0:00

Merch out now. Holy shit. Look at god

0:02

damn it hot cannon. Look at dude. These

0:04

are the perfect summer shorts They sit right

0:06

above the knee. We're talking red, dude The

0:08

I mean listen who's the guy David Hasselhoff?

0:10

Yep, they watch yep, the name of fucking

0:12

podcast That's got board shorts or zero. Is

0:14

this something on my head real quick? I

0:16

think there's something on the head Oh, oh,

0:18

I don't know. Maybe it's a sex is

0:20

cool hat Yep, sex is cool. And if

0:22

you've ever done it, you can agree look

0:24

at that. This is a cleanest embroidery

0:26

Dude, this is the real deal. You could wear

0:28

this to a baseball game. Just not a team.

0:31

Okay Or

0:33

maybe you can't go to prison next. Oh,

0:35

we're gonna fly through this we got a banger

0:37

episode afterwards This is my favorite t-shirt we have

0:39

this is it's just it's long overdue It's a

0:41

stiff sock sock podcast with a sock on it,

0:44

dude This is just a clean evergreen banger great

0:46

for summer grateful for the July imagine getting topped

0:48

off waiting to blow pop next half See what

0:50

next do it. Holy shit. Sometimes you like it

0:52

will say things together. We do we should

0:54

start a podcast Look at that.

0:56

Look at that. What color wave is this? I

0:59

don't know take some ass in a figure it

1:01

out teal Look how hot gas is again. I'm

1:03

gonna say this a hundred times super high quality.

1:05

We start a podcast We love it you do

1:07

too. Oh Is

1:10

somebody trying to get some physical Education

1:13

topped off a rapidly than we've ever been fucking

1:15

for you I got so much goddamn sexual relations

1:17

in this goddamn place You know what I love

1:19

about this It's like a subtle joke if you're

1:21

just wearing that public people be like, oh, maybe

1:23

I went to middle school You know, and then

1:26

this shows the fact that like, you

1:28

know, you read it and you're like, oh Education and

1:30

where is it right behind you? There's

1:32

a gray. There's a gray crew neck

1:34

All right crew neck is fire Look

1:37

at it green with gray is like

1:39

if these are just like legit just sick clothes

1:42

Even if we didn't have a podcast I'd wear these I really

1:44

would um That's

1:46

it man. I think about it There's one more and I would

1:48

love to do the honors if your name is Robert and you've

1:50

ever given me feedback Fuck you. This is the

1:53

authentic. Fuck you Robert. Just says f you Robert

1:55

in the front It's crossed out from sincerely and

1:57

then on the back just a quick little sincere

2:00

Love beautiful. This is a patreon only sure

2:04

Our page remember you grab it if you're not I'm so sorry

2:06

you can't and last but not least I'm

2:08

wearing it you guys know what you guys love it

2:13

This one is great we're gonna get some posts. Whoa. What are

2:15

you doing down there? Oh Visual education

2:17

yeah, not an ad clean as fuck kind

2:19

of like an old retro Vintagey

2:22

coca-cola vibes back in the day

2:24

really really some sick fucking designs

2:27

Holy shit, there's some good stuff. We should start

2:29

a podcast one is I mean I mean

2:31

it's almost sold out It's pretty close to

2:33

stuff is freaking moving dude the hats are

2:35

selling like freaking hotcakes Oh and

2:37

everyone's been freaking yelling us that we don't

2:40

have the goddamn hoodie or the sis sock

2:42

socks or the nut towel guess What they're

2:44

up now, okay? So stop yelling or you

2:47

heard your freaking requests and that stuff sells

2:49

out super fast so go grab everything before

2:51

you cannot so Good I love you. No

2:54

good dot-com go get them. Oh,

2:56

we saw shop calm. That's it stiff

2:58

sock shop calm stiff sock I'm an

3:00

ad well Not an

3:02

ad ad Colgate not an ad that was

3:04

a crazy thing it was in my life No,

3:07

I assume Colgate at night not an ad it's not an

3:09

ad you're not real episode time to go We're

3:15

in you know I realize people don't be

3:17

holding doors anymore people don't be holding doors for anybody

3:19

When I'm walking towards the door, huh, you're just

3:21

gonna let it just fucking Listen,

3:24

huh you were in my fucking wheelhouse I've been

3:26

yelling bits for 20 years if I fucking open

3:28

vice versa if I open the door for you,

3:30

I'll be holding it Just

3:32

give me a trot say Fucking

3:35

thank you or to your point if

3:37

I'm holding it Give

3:39

me a little yeah that is a thank you

3:41

if you increase your speed a mile or two

3:43

per hour Yep, then that's me

3:45

being like oh, I'm accepting your challenge Accepting

3:47

it but even if you pick up your

3:50

pace still say playing ping pong I

3:52

hate you hit Yeah, none of this one side of

3:54

games, but I have had when I'm holding the door

3:56

and some yeah I've had had before so

3:59

good crazy Soup goes there

4:01

and your dick what book you

4:03

have lopped sir bis both noodles

4:08

Was in uh oh But

4:10

I have that one I'm open in the dorm someone's

4:12

a little bit far away But I'm trying to be

4:15

nice and they go hey man. No. I'm good. I'm

4:17

okay with that. Just let me know I'm okay

4:20

good then I go to go Coffee

4:23

shops you put in their lids so goddamn far

4:25

away Why am I

4:27

to the brim and then I got a fucking

4:29

survivor challenge mr. Beast fear factor this bitch to

4:31

a different corner Here's Rama if you do that

4:33

to me. It's going on the ground. I'm not

4:35

cleaning it up you are and

4:37

you know what else I hate about Lids why

4:40

so many places? No, cuz how many coffee

4:42

places the lids don't fit. I also don't

4:44

know They're not marked. It's not like this

4:46

is the lid for the small. This is

4:48

a little medium This is what then I'm

4:50

over here putting large lids on smalls, and

4:52

then I'm throwing it away So now your

4:54

paper cup. Oh, it's good for the

4:56

environment. I just use 19 lids trying to kill turtles Just

5:01

a general thing I hate

5:03

that but also I hate is when they they give

5:05

you a top But the top

5:07

is like a slurpee top Little

5:11

dome one yeah, well yeah, you don't like the

5:13

dome no like I don't mind it Well,

5:15

I don't need a dome. I didn't get a

5:18

frappuccino. Oh the dome yeah the dome

5:20

one I thought you meant the Starbucks thing the sippy lids

5:22

no simply I'm great. It's a great. It was great You

5:24

know what I don't like though sometimes it's a bit of

5:26

suck And then it's in it like both the mouth the

5:28

ice kids in it and you gotta

5:30

fucking tongue it down Yeah, fuck that you gotta

5:32

put your tongue in the hole man when you're

5:35

sipping that by the way no I

5:37

mean you're a little baby. You're a little

5:39

baby boy little baby. He's your dude little

5:42

you give baby baby people baby Your

5:46

baby sippy cups Baby's

5:49

Google Calendar it like okay tits. That's it

5:51

tits shit all tits and shit tits shit

5:53

It's a cry that should be a podcast.

5:56

Here's the thing wah wah wah fucking tell

5:58

me what you want But no,

6:00

it's crazy. Like how come babies can't talk at the womb? No,

6:03

no, no, but seriously, you've been listening to my

6:05

mom. You should be able to download, yeah, you

6:07

should be able to download your mother's intelligence. Well,

6:09

some people don't want to do that. Some moms

6:11

are dumb. Some dads

6:14

are dumb. Yeah, but still, I don't think that there's any moms

6:16

or dads that are dumber than an actual baby. Think

6:18

about how dumb a baby is. That's true. Can I

6:20

just make my point really quickly? Babies

6:22

been listening to mommy and daddy, hopefully

6:25

they're both there, for nine

6:28

months. Yeah. You got

6:30

nothing? Pick up a word. All you got is,

6:33

birds know how to say cracker pretty good.

6:35

Poly one. Lit

6:37

jumps the same. Babies come out that bitch

6:39

listening to nothing. ADHD, fucking fix it. I

6:41

mean, dude, I don't know. Are they not

6:43

bored in that stomach? It's kind of fun.

6:45

You have a fucking feeding tube and your mom

6:47

eats a KCV and you got a KCV that's

6:49

pretty good. You know moms get mad when the

6:51

baby starts kicking? Yeah, I

6:54

would be bored. Get out. I'm getting

6:56

out. Eat an iPhone. Give

6:58

me an iPhone. Yeah. You

7:00

think a lot of them try to kick through the fucking thing? Probably.

7:04

Yeah. Can you tell if you're gonna be a soccer player? But yeah.

7:07

When do zygotes become babies? Who?

7:10

I don't know. Zygotes? Yeah, you know the

7:12

little tiny tinnies are called zygotes. Zygote,

7:15

right? My dumb? No, that sounds right.

7:17

I don't know, I can look it up. Yeah, please.

7:20

Zygote is crazy. You know, sometimes like when my stomach

7:22

starts growling when I'm eating in like 12 hours, I

7:24

like push on it. I'm like, stop. Yeah, yeah, shut

7:27

up. Imagine a baby is kicking them. Hey! Well,

7:29

do I think babies do kick when they're hungry? Really?

7:33

Yeah, because they give me some fucking food. I guess how else would I

7:35

let you know? Morse code? Oh, I

7:37

wanna, oh, you think babies are smart like that? They

7:39

can poke. I

7:41

am curious what babies know.

7:43

Do babies know when the parents are fornicating?

7:48

Yeah, yeah. With the

7:50

submarine, goddamn! It's like, hey! We're

7:52

playing whack-a-mole! He's hitting it. Imagine

7:54

a baby playing whack-a-mole with an interjecting penis every

7:57

once in a while. Yeah. Hilarious.

8:00

I'm close to the baby. Mine is. I

8:02

don't think so. I'm not like that. Hey. I

8:05

don't think it's even close. No. Different,

8:07

different realms. Yeah. You know what's so dumb

8:10

is when you're drinking and then you start, it goes down the wrong tube. I've

8:12

been drinking for 4,000 years and

8:15

my body just goes, this tube, fuck

8:17

you. That's how I feel when I bite my

8:19

tongue. Yeah. Like when I'm eating it or bite my cheek,

8:21

I'm like, how did, yeah, how did I? Walking in the

8:23

street trying to act like you didn't bite your tongue? You

8:25

did. in the middle of the

8:27

fucking, you haven't like feta china afraid of it and she's

8:29

like, oh, I'm from, can I get you bite your tongue?

8:32

I've gotten a dead leg and you're just sitting there and

8:34

you're like, you're fighting

8:36

demons. Like, oh Vermont. Oh

8:38

man. I heard they have great water over there.

8:41

I've been getting a cramps in the bottom of my

8:43

foot. What does that mean? But I'm fucking, I

8:45

don't know. When you're fucking? Yeah. Yeah.

8:49

Is it because you're under tippy toes? Short

8:51

Joe. Very funny. No,

8:53

but I don't know what happens. I think I need more potassium.

8:56

Yeah. Is bananas the only way

8:58

you could get potassium? Why are

9:00

they so packed up with potassium? I don't

9:02

know. South title? Well,

9:06

but our plantains are bananas,

9:08

right? They're boys. But why

9:11

are they sweet and small? I

9:14

don't understand evolution. I don't understand anything.

9:16

Okay. How long is, go ahead. Well

9:18

babies can hear all that shit in the womb. They can

9:20

be learning stuff. They can have memories. They can hear music.

9:24

There's been a few celebrities that have said they

9:26

remember being in the womb. I think Nicholas Cage

9:28

said that. Terrence Howard. I listened to, by the

9:30

way, everyone listened to Terrence Howard on fucking Joe

9:32

Rogan. No, I've heard memes about it. Was fucking

9:36

crazy. I've never heard,

9:38

like the podcast happened

9:40

and then you could just go on Santa

9:43

Monica Boulevard and just put your ear next to

9:45

like a homeless person and listen to that banter.

9:47

It's the same thing. I don't

9:49

know. or what was it?

9:51

Nah, bro. He

9:54

just seems a bit off the Richter scare

9:56

or he's just very, very, very, very, very

9:58

intelligent. And I've gotten. Nothing was Rogan's kind

10:00

of seeing through it or he's just here in the

10:03

man I listen do I listen to 45 minutes of

10:05

it trying to whatever? Waiting for Rogan to

10:07

kind of get in there and like be like well that

10:09

doesn't make sense because boba Rogan just kind of let him

10:11

talk. Yeah, I didn't listen to the whole thing He says

10:14

this is about being remembering being in his mother's

10:16

yes here we go. I was about six months

10:18

Maybe inside the womb he said and I'm like

10:20

okay. Don't forget. I'm here. Don't forget. Don't forget

10:23

You go to sleep you wake up again now something's moving

10:25

in front of you, and you're like oh,

10:27

that's my friend But I had a different name for

10:29

it. I didn't know it was my hand Honestly

10:35

No, that sounds like somebody on ayahuasca wrote that

10:37

no I'm telling like the whole podcast the whole

10:39

podcast again listen to not listen to 40 minutes

10:41

of whatever the fuck It was like

10:44

the ramblings of a of a crazy person, but

10:46

I will say I'm dumb as shit So he

10:48

might have been just dropping crazy knowledge And I

10:50

have I mean I couldn't get

10:52

one iota of what he was talking about

10:54

not one moment I

10:56

even used the word iota yeah, that was been was he

10:58

on there promoting something, or he's just just I know he

11:01

got up He wrote a

11:03

book. Oh yeah, I

11:05

mean about about he was talking with the

11:07

periodic table Yeah, how it's not it shouldn't

11:09

be a square. It should be Circular

11:12

or something valid valid. I've always

11:14

been saying that since we started

11:17

this podcast yeah valid Yeah

11:21

Yeah, thought about I mean, but he was everything

11:23

he was talking about I got

11:25

nothing like you ever lit I just

11:28

like just I didn't get a if he

11:30

stopped talking he goes Michael what I just say

11:32

nothing Not not one

11:35

thing what I don't even know the

11:37

periodic table is That's where all

11:39

the all the other words are right sodium, but where

11:41

do those elements go phosphate? Why do we why do

11:43

we gather them and put them on a piece of

11:45

paper? I don't know I have no idea We'd

11:48

have to guess what each one were like we're

11:50

gonna be an adult someone be like that's

11:52

the abbreviation for zinc no idea Yeah,

11:56

the Galapagos was riffing school schools

11:58

buying time dumb School's buying

12:00

time. Yeah, here's calculus. And cursive, this will buy

12:02

up seven months. For what, so I can sign

12:05

a check? You just got hammered last night. Yeah.

12:07

Calculus, don't need it. Algebra,

12:10

for what? They should teach

12:12

head and gym. Or

12:16

getting head in the gym, Rafferty Center, new merch,

12:18

out now. It's out now. It's out

12:20

now. Stiffsockshop.com? Yeah.

12:24

Oh, I fucking nailed it. stiffsockshop.com. This

12:27

show is sponsored by Better Help.

12:30

You know what, Michael? What's up, man? I

12:32

think you and I both have superiorly

12:35

benefited from

12:38

online therapy. I can't even describe to

12:40

you what type of shambles I want to be

12:42

in. Oh. Without therapy. I

12:44

mean, I would have quit this show.

12:46

I would have quit life. When life

12:48

goes so fast, it's important to take

12:50

a moment to celebrate your wins. Therapy

12:53

can help you take stock of your

12:56

progress and set achievable goals for the

12:58

next six months. Yeah, and so

13:00

on and so forth. I think sometimes goals seem so

13:02

far in the distance, but you're like, how do I

13:04

break that down? How do I

13:06

go step by step? Step by step.

13:08

How do I not let these mad or

13:10

sad or bad? Whoa. So

13:13

am I am? Yeah, they all end with A.D. Mad,

13:16

sad, bad. Not

13:19

an ad. It

13:21

is an ad. For Better Help. The

13:23

problem with, if you let these negative

13:25

thoughts fasten your head, we all know these people who

13:27

just, they just let these thoughts culminate

13:29

in the head, big word for me, and then they

13:31

just become like a negative person. And it's

13:33

like, they don't even know it. And then you talk it out and

13:35

you're like, oh, all these angry

13:38

thoughts I had, I'm chilling. Yeah. I'm

13:40

barbed up. Therapy can give you the skills

13:42

that you need, like just the emotional skills

13:44

that you need to achieve just like life

13:46

goals will also just be a better person,

13:48

better adult, better partner, better help. All right,

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from the comfort of your own home, car, wherever you

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14:14

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14:17

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14:19

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That's betterhelp, help.com/socks. God

14:28

damn. What are you talking about? Oh,

14:30

oh, oh. So you, listen,

14:32

you're supposed to play music to a baby.

14:34

Yeah. Right? Yeah, yeah. Baby

14:37

don't come out playing no violin. Not even a harmonic.

14:39

That is true. Not spoons. But maybe it's like white

14:41

noise or it's like, he's like, oh, maybe things get

14:43

out of coffee shop. Maybe. Coffee

14:46

shop lids. Why the fuck? I

14:48

don't like jobs that give me attitude when you don't

14:51

deserve to have attitude. Why is

14:53

it barista giving me sass? I don't

14:55

know. The hiring process at a coffee shop now is like,

14:57

yo, you depressed as fuck and hate people. Yeah. Come

15:00

this way. Oh yeah. How do you feel about

15:02

smiling? Never done it? You're hired. Roll

15:05

off. Get in here. Yeah, but everybody at Trader Joe's is

15:08

smiling ear to ear. What the fuck are they on? But

15:10

I don't like when I walk in and I don't feel

15:12

like I'm supposed to, like I feel like they're getting. I'm

15:14

interrupting. Like, but I'm like, I'm not cool

15:16

enough to be in there. Yeah. Fuck

15:18

you. You listen to a vinyl records twice in

15:21

your God damn life. Now

15:23

I'm, you're better than me. Make

15:25

me a coffee and I'll give you money.

15:28

What is that? The best one ever. There

15:30

was some random hotel. It might've been like

15:32

salt lake and they had. They're called hotels,

15:34

which is great. Hotel. Hotel. Hoes.

15:37

You tell a hoe to meet you at the hotel.

15:39

God. Hoes are great. Stop.

15:43

Girlfriend, I love you. Go ahead. Yes.

15:48

Yes. There was some place where

15:50

like you literally, you tap the bitch with your,

15:52

your, I've been saying bitch a lot. Tap the

15:54

bitch. With the

15:56

phone or the dude, bitch is Apple pay. Yep.

15:59

Whatever. It's just connected and then for

16:01

as long as you pour it just goes money up

16:03

like doo doo doo It's like a gas system pump,

16:05

but it was a cold brew tab I want that

16:07

everywhere put one on the side of a fucking Arco

16:09

I'm sick and tired of going to individual places where

16:11

I need food here coffee here everywhere should be a

16:14

cheesy factory and everything Is just on the menu at

16:16

once I get it. I get it. Give

16:18

me a fucking pill I've been yelling that we've been

16:20

yelling this for four guys. Oh, give me one pill

16:22

one pill that goes Good,

16:24

and then I wake up take the pill. I'm not

16:27

fucking thirsty. Oh my mouth Fuck you

16:29

on my stomach. Fuck you. Give me a pill

16:31

and I did it glass me Link

16:34

chip god damn it honestly if you're like hey Do you

16:37

want to know do you want to like know everything that's

16:39

in every book or just have one pill that makes you

16:41

not Hungry for the whole time that I never feel more

16:43

of a bitch in my entire life And when I write

16:45

food into an Apple map, oh, yeah, it's feel like

16:47

you're like Somebody yeah, I

16:49

would write restaurant, but I don't

16:51

know fucking spell that dumbass word

16:54

Why do we take French shit and put it

16:57

in our shit is restaurant French? Oh, it

16:59

sounds like it's wrong. Yeah, it sounds like

17:01

it fucking sick of it. Yeah

17:03

is traveling fun. No Well,

17:06

yeah, I just came back from our

17:08

thing very fun right, but you know, it's funny I

17:10

saw somebody's Instagram story they were in Dubai

17:14

I believe and they did a photo of the skyline

17:16

in the beach and I was like you

17:18

could have told me that's why I Don't know where that is Everywhere

17:21

is the same variation. Thank you. It's a place with

17:23

buildings and a beach except Hawaii Hawaii is great in

17:25

Dubai I love Dubai, but I don't

17:27

know maybe Dubai

17:33

tour dates real Come

17:43

on what but like That's

17:45

the new Geo guesser you take a hot cheeks

17:47

Instagram story and you go Where am I and

17:49

you go Turks and Caicos? I don't know wherever

17:51

they are. They didn't pay for it. Oh Fuck

17:58

is that I don't Hot woman

18:01

and a random man with a large

18:03

waistband goes how would you and four

18:05

friends like to come out to Tahiti?

18:08

What are the what's what are they what do they think's

18:10

gonna happen? I mean, what do

18:13

they think is gonna happen? What's a group chat

18:15

looking like? Oh, the

18:17

first lady of the girls like hey, we just got invited

18:20

but oh Yeah,

18:23

but Fucking Oscar the grouch

18:26

is gonna be there. Yeah. Well, like

18:28

what's the but is he walk around

18:30

naked? Oh, no No, I only smell

18:32

like flies Yeah. Yeah,

18:34

I think it smells like a like a like a swamp

18:36

flies be loving shit. Please that get

18:39

your morals higher So it's crazy flies beloved ship.

18:41

They also be loving like like a little candle

18:44

But like like like like nice smell stuff to

18:46

then it's like smells you never land on a

18:48

fucking Versace bottle well, no, but if you have

18:50

like um, here's a like SPF

18:53

whatever like like Flagler shit

18:55

flies get on you. They just like strong

18:57

smells. Why do moths like Light

18:59

light. They're trying to kill themselves. Are they? Tell

19:03

me how to do that You

19:06

just go towards a light you running into

19:09

a train is the same as a moth going

19:11

into an LED You think so, but they're gonna

19:13

kill themselves. They're trying to fuck the light Yeah,

19:17

dude, dude moths. That's

19:19

how the charmers fordicate. They love

19:22

lights so much I don't know

19:24

find up is what they're doing They what

19:26

they always go to the brightest light because

19:28

they think they know that that means they

19:30

think it's like their Messiah Yeah,

19:32

it's like that's their God is a fucking bathroom

19:34

at a 76 gas station. I Don't

19:38

know dude, you know what has

19:40

happened in a 76 gas station bathroom Oh

19:42

my god, the bathroom key has been a

19:45

part of like three crime scenes Minimal

19:47

it's a windshield wiper with a key on it. Can you

19:49

imagine being a so much duct tape? Yeah Can

19:52

you imagine being a 76 gas station in one

19:54

day? You're like I saw someone clean a gun

19:56

have an abortion and take a shit on the

19:58

same day. Yeah On the shift.

20:00

Yeah, yeah, that's what I mean. Like

20:03

that key has seen some shit. Literally, it's

20:05

like if you're gonna give me a big

20:07

bathroom key, have a designated place in the

20:09

bathroom where you can set it. It says

20:11

like key holder, because instead you just put

20:13

this giant stick like wobbling on the urinal,

20:16

or it's like in your ass. You wanna hear

20:19

something bad? You put it on the ground. Yep, or

20:21

on the ground. Well, other people probably

20:24

deep throat that bit. Yeah, I mean,

20:26

yeah. But like, have a holster in there. Right

20:28

on the ground. I

20:30

hear you. I know, I hear you too. Literally, I walk in,

20:32

I go clank, and I take a peep, take

20:34

a peep. Take a peep-oop? Take a

20:37

peep-peep? In what hole? Peep hole. I

20:39

just leave it in the door. A peep hole was

20:41

the world's first close friends. Is anybody

20:43

listening to me? Say it. Incredible. Think

20:46

about that. Go ahead. Like close friends, like I

20:48

wouldn't show anybody my dick, but yo, close friends

20:50

maybe. But the peep hole's like, oh

20:53

fuck, you see that, you see

20:55

Jack's peep hole? That sounds like his website over there.

20:57

Jack's peep hole. Oh yeah, it's not.

20:59

Make a red light district, but with green

21:01

light. Like the close friends circle kind of

21:03

thing. You know what I mean? Oh yeah.

21:05

We need to go back to Amsterdam. No,

21:07

we don't. That

21:11

was the worst place I've been to. No. It wasn't

21:14

the worst. The way

21:16

I consumed Amsterdam was the worst place to consume

21:18

it. Aren't you going there

21:20

for shows? No. Okay. We were gonna do

21:22

it, but then we didn't. Why? I

21:25

don't know, I think I'm regretting it now. Because

21:27

it was five cities in five days, and I didn't

21:29

want to do six cities in six days. I thought

21:31

I was just gonna eat a gun. Yeah. Were

21:33

you on vacation? I was. Any

21:35

updates? So many goddamn updates. Update

21:38

us! We haven't done a normal

21:40

episode in like a month, and we

21:42

really appreciate all the guests that we've had on. Oh

21:44

yeah, so fun. Anybody new listening who came from one

21:46

of those episodes, what's up? Hello? What's

21:49

up? This is it. This is the regular flow. This is

21:51

it. This is it. And that's

21:53

fine. I love it. I

21:56

don't know. Go to a

21:58

blue bottle of coffee. Next week we got a good episode.

22:00

So blue bottle coffee that's where

22:02

this podcast was created it

22:04

was yep I was out of thought shit

22:06

on them don't blue bottle

22:08

of you blue chew Everything

22:10

blue sex is so cool. All right, so this is

22:12

what happened I'd like to run this by you to

22:14

see what you do in this situation. Yes So I

22:17

went with my lovely girlfriend and her lovely family to

22:20

Mexico yes So

22:23

we land in Mexico. This is

22:25

the start of the trip You

22:27

know you land in a plane

22:29

you get flooded with text messages

22:32

You know sometimes you don't very sad moment very sad

22:34

moment when you fly across country you land What I

22:36

found off do not disturb in the morning ain't no

22:38

tax to go damn Nobody wanted to

22:40

disturb me like literally I mean

22:42

someone text me no emails nothing nothing

22:45

from Ikea Let me know about some fucking discount

22:48

Nobody from kayak calm is working on this

22:50

Labor Day weekend. Yeah, no no one from

22:52

orbit. I get fingered so I get Land

22:55

I land get a max and my lovely girlfriend's next

22:57

to me So the first text

22:59

I get on the very very top it out.

23:02

Hold on. It's gonna get real Crazy,

23:05

so just come with it So

23:07

is she looking at your phone? So we

23:09

are looking at where I think we're googling

23:11

something together like about we're going to how

23:14

Far it's gonna take to get to the There

23:17

should be yeah, it's face tracking on your phone

23:19

and not specifically for you because you don't need

23:21

this But like if you're a piece of shit

23:23

guy there should be like a like a face

23:25

tracker that knows when somebody you don't Like is

23:27

it like reading your phone with you? Yeah, I

23:29

know they have like screen protectors Those

23:32

work crazy. I'm saying like remember like being

23:34

on AOL back in the aim and you'd

23:36

write like POS

23:39

right parent of a shoulder yeah, and you know it

23:41

should be a girlfriend I go from out please anybody

23:43

don't say anything insane to me right now right I'm

23:45

a girl I hooked up with seven years ago is

23:48

now like I want your car. Can you like now?

23:51

Yeah, that do that. I'm in love in my

23:53

last religion that happened. I remember that yeah, I

23:55

remember horrible so ready for this So

23:58

the very first text in

24:00

the thing, it starts with, hey, last

24:02

night was really fun. And

24:06

we landed, let me

24:08

give you the timeline. It's gonna take a little bit, but

24:11

let me give you the timeline. So the night before, I

24:13

left at like 11 a.m. and

24:16

didn't come back till like eight or

24:18

like nine p.m. Cause I had

24:20

like editing and then I had shows, whatever.

24:23

So I left. So I wasn't going for- You were gone all

24:25

day before the show. I was gone all day. And night, you

24:27

know. So

24:29

it says, hey, last night was really fun. And then that was,

24:31

that's what you read. And you keep reading, you go, please be

24:34

a text from Joe Biden. So

24:36

hilarious. So she goes, what

24:39

was that? What was that text? And

24:42

I was like, I was like, oh, which one? I got nothing on how

24:44

to go, which one? Cause I didn't read it. And I like, I was

24:46

like, oh, this one. Touch it.

24:49

We're sitting next to each other. You ready for this text?

24:51

You ready? Everyone strap the fucking,

24:53

this is the beginning of the fucking trip

24:55

with our family. Hey,

24:57

last night was really fun. I haven't

25:00

had a first date go that well in a while. What

25:02

the fuck? Hold on, LOL. Would

25:06

love to hang out again soon. I'm

25:11

sitting there and she goes, Michael, Michael,

25:14

Michael, we just got

25:16

to make, what is this? And I go, I don't

25:18

know. I'm

25:20

in a full fucking panic. I

25:23

literally go, I literally go, I

25:25

literally go, I went to the

25:27

car dealership. I edited with Josh, the editor.

25:30

And I went to the fucking show. I

25:32

was like, I'll go, oh, it says last

25:34

night. I can show you the flyer that

25:36

I was on. And I can show you

25:38

that she took a picture of me on

25:40

stage on like her next Instagram slide. So

25:42

I bring that up. She goes, oh, okay.

25:44

And she goes, I go, I can, I

25:46

was like, what can I do? I go,

25:48

I go, oh, oh, I don't

25:51

know anything about directions, right? She goes, no. I

25:53

will show you everywhere I went. Oh,

25:55

my Google, like everywhere. I

25:58

was like, you can call Josh? You ever come

26:01

flipping out. Yeah flipping out right did you

26:03

guys have a text history? No, okay,

26:05

cuz I also I go I go I also go we

26:07

don't I was a look we don't have no text history

26:09

And she goes right, but you might have been just messaged

26:11

on an app and I was like

26:13

poof good point Good womaning.

26:16

I'm losing my fucking mind. Yeah,

26:18

I would not panic dude full

26:20

wizard text like green were

26:22

they fishing It

26:24

was it was yes. It's it's green but

26:28

I Don't know Hold

26:31

on people with androids have sex no,

26:34

but this person will actually know

26:36

where this goes So

26:38

what is text back? I'm in such a panic. I'm like,

26:40

you know, I like when you're about to get me fine

26:42

immediately So who the fuck is this? I'm also Mexico. I

26:45

got not great service. It's like a full thing, right? So

26:47

I'm like, you know, like when you're about to get in

26:49

a fight or just whatever like a little shaky I'm like,

26:51

I'm like, I'm like I literally go

26:53

take my phone look through everything Whatever

26:56

you want to do and then

26:58

I just I just mess it back. Who is this and

27:01

let me tell you something that 45

27:04

seconds to a minute before she's responding. I

27:07

am like I'm she we don't

27:09

even know if it's what we have no idea

27:11

What Russian government correct? We have no I'm literally

27:13

I'm in the plane Flipping

27:15

the fuck out thinking of anything I can

27:18

say to be like, oh my god, this

27:20

is not This is a

27:22

wrong number. I go. Who is this? Then

27:25

she goes ha ha ha this

27:27

is grace is This

27:30

not Jake question mark. I

27:33

got that text that was

27:35

the best text That

27:37

I ever received because it came up and

27:39

and then getting wrong numbers these days dog I

27:41

do not know but I sent

27:44

her this I go I go

27:46

no you almost ruined my life Oh,

27:48

and then I sent her a picture

27:50

of me and my girlfriend on the

27:52

flight like this Right,

27:55

and then so it gets a

27:57

little okay, she was wait

28:00

Wow, I'm so sorry. Guess the date was

28:02

only good for me. Wait,

28:04

wait, wait. She thought you're

28:06

still Jake? No, no, no, no, no. Let

28:08

me finish text. She goes, wait, wow, I'm

28:10

so sorry. Guess the date was only good

28:12

for me because this man definitely gave me

28:14

a fake number. Glad

28:16

I didn't ruin your life. Oh,

28:20

it got real sad. Well,

28:24

Jake, if you're listening. From State Farm,

28:26

hopefully bagged out. Now he knows your

28:28

number. Not good. Not

28:31

good at all. Who's giving fake numbers these days?

28:33

I do not know. Is that true? But then

28:35

my girlfriend got off the phone and she goes,

28:37

maybe his number starts with blank. That's

28:39

a common mistake, happens a bunch. And if

28:41

you are having a full blown podcast with

28:43

this lady. I wasn't taking my, the second.

28:46

Immediately my girlfriend felt bad. Are you saying

28:48

like, yeah, yeah, yeah. The second

28:50

the girl goes, oh, is this not Jake? I'm like, no.

28:53

Click five or kill yourself. I

28:56

mean, dude, I was so happy. That

28:59

text, we just felt bad. We felt

29:01

so bad. I just, I wouldn't

29:04

have thought it was a real person. I would have

29:06

been like, they're gonna ask me to vote in the 2024 election or

29:08

some shit. No, dude, the first date, love to

29:10

hang out again. And then this

29:13

response, wait, wow, I'm so sorry. Guess the date was only good

29:15

for me. No, send me her number, I don't give a shit.

29:17

There we go. Grace! You want it?

29:19

Hey, Grace, your presence with me. All

29:21

right. And then whatever. And then

29:23

the next one he goes, and if it

29:25

wasn't, I'm sorry, let me give you

29:28

more context. Maybe his number starts with blank. That's

29:30

a common mistake. Maybe it happens a bunch. And

29:32

if it wasn't, he's a piece of shit and

29:34

you deserve something better. This is, my girlfriend's texting

29:36

this girl now. Now they're like best friends. And

29:39

then she goes, unfortunately, I just

29:41

double checked the number he sent me over hinge

29:43

and it was this one. Sorry for this. He's

29:46

a piece of shit. Sad

29:49

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29:51

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29:54

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30:07

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30:09

dog Greta Garbo is Let me guess

30:12

captain America. She's huge and big and

30:14

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30:17

Chihuahua 52%

30:21

fat Maybe

30:23

or we get a slogan. Let's

30:26

just look we'll bring it up right now. I don't

30:28

I don't remember All right, cool. She hasn't seen a

30:30

lot of people do this online. Okay, I'll read it

30:32

off. So Gigi Oh a

30:34

very fetching mix of four breeds

30:36

and breeds that's pronounced breads. She's

30:39

fat 56%

30:41

Pomeranian. No what she's

30:44

not even a Mexican dog. What's first Pomerain? Doesn't

30:46

matter 25% Chihuahua

30:48

captain Gigi 10% poodle

30:51

small poodle Let's change that last word

30:53

fat and then 8% Datsun. That's how

30:55

you say Datsun That's

30:58

a wiener dog hot dog fat That's

31:02

how you spell dots in Yeah,

31:05

all right. So what are you what are your thoughts are you surprised?

31:09

The little part threw me off the little part

31:11

little part threw me off I think she's gonna

31:14

be dude. She's over half percent Pomeranian. Yeah, she

31:16

got a little bit of a curl in her

31:18

She got some high breed Entities,

31:20

you're right. Pomeranians have to has a squiggled

31:22

tails and she had to squiggly tails And

31:26

it's nice just to feel like you have a deeper connection

31:28

with your pup because you're like I know your background. I

31:30

know your history like I know what kind of stuff you

31:32

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31:34

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31:36

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31:38

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$50 today. But

32:13

let me tell you something, dude. That was the start of the

32:15

trip. That is tough

32:18

timing. Bro, I

32:20

don't know what my blood pressure was. It was a 14 over 9

32:22

billion. I was flipping out. It

32:26

was one of those things where I was like, Look at

32:28

everything. Here's my

32:30

laptop. Here's my phone. Here's my social security

32:33

number. Here's my Duolingo. So

32:36

the second she said that, is this not Jake

32:38

moment? Was everything like, Yeah,

32:41

well, she also she handled it. She,

32:44

me and my girlfriend, handed it very calmly because

32:46

she asked me, she's like, I don't need to

32:48

look at your phone. I don't need anything. She

32:50

goes, did you go on a date with someone last

32:53

night? And I was like, no. And

32:56

she goes, okay, okay. And right

32:58

then is when we got the text. But

33:00

she handled it honestly like

33:02

pretty calmly. Yeah, I think you

33:04

guys are pretty damn close and

33:06

she would know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

33:09

I mean, but like, dude, I

33:11

mean the start, because not only, it wasn't like an

33:13

R trip. The

33:15

family was there. Dude, it would have been

33:17

like, I

33:20

land and then I buy a flight home.

33:23

Yeah. If that was real. Well, the cartel would have

33:25

got you. Yeah. First of all,

33:28

what a cute name for a gang that kills

33:30

a ton of people. Cartel. The cartel. It sounds

33:32

like a coffee shop that'll pop up somewhere. Yeah,

33:36

it sounds like a Toyota. A Toyota cartel.

33:38

Whoa. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah. I like that.

33:40

$2.50 a month. You too

33:42

can have a Toyota cartel. Whoa. Yeah. There's

33:45

heads in the backseat. Wild.

33:50

I do that. What's crazy is that because your reaction

33:52

to this, right? The natural reaction of

33:54

the panic and the fear of it and the blood pressure, that

33:57

means that there is a guy older than

33:59

us went through this same

34:01

thing and just had a heart attack

34:03

and died and never got to probably like be

34:05

like no look I'm Telling the truth. Yeah, right.

34:07

Yeah. Yeah, someone died and then their partner just

34:10

thinks that you know They were cheating

34:12

on them. Well, that's a sign to always be loyal

34:14

because imagine if she goes like, okay

34:16

Maybe I do want to look through your phone and then there was

34:18

like a previous if you're a piece of shit There's like a previous

34:20

like okay. Well, you're not gonna text

34:22

from this but who's this new from four weeks

34:24

ago? This is mom. What's this fucking DM and

34:26

bubba bubba bubba? Yeah. Yeah I

34:28

gotta change your fucking your got your name

34:31

in my phone, dude Yeah, why cuz I

34:33

have his name in my phone is sex

34:37

What? When did I change

34:39

it? It was for filming video or something. Yeah, so long

34:41

ago, but I just left it in cuz I thought was

34:43

so funny That's so funny. Just be like on a business

34:45

call by Siri call sex Yeah,

34:47

I mean I do say that yeah, but

34:49

it comes up it like rings I get like

34:51

text from him like a lot just is like

34:53

I think I texted you daddy this morning too

34:55

from the number sex Yeah, and no

34:58

your girlfriend's never questioned that I think

35:00

she questioned it the very first time Yeah, this

35:02

is game like and then that's if somebody was

35:04

texting my girl sex I'd be like cool. Tell

35:06

me text me to three some 100% Eddie

35:09

or change the fucking net but the funny thing

35:11

is I always forget because it's so normal to

35:13

me right right right one time we were in

35:15

a car we were in Mexico with the

35:17

whole family in the car and God

35:20

what why did I pass? Go

35:23

I gave That's

35:25

always cool every single time pass go you pass 200 bucks. Where's that?

35:30

Every time I wake up on a Monday, here's 200 dollars.

35:32

Okay. What is that basic income? What do

35:34

they do with stimulus checks? They don't want that Stimulus

35:37

checks, bro. That was so Incredible

35:40

the government was buying our love What

35:43

were they or were they like trying to

35:45

save the banks? I don't know But I feel like

35:47

every time we pay taxes all of a sudden like

35:49

the stimulus check was no more than a tax return

35:51

Mentally in my head. I'm like, oh we've already paid

35:53

money to the guy you can have a little bit

35:55

back I'm like, thank you, sir. Shut

35:58

the hell up. Why why? No,

38:00

no, no, it's like a picture that I took. I'm

38:03

fudging this, but the point is, I

38:05

was passing the phone, I had to show everyone the picture. And

38:09

getting back to Gabe's, in my phone, was sex.

38:12

So the dad's looking at the picture, and

38:15

he's in the front, and me and my girlfriend are

38:17

all in the back of the fucking van.

38:21

And I get the phone back, and

38:24

it's on the texts,

38:26

which didn't start like that, and

38:28

the first text was Gabe,

38:31

it said sex, and then you know

38:34

how when you get a new text, it's a little

38:36

green dot next to it, to let you know? The

38:38

green dot was, so the blue dot, the blue dot

38:40

was gone. He was tapping through sex? So I'm

38:42

like, fuck, I started being like, oh my god, dude,

38:44

now I gotta explain this shit. And I told my

38:46

girlfriend, she was like, no, he wasn't looking, he didn't

38:48

have his glasses on, he

38:51

was just fucking around, whatever. Tapped out. Tapped

38:53

out, dude. Tapped. Tapped. You

38:56

know when you get your dad a phone, and

38:59

he starts doing the glasses, and he says

39:01

readjusting the focal lengths? Yeah. Are you racking

39:03

focus up there, bro? You're like. That's

39:07

all doing glasses, changing on your nose, is

39:09

different focal lengths. He's racking focus. Those were,

39:11

what are they called? Bro's got a Sony

39:13

on his face. He's

39:16

got an FX, what are they called?

39:18

Bifocals. Bifocals. You know those trifocals? Bro.

39:20

What the hell? Close, media.

39:22

Bicycles? What? Huh?

39:26

My dentist used to wear these glasses that were like

39:28

those real thick glasses that make your eyes super big,

39:30

but then on top of those, there would be like,

39:32

two more lenses, so it looked like a pyramid of

39:34

glasses. Some people wear glasses so thick that when you

39:36

look at them, their head looks like it has fucking

39:38

ozempic on the side of their head. It's all like,

39:40

thin, when you look through the glasses.

39:42

Yeah. And it like, deforms their face.

39:44

The ozempic. People with glasses always wanna, oh, those are

39:46

hard. Those stinks. People with glasses always wanna be like,

39:48

you wanna wear them? No, I'm okay. I don't need

39:50

to see how shitty your vision is. Yeah,

39:53

it's like these motherfuckers, like, that's crazy. I'm aware

39:55

of that while going down on a woman. Yeah.

39:58

He looks like he's got a GoPro on there too. Sus. Do

40:00

dentists in general, suss to me? Why would I

40:02

play in my mouth, bitch? I had a dentist ask

40:05

me if I wanted to collab. What the fuck does that even

40:07

mean? Not everybody needs to be an

40:09

influencer. I don't know what to do

40:11

with this information, but not... What are we gonna

40:13

collab on? Teeth! It's not a collab, though. There's

40:15

so many fucking influencers you see, like, blah blah

40:17

blah, white in my teeth. Yeah, pay for it.

40:20

You have millions of dollars, and you're like,

40:22

Thank you so much to Dr. So-and-so for

40:24

$100. Pay

40:26

for it. Get dental insurance! I don't understand. $2!

40:29

You're gonna shout a man out! Here's

40:31

the thing, man. I really think these people

40:33

with a lot of followers sometimes don't make any money. For

40:38

the bad with the money, or whatever the fuck. But there's all...

40:40

The people that I've seen do it are like big influencers. Oh,

40:42

oh, right, right, right. They could have

40:44

a gambling problem. Isn't that funny? They're

40:46

making all this money, and they go, Cool, all on the Buffalo

40:48

Bills. For what? Yeah.

40:51

Your whole house? Yeah. On

40:53

the Bills? I've never been a big gambler,

40:55

you? No. It doesn't... You know,

40:58

gambling's not for me, because a considerable

41:00

win is when you break even. All

41:03

that fucking sweat and anxiety, my dick's

41:05

out, my heart's beating. Dude,

41:07

I went to a charity poker

41:09

thing, casino thing. It

41:12

was for charity. I

41:14

was playing, and it's not

41:16

real money. Losing my

41:18

mind. My heart's beating. You're just

41:20

a competitive man. Yeah, it's not okay. Dude,

41:22

I played golf in a Cabo. You

41:26

and the dad or the lady? Me?

41:28

Everyone went. It was actually really fun. Whoa. Everyone

41:31

went. But through seven holes, having the best time

41:33

of my life, play rental clubs, I

41:35

was giving myself a... You know, it's fine. I'm playing

41:37

okay, but whatever. Last two holes or

41:39

something, something happened. My competitive fucking took

41:42

over. Furious. With the dad,

41:44

mom, sister, girlfriend. Really? Are you throwing

41:46

clubs? I want to. I'm not cussing,

41:48

but I'm getting... You're

41:50

getting quiet. You know me well enough that if

41:52

I'm quiet, I ain't doing good. Yeah, don't go

41:54

by a school. So

42:00

you weren't Mexico all weekend. Yeah any

42:02

any other cool shit pop off good

42:04

food dude food Good

42:07

food was great See

42:16

see Dude

42:19

it was we stated this this really

42:21

nice like resort place. Yes, sir. That

42:24

was Probably not. I mean

42:26

not even I wouldn't say probably the nicest place

42:28

ever say in my life I didn't is on

42:30

the parents. I didn't I wasn't involved in picking

42:32

this at all But it was a it was

42:34

really beautiful man. I had on the beach. Oh,

42:36

dude It had this yeah massive infinity pool right

42:38

to the right to the beach. It was crazy

42:41

It was insane the infinity pool water looks at the beach and

42:43

he's like man. I want to be free I

42:46

don't think so. I think it looks I'm like

42:48

bitch. There's jellyfish in there. I made it Yeah,

42:50

but here's that thing also. Would you rather have

42:52

jellyfish are people from Cincinnati in you? Pick

42:54

it pick a lot

42:57

of pee in the pool, too. Oh, oh I peed

42:59

in that So so how long

43:01

you out there three nights for oh,

43:03

yeah, that's a proper vacay Oh, it was

43:05

a proper one. You do a little booze

43:07

in oh boy. Did I super cool close

43:10

to the family? That's Cal whoa. I love

43:12

mezcal. Oh mezcal. I'm a mezcal boy and

43:14

mezcal fucking Mexico dude They had like mezcal

43:16

bars everywhere. Oh, oh so

43:18

good delicious. You do anything crazy?

43:21

skydiving Really

43:24

we just hang it. We kept it. We just fucking

43:26

literally I mean it was my favorite type of vacation

43:28

doing nothing Just like hanging by the pool

43:30

going in the ocean Sun

43:33

panning fucking eating great food boozing

43:35

a bit with like our

43:37

own where we stayed We had our own

43:39

like private like a pool and and what

43:41

is it called jacuzzi? Whatever that was like

43:44

really cool to do that kind of a

43:46

nice. Um, yeah, it was stood it was

43:48

really really nice. Oh It's

43:51

great. It was really great to like like I

43:53

knew the family we talked a bunch had a

43:55

lot of great time But but doing a vacation

43:57

like that like that like close and like oh,

43:59

yeah You

1:08:01

know, we're gonna get there, we're gonna eat, and then we're just gonna

1:08:03

like, I already knew what was going on.

1:08:06

It's like when a club's like, hey, get here at 1 p.m. for

1:08:08

seven o'clock show. Well, what time is the show

1:08:10

at? Seven? Cool, I'll be there at five. I

1:08:13

knew the riff. Cause he was like, we're all getting there

1:08:15

at 10, cause the bus was taking them. Cause

1:08:17

the bus was taking the guys and the girls at the same time. They're

1:08:21

like, we're getting there at 10, whatever. You

1:08:23

just need to be here, realistically by one. I was like,

1:08:25

cool, I'm finna sleep. Yeah, I'm gonna be there at one

1:08:27

o'clock. I'll be there at one. I showed up, I ate

1:08:29

a Jersey Mike sandwich, and I shut the hell up. It's

1:08:32

probably why I haven't talked to him yet. But

1:08:35

what a piece of shit guy this is. I mean,

1:08:37

that's a piece of shit, dude. Like, do you think

1:08:39

that he did it, do you think he just got

1:08:41

caught up in the moment? Yeah,

1:08:45

but like, I don't

1:08:48

even know. I'm not

1:08:50

defending him, he's a piece of, like this is

1:08:52

not the move. Like, you know. this

1:08:55

type of behavior. Yeah, yeah, his name's cool. I also

1:08:57

think that like, like if

1:08:59

this is, even if he got caught up in

1:09:01

the moment, you can't get caught up in the

1:09:03

moment like this. That means like his personality's just

1:09:05

not wired properly. It doesn't seem like they're ready

1:09:07

to get married. Like on his fucking, yeah, on

1:09:09

his wife. It looks like he

1:09:11

posted a story that says, day one of my honeymoon,

1:09:13

I'm getting canceled on the internet for having pho on

1:09:15

my wife, and it's them two smiling. So I don't

1:09:17

think she cared. I think they're both yet. She cared,

1:09:19

dog. Can we see that

1:09:21

photo? I think it's a forgivable thing. I just think

1:09:23

it's like crazy. What kind of sucks is that's a

1:09:25

highlight of the wedding now. Isn't it

1:09:28

like the beginning, the cut cake thing part? Whatever the

1:09:30

fuck. Is it the beginning? She used to

1:09:32

be like, cut co? But she has to be like, yeah,

1:09:34

yeah, well, there's still a lot after this. But

1:09:37

it is just a weird, like, cause they're going to

1:09:39

be telling you about the wedding in three years or

1:09:41

something. How was your guys wedding? Well, Mr. Viral over

1:09:43

here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You ever see the guys that

1:09:45

like, slapped the cake in their faces too hard? Yes.

1:09:48

Like, it's kind of like that. Yeah, yeah. I

1:09:50

mean, that guy definitely doesn't do right stuff. That

1:09:53

was a good time. I don't know. Look

1:09:55

at her body language. He's like, oh, we're cool. I don't

1:09:57

know if they're cool. Yeah. Cause he's always,

1:09:59

yeah. She looks like she's like forced in there.

1:10:01

She looks very like this is her wedding weekend.

1:10:04

She's very she looks done up She looks pretty

1:10:06

the guy looks like he just rolled out of

1:10:08

bed and went go Tampa Bay and then just

1:10:10

went about like look At that tattoo someone zoom

1:10:12

in what is that? The

1:10:15

problem is they're in fucking Italy bitch I flew

1:10:17

to Italy and you go on Steve Aoki on

1:10:19

your wife. Give me my money back. I Mean,

1:10:23

what does that say? Oh, that's the fucking champagne

1:10:25

honeymoon day two more champagne. This guy is actually

1:10:27

gonna funny This guy is crushing. I

1:10:30

mean someone is wealthy as a what's the

1:10:32

ground regard? Is that it? Emme

1:10:36

Oh, oh his name is Cole. Oh, it's

1:10:38

a riffing Bro to

1:10:41

lead his account In

1:10:43

Italy with no Instagram Wow,

1:10:47

dude, holy shit, I mean listen

1:10:49

if that's there here we go

1:10:52

big word dichotomy sure Yeah,

1:10:54

I heard it once if that's how they usually

1:10:56

act then fine But it's just fucking I don't know read

1:10:58

the room if you want to hear one person go. Oh,

1:11:00

I would look me I'm so sorry. Yeah but

1:11:04

if if it's there like no

1:11:06

if they're normally silly whatever and

1:11:09

But I that that just like goes above silliness

1:11:11

and you ruined her like makeup and

1:11:13

dress. Yeah The

1:11:15

after party and everything. Yeah, this is like shipping

1:11:17

the entire time Sticky give

1:11:20

it sticky hugs 10 grand on a

1:11:22

fucking dress minimum and

1:11:24

then someone's a loaded in that Yeah, it's gonna be

1:11:26

italy and Dom Perri on it or fucked. What is

1:11:28

this when they take you? More

1:11:33

of a piece of shit this guy I

1:11:39

don't like weddings. What is this what's

1:11:41

happening? Oh, oh shit? I Weddings

1:11:49

are such a beautiful moment. Everybody's fucking hammered

1:11:51

though Yeah, you forget people are shit face

1:11:53

shit face dude all the grooms are not

1:11:55

that wedding I was just talking about like

1:11:57

when you're just leaving us in a row

1:12:00

One guy has like a nice bottle

1:12:02

of Johnny Walker. It's fucking blue label

1:12:04

cool you vote No,

1:12:07

you got a nice bottle. It's like what do you think is

1:12:09

gonna happen? You leave a bunch of fucking guys in the corner

1:12:11

to get hammered these guys are shitfaced

1:12:13

Well, how is that fun? It because

1:12:15

they're bored How is

1:12:17

that fun when the wedding is also

1:12:20

13 minutes beforehand 13 everybody's hammered I

1:12:22

do and then I show up Cool

1:12:25

Give me a zoom wig come there No,

1:12:28

I don't know. I don't know either man, but

1:12:30

like Like that guy in the

1:12:32

video is clearly black that like, you know those guys that

1:12:34

like every wedding I've been to there's been one guy who

1:12:36

goes and gets too drunk. You're like, yeah, what are you

1:12:38

doing? What are you doing?

1:12:41

I don't know There's a thin line between like the fun

1:12:43

guy and the guy who's to him there was a guy

1:12:45

I went to one in Deep

1:12:47

NorCal and it was in the barn outside. There was

1:12:49

a guy literally passed out in the dirt and People

1:12:53

at first was starting to care for him. Then they're like man. We

1:12:55

don't care. Yeah You're

1:12:57

fucking wedding dude in the dirt blacked

1:12:59

out like oh dude, how's your week? Oh, I blacked

1:13:01

out enough Is that a flex for this guy? Yes,

1:13:04

I blacked out in the dirt at a wedding

1:13:06

Oh, man, I tell my life. Oh cool lot

1:13:08

of fire ants check this out of my calf

1:13:10

100% 100%

1:13:13

but that's just crazy. It's like the Be

1:13:15

at a wedding be like time to turn this

1:13:17

bitch into EDC. I'm going full

1:13:19

splash house on this bitch I'm

1:13:21

gonna have a wedding no alcohol I'm

1:13:25

not going only shrooms. Oh,

1:13:28

that's fun. Yeah little mixy mix. Yeah little

1:13:30

shrooms. That's it I think I

1:13:32

don't know. I just the people that would be

1:13:34

there that are getting blackout drunk to the point.

1:13:36

They can't remember How

1:13:39

does I'm gonna have a I'm have a little rule. I'm

1:13:41

saying do you guys see these Navy SEALs around here? You

1:13:43

go too drunk. You're getting kicked out By

1:13:46

a never have fun. Yep. I'm hiring ex

1:13:48

Navy SEALs give him a gun Okay

1:13:53

Crazy I would be The

1:13:56

only thing I get sand on like if I was him

1:13:58

I'd be like dude. I was I was a little I

1:14:00

was so excited to marry you. I just got caught up

1:14:02

in the moment. I'm so sorry blah blah blah blah and

1:14:04

then it's over Oh, but if the girl

1:14:07

I mean literally I showed my girlfriend

1:14:09

this and she was like literally I would fucking

1:14:11

laugh because it's fun In front of everyone and

1:14:13

I would never marry this person Great

1:14:18

I mean it's insane Yeah,

1:14:20

you're gonna have kids with Cole No,

1:14:24

that's why he looks like this parkour for a living by the way

1:14:27

Yeah, but like an indoor version of it I

1:14:32

Think that's just who he is the person and

1:14:34

she seems very grounded. They're kind of yang and

1:14:36

yang. He's the wild goofy guy He's

1:14:38

crazy. I'm gonna go play fucking

1:14:41

frisbee with the boys. He's doing

1:14:43

fentanyl What's

1:14:46

that shit called is it is it ziplining no slack

1:14:48

lining where you put the That's

1:14:52

what he does yeah, he had this

1:14:54

spiked hair which was like a little sweaty looks like

1:14:56

he just rolled He looks a good time beyond. Yeah,

1:14:58

he doesn't go to come his he also looks like

1:15:00

he's dead own Xerox Yeah, I gotta

1:15:02

say though. I don't love the it's a and

1:15:04

I know this is a very popular look I'm

1:15:06

gonna get shit on for this the fucking Gucci

1:15:09

shoes with the no socks and the short pants

1:15:11

now. That's gotta go Yeah, that's gotta

1:15:13

go That's good. I mean

1:15:15

that is that's just a sign. Yeah Ankles

1:15:18

out on the wedding day. I'm in

1:15:22

I Don't know I Don't

1:15:25

either um do you guys wonder a secret sock?

1:15:27

Let's do it. I would love to an anonymous

1:15:29

submission Let's do it. Let's do it. I'm anonymous.

1:15:31

You know we're talking about love here. Yes this

1:15:33

one Michael psychic story reminded me

1:15:35

of when I was 20 years old and I went

1:15:38

to a psychic for a first date an Hour

1:15:40

before the date I went into the

1:15:42

psychic and explained to them. What was up? I

1:15:45

slipped her a hundred dollar bill and said to make

1:15:47

it seem like I was the right guy for this

1:15:49

girl This is happy together

1:15:52

crazy fast-forward five years later. We're

1:15:54

engaged Cole

1:15:57

yeah, wait is this fucked is

1:15:59

this like Manipulating you're like Yes,

1:16:03

that's crazy starting a relationship on like

1:16:05

literally of a

1:16:07

slice of fantasy Oh my god,

1:16:10

this is crazy. It's also genius. It's

1:16:12

just always like wow I can't believe you're

1:16:14

sitting next to the perfect man. You met

1:16:16

four minutes ago on Christian Mingle. No, dude

1:16:18

This is this is cool for like the

1:16:20

talented mr. Ripley Someone

1:16:22

laughed at seeing a movie. I'm good Fuck

1:16:25

yeah, he's a very like using it

1:16:27

Jack My brother keeps recommending

1:16:29

it to me. He's just like he's

1:16:31

somebody in the Facebook real comments will

1:16:33

see no He's like a master manipulator.

1:16:35

That's crazy. I mean, it's like smart and

1:16:37

it's something like young 20s I would definitely

1:16:39

do it, but I would do it and

1:16:42

then I would tell her at the

1:16:44

dinner Like I'm like you gotta

1:16:46

write it out No, but then but then you're writing on a

1:16:48

lie now It'd be funny to do it at some point because

1:16:50

now it's you're gonna be 50 years old in there You're like,

1:16:53

well, what's the story of how you two met and then she's

1:16:55

gonna be like Oh, well we went to a psychic and just

1:16:57

in the fucking pit of your stomach. You're gonna be like fuck

1:16:59

Yeah, and that's what we're gonna say his name. Go ahead It

1:17:02

was a guy or girl that did this actually

1:17:04

we don't get to see on on discord

1:17:06

The way that the anonymous works is there's

1:17:09

no no names attached. So that's it's insane

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