertility tourism

1:01:12

right now. Well, one... Do you know Ireland?

1:01:14

Yeah, in Ireland, but think about it. I

1:01:16

mean, I'm Irish. The people of Dublin are

1:01:19

fantastic. Also with all the shit

1:01:21

that's going on in America as a woman, you don't really know

1:01:23

what the buck's gonna go on. Oh, so

1:01:25

if you can freeze your embryos over there,

1:01:27

then you're probably Gucci. Make them Irish?

1:01:30

Great question. We have a consultation. My girlfriend,

1:01:32

Tina, is here and we were asking

1:01:35

questions about that. Yeah,

1:01:38

we have a Skype. Because if I was an

1:01:40

embryo that was... I don't know if planting is

1:01:42

the right word. Plant

1:01:45

it in Ireland. You'd want to pass forward. Oh my,

1:01:47

I would want to pass. I'm telling everybody that. I'm

1:01:49

going to a bar. I said, where are you from?

1:01:51

I'm really from Connecticut. I'd be like, oh, Ireland. I'm

1:01:53

really from Ireland. We're gonna ask those questions, but I

1:01:55

think that might be something that we do. Yeah, but

1:01:57

no kids yet. It's wild. You spin your...

1:02:00

entire life trying not to get pregnant

1:02:02

and then you look

1:02:04

into it and you're like oh shit no one

1:02:06

tells me anything baby yeah no not baby

1:02:08

baby fever here's the weird thing I don't

1:02:10

have baby fever period I have like and

1:02:12

it's gonna make me sound like a pervert

1:02:14

but I like eight-year-old kid fever I want

1:02:16

like a kid I'm not craving the baby

1:02:18

I'm craving the like the great relationship with

1:02:20

like the family but I have no desire

1:02:22

like I don't like I need it in

1:02:24

my world I want the baby I don't want

1:02:27

to start the puzzle but let me get the

1:02:29

last you know like this six-year-old I want some

1:02:31

kid who can go rollerblading with me and give me a

1:02:33

little attitude that's what I want I want

1:02:35

I want an equal if you will what about what

1:02:37

about adopting out I would love to adopt yeah

1:02:39

but here's the thing and I don't want to make a real

1:02:41

Blake and statement but men particularly need

1:02:43

to connect with something that's their own first

1:02:45

so my husband's totally up for adoption but he's like

1:02:47

at least let's try and have our own first I

1:02:50

said fair enough but I would adopt

1:02:52

in a heartbeat what's the rules you can't adopt I don't

1:02:54

know anyone that would be fun 41 yeah that would

1:02:57

be nice if you had like a doctor just a

1:02:59

roommate it's just a roommate but he could do

1:03:01

your taxes like if I could cut out my accountant

1:03:03

and just have somebody do my taxes for

1:03:05

a second what the fuck is going

1:03:07

on nobody knows where do they go

1:03:09

no tell me where it goes I

1:03:12

can't tell you I got a degree from the University of

1:03:14

Mississippi actually

1:03:21

Oxford Mississippi is a very cultural place William

1:03:23

Faulkner lived there a lot of

1:03:25

famous artists blues music was started in Mississippi people

1:03:28

want to dump on it all the time but

1:03:30

it's actually a lot of California I don't know

1:03:32

anything yeah it's fine hey and

1:03:34

what's what's the old miss on

1:03:36

this okay tatty old miss

1:03:39

game pregame greatest

1:03:42

how many people we did you see giving

1:03:44

birth at a halftime just

1:03:46

because you think teen pregnancy was higher and you're like

1:03:50

it's a halftime show pop I gotta be honest

1:03:52

with you I thrived in my sorority life but

1:03:54

I really didn't make it to that many football

1:03:56

games because I was face down ass up at

1:03:58

a tailgate Oh what bottle Leber and having a good

1:04:01

time. Yeah, that was the funniest part is you pregame so

1:04:03

hard to not go to the game I mean

1:04:05

listen, we're really good right now. Like our team is

1:04:07

fantastic. I love Ole Miss so much We've

1:04:09

got a house there like I go back. I'm gonna do show

1:04:12

For a kickoff for the new football season like

1:04:14

I'm a die-hard Ole Miss fan, but when I

1:04:16

was in college I was partying, you know, I

1:04:18

think my Kai house Were

1:04:21

you like a party person in high school as

1:04:23

well when you got to college you were like,

1:04:25

let's fuck I was a party person but I

1:04:27

I mean I I always had like a healthy

1:04:29

relationship with partying though It never it never I've

1:04:31

never had like a problem with it Like I know

1:04:33

how when to just you know when Irish goodbye I know

1:04:35

when Irish go and go home and you have an Irish kid

1:04:38

and I'm an Irish kid. Exactly. Yeah Yeah,

1:04:40

well, we've got two questions and we'll just get out

1:04:42

of here. Let's sit it. You guys are so lovely

1:04:45

Thank you for having me. Oh my god. Thank you.

1:04:47

Great conversation. Okay. No, this is a fucking phenomenal So

1:04:50

we are gonna get to some audience questions, but

1:04:52

I've been kind of in a rabbit hole on

1:04:54

a fast food branded merch So I want to

1:04:56

have you guys play a game of fuck Mary

1:04:58

kill really quick. Yeah, right. I'll do what the

1:05:01

hell is that? So we're gonna play fuck Mary

1:05:03

kill. This is Domino's adult stain resistant pajamas

1:05:05

stain We've

1:05:07

got high-end And

1:05:12

we've got Chipotle water cup can get it out of

1:05:14

here That

1:05:17

is such a fucking reach it should smell like

1:05:19

lemonade cuz that's what the fuck I'm throwing that

1:05:21

water cup up with yeah Yeah, that's

1:05:24

gonna smell like Sprite Socks

1:05:26

on oh, I love in and out I do I

1:05:29

but I I gonna tell you something I go to in and

1:05:32

out for the burger and then I go across to read

1:05:34

to check the lake for the waffle fries Not a bad

1:05:36

idea. I'm right in Hollywood. That's my little loop. Oh I

1:05:39

hit the chick fillet. I'm today You're

1:05:42

like you chick fillet Yeah,

1:05:46

and I know that's a controversial thing, but I don't love the fries

1:05:48

it in Right

1:05:50

there with you. I mean that combo would be

1:05:52

phenomenal. Mm-hmm little chick fillet

1:05:54

sauce. Oh, yeah, chick fillet sauce Fries

1:05:59

over McDonald's Yes. Wow.

1:06:01

It's not even close for you? Not even close. I

1:06:03

might agree on that. I feel like

1:06:06

Chick-fil-A fries got that consistency. They can hold

1:06:08

a marriage together. It served with

1:06:10

such a joyful spirit, my pleasure, you know.

1:06:12

It's just no attitude. When you realize McDonald's

1:06:14

fries, they just serve them exponentially

1:06:16

hot. They're great, but they're

1:06:18

not amazing. If it gets room temperature, you're like,

1:06:21

this is trash. I will

1:06:24

say the consistency of the Chick-fil-A

1:06:26

fries universally, they all, it's the

1:06:28

same. McDonald's, you can get over

1:06:30

salted, under salted, too hot, not

1:06:32

hot enough. It's all over the

1:06:34

place. Because if they're not piping hot, then they're fine.

1:06:37

Sometimes you get a bag and it's a little lukewarm

1:06:39

and you're like, who's on the grill, fentanyl today? What

1:06:41

are we doing? I want the... Yeah,

1:06:43

and I like a meaty. I like that the waffle fries

1:06:45

are a little meaty. Oh, they got a grip on it.

1:06:47

You can get a scoop. It's like a toasted or a

1:06:49

scooper in there. It's basically potato skin. You're eating potato

1:06:51

skin, dipping it in ranch, dipping it in the

1:06:54

Chick-fil-A sauce, dipping it in the Polynesian. I also

1:06:56

just, I'm a condiment whore, so for me, I

1:06:58

feel like that's just a vessel to get the

1:07:00

dip. I'm a sauce slut. Yeah,

1:07:02

I need to have a whole charcuterie of

1:07:05

sauce. I want options. You want to play

1:07:07

another goddamn bong goes in there, just scooping

1:07:09

around. Same. Okay,

1:07:11

so I will, I'll kill the candle.

1:07:14

Okay. I will marry the boots. I'll marry

1:07:16

the wild burger boots. And I'll fuck Jim

1:07:19

Carrey's son. Yeah. I'm

1:07:21

right there with you. Because first of all,

1:07:23

a water burger boot, like this is a sauce. I

1:07:25

bet that's like a Lucchese boot, maybe. That's a solid

1:07:27

boot. That's going to be with you forever. Yeah. Yeah.

1:07:29

And if you're showing up for late night at water

1:07:31

burger, you need shit-kickers on. Yeah. There's going to

1:07:33

be a fight. You know what I mean? You're

1:07:35

probably eating this in Texas. I say something insane

1:07:38

right now. I'm actually scared to say this. Water

1:07:41

burger, average. I agree

1:07:43

with you. I'm okay. Thank God. Yeah. Everyone's

1:07:45

going to crucify me. No, it's okay. Okay. Chicken

1:07:47

tenders. But everyone acts like their breakfast sandwich is the best

1:07:49

thing in the world. It's not. Raising

1:07:52

cane, what's happening? The lines are too long.

1:07:54

Oh, it rains? I've never had it. Raising cane

1:07:56

is delicious. Okay. You got to go. You got

1:07:58

to get there. One year in California, I

1:08:01

mean, it's like an hour north or some shit. Yeah,

1:08:03

Raisin Cane's is one really delicious. The sauce is really

1:08:05

good. It's really good. I get it. I love a

1:08:07

Raisin Cane. I get the hype. Maybe I just, I've

1:08:09

been to Whataburger, but I haven't been there blackout drunk.

1:08:11

And I think a lot of, well, where does that

1:08:13

country actually come from? I think a lot of this

1:08:15

is also like nostalgic. It's like you grow up going

1:08:17

to Whataburger. All you know is Whataburger. All I know

1:08:19

is In-N-Out. And then the problem is like maybe I

1:08:21

don't know what I'm ordering at Whataburger. I

1:08:24

might order it, because people come to LA, they go to In-N-Out,

1:08:26

and they just get like, I will take a double double, please.

1:08:30

They get ad pickles, ad chilies, sub-dude, absolute. If

1:08:32

it's not animal style, then you need to go.

1:08:34

Yeah, exactly. But

1:08:36

you got to know those things. So maybe I got to

1:08:38

go to Whataburger with a real Texan or a real felon

1:08:40

and really know like what the fuck you get. Yeah. I

1:08:43

like the Domino's Snuggie, too. I think that's a nice

1:08:45

little... Domino's Snuggie is good. I mean, if I sat next to

1:08:47

this person on a flight, I'd have a heart attack. What

1:08:50

is it about white people when they get on a flight, they immediately hook

1:08:52

their shoes off? I would never. These

1:08:54

puppies need to come off. I do not. I do not. I

1:08:57

always wear a close-toed shoe, too. I see girls in sandals. I go,

1:08:59

no, what's going to happen? A different thing goes down. I will

1:09:01

fly directly after this. I'm wearing this outfit. As you should. And

1:09:04

you know what? You look great. Thank

1:09:06

you so much. And it's sensible. And you got a nice,

1:09:08

nice, covered sole. Yeah. You

1:09:11

get a nice little airflow. But you also need to be

1:09:13

covered because planes are freezing. I fly denim all the time

1:09:15

and people yell at me. But I'm like, what am I

1:09:18

going to wear? Sweats? I'm sitting up there just sweating

1:09:20

them all like a honey bun in there? You're

1:09:22

on board with this? I am. Now,

1:09:24

I usually wear like a nicer tailored Lululemon

1:09:26

pant. I'm not wearing leggings. 11 is great.

1:09:29

But I'll wear like a nice one. So you can't really tell if

1:09:31

it's like business casual or not. Stretchy. But these

1:09:33

jeans are really stretchy. And I have like a dead leg now, too. My

1:09:36

leg is literally tingling. I'm going right after this. Some

1:09:38

guy in the valley. Dr. Ron. Who's going to crack

1:09:41

my neck. You

1:09:43

guys chiropractor? I've never, I've never. It makes

1:09:46

me so nervous. No. I'm

1:09:57

going to crack my neck. I'm literally I giggle. I just said.

1:10:00

I know I don't like the videos. I

1:10:02

don't understand that where people want to hear the bones crunch But

1:10:04

it literally has saved my life really yeah since

1:10:06

you feel relieved after yeah Because when

1:10:08

you are when you have back issues and like

1:10:10

your leg is dead And then they realign you

1:10:12

you just get it you feel so much better

1:10:15

And it looked legit like you have a dead

1:10:17

leg crack neck and then no dead. Oh replace

1:10:19

my hips my hips get all fucked up I

1:10:22

threw out my back last year and that almost

1:10:25

Jeff what? You

1:10:27

know you want to know I throw my back and so

1:10:29

fucking embarrassing. I was at LaGuardia I had

1:10:31

I was flying to do a show in Pittsburgh

1:10:34

There's a k-pop band getting out of a Mercedes

1:10:36

sprinter van in front of me And I'm at like

1:10:38

sky priority at Delta and I'm jumping out

1:10:40

of the uber real quick I go to grab my duffel

1:10:42

because I'm like I want to see the k-pop stars are

1:10:45

horse And I literally twist my back like went out and

1:10:47

I hit the deck Hot

1:10:50

Korean dudes are getting out of this Mercedes sprinter

1:10:52

van paparazzi there take a pose I

1:10:57

mean a wheelchair like I'm not a helpless person

1:10:59

I've had a lot of medical shit happen, and

1:11:01

I'm just like I'm a warrior bitch And it

1:11:03

literally could not walk so that I'm getting pushed

1:11:05

through TSA next to the hot k-pop guys like

1:11:08

lifeless in this This

1:11:10

wheelchair I've never been so embarrassed in

1:11:12

my life, and then it's been downhill Yeah,

1:11:14

you ever find out who the k-pop stars

1:11:17

were it was BTS. Holy shit Wow BTS

1:11:19

B. They're Yeah,

1:11:22

uh-huh, but rightfully they're playing commercial

1:11:26

Well, I mean it was we were at JFK though, so

1:11:28

they were there DJ. They were okay

1:11:30

I think you're flying back to you

1:11:33

know if anybody oh correct if there's anybody like

1:11:35

you know break your back on like that's valid

1:11:37

Mm-hmm you know you could have done that for

1:11:39

like a 311 cover band Like

1:11:45

sublime That

1:11:50

is my childhood right there Yeah, but

1:11:52

yeah if you did for a cool reason yeah

1:11:55

But it was pretty mortifying that I had to

1:11:57

do the show in Pittsburgh just I got wheeled

1:11:59

out on And then I just like why

1:12:01

my audience were in a wheel. Yeah, I'm gonna

1:12:03

Pittsburgh today. So I don't know Where you playing

1:12:05

Pittsburgh? I'm just opening up some shows. It's at

1:12:07

the arena. I'm doing shit with the saguaro Oh

1:12:09

my god amazing. Yeah, great. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. I

1:12:12

am not gonna talk shit about anybody. No, no,

1:12:14

no I love Pittsburgh Pittsburgh people.

1:12:16

Great. Yeah, shout out to the insers. This goes out

1:12:18

next week. We're yeah Alright

1:12:21

cool, so I think we so we got this so

1:12:23

we're gonna kill Burger King we're gonna or no Sorry,

1:12:26

we're gonna kill Shavule cup. We're gonna Marry

1:12:29

what a burger boots and my daughter

1:12:31

marionette and my son baron marionette.

1:12:33

What's the baronette? Is that a knife on a gun?

1:12:36

That's a bayonet band. That's the boy's name

1:12:39

Yeah, I like it So

1:12:42

we do we want an audience question today This

1:12:45

was actually kind of fitting because you would kind of

1:12:47

touch on this a little bit But Mandy had written

1:12:49

in and said that everybody's talking about little

1:12:51

treat culture right now Wanted

1:12:53

to know like what your guys's little treat

1:12:55

thing is And are you

1:12:58

kind of aware of like the this kind of the

1:13:00

little treat is like Like this idea of

1:13:02

like, okay, if you're having a stressful day You

1:13:06

know what Oh,

1:13:08

I love that for you at the same time. We should

1:13:10

do a podcast You

1:13:14

jerk it off is safe Cuz you

1:13:16

take that cuz I I like to indulge right

1:13:18

so I'm doing 20 30 minutes sweat down the

1:13:20

knee, right? But it's it if you like to

1:13:23

indulge in the in your car is 20 30

1:13:25

minutes It's a whole going down the

1:13:27

knee. It's a it's a whole thing the window to the wall

1:13:31

But my point is you're gonna fire in the corner

1:13:34

I never remember turn on but what I'm saying is

1:13:37

30 minutes of that time all the stress of

1:13:40

what I'm thinking about is gone all I'm

1:13:42

worrying about is an honor Oh, you

1:13:44

will not on the ground But but

1:13:46

you know what I mean it so that that treat it

1:13:48

gives me like 30 minutes of just like Then

1:13:51

but I don't think about the clip is not

1:13:53

doing whatever the can I ask you Do you set up

1:13:55

a little station cuz my husband sets up his jerk off station.

1:13:57

Yeah, I won't say okay. Yeah Look

1:14:00

like is it in the simulator? No these

1:14:02

really expensive gorgeous animal print chairs that I've

1:14:05

custom made in our room. Oh, yeah Yeah,

1:14:08

yeah, he's got a little lotion It's look

1:14:10

you know his little holder for his phone or

1:14:13

whatever he's looking at Yeah, and he's got the

1:14:15

towel and everything and I've walked on this too

1:14:17

many times or like I'm I'm downstairs You know,

1:14:19

I'm still in the house. Why what are we

1:14:21

doing? Yeah, he thinks he's terrible. How many screens

1:14:23

is he going? Um, I've only

1:14:25

seen one really Sometimes

1:14:28

I have a TV on I just opened the door I go. I'm Your

1:14:31

guys leadership sounds fun. I like it. He's

1:14:33

great. Yeah, really really ripping the new asshole

1:14:35

on stage But he's

1:14:38

so nice. That's not funny. No,

1:14:40

he's the best that sounds great Like

1:14:42

to walk in and be like really on the on

1:14:44

the sofa on the nice chairs. Well, it was also

1:14:46

cute, too I was just on the today show promoting

1:14:48

something and I come back and I walk in the hotel

1:14:51

room And he's got the jerk off stage and he texts me

1:14:53

you look so hot on TV right now But I was like,

1:14:55

I'm you know, it's gonna be home in ten minutes, you know,

1:14:57

let me jerk it off to you on the today show About

1:15:01

it and it was like that's very romantic, you

1:15:03

know in your love man I literally will be

1:15:05

jerking off in fucking wherever I am Cincinnati I

1:15:07

know we keep bringing that up But like I'll

1:15:09

be on the road and I literally like sometimes

1:15:12

porn's not doing I literally bring up pictures of

1:15:14

my girlfriend to be like Okay, because this is

1:15:16

real to me and then you're like, who is

1:15:18

this idiot? In

1:15:20

their peers form they really are I'd be jerky. Thank

1:15:22

you. I'm like Jeff also. I'll just join you. So

1:15:24

why did you thought you had another me? It is

1:15:27

okay. And now I'm just like I'm Like

1:15:32

I can't take this seriously stop laughing and I'm

1:15:34

like Monster around

1:15:36

and it's like pinder, you know, I mean,

1:15:38

yeah, yeah, he likes me to think blazer.

1:15:40

It was very cute Please again, what's

1:15:43

your little tree? Oh my little tree. Okay, we used

1:15:45

to jerking off mine is not jerking off My little

1:15:47

trees actually a little treat. So I if I'm

1:15:49

having a rough day I know that there's nothing

1:15:51

that a really good chocolate chip cookie with salt

1:15:53

on top and a glass of white wine There's

1:15:56

nothing that that can't fix. Yeah, maybe a vacation

1:15:58

thing, you know I

1:16:00

need to get the blood sugar right and you get

1:16:02

that little buzz But I'm not like going hard for

1:16:04

like a dirty martini a glass of white wine and

1:16:06

a chocolate chip cookie that sweet savory

1:16:08

salty Mmm, so happy My

1:16:14

how I treat myself is massage. Yeah,

1:16:16

and I'll pay anybody I will let

1:16:18

a You know a

1:16:20

fried cook at Panda Express take a little oil

1:16:22

and just rub it down, but they got yeah, they got They

1:16:26

got tats Massages

1:16:30

something that don't like really yeah, and those

1:16:32

aren't American I

1:16:35

think my little snack you snack is

1:16:37

a little bit of ice cream or

1:16:39

maybe a small little 3 milligram zen

1:16:41

Just sitting on the couch. I didn't

1:16:43

know about then and my husband just introduced

1:16:46

me to his then I haven't tried it yet But

1:16:48

what can we talk about the nicotine pouch? It's

1:16:52

what's the high feel like it just feels kind

1:16:54

of like you're getting a massage on your scalp

1:16:57

Yeah, it's it's not a great habit and I don't do

1:16:59

it a lot But like every once in a while I'm

1:17:01

just like after a long day of filming or after a

1:17:03

lot of sometimes I'll just fuck myself over and do like

1:17:05

five in-town Shows like an idiot and then that drive home.

1:17:07

I'll put it in the like do podcast It's

1:17:10

just like it's like you just you sink in a

1:17:12

little yeah And it's not I don't like

1:17:14

doing in the day So I feel like shit the rest of

1:17:16

the day but like okay at nighttime a little like little cinnamon

1:17:19

Little cinnamon in there. That's fine or just like Ben and

1:17:21

Jerry's a fish food ice cream I mean, I put my

1:17:23

dick in that immediately Yeah, I like a little edible at

1:17:25

night and then I go like we're gonna closet Oh, you

1:17:27

know what I mean? And then I turn

1:17:29

like the housewives and I got my little white wine and

1:17:31

a little back in edibles I but I

1:17:34

do I do them like I literally like I just want

1:17:36

to feel like I've had a lot of white wine Yeah,

1:17:38

but I like the one's are milligram. What's the milligrams? I'm

1:17:40

like five. Yeah, and sometimes I even half that you know

1:17:43

2.5. Yeah, and then you're in there and you're

1:17:45

unpacking or your pack of your next trip and

1:17:47

you're you know, you I'll

1:17:50

put on like music like my headphones like that's like

1:17:52

there's no music. There's no like words in it It's

1:17:54

just like and I get a little stone and I

1:17:56

feel like I'm in a movie and I love it

1:17:58

You'd listen to the cocktail jazz Ooh. Okay, this

1:18:00

is your new come down. I might fall in love with myself.

1:18:03

Take a little 2.5 or real chills, you're

1:18:05

not getting paranoid, put on the cocktail

1:18:07

jazz, get the diffuser out, light a candle. You

1:18:09

know what I mean, have a little snack tray,

1:18:12

fuck it up and then jerk off for an

1:18:14

hour and a half. And then go, oh, but

1:18:16

the high notes are great! Yeah. The high notes

1:18:18

are great. Okay, so jerking off is fun, but

1:18:21

I constantly have so much stuff going on in

1:18:23

my brain, it is very hard sometimes for me to turn

1:18:25

off my brain. Really, that's the only time I can. But

1:18:27

I was gonna say, that's the only time I can, but

1:18:31

men are able to do that. You guys are able to

1:18:33

compartmentalize. Women, we have so many tabs open in our brain.

1:18:35

I always feel guilty jerking off sometimes because I know there's

1:18:38

other shit that I have to get done. Tabs open is

1:18:40

a great way to look at that. Because I remember my

1:18:42

last relationship, I think one of the tabs would come up,

1:18:44

she'd be like, I'm gonna go back to med school. I'm

1:18:46

like, where did that tab come from? How many years ago

1:18:48

was that tab planted? So I have this idea

1:18:51

that all men are kind of autistic, like, because

1:18:53

y'all are able to dial in. You're really

1:18:55

able to dial in on one thing. Y'all

1:18:57

do one thing at that moment. You jerk

1:18:59

off so hard, so good for 30 minutes.

1:19:01

But women, we're jerking off and we're still thinking

1:19:04

about, oh, did I change the laundry? Did I

1:19:06

do this? You're not thinking about other

1:19:08

men, aren't you? Yeah, never. I would never, no.

1:19:10

I have a dream, I know we gotta close this up, but

1:19:13

I have a dream sometime, even if I'm

1:19:15

trying to cheat in my dream, I can never

1:19:17

go through with that. You know what I mean?

1:19:19

Even like a fantasy, I can't. Oh, I run train

1:19:21

at a park on my train. You did, I feel like

1:19:23

you do. Wow, that is

1:19:25

so wholesome. Yeah, it's so funny when you're jerking off

1:19:27

nothing, My house

1:19:29

could be on fire and I could be like, how

1:19:31

much fire are we talking about? Yeah, it's also like,

1:19:33

do I even need this house right now? Yeah, I

1:19:35

don't need a house. I'll put it on my fire

1:19:37

extinguisher. Yeah, I don't wanna come and then I'll jump

1:19:40

out the window. That's good. Speaking of cheating dreams, I

1:19:42

literally had a dream that, literally two days ago, that

1:19:44

I would dream of cheating, light him. Oh, cool, but

1:19:46

no, no, no, no, this is where I'm going. So

1:19:48

I had a dream that I was moving back to

1:19:50

New York, and I was looking at

1:19:52

this place with the real estate person, right? And

1:19:54

that was literally it. Guy or girl? Guy,

1:19:57

oh, like, he was, Out

1:20:00

of time like you look like 1970s. They're really weird,

1:20:02

right? Yeah. Anyways, I woke up I woke up and

1:20:04

my girl was like, you know, how does your sleep

1:20:07

buzzer? I had a weird dream I'm in New York

1:20:09

and she goes oh cool. Like what was I in

1:20:11

there? And immediately I was like, oh fuck and I

1:20:13

was like No, she was oh,

1:20:15

she's gonna move to it's like so funny

1:20:17

that like I'm yelling. I'm getting yelled at

1:20:20

But like by it's just it's just that I

1:20:22

wake up sometimes go ahead and I've had like

1:20:24

a night terror and I'm sobbing I have an overactive

1:20:27

imagination. I'll be like wake up and I'm crying

1:20:29

and I'm yelling at my husband like you did this

1:20:31

He's like that's not reality. You're like, what do you

1:20:33

do? Not true? It's not true. That was a

1:20:35

dream But it feels so

1:20:37

real. Do you guys remember your dreams? Yeah,

1:20:40

very sometimes good for you. I had a dream Things

1:20:45

are very vivid for me. Mm-hmm

1:20:48

Oh, I had a dream last night that I

1:20:51

was at the improv in Hollywood in the back

1:20:53

parking lot Some kids are following me and

1:20:55

they're like hey, hey Trevor But they said it

1:20:57

and not like a hey friendly way and then I'm walking

1:20:59

away And I realized your kids are about to bully me

1:21:01

and then they started throwing milk cartons at me I got

1:21:03

so mad excited to go to another show like I hit

1:21:05

with a milk carton Yeah,

1:21:07

and it's aimed like he threw it

1:21:10

from far like he hit me twice We can

1:21:12

dissect that on the next time I come on. Well, I'm

1:21:14

gonna yeah, I don't write down the dream journal I'm

1:21:17

usually getting bullied in my dreams or I fight somebody and

1:21:19

every punch I hit them doesn't hurt It's like in a

1:21:21

movie when the buff guy gets punched and he goes ha

1:21:23

ha try again Like I've never beat somebody's ass in my

1:21:25

dream and I've never never actually had sex and not too

1:21:27

quick in my dream I don't know what happened. Never successfully

1:21:29

had sex. No. Yes. That's what it is What

1:21:31

is that even if I think I'm doing something

1:21:33

bad in my dream? I there's there's every time

1:21:35

I'm about you there's like a knock on the door and it's

1:21:37

like a postman sky I'd be like I'm a firefighter like what's

1:21:39

happening? I've never been successful in any of my dreams Like

1:21:42

I don't really won't come to that whole hell. Yeah, I kill

1:21:44

her dreams ever good No dreams are

1:21:46

like the facade of a dream.

1:21:48

Like my dream is gonna Hollywood Someone dies

1:21:50

just wait when someone dies recurring

1:21:52

dreams You're on an escalator coming

1:21:54

down and in a mall and there's a

1:21:57

JC pennies and the greats down and like

1:21:59

you're like It's always my dad standing

1:22:01

there, and I'm trying to get to him, but

1:22:03

I can't get to him. Oh my god. That's

1:22:05

once a week guys. Really? Yeah, it's not great.

1:22:07

No, I'm so sorry. I feel like I was

1:22:10

too serious on this podcast. No, no, no, not

1:22:12

at all. Not at all. Should we jump into the

1:22:14

last question? Oh yeah. We have to, one more thing.

1:22:16

This is just an anonymous submission. There's not even a

1:22:18

question here. They just wanted to get this off their

1:22:21

chest. Hey. They said, I need

1:22:23

to tell you that men's toes taste better

1:22:25

than women's. Oh. Good

1:22:27

for them. I think men's toes have more

1:22:29

seasoning on it. Yeah. A little

1:22:31

more salt. It just. Salted vinegar. It depends on

1:22:33

what type of guy you are. I mean if

1:22:36

you're not a guy who showers regularly, it's going

1:22:38

to be rank and stank, but generally women, I

1:22:40

feel as though in my personal experience, they keep

1:22:42

things generally clean. And even when I'm sucking my

1:22:45

girlfriend's toes, even if she's walking around the apartment

1:22:47

for an hour or two, it doesn't

1:22:49

matter. I paste a little bit of the dirt, and then

1:22:51

I get right through it. Like a charcoal? I get right

1:22:53

through it. Like a little, uh. Yeah. It

1:22:56

tastes a little. Dry rub. Yeah, but you get through the

1:22:58

dry rub and then in this toast. Through the dry rub.

1:23:01

Okay. I haven't heard that one. You get through

1:23:03

the dry rub. Yeah. And then it, and then

1:23:05

everything's like salt or like st. Louis. I hear

1:23:07

you. I hear. I mean, as a Southern gal,

1:23:09

I know about that dry rub. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1:23:11

I have not. Your husband. I have

1:23:13

not put the toes in the mouth.

1:23:16

That's not been my journey. So I don't know. I don't think I can speak

1:23:18

on this one. Have you had your toes in someone's mouth? Yeah.

1:23:20

But like in college, I was like, what are

1:23:22

we doing? You know what I mean? Old Miss

1:23:24

days. Yeah. Old Miss days. Dude likes it. Old

1:23:27

Miss. Oh, yeah. But no, I'm not, I'm not

1:23:29

sucking my husband's toes. He also has talons at

1:23:31

the time. The man loves a pedicure. Like he'll

1:23:33

go with me, get a nice pedicure. But the,

1:23:35

the grow out. Like, you know what I'm like,

1:23:37

why can't we just maintain all the time? That's

1:23:39

what I don't. He always keeps his nails nice.

1:23:41

But I'm like, what are, you know, he'll come

1:23:43

in and just scrape you. Scrape right through the.

1:23:45

Oh, that's awful. When you look down, you're like,

1:23:47

that one's kind of yellow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um,

1:23:50

yeah. I mean, do you guys enjoy sucking

1:23:53

toes? Uh, that's not my forte, but the

1:23:55

man to my left is a, uh, you

1:23:57

really like toes. Yeah. Very, very much so.

1:24:00

So can I ask you a question? I'm sorry, feet

1:24:02

in general, do you like the look of feet? I

1:24:04

mean, I like the feet that I like

1:24:07

the look of, but there's definitely feet that

1:24:09

are disgusting for sure. I've been told I

1:24:11

really nice toe cleavage. So my- Toes got

1:24:13

teeth? Yeah, toe cleavage. So when I have

1:24:15

my foot in a heel, men have

1:24:17

complimented me, you've got great toe cleavage.

1:24:19

Cause I have nice shaped toes and

1:24:21

really nice nail beds. Okay.

1:24:24

Yeah. Congratulations. I mean,

1:24:26

I'll show you after this. But I didn't know there was a thing. The toe men

1:24:28

are like toe cleavage. I was like, all right, let's go.

1:24:30

Yeah, yeah. You're talking about like, just cause it's like,

1:24:32

they all form. It's like a push up bra. Yeah.

1:24:35

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1:24:39

I got flat chested toes. I feel like if I put mine

1:24:42

in a stiletto, they're not doing much. They

1:24:44

would need a push up bra down there. Itty bitty titty

1:24:46

toes. Yeah. Put some cotton

1:24:48

balls underneath to, you know, perk them up. Perk them up.

1:24:50

Itty bitty titties are an art fun. It's

1:24:52

where I- Yeah. Yeah. You

1:24:55

guys like big titties? Yeah. I love

1:24:57

the great answer. Just a woman. Yeah.

1:25:00

Cause it's like, I don't, I just like whatever you bring

1:25:02

to the table. I

1:25:04

love that. Cause I, listen, I'm not

1:25:07

an ideal woman's man. You

1:25:09

know, I bring the table, an attitude.

1:25:11

An attitude, maybe a little eczema. Yeah.

1:25:14

How did you know? Yeah,

1:25:17

I like that. It's fun. I think sometimes it

1:25:19

gets so stuck. I'm like, I love ass. And

1:25:21

then you see a nice rack and you're like,

1:25:23

hold on. I think titties have been in the

1:25:25

back for a minute. Yeah. I

1:25:27

think titties are coming back. Shut up, sweetie. The

1:25:30

asses got a little too big. Now they're goofy.

1:25:32

The asses are goofy now. Yeah. Well,

1:25:34

they need, they need, you know, they need

1:25:36

BTLs, Brazilian thigh lifts. The

1:25:39

butt's gotta match the thigh. I agree. Shit

1:25:41

looks like an air pod out there. Okay. It's all, Yeah.

1:25:45

It looks goofy. Yeah. I

1:25:47

mean, talk about hip issues. I mean, for sure.

1:25:49

For sure. Oh yeah. But if you can put storage

1:25:51

in it, like the back of a Rivian, that'd be kind of cool. The

1:25:54

onions are nice. I want one. I've been looking into a

1:25:56

Rivian. Not the prep, but the new SUV. Oh, I've seen

1:25:58

that. They have a. Like a literal place for

1:26:01

your golf club. Like a golf club? Yeah, I'm into

1:26:03

it. You love it. The river truck blows a

1:26:05

Cybertruck out of the water. What are you driving now? What's your wish?

1:26:07

I just have a Tesla. Oh nice. What

1:26:09

about you? I got an Audi Q5 Hybrid. Yeah.

1:26:11

I just looked at that buck in yesterday. I tell

1:26:13

you, get it. It's the best car. Really? Cause I was

1:26:15

gonna go Tesla, but I was like, ah, I'm in Georgia.

1:26:17

I don't want to have to worry about a charging station.

1:26:20

And they're everywhere. I mean, we got a Tesla store

1:26:22

down the street from our house, but I ended

1:26:24

up going hybrid so I can go either way.

1:26:26

So you can just dump questions. Hybrid's bisexual for

1:26:28

a car. Bisexual is so cool.

1:26:30

You can fuck everything. So my thing is you

1:26:32

can charge it. How long does that charge last?

1:26:35

So I will say it doesn't hold a lot of charge, but

1:26:37

I can like run to Whole Foods, run my errands. I think

1:26:39

I get like 20 miles. So that's

1:26:41

not a lot, right? That's not a lot. But if

1:26:43

you're just running on that to do your day to

1:26:46

day bullshit, and then I get a full tank of

1:26:48

gas. Okay. It is more so to tell people

1:26:50

you have an electric car. Yeah. I'm green.

1:26:52

I'm progressive. I'm green. I can drive in the

1:26:54

car. I can drive in the green. Yeah. Yeah.

1:26:59

Duracell, have you heard of her? Come

1:27:01

on out. A hundred percent. Beautiful.

1:27:04

I got to look into it. Yeah. I'm a

1:27:07

man. Very goddamn funny. We've really covered everything. I

1:27:09

don't see what we do on the spot. Silence. No. And

1:27:11

I really appreciate you guys having me. And I am big

1:27:13

fans of y'all. And I think you're just fantastic. And you're

1:27:15

going to crush these shows this weekend. Thank you. And I'll

1:27:17

show you my toes later. Yeah. And have a great

1:27:20

time at the Multibog Theater. Thank you. Beautiful.