Dirty fingernails abound as we journey back to the 50s, a simpler time when people were still figuring out basic grooming. How do you use a toothbrush? Look, it’s complicated.

Thrill as we gasp out loud at the extreme levels of sexism in what is secretly a sock fetish film! Chill as we feel uncomfortable when the teens who were cast to play siblings have a little too much on-screen chemistry!

We’re discovering the true meanings of cave paintings, pondering whether children were more stinky 70 years, reporting a creepy old invisible woman stalking children, and wondering why every man in the 50s was named Stanley.

What’s the secret to living up to these high standards of personal care? To quote one of these films, plenty of gentle rubbing is all it takes!

We're suffering through and reporting back on the perplexingly specific Keep It Clean: Vintage Hygiene Films, available to stream for free for Amazon Prime members.

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Theme music: "Mexicana Massacre" by Tomb Dragomir off his Instrumental Psycho Synth Album