0:03

Hello, and welcome to

0:03

textual tension. I'm your co

0:06

host, Rachel, every other week,

0:06

I jump in and give you the who's

0:11

who and what's what. In the

0:11

textual tension universe. We

0:15

have a really fun one this week,

0:15

specifically, we recorded with

0:19

fuckboys of literature, which is

0:19

amazing. And we had just so much

0:23

fun, and I can't wait for you

0:23

guys to hear it. And sort of

0:27

related to that I have really

0:27

fun announcement. First off,

0:31

congratulations to everyone that

0:31

one hour. Really cool. Someone

0:35

in Layton in Dayton loves you.

0:35

Stickers, we love them. And I

0:38

hope you love them as much as I

0:38

do, I might actually go by

0:41

myself one. But we also are

0:41

going to do sort of inspired by

0:45

fuckboys of literature, another

0:45

giveaway, this one with a really

0:50

just kick ass pin from an

0:50

awesome local shop by me that

0:54

says no fuckboys. And it's

0:54

great. And I love it. And check

0:58

out all of our social media for

0:58

more information on that this

1:02

week. Speaking of social media,

1:02

if you guys want to get on and

1:08

take a look at that, or share us

1:08

with your friends, or reach out

1:11

to us or anything like that, um,

1:11

you can check us out across all

1:15

across the board on our social

1:15

media at textual tension pod. We

1:19

also have a website at textual

1:19

tension pod.com, and an email,

1:24

textual tension pod@gmail.com.

1:24

So we get a ton of

1:28

recommendations from people. And

1:28

if you guys ever just want to

1:31

reach out, give us your

1:31

thoughts, your opinions, we love

1:33

hearing from you. And we might

1:33

even read something you say to

1:37

us on the podcast, we've done

1:37

that before. So that will be

1:41

awesome reach out. We also have

1:41

a Patreon that is

1:46

patreon.com/textual tension. We

1:46

remember you cannot search for

1:53

us on Patreon, you have to type

1:53

in that URL because we do adult

1:57

content. And we are super, super

1:57

thankful to all of our patrons

2:03

out there. Specifically this

2:03

week or two new patrons, Olivia

2:08

and Marie. And if you heard that

2:08

noise that was Carlos, one of

2:12

our other co hosts the cat

2:12

telling me specifically that

2:16

Olivia Marie, you guys are

2:16

amazing. He told me, so it's

2:20

true. He doesn't lie. So thank

2:20

you guys so much. We really

2:25

appreciate your support. You

2:25

guys are just amazing. And we

2:28

are just flabbergasted by how

2:28

much you guys have like stepped

2:31

up and supported us in this just

2:31

passion project that we have. So

2:35

thank you, like, legitimately

2:35

Thank you. So I think that's

2:40

just about it for us. Oh, one

2:40

more thing. Like I said we had

2:44

fun with this one. Fair warning

2:44

though. We did miss a trigger.

2:48

So I'll go and throw this out

2:48

there now so I don't have to cut

2:51

in later. This book does have

2:51

some racism in it. So great.

2:56

Yay. So be on the lookout for

2:56

that, I guess. And I think

3:01

that's it. So without further

3:01

ado, here is episode A 35 The

3:07

Call of the jungle tearing me

3:07

apart from Roxy.

3:26

Hello, and welcome to

3:26

textual tension, a love hate

3:30

relationship with romance novels

3:30

podcast. I am your co host

3:32

Margie, and I'm your co host

3:32

Rachel. Every other week one of

3:36

us reads and summarizes a novel

3:36

for other unsuspecting ghosts

3:40

this week. It's Rachel but not

3:40

just me, not just you. It's also

3:44

Emily from fuckboys of

3:44

literature. Hi, hello.

3:48

How are you? How are

3:48

you? We're so happy to have you

3:51

here. Good. Thank you. I'm so

3:51

excited to be here. I am so

3:57

good now at like 50% of

3:57

the book. It'd be like what did

4:00

I get myself into? Juggle

4:00

literature. And together we

4:09

unpack what the fuck just

4:09

happened.

4:13

Yeah. So before we get

4:13

into it, do you want to go ahead

4:16

and throw all of your pluggable

4:16

right up front so

4:18

my name is Emily

4:18

Edwards I'm the host of fuckboys

4:21

of literature on you can find us

4:21

a lot on Twitter at fuckboys of

4:24

late and on most pod catchers at

4:24

FB AOL because tech boys are

4:28

fuckboys and they don't like the

4:28

censor it quite a bit. And yeah,

4:34

it's a weekly podcast where we

4:34

talk about pretty self

4:37

explanatory all the toxic

4:37

terrible fuckboys in literature

4:41

from you know Shakespeare to

4:41

mythology to modern novels and

4:47

everything.

4:48

ology episode in

4:48

particular was one of my

4:50

favorites

4:51

care. Yeah, my guest

4:51

for that Carrie just knocked it

4:54

out of the park. She was it was

4:54

Yeah.

4:58

I love like I don't

4:58

know, man. I feel like there's

5:02

so much crossover here. Because

5:02

the number of fuckboys is take

5:08

you to everyone for this show in two.

5:09

We do. We do, but it's,

5:09

it's not the main character. He

5:13

is not the fuck boy. Wow. Yeah.

5:13

Okay,

5:16

so Margie the way this

5:16

is gonna work, Margie is going

5:18

to give her she's going to text

5:18

you the book cover and then

5:20

she's going to show me the book cover and we are going to describe it to the listeners.

5:22

And then I will read the

5:26

description and then we go into

5:26

our triggers for the book, which

5:32

is upsetting that that is something that we need for romance novels, but sure. Um,

5:34

and then Margie is going to

5:39

start explaining it to us and

5:39

our job is to just react and be

5:42

funny. I believe you I believe

5:42

in you, if you will.

5:48

It's got the author

5:48

leaning against the book in a

5:51

very bad Photoshop. The one

5:51

shall understand. Okay, I'm

5:57

gonna send this out. Alright,

5:57

you're getting good at it.

6:02

Still.

6:03

No theory. Oh my god.

6:03

Wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Okay, can

6:11

we talk for a second about the

6:11

width of this man? The width?

6:15

That's funny that you

6:15

mentioned that. Oh, God. Yes.

6:19

I'm

6:19

scared. Oh, no. In the

6:19

wide gentleman. I can't tell if

6:23

he's wide or is a wide boy. He's

6:23

his reverse tucked. Genom all

6:29

the way unbuttoned except still

6:29

tucked into his pants shirt is

6:32

just making him look wide. So he

6:32

has a full tan

6:36

France French tough.

6:40

We have referenced that

6:40

so many times on the covers.

6:44

It's like you come on the show

6:44

before you

6:47

know you know. Wow. I'm

6:47

sorry. But belly button. Oh,

6:53

yeah, yeah, belly button. Oh,

6:53

okay. I have a question. And

6:58

Emily, I need your opinion on

6:58

this. Is that belly button.

7:00

Okay, up. It looks too high up

7:00

to

7:02

me. Yeah, it is. Okay,

7:02

it is okay to His pants are

7:07

riding real well.

7:10

I just like like the

7:10

distance. Okay, so I'm gonna

7:13

just real quickly do some some

7:13

hand I'll show you in the video.

7:17

So this is about the size of his

7:17

pecs, and it is the same

7:20

distance to his bellybutton. So

7:20

his PEC height is the same as

7:25

lower PEC to belly button height.

7:28

Yeah, they definitely

7:28

photoshopped the belly button.

7:31

So you could ever

7:32

gotten a photoshopped your belly button.

7:34

This is amazing. They

7:34

would think you know what you

7:37

don't have this picture needs

7:37

some Belly belly button like

7:39

that sexy. Mythical

7:39

fourth hole right when I'm

7:42

kidding.

7:42

Oh, God. Definitely the

7:42

sexiest part of

7:46

why would I get on

7:46

bothered? I'm like, oh, yeah,

7:48

show me that belly. that belly

7:48

button. Belly button.

7:50

Belly button. Okay, so

7:51

let me go and he has

7:52

a full Jensen Ackles

7:52

pout happening. Right.

7:57

Okay, so So what is on

7:57

this cover? It looks like there

7:59

is a it's kind of like a sunset

7:59

but the way that through clouds

8:03

but the way that the background

8:03

looks almost looks like

8:06

everything is just on fire.

8:06

Absolutely, yeah. And then

8:10

there's a gentleman and you see,

8:10

like, from from right above the

8:14

the eyebrows down to the bottom

8:14

of the deepest. Um it's a wide

8:22

gentleman and I do think it's in

8:22

a denim shirt. I think it's a

8:27

shirt that's making him look

8:27

white and black pants. And it's

8:30

it's that front tuck. So it's

8:30

totally unbuttoned, but still

8:33

tucked into the pants.

8:34

10 France. You're right.

8:34

He wouldn't be proud. Yeah.

8:37

And it's yes.

8:38

It's very swimming in a way

8:41

it's got he's got that

8:41

smoldering look thing go into

8:44

but it's like at a weird angle.

8:46

Yeah, I don't I the

8:46

chin is almost fully down to the

8:49

chest. And I've never seen

8:49

someone like It's like he's

8:52

staring over his glasses, but

8:52

wearing me.

8:55

A very good way to

8:55

describe it. I literally

8:58

Oh, we never said that.

8:58

I'm sorry. This book is called

9:00

Hot rain. By Kat Martin. And the

9:00

tagline is, can you handle the

9:06

heat? I don't know. I'm not

9:06

sure.

9:10

I'll say this. Looking

9:10

at it. Now he kind of looks more

9:12

like a daemonset el salvador

9:12

type like Ian Somerhalder. kind

9:16

of deal. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I feel

9:16

that too. Like that. Vampire

9:20

Diaries shit going. Oh,

9:21

and can yeah, there's a

9:21

real like, touch of.

9:24

Can we mention he is

9:24

like Brazilian level waxed

9:28

clean. Like that, man. Yeah, he

9:28

is oily. Like he is

9:36

probably more sweaty

9:36

now. He the story got

9:38

yo, yo, yo, yo. Um,

9:38

okay, so I'm actually trying to

9:44

find descriptions there. Oh, is

9:44

it? Oh,

9:46

I thought it was. Yeah,

9:46

it looks like it's all just

9:48

reviews. Yeah.

9:49

All right, so I'm gonna

9:49

read the description. Oh, and if

9:53

you hear random like crinkly

9:53

noises or rumbling, I have cats,

9:57

and they'll probably make an

9:57

appearance. We have we have two

10:01

additional CO hosts that make

10:01

cameos sometimes. Alright, so

10:07

here we go. Ellie Parker knows

10:07

her best friend's death was no

10:11

accident, but her quest to find

10:11

the truth soon puts her in the

10:15

wrong place at the worst

10:15

possible time. And unwilling

10:19

passenger on a boat carrying

10:19

deadly cargo and dangerous men,

10:23

her only allies mysterious Jake

10:23

Dawson. That's the name who

10:27

warns her that she must play the

10:27

role of his reluctant bedmate.

10:31

She wants to stay Okay, oh god, okay. I'm sorry, I

10:38

didn't read that quite right.

10:41

Let me let me put the correct

10:41

inflection in the sentence. who

10:47

warns her that she must play the

10:47

role of his reluctant bedmate.

10:51

If she wants to survive, there

10:51

was an ellipses that I missed.

10:57

Gotta get gotta get it. under

10:57

any other circumstances, she'd

11:01

welcome the attentions of a man

11:01

with Jake's powerful body and

11:04

seductive deep blue eyes. But as

11:04

Allie places her body and her

11:09

trust in the hands of a total

11:09

stranger, she wonders if this

11:13

desperate Campbell will be her

11:13

last. Alright, first of all, how

11:18

do you just get in that situation?

11:21

Oh, don't worry. She

11:23

drugged No. Ah, no, that

11:23

always had I always it's usually

11:28

drugs.

11:30

Usually, you say that

11:30

like Well, well, surely

11:37

you say that. But we had

11:37

one in like setting like

11:40

Edwardian England, England,

11:40

where this chick was Clora

11:45

formed and put on a train to

11:45

Scotland as you do buy love

11:50

interest. Which seems like a

11:50

solid basis for a relationship

11:57

especially because

11:57

Clora forming someone has like a

11:59

really high percentage chance of

11:59

killing it sounds like a really

12:02

bad

12:03

chloroform mate fast.

12:03

No, it takes a long time.

12:07

Now and like we also

12:07

mentioned like you think the

12:10

people who were also getting on

12:10

that train would be concerned

12:13

like why aren't they bringing an

12:13

unconscious woman onto a train

12:17

that you describe cargo

12:17

black

12:19

that's I mean little

12:19

drama rail at the time women

12:22

were basically just cargo

12:24

that's a really good

12:24

all right. All right. ideal time

12:29

for romance. Yeah.

12:30

When when you didn't

12:30

have to worry about this pesky

12:33

things like female feelings.

12:37

your ovaries just goes

12:37

zipping around your body,

12:39

man that uterus man. I

12:39

can't get a pang on it. Okay,

12:44

okay. Triggers first. Oh

12:44

triggers right. most upsetting

12:48

part. It's

12:48

gotten violence nor

12:48

death. Okay,

12:51

standard. Why haven't we

12:51

made a bingo card yet?

12:57

Oh, here's a new one.

12:57

With a new one. Played crash.

13:01

Okay. All right.

13:03

Okay, so it's modern,

13:03

modern, modern. Modern.

13:09

Yeah, I say gun

13:09

violence. Right.

13:12

You said you didn't say

13:12

that.

13:14

Right. Oh, it's sexual.

13:14

Oh,

13:16

of course, naturally

13:16

match. You know, it wouldn't be

13:21

romance without sexual assault.

13:23

No, no, no, that's a given.

13:27

Okay, all right. Okay. Let's get into it.

13:29

I'm open so I'm gonna

13:29

describe the two leads this is

13:31

how Rachel does it. Yeah, I'm

13:31

taking hurts um, so we've alley

13:34

Parker who is she lives with a

13:34

roommate Chrissy their best

13:39

their best friends in the whole

13:39

wide world. Allie is Petite

13:43

short. Think she has blue eyes

13:43

to the WHO KNOWS short haired

13:48

blonde, a natural bought blonde

13:48

which he notes later in the book

13:57

perfect. So he's Yeah, so um,

13:57

that's what she's like. Very

14:01

small, tiny. He talks a lot

14:01

about smaller press star.

14:08

That matters to you. Cool.

14:09

Cool. Cool. He is tall,

14:09

broad shoulders wavy dark hair.

14:15

I mean, I could have told you brought from

14:17

but he has wavy, wavy,

14:17

long black hair that goes down

14:21

to his shoulder so this is not

14:21

actually covers not accurate.

14:24

i This is just some

14:26

man, Brando, Jesus

14:26

Brando, dude, but but they did

14:30

get the width Correct. He is a

14:30

broad gentleman.

14:32

Okay, so here's

14:32

something that's he's described

14:34

as which I've never heard

14:34

before. He's described as long

14:37

waisted so I went on Twitter. I

14:37

was like, What the fuck does

14:40

long waist and he asked to buy

14:40

special. I was like, what wasted

14:47

doesn't sound like a good thing because it sounds like to me like a seal or a diameter. Is

14:51

he a Dorito? Is that

14:51

what that mean?

14:53

Somebody said that it

14:53

meant he had a large like he had

14:56

a large torso. But I was like

14:56

that's not long wasted.

15:00

Just imagine like a

15:00

Dorito shape, but instead of

15:03

like seamlessly transitioning

15:03

into hips, it just really comes

15:06

to a point and then goes

15:10

so there's like it's

15:10

like a block person. Yes. Yeah.

15:13

Okay, so that's a triangle.

15:13

Yeah, triangle is xx awfully

15:17

pointed. Oh, god. Oh.

15:22

In the last recording

15:22

that we just did, though, the

15:24

man could fit his hands entirely

15:24

around the woman's waist. So

15:28

maybe it's the other way around

15:28

the female the woman in this

15:30

book had her hands entirely around his

15:32

oh, maybe he's a tight

15:37

you'll break otter to us

15:37

all. The times one,

15:43

we count how many times Margie breaks into song.

15:45

It's a lot Okay, so this

15:45

book opens its alley she's

15:51

dropping off her friend Chrissy

15:51

at the harbor because her friend

15:54

Chrissy is going on a boat ride

15:54

with Dawn with her boyfriend

15:58

Donnie. Okay, on the dynasty one

15:58

that is what the boat is called?

16:03

Is a yacht

16:04

is I've read Fabio books

16:04

before Is this like a are we

16:07

talking like like Victorian era?

16:07

Oh, let's go on a boat ride

16:12

around the harbor. No. Okay,

16:13

we're like a yacht like

16:13

a billionaire. Yeah, like yeah,

16:16

that that douche canoe for that

16:16

one book who had the billionaire

16:18

Yeah, fuck boy the fuck boy

16:18

right got absolute douche canoe.

16:21

I use them interchangeably but

16:21

fair. Fair. So yeah, so she's

16:28

dropping off her friend. Her

16:28

friends like it's gonna be great

16:31

can't wait just gonna spend the

16:31

day out in the water. Chrissy

16:35

and Donnie go up onto the boat.

16:35

The boat explodes Chrissy is

16:38

debt don't well, that escalated

16:38

quickly. That's really

16:47

good. Do we have a death

16:47

count in this book? Like do a

16:49

lot of people die?

16:50

Not a lot of people but okay,

16:52

that's not a good qualifier.

16:54

There's more than two

16:55

right yeah, I just I

16:55

kind of forgot Dottie as a

16:58

person even though I just mentioned

17:00

we're at two I'm keep on

17:00

keeping track or two.

17:03

So she Chrissy and

17:03

Donnie are dead alleys

17:06

devastated. Yeah, no shit. Al is

17:06

Ali's best friend. And they had

17:11

actually been working like at

17:11

the same restaurant. They they

17:13

lived in the same apartment

17:13

together. And so and Ali's not

17:18

really satisfied with what the

17:18

police come back with.

17:21

Basically, the police say it was

17:21

an accident. Which I'm like, How

17:25

often do boats blow up?

17:27

I mean, it's fair. It is

17:27

like not not often, but it is a

17:30

combustion engine.

17:32

That's what well that's

17:32

what the police officer says

17:34

he's like, it happens 70 times a

17:34

year like it's it's just an

17:38

accident. Like there's nothing

17:38

weird about it that feels like

17:41

the author definitely Google

17:41

actually tried to Google it. I

17:44

tried to verify that and I

17:44

couldn't find the information on

17:46

that. I mean, I doubt that they keep it like

17:49

I don't know. We'll see

17:49

here's the problem the boat just

17:53

worked too well. It's a

17:53

combustion engine and it just

17:56

converted to well

18:01

no know so she Alli is

18:01

not convinced she's just not

18:06

satisfied. So she and she tells

18:06

her friend other friend at work

18:09

that BB she's like a police

18:09

imagine BB from Stranger Things

18:13

because this BB actually gets a

18:13

happy ending, which is what BB

18:16

from Stranger Things deserved.

18:16

Okay, moving on. notic. So,

18:23

she's talking to Barb and she's

18:23

like, Barb, I really don't feel

18:26

right about this. Like something

18:26

just feels weird. What

18:28

does she do as a job?

18:29

She works as a waitress.

18:29

Okay, so at a place called the

18:32

Rochus Raven in San Diego.

18:34

The follow up question

18:34

is What the fuck she gonna do

18:37

about it? What do you mean? I

18:37

don't know. I'm just pretty sure

18:41

my

18:41

detectives.

18:44

Just gonna do some sleuthing.

18:46

Uh huh. Okay, cool.

18:46

Yeah, that sounds like a smart,

18:49

totally rational human response

18:49

to this situation. So

18:53

she goes to her first

18:53

stop. She tries to go and speak

18:56

to the owner of the boat whose

18:56

name is Felix. Fair enough. Wow,

19:03

what a day. And she can't even

19:06

he's a German movie.

19:09

Um, and she can't even

19:09

get in to see him. So she's

19:12

like, next best. She's

19:13

a waitress and he's fucking rich.

19:15

Well, she dresses up she

19:15

tries to pretend to be someone

19:18

that she isn't just to kind of

19:18

like get into his office and

19:20

snip poke around doesn't work,

19:22

or have only her tits

19:22

were big. Right?

19:26

So then she goes to so

19:26

then she goes to the insurance

19:32

agency that insured the boats. I

19:32

don't remember how she I think

19:35

she figured that out. She

19:35

figured it out because Felix

19:38

Baron off owns like a bear

19:38

enough Corporation and they work

19:41

with an insurance company called

19:41

Albright. So she's like, okay,

19:45

the assumption is these boats

19:45

were insured by all right. Sure.

19:49

So she goes to the office and

19:49

she claims that she works for

19:52

bear enough as his personal

19:52

assistant is like, hey, I need

19:54

the paperwork for that boat that

19:54

blew up two weeks ago. Yeah,

19:57

I'm really curious how

19:57

this plays out. I'm hoping it's

20:00

the way I hoped I would like

20:00

think it will Oh, it won't go

20:04

doesn't work.

20:06

Okay, all right. So I'm

20:09

good. That's good for

20:09

all of us insurance owning

20:11

people.

20:12

So she goes, the guy

20:12

weirdly enough, it's just like,

20:16

okay, it gives her this

20:16

paperwork.

20:18

No, that's not good

20:18

insurance only people,

20:23

though that he like up

20:23

to oh, those identifying numbers

20:26

document like so the guy

20:26

paraphrases the documents for

20:30

instance, like, it's weird. It

20:30

looks on the dynasty, one that

20:32

they upped the insurance policy,

20:32

like two weeks before it blew

20:35

up.

20:36

Okay, hang on. Wait a

20:36

minute.

20:42

That usually no holes

20:42

and voids and insurance policy?

20:45

Yes.

20:46

And how the fuck did the

20:46

police see that one? That's kind

20:52

of a red flag.

20:53

You would think that's

20:53

like the number one

20:56

thing so the orange a

20:56

little bit at the beginning of

20:58

the book. And but bear enough

20:58

does like not pay off. But it

21:02

gives to some pretty pretty

21:02

prominent charities in the San

21:04

Diego area that benefit the police.

21:07

So you know, that makes

21:07

more sense. Because if I if I

21:09

can draw an analogy, let's

21:09

pretend Yeah, I'd love my

21:12

husband very much. Oh, no, let's

21:12

pretend murdered him. He

21:16

explodes in a boat. If I say up

21:16

to his life insurance, shortly

21:23

before that happened, I think it

21:23

would raise some red flags. And

21:28

further if the police showed up

21:28

at my house while I'm

21:32

wearing or not wearing

21:32

your wedding band right now.

21:34

Well, if I the

21:35

police show up in my house while I'm wearing my drapey bath house coat, and say,

21:37

my husband, then that's also

21:42

probably gonna raise some flags.

21:47

And then you offer them a coffee?

21:50

Yeah, interest you in a drink?

21:53

If you will. Oh, it just

21:53

happens to be champagne,

21:58

champagne. It's fine. Um, so now

21:58

Ali's like, Huh? That's weird.

22:06

God. She's mulling it over.

22:06

She's mulling it over she I

22:10

can't remember. She tells No,

22:10

she doesn't tell Barb, which is

22:13

stupid. Always tell your friends

22:13

where you're going. So she goes

22:17

to the horrible place. She goes

22:17

to the harbor just to like kind

22:20

of, I don't know, sniff around

22:20

be sleuthy

22:24

You know, everything

22:24

that a professional trained

22:26

waitress is definitely qualified

22:26

to do. Right. Exactly. Exactly.

22:33

Yeah. Well, she I mean, she's

22:33

definitely not going to put the

22:36

entire case if the police had

22:36

won, which, if they did, they

22:40

wouldn't have told her about it

22:40

in jeopardy. So that's probably

22:42

a great thing to

22:43

do. Yeah, exactly. So

22:43

she goes to the harbor. And she

22:47

manages to actually get in past

22:47

the gate because somebody like,

22:50

leaves or comes in and she's coming in.

22:52

I just imagined she did that. And there's like, Well, fuck, now what? So she sees the

22:53

dynasty

22:55

two. They have another

22:55

one. He has another he's

22:59

Boogaloo. He's dynasty two. I

22:59

can't remember what the third

23:04

vote is called. It's like

23:04

dynasty infinity or something

23:06

like that. It's really stupid.

23:09

So we've dynasty to explode.

23:11

No, dynasty.

23:13

dynasty dynasty one

23:13

exploded. dynasty two. Okay,

23:17

good. Electric Boogaloo? Yeah.

23:17

diner to dynasty infinite.

23:21

dynasty harder. Exactly on it.

23:28

So she, she walks up to

23:28

a guy in the harbor, and it's

23:31

kind of like, yeah, did you hear about the accident that happened couple weeks ago. And he was

23:33

like,

23:35

and the guy at the

23:35

harbor was like, Who the fuck

23:37

are you? Why are you here? No, he

23:38

thinks she owns a boat.

23:38

Okay, he thinks she owns a

23:41

yacht. And so he's like, yeah,

23:41

it was super weird. And he tells

23:46

her Oh, he was like, he tells

23:46

her like, it was weird. I saw

23:50

somebody go onto the boat that

23:50

earlier that day, and nobody was

23:52

supposed to be there. Or

23:52

something like that.

23:54

I didn't tell this.

23:57

Oh, yeah, they didn't

23:57

question him. Apparently.

24:02

They were carrying propane

24:06

jars jugs of kerosene

24:06

and it was a weird they were

24:09

splashing it around.

24:13

Do you think I should have called the cops?

24:16

Hey, I just saw someone

24:16

stab a guide. You should have no

24:19

cops. That's probably fine. I

24:19

saw

24:21

his face plainly. And I

24:21

found this

24:26

picture. We're best friends.

24:28

I put them on my

24:28

Instagram. Oh my god. So so

24:32

she's like, Huh, okay, so but

24:32

she makes us really stupid move.

24:36

Okay, because it wasn't up until

24:36

now cool. Oh, you use the

24:38

dynasty to she's like, there's

24:38

nobody on that boat. She gets on

24:42

dynasty too. And she snit showed

24:42

sniffing around like the office

24:46

or the Cylon or whatever fucking

24:46

shit that rich people have on

24:50

the boat like trying to find

24:50

some sort of like weird

24:52

evidence. And I think that she

24:52

does she finds like some sort of

24:55

like, paper document that says

24:55

that implicates Bear it off, but

25:01

then, but then she hears

25:01

upstairs basically a drug deal

25:06

going down on the top of the

25:06

boat like on the deck. And she's

25:11

like now I can't get away

25:11

there's nowhere I can go. And so

25:15

she like hides I think she hides

25:15

in like the bedroom in the hole.

25:18

She kind of got

25:18

shanghaied huh? What she's about

25:21

a little bit

25:22

I'm deeply concerned

25:22

that this bad guy keeps

25:25

incriminating evidence every

25:29

second then the second

25:32

one just the next slip

25:32

just the same exact thing. Okay

25:37

Don't worry about it. I'll never

25:37

look here

25:39

and money was on my

25:39

other yacht. It's okay this one

25:42

is

25:46

bad crime and that's not

25:48

to crimes. Think it

25:48

through? Yeah. Okay, let's

25:52

textual tension. If you're gonna

25:52

do crimes, think it through.

25:56

Like, I'm really curious what

25:56

sort of shady shit her roommate

26:01

or roommates boyfriend got into

26:01

that they were on the receiving

26:04

end of an explosion seriously,

26:06

what was Donnie?

26:09

Explain that. I'm

26:09

reading the book now. And

26:11

actually, she doesn't find

26:11

anything in the hole. She found

26:14

the compass a brass Protractor a

26:14

pencil pencils, pens and a small

26:18

handheld computer guilty

26:20

because he was helping

26:20

his ninth grader

26:27

as you do on your second

26:27

yacht, oh, no, I

26:30

mean, exactly. No one

26:30

hands on parents. No one ever

26:34

said that these drug dealers

26:34

passed the ninth grade so maybe

26:37

they're just like that straight

26:37

a lot of help with their math.

26:41

They're getting their

26:41

GED they're putting themselves

26:44

through school.

26:47

So she hears these she

26:47

describes it sounds like three

26:51

different men all of them Hispanic.

26:54

Oh geez,

27:00

you can tell by their

27:00

footsteps. Yeah.

27:04

Alright, so these are

27:04

three guys that she hears up on

27:07

the deck of the boat and they're

27:07

like making a drug deal and then

27:10

this other guy comes out that

27:10

she hears who is not Hispanic

27:13

because she can tell

27:17

sound more Nigerian?

27:21

I wonder if they I

27:21

wanted to see if they describe

27:24

his voice but I don't think that

27:24

she does initially so and he's

27:27

like, guys like what the fuck

27:27

are you doing? Like you're not

27:30

making a drug deal right now

27:30

we've got bigger, bigger fish to

27:32

fry. So get this guy off the

27:32

boat. We're leaving. Oh, God. So

27:37

the guy the drug dealer leaves.

27:37

The the there. Another just

27:43

three men on the boat. And they

27:43

all set sail they leave. Good.

27:48

So now

27:49

with a bartender

27:51

our girl is fuck it says

27:51

ain't gonna end well. Yeah,

27:55

it's like gonna end

27:55

well, so it doesn't take very

27:58

long for for them to find her in

27:58

the hold one of the guys. Okay.

28:04

I think it's it's Roberto. Yeah.

28:04

Roberto, Roberto. Roberto,

28:10

Roberto. Okay, so Roberto finds

28:10

finds alley and drags her up and

28:15

it's like all right, we got a

28:15

little slice while we're going

28:18

down to I think they're going

28:18

down they're going well they're

28:21

going down to Mexico awesome

28:21

green we're I'm gonna get some

28:28

and the other guy who is Jake

28:28

are our boy whatever he's a boy.

28:36

Which one the the other

28:36

one that she thought sounded

28:39

Hispanic sounding.

28:41

Okay, so there are two

28:41

Hispanic sounding men on the

28:44

boat that is Roberto and Luis.

28:47

Okay, yeah, and the

28:47

other one who said we have

28:50

bigger fish to fry

28:51

that is Jake

28:54

is he the rich guy? No.

28:54

Okay. I am Color me confused so

29:03

they're just okay, I'm here for

29:03

this right I have thrown

29:10

suspension of disbelief

29:10

overboard Yes, you should do

29:13

that now effect if you haven't

29:13

told that exploded with the

29:16

Destiny one.

29:16

Okay, so

29:19

dynasty sorry,

29:20

dynasty not destiny. My

29:20

bed.

29:24

Feel classy bitch.

29:24

dynasty, not destiny. It's

29:31

stupid baby.

29:32

Oh god.

29:34

Um, okay, so now she

29:34

tries to tell them she's like my

29:37

friends do I was here like

29:37

they're gonna call the police

29:41

are gonna be all concerned.

29:43

We're concerned but not

29:43

for her physical safety for her

29:46

mental health.

29:47

Right? And he's like

29:47

bullshit. Like, what you're just

29:51

going to tell your friends that

29:51

you were going to go and sneak

29:53

around a boat in the middle of

29:53

the day

29:56

Barbizon.

29:59

So he's like shitty nuns

29:59

gets out into the bedroom. I'm

30:03

gonna fuck you.

30:04

Oh, okay. Oh, good. Oh,

30:04

no

30:07

good. So he drags her

30:07

down there locks the door behind

30:10

him. He pushes her down into the

30:10

bed. Okay. And it gets on top of

30:15

her and says scream. And she's

30:15

like, What is this is Jake, this

30:19

is Jake. Okay. All right, Jake J

30:19

page directly. Yeah, so Jake is

30:24

like scream and he and she's

30:24

like, What are you talking

30:27

about? He's scream right now to

30:29

pitch when someone tells

30:29

you I dream in this situation.

30:31

You scrape them. Yeah,

30:31

exactly. raping,

30:33

you cooperate. I need to

30:33

make them believe that I'm

30:36

raping you. And she's like,

30:36

what? And so then he's like,

30:39

fine. So then he kisses her. And

30:39

he rips open her bra and like

30:43

grabs that boob. And so the

30:43

moment he comes up with air from

30:46

kissing her, then she screams

30:46

and then he just immediately

30:49

leaps off is the start

30:50

of every great

30:53

it's that foundation level.

30:57

Salt, it's great. So he

30:57

he like leaves the cabin like 15

31:01

minutes later to make the guys

31:01

think that he raped he raped

31:05

her. And now she says, um, and

31:05

so he come but then he goes back

31:13

up because he asked us to go and

31:13

work on the deck with the other

31:15

two guys for Broto and Luis. And

31:18

did they speak about

31:18

anything else in this? 15

31:21

minutes? No.

31:23

He comes exactly

31:23

actuation and exit

31:27

did not come her at all.

31:27

So he just leaves. He goes back

31:31

down later. And he tells her

31:31

listen, we just got to get to

31:33

our destination. I can't let you

31:33

go now. I can't just drop you

31:37

off somewhere. You're just gonna

31:37

have to come with us for now.

31:40

And she's like,

31:41

I can only assume they

31:41

just sat in awkward silence for

31:43

15 minutes.

31:44

Yeah, she was more

31:44

terrified of him. It was like

31:47

trying to get away like just

31:47

being Yeah, it couldn't have

31:50

been great. Yeah,

31:51

I'm punchy when I'm

31:51

scared. So that would have been

31:53

fun. Yeah. So

31:58

so he tells her that and

31:58

she's like, I don't really

32:02

believe you and he's like,

32:02

you're gonna have to like you

32:06

don't really have much of a

32:06

choice Forgive

32:08

me if I don't believe the person that ripped my shirt open and like this, you know

32:10

begins

32:15

No, good. Very bad few

32:15

weeks of Ollie Parker

32:19

and Okay. Oh my god.

32:22

Why oh, I'm gonna

32:24

Okay. But like,

32:24

presumably they're going to like

32:26

Puerto Vallarta or something

32:26

like that. Or like Cabo, and

32:28

there's like, embassies or

32:28

hotels you can run to

32:33

like, we're gonna get

32:34

into that. Oh, God, I'm

32:34

gonna go back through all our

32:37

previous episodes and catalogue

32:37

how many of them start with a

32:40

kidnapping?

32:41

Because it's a lot. It's

32:41

a lot. It's a lot. It is like

32:45

really like, um, so she attempts

32:45

to escape three times. She's

32:51

actually extremely resourceful,

32:51

full rich, I really like about

32:54

her. Okay. And like the guy for

32:54

Yeah, well, so the first time he

33:00

tries to escape she, they're

33:00

going into to gas up the boat,

33:05

basically in Mexico somewhere,

33:05

because I think they're actually

33:08

they're going down to Belize or

33:08

something. And somewhere in

33:10

South America, and I prepared

33:21

according to this writer,

33:23

Hispanic,

33:24

so they're going down to

33:24

Belize, and then they have to

33:26

come back up to Mexico. So it

33:26

like gets a little can why

33:30

because I had to pick up drugs.

33:30

Yeah. Okay. Let's call it

33:33

because. So, um,

33:36

yep. Which drugs?

33:39

Like Good, good. Booger sugar.

33:40

Yes. Y'all got any more

33:40

of that? Okay. Okay, so um, what

33:48

was I say?

33:49

So they're gassing up,

33:50

they're gassing up. This was the first time they're gassing up and he ties her up in

33:52

the bedroom where she's kind of

33:55

been almost the whole time, ties

33:55

her out, puts a gag in her mouth

33:58

and is like, so he's keeping.

33:58

Yeah, cuz she's like, I promise

34:02

I won't do anything if you just

34:02

like, not do that. And he's

34:06

like, Nope, sorry. And trust.

34:09

Trust in a relationship is so important.

34:13

I'm gonna continue

34:13

crimes, so I can't let you go.

34:16

So they start gassing

34:16

up. She hadn't managed to

34:20

resourcefulness Fine. Get her

34:20

purse down into the hold where

34:23

she is. Oh, I don't know. Okay.

34:23

Yeah, she just did. And she

34:27

actually had like, a Swiss army

34:27

knife in her purse. Okay. Okay,

34:33

so she cuts through the cable

34:33

that he has tied around her

34:36

hands and pulls out the gag goes

34:36

up to the window and starts

34:40

screaming her head off like

34:40

please help me and like very bad

34:42

Spanish like please help me.

34:42

I've been kidnapped like all the

34:46

stuff at Jake is like fuck. So

34:46

Jake run back down to the boat,

34:52

like throws her into the

34:52

bathroom basically ties her up

34:54

again through it puts a gag in

34:54

her mouth and the runs back out

34:57

and the police come in are like

34:57

hey, so we heard A woman was

35:01

screaming,

35:03

like, Nah,

35:04

we don't have to check.

35:04

He's like, No, it's my wife and

35:06

she's just really drunk. And

35:06

here's $400

35:11

My wife that was

35:11

screaming that I was raping her

35:14

and kidnapping and asking,

35:16

it's fine. Just

35:19

give some like for it

35:19

somewhere between 400 $600

35:21

Okay and make the darndest

35:25

so good

35:26

Good to know how cat

35:26

Martin is about like a lawn

35:29

person in Mexico. Exactly.

35:33

So they are obviously

35:33

that that that sours whatever

35:38

good relationship that they had,

35:40

which you know what's

35:40

totally justified getting angry

35:44

at the chick that's trying to be

35:44

rescued from you kidnapping her

35:47

and tie her up

35:48

and so he does have an

35:48

internal model of the damn I'm

35:51

actually kind of impressed like

35:51

because she managed to do that.

35:54

But I'm also like, Bitch if you

35:54

keep doing shit like that, I'm

35:57

gonna have like something bad is

35:57

gonna happen Luis and Roberto

36:00

will kill you. And

36:01

that's how I'm gonna

36:01

take a wild shot in the dark and

36:06

say he has explained nothing to

36:09

nothing so and Roberto

36:09

Luis are both pissed because

36:13

they're like, if this bitch

36:13

causes problem and this this

36:15

business deal that we this job

36:15

that we have going on, like,

36:19

we're gonna we're gonna kill

36:19

ourselves. And so like Jake is

36:21

the one who's trying to keep her

36:21

Jake's trying to keep her alive

36:24

to commit suicide. Kill

36:24

her.

36:29

But you're gonna be a

36:29

prisoner forever. So

36:31

no, no, no, they're

36:31

gonna kill her. Oh, yeah. So

36:34

Jake is trying to keep her alive

36:34

by like, trying to make it seem

36:36

like he's got her in line.

36:37

Okay, I'm confused. Just

36:41

just I want to make sure I'm telling

36:42

this. Oh, no, I

36:42

understand what's happening. I

36:45

don't understand why.

36:47

Okay, okay. So the

36:47

second time they gas up he does

36:53

the same thing he put except he

36:53

puts I think he puts her hands

36:55

behind her back this time and

36:55

still has no idea what's

36:59

happening. So the gag in her mouth

37:01

the flaw with this plan

37:01

with the knots.

37:05

Put as the gag in her

37:05

mouth goes up to gas up at this

37:08

time she manages to find the

37:08

lighter okay, I don't even want

37:11

to hear about it. It was magical

37:11

purse Mary Poppins

37:22

first Mary Poppins Carpetbag

37:26

she she puts like a

37:26

bunch as much paper or junk as

37:30

she can on the bed and lights it

37:33

on fire and lights up

37:35

fire she's the windows

37:35

are open so her ideas that Smoke

37:41

will start coming out somebody

37:41

will come in to save her

37:44

okay your block that's

37:44

not how physics works to she's

37:51

already seen one dynasty explode

37:51

with alone I mean statistically

37:57

speaking I was already done it

37:57

why would the second one when

38:00

you played it on

38:01

70 That happened every year

38:02

no

38:05

it's probably already bad it's fine

38:08

so once again Jake

38:08

catches are luckily he's the

38:11

only one to catch her. Um

38:11

Roberto and Luis don't see it

38:14

don't see this go down

38:16

don't see the fire

38:19

Yeah, cuz Jake was like

38:19

Go Go take a break in the city.

38:22

Like go find some whores like

38:22

whatever. Yeah, good. Yeah,

38:27

can't placate yourself. Well,

38:27

they didn't get that woman so

38:32

he's like go find some other women.

38:34

Yeah, you said boy, but

38:34

this dude is absolutely a

38:37

homeboy right now. He's not a

38:39

boy. Boy, he puts out

38:39

the fire he throws her into the

38:44

closet like her on the fire a

38:44

very small closet and then goes

38:49

back up and like benches the

38:49

business that he had going on

38:51

this point just put her

38:51

in the smaller confined space

38:54

initially we've learned

38:54

seriously

38:58

from them you're not

38:58

telling him how to do his job

39:01

right we want him to do it wrong.

39:03

Well he's fucking it

39:04

up. Alright, so so she's

39:04

claustrophobic however because

39:08

of a traumatizing experience

39:08

from childhood nach match and so

39:11

she literally like start

39:11

freaking out like she cuz she

39:16

wasn't already Well yeah, but

39:16

you know what I mean? Like

39:18

having she basically has a panic

39:18

attack because

39:21

the state room on a

39:21

medium size Yeah.

39:24

Or the bathroom?

39:26

Yeah, yeah, she she

39:26

starts having a panic attack. He

39:30

comes back with the attitude of

39:30

like, Oh, I'm so mad he's gonna

39:33

tear for I'm gonna scare the

39:33

shit out of her. That he opens

39:37

lots of doors. She's like, eyes

39:37

why likely cry? Like not crying

39:42

yet? Not the gag and she bursts

39:42

into tears and just is like

39:46

freaking out and he's like,

39:50

back to you up to this

39:50

point. But now I do.

39:54

The 10 B's moment.

39:55

The 10 DS chicken It's

39:55

not a phrase we've used up till

40:02

now and I'm upset that we

40:02

haven't

40:08

so we like holds her and

40:08

like they have like a moment

40:14

they have sex. No, they do not

40:14

have good sex doesn't come up

40:17

until so don't worry.

40:20

Fingers crossed for

40:20

affirming life. So I know they

40:25

don't rope in a lot of romance

40:25

novels is the we are affirming

40:28

life, which is the we just had a

40:28

near death experience. Let's

40:31

fuck.

40:33

Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah,

40:33

I've been watching a lot of

40:36

movies lately, because I did

40:36

bond on episode past and that

40:40

happens all the time in Bond

40:40

movies where they're just like,

40:44

everything stressful.

40:45

Let's relieve some

40:45

pressure. So, okay. I love

40:50

classic bonds, though. It's so

40:50

fucking ridiculous.

40:53

So happy. It has a much

40:53

better phrase of affirming life

40:57

rather than just like we're

40:57

gonna get down. The other choice

41:01

there

41:01

is one small detail that

41:01

I didn't tell you guys. Night

41:06

when he's sleeping. They sleep

41:06

in the same bed together and he

41:08

ties a cord from his wrist to

41:08

hers. So she can't get away

41:12

while he's sleeping.

41:15

Um, you know, we know

41:15

what the worst part about that

41:18

is. But it's not the first time

41:18

we've had that happen in a book.

41:21

When was the other time? The one

41:21

with the weird Poseidon dad?

41:25

God? Yeah.

41:27

No, yes. People's dads a

41:27

lot a lot. That's another truck

41:31

Believe it or not. Beside and in

41:31

particular. Yeah. Um, okay.

41:39

The ultimate fuck boy. That's true.

41:42

Oh, god. Okay. All

41:42

right. So she's trying to escape

41:45

twice. just tried to escape

41:45

twice. Okay. All right. All

41:48

right. So let's go. She falls

41:48

asleep. He comes back later.

41:52

They're both talking and awake

41:52

and all that he's like, I need

41:54

to get some rest you're gonna have to go back to sleep, whatever. Fuck it and she's

41:56

like, Okay, fine. So they get in

42:00

the bed and she starts talking

42:00

to him and she's like, so why

42:03

haven't you tried to rape me

42:03

yet? I find it kind of its own

42:07

thing Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah

42:07

Yes, yes. Yeah.

42:22

Ask the person that is

42:22

kidnapped you and pretended to

42:24

rape you why they haven't raped

42:24

you yet and then find that

42:27

insulting?

42:28

So I actually was gonna

42:28

I had this whole like sheet on

42:32

like research you find

42:33

that as ridiculous as I do, right?

42:35

Oh, absolutely. She's

42:35

like Hey, what are you sexually

42:38

assaulted yet? completely

42:38

unacceptable.

42:41

White so it's like good

42:41

now getting bed if I wanted to

42:43

rape you I'd have done it long

42:43

before that. So why haven't you?

42:46

You in he's like You want me to

42:46

repeal? No, of course not. I

42:49

just wondered. You know why you

42:49

hadn't? I'm sure if my roommate

42:52

had been the one hiding in your

42:52

cabin you would have at least

42:54

considered the idea. It seems

42:54

kind of insulting in some way.

42:58

That's the dialogue

43:00

okay. Okay, I am I ever

43:00

have the same horrified look on

43:03

my face as you do it at the

43:03

moment. But I need you to tell

43:07

me what page of the book that is

43:07

for

43:18

oh, it gets worse

43:23

All right. I promise I'll stuff.

43:25

No, you're fine. So um

43:25

um, so I was I had this whole

43:32

sheet of like research on like,

43:32

why men rape and all that stuff.

43:35

But then I just came to the

43:35

conclusion is not a compliment.

43:38

Rape is not a compliment. That's

43:38

it. That's all it comes down to

43:42

for me like,

43:43

alright, let's let's

43:43

roll it back to my favorite

43:45

thing. The tea analogy analogy.

43:45

Um, if you offer someone tea,

43:50

and they say no, you do not

43:50

shove that tea down their

43:53

throat. If you you should

43:53

probably not get upset if

43:56

someone doesn't forcibly shove

43:56

it down your throat on their

44:00

own. That's not

44:02

That's not That's No,

44:02

no, no, no. Okay, so there's

44:06

also Oh, so he she looks down at

44:06

his his deck this deck. It's

44:15

coming up. And he's like, Oh,

44:15

don't worry. Like, I'd like to

44:19

have sex with you. It's just

44:19

like, like my women willing.

44:22

What a good wonderful

44:22

upstanding gentleman. Yeah,

44:25

crimes

44:26

ruin. Truly romantic.

44:29

And I'm hot and bothered. Yeah, I

44:31

know. You are. It's a he

44:31

gets a sir. Sort of consensual

44:39

sort of consensually sort of

44:39

well, now I wouldn't want to

44:42

insult a lady. You know, by not

44:42

raping her.

44:47

I hate this man. The sad thing is he hasn't even

44:50

reached fuck boy level yet. He's

44:58

still only in homeboys.

44:58

Normally, we've had worse

45:01

it gets worse. And we've

45:01

had worse to it gets worse well,

45:05

but not with him like there's

45:05

other there's another two boys

45:08

in this book who are assholes.

45:08

So cool.

45:12

Oh, he only reaches

45:12

homeboy. Not fast boy.

45:15

Okay, so we're gonna

45:15

move on from that. At one point

45:19

I'll just gloss over this

45:19

Roberto tries to rape her. A jig

45:24

saves her.

45:26

You know, it's sad when

45:26

you just have to gloss over a

45:29

couple things. And that's one of

45:29

them. Yeah. Okay, tries to

45:34

rape her. Fastforward

45:34

he

45:36

tries to rape her. This

45:36

other dude tries to rape her.

45:40

She's bullies yet

45:40

they're getting there.

45:43

She gets addicted. Okay.

45:43

Okay. And at one point.

45:46

So. Um, let's see here.

45:46

Oh, so then it's the third and

45:54

final escape times. Okay. Yeah.

45:54

So

45:58

they're only allowed. I

45:58

mean, it's the rule of threes.

46:00

Any good myth? Exactly. Thanks.

46:00

Yeah.

46:04

And then you give up

46:04

and go with your after drugs.

46:08

Doors. Yeah.

46:09

So they this time? Um, I

46:09

can't remember if they tire up

46:12

again. But, uh, no, I think that

46:12

they do the tire up again, they

46:16

feel up, but there's no problem

46:16

with that this time. So then

46:19

they're, like, leaving the port

46:19

again. And she's kind of on deck

46:23

by herself. Because the other

46:23

guys are going and doing

46:26

something else. And they kind of

46:26

just let her have wander around

46:28

because they're like, where's

46:28

she gonna go? And she's like,

46:31

over the side. It's not that

46:31

far.

46:34

Anywhere, but.

46:37

Okay, so she jumps into

46:37

the ocean. It's not far. It's

46:41

she's like, it's only it can't

46:41

be that far. Okay, so she jumps

46:44

into the ocean and she starts

46:44

swimming frantically for sure.

46:47

Distance is

46:48

really hard to judge and

46:48

openwater thrown that. Yeah,

46:50

yeah. Well, so

46:51

she were one of the

46:51

things about the book is that

46:53

she did used to work for a

46:53

cruise line. So that made good

46:56

for her. That may be why she

46:56

felt like she could judge that

46:59

she was underpaid. And

46:59

there too,

47:01

maybe that's why it's so

47:01

comforting. Yeah.

47:06

She starts swimming

47:06

desperately to shore. And so I

47:10

can't remember if it's Roberto

47:10

or Luis but they're like, Hey,

47:12

what's that tiny little dot son

47:13

of a bitch. As they see

47:13

her small breasted glide dot.

47:20

They see her start

47:20

swimming towards shore. Jake is

47:23

like a puck. And so he like

47:23

turns the boat around and jumps

47:27

into the water after once he

47:27

gets close enough and like grabs

47:31

her and this is this will be

47:31

terrifying to me. As he pushes

47:35

her head under the water until

47:35

she like slows down her

47:39

struggles and then brings her

47:39

back up so that she's exhausted

47:42

enough that he can drag her back

47:42

to the boat.

47:44

He attempts murder.

47:48

He doesn't want to kill

47:48

and that was our eight kids.

47:52

How did you guys meet?

47:54

He tried to drown me and

47:54

I knew he wasn't the one. So he

48:00

pushes so that she's exhausted

48:00

enough that like she can't fight

48:04

against him in the water. And he

48:04

drags her back up onto the boat.

48:08

Once he drags her up onto the

48:08

boat, Ruby, Roberto and Louisa

48:11

like you need to get rid of her

48:11

like you need to shoot her and

48:14

toss her off the side of the

48:14

boat because she's causing way

48:17

too much trouble. We've already

48:17

like this mission is is going to

48:21

be a bust if she keeps us Shut

48:21

up. So Jake's like, I'm sorry,

48:27

guys, you're right. And he just

48:27

slaps her really hard across the

48:30

face and is like, Don't you dare

48:30

try that shit again. And put her

48:36

down into the hole

48:42

you know what will

48:42

arouse no suspicion of foul play

48:45

a dead American?

48:50

Oh, it's okay. We've

48:50

already established an interest

48:53

in international waters. There

48:53

are no crimes,

48:55

right? No crimes. So um,

48:55

she goes down back down into the

49:00

hole. And like, it's just he

49:00

describes it. He's like, Oh,

49:03

God, I hated doing that. Like,

49:03

and he's like, and he's he says

49:08

it's the first time that she's

49:08

truly looked defeated.

49:11

And he's still not

49:11

explained any of this to her.

49:13

No, he's

49:13

explaining nothing of what is going.

49:15

And he is so into it.

49:17

Not at all. Actually, he

49:17

goes down in the apologizes

49:20

immediately. It's like, I'm so

49:20

sorry that I did that. Like, I

49:23

had to I can't like I have to

49:23

make them think that you're I'm

49:26

keeping you in line. Otherwise

49:26

they probably will kill you or

49:29

rape you or something like that.

49:29

And he's wireless logic,

49:32

flawless logic. And so now he's

49:32

like, I guess I don't really

49:36

have any choice. I have to tell

49:36

you and she's like, what? And

49:39

he's like, I'm actually an agent

49:39

for I work for work for like the

49:50

ATF something like that. Okay.

49:50

It's like it's a big government

49:55

organization. Got it? Yeah. So

49:55

she thinks that he's she already

50:00

knew that Barrett off was shady.

50:00

She thought the parent off was

50:02

shady, but he basically explains

50:02

we're trying to we're trying to

50:05

set Baron off up.

50:06

Okay? Yeah. Are his

50:06

associates actual bad guys?

50:11

Yes, they are actual bad

50:11

guys, their actual homeboys got

50:15

it come.

50:16

Okay, so this is the

50:16

white guy who's suddenly,

50:21

suddenly Yeah, I only the bad

50:21

guys are really bad. Alright,

50:26

so cool they finally get

50:26

to bullies. Uh huh. And the plan

50:30

is okay, so Oh, and they almost

50:30

have sex but they don't know of

50:34

course, yeah. gloss over, but

50:35

have they reached the

50:35

first stage of a relationship?

50:38

The finger fucking stage they

50:39

have not reached the

50:39

fucking stage. That's another,

50:43

it's really important to get to

50:43

that finger. Okay, so they get

50:50

to Belize. And the plan is?

50:50

Well, Jake and Alex plan is that

50:54

he's going to take her into the

50:54

middle woods and pretend to

50:56

shoot her and then she's just

50:56

going to run off and try to find

50:58

somebody to help her flawless

50:58

black wall. Nothing can go

51:02

wrong. Nothing. Nothing. No, um,

51:05

she doesn't speak the language. She

51:06

doesn't know a little bit of Spanish.

51:07

So not enough.

51:10

So but then they get

51:10

their Roberto's like know she's

51:12

not leaving. And he's in Jake's

51:12

like, what course she's leaving.

51:17

And Roberto says I heard

51:17

everything that you said the

51:19

other night. She's not leaving.

51:19

You're not leaving. You're both

51:22

now my hostage is gonna be

51:22

great. So they get onto a plane

51:29

along with a bunch of other

51:29

cargo that Ali doesn't know what

51:31

the cargo is. And they're

51:31

heading back up into Mexico.

51:34

Okay, sure. Yeah, sure. So why

51:34

were they ever I mean, in the

51:39

dock the boat? No, this

51:40

has nothing to do with your

51:43

I think they needed to

51:43

dock the boat. And Belize is

51:45

basically kind of like they're

51:45

trying to make it look like this

51:47

was more like a pleasure cruise

51:47

kind of ride as opposed to like

51:51

smuggling. It's really obviously

51:51

smuggling. So I'm like getting a

51:58

plan they're starting that

51:58

they're starting to head towards

52:01

Belize there. I think that Jake

52:01

is like give me back my gun

52:06

because Roberto taken his gun,

52:06

and he's definitely gonna like

52:10

give me back my gun. No. Bite on

52:10

the plane, and Roberto shoots

52:17

the pilot accidentally through

52:17

the head. Oh,

52:21

God now it's turned into a slapstick

52:25

dollar for every time

52:25

that happened.

52:27

So I'm prepared to then

52:27

like Jacob goes up to the

52:33

cockpit to try to lay on the

52:33

plane get it down safely at

52:36

least. Roberto starts attacking

52:36

Ollie for whatever reason. I

52:40

don't know why. The plane goes

52:40

down the cat. Everybody

52:44

basically gets like when

52:44

everybody dies.

52:47

Book. Oh,

52:48

Louise dies. Happy

52:48

Ending Luis dies. Oberto they

52:52

can't find Oh, good. That's

52:52

good. That's good. And it's

52:56

gonna take an alley or

52:56

miraculously fine naturally,

52:59

naturally, flat armor, right. So

52:59

they but now, chicken earlier,

53:04

like

53:06

a firm life.

53:07

There. They do. We're

53:07

getting there. We're getting

53:10

there firm life, right. So they

53:10

get they gather some supplies

53:16

from the plane and then they're

53:16

like, Okay, it's like 80 miles

53:18

to the closest city. We got to

53:18

start hiking. Dead to start

53:22

hiking. Okay, they have they

53:22

find maps on the plane, they

53:24

find enough supplies that like Jake can make

53:26

a couple day. Let's like

53:26

several days, that's less than a

53:29

week of hiking. Yeah,

53:30

you're fine. You're fine. She's never hiked

53:32

Belize is a modern

53:32

country, though. Like, they're

53:37

gonna bounce down. Are you

53:37

anything

53:40

else? But they don't

53:40

stealth plane went down. Yeah.

53:43

Well, they were

53:43

smuggling shit. So it could be

53:46

that they didn't actually. They

53:46

start hiking and then and in

53:52

this time, Jake starts

53:52

explaining what's really going

53:55

on. He's like, okay, so on the

53:55

plane, we're actually missiles

53:59

that we were

54:01

good. They didn't

54:01

explode when the plane went

54:03

down. There were

54:05

missiles on the plane.

54:05

The missiles are going to be

54:07

taken to an opposing party in

54:07

Mexico so they can take down the

54:11

current regime. Okay. Are you

54:11

following by this guy didn't

54:14

really see well. We went

54:19

we went from like, gum

54:19

shoe mystery to drug smuggling.

54:24

And now internet, whatever.

54:27

Yes, so bear. Bear it

54:27

off is selling these missiles to

54:34

this Mexican leader like

54:34

Revolutionary Party leader named

54:37

bellissimo, who will who was

54:37

going to give Barrett off the

54:42

mask of it's an it's a Nuka or

54:42

something like that. It's a

54:45

golden mask.

54:47

So a stereotypical

54:47

racist, Mexican, Aztec cool.

54:55

That just evil White

54:55

Yes. Pretty much riches

55:00

Indiana Jones probably

55:00

has some sort of vague mystical

55:02

thing like Indiana Jones movies

55:02

do as well. Probably Probably

55:05

Probably.

55:06

So then there they are.

55:06

The plan now is that Jake and

55:10

Ollie are going to start hiking

55:10

towards going to not die. Yeah

55:13

are going to not die. They're gonna split they're gonna lean towards closest city which is

55:14

like, no, they're gonna hike

55:17

towards the safest city for her

55:17

to go to, which is like 80 miles

55:20

away. And then but Ali's like,

55:20

Yeah, but you said that the

55:25

bellissimo was 70 miles away,

55:25

like his base camp? And he's

55:28

like, yeah, so And she's like,

55:28

let's go there. You have to

55:31

finish your mission?

55:32

No, girl, no,

55:34

um, she's like, we need

55:34

to finish our mission. And he's

55:38

like, No, we have to get you to

55:38

safety. That is my number one

55:40

priority here because I am a

55:40

federal agent. Like, that's what

55:43

I have to do. Your girl. So she

55:43

sits out in the middle of the

55:48

trail. And it's like, I'm not

55:48

going anywhere other than to

55:51

Felisa most camps. So either

55:51

you're gonna carry me to that

55:53

city, or we're going to walk

55:53

together definitely seamless

55:56

camp.

55:56

This bitch has a she's

56:00

just scared the shit out

56:00

of her. And he's like, god

56:07

dammit. That's not what he does.

56:07

He was like, god dammit, son of

56:09

a bitch. Okay, I guess we're

56:09

going to finish this mission.

56:12

Great.

56:13

No, right. Yeah, she has

56:13

no fucking idea where she is

56:15

say, Okay, you're right. And then take her.

56:18

So true. That's so

56:18

true. You know, he

56:20

doesn't do that. Of

56:20

course. So um, this is when we

56:23

get to the affirming life part.

56:23

The next day, guys. Well, it's

56:28

just kind of like overall,

56:28

there's a lot of stress is gone.

56:31

A lot of stress is going on.

56:31

Yeah, you know, there's

56:33

there's been three days

56:36

and the only the only thing that's really gonna relieve all the stress and

56:38

pressure that they're under is

56:40

jungle fog. And you know

56:41

what? You know what,

56:41

though? It's because Roberto

56:44

shows up again. So there's like

56:44

a shootout in the jungle and

56:48

they murder someone and

56:48

that is the sexiest thing I've

56:50

ever heard. I

56:51

think they murdered so

56:51

they didn't take it out.

56:54

Roberto, he should have already

56:54

been dead because he was flown

56:58

thrown from a fucking plane. Now

56:58

he's been shot. He's still

57:02

alive.

57:04

I want his story. He

57:04

sounds like a cool guy.

57:08

tried to rape a girl

57:10

learn more of him. Yeah,

57:10

but like he's immortal.

57:12

Apparently.

57:13

Okay, so so like firming

57:13

the girl Ali our girl is like I

57:18

would kill for a shower our boys

57:18

like here. Here's a waterfall.

57:21

She's like sweet starts to jump

57:21

in. And then he's like she's a

57:24

natural bond and then they have

57:24

sex

57:31

what would he have done

57:31

if she wasn't a natural blonde?

57:34

No, he

57:34

just likes blonde.

57:34

Blonde jokes in his head this

57:38

entire book. You just really as

57:38

a thing for blondes.

57:46

Oh, no. She's also

57:46

painting government employees

57:49

with a broad brush

57:54

he's already married to

57:54

blondes in the past and divorce

57:56

them both. Oh, yeah. But they

57:56

were not good ones.

58:02

So it's not her it's just as

58:05

soon as he found out

58:05

they weren't natural blondes

58:08

so now they've had sex

58:08

out in the job. They do though.

58:11

They do use a condom because he

58:11

grabs them off of Roberto

58:16

apparently

58:19

bunch of the up we can

58:19

use them as a parachute

58:24

after the plane crash

58:24

like went back to get supplies

58:27

he's

58:28

a fucking Boy Scout.

58:29

Yeah, yeah. They reach

58:29

felici most camp they meet

58:36

bellissimo, who was like okay

58:36

great. Where are the missiles

58:40

and he's like they're about like

58:40

this many miles whatever. Jake

58:43

is cool let's go get them sweet

58:43

we'll do it the next day they

58:46

agree on that so and you know

58:46

they keep up the cover story

58:50

basically their cover story for

58:50

Ali is that yeah what is this I

58:53

want to know they believe she

58:53

was not happy about it but she

58:56

acts like she's a piece of ass

58:56

that that I found along the way

59:01

I've just flawless

59:02

yeah perfect budget.

59:04

Cool so he went with

59:08

Emily I love you

59:13

so should we put casual

59:13

racism in the triggers Okay,

59:20

aren't you okay just

59:20

remember the casual racism on

59:24

top of everything else so Okay,

59:24

so there oh just wait when it

59:29

comes to casual racism

59:33

there's so much fun

59:39

Alright, so the next day

59:39

are the Jake goes off to like

59:44

sort out the missile situation.

59:44

Go get the missiles. And he's

59:49

also going to train the guys

59:49

he's supposed to train the guys

59:52

to how to use the missiles

59:53

so the missiles survived

59:53

the million forever five,

59:57

the plane crash. The

59:57

only way I can understand is

59:59

that maybe They were in pieces

59:59

you know like to put them

1:00:02

together and once they get there

1:00:03

I mean that would be the

1:00:03

safe way to transport missiles

1:00:06

but right nothing else in this

1:00:08

yeah not like to

1:00:10

make sense though so

1:00:10

right who am I to assume

1:00:13

so um and then the just

1:00:13

to add a little bit on this the

1:00:18

plan is that when Jacob space

1:00:18

we're gonna have a US US Army

1:00:22

come into his camp and come into

1:00:22

his camp to take the missiles

1:00:24

back and it's gonna be this whole thing.

1:00:26

Yeah. Have the US Army

1:00:26

come in after they have the

1:00:30

missile right?

1:00:31

Yeah. So after that

1:00:31

bellissimo will will come clean

1:00:36

about bear it off and say bear

1:00:36

it off is the one who sold these

1:00:38

to me

1:00:39

bold assumption but

1:00:39

okay, okay. So I'm sure went on

1:00:44

while while Jake's

1:00:44

teaching them how to use these

1:00:48

missiles just exactly what you

1:00:48

want to be doing. She our girl

1:00:52

befriends this little five year

1:00:52

old boy baby girl who live who

1:00:56

is an orphan Alright, so we're

1:00:56

just gonna we're gonna gloss

1:01:07

over a couple of things.

1:01:07

bellissimo son is a complete

1:01:09

deck His name is Rico he tries

1:01:09

to rape our girl.

1:01:12

Oh wait Hang on. Okay

1:01:12

one one attempted rape to did

1:01:19

rapes three three I think we're

1:01:19

on for

1:01:24

three that was a third

1:01:24

attempted rape because we had

1:01:26

the rape the attempted rape from

1:01:26

the

1:01:30

from Jake no cuz she he

1:01:30

was attempted she was the the

1:01:35

two guys attempted to rape her

1:01:35

twice and Jake safety right once

1:01:39

Oh, only once. Okay, only one so

1:01:39

we're only on three. Okay.

1:01:44

Even tried to come on.

1:01:46

I'm also not getting

1:01:46

over the name Rico police.

1:01:52

Awesome. Maybe you're right.

1:01:53

Yeah. Well, so jealousy

1:01:53

sex because Rico was flirting

1:01:59

with Allie and trying to rape

1:01:59

her. That was the way he tried

1:02:03

to rape her.

1:02:04

He tried to rape her

1:02:04

and Jake has no actual claim you

1:02:07

ever will so they have

1:02:07

jealousy sex, but

1:02:12

someone else is raping

1:02:12

you long story short, the

1:02:14

plan goes into action

1:02:14

everything works out. bearing on

1:02:18

expect then bear it off is

1:02:18

implicated. But he gets away

1:02:21

basically like he goes into like

1:02:21

an underground hiding in the

1:02:24

United States. Yeah, absolutely.

1:02:24

Um, our girl wants to bring back

1:02:28

me gal with her. He's, she's

1:02:28

like, I want to adopt him. And

1:02:31

Jake is like, no, no, it's like,

1:02:31

that's not how that works. He's

1:02:34

like belongs to someone. He

1:02:34

doesn't actually he has no

1:02:37

family or anything. He really

1:02:37

has no okay. Um, so that's why

1:02:40

she kind of befriended him while

1:02:40

she was there. I

1:02:44

I am fairly certain a

1:02:44

single waitress in San Diego

1:02:47

does not have the means to take

1:02:47

care.

1:02:51

You can't just take a

1:02:51

child from the middle of his

1:02:54

drug camp. It's like if you see

1:02:54

him, his mom or someone's

1:02:58

probably around to take care of

1:02:58

him and you just

1:03:02

but so bad, but I love

1:03:02

you so much. Actually. He

1:03:07

doesn't have a cat

1:03:13

Jesus, I just I get I

1:03:13

get so cynical about

1:03:20

this. Yeah, it gets

1:03:20

worse.

1:03:25

Worse. So I'm Jake and

1:03:25

Ali are like Ha this is all

1:03:30

over. Oh, shit. Like,

1:03:30

everything's worked out. It's

1:03:32

all great. And the US

1:03:32

government, a guy from the US

1:03:35

government comes up to them and

1:03:35

it's like, Hey, you can go home

1:03:39

or you can kind of let you rest

1:03:39

up in a in a resort house for

1:03:43

three days.

1:03:45

Yeah, cuz the government

1:03:45

would spend money on that.

1:03:47

Oh, they do? They do.

1:03:47

Absolutely.

1:03:50

It's been so they spent

1:03:50

three days together. Now these

1:03:54

two are like totally in love, right? Oh,

1:03:56

I mean, logical

1:03:56

conclusion.

1:03:59

I would be so nice.

1:04:00

I'm three days together

1:04:00

fucking snorkeling. I'd like a

1:04:05

drink.

1:04:06

You're gonna say snorting cocaine

1:04:11

I was really wondering

1:04:16

okay, that's what that

1:04:16

placement three days together

1:04:18

and then it's like this really

1:04:18

is has to end this is the end of

1:04:22

this. Like we you know, we can't

1:04:22

see each other again. We can't

1:04:26

date he's very much like, my

1:04:26

career is everything to me kind

1:04:30

of dude. And she's like, but I

1:04:30

love you.

1:04:34

And you're fat money

1:04:34

because I'm a waitress.

1:04:38

So she, exactly you

1:04:38

have government? Like honestly,

1:04:43

I just mean

1:04:47

seriously, I'm diabetic.

1:04:47

So yeah, I need health care. So,

1:04:52

but they go their separate ways

1:04:52

very dramatically. Of course.

1:04:56

I were just imagining

1:04:56

like on the tarmac. hair blowing

1:05:00

in the wind and like we're

1:05:00

talking like Casanova level

1:05:05

not quite that they're

1:05:05

they're actually in an awkward

1:05:08

airport terminal and all of that

1:05:08

somehow makes

1:05:10

it better. Yeah. But

1:05:10

still, yes, a wind coming from

1:05:14

going through. So then

1:05:14

they go back to their own lives

1:05:19

like she tries to get over him.

1:05:19

He tries to get over her.

1:05:23

However, bear it off is still in

1:05:23

the wind. And they're not

1:05:27

nobody's happy about that. Does she

1:05:28

get kidnapped? No. Does

1:05:28

he get kidnapped? No. Okay,

1:05:33

yeah. Well, I have no idea what

1:05:33

possibly could happen.

1:05:37

Does she break into

1:05:38

breaks into another boat?

1:05:40

Armando Po? Where's

1:05:40

Jake, my boyfriend? I just broke

1:05:44

onto a boat where? Where is he?

1:05:44

So but Jake has Jake's boss

1:05:52

calls him into the office and

1:05:52

says like, hey, we think we've

1:05:55

got a lead on burn off and

1:05:55

Jake's like, that's great. And,

1:05:58

and the boss is like, it's

1:05:58

thanks to your friend Allie. And

1:06:01

Jake's like what? And he's like,

1:06:01

Yeah, we got her she's gonna be

1:06:05

involved in like this plan to

1:06:05

learn Barrett off out of hiding

1:06:10

so basically, they're gonna

1:06:10

pretend that Ali managed to get

1:06:14

the mass out of Mexico Yeah,

1:06:14

like smuggled it and is trying

1:06:20

to sell it

1:06:21

but what is she gonna like?

1:06:24

We can trip to Mexico

1:06:24

Mexico

1:06:31

actually put that otter

1:06:31

it's oh my god. So um, so the

1:06:37

Jake is like, that's that's not

1:06:37

going down because she's gonna

1:06:40

try to sell it to burn off like

1:06:40

that's yeah, and then burn off

1:06:42

will come out of high because

1:06:43

the the safest and best

1:06:43

way to, to, to, you know,

1:06:49

implicate a drug lord and also

1:06:49

terrorist and someone who wants

1:06:53

to overthrow a government is to

1:06:53

have a random civilian with no

1:06:56

security clearances. Who's a

1:06:56

waitress? That's a great idea.

1:06:59

It's

1:07:00

gonna be great to get

1:07:00

out awesome. Totally. Oh, Jake's

1:07:02

like No, no, that noise my girl

1:07:02

ain't doing that he like barges

1:07:07

into her seeing her San Diego

1:07:07

apartment is like I am now ahead

1:07:11

of her security like y'all can

1:07:11

go fuck yourself she is now

1:07:14

my property she was

1:07:14

before but now like I'm actively

1:07:18

and

1:07:19

and she's just kind of

1:07:19

like my like all I need to keep

1:07:24

this Batman out well,

1:07:25

so he's so she Alli gets

1:07:25

in touch with Barrett offs

1:07:31

personal assistant

1:07:32

can Can I just really

1:07:32

quickly I want to like I know

1:07:35

there's been a lot of crazy

1:07:35

things and then like suspension

1:07:37

of disbelief that kind of deal.

1:07:37

I think the part where my

1:07:40

suspension of disbelief really

1:07:40

breaks down is the fact that

1:07:44

she's able to afford a single

1:07:44

apartment by herself right now.

1:07:47

She does

1:07:47

not okay all right. She

1:07:47

was living with Chrissy remember

1:07:50

and dead Yeah, but she's now

1:07:50

she's paying for it on her own.

1:07:53

Yeah, but she was only gone for

1:07:53

like she Chrissy died and I

1:07:55

think like less than a week later. She was cheap and kidnapped on a yacht. So that's

1:07:57

a short turnaround. Sorry.

1:08:01

It was only 18 were

1:08:01

covered.

1:08:04

Okay in the month. Yeah,

1:08:04

so Exactly. She

1:08:07

still has a week too bad.

1:08:09

So I'm Jay comes into

1:08:09

her life again. And she's like,

1:08:14

I really don't want you to be

1:08:14

back like I'm in love with you.

1:08:17

But I don't want you here

1:08:17

because I am in love with you.

1:08:19

Well, because she doesn't want

1:08:19

to face that pain. Okay, she

1:08:22

doesn't want to face the pain of

1:08:22

having him okay. And so he and

1:08:26

also he's kind of an asshole to

1:08:26

her because he's kind of

1:08:30

battling with these emotions

1:08:30

don't say battling with these

1:08:33

emotions of like I love her but

1:08:33

like I'm gonna have to leave her

1:08:36

again I'm also angry at her she

1:08:36

decided to get

1:08:39

because there's no work

1:08:39

oh for drug agents in San Diego

1:08:43

California

1:08:45

actually weapons agent

1:08:45

so like he doesn't really deal

1:08:47

with drugs so Okay, that's a

1:08:47

book now the reason I mentioned

1:08:51

it so but of course they they

1:08:51

make up and they get to fuckin

1:08:56

yeah so they

1:08:59

the only way to make up

1:08:59

the deal with

1:09:01

there's no roommates

1:09:04

God fair enough goes

1:09:04

down bear enough like they agree

1:09:09

to meet somewhere

1:09:10

it's gonna be decidedly

1:09:10

he was okay with it. What bear

1:09:14

and I'll suddenly Jake was okay

1:09:14

with letting her do this. Oh, he

1:09:17

didn't really like she

1:09:17

was kind of like I'm gonna do

1:09:20

this So either you're gonna help

1:09:20

me do it? Or I'm gonna like go

1:09:23

get your other agent guys help

1:09:23

me do it so

1:09:25

right because the two

1:09:25

people that led the army to them

1:09:28

in the first place. They aren't going to be suspicious the second time around.

1:09:31

Nope. No. So Bear well

1:09:31

bear enough just once the mask

1:09:35

is trying to buy the mask from Ollie because he thinks the alley has stolen the mask.

1:09:39

Oh, this is different

1:09:39

than the other guy.

1:09:41

Yeah, this is Aaron off

1:09:41

and bellissimo. bellissimo.

1:09:44

Sorry. All right. Cool. Now,

1:09:44

fair enough and bear enough just

1:09:48

wants the mass.

1:09:48

Got it. Okay, fair enough.

1:09:50

is going to pay Allie for the mass because he thinks that she stole it. Okay. So,

1:09:52

deal goes down. It does not go

1:09:57

well. Baron off basically grabs

1:09:57

in Sword omitting kidnapping and

1:10:01

many kidnappings in the 11th

1:10:01

hour. Yeah, in the 11th hour,

1:10:05

kidnapping in the 11th hour

1:10:05

lasts about like 30 minutes at

1:10:08

most. As she gets shot we get

1:10:13

through the shoulder.

1:10:13

So it's a hiccup in the

1:10:15

schedule. Not even like you get

1:10:15

through the shoulder

1:10:18

just above her heart, of

1:10:18

course, but But it goes

1:10:23

thankfully goes straight through

1:10:23

it doesn't hit any major it

1:10:26

doesn't hit the lung that's

1:10:27

immediately behind that.

1:10:32

Nothing just shows I mean, the ribs.

1:10:34

Weird. It's like this magic bullet that just takes a random trajectory

1:10:38

we can have later she's

1:10:38

out of the hospital Jake is like

1:10:41

it said like, I love you.

1:10:41

They've admitted their love to

1:10:45

one another and their life

1:10:45

affirmed like they have not

1:10:48

affirmed the light. That boating

1:10:48

with a with a bullet wound in

1:10:51

your shoulder does not sound that great.

1:10:53

You say that but we've

1:10:53

had it happen

1:10:57

before the reporting

1:10:57

you're gonna she's like kind of

1:11:05

upset though, because she thinks

1:11:05

that he's super happy, but on

1:11:10

their way out of the hospital

1:11:10

and she's like, great, she's

1:11:12

probably happy because like, now

1:11:12

he gets to leave again. And he's

1:11:15

going on another mission and

1:11:15

we're just gonna say goodbye to

1:11:19

each other again. And so he

1:11:19

rolls her outside in a

1:11:21

wheelchair and suddenly she

1:11:21

hears like, senior senior Lita

1:11:27

alley, it's me girl. A little

1:11:27

boy.

1:11:30

Get that bitter child

1:11:30

Bitches love children.

1:11:34

Like me girls like

1:11:39

you marry me here. There's a

1:11:41

gal is like Jake said,

1:11:41

Jake said that you were gonna be

1:11:46

my mommy so Jake is like, will you marry

1:11:54

me, Allie? And they get married.

1:11:58

And then they act they also get

1:11:58

a Jake's other kid from a

1:12:01

previous marriage so that there's

1:12:05

So Michael, I'm so

1:12:05

sorry.

1:12:09

I'm sorry. If I've been

1:12:09

like, like, busting your

1:12:12

eardrums this whole time.

1:12:15

Beatty done mystery

1:12:15

child in addition.

1:12:20

Because there was

1:12:20

another child from his previous

1:12:22

marriage and it but his ex wife

1:12:22

had like kidnapped that kid and

1:12:26

taken him somewhere else and he

1:12:26

could never find him

1:12:28

why it's

1:12:31

so at one point when he

1:12:31

opens his his private

1:12:35

investigation firm because

1:12:35

that's what Jake does. At the

1:12:37

end of the book. He opens up

1:12:37

ifirm He hires all these people

1:12:40

to help them find his son. And

1:12:40

they adopted Miguel. And they

1:12:44

find Michael and Allie Isabel a

1:12:44

mother to two five year old

1:12:48

boys.

1:12:49

That went from zero to

1:12:49

two five year old children real

1:12:52

fast

1:12:58

okay, I need to ask

1:12:58

Yeah, important question. Where

1:13:01

does

1:13:05

nowhere it's in the

1:13:05

jungle. I think they do have

1:13:08

sex.

1:13:10

No, they have warm

1:13:10

moist. Sex. Yes.

1:13:14

Under some words rain in

1:13:14

the mud.

1:13:19

Asking for some sort of

1:13:19

infection. Yep.

1:13:23

Yep. Yep.

1:13:26

Maybe that's why she had

1:13:35

you have sex in the jungle one.

1:13:39

Oh, they had it more than once. So

1:13:41

can we talk about all of

1:13:41

the parasites lies that lay eggs

1:13:45

in your skin and in this like

1:13:45

rainforest level,

1:13:48

or is it Oh, yes.

1:13:48

Rainforest level. Okay.

1:13:52

Yeah, yeah. Believes

1:13:52

Yeah. Uh huh.

1:13:57

Yeah. And I'll talk about it I didn't even mention it. There is another room

1:13:59

happening alongside that one.

1:14:02

That's like a smaller one. Is

1:14:02

it? Is it BB? It's bb, bb and

1:14:06

detective. The detective who's

1:14:06

supposed to be looking at the

1:14:09

alley. But detective was looking

1:14:09

into alley detective Hollis or

1:14:14

Hollander? Why was he doing

1:14:14

this? Because she went missing.

1:14:17

Oh, okay. Okay,

1:14:19

that my friends

1:14:21

gave a shit about

1:14:22

Yeah. Yeah.

1:14:24

So they Yeah. And they

1:14:24

fall in love, which is actually

1:14:27

a really cute romance seed.

1:14:27

Rather, I feel like I give this

1:14:31

guy like, I'm not telling the

1:14:31

story very well, because he's

1:14:33

like, I don't know. But then he

1:14:33

does all the shit. Now. He seems

1:14:36

like a dick. He seems like a

1:14:36

dick. But in the book, he's

1:14:39

written like, convincingly

1:14:39

enough

1:14:41

to say one of the things where when you're in it, you're like, okay, and then you get out

1:14:43

and you're like, wait, wait a

1:14:46

minute. Yeah, yeah.

1:14:48

But like, I feel like

1:14:48

there are also moments that were

1:14:50

less exciting of like them

1:14:50

bonding a little bit and like I

1:14:55

was asleep. The sweat was pretty good.

1:14:57

Okay, so so let's get

1:14:57

into raining real quick. So we

1:14:59

usually we rate the books at the

1:14:59

end. We rate the main male

1:15:04

character, the female character,

1:15:04

the plot, the smart and then the

1:15:07

overall book. So how would you

1:15:07

rate our he's a homeboy, I'm

1:15:14

sorry, you can't convince

1:15:15

him otherwise Yeah, he's

1:15:15

a homeboy, but he's like very to

1:15:18

me because I've read the book.

1:15:18

He's barely a homeboy.

1:15:21

My way, I'm sorry,

1:15:21

you've read it, you have more

1:15:24

context than I do. But I would

1:15:24

argue Hello home. I know.

1:15:27

I know. I get it and I

1:15:27

get that I totally get it. But

1:15:29

I've read the book. So that's

1:15:31

fair. I trust your judgment.

1:15:33

i The girl I have to

1:15:33

give her major props or

1:15:35

resourcefulness.

1:15:36

I mean, that's fair.

1:15:36

Okay, so one to five. On him on

1:15:39

him.

1:15:39

2.2

1:15:42

is very specific. Well, that's

1:15:46

her

1:15:48

3.2 3.2 Okay, you're

1:15:48

really gonna make it hard for me

1:15:53

to for me to make these these

1:15:53

nice little like lights. Like

1:15:58

writing things. Okay,

1:16:00

yeah, just fine. Yeah, you could do to kiss you could be like, Margie was stupid,

1:16:04

too, because I was dumb.

1:16:04

And I don't agree. I think he's

1:16:07

a homeboy. Okay. You can only

1:16:07

attempt rape. Well pretend to

1:16:11

attempt rape so many times.

1:16:11

Yeah. And by that, I mean, less

1:16:15

than one.

1:16:15

So yeah. Okay, so that

1:16:15

the plot, the plot is bananas.

1:16:20

The boy is crazy. Yeah.

1:16:23

You know, you've never

1:16:23

been kidnapped and then taken to

1:16:27

Belize. And then

1:16:28

No, no, no, no, no, when

1:16:28

you told me like, you're so I'm

1:16:32

not with someone. And Rachel

1:16:32

will be like, I think that

1:16:34

you're you're the one who's

1:16:34

actually gonna have like a

1:16:36

romance novel romance, and I was

1:16:36

like, you take that back?

1:16:42

No, no, you don't want

1:16:42

to

1:16:48

that's one of my dreams.

1:16:48

I'm more of agile Lizzie McGuire

1:16:51

movie. All right. So I mean,

1:16:53

if Zack could whisked me

1:16:53

away, oh, no. To help sell

1:16:57

missiles to foreign foreign

1:16:57

government. I would have been so

1:17:01

they're so they're

1:17:03

so they're

1:17:07

okay, so um, post me

1:17:07

with a literal child.

1:17:11

Oh, god. That was also

1:17:11

like the like, let's do let's

1:17:14

talk about the white savior ism

1:17:14

of love. Like Jason

1:17:19

You know why?

1:17:21

Bad adopting that child.

1:17:23

Just my catchphrases in

1:17:23

this podcast is fucking white

1:17:26

people.

1:17:27

Crazy people. Oh my god,

1:17:27

we suck so hard. The worst? The

1:17:31

worst?

1:17:34

Like, yeah, yeah, yeah,

1:17:34

Jake's and he were going to be

1:17:37

my mommy is like, crazy.

1:17:41

Oh, horrible. Okay, so

1:17:41

let's see the plaque issue.

1:17:46

It's one of those things

1:17:46

where like, I want to get into

1:17:49

it and talk like so much about

1:17:49

this. But where do you even

1:17:52

start? That's a whole nother podcast.

1:17:54

We used to say that when I was doing my master's degree of like, that's a whole other

1:17:56

dissertation. Yeah,

1:17:59

no, no. Where is it? For

1:17:59

the plot two for the plot. 2.2

1:18:04

for him 3.2 For her to for the

1:18:04

plot smut. Hey, a book can be

1:18:09

trashed and still have good

1:18:09

Smite. 3.5 3.5 All right. All

1:18:14

right. And last overall, one to

1:18:14

10 Three, three. Okay. All

1:18:19

right. Yeah. So it is spoken. So

1:18:19

it

1:18:22

shall be this won't go

1:18:22

on.

1:18:28

So, so I want to know

1:18:28

what your thoughts on this.

1:18:31

Yeah. Again, having never really

1:18:31

like Not a lot of experience, at

1:18:34

least with our, our format or

1:18:34

the podcast. What are yours?

1:18:39

Um, I also don't have a

1:18:39

lot of experience with romance

1:18:42

novels. Like I haven't really

1:18:42

that many. So I'm just like,

1:18:46

standing here with my floor. And

1:18:46

I'm just gonna like is this

1:18:54

like, for the ones

1:18:57

that we read? So we try

1:18:57

to pick ones that? I mean? So we

1:19:02

started with, okay, let's do all

1:19:02

kinds of romance novels. And it

1:19:05

kind of got to a point where

1:19:05

it's like, okay, let's pick the

1:19:07

ridiculous ones. Because I feel

1:19:07

like those are the ones that

1:19:10

yeah, I don't know. Like when I

1:19:10

when people are like, oh, yeah,

1:19:13

I read romance novel, you

1:19:13

usually think like, hey, look,

1:19:17

sexy man on the cover, like that

1:19:17

kind of thing. And especially to

1:19:21

like, you know, younger, like

1:19:21

teenage girls and stuff like

1:19:24

that, who might not know any

1:19:24

better. That's where we get a

1:19:27

problem. So just kind of like

1:19:27

where we're coming from is it's

1:19:30

not okay, that shit like this is

1:19:30

marketed market is romance.

1:19:34

Yeah, because we know better.

1:19:34

But not everyone that reads it

1:19:37

does. Right. Yeah.

1:19:38

And a lot of the romance

1:19:38

that we read that because we

1:19:40

have that experience. We're like

1:19:40

this, this this this is just

1:19:43

there's nothing romantic about

1:19:43

it. There's something about the

1:19:45

sky that is sweet. Other than

1:19:45

like, no healing, do things like

1:19:50

consider his property and like

1:19:50

not not yet about her interests

1:19:54

or opinions. And it's

1:19:55

like, yeah, just

1:19:55

because they're screwing doesn't

1:19:58

mean that it's romance. novel

1:20:00

like, and we run into a

1:20:00

lot of authors who like in their

1:20:03

specific descriptions of

1:20:03

themselves. They're like, I love

1:20:05

an alpha male. It's like, okay,

1:20:05

you are equating alpha to abuse.

1:20:08

Yeah. And that is not

1:20:09

That's not okay. Okay.

1:20:09

Yeah. And it's not the same

1:20:13

because we can't we have I think

1:20:13

we have had guys who have been

1:20:15

kind of quote unquote, alpha.

1:20:16

Yeah. And they're just abusive.

1:20:18

They're just abusive,

1:20:18

but also but like we've had guys

1:20:20

who are like, not dominant.

1:20:23

No, they're they're

1:20:23

quote unquote, alpha, but

1:20:25

they're still good. Decent here. Good. Still

1:20:27

good decent people. Yeah, that I think, right.

1:20:29

Right. Right. They have

1:20:29

leadership skills.

1:20:33

Yeah, it was the rugby

1:20:33

dude. Yeah, the rugby there was

1:20:36

one with a dude who was like an

1:20:36

ex rugby player, whatever. And

1:20:38

it was it very much fell into

1:20:38

that. Like he he was CEO of a

1:20:41

company. He was a quote,

1:20:41

unquote, alpha dude. But he also

1:20:44

like, gave a shit about her,

1:20:46

gave a shit about her

1:20:46

was really gentle with her

1:20:48

understanding of her past and it

1:20:48

was super cute.

1:20:52

It's possible. It's

1:20:52

possible and everyone's probably

1:20:54

get a gym, but this one was not.

1:20:56

No, no, it was not.

1:20:56

Unfortunately, I bought

1:20:59

something. Yeah, I bought it

1:20:59

half

1:21:01

price. But did you

1:21:01

actually pay money for good

1:21:03

money

1:21:03

for? Wow, I don't know

1:21:03

why I can't remember the reason

1:21:07

why I paid good money for I

1:21:07

think it was just because I

1:21:09

wanted like to have like,

1:21:10

at least if you buy it

1:21:10

at Half Price Books, you're just

1:21:12

supporting Half Price Books.

1:21:12

That's fine.

1:21:15

Right? We have had

1:21:15

somebody buys a book from Barnes

1:21:17

and Noble.

1:21:19

I know. Wow, I felt bad

1:21:19

for them. Okay, sorry, guys.

1:21:23

Thank you for going on this

1:21:23

adventure. We like to end with

1:21:30

sort of what we're reading as

1:21:30

recommendations for the

1:21:34

listeners of like, when we do

1:21:34

when we weren't, like neck deep

1:21:38

in this dumpster fire. What were

1:21:38

you reading to maintain your

1:21:41

sanity? Yeah. So I'll ask

1:21:41

Margie. And then if you want to

1:21:45

tell us what you were reading as

1:21:45

well, on here at both you guys

1:21:47

are

1:21:48

totally. So I'm reading

1:21:48

this book called S. It's

1:21:50

actually by JJ Abrams. I think

1:21:50

it's Douglas Dunst is the other

1:21:55

name. He's like the primary

1:21:55

writer though, right? It's kind

1:21:58

of House of Leaves s square

1:21:58

like, but it's like, it's the

1:22:02

story called Ship of Theseus is

1:22:02

the name of the book. But these

1:22:05

two people are having this

1:22:05

relationship of writing in the

1:22:08

margins of what they think and

1:22:08

what happens. Oh, I've heard of

1:22:10

this, but it's really good.

1:22:10

Yeah, I'm really I love it so

1:22:13

far. So that's what I've been

1:22:13

reading. I was also watching

1:22:18

something recently. Was it's

1:22:18

gone. Was it trashy? Anime? It

1:22:21

was not trashy anime. Wow. Okay.

1:22:21

I don't watch that much trash

1:22:24

and night usually. Usually it's

1:22:24

K drama. Okay. All right, Emily,

1:22:33

what are you reading right now

1:22:33

or consuming? media wise.

1:22:37

I have been powering

1:22:37

through my genre when I like

1:22:40

really kind of need something

1:22:40

that's not like classic

1:22:43

literature is mystery novels,

1:22:43

and I love mystery novels. And

1:22:47

one of my favorite series that

1:22:47

just came out with a new

1:22:49

addition to it is by T Kinsey.

1:22:49

And it's the lady Hardcastle

1:22:53

series. And it's set in like I'm

1:22:53

wearing. But it has a very

1:22:59

modern sensibility of how they

1:22:59

talk to one another and things

1:23:02

like that. So fantastic series.

1:23:02

They just came out with an he

1:23:05

just came out with a new one

1:23:05

like a couple weeks ago, and I

1:23:08

all right. Oh, I'm super

1:23:08

down. Yeah, I'm gonna put that