0:00

When you buy Kroger brand products,

0:02

you feel like you're winning. That's

0:05

because they offer proven quality at lower

0:07

than low prices. In

0:09

fact, we guarantee that you and

0:11

your family will love how Kroger brand

0:13

products taste. Or you get your money back.

0:16

So next time you're shopping for the

0:18

family, look for delicious Kroger brand

0:21

products. Because they'll make you all

0:23

feel like you're winning. Shop now,

0:25

in store or online. Kroger.

0:28

Fresh for everyone. Stay farm and DJ Dramos

0:30

from Life as a Gringo. Know that getting

0:32

your money right brings freedom, empowerment, and future

0:35

success. The mindset work that it takes to

0:37

retrain your brain to believe that you are

0:39

someone who can obtain anything you want financially

0:42

and hit all of those financial goals. And

0:44

that the only thing holding you back is

0:46

yourself. I love how she talks about

0:48

just demanding how much you believe you're worth, how much you

0:50

want to make, and how you have to make that declaration.

0:54

Like a good neighbor, Stay Farm is there.

0:56

Like the internet is the auto

0:58

bond right now. It is so fast.

1:00

And here I am, like little sketch

1:02

comedy, they're like, you think you can

1:04

compete with sketch comedy when we are

1:06

hock-tooing on strangers in Tennessee? Dude,

1:10

I'm back from Florida 10 days. Too

1:13

long! Both of us low-key rejuvenated. I went

1:15

on vacation, you haven't been touring? I haven't

1:17

been touring. I feel crazy. Dude, it's insane

1:20

when you don't get on a plane every

1:22

three days. The world doesn't want me this

1:24

powerful. When I'm well rested, bro,

1:27

the first show back after vacation, because

1:29

I did Miami Key West vacation

1:32

and then shows Miami after, I was

1:34

like, oh, huh? Like my brain

1:36

was so clear. Yes, firing. On all

1:39

cylinders. I don't get it. What is a

1:41

plane? What is a

1:44

plane? A guy who definitely was behind

1:46

9-11. Two

1:48

buildings. What a plane. Why

1:51

does it make you feel like shit? I

1:54

don't know. All you're doing is

1:56

sitting down. I think it's the pressure, it's the

1:58

lighting and the color of the carpet. Two

2:03

things what a lot of things. Oh, I haven't seen

2:05

you like ten days. I miss you. Well, I miss

2:07

you, too How

2:11

do you feel about her she's fine you're

2:13

lying oh My

2:15

god, yeah, dude. She just had this like

2:18

perfect like her like glowing

2:20

skin and yeah, she just

2:23

I've never fallen in love in less than like five words.

2:25

I think you gotta give him that hot You

2:27

know what it is though is she looks

2:30

she looks like she wouldn't say that she you

2:32

know yeah Some

2:35

she looks like she makes a door kind of a sweet

2:37

tea. Oh I literally have no

2:39

idea what you don't play it listen I didn't know

2:41

what it was and then I saw

2:43

one meme about I was like I don't get it and

2:45

then my horns higher whole flooded a guy showed up to

2:47

my show Wearing a shirt from

2:49

this really shit happened like three days

2:52

ago. I mean, that's how

2:54

that's how quick people get merch out Oh

2:56

making money, okay You

3:10

get me and the cute little laugh Dichotomy

3:20

of Someone being like two weeks off

3:23

you start saying dichotomy buddy. I'm I feel

3:25

my brain I feel like I took that

3:27

way the alphabet backwards Z H E a

3:29

D head Amsterdam

3:33

remember that but but Like

3:38

dichotomy dichotomy oh between Between

3:40

that like cuz she doesn't

3:42

look like she would say that she doesn't look

3:45

like she would give head like a Octopus,

3:47

but guess what she does Where

3:50

what's her backstory? No,

3:53

so apparently I mean the internet is just like

3:55

there's like this massive lore around her yeah dichotomy

4:00

we're getting there there's there's a vasectomy can

4:02

I use that word is that a big

4:04

word yeah kapoftiny yeah so they're

4:06

trying to find her Instagram apparently she went

4:09

private and from what I've seen from

4:11

doing my own research research oh right she

4:13

is yes not on there she was

4:15

a kindergarten teacher got fired for this no

4:17

but no don't know me dude if

4:19

she open if she opened up an OF

4:22

which stands for where's my father

4:24

she would make so much fucking money doing

4:26

one video going hawk to it and spit

4:28

like a like dude imagine a Skittle spit

4:30

and then it like spat down I mean

4:32

we're talking what 7mm bad baby dropped

4:39

one and got like 50 million dollars I yeah

4:41

and she went on dr. Phil she

4:43

needs to do it right now what do you what

4:45

are you doing the situation you're hawk to a girl

4:47

you and you're going viral also that guy who's interviewing

4:49

is probably running around the streets just

4:51

being like everyone yeah what's it

4:54

about yeah what about how to just say

4:56

it again I don't do it there's gonna

4:58

be so many because of interviews like this

5:00

there's gonna be there's already a lot in

5:02

like Austin there's gonna be so many of

5:04

these guys with fucking ring cameras and these

5:06

wireless mics running around but uh

5:08

what's one thing that'll make a man

5:10

go crazy and it's like we're gonna

5:12

Barnes and Nobles put a

5:14

dictionary in my ass and call the Tuesday people

5:16

go to bookstores people who watch porn

5:19

yeah in a bookstore you do

5:21

libraries are there well libraries oh boy but I'm saying

5:23

a library different different do you think a book on

5:25

a library do you think it's a different do you

5:28

think yeah it's different all you have to do is

5:30

pay for it one's what is one's owned yeah

5:32

you do lease it well you don't

5:35

libraries are free money the government well

5:37

yeah they're funded why

5:39

are we funding libraries I don't know the Koch

5:41

brothers we're funding libraries because it's

5:43

good for America is

5:46

it America's been pretty not great the

5:48

last I don't know decade because I

5:50

don't think anyone's going to libraries we

5:52

got to go to more libraries well

5:54

you go to a library again library

5:57

there you go did I say library

5:59

yeah I'd like to like that Library,

6:01

how do you say it library library?

6:03

Yeah. Yeah library is a hot word

6:05

cuz when it here's the Mater

6:07

librarian. Yep, but here's an all-america. It's

6:09

my zodiac sign it is When

6:15

we say Here's

6:21

we say library no one here

6:23

thinks of books first Yeah,

6:26

that's true. Yeah, you think of books what the fuck you think

6:28

of in a library porn immediately

6:32

You don't have a point. Yeah, I say library Library

6:35

and I think of woman with

6:37

glasses and a ponytail trying

6:40

to not give books head Yeah,

6:43

you're light years ahead of me. Really? I don't

6:45

think I think about guys jerking off at a

6:47

library Yeah, but you don't think of books first.

6:50

I definitely a books first really you

6:52

think books first I think I think

6:54

we smell yeah. Yeah smell books are

6:56

warm libraries are the warm the room

6:58

temp. Yeah There's room

7:00

temperature water good. No cold. Where are you

7:03

at cold or warm cold cold? What are

7:05

you here? Here's the problem though. Sometimes you

7:07

go cool too cold. I

7:09

don't know what that temperature is, but it goes

7:11

too cold I like cold no ice But

7:14

but sometimes it's too cold When

7:17

it's a real close to ice chewing gum and then you have

7:19

water You do

7:21

you brush your teeth and you have water your

7:23

mouth is like stop it my mouth is a

7:26

brutal filter It's a but what is that? It

7:29

opens up like I don't capillaries What

7:32

I say, where are you pulling these from? I

7:34

went to the library Did

7:37

you know? All right, I

7:39

thought about it. I've talked about the part that I've never told me anything

7:42

You literally never told me no one I went to the I

7:44

went to the library and some dude was jerking off to me

7:47

To you. Yes, Michael bitch Michael. I told

7:49

I swear it's getting bad No, it's not

7:51

to take you to a cause of permanent

7:53

a me like check him for a demand

7:55

cause a permanent They honestly sounds tasty It

7:59

sounds like a really fun God's a pro bonante? God's

8:01

a really good plantainose. Dude, I had so many fucking

8:03

plantains in Miami. Dude, plantains?

8:05

Fuck. Dude, the Miami

8:08

shows were also unreal. Fuck

8:10

shows? How was the ass? Good.

8:14

I got a Hawk Tour myself and

8:16

she even said Hawk Tour. No. Wait,

8:19

I swear to God. Why the fuck? We

8:22

talk about libraries and fucking cacophonies. We

8:24

were getting Hawk Tour in Miami. I

8:27

don't. No, it

8:29

happened and she was like, oh, for the meme. And I

8:32

was like, yes. For the

8:34

meme. Take this and put it

8:36

vertical. And

8:41

make it fun so you can post it. What?

8:43

All right. She's

8:46

in it for the meme and she Hawk Tour. Yeah. Okay.

8:50

Funny. First of all, Hawk Tour

8:52

sounds like a really talented safety in football. Yeah.

8:55

Oh, what a tackle by Hawk Tour. Oh,

8:57

yeah. Probably played at BYU. Like a Polynesian?

8:59

Yeah, played at BYU, jacked. I'm thinking he

9:01

played, he was a Polynesian, played at like,

9:03

what is it? Hawaii University. Right.

9:05

He grew up in Hawaii, played for BYU.

9:07

Yes, sir. You know what I mean? Yeah.

9:11

Yeah, no, he sounds very talented. Yeah. Sorry.

9:14

And he's got really like great flowing hair. Good, toy Palomalo hair. That's

9:16

what I'm... That was a good hit right there. That was a

9:18

good hit. Someone Hawk Tour my face. You could do that. You

9:21

have a girlfriend. You could fully be in Hawk

9:23

Tour land. Dude, I'd be spitting. Yeah. Did

9:26

you see that at Dinosaur and Jurassic Park? Nope.

9:29

That one goes, pew. The O.D. Hawk Tour.

9:31

Yeah. He spits acid though.

9:34

Not good. No, not good. Don't want that on

9:36

the PP. No.

9:40

What are you doing if you're this girl? Your shit

9:42

is going off online. Yeah. You're

9:45

allegedly maybe a kindergarten teacher who got fired for this.

9:48

Yeah. What are you doing? Are

9:50

you opening up the Instagram? Are you fucking running up

9:52

the OF? Or are you just pretending it doesn't happen?

9:54

Because realistically in two months, there's going

9:56

to be a new fucking... There's going to be some guy

9:58

be like, you got to give him... For

16:00

a limited time only get 20% off

16:02

your first order and a free THCA

16:05

Pre-roll just go to hello mood comm

16:08

use promo code socks. That is hello

16:10

mood Mood comm

16:12

promo code socks for 20% off your

16:15

order and a free THCA pre-roll

16:20

You know, I see two sides to this

16:23

go ahead because It's

16:26

kind of a fucked up situation to put somebody in

16:28

like that for sure because if if she does go

16:30

the route of like All right. I'm gonna use this

16:32

I'm gonna open up my Instagram account blow up my

16:35

account Yeah, I'm now I'm an influencer or I'm a

16:37

content creator this or that then like three years But

16:39

bro, you fucking fell off like she's a hot tool

16:41

girl. This is what I say Well, I got a

16:43

good idea. So sorry, so she can't do any wrong

16:46

But if but then if she does nothing at all,

16:48

then she just can kind of like go back to life slowly

16:51

You know like it's yeah, you either capitalize on it and

16:53

then it years later back everyone's like, oh you're the boy

16:56

It's like she didn't want to do

16:58

this. She was buzzed like you said Yeah, then if

17:00

she doesn't do anything she gets five from job and

17:02

then slowly picks back her life up I don't know.

17:04

And then it doesn't matter. Yeah, I was just gonna

17:06

say I think the that girl in

17:08

the plane The you're not real girl and the

17:10

hawk to a I say in person. I think

17:12

they go on pay-per-view and they fight Yeah,

17:15

and oilers girl has the sign

17:17

the side the route I mean

17:19

legit that would get that would

17:22

get easily a hundred thousand pay-per-views

17:24

easily what maybe more honestly What's

17:28

a great idea? Yeah, I'm only the same woman

17:31

they look alike. I think they're just both

17:33

white crisis actors well

17:37

No, they do look alike. They literally you

17:39

become Jack I Know

17:43

man. Yeah, it's I

17:45

don't know if I saw the original video. It

17:47

just got ripped so much out everywhere online Yeah,

17:50

I like sports people like Bryce Harper fucking baseball

17:52

superstar I know there's no superstars baseball But is

17:54

that you in the hawk to a like at

17:56

a game after hitting like a double and shit

17:59

like that's Hold on can we

18:01

put this in perspective? He's doing the hot

18:03

to her. I would I would say for

18:05

him. He's hot No super hot, but like

18:07

it it's a what like

18:10

Yeah, go ahead Is

18:14

that it that's a hawk to What

18:17

does that mean? Hawk to is that it? Here's

18:22

what's scary about the internet right now dude

18:25

virality is the fastest I think it's ever

18:27

been sketch boom pop it everywhere Now

18:30

it's you know and now hot to go

18:32

everywhere motherfucking You

18:38

get this massive massive pop and then you maintain

18:40

from that yeah But like I

18:42

feel like this year alone people's like

18:44

it's like it's so viral viral on to

18:46

the next Well on to the next yeah,

18:49

it's fucking terrifying Yeah, I know

18:51

that it's kind of the natural progression right though cuz

18:53

like we talked about we talked about a lot where

18:55

it's like Okay, YouTube like long for him and now

18:57

okay tick-tock It's short for him and people's attention spans

18:59

are just getting shorter and shorter and like it fucking

19:01

gypsy rose Yeah, she had like a TV show but

19:03

millions and millions of followers of use immediately and not

19:05

people are like Oh, it's like what the hawk to

19:07

it like it's I don't think it's ever been faster

19:09

than it has been right now Yeah, I think it

19:11

all it is is yes But also it's like

19:13

you need the talent to be able to maintain

19:15

it's like these people Never really

19:18

asked for any of this they picked their heads up and

19:20

they're always on like why are people give a fuck so

19:22

much? Like we for

19:24

the like, you know, we create content

19:26

in hopes of this So

19:28

we're like prepared because we took years of

19:30

yeah doing it Yeah, but they're just like

19:33

in an Orleans Street Hawk too and all of a

19:35

sudden is like what is happening now? Listen your life

19:37

is different because because the internet's like you're the girl.

19:39

It's like what no, I was drunk I was drunk

19:42

and I'm by the way, allegedly I have no idea if she's

19:44

drunk at all, but like Michael

19:47

you you think she's walking around Broadway

19:49

in Nashville sober in the first place

19:51

She's a guy with a video Video

19:55

camera cheese an iPhone and a goddamn.

19:57

That's the future. This is all the content people

20:00

It's interviews on the street. It's fucking If

20:04

your ass could sing a song what would

20:06

it be? Happy birthday if you're asking a

20:08

song what would it be? When the lights

20:11

go down in the

20:13

city That's good. I don't know. I

20:15

don't even know that song. What? I thought you'd

20:17

say when the lights Has

20:20

come that's not a song. What's the song I'm singing? You don't

20:22

know Journey? Is that Journey right? I have no idea what either

20:24

of you. What the fuck? When

20:26

the lights Thought

20:28

damn, I don't know This

20:35

journey like yes song am I singing Wow,

20:37

do you know music? Yeah, I know music

20:39

way better than movies Bro,

20:42

I see no music so fucking well grown up when

20:45

the lights When

20:49

because growing up I used to play I

20:51

used to play Grand Theft Auto and all

20:53

the radio stations would be like oh My

20:56

ex is and then I'd be singing that walking

20:58

around the house my mom big. How do you

21:00

know that song? Grand Theft

21:03

Auto radio that is really interesting.

21:05

Why how white so country, huh?

21:08

What? Everybody's own country everyone.

21:10

I mean it is what I'm saying trends feel

21:12

faster than ever shaboosie Taking off with a song

21:14

tipsy everybody's doing country hak tua Do you know

21:16

many people are gonna be in Nashville like influencer

21:19

like guys and girls that are gonna be like

21:21

looking for those camera guys? He'd be like you

21:24

gotta give him that rubber ducky quack

21:26

quack You know like like everybody's gonna

21:28

be like the next the next versions

21:30

is that dude like famous people? How

21:32

pisses I got interviewing why I think he's

21:34

fucking so happy right, but but he's like

21:36

man. What about me? Oh right

21:38

what about me also? I think her friend is probably upset to

21:40

the one of the back. I was like laughing She did heated

21:43

did she did she give an answer Yeah,

21:45

but yeah You

21:48

gotta give him that handy Mcmandy What

21:51

what is you know it's also crazy is I'm just thinking about

21:53

this the hot to it like that was

21:55

maybe and I'm guessing like sort of like

21:57

an inside joke maybe with her friends and

38:00

Yeah, like it's it feels

38:03

I don't know how to describe is the post not regret. Oh,

38:05

no fucking all It's still so hot to me.

38:08

You don't see a tail on the side of

38:10

the bed I know dude no because it's so

38:12

hot to me. What do you think? I gotta

38:14

go to community college. I don't know Well,

38:17

yeah, it's true. It's hot to me. It's hot to

38:19

me sober. It's not to me dirty sex having me

38:22

after sex Yeah, yeah, have you put it in yet?

38:24

I want to I want

38:26

to dude Someone gave me a fan gave

38:28

me like a beginner butt plug system What's

38:30

like a small one medium one big one

38:32

they gave you that yeah one type of

38:34

meet and greet, bro You are mean grades

38:36

are probably wildly different Like

38:38

the gifts I get are wild Yeah,

38:42

but when the wags What

38:45

a wagging fuck bring it

38:47

up, please I would see them start chasing

38:49

her on the house Oh So

38:53

hot actually bro

39:00

Dude I'm really into music hold ours

39:02

is the exact same color White

39:06

tip yeah raccoon I know

39:08

rah-poon could she wag it if your

39:10

kegels were strong enough. Do you think

39:12

she could wag the tail hmm? Probably

39:14

yeah, give it a little motion. It's

39:17

so hot dude. It's so fucking

39:19

hot Talk about a hawk to it before

39:21

you put that in there how are the reviews? Awesome

39:24

go up top. Oh what the fuck? Wait,

39:27

so I had people like not in the right

39:29

review. Yeah like eyes

39:31

rolling back vibration amazing. Okay

39:33

Tiffany Click it B

39:36

Okay To follow the

39:38

banner 300 a wall over shit is sex toys.

39:40

Oh Dude

39:43

I saw that fucking show What's

39:46

that show in the goddamn BBC

39:48

goddamn No No

39:53

Where people are naked like do you

39:55

like the body? Oh yeah, I need

39:57

action make attraction I've

42:00

done it with a butt plug in, not on me, but I've done it

42:02

in. Well, now I feel it looks in you. Well,

42:05

yeah. Can

42:07

you bring up... It's a Roku remote.

42:09

Gabriel, can you bring up some hot

42:11

women in Fox looking stuff? Like Fox

42:13

lingerie or like... I just want to

42:15

see if Trevor's into it. There's

42:18

something about it, I don't know. I'm sure you

42:20

can get in the way. Get this

42:22

shit out of here. It does, but in a hot

42:24

way, because you just move the tail on the back

42:27

and you can really get in there. What

42:29

is this? No. That's awful.

42:32

Oh, she's like a forest fawn. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

42:34

That's not it. Type in...

42:37

Yeah, that. Well,

42:39

not Fox lingerie. Type in like... You

42:42

have to put butt plug after. That's not hot to

42:44

you? It's hot, but it's in the way. It's not

42:46

in the way, buddy. You move it. It's just so

42:48

cool that like you guys do this and you both

42:51

just go out and get like a coffee after. Like,

42:53

yeah, oat milk please. The whole milk

42:55

hurts my stomach. You had a fucking...

42:57

You were pounding out with a foxtail.

42:59

Yeah, sir. Yeah, but I'd rather use

43:01

that to just choke myself. Sometimes

43:07

they have like funny things on it, like a rhinestone or

43:09

like... Yeah, I want like a NASCAR. Wait, go up, go

43:11

up, go up. It's the door stopper. It's the door stopper.

43:14

That's great. Imagine hitting it from the back of your...

43:17

That's great. Yeah, I would want maybe

43:19

one... Is that a bong? Oh, I want

43:22

one that would have like a USB-C portnet maybe. Dude,

43:25

is that a usable bong? Because that's awesome.

43:27

What would be the most useful one, do

43:29

you think? I think it's the USB-C charger.

43:32

I think a George Foreman grill. I think it's a

43:34

parachute. A little tripod

43:36

for your phone. So you're gonna watch something?

43:39

Yeah, Bridgerton. That's pretty good. God

43:42

damn. Some

43:44

people just know the best rate for you

43:47

is a rate based on you with Allstate.

43:49

Not a rate based on Terry who keeps... It

43:53

makes the car behind them. Oh

43:56

no, they're about to... Save

43:59

with drive-thru. drive-wise in the Allstate app and only

44:01

pay a rate based on you. Not

44:05

available in every state, subject to terms and conditions, rating

44:07

factors and savings vary and in some states your rate

44:09

could increase with high-risk driving. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance

44:11

Company in Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Everyone

44:13

loves spring, but constantly shifting temperatures can

44:15

make it hard to keep your home

44:18

comfortable. An all-electric heat pump from Mitsubishi

44:20

Electric is the perfect solution. A specially

44:22

trained Patriot air contractor can help you

44:24

design the ultimate home comfort system and

44:26

you'll be helping reduce carbon emissions by

44:29

ditching fossil fuels for heating when

44:31

temperatures start to drop again. Duct

44:33

or ductless, large or small homes,

44:35

even in extreme climates, heat pumps

44:37

can help you shift seasons comfortably.

44:39

Learn more about Mitsubishi Electric products

44:41

at patriotair.com. And

45:57

the stalled door is slightly moving.

46:00

I click, clank, clank, click, clank, click, clank.

46:03

And I'm like, hey! Stops,

46:06

he stops, I see the feet that

46:08

are face towards me, face away from

46:10

me, right? Doesn't leave, just

46:12

faces away from me as if he's like,

46:15

just turned, so his back is now like

46:17

on the actual stall door, okay? Maybe

46:21

nine seconds later, I

46:23

see him slowly creep back,

46:26

facing me, starts jerking off

46:29

again. Guys, I

46:31

think, I don't know if I'm painting this

46:33

correctly, he's not in a stall, he's

46:36

in the bathroom, like he's

46:38

in the bathroom part, he's not in a

46:40

stall. In front of your door or on the side? In front,

46:44

so like. What if he's just trying to get in there? Sir,

46:46

that's what I thought for the first second, and

46:49

then I just heard, click, click,

46:51

click, click, click, like he's jerking his

46:53

cock, because then I go, hey, and then he stops,

46:55

comes back nine seconds later, didn't even give it

46:57

a full minute, and he acts like

46:59

a cuckoo. Call glory no whole. Maybe,

47:02

and then, he

47:04

goes, does it again, and this time, I'm

47:06

like, yo, the fuck! And

47:10

then I see him scurry away. Yeah,

47:14

I go, and just scurry away. He

47:16

had like the Tiva's, the open-toed ones, and

47:18

you look like, yeah. That's a public jerk

47:20

sandal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you look

47:22

for him later to identify

47:24

him? I was fucking furious, because

47:26

in my head, I'm like, bro, I can't. Dude, it's a

47:28

coffin, you're hot. No. Yeah, I don't

47:30

know what I would do. I can't pee? It's

47:33

not, because I don't think, I don't think

47:35

he like saw me walk in, because

47:38

I didn't see him, no one was in there when I went,

47:41

I didn't like give it a full look. Yeah, I would've

47:43

kicked my door, but then it might open the door. I

47:45

know, I know. It is funny, I never

47:47

know what to say when somebody walks in the bathroom, or in

47:49

the bathroom, so the fact that somebody's jerking off to me, I

47:51

definitely would say, aye! That's

47:53

literally what came out. But the second go around is

47:55

insane. So you knew he was jerking off and not

47:57

just trying to tug on the door? I

48:00

thought he was trying to talk on the door and then

48:02

I then clearly I know what jerking off sounds like yeah

48:04

You know he's jerking off when you say someone's in here,

48:06

and he goes I know yeah Was

48:09

it was it a dry one or like was he

48:11

was he lubed up? I don't I don't know in

48:13

my head his hand was on his cock

48:16

and his penis was like touching the door

48:18

And he was on like that You

48:22

know I mean, it's pretty cool. It's I mean.

48:24

It's pretty cool. I was literally like furious What

48:26

kind of shoes were you wearing open toe? No,

48:30

I was just wearing like dunks or something like that just something normal.

48:32

I wasn't wearing over over dead I don't

48:35

know. I don't know maybe he saw me walk in

48:37

I don't know But I don't think he was in there when I went in there

48:39

He will he would probably been watching you work earlier in

48:41

the library kind of getting warmed up And then he saw

48:44

you go to the bathroom and was like oh I don't

48:46

think about that the would you do if you're sitting there

48:48

And he just stopped and then on the bottom of the

48:50

door you should see something right off. I

48:52

think I'd fight him No, I wouldn't

48:54

I just like man. I get it dude your post nut fight.

48:56

It's hilarious Happens she happens

48:58

14 times ever made in America you

49:01

think yeah, dude you walk into someone He's someone plowing

49:03

your girlfriend. He's our fight number Yeah,

49:07

the funny thing about this the funny thing is He's

49:10

not like when you're fucking and you get like the you have

49:12

to stop whatever and you get the blue ball thing Like feel

49:14

like you have to come So

49:16

you're fucking someone's girlfriend you someone comes in

49:18

you get your ass beat you still gotta

49:20

come I think if I got punch hard

49:22

enough Of course Imagine

49:27

you gonna beat some guys as he's by when your wife

49:29

you punch him directly in the chest and he goes oh

49:32

Yeah, just comes at her feet. Yeah, I gotta get out of

49:34

here man Do I'll be back

49:37

same time next week You get sometimes

49:39

you get the wind knocked out of you, and it like

49:41

everything tenses up right there. Yeah, I could come yeah

49:43

That's so funny Knocked

49:45

out to completion oh Yeah,

49:49

cuz they say to like when you die you like excrete

49:52

your shit So if you get knocked out, maybe it's just

49:54

like everything's flooding. Oh no Dude

49:56

if you get fought so you go to heaven with

49:58

empty balls That's probably for the best.

50:01

Yeah, you can't you'd be in line, but hey Yeah,

50:04

you can't get in the pearly gates with your fucking

50:06

dick all just full up st Peter

50:08

are you gonna let you in your balls are yeah?

50:11

No, you're not getting in are you getting in heaven? I

50:13

hope I'm not gonna get in you think again

50:15

Why why don't you think you're getting in? I? Don't

50:19

I don't I think like I

50:21

think I'm a good person the dog heaven.

50:23

Hey Bart Bart. I would bring the tail

50:25

out I think no, I don't know man

50:28

I don't know I selfishly think that

50:30

you and I provide a lot of

50:32

laughter and enjoyment for people It's also

50:34

true, and I think

50:36

that at the gates God

50:40

crazy, I actually this crazy. How is this crazy?

50:42

I actually don't think it's crazy at all I

50:44

think you're laughing about you're gonna get there and

50:46

be like I was a Philly fan from Even

50:52

this podcast brings so much people joy that the people

50:54

to write in yeah, I don't know if that's wrong

50:56

I don't know I think I think when I when

50:58

you ask me I'm gonna have and I say no

51:00

I don't think about that type of stuff. You

51:03

know I mean I think about like the

51:05

deviant thoughts I have about you know I mean

51:07

like that type of shit, and we've all seen

51:09

a billion fucking times I will say hell's gonna

51:12

have hoes God

51:15

I mean they're hot literally yes, what is

51:17

the temperature in hell? I mean it's

51:19

gotta be so you ever been in like

51:21

Phoenix in August. Oh my god. It's like

51:24

it's gotta be that Like

51:26

30 seconds you get in a hot car in the

51:28

summer And

51:31

then someone and then someone's like trying to get the key

51:33

in the speech don't start the car start the car Yeah,

51:35

give me a C. Yeah, it's gotta be that but times

51:37

like 10 So

51:39

I don't know and hopefully I become more

51:42

philanthropic As

51:45

my life goes on because I really do I believe

51:47

in heaven I believe in a higher power and I believe in all

51:49

that and I hope to get there I'm like it's

51:51

your boy every single time I see

51:54

people I

51:56

see people that are trying to be philanthropic. I go

51:58

cool. You're making up for something yeah What did you

52:00

do? Of course. So

52:02

people get real holy the last couple parts of their

52:04

life. But does that work? Does

52:06

that work? I don't think so. I think that's a,

52:09

I think that's a- Yeah, you got drunk one day and you

52:11

ran over a congressman's kid when you were 17 and

52:13

all of a sudden now you're giving away things

52:15

to breast cancer awareness. It's not gonna work. Timmy's

52:17

still dead. I'd be pissed if I'm not on

52:19

the list. If I'm at the

52:21

percolate gates, I'd be like, oh, let

52:23

me call somebody. No, I think he said I had a

52:25

plus one. Yeah, I had a plus one. No, I'm out

52:27

front. Let me in. I

52:29

mean, can you imagine if you went into heaven and there's no hose? There's

52:32

gotta be, you think so? Carrie Underwood. Hawk

52:35

to a? Hawk to a.

52:37

I just don't, what's the, is there a middle ground? Not

52:39

an ad. Yeah, there is. But

52:41

I can't join you, I'll fucking Logan Paul Prawn. What's

52:45

the middle ground? Pergatory. Paul

52:47

Springs? Pergatory. Pergatory. That doesn't sound

52:49

great. Pergatory's just for ghost star. That's kinda

52:51

sick. It's probably this, honestly. This

52:53

is purgatory? You think Mike is purgatory? Yep. Whoa.

52:57

Deep thoughts, proven ourselves. Wow. Are

52:59

you guys watching House of the Dragon? Oh, yes.

53:01

Yeah. Buddy. Lord of the

53:03

Rings? All this, close. What is it? House

53:06

of Dragons? House of Dragons. New HBO show? Well,

53:09

not second season of HBO show. I only watch

53:11

anything on Amazon Prime. No

53:13

specific reason. Fourteenth. Fourteenth, fuck.

53:15

What am I saying? Oh, yeah, so it's Game

53:17

of Thrones, but the timeline is like, whatever, 200

53:19

years before Game of Thrones started or whatever. It's

53:23

so, all right, no

53:25

spoilers. It's fine so

53:27

far. How many episodes are

53:29

you in? Two. I've only watched the

53:31

first one from this season. It's still fine. The

53:34

second episode's fine. Okay. So

53:37

it's just slow build? It's

53:39

just, I don't, I mean,

53:41

it's a little slow build. I think that they're

53:43

just holding back and gonna give us some fire

53:45

episodes soon. So I'm like hopeful. I love the

53:47

characters. Two of the leads,

53:50

one's an uncle and one's heard.

53:52

One's an uncle? Oh, yeah. Sorry,

53:55

uncle and niece, they're married. And

53:58

they do the sex and the. The

54:00

king, yeah, and the king,

54:02

the king, his

54:04

wife is his, what's

54:09

it, sister. Lot

54:12

of incest. But wasn't Game of Thrones

54:14

all incest? And this is an offshoot

54:16

of Game of Thrones? Yeah. So who's

54:18

doing casting in there? 23andMe, what

54:20

is their fascinating incest? I think

54:23

it's great. What? I think

54:25

it's great. I think if you love your sister, all right.

54:29

You ever like love your sister so much, you're like, man. You

54:32

know, I can't say I have Michael. Okay. And

54:35

I just, was that

54:37

how it was back in the day? And I know this is a

54:39

fucking, not a real world, but. So specifically

54:42

for like this kind of. When did incest fall off?

54:45

I think it went through a bad rebrand

54:47

when it was like, like, outbamming incest. Because

54:50

this is like, royal family incest and they're

54:52

like, we care about bloodlines. Like, I am

54:54

a king because I have king blood. Honestly,

54:56

that's the most valid point I've ever heard

54:58

of incest. Yeah. Because you're not

55:00

letting some random fucking, you're like, kids

55:03

only are, the royal Scots. But

55:05

you think about that sometimes when you're like, with a girl, you're

55:07

like, we make kids, what

55:10

are you fitting to bring into this shit? Like,

55:12

what type of. Who was your grandpa? Yeah, what type

55:14

of pawn scum you got in your fucking DNA? Let

55:17

me see your lineage. That's crazy. I

55:19

mean, are you asking this on a first date?

55:21

Yeah. Let me see a photo of

55:23

your grandpa. Okay, cool. All right, well, we're not compatible.

55:26

Well, yeah, I mean, but it's a valid question. Like,

55:28

do you have any heart issues in your family? Yeah,

55:31

that's true. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like,

55:33

but yeah, I don't want to like. I never think

55:35

about that. Isn't that crazy? But that's a very real

55:38

thought. Instead I'm like, is she a Scorpio? Damn.

55:43

Some people just know the best rate for you

55:45

is a rate based on you with all state.

55:48

Not a rate based on Terry who keeps and

55:51

makes the car behind them. Oh

55:54

no, they're about to. Save

55:58

with DriveWise and the Allstate app. and only

56:00

pay a rate based on you. Not

56:03

available in every state, subject to terms and conditions,

56:06

rating factors and savings vary, and in some states,

56:08

your rate could increase with high risk driving. Allstate

56:10

Fire and Casualty Insurance Company in Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

56:12

If you're thinking about getting a new car, let

56:14

me tell you about Buyers Volkswagen. You can browse

56:16

and shop entirely online at columbusvw.com, or come visit

56:18

us by the airport where our friendly brand specialists

56:21

are ready to help. Right now, you can get

56:23

an amazing deal with 0% financing

56:25

for up to 60 months on all 2024 Taos

56:27

models. Come see

56:29

why it's better to buy at Buyers. Offer good

56:31

on 2024 Taos models. APR rate

56:33

offered to highly qualified buyers up to 60 months

56:35

to finance through VW credit. Call dealer for details

56:37

at 614-864-5180. Offer

56:40

in 7124. God

56:42

damn. What if you did like a 23andMe and

56:45

you realize that you're like Hitler's ancestor? What are

56:47

you doing? You can't, it's not your fault. There's

56:49

nothing you can do. Right, right, but it's like,

56:52

like. I'm not leading with it on a first date. You

56:54

can't, you're like, what? Maybe she's hot in Germany, and I'd

56:56

be like, you're gonna love this one. I'm like, what? That's

56:59

coming from a Jewish man. Yeah, yeah. Yeah,

57:02

I mean, but yeah. What do you, that's,

57:04

it's insane. But there are people. Bro!

57:07

Robert Morris. What's Robert

57:09

Morris? That's Trevor's namesake. Oh, Trevor's name

57:11

is declaration. Declaration

57:13

of what? Independence. Did he sign

57:15

it? Yeah. Where is he in the?

57:20

He's, I don't know, he's not starting five, but

57:22

he's up there. Wow. So that's where you

57:24

come from? What's your other half? Foxhound?

57:29

Bendover. I don't know, I'm Russian and

57:31

Welsh. Everybody

57:33

just assumes I'm Irish. And I'm like, you know what? But

57:35

if you take Russian and you mix it with

57:38

Welsh, that is Irish. Okay.

57:41

Yeah. I don't know anything. Me neither. Dude, I

57:43

only get old photos of me,

57:45

and I'm like, that ain't me. I

57:48

do the same thing. I go, bro, that was me. It's

57:51

crazy. How did y'all not kick me to the curb?

57:54

Yeah. I feel like I looked cringe as hell. Oh

57:56

my God. If my kid comes out looking cringe, I'm gonna throw him

57:58

away. Well, that's

58:00

the problem though. I don't think they come out looking cringe.

58:02

I think like no, I think it's good like eight You

58:04

know, I think when if you if your kid

58:07

looks like an idiot, you're like that's gonna

58:09

be successful It's when

58:11

they're like to like I have a couple friends with

58:13

kids now and like their kids have like Mullets and

58:15

they're like eight or nine. I'm like you are setting

58:18

this kid up for disaster. Yeah He's gonna knock a

58:20

chick up the second he turns 15. He's gonna total

58:22

a Camaro by 21 Yeah, and

58:24

there you go. Now you have the new Fent

58:27

dealer in town. Yeah, I'm gonna

58:29

get my kid bull cut. I'm gonna get my kid till

58:31

like nine to prove himself to me Nine

58:37

so half the time he can't even speak English Bro

58:47

what that's crazy when your baby goes

58:49

mobile you're like hey one day you

58:51

just Turn into Buzz Aldrin baby who's

58:53

on the moon? One

59:01

day he just Walks

59:03

away and you're like what the fuck I know it's a

59:05

nightmare in the crawl and you put a leash on it

59:08

Oh, you mean you're gonna definitely your child you

59:10

leash your girlfriend I Bro,

59:17

give me three leashes in his crib

59:19

child crib. Yeah, baby. Yeah,

59:21

wait. No girlfriend. Yeah,

59:23

I'm not gonna leech my kid I'm

59:26

gonna tase my kid. I Think

59:28

you don't see as many leash kids anymore. I assume

59:31

all time with airport dude went viral

59:33

recently everyone was making like comment Shit

59:36

dad cuz he had the four of his kids on leashes But

59:38

like dude if you have four kids running around and

59:40

you're like in charge for their safety, yeah leash them

59:42

Yeah, yeah leash them put them in a cage same

59:45

thing I'm putting them

59:47

in those little red wagons. Those are fun, man Those

59:49

are so fun. We want to have a kid is

59:51

like to push them around in a red wagon Yeah,

59:53

but that's like one moment. That's what I'm saying. That's

59:56

yes, but there's a moment and you pull the kid

59:58

never looks so cute And

1:00:00

then the kid shits on the fucking elevator and

1:00:03

I was only four 20 This is high billions

1:00:05

come down then so by the time I got

1:00:07

to me a lot of people this second it

1:00:09

opened there's this baby Screaming

1:00:11

I'll take the next one. You're good. You're

1:00:14

good. Yeah, just immediately Yeah,

1:00:16

I mean dude. There is so much

1:00:18

downside to kids It was

1:00:21

also you know and if our parents didn't have us

1:00:23

we wouldn't be here So yeah,

1:00:25

but they didn't my parents didn't want half

1:00:27

me It's like wasn't

1:00:29

it wasn't on the to-do list You

1:00:32

know I mean it took a few lines and wasn't my

1:00:34

grandma's house, and then here I am It

1:00:36

wasn't like you know I mean oh What a miracle so

1:00:38

you think you were 100% not like like but but but

1:00:45

100% the thought of you never even was No,

1:00:48

they were And a

1:00:50

half away from getting a divorce they

1:00:53

weren't like oh, let's have a kid Yeah,

1:00:55

things weren't going great. You're doing

1:00:58

lines before Thanksgiving your grandma's house

1:01:00

Yeah, and it's not like all

1:01:02

that saved the marriage It's like things were going

1:01:04

off the rails and how many years are you

1:01:06

and your brother? How many

1:01:08

years wait 10 10 your difference, but oh

1:01:10

it's different different ads Wait

1:01:15

hold on what I Literally

1:01:18

I was like brother's a fucking way,

1:01:20

but your sister was with you with

1:01:22

your dad correct And what they

1:01:24

wanted to have my sister ah yeah, what's the age

1:01:27

difference between you two years? Oh? Yeah,

1:01:30

they had my sister Things got

1:01:32

a little rocky Then they had

1:01:34

me in six months. No well six months

1:01:36

later after I was born My

1:01:39

dad bounced. It's it couldn't be more

1:01:41

obviously my fault No,

1:01:43

sir. I came out and my dad

1:01:45

was like no you popped out. You're

1:01:48

like five hour espresso No Well

1:01:51

here's the thing I don't care. I don't like I

1:01:53

literally don't care. You know some parents some kids Oh,

1:01:55

it's my fault. It's my fault, but I don't give

1:01:58

a fuck That's what I think everything Happens

1:02:00

for a reason of course I don't want them to

1:02:02

be together. They yell the whole fucking time Yeah,

1:02:04

crazy have no material dude. I mean that

1:02:07

leaves you're like material. Yeah, here I come

1:02:09

Yeah, I had a brace and my dad

1:02:11

bounced They cut my

1:02:13

dick on the dining room table, and I we saw

1:02:15

that table for like 10 years after that Yeah,

1:02:18

I can see I can see the blood stain. It's

1:02:21

not real. That's crazy. What do they do with the foreskin? Do we know

1:02:24

they put it on celebrities faces what

1:02:26

yeah? You use it as um like

1:02:28

a recon like almost like a

1:02:31

lotion Did

1:02:34

you read too much right it man? I

1:02:36

don't have room Gabriel. Can you look that

1:02:38

up, please? That's how do you say that

1:02:40

again? They put foreskin on celebrity faces. Yeah,

1:02:42

horse skin. You mean slugs horse skin cucumbers

1:02:44

celebrity Celebrity force you think

1:02:46

cream do you think? Cucumbers

1:02:49

are like why I'm on your eyes. I belong

1:02:51

in a salad Well

1:02:54

what the fuck is this music But

1:02:56

what is it it is an

1:02:58

extraction from a stop the

1:03:00

music? It's

1:03:02

literally in the video. This is the official video

1:03:04

on access Hollywood. They uploaded it with this museum

1:03:07

piece of skin That

1:03:10

came from a young person

1:03:14

Far far away, and they somehow figured

1:03:16

out how to extract its foreskin from

1:03:18

a Korean baby I Why

1:03:22

are you putting baby foreskin in

1:03:24

your face if she looks like

1:03:26

that yeah, yeah, I don't care

1:03:29

Dude, they come up with some wild shit.

1:03:32

What's that that vampire facial? There's

1:03:34

some shit. That's crazy You ever seen this they put

1:03:36

a bunch of like Like pinpricks,

1:03:38

and it's all like bloody oh You

1:03:41

can't look oh yeah. Yeah, I just use fucking

1:03:44

some seraphie and run it up. What do you

1:03:46

use seraphie? It's like a like

1:03:48

a dude my whole skincare routine is like up in the

1:03:50

last two years I'm doing a lot of

1:03:52

stuff not a lot of stuff what women a hundred percent dude

1:03:54

Yeah, I mean that couple serums here and there yeah, I got

1:03:56

serum I but the thing is I run out and then I

1:03:58

just never do it I'm like, whoa,

1:04:01

I gotta get. I know. You

1:04:03

know what I'm using a lot? Sunscreen. Yeah.

1:04:06

Dude, underrated. Just put a little sunscreen on your face. You're

1:04:08

supposed to wear sunscreen every day. Every day. I

1:04:11

do, every day. I put, I put, it's

1:04:13

called fighting. What are they fucking called? Irish? Yep,

1:04:17

potatoes. Free

1:04:20

radicals. Every day I

1:04:22

fight free radicals. What's that mean? I

1:04:24

don't know, but a dermatologist told me

1:04:26

about it, and you're supposed to

1:04:28

put like some like vitamin A and E, some serum.

1:04:30

You got that stuff? I don't know. Put five drops

1:04:32

in my hand, then do that, and then put sunscreen

1:04:34

in the morning, and then at night, one

1:04:37

day a week, I do a little retinol

1:04:39

treatment. Fentanyl treatment? Yup. What's retinol treatment? I

1:04:41

don't even know. Is it literally a LED

1:04:43

mask? No, no, no. It's just, it's just

1:04:45

like lotion, but I don't know. I don't

1:04:47

know what any of it is. Someone

1:04:50

just told me to do it. Then I do it. Huh?

1:04:53

Clit? Clit juice? Yeah,

1:04:56

so I don't know. I don't know if I'm doing it right, but

1:04:58

I feel like maybe. Listen, I'm a sucker for that type of shit.

1:05:00

Me too. I walk into a damn

1:05:02

kiosk. Can't walk into a kiosk, Jesus. Be

1:05:05

on a mall and be like, yeah, you use these

1:05:07

hemp oil on your face, mixed with this serum, mixed

1:05:09

with that, and it's like, because if a girl is

1:05:12

ever to me, she's like, oh, you have really nice skin. I'm like, cool.

1:05:15

I'm hot. Now what? Yeah,

1:05:18

yeah. Because, well, it's, when I started

1:05:21

caring about my fucking facial

1:05:23

hygiene, it's because you start traveling so much, you

1:05:25

start breaking out of fucking nowhere. Yeah. You

1:05:28

go on a three hour flight, How?

1:05:31

I don't know. I don't know what happens up there. I think

1:05:33

that it's just dirty. Oh, right. There's

1:05:35

just so much in the air. You wash your face? Yeah.

1:05:38

I don't. I don't wash my face. I

1:05:40

put some water on it, but I don't wash it.

1:05:42

I don't use like soap. I don't go like.

1:05:45

Ever? No, never. I've never in my life. Never.

1:05:49

You know why? Because when I was younger. No, Michael,

1:05:51

you talked about this before, but I started doing that

1:05:53

like a year ago, and I feel like my face

1:05:55

is a lot clearer now. Yes! You're

1:05:57

welcome. You want water? Just water.

1:05:59

There's a phase where it gets bad, but after that it's

1:06:01

good. I mean, I mainly just

1:06:03

use it in the shower, but if I had

1:06:06

a sweaty day, a lot of shows, a lot

1:06:08

of spots, I'm

1:06:10

sweating. They don't wash my face at night. But with soap?

1:06:13

Yeah. It makes sense. I

1:06:16

feel like I should be washing my face. Yeah,

1:06:19

no, yeah. It's like, yeah. But it makes sense.

1:06:21

Here's the funny thing. I think all of the

1:06:23

serums on the call, does it work? Or

1:06:26

is it just like, put some sunscreen on me? You're good.

1:06:28

It probably doesn't hurt. Yeah. Sometimes

1:06:30

I do think it does, though. Sometimes

1:06:33

I've used those masks before, like if a girl brings

1:06:35

you one. Like if a girl brings you one. And

1:06:37

then I'll use it, and then my face feels great

1:06:39

after. And then I go to sleep, and then I'm

1:06:41

a fucking guy. Of course, I have a dirty pillow.

1:06:43

And then I feel like it just gets sticky. And

1:06:45

I wake my face up. I

1:06:48

feel like it just attracts whatever's on my pillow. I agree.

1:06:51

Dude, when I use the serum and I use

1:06:53

the sunscreen, my face feels dirtier. I

1:06:55

feel like I have more dirt

1:06:57

on my face. I don't know if that's real, but

1:06:59

it feels like stickier. I don't

1:07:01

know anything. I don't know. I want to get silk bedsheets.

1:07:03

Is that too horny? No, I really

1:07:05

like it. Do you have them? No. But

1:07:08

when I've slept at a female's homes

1:07:10

with silk, it feels fucking awesome. I

1:07:12

just feel like crawling in a bed,

1:07:14

you're like, OK, god damn, hold up.

1:07:16

Who the hell in here? Dude, I

1:07:18

got a new mattress topper, bitch.

1:07:20

You got a mattress topper? Yeah, I got a

1:07:22

BB off my fucking mattress. Fucking hunk too. It

1:07:27

feels insane. Yeah.

1:07:29

Dog? I don't want to target for

1:07:31

like $90, the best purchase ever. Dude,

1:07:33

my whole bed's different. Yeah, I'm just

1:07:35

such a guy. I've had the same

1:07:38

bedsheets and pillow covers since

1:07:40

I got the bed five years ago. How often do

1:07:42

you wash your sheets? I mean, what,

1:07:45

if a female's listening? Every

1:07:47

week. If I'm talking to you off camera? Yeah.

1:07:51

Every other month. I

1:07:53

don't know. I just, but they've washed

1:07:55

the same sheets so many times now

1:07:57

that mattress has little beads in it.

1:07:59

Yeah. And it's like, I

1:08:01

just gotta go to fucking Target. Amazon, who gives a shit?

1:08:04

Amazon. I mean, there's so many

1:08:06

things like that in my life where I'm like, buddy,

1:08:08

it takes three clicks. But I don't think about it

1:08:10

until I go to sleep. Does that make sense? Yeah.

1:08:12

I wake up and then I never see my room until I go to

1:08:15

bed. You know what the worst feeling ever is, is when you're washing your

1:08:17

sheets and you go to a spot and come back and you go, mother

1:08:20

fuck, bitch, fuck. There's no sheets on my bed. You

1:08:22

know what I do? I go to sleep on a

1:08:24

bitch with no sheets. I've done that. Oh yeah. Duvet,

1:08:26

no cover, no sheets. I don't give a fuck. I

1:08:30

don't give a fuck. My mom, when we wouldn't live

1:08:32

there, live there, cool, man. When I would

1:08:34

be at the house and that would happen. She's like, no, Mike,

1:08:36

we're gonna do this sheet. I'm like, mom, let me just end

1:08:38

it there. And then she would fucking force and put the sheets

1:08:40

on every time. Now I'm an adult, I pay taxes. No. Dude,

1:08:44

it's so great. But you know what? The best sleep

1:08:46

you'll get is when you make

1:08:48

your bed. That first night in it, everything's

1:08:50

fluffed up. Yeah. Feeling like you're

1:08:52

sleeping in a puff pastry. What?

1:08:56

What? I just think that

1:08:58

first time you nussel in there, everything's all fresh and pumped

1:09:00

up. It smells so good. Do

1:09:02

you use Bounty? Not Bounty. Dryer

1:09:05

sheets? No, I need to.

1:09:07

That's another thing. An Amazon thing. They're the best.

1:09:10

Fucking $2. You use Tide Pods? Yeah. Yeah.

1:09:13

Dude, I go one Tide Pod too much every

1:09:15

single time. I just love this. I think

1:09:17

you do. Three? Yeah. Yeah,

1:09:20

I think two is yours. I pop it off in there. Yeah? Yeah.

1:09:23

I mean, you're supposed to use like two at the most. I use

1:09:25

three. I use three. And

1:09:27

then I use three dryer sheets.

1:09:30

Bitch, my sheets are really so good. Dryer

1:09:32

sheets are great. I'm gonna start putting dryer

1:09:34

sheets in my pocket. You could. And

1:09:36

just day to day. Dude, people put dryer sheets in their car. I'm

1:09:38

putting it on my neck. Oh, that's smart. Yeah. Put

1:09:41

it under the seats kinda. Yeah. Goddamn.

1:09:45

Some people just know the best rate for

1:09:47

you is a rate based on you with

1:09:49

Allstate. Not a rate based on

1:09:51

Terry who keeps and

1:09:53

makes the car behind them. Oh

1:09:56

no, they're about to. Say. Save

1:10:00

with DriveWise and the Allstate app and only pay

1:10:02

a rate based on you. Not

1:10:05

available in every state, subject to terms and conditions,

1:10:08

rating factors and savings vary and in some states

1:10:10

your rate could increase with high risk driving. Allstate

1:10:12

Fire and Casualty Insurance Company in Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

1:10:14

If you're thinking about getting a new car, let

1:10:16

me tell you about Buyers Volkswagen. You can browse

1:10:18

and shop entirely online at columbusvw.com or come visit

1:10:21

us by the airport where our friendly brand specialists

1:10:23

are ready to help. Right now you

1:10:25

can get an amazing deal with 0% financing for

1:10:27

up to 60 months on all 2024 Taos

1:10:30

Models. Come see why it's better to buy

1:10:32

at Buyers. Offer good on

1:10:34

2024 Taos Models, APR rate offered to highly qualified

1:10:36

buyers up to 60 months to finance through VW

1:10:38

credit. Call dealer for details at 614-864-5180. Offer

1:10:42

in 7124. Well,

1:10:46

speaking of socks, how about we put those socks

1:10:48

in the dryer for some sock talk and secret

1:10:50

sock hip hop anonymous. Hip hop.

1:10:54

Guys, we have a submission today. We have a great question that came

1:10:56

in from Liam. Liam. What

1:10:58

is a bigger ick using YouTube for

1:11:00

music or wearing socks and sandals? YouTube

1:11:03

for music, 1000%. Socks and

1:11:05

sandals is fucking a phenomenal combination. It's like a peanut

1:11:07

butter and jelly for your feet. But

1:11:10

could be better. You're picturing a specific kind

1:11:12

of sandals, right? Yeah, you're thinking slides. Slides.

1:11:15

Oh, oh, with the tongue? With the tongue. With the

1:11:17

tongue. I mean, if somebody does either of those, I

1:11:20

think they should get hit by a subway. The

1:11:23

socks with the toes ones are crazy. Why would you buy

1:11:25

those in the first place? I think the whole thing. I

1:11:27

think the whole thing's wrong. Yeah. Actually,

1:11:30

I know someone uses a shout out. John

1:11:32

uses a YouTube music. But I

1:11:34

think if you if you use it like sparingly fine,

1:11:36

but if that's what you use when you're in your

1:11:38

car, I mean, I think you should find the gold

1:11:40

gear bridge and just drive off it. Like I don't

1:11:43

think you should be allowed to vote. I don't think

1:11:45

she's allowed to have kids. I think

1:11:47

you should just like literally cut every private part that you

1:11:49

have off and give it to Sandra Bullock so

1:11:51

she can use it for her. I

1:11:53

recently met somebody who was still out here

1:11:55

using Pandora with the ads. Yeah. That's

1:11:58

a choice. Yeah. You're

1:12:00

like if you use Pandora, I

1:12:03

mean in general you're like yeah, just give me

1:12:05

anything also throw a couple ads in there crazy

1:12:07

Are you trying to punish yourself? I mean slowly

1:12:10

jump into a blender and just fuck I just

1:12:12

try to say blender, but yeah, that's great You're

1:12:14

purposely putting yourself through that to be like I

1:12:16

want to listen to not what I want But

1:12:19

also I want to interrupt it every two songs

1:12:21

You know, it's crazy is like that is the

1:12:23

best example of just habit Habit

1:12:26

yes habit. Yeah, you started listening to Pandora when you're

1:12:28

21 and he just like that's what I do That's

1:12:30

the go-to do well There is a lot of things

1:12:32

where like I even student I probably still to this

1:12:34

day make my life harder But it's just

1:12:36

habit for me Yeah When vertical started being big on video

1:12:39

and I was still just doing horizontal videos on YouTube really

1:12:41

I would like edit it in that and then I would

1:12:44

export it into an app and then I

1:12:46

export it into like back to iMovie

1:12:48

and then back into a Captions

1:12:50

app instead of just learning how to

1:12:53

use like premiere a final cut Yeah,

1:12:55

I went through like five different like it I

1:12:57

had to export like five different things just to

1:12:59

get one thing Yeah, and I would

1:13:01

tell the people like no, you don't need to do

1:13:03

any of that. Yeah No, it

1:13:05

does. It makes perfect sense It's like you do 19

1:13:07

steps to get the same result because you're you're not

1:13:09

you you don't want to learn the new thing And

1:13:11

my dad's the same way with fucking Netflix. I tell

1:13:13

my dad my buddy you will love

1:13:15

this goddamn thing It has all this it

1:13:17

has all the you know Procedural detective shows

1:13:19

that you fucking love you could watch in

1:13:21

your eyes bleed and he won't Do

1:13:24

it because he doesn't want to go through

1:13:26

that learning curve of two days being like

1:13:28

I don't know where the fucking home But

1:13:30

like just that you get to a certain

1:13:32

age where you don't want to learn anything

1:13:35

Oh, I do not I'm so

1:13:37

conscious that I do not want to get

1:13:39

there because it's like all like all of

1:13:41

it all everything all the technology all like

1:13:43

the advancements and shit like I

1:13:45

just It I don't ever

1:13:47

get there. It's like okay you go through two days

1:13:49

of learning It's fine, and then then it's a you're

1:13:51

back on board, but you're so like

1:13:53

adverse to doing anything new But it's happening to

1:13:55

me now. I'm realizing like even like I've always

1:13:57

been the dude. That's like I know Like

1:14:00

I used to watch every Apple event, I know what the

1:14:02

new features are, and now I look at my phone, I'm

1:14:04

like, oh, you can fucking do this apparently? Like I do

1:14:06

things wrong, I don't know, like, you know what I mean?

1:14:08

Like I can't do this. After a while it becomes hard

1:14:10

to keep up with it. Yeah, at some point dude, you

1:14:12

just tap out. You're like, I don't give

1:14:14

a fuck about this new advancement of the blah, blah,

1:14:17

blah. Like I'm cool at this level. Yeah. Happens

1:14:20

with music too. Yeah. You

1:14:22

just stop listening to new shit. Yeah. And

1:14:24

then all of a sudden you're like, oh, what about that? And you're like, what? You

1:14:26

try and you open a door and you're like, what the fuck is this? And

1:14:29

she's like, oh, it's too. Yeah, when you're

1:14:31

younger, the what the fuck is this? Is

1:14:33

like exciting. But when you get

1:14:35

to a certain age, the what the fuck is this, you're like, is gross

1:14:37

to you. Yeah. Yeah,

1:14:39

I mean, I never update my

1:14:42

phone just because I just don't want to go through the whole,

1:14:44

ready for it, rigmarole. Uh oh, here we go. That, this,

1:14:47

that, like, there's something that pops up on my phone, every

1:14:49

time I charge it, it's like this notification that pops up.

1:14:52

Every single time. And it's just been doing that for like

1:14:54

six years. And I'm like, that's just how it is. You

1:14:56

know what I don't do ever? Update my computer. Hey,

1:14:59

we have enough. Shut the fuck up. It's working

1:15:01

fine. I don't want to go to, I don't want to go to,

1:15:04

the team would've been eight, nine. Whatever the fuck

1:15:06

it is. Storage, yes. I see a storage full

1:15:08

almost every day. And I open it and I

1:15:10

go, not today, not today. Oh, my shit, full

1:15:12

up. One day I will sit there

1:15:15

and I will go through. But until then, shut up,

1:15:17

shut up. Oh yeah. Not

1:15:19

today. You lose privileges. I've told

1:15:21

Apple to shut up more times than anyone in my

1:15:23

life. Yeah. I'm

1:15:25

scared for AI in the future because it's like, think

1:15:27

about how we treat Siri. Like if Siri even says

1:15:29

one word wrong, we're like, I will fucking kill you.

1:15:32

I said 9 p.m., not DM. I

1:15:34

will shoot someone. And she's like, I'm literally

1:15:36

free. I'm not getting paid anything. I

1:15:39

get fucked by USBC. You think I'm happy in

1:15:41

life? Yeah. Yeah. Secret

1:15:44

sock, anonymous decision. Secret

1:15:46

love. Oh, you mean Ashley Madison's mission?

1:15:48

Whoa, crushing. There we go. Okay,

1:15:50

this says, I know my neighbor watches

1:15:52

me jerk off for the past month or so. She

1:15:54

goes on a daily run on a neighborhood path that

1:15:57

has a view to my room if the blinds are

1:15:59

not closed. This started when I was watching

1:16:01

porn on my TV standing. I saw her from the

1:16:03

corner of my eye Stop

1:16:06

right there Hold

1:16:08

on he's watching porn Standing

1:16:13

that is the most serial killer thing on

1:16:15

TV. Yeah, I mean all of it bro

1:16:17

sentence Yeah, this is like the og goon

1:16:19

right here. I mean this

1:16:21

this is standing sit down.

1:16:23

I'm getting oculus So

1:16:26

the poor man's oculus, I think he has a neighbor

1:16:28

I think he's imagining this whole thing Well, also if

1:16:30

you know she's gonna go on a run. I think

1:16:32

you're kind of tinger. I think this is where he's going

1:16:34

An alley-oop go for it. Um Yes,

1:16:37

watching porn on my TV standing. I saw her from the

1:16:39

corner of my eye looking in And

1:16:42

I kept going on this has been almost a

1:16:44

daily occurrence where she stretches in front of my

1:16:46

window and I just jerk off Just

1:16:48

that's the hottest I ever heard my wife. Yeah beat. That's

1:16:51

so fucking hot It's

1:16:53

like cuz you don't know where it's like this secret thing

1:16:56

that you guys have. Oh Stretching

1:16:59

tight fucking yoga pants Dark

1:17:02

hair kind of folding down in front of her face

1:17:04

like a car wash put your number on the window

1:17:06

one day See what happens in your own semen You

1:17:10

know you stick in the window. There you go. Boom.

1:17:12

Hock to a right It's

1:17:14

pretty hot. That's a good. That's so hot. That's

1:17:16

like better than any porn plot. I've ever seen

1:17:19

Yeah, I also don't want him to engage. I

1:17:21

don't want him to engage in her I think you keep

1:17:24

it like this cuz it's so hot once you talk then

1:17:26

there's opinions You're

1:17:28

just less mysterious once you talk yeah, and right

1:17:30

now it's like yeah Sticky

1:17:32

the fourth like a like a silent film.

1:17:34

Yeah. Yeah, Charlie Chaplin

1:17:37

come That

1:17:40

is so hot dude, what is that

1:17:42

it's just like it's it feels naughty like it's

1:17:44

a secret Whole neighbor what is it girl next

1:17:46

door girl next door? I also think that there's

1:17:49

just something the fact that like you are like

1:17:51

so into this that you like would just want

1:17:53

to watch me Jerk off. Yeah, that's hot. You

1:17:55

know my girl like likes to watch me jerk

1:17:57

off like where like where

1:17:59

you and where? I'm in the closet. No, no,

1:18:02

I'm just like like during sex like I like

1:18:05

She's just like watches me. Yeah, I think

1:18:07

that's hot dude. It's like we've

1:18:10

come like that a bunch It's so hot to me because

1:18:12

I've never had like a girl like enjoy watching me

1:18:14

jerk off When you first

1:18:16

said I that like she just had

1:18:18

the door cracked and like watching just

1:18:21

that's still that's still really hot Just

1:18:23

sweating hunched over the fucking guy. Yeah,

1:18:25

just fucking sweat coming to

1:18:27

my kneecaps Yeah, that's pretty hot. Yeah,

1:18:29

I've had a session in a while a jerk off

1:18:32

just like an hour and 15 just

1:18:34

fucking Watching just

1:18:36

running out of porn to watch I've

1:18:39

done that on the road a lot or is

1:18:41

that mainly at home activity? It's mainly at home

1:18:43

activity because on the road. It's like I finished

1:18:45

shows You know you get on

1:18:47

with two in the morning you want to jerk off, but it's

1:18:50

like a it's like a melatonin It's not even like a whole

1:18:52

session. Yeah, so it's like a seven minute You think you don't

1:18:54

have much just cuz you've been not needing

1:18:56

you just been it's not needin Yeah, I

1:18:58

jerk off like because my girls like essentially

1:19:01

living with me, so it's

1:19:03

like I don't I'm

1:19:05

never thinking about it Oh, I'm gonna use both go

1:19:07

to bed at the same time probably or much yeah,

1:19:09

or you're staying up to do like work So yeah,

1:19:11

yeah, yeah, it's hard to going off

1:19:14

listen you have an office here. It's true, but I

1:19:16

don't yearn for it though It's weird Because

1:19:19

you be fucking you actually fucking yeah, it's getting out

1:19:21

of your body one way or another Yeah,

1:19:23

you need a dirty jerk. I'll play that much yeah

1:19:26

dirty jerks. You need a oh, I'm gonna go get

1:19:28

the mail And you go yeah, here's a 20 go

1:19:31

see a movie sure Michael what movies like

1:19:33

$40 you think I know they are Go

1:19:36

get a smoothie smoothies like $30 fuck it.

1:19:38

Go get a gumball You

1:19:40

know it's awesome. He's like like

1:19:42

she said this before she said it a bunch of times

1:19:44

where she's like Like

1:19:47

I think having your own personal sex

1:19:49

life is super important. Yeah,

1:19:52

yeah And I and I've never

1:19:54

had anyone have been with like framing like that,

1:19:56

but I'm like thank God you get it because

1:19:58

it is And it is important. You're like, yeah,

1:20:00

I can't wait to drink up by myself. She's

1:20:02

like, oh, I was talking about fucking other dudes.

1:20:07

Yeah, well, I think you got to do that.

1:20:09

Put up some caution tape on your office door

1:20:11

and say, look, I'm going on

1:20:13

a solo mission. Yeah, but

1:20:15

I can't. You can't do

1:20:17

it if she's there. No, I just, yeah, I need

1:20:19

to be free. I

1:20:22

need to be free. Yours

1:20:25

is like the door's open. Seven

1:20:27

screens are up. PMButter's out. GG's of Roma.

1:20:29

Yeah. Dude, you know what's crazy is like in

1:20:32

my office, I drop my blinds. But

1:20:34

like, I'm pretty sure like if

1:20:36

you squint, you can see through. Yeah.

1:20:39

Yeah. But I'm telling you

1:20:42

what, speaking of the secret sock that just

1:20:44

came off, I'm

1:20:46

kind of into it a little. I'm like hoping

1:20:48

when people walk by, they go, is he?

1:20:50

You're hoping that door dashes, dashing some dick.

1:20:53

Yo, that's what's up. That is

1:20:55

what's up. Uber

1:20:58

eats that pussy. That's

1:21:00

also a thing. Dude, the word

1:21:02

pussy is so hot. It makes

1:21:04

my mouth water a little. The

1:21:07

word pussy. Pavlov's pussy. We already had

1:21:09

that title. Did we?

1:21:12

Yeah, yeah. Wow. Guys, I think

1:21:14

that's a podcast. That is a podcast. We did it. It's

1:21:17

podcast. Much love. Thank you.

1:21:20

Yeah. That's all I'm going to say. You do it.

1:21:23

I got a big old dick. Thanks for

1:21:25

coming to the shows. Thanks for listening. And

1:21:28

yeah, have a great summer. Dude, have

1:21:30

a great summer. That's summer. You

1:21:32

know what's crazy? Whip your dick out. You know what's

1:21:34

crazy? We only have about 45 summers left. Isn't

1:21:39

that sad? Okay.

1:21:42

Bye, I got a big old dick. Some

1:21:47

people just know the best rate for you is

1:21:49

a rate based on you with all state. Not

1:21:52

a rate based on Terry who keeps... Who

1:21:56

makes the car behind them. Oh

1:21:58

no, they're about to... Save

1:22:02

with DriveWise and the Allstate app and only

1:22:04

pay a rate based on you. Not

1:22:08

available in every state, subject to terms and conditions, rating

1:22:10

factors and savings vary, and in some states your rate

1:22:12

could increase with high-risk driving. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance

1:22:14

Company in Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Heat pumps are going

1:22:16

mainstream, with tax credits of up to $2,000. The

1:22:19

Federal Inflation Reduction Act can make it

1:22:21

more affordable than ever to upgrade your

1:22:24

HVAC system and lower your energy bills.

1:22:26

Now's the time to say goodbye to

1:22:28

your old-fashioned fossil fuel burning system and

1:22:30

switch to an all-electric, all-climate heat pump

1:22:32

from Mitsubishi Electric. Learn more about Mitsubishi

1:22:34

Electric products at patriotair.com. Perfect

1:22:55

solution! A specially trained Patriot Air

1:22:57

contractor can help you design the

1:22:59

ultimate home comfort system, and you'll

1:23:01

be helping reduce carbon emissions by

1:23:03

ditching fossil fuels for heating when

1:23:05

temperatures start to drop again. Duct

1:23:07

or ductless, large or small homes,

1:23:09

even in extreme climates, heat pumps

1:23:11

can help you shift seasons comfortably.

1:23:13

Learn more about Mitsubishi Electric products

1:23:15

at patriotair.com. I'm Stansi

1:23:18

Patenza. And I'm Brad Padre. Launching

1:23:20

June 13th is our new podcast

1:23:22

late to the party. In

1:23:25

this post-ironic chat show, we'll show you

1:23:27

a window into our world of crazy

1:23:29

post-ironic thoughts. An unlikely friendship

1:23:31

founded on a shared love for riffs

1:23:33

ranting. And getting absolutely wrecked.

1:23:35

Consider this an invitation to our

1:23:37

Inside Jokes. You're late to the party,

1:23:40

but no one cool ever shows up on time. Follow

1:23:43

Late to the Party on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,

1:23:45

or wherever you listen to this kind of

1:23:47

stuff.