In times like these, we could all use the comfort of a warm hairy embrace. It's time for another service at the Church of Bigfoot!

When a young girl named Kiana sees a bear in the woods, it will inspire her to take the name “Bigfoot Girl” and launch her on a lifelong quest for a close encounter of the hairy kind.

We were hoping for a documentary that would finally bring some gender parity to the field of Bigfoot studies, but we should have known better given the film’s Cinemax cover art.

Instead, two men will suck all the oxygen out of the Canadian wilderness. Between James, a 238-pound podcaster and hipster icon who sees dead people, and Thomas, a Bigfoot experiencer who doubts everyone else’s Bigfoot experiences, only one documentary will make you wonder, “Where the @#$% is Bigfoot Girl?”

We'll take long ferry rides and then long car rides and then go on long hikes to a secret camp so we can hear theological debates about whether Bigfoot is building structures. We'll also hear the story of two young lovers having a massive overreaction to a motionless bush.

We’re tying cherries to trees because a psychic told us to, pondering whether a mystical fire can attract Bigfoot, telling the same stories multiple times, and finally coming up with a convincing theory of our own for why Bigfoot Girl is absent from her own film.

In today's service, you'll learn that Bigfoot may or may not be a conscientious robber of coolers, and he may or may not be a classic Loony Tunes character, but Bigfoot absolutely is a role model for these times.

We're suffering through and reporting back on Bigfoot Girl, available to stream on Hulu.

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Theme music: "Mexicana Massacre" by Tomb Dragomir off his Instrumental Psycho Synth Album

Stinger music features "Swing Party" by David Szesztay