0:00

I've never felt this strongly about someone in

0:02

my whole life. Are you serious? Never. Butterflies?

0:04

When she walks in the room. The scent,

0:06

the look, everything, personality. Dude,

0:09

literally everything. House of

0:12

feet? Incredible. There you go guys. Here,

0:14

I fed you a little bit. Um, baby

0:17

birds. God damn. Is that

0:19

what you're saying in orgy? Are we in?

0:22

Orgies can go awry. I've

0:24

never been in one. But can you imagine?

0:26

But one bad apple? What do

0:28

you mean? One guy comes too quick? Yeah. One

0:31

dude with like a smelly cooter? A dude got

0:33

the smelly cooter? I don't know. I think cooter

0:35

can be, I think cooter can kind of be,

0:37

it can flow both ways. Yeah. Hey, you gotta,

0:40

yeah. I like when women go, my pussy hard.

0:43

What? I like it. What? Yep.

0:45

What did you say? When, when, I

0:47

like when women use dude terms. I

0:49

think it's super funny. I don't know if

0:51

I've heard that. Really? Say I have a woman be like, I'm

0:53

so wet. A woman be like, man, I'm so hard. He's

0:56

so funny. I feel like I'll be about to get

0:58

like dunked on or something. Girl, I'm so hard right

1:00

now. I'll be like, oh, like in the streets. Dude,

1:04

I was in Miami. There's so many

1:06

BBLs out there. Too many maybe. Yeah,

1:09

but like you, you

1:12

know, look, I mean, are they like, all

1:15

right. They, they, they look like a

1:17

BBL, you know, it's, it's like

1:19

veneers. When you see veneers, you go,

1:21

those are fake teeth. You know, immediately. The answer to

1:23

this is yes. But like, but there's

1:26

got to be some BBLs out there. That

1:28

are like, okay, fit your body. Yeah, of

1:30

course. Definitely. Definitely. And the ones

1:32

like that you probably don't really

1:34

notice. Probably just like, nice,

1:36

nice behind. Yeah. But the ones you really notice

1:38

are the ones that are like, I mean, this

1:40

looks like it. It was like a lowercase B.

1:43

Yeah. Like somebody took Mrs. Potato Head and put

1:45

another Mrs. Potato Head on her ass. Bonk.

1:48

Potato Heads are just funny. Potato

1:51

salad is dumb. I'm out.

1:53

It's like rolling around and it's, it's rolling around in

1:55

potatoes, isn't it? I've never been in a potato. It's

1:57

too dry. can

2:00

be a little slopped up, slopped up.

2:02

Potatoes in general are dry. Maybe the ones I've

2:04

had the cubes are too big. Maybe they need

2:06

to make it a little a little less cubed.

2:08

Because if you go big potato, too

2:10

much. It's always, I mean

2:12

it's served cold right? I like

2:15

my potatoes a little warm. Warm

2:17

potato salad? That's

2:19

potato porridge. Yeah.

2:22

Yeah. Yeah. It's like mashed

2:24

potatoes with fruit

2:27

on. Dude I went to this place. Okay.

2:29

Yep. That it's called, you know what

2:31

I'm gonna shout them out. I have so much fun

2:33

there. Good. It's called the potato. No it's called the

2:35

loaded potato? Fuck. No I don't remember. The loaded potato,

2:37

baked potato. The baked potato. Thank you sir. Wait. The

2:39

baked potato, the jazz, the jazz place. Yeah. Have

2:42

you been? I love that place. Shut

2:44

up! I rule my parents. Dude it's my

2:46

favorite place. You've been? I've been three

2:49

times. I love it. Dude that

2:51

place is electric. It literally used to be a block

2:53

away from my apartment. I never went there. Dude you

2:55

remember? Hold on. It used to

2:57

be a block away. Hold on. The baked, what are

2:59

you talking about? I'm talking about the baked potato but

3:01

I used to live in that area too but you

3:04

did. I lived there when you didn't live there. I

3:06

lived on like Bluffside. Remember you know that street? No.

3:08

Cool. But studio city right? To studio city. I live

3:10

right next to the Ralphs. I'm

3:13

Michael dude. Hey Trevor by the way. We should do

3:15

a podcast. So who's your, what

3:17

got you into comedy if you don't mind me asking? When

3:19

people ask me that I wish I had a gun and

3:21

I wish it was legal to shoot them. But not dead.

3:24

Well I did. I would like to shoot someone if they would pass

3:26

away for like a day or two. Maybe

3:28

like a poison. Yeah. Comas are

3:30

hilarious. Comas your body's like go to sleep

3:32

for a little bit. Yeah but what's the

3:35

body doing in a coma? How

3:37

do you not, do you pee? You

3:39

dream the whole time? You have

3:41

to pee. Because you're alive still. Are

3:43

you breathing? Are you drinking? I think

3:46

you have to drink or you're gonna die. What

3:48

about the funniest thing that somebody's ever woken up in

3:50

a coma and seen? Like they're opening eyes after four

3:53

months? Like a petting zoo. The nurse is breastfeeding. Oh

3:55

shit my bad. I didn't know you were still asleep.

3:57

Oh wake up and see it? Oh man I don't

3:59

know. friends reruns the

4:01

big potato yeah I was in this it's just

4:03

a big potato I was on

4:05

my parents first time like two months ago

4:08

it's fucking a like I dude it's the

4:10

best no one go well go I like

4:12

them but it's just so small that like

4:14

yeah like big I'm gonna be pissed

4:17

it's literally 50 seats yeah

4:19

I walked in I was like put a show in here stand

4:21

up this be great Oh number one thing I saw

4:23

but 50 seats and bro

4:26

if you any I know what a lot of venues has

4:28

but there's no bad thing in the house at

4:30

both times I ordered three times I went I said

4:32

and not the super front cuz it's too loud cuz

4:34

I'm a little bitch but like one row back bro

4:37

it is so love what

4:39

kind of music was on his there yes just jazz

4:41

when I went it was half jazz

4:44

half like the blues dude the fucking blues

4:46

the blues bro it on like a Sunday

4:49

I'm doing like just cleaning up at my

4:51

place yeah I'm blues bro fuck this dude

4:53

I'll drive a convertible through a Ralph's right

4:55

now do it Wallace you like

4:58

you're a bond holy shit fuck good he's

5:00

a good guy he plays the guitar since

5:04

past see the wave on hmm where do you

5:06

go pass where he got

5:08

past at the store I'm

5:10

doing jokes so all right we did

5:12

it potato potato what would

5:14

you do Wendy's has potatoes they do they're fine I know

5:20

what actually fuck that they're really good

5:22

when he's like takes a risk and then they

5:24

like get nervous oh

5:27

yeah they do it and then yeah they

5:29

well they doesn't sell well and they go

5:31

we can't keep doing this I know but

5:33

some places like Jack in the box like

5:35

karaoke chicken bowl and toast and they go

5:37

okay everyone that works there's went to prison

5:39

Jack in boxes phenomenal sir no it's

5:41

not what I'm a big don't

5:43

give a fuck about like I love fast food

5:45

Jack in boxes so every single time I go

5:47

what do you get I don't even

5:50

remember see you know no it is a

5:52

place has tacos there too right the tacos are like

5:54

those odd for those bitch on fire like napkins from

5:56

my tongue after just like clean it up a little

5:58

bit Oh but fine But

6:00

they have a chicken sandwich spicy chicken sandwich. They've a

6:02

one-dollar chicken sandwich Then they got a five dollar chicken.

6:05

All right that five dollar on some buttermilk ranch. I'm

6:07

starving Deep throat that bitch.

6:09

Hold on. What is buttermilk? Milk

6:11

butter butter. Mmm, is it? What's

6:15

oat milk? I don't know. Do

6:17

you like overnight? I was making milk out of

6:19

everything you like a little bit Timla boo milk

6:21

now What's going on? Oh, no, so oat milk

6:23

almond milk or a milsio Pistachio

6:26

yesterday. Yeah motherfuckers out here like a

6:28

potato ice cream. I'm sick of it

6:31

Don't tell me you like it. No first. Thank you. I have a

6:33

lot of thoughts to unpack here I went out the late

6:36

MC and now hell big pistachio

6:38

girl She gets ice cream

6:40

pistachio. Are you 97 years

6:42

old? Are you playing bingo? Stachios

6:45

are phenomenal pistachio ice

6:47

cream Go in the

6:49

ocean and kill yourself. It just

6:51

doesn't taste like ice good

6:55

It's terrible But

6:57

pistachios would not ice cream for I

7:00

could find Unbelievable you seem like

7:02

a guy who would never get the Deshelled

7:04

ones. I think you like to work for your nut

7:06

in every variation Well, you can manage so funny is

7:08

your hundred-cent, right? But do to have you never been

7:10

on place you hate me, but my place literally text

7:13

you don't I'm in your area I know I know

7:15

every time you're in my area. I'm not there, but

7:17

we got to do it. You'll love my place Hopefully,

7:19

I don't know but I do have a I have

7:22

a jar of pistachio Shelled

7:24

pistachios just as decor. No,

7:26

I eat them But

7:29

I'm just I'm telling you that I like so much that I

7:31

I got a jar for them. You'd be a great squirrel Oh,

7:34

I would crush it because I'd be I'd

7:36

be stacking shit in walls really. No Have

7:39

you added any decorations to your place that

7:41

you're like fuck? Yeah, cuz you moved

7:43

into new place. Yeah, so like You

7:46

do anything you're like, oh that looks amazing. Yes,

7:48

dude I have this mirror that I'm gonna explain

7:50

this horrendously But I have this like mirror that's

7:52

maybe like, you know, six feet

7:55

tall so it's taller than me So six nice

7:57

by like, I don't know three feet like one

7:59

of those big mirrors, but it has a industrial

8:01

field too it has like kind of Roth Roth

8:03

iron or you want to barbed wire on the

8:05

side maybe Roth iron that's what it is. Roth

8:07

iron? Yeah, SEP, or

8:10

IRA. Roth

8:12

iron, yes, over oh how

8:14

do I it looks like windows but

8:16

it's wrought iron over over

8:18

the mirror. I'm bombing to explain over

8:20

it yeah like the rods would be able to

8:22

break into your house it sort of looks like

8:24

that but it's over the mirror can you see

8:27

the mirror yes okay but they're like it so

8:29

it's sort of like just I

8:31

don't need except Gabe can you please bring a picture I'm

8:33

bombing right now like yeah what

8:35

is he gonna type in for

8:37

that mirror wrought iron where did you

8:40

or did you make it I did not make

8:42

it I got it like I got it at

8:44

home depot actually hey yeah it's really nice I

8:46

really like it my point is so it has

8:48

an industrial feel to it and then I put

8:51

no it's not it at all it's like squared

8:53

I would just

8:55

yeah wrought iron squared mirror home

8:57

depot telling you

8:59

we're gonna get it and you're good at typing he's so

9:02

good at typing that one was on

9:04

that one that's it oh boom yeah

9:06

it's got bars on my you can say it was

9:08

like divided in six like a piece of chocolate well

9:10

I'm stupid I'm an idiot are

9:13

you good at yes picture what is that or

9:18

what's the one where you got like ack

9:21

it out like great I'm a great straight

9:23

amazing you're good at charades really the one

9:25

oh I'm fucking nasty shirts okay but

9:28

that is just hard to whatever doesn't matter what

9:30

I do let's place raise right now pick pick

9:32

a thing it's great for an audio

9:34

podcast hold on was

9:36

that sarcasm no Gabe Gabe looks

9:39

like a fucking fisherman no game

9:41

night game is pop off game

9:43

that dude I played game should

9:46

I just tell the people I was about

9:48

to say I played game night

9:51

all right do it

9:53

do you gave it play the fucking RB

9:55

music I have a girlfriend You

10:01

know, locked up like that mirror!

10:03

Locked up. But in a good way. Dude,

10:05

in the best sense of the lock up. You

10:07

locked the door. You didn't get locked up. No,

10:10

here's the beauty of it. We both had a key

10:12

and we held the key at the same time and

10:15

locked it together. Yeah. Yeah. Give

10:17

me her key. She ain't leaving. Good. What? What?

10:20

Skeleton keys are hilarious. Oh,

10:23

my door's locked. Now it's not. I had a key to

10:25

open the whole thing. Keys are so big in movies. Stupid.

10:27

Every jail cell, parts of the Caribbean, the key is the size

10:29

of a telephone. We don't need it that big. Well, the guys

10:32

that were reaching out to me, I always think, pet the dogs.

10:34

So is a dog in jail. First of all, if I'm in

10:36

jail, I'm not a dog. I'm eating it.

10:38

Not a bad jail. Oh, okay. You're eating it. I

10:40

don't know. I feel like in jail they don't feed you enough. I

10:43

can't imagine they do. Do they feed good

10:45

stuff? That wasn't even a sentence. No. Do

10:47

they feed good stuff? Michael. Michael,

10:50

no! I would bet you if we had game-forceful

10:52

of like, proof made you. I don't know what

10:54

he's doing right now. But, you

10:56

just look so- I'm always on vape. Yeah, you look

10:58

like you're about to break into the Pentagon. You look

11:00

really like into a computer. Oh yeah, I'm looking at

11:02

before and after BBLs. Good.

11:05

Bring it up. Bring that up. Bring it up. God

11:08

damn. Las Vegas, Trevor Wall is doing

11:10

a pop-up show. All new material fresh

11:12

off this special. Come see me February

11:15

7th. That is next Wednesday. Week from

11:17

today. Whoa. One show only. Only holds

11:19

like 300. That bitch will sell out.

11:22

And then we got shit coming in later. We're

11:24

adding shows. Left and right we're going to be

11:26

adding San Francisco as of tomorrow. We're adding Tempe

11:29

and Tampa in the next couple weeks. But right

11:31

now on the website we have Salt Lake City

11:33

May 30th through June 1st. Miami,

11:35

Florida. Mr. 305. You and I. June

11:38

21st through June 23rd. Sacramento. What

11:42

a great city for comedy and I

11:44

mean that. June 28th to June 30th.

11:46

Portland, Oregon. Lexington, Kentucky. All on my

11:48

website. Nashville. We are adding. It's going

11:50

to be a fucking hot girl summer.

11:53

Stand up summer. And you can also see

11:55

Michael Blouse sign before that in the

11:57

spring or summer. Yeah. You go to BlouseC You'll

12:00

see this motherfucker this weekend this way dad. Let

12:02

me tell you something in February 8th to the

12:04

10th I'll be in Phoenix, Arizona. I come to

12:06

show sold out I mean honestly I think all

12:08

of them to this point but go get tickets

12:11

I think we might be adding another one so

12:13

go get tickets if there's tickets still available on

12:15

carrier, California guys February 22nd to 25th We

12:18

added a sixth show and that is hold out.

12:20

We're gonna maybe add a seventh. I swear to

12:22

God Oh, go get tickets before you cannot I

12:24

mean Evan. Yes, I don't know what's

12:26

happening February 28th I'll be in Minneapolis that is sold out. I

12:28

love you guys February 29th Milwaukee

12:31

almost sold out March 1st to

12:33

the 2nd. I'll be in Chicago all

12:35

shows are sold out March 8th guys,

12:37

New York City What the frick go

12:39

buy some tickets March 8th? It's

12:41

where I started to comedy so go get the

12:43

before you cannot March 9th We added a show

12:45

in Atlanta those six are selling and many many

12:47

more dates on my calendar Go to block com.com

12:50

at us block comedy com guys. I love you

12:52

on to the mother beeping show And

12:55

Michael is fear a factor for you because

12:57

I'll tell you what's not a factor me

12:59

being hungry because I use factor Every single

13:01

day I use factor buddy. Ask

13:04

me if I use like these factors literally

13:06

three meals a Frickin day

13:08

you take it and it's not like

13:11

this garbage food It's actually sensational like

13:13

cuisine style food you put in the

13:15

microwave It's two minutes for by the

13:17

way the food is never frozen But

13:20

if it two minutes it comes out

13:22

and it's like restaurant quality food the

13:24

day Legit amazing and we live

13:26

such crazy lives I don't even go to the grocery

13:28

store anymore, and I literally just eat factor every day,

13:30

and I It's phenomenal okay

13:33

if you're on the go or you don't even want to

13:35

cook But you still want to have that quality like you

13:37

did just cook it's great You get

13:39

to pick what you want up and coming ahead weeks

13:41

and and and it's super easy to use they

13:43

have an app They have a website you want

13:45

six you want eight a week do I do

13:47

add-ons. I did add-ons the wellness shot Protein

13:50

shakes like I am setting myself up for

13:52

success because when I didn't have this I

13:55

mean I was doing like I would pour coffee in my

13:57

oatmeal and I'd be like this works Yeah

14:00

I would literally just drink a five-hour energy and just go

14:02

on my day and then start shaking about 2.30 And

14:05

then I guess I should eat so Everybody

14:07

head to factor meals comm slash socks

14:09

50 and use code socks 50 to

14:11

get 50% off What

14:13

did I just say? 50%

14:16

off that's insane that's code socks 50 at

14:18

factor meals comm Socks 50

14:20

to get 50% off guys listen life's

14:23

hectic go get some enjoyable meals Damn

14:26

so first of all Michael. Yeah Nothing

14:29

you ever in the streets, but you're out of the street. I'm

14:31

out of the streets You had lease on

14:34

the streets, which you never used nope, but you're

14:36

like I don't need this crumbly need it man

14:38

I don't need it I just like dude being

14:40

out of relationship has its advantages being in a

14:42

relationship has advantage But I will say man like

14:45

this and not to get all whatever on everyone

14:47

right now Cuz I know this is a cum

14:49

podcast, but I never I've never felt the shawl

14:51

about someone in my whole life Never

14:54

never never and it honestly incredible

14:56

dude. I am I am like

15:00

Dude I know this part. That's

15:02

the only clip of this week Michael saying that

15:04

bro I'm gonna be honest man cue the R&B

15:07

music and everyone who doesn't want everyone Dude

15:09

butterflies bro, but when she walks in

15:12

the room really yes, man. I said

15:14

the look everything everything personality

15:17

dude literally Everything

15:19

how the feet? Incredible there

15:21

you go guys you hear I fed you

15:23

a little bit um baby bird But

15:26

I mean dude like like in

15:28

like in Love

15:31

bro really like so bro

15:34

like Like yeah

15:36

like I'm floating on speechless dog.

15:38

I'm telling you man I

15:40

it's I've never when when I'm gonna say it

15:43

again like I just I never huh When did

15:45

you know right like first date? You're like oh

15:47

first dude? Yes first date was there

15:49

something she did or said that you're like hold

15:51

on she just had like I mean obviously she was

15:53

beautiful But she just had like this personality that

15:55

like you just like talk to someone

15:57

and it's like you click like immediately Yeah,

16:00

the riff is good. The like

16:03

even like the the more introspective

16:05

conversations They were like they're she

16:07

just really good at having those conversations. She's really good

16:09

at like riffing She's really great at being like silly

16:11

It's like sort of like just this perfect like amalgamation

16:13

of a person that fits really really well with me

16:15

It's like dude. I love being silly, but I also

16:17

love it's funny cuz you just described me I

16:20

know I'm not good riff buddy. Listen,

16:22

I would if if all else fails,

16:25

I'll be with you Dude,

16:27

I think we would have a great relationship Yeah,

16:29

I think we complain about a lot of the

16:31

same things and I feel like that's all you

16:34

need in relationship Is one person gets home goes

16:36

that fucking traffic on the phone and then they

16:38

forgot my the beef and the beef and broccoli

16:40

I'd be a big problem. Just broccoli just broccoli.

16:43

I mean believe in broccoli who's doing the heavy

16:45

lifting beef the beef Well broccoli is getting way

16:47

too much broccoli takes a lot of the consistency

16:49

away I'm sick of it. Have you seen the

16:52

baby florets the real small ones? That's

16:54

what he needs are putting in beef and broccoli.

16:56

Sometimes the beef and broccoli. What is it? An

16:58

oak tree exactly. It's a whole head of cabbage

17:00

in there. No, I don't want it hard Cook

17:04

it more but I'm seriously the

17:06

beef is cooked. What was it? Where's the

17:08

broccoli? Yeah No,

17:11

but that's that's true The

17:15

price of broccoli was the price of

17:17

beef. They're just loading you up with

17:19

broccoli to cut budgets. Holy shit. You're

17:21

right Fentanyl first of all, I used

17:23

the word florets someone give me

17:25

a dollar. I thought that was like a chain

17:27

Dollar isn't it florets? Fuck you? I

17:30

think so. No, no, it's not as for

17:32

a I don't know I'm named my daughter

17:34

florette or her clip where you might

17:36

because you're in love buddy You're one step closer

17:38

to marriage than I am Okay,

17:42

I don't know if we're saying like you're

17:45

like if you know, yeah, you're journey on

17:47

the monopoly board Yeah in terms of and

17:49

marriages and you did a big move. Yeah,

17:51

I did a big move But

17:54

dude, you're right. Sorry it is

17:56

florets or it I'm a floor it that

17:58

sounds like me Floor it.

18:01

I show her the cum closet! I

18:03

got a lot to talk about! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

18:05

Alright, let's just, I'm gonna slow bake this. I'm sorry, I'm

18:07

getting ahead of myself. I just forgot that happened. I'm very

18:09

excited to tell you guys. Yeah, I went to Miami, saw

18:12

some BBLs, I ate some hot ones. I did hot ones

18:14

with Sean Evans at a college. I want to talk about

18:16

that later. My asshole was burning on a connecting flight. Oh

18:18

god. We need to make this episode three hours. No,

18:21

just, condense. We have so much to talk about.

18:23

You're right, bullet points. You're right, bullet points. Gabe,

18:25

if we're slowed down, say bombing. Okay, bombing. Bombing.

18:28

Yeah, speed it up, man. Fuck! Gabe,

18:30

speed it up. Come on, dude, we're about to get to our first ad.

18:32

Ah, you frigger bitch! Alright, no, I don't like this. Suckle will

18:34

is pressure me. You show her the cum closet, you're in love. No, no,

18:36

no, no, no, we're skipping. Yeah, because I want

18:38

to hear about all this stuff. I'm gonna do it.

18:40

I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna

18:42

do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do

18:45

it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm

18:48

gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do

18:50

it. We're skipping. I

18:53

just want to give them a little bit of foundation before we jump

18:56

off into the new foundation. Yeah, please foundation. I want to hear about

18:58

all this stuff. Yeah. First day was

19:00

amazing, dude. It was almost six hours. You

19:02

were like, when did I know? And

19:04

I'm answering your question. Oh, please. Great. So

19:07

what was the first day? What was it? Where? What?

19:11

How? Why? It

19:13

was at Laurel Hall? No, it was at employees only. Bar. Bar.

19:17

Yeah, I could've just set a bar. At a bar. Literally,

19:19

we just got clicked, dude, and this sounds

19:21

so notebook-y, but we just got lost in

19:24

our own world, and we picked our heads up, and

19:26

it was like two in the morning. Yeah, I know

19:28

you're in love. You're talking to fucking haiku poems over

19:30

here. Bro, yeah. That's a shit. We're

19:33

going to catch her right now. Bro, we're going to love you.

19:35

You just started saying, you're just comparing, and her

19:37

son with the eyes and my ass with the

19:39

moon. I don't even know what I'm

19:41

saying. That's pretty good. Maybe I'm in love. Six hours.

19:43

And was it six hours and you guys left or

19:46

the bar was like, hey, we're closing up. It was,

19:48

hey, you were closing up. We're

19:50

in our own bubble, and we kind of picked up,

19:52

and it was just fucking late as shit. So

19:55

we just clicked- Guess on the first date? Yes.

20:00

I was gonna say six hours. Yeah, it was great.

20:02

Yeah, we're doing a lot of talking. Yeah But

20:07

yeah, but like but even like the kitten dude, I

20:09

just like I just knew man I just knew and

20:11

obviously like the you can't just

20:14

jump in and be like whoa We're together like

20:16

it's you know obviously takes us a bunch of

20:18

time to yeah Timing all kind of stuff. So

20:21

yeah, we've been dating for like maybe three four

20:23

months And we just recently maybe three weeks ago

20:25

two weeks ago Whatever just made it like turning

20:27

in the paperwork apart paperwork sign this bitch Is

20:29

that we so when you get married you have

20:31

the wedding and then you got to go to

20:34

a courthouse He's officially married. He's reversed. Why the

20:36

fuck you want me to go to a courthouse

20:38

fine parking in a government building I'm

20:40

allowing to marry this man. I want to marry this

20:42

woman. I'm not part You know what? I want to do I'm

20:44

gonna get I'm gonna get to a level of my finances Why

20:47

I'm what I where I can park anywhere you

20:49

you can write on the curb No, you

20:51

can and you literally just write this vehicles

20:53

locked and loaded or you

20:55

don't I'm gonna start doing I'm gonna start putting I'm

20:57

gonna start writing police on an index card and just

20:59

putting it on my student driver. I Think

21:02

you still get a ticket every now they feel bad. Yo,

21:04

what if you had a student police officer? I Yeah

21:11

They will they're probably it Right

21:14

along those are crazy I

21:17

think so Kevin

21:19

Hart did that I'm crushing to

21:21

fully answer question I like this is it was

21:23

the first time where I could I am I

21:26

am a hundred percent This is how

21:28

I'm so soft. But like I a hundred percent believe in love

21:30

and first sight. I really do that

21:32

I'm really you man. I'll address every dude. I

21:35

like literally was I remember she got to the

21:37

bar before me and I was like He's on

21:39

time. She did. She's so on time. It's really

21:41

nice But I was like walking in I

21:43

was about to order a drink She was like Michael and I turned and

21:45

I saw her and I was like, well Holy

21:48

shit, really? Yeah, dude, like it was what and

21:50

we riff like immediately Yeah, it dude. It was

21:52

like it was it was great It was right

21:54

and then it's just been these last like three

21:57

four months. It's been fucking awesome and like I

21:59

am Yeah, man, I'm

22:01

just like so I'm so happy. That's

22:03

great. I'm so happy Wow. Yeah,

22:05

so that's a that's that's the news That's the

22:07

news very happy and I want

22:09

to get to the come closet and then we

22:12

get to the hot ones come fucking Fascinated about

22:14

this. Yeah, I don't know who how this guy

22:16

is off a hot one. So I'm excited. I'm

22:18

sure yeah Yeah, come

22:20

closet come closet. So my my

22:23

mom had her surprise 70th birthday

22:25

in DC. So I wondered

22:28

My girl to fly in with me to meet

22:30

the whole family and do this and do this.

22:32

Yeah birthday Yeah, so we do the birthday. It

22:35

was fucking lovely dude. I had my mom had

22:37

people we invited people from my mom's past So

22:39

whatever that was beautiful kind of people were there

22:41

dude like 65 good door deals. Oh, yeah, we

22:43

had 90% Yeah, it was great. Yeah. Yeah So

22:47

surprise she had no idea. No, oh dude, she don't

22:49

walk in dude surprise a prize and at that age

22:51

That's risky, bro. I'm gonna be honest cuz you already

22:53

had a heart attack I lose you really like maybe

22:55

seven years ago. I told my oh, I'm so sorry.

22:57

Oh, it's okay man. She's okay I didn't do it.

23:00

No. Well, maybe you did now. I mean, I think

23:02

you did but now I think you did Yeah

23:06

What's your favorite kind of cupcakes? dungeon's

23:09

crab Yeah,

23:18

that's up there. Have you seen those sandwiches when they just chop

23:20

it all up then they put it in the bread They

23:22

literally will take everything you want. So big

23:24

turkey pastrami Actually

23:27

pastrami doesn't mix well to others. It's not me so

23:29

good on a tongue, but you're a

23:31

pastrami guy Yeah, sure. Yeah fucking love it like

23:33

turkey lettuce Yes, but they take everything

23:35

and then they chop it up. So it's like bird food

23:37

Then they put it in the bread after it's in New

23:39

York something. Have you seen you've seen it? No, I'm not

23:42

forget You don't really be scrolling the Internet. I don't scroll

23:44

my brain is cooked yours is not you're in love I'm

23:46

just rotting away to fucking take talk But they like make

23:48

this sandwich and they chop it all up and it's like

23:50

mush But people say it's really good like

23:52

a people that I'm talking about it sounds

23:55

good surprise party But we said surprise six

23:57

five people people from our like elementary

24:00

College how to cry oh dude that's what I guess

24:02

we're gonna do Surprise she

24:04

took one moment says realize what happened and

24:06

then she started Dude,

24:08

just weeping of like happiness. It was

24:10

so beautiful and it took her like

24:13

she didn't realize that I was there Like it

24:15

was she like looked you said she had just

24:18

so many surprises. Yeah, cuz she's five people are

24:20

surprises Yeah, I mean everyone only she means the

24:22

girlfriend. It's a girlfriend too. Yeah Yeah, and I

24:24

mom know so I talked I talked about my

24:26

girl to my mom before So it wasn't like

24:28

a crazy surprise. Yeah, like she didn't know she

24:31

was coming in there surprise surprise double double and

24:33

it was Dude, it was so sweet man because

24:36

She met like all my aunt's all my uncle's

24:38

whatever and it was so funny cuz I'm not

24:40

I'm not even be I'm not exaggerating six

24:43

different five or I'm sorry

24:45

four ants and and Two

24:48

of my mom's friends all did the same thing at different points

24:50

They took me they grabbed my arm took me to a side

24:52

and they're like we I just talked to you I was like

24:54

what is going on to talk me was like don't

24:57

fuck this up. She's awesome But just saying

24:59

really really and but it was six different

25:01

people. It was so sweet anyways,

25:03

we got back to my mom's house, so that's where

25:05

we stayed on Saturday night and This

25:08

is why I love this girl. How big is

25:10

your bed in your old room, buddy twin,

25:13

uh Y'all

25:16

cuddling in a twin a twin and this is why I

25:18

know I'm love I don't care Well

25:21

don't care. Yeah because you're

25:23

like cuddled up. Yeah, yeah, but you you're

25:25

the guy that usually hates fucking cuddling buddy

25:27

Thank you for remembering. I

25:29

hate it not with her though. I

25:32

actually like it. You're a big cuddle guy now Buddy,

25:34

I mean I have to I have to assume my

25:36

position where I can sleep Position

25:38

is that ass up? No in a Marriott

25:43

No, what do you assume your position my

25:45

position I can sleep within the cuddle It's

25:47

like me on my back and she's just

25:49

sort of like like barnacle your

25:52

lumberjack. Uh Like you

25:54

know lumberjack always carries shit over the shoulders. Oh, yeah,

25:56

but so I'm like this and then she's sort of

25:58

just like Sex to

26:00

the party what's up? Did you bring the

26:02

sex pillow to the party? No, but we

26:04

did in my childhood bed

26:06

And it was one of the hottest things

26:08

I've ever done before um yeah,

26:11

but like so long ago Wow, it

26:13

was like whatever it was in the closet. It was

26:15

so I know this is what I'm getting to I should

26:17

have I'm fucking pissed you're right. I should have invited

26:19

I thought but we woke up the next morning Okay,

26:21

and this is why I love this girl. She looks

26:23

at me. She goes. Oh you said I

26:25

love this girl. Oh, yeah You said it

26:28

what are you talking about? I said it four

26:30

minutes ago then I'm gonna be but

26:32

you you went for illy order oh Yeah,

26:35

I do it. I said I yeah like like a

26:37

month ago Bros.

26:40

It love yeah, where were you?

26:44

Yeah, but but the difference of being like oh,

26:46

I love this one. I'm like like I love

26:48

you The eye is really the missing piece. Oh

26:50

I know you love this movie. We said I

26:52

love you hold up. I'm sorry. Yes, you're totally

26:54

right That's that's a fair fair point and yes,

26:56

I've said I love you. We say it all

26:58

the time. It's like yeah Hey,

27:01

dude, it's fucking wonderful My

27:04

point is closet. She wakes

27:07

up. She goes Michael. Go yes. She goes I

27:09

want to see the cum closet Unprompted I

27:11

go I love you Unprompted

27:14

she's I want to see it open

27:16

it up. We like dude. We found

27:18

new better pre yeah, yeah We

27:21

found I should have fucking brought a light that

27:23

boy definitely But so she saw the cum on

27:25

the ground and then and then I found this

27:27

like a backpack the airwalk backpack You guys remember

27:29

this doesn't matter, but I used to put I

27:32

used to put Adam and Eve catalogs in there

27:34

And and I was looking and I was like

27:36

oh my god. It's so funny So we're like

27:38

looking at like two different Adam and Eve catalogs

27:40

like together They

27:43

one didn't really was locked

27:46

shut password don't remember passwords come yeah

27:48

passwords My mom is hot didn't open

27:50

um Yeah, but so it's

27:52

like that's the style of person shoes. She's like

27:54

I want to see it This is like she really sounded like

27:56

hot Yeah Yeah,

28:00

so we looked we did all that showing around like

28:02

an open house. Yeah, this is right here We got

28:04

a nice load a nice little merlot right there 1997

28:06

right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah,

28:08

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

28:10

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah,

28:12

yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah,

28:14

yeah, yeah Yeah, so that's And and

28:16

and this is at your childhood home.

28:18

Yes People are

28:20

there Um, yeah, my my whole my sister all

28:22

her family Clapping it

28:25

up Yeah, but like soft like really

28:27

Airplane mode Yeah, air well Airplane mode

28:29

pipedown Honestly, it was like do not

28:32

do it Airplane mode Airplane

28:34

moan Black

28:36

snake moan Good movie anyone? Nope

28:39

I'm still talking about salt burn You're right Wait,

28:42

what's what's do not do

28:44

not disturb Do not disturb would probably at

28:46

that right Do not dick stirp Do not

28:48

dick stirp That definitely works Airplane moan All

28:51

right But yeah, so like but

28:53

quietly but that's why it was so hot And

28:56

in a twin bed you only have one

28:58

position And that we did we did multiple

29:00

Really? Yeah A

29:02

lot of these old house have like little creaky wood

29:04

So I don't know why I assume it was a

29:06

little house Oh, no, it is It's like a Yeah,

29:09

yeah It's like a 1930 Yeah, you

29:11

didn't have to like get water It's like right right

29:13

right The floor wasn't the problem It was like the

29:15

bed Yeah, because it's fucking The metal shelf was calm

29:18

But the bed The headboard The

29:20

headboard Things were moving But

29:22

I but I we got I got into a

29:25

place where it wasn't it wasn't creaking a lot

29:28

But dude, it's just it's just the hotness of like

29:30

obviously the childhood bed and like I used to like,

29:32

you know The 14 playing basketball like

29:35

oh, I hopefully there's a girl and gonna be here

29:37

too and then fast forward whatever years later It's like

29:39

it's like it's so hot and then the

29:41

fact that you have to be quiet is

29:44

so hot. Yeah I

29:46

feel like it um You feel

29:48

it more actually. Yeah, like because your other your

29:50

other senses are heightened. Yeah, I make sense. Yeah

29:52

No, 100% Focused

29:54

on the moon ball Like a blind guy can like really taste

29:56

some shit Yeah, that's gotta

29:58

be real, right? God damn,

30:01

but I'm not done. I'm not Frickin

30:03

sports season is here That's right,

30:05

it's a sports season and I

30:08

love using prize picks. What is

30:10

it? I will tell you dude

30:12

Prize picks is the easiest the most

30:14

exciting way to Play

30:17

daily fantasy sports. It's just you

30:19

against the numbers dude instead of

30:21

battling Thousands of other players

30:23

including pros and freaking sharks, dude it is

30:26

just you against numbers living all you have

30:28

to do is pick more or Less

30:31

than on two to six players stat projections

30:33

do it and watch the winnings rolling. That's

30:35

it I just got oh, they're gonna do

30:37

more than that or less than that. That's

30:40

literally it so simple. I could do it

30:42

Yes, Wow. Yeah, and you don't know it's not about

30:44

sports and you did it about two weeks ago and you won

30:47

I remember that it was great way to be invested in the

30:49

game and what I like about it I'm

30:51

an entry-level sports guy. So I feel like I

30:53

know some stakes in the game You know, I've had some of the

30:55

shoulder and I yo Demar

30:58

Rosen, that's my guy. Who is it? Demar

31:00

Rosen? You did it. That's my

31:02

guy. That is your guy dude Prize picks is

31:05

so simple dude. It's Okay,

31:10

we can bake our

31:12

picks and submit the frickin entry

31:14

in less than 60 seconds It

31:17

is so so easy. I love it. We

31:19

love it Gabe what Gabe like four months

31:21

ago one rack relapse So

31:26

we'll tell you what we'll tell you how

31:28

to get it Okay Go to prize picks

31:30

comm slash socks and use code socks for

31:32

the first deposit match up to a hundred

31:34

bucks Let's hold on you will not work. Um,

31:37

if I give 50 in price picks will match my

31:39

shh What if what if it's $98 I

31:41

put in $90 match it a hundred

31:43

hundred match it up to a hundred

31:47

Yeah, I'm generous they are

31:49

generous and look at your name

31:51

Ellen Don't

31:53

know if we can Ellen generous is what

31:56

they are price

31:58

picks comm slash socks and use Code socks

32:00

for the first Plaza match up to $100

32:04

pick more pick less. It is

32:06

that easy Guys

32:09

you've also been asking about merch guess what

32:11

ring ring ring You should be receiving a

32:13

shipping notification any moment So there are dollars

32:15

the same way you guys did we just

32:17

got ours today. It should be getting here

32:19

this week, right? Yeah, when you

32:22

ring check your ring doorbell that might be there But

32:24

yeah, we're super happy with how it came out the

32:27

stuff we got with samples So we don't even know

32:29

the full quality of it, but it's it's fire. It's

32:31

phenomenal. Very excited. So, um, yeah So this should be

32:33

coming very very soon. So we love you and yeah

32:35

on to the episode And

32:37

where did you? Seem

32:40

and yes. Hmm. Where did I

32:42

seem in? Oh I

32:45

seem in on the old on the old tummy. Oh Yeah,

32:49

yeah, yeah, yeah little semen on the old

32:51

tummy and then he just walked

32:53

downstairs and got some pancakes I live on the

32:55

I live on the bottom live on my floors

32:57

my eyes. I'm well, that's why it's not it's

33:00

not creaking as much He's upstairs facts.

33:02

Yeah, there's always be creaking away So

33:05

most people are upstairs in my family. My

33:07

brother is on the first floor. So my

33:09

brother's yeah, did he hear it?

33:13

I mean, you know Yeah,

33:17

yeah me up yo Hey, come on. Hell.

33:19

Yeah, isn't it funny to even brother and

33:21

someone goes sick work, bro. It's like hey

33:23

that actually works Could you

33:25

actually my brother? Yeah,

33:28

so Come

33:32

closet. Yeah Question

33:34

I'm gonna quit you guys fly and

33:37

what did you do? What do you mean? If I'm

33:39

not mistaken. This was the same Sophia

33:42

Franklin episode

33:45

That was that was that was that was a

33:47

Boston I Correct,

33:50

but that's what we talked about right? Yes same

33:52

same lady. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry

33:55

So now he was on a flight together for

33:57

the first time. Yeah, how was it traveling together?

34:00

So we got there at different times cuz

34:04

No, she had she had like a schedule. We had a

34:06

schedule thing or she had a schedule thing should it be

34:08

here? So I it's a very

34:10

long story. I booked a flight together. Yeah,

34:12

and then she had to move her flight I

34:15

thought you were like oh, yeah, man. That's crazy.

34:17

I gotta sneeze at four But

34:21

all the way back we we flew together and it was like

34:24

Dude, it was so cute man. Certainly.

34:26

Yeah, that's great. It was so cute. We literally

34:28

were in the uber Like

34:30

going to my house when we landed and we

34:33

were both like how is it even fun like?

34:36

On an airplane again. It was like it was fun. Do we

34:38

got like a this sounds stupid We got like a bunch of

34:40

like snacks and we just like oh, yeah Snacked it up and

34:42

then we got food and then we got some drinks dude Did

34:45

you ever drunk an airplane now never cuz

34:48

the buzz is fun for 10 minutes and

34:50

then I'm tired and then the flight has

34:52

five Hours. Yeah, I'm literally the most psychotic

34:54

person on a plane. Well Well,

34:57

there's other ones. Yes, never forget I'm

35:03

the guy with jeans and I will literally take

35:06

International with jeans. No, I've changed now.

35:08

I'll wear sweats. I'll wear sweats, but

35:11

I think they have Sam I wore

35:13

jeans Did

35:16

you wear jeans when you went

35:18

to Australia now No,

35:21

no, no, so in overalls what

35:26

No, now I change now I got my

35:28

flight fit down But yeah, I will say

35:30

we're going to the where last week. I

35:32

was definitely in jeans for timing purposes But

35:35

now I'm a sweats guy What

35:37

are they talking about? How do we get here? A

35:39

lot of people ask for Xanax for a flight I'm

35:41

the opposite. Give me an Adderall. I'll fucking edit clips.

35:44

Yeah, I'm a big I won't get on a plane

35:46

without getting to five I'm gonna I will have to

35:48

cuz I'm a big cuz I do my brain We

35:51

have a very similar brain like I'm on a flight

35:53

and I'm like do I sleep or

35:55

do I work? I could sleep anyway, but

35:57

but I get better work there than I

35:59

do when I'm That's cuz no text is

36:01

no disruption. I did too You know what

36:03

pissed me off and I've already said this

36:05

that Wi-Fi now is very easily accessible and

36:07

it's free and I don't Like it because

36:10

then I'm on it. I don't know not

36:12

on American American. What do you say? I'm

36:14

elegant Mark there is she big and tiny,

36:16

but I have T-Mobile. Ah So

36:19

I always get for the yeah Delta and for

36:21

Delta and American I get free dude use my

36:23

number my phone number really Yeah, you

36:26

just use it next time Because you can you know,

36:28

I'm someone just scroll down and it says T-Mobile number.

36:30

Just put my number in that's leave to do. Yeah

36:35

Okay, they don't like fact check it and be like this is

36:37

a variety have you seen the CEO of T-Mobile American

36:39

They're like doors are flying. The guy

36:41

literally what do you say American Airlines

36:43

doors are flying off a melon? You

36:47

saw the clip though, right the door flew off bring

36:49

it up. What are you talking about? You didn't do

36:51

that. Oh, wow, you know, I'm writing a bit about

36:53

this But this is the funniest thing that human beings

36:56

do you go have you seen it?

36:58

I go no and you go you haven't seen that

37:00

but there's certain things that just get big enough where

37:02

you're like It's it's it's inevitable not a

37:04

word, but I've already said that I didn't see it,

37:06

but it's just funny that people always do it Oh,

37:08

have you seen solve for knives unit? You haven't seen

37:11

no, I just said it I

37:13

just said I didn't see it now you're gonna

37:15

yell American Airlines. Well, they're doors

37:17

full of mid-flight. What's airlines? It's actually

37:19

Alaska. Oh Yeah, I don't

37:23

know. That's was big enough to have an airline Yeah,

37:26

the big old way South Dakota lines. Did you not

37:28

see that? The door's

37:30

off. This is everything we know so

37:32

no What

37:35

do you mean? GG

37:38

would go flying out that thing. She

37:40

wouldn't fit It

37:44

was cool Think

37:46

about yeah, oh

37:48

dude also. Yeah, you're right. It looks like and

37:50

people the temperature is freezing up Yeah, people are

37:52

just posted up in there to show them. What

37:55

do you do? How do you communicate? Excuse me, sir. You

37:57

might win this thing real quick. Yeah, that's another thing.

37:59

It's cuz Gotta be fucking loud up there too. Sure The

38:03

loudest but yeah, they get some good points in

38:05

the comments. You can see the stars pretty cool

38:07

view 1500 bucks in

38:09

a refund. That's all they did. Yeah, fuck you

38:11

if that happened to me I'm owning one of

38:14

those You know They also they found a phone

38:16

that flew out of the window like on the

38:18

ground or something in the case of the phone

38:20

Like when like somewhat borrowed being like you protected

38:22

a phone from fly from fucking space. Oh The

38:25

phone works. Yeah, I Mean what

38:28

that's got to be an Otterbox fucking forget

38:30

what it was But they did some research

38:33

so what happened headed to fall off just

38:35

faulty Boeing plane. Fuck you No one oh,

38:37

I thought someone did it No, cuz I

38:40

know a plane whatever money did it well,

38:42

no a plane whatever a month ago fucking

38:44

a kid opened it This

38:46

was not even an actual door. It's like they have

38:48

it's called a door plug. So it's basically you think

38:51

it's the one talk Yeah,

38:53

but apparently Boeing has kind of come under fire

38:55

a little bit for like they they

38:57

try to get away from well Boeing doesn't know

38:59

how to make airplanes. Does Boeing make headphones? I

39:01

know that's both The

39:04

fact that no, there's a Boeing type

39:06

of Boeing headphones. Nope. Both. I'm

39:08

pretty sure Boeing does I'm pretty sure

39:11

they make airplanes and they make bombs for weddings Go

39:15

ahead I see we did there I did it

39:18

took me a second. I did it you did it I did

39:20

it But they but they do make they

39:22

do make military stuff right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

39:25

I've been Boeing headphones. I'm trying to do it. They

39:27

don't pull it up. I didn't

39:29

raise your headphones They sell headphones like on

39:31

their store the Boeing store, but

39:33

it's not their headphones Those

39:36

are those are guys that work at airport

39:38

headphones But they are headphones.

39:40

Those are those are the seem they're like

39:43

skull candies this shit. It's not their head.

39:45

Whatever you guys Poke

39:48

forward in my plot It's

39:51

of course projecting Projecting is

39:54

the funniest thing to do. I'm not wrong. You're

39:56

wrong. Go ahead gas lights hilarious.

39:58

You're crazy No,

40:01

I saw you have sex with someone. Wasn't

40:03

he? Parents don't have your whole life. That was

40:05

the first gas light! Who? It wasn't

40:08

me! I'm an encounter! It wasn't me!

40:10

That was the first gas light. Oh, did he invite

40:12

it? He didn't pin for the streets. You know what?

40:14

He invented it. Yeah, the gas lighting. Was not me.

40:17

Wasn't me. I

40:19

literally saw you fucking somebody on the counter. That was

40:21

not me. Oh, so somebody broke into

40:23

our house, looked like you, then fucked on the

40:25

counter, then left while you were conveniently at work?

40:27

Yeah, the woman was screaming out, give it to

40:29

me shaggy. But it wasn't you? No.

40:32

It wasn't me. He's

40:34

still making money off that, and I love it. Yo,

40:37

yeah. So, goddamn. Roses

40:39

are red, bodies are blue. I'm trying to

40:41

put my inside of you. Heart.

40:46

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40:48

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41:24

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41:27

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41:29

oh, she unwraps a box. Great. She

41:32

goes to unwrap another box. She can't find the gift.

41:34

Her own body. Too much confetti. Hair.

41:37

Oh. I thought

41:39

you meant to put it in a box. Listen,

41:41

I trimmed up the other day with Manscape. It's

41:43

like when I look at my car sometimes, I go, man, I

41:46

want a new car. Or I get

41:48

a car wash. I go, fuck, this car's beautiful.

41:51

Sometimes you just need a car wash for your cock

41:53

and like you need to detail it. You can't

41:55

just rinse it off in the shower. You've got to

41:57

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vertical. Have we mentioned that

42:02

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42:05

Thanks a man's cave cuz I'll be

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42:11

can trust it down In these places

42:13

you're putting down this skin safe technology,

42:15

huh, dude. I've never cut myself. Not

42:17

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it also comes the brightest LED spotlight yet, dude,

42:23

and it's freaking water waterproof and I use it

42:25

in the shower I'm literally in there. Brat brat

42:27

brat. Me too. It asked me how many times

42:30

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42:32

I have not charged at once I don't go with the

42:34

charger buddy. I took it out of the box have not

42:36

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43:02

closet. It may be updates. Those are all

43:04

great stuff. Um That

43:06

is that concludes the I mean, that's

43:08

a monumental update that I

43:13

am I am I'm

43:16

like I I know we was yelling rangery blah

43:18

blah blah come but I'm like I do I'm

43:20

so happy right now That's great. Yeah, and

43:23

so how long into it? Did you delete all

43:25

the apps? We did it

43:27

the day I did it in unison. Well, it was

43:29

really really fucking cute. I'll tell you exactly Love

43:34

I appreciate those a certain level like I'm sick

43:36

of this you guys just

43:38

sharing one piece of spaghetti and delete So

43:42

but this is this is this is super cute

43:44

actually So we

43:46

made it official and then I was

43:48

driving somewhere Yeah, and I had this

43:51

thought I was like, well, I have

43:53

to delete the apps, right? Of course,

43:55

so I just I literally deleted both

43:57

of them and I'm not shitting

43:59

you 20 seconds

44:01

later, she texted me with a

44:03

screenshot of her deleting the app

44:06

and I was like, this is insane.

44:08

I feel like that's literally the modern

44:10

day, like, seal the deal.

44:13

Like 10 years ago, on Facebook, you're in

44:15

a relationship. People would be putting crazy shit

44:17

in there. They'd be like, it's complicated. Dude,

44:19

if a lady ever put, it's complicated when

44:21

you're on Facebook, she's brooding your brother. Publicly?

44:24

Publicly, it's complicated. Publicly, it's complicated. But that's

44:26

so funny. But that's the modern day, like,

44:28

petty thing, where, like, you're in a fight

44:30

and you change to what's complicated. What do

44:32

you mean it's complicated? Right, but that was

44:34

10 years ago. You fucked Randy Syphax? What

44:37

do you mean it's complicated? You cheated on it. It's

44:40

very simple. But it's only going to

44:42

get more complex after, it's

44:45

only going to get more complicated after you put that.

44:47

Yeah, because you're going to be like, oh, I fucked

44:49

a sex robot. And you're like, she's on me. Cheated

44:51

on you. It's made of Bluetooth. Yeah, you can't change

44:53

it the next day, be like, we're better than ever.

44:55

Like, the second it hits, it's complicated, it's downhill. The

44:57

modern day version of that is when girls will

45:00

take you off the photos of them that you

45:02

got. Yep. But they don't delete or archive. So

45:04

you can be on the grid at any given moment. What's your

45:06

take on this? Do you think

45:09

sex robots is going to be considered cheating

45:11

in the future? No, it's going to be considered sad,

45:14

though. It's going to start fights. Why don't you want

45:16

to just have sex with me? Why do you want

45:18

to have sex with a rat? Ooh, that's a smart

45:20

one. But the question is, if it

45:23

gets, what's the word, Gabe? Sentient? Sentient,

45:26

yeah. Sentient? Does that mean they're smarter than? Yeah,

45:28

yeah. What's the thing that they're smarter than humans?

45:30

What is that? They call

45:32

it AGI. Thank you. When they get AGI,

45:34

it's called AG1. Put

45:37

it in. No, don't do it. They don't sponsor us anymore.

45:39

Oh, that's a great answer. Yeah.

45:41

If they get AGI, I'm so sorry, no. AGI?

45:43

Mm-hmm. If sex robots get

45:45

AGI... No, because she's me

45:48

piping down a dude robot. Well,

45:52

if she is... Okay, so she pipes down a dude

45:54

robot, is that considered cheating? No. Walk

45:57

yourself through that. You walk in. the

46:00

house long day shows you're

46:02

come off tour yeah it's five

46:04

shows and you're out you come back you

46:06

put the luggage down and you hear what

46:09

what what I did it to me

46:11

Sharon what I'm getting a water bottle on

46:13

douse in that man and I

46:15

say no bull arrives for this bitch you're done leave him

46:18

out to dry no if you're gone yeah

46:20

why not I think it's

46:22

like I don't think you're fully I don't think you're fully

46:25

what like it's almost a human but

46:27

it's not but like but

46:30

it almost movies same

46:33

movie I've seen it you didn't see it her

46:35

I know of it

46:37

okay like you

46:40

can fall like emotionally for

46:42

like a well I don't think that person would

46:44

be mentally stable in the first place who whoever's

46:47

falling in love with that robot but

46:49

he think my thing and imagine a

46:51

future where these things are so sophisticated

46:53

it's literally just bitch me

46:55

and R2-D2 can have liver after R2-dicks too

46:58

yeah probably

47:00

get married at fucking Microsoft I don't

47:02

care Microsoft best buy Reddit's

47:05

pretty split on this half of the people say

47:07

it's not infidelity because it's just a toy and

47:09

then other people are along the same line it's

47:11

not a toy though that's I

47:13

think that's that's the big depends on how they use it

47:15

if it's for a sex purpose toy reason okay I get

47:18

it dude gotta do take that anger but if you're writing

47:20

like notes to it and you're going to the movies with

47:22

it it's going with you to Whole Foods and I'm like

47:24

this is your man yeah but what

47:26

if he's piping her down in a way that

47:28

she's like says he's like satiated so like y'all

47:30

sex life is whatever then it's a

47:32

problem oh yeah that's I mean that's what I'm

47:34

yeah but if I get home from traveling and

47:36

she's like honey great to see you we're good

47:38

before I walk in and she's like sorry I

47:40

have a little bit of grease

47:44

on my mouth how are

47:46

you good uh if

47:48

it if we're getting close to like a

47:51

very sophisticated thing I think

47:54

I'm I think no correct

47:57

no look it's not gonna At

48:00

first, it wouldn't bother you, at least from your person,

48:02

but after a while, you'd be like, this is weird.

48:04

I mean, dude, there are- They're making macaroni together. There

48:06

are guys that have problems

48:08

like dildos. So just

48:10

imagine a dildo times a million.

48:14

I feel like if anything, and maybe this is just a

48:16

new Michael, but like six months ago, I feel like you

48:18

would've been like, Good, fuck my wife, I don't care! Yeah.

48:21

I'm in love. If I come back,

48:24

and my girl's getting piped down by Roger

48:26

the Robot, and she's coming harder

48:28

than I've ever seen her come, I'm

48:31

getting a fu- I'm getting my father's gun,

48:33

and I'm shooting the fucking robot in the day. I don't

48:35

think it'll take your robot down. It'll be like, Pfft, ha

48:38

ha ha ha! No, I'm- You couldn't finish, and you couldn't

48:40

finish me! Ha ha ha ha ha! I'm never charging this

48:42

guy every game. Oh, charging.

48:44

Charging. There's no way. Electricity?

48:46

Done. Get the fuck out of

48:48

here. Yeah, how do you shut

48:50

a robot down? Water. I

48:52

don't think so, man. He can pipe

48:54

your girlfriend down, squirting everywhere, but he can't handle

48:57

a fucking glass of Dasani? He's

49:00

gonna be fine. I- I don't know. You're gonna have to take

49:02

out a- like a- like a fire hose, maybe. Yeah. You

49:04

know what's gonna take him down? A Phillips head screwdriver.

49:06

There you go. I'm gonna disassemble that bitch while he

49:08

sleeps, and they don't have to screw by screw. Yep.

49:10

One arm falls off. Ah, that is my arm, you

49:13

asshole. Don't need it. I only have three. It's

49:15

dick. Yeah. What

49:17

do you think the perfect dick is if you were a lady? What do you

49:19

think the perfect size for you would be? Whatever I

49:22

have. Um,

49:25

I don't know. I feel like- I

49:27

feel like whatever I have with a little bit of

49:30

creatine, like a little more, you know? I

49:32

think I'm one and a half inches away

49:34

from being perfect. That's a lot. Is

49:37

it? That's a lot in dick world. Yeah, what's the percentage of

49:39

that? That's a lot. What's the percentage? That's

49:41

three hundred percent more than what I have. Jokes.

49:44

Um- That's a lot. No, like, I'm-

49:47

I'm- I'm sick, dude, but I feel like if you gave yourself

49:49

an inch and a half- Yeah, but that's like you mean like-

49:51

I wish I was two feet tall, and I would crush me

49:53

and be like- But I don't think it's two feet, though. Maybe

49:56

that's what Gabe's math is he's trying to do right now. And

49:58

it is. I don't think it's like

50:01

maybe I mean you might be right cuz no because

50:03

I'm I'm six foot and

50:06

well You're

50:08

like 25% more dick by the way how much 25

50:10

for yeah, that's a lot. I'm sorry I know one

50:12

and a half inches is crazy. Yeah, I saw I

50:14

didn't know this one about this But that'd be like

50:17

so the same prepares in six feet Yeah, add an

50:19

inch and a half in that measurement world be at

50:21

a foot and a half now. I'm seven and a

50:23

half feet I'm going immediately

50:25

to Utah Jazz 17

50:28

watts why the fuck are they called the jazz? Okay,

50:34

um I think that's an under

50:36

underrated place to play I feel like There's

50:38

a shot. There's like real housewives of Salt Lake

50:40

City, and they are nice ladies. I feel like

50:43

this. I mean Bring

50:46

a piece of paper But

50:48

I feel like Salt Lake players because no other

50:50

sports teams out there when you're

50:52

the only team in town Yeah, I know competition.

50:55

Oh you play for the Dolphins don't care Miami

50:57

Heat throwing it down Oh, you're

50:59

right like the Oklahoma City Thunder guess what the

51:01

Thunder from sex

51:04

sex dude Never

51:08

mind you're dude you see I don't you're pulling

51:11

out man. That's that's second time that's what we go

51:13

I don't know if I want to go there Are

51:16

you a censored man? Are you a censored

51:18

man? No,

51:22

this is what I was gonna say I mean

51:24

you think they're clapping out an OKC yes to

51:28

who a John Deere

51:30

tractor. I don't know this hot just hot

51:32

people in every city. You're totally right. You're

51:35

totally right. Yeah country It's

51:40

okay, it's your surroundings hot it's like if

51:42

you're We first land there

51:44

you might not be like I don't find this But you

51:46

start going same coffee shop and OKC all of a sudden

51:49

that girl the small little tattoos and the glasses and the

51:51

girl Who doesn't go fuck about her job you know I

51:53

just dropped a hot woman Tattoos

51:55

and glasses while tattoos glasses doesn't care about a job.

51:57

She's reading a book and you walk up a book

52:01

I got a bookmark for you cock

52:05

Six inches. I wish it was a

52:07

one dude. I'm telling you man. What are the half away? She's

52:10

God damn it. Where were you? Are

52:12

you adding length length length? Oh length

52:14

no girth I'm fine girls.

52:16

You know when people do hair chance when if they take

52:19

some off and then add it Uh-huh, so you say you're

52:21

girls up. Did you go to a doctor take some girls

52:23

and add it to length? And

52:25

that's a fun why that's a key question. Whoa

52:28

the train left at come I Here's

52:32

the thing I think my girth is

52:34

like we're just at like a good

52:36

place So if I started shaving it

52:38

off, what do you think you could plug with that? Like

52:40

if something was leaking? What do you think you could just

52:43

fill it up with like flex seal? Like how

52:45

much like I'm like is a Gatorade bottle leaking

52:47

or is he still getting leaked out of that

52:49

propel bottle? I think I think probably Gatorade bottle

52:51

beyond really. Yeah, I think that's probably it No,

52:54

bass. We're talking. Oh, yeah,

52:56

I Can't

52:59

imagine what a gator about looks like to be honest I Can't

53:04

can you Celsius pop more

53:07

I'll cut my whole big and ass are you

53:09

getting in there? Wait? That's

53:15

about a Gatorade guys Gatorade bottles are

53:18

Normally large guys actually are

53:20

not I think you you wouldn't fit it

53:22

in a Gatorade bottle you think it's too big I

53:25

think it's bigger than that. Yeah, that should be

53:27

a flavor Gatorade girth What

53:29

tastes like? What it tastes

53:31

like did the penis tastes

53:33

like a good fucking night. All

53:36

right for somebody for me.

53:38

Oh God

53:40

damn god damn. I'll make everyone

53:42

in this room comment under a minute. Go ahead Under

53:46

minute it wouldn't I'm telling you I got

53:48

a good mr. Beast video. Yeah, what's up

53:50

guys? Yeah,

53:54

what's the most amount of people you

53:57

think you could make come in under an hour

54:00

60 minutes how many people could you make come

54:02

three forty three? I'm running outside.

54:04

I'm grabbing a flash size I'm sure she's just

54:06

text me in your dad Three people? What would

54:09

be in your yeah, I don't know what are

54:11

you saying? In

54:14

an hour buddy. I don't think you have the form

54:16

for that. I'm not using I'm using my arms

54:20

Here's my ass. Here's my ass. Here's my

54:22

mouth spit roast me I'm gonna

54:24

get sore though, of course. I'm getting sore, but how

54:26

much money I'm making if this is free Yeah, all

54:28

then this is just to get in the Guinness Book

54:30

World Records My own give a shit about that anymore.

54:32

Is that out there too, but I don't get crazy

54:34

I'll wear that on a chain and go to a

54:36

bar a hundred percent. Excuse me. All right, page 47.

54:38

Look at this I ate so

54:40

much cotton candy. I've got a question We were

54:42

talking about the robots and if they were having sex

54:45

with your girl, would you be mad? Yeah, what if

54:47

you found your girl like eating

54:49

herself out all the time? What like even

54:51

yourself all the time You could suck your

54:53

own dick. She'd probably get pissed right?

54:55

You're just always coming. I Don't

54:58

think anybody is that flexible. I know

55:00

what if they were But

55:04

again, I mean I think we're always If

55:13

it was affecting our sex life then then yeah,

55:15

I just think I walked into Yeah,

55:18

it looks like a fucking jenga puzzle. I just picture

55:20

my cats. All it does is top himself off If

55:23

we talk with you work what he

55:26

sucks his own All

55:29

animals bathe themselves like that he's

55:32

not fucking topping himself Oh, I know but like

55:34

he's in and around there. I don't look at

55:36

him. Well, it seems like you do I don't

55:38

know. He's usually in the corner and one one

55:40

foot is like sky high That's what I picked

55:43

walking into room seeing like girlfriend doing is like

55:45

that. Yeah, she looks like a foreman girl. Yeah

55:48

Exactly is one foot 90 degree angle

55:51

and you're like, oh, hey honey. I don't

55:53

think she would care Yeah,

55:57

they're already taking trash out I

56:00

thought I was so dumb. How can we not devise a

56:02

thing where no one has to take the trash anymore? You

56:05

know what's funny is I? No,

56:07

it's not funny. I Was gonna

56:09

say I recycle until I run out of space

56:11

and then I stopped But I

56:13

don't recycling is no but the trash bin

56:15

is split up into two Oh, right So

56:17

the one on the right is normal trash

56:19

and when that fills up, I just start

56:21

throwing regular trash So

56:24

it's like I care until there's a threshold like

56:26

a no I get it.

56:28

Everything's recyclable though I don't

56:31

need everything. Come on batteries Yep,

56:34

are you supposed to like discard of batteries a certain way? I

56:37

don't know man I don't mind that do that and I'm

56:39

not right here. Yes, I am but I'm not right here

56:42

I don't give a frick, you know,

56:44

you walk into the airport and there's 19 different things Shut

56:47

up. What do you mean like 19 different

56:49

holes for things holes? Like,

56:51

you know the trash cans like I

56:56

was I'm putting

56:58

this double espresso fucking cup

57:01

anywhere. I want Only

57:05

newspapers, oh, yeah. Well this sour patch kids are

57:07

going in this fucking newspaper I like when they

57:09

have different color like holes are like slits I

57:11

mean, it's like it feels like a challenge like

57:13

oh, you don't think I can't put this app

57:15

on your newspaper slit Watch this ball Bob Bob

57:17

good in half. I think that they should just

57:19

I think they do that for sure I mean,

57:21

it's not but they do Chicago

57:25

Airport has a place where you put weed. I know I love it

57:28

You're just snitching on yourself a lot of these are

57:30

also just for show because it all goes into the

57:32

same. They all go on the same thing Yeah, oh

57:34

shit Also recycling is not

57:36

real true. They're like

57:38

look us. We're it. No, you're not it

57:41

doesn't do anything Sea turtles I'm

57:43

sick of changing my life for

57:46

sea turtles Yeah,

57:49

I'm gonna paper straw on a wall. I think we're back

57:53

Yeah, right. Well, I forgot a paper straw. Yeah,

57:56

I think we're on the rise I think we are on

57:58

the rise right? I think this is great news What

58:00

if I have something on a paper straw? Answer!

58:03

You know what the funny thing is? When's the only thing that has

58:05

a straw? I don't get straws. I

58:08

don't eat things with straws. What do

58:11

you, are you... I don't eat

58:13

anything with straws! You know what I mean! You

58:16

know what I mean! You never got

58:18

a coffee on the road or a juice or a smoothie? No,

58:20

everything I drink is not, there's nothing to straw. Like

58:23

if I go to Starbucks, I get the top and it

58:25

has a little hole in the top. You get the top

58:27

of Starbucks? Wait, but that's actually interesting

58:29

because Starbucks will ask you, even though they have the new

58:31

sippy cup lids, they'll still ask, do you want a straw?

58:33

Would you say yes you want a straw? Even with the

58:35

sippy cup lids? I like options. Yeah,

58:37

I mean if I... No, I like the sippy cup

58:40

lids. If I had lipstick on, I'd want the

58:42

straw. That's kind of hot when girls leave their lipstick

58:44

everywhere. Oh, it is. I'll

58:47

say this again and I've said it four

58:49

million times. When a lady is getting

58:52

ready and she's leaning over the sink

58:55

on her like tip toes to get in the... What?

58:58

What is that dude? What's the equivalent

59:00

that she sees a man doing like that? She

59:03

says that like watching me work out is like

59:05

super surprised. Oh. So

59:07

maybe that's it? Tonal or Jim Jim?

59:09

Tonal... no, she hasn't ever seen a working tonal, so the

59:11

Jim Jim. Probably shaving. That's

59:14

pretty much it. In the way that you're talking about it,

59:16

like in a mirror. Like leaned

59:18

over? Yeah, but a guy shaving.

59:21

Maybe a guy shavings hot. I don't know. I

59:23

will say those like Gillette fusion commercials.

59:25

Those guys are bad. Yeah, one

59:27

commercial you fuck for life. That's

59:29

it. That's so cool. Their hair is always so

59:32

good in that thing. Body chiseled out. I'm

59:35

shaving my head. Cool. Give me a head. What's

59:37

happening? A to B. Love

59:39

it. Miami. Miami. You're

59:42

head? No. What in the fuck? I

59:45

wasn't looking for it. Oh, shut up. I

59:47

wasn't looking for it. No, I went for a

59:49

friend's birthday. It was just fun. Here's the thing.

59:51

My body is so not in club mode anymore.

59:53

Like I rarely ever drink. I had a night

59:55

where we didn't get home until 7 a.m. No.

1:00:00

Listen we went to this place

1:00:02

11 strip club. Jack knows 11. It is

1:00:04

like it's the place in Miami. It's open

1:00:06

24 hour 11 Why

1:00:10

I think 11 Street or something like that.

1:00:13

Okay, it's like the club out there Stayed

1:00:16

there until 7 a.m. Yeah club

1:00:18

club. Sorry. It's both. What do

1:00:21

you mean? It's it

1:00:23

just picture Las Vegas nightclub. No, that's

1:00:25

not fun. So That's

1:00:27

it right there. So so there's booth

1:00:29

on side the middle is like they're dancing I

1:00:31

mean, it's so this so in this it literally

1:00:33

looks like something out of Grand Theft Auto, right?

1:00:36

There's a giant circle in the middle. They're doing like

1:00:38

shows and shit. Oh, I have a video on my

1:00:41

phone So you went to this place until 7 a.m.

1:00:43

And didn't get topped off No,

1:00:45

but I did ask I did ask how much it

1:00:47

cost and she said 5 grand and in my head

1:00:49

I was like, okay, funny No,

1:00:52

thank God you can you

1:00:54

can buy it here I think

1:00:57

it's an off-site job got it but You

1:01:00

know, okay, let me find a photo with the inside.

1:01:02

It's fucking no point. I did ask Well,

1:01:06

here's the thing the ladies that work there

1:01:08

make you feel so good about yourself like

1:01:11

because so how you're just there and They

1:01:14

come up to you to kind of flirt with you because

1:01:16

they want to go dance and you know Get a take

1:01:18

upstairs do whatever find, you know alternative

1:01:20

mode is where they really make their money But

1:01:22

I mean like they're hitting you just like things

1:01:25

you didn't know you like she's like you have

1:01:27

petite riffs. I'm like So

1:01:33

there's ways that can I get you a little E-rout

1:01:36

ways hate that fucking app. But

1:01:38

yes 7 a.m. 7 a.m You

1:01:40

just stayed there in that booth a bear like literally got there

1:01:42

at midnight was there for six hours and went across the street

1:01:44

To this place called space which is also up in 24 hours

1:01:46

was not just someone to see it space not real NASA Yeah,

1:01:48

I just wanted to see it. We got there I'm like, let's

1:01:50

get the fuck out of here and on my way out of

1:01:53

the sky looks me goes, bro You're like a meme and I

1:01:55

was like, what did you just say to me? It's just so

1:01:57

funny to me I like was very blacked out, but that was

1:01:59

one thing. I remember He goes like bro. You're like

1:02:01

a meme, but you're like real. I was like fucking

1:02:03

saying to me. Yeah, give me head five grand But

1:02:06

this is also when the Sun is coming up at

1:02:08

seven a.m. I'm like sir. What are you even trying

1:02:10

to compute right now? But it's like one of those

1:02:12

Vegas things where it's like there's no windows There's no

1:02:14

clocks of pumping AC in there So you just check

1:02:16

your phone and you're like oh and since there's no

1:02:18

like oh last call You're just there then I'm saying

1:02:20

you're like oh, it's 7

1:02:23

a.m. I think my kids Literally,

1:02:25

I mean unreal so that wreck my body

1:02:27

But the only reason I was out there

1:02:29

is because I had a college gig in

1:02:31

Kentucky Eastern Kentucky University You baby, but it

1:02:33

was the coolest game I've ever had it

1:02:36

was to do hot ones live in front

1:02:38

of an audience That's crazy wish on evidence

1:02:40

the man's saying insane. I've been I've been a

1:02:42

fan of the show for I love this You're

1:02:44

the nearest I'm walking through this. I'm very excited

1:02:47

so pretty much I Remember

1:02:50

I posted on my Instagram story. I'm you know, maybe

1:02:52

manifesting is real. I posted my story 2019 I

1:02:55

said, this means put it out there. I tell Shawn Evans

1:02:57

the hot ones. I'm gonna be on the show. I Was

1:02:59

it's not the YouTube one. I'm not

1:03:01

airing it unfortunately, but maybe this could

1:03:03

be like a segue. Yeah, but Yeah,

1:03:06

just in Kentucky fucking connecting flight-ups connecting flight and then

1:03:09

drive an hour like just a place that you're like

1:03:11

This is real and yeah, we got a wild house

1:03:13

in town. I gotta go. We got to I mean,

1:03:15

where the fuck are we? Why was it so good?

1:03:17

So good. All right But yeah, so pretty

1:03:19

much they he had the pat like though all the

1:03:21

sauces like 10 sauces and then you just put them

1:03:23

on The wings did you talk to him before? I'm

1:03:25

sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just interested in who he was

1:03:27

as a person You'd like talking super chill. Yeah. Yeah,

1:03:29

like it felt like I was just catching up with

1:03:31

a homie And I was like a fan of the

1:03:33

show that will like ask him

1:03:36

questions, too So if you're like just

1:03:38

before Oh, but you're catching up, you know travel this and that

1:03:41

what he's been up to Did I that we had like we

1:03:43

have like mutual friends and shit. So it's only very cool Then

1:03:46

the wings they're hot They

1:03:49

are hot. So did it the first one you

1:03:51

did you were like, oh, this is cool First

1:03:54

one was hot fuck first one was on

1:03:56

the first one was like, oh if this

1:03:58

is number one, we're not doing Well, but

1:04:00

then the second or third were like fine, so

1:04:02

it's weird. It's like they all bounce out Some

1:04:04

would be like smokier or more acidic Some

1:04:07

were just straight just pain But

1:04:09

the last the last the last dab the one that they're

1:04:11

like infamous for I mean that'll I'll

1:04:13

fuck you up And this is for a live college

1:04:15

audience these idiots are going put on more because the

1:04:17

wings didn't come out dressed We were just put a

1:04:19

dab on it. Oh, no, they gotta come right man

1:04:21

Cuz they this pressure of like how much you get

1:04:23

at least fucking get in it's Kentucky, but put on

1:04:26

more But all more put

1:04:28

it in a condom. Yeah, dude. He's yelling at me doing

1:04:30

whippets in the back Shut the hell up. So it was

1:04:32

pure pressure, but it's actually really fun It was like a

1:04:34

really fun format for show it gets so quiet. We take

1:04:37

a bite. It's like really funny But

1:04:39

yeah, how long was the show for like

1:04:41

an hour hour? It was

1:04:43

awesome. It was really a cool gig. How

1:04:45

did you feel afterwards fine next morning? Yeah

1:04:47

in my pants I mean acting white panicking.

1:04:49

No. Yeah, it's a connecting flight. It's a

1:04:51

small airplane and They're

1:04:53

like we will be it's like literally you're in the air

1:04:55

and then my stomach starts to get a little rumbly Yeah,

1:04:58

like we'll be landing in the next 15 minutes. I'm

1:05:00

about a shit all I could you

1:05:02

know open that I was laser focused in callback

1:05:05

Alaskan. Yeah, I was laser locked in and it's a connection

1:05:07

flight So I got to run to the next flight to

1:05:10

make sure I get on to that flight You couldn't even

1:05:12

shit when you landed I did but it was meticulous It

1:05:15

could have been some airports too big Dallas Airport

1:05:17

make it small you guys when I got to

1:05:19

take a train at the airport I'm immediately pissed

1:05:21

plane trains on automobiles. Just planes. I didn't come

1:05:23

in Well, where's my

1:05:25

connecting flight right next door great. Oh, where's my can I just like

1:05:28

all I got to get on a plane Oh

1:05:30

sick dude, what is in the fucking fucking? Orbits

1:05:32

calm Boo-boo

1:05:35

I ain't doing this Sprint

1:05:38

to the bathroom and I knew is really bad.

1:05:40

I packed wet wipes. I packed wet wipes. I

1:05:42

packed pet the bismal good Oh, so that's sorry.

1:05:44

So was there did you ask Sean?

1:05:46

Were you like hey man's or something like to

1:05:48

do after we finish to make this less painful

1:05:50

cuz he does it all the time Yeah No,

1:05:55

I mean like I ate like normal food after like as

1:05:57

a base but like I was pretty full after eating ten

1:05:59

wings You know You're like, but was he like, oh

1:06:01

just have this milk and then I little pep doe

1:06:03

or oh god I just I just kind of because

1:06:05

it wasn't afterwards my mouth was burning for like five

1:06:07

to ten minutes And then I was just chillin and

1:06:10

it's Eastern Kentucky. I don't even know Richmond,

1:06:12

Kentucky There was no uber's one

1:06:14

uber called him Sean and was like hey, man

1:06:17

I actually had a cancel I promise I picked

1:06:19

my friend about cracker barrel a Real

1:06:21

thing real thing, but he goes, but he goes he goes

1:06:24

Oh, but take my number down if you can't get anybody

1:06:26

I could probably take you after I'm like this

1:06:28

guy has no idea This is whatever talking to Shawn

1:06:30

Evans Yeah, and he's like, oh me and my buddy

1:06:32

my buddy said I'd give him a ride from cracker

1:06:34

barrel But I could probably give you ride later So

1:06:37

we waited at this college for like an hour trying

1:06:39

to get a ride on uber So we're just chopping

1:06:41

it up an hour Do

1:06:43

we and then we took a uber bag and

1:06:45

we were just like exchanging stories. I mean the

1:06:47

guys met fucking everybody How did this happen? How

1:06:49

did this start? One's

1:06:52

yeah, he was an intern at complex and I

1:06:54

think was a side idea And

1:06:57

he pitched it to him and I think they're

1:06:59

like, okay Okay, and then they did one test

1:07:01

episode got some traction and then that became his

1:07:04

full his full thing And now it's

1:07:06

it's so much bigger than the original idea. It's

1:07:08

bigger than complex on it. Oh, it's still on

1:07:10

complex I think it's I

1:07:12

don't know. It's first we feats which is

1:07:14

owned by maybe complex I

1:07:17

think I'm by Buzzfeed actually. Okay. Okay. Okay.

1:07:19

Um, yeah, cuz those episodes do crazy. Dude.

1:07:21

He's interviewed Everybody name of

1:07:23

celebrities like talking about it's crazy and

1:07:25

it's like Jonathan Taylor Thomas Abraham

1:07:28

Lincoln two names. Okay. Yeah, it is too many names

1:07:30

cut one How do you feel when people go by

1:07:32

the middle names in there, too? I

1:07:35

don't like it. Hey Trevor, I'm off No, what is

1:07:37

no, but no, you're not though. No,

1:07:39

you're not take the middle name out I

1:07:41

you're not all burn wall like no dude

1:07:43

all burn Wallace sounds you sound

1:07:45

like a Civil War reenactment I got a

1:07:48

band at somewhere mass. Let me see

1:07:50

it. All right That's

1:07:53

it. Oh Yeah, really

1:07:55

cool. I mean, he's just a really cool genuine

1:07:57

guy and just literally knows everybody and you forget

1:07:59

that once you do an interview with these people, you're

1:08:01

friends with them for life after. Because that's an interview

1:08:03

you don't remember forever. Oh yeah, yeah, you're on the

1:08:05

floor with that person. Yeah, I mean, you've done thousands

1:08:07

of podcasts with random people and stuff, and you're like,

1:08:09

yeah, that was a thing. Or you leave it, you

1:08:11

do radio for stand up, you do the news in

1:08:13

the morning, you don't really remember it, but that's the

1:08:15

interview you're gonna remember forever. And he's like, yeah, anytime

1:08:17

I'm just out, and I see Post Malone, Shawn Mendes,

1:08:19

it's like, you can just be like, what's up? And

1:08:21

it's like, dude. Oh yeah, I like. So he's like,

1:08:23

yeah, I text with Quavo, I'm like, what type of

1:08:25

life? I don't have a phone. Multiple.

1:08:29

But just to eat chicken wings, it was like, it

1:08:32

made me laugh, I was like, this is the dream gig to

1:08:34

fly here. Everything about the gig

1:08:36

was perfect, except the fucking, like, the

1:08:38

fucking flight. So he just did a ton of research

1:08:40

on the guests and just asked some questions, that's it?

1:08:43

Yeah, yeah, but he's a really good interview. I'm sure.

1:08:45

Really good, yeah. That's why, I don't, yeah. And it

1:08:47

was fun because I think the stand up

1:08:49

aspect made it more fun with the crowd there, because then

1:08:51

I started talking shit back to the crowd. It

1:08:53

was like crowd work, because the kids were like, yo, do

1:08:55

more, blah, blah, blah. And then I'm like, what the fuck

1:08:57

are you doing more? What is your, then you're getting into

1:09:00

like, what's your major, what are you, blah, blah, blah. What

1:09:02

are you fucking doing in this town? Well, dude, crowd work

1:09:04

in, oh, that's great. Crowd work, while my mouth is on

1:09:06

fire. I'm on fire. But

1:09:08

it was funny because like, I found these

1:09:10

gems in the crowd, and he was like, yeah, dude, that's

1:09:12

like, I've never seen anybody interact with a crowd, usually it's

1:09:14

just us, you know, like, it'd be so weird. So this

1:09:16

is, he does this at college all the time? All the

1:09:18

time, but okay. Yeah, because he can tour it. He can't

1:09:20

film and put it up there, but he can tour, Sean

1:09:23

Evans does hot ones. So

1:09:26

he's done it at different colleges, but it was fucking awesome.

1:09:28

I really hope that that's like, I can look back and

1:09:30

be like, dude, that was my audition to get on the

1:09:32

show. I mean, it definitely was. He was

1:09:34

dope, he was very cool. But yeah, it was just a

1:09:36

random ass weekend from BBLs to chicken wings. How tall is

1:09:38

he? My

1:09:41

height? Yeah, too, so. Tall. Tall,

1:09:44

bad. Seven foot four, I think. God damn, God

1:09:46

damn. Dude, getting bowhead is crazy. That's how I felt I

1:09:48

was gonna have it in Amsterdam. And it was just the

1:09:51

four of us. Well, we had to pay

1:09:53

for it. Oh, and we're on

1:09:55

the boat. Yeah, boat, boathead. I

1:09:57

don't like anything that you put yourself in.

1:10:00

And he'd be like, alright cool, this is gonna get us women. There's

1:10:02

so much pressure. But that's life. Not

1:10:05

really. You

1:10:07

just walk on the street, you meet somebody. But not

1:10:09

like, the whole like, alright, you know when

1:10:11

you're younger, you're like, alright, we're going to a club, time to get

1:10:13

women. There's so much pressure in

1:10:15

that. The lap, dude, the lap. My

1:10:18

friends would always wanna come with me on

1:10:21

the lap. Leave me alone.

1:10:23

Well, I'm gonna- Oh, you were a solo lap guy?

1:10:25

We're not gonna find six women! Nah, solo lap guy,

1:10:27

you just look lost. No, I don't. The

1:10:31

point of the lap is not to get women. The

1:10:33

point of the lap is for you and three other

1:10:35

guys to

1:10:38

do a full 360 and gas by the

1:10:40

whole bar and be like, God, none of these bitches want

1:10:42

me, huh? We too good for this place. And then you

1:10:44

leave, but the whole time you knew you were too scared

1:10:46

to talk to a woman. But I agree with you. All

1:10:49

of this is 100% right. That's why I don't do the

1:10:51

lap with people. Because if

1:10:53

I do the lap by myself, the odds of

1:10:55

me meeting someone, it goes up astronomically. Oh yeah,

1:10:57

of course. The point of the lap is it's

1:10:59

the opposite of foolproof. It's guaranteed not to work

1:11:01

if you go with a group. Well,

1:11:04

it definitely does work. Maybe I just don't wanna do it. It

1:11:06

doesn't work. Well, if you're a group of three and you see

1:11:08

a group of three, sometimes it's like, hey, blah, blah, blah, blah.

1:11:11

But every time I ever did the lap, maybe it's just

1:11:13

me and my friends, we would always end up right back

1:11:15

where we started. Be like, aw man, this bar's fucking dead.

1:11:18

It was packed, packed with women. Aw dude, it was crazy.

1:11:20

It's crazy. They're all blind. It's

1:11:22

insane. They're all lesbians and they're all blind. That's

1:11:25

the funniest thing when they do a comeback, like she's a

1:11:27

lesbian. No, she's not. She doesn't like you.

1:11:29

You're gross. You smell like Butterfingers all the time. And

1:11:31

I don't know why. You haven't worked

1:11:33

out in six years. Your face looks like

1:11:35

smashed roll up. Dude, they're so good. Butterfingers

1:11:38

in like some cold stone. Bitch,

1:11:40

lap by yourself. Highly recommend. Lap

1:11:43

by yourself. There you go. Have to. There you go.

1:11:45

Because it's also like if you, if there's two ladies

1:11:48

at the bar, you walk up with four dudes.

1:11:50

What is this? Hungry hygienists? It's

1:11:52

like, but if you walk up to

1:11:54

two women or even three women by

1:11:56

yourself, there's more, you can, you

1:11:59

can. Where were you when I

1:12:01

was in college? I don't know should

1:12:04

have called me sure. Yeah, but you never thought

1:12:06

about doing a solo lap definitely

1:12:09

Definitely. Sometimes I like to just just look

1:12:11

mysterious and take a lap by myself Just be like

1:12:14

what's going on over here. Sometimes I take a lap

1:12:16

and I'm just reading as I'm walking Yeah, I'm going

1:12:18

to a bar dude. I know what the bathroom is

1:12:20

I look lost as fuck or even if I'm at

1:12:22

a restaurant like, you know, Miami Oh, let me take

1:12:24

the long way to the bathroom. Look at me. Nobody

1:12:27

looking at me You know what the best place to

1:12:29

meet ladies at a bar or a club the

1:12:31

women bathroom Wait, cuz

1:12:34

it wait, there's always a line Yeah,

1:12:36

but is that you just know you

1:12:38

stand behind like oh man, it's about crazy Take

1:12:41

a sticker forever. I've done it twice In

1:12:45

there with them wait, you're just in line. Yeah, you

1:12:47

get a line. It's just you Yeah,

1:12:50

there's been funny. It's like man. It's

1:12:52

like crazy. You just stay next to

1:12:54

this funny. It's like crazy. It is funny Yeah, what's

1:12:56

happening? You know, I mean I have to be so

1:12:58

bad And they're like, what do

1:13:00

you man? What's in here? What's on corn dog? Yeah,

1:13:03

just for shots just for yeah You can riff that free

1:13:05

iPhones. Oh, man. There's so much good riff that there's so

1:13:07

many But you really are outnumbered if they turn on you

1:13:09

because it all takes one girl to a point you go

1:13:11

creep Yeah,

1:13:14

but then you're like, you want to do a seat? Yeah,

1:13:16

you have no idea Have you ever had somebody feed you

1:13:18

with her feet? No, but

1:13:21

honestly saying that I want really I've

1:13:23

never done a fucking no any grape

1:13:25

in the mouthful Dude, I want just

1:13:27

a fucking chocolate strawberry Just

1:13:30

fed to me fuck. I feel

1:13:33

good very plausible. It is Valentine's

1:13:35

Day is coming up at Michael Valentine's Day is coming

1:13:37

up next month. I think you do tomorrow But

1:13:41

yes Shake

1:13:43

this new Michael tomorrow I'm

1:13:49

trying to get ahead of this so you can

1:13:51

plan out a nice Valentine's Day tonight No,

1:13:54

no, but that's also the downplay. It's

1:13:56

like now I gotta like dude I got asked to

1:13:58

do a show on that And then an

1:14:01

hour later I was like, oh fuck. That's

1:14:03

also, did the show promoter say it's on

1:14:06

Valentine's Day? No. They said

1:14:08

February 14th, he fucked me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:14:10

That's happened to me too before. Yeah. Hey

1:14:12

man, what are you doing next Thursday? You're like, oh, I'm down. Wait,

1:14:15

4th of July? Fuck you! Christmas?

1:14:19

Okay, so the internet, this

1:14:21

says LifeProTip, I'm very into

1:14:25

eating food off of feet and I can tell you,

1:14:27

you want to avoid anything sticky. Everything

1:14:29

sugary, you don't want maple syrup as good of

1:14:32

an idea as that sounds, says there's two foods

1:14:34

that I default to. The best foods to

1:14:36

eat off of a woman's foot are cherries. Yeah,

1:14:39

hot. Because the stems. It feels like an

1:14:41

album cover. And

1:14:43

oddly enough, spaghetti. No.

1:14:46

Tell that man to go to jail. What

1:14:49

are you even talking about? Spas, fucking everywhere? Spas,

1:14:51

fucking everywhere? No. That's

1:14:53

stupid. What about, I don't know, watermelon? Like,

1:14:56

what did you want? Watermelon seems tricky. Watermelon

1:14:58

seems tricky. You got a double footed?

1:15:01

Double foot. Double footed is so hot. If she goes like

1:15:03

this and just fucking shoves

1:15:06

it in my mouth. Guys, I'm literally- It's

1:15:08

literally an ab workout. Oh, I'm hard. Cherry

1:15:10

makes sense because the stem, you can tie

1:15:12

between big toe and the other toe. Fuck,

1:15:15

and you can put four cherries in there? Yeah.

1:15:18

That's what I call wild cherry. Hard.

1:15:21

Yes. Yeah. Oh,

1:15:24

god. Spaghetti? I want spaghetti.

1:15:26

Seriously? Seriously, that man

1:15:28

needs to be put on multiple lists. All of

1:15:30

them. No fly list. End scene list.

1:15:33

What is this, a car wash? No, I'm kind of

1:15:35

in. And wrap them around. A funnel cake could be

1:15:37

fucking good. I love funnel cakes. Well, you're just

1:15:39

like funnel cakes. Yeah. You just want to put everything-

1:15:42

You like cherries? No, I love cherries. I

1:15:45

don't- do it- why do all the good cherries

1:15:47

need to have a pit in the middle? You're

1:15:51

looking at me weird. All

1:15:54

the- do- hold on, are there cherries? The

1:15:56

Maraschino ones are crazy. Those

1:15:59

are literally- Those are so dumb those are cherries. They

1:16:01

didn't go to college I'm

1:16:03

bringing a diabetic to life though. Those are great. Do

1:16:06

you like them? On the side

1:16:08

on the side like one one's

1:16:10

fine. Yeah, it's like eggnog Yeah, I

1:16:13

know eggnog insane what the fuck

1:16:15

is eggnog reindeer. Jeez what? I

1:16:18

don't know that makes you feel warm inside. Oh, it

1:16:20

does. I hate the holidays, but I kind of miss

1:16:23

it now No, me too. No, I don't fuck a

1:16:25

holiday. Oh, I'm out of the office literally your back

1:16:27

in oh You're fired

1:16:32

Guy just said time. Oh, I want to say one

1:16:34

thing the warm I

1:16:37

just got onto this two things. I'm on board

1:16:39

and both you guys everyone's gonna get your dumb

1:16:41

I've been on this for a while Warm

1:16:47

Sake I got back on I was

1:16:49

in the college on back on I fucking

1:16:52

love it just plain Are you put it

1:16:54

in with cold? With

1:16:56

cold big sake bomb. Oh,

1:16:59

no, not like I'm just straight up. Yeah.

1:17:01

It's nice. Oh, dude. It's so nice dinner

1:17:03

So we're gonna pee but yeah, I've been

1:17:07

Place I told you no, I do I

1:17:11

didn't want to get I didn't want to get fucking with not having really

1:17:13

yeah and then

1:17:16

The other thing I've been fucking around with Medscals

1:17:19

spicy margarita mezcal in drinks

1:17:21

be great mezcal drinks is

1:17:23

fun mezcal I

1:17:25

know it feels like you're on uncharted territory. I'm

1:17:27

drinking like a Senoko gas station, but in the

1:17:30

best way Well, it's like

1:17:32

that that that drink's got

1:17:34

some stories to tell yeah And he's just

1:17:36

whittling away like with wooden a knife. Yeah,

1:17:38

somebody movies whittling with a knife. Yeah That's

1:17:42

mezcal mezcal is like a person like been to

1:17:44

Pearl Harbor. We won't talk about it. Yeah And

1:17:47

he's got a name that's crossed out on

1:17:49

his forearm, and he can't talk about that

1:17:51

either Yeah, just Katie you're like what happened

1:17:53

to Katie and just keeps whittling away else

1:17:55

guys. I wouldn't ask him about Katie Yeah,

1:17:58

then he throws his wheelchair you Alright, it's

1:18:00

so good though. I don't know

1:18:03

why I want to tell you but I really wanted to tell you I was so

1:18:05

excited I've been ordering not good Non-stop

1:18:07

spicy Mescow spicy margaritas.

1:18:10

Yeah, not stop. They're insane So

1:18:13

highly recommend I guess we're doing ads now All

1:18:17

right, we have a stock talk today. This is

1:18:19

a submission from Jake who says Paul over Christmas

1:18:21

I drove 12 hours by myself to see my

1:18:23

parents I stayed at their place

1:18:26

for four days by the time I left it

1:18:28

had been five or six days Of

1:18:30

not touching myself. Holy crap. Ola. So I

1:18:32

drove home on Christmas Day and after a

1:18:34

few hours of driving I started getting super

1:18:36

horny. Yeah, eventually I just said fuck it

1:18:38

and I pulled out my dick good I

1:18:40

jerked off on the interstate going 80 miles

1:18:42

per hour on Christmas Day finished in like

1:18:44

20 seconds. Yep. There's light traffic I don't

1:18:46

think anyone saw oh, yeah, and I finished

1:18:49

into a McDonald's bag But

1:18:51

up up up. I'm loving it. Yeah

1:18:54

Grazie That's

1:18:56

a McRib. It's back. It is back. That's great.

1:18:58

I mean, that's my only problem about jerking off

1:19:00

on the road Well, there's a multiple problems. But

1:19:02

like where do you finish? Where do you it's

1:19:05

a good McDonald's bag is hilarious Come

1:19:09

Sick of this. Where is it going?

1:19:11

Just come and worry about it later.

1:19:13

That's like how you recycle. Yeah, huh?

1:19:15

Yes Yes But

1:19:18

it just fucking do it My

1:19:21

jeans give the shit was that honey

1:19:23

mustard shut up I

1:19:25

guess you're right. Yeah people like oh, where

1:19:27

am I gonna just come? No,

1:19:30

I guess sounds awful because I hate like when I'll

1:19:32

eat fast food while I drive sometimes They're having like

1:19:34

a dipping sauce of honey mustard or something if you

1:19:36

fucking spill a little bit of that and then it's

1:19:38

on your hand It's on your pants. That's almost uncomfortable

1:19:40

feeling the man. It's supposed not regret in the moment

1:19:42

I fuck it just come but pose not regret you're

1:19:44

like Do a cup

1:19:46

holder How

1:19:48

do you talk to pepper out fuck oh Man,

1:19:52

yeah, but that's great McDonald's bag.

1:19:54

That's it's if any bag. That's

1:19:56

where you come. I

1:19:58

bet I'm like a Birkin bag Like a

1:20:00

McDonald's event that's what you do. It is funny

1:20:03

like the I picture everything in his

1:20:05

car is kind of like Toy Story Where they come

1:20:07

alive when he's gone and they're watching just about to

1:20:09

not know oh fuck who's he gonna grab McDonald's? I

1:20:11

think no no no no Like

1:20:15

it's really just whatever's in not your shop,

1:20:17

but whatever's in like hand Laughs

1:20:20

I guess you know you know what

1:20:22

thing gets fucked up the most is

1:20:24

fast food napkins you use

1:20:26

fast food napkins For anything

1:20:29

like if you shit on the highway

1:20:31

if you have an abortion like what

1:20:33

it's just like it's anything It's for

1:20:35

anything. Yeah, it's anything you need probably

1:20:37

ever for food. It's never for food

1:20:39

Yeah, I always feel like you also you're

1:20:42

never just grabbing one either. We're not grabbing an entire

1:20:44

fist full of them Yeah, they get they get really

1:20:46

shit on those. That's the that's the paper. They get

1:20:48

shit on the most yeah Alright secret

1:20:50

sock anonymous submission do it I

1:20:54

can still remember the very first porn video that

1:20:56

I ever busted a nut to and sometimes I

1:20:58

go back and find it It makes for a

1:21:00

very nostalgic jerk-off Yeah I'm just wondering if anyone

1:21:02

else still remembers and nuts to the first porn

1:21:04

they jerked off to or if I'm alone in

1:21:06

this You're not alone in this there's

1:21:09

a video that I literally would spend a lot

1:21:11

of money to try to find It's the video that

1:21:13

I stole from my friend in high school, and

1:21:15

I I know exactly What

1:21:19

it looks like and I don't know where it is You

1:21:22

know they make us there's a whole subreddit on

1:21:24

reddit for this called tip of my penis What

1:21:26

what yeah, and you can describe like

1:21:29

a porn scene or some kind of a video

1:21:31

and somebody can it's like a

1:21:33

collective It's coming to the same thing on like

1:21:35

tick tock when someone's like where am I and

1:21:37

the guys like I'll find you Yeah, I came

1:21:39

are behind the Kmart Okay That's

1:21:46

what AI should be working on what porn is this

1:21:49

instead of redditors are just unpaid

1:21:52

ais Yeah, yeah,

1:21:54

yeah, you know what I'm saying I'm

1:21:56

gonna ask chat gbt a question they go you shouldn't

1:21:58

make fun Shut the fuck up You know

1:22:00

what? Yeah, I'm sick of Wikipedia still asking for money

1:22:03

Get your broke ass up and get a

1:22:05

fucking job. 100% We changed

1:22:07

your website so we can pay you. It's

1:22:10

like sad like hey, we're still accepting donations

1:22:12

Just for $2.99. Get your broke ass up.

1:22:14

Get a job! At least hold the door

1:22:16

before me in front of a goddamn 7-Eleven

1:22:19

Do something! If I'm a Wikipedia, I'm not doing one in the

1:22:21

first place. You know, it doesn't even know if it's real

1:22:23

or not Yeah, but I

1:22:25

think there's some of them are like locked in. It's like yeah, it's

1:22:27

like a self. Oh, there is some locked Yeah,

1:22:30

you can't like change Barack Obama's. You

1:22:32

should be able to but I don't

1:22:34

think you can change certain people's for

1:22:36

good reasons You can change anybody

1:22:39

other than that, but that's what's funny about the website

1:22:41

It's like just put a fucking talk about it up

1:22:43

at the top Like do you know people go to

1:22:46

Wikipedia daily like just throw an ad it don't ask

1:22:48

for money Yeah, I don't I don't like it. $2.99,

1:22:50

shut your broke ass up or just like charge everyone

1:22:52

a dollar. Just no I'm not using that

1:22:54

shit. Yeah, you're right. I

1:22:57

wouldn't turn a dollar to look at a naked woman

1:22:59

So I'm not looking at a look at Abraham Lincoln's

1:23:01

fucking Wikipedia. Yeah, I don't know. It's

1:23:03

crazy Yeah, the the please

1:23:05

cannot listen. I understand but like

1:23:08

to your point monetize Like

1:23:11

figure out a way to add one

1:23:14

ad who owns Wikipedia like Microsoft you

1:23:16

think we do so people Who

1:23:18

is it's not there's no way it might repeat as

1:23:20

a private There's no way

1:23:23

well actually maybe there is what because if

1:23:25

a conglomerate owned it Now

1:23:27

they're owned by the Wikimedia Foundation,

1:23:29

it's a nonprofit technically not You

1:23:34

make money Honestly sick

1:23:36

of it when you say you're nonprofit I

1:23:38

go cool you're drinking baby's blood. I don't

1:23:40

believe anything you're like Oh, no, we don't

1:23:42

take money over here. It's the name like

1:23:44

my fraternity was a non-hazing fraternity globally That's

1:23:47

what they're known as yeah, you kick store

1:23:49

down the stairs three weeks ago The

1:23:54

More you say you're not that it's your yeah,

1:23:56

we're nonprofit. We go. It's just a back. I

1:23:58

don't think kids are hot Let me

1:24:00

guess what you think is hot. Non-profit.

1:24:04

Non-profit. I mean, literally. We

1:24:06

live in America. Non-profit.

1:24:09

Okay. Let me check

1:24:11

the books. They're cooked. They

1:24:13

do have their books online. What do you

1:24:15

mean? How much do they make? Yeah, the books are

1:24:18

Harry Potter books. Make money, you idiots. So this

1:24:20

is actually... This hasn't been updated since 2021, but

1:24:23

guess how much cash on hand Wikipedia had in 2021? 20

1:24:26

bucks. What?

1:24:30

68 million. 86 million. Yeah.

1:24:33

Non-profit. The... Hold on,

1:24:35

hold on. Who? Wikipedia at 87 million dollars

1:24:37

in cash. Yeah. What the fuck? Total assets,

1:24:39

208 million. That's what

1:24:41

I'm saying. Why are you asking us for money

1:24:43

when we're doing the work? That's like when you

1:24:46

tip the fucking iPad at a self-serve coffee shop.

1:24:48

I'm doing the work. You're asking for tip.

1:24:51

Wikipedia is just... They're literally just holding

1:24:53

somebody's name. Oh, Ronald Reagan. Throw

1:24:55

a goat. Whoa. But

1:24:58

like, why are you asking for money? Why

1:25:00

are you asking for money when you have

1:25:02

over 100 million dollars? What the

1:25:04

fuck are you doing? Oh, we have the

1:25:06

paper data. Find a better way. What do

1:25:08

you mean you have paper data? Your fucking

1:25:11

website looks like Craigslist. Your website is god-awful.

1:25:13

It's terrible. It is Craigslist font. It is.

1:25:15

It's like, it's Craigslist. It's like, what?

1:25:18

You made that on Microsoft Paint. They made

1:25:20

it in 2004 and then went to an island. We

1:25:22

know it's one. And then they stayed there on vacation

1:25:24

forever. Yeah. No wonder... Never

1:25:26

mind. Um, yeah,

1:25:28

I don't... No. Fuck

1:25:30

you. $207

1:25:32

million and you need to ask us for money? Why... Where

1:25:34

do they spend money on Wikipedia? Go to the Wikipedia

1:25:36

page right now. Just type in Wikipedia. I want to see what it

1:25:39

says. Because I was on it recently and it was like... And the

1:25:41

bottom was like grand. It's like, please, sir, for $299. Like,

1:25:43

you were like begging. But it does it. It

1:25:45

does it every quarter or every whatever. Like, every

1:25:47

year, right? They do the thing like, oh, we're

1:25:49

not a free, what the babadubadab. It's like, stop.

1:25:52

Stop. First of all, they have $107 million. How the...

1:25:54

Where the fuck did they get it from? Donations?

1:25:57

Yeah. Okay. Do that once every

1:25:59

five... years more than that

1:26:01

hundred million did they could sell that come I don't

1:26:03

know I mean I don't know anything about business but

1:26:06

it feels like they could just sell the company get

1:26:08

off be like clean hands like oh cool boom felt

1:26:10

it's done or you broke motherfuckers it's

1:26:12

not asking no I have an adblock

1:26:15

around oh shit I do the CEO

1:26:17

made $800,000 yeah on the books

1:26:19

he did obviously we're sitting

1:26:25

on it and it's like you know there's a lot

1:26:27

of good that it does but it just it's just

1:26:29

funny when they ask it is hilarious that this that

1:26:32

a nonprofit has 200 million dollars in the bank it's

1:26:34

like it's like when you look at their books is

1:26:36

like yes it's actually all makes sense and the reasons

1:26:38

for why they are doing this and they aren't gonna

1:26:40

sell it I was like actually cool because they don't

1:26:42

want to have any kind of like bias from governments

1:26:44

or commercial interest so you think you put like real

1:26:46

information out there yeah but the fact is they have

1:26:48

200 million dollars on it will say that little globe thing

1:26:50

does look cool pretty sick no

1:26:53

it doesn't take the hundred and seven million

1:26:55

dollars and complete it you fuck I hate

1:26:57

Wikipedia first I don't have a Wikipedia that's

1:26:59

insane no it's not who gives a shit

1:27:01

but I do you have a dictionary do

1:27:03

I own one yeah no what the

1:27:05

hell would you use of the dictionary in this day

1:27:07

and age I remember when he asked me how to

1:27:09

spell something I'm going to look in the dictionary that's

1:27:12

her way of being like I'll fucking know of course but

1:27:14

I don't know where the fuck it is I

1:27:16

don't know how to start this one pneumonia good

1:27:19

fucking luck yeah 10 million people a year

1:27:21

out here buying