0:01

We're taking life for what it is , which

0:03

is full of surprises and changes

0:05

and curveballs , and your day rarely

0:08

goes exactly how you plan it . We're

0:10

essentially planning for the crazy

0:12

days , planning for the hectic . Hello

0:18

my loves , and welcome to the Purposeful Lifestyle

0:20

Development Podcast , where we discuss all

0:22

things thought , work and manifestation , but

0:25

we use neuroscience and the study of the

0:27

brain to do so . I'm your host

0:29

, tessa Spiesak . I'm a board certified

0:31

practitioner , master life and health coach

0:33

and seasoned executive speaker . If

0:36

you're ready to create your highest value lifestyle

0:38

and turn your dream life into a reality , you're

0:41

in the right place . Let's get right in to

0:43

today's episode . Hello

0:47

, hello my loves , and welcome back to the Purposeful

0:49

Lifestyle Development Podcast

0:51

. Big shout out and hello to everyone who

0:53

tunes in weekly , but if you're new here

0:56

, welcome . Don't forget to

0:58

hit subscribe so that you never miss part of

1:00

our conversation . I'm just

1:02

so grateful to chat with you . However

1:04

, and wherever you are listening in from

1:06

, this one is very

1:08

special . This will be the very last podcast

1:11

episode of 2023 . It

1:14

will be off next week , since I'll be celebrating

1:16

Christmas with my family . We

1:18

have everyone in town will be hosting

1:21

, so I will be running around busy . We're

1:23

already in full swing planning mode

1:25

. But that makes this episode

1:28

really , really special and it is somewhat

1:30

of a continuation from

1:32

last week . Last week I

1:34

talked about a therapy called behavioral

1:37

activation . If you haven't listened

1:39

to that one , I do suggest you go back and

1:42

do so For a quick summary

1:44

or just a refresher . Basically

1:46

, we discussed how humans have this

1:49

sneaky little habit of taking

1:51

action that continues how you

1:53

already feel . Basically

1:56

, this can be really great . If

1:58

we're flying high , everything is working

2:00

in our favor , all is well . We

2:02

tend to continue to do things that make us feel

2:04

good . We knock things off the to-do

2:06

list , we move our bodies with intention

2:09

, we usually eat in a way that serves

2:11

us better , we stay hydrated , we're

2:13

motivated to work on our things . Basically

2:16

, it's flow state . It's what we're always searching

2:18

for and it makes us feel great literally

2:21

best feeling in the world when you're just flying

2:23

high like that . But

2:25

on the other hand , when

2:28

we don't feel like it , when

2:31

we feel crappy or something happens

2:33

, unfortunately , we are usually

2:36

just as tempted to continue with

2:38

actions , to continue how we feel

2:40

there . If

2:44

you feel bad or tired or anxious , depressed

2:47

, you'll probably talk yourself out

2:49

of doing that workout that you wanted

2:51

to do , you're probably not so motivated

2:53

to work on that to-do list . You

2:55

might eat the food that makes your

2:57

body feel bad just because

3:00

it tastes good in the minute , because we don't feel

3:02

so great . All the things we

3:05

discussed how we break that

3:07

link in this negative cycle to start moving

3:10

back into some upward momentum

3:12

, and the solution for that is

3:15

by simply doing it anyway

3:17

. Do the thing anyway . Move

3:19

the needle the way you want to anyway , because

3:22

that is where we finally start

3:24

to feel like it , to make you

3:26

feel better and to turn it around

3:28

. It's not necessarily how

3:30

we're wired , so using the

3:32

intention behind it really helps and

3:34

intentionally changing the direction

3:36

in the flow of where your feelings are pointed

3:39

. I mentioned last week that

3:41

today , this week , I'm going to be talking

3:43

about how to actually do

3:46

that . I think , coming up to the

3:48

new year , there really couldn't

3:50

be a better time for this reminder , especially

3:53

as a lot of us are taking inventory

3:55

over the last year , setting new intentions

3:57

going into the new year and everything

4:00

in between . I really wanted to talk

4:02

about my favorite , most

4:04

realistic and most sustainable

4:07

, but gentlest and

4:10

kindest to self way of

4:12

making lasting change in your

4:14

life in a way that serves you and

4:17

it makes you feel good , because

4:19

that's the key . If you want something to stick

4:21

, if you want to make lasting change , you

4:23

have to like it and it has to feel good

4:26

. So , that being said

4:28

, this is kind of along the

4:30

same vein . I want you to know I'm not

4:32

about forcing ourselves

4:34

into doing things that we hate either

4:36

, and I don't want that message to get twisted

4:39

in here at all but how

4:41

we get ourselves to act like

4:43

our own dang best friend when we need the help

4:45

and the things we've

4:47

tried before just aren't working

4:49

. I've got good news for you , because

4:52

this works , and this is exactly

4:54

how I approach change in creating new

4:56

habits in my own life and

4:59

how I help my clients do the same . I've

5:01

actually been doing this exercise a

5:03

lot with my one-on-one folks lately

5:06

, so again feels like

5:08

perfect timing for this episode , because we

5:10

all need it . So

5:12

let's dive in . One

5:14

mistake we tend to make when we approach change

5:17

is something that I think we

5:19

all know we shouldn't do , but

5:21

try anyway , and

5:23

that's trying to change everything all at once , or

5:27

it's to judge your ability

5:29

to make that change on

5:31

the very best day ever , where everything

5:33

is already going your way the stars are aligning

5:36

, nothing's going wrong , timing

5:38

is perfect , that

5:40

all the things that we plan for the day

5:42

. We need everything to

5:44

go right , or we're mad at ourselves

5:47

or demotivated , frustrated

5:50

, and we're telling ourselves that it's not

5:52

going to work or it doesn't work or we're not good enough

5:54

. Worse , and the main

5:56

point of my approach here to

5:59

avoid all of that is that we're

6:01

taking life for what it is , which

6:03

is full of surprises and changes

6:05

and curveballs , and your day rarely

6:08

goes exactly how you plan it . We're

6:10

essentially planning for the crazy

6:13

days , planning for the hectic , and

6:15

I consider it a three-tiered

6:18

approach to goal setting . So

6:20

, of course , you're totally allowed to keep your big

6:22

goal , the thing that you would do if everything

6:24

was perfect , all the stars aligned , everything

6:27

went right , timing was perfect , but

6:29

we're going to call that your stretch goal

6:31

. That's your big goal . You can

6:33

keep it , but that's your big one . And

6:36

then I want you to set another one , and

6:39

this is something like I mean

6:41

, since a popular New Year's goal is working out

6:43

, I'll use that as an example but say

6:45

it's working out If you're someone

6:47

who is very , very sedentary , maybe

6:49

you work from a computer , you sit

6:52

a lot , maybe an old injury . Whatever

6:54

the case , you don't move too much , you don't work

6:56

out too much , but your big goal is

6:59

you want to work out at a gym or at a studio

7:01

every single day . Okay , fine , but

7:03

if that was possible with your now

7:06

, you'd probably already be doing it , rather

7:08

than it being the stretch goal

7:10

. Like I said , there could be a thousand different

7:12

reasons , a host of reasons . None

7:15

of them are a judgment of good versus bad

7:17

. It just it is what it is . Maybe you're busy

7:19

, maybe you have kids and you're trying to learn

7:21

how to juggle the timing . Maybe you

7:24

need to just change something in your reality

7:26

to get there . But again , we've

7:28

got our stretch top

7:30

tier goal and then

7:33

I want you to set another one that

7:35

is something that falls in line

7:37

with the same goal but maybe takes a little

7:39

bit less effort . So

7:42

if that big goal , with our example

7:44

, is to go from pretty

7:46

sedentary to working out at a gym

7:48

or a studio every day , let's

7:50

make a plan for the days

7:53

that things don't go your way . Maybe

7:55

physically going to the gym is just out

7:57

of the wheelhouse for the day , the timing

8:00

situation isn't sorted , the kids are

8:02

doing something . Maybe you slept poorly

8:04

and slept in so your whole schedule

8:06

got thrown . Or , honestly , maybe

8:09

you just can't find the motivation that

8:11

day to get up and do it again Because

8:14

motivation is fleeting . We talk

8:16

about that a lot , and that is nothing to be ashamed

8:18

of . We don't rely on motivation . That's

8:20

a conversation for another day . But

8:23

let's talk about that day . What

8:25

can we do to plan for it ? So

8:28

maybe making yourself get

8:30

to the gym or the studio isn't

8:32

in the cards , but what will you still

8:34

be proud of yourself for ? Can

8:37

you walk for 30 minutes ? Instead , go outside

8:39

, get in nature ? Can you pop

8:41

on a video from YouTube and do something in the

8:43

living room ? Is there a

8:45

treadmill available to you ? Can you do

8:48

some abs on the floor ? Find

8:50

something that's still getting you towards your

8:52

goal , and in this case , the

8:54

goal of daily movement . But

8:57

this allows for more

8:59

flexibility . And

9:01

then I want you to go one

9:04

deeper , and this layer is so

9:06

, so important . It's more important than you

9:08

think , but I want you to pick something

9:10

so small and so easy

9:13

that you would basically have to choose

9:15

not to do it if it somehow got

9:17

away from you . Something that you could

9:19

do if it was nighttime , if

9:21

you're getting ready for bed , or even if you're already

9:23

in bed , you can do it anyway

9:25

. I really suggest taking

9:27

something that takes no more

9:29

than five minutes I mean literally

9:32

10 at tops because this is something

9:34

that I want you to commit to , no matter

9:37

what . This is the tiny little

9:39

thing that can be your 1%

9:41

in moving the needle in the right direction . So

9:44

for our workout example , maybe

9:47

it's not going to the gym or the studio for an

9:49

hour , maybe you don't even have

9:51

time or energy or whatever

9:53

to do the 30 minute walk

9:55

or the video , but you know what you can do . You

9:58

can get down on the floor and stretch . You

10:00

can do it from where you're sitting . You can do it in bed . If

10:02

you're already in bed , you can pop on the floor and do

10:04

a few pushups or a few sit ups or just

10:07

move whatever that is

10:09

for you . But this base layer

10:11

is something that allows you to commit to your

10:13

goals and allows you to see really

10:16

what's genuinely realistic

10:18

for you , and it allows you to

10:21

be gentle and to have simple

10:23

, sustainable change . Because , no matter

10:25

what , every single day you

10:28

can do something that

10:30

moves you in that direction , and

10:33

the good thing about this is , over time you'll notice

10:35

that you'll see a lot more

10:37

of days that you have that

10:40

big goal . Action is taking place

10:42

. We're seeing a lot more consistency there . You'll

10:45

start to see less and less of that simple

10:47

base level standard

10:49

, which is cool for two different reasons

10:52

. One , your

10:54

goal will naturally and gradually mature

10:56

with you as it becomes your lifestyle

10:59

. So it allows you to reevaluate

11:01

what you want versus where you are

11:03

in terms of your goals and it shows you what actually

11:06

makes sense to you in

11:08

your life , because you can't do

11:10

it the same way I do it versus the way they

11:12

do it . He does it , she does it . It's

11:15

always gonna be a little bit different for all of our

11:17

lives and all of our situations . So

11:19

this allows you to really see and really

11:21

evaluate what makes sense

11:23

for you . And two

11:25

, it taps into the reward

11:27

system in your brain . For

11:30

those of you who are around the

11:32

life of this podcast , you know my

11:35

absolute favorite mind hack

11:37

is getting your brain more

11:39

excited and less resistant to the

11:41

things . That you want is to tap into your

11:44

reward cycle . I

11:46

know I talk about it a lot so I don't wanna dive too deep

11:48

, but just a reminder . Your reward

11:50

cycle of your brain is simply

11:52

put when you do something that you want

11:55

to do , when you do something that's good for

11:57

you especially if it's new or

11:59

you have resistance to it and you

12:01

do it anyway , it gives

12:03

your brain a good dose

12:05

of dopamine , your motivation hormone and

12:08

your brain likes it . It's

12:10

driven by it . So it will start

12:12

to want quote , unquote to get

12:14

more . So you're legitimately

12:16

starting a system where your brain wants

12:19

to do the things you want to be motivated

12:21

for because of the dopamine

12:23

hit you get from doing it . And

12:26

we can use this method for anything . What

12:29

is your big stretch goal ? Write it down . What

12:32

is something you think you can actually do

12:34

that gets you closer to that stretch goal ? Like

12:36

a medium goal , write it down . And

12:39

finally , a base level standard

12:42

of something that's letting you move

12:44

at least one degree closer to

12:46

what you want A little five

12:48

minute , easy something

12:51

that keeps you moving in that direction every

12:53

single day . And , like I said , this can

12:55

be used for anything . If you

12:57

want to be more social , maybe

12:59

your stretch goal is going to

13:01

an event and your mid goal is

13:03

speaking kindly to or complimenting

13:06

a stranger , and then your smallest

13:08

standard goal is to

13:10

text someone something nice

13:13

, or to comment on an old friend's social media . Maybe

13:16

you want to change your diet . So

13:18

, for your stretch goal , maybe

13:20

you come up with the perfect , most

13:23

ideal day of whole food

13:25

, that's , clean , homemade meals for

13:27

the whole day . Right , it's perfect . But

13:30

then maybe you come up with another

13:32

metric , that you have one great meal

13:34

, or at least it's all homemade

13:36

, or at least every meal has veggies in

13:38

it . And then you have a base level

13:41

, or your standard , where you know

13:43

you're going to drink your water that day and

13:45

you're going to take your vitamins , whatever

13:48

that makes sense to you . So , no matter

13:50

what , you are always moving

13:52

the needle for yourself and

13:55

after some time you can reflect

13:57

on it . Maybe use a bullet

13:59

journal to track how your progress is

14:01

gone and see how , which one you're

14:03

picking . Maybe talk to a friend

14:05

, have an accountability buddy or me , someone

14:08

like me , to make sure that not

14:10

only are you successful but you're

14:12

enjoying the choices that you made for you

14:14

. And if you find out from your

14:16

reflection that you keep missing the mark

14:19

and aren't giving it love and attention and

14:21

still aren't doing that standard

14:23

that you sent for yourself , well

14:25

, maybe it gives you the opportunity to look and

14:27

reflect and say is

14:29

this something that I really value right

14:31

now and is this something that I want to prioritize

14:34

right now ? Because it's okay for

14:36

those things to change ? But

14:38

it gives you this space to really

14:40

open up , for some honesty with yourself

14:42

there , that maybe this goal

14:44

I didn't set for the reason that I thought , or

14:46

maybe I just need to reevaluate there

14:49

. And that's all okay

14:51

. And that was a perfect

14:53

caveat , actually , into my next

14:55

discussion here on the podcast , which

14:57

will be about looking at our priorities

15:00

, our values and how

15:02

we are either moving with or away

15:04

from them . It'll be a really fun

15:06

one and if you made it

15:08

to the end of this episode , you

15:11

are the first to know . After

15:13

two years of the Purposeful

15:16

Lifestyle Development podcast , we're

15:18

not going anywhere , but we are

15:20

getting a makeover , potentially

15:23

a little bit of an expansion , some

15:25

other fun new additions

15:27

, maybe even bringing on some special

15:30

guests onto the show , lots

15:32

of different things in the works . But

15:34

I am sorry to say that with all of that

15:36

, I will be taking just a little moment

15:39

I'm hoping it's no more than just a few weeks

15:41

off to get all the bells and whistles on

15:43

right . You know , when it comes to

15:45

tech and just as like was

15:47

our message of today . Sometimes

15:49

things outside of your control

15:52

even really just don't

15:54

go exactly as well as planned , and

15:56

that's okay . That's why we leave room for

15:58

gentleness and flexibility and

16:01

a good breath of fresh air . But

16:04

with all of that said , I am so , so

16:06

grateful to everyone who has made the

16:08

first two years of this podcast

16:10

as amazing as it has been

16:12

downloads in 50 different

16:15

countries all around the world . I

16:17

am honored , seriously honored

16:19

, to be on your journey with you , and

16:21

all of my love to each and

16:23

every person whose ears this has

16:25

touched . But

16:28

all right , my loves , that's where I'll leave us today

16:30

. I want to thank you so much for joining in on

16:32

this conversation with me , and each

16:34

week , every Monday , we're going to be posting a new

16:36

episode , going a little bit deeper into

16:39

the conversation , of what you

16:41

can do to train your brain on purpose

16:43

to really allow for the lifestyle

16:45

that you want to live . Until

16:47

next time , my loves . In the meantime , here's

16:49

to your health and your happiness .