0:00

You're gonna be coming in a foot in

0:02

Milwaukee at 3 15 in the morning.

0:05

This is not gonna be okay It's

0:08

women's appreciation month is it me

0:10

it's all year. Oh for

0:12

me It's like I haven't I didn't know there was

0:15

a month because I'm I just always exist. Yeah, it's

0:17

not even all year for me It's like my whole

0:19

lifetime like I was born and I was like, whoa,

0:21

I love women Yeah, I came out

0:23

of my mom and I was like give me back

0:25

in there. Yeah, like it's warm. It

0:27

is warm It's dude. If you think they

0:29

would see another I'm gonna duvet for your

0:32

cock someone write that down and send it

0:34

Yeah, someone or would it be a sleeping

0:36

bag? What I say do

0:38

that. I already forgot. I do think it's more

0:40

like a sleeping bag. Oh, but you can't zip

0:42

it up though You

0:45

can zip it up that would be do you know?

0:48

Oh Hold on has a

0:50

woman chastity belt. Yeah, that's my

0:52

daughter's name. Oh, really my dog bitch.

0:54

Have you? Have

0:56

think about this for a tattoo For

1:00

a tattoo for a lady if you

1:02

put zippers on each side of your cooter

1:04

lips, so it looks like an unzipped

1:07

Yeah, but then yeah, but then over the years

1:09

the zippers don't connect But

1:13

it's always on zipped do you know I mean

1:15

it looks like a coin like a change purse good

1:18

Do you know? Yeah, you know

1:20

it just looks like this and

1:22

just says I'm sure it's been

1:24

done but like vagina is so

1:27

Perfect. Yeah, you don't need to ruin it dude

1:30

That's like it would be funny if you

1:32

put like a skewed measuring tape on your

1:34

dick So it's like it just starts at

1:36

four inches at the base dog funny funny,

1:38

but like it's like it's like funny,

1:41

but not It's

1:43

it's like oh, haha. This is a cool t-shirt, but

1:45

not like that's my man Oh,

1:48

yeah, you can't marry someone like that. Are you gonna

1:50

do on the underside kids in a hot car? Yes?

1:52

They're gonna you're gonna come out. They're gonna be fucking

1:54

well done Have you ever forgot

1:56

anything in a car like that a

1:58

kid not a kid, but like Oh

2:00

my phone like what something here's all

2:03

you gotta do is tape your phone

2:05

to your son's head You'll never forget

2:07

them Apple tag. Yeah People

2:10

Apple tagging kids. Oh, yeah If

2:13

you're an alcoholic you're you're Apple.

2:15

I saw a video where a mom took

2:18

her son's shoe cut a hole in the soul and

2:21

rhymes and then put a Apple

2:24

tag in the shoe and like this is my always there

2:26

my son is You're an

2:28

insane person Do

2:30

you remember the fuck like a high schooler? No.

2:33

Yeah, that's too much Yeah, well, it's like to see

2:35

if he's getting into mischief or not. Do you remember

2:37

when we were younger? They had the those phones that

2:39

were basically just to track your kid, but they would

2:41

be like cool It would be like a Disney phone

2:43

and everyone I want the Disney phone But actually it

2:45

was just like by the government. Yeah, you see those

2:47

kids don't have like just four buttons Like

2:50

big buttons and ones like home ones like mom ones like

2:52

whatever they have. So it only does three things one just

2:57

I I want that phone in my life. This is

3:00

four buttons work Wife, I

3:02

don't have one but just four

3:04

buds work wife hose Chick-fil-a

3:07

you have a wife and hose For

3:10

someone who knows you guys for For

3:13

someone to have a wife and

3:15

hose. How do you have enough

3:17

bandwidth for that? I just I never understand it

3:20

Like how it's

3:22

a non-stop dual life just seems crazy

3:25

You're married to Clarissa and Jennifer and

3:28

you're like, hey, honey.

3:30

Have you ever fucked up like that? Not

3:33

not shit not I'm playing Like

3:35

like names not names, but I've mixed up details

3:38

on a day. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and then

3:41

You played football for the University of Hawaii, right? She's

3:44

like my bro. I'm the only child Mike Yeah,

3:46

my brother died in a train accident Why

3:51

Train run train I

3:54

can run trains of layers. Why don't they call it

3:56

an Amtrak? Wait, who's the yeah? There

3:58

you go the caboose is

4:00

the luckiest guy. Well

4:02

but caboose on trains the last car? Yeah.

4:05

What's the first car? The engine? Caboose

4:07

is the guy who's running late. Yeah. Or

4:09

he's running all the time and he gets to choose first. Is

4:13

the caboose in a train? Hold

4:16

on, are we doing a human centipede? How

4:18

many, what constitutes a train? How many cars?

4:21

You know, like in Sex Land. Mmm. Like

4:23

is running a train to do the...

4:25

I'm ending over a threesome. Or

4:28

it's the order. It's like a congo line.

4:30

Like you first, you first. Oh. So a

4:32

caboose out here doing the limbo. Think about

4:35

that. How low can you go? Here's the

4:37

thing. Why? You know what's something worse? Is

4:39

I actually pride myself in being good at

4:41

limbo. I'm a loser. It

4:44

runs right out of my mouth. Can

4:46

we see it? What? Let's

4:48

see you do the limbo. Wait,

4:50

first of all, what is that thing you did the

4:52

limbo? On the cruise. 100%, right? No, no, no, no.

4:54

I bought a cruise that makes sense. Yeah, no. Time

4:57

in a place. I'm in a barbeque. I'm in like high

4:59

school. Like how low can

5:01

you go? Like the crazy part is, is in my

5:03

little high school brain, I thought if

5:06

I got real low, I would get pussy. Yeah.

5:08

I can't say that I didn't. Like,

5:12

I... So you did. Well, there's a world where maybe

5:14

a lady saw me do

5:16

a limbo and was like, wow, he's flexible.

5:19

I could put him in something. You

5:22

know? But what I'm saying is I can't say...

5:24

Get on the ground. ...that it didn't do anything

5:26

for me in the Sex Land. Here's the thing.

5:28

Being good at anything in high school, can you

5:30

qualify you for... Dude, you fucking, you sharpen the

5:32

pencil in the right way and girls are like,

5:34

oh my God, what is that pencil? It's a

5:36

stick in my ass. Dude. I don't think anybody

5:38

would say that, but... I think that

5:41

someone's got vagina off being good

5:43

at paper football. Oh yeah. Dude,

5:45

every once in a while, I throw a piece of paper

5:47

in the trash from a distance and I'm like, if a

5:49

woman was here, I'd be getting topped. Yeah. And that's what

5:51

happens. And I wouldn't even have a choice. You'd be like,

5:54

oh my God, I have to blow you. I'm like, what

5:56

are you talking about? It's new and I'm on a Zoom

5:58

call. Yeah, it's Flag Day. Yeah. Yeah. You get

6:00

domed off. Has anyone used a flag for

6:02

a cum rag? Is that illegal?

6:06

I would go on record and say Bill

6:08

Clinton for sure has. I think he's the first one

6:10

to do it. Yeah, bald eagle, not today. When

6:13

did they get so many stars? Because

6:16

it didn't start as a lot of stars.

6:18

Yeah. Like it started as like it wasn't

6:20

as a 13 colonies. It was in a

6:22

circle. Right? And then what happened after that?

6:24

They added some. Right? States. Right.

6:27

Right. I'd be profited. How

6:33

does medicine work? Like

6:35

I'm serious. So you have information, right? And

6:37

I'd be profited and used for information. And you take a

6:39

pill and what is it? But there

6:42

are a bunch of little guys in the

6:44

pill. They're like, Hey, go down. Yeah. I

6:46

love Advil. It's just always work. Advil has

6:48

not worked for me one time in my

6:50

life, but it tastes good. The sugar coated.

6:52

Oh, do the sugar coated. I eat them

6:54

like altoids. Yeah. The one you take is

6:56

like methamphetamine. Yeah. The BC powder. Yeah. The

6:58

BC powder goes, but it works hard. It

7:00

works so fast. Yeah. It tastes fucking

7:03

disgusting. Guys, not an ad. Not mad. It tastes so

7:06

bad, but it works. It works instantly. Well,

7:09

I'm sure the inside of an Advil

7:12

probably tastes like shit too. There's sugar coated in

7:15

bitches. And what's liquid gel? What I'm saying is,

7:17

imagine what's in a pill and

7:19

does it go in your bloodstream and they

7:21

have like, like, like, numb trucks? What

7:24

is that? And someone invented

7:26

that. Someone looked through a peacher dish

7:28

and was like, Oh, this is a help

7:30

with inflammation. Yeah. Bitch, what are you? A

7:32

wizard? How the fuck do you know that?

7:34

You know, it's also funny. They used to

7:36

do, they didn't know that different people had

7:38

different blood types. Motherfuckers will be dying on

7:40

the table because they need like a blood

7:42

transfusion. Thank God we're in the, uh, not

7:44

experimental part of being a human. But we

7:47

are. Vaccine! But

7:52

to your point, like

7:54

there was many, many

7:56

moons. Yeah. Dare I say no

7:59

medicine. People are just like, oh,

8:01

I have the common cold. All right. Goodbye

8:03

Hilda Hilda's dead gone

8:05

got got dude What the fuckers like hurt

8:08

their ankles in the in the woods So and

8:10

then they just then they just walk around with

8:12

a shit ankle the rest of their life They

8:15

hobble around they call him hobby Herbert the rest

8:17

of his fucking life You

8:20

know mother's out there named Herbert back in

8:23

a day Herbert Herbert's crazy Yeah,

8:25

um, but that's insane. That's insane that

8:27

they just like people got injured people

8:29

died comical and they just they just

8:32

And they're just written like they used

8:34

to do surgery in front of

8:36

like 40 50 people No

8:38

one washed their fucking hands No one had

8:40

soap back in the day and they're just

8:42

throwing their hands inside people's pelvis is being

8:44

like Oh, this is how you extract a

8:46

blah blah blah. No, it's not goldbladder on

8:48

the ground also fucking Devin's dead Rising

8:51

into pain because they didn't have

8:53

any fucking painkillers. So they're doing

8:55

surgery and the rest of that's what you see

8:58

Be what a great place to be alive

9:00

right now. Yeah, we're out here

9:02

We're doing it. But the funny thing is in

9:04

200 fucking years course, of course, they're gonna be

9:07

looking back and like they did What yeah, and

9:09

vu yeah, okay the Johnson and Johnson Actually

9:13

is like something that's killing you right now

9:15

that they don't know about Oh five our

9:17

energies. Oh, yeah, it's the microplastics

9:20

Yeah, was that have you heard about that? My

9:22

advice it makes our big smaller Yeah, and it's

9:24

wrong. So they've found it like we've since we

9:26

started doing plastics, right? There's little tiny microscopic bits

9:28

of plastic Literally, they found it on the ocean

9:31

floor on the highest in the world. There is

9:33

a ocean floor Let me go deep every year.

9:35

They find new fish with this guy's got a

9:37

ring light on his forehead Yeah,

9:40

and they've got microplastics down there and on the

9:42

top of Mount Everest and in our brains How

9:44

terrible is it for your body for silicone tits

9:46

or a BBL? But

9:49

you're just putting in I think I

9:51

think it's really matter I think that's probably fine because

9:53

it's covered in whatever the fucking problem is that if

9:55

it leaks I think that's when it becomes Yeah, how

9:57

do you know? Well, I guess you know. Well, yeah

10:00

Sepsis or imagine that that's just that's

10:02

my daughter's name. What was it called

10:04

sepsis? Oh, I thought I heard something Yeah,

10:07

that's right. I was like damn we're gonna know

10:09

that point of the show. Hey, um, yeah,

10:11

do you imagine you got a leaky tip?

10:14

Jesus you ever vent too much to the

10:16

wrong person at the doctor Like

10:18

you call and they're like, no,

10:20

what do you need and then you like do an hour and

10:22

then she's like cool Yeah, let me connect you to the nurse

10:24

who actually gives a fuck. I just scheduled here. Yeah,

10:26

I need you to cut me off Yeah, immediately.

10:28

This is what pisses me off is when I

10:30

go through a whole goddamn rigmarole What I roll

10:32

what I need right if I'm calling team mob

10:34

or whatever the fuck, right? And then they listen

10:36

are you a quick then they listen to the

10:39

whole thing and they go Absolutely

10:41

need to transfer. Hey bitch Cut

10:44

me off. Cut me off. I just talked for

10:46

11 minutes about

10:48

what I need You know

10:50

that you can't do anything and I appreciate your job

10:52

But transfer me before I go to the whole thing

10:54

because and then what pissed me off is I talked

10:57

to the third person And I go all

10:59

this is in the notes, correct? And they go no,

11:01

we don't have it now I go I have to

11:03

say this for the third fucking time. No, that's it.

11:05

What's your address? Yeah, I'm coming to your house I

11:07

figured I was doing the other day. It was either

11:09

the dentist or yeah, I was doing that It was

11:11

either the dentist or I got a massage and

11:14

I'm filling it out I go, do you need any of this

11:16

information? Like do you save any of this? Right? I love that.

11:18

No, I ask Like I

11:20

go. Okay, cuz it's like three pages. Do you

11:23

need any of this and they're like, uh Really

11:26

just your name and consent and all right.

11:28

Here we go. Check check boom touch me.

11:30

Yeah, I don't Because

11:32

when I'm filling out a piece of paper, I think

11:35

when I go in the office They're gonna

11:37

have a little it up and they throw it away Well,

11:39

I think in my head it's like for all these years

11:41

What we think they do is they take it and before

11:43

they bring you in like okay. All right Oh, he had

11:46

an injury and oh wait. Okay. All right. They're not looking

11:48

at that shit But the

11:50

last doctor I did but I did it like a

11:52

digital fill out Whatever the fuck I'm

11:54

trying to say and he actually did he was like,

11:56

oh you're on this medication. Oh, so it says that

11:58

you blah blah blah Like it's I

12:01

guess it's saving a little bit of time, but you still ask

12:03

a ton of follow-up questions So what the fuck's the point just

12:05

let me sit in the room, and they'd be like what's wrong about

12:07

this Yeah, too much. They need

12:09

to weigh you every single time do that. No. I

12:11

don't give a fuck about the way I care about

12:13

height You don't need to

12:15

do it all the time. I don't need to know this

12:17

right I don't need to feel bad about myself every single

12:19

time. Yeah, I have I'm an adult I haven't changed height

12:21

lately. It is wait actually I get wait

12:24

fine wait and blood pressure Yes,

12:26

wait it quits still health, but

12:28

height It's fine. It's

12:30

fine. It says almost five nine. That's what

12:33

it says almost five nine. We all

12:35

get it Yeah, I don't even feel bad. Do I

12:37

go on my tip toe sometimes? Yeah, I

12:39

use you What if they had dick toes like like you can

12:41

go in your tip toes for your dick What would that be

12:44

like getting extra and shout I mean you

12:46

clocking out do you clock him in? Michael

12:49

blossom a yellow by feet where let me tell you

12:51

something New York City Thank you so so much for

12:53

coming. I swear to God we're gonna get a new

12:55

date ASAP in the next couple days Just

12:58

stand by all tickets will be honored and thank you.

13:00

Thank you. Thank you so much for coming out So

13:03

onward and upwards to the next dates this weekend

13:05

Cleveland sold a soda. I love you guys March

13:07

29th, Portland First so shut

13:09

over adding the second one. There's like not a lot of taste

13:11

off the second one So go get tickets before you cannot March

13:14

30th Seattle I think is

13:16

also about March 31st Vancouver soda

13:18

March 12th. I'll be in Niagara

13:20

Falls In an arena. It's

13:23

gonna be crazy So

13:25

Jessica Pearson and Hannah burner are overall

13:27

coal headlining. It's gonna be awesome and

13:29

April 13th Uncastville,

13:33

thank you, dude. I can never say it. I'm

13:35

so sorry. I'm cuz Bill. We've been a little

13:37

April 13 That's what I'm saying. It's

13:39

gonna be the same three headliners gonna be

13:42

really fun. That's selling out really quickly So

13:44

March 14th Albany one

13:47

show sold out in the second one I played a little bit tickets

13:49

left to go do that and then April 18th to 20th I'll

13:52

be in San Jose, California and many many

13:54

more tour dates on my calendar go to

13:57

blogcomedy.com as blogcomedy.com I love

13:59

you. Mr. Wallace It's your boy Trevor Walsh.

14:01

You always asked me when my next LA show

14:03

is just did the improv two shows phenomenal We're

14:06

moving out of Hollywood. We're doing

14:09

Irvine March 28th, Ontario April 4th,

14:11

Bria, California April 11th Long

14:14

Beach April 25th, then we're keeping

14:16

it California, baby, San Francisco May

14:18

17th through May 19th Moving

14:20

on over to the Mormon city Hopefully

14:22

I get domed up by multiple wives

14:24

in Salt Lake City May 30th through

14:27

June 1st, Miami, Florida June 21st through

14:29

June 23rd Sacramento

14:32

Portland, Oregon Lexington, Kentucky,

14:34

Nashville, Tennessee Tempe, Arizona Tampa,

14:36

Florida if you heard those last gonna my website

14:38

Trevor Walsh comedy Those are all the cities I

14:40

am going to this summer Trevor Walsh comedy.com Come

14:44

see me run the new material and yell

14:46

about TSA Who

14:49

knows? This episode

14:52

is brought to you by our boys

14:54

at prize picks do who I'll tell

14:56

you dude Prize picks buddy. Well, I

14:59

picked the largest daily fantasy sports platform

15:01

in North America They are the easiest

15:03

and most exciting way to play daily

15:06

fantasy sports Dude, it's just you against

15:08

the numbers instead of battling thousands of

15:10

other players including pros and sharks You

15:13

pick more than or

15:15

less than On

15:17

two to six players stab projections and watch

15:20

the winnings rolling and your football season may

15:22

be over But the action on the

15:24

floor is heating up whether it's tournament season

15:26

or a fight for the playoff home court

15:29

There's no shortage of high stakes basketball moments

15:31

this time of year Get

15:33

in on the excitement with prize picks

15:35

america's number one fantasy sports app We

15:37

turn your hoop knowledge into serious cash

15:39

and listen if I know anything about

15:41

hooping it's knowledge For

15:44

three Kobe Quick

15:46

withdrawals easy gameplay an enormous selection of players

15:49

and sad types are what make prize picks

15:51

the number one daily fantasy sports App yeah,

15:53

the stat types. They have so many stat

15:55

types. I told you guys I won a

15:57

bunch of money playing daily fantasy sports And

16:00

I was so happy that they had it was

16:02

like a really deep amount of stats and stuff

16:04

You could get really into the game. Very cool,

16:06

dude. I friggin love it. So how do you get

16:09

it, man? I will tell you download the app today

16:11

and use code socks for the first deposit match up

16:13

to 100 bucks Did you freaking hear

16:15

what I said? Okay, down the app today and

16:17

use code socks and first deposit match up to

16:19

$100. That is awesome, dude And

16:22

let me tell you something. Okay, pick more pick less. It

16:24

is that easy price picks frickin

16:27

promo code socks You

16:29

guys have never taken one of those dick pills from the

16:31

gas station No, my friend got me one of those like

16:33

a joke for like a birthday gift you

16:35

have yeah, what happens? Oh, okay. So this

16:37

is a lot into our anos ers long

16:40

time ago. I did not turn into our

16:42

rhinosis Okay, the spoiler version of the story

16:44

is my dick. Nothing happened to my dick

16:46

I got very flushed in the face and

16:48

like kind of sweaty. It's said blood to

16:51

the wrong head. They're The applause break. Where's

16:53

the new button? It's an applause break. Okay

16:56

not the applause Yeah,

16:59

but I I took it cuz I was like I was

17:01

gonna go hook up with someone that I was kind of

17:03

like I'm nervous about Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I was like

17:05

at the gas station getting gas. I was like maybe

17:07

this will psychologically give me confidence Yeah, and instead it

17:10

made me look and feel weird Don't

17:12

I highly don't recommend But

17:15

they they do sell a bunch of

17:17

those because I live at every gas station, right? So it

17:19

has to work for somebody I

17:21

don't know. I Mean, maybe it's

17:23

just placebo like maybe it's this people are buying it for the same

17:25

reason I bought it which is just like oh I want to if

17:27

I take this I can kind of Tell

17:29

my brain like oh you took a thing like you're

17:31

gonna be fucking on your vitamins. Does it work? I

17:33

don't know. No, but I feel Mentally,

17:36

I'm like, oh, I did I took my vitamin B

17:38

today, dude. I've been taking a Soul

17:41

phone I'm forgetting something mushroom. Oh

17:44

Lines man, man. Yeah, see

17:46

doesn't work lines man, or does it? I

17:49

don't know am I dumber or will I

17:51

be would I have been dumber in this

17:53

moment if I didn't I'll correct? No, but it was

17:55

go. Oh you gotta take over six months for the

17:57

effects. Yeah, I know what I do for six months

17:59

You know why because it's third house Fucking thing bag

18:01

all those big it's not gonna work yet And

18:04

this whole thing's a fucking racket and we at

18:06

this point in the show right now Yeah, nothing's

18:08

real everything's a racket. You're all trying to get

18:10

my fucking money everyone every fucking person Everyone

18:13

okay, bitch Every

18:17

everything yeah, nickel and dime and nickel

18:19

and dime and nickel and everybody's got

18:21

to get paid somehow Yeah, but but

18:23

but everyone Every

18:25

no you don't have to give your money to the

18:27

lines the main thing no, I know that's You're

18:30

thinking about it's just like give it to me fucking

18:33

every time you return a car Like my

18:35

video effort generally returns the car right every

18:37

fucking time there's always like an old man

18:39

It's another sixty eight dollars for Deb do

18:42

but it's always everything's tacked on Always

18:45

tacked on nickel and dime and

18:47

nickel and do you have insurance? I

18:49

don't fucking know Yeah, I always say no me

18:51

like you know be in the car accident. It's

18:53

uh you're liable. What if I'm dead? Oh,

18:55

yeah, also who's liable? What's

18:58

his name? What's his last name liable?

19:00

Yeah, Lionel's a crazy name to name somebody

19:04

Lionel rich Lionel rich is a great name.

19:06

He said his actual name. Where was I

19:08

that somebody kept trying to upsell me

19:12

Best Buy, huh? I

19:14

was buying a hard drive and this guy

19:16

was the most NPC bought and I just want

19:18

to go stop Where do

19:20

you plug in at night? What's happened? Cuz he goes do you

19:22

want to sign up and I go and it hears me if

19:24

I'm if I haven't eaten and it's like Oh, yeah, I'm nightmare.

19:26

I hate who I am. It's not great Yeah, I'm a real

19:28

snappy boy, but I was doing this and I was gonna get

19:30

food after so I got let me go get Hard to he

19:32

goes hey I did you want to get the the Protection that

19:34

I go oh no no no and then he keeps going out

19:36

of go no and then I just go no no no No,

19:38

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, just

19:40

put it in just put just stop Well,

19:43

like he kept talking but like like

19:46

I said no and I go no I'm alright. I'm alright Yeah,

19:48

but it's just then and I out logo no no

19:50

no no no no no no no no no no

19:54

No, no the traffic explosions because it's

19:56

hunger or not caffeinated or my favorite.

19:58

Oh, yeah I can't

20:00

leave my house sweetest nicest person.

20:02

It's Snickers commercials. Yeah. Yeah, it's

20:05

literally is They should have a

20:07

Snickers commercial for guys who haven't got laid in a while Yeah,

20:10

they're just entering commercials get a nut off.

20:14

I don't know. I'm fine with it. Okay. Oh Yeah,

20:19

I got a lot I got a good one. I

20:21

got a good one. I'm deciding is it a patreon

20:23

or regular Um, but I also wanted to be

20:25

a bit. So how do I know? Let's

20:28

just jump into it. So, uh, by

20:30

the way, everyone who came out to Minneapolis and Milwaukee

20:33

and Chicago. Thank you so much. The shows were so fucking

20:35

fun Minneapolis, um

20:39

You've done this a billion times. You've done a lot of

20:41

theaters. I haven't right? So if you sell it out there

20:43

They give you a nice little gift. Yeah, nice, right? I

20:45

didn't know this existed but every they're so nice They give

20:47

you a little gift, right? So Minneapolis

20:49

walks in before the shows with this box,

20:51

right? No, sorry to the

20:53

mayor the whole The comptroller City

21:01

Minnesota's the state I never can remember that

21:04

correct. You know, it's bullshit. It's Cleveland should

21:06

be the state Ohio should be

21:08

the city, but also should not be no,

21:10

I was great. I Love

21:13

my dad's from out there. Ohio, baby. Why do

21:15

they call it the Twin Cities? Yeah,

21:18

I don't know what's happened to man Twin

21:20

Cities Twin Peaks twin twin. That's a dude.

21:22

I'm peaks Tits they have

21:24

boobs out there or the restaurants.

21:26

So Minnesota walks in Minnesota walks in the the

21:28

the manager very very very very nice Yeah lady

21:30

walks into the box right and like the gift

21:32

and they put it down like they're kind of

21:35

giggling They go you're gonna love this in my

21:37

head I go that is a bold thing to

21:39

say when you're about to give someone a gift

21:41

you don't like directions on how to feel I

21:43

don't like it Personally also like if you're

21:45

giving a gift and you go you're gonna love

21:48

this. I Mean that's crazy

21:50

to say so I'm like, what is this

21:52

a Rolex? Like what is this? Like I'm definitely gonna love

21:54

this I open it up It's

21:57

two Feet that you

21:59

can fuck Hahahahaha

22:02

The Viginals? They gave me two! A

22:04

left and right one for me! Let's

22:07

go! Dude, they gave me two because

22:09

they gave me a left and right because they go

22:11

I didn't know which one you liked Okay,

22:14

cool, right? Yeah, yeah.

22:16

Where are they? Um, they're in

22:19

my house You didn't bring them? You're up Oh,

22:22

oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry that I want to fuck them?

22:24

You didn't want to bring them to show us? I have

22:26

a picture, yeah. Text it to me. I'll put it on

22:28

the screen You

22:30

don't want to bring the fussy in? You're trying to think

22:32

if you have any pictures of the feet with your dick

22:34

not also in it? No, because I'm, I, we took, I

22:36

took the most recent photo I took of them because

22:39

I showed my girl and my girl's in the photo, that's why I was

22:41

like, do I have one without her in the video? Um,

22:43

I do. Um, I'm bringing it up right now, um,

22:46

and the next question you're gonna ask me is,

22:48

did I fuck it? And yes, I did, and

22:51

I'm gonna get it You fucked a foot? Sir

22:55

Sir They gave you a fussy?

22:58

Sir Wait,

23:00

can I zoom in on it? Yeah, do whatever you want

23:03

Oh, whatever I want Wait,

23:05

ew Bro, that

23:07

looks like you stepped on fucking glass You

23:10

fucked this? Yes What's

23:12

that? Can we, can we, will we have a picture on

23:14

screen? I guess can we crop it and do a thing?

23:17

No, no, no, no, no, that's a different photo Yeah, I

23:19

can finish you right now I need your guys' reaction It

23:21

looks like you stepped on a shot of glass Uh, where

23:23

are you getting it? It's a pussy at the bottom of

23:25

the foot Shotty got that pussy Yo,

23:27

if she has an STD, she got fungi What's

23:31

happening? I'm trying to get it He's trying to send

23:33

it, he's on airplanes Applause

23:36

break Bro, every time

23:38

I sold out a thing I got like a little like, uh,

23:41

trophy or like a statue You got a fucking

23:43

pussy? I didn't say anything on it Well buddy,

23:45

I got two, I got two They gave me

23:47

fucking two of them One, um Oh

23:50

Jesus Christ Yeah, it's hot, right? Mm-mm

23:54

Ew, it looks like an open wound Yeah, that's what I'm saying You stepped on a

23:56

shot of glass at the beach and then you needed somebody to pee on it First

23:58

of all, zoom in on it Fuck

24:00

me hot. Literally, I look like I'm a gutter. I didn't feel

24:02

great about it. Yeah. Because they always

24:04

say, everyone sends in the one where it's from the ankle. Yeah.

24:07

No, no, no. Here. Okay.

24:10

Here. Hold on. Also,

24:12

how deep does it go? My whole cocks fit in it, so not very deep. Did you

24:14

pipe it that night? Not that night. I

24:16

piped it into Milwaukee. Fuckin' to put in

24:18

Milwaukee's on brand. Ted Bundy.

24:21

Where's he for... Dahmer. Dahmer's out

24:23

there. Dahmer. Dahmer. Yeah,

24:26

yeah. Sorry to get those two mixed up. So,

24:29

the greatest part is they gave me two, right? One

24:32

had like a sock on it already. They

24:35

gave me lotion with it, right? And

24:38

that night was a software protection. Applause,

24:41

break. Are

24:43

you just hitting the plastic? Yeah. Is

24:47

that your laptop that's breathing latatope? Yeah, I'm trying

24:49

to figure out why. We did. Because

24:51

you're a fucking greedy, fussy pig. Didn't we buy

24:53

you a fucking laptop? And it's

24:55

this one? Yeah. It's

24:58

not the videos on it. It's what he Googles. But

25:01

why's the fan going? He has viruses.

25:03

But do we... It's a

25:05

new... Isn't it a new computer? I'm fucking...

25:07

Yeah. We don't have fans in ours.

25:09

Oh, sorry. So, I

25:12

mean, first of all, very sweet gift, right? Letter

25:14

was really sweet, whatever it was. And

25:17

then like that night I just like... I

25:20

keep forgetting my baby boy, by the way. I'm fucking heated.

25:22

I don't know why. Just keep a bottle in your bag

25:24

and never take it out. I hear you, but I have

25:26

this weird... Neuroses that is

25:28

gonna fucking pop open. And

25:31

then your baby boy is fucking everywhere. Right? That

25:34

sounds like your dream. My dream. Fuck

25:36

your suitcase. So,

25:39

I get to Milwaukee, right? And

25:41

I'm all horned up. And I'm like... Yeah,

25:44

Milwaukee. Watch the horned place. I

25:46

don't know what... Shitty skies. It's like this weird

25:48

haze in the air. Great shows. Dude, so, so

25:50

fun. But we stayed at this hotel. And some of

25:52

the hotels are really nice and they supply lotion.

25:55

But for some reason, no lotion at this place. So, I'm

25:57

looking around. I got no baby boy. I got no

25:59

lotion. I'm not a fucking

26:02

savage, right? Look at you. I

26:04

love you. Yeah, dry January, dry

26:06

life. Dude, so I I

26:09

took a few hits of vapes and I was a little

26:12

high and I was like and then I was like all

26:14

ready to jerk off And I was like fuck I got

26:16

no lubrication right we're not in an Airbnb where I can

26:18

find vegetable oil, right? So then

26:20

I thought for three seconds ago. Oh, I

26:23

got the feet and They

26:25

packed they gave me a little travel lotion So

26:28

I'm like fuck yeah, so I go in

26:30

the merch bag grab the lotion grab

26:33

the foot and I'm still

26:36

thinking I'm gonna am I gonna fuck this

26:38

foot because the the

26:40

post nut regret Yeah, fucking

26:43

a foot in Milwaukee Gonna

26:46

be such a problem, right? Yeah I

26:49

mean, this is literally the most dominant thing you could

26:51

do is fuck a body part in Milwaukee a hundred

26:53

percent So I start lubing up my cock onus and

26:55

I'm going in and I'm like, oh this is this

26:57

is good I don't need a foot But

27:00

then the foot keeps staring at me and

27:02

the foot's like come on Michael like

27:04

imagine Hey, yeah, come

27:06

on Put

27:08

use me right? So I'm like, all right do

27:11

it. I gotta at least use it. I

27:13

turn it around Put them put

27:16

the like I'm so I just put the foot

27:18

right on my cock. It slides in so

27:21

easy like it's Feels

27:24

really good and visually in V.

27:26

Yeah, nice and smooth visually. It's

27:28

just really fucking hot like a wool sweater

27:30

Yeah, well like a

27:33

silk sweater Do those

27:35

exist cashmere cashmere

27:37

is good warm wool feels like too hot

27:39

like it like a s o s You

27:41

have itchy. Yeah, so I start piping it

27:43

right and I'm and I go to

27:45

the porn hub and I type in like foot stuff

27:47

So I'm like you're watching foot stuff. Well fucking a

27:49

food Yeah, what am I gonna not watch foot so

27:52

far fucking a foot? What I don't the maybe you

27:54

have a former I don't know. Maybe you'd have like

27:56

a foot overload like that's so much foot. Ask me

27:58

if I have a foot overload ever But

28:00

no bro, you're like

28:03

no fucking octopus oculus That's

28:06

gotta be a title somewhere So

28:09

many feet so many feet so I'm to be

28:11

so that's good So I'm so fucking foot but

28:14

I'm cognizant enough where I'm a little logic

28:16

I'm like 10% logic 90%

28:18

horny where I'm bringing myself to

28:20

the edge and I go Michael if

28:23

you come in this foot You Got

28:26

to clean it. Yeah, and then you're

28:29

gonna be coming in a foot in

28:31

Milwaukee at 3 15 in the morning This

28:34

is not gonna be okay. This sounds like your pandemic days

28:36

to be on. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, but I think I

28:38

lived it enough where I'm like I can't do it So

28:41

I didn't come in the foot. Where'd you finish

28:43

on my tits? But

28:47

but there were there was so much lotion

28:49

all in the foot that I still feel

28:52

like I need to be out is throwing

28:54

away well, that's what I'm From

28:56

away and pretend it never happened. That's what I was thinking I

28:58

was thinking if I come into someone throw it away and I

29:00

didn't want to I wonder like, you know So it's a nice

29:02

gift you flew home

29:05

with go ahead with the fussy in

29:07

your bag sir with two Check

29:11

the bag or carry on checked. Okay. Good

29:13

check the area. I'm gonna just be hilarious

29:15

crazy. Could you imagine? Whose

29:18

foot pussy is this? Would

29:20

you own up to it? We're doing of course First

29:23

I had mine. I don't really get

29:25

embarrassed. It doesn't do this type of stuff. Yeah, I

29:27

turn around I mean I tell thousands of people we

29:29

can Yeah,

29:31

but like I think I would Realistically say

29:33

65% of the people you tell her like that's

29:35

a good bit. Yeah fucking around. Yeah. Well, yeah

29:38

People ask you and me all the time. This

29:40

is real. It's very very real Um,

29:42

anyways, but yeah, that was a and I showed my girl when

29:44

I got home and she was like, this is not This

29:47

can't be a thing that you're into

29:49

and I was like, I didn't think so I've got

29:51

sent this Fussy So

29:54

many times I was like, I'm not into this. Yeah, I'm

29:56

into it I'm

29:58

into it. Dude. It's got like the veins everything how

30:02

much are those retail for I have no idea

30:05

can't be cheap yeah can't be cheap yeah

30:07

tools no it's fucking nice to give literally it's

30:09

a very were they fans of the show they

30:11

just knew you in general or they didn't really

30:13

I mean they had to be fans of the

30:16

show it's something like yeah that's a deep cut

30:18

yeah you talk about it in

30:20

clips though I don't know not

30:22

really but I remember I haven't released anything any like foot

30:24

material ever so like they would have to have

30:26

done like a little research or their fans of the

30:29

show I didn't really ask but I was just what

30:31

if you type in just your name how quickly you

30:33

can find on like Google or images or photos or

30:35

something in around like oh he's a foot boy it's

30:37

gotta be like a million stiff socks clips today's

30:40

episode is brought to you by zach what

30:42

is it it's a place where you can

30:44

find and book doctors who will make you

30:46

feel comfortable actually listen to you doctors

30:48

don't listen you say one thing them they

30:51

start typing a paragraph what are you right

30:53

get off wiki feed I'll

30:59

tell you

31:02

what it is

31:04

no doctor to the free app and website

31:06

where you can search and compare highly rated

31:08

in network doctors near you and instantly

31:11

book appointments with them online I

31:13

am so sick of doctors oh

31:15

we're all booked out for q4

31:17

dude how many people

31:19

need help what do you burn crisis tortoise that's

31:21

what I'm saying put your shirt back on and

31:24

help me um yeah listen

31:30

typical wait times to see a doctor booked

31:32

on zach dog is between 24 to

31:35

72 hours you've been a score same day appointment

31:37

buddy that's what I'm thinking about that that's why

31:40

I need help today could be today good I

31:42

actually use it dude it is a freaking phenomenal

31:44

app and I'm so sick of my insurance app

31:46

because it really really sucks it's so convoluted zach

31:48

talk is super easy I use it literally I

31:52

have never even used my own insurance after

31:54

the sucks about it but this is awesome

31:56

so go to zach doc.com/socks and download the

31:58

zach adopt app free then

32:01

find and book a

32:03

top rated doctor today

32:05

buddy that is z

32:07

o c d o

32:09

c.com/socks zach doc.com/socks damn

32:12

it looks like regardless 190 for the pair oh it's a pair wow yeah

32:17

there's a whole this is website so funny because they

32:20

have the these are the best uh flesh lights for

32:22

foot fetishes and then they have a pros and cons

32:24

list for every different kind of foot flesh light you

32:26

can get let's let's do some one pros and cons

32:28

please um something really funny just to picture her like

32:30

putting in her like credit card information to buy these

32:32

she's like okay four

32:36

what's my cvv yeah i'm trying to buy the foot pussy

32:39

so for one of them for the realistic silicone feet

32:41

where the vagina opening is at the top of the

32:43

foot um the cons are uh reviews

32:46

mentioned the vagina isn't the smoothest some

32:48

may prefer ankles with a 90 degree

32:50

uh angle yeah

32:53

you know things you got to think about when you're

32:55

getting foot pussy i'm not gonna lie i mean the

32:57

toes aren't great they're bubbly

33:00

they're just too like too wiggle

33:02

waggle and the foot is a

33:05

little too masculine for my liking it did look

33:07

like a man's foot it did it

33:09

looked a little bit little messy paint the toes i

33:13

mean dude if you if i ever come in here

33:15

and said i painted my fussy's toes you

33:17

gotta have a conversation with me i don't think things are

33:19

off the rails no i think

33:21

you're just having an arts and crafts weekend i don't

33:24

know man but you know

33:27

why not i guess

33:29

why not because

33:31

i because like having it be like a

33:33

spare the moment i'm horny let me fuck

33:35

my footsy that's that's reasonable right

33:38

but like to take time out of

33:40

your schedule to like soberly

33:42

paint the toenails and

33:45

then fuck it so

33:47

look dude i have i my girl and

33:49

i were like laughing about the footsies foots

33:52

and then i was like oh it's like it's kind of

33:54

like a like a flashlight but a foot she's like what

33:56

the fleshlight no oh i swear to god oh let me

33:58

show you I'm a flush

34:00

right shoulder and she was like that's fucking hilarious and

34:02

vile and I'm like, oh I also have an auto

34:04

blow She's like what the fuck so I have I

34:06

was all kept at one spot So

34:09

come in corner. Oh the flesh I

34:11

did the flesh it was in like a hard. I don't know

34:13

where the fuck it is I know where to thin your ass

34:16

the but the no it was like in different places

34:18

But but it's just so funny like I put all

34:20

stuff out into us. It's very normal. Yeah, but

34:22

someone who diked it Yeah,

34:25

it's just well. There's so much things to fuck you in

34:27

my apartment Yeah, it's

34:29

so much. Yeah, I think

34:31

you have to understand and she Coming

34:34

into this you're like I didn't buy any

34:36

of these these were all gifted. Correct It's

34:38

crazy if you bought all those and I'm

34:40

sure people listening do buy all those that's

34:42

fine but

34:46

Yeah, you're like I'd so not like I just

34:48

have these on deck like I'm not some fucking

34:50

molly a of his thing, dude I I think

34:52

if I didn't get that fleshlight

34:54

gifted to me, I would have already bought

34:57

one really Yeah, man, cuz they look like

34:59

they're so like out there like everyone talks

35:01

about them, right? And like it it

35:04

makes so much sense how it's so

35:06

good like it feels stupid Like

35:09

it's not so fucking good Especially

35:12

when you take like one hit of the vapors

35:14

and you're fucking do it It's it's good if

35:16

you go is that if you go one hit

35:18

of vape Fleshlight and then do

35:20

VR porn. It's like do I even need Blaming.

35:24

Oh, okay. Well, I think the

35:26

the next step up is they have a heater that

35:28

you put it on It's like it's like a pole

35:30

and you put the flesher on it kind of warms

35:32

the inside It's like five minutes then it feels like

35:34

actual Not

35:36

room temp Wow, and it

35:39

feels like real-life cooter. It's

35:41

I think that's good because people were like microwaving them That's

35:44

hilarious. Oh, no. No, they weren't right.

35:47

They were putting the actual the silicone

35:49

part in like hot water Wasn't

35:51

really doing that didn't even gonna me. Oh, I don't

35:53

know I thought we talked about it when we're talking

35:55

when we're talking about maybe let's yeah Yeah, it could

35:57

be that kind of makes sense to put like a

36:00

Yeah, well it's just like a little pole

36:02

that and then it wanders at the inside then it that

36:04

I mean that that would be Are you're like oh, I

36:06

don't need Anything it's sad.

36:08

Yeah, but it's in the moment. It's like

36:10

can I can borrow the Oculus again in

36:12

the moment? It's it's it's

36:14

unbelievable. It's unbelievable. So this is

36:17

this is a weird jump Guys,

36:20

you know how people like Oh hot

36:23

girl dinner Yeah, yeah.

36:25

Yeah. I'm in what

36:27

are we thinking about the same thing? I think so I'm

36:30

in like what my my girl

36:32

something it was up. Can you define

36:34

hot girl? I'll just tell you what I had Last

36:37

night. I just had a fucking

36:39

cheese board with like pickles,

36:41

bro. That's a charcuterie plate No,

36:44

I understand girl dinner. That's what

36:46

I mean. That's what I said. I said I grow dinner Yeah,

36:49

that's an extra word. Oh my bad. Well, whatever whatever

36:51

it is So I used to be

36:53

a board pickle cheese board with yeah, like,

36:56

you know, fucking salami and a bunch of

36:58

like me That's a charcuterie plate. All right,

37:00

my bad. No, like a real girl dinner

37:02

is like a vape and Adderall and then

37:04

a therapist But

37:07

yeah, it is a real type in girl dinner meme It

37:10

was that it pickles and cheese. No, I'm sorry.

37:13

Sorry. No, it's okay. But uh, yeah What is

37:15

it called a charcuterie board? Yeah, that thing right

37:17

and then pickles and that's all I had for

37:19

dinner and I hold on But

37:23

I think like but I think there's so much

37:25

I hate towards that I'm like no, this is

37:27

a great fucking dinner I

37:30

think what happened? I think you got the

37:33

meaning wrong. You're just that snacks No

37:38

No, girl dinner is like that's right. She's in

37:40

her bro. It's like a string cheese and like

37:42

no fruity pebbles

37:44

and Half a Zoloft

37:46

like well then it was like diet coke and like

37:48

like like like, you know what you

37:50

eat right before a show I would say that's more

37:52

girl dinner like a flim jim, no fiber energy. Oh,

37:55

really? Yeah, it's supposed to be like Hello,

37:57

I'll teach you my full dinner you had like it's

37:59

like Meats, cheese, pickles, that's

38:01

like healthy-ish. That's not

38:03

a fucking dinner. That's like a brutal

38:05

and appetizer. But I think the meme

38:07

of girl dinner is like I had

38:10

Kool-Aid powder and then fennel. Oh,

38:12

oh, oh. I think

38:15

it's... Okay, but not... Yours

38:18

sounds like the elegant... Yours was like

38:20

a woman dinner. Okay, but

38:22

I think... Look at this

38:24

one. Yeah. Yeah, like

38:26

babe chicken nuggets chocolate chip cookie.

38:29

Or no, that's hash browns. Yeah. Those are hash

38:32

browns. That actually looks fucking phenomenal. I

38:34

guess my feeling towards this is like

38:36

the whole like idea of like snack,

38:38

like not a full dinner, like just

38:40

like a little like nosh thing. I'm

38:43

in. I never did it. I never like... Bro,

38:45

you're such a fascinating person. You know what I mean?

38:48

Why am I so fascinating? You know what's

38:50

fucking... You're like, oh, I had snacks and I ate and

38:52

I was full and you know, I used to

38:54

be out on eating, but now I'm in. No, no, I don't eat. I'm

38:57

saying like for dinner. Like I

38:59

do, but I don't have like, I usually don't

39:02

have a fucking rice cake and you know,

39:04

I don't have snacks. I have a fucking dinner,

39:06

but like I feel like there was so

39:08

much like, not I guess not hate, but like so

39:10

much like, oh fucking girls you weird or whatever that I

39:12

like, I had this and I'm like, if

39:14

this is what the... Actually not if, because that's what I thought

39:16

they're normal. I was like, if this is what fucking people are

39:19

hating about... Bro, I had a picnic and it's baffled. I'm in.

39:22

I'm in. I think

39:24

I'm just so on board and like, yeah, this is so normal

39:27

because I... No, it's not normal. For dinner,

39:29

I mean. Dude, I eat literally like that all the

39:31

time. I have like random, like, I

39:34

hate eating. Yeah, it is fresh. So before a

39:36

show, I eat like a few pieces of lunch

39:38

meat, maybe an apple when I get

39:40

home with some peanut butter and like, that's

39:42

my like dinner. Yeah. So you do

39:44

it all the time. I do it all

39:46

the time. That's why for me, I'm like, bro, that's

39:49

like, that's normal cheese, meats, pickles. I would have like

39:51

before, like if I'm running around like before meals, whatever,

39:53

I would have rice cake and peanut butter and then

39:55

shove like a like a banana in my ass, whatever.

39:57

That's not for you. That's for dinner. That's

40:00

a dessert. But when

40:02

I get home from shows, I have a fuck.

40:04

Generally, I'll have a meal. I'll

40:07

have a bunch of

40:09

whatever, meatballs and rice. And it'll be a

40:11

weird meal, but it'll feel like a meal.

40:14

But this feels like snacks. Yeah.

40:17

Well, I mean, it's the same as when you're snacking

40:19

when you're cooking. And then by the time the food's

40:21

actually done, you're like, oh, I'm full off. Yeah, charcuterie

40:23

and shit. I'm not even hungry. But

40:26

was she like, here's dinner? Or you guys were just fucking

40:28

around. And you're like, oh, I think we're full. No,

40:31

we went to

40:34

Gelson's and got just a bunch of meats and

40:36

shit for charcuterie. Gelson's is not a girl dinner.

40:38

Gelson's is like, you're having

40:40

an outing. That's way too optimistic

40:42

for a girl dinner. But we like, I

40:44

hear what you're saying. Maybe I just misconstrued

40:47

the darkest meaning of

40:49

girl dinner. Yeah. Because I had girl

40:51

dinner was just not

40:53

a dinner. I think it started

40:55

out like what you had.

40:58

And then the jokey internet culture was

41:00

like, he, he, Zoloft in a vape.

41:03

Yeah, OK, OK, OK, OK. So I didn't have

41:05

girl dinner. Whatever I had, stand

41:07

in. I'm in. But

41:10

that's hilarious. Michael discovered that. Yo,

41:12

I love charcuterie. I had

41:14

that. No, no, I knew I was. Bro, I watched

41:16

a movie the other day. I had this thing called

41:18

popcorn. I mean, man, I was sold. I'm sick of

41:20

all this. What? I'm putting

41:22

a kabash on all this?

41:24

All I'm saying is a

41:27

kabash. Putting a

41:29

kabash on your charcuterie board. It should have

41:31

been because that sounds fucking delicious. Medium work.

41:33

What I am saying right now. Here's

41:37

the thing. I'm not hating on it. No, I know. This

41:39

is delicious. I just love when

41:41

you do something so normal

41:43

and human. And you're like, guys, I try

41:46

to pickle. And we're like, yeah. And you're like,

41:49

it's great. It's so weird because I think I'm

41:51

just like a prisoner of my own life. So

41:53

I'm just like, I've never fucking had this. So

41:55

in my head, I'm like, this is like, I

41:58

didn't like discover so. But I'm saying

42:00

like the way that it was put the word dinner in

42:03

front of it Yeah, like it was just like we like

42:05

had that and we like they we like that was it

42:07

I'm like, this is a funny part. This is an appetizer

42:09

No, cuz the idea that you're like if you eat enough

42:11

snacks, it's like this same as eating a meal

42:15

Well, you're like, these are snacks. It surely can't be dinner

42:22

What I'm saying is like It's

42:24

also just funny to follow this with

42:27

the footpussy story Yeah, so when you're

42:29

like, yo, I got something to talk about

42:31

I'm like, oh footpussy. What are you doing chopsticks

42:33

feet? But

42:36

I have a lot here not not specifically

42:38

this one that's kind of the you

42:40

know, that's oh I thought that one I thought it

42:42

was like yo, I had meat and

42:45

cheese and a pickle period. Yeah

42:49

No, I'm just saying that was I haven't listened

42:51

if I have a list of topics That's one of the

42:54

topics that I want to talk about. Okay, I was just

42:56

really into it. There's a more to that story. Nope Bro

43:03

had filled up on snacks. I was like surely

43:05

this cannot be dinner. This

43:07

cannot be dinner. No, right? There's

43:12

nothing bad about it. It's just funny to be

43:14

like yo I had that's like getting full-off bread

43:16

and be like man I got full-off bread. No,

43:18

it's not. No, no, we're meant we're getting off

43:20

track a little bit What what I initially was

43:23

saying. I'm not surprised that was full. I am

43:26

I never had like

43:28

this fucking what I Construed as like girl

43:30

dinner. I never had that before right? So

43:32

what I'm saying is there was so much,

43:35

you know Internet fucking meme hate over girl

43:37

dinner and I'm like, it's not so bad.

43:39

This is fucking phenomenal Brought a protein style

43:41

sandwich and is like baffled. Yeah.

43:43

Yeah. No, man. That's crazy Hey, this ad is

43:46

brought to you by us Trevor Wall, Michael Blass

43:48

on we have a patreon an extra episode every

43:50

Friday without ads An hour unscripted. Look

43:53

at this. This is how it is. Play it play it

43:55

put us in in my pussy immediate regret But

44:04

wrong type of lips That

44:08

is like if I had a pussy that's something shit

44:10

I would do my pussy would be infected within 11

44:12

minutes of me getting up with so much shit my

44:14

bra if I did Oh my god

44:16

phone Android game boy. Yeah, I put a fire hot pocket

44:18

around my pussy. Oh, how many seconds? You're gonna take the

44:20

warm up. I would do crazy shit. I thought it was

44:22

five dogs a month You have four of those for an

44:25

hour what but there are probably ads we should charge more

44:27

Alright four thousand on patreon.com

44:30

backslash sift stocks pod What's

44:33

funny about the girl dinner? Is a lot of

44:35

these look like stuff that you used to just

44:37

bring to the old studio or we would say

44:40

like you've been doing the Girl dinner forever. We

44:42

all have every time we record and we're eating

44:44

like wasabi cashews a five hour energy and a

44:46

hit of a vape Like that's

44:48

fucking that's well we had

44:51

dude lunch Whoa, I think

44:53

you should invented something did I do

44:55

lunch dude lunch is sick. I

44:57

like it So dude lunch what I'm saying is

44:59

maybe just maybe if I really

45:01

take a gander or what's happening here Maybe it's just

45:03

the timing of it all maybe dinner is the only

45:05

time that I generally do have a meal. Yeah, so

45:07

when I Did the girl

45:10

dinner? I'm like, oh, this is not so bad Cuz

45:12

I used to see all the memes and stuff. I'm

45:14

like, what what are these women having just fucking crackers

45:17

and and in pickles This is wild. Mm-hmm. And then

45:19

I did it and I was like I get it.

45:21

That's all I'm saying Yeah, no, it's just how

45:23

you presented it. Yeah, there's nothing wrong. It sounds

45:26

delicious Yeah, I do it all the time. You

45:28

go get a couple meats Maybe like a spicy

45:30

honey apricots apricots, whatever the fuck you want to

45:32

call them Yeah, just random shit and you're just

45:34

eating buddy. There's these pills called sweetheats. Yeah, it's

45:37

spicy hot pickles bitch I will fight a badger

45:39

for a bite of one. Okay, they're so good

45:42

Right now pickle is great, you know what I hate the

45:44

sliced ones. What the fuck are you doing? Really? Give

45:47

me like a beers. Wait, give me death

45:49

slice being the circular. Yeah, I don't like

45:51

oh, yeah out I'm here's the best those spears.

45:54

Yeah, I thought you throw it in a fucking

45:56

cucumber. You are Oh The

46:00

spears are the best because it feels equally marinated on

46:02

all sides. Yeah. The little,

46:04

the little chip ones, I'm just like, am I eating anything?

46:06

They're too loose. Yeah. There's

46:08

no crisp. They OD'd on juices. Yeah.

46:11

They look like they were a part, they look like they

46:13

were a full spear and they got run over by like

46:15

a, like a street sweeping truck. And

46:17

now they're, yeah, I don't like it. Yeah. Well,

46:20

just reminds me of the Chick-fil-A pickles. Don't like those either. They

46:22

could be better. I love a pickle on the side with

46:24

a sandwich. Speaking of pickles, I had sex. Can I get

46:26

into this? Nice. Okay. So,

46:29

for starters, I would like to flag that I

46:31

need to remember where this was going. Go.

46:34

No, no, continue. The

46:37

reason that we entered

46:39

into the girl dinner arena

46:43

was because in the

46:45

morning of that day, meaning

46:48

yesterday, my

46:51

lady got her IUD

46:53

taken out and a

46:55

new IUD put in. Oh, oh, oh. New one

46:57

put in and your boy

47:00

was in the room. That's

47:04

not like a sexual way of saying you finished dinner, is it?

47:06

No. You watched it happen?

47:09

What the fuck does this have to do with a girl dinner?

47:11

I was a doctor. So

47:14

I go in there, obviously for moral support, you

47:17

know? Yeah, but like be in the waiting room.

47:19

No, I know. I know. I

47:21

went in there for the waiting room and then

47:24

my lady was a little bit nervous and I

47:26

was, she's wanting me to come in. So I was like,

47:28

let's do it. So I

47:30

walked to the, like, you know, to

47:32

enter into the office from

47:34

the lobby and the woman was like,

47:37

you can't go in here yet. And I was like,

47:39

oh, okay. So I sat down and then like three

47:41

minutes later, the actual doctor walks up to me, gives

47:43

me like a full interview. Full interview

47:45

is crazy to say, but she was just like, she was

47:47

like, so I just, I heard that you want to come

47:49

in. And I was like, yeah, inside of her. Yeah.

47:52

Period. Nothing? That's

47:55

the end of the story. I just had to do with fucking pickles.

48:03

Am I dumb? Am I missing

48:05

a big gap here? No, no, no. The

48:08

reason that we had the girl

48:10

dinner, like a light whatever,

48:12

was because of this. Because

48:14

you can't eat before it. No,

48:17

no, no. It was the IUD and

48:19

then that night was girl dinner. Oh. That's why it

48:21

was linked in my brain. I

48:24

think where you're getting confused, Trevor. I

48:26

still don't fucking get it. The girl dinner thing, I think

48:29

at first, was not supposed to be as long of a

48:31

thing. Like that was a

48:33

stepping stone to this story. Yeah. And we turned girl

48:35

dinner into a thing that took a long time. I

48:37

mean, we'll do it. We close. I thought it was

48:39

gonna be three minutes of, yo, I can't believe that's

48:41

fucking, I hate it, blah, blah, blah. Do you know

48:43

the point of the show? I,

48:46

we have to nitpick anything we say. Yeah, yeah.

48:48

Like, oh, I got new shoes, man. Yo, what's

48:50

up, fuck him. I would.

48:52

You did. Dude, that's a good idea. Put it

48:54

in the shoe. I, fuck. You could be, man.

48:57

Dude, if I sit, I'll, whatever. Put him in a

48:59

Cyrus grab onto those fucking beefy tongues. Oh, dude, that's

49:01

great. Or put him like a rollerblade and run after

49:03

him. When you could, fuck. All right. This is good.

49:07

So, wait, you guys ate that because it was

49:09

like, oh, I just had this like weird like

49:12

surgery done. I don't want to like be eating

49:14

the heavy foods. Oh, yeah. Okay,

49:17

so you

49:20

saw the procedure go down. Yeah. Are

49:22

you on your phone? Are you looking? Are you not looking? Are

49:24

you counting the ceiling tiles? No, I was recording it. Okay.

49:27

Okay. How long did the surgery take? I'll walk

49:30

you through everything. You would have seen. It was, you saw all

49:32

types of meat. All types of meat, dude.

49:34

Like two feet meat. Feet meat.

49:38

So the whole thing is like 10

49:40

minutes, right? So

49:48

I'm in there, whatever. And the, so the doctor in the lobby,

49:50

I just love this woman. That's why I want to bring her in over

49:52

into the story. She

50:00

was like, she's like, so I heard you want to come in.

50:02

And I was like, yeah, I think it'd be good for just

50:04

like more support. And she's like, just like a little nervous, nervous,

50:06

whatever. And she's like, OK, you

50:08

can come in. But the

50:10

moment that I feel claustrophobic, I feel like you need to

50:12

leave. You need to leave. Literally, this is the tone.

50:14

And I go, OK. She goes,

50:18

the moment. And I go, yeah, I

50:20

I I I promise you that like I'll

50:22

leave. It's sort of like a kind of like a weird. She

50:24

was like a girl boss. I was like, all right, do it.

50:27

So we get into the thing and she goes, you need to stay in the corner. Oh,

50:30

you got cut. Oh, I got cut. I got cut.

50:32

But here's the thing. Honestly, I was

50:35

into it because she was like she was like an

50:37

older doctor. And she's like just she

50:39

just exuded this type of like power. And I'm

50:41

like, yeah, tell me what to do. Also, I'm

50:43

in a situation where I don't know what is

50:46

about to happen. It was a room because it's

50:48

like it's it's not big. Oh, it's not big.

50:50

I mean, it's literally like maybe from where you're

50:52

at to like maybe

50:56

like halfway to Gabe. Like it's not big. That's why

50:58

she that's why the doctor knew she was like, if

51:00

I if I feel claustrophobic during this procedure, like, exactly.

51:02

So I mean, I mean, like, you're doing fucking up

51:04

downs in there. Correct. Which I

51:06

think here's truthfully, I think she's trying to

51:09

get sent to who I am before she

51:11

just let some random dude in

51:13

the fucking room. We're like, but it's like the

51:15

girls like, oh, I want my man in here.

51:17

Still there. Doctors have to be careful about this

51:19

kind of stuff because they want to look out

51:21

for any situation where a guy is trying to

51:23

like get like wants to be in on a

51:25

woman's like health stuff because that could

51:27

be a sign of like, oh, like a control. You

51:29

know what I mean? I don't know anything. Yeah. Yeah.

51:31

Well, dude, I didn't I didn't know what good said.

51:34

I had no idea my girl had to tell me

51:36

afterwards. Yeah. Yeah. So

51:38

I mean, I'm in the corner of the room, right? And, you

51:41

know, legs are probably right. Is it in there?

51:43

Right. Right. Like

51:45

it's like it's like crypto dot com. It

51:47

is like a break, dude. And

51:50

so I'm I'm like my my girl is,

51:52

you know, I'm like behind my my girl,

51:54

like holding her hands, right? And

51:56

her feet are so she's so

51:58

she's lying down. corner right here right

52:01

so yeah she's going like this why her

52:04

hands are well cuz no cuz she's like

52:06

disturbing dude not up not like this not

52:08

like this six flags

52:10

like this like she's yeah okay like holding like this

52:13

yeah yeah of course but she's lying down and

52:15

we've seen the videos they're gnarly they are you

52:17

we have yeah yeah yeah yeah like on that

52:19

day no I heard

52:22

it's very painful oh dude and this is like

52:24

the the Tesla looking one that went in there

52:26

correct yeah that one so I'm

52:28

holding her hands right pretty easy going on

52:30

well it's like it's a very very painful but the

52:33

interesting thing is like she's talking the doctors talking to

52:35

both of us during it's like asking those questions and

52:37

I'm like can you in my

52:39

head I'm like focus but do you think

52:41

that's to help take them off yes I

52:43

think it's definitely a distraction thing so

52:46

the interesting part can Trader Joe's employees do that

52:48

so what do you into tonight I'll put it

52:51

in so

52:53

she what so so she so she'd

52:56

like pakes it out right hold

52:58

it up yeah it goes look

53:01

I got it I have

53:03

I've never seen it look

53:06

like she took out like

53:09

Apple wire headphones like it's

53:11

dangle dangle like it's a it's

53:13

a it looks like an alien oh it looks

53:16

like my girl like fucked like a best buy and

53:18

she like took it out and it

53:20

was like it looked like a it was like

53:22

this alien looking fucking thing that was like

53:24

this and then I thought the

53:28

amount of not my penis that

53:31

that has thing is seeing yeah

53:33

it has initials like a tree carved in it yeah

53:37

but now the new one oh yeah I

53:40

was saying to her I was like this

53:42

new 2024 model is

53:45

all me yeah it's all me

53:47

you're not leasing anymore no boy

53:50

bought it least to buy

53:52

least to buy but I bought it I didn't

53:54

fucking least it but the other one was least

53:56

about yes correct you're like yeah pre-owned

53:58

it took part of me not

54:01

to take on my phone when she

54:03

took it out I think

54:05

I have a picture of what it generally

54:07

looks like if you guys want to see

54:09

it yeah buddy what's

54:11

up a little buddy buddy yeah it's not gonna

54:14

come out glistening like this kind of thing holy

54:16

no it top left

54:21

that's wood I think yeah

54:26

no it looked like that like

54:29

the one in the one in the up

54:32

up up that one it

54:34

looks like a pogo stick yeah how does that

54:36

you know it looks like it looks like two

54:38

street lamps yeah yeah yeah

54:41

yeah well on these streets but

54:43

yeah it was just an it was an

54:45

interesting thing I've never been a part of

54:47

something that I've never been part

54:49

of that it was just

54:51

very like yeah how does it

54:53

stay in there dude I don't know

54:55

anything it apparently it gives out hormones

54:57

yeah that like fight sperm but how

55:01

do you train the hormones to do that you know

55:04

I don't get any of how does it stay

55:06

it's not like dude like locks in like a

55:08

Lego up there I think it does yeah we

55:10

watched like they it's not I think it's closed

55:13

when they put it in right and then they

55:15

put it in and guys transform yeah yeah yeah

55:17

that makes sense

55:21

yeah so was

55:23

the doctor when you guys

55:25

are leaving like all right don't do anything

55:27

for a couple days oh yeah so couple days

55:29

can't do anything good thing you have the pussy

55:32

there you go yep thank God no I'm gonna

55:34

go take a walk literally

55:38

hey walk feet

55:41

cock walking okay

55:44

I got it now yes um

55:47

yeah so none of that and

55:50

but it's it's really really

55:52

bad timing because

55:54

I'm literally here for like three days

55:57

and I'm going her love isn't enough Cut

56:00

it. And

56:04

yeah man, she was like in extreme pain.

56:07

If they don't numb anything, you go in there

56:09

and just rot on. Well the funny thing is

56:11

dude, they spray this um... Fentanyl?

56:14

Yep. No, they spray like this, what's it called?

56:16

Like numbing cream, but there's a name for it

56:19

and you can be allergic to it, right? So

56:22

the doctor sprays it and then goes, How

56:24

wide was that? You just went like

56:27

this! Yeah, I couldn't see anything.

56:30

So they spray it, right? There

56:32

you go, there you go. And

56:34

the doctor, she's watching for visuals. Yeah,

56:36

so the doctor picks her up and goes,

56:38

Hey are you allergic to whatever this stuff

56:40

is? And my girl literally immediately goes, What

56:43

if I wasn't? Or oh no, she goes,

56:45

What if I was? And she goes, Oh I just gave

56:47

you a Benadryl. It was a weird interaction

56:49

where I'm like, You fucked up by not

56:51

asking before you sprayed it. It was a... What's

56:54

that, ask now? For forgiveness later? Yeah,

56:56

but for you... Worse for

56:58

anybody? Yeah. I feel like 100% of

57:01

my life is that motto and it's never worked for

57:03

me. No, but if you got it done already

57:05

then you're fine. I think that's what it's for, right?

57:08

It's like you skip the line and it might work and

57:10

then if it doesn't, they will give you the back line

57:12

and go, Oh okay, sorry. At least you tried. I

57:14

would never cut a line. I just, there's so

57:16

much guilt. I get guilt going

57:19

in a concert like getting ahead of people. Like I'm never the

57:21

guy that's leading that pack, going, Oh, let's go to the front.

57:23

Oh, I saw a thousand people can look at me and be

57:25

like, He's shit, fuck him, fuck him. Whenever

57:28

I'm like with the group and they're all holding hands, I get

57:30

to the front, I'm always just like, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry,

57:32

I'm sorry. I get Canadian real quick. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,

57:34

sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. It is, it's

57:36

a lot. It's a lot to... Well, because

57:38

you're like, it feels disrespectful. Just

57:41

walking by people. I know you've been in line for

57:43

12 minutes, but... You've been waiting here for 12 hours

57:45

for your favorite act. Anyways,

57:47

to put a cap in this story, it

57:49

was wild. I've never visually seen something like

57:51

that. Blood, you know,

57:54

just like pulling out a robot thing. It was, and

57:56

then you got to put one back in. Girls

57:59

are like so much pain. Like fucking the entire day. That's

58:01

why I had girl dinner connection. And how do you

58:03

comfort that like leaving? Oh I

58:07

think you know what it was too is

58:09

it's it is for like

58:11

the pregnancy thing But it's also it's so

58:13

I regulate certain hormones and like periods and

58:16

that's up So it's not just like this

58:18

whole like hey cool. I can fuck

58:20

you know raw. It's not just for like

58:23

that You know, I mean, it's it's like

58:25

there's more there's more to it than just

58:27

that. Yeah But

58:29

but great questions. Yeah, I don't yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's why

58:31

I had girl dinner The period periods have so interesting because

58:33

it's the thing I will obviously never be able to relate

58:35

to it But the fact that like I can

58:38

they're literally in a cycle all the time

58:40

That's like making them feel different and think

58:42

different and it's like always happening and for

58:44

some people can be like super intense It's

58:46

wild. Yeah, I remember my

58:48

last relationship anytime. There was an argument

58:50

the next day. She's gonna swing like

58:53

hey Sorry, I

58:55

guess I think in my period it's like The

58:59

neighbors know the cat is

59:01

hiding under the bed Everybody

59:03

knows and there's nothing wrong with that There's

59:06

nothing wrong with it. We know Pet

59:10

on the head. Love you. We know and

59:13

then I don't eat Right. I

59:15

don't drink coffee and it's noon and I'm yelling

59:17

that pigeons for being too loud. Oh, I haven't

59:19

eaten yet. We know Yeah,

59:22

I am always on my period until about

59:24

noon What not the 9 a.m.

59:26

To noon shut up, dude, I get

59:28

angry over

59:30

nothing same I but but

59:32

but even if I'm fully caffin in the heat

59:34

dude, I Finally

59:37

I have this like outside What's

59:39

it called? Fucking dick? Well, you can

59:42

bet but the patio where I bought like a Fire

59:45

thing fire pit. I was called very

59:48

great. So I bought a fire pit. Okay, and

59:51

You know busy, you know world busy people

59:53

so I didn't get the propane yet, right

59:55

last night I was like, I don't show

59:57

site. I'll go go get the propane attached

1:00:00

Have a nice little night. Maybe a glass

1:00:02

of wine, you know, just fucking unwind a

1:00:04

bit You know, so I get the propane

1:00:06

not cheap. By the way, if you're a

1:00:08

fucking ball, I thought propane was $22 Yeah,

1:00:12

walk up talk like boom. How are they

1:00:14

gonna? Yeah. I mean what is happening? It's

1:00:16

a billion Anyway, so I get

1:00:18

it Brent Bragg connect everything looking at directions. I'm

1:00:20

a big direction guy. We all know this Yeah,

1:00:23

connect everything makes everything doesn't

1:00:26

Work. Hmm doesn't turn out.

1:00:28

I don't fucking know. Did

1:00:31

you use a lighter? I

1:00:33

did it all dude Well, the

1:00:35

thing that I bought you can turn on and then

1:00:37

it has like a like a like an ignition switch,

1:00:39

whatever Nothing was working. I

1:00:42

am Trying to not

1:00:44

be irrationally angry. What is

1:00:46

that? Therapy do I need

1:00:48

more therapy? I don't know some things

1:00:50

are minds electronics I think I can

1:00:53

give it grass if somebody's in 88 I go, you know

1:00:55

what? That's fine. Whatever. They don't get it. We're on the

1:00:57

same page. It's but it's when technology doesn't work Yeah,

1:01:00

I'm not trying to freak out a technology man because

1:01:03

it's all gonna kill us and like we

1:01:05

how much years we haven't Until like AI

1:01:07

just like four months. Can I

1:01:09

tell you about my sex story yet? Yeah, it's like

1:01:11

my fucking charcuterie Slow

1:01:14

and steady may work in

1:01:16

storybooks But in the real

1:01:18

world Buckeye Express logistic services

1:01:20

will win every race at

1:01:22

Buckeye Express We offer time

1:01:24

sensitive transportation for manufacturing and

1:01:26

manufacturing suppliers We thrive

1:01:28

on solving challenging logistics issues on

1:01:30

short notice when time is critical

1:01:32

whether your shipment is large or

1:01:34

small Call us at 614-272-6730 Buckeye

1:01:40

Express logistics services your

1:01:42

expedited transportation supplier Damn.

1:01:45

Yeah, I have two stories one of

1:01:48

which I don't even know

1:01:50

if I would even It's

1:01:52

really funny, but in an embarrassing

1:01:54

way. So I might do that on page I

1:01:57

might have to get clearance. Oh from

1:02:00

a lady to be like, hey, this is funny. May

1:02:03

I? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the other one,

1:02:05

the other one, there was just

1:02:07

a night of shenanigans. Uh-oh.

1:02:10

Sex. You

1:02:12

had sex? I did it. You did

1:02:14

it, finally. Oh my God, dude. After two

1:02:16

weeks. That's great. No. Anyways,

1:02:19

we're doing intercourse. Is

1:02:22

that sex? Yeah. Okay. Penis in

1:02:24

vagina. Holy Toledo. Yeah. We're

1:02:27

out here. There's a weird

1:02:29

thing about me where if I get too warm, I go

1:02:31

soft. If

1:02:33

I get too hot, I can't. I get, I

1:02:35

get, I get, because I- If you get too

1:02:37

hot, you go soft? You don't know what bologna

1:02:39

is! Birthday candle! Oh! Oh! Oh!

1:02:43

I like that. What

1:02:45

it is, is it takes me out of the zone,

1:02:47

and anytime I get out of the zone, I stop

1:02:49

thinking, or I start thinking, thus, I'm

1:02:51

not thinking with my dick. Kevin Gates, I'm just

1:02:53

thinking with my dick. You know what's weird?

1:02:56

I'm the same thing, but cold. I

1:02:59

have to turn the AC off and the fan off. I

1:03:01

don't fucking like when things are blowing. Unless

1:03:04

it's a girl, I'm like, get it, get it. Pop, pop.

1:03:06

Oh, shit! No,

1:03:09

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

1:03:11

honey. Honey, turn my dick off! Pfft! Anyways,

1:03:14

I feel that. But it's gotta be

1:03:16

like a room temperature. But I actually like

1:03:18

it hot. I like it when

1:03:21

it's hot and sweating and shit. I don't like

1:03:23

the, when AC's like, whoosh, shut the fuck up.

1:03:26

I like it after, laying in the fan post, laying

1:03:29

there like a crispy king, waiting to get glazed.

1:03:32

You know what I mean. I got it. So, the

1:03:34

heater, for whatever the fuck reason, I've been having a

1:03:37

heater problem for like months. Yeah, what's that? I don't

1:03:39

know. I just don't care anymore. What is it about

1:03:41

content or my career? I don't care. That's

1:03:44

why I've eaten some of these fucking girl dinners. It's like,

1:03:46

oh, my body's like, blah, bubble, bubble, stomach, make noise, shut

1:03:48

up, here's a protein bar. Dude, did I tell you I

1:03:50

had a girl dinner? No.

1:03:53

Oh, okay. Dude, go ahead, sorry. So,

1:03:57

I just, so my room gets exponentially hot.

1:04:00

Whatever the fuck reason I don't know I've changed vents

1:04:02

whatever so I get really hot yeah, and then I

1:04:04

go all right Let's go. I have a guest room

1:04:06

right which happens to be Ludo

1:04:09

sleep house Pluto hi Whatever

1:04:13

reason his room is colder, so I go in there. I'm

1:04:15

on that bed Piping it up.

1:04:17

I feel something swiping on my feet He's

1:04:25

like hey wrong

1:04:27

type of pussy in here So

1:04:30

she's on her back on the bed. I'm standing the

1:04:32

standard back on the bed Batty

1:04:35

on my feet. I'm like ah And

1:04:37

I can't say anything cuz I don't want to throw off

1:04:40

the vibe I want to be a my cats bill yo

1:04:42

tap me in my turn Garfield

1:04:44

getting fuck Give

1:04:46

me some lasagna bitch. Yeah Yeah,

1:04:50

when he's swiping is it like no it was like you like

1:04:52

give it to me Oh that

1:04:54

late late like enough for me to like literally like pat me

1:04:57

in I Think

1:04:59

you think you could have done it the teacher off First

1:05:02

time it's only Jack hold on

1:05:04

I just I I know I've asked question before I

1:05:06

just don't anything my cats I don't know I haven't

1:05:08

taught him the birds in the Bezier, okay? Um

1:05:11

that's hilarious so like so it's enough for you

1:05:13

to be like yo. Yeah I'm gonna

1:05:15

fucking touch my feet no I did, but I was just like

1:05:17

what what what I? Looked

1:05:20

out But I just did

1:05:22

too But I think he was under the bed and

1:05:24

where he's used to be chilling and now his

1:05:27

house is shaking He was hey Santa drives, and

1:05:29

now I think he just got a little weirded

1:05:31

out. It is kind of fucked up that You're

1:05:34

I mean you're in his room It

1:05:37

would literally be like if you went into

1:05:40

your son's room and started piping on a

1:05:42

race car bed And your son

1:05:44

was like I'm playing Nintendo Wii dad. Yeah,

1:05:46

I'm playing with my we nerd I pay the

1:05:49

bills here That is true. I'm gonna be a

1:05:51

big go fuck yourself. I

1:05:53

own this entire house guy. I guess

1:05:55

he didn't oh dude Oh, yeah, do

1:05:57

you eat my snacks your snacks you?

1:06:00

Fucking a you mean your son dinner. Yeah Yeah,

1:06:08

so the other part of that

1:06:10

story is It

1:06:12

has to do with the heat, but I

1:06:14

don't know well Let's

1:06:16

save a page on cuz you obviously have yoga clearance,

1:06:18

so we can't just yeah. Yeah. Yes all right all

1:06:21

right Well, let's uh in that

1:06:23

case do some sock talk secret sock We

1:06:25

have a sock talk today that comes in

1:06:28

from Emily and she wants you guys to

1:06:30

play a game You guys ever heard like

1:06:32

the mind-meld game oh so

1:06:34

the game is basically gonna do a girl dinner It

1:06:37

can you can have to do with anything for

1:06:40

the first round we're gonna give you guys a category right

1:06:42

so we'll say Let's just know cars, okay And

1:06:45

you guys are each on the count of three just

1:06:47

going to say a type of car Oh, yeah, and

1:06:49

we're trying to see how many how quickly we can

1:06:52

get you guys to say the same one so immediately

1:06:54

second round You'll be like okay. He said this one.

1:06:56

I said this one. What's like the sort of most?

1:06:58

Logical one that they would go to next does that

1:07:00

make sense yeah, I think All

1:07:03

right, so let's do cars ready, so

1:07:05

I'm gonna go one two three after a

1:07:07

more model good Model

1:07:10

okay hold on Okay, yeah

1:07:12

brand model. You know what you mean yeah? Okay,

1:07:16

so after three. Yep one two

1:07:19

three me One

1:07:22

two three One

1:07:27

two three m3 I didn't

1:07:29

even have one sorry yeah, sorry I should

1:07:32

probably confirm that you have one yeah remember you're trying

1:07:34

to get to the middle one right so what would

1:07:36

be the middle? Between oh, I'm F. One fifth. I

1:07:38

understand. I understand you're trying to like you guys want

1:07:40

to get there fastest So like if

1:07:43

you said tesla, and you said F 150 you would

1:07:45

try to think what's the most logical one in between?

1:07:48

We're fucking off. Yep. Yep Alright,

1:07:50

let's try it again one two three

1:07:52

tesla I

1:07:56

don't think oh, okay. I don't have one you

1:07:58

started fresh. Maybe oh Sure,

1:08:00

okay. So what are you have another category?

1:08:04

Candy bar candy bar great. Okay. All

1:08:06

right one two three

1:08:08

sneakers. Oh This

1:08:11

gives easy but we're smart. I let's play the

1:08:14

last four. Let's try one more around where there

1:08:16

is no category You guys can

1:08:18

say whatever word comes to mind. Okay, I'm trying

1:08:20

to get you to the same word. Got it

1:08:22

All right, ready, right one two three computer Okay,

1:08:25

so feet in computer. We got to try to find the middle of

1:08:27

that ready Tell me when

1:08:29

you're ready. I mean what the fuck's in between that Don't

1:08:34

I'm gonna give you Well

1:08:38

Got it. You got it. All right, here we go. Ready?

1:08:41

Do you have a word one word? Yeah.

1:08:44

Yeah Okay, one two

1:08:46

three for nub Okay,

1:08:49

so if you turn feet Now

1:08:52

we're full seat. Yeah, so now

1:08:54

we've got pornhub and pussy Cool.

1:08:56

Okay. All right one two

1:08:59

three Mia maukova Okay

1:09:07

You guys ready Hold

1:09:09

on what would he say some man?

1:09:11

I said come come you tell me

1:09:13

Mia maukova. Yeah, okay I'm

1:09:16

gonna give you Okay Got

1:09:20

it. All right one two three

1:09:22

boobs That

1:09:24

counts. Nope. Okay. It's an

1:09:26

idea not that yeah, so now we're trying to find

1:09:28

tits and boobs You

1:09:32

got it, right on it, you got it count

1:09:34

it. Yeah, I don't have it. There's

1:09:36

another word for it Okay, one

1:09:39

two three Brack Okay,

1:09:46

got it hold on you got it

1:09:48

can I have a clue no, no, well hold on But

1:09:51

but we have to melt these two though. You

1:09:54

just want to get to the next one that you guys would

1:09:56

both say Yeah, so what do you think Trevor would? Okay. I

1:09:58

got it. I got it. Ready? One,

1:10:00

two, three, Hooters! There it

1:10:02

is. There it is. Good

1:10:05

work. There it is.

1:10:07

We crushed it. Yeah, that was honestly

1:10:09

pretty great. Good job. That's

1:10:11

off two things that aren't anything.

1:10:13

Yeah. That started at,

1:10:16

what did it start at? I don't even remember. Computer

1:10:18

and... Computer and... Feed.

1:10:21

No, I said feed. He said computer. Right.

1:10:24

Wow. All right. Let's

1:10:26

do a secret sock. Anonymous submission says,

1:10:30

I'm going on a date with a woman. I lied

1:10:32

to her that I've read the book

1:10:34

Don Quixote, and now I have three

1:10:36

days to read the 1,000 page book before I

1:10:38

do it. I made a Spark Notes YouTube summary. Make some

1:10:40

shit up. Man, when that guy died, I

1:10:42

cried. Oh, man. What's your brush?

1:10:44

Yeah. I mean, you could

1:10:47

be like, Oh, man, that guy, Don Quixote, what

1:10:49

a crazy character. It's not a book report. She's

1:10:51

not going to go into crazy nuance. Literally

1:10:53

what you could do is you can listen to a

1:10:55

podcast of someone else giving takes on

1:10:57

the book and then just take the dude's takes.

1:11:00

Smart. Yeah. Right now

1:11:03

his plan right now is he's going to listen on Audible but a

1:11:05

little bit faster. So like 1.5 seconds. I don't think he needs it.

1:11:08

I think you can do Spark Notes. You

1:11:11

can just listen to like... I would just

1:11:13

I would literally just listen to maybe one or two podcasts of people doing takes

1:11:15

on that and just

1:11:17

take them. Yeah, because he says book is 18

1:11:19

hours long on Audible. So that would be three,

1:11:22

six hour shifts of listening. But also like what

1:11:24

did she like guarantee they're going to talk about

1:11:26

the book? Do you know what

1:11:28

I mean? Like I feel like people that have read

1:11:30

that really want to talk about it. But

1:11:33

the moment that she talks about it, he can have

1:11:35

like really broad ideas of it. You know what I

1:11:37

mean? And then just move on. But

1:11:40

if he wants to start his relationship off like

1:11:42

with honesty here and he wants to do that.

1:11:45

Well he already fucked up. Sure. Great

1:11:47

point. I mean, the shit guys

1:11:49

will do to Impress the Girls is crazy. I read this

1:11:51

book. You don't know how to read. Also,

1:11:53

what he could do is if

1:11:55

she brings it up like, oh yeah, Don Cawty. I know

1:11:58

you read that book. He'd be like... Oh,

1:12:01

no, I didn't. I was- I was

1:12:03

f- I was joking. I- There's no way I would do it. It's

1:12:05

8-in-a-hour pay. Or he's lying and he's like, oh, Don, I thought you

1:12:07

were talking about- I thought he was the one with Don Cheadle, the

1:12:09

actor. There you go. I got you. It's not a movie he was

1:12:11

in. Yeah. I-

1:12:14

I think Sparko. Or he's a killer. I

1:12:17

mean, don't do that, but that is an option.

1:12:19

Isn't that always an option? It's so funny that,

1:12:23

like, you shouldn't do any of

1:12:25

this stuff, but there is always options like that.

1:12:28

Sure. I- Listen, I'm not asking- You were

1:12:30

in Milwaukee for too long. Yeah. Yeah.

1:12:33

Yeah. Um, well, I think that's

1:12:35

a podcast, Jen. That is? Did you do it? What

1:12:37

a fun podcast. You win her old

1:12:39

IUD. Yay! That's

1:12:41

a podcast. I wanted it. I wanted to keep it. Put

1:12:43

it on a necklace? Yeah, I honestly wanted to put it

1:12:45

on a bracelet. That was like the guy that I met

1:12:47

in Florida who got shot and he kept a bullet on his

1:12:49

necklace. I don't like it. You

1:12:51

should have the IUD on it. I wonder if I

1:12:54

could just- The

1:12:56

whole experience was like, you never really get in a car accident

1:12:58

and you pick your head up and you go, what the fuck

1:13:00

was that? It was a little bit like that where I was

1:13:02

like, if I could think with a ball to play- Well, what time was it all for

1:13:04

that? 11 a.m. On

1:13:07

a Sunday or Monday? Monday. Oh, yeah. It's just a

1:13:09

crazy way to start the week. You're getting emails and

1:13:11

you're like, sorry guys, I'm- Yeah, I'm

1:13:13

IUD-ing. IUD-ing. Yeah.

1:13:16

That thing was deep in there. IUD. Guys,

1:13:19

that's a podcast. IUD. IUD. Acronym.

1:13:23

Four. Influence under

1:13:25

driving. That's good. I

1:13:27

disagree. I don't think that was very good. No,

1:13:35

I just realized it's the same three letters. D-U-I-I-U-D.

1:13:37

Oh, okay. I thought you were trying to come

1:13:39

up with what the- No, no, no. I literally

1:13:41

thought an IUD was those things that they put

1:13:44

underneath bridges to bomb them. IED.

1:13:47

No, that's not right. Improvised explosive

1:13:49

device. Improvised is crazy. Improvised? UCB? We're

1:13:51

in a Home Depot. Oh

1:13:54

shit. What's my job? What is IUD-san for? Hold

1:14:00

on, hold on, hold on, don't tell

1:14:02

me. Insertion

1:14:06

under the rest. Insert under

1:14:08

development. Uh, intrauterine

1:14:11

device. Oh yeah, that's right. Yo,

1:14:13

uterine is crazy. That's

1:14:15

my son's name. Uterine... Uterine

1:14:18

blast effect? Uterine sounds like

1:14:20

a good, like, thespian name.

1:14:22

Yeah. Uterine? Your

1:14:25

monologue, please? Tomorrow

1:14:27

and tomorrow. Dude.

1:14:30

You know how smelly them motherfuckers were back in the

1:14:32

day? Like when Shakespeare was walking around? I

1:14:35

don't think they were that smelly. I mean, he smelled like a raccoon's

1:14:37

asshole. I don't think they were that

1:14:39

smelly. I think deodorant is what makes us

1:14:41

smelly. This guy's getting chemtrails on his brain. I mean,

1:14:43

I can't believe that you need to drink more fluoride. No, they

1:14:45

would shower once a month in a lake. But

1:14:48

Jack, you're saying that this is like the chapstick situation? Yeah,

1:14:50

that's the same. Where the

1:14:52

more you use chapstick, the more you shower, the more you

1:14:54

smell. I can't disagree with you more. What I think did

1:14:56

happen though is I think everyone was just used to it. 100% that. Yeah.

1:15:02

We didn't know that it was bad until like marketing told us, hey, it's bad to smell bad.

1:15:04

That's true. Sometimes

1:15:06

I sweat more when I put deodorant on. What's that

1:15:08

about? I do too. It's

1:15:12

crazy. I'll

1:15:14

put it on and sweat immediately. I don't know. You

1:15:18

know everything. It is

1:15:20

bad though because like it literally clogs your pores. And it's

1:15:22

not what it's supposed to do. That's why it's one that's

1:15:24

definitely not good for you. That shit has got like motor

1:15:26

oil in it. It like burns

1:15:29

my arms. That's not a night either.

1:15:31

No, no. It's the opposite. They

1:15:35

say that antiperspirant, you're supposed to put it on

1:15:37

at night time. And then just

1:15:39

not put it on until the next night time. Really?

1:15:41

Before you go to bed? Yeah, because it takes time

1:15:43

to work on your sweat glands. And

1:15:46

they're more easily blocked when they're not working extremely hard.

1:15:48

So you do it at night while you're relaxed, go

1:15:50

to bed. And then by the next day, it'll be

1:15:52

fucking working at peak efficiency. I've never

1:15:55

done that. And you'll be the

1:15:57

opposite. My bed saw me

1:15:59

putting on deodorant and I was like, You're trying to fuck me Dude

1:16:04

do you think there's beds out there that you can like

1:16:06

put a flashlight in the bed? I think

1:16:08

you could buy something that does you know the thing

1:16:10

but like how awesome is that well You know how

1:16:12

they do a new hole in the golf course every

1:16:14

day. Yep. It's just a Yeah

1:16:17

suction. Yeah in your bed fucking plop a fleshy in

1:16:19

there. It's really not like for real. It's not a

1:16:21

bad idea It's not a great

1:16:23

idea really. Oh, well you see in

1:16:25

the daytime change your sheets. Oh god.

1:16:27

Yeah What the fuck

1:16:33

This is great all this stuff is good That

1:16:36

photo on Amazon though, that's this

1:16:38

is great This

1:16:40

is great, but I kind of get it.

1:16:42

You know, it's so great about is he a porn star?

1:16:45

Do we know I don't know.

1:16:47

Yeah, or is he just a stocking? That's what I mean

1:16:49

Like I just think it's so funny that look like a

1:16:51

he like went away. Okay What I was gonna say is

1:16:53

he like went to acting school for four years? Oh And

1:16:57

well you can get it by Monday, let's do it a

1:16:59

flashlight hole. That's hilarious What if you let you put

1:17:01

one in the fridge? I did the

1:17:04

fridge door. I Need

1:17:06

something to hold it. Oh horny is fucked. He was first

1:17:08

of all during the pandemic dude anything went Like

1:17:11

literally anything went there's an old wilted bag

1:17:13

of spinach with a view be like what

1:17:15

the fuck? 100% dude, everything was

1:17:17

wilted back then too Yeah,

1:17:20

I Love any reviews

1:17:22

on sex toys meet one star. This is the

1:17:24

worst thing out. It's like yeah, you came well

1:17:28

You know, yeah, it should be it should

1:17:31

be flagged by after I came or before

1:17:33

I can There's

1:17:35

one while complaining that he's not even able

1:17:37

to resell it like he wants

1:17:39

to return it They won't return it and then no

1:17:41

one wants to buy it from him But then right

1:17:43

above does a guy all capital letters Wow five stars

1:17:47

All right. Well, is that it? Yeah,

1:17:49

that's it. All right guys, that's a

1:17:51

podcast. Thank you so much for listening

1:17:53

and watching guys I nut so hard

1:17:55

worth every penny. How

1:17:58

much is it like a hundred and 40

1:18:01

no nothing's worth that no that looks like the middle

1:18:03

console of a car take yours out and do that

1:18:07

There it is there's the heat seat Oh

1:18:10

sit on that yeah, well that's podcast

1:18:12

guys. Thank you so much, man Like

1:18:15

to remind you ever oh Jesus and back in

1:18:17

oh Fuck that's a

1:18:20

$500 sex toy. That's a that's a

1:18:22

one yeah Kangaroos

1:18:25

have three vaginas Where's

1:18:28

the head I don't know Jack what? Nothing

1:18:34

you guys Kangaroos have three vaginas yeah, his

1:18:36

name is Jack Kangaroo

1:18:39

Jack all right guys. I'm sick of

1:18:41

it. That's it guys friend reminder patreon

1:18:44

And we have a stitch socks plus it gave I

1:18:46

can't do this And

1:18:50

I can't do this fucking sign off Literally

1:18:52

my brain will not allow me to do it. It's

1:18:54

crazy gone Friend

1:18:56

the room I don't have a page run bonus

1:18:59

episode jobs every Friday add Frickin free for only

1:19:01

five hours a month that is that's

1:19:03

right. I said five hours a month That's insane

1:19:05

also for people that only do Apple We have

1:19:08

six talks plus the same content same amazing bonus

1:19:10

content, but audio only so jump

1:19:12

on that and tell a friend

1:19:14

We love you guys until next Wednesday or Friday if

1:19:16

you're a patient member. I got a big old dick